Looking for a job as a deveoper be like:

Job title: car driver

Job requirements: professional skills in driving normal- and heavy-freight cars, buses and trucks, trolley buses, trams, subways, tractors, shovel diggers, contemporary light and heavy tanks currently in use by NATO countries.

Skills in rally and extreme driving are obligatory!
Formula-1 driving experience is a plus.

Knowledge and experience in repairing of piston and rotor/Wankel engines, automatic and manual transmissions, ignition systems, board computer, ABS, ABD, GPS and car-audio systems by world-known manufacturers - obligatory!

Experience with car-painting and tinsmith tasks is a plus.

The applicants must have certificates by BMW, General Motors and Bosch, but not older than two years.

Compensation: $15-$20/hour, depends on the interview result.

Education requirements: Bachelor's Degree of Engineering.

Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

Friend: How much do you charge for a website?

Me: Depends, what do you need?

Friend: Just a basic website.

Me: I am going to need more details than that, is it static HTML site? Do you want to be able to add content yourself? Do you have hosting? Do you....

Friend: Dude, just give me a rough estimate.

Me: But...

Friend: It's for a friend, he has an idea for a business.

Me: ...fine...$100 million 👿

//Because making a website is just a push of a button to some people

(sensitive parts censored)

Friend: Hey, can you hack my (some website) account?
Me: Depends... What's your username?
Friend: (tells username)
Me: (clicks forgot password?)
Friend: I will give $10 if you do it. There is 2 factor authentication enabled.
Me: (silence) Ok.
Website: Please type the class number you were in in 4th grade.
Me: Hey, did you graduated BLAH elementary school?
Friend: Yeah.
Me: Ahh, I remember. You moved to BLAH elementary school in what grade?
Friend: 4
Me: Hmmm, I don't remember seeing you. What class were you in?
Friend: 5
Me: Well, I now remember. Stupid me. (smirks)
Friend: Haha. (continues to play games beside me)
Me: (Types in 8)
Website: We sent you a password to blah@example.com
Me: (uhh, heads to example.com and clicks forget password?)
Email: Please type the class number you were in in 4th grade.
Me: (wtf is this, types 8)
Email: Please type the teacher's name when you were in in 4th grade.
Me: What was the teacher's name?
Friend: Huh?
Me: When you were in 4th grade.
Friend: Ahh! John Smith.
Me: Ahh, he was strict, right?
Friend: Yeah (continues to play games again)
Me: (Types in John Smith)
Email: Set a new password.
Me: (Types "youaresostupid")
Email: Done!
Me: (copies PLAIN TEXT password from email, logs in to website)
Me: Da-da!
Friend: (gasps)
Me: Money plz~
Friend: Nope.
Me: (wtf, then remembers i changed his email password) Fine then.

=====================

1. There is 2 factor authentication enabled. : Got it?
2. The website sent plaintext password.
3. He is just pure idiot.
4. I didn't got the money.
5. I am now a h4x0r

Yes Linus Torvalds is an asshole and the world is better because of it.

In short Linus's acid takes on code quality over developer fee fee's might be one of the things that has made the Linux kernel and the GNU/Linux project such a long lasting open source success and in my opinion the risk of him falling for all this "let's be nice and non offensive" bs trend may impact negatively on code quality.

Being an asshole has it's downsides and it's not always the best response, I'll give you that, but personally I think most of us who are viewed as assholes are seen like that because we put quality over convenience, facts before feelings and dedication over mediocrity; it is not because we hate you, it's because we measure ourselves with the same stick.

It depends on one's character, but when you've been toughened up because of bullying(I don't doubt many devs have been since being a nerd has never been hip) or life in general, you learn to stop whining & pick yourself up and you expect everyone to be competitive and competent as you are and it gets frustrating to manage people who don't fulfill your expectations.

Pros: You get shit done and you do it well.
Cons: People won't like you and you don't tolerate failure (much less mediocrity).

Yes Linus is an asshole, my coach was an asshole, some of my best teacher's have been assholes, I had friends who were assholes, heck I'm an asshole!

But I thank them because they made me better than I was, just as people have thanked me for being the right amount of asshole.

A warm thank you and fuck you Linus, keep being the asshole we need.

Boss: I need to know how much resources a server would need to serve 20000 users at the same time

Me: Sure, can I see the webapp?

B: There's not one yet

M: Ok, can I see its documentation then?

B: There is none

M: But ot depends on the programming language, libraries used, what kin-

B: It's an e-commerce. Try browsing Amazon and see how much they nees to handle the page requests.

Me: *still processing* wh-

Boss: I have to give an estimate to a client within 30 minutes. Hurry.

So.... Uh... I guess i have to hack Amazon now?

I got a work on legacy code. The app really depends on a library that was last updated on 2009. The website docs also missing

RIP

Friend(non dev): Hey. Do you know how much it costs to maintain an app?

Me : Well that depends. What are you planning to do?

Friend: Something like Trivago. But small.

Me: That still doesn't tell me anything

Friend: Come on. Just give a number. How hard can it be?

Me: 42. *facepalm*

Friend: See wasn't that hard. Was it?

Me: *thinking* Don't correct him. Just let him be.

I remember learning about the semicolon as a kid, I thought it was just another useless punctuation mark. About a decade later and my whole life depends on it...

Fucking clueless products owners.
Him: "I want a mobile app - how long"
Me: "Depends, what should it do?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well what problem should it solve?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Who's it for?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well I can't help you then!"
Him: "I need an estimate for my business plan"
Me: "OK - put 'eternity' down, and we can work backwards from there"

Jackass

An extremely important fact, on which your life depends. Would like to know how they calculated it.

The craziest shit in my life just happened.

I left my laptop(basically my whole life) and my handbag at my dinner table and went to the the toilet for 4 minutes. I live in a ground-house in a rural area, and the front door wasn't locked.

After I exited the bathroom I noticed eevrything was gone. My laptop, my bags, my wallet. Everything. I panicked.

I quickly informed the local security authority while canceling my credit card and resetting all of my credentials, they with the help of the police they tracked the theives in 10 minutes in a neighboring town, with what it seems all of my stuff intact, which I am supposed to get tommorow.

This is both insane and a miracle. I am speechless and thankful to G-d. This is divine providence. I can't explain it in any other explanation

Watch over your stuff like your life depends on them. Don't ever leave your laptop even for a few minutes.

If the below is you, please stop. I'm starting a revolution called #AnswerTheQuestion

A: Hey, just checked your code, you have a huge security issue in XYZ, you should really address that.

B: Oh god I had no idea, how do I fix it?

A: Well it depends on how you *want* to fix it, no one solution is always the right one.

B: ... Ok, well could you give me some advice?

A: Well, there are many ways to approach this kind of work, but all I can say is that this way, is definitely not the correct one.

B: ... Ok, well how would you do it?

A: That would depend on the customer requirements.

B: ... the requirements is to have a website that isn't easily hackable, what do I do?

A: Nowadays, its pretty hard to make a website completely not hackable.

B: ALL THE SERVERS ARE SHOWING RED, PLEASE HELP ME!!!

A: ........ you really shouldn't prejudge colours. The colour red doesn't always mean danger, depends purely on the use case.

It depends if you are getting errors or warnings

Actually it depends on JVM's mood (algorithm) :-P

Manager: "How long will this take?"
Me: "Er... it depends."
Manager: "Depends on what?"
Me: "Well, if the reactive hyperflux core's external dampeners are--"
Manager: "Yeah, yeah, whatever just get it done."
Me: "You got it boss."

Why are Americans so stupid?

Date format: MM/dd/YY => what is this? It‘s not even in order

Length Units: Inch, Feet, Yard, Mile => good luck trying to convert in in a hurry without a calculator

Cooking recipes: cups, tablespoons, pinches => land of the freedom, especially for measurement errors

Temperature: Fahrenheit. => some dude who thought, „oh this is really hot, lets mark it 100“ and the other day „oh this is really cold, I got the 0 mark, sciene“

Weight: ounces ~ 28.34952 g, ton ~ maybe 907.xx kg, it depends

Time: Americans think the week starts on sunday, so they assume it does so for everyone else (f*** you american developer, designer, I mean you)

Football is football. Everywhere. In. The. World.

Politics: Trump, Weapons, health system, worker rights, ...

God, I hate America and their bs.

When you login to a server through ssh for the first time with a specific domain or up address, you get a prompt asking to verify a signature with yes or no (on Linux at least).

That often goes well but sometimes when I already did that....:

ssh user@server
*types yes automatically and presses enter...........*
Neeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmm:
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes
yes^C
user@server: ~$
user@server: ~$ ^C
user@server: ~$ ^C
user@server: ~$ ^C
user@server: ~$ ^C
user@server: ~$ ^C

Nooooo not again 😅

"Just about every aspect of your every day life is run by or depends on millions of lines of code.. have you hugged a programmer today?"

Project Manager: "So that's the feature we need you to add... T-shirt size?"
Me: "Depends what shop I go to, sometimes L, sometimes XL-"
Project Manager: "No, no. T-shirt size... Estimate. Small means hours, Medium means days, Large means weeks."
Me: "Oh... 4 hours."
Wtf.

Client asks us to make app which depends on their API.

Client makes changes to their API without telling us.

"Hey why is the app broken?"

... really?

Wife: "How hard is to make a phone app?"

Me: "Depends on what it is, why?"

Wife: "I had an idea for a cool app that does blah blah blah"

Me: "That actually sounds like a cool app. Let's brainstorm tonight and come up with a plan and see if we need to hire some freelance devs for it"

Wife: "Cool, I also want to make an app to blahblah2, oh and one to blahblah3.. oh hmm what about.."

<facepalm>

Some companies be like-

.. In job posting - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

..in Introduction - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

.. in Interviews - We are the next big thing. We are already changing the industry. Think of us like Google / Facebook etc...

.. during Interviews - Our interview process is rigorous because we are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

.. questions in interviews - Since we are Google / Facebook, please answer questions on Java, C/C++, JS, react, angular, data structure, html, css, C#, algorithms, rdbms, nosql, python, golang, pascal, shell, perl...
.. english, french, japanese, arabic, farsi, Sinhalese..
.. analytics, BigData, Hadoop, Spark,
.. HTTP(s), tcp, smpp, networking,.

..

..

..

.. starwars, dark-knight, scarface, someShitMovie..

You must be willing to work anytime. You must have 'no-excuses' attitude

.........................................

Now in Salary - Oh... well... yeah... see.... that actually depends on your previous package. Stocks will be given after 24 re-births. Joining bonus will be given once you lease your kidneys.

But hey, look... We got free food.

Well, SHOVE THAT FOOD UPTO YOUR ASS.

FUCK YOU...
FUCK YOUR 'COOL aka STUPID PIZZA BEER - CULTURE'.
FUCK YOUR 'FLAT- HIERARCHY'.
FUCK YOUR REVOLUTIONARY-PRODUCT.

FUCK YOU!

I might quit my job today, guess it depends on how nice the lunch is 🙄🙃

How a regular convo with non-devs usually go:

"So what do you do?"

"I'm a software developer."

"Oh, so you're like... a hacker?"

"No, I build apps."

"Nice! So like facebooks and stuff???"

"Not exactly. Different things, mostly tools. It depends."

"Ooh...cool...Like what?"

*proceeds to spend what feels like an hour trying to explain what I do for a living in the simplest terms, while the person just blankly stares and nods, pauses, then finally tells me their crazily infeasible app idea.*

"So whadaya think?"

"Hmm...sounds good 😀👍"

FUCK WORDPRESS

FUCKING FUCK THIS GODFORSAKEN CMS

FUCK THE GUY WHO USED PLUGINS WHO BREAK WHEN I TRY TO UPGRADE FROM PHP 5 TO PHP 7

FUCK THE THEME BUILDER WHICH WON'T WORK UNLESS I SWITCH TO PHP 7

FUCK THIS ENTIRE WEBSITE WHICH DEPENDS ON A PHP VERSION THAT HAS REACHED END OF LIFE ONE FUCKING YEAR AGO

FUCK THE OLD PEOPLE THAT ADMINISTER IT, AND DON'T WANT TO LEARN HOW TO USE NEW PLUGINS AND KEEP USING THE OLD, BROKEN AND UN-MAINTAINABLE ONES

special mention: fuck this one fucking plugin who claims to implement paypal when it doesn't actually work, and the 2 fucking thousand of JQuery lines I have to go through to fix it

A rant from the old box, with some minor edits because I don't remember the exact wording anymore.

So last time I had this window cleaner visit me, and he'd do his job while I was troubleshooting a broken tablet that my past home supervisor donated to me. After he was done he came to me, very impressed.

He then said: "Wow, you are disassembling this.. you must be very technical."
Me (kinda tired): "Thanks. And yeah pretty much."
He: "Does this mean that you can fix anything?"
Me: "Kind of. It depends. But I can't fix printers."
He: "Why is that? Are they so complicated?"
(the tablet I had disassembled is orders of magnitude more difficult than a printer)
Me: "Not really. It's just that that's often what users ask next."
He: …

The guy immediately left 🤣

When you can't remove an app cause one of its dependencies depends on itself

Customer: How much costs custom developed software?
Me: How much costs a car?
Customer: Depends on which car...
Me: Exactly.

GF's brother, Connel (a seaman), knows I work in IT

Connel: you hack computers, right?
Me: not really. I'm more of a developer for businesses
Connel: can you hack banks like [insert name of local bank]? We can hack other people's passwords and make tons of money *laughs hysterically*
Me: (a bit awkward) probably. it depends
Connel: but you can really do it, right?
Me: uhm, maybe. It depends
Connel: but you can do it if you choose to, right?

*this went over for next 5 mins*

My coding speed strongly depends on what music i'm listening.

Today a guy at work asked if it's easy to make an app. I said it depends on what he wants. And oh boi he was very disappointed the more i talked 😂 People really think it's an easy job

From my last job interview (which I got hired btw)

Lead developer: "so we see quite a lot of frameworks that you listed for php, Laravel,cakephp, codeigniter, we really like the idea of them but have not had the opportunity to use them since as you might know by know our pages run over basic and small scripts, you also listed some cool front end frameworks, react looks amazing and I do have somr experience. Tell me, if given the choice, which framework would you use for php?"

Me: Really depends on the project, but the ones that you have described previously seem that they would not really benefit from them, we should not use them if they are overkill or will not expand to anything else on the future"

Him: "But given the choice?"

Me: my own framework, completed it a couple of days ago, it has its own routing system and everything made by yours truly, used it before on some projects in which the developers work with it with no need to ask me about stuff, the documentation is sound and the code rather simple. Php is and can really be all you need depending on what we are talking about."

Him: **stands up, moves closer to me and fist bumps**
"All right now moving on, i was wondering abouy redux, what are the benefits of..."

Walked out of there like a boss, it got interesting when we started talking about Lisp, apparently they are interested in putting some Clojure to test in small things since they want to learn new things and apply them. Yup, this gon b good!!

You Don't post an "X vs Y" article and conclude with "it depends, there is no winner"

We understand it your opinion so just say it, break hearts if you have to. But don't build tension and then leave the audience hanging.

Ps. This is especially for react vs angular vs vue

colleague: My laptop wont start, I don't know what happend. It worked this morning.
me: alright, Ill take a look at it.

I walk down to another room and proceed to open it up. Some kind of smell is rising from the poor laptop. I know that scent.
The motherboard is completely soaked into coffe, with milk.
I walk up the colleague:

me: do you prefer coffe with milk och without?
colleague: haha, it depends on what mood I am in. ( she is obviously stressed about it )
me: that poor laptop of yours, is dead. You soaked it in your coffe
colleague: haha what? No I have not. It worked last night when I used it ( notice how she changed "this morning" to "last night".

I just walk away, and I hope that the insurance does not cover this shit.

School forced me and two classmates to do a project for a company...

Apparently, the company got paid 20K for developing the app, and we're sitting here without even a thank you...

Worst part is:
Our final grade depends on this...

so i posted this image on my facebook wall(my business depends on facebook) and my father commented, check 1000 times then 😐
i wish i could say, it is not that easy, but i feel it is better not to say anything then explain the complexity of programming 😢

if (questionAsked) {
retuen "It depends...";
}

I hate it I hate it I hate it

But it's true because there are a fuckton of factors that determine the answer to a question and nobody ever knows all of them.

I can rarely answer a question from classmates or non-techs without saying that it depends or that there are multiple options.

"Are statics ever good?" It depends
"Should I inject this dependency?" It depends
"Should I google every question first?" It depends

I fear giving a whole answer without knowing the details or at least seeing the code. I've come across multiple XY problems and I'm glad I took the time to look at some code first.

Fuck you stupid cunt!!!! If your fucking project depends on empty folder structure just put a fucking gitignore file on it so I don't have to waste all fucking day debugging your tasteless spaghetti to figure out that you download files to an empty folder that git clone doesn't create.

[Little perspective: For the last 7 months I'm working in a certain project.]
[The project is full of unimaginative, non-creative devs with 0 initiative and poor technical background.]
[And they're almost all from one country which you all can figure out.]
[But I'm not going to mention it here because I don't want to come up as a racist]
[So there's US (Europeans) and THEM. 3 of US and about 10 of THEM. And we're doing 90% of all the heavy lifting]
---
Yesterday
---
D (Dev from THEM): Hi S, I have a problem with my task
Me: (sighing) Ok let's have a call
* on the call with D we were checking some stuff loosely related to task *
* code wouldn't get invoked at all for some reason *
* suddenly I realize that even if the code would invoke, D's probably doing everything wrong in it anyway *
Me (thinking): I need to double check something.
Me: I can't help you now, I'll get back to you later.
* call ended *
---
Me: Hey J, I need your help, I need to clarify the work package in my mind, because I am no longer sure.
J (my European TL): Ok, fire away.
* call started *
Me: Is it true that [blahblahblah] and so D's task depends on me completing first my task, or am I losing my mind?
J: That is correct.
Me: Well she's trying to do this in [that] way, which is completely wrong.
J: You see, that's how it is in this project, you do refinements with them, split these work packages to tasks, mention specifically what depends on what and what order should things be taken in, and in some cases all tasks from given user stories should be done by one person entirely... But they do it their way anyway, assign different people to different interdependent tasks, and these people don't even understand the big picture and they try to do the things the way they think they understand them.
Me: It's a fire in a brothel.
J: Yup.
Me: I fucking love this project.
J: (smiling silently)
* call ended *
---
Me: Ok D, you can't do your task because it's dependant on my task.
D: Oh... so what do I do?
Me: I don't know, do something else until I do my task.
---
A (THEIR TL) (Oh, did I forget to mention that there are 2 TLs in this project? THEY have their own. And there are 2 PMs as well.)
A: Hey S, I need to talk
Me: (sighing, getting distracted from work again) Ok let's have a call
* call started *
A: S, we need this entire work package done by Friday EOD.
Me: I can't promise, especially since there are several people working on its several tasks.
A: D's working on hers for 3 days already, and she's stuck. We want you to take over.
Me: (sighing, thinking "great"): Ok.
* call ended *
---
Me: Hey D, A instructed me to take over your task. This is actually going to be easier since you'd have to wait for mine after all.
D: Oh, ok.
---
* I switched the Assigned Person on D's task to myself on Azure *
---
This morning, email from D.
"Hey, I completed my task and it's on [this] branch, what do I do now?"

........................................
Me, hesitating between 2 ways to reply:
(and take note there are people in CC: A, J, P - the last one is THEIR PM)
1) "Hi, Unfortunately you'd still have to wait for my changes because your task is dependent on my task - the column to be changed is in the table that I am introducing and it's not merged to develop branch yet. By the way I already did your task locally, as I was instructed to do it, I'm wrapping things up now."
(y'know: the response which is kind, professional, understanding; without a slight bit of impatience)
2) WHAT FUCKING PART OF "DON'T DO THIS I WILL FUCKING DO IT MYSELF GO HOME JUST GO HOME" YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND

Oh boy.

I've been partially on-loan to another team that's relatively new at the company for a couple of weeks now, mostly to help them get some testing sorted out, and had scheduled a call with their lead the other day. The call basically started like this:

Lead: Hi
sudo-woodo: Hey
Lead: Okay, so let's talk about <subject>, but I guess you've been told the news
sudo-woodo: What news
Lead: I'm putting in my notice

I love listening to seniors because they always drop some wisdom, but this was some serious wisdom. Guy sounded exhausted at everything, talking mad shit about the company and certain people and I'm just here like 🍿. Seems understandable, a lot of butting heads with the higher-ups and not being able to do his job properly.

Unfortunately we all kinda needed him to do his job because his job involved juggling fifteen different things that the project (and like 90% of my backlog to be honest) depends on.

shit's fucked 🙃

TL.DR.: Emojis in commit messages + bad commit messages made by Microsoft™ employees.

Yes, I'm looking at you Microsoft. It would be helpful if I can, you know, understand your commit messages instead of trying to guess wtf _that_ emoji means. That is, if it is the same emoji on my machine. We didn't figure that one out yet. And no, "Some 💄 changes ✨" is not a good commit message, even if you interpret it correctly (which depends on your emoji icon set).

idk about you, but that shitty 💄 emoji tends to be (see image) and I happen to associate that with an XLR audio cable. I had to ask someone else to understand a commit message; a message supposed to be explicit—stating what you changed and optionally why you changed it (you can off-load that part to an issue tracker).

Furthermore, that "Some 💄 changes ✨" commit did none of that. "I made cosmetic changes somewhere for some reason without linking to an issue." If you didn't catch that little detail yet: "COSMETIC CHANGES" is vague as fuck. What is a cosmetic change?

* Does a cosmetic change mean adjusting indentation?
* Does it mean deleting unnecessary abstraction to make the code more readable?
* Does it mean refactoring code to add that beauty factor?
* Does it mean all of the above? Or perhaps a specific combination of these?

Human communication is shit enough, don't make it worse than it already is.

It's my 2nd week into my new job. I asked people what they think they are doing.

The summary:

Senior dev: we fix bugs
Junior dev: we write code
Intern: we create the future

It depends how you look at it. They are all called software engineer or developer.

Dutchies and some other peoples who want to join the Dutch devRant meeting!

Since nothing is being decided or whatsoever, this is the plan as for what I think would work best and based on feedback/comments/the chat.

We'll meet up at the The Hague train station around 2PM. From there on it really depends on what everyone wants to do but my idea would be (depending on the weather) to go to a park or get a coffee or something like that.

So, what do you guys/gals think?

Last week, the team lead told me that he can't merge because my code has code smells and going forward, can't have that. We use Sonar and well the way to "fix it" according to him is to mark the line using //NOSONAR.

Most of the issues are minor like Unused imports and for me incomplete TODOs.

And before the "verbal" rule was only need to fix Major + issues. And well the reason I use TODOs is to mark code that probably needs changing in the future. I know there's going to be some feature that these lines have to be changed. But the requirements are fully defined yet from business.

But I sort of blew up on him. YOU WANT TO ENFORCE ZERO CODE SMELLS NOW?!?!?! AND THESE MINOR ISSUES? MARK THEM WITH NOSONAR?

HERE'S WHAT I THINK FOR THE LAST X YEARS... THE CODE DESIGN IS SHIT, MINOR CODE SMELLS AND MANUALLY MARKING THE ONES U NEED TO KEEP... ARE THE LEAST OF OUR PROBLEMS...

THE OTHER PROBLEMS I'VE MENTIONED BEFORE EVER. MOS YEAR BUT YOU DIMWITS NEVER LISTEN.

YOU THINK MY TODOS ARE BAD... 90% OF THE CODE AND FEATURES (THE ONES NOT DONE BY ME) LOOK AND SMELL LIKE MONKEY SHIT. UNDOCUMENTED, MESSY, FULL OF BUGS.

AND GUESS WHAT? NEW FEATURE, SOME DEV FORGETS TO CHANGE SOME COMPONENT THAT DEPENDS ON IT. WOULDN'T IT BE GREATE IF THERE WERE BOOKMARKS... O WAIT...

i just was catching up on comics again and saw this one... with triggered my memory and this rant... My first thought was to forward it to him...

Oh null, how I detest you.

select birthdate, isnull(birthdate) from Users;
>> [null, 0]

Maybe I wrongfully accuse the abstract concept, and should rather loathe the engineers who can't wrap their heads around null despite their heads being a skull literally wrapping fucking nothingness.

Oracle engineers:
"Wait that's invalid input. What do we do?"
"Default the date to 0000-00-00?"
"That kind of looks like a null..."
"Hmm but it isn't *really* a full-on, butt-clenching, hardcore, intrinsic, I-can-taste-it-in-the-air null"
"Yeah not really feeling it either. It's not giving me the typical null-goosebumps."
"Oh, I know! Let's make it a pretend-null, where the actual type totally depends on the layer of the application!"
"Yeah developers love ambiguous random conversions!"

You can't keep wasting your time on people who do not know what the fuck they want. You could be way more time efficient with serious clients.

*After I have finally deployed the requested features*

Client: Why did it take you two weeks in the end? You said it would take you a couple days.

Me: Because you told me to use my imagination on half of the tasks and you kept wanting me to change what I had created, thus unnecessarily doubling the time it should have taken. Besides that probably the unclear communication and the fact that you rarely called me back after you told me to call you.

Client: So if I tell you, exactly, how I want it next time you'll be able to do it in a couple days?

Me: I'm not sure, that depends on what you want. Tell me, exactly, what you want.

Client: Oh it's not much, I'll let you do your thing for the most.

Me: I can't handle another request, sorry. *Ends call*

At a point in your life, you'll settle down abit, and you start to think about what you've done in the past (idk) years of your life.

Then you think about your career, how everything is ever since you discovered you were good at a certain thing since highschool.

be it programing, writing random codes, pentesting (or if you had that "hacker" phase in your life) or fixing laptops and etc.

"Good"

You think about the word, and you had a thought: You only know how to do it, how it works, how its done, and how to do it.

You only "Know", it takes practice, patience, dedication and years (or months depends on you) of experience before you can really say for sure you're "Good" at it.

Me? Im no where near good. but that doesn't stop me from going there.

And i hope the same goes for you. You can do it,

Have a great day.

Here in Saint Petersburg, Russia, our local governmental utility company that is responsible for providing tap water for the entire city, uses crayfish to monitor the water composition.

There are some crayfishes living at the plant and there are some scientists that constantly monitor the crayfish via optical fiber to measure how they feel. If crayfish feels bad, the water is cut out and the inspection begins. There are operators that are paid to watch for crayfish mood throughout the day.

This system works flawlessly since 2005 and helped prevent several accidents when toxic stuff that can’t be monitored on a large scale ended up in our local river.

I mean coal miners was using canaries and rats for years to detect what detectors just can’t detect good enough.

Our entire tap water system depends on some crayfish and it’s amazing.

I have a Windows machine sitting behind the TV, hooked to two controllers, set up as basically a console for the big TV. It doesn't get a lot of use, and mostly just churns out folding@home work units lately. It's connected by ethernet via a wired connection, and it has a local static IP for the sake of simplicity.

In January, Windows Update started throwing a nonspecific error and failing. After a couple weeks I decided to look up the error, and all the recommendations I found online said to make sure several critical services were running. I did, but it appeared to make no difference.

Yesterday, I finally engaged MS support. Priyank remoted into my machine and attempted all the steps I had already tried. I just let him go, so he could get through his checklist and get to the resolution steps. Well, his checklist began and ended with those steps, and he started rather insistently telling me that I had to reinstall, and that he had to do it for me. I told him no thank you, "I know how to reinstall windows, and I'll do it when I'm ready."

In his investigation though, I did notice that he opened MS Edge and tried to load Bing to search for something. But Edge had no connection. No pages would load. I didn't take any special notice of it at the time though, because of the argument I was having with him about reinstalling. And it was no great loss to me that Edge wasn't working, because that was literally the first time it'd ever been launched on that computer.

We got off the phone and I gave him top marks in the CS survey that was sent, as it appeared there was nothing he could do. It wasn't until a couple hours later that I remembered the connectivity problem. I went back and checked again. Edge couldn't load anything. Firefox, the ping command, Steam, Vivaldi, parsec and RDP all worked fine. The Windows Store couldn't connect either. That was when it occurred to me that its was likely that Windows Update was just unable to reach the internet.

As I have no problem whatsoever with MS services being unable to call home, I began trying to set up an on-demand proxy for use when I want to update, and I noticed that when I fill out the proxy details in Internet Options, or in Windows 10's more windows10-ish UI for a system proxy, the "save" button didn't respond to clicks. So I looked that problem up, and saw that it depends on a service called WinHttpAutoProxySvc, which I found itself depends on something called IP Helper, which led me to the root cause of all my issues: IP Helper now depends on the DHCP Client service, which I have explicitly disabled on non-wifi Windows installs since the '90s.

Just to see, I re-enabled DHCP Client, and boom! Everything came back on. Edge, the MS Store, and Windows Update all worked. So I updated, went through a couple reboots-- because that's the name of the game with windows update --and had a fully updated machine.

It occurred to me then that this is probably how MS sends all its spy data too, and since the things I actually use work just fine, I disabled DHCP Client again. I figure that's easier than navigating an intentionally annoying menu tree of privacy options that changes and resets with every major update.

But holy shit, microsoft! How can you hinge the entire system's OS connectivity on something that not everybody uses?

"It is risky to release an app that depends on APIs that you don't control."

Yeah, dude, we also live in the real world.

Better to say: "Your app should handle cases where the third party API is partially or even totally down."

God, some people, they build a wall of rules around themselves and wonder why their skills don't improve.

>Installs NodeJS (from default Debian repo)
>Tries to install yarn
>Yarn tries to uninstall nodejs

Weird
>apt-cache depends yarn
yarn
Recommends: nodejs
Conflicts: nodejs

10/10, gave me a good chuckle. Time to add the NodeJS repo.

Whatsapp from my mom:
"Hey, what means 'user defined' in WhatsApp?"

Me: "Depends. Where do you see it?"

Her: "Beneath user info and number"

Me: "Press the Power Button and Volume Down and send me a screenshot please, I have no clue"

Her: "What is the Power Button?"

SERIOUSLY???

Spotify premium ad: "Subscribe to Spotify premium and you can skip any number of songs you want. We won't take it personally."

Actually you do!
What I skip and what I listen through tells your machine learning what I like and what not. That's how it builds my listening profile.
So your (software's) opinion of me directly depends on what and how much I skip.
(I expect that skips from people skipping often to have less value than from seldom skippers.)

That sounds like the definition of "taking it personally"!

My FAVORITE bugs are those in someone ELSE's code that MY code depends on. Like an API that won't respond correctly when I FOLLOW THE DOCUMENTATION EXACTLY. 😐

Depends upon the OS on which you are working.

First day back. I am a junior Dev a year and a half of work.
I get in after Christmas break and find people standing around my desk turns out all senior staff (except CEO and PM who are both non-technical ) are away and an email. Basically saying it's up to me for the next week to manage people.

FU&£&# what the heck I don't have a clue what I am doing and I can't mange if I could I would be a manager pays better. So I designate to people took me an hour to figure out what people can actually get on with. Then PM wants a break down of the plan. Then meeting with CEO over the importance of these projects and told 'politely' shortest deadline to date most work, get it done the company depends on these projects if you don't well it would be the end of you.

Get back to my desk people need work I should be getting on with to do theirs but I have been busy in silly meetings and litrually every 5 mins get nagged 'have I done it yet'. But as I am about done they discover what they should have been working on is doable without my work. I don't shake but at one point today I was shaking so much with nerves I couldn't type. Had a very short lunch and stayed on late sorting people problems out. (Thankfully the even more junior people are nice and 1 did help me at one point today I'm so great full for the help)

I'm a junior no training in the technologies I work with not even before starting the job. £3 million+ worth of projects and possible future client resting on my shoulders... (Thankfully the real project lead and senior members are back next week although won't be long left till deadline) Wtf ...
Anyone got a job going I want out!

"You don't have to implement all that functionality, just X" - proceeds to describe how X entirely depends on *all that functionality*

I was not having much respect for out front-end developer, as the UI is not so good., yea. I know it UI depends on the designer.

Now the new design changed and our UI looks awesome.,

and I must say that my respect increased a lot when my pm asked him to fix the layout in UC Browser.

Fucking shit., in UC it is showing two lanes as one lane. I don't know why., he was working hard to fix that.

Massive Respect to him. I really happy by being backend dev.

The things we take for granted... I was laughing my tits off at my mate taking a screenshot this is how it transcribed :)

My mate:
morning!

Me:
morning mate 🙂

My mate:
how are you getting on?

Me:
not bad thanks, bit knackered but good 🙂

My mate:
the band was good then lol. how do i take a screen shot buddy?

Me:
there's print screen button on the top right of the keyboard
My mate:
what will it be under?

Me:
it's a button
on the keyboard
print screen
prt scr or something

My mate:
no when i want to use it

Me:
??

My mate:
what file/folder

Me:
you have to open something like paint
paste it in
save it 🙂

My mate:
urghh
fuck doing all that
you do it

Me:
hahaha
My mate:
haha

Me:
I'm all good 😀
just open paint
ctrl+v
save
that's it

My mate:
i just got a killer score on wows lol i want to post it to the group
so i go to the game screen take a shot by pressing that button then go to paint and do what?
i dont even have paint lol

Me:
don't know what it's called in Windows 10

My mate:
ahh fuck it

Me:
burger nipples

My mate:
why doesnt it just pop up on your downloads or pictures ffs

Me:
it might do in Windows 10 I don't know 😀
doubtful though

My mate:
it has done for other ones
for other games it has

Me:
sometimes the game has it built in
depends on so many things haha

My mate:
nailed it!!
i just hit the right click then hit paste and it came on to the post haha
no fucking about

Me:
Congrats ;)

There is a company providing a very speciffic service. And it has a core application for that svc, supported by a core app team.
That company also has other services, which are derivations of the core one. So every svc depends on core.

Now that we're clear on that... I was working in a team of one of the subservices. We very strongly depended on core. In fact, our svc was useless if integration w/ core broke down.

The core team had an annoying habbit. They refused to version their webservices and they LOVED to push api updates w/o any warnings. Our prod, test, other envs used to fail bcz of core api changes quite often. Mgmt, IT head was aware of the problem and customers' complaints as well.

So as a result, once core api changes we're all in a panic mode: all prior priorities are lowered and revival of prod is to be our main focus. Core api is not docummented, the changes are not clear, so we have to reverse engineer the shit out of it. We manage to patch our prod up w/ hotfixes, but now we have tech debt. While working on the debt, core api changed again, in test env. Mgmt pushes debt back and reallocates us to hotfix test. Hotfix is 80% done when another core api breaks. Now mgmt asks us to drop wtv we're working on and fix that new break. By the time we're to deploy the hotfix, another api breaks in another env. The mgmt..... You get the picture :)

2 years go by, nothing has changed so far.

How I wasted my Sunday:

A programmer I know claimed that his Nodejs app was lightweight since it only relied on 2 dependencies (express and mongodb)

So I wrote a script to recursively transverse the npm dependency tree and count the number of dependencies there actually is

Installing those 2 packages alone means your app depends on 73 pieces of software in total

In conclusion, nothing written in Node is ever lightweight

Oh yeah, it was also Easter I guess

Not sure if you'd call this an insecurity but regardless; frontend.

Much of the stuff I develop is meant to be user/privacy friendly.
Like, at the moment I'm developing an end-to-end encrypted notes web application. The backend is a fucking breeze, the frontend is hell for me. I'm managing mostly but for example, I need to implement a specific thing/feature right now and while the backend would take me about 15-30 minutes, I've been only just thinking about how I'm going to do this frontend wise for the past few fucking hours.

My JavaScript skills are quite alright, html is manageable, css only the basics.

And before people tell me to just learn it; I. Fucking. Hate. Frontend. Development. My motivation for this is below zero.

But, most of the shit I write depends on frontend regardless!

Hi android devs!
How can I record a double[] or byte[] into a pcm in order to convert it to a wav file?
My life depends on this one 😬

Yesterday I was hanging with the guys from our Records dpt in the staff lounge. Their manager is a pretty nice talkative guy. Everything was going well until this happened..

Him: Hey you, I have an idea for an app. You can"definitely" help me, right? Or someone you know who also does the code thing..

Me: It depends. Just before you tell me about this idea, know that you'll be paying me or whoever will be doing this job unt..i..l *he interrupts

Him: Paying? I thought it was a one time or few hundreds of dollars. Why do I have to keep paying when you haven't finished the app?

Me: Did you finish your entire work this week?...but you're still getting paid next week, right?

Him: Oh crap, makes sense. Ok, how about I pay you the amount you charge then, that's it?

Me: See, you don't get it. I know once the app is done, you'll come back to me to fix and update things. When that time comes, you'll have to pay me again. And with the initial payment, don't just think you pay me and that's all... you'll...

Him: Crap, I have think more and come up with a plan for this.. nevermind, I'll keep you updated.

I think I made him sad knowing that, this sort of things doesn't happen easily.

So as all of you web developers know. If you are stepping into the world of web development you stepping into a world of unlimited possibilities, opportunities and adventure.

The flip side is that you step into a world of unlimited choices, tools, best practices, tutorials etc.

Since even for a veteran programmer, this is a little overwhelming, I'd like to take the opportunity to ask you guys for advice.

I know that 'there is no best' and that everything 'depends on what you want to achieve'. So how about just say the pro's and cons or when to use and when not to use. Or why you prefer one over another. Everything is allowed! :D

Maybe it will help others too. Start a nice, professional discussion:)

These are the parts I'd like advice about:

- frontend: what frameworks, libraries
- backend: language, framework, good practice
- server: OS, proxy (nginx, Apache, passenger), extra tips (like don't use root user)
- extras: git, GitHub, docker, anything

Thanks in advance everyone willing to help!:)

Also, if you only know frontend or backend. No worries, just tell me about your specialism!

Guy sees me on my laptop and says "is that Linux?". I say yes then he says he is into computer "stuff and can hack anything". Not having a clue what that means I replied with a "awesome".

I don't have really any friends that are into "computers", so I decided to play ball.

I asked, "Are you into coding?.. he says, "Yes". Then I ask, " What languages?" He says, " Just what ever, anything really, it depends on what I am doing."

At this point I understand what is going on but it is so awkward. He continues.. "Recently I used.. what's it called abd or adb, you know I like rooted my phone"...

And let's talk about something else....

Why do people feel the need to lie or whatever you might call what happened. It might be different I think if he wasn't about 40.

I feel like this is a pretty common story

Depends on an obsolete version of the genie, might not exploit correctly with current-gen.

I got call from a recruiter today for a job I applied for on ziprecruiter. The job is listed as remote. He says no, it's Denver, I said ok, well the listing says remote, he says, ok, remote is fine. He then argued with me about salary after I said it depends on the company on where I'm happy to negotiate to, and I'd want to know about benefits etc.. here is what I currently make, etc etc. He kept on trying to make me pick an hourly number.. I said I don't know the company, so he told me the company name.. them started in again about hourly rate (no idea who the company was). Finally he moved on and said he'd email details.

5 mins later, email comes through, please give hourly salary. Then another saying he'd pass my details on and I can just ask for about remote during the interview. And then another email 2 mins later asking for education etc, all of which is in my resume. I looked the company he was recruiting for up to find that it's an IT recruitment firm, looking to fill a clients position. So a recruiter recruiting for a recruiter :|

I'll be so happy when I find a new job and don't have to deal with these idiots again.

Hey if you make an app that specifically depends on gnome and has 2 gigs of dependencies on other platforms

fuck you fuck your ancestors fuck your entire extended family fuck everything you have, do and will ever stand for, i hope you contract ever imaginable diseases to the point where existence itself pains you.

Modern HR is great. I love the fact that my future as a developer depends on how effectively I can talk over someone and create solutions to shitey ice breaker games.

Fuck off. Code test me, cunt.

Depends. No one took for the job. VSCode is really good for web and Python. I use Visual Studio for c#, c++ and c. Jetbrains for Java stuff, including Android studio.

When writing SQL I usually use vendor-provided editors like MySQL Workbench. They're the tool made for the job.

Visual Studio Code is my generic editor thanks to it's easy-access terminal. Makes running anything a breeze.

It doesn't feel as snappy as other editors though and installing plugins just for intellisense to work can be annoying, which is why I use other tools for other workflows.

Generally, I avoid things like vim. Sorry, but I have a mouse AND a keyboard. Paid for em both, and I intend to use em. Sometimes I wanna find a setting in a menu and not fuck around with config files after googling what the right setting is called.

I used Sublime for a while, but never really got too into it. It's okay.

Just talked to a guy who codes microcontrolers in assembler. He wants to use a raspberry pi as an interface device between TCP and Serial port. He asked me how fast that would run over internet and I told him that it depends on the connection an other things it takes at least some milli secs to transmit.
He is like:
What the fuck do you mean milli secs?
I poll data on my 20 mhz controler every like micro sec or so and that Pi got 1Ghz.

Me like: Yea go fucking code that shit on your own with ASM.

Here is my home setup (I mainly work at home)
Left monitor is for my windows machine, right monitor swaps between my laptop and my PC (depends if I am working or not) laptop running Manjaro with i3 and the tablet on the whiteboard will be used for some monitoring in the future

Don't mind the terrible cable management behind the table :)

It doesn't matter what platform, OS, framework, language or technology you use.

You should be able to write good code. Which depends on your skills, knowledge and abilities

PS - Windows sucks. And will always sucks

My new coworker: That "I know everything about all and I'm better than you" kind. Is working on Accounting but already has her fingers on my work, telling my boss things like "that's easy to do"...
Of course, she knows absolutely nothing about programming and I.T., but is easy for my boss to believe an easy lie than a complex truth.
(sorry, crude language and caps follows)
Hey, listen you fucking excuse of person, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB and stay away of my DAMN GOOD FUCKING CODE and my FUCKING SERVERS.
Not going to give you admin access in a gazillion years, even if my life depends on it.
And stop saying nonsenses about things that you WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, because those things are too complex and abstract for your little stupid mind to understand.
Go ahead, mess with me! Will sue you to the end of your FUCKING world!

Thanks girls/guys/lasses/lads.
This is absolutely therapeutical.

the guy won't reply messages, he won't do his job and everyone who depends on him is punished for his behavior. he's hanging by a thread but also no one know how to do his job because it was not documented

I mean i understand the whole "linux is do what you want" thing but shouldnt i get at least a warning before i can purge a package the whole system depends on?

i had to do a project with someone who isnt that good at programming. but for her to learn programming, i wanted to let her do part of the code even though i could have done it myself. so she wrote some code after 2 days without me intervening. then i checked out the code and it was total crap. it was ugly asf, it could have been optimized a lot more and a lot of variables were unnecessary and to think that the code was just around 30 lines in 2 days! when its not that optimized, they deduct points from the final grade and having useless variables and functions can also be a negative thing to the professors' eyes.

in the end, i rewrote the code myself because i wanted it to be better. my grade also depends on that code so i shouldnt be ugly asf.

i recognize my mistakes too and sometimes my code isnt as optimized as it can possibly be but imagine her code is waaaay fucked up.

p.s. it didnt even compile

The fuck is wrong with android development?!
Every little shit app depends on Google-Services.
Oh you want this app that essentially just keeps track of your homework?
Well fuck you, because we decided to display a login-with-google popup at the start and now, the app won't run if you use an ungoogled ROM.

them: "Is it done yet?"

wisecrack: "Not yet."

them: "How close do you think you are to being done?"

wisecrack:"Dunno. It's going smooth though."

them:"well do you think it'll be done in a few days?"

wisecrack:"Well I don't know. Depends on if you want to keep playing 20 questions instead of letting me work."

them:"Well I'm just excited."

Wisecrack: "Ok."

Literal conversation I just had ten minutes ago.

Less excited each day I have to answer the same set of questions, sometimes multiple times a day as if I know the answer.

What do I look like, a professional developer?

Just wasted 2 hours of my life because turns out the C calling convention is really not standardized and depends on the target platform

Wouldn't advise doing cross boundry efiabi->sysv64 calls 🤦‍♂️

Do you think refactoring code adds value?

Pick one:

1. Hard No (Only refactor when there is a dollar value associated with it, i.e new feature depends on it).
2. Somewhat Yes (Futureproof your code, anticipate easiness to build feature requested in future).
3. Yes (Developer happiness, retention and for point 2)

My social life consists of spending much of my free time with my girlfriend, seeing my close family on weekends and meeting with a few friends from time to time.

It's enough for me and since there's not much of it, it isn't hard to "balance". Whatever that means.

Seriously tho, "social/work life balance" is subjective. It depends on what you need to feel good and happy. What works for some will not work for others. Don't try to push others into being social when they don't want to. Don't give me that "you need to go out more" crap. I don't. I'm fine just like this. I prefer to stay home and see a movie with my girlfriend.

That "people need to be social" mindset made me feel bad about myself for too long because I'm just not like that and people keep pushing that idea into my head. I'll go out with you when I feel like it, don't push it. Stop asking me every fucking weekend ffs.

Sooooo

First of all sorry for lack of ranting
But this people started to behave.

UNTIL YESTERDAY. You gonna love it.

Junior coding front end. HE NOT TOUCHING BACKEND THANK GOD.
He realises his suggestion made him to do some changes in the code. Apparently that is the end of the wolrd "a developer proposing a change and then the code must be changed??? No no" that's how his brain works. Check this.

He decides not to do two pages for creating models so he combined two models in one page. TWO MODELS IN ONE PAGE. Sooo modelB depends on ModelA. Fine. front end:" so backend has to change because im doing this in one page"
Me:" mmm no, you said treat them as separate entities besides they are on the same screen"
He:" ok, but then if I create all together the modelB is going to raise an error"
(Let me tell you he says this with expert voice, because he said "raise" and "error" so he got technical now)

*my boss said some white noise irrelevant to the conv but he is happy because he contributed and is involved*
Me:"the way data is sent has nothing to do with the way data is shown"

He:" whatever crap he can say trying to prove his point desperately "
Me: "yes, but the backend is not going to change every time a form/page changes the way to display data"

He"i dont think u understand "
Me:" i think i do"

Last sprint is a mess.

Working on three products that are related one with another a little bit.

1. Bug reports are coming in;
2. We fix it and give for QA to test;
3. QA starts testing and it doesn’t work;
4. Because another team updated something in product A and product B depends on it.

Repeat for straight 14 days

(1st week Monday)
Went to a game programmer job interview, job description says most of unity related stuffs; create games in Unity, code in c#, work within Unity to build robust game systems etc.

Interviewer asked for my experience and portfolios, showed him. Then he asked me some questions about making interactable objects in a VR scene, then asked if I'm able to do a demo (on oculus rift) to prove him I can do it.
I don't have oculus rift, I'm allowed to go their office and use their rift for testing though.
Dateline = 2nd week Friday.

(2nd week Monday)
Showed him a demo scene in GearVR, he seems pretty satisfied.
He: I will get back to you next Monday. I'll wait for client's reply first.
Me: (smile and jokingly said) so...... If the client doesn't get back to you or doesn't want the project anymore, means I don't get the job?
He instantly replied: no (with a serious face)
Then said: You shouldn't reply with that "attitude", you should instead think of "is there any reason to hire you if client doesn't get back to me"
*backfired, but wtf?*
*insert meme here*
(Please comment, am I too rude? Or *unprofessional*, but it's just a joke ffs)

He also asked if I'm able to do it on rift since I made it on GearVR already.
I said yes, depends on the controller used.
(Any dev with common logic should understand it'll work too, with given SDK, even without, some hacks should do it, just a matter of time)
(He even told me he's a dev himself)
(Should I insert the meme here again?)

But he doesn't accept the answer. He wants me to give him a text (through WhatsApp), telling him *in a professional way* that I can do it.
*wtf*
*insert meme here*

(Last day of third week)
Needless to say, he didn't get back to me. Thought he promised he would.

Things to note:
Job description doesn't say anything about VR.
Spend a week of my time to do his demo without obligations.
Didn't get to ask much about his role and job scope either.

Depends.. in the Office? Someone watching over my shoulder like a creep.

Home office? Hot chicks walking around outside my window 😅

When will the cookies(PHP) expire? Non-programming answer: It depends if you put it in the freezer or not LOL

Two months ago I started working at a new company, who's system is a huge monolith. The company is a bit over one year old, and the code base is huge. The desire to move to more of a microservices architecture is on the radar, but one of the biggest issues in moving towards it is how we should keep our models. The stack is basically Node.js and Mongoose, where there's about a few dozen mongoose models that the whole system uses, and the issue is that, if we moved to a microservices architecture, how could we keep the models in sync. One idea I had was to keep the models in a separate (node) package that would be shared across all microservices, but then there's the issue that if one model needs changes, all microservices that use that model will need to be updated. Another idea we had was to not share models, but instead let every microservice be in charge of everything to do with a certain type of data (eg. Users are only directly accessed by one microservice, companies by another, and no two microservices share responsibility over data), but that might bring problems when one microservice depends on a certain set of data from another microservice. How do you guys manage all that? Any ideas or tips? Thanks ^^

Ensure IDE has latest updates​. Put on headphones. Start music (exact playlist depends on mood and location). And we're good to go.

Worst interview question: "How fast can you do x?"

That's depends on the project scope, but I'll just throw a number out there that I think will make you happy.

When I was in school, I could walk as long as I wanted. Only my unwillingness to do so could stop me.

Now I don't even care about my unwillingness, but I can't walk as long as I want anymore – my legs hurt and just stops moving. The spasm won't go away easily and I have to wait for it to stop.

When I was in school, I could learn as much as I wanted. Only my unwillingness to do so could stop me.

Now I don't even care about my unwillingness, but I can't learn as much as I want anymore – my brain just stops absorbing information. I can see letters but I can't read words.

My body slowly decay. By the age of 21, I have two abdominal surgeries, joint and bone issues, clinically diagnosed depression, the food I eat won't digest without pills and much more to handle. If the pain is what stops me now I could only imagine the next step when I don't even care about pain just like I don't care now about my unwillingness.

On the other hand the realization of my own mortality was extremely liberating. Yes, my body slowly decomposes and needs to be fixed here and there but at least I know that my personality heavily depends on some fluids inside my body. I know that I have limited amount of fucks to be given.

I slowly lose my health over time but I gain something more and I gain faster than I lose. I don't care about things like indents or JS trailing semicolons anymore – I just build and ship viable products over weekends. I almost never argue and enforce my vision inside the team I manage as a teamlead.

Yes, I'm depressed and not productive but depression would go away and my confidence is here to stay. I'm here to earn just enough money to buy a house and launch my own small projects that wouldn't require that much time to provide me with basic needs.

Everyone I see is fighting a hard battle. I'm here to end mine.

I've read so many "best practices" on every topic just to come to one conclusion: it depends.

Well, its nearly impossible to describe what i do/study to my family and relatives. most of them think i just fix computers. Just imagine what would they think when i try to explain them that im learning ML and AI.

here, a Huge part of our economy is depends on IT Industry. But the elder generation thinks computers are a waste of time and they are useless other than for fun.

It depends what people mean with "cloudservice"

Programmers -- Civilization depends on us in ways it doesn't understand. In ways we don't yet understand.

Does anyone else feel like HackerRank questions are trick questions?
Without a textfield to explain the answer It highly depends on how deeply you think about it..

Can you do x with technology y?
Yes.
Can you do x with technology y alone?
Well yeah but no, you still need something to process it. What does "alone" mean? Without electricity you sure can't do anything.
Extreme example but you get my point..

So today it finally happened.

Npm modules broke my system and / or endangered the security of my system.

Installed a global cli utility
That utility depends on package A
That depends on package B

That fucking install a bin called sudo

Yeah.. You heard it right a bin called sudo.

This bin goes in the global module folder that is piped in your path variable.

Now everytime you type sudo you are running somebody else code instead of your system utility.

I am shivering and at loss of swear words.

Opened an issue on the cli that started this matrioska game of horror.

Who the fuck tought that a bin called sudo would be a good fucking idea?

Oh and yes is even an harmless package that try to provide the sudo experience for windows (I went in to check the code of course..)

And I frigging need that cli for work

For now I aliased the sudo in my bashrc still i feel vulnerable and naked now.

!dev
This thing is eating away at me so just shut up and listen.

I have started applying for this uni for PhD (don't judge me) and for that, I will need recommendation letters, right? So I emailed two of the people who have already agreed to write me recommendation letters, to confirm the details that I'll give the said uni to contact them. Emails were sent out on Thursday. It's now soon to be Tuesday and I haven't heard a thing back. And this is abso-fucking-lutely killing me!!!! (There's still another to be emailed but he's a bit high and mighty and I'll email him after I get feedbacks from these two about my motivation letter and CV.)

Like, when you know my whole future depends on a single email of yours, saying that I'm a good PhD candidate (and oh boy, that is a joke; considering that I'm applying for literally one of the best unis in this particular subject in the whole world... I'm well over my head, aren't I?) why would you keep me standing on one leg just to confirm your contact details? I mean I know I'm overreacting a bit considering the deadline is yonks away, but still, urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

There's this thought that keeps popping up in my head more frequently recently.

We are people who do heavy mind work. Our quality of life directly depends on our ability to come up with solutions. We've been training our minds for years, for decades, to get to the point where we are now.

Now stop for a moment. And imagine. You wake up one morning and you realize you can no longer code. You forgot all of it. You still can copy-paste answers from SO, but you don't know what questions to ask to get to those answers.... Your mind has pulled the DROP TABLE PROGRAMMING;COMMIT; stunt. From hero to zero in just 1 night.

You have no clue what happened, no idea whether you will recover. How does that affect your identity? Would you still try to climb the programmers' tree to the sweet spot you are in now? Would you choose some simpler profession instead, considering your age and time required to master that other profession? If you choose another profession - what would it be?
What would you do with your personal projects? You can't continue them yourself obviously... Would you let them die with the loss of your skills?

How closely is your profession related to your identity?

Now that I consider myself a person who's quite good in the field, this is becoming one of my fears. Sadly, it'll most likely come true someday. Either some accident or just old age, or even diseases/conditions at younger ages - there are so many things that could mess up your mind - the sole tool critical for our profession [to the picky ones: lumbers can't swing axes w/o hands, postman can't deliver mail w/o legs, politics can't lie without tongues, and we, engineers, cannot build with our minds even slightly off].

A post today made me think about this interview I had about a year ago... I shall tell you all about it.

Went to a hiring event for this company everyone was cool but this one guy (who would have been my boss) was a total arrogant, douchey, know it all.

So anyways cue interviewing with him a week later. He says if I give you task A, B, C and they need to be done by the end of the week in which order do you do them. (Note: he literally said abc not actual tasks)

Me: I don't really know how to answer that question without more information.

Him: Well I like to see how people answer it... So think about it for a second.

Me: Ok I guess if doing one task would help me do the next task faster I would do it in that order. Like I can use code or concepts from C to do B faster.

Him: What if A would take 2 days and B and C would take 1 day.

Me: I don't see how that would influence the order I do them in.

Him: Would you complete one task after another or switch between them or do see simultaneously.

Me: It would depend on my previous answer and what would be the fastest way to get them done but without more info I literally cannot give you an answer of like I would do B, C, A.

Him: Would you do the longest task first or the shorter tasks.

Me: I don't know I guess it depends on if it would help you or somebody else move forward with something if I got a particular task or the shorter tasks done first.

So cue more of this kind of back and forth about arbitrary details about undefined theoretical tasks for like 10 minutes.

Suffice is to say I didn't get the job and I'm glad.

in college ages ago, professor was "teaching" us overloading in C++, he goes something like this:

"so you can overload a function by changing the number of arguments, argument types, or method return type"

I dare put my hand up: "emm .. you can't overload by just changing the return type"

"you can"

"but, but.. how would the compiler know which overload I'm invoking when I call the method?"

pause..

"it depends on the type of the variable receiving the method call result"

"what if I call the method without assigning the result to a variable?"

agitated by now: "ah these are complex compiler concepts that are too complicated blah blah"

although I was unhappy, it was useful to realize no one knows everything

Yay, Dubba didnt die.
Okay, hello'ed back, lets fucking rant.

Im fucking SICK and TIRED and ANNOYED by all freaking cloud fanboys. Yeah, sure. You get scalability. You waste less resources. Sure. But it depends on use case. There is suprising ammount of services that can be run on VPS or dedicated servers that will be a lot cheaper if you just DONT run it on cloud. And dont you dare to missinterpret me. I fully recognize that there are valid uses for cloud services. But for fuck sakes, its not anwser for ALL of your needs, and it costs insane ammount of money if you use it where you should use dedicated.

WHY we, as humanity came to this place where self-claimed "proffesionals" will anwser you "cloud" before you even ask your question.

No, fuck off, take calculator and think for around 60 seconds. And than decide if you need cloud or not.

And no, this mail server will be fucking few times more expensive on cloud, and I know it becouse I have fucking calculator and I was running it past 1.5 year and actually run sometimes htop, so stop bullshitting me.

Sorry if some cloud die-hard felt offended but it is exacly how I see and feel it.
Peace.

*deploys another few Telegram userbots for my other Telegram accounts*
*finds a warning in a module it depends on, dev is a friend of mine so report it I guess, low priority as it doesn't affect anything*
*both of us agree that it still works and might very well be a clusterfuck in the bot*
*proceeds with deploying the bot*
Bot> Your API ID cannot be empty, refer to READ THE FUCKING DOCS.io for more information.

Well fuck you too bot!

Trying to start doing stuff with C but CMake is very confusing and I can't find anything solid (and easy to read) about setting it up and including depends and what not. We are totally spoiled in Java with tools such as Gradle or Maven.

Is it fair to say that my professor is unprepared to teach if he refuses to use visual studio 2017 in favor of 2010, which may be unable to open my 2017 projects? I'm guessing not, since it's his class, but the Syllabus doesn't mention the class using such shitty technology. I honestly refuse to download VS 2010 until my grade depends on it.

I love to develop for the web, i find JavaScript a nice language and I love the unmatched flexibility of the web platform but i hate when I have to work with the unstable or badly documented APIs which seems to be the norm in the enterprise world: wasting hours in forced breaks because suddenly the API returns nothing but 503 or the VPN suddenly dies, wasting lot of time to find the documentation you need in the slow and cumbersome enterprise API manager, making lots of tests with cURL/Paw/Postman/wethever trying to find out why a request which should work just doesn't... in these moments I envy desktop and mobile devs. The worst part of it is which microservices made everything worse since nowadays there are way more "moving parts" which can break making the API you need unavailable and unlike with monoliths often it's hard to just clone a back-end, populate a database and then work fully locals since now everything depends on a lots of things which are hard/almost impossible to replicate on your laptop.

I was thinking about how I implement login functionality, and realised I have no clue how I came up with it so decided to ask if it was a good way to do things.

Basically, client logs in, username/email and pass are sent to server.

Server salts and hashes password and checks it against the one in the database for that user.

If its correct, send the