adding //To do in my code be like

Code comments be like....

So this happened in my computer science class

Creepy guy trying to be cheesy (to this pretty girl): "you're like a ; to my code"
Girl: "we're studying python, bimbo"

(Whole class laughed)

*code doesn't work*

-Run three times, just to be sure
-Its NOT the code, must be the project. Full rebuild.
-Run a few more times after rebuild didn't fix it.
-Google the issue.
-Stackoverflow must be wrong. The code is JUST like their solution.
-Run a few more times, but with your lucky underpants
-Reboot. Must be an operating system thing.
-Tea break. Give the issue time and it will fix itself.
-Run a few more times. Still unfixed
-Contact customer support.
-Walmart said they can't help.
-Consider writing your own language without this OBVIOUS flaw
-Kickstarter for c++++
-Raise $50,000
-Start a family
-Contact customer support again
-Run a few more times
-Now banned from Walmart
-Oh shit, missing a semicolon

Not a coding test, but:

Them: So you are interviewing for a programmer opening. Do you like programming?

Me: yes.

Them: do you make logos?

Me: ...I can...?

Them: good because you won't always be writing code here.

Me: I'm out.

Reading other's code be like...

Imagine what a coder Gordon Ramsay might be like:

Your alghoritm is so FUCKING slow, I'd rather to try to brute force a 20 characters long alphanumeric password!

This app is more insecure than an average teenager!

If your code was a spaghetti it would be a fucking health hazard!

if (condition) {
//code
}

if you place your brackets like this, you're an awesome individual. Let's be friends

programming languages are not designed to talk to computers, they are designed to be readable by other programmers.

please code like it.

girl friend: What kind of stripper would you want for a Bachelorette party?!?

me: no stripper...

girl friend: like a coding stripper?

me: what?

girl friend: he'd come out and be like, one zero one one zero one...

me: I love that you think I code in binary hahaha

girl friend: like the matrix!

me:
*pauses*
*contemplates explaining what binary is*
yes, like the matrix

:D

"You can teach my son to code. He doesn't like typing so just use that mouse thing (track pad). He's got an idea for an app (Flappy Birds clone) that'll make millions. It needs to be done tomorrow for his school computer project."
- Boss

Started Computer Science class yesterday, but i code like 12 years. My fellow mates mostly never coded in their life. They think its gonna be easy. They think they will have a social life. They think their gonna get sleep.
Those fools.

Hollywood be like

"Oh no they shot a hole in my CPU, let me just rewrite the code so that it works again. I'll be 5 minutes."

《WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A DEVELOPER IN ZIMBABWE》

Working on my project and suddenly power cuts off

Laptop doesn't have a battery
So it instantly shuts down

Ohh snap !!!

Luckily I've set my Vs Code to auto save every 3seconds

[Sigh..]

Colleagues asking me to write clean code be like...

I code through the night until 8 am, then sleep until 6pm+.
My family then calls me out as being unproductive and lazy.
Why must the whole world be oriented against night owls like me? 😥

"everyone can code" is like to say "everyone can write". Yes, everyone can write, but there's a difference between be able to write and be able to write a successful well-written novel

An actual quote from a kid in my English Class:

"Because I'm a programmer, everything I make has to be perfect, cause that's what it's like when you work with code".

Okay it's called devRant - so I'll rant...

Why the fuck do people write comments like that:
$savesThisStuff = "stuff"; # does save stuff

Why are here 1500 lines from which there are 700 outcommented code and 300 dead functions which aren't called anywhere?

Why the fuck is here PHP code which generates JavaScript inline which itself generates STATIC (!!) HTML.

------
"Always code like the one maintaining your code next is a violent murderer with an axe and you'll still be save."
... Where's my axe again?

People who don't understand what I code or who don't even know what a freaking "code" is, telling me how to do my job!! Then my reaction will be like -

Pushing code to production be like...

Debugging the code be like...

Manager: I like nested ifs

Dev: They can be difficult to maintain

Manager: No they aren’t I write them all the time!

Dev: Have you ever maintained one?

Manager: No, I don’t do code maintenance. I don’t have time for it.

Spoke to a programmering student who insists on writing his Java and python code in PARAGRAPH format, like an essay (the teachers do not teach this). Tried to explain why this is a bad idea. He explains to me that if others can't read his code that it is their problem and that he would never make a silly syntax error like missing a semicolon or a bracket. Called me stupid and walked off.

Life will be hard for him.

When you get appreciation for the code that you took from Stackoverflow be like... 😂😂

Just got picked up for a project. 20,000+ code base, no comments, no docs, variable names like x, xx, xxx, no function name conventions, and a mishmash of Czech, French and English class names.

I thought this job was too good to be true. #fml

The rants I read here make me want to be a better developer. I started writing tests, linting code and ensuring 'quality code' because of the devrant community. Being a self taught developer, you never really have anyone to thank. But today I would like to appriciate you all for the rants, comments and advice that make us developers become better at our craft.

Had a PM in my programming class say "I want to understand what my team is going through, so I want to learn to code and the like, really to be a jack of all trades to better myself and my team" 👏 I respect that.

Removing bugs in code be like

No, listen to me. I cannot approve this PR because your code does not comply with our code style. All the imports and annotations must be sorted in ascending order by length. They must all make fir-like blocks of code. Because it looks nice.

Now go and fix your code

I just smiled and walked away to obfuscate my code with firs . I had no idea what to even say to that... I still don't

@dfox
!rant, it's the Feature request

Possibility to post `a code snippet with monospaced font` would be usefull.
Or even
```
def multiline_code():
from 2 to Inf:
"Lines of code"
```
Sth like in markdown.

You know what you sound like when you say that "I want to be a programmer but this code is offensive so remove it"? It's like saying that "I want to be a surgeon but I don't like blood, so remove the blood right now."

I personally don't really like blood a whole lot, especially when it comes out of the bodies of other people. I don't really want to become a surgeon, but let's say that I would. "Teacher, I don't like blood, I want to become a surgeon but I hate blood!!! MAKE ALL PATIENTS STOP BLEEDING NOW!!!"

To which my teacher surgeon would of course respond: "Well how about you don't become a surgeon then, because humans that are cut open do bleed, and there's nothing we can do about it."

Same thing with code. You know why code is written? To be a useful tool, for people to become more productive by running the thing (unlike the average SJW). And normal people, you know how much they care about the code? They only care for it as much as for it to be able to run properly. And the ones that do look in the source code either want to improve its functionality or check whether it's actually something decent, secure, safe to run etc etc. People don't normally look at code for the sake of getting offended by something.

But the formulation used in the code, does it even matter? Jerk, it's a term that's used in physics. Does it refer to your despised white cis males whacking off? Of course it doesn't, it's a term to describe change in acceleration. Masters and slaves in code, does it refer to slavery? Most certainly it doesn't. So why bother?

One day you’ll write a line of code which will be your very last one.

Imagine wasting it on something like php.

I like frontend when using no frameworks. I also like when websites use no frameworks and don't write unnecessary code. So that I can use it even if my mobile internet speed gets locked at 16K and from the consumer perspective I think especially in Europe developers should consider this. Moreover I think it's generally more fun to just write your own site from scratch, it will take longer but it will allow one to be more creative and the whole experience will be more fulfilling.

Going through a new hire's code, CSS noobs be like...

True compliments I have given:
-*actual tears dripping* I'm changing how I code to be setup more like yours
-if I could fuck that code I would

Just curious, how is it like to work as a developer. I mean, as a profession and not a hobby or freelancing.

From devRant, so far I know that you work in an office, the managers and bosses are assholes, and people always write unmanageable and undocumented code.

What else is it like? Do you get to work alone or do you have to work with people? Do you stay there all day long?

I know its still going to be a while for me, but I want to know how it will be like.

I should find me a girl that loves to code. Those would be some arguments I would like to pass through

If you've spent time learning how to code and you're daydreaming about having a dev job but don't have one because you're too nervous to apply, just do it. The worst thing that can happen is that you'll get the job (and be stuck ranting like us).

Add no comments or documentations whatsoever during my initial years of coding (when actually I used to write code worse than a constipated elephant's shit).. In my mind I would be like "This is quite clear-cut.. A first grader will be able to understand this code.."

But then I had to debug my own code barely some 1-2 months later and I figured out the importance of good comments and documentation..

For a developers ranting social media platforms, it sure seems strange that we can't format code snippets... 🤔

At least something like `foo(bar){}` would be awesome!

I am like the weakest programmer at my job. I wanna improve and get better. Understanding how to write good unit test to reading code. Damn it. I just wanna be better.

My code be like:

"Call the method cronk...

WROOOONG MEEEETTTTHHHOOOODDDD!!!

Why do we even have that method "

Lecture be like, I have provided some "working code" for you to modify.....

That complete mental block when you know where you want to be and you know where you are but you look at the code and it's like looking at alphabet soup 😞

Code reviews be like.....

I have to refactor code from an intern. He's VERY lucky that he already left the company.

If I'd say he programms like the first human that would be very insulting to that first human.

It looks like code at first sight, but when you try to understand what he was doing to achieve his goal you get a brainfuck. Duplicate code, unused code, dumb variable names like blRszN.

He wrote unittests like "expects Exception to be thrown or Server returns Statuscode 500".
Yes, Exception, the generic one.

THESE FUCKING TESTS ARE GREEN BECAUSE YOU DID NOT ACTUALLY TEST SOMETHING.
GREEN IN THIS CONTEXT MEANS: YOUR PRODUCTION CODE IS A BIG PILE OF SHIT.

I already removed 2 bugs in a test which caused another exception than the "expected" one and the test does still not reach the actual method under test.

Dumb fucktard.

The sad thing: The fuckers who did the code reviews and let this shit pass are still here writing code.

Trying to write more commit , so that i can stay top in github project chart with less real code be like....
Git commit -am "added p in code"
Git commit -am "added r in code"
Git commit -am " added i in code"
Git commit -am "added n in code"
Gir commit -am "added t in code"
Git commit -am " gave the proper indentation to print"

ALRIGHT! I'LL GIVE YOU SUPPORT ON MY VACATION TOO, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY, NOPE, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS YOUR UNSTRUCTURED PHP CODE WHICH NEEDS TO BE REFACTORED BECAUSE 2 VISITORS ON YOUR WEBSITE SUGGESTED SO!

When you and your colleagues fight over code intending whether it should be a tab or ''x'' spaces.
My reply: It doesn't matter what you use!! It's like eating with either a fork or spoon, as long as you eat, dammit!!
My friend:

Never be egoisitc about your code. Its good to feel proud on your code that you did it. but sharing is caring.. don;t be like only I can do this.. ego is not for dev community.. be adaptable for changes whether you learn from junior or senior :)

Cleaning up my old code be like..

Writing code for SJWs be like

I hired a coder to write a WordPress plugin on my dev server. He no longer works for me and is unreachable. The plugin does most of what it needs to do. But when I dig into the code and the database to find what should be obvious bits of code that do obvious things? None of that code is found. Not even with a recursive directory keyword search for that should be easy to find like CSS class names and IDs. Even the data that comes from the database and that I see on the screen is not actually present in the database!!! Yet it all works. I'm pretty sure at this point the code and data reside in a parallel dimension only the coder can get to. How do I debug code that doesn't actually exist?!

My development process seems to go:

1. Write code
2. Believe that said code is amazing
3. Write more code
4. Revisit earlier code and start to doubt it's amazing-ness
5. Get frustrated that it could be done better
6. Redo 1 and repeat cycle

Seems a massive waste of time but I tend to like taking a different approach as soon as I find I'm getting stuck with the previous one.

I then get encouraged to take the quick/easy approach which seems like a backwards step and not worthwhile because I know it won't be as fast/efficient.

When someone pushes the code with compilation issue be like...

Monday: coffee tastes like dead rat. And I wrote hacks around hacks in legacy code just to get it to last a little longer until the new system can be made.

The coffee left a better taste than my commit.

who here has worked for a bank?

without naming names? what was the scariest thing they did, like, bad code, bad security, etc, that you had to fix

always wanted to be a fly on the wall of the devs office for a bank...

Should a developer really have to be a jack of all trades? I write code, but at work I feel like I am always getting pulled into sysadmin debacles. I am not a sysadmin or an ops person. I am a developer, not a systems guy.

If you want me to be a systems guy, then train me to be one. You hired me to write code, not to troubleshoot shitty IBM Application Servers.

Self documenting code is a fucking myth you bloody sheep.

Write “self documenting code” then add a fucking comment or two explaining why the fuck the code deserves should be there because nobody can see what the fuck it is doing or understands how the whole collection of microservices works. I’m sick of spaghetti code bullshit full of accidental redundancy because it is impossible for anyone to realize why something is there at a glance.

I renamed different “Contract” classes today by adding numbers before code review.
Contract
Contract1
Contract2
Contract3
All of these classes are supposed to be the same but somehow they aren’t and you self documenting dumbasses missed it. Don’t gripe about the numbered classes in the repo… fix the fucking code and collapse the classes so we don’t have four sections of code describing the same fucking structure from a http get with different interfaces because four people couldn’t read the whole like some fucking computer.

Hello World! First post here. I'm literally done with frontend stuff. I want to design code, not to code design. Unless it's Processing. I find it cute. So.. I have a somewhat handy grasp on C++ because of a class in electronics course, Python seems quite easy to catch. I'm totally new to programming. I'd like to get into software, game development and android development (but I would like to do things cross-platform).
Which paths, resources, languages, useful books, videos, or just anything would you recommend?

To be fair, I have no coding friends so mentorship or simply finding code buddies would be great. 💜

Life is like code,
Your loved ones are your IDE,

You can be good with code without an IDE,
but it makes things much more smoother when you have one :D

Life quote :)

Snapchat be like:
A bug in my code?
Bitch it's a feature!

Using an array of function pointers to replace large switch statements... holy shit.. I feel like Thanos getting the time stone.
Just when you think you can’t get your code to run any faster, nor did I think I could get the code any smaller... BOOM.. C never ceases to impress.

Next I’ll be turning this into “object” oriented ... but since it’s C ... it will just be Struct oriented .. SOP ..

Bro, that code u call well written, would look better if it was encoded in base64

Damn, u look like the guy at github who thought it would be a good idea to sell to microsoft.

You are an insult to anyone who codes... or thinks

Trying to debug your code be like:

No documentation. Thousands of lines of code. Still learn enough about the solution to make a required change in a day. Now the company feels like I should be the one to lead training for the module, and I still don't know what the other half of the code does. T-minus two hours...

Start-ups and corporations trying new things be like:
"Why should we pay a developer or a company to develop this and this for us when we can just:
- start a competition.
- get free design mockups and code.
- decide which is better.
- reward a small prize and maybe some freebies to the competitors.
- profit. FREE CHEAP CODE AND DESIGNS!!!"

It might be the reasonable and logical thing to do from a business standpoint if its about code you need to rarely maintain..

But from an independent developer viewpoint - FUCK YOU AND THE SLOW ENSLAVEMENT OF MY SPECIE!!!

Anyone ever run across some code that was so succinct and elegant, that you couldn't imagine ever doing something like that and start to feel bad?

<Look up who committed it>

Oh, well, damn... I used to be so good at this coding thing.

What's the funniest advice you've ever received from a co-worker?

Mine is: "Always code like someone with a short temper and a machete will be reviewing your code"

I'm gonna cheat a little since i don't like alcohol 😁

School projet, designer sends me final design less than 24 hours before the deadline, i coded all night long. 17 hot chocolate bowl. I never got the luck to be in the same flow than that night. Each hot chocolate made me stronger, lines of code were running, CSS was perfectly good first try.

Once code was submitted, i slept for like 14 hours. I woke up hugging my pillow.

I'm pretty sure i was drunk with hot chocolate.

Reading old code be like: who the fuck made this shit... oh, wait, it's me...

I (don't) like how some people say "If your code needs comments, your code is probably ugly and should be rewritten".
Well, asshats. You have never considered complex calculations/functions or "temporary" workarounds, right?
Sometimes, you have to do it in a not-very-readable way for efficiency. There is no way around that in that case, and comments that either explain the code below or provide alternative, slower code that's commented really help others understand your code.
If I ever work with you and you don't bother commenting your code at all (or rather use slow code because more efficient code doesn't appeal to your "muh code dun need comments" approach), I will hate you.

Anyone else experiencing moments like 'you sit behind a computer all day, how hard can your job be?' or is it just me?? 🤔
I'm getting tired of this shit... Especially when it's comming from a person who relies ob tonns of apps to do their goddamn job.. :/
I'd get it if it was comming from a farmer who actually has to work hard to produce the food for us.. or any of the blue collars..but from white collars?!? Dafuck?! Yeah, I may not be the person writing the code for your precious little apps, but they're written by people just like me, who sit behind a computer all day & code.. :/
Show some respect ya cunts!!

Don't you feel sometimes like you may not be as good dev as you think you are? Like all you do is search for chunks of code in stackoverflow so you can assamble a semi functional project.

I'm having one of those days, and it just feels like shit.

it's decided, i'm creating a programming language specifically to trigger SJW (like the idea of C+=) which starting to corrupt this industries.

perhaps it's not gonna be huge, so i will blend this with my original idea; a simple language to fix python syntax that a lot of people didn't like who come from C like syntax which transpiled to python code.

maybe it's silly, but this need to be done. at least for my self.

When in internship you have to read 150000 lines of code to make changes and the code does not have any comments, no indentation, no documentation, no wiki. You'll be like fuck this shit. I'm outta here.

Maintaining some codeho#*'s crappy code be like 🙈

Doing and Code Review today... Not sure if this guy has really bad OCD, gets bored, or gets stuck and starts commenting the shit of things...
I'm not sure if I like it or hate it... typically "Good code should be self documenting" but this actually might be acceptable... code on the left, 10K foot view on the right?

When i sit down and code, its like a conversation with women.
Im not sure whats going on, but it appears to be working.

On a scale of 1-10, how lazy are you when it comes to prototype code?

Me, well I'm a 'fuck it lets just wildcard anything that is a child of a GLib objects'

Don't be like me kids...

EDIT: Yes i know it should have been an override void

Trying to explain an awesome block of code logic you came up with and how it streamlined everything.. And your partner be like.... Thats cute dear

when code comments be like

# loop over the array
for i in 1...10
# divide by 2
x = i / 2
# return the result
return x

THE CODE USED IN MY MANDATORY ONLINE TRAINING ABOUT CYBER SECURITY AND STUFF LIKE THIS:

<script>window.showQuestion(someOverlyVerboseResponseFromTheServerWithTheCorrectAnswersMarked);
</script>

Oh boi it would be a real shame if someone proxied your precious function :)

I don't know if we can be friend...

I don't like cable art, my desk is messy(no setup), no stickers on my mac, don't care I have to use mac or pc or unix, I don't code at night.....anymore, I don't have problem with ;

But....I love coffee.

!Rant

I'm going to be teaching my roommate how to "code" soon. Or rather, I'll be teaching her how to use Scratch, so she can have a leg up when she applies to work at a children's code academy that uses a Scratch-like environment. Should be fun!

I love that Scratch exists. Such an accessible way to teach basic concepts like loops, conditional statements, etc, with results that are way more fun than "oh look I output the fibinacci sequence"

Ughhhhhh. This fucking code is a disaster! The guy says he built it DRY, but it's WET as fuck! So much fucking repeated code!

I'm annoyed most because I know that it'd be a fucking waste of time to try and rebuild what these guys have built over the past 5 years, but goddamn it, it shouldn't be an excuse to keep on making code like this!

I know that I'm not super experienced in C# but pick up a goddamn book on good coding practices. This thing is a disjointed mess and it never had to get this way.

So many fucking interfaces!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Typical code life?

1. Write rough comments
2. Write more detailed comments
3. Write pseudo code
4. Write semi-working but definitely ugly code
5. Write working but very ugly code
6. Refactor the code to be nicer, check for patterns, bottlenecks and other bits and pieces
7. Push to git the "final" code
8. After few months blame whoever wrote the code
9. Refactor all the things!

---

This happened in my career more than once and still - it seems like the best option out there to get things done. What do you guys think? Should something be added/removed from this? Is this over-complicated or what?

If everything goes like the usual, my Valentine date will be a bunch of old code I need to refactor

Commented code be like..

Java must be like a food that requires an acquired taste because the more that I code in it, the more I enjoy it.

Tired of non-dev co-workers talking to me like I work for them. They better be careful. I'll code their computers to do their jobs for them.

The English language.

Maybe my fascination with code that reads like a book comes from a desire for my code to be understood. Maybe it comes from novelty. But it really does send tingles down my spine when it reads like literature.

That's one of the largest reasons Lua is my favorite language and Java is one of my least favorite (sounds like a guy with a bad stutter, always repeating himself)

My code be like:

Call the method cronk...

WROOOONG MEEETTTTTTTHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD!!!

*climbs out of alligator pit*

Why do we even have that method

"Pull the lever cronk

...

WROOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG LEVVVVVVEEEERRRRRRRR"

*some time later*

"Why do we even have that lever"

^^^ my code be like

Last year I had to program most of my projects in Python. I like the language, don't get me wrong. But man oh man if you indent your line of code one too many fucking times, it can be such a pain in the ass to find your error...

Even if it may clutter your code (not in my opinion), that's why I love them curly brackets and languages which use them <3

What is this 'cutting edge dev tech' y'all talking about? Does it count if I somehow manage to add support for MS Edge?? 🤔
Hell.. I'm stuck with COM+ & activex, so if anyone who gets to use fancy pants new techs would be so kind to ping me and let me know how it even feels to code like it's 21st century, that'd be great..

When you get a summer job at the university to improve internal tools and asking your guarantor why the crappyness of his code is evident even to a noob pythonista like me and getting the answer like "I'm writing this only until it does what I want" kinda frustrates and demotivates. I'm sure this is NOT how things should be done.

Got to talking with someone in our company about AI generated code. I said we still have to audit the code, understand how it works, and ensure there isn't any nefarious libraries or code in what is produced. Like what we "should" be doing when we find libraries on the web. I explained how people will purposely create libraries that are spoofs of other libraries, but have malicious code embedded in them. It doesn't take much to imagine someone using a sketchy AI to push this kinda code.

How do you reasonably fight this if we start increasingly relying on generated code by AI? So I suggested we need an AI to review AI generated code. Then we need an AI to review the AI that reviews the AI generated code. Then...

Code reviews be like

My senior and I started pair programming to improve my code quality. He likes it and I find it fun (and convenient that he helps me) but it feels like I'm making him do my work. I also fear that I am too horrible to be trusted with code alone but if that was the case they would kick me out right?

236 lines of code in main doing like 400 things that should each be their own function DX
Fucking legacy projects
This is why I drink on the weekends

So after my hosting my first project and announcing it on devrant, the users pointed out the many security faults and places where the code can be exploited ( thank you so much ). So I started my research on security ( im 99% self-taught ). The first thing I landed across is the code vulnerabilities which the I can fix then the vulnerabilities of the language itself and then binary code to overrun whatever the language it is. Well, the topic gets broader and broader. If I click on a link named xxx vulnerabilities oh god that is a whole new collection of hundeds of wiki like pages. I feel like I'm lost and here I need some real help

Whenever I have to ask about how certain code of someone else works, I feel bad. I feel like I should be able to figure it out on my own.
On the other hand, if people ask me to implement something within their code, that I am not familiar with, I kinda expect more info? Like if you don't have any tutorials or documentation on your tool, be prepared to answer some stupid questions about how to set it up and whatnot. How else am I gonna know how to start with? Having to read the entire source code is a massive waste of time, no?

tl;dr: if you don't provide documentation or tutorials, be ready to answer stupid questions.

I'm a junior dev, been on placement a year.

I get tasks done mostly on time, my pull requests are merged, yet I still feel like what I'm writing is seriously under quality.

What point will I stop writing code that isn't good enough to not be stressed about? 😷

From a few years of programming experience, I come to know that "we cannot write perfect code."

What I mean by this is no matter how perfectly you write code, but if you have a peek on that code after about 3 months, you will be like, "I could have done a lot of things in a better way." Provided the code is atleast of 100 lines.

Tired of dealing with shitcode, that's all I always inherit. Maybe I picked the wrong career? or maybe I shouldn't have even read about things like SOLID or picked up Clean Code.

Then again if I hadn't, I wouldn't be where I am. But I'm unhappy. Why do I always get these projects where the poeple who wrote them (and dissappeared) clearly had no proefficiency on the used tech stack.

Am I ever gonna be part of a project with an actual lead/architect, who strives for the code not to rot?

Maybe I'm just being a little bitch whinning over this?

Halp!! the more I code, the more I hate it. It wasn't like this when I was the architect. But I didn't make as much money as I do now...

What do I do

So this is what a test looks like here in my school...
I really like my teacher but his test are... uhh... fucking awful.

I mean the code isn't even indented ffs! Like wtf?!? How should one be able to read this bullshit?
The questions are shitty too.
Also please add line numbers so it is easier to describe how things work in the code.
AND USE FUCKING A4 PAPERS FFS!!!

Thanks,
an experienced student

This book isn't at all what I thought it was going to be. I hoped it would be patterns and practices to writing better code...it's more like a philosophical Chicken Soup for the Developer's Soul. Self-care for syntax geeks.

And by that merit, it's actually quite good.

So I'm approaching a 8 year anniversary working in IT and this feels like the first time needing to do a serious rant.

Today I've come across some code (infact just a single line) written by another company that is so fucking fundamentally stupid that they should be banned from writing any code ever. Like holy fuck.

This is textbook examples of shit never to do ever in any fucking environment or intranet/extranet etc. What the fuck. The fucking muppetry involved in this. This is what they teach novice programmers - you see this code written 20 years ago? Never fucking do this. You see this company that went bust 10 years ago? It was because of shit like this. Never ever write code like this or your 90kg ass will be thrown 300m by the greatest medieval fucking siege engine ever created after we throw you through the catastrophic gaping hole in time and space that your line of code just created.

Fucking fuckity bye.

Get a request for commit rights for my container repo; another developer would be lovely. Let's see what they know and want to work on.

*reading message*
*reading message*
"...I'd like to enable your containers to hold other containers."

They already do. Stay the fuck away from my code.

Why are people behaving like communist dramaqueens on every OSS repo?
Why do OSS libraries and frameworks have to be political cunts and insert *the current thing* into every god damn console message of their tooling and on their websites?
Stop it. Get some help.
I want to code, not be a aborted political SJW fetus. Let me fucking code in peace.

Serious question: If a highly intelligent being, better than humans, is about to code something, how would they probably do it?

Will they use the same concepts like control flow, iterations, types, operators, object inheritance, etc?

If they are quantum capable, how can they code with booleans when it can be both true and false at the same time? Will they code truthy and falsy with another dimension like time-space temporality?

Do their code simultaneously modify the hardware or bio-hardware as it iterates over the outcome of the code?

Does input and output even relevant to them?

How do they represent infinites?

Do they have similar github workflows or they telepathically update the source code?

Do they embed their program in their DNA? Then pass to offspring the codes they already created?

Do they code using a language or do they use some frequencies and material science that simultaneously show real world output?

And do they have their version of devRant?

First question in a job interview should be " when you are not familiar with a certain code do you use find-usage or freak out like a little girl" - I have a coworker that freaks out and makes me crazy

That moment when, after you've spent days trying to refactor your code to be clean and readable, you look at what you've made and you honestly feel like you actually made things worse than before.

"Dear Windows staff,

To think a fatal error screen can be shown beautifully is likeable.
To add in a QR code to be redirected to some assistance is likeable.
But like things that are likeable, THEY DON'T NEED TO BE REGULARLY SHOVED TO THE FACE !

Sincerest regards,
One who desperately wants to shutdown Windows Update once and for all.

i transferred shitload of code from one class to another, stackoverflowed something and copy pasted it because i have never seen that this needs to be written like that, hit run compile, open up my logs expecting a mass crash and possibly explosion. it worked on the first try

As we currently see a lot of codeless software platform, in the next 10 years there is gonna be high demand for people to extend these shitty apps into something proper, just like it happened with wordpress. There is a key missunderstanding that writing code and developing an application are the same thing; they are not.
Once you can write code you sure ass aren't a developer, thats a grueling journey until then, and being able to create an application without code exaggerates the problem even further.

1 day ago my wife's father died, I'd like to do checkout on this repo called life, but we can't, I loved that man as my father, I have to be strong to keep my wife strong, I cry when I'm not in home. Code it's like my beer. Cheers!

When you commit code to the repo and a a junior on the team takes it upon himself to rename all the classes and methods coz he doesn't like them even though his changes make no sense and then sends them to you for a code review .....

Wonder what the results going to be ;-p

Same as we look at some old pages and see "oh this is unstyled table layout, that is xHTML inline style - it's from the 20th century"

People will look at pages of today in like 20 years and be like "Oh gosh, the material design phase. - oh the apple-blur-copy-cat-phase, oldish HTML5 code, that's from the 2010-20-ies"

So today I started working on a code base someone else wrote and stubled across this and thought it was worth sharing.

Why somebody would be doing something like this is beyond my understanding.

Not commenting on the empty catch block keep in mind the whole snippet has nothing to do with rest of the code...

WHY!!!!!?!?!?!?!

Golang code review be like

> oh no, you used prohibited `else` keyword

Context? Dosent matter. Its banned, mkay?

Fix? Oh you know its hell to read now

Hey!
I won a competition called “Google Code-In” and I’ll be in San Francisco this June. We’ll be visiting Google’s office is San Francisco & Mountain View. I would also like to visit other offices. Are there any which are open for public visit ?

!rant

I know this may not be the typical post on Devrant and it may be a little off topic, but I could really use some advice from fellow colleagues here.

The thing is, I just finished engineering school and I got my first job as a software engineer. So far so good. I've never been a natural talent in this field, and I suck at writing code. I find things like architecture, system design, innovation, requirementsspecification, management and business development much more interesting.

These past weeks as a software engineer has been really challenging for me. I seem to be totally "in over my head", and fuck everything up. I can't understand how the code I'm supposed to write works, and can't solve even the simplest of tasks that are assigned to me if they involve any implementation of code, or fiddling with Github or build servers.

Is it normal to feel like this as an engineer with zero experience? Will things get better, or should I just resign or wait to be fired?

What would a natural next step for a software engineer who'd like to move more into business and management be? A MBA? Project management courses?

I hope to get some advice from you guys. Maybe you've felt like this when you started out as well? Anyway, any constructive feedback would be really much appreciated.

Not writing tests for your code is like leaving it unguided in the hands of future Devs who gonna just change something and break the core logic and there won't be any regression test to run and check the integrity.

Work rant :

I once had a code review and remembered I forgot to comment my code and said sorry I forgot to comment it out.

The reply I got?
Don't worry, here we say your code should be readable enough and no comments are required.

Im still amazed, like... Even if the code is readable, fuck this I need a tl;Dr comment for the long ass fucking code... What the fuck

When it’s 3am and you are working on an exception for more than 2 hours and have optimized your whole code just to be sure and remember you are writing swift not java: some ints have low max value like UInt8.

Programmers after Writing some successful code be like:-
"Chill, chill just chill"

When that code went into Testing phase:-
"Where are you now? Under the sea.. Under the sea..."

!rant First code review in the new team, came back with list of helpful suggestions and constructive criticisms. Yep I'm going to like it here. Excited to be learning from the bests.

Some of the worst code reviews I had were at my 1st proper workplace which incidentally was the strictest one! I was such a lazy oaf and hated those.

Still don't like code reviews but I do admit those first ones did me a tom of good.

Nowadays when I am the one co ducting them I tend to be more relaxed and chill and not be a nazi coz I still remember the repulsion of my first ones ^^'

We don't like someone correcting our grammar...

But we would be so grateful if someone corrects our code :)

Too much technical debt
Write more unit tests
Unit tests failing, the code will be right so change the tests to pass
Too many unit tests to maintain, they look a lot like technical debt
Remove unit tests to reduce maintenance overhead

I love it when you don't know if your code is working as intended because you can't figure out what the intended behavior should be.

yay!
*sad party horn*

Please ignore the wk99-like code. I've been throwing stuff at the wall.

Totally hands off. Haven’t touched code for about 2 months at least. Just concentrating on organising things and meetings.

Manager in latest monthly review : “we’d like you to be more hands off”.

How!?

Never comment, and you'll be rethinking your code every day like it was the first

Fuck you for asking for my advice and then just disregarding it because it doesn't dovetail with what you were hoping for. You continue to justify your shit code design as "the way it has to be". Bullshit, I just told you other ways to do it. You didn't want to hear it. Open your mind. Learn something new. Be a professional. Your code is ass and you should feel like an ass. Don't ask for my help anymore. Prick.

i think ai assistants would be much more interesting / less annoying if it had a faster, snappier syntax to talk through. Like shorthand code but in the sense of talking and just getting one word responses.

when you see this in the code of a senior programer

if(0){
all sort of things;
}

or just like

if($var == $tmp){
do nothing
}

if i would have done this in college i wouldnt be programming today...

Sometines after a long day of having clients continually find edge cases that break the code makes me want to be like.

"Hey! Having the app work well was never part of the scope for the project, just that it would work ish."

But I know better.

To me, writing authorization code for securing APIs is like having to fold an enormous pile of laundry and actually putting it all away afterward. It needs to be done but I'm not going to enjoy it.

Me compiling c++ code at 3 am be like:

gcc filename.cpp -o filename

Some error pops up

Cries for a while, looking up for the solution

After writing the whole code again notices was using gcc instead of g++...

Generator functions should be treated like sorting algorithms: Not worth your time if all you have is 4 or less async instructions.
Callback hell is actually kind of nice and warm when you're a just a few levels down. If you're really confused by your obfuscated code, you suck at node.

You know what really cheeses my onions? When people write their code in a foreign language, say French or Spanish, and then come to me asking why it doesn’t work. Like, mate, how you expect me to be able to make sense of your code if your variable naming is totally foreign? And it looks horridly out of place to boot.

Moral of the story: Write your code in English and save us the headache.

How f*cked does a code base have to be until you jump ship? I got a new job recently and been working there for about 4 months. It's a big company and there's ways to move around internally.. but holy cow the code is bad. It almost seems beyond the point of no return... Almost like a totaled car.

Yo the developers I see on Instagram are doing 100days of code with 3/4 monitors along with a laptop and tablet side by side. rich af lol. seems like a show off but idk.may be im saying that cause i can't currently afford it lol.

Shouldn't there be a place like roast me but for code?

- StackOverflow

Is it common to be handed a code base, be told "that's yours now", and not be told what needs to be done with it? Like not given a spec, not given a list of change/problem reports, just "have this, it's yours, go do stuff, don't break anything"? I am trying to determine if this is a blessing or a curse.

is "drunk coding" really a thing? i can't imagine how.

i prefer working code, so when i'm writing code, i need my brain to be working. the "benefits" of alcohol, like reducing social inhibitions, don't benefit source code.

@dfox, @trogus, would you consider adding the topic for next week to be "Near miss: how I almost lost all my code/data"?

It sould be fun, and people can also learn something. Like what not to do, how to recover and how to prevent this kind of stuff...

People be like: “We don’t use comments cause good code should explain itself”

Then proceed to use complicated app architectures with classes all over the place.

Fuck.

Learning to code is like learning to write when you were younger. It can be sloppy or clean but if you keep at it it'll probably become clean. But, with these sites like code academy that accept only one solution to the problems they present it's as though you're being told that everything you're doing is wrong eventhough you get a solution to the problem in the end. It bugs me that these sites want people to code the exact same way.

Trying to refactor legacy code can be a real adventure. It's like exploring an ancient ruin, except instead of hidden treasures, you're uncovering cryptic code and dead ends. But the real plot twist comes when you realize there are no unit tests to guide you. It's like trying to navigate a maze blindfolded - you never know when you're going to hit a dead end and end up with a headache! 🤯

seriously considering migrating from code to selling snacks, becoming a barista or whatever

some people just drain all my motivation to code even personal projects

feel like i'd be happier, and less stressed, selling t-shirts by the beach 🫠

I'll be always there like a bug in your code.. happy friendship day...

Immortality in the sense like Matrix did it would be quite handy. Imagine you could become a program like Smith and be able to change your own source code, clone yourself with the same thoughts, knowledge and past.

Well, unless someone turns your machine off.

I just submitted my professional goals this year.

As I was writing them a lot of them actually sound like things my manager should be doing to increase code quality n agility n reduce the # bugs that end up in prod...

I'm doing a code review on a huge feature, basically touching every part of our authorization logic, and man... It's like my colleague writes his code to be as hard to read as possible. He's 60+ and you'd think he'd have learned how to write good and clear code, but nope. "Let's make it cool cool and I look like I'm a genius. And if I can spend 3 keystrokes less on a function I'm happy". Fuck me.

Most of my projects are based on one or few existing platforms, so core technology considerations are usually quick.

I like to wrap my head around the user stories first and then decide should this be more of a future-proof code, ie more extensible/generic, or just a code that will serve a few specific scenarios but would allow me to get it over with quickly.

When you marvel at your code creation and the beauty of your envisionment only to be painfully whittled down as your boss tells you to change it all, because he doesn't like how the code looks. Joys of being a junior developer!

I feel i need to be specialized in something coz everyone can code now... like u have machine learning engineers and devops/cybersecurity but im not really into either. What other sub fields are there?

So, I like refactoring old shits.
Now I want to exterminate this over thousand lines of code class. I have to be witty about it and do it within couple of PR, or they will find out I'm not doing anything productive but making their code cute again!

I love sports and code. I dreamt of being able to teach my boy how to play ball but after a few years of TBall and Soccer, I accepted that he did not like sports. I didn't want to be the kind of father that forces their child to play when they don't want to so I let the dream go. Besides, he'll be a coder like his old man right? He's 10 now, so I tried to start getting him into working on some Minecraft mods. He loves Minecraft... but no interest in code. 😭

Okaaay.....so after I got fucked at the technical interview i returned there the following day and wrote them code for a system that was actually on their pipeline
Left the thing 80% complete and they were like: Amaizing we will be in touch
And I left bouncing

Not sure what is going to be worse. Fixing the bug in this code. Or removing all of the code I added in the name of finding the bug in this code. I have found myself asking myself why I chose coding when I come have picked something less stressful. Like flaming bull fighting.

Coding in Pharo Smalltalk makes me not want to code in anything else.

If i could find a Pharo job i would be pretty stoked.

Yeah I like Smalltalk that much.

I might not be the only one who writes a complex ass code to do some task and when it's done I feel like a spartan and then I find out that a library was already there for it. Me 0 Internet 1

Our professor takes points off our code if we use tabs (not much, but still).
But the best part is having "few" spaces is also a problem. Seems like using tabs we be a solution then.

Why?!

Me: *Starts to code for uni assignment*
Puts ANY sort of music in the background => hours of coding go by, beautifully.
Tries to code without music due to broken headphones => 5 min feels like an eternity and nothing makes sense...
I swear, "my headphones broke" should be a valid reason for an extension.

I'd like to one day be as good as my tutors or my better half.
Overseeing research code and developing it further with very little documentation seems like a very precious skill to me. They have my respect for that.
That would also involve getting a phd.

I feel so clueless sometimes but apperently I'm a fighter, so let's keep goin and trying :)

So I've been in this dilemma.

I'm a senior like around 10 days from graduation. And I know I wanna do programming but like I dont know what area I want to do..

I'm certified in JavaScript and Python which I'm better with python but I dont have any accomplishments to be proud of..

And I've always wanted to make a game (I have a few ideas tbh) but I feel like if I do I'll be sucked into that only and not ever really program software or web apps..

Am I going to succeed? How can I be good enough to be a professional if the best thing I've made is a bit that barely has original code?

My gf wants to be a nomad.
I just like to code in my chosen place of work (home) and not lose focus with moving around.

I'm worried, I get anxiety if I don't find myself in places that let me be productive. I'm very much like a cat in that regard 🐈

To the newbies out there, those who just study and work hard, do you ever feel like you can’t do it? Like what the fuck is the point. You work your shit job and get home and code but kinda just look at your code editor for hours without typing anything? There are times I feel like that. I stay up all night and go to work at a shit job where were accused of stealing shit and it’s like, dude shut the fuck up, but when you get home, you know you’re gonna be a Developer one day, but you just don’t know how you’re gonna get there. Keep on pushing. It’ll come and you can leave you’re shit job. I promise that.

Working night has to be the most relaxing thing, I'm all alone at the office with some good relaxing classical music, nobody to interfere, good coffee and code and the average office ghost, looking out at the street below I can see the city slowly coming to life in the morning. Wish everyday could be like this 😏

Senior developer :: So, how's the work for maintaining the code base going.

Me(Intern) :: It's pretty easy because I have treasure

Senior developer :: what treasure ??

Me(intern) :: Stack Overflow.

Senior developer be like

Yeah Statler and Waldorf are my new role models. A code review in S&W style should be quite a killer, haha.

- I've never seen anything like this before.
.
.
.
- And I hope I'll never see anything like this again!

I know depression can be at a spike these days, but you know, when the frontend developer is like in hiatus for 2 weeks because of that... And just tells our boss like "hey I'm having serious problems with the frontend code", that's a shitty thing to do, like dude, quit or be honest with our boss so he would know how to handle this batshit

Learning New Design Patterns...

When all you've got is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Arg.

Recently, my code in almost any controller is like so:

return (new MyFancyClass($param))->methodThatHandlesIt();

that can't be the solution to everything.... although it kind of is
how can I beef up on patterns and avoid crushing a screw into the wall without realizing it's not a nail

Am I the only one who seems to have trust issues when saving code in my text editor? Whenever I want to save I press Ctrl+X+S like 5 times just to be sure.

NB: Ctrl+X+S is equivalent to Ctrl+S in Emacs/Spacemacs

Why is the C++ build and package management system so complicated? I feel like whenever I work on a C++ project, I spend more than half my time just figuring out how to set up the environment, build the binaries, run the tests, when I’d rather and should be writing code.

I dont like programming languages where "there is more than one way to do it".

There should be one way to do things, it makes it easy for developers to understand code others have written, it makes it easier to start working in new teams etc etc.

Coding is like handwriting.

Code review is about having a common understanding of the big picture and ensure be features follow the general architecture and process flow.

Code review is not about nitpicking on FUCKING TRAILING WHITEFUCKINGSPACES , lower case vs upper case SQL statements, extra empty lines AND EVERY FUCKING MINOR DETAIL you can imagine

In the words of Khabib 'Code like a champion, eat like a champion and sleep like a champion to be a champion'

What's the longest code review meeting you've ever had? We're about 3 hours into this code review so far, and it doesn't sound like we're going to be done anytime soon

This fucking company man. Implementing a simple feature (just a couple settings in the android app) is taking me 4 fucking weeks(feature was done long time ago, but not in the way that. they wanted, even though I followed existing implementations). I have like 60 comments in my code review from which half feels like it's just purely nitpicking. I already have 2.5 years experience and I just want to kill myself or quit the job if every code review here willl be like this.

Where do i start , if i am interested to contribute to Open Source projects in C ?

I have a good understanding of C language. Even if i am not able to contribute , it would be nice learn from those projects .

The problem with big projects like the linux kernel is that i dont understand or cant comprehend most of the code , except for few sections like gpios..

I wrote some code in a different pattern than that was seen in the project. Got positive comments, but the senior said that as per the project rules you are not supposed to write like this.
So ended up writing some duplicate code but somehow it incorporates my pattern and existing project rules.

Should I be happy or sad?

Finally got my first dev job. I am looking at the code base for my company. And it’s like I know how to code in this language. But I don’t know half of the advanced shit they’re doing. I understand they have more experience than me. But I’m just not sure how to catch up to them. Or be even on the same level as them? I guess just more out of office learning?

I can read what they’re putting in the code and understand how it works. But like how they came up with it I have no clue. I guess I’ll learn over time and have to put in some extra man hours.

How can code refactor be so stressfull that even doin' it on YOUR OWN CODE looks like taking a slow walk over broken glass? More than never: GOD BLESS THOSE WHO DAILY DEAL WITH LEGACY CODE

Not sure what's better on Friday:

Fix the bugs and push it to prod so manager will be happy.

Or sit there like a dumb fuck and wait for Monday before touching the code

Today I've read this line of code:
$like === true ? $operator = "LIKE" : $operator = "=";

Should I be angry, sad or disappointed?
That was written by a person who I tought could code.