Last month: Opening devrant
Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, FUCK FACEBOOK, ZUCKED ME, KILL MARKBOOK, ATTACK FACEBERG

Last week: Opening devrant
GDRP, GDRP, GGEEDDEERRPPPEEEEE, FUCK GDRP, YEEEY GDRP, WHY GDRP, UPDATED OUR GDRP, FUCKED MY GDRP, PEED IN MY GDRP

this week: Opening devrant
Microsoft, Github, NO Microshit, Burn Github, FUCK GITHUB, POO ON MY MICROHUB, VOMITED ON MY GITSOFT

next week:????
(Google, you better be ready, it's your turn)

Website: We care about your privacy and don't sell your information to third parties.

*inspects Privacy Badger*
*notices a truckload of Google/facebook trackers/ad thingies*

Yeah why don't you go fuck yourself.

Do not continue reading if you value your life.

Visual fucking studio 2015 installation. MOTHERFUCKER !!!

OK new project will only work on VS2015. Need to download it. OK, go to MS website. Project works with community edition. Fucking great. Download the installer. Run the installer. MOTHERFUCKER DON'T OPEN THE FUCKING BROWSER TO THANK ME, YOU FUCKING FUCK. Ok...Wait to download the packages. One fucking eternity later download completes. FUCKING GREAT. Proceed to package installation. After two fucking hours installation progress bar stays the same. Google "vs 2015 installation stuck windows 7". MOTHERFUCKING BACKGROUND PROCESS IS FUCKING STUCK AND INSTALLATION DOES NOT CONTINUE. FUCK YOU. I'VE LOST TWO HOURS. OK, stop the process. Installation gets cancelled. Run the installer again. STOP THANKING ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT :@ OK, check again all downloaded packages. All good. Continue with installation. Installation completes. MOTHERFUCKER WHY YOU WANT TO RESTART THE WHOLE SYSTEM ? FUCK YOUR WINDOWS UPDATES. Ok, restart and be done with it. SSD to the rescue. Try to set up the project.

MOTHERFUCKER I DIDN'T INSTALL THE C++ PACKAGES. WTF WERE YOU DOING ALL THAT TIME? OK, run installer again and install C++ packages. I SWEAR TO GOD MICROSOFT, IF YOU THANK ME ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME, YOU'RE GETTING HATE MAIL.

Ok, installation completes. It's coding time. NO BITCH. VS2015 silently crashes after splash screen. :@@@ Google wtf is wrong again, turns out the C++ packages fuck shit up. Ok, pass some arguments to devenv.exe to reset. Restart VS. Ok, seems to be working now. Make a test project. Fucking awesome. Close VS and get the project files from perforce.

OK, files downloaded. Open VS again....

VS: "You're my bitch, you won't code today. Run from console and pass some shitty reset parameters"

YOU FUCKING FUCK. GO FUCK YOURSELF UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE. Ok, pass the parameters from console. Run again. Same "you're my bitch message" :@ OK, run with administrator rights, opens like charm. Run without admin rights again, "you're my bitch message". :@@@@@

Restart system, VS2015 finally opens project normally. Build project, 6934 errors.... :@ I'M DONE ! IM GOING BACK TO LINUX PROJECT. FUCK YOU ALL.

If you use Google photos: fine, your choice.

If your choice of using Google photos results in a picture with me in it getting uploaded to Google: I'll fucking end you.

boss: What the fuck guys! Why didn't you go to the meeting this morning? Have you checked your google calendar?
me: But, but it is scheduled to tomorrow, google calendar says that.
boss: Who put that date?
me: You
boss:....
boss:And fo you double checked it?
me: What do you mean?
boss: Double check! Check if what is in the google calendar is correct!
me: But that doesn't make any sense.
boss: No excuses!! Next time you must double check!

Dear Google OAuth,

you might hate me since i spammed you the whole day with access token requests.
But this is all your fault. Because you never gave me ONE SINGLE SHITTY TOKEN!!
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS "BAD REQUEST" ERROR MESSAGE?!

You're a rich as shit company with thousand and thousands of employees.
OAuth is one of your essentials cause it handles the access to all your services.
So why the hell i cannot get some smart errormessage to debug my shit.

You are like my gf, when she is mad at me and does not tell me why. But even she is a lot easier to debug!

I tried DuckDuckGo like two years ago and my opinion was “meh, I don’t like the results”.

Yesterday @Root made it clear that the sole amount of data collected changes the whole perspective of tracking.

I went to shower thinking about that and as I was standing there enjoying warm water...

It hit me.

I liked google results and disliked DDG not because DDG was worse.

I liked google results because they were CRAFTED for ME to LIKE them. They exploited my confirmation bias, the strongest of all biases.

I took my other phone which is android, has a different sim that isn’t tied to my identity (don’t ask, this is Russia), was never connected to my WiFi and of course has no google account tied to it.

I tried googling stuff.

The results was just like what DDG gets you, the only difference was google amp were on top.

The fuck. One of the wokest moments ever.

My first rant here, don't know how to start, but fuck these self proclaimed senior developers who can't even get their concepts right about basic things and don't believe in reading docs.

Fuck you for asking if sequelize has a method to return details of the logged in user of your app, it's a fucking ORM you dumbfuck. You are a "full stack" developer for fuck's sake.

Fuck you for making those "minor changes" which breaks build and then blame it on any random plugin or lib used, or my commits.

Fuck you for expecting me to review your code on Sundays because you couldn't finish it on time.

I don't like java, at all, but even I get that without it we wouldn't be where we are right now and can't reach where we aspire to reach. But you can't keep chanting "Java is dead, Java is dead" every chance you get. No, it's NOT dead. Nor is going to, anytime soon.

And for god's sake, please stop choosing one library/plugin over another just on the basis of stars on repo, it's not the only (or valid) criteria. Look if you actually even need it. Think.

And please learn how to google first, and also stop using "the" before every the noun, the adjective and the verb. It's the fucking the annoying to read.

And yes, there are different linting presets out there, and just because a piece of code in a plugin/library/boilerplate is not following your specific, and may I say horrible standard, doesn't mean it's a "bad code". It's written by people who have created/worked-on these libraries as side projects on which your entire career is based upon.

And I haven't even talked about the code you write or your domain knowledge or the way you treat other people. So get off your high horse and behave like a developer, a real one.

It's hard to use Google Voice when you're a bilingual.

Me *driving in car*: Ok Google, open Spotify..

Google *beep*: Không chắc chắn làm thế nào để Open Spotify (Not sure how to to "Open Spotify" - in Vietnamese)

Me: Ok Google, mở Spotify (same command in Vietnamese)

Google *beep*: Not sure how to "mở Spotify"...

Me *frustrated*: Ok Google, f*ck you!

Google *beep*: Không chắc chắn làm thể nào để "fuck you" (Not sure how to "fuck you" - in Vietnamese)

f*cking Google Voice :|

Who the fuck on earth named it Chef. You idiots, if I google Chef I get people wearing aprons on my browser. And what the fuck is cookbooks, cookbooks for chef returns 60 ways of making chicken. Who on earth has such naming convention for IT DevOps. Recipe, cookbooks, knife. Dafuq is wrong.

It looks like those who say "I don't use Chrome, I use Firefox" or "I use duckduckgo instead of Google" are like vegans.

No one gives a flying fuck if you're a vegan or you use Firefox.

Yes, many of us use Firefox, ddg, Altavista, Netscape and FreeBSD but there is no need to remind us at every opportunity you do so.

Do whatever you want to but we don't care and probably won't judge you.

Mother of fucking god, its astonishing to see how difficult it is to entirely block out Google from your computer.

Actually, its very easy and I wrote something to automate that but the second you block out that goddamned mass surveillance network, every login page of every goddamn site with a fucking recaptcha just doesn't work anymore.

Google, go fuck yourself and with that, every motherfucking site which uses recaptcha.

Ah, let me open my half baked personal Android project. Maybe I'll finish it this time.

*opens Android studio*

"You have shitloads of updates. Please download and restart now"

Ok, makes sense. I haven't opened it for a month.

*runs the app*

"CoolApp has crashed"

What the fuck? It was all working before. WTF happened.

*half an hour of online research*

The google play service version is somehow fucked up. So let's fix that.

*App opens*

Yay! Let me login right away!

*Login via google doesn't work*

I didn't even touched the bloody code.

*another half an hour of research. Nothing works*

Fuck this shit.

My company wants to start using Node.JS.

JavaScript.
They wanna use JavaScript.
For everything.

JAVASCRIPT.
FOR EVERYTHING.

Scene;

**Asshat enters break room after meeting**

**Asshat turns to Asshole**

Asshat: “Oh here in a year or two we’ll just be rewriting all of this is Node.JS.”

Asshole: “JavaScript. You’ll be rewriting it in JavaScript. And fucking WHY?”

Asshat: “It’s better”

Asshole: “It’s not really a general use language. Why wouldn’t you guys choose Python if you wanted to write EVERYTHING in a goddamn scripting language?”

Asshat: “Google uses Node.JS”

Asshole: “For back-end web development type stuff. I doubt their accounting systems are written in fucking JavaScript...”

Asshat: “Python is oooooold.”

Asshole (to himself): No you’re old, you stupid, ancient fuck.

**Asshole rolls his eyes and walks away**

**Asshat continues his ignorant chuckling**

End Scene;

Clearly years of fixed format RPG programming has killed too many of Asshat’s brain cells.

What kind of supercomputer you have to use to get these fucking websites to work smoothly????

I'm on a fucking gigabit connection, ryzen 7 7700x, 32GB ram, and a fucking nvme, all it takes is opening a fucking recipe site and I'm instantly transported back to the 80s. I swear if i see another 4k asset I'm gonna punch something.

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO FUNCTION OVER FORM????

Oh do you want me to disable my addblocker??? How about: you make a site that works you fuck. No i will not fucking subscribe to your brain-dead newsletter why the fuck would I???
And since when are cookies needed for a fucking plaintext site you asshat??? Tracking??? I swear if you could you would generate metadata from my clipped fingernails if it meant you could stick "Big data" next to that zip-bomb you call a website.

I WOULD like to read your article, possibly even watch a couple of ads on my sidebar for you, but noooooo you had to have the stupid fucking google vinegrette or however the fuck they are calling the fucking thing now.

The age of the web sucks the happiness out of life, and despite having all of this processing power, I am jealous of my fathers RSS feeds.

I'm sorry web people, I know it's not your fault, I know designers and management don't give a shit how long a website takes to load. I just wanted to make a fucking omelette.

Interviewer: I don't understand. With a resume and portfolio like yours you shouldn't be applying to companies like us. You should be setting your sights on companies like Google/Meta. You'd be bored here after everything you've done so far. I know we're offering more money than your current position but you're worth more believe me. I'm going to keep looking, and so should you. But you need to aim higher.

Dev: ...

Well fuck me I guess?

Fuck you google chrome ...just because I use Windows and have only 4 gigs of RAM doesn't mean you can just shit on my RAM.

I really fucking hate when people or companies do shit like this..

Apparently Google is changing the salad emoji, which is a bowl that contains lettuce, tomato, egg, onion and stuff like that, to the same, but without the egg.

Why you may ask?
Well.. they did it to "make it a more inclusive vegan salad".
ITS JUST SOME WHITE PIXELS FOR FUCKS SAKE. How would any vegan, besides the crazy ones, be upset about a moist egg in their crisp salad?

I cant even.. im out of words.. fuck.

Additionally, the news page i read it on have been so kind to host a poll of what people think about it, whether its a good idea or not.

Ill let the image speak for itself, if you really need a translation, dont use google translate, ask in the comments.

Some companies be like-

.. In job posting - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

..in Introduction - We are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

.. in Interviews - We are the next big thing. We are already changing the industry. Think of us like Google / Facebook etc...

.. during Interviews - Our interview process is rigorous because we are the next big thing. We are going to change the industry. We are like Google / Facebook etc...

.. questions in interviews - Since we are Google / Facebook, please answer questions on Java, C/C++, JS, react, angular, data structure, html, css, C#, algorithms, rdbms, nosql, python, golang, pascal, shell, perl...
.. english, french, japanese, arabic, farsi, Sinhalese..
.. analytics, BigData, Hadoop, Spark,
.. HTTP(s), tcp, smpp, networking,.

..

..

..

.. starwars, dark-knight, scarface, someShitMovie..

You must be willing to work anytime. You must have 'no-excuses' attitude

.........................................

Now in Salary - Oh... well... yeah... see.... that actually depends on your previous package. Stocks will be given after 24 re-births. Joining bonus will be given once you lease your kidneys.

But hey, look... We got free food.

Well, SHOVE THAT FOOD UPTO YOUR ASS.

FUCK YOU...
FUCK YOUR 'COOL aka STUPID PIZZA BEER - CULTURE'.
FUCK YOUR 'FLAT- HIERARCHY'.
FUCK YOUR REVOLUTIONARY-PRODUCT.

FUCK YOU!

Google sucks!
No, not as e-mail or for privacy reasons. Sure, that too, but it comes with "free" stuff.

It sucks because it's breaking every possible record in the worst, shittiest, most insanely stupid APIs and integrations out there on the entire fucking planet!

It is comically stupid!

Aside from their LOVE of hard-deprecating APIs every few months, requiring constant, time consuming maintenance of every tool that integrates deeply with Google services, some of their APIs, for expensive stuff, look like they've been written by Bobby McFartface from 7th grade.

Take a look at DoubleClick Search (their ad performance reporting tool, that sure does sound like one). To upload custom, additional data, you must pass in a ton of parameter, and they REQUIRE some of them to have a specific, hardcoded value. What's the point in passing that parameter then you dickheads?!
But fine, so you uploaded some stuff using the API. Now you want to delete everything and try again after you fixed a bug - well you fucking CAN'T! You can't delete stuff, you can only mark them as "deleted" using an update call.
Bulk operations? Fuck no!
Can I just add on top? Well of course not! That will raise a ton of exceptions. Same message should be transmitted using the PUT, not POST request, in order to edit.
Can I send everything to PUT? Of course not! You can't edit something that's not there, dummy!

Can I see what's there so that I can update it, and add what's missing?
Well of course not! Why on Earth would you need to see what information is in there after you uploaded it? Who needs that anyway?

Simply send, pray, and hope that everything will be fine (it will not).

Like holy fucking crap, it can't get any more stupid!
Google is a huge pile of idiots who feed on only a single cow - the search engine.

It's times like these when I think that Google right now is the worst thing that exists for everyone in tech. It's dragging everyone down with their monopolies everywhere and complete idiocy in managing them.

Ah, every time I am on VPN, on every single website I have to prove that I am not a robot.

Just because I am using a VPN service to protect my information, that does not mean I am about to fuck the website up or DDoS the shit out of you. I wish the CDN providers would understand that and make our life easier.

I am seriously tired of completing the Google verification. Select the vehicle, bike, sign post, dick, vagina, Mia Khalifa. FUCK OFF

Fuck code.org. Fuck code. Not code code, but "code" (the word "code"). I hate it. At least for teaching. Devs can use it as much as they want, they know what it means and know you can't hack facebook with 10 seconds of furiously typing "code" into a terminal. What the fuck are you thinking when you want me to hack facebook? No, when I program, it's not opening terminal, changing to green text and typing "hack <insert website name here, if none is given, this will result to facebook.com>" Can you just shut the fuck up about how you think that because you can change the font in google fucking docs you have the right to tell me what code can and can't do? No, fuck you. Now to my main point, fuck "code" (the string). It's an overused word, and it's nothing but a buzzword (to non devs, you guys know what you're talking about. how many times have you seen someone think they are a genius when they here the word "code"?) People who don't know shit don't call themselves programmers or devs, they call themselves coders. Why? It fucking sounds cool, and I won't deny that, but the way it's talked about in movies, by people, (fucking) code.org, etc, just makes people too much of a bitch for me to handle. I want everyone reading this rant who has friends who respect the fact that YOU know code (I truly believe everyone on devRant does), how it works, and it's/your limitations, AND that it takes hard work and effort, to thank god right now. If you're stuck with some people like me, I feel you. Never say "code" near them again. Say "program." I really hate people who think they know what an HTML tag is and go around calling themselves coders. Now onto my main point, code.org. FUCK IT. CAN YOU STOP RUINING MY FUCKING AP CS CLASS. NO CODE.ORG, I DON'T NEED TO WATCH YOUR TEN GODDAMN VIDEOS ON HOW TECHNOLOGY IS IMPORTANT, <sarcasm>I'VE BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK FOR THIRTY YEARS</sarcasm>. DO I REALLY NEED ANOTHER COPY OF SCRATCH? WAIT, NO, SCRATCH WAS BETTER. YOU HAD FUCKING MICROSOFT, GOOGLE, AND OTHER TECHNOLOGICAL GIANTS AND YOU FUCKED UP SO BAD YOU MADE IT WORSE THAT SCRATCH. JUST LETMECODE (yes I said that) AND STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW SOME IRRELEVANT ROBOT ARM DEVELOPED BY MIT IS USING AI AND MACHINE LEARNING TO MAKE SOME ROBOT EVOLVE?! IF YOU SPEND ONE MORE SECOND SAYING "INNOVATION" I'LL SHOVE THAT PRINT STATEMENT YOU HAVE A SYNTAX ERROR UP YOUR ASS. DON'T GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON HOW ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF WHEN YOUR GETTING ALL THE ANSWERS WITHOUT DOING ANY WORK AND THE FACT THAT JAVASCRIPT IS YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE. <sarcasm>GREAT IDEA, LETS GET THESE NEW PROGRAMMERS INTO A PROFESSIONAL ENVOIRMENT BY ADDING A DRAG AND DROP CODE (obviously we can say it) EDITOR</sarcasm> MAYBE IF YOU GOT THIS SHIT UP YOUR ASS AND TO YOUR BRAIN YOU'D ACTUALLY GET TO PRPGRAMMING IN YOUR ADVANCED AP COURSE. ITS CALLED FUCKING CODE.ORG FOR A REASON

Me: Okay Google, call Dad.
Google Now: Which Dad?

Fuck you Google.

Do you know what annoys the living fuck out of me?
Me: no...?
Me: may I tell?
Me: yes, please do!
Me: okay here we go:

Sites which use Google fonts or apis or ajax or other Google-hosted libraries.

It takes fucking ages to load those sites (if they lost et-all) since I block as much as possible from that cocksucking mass surveillance network.

Google, feel free to die in a fucking corner while getting an acid shower and being stripped of your skin layer by layer, as slow as possible to increase the pain and suffering.

I've recently red a blog post stating 'Google leaves x Million Android devices vulnerable to a new Exploit'
I don't really sympathize with Google, but it's simply the wrong message... It should be more like FUCK VENDORS, WHO WON'T SUPPLY UPDATES TO DEVICES OLDER THAN 1.5 YEARS
Seriously, it's them who make you stuck on outdated OS versions... Just imagine you could only install Windows Vista on your 2014 Lenovo ThinkPad, because it's considered outdated...
FUCK VENDORS (again, just in case)

Usually I do love my colleagues, but lately....

FOR FUCKS SAKE I AM NOT YOUR WALKING HUMAN GOOGLE SEARCH ENGINE SHITOVERFLOW CHATGEPETTO INSTANCE! READ YOUR FUCKING LOGS, DO A FUCKING INFORMATION LOOKUP, READ THE FUCKING MANUAL.

OH YOU HAVE A QUESTION YOU SAY? PLEASE FOR FUCK SAKE ELABORATE WITH SOMETHING MORE THEN 'Please help me with the pipeline"' WHILE YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM IS A LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING OF GIT, LINUX OPERATING SYSTEMS AND AUTOMATION.

OH YOUR BRANCH IS, WHAT, 3 MONTHS BEHIND MASTER? NEVER HEARD OF A FUCKING REBASE? WHATS THAT YOU SAY??? YOU DONT KNOW WHEN TO SKIP A COMMIT??? ITS YOUR FUCKING CODEBASE! READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !!!

WHATS THAT? YOU WORK IN VSCODE AND YOU DO T K OW HOW? AGAIN READ THE FUCKING DOCUMENTATION !

Self.end(rant)

TL;DR: Fuck you Apple.

10:30 PM, parent needs iPhone update to update Messenger. How hard can this be?
Need to update iPhone from 9.x to latest, which is so outdated it still required iTunes. Fk.

Boot iTunes on Windows 10 pc that is at least 10 years old.
Completely unresponsive
Crash in task manager
Launch and is completely unresponsive. (Also starts playing unrequested music.. Oh joy..)
Fuck this, go to apple.com to download iTunes exe
Gives me some Microsoft store link. Fuck that shit, just give me the executable
Google “iTunes download”. click around on shitty Apple website. Success.
Control panel. Uninstall iTunes. (Takes forever, but it works)
Restart required (of fucking course).
2 eternities later. Run iTunes exe. Restart required. Fk.
Only 1 eternity later. Run iTunes, connect iPhone.
Actually detects the device. (holy shit, a miracle)
Starts syncing an empty library to the phone. Ya, fuck that.
Google. Disable option. Connect phone. Find option to update.
Update started. Going nowhere fast. Time for a walk at 1:00 AM punching the air.
Come back. Generic error message: Update failed (-1). Phone is stuck installing update. (O shit)
1x hard reset
2x hard reset
Google. Find Apple forum with exact question. Absolutely useless replies. (I expected no less)
Google recovery mode. Get into recovery mode.
Receive message: “You can update, but if it fails, you will have to reset to factory settings”. Fuck it, here we go.
Update runs (faster this time). Fails again. Same bullshit error message. (Goddammit, fuck. This might actually be bad.)
Disconnect phone.
… It boots latest iOS version. (holy shit, there is a god)
Immediately kill iTunes. Fuck that shit.
Parents share Apple account
Sign in, 2FA required.
Fat finger the code.
Restart “welcome” process.
Will not send code. What. The. Fuck.
Requests access code on other parent’s iPhone.
No code present. What???
Try restarting welcome process again. No dice. (Of course)
Set code on other parent’s iPhone.
Get message “Code is easy to guess”. Ya. IDGAF
Use code on newly updated iPhone. Some success.
Requires reset of password.
Password cannot be the same as old password (Goddammit)
Change password.
Welcome process done.
Sign in again on same phone after welcome process done in settings. (Nice.)
Sign in again on other phone with updated password
Update Messenger.
Update hangs. Needs more space.
Delete shit.
Update frozen in App Store (Really??)
Restart iPhone.
Update Messenger.
Update complete past 2. Well that was easy.

Apple, fuck you.
Some call Android unintuitive, but I look at the settings app on iPhone and realize you aren’t any better.
This company hasn’t been innovative since 2007. Over 1000 USD for a phone? Are you fucking kidding me?
Updating an iPhone from iOS 9.x is probably uncommon anymore. But this is a fucking joke. Fix your shit.
Shit like this is why I’ll never again own an Apple product. I have HAD IT with the joke of a business.

Thanks for reading.

Tutanota (encrypted mail service) is releasing a new android app soon which won’t be using GCM anymore so that the app won’t be the reason a phone connects to anything google anymore and it’ll be on F-Droid soon!

Fuck yeah, Turanota, I fucking love you ❤️

Warning: JPEG artefacts incoming!

Dear Google,
you know exactly which languages I speak. So please explain to me why you still feel the need to push some random video titles and descriptions through Google Translate, making them look unprofessional and confusing me because I know that I watched that video already, but now it has a new title? And why is there no option to turn this off? And why do you explicitly state that the language setting does not affect text submitted by users? Even though it does? What the actual fuck?

Also lol even Google isn't perfect at using ecape characters correctly

Just decided to try brave browser. Not to actually try it out but to see if it calls home or not and what the default search engine is.

As for a browser which advertises itself as very privacy friendly, I would expect it to not call home and have at least duckuckgo or searx as default search engine.

5-6 calls home every damn time I open it and google is the default search engine.

How the fuck would you call that privacy friendly?!

So, the HR has made it mandatory to fill a Google form,
fill in info about yourself (name, employee ID),
your family (name, address),
and select radio buttons for symptoms like fever,cough, cold.

You must fill this form DAILY, and if you miss filling the google form, it will be Loss of pay for whole day.

Yes, so if I have contracted coronavirus, and am running a high fever, first thing I'll do is login, open a shitty ass google form and select a bunch of stupid radio buttons.

And if I'm not ill, I'll still go and fill this form every single day.

Because fuck logic.

I'm so sick of all these fat frontend websites.

Transferring dozens of megabytes of mostly unused libraries is not acceptable.

A browser tab crunching up CPU time because everything must be "beautifully animated" (🤢) and processed without involving page reloads/backend is not acceptable.

A response time of over a second is not acceptable.

Cryptic error messages and random popups asking you to reload your page, not acceptable.

Sticky elements/popups breaking access on small screens is not acceptable.

Running hundreds of ajax calls per minute as heartbeats/probes
and crashing the page when the internet has a hiccup, not acceptable.

Fuck Asana, Fuck Twitch, Fuck LinkedIn, Fuck Youtube, Fuck the dozens of other SPAs which unload their truckload of diarrhea into a tab, yet fail to load crucial functionality about half of the time.

Fuck any page that breaks when you block Facebook, Doubleclick, Twitter or Google Analytics. To hell with websites depending on cookies or javascript loaders to display anything.

I want webpages to be interactive informational documents again.

Fuck off with your apps.

If you want to make an app, learn to use a real language, and get the fuck out of my browser.

Google! What the fuck are you doing with your design?!

Just updated my chromebook and what the fuck is this ui!

Based on a true story that happened right now.

Dad: "how do i download youtube videos?"

Me: "just google youtube downloader and download them from some site, thats how i do it"

Dad: "WHAT!!??? You want me to fucking google it? I dont know how to fucking google for those things, you're the IT guy and you should know how to do this, if I wanted to google it i wouldnt ask you for help. You know what, get the fuck out of my face i dont need ur help, get out"

Living in Iran I've seen the 403 message so much that I just wanted to yell fuck you google!

Fleksy, if you're going to tell me through a fucking annoying notification that you won't run unless I update Google play services (those can go fuck themselves, I'm not updating that fucking malware) one more goddamn time, I'll fucking exterminate you.

i am BEYOND pissed at google.

as some of you know, i recently got android studio to run on a chromebook (you read that right), but it being a chromebook and google being a protective fucktard of their crappy operating system, i had to boot into bios every time i started it.

when i was with some friends, i started up the chromebook, and left, after telling my friends how to boot the chromebook.

ten seconds and literally one press of the esc button later, he broke the entire thing.

but that's not what that rant was about, i honestly knew it would happen eventually (although, this wasn't the best time).

so now this screen pops up.

"chrome os is damaged or missing, please insert a usb recovery drive" or something like that.

well, i'll create one. simple enough.

no wait, this is google, just your average 750 billion dollar company who cares more about responsive design then a product actually responding.

i started to create the recovery usb. of course, chrome developers thought it would be a good idea to convert the old, working fine, windows executable usb recoverer, and replace with with a fucking chrome extension.

i truly hope someone got fired.

so, after doing everything fine with the instructions, it got to the part where it wrote the os image to the usb. the writing stayed at 0%.

now this was a disk thing, writing os's and shit, so i didn't want to fuck it up. after waiting ten minutes, i pressed 'cancel.'

i tried again many times, looked things up, and frantically googled the error. i even tried the same search queries on bing, yahoo, duckduckgo and ecosia because i had the feeling google secretly had tracked me over the past 7 years and decided to not help me after all the times i said google was a fucker or something similar.

google is a fucker.

after that, i decided to fuck with it, even if it formats my fucking c drive.

i got to the same point where the writing got stuck at 0% and proceeded to fuck. i start spamming random keys, and guess what?

after i press enter, it started.

what the fuck google?
1000s of people read the article on how to make the recovery drive. why not tell them to press the goddamn enter key?

i swear there are hundreds of other people in my same situation. and all they have to do is press one fucking key???

maybe tell those people who tried to fix the shit product you sold them.

fuck you google.

A big FUCK YOU to chrome, and a big FUCK YOU to google in generally. First the hell that is code.org, then the chrome. I genuinely want to open a dictionary in google to see if the word "privacy" is in there. Sure, first it was tracking users with by making them agree to a long ass TOS no one wants to read except lawyers, then barely even giving any info and asking for consent with YOUR data, but this is too far. For all you that dont know, LanSchool is an application that allows teachers to see students screens, internet history and more. Its the reason kids can't play games in English class. But most importantly, its a chrome extension. We have to do assignments from home right? So when we logon to the school account from home, LANSCHOOL GETS DOWNLOADED ANYRACKS EVERYTHING I DO. It pains me how teachers can view so much information unfairly because of some unknowing students, my friends privacy was unfairly in the hands of google and the school system. Right when I found out about tit (~2 mins after i first logged on) i made an Ubuntu VM just for goddamn google docs. Back to my friend, he went on some websites not to be considered appropriate, and got in huge trouble. He was completely unaware of the fact that they could see his screen, and I resent google for allowing a third party to manipulate my PERSONAL COMPUTER without my consent. Die google, you ruined android, which had so much potential, and now the web and virtual privacy. You should be <strike>ashamed</strike> dead, and I hope in the future you realize that one day people will have common sense.

*logs out of Google on Android*
*has this persistent Google search bar on launcher which I keep on accidentally tapping*

Alright, so I'm not logged into Google to see how it goes. Kind of an experiment to see just how intertwined Android and my life are with Google. And it's going quite well actually, except for my prime apps that I can't seem to get around.

*reads Google privacy policy*
"We protect your data by keeping it secure!"
Hmm, yeah.. you and 3 letter agencies are keeping it secure and out of the hands of other individuals.. that makes sense.
Don't be evil.. unless you're the devil, right?
Fuck you, I won't login like this.

*accidentally opens Google*
*le trending results show up*

- KSI vs Logan Paul weigh-in!
- KSI vs Logan Paul Manchester!
- KSI vs Logan Paul arena fight!

*opens up NewPipe in which I am not logged in either*
- KSI vs Logan Paul!!!
- Did you see the KSI vs Logan Paul stuff yet?!

*logs back into Google straight away*
Personalized search engine.. many hate it, but boy do I fucking love it.

Fuck Google Chrome and fuck you too MSI...
Why the hell would you not allow me to register my motherfucking MSI motherboard without installing Chrome first.

We are now at this point where Web Devs are refusing to make a simple shitty html form work unless it is running in Google Chrome...

You know what? Shove a big fat horse dildo up your ass.. I'm not registering this piece of shit and if I find the dev behind this, I will shove the entire MoBo up their ass without lube just to watch them scream in pain and agony.

You would think for a company as big as Google they would be able to write good fucking documentation but nope!

Fuck me it's more spaghetti than my code!

When your primary Android app (with over 1/2 million total downloads) gets banned...

And all the email says is read these [links to] policies!

Back story: this happened to me back in 2011, no matter what I did there was no way to get in touch with a human at Google, I sure hope this process has gotten better! Having my app suspended with no way to fix and get it back is ridiculous!! This could ruin a business.

Over two years later, on a Google+ hangout with Google Android devs out of the Google London office, I said to them how silly it is that this happened....one of them asked me for the app ID, I provided, he looked it up in a system which then had a reference code which then related to SEO violation....wow I finally found the answer, how silly that an SEO violation (too many keywords in the app description) can get your app permanently suspended. What a shame. I wouldn't wish this on any solo developer trying to self learn and make something...

Sometimes I really just have to say "Fuck you, Google" out loud a few times.

There has got to be a vetting option for this shit. The number of green dots asking for easily googleable shit is getting far too annoying and y'all dumbasses answering them in an effort to get upvoted is fucking pathetic.

Google shit, most basic and long term producing ability of anyone in I.T

We are not here to give you pointers, solve homework or teach you shit.

This platform is for pro devs bitching about their workplace.

Tired of mfkers that learn how to hello world and get here

Fuck off.

WTF?! Do I look like your personal Google assistant or amazon alexa?!

You messaged me to call the customer support for some doubt you have. Why can't you do it yourself?!

I then sent you a FAQ section from the website covering all the required details.

And you couldn't even bother to open the link to check there?!!!

Fuck off.

People complaining about Microsoft pushing MS-Edge are clearly not using the YouTube mobile app, this shit pushes their premium shit and YouTube music every fucking day. MS you get ONE pop up when you change default browser and they are done! Also Google products one concurrent browsers ? You get that nice yellow message telling you you're not using chrome but people just like to tell shit about MS like it's the national sport or something well fuck you and fuck Google

When you teach someone to use git and all.of a sudden you are required to supply all the answers when they run into problems:/

I tried to point them to Google and they still keep coming back. Why the fuck did I do this to myself?

Visual Studio Code.

I've tried you because of hearing a lot of good stuff about you. I'd switch back to netbeans regardless because I love netbeans and I always try to use as little as possible from companies like Google/microsoft/facebook (and others) but what you're pulling right now is un-fucking-believable.

I've disabled ANY AND EVERY form of calling home I could (find) in your settings. Crash reports, automatic updates, metrics, you name it. I've searched all the fucking settings but I can't find any other home calling thing that's enabled and yet:

I'm monitoring every goddamn DNS request (through my own DNS server) and I'm still seeing calls to a Microsoft owned domain. Closed all my browser sessions and you as well and it stopped. Started browser again but not you, nothing.
Started you again: BAM. Calls to that damned Microsoft owned domain again.

If you can't honour my decision for disabling any form of home calls, go fuck yourself.

Netbeans, I'm back, I've missed you 💜

“There’s too many Firefox quantum rants...”

Lemme let you in on a little secret:
It’s nothing new, get over it.

Apple released a new phone.
Windows updated.
Samsung or Google releases a phone.
Exam time.

Do any of you see a common theme? It’s the same people posting three metric fuck tons of posts about recent news. Wow, a tech person sharing tech news, imagine that. It’s just a phase, we all notice it. It’ll go away. Thanks. Have a nice day.

I say it with all of my heart:
FUCK YOU google analytics spammers!

"we use cookies to give you a better experience on our site"

A better experience? Really?

It looks like you're using more than 100 external parties for whatever fucking reason. It is nearly impossible to disallow these, except for some stuff like analytics, which I don't like since it includes mass surveillance parties like Google and Facebook, but I'd at least, to some extent, understand that better.
But, the amount of dark pattern here is staggering and this kind of 'consent' you're using wouldn't, in a million years, hold up under the GDPR.

You know what would be a better experience? No tracking and no ads.

Go fuck your better experience (would that be a better sex experience....?)

*wondered for 4 years how a bootloop looks like*
Nexus: yOU wAnE kNoW wHaT a BoOtLoOp LoOkS LiKe?!

*bootloops itself to shit*

Well I guess that I know what I'll be doing tonight then. Flash that new StatixOS build because the phone shat itself.

*tries to reflash the recovery*
*still bootloops*
*tries to flash the stock OS*
*still fucking bootloops*
*finds a post on XDA saying something about fucked big cores that need to be disabled*

Fucking piece of junk. So not only the battery is shit, but also the CPU is shit, huh. Certified pieces of shit.

*flashes the patched boot.img that disables the big cores*
*phone loads Google logo.. good*
*BOOTLOOPS FUCKING AGAIN*

MJHUIETHNIUBESZPTUIBG ESVGU d

FUCK!!! Fuck you Google, fuck you Nexus, fuck you Huawei, HOW DIFFICULT CAN IT BE TO DESIGN A FUCKING PHONE?!!!

So yeah. Looking for suggestions for a new phone. Anything of which the kernel source is released and of which the battery is halfway decent (unlike this fucking piece of shit) should do.

FUCK OFF, YOU FUCKING USELESS PILES OF CRAP

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T COMPANIES JUST TEST THEIR FUCKING APPS FOR ONCE?!?

LINKEDIN GOES INTO A FUCKING CAPTCHA LOOP

SNAPCHAT/INSTAGRAM ARE AS SLOW AND ATTRACTIVE AS A SLIGHTLY RUNNY SHIT

ROCKSTAR IS FULL OF MONGS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WORKING FUCKING GAME

GOOGLE IS FULL OF PERVERTED FUCKERS WHO TRACK YOU EVERYTIME YOU LOOK UP A FUCKING RECIPE.

FUCK THIS WORLD, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T BIG COMPANIES JUST MAKE SOFTWARE WITH THE USERS IN FUCKING MIND?!?!?

FUCK ME, I'M ANGRY

I swear to god Chrome is becoming the new IE.
For some fucking reason it decided to add additional few pixels or margin to an element and fucked up my layout.
Firefox? It works. Edge? Works. Fucking IE - WORKS. Chrome? Shits the bed.

What the actual fuck, Google? Weren't you supposed to be the one working properly?

Not to mention forced renaming my local .dev TLDs...

WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.. I WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT BECAUSE MY FUCKING PHONE VIBRATED UNDER MY FUCKING PILLOW WHICH I KNOW ISN'T VERY HEALTHY BUT WHATEVER, I CHECK MY PHONE AND IT'S A GODDAMN GOOGLE PLAY AD... IN THE FUCKING NOTIFICATIONS. THEY FUCKING SENT ME AN APP SUGGESTION IN MY NOTIFICATIONS EVEN THOUGH THAT OPTION IS SPECIFICALLY TURNED OFF IN THE FUCKING SETTINGS.
FUCK YOU GOOGLE YOU BOTNET GREEDY BLOATED "muh AI" PIECE OF SHIT. I HOPE YOUR SERVERS IN ALL CONTINENTS GET BURNED DOWN BY SOME SADIST NIHILIST HACKER WITH A 0DAY AND YOU SEIZE TO EXIST.

Goodnight.

Okay, Google. I can see why you want me to check those boxes with cars. And I'm also fine with you telling me to do it on a different picture if the first one didnt had any, just to check. But WHAT I AM FUCKING NOT OKAY WITH, IS ME SOLVING CAPTCHAS FOR 10 FUCKING MINUTES REPETEDLY SAYING PLEASE TRY AGAIN AND THEN TELLING ME THAT I AM NOT EVEN ABLE TO TRY AGAIN BECAUSE OF AN DETECTED ATTEMPT OF BOTTING? WHO ARE YOU? AN AI QUESTONING MY HUMAN IDENTITY? JUST BECAUSE IM USING LINUX YOU DECIDE TO GIVE ME ANOTHER NOTHERFUCKING BATCH OF STREET SIGNS? YOU CAN STICK THOSE STREET SIGNS UP YOUR ASS! FUCK OFF!

tl;dr: i got banned from solving recaptchas the second time this week. lets hope its just *another* timeout.

Fuck public transit. If I see on Google Maps that there's gonna be a bus at that place, at that time, there better be a goddamn fucking bus AT THAT PLACE, AT THAT FUCKING TIME!!! No instead let's scrap some shitty lines!

HOW ABOUT WE START SCRAPPING SERVICES JUST BECAUSE WE FEEL LIKE IT, HUH?! Back to postal mail and newspapers you go! You know what, for such fuckers let's just cut their entire internet access. Fucking pieces of shit!!!

Did not expect this from Google. Seems like you're hiring real linguistic pros.

Now this is not the only thing I didn't like, they're very disorganized & the interviewer got sick & two of three interviewers were so cocky.. bad bad vibes

On the other side, a small local company is giving warm & good vibes, seems more accommodating even with lower pay.. their website sucks & the tech director was honest & smiling.

So yeah, Fuck You Google
..|.

"Condor, your new Samsung Galaxy S8+ doesn't have the latest Google apps"

You know what Google? I don't give a shit about your latest apps. Often times I go out of my way to root the device and remove your mandatory bloatware, that YOU fucking Google enforce OEM's to preinstall. Fortunately BlueStacks doesn't have them preinstalled, which saves me the pain of uninstalling them. Given that, you've got quite the balls to spam me with this shit Google.

By the way, another thing.. this preinstall shit is linked to the EU antitrust rulings, isn't it? And spam is linked to GDPR, and honestly I don't recall ever opting in to this kind of wanketeering mail. In fact, I usually go out of my way to opt out of this kind of corporate wankery. Time for another huge fine perhaps?

WTF?!? Why do I have to sign in to your app, but can only uns „Sign in with Google“ and „Sign in with Facebook“? Well fuck you and your app, not gone use it than!!!

dammit. I fucking hate it when I get stuck because of low level computing concepts and there is no explanation on Google.

like.. I understand the difference between an int and a float, but no one ever explains how you convert 32bit signed vectors to floats. or how bgra and rgba differ. or how to composite two images on a GPU. etc. the internet is great and all, but fuck, sometimes it seems as everyone is just as dumb as I am.

I love it when a fellow "dev" asks about some interesting security topic (full disk encryption) and I'm like "yeah I use LUKS pretty much everywhere".. and then takes an entire arm when given a hand.

Performance in LUKS? Yeah sure you can benchmark it within cryptsetup. Here's how to do it and choose a good cipher for your CPU.

D: Oh also how do I check my battery life?
M (thinking): you lazy fucking piece of shit.
M: FUCKING GOOGLE IT
D: Obviously that means that you don't know it.
M (thinking): so not only lazy but also disgustingly ungrateful, fucking twat.
M: acpi. Next time fucking Google it.
D: You know what? Never mind.

As if I'm the one that's fucking wrong now!! But you know what, never mind indeed. Because you've successfully wasted my fucking time instead of fucking googling "check battery life Linux" like a sensible dev would.

Fellow "dev", if you're on devRant I hope you read this. You can seriously go fuck yourself.

What is this, what the fuck is this shit?!!
Are you actually serious Google? Android Studio my ass...
The compat joke is a good one...

Thank you Google for reminding me that if I start my commute. RIGHT NOW. I can be at work in time for 07:24.

When the fuck have I ever been at work that early? Just because it's morning and I'm awake doesn't mean I'm fucking rushing of to work.

I LIKE TO NOT STRESS IN THE MORNING AND BE COOL AS A FUCKING CUCUMBER.

TL;DR: No YouTube Music! Fuck you.

Disclaimer: I could use an Adblocker but my old one always crashed and YouTubes Ads are short and not that bad - mostly just banners in the video player.

Rant: Yes google, I AM listening to music on youtube. I am your target audience for YouTube Music. But I am NOT interested.
You see, I wouldn't listen to music on YouTube if I had the spare money for Spotify, Apple Music or some other stupid overpriced service that gives the actual artists not enough of what they charge.

And giving me the same ad over and over again just annoys the fuck out of me. I DON'T WANT FUCKING YOUTUBE MUSIC. I am not interested in a free trial. I am not interested in buying it.
The most stupid thing is that Google provides a dislike and like button for ads. I pressed dislike so often yet it still comes up. GOOD QUALITY!

Why on earth is every fucking big company lost in copying every shit that others make and that has success? Where is my loved innovative Valve?! The innovative Google? They all just crave for fucking money making stuff. As if they still needed more...

This might actually be my first real rant.

Whatever fucking cockgoblin decided that making dynamics GP so fucking confusing needs to suck a big bag of dicks. I'm so fucking tired of having to google every damned table name and column name because nothing makes any motherfucking sense.

Am I supposed to instinctively know what PM20201 does? What data it holds? I don't mind reading documentation. But it's hard to even know where to start when the shitbird API and database are more complicated than calculating orbital fucking decay.

I am done. Fuck you gp. Fuck you and your nonsense. I guess our sales people don't get to know when an invoice was paid.

Me : *trying to download latest version of android studio*
Google: "Your client does not have permission to get URL /studio/index.html from this server. That’s all we know."
Me: FUCK YOU GOOGLE
Me: *googles: دانلود اندروید استودیو* (which means download android studio)
*and downloads it from a random website*

It happens every goddamn time, why the fuck i can't download this shit !? Because these countries are fighting each other all the time! What did i do wrong in my life? I just want to download your fucking app to write another shitty app to continue my fucking life. I don't know shit about this wars happening, I'm just a dev like others all over the world.
Downloading an app, is that too much to ask? Well fuck you then.

You dumb bitch. I will get to your fucking low level ticket when I’m done doing more important shit. How do you have a job if you don’t know how to use fucking excel?! GOOGLE IT you fuck!

Just spent an hour trying to fix a bug on my Xamarin app that only affected the android project. Finally decided to Google it and figured out it's a Xamarin bug. FUCK YOU XAMARIN GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A BROOMSTICK WITH NO LUBE.

Voice commands are the future!!!! .... God I hope not... Why do people like this obviously inferior interface?

A real conversation with Google assistant while driving, I got a text:

"Read text"
...
"Read text message"
*You have one text message from Dave. Would you like to hear it?*
"... Yes!"
* Hey what's up?*
"Reply"
....
"Reply to text"
*I don't understand*
"Text Dave!!!!"
"Message James using SMS. What's the message?"

GAH!!!!!!!! fuck you Google assistant! This is literally the only thing I use you for, so stop being so fucking bad at it!!!!

YouTube, why the fuck do you put ads at the end of the video? Who's gonna watch those?! I'm not a marketer but I do know that people watch ads in expectation of something better. Who.. who the fuck thought this would be a good idea?! Fire that certified piece of shit marketing cunt already! What the fuck is even wrong with you nowadays Google?! Pinnacle of tech company my ass.

!dev

This may be a petty rant, but It's been grinding my gears for a few months now... I fucking hate ads, it's starting to be incredibly ridiculous. You start a video... 2 ads... you watch for 2 minutes, another 2 ads (and no, adblock isn't a solution, that only works on PC, not devices)?!!! You start an App... ads, you listen to music... ads... you go to google... ads, you click a website... ads... you look out of your window... ads... you walk down the street... ads... ads.. ads...
Seriously, what the fuck have we done?!! As a society we fucked up so badly... Look, no matter how many times you offer me an ad for a furniture, I'm not going to buy a fucking furniture on just any random day. You are completely wasting my already limited time... If you don't have any ads to show me, then don't show me ads, fuck you, you fucking piece of shit software... How is it that it used to be enough to click away one static, non-intrusive ad, but now 6-8 15-20 second ads, popups and intrusive, mid-content ads are the norm?! And then a piece of shit like MoviePass DARES, FUCKING DARES, To work on some sort of camera-enabled check that you actually LOOK at the ads?!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU RETARDED PIECE OF BLACK MIRROR SHIT, FUCK OFF WITH THIS BRAINWASHING BULLSHIT, I'M ALLERGIC TO IT, FUCK ALL OF THIS.

I fucking promise that any software I'll make will be either free and open source, or paid only by alternative means, no ads, not ever. I will never fucking add to this retarded bullshit. Never fucking ever will I lower myself on a level where I need to actively waste the time and psyche of thousands or millions of people to get money. Fucking hell.... As if the world doesn't suck enough already, we treat humans as cattle, and It's pissing me off... In the past I used to just delete any app that annoyed me with ads, but what the fuck do I do about youtube since it's the de-facto content source on the internet? And worse, my friends and family watch youtube.. even if I avoid it that doesn't mean the problem is solved... There needs to be an alternative, and paying subscriptions for every single fucking service on the web isn't a solution. Even worse with the current economy... I'd rather eat real food, than buy shit like premium on ShitTube, Fuckify, all the random news website I might read and every app or game I start once every two months... Shit like ad-less premium accounts aren't giving me an alternative, just a way to shoot myself in the foot longterm...

Godbless everyone that releases open source software, apps, tools, websites and such. I hope to god decentralized alternatives to youtube need to happen and not in the web3 way, because that's also retarded...

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shit, Fuck Shit, Piss, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Retards, Fucking absolutely disgusting pieces of shit... ... alright, I got it out of my system, but It's gonna be right back the next time YouTube forces me to look at 20 seconds of something I already skipped 48 times today...

*enters in restaurant*
After 15sec new notification
*Write your review for this place, to help others*
At least let me see the godamn Menu first.
Fuck you google

!rant

In GitHub I'm more social. Fuck you Google and Fb 🖕🏼

Yknow, I want to make an android app that I have in my mind for about half a year now and I already tried twice, both with Kotlin and with Java but everytime I try it's just pain and suffering and frustration...

No it's not because of the language, I like Java and I like Kotlin too and I'd say I'm at least decent at Kotlin and really good in Java...

No no.. the issue is the fucking Android SDK and the mix-and-match documentation available online!!!

Every fucking time I want to implement some sort of UI element, user action or a background service and I start googling how to do it It comes with with at least 3 different stack overflow solutions, all of them saying "that way of doing it is deprecated, instead you should X" and looking up the OFFICIAL FUCKING DOCS it will just make me roll up in the corner and cry because of how fucking inconsistent it is and the retarded domain language it uses... fucking transactions for fucking fragments inside fucking activities... because I guess the word "screen"/"view"/"template" or something similar natural just was too mainstream for the all knowing alphabet soup that google is...

And then you start looking up what the fucking difference even is and how to code it up only to find out there's at least 12 other opinions on how fragments should be used and what should be an activity and what should be a damn fragment...

But that's not all, that's just the base... I get a headache even thinking about how the fucking inflating of templates and the entire R. notation works. You want to open a fucking tiny corner menu with the settings options? WELL THEN YOU FUCKING BETTER REMEMBER TO IMPLEMENT IT THROUGH SOME SORT OF EVENT AND INFLATE THE MENU YOURSELF EVEN THOUGH ITS THE SAME FUCKING THING WITH STATIC STRINGS...

AND WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED LIKE 4 NEW FILES TO IMPLEMENT A FUCKING LISTVIEW...
also talking about ListViews... what was wrong with "ListView"... Why do we need a "RecyclerView"... oh right... because the fucks fucked the fuck up and all the legacy components were designed by a monkey and are next to useless! SO WE NEEDED A NEW NAME FOR THE FIXED VERSION, CANT NAME IT LISTVIEW AGAIN... FUCK YOU...

honestly... if I got a dolar for every "what the fuck android" I said during trying to understand that mess I'd be richer by a few hundred...

oh oh oh, but you know what? You don't like the android SDK? that's fine, you can use fucking React or Flutter or something... yeah.. because instead of torturing myself with the android SDK I want to torture myself with an abstraction of the same SDK and JavaScript as the fucking cherry on top... HAVE YOU FUCKING SEEN THE CODE FLUTTER SHOWS ON THEIR WEBSITE AS THE "Introduction" ?!!!

Look at this piece of shit:

[code in attached image, we could really use a proper Markdown support at least for rants]

THAT'S NOT EVEN THE ENTIRE THING, THAT'S JUST THE *REALLY* UGLY PART...

The fucking nesting... What is it with JS and all the fucking nesting everytime?! It looks like shit.... It reads like shit as well...

WHY, in the name OF FUCK, IS THERE MORE THAN 5 ANDROID FRAMEWORKS and ALL of them... used this FUCKING NOVEL idea of programming using A FUCKING BRACKET WALL

It always looks like:
(code(code[code{code(code{code()})}]));

If I wanted to make a fucking app or a website using fucking Haskell I'd do that.... at this point reading assembly code feels like heaven compared to this retardation... Why is this so popular?! WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE SEE IN IT?! Clearly it's not the aesthetics... it looks like a fucking frog vomit running down an emus leg, fuck that.... I don't even hate classic JavaScript, it's a good enough language and it does what I tell it to... but these ugly fucking frameworks like react, angular and whatever else uses this fucking format can go fuck right off. This is not the way JS is gonna get a better name for itself...

So:
Fuck Google

Fuck the marionette that designed the Android SDK

Fuck the Hellspawn the came up with the "functional-like" way of using JavaScript

Fuck everyone that thinks "JavaScript everywhere" is a good thing

And deeply future-fuck everyone that makes a new framework following any of these standards, stucks a .js at the end of the name and releases his hairball.js of an invention into the fucking world....

It's a mess... fuck everything android related...

Why the fuck does YouTube shows me ads about wix and other Website creation Tools? Google you know better then anyone what Job i have and even know that i have a Google play developer account connected with my google account.

Google has a password reset procedure so intense, that even if I can sign into my recovery account and give them the code from there, use 2 factor auth and give them the code from there, tell them my recovery phone(s) number(s), give them my mother's father's mother's late cousin twice removed daughter's maiden name, and whatever other security measures were set in place, I can't get a fucking password reset. Thanks Google, fuck you.

Me: develops my first android app with firebase by google.
Me: finishes app, tests it and it works.

Firebase after 3 months: we were first going to scale our servers on our own based on how many people are simultaneously using your app. But now fuck you, we will have a cap of 100000 simultaneous users.

Me: fuck this kills my app if it scales. Have to Shard everything on the db side and overhaul the entire app to work will multiple db instances. Takes a month.

Android after 6 months: dude your app is working fine without any hiccups. Let me fuck it up. We will stop all your services when your app is not running or backgrounded. Also we will make it illegal to start services in this case and we will throw exceptions.

Me: what the actual fuck. They now want me to focus on a JobScheduler, fine... But now even intent services won't work properly. So use a job scheduler to start a JobIntentService which is essentially another job scheduler for queuing. wtf android.

Ps solved it and works again.

PS: WAITING FOR ANDROID TO FML WITH ANOTHER NEW VERSION. Maybe they'll say you can't run your app at all now

Fuck. Medium.
Fuck all the articles on it too.

Do you seriously think I am so fucking dumb that I cannot keep my attention on a paragraph of text without at least one image for five seconds straight?
Three quarters of your shitty fucking article are images. They don't even relate to a damn thing in the article. It's just a fucking stream of random image subtitles.

It's just as bad as people randomly mashing pictures they found via Google search into their Power Point presentation because they actually have no content, breaking all copyright laws in the process, so they can stretch their mindless bullshit as long as humanly possible.

FUCK. YOU.

Microsoft: Here's are simple to use Office suite which works offline and online with powerful features.

Google: Our suite is FREE. FREE. FREE. It's shitty, broken, and works only online.
If you want to use it offline, you can go fuck yourself. But hey! It's free.

Is obsidian a fucking joke?

Seriously, is it a joke? Why would you ever care so much about indexing literally everything, if the entire thing crashes and/or takes >5min to LITERALLY just open the fucking directory and/or (so help you) if that directory is full of projects/repos or whatever the fuck and the total size of said directory is like >5GB.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU INDEX EVERYTHING? -- "Ohh obsidian's not supposed to be used a fully fledged IDE, ohh obsidian should just handle MD files and normal sized projects, ohh the plugins and ease-of-use" -- Fuck.

There's no fucking real reason to index everything, BY DEFAULT. You open a directory with Obsidian? Doesn't matter, it's 1 byte, it's 100GB, you get indexed. Deal with it. It will use LITERALLY every resource your computer has. I'm surprised it doesn't go galaxy brain and ping if any other computers/devices are on the network and then attempt to connect and use their hardware (obsidian can be like a node!).

How shit can you be at understanding basic data structures and algorithms, where you just revert to based google-chrome brain and let the FUCKING TEXT EDITOR -- OBSIDIAN IS A FUCKING TEXT EDITOR HOLY SHIT -- hog all conceivable memory.

I swear to <some-deity> if anyone fucking says "Ohhhhhhhh actually, it's not a text editor, it has plugins and features and shit, it does all dis cool stff", OR, "Ohhhhh actually, obsidian indexes things for a very specific/rationale/apt/pragmatic/academic reason" OR "ohhhh, I have 100 iphones, 1000 ipads and a trillion desktop computers that each have 256GB of memory, why you hating on obsidian?" then go kick rocks. The fucking lot of you. Are you fucking kidding me.

Google, why the fuck did you make the Android default USB connection type be "charging," and NOT "MTP"?! And leave no way to EVER set default to MTP!!!

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I plug my phone into my pc to transfer files, I have to open my notifications shade, scroll to the bottom to the fixed notifications, and change the mode to MTP, at which point the phone has to re-establish its connection to the pc!

This has been an issue from Android M and onwards. Nonetheless, Google still left in the settings app under developer options on rooted devices, the setting to choose which default USB connection mode you want to use. Even though it doesn't stay on what you choose!! It's like they left that there to purposely toy with us and get a good fucking laugh from our needless suffering.

Google, I love so much of what you do and your approaches, but honestly, some of the things you do, like this and for disabling Chrome extensions on Chrome internal pages, makes me want to strangle you and then throw you in a river of molten lava.

Online applications are so much worse than the classic snail mail ones, because some companies just don't seem to give a single fuck about the quality of their application application (hehe).

This results in such joyous things like:

• "Allowed file types: doc, docx, pdf, jpg, zip"
• "Max filesize 3mb"
• "One of your files does not meet the requirements" (doesn't tell you which)
• "Upload timed out, please try again"
• 403 forbidden
• "Your account does not have the necessary permissions to upload more than 4 files at once"
• clicking the submit button leads to a 404
• "Please explain why you want to work for us." 500 character limit
• Google forms

WTF chrome/google?! Fuck you & your new designs & features!!
Anyone else got forced new grouping for tabs after the update?! Hey, you can group tabs in.. I know, I just don't want to!! It's fugly and annoying and counterproductive..
It used to work to change flags to not have that 'feature' but I can no longer force the old layout for tabs even with flags.. :/ It's driving me nuts..

When your co-worker thinks the Onion is a legit publication and believes in all its tech news 😁

"OMG Google puts metal chips in their developers' heads, thats why they are so efficient"
Me: ok :|

"Artificial intelligence is real and it has taken over the world, all world leaders are bots"
Me: ok :|

"Obama is not a real person but a robot and he is not just ruling America but the world"
Me: sweet :|

"Even Lisa Ann is not real"
Me: FUCK YOU, Dont fuckin kill my wet dreams

Microsoft's business suite is much better than Google's business suite.

If not for Google's monopoly in consumer market, MS would have easily taken over the consumer space as well. No wonder this company is acing their game in B2B space.

I can see myself migrating to MS ecosystem because fuck YouTube and Google Maps. MS has everything better now.

You know what MS did right?
They heard herd.

And this is what annoys me about Google. A company arrogant and adamant in their own approach that they even refuse to acknowledge a user's existence.

What the actual fuuuuuuck?! Google, can you just stop making improooovments on ui that is making your apps work/look like shit?!
Fuck I'm pissed.. 😒

Reinstalling Android Studio.
It takes a while.
So you take a rest, exercise a little. Sure, it will installed when you'll come back ready to throw yourself into deep work, with fresh energy.

You come back.
There is a pop up: Do you want to send usage data to google ? Nothing installed yet.

Only Yes/No option. Where is the "Fuck you" option?

FUCKING google doesn't allow our country to buy FUCKING partner or reseller program.

So what the fuck do we do as an agency, we have to fucking treat every domain and google business suites as seperate entities.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SHIT WITH THAT?
WE HAVE TO FUCKING KNOW THEIR ADMIN PASSWORD TO FUCKING MANAGE THEIR GOOGLE SUITE ACCOUNTS.

IT IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

I HATE GOOGLE FOR THAT REASON ALONE.

I can care less of how much data you gonna steal from me.

I fucking hate people that talk bad about things they know nothing about.

The best thing that I have learned is to always keep my mind open.

From "Linux sucks because there is no software" to "MacBooks are just for rich morons" to "All Microsoft tech is shit" to "CS degrees are just a bunch of useless math" to "Bing sucks".

Fuck, what do you know?? You never spent 5 minutes to try them or get informed about them. You have your shitty ideas and will keep having them because you don't care about the truth... You only care about your comfort zone.

Yes, Bing sucks. I tried it. Google shows me better results.
iPhone might suck. I don't know. Never had the opportunity to try one for long enough.

Whenever you're throwing shit at something, stop and ask yourself: do I know the whole story?

Web dev prob:

When you modify a code then refresh your browser, It doesn't change anything and you think your code has the problem, Modifies 100+ lines and refreshed the page, still nothing happens. Asked someone about it, Fix? Fucking cache! Fuck you google chrome!

So, I recently switched to DuckDuckGo and my fucking college REDIRECTS THE FUCKING URL TO FUCKING GOOGLE.

FUCK YOU!!!!!

Alright. It's one of these rants that everyone despises. The help me rant. Now before you tell me to google, I have, but I want a more personal opinion on the matter.

I am fluent in JAVA, C#, C++, and a few more, but I have never done web development.

I want to get the fuck out of my current job (I got screamed at because I didn't do the PABX guy's work - I am a fucking programmer not a technician), and start a venture there.

Now I know that I have to learn HTML, CSS, JS -> what more do I need to know to code a fully functional website? I don't mind learning any languages, I like learning. It sounds naive and perhaps stupid, but I am asking for some educated opinions.

Thanks, and soon I will be the fuck out of this hellhole.

FUCK U GOOGLE PHOTOS, I MANUALLY UPLOAD PHOTOS FROM THE APP AND THEN DELETE ONE FROM THE WEB APP FROM MY PC BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT THAT ONE UPLOADED.....
BUT IT DELETED IT ON MY PHONE.... WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lesson of the Day: Manually copy all photos to PC and external HD first. Then upload the ones you want.

This is taking a while.... i wonder if i have enough disk space.....

I'm about to move to a new city and one of the websites I'm using adds its name, url and ©️2018 to anything you copy. It is driving me absolutely insane. Trying to find an adress on google? Well you didn't search for [streetname], you searched for [streetname, website name, url ©️2018]. Thank you for copyrighting that public street you fuck. Trying to e-mail an agent? Sorry I can't send an email to [e-mail adress, website name, url].
Whoever thought of this needs to be taken out back and shot.

Fuck google cloud platform. My server has been down for last 4 days. Stupid reason google gives me is that it does not have resources available in my zone. Why the fuck do you start a hosting company if you cannot provide RAM and CPU. On top of that their support is so bad that after 20 emails, 4 chat tickets, 3 phone calls nobody knows the issue I am facing. They just give the links to their ultra stupid documentarion.
Now all my 6 projects are down. Clients are getting impatient. I cannot do any work and googles support is the worst.
They dont even want to understand the issue, dont know how they will solve it.

I have created AWS instance now and migrated to AWS. But i have old backups which are useless on AWS. To get the latest backups i need google cloud instance to get started but stupid google does not have resources. How hard it is to add 1 CPU and 1GB RAM?

Fuck you google android IME team and fuck their open source policy..

So recently i had a chance to work with AOSP LatinIME code, basically our Android keyboard was forked from very old code base of LatinIME and my job was to change its base version to latest Version available on AOSP repository. Downloaded latest Android 8 codebase. Did 2 weeks of deep investigation of what improvements we will get from upgraded code base.

And I came to know that those Google fucking cunt sucking dick heads deprecated that project and broke the whole thing to a pice of shit. Half of the code is broken with fucked up todo stuff and motherfucking missing method implementation with not implemented warnings. What those motherfucker did is that they abandoned the open-source project after they released Google GBoard, and fucked the stable code by adding quard gram support and dictionary download with multi account features which was never completed by those motherfuckers..

Those misguiding donkey shit fuckers kept a depreciated project in AOSP build tree which has not received a single fucking commit from shitty ass Google IME team, is said to be reference model of Android IME implementation..

What kind of fucking shit is going with open-source code in name of making competition high with thirt party Android keyboard developers ..

Fucking shit fucking ime team .. fuck you .. wasted my fucking time reading your shitty code base .. Fucking shit

You know how fucking Youtube on Android stops playing when you turn off the display? A few years ago you could prevent that from happening by using Youtube from an obscure browser, but this doesn't work anymore today. You're forced to deal with battery drain and not being able to switch apps when all you want to do is listen to some music via Youtube.

So this is what those moronic douchebags at Google thought:
Let's stop the playback as soon as the display goes dark and prevent our users from doing anything against it. They will probably be pissed off. But this is better for us because... well... who cares, let's just fuck with them.

Anyone knows a workaround?

Polite way to say fuckoff

excuse yourself from the person and start typing
" what is the polite way to say fuck off to person" in google while saying words in moderate voice. Another person should hear you or see your screen and get the hint!

Speaking of annoying stuff in coding. What the fuck is it with the localized error messages?

No. Fuck you. No. Give me the English version so I can google it and find answers from the huge English speaking community instead of the tiny community of my language.

The fuck is wrong with android development?!
Every little shit app depends on Google-Services.
Oh you want this app that essentially just keeps track of your homework?
Well fuck you, because we decided to display a login-with-google popup at the start and now, the app won't run if you use an ungoogled ROM.

Damn Google.

"hey my company I like diversity, and agree with our goal but think we are punishing people for voicing an opinion that we could accomplish our values of nondiscrimination using better methods"

Googles Response "we encourage diversity including diversity of opinions. All employees should be safe to talk about these things. Oh and FUCK you man you're fired we don't agree with you standing up and voicing a differing opinion"

So decided 'fuck it lets try the chromium based edge on my PC and Mac...'

And you know fucking what... It is actually fucking awesome, as much as I love Google (Fight me) and dislike Microsoft products, I can honestly recommend the new Edge over Google Chrome or any from of Chromium...

Thank-you for coming to my TED X talk....

Alright... how the FUCK is an IP address considered personal data by GDPR????

Fucking boomers don't even know what an IP is. Guess what, every website you've ever been to has your IP! It's in your router, your fucking ISP's registry, and in every DNS server within 1000 miles of you!

Imagine thinking your IP gives up private information, god, just fuck me, I hate all of it, idiotic fools fumbling around with shit they don't understand.

...WKO making every developer's life a living nightmare because fucking GOOGLE FONTS stores a copy of your IP for their stupid analytics. You know what? Just don't use the internet either, that needs your IP too. In fact, don't pay taxes either, the tax office has a copy of your address, that's pretty personal information if you ask me! Just live in the woods and survive with the wolves.

I already know the future 'resolution' to this one - store fonts locally, resolve this dangerous "issue"... "waaaahhh fullStackClown! the site is slower now!!!"

...an infinite circle of clownshipness continues...

tune in next week as the world continues to approach it's circus fate!

!dev

I hate it when people ask me questions that are easily googleable. I'm sorry but, please, don't waste both of our time on asking things like how to make a screenshot on an iPhone...
1. I have an android
2. Hey, you know this magical thing called Google?
3. You do know it? Oh my, good for you! Now try using it, thnx.

Unfortunately, I can never say this out loud. I just silently Google for them and send them a link. Perhaps, I need to grow some balls :D
Okay, never mind, said it once in a more polite form, and the dude replied with "fuck you, you female developers are such arrogant bitches", then he unmatched me. Good story, fun times.

So lets start here, as i have been preparing myself for a while for that rant. I have been putting it off for a while, but today I had enough.
Fuck react-native and fuck facebook react-native team. Bunch of lazy incompetent twats.
The all amazing framework that suppose to be speed up your development process, since you don't have to compile your code after each change. SO FUCKING WHAT if the god damned framework is so fucking buggy and so fucking shit that you constantly have to fix build, dependancies etc issues. Every day since I work on this project that is using react-native I have to deal with some of the react fucked up behaviour. You got an issue ? don't worry google it just to find out that 100 other people had the same issue. Scroll through down the bottom of the page just to find out that facebook devs have closed the issue as resolved (without fucking fixing it) because there wasnt recent replies to the post. Are you fucking kidding me? It's ok thou, create a new issue just to get an automatic reply from the bot that locks the thread and keeps it locked till you update your React-native version to the newest one. You do that and guess fucking what? Their newest version fucks up remote debugging on iOS(fucking android been broke for over a year) so say good bye to debugging your js code. Documentation is fucking trash. You found a nice function like autoCaptialise on your text input? Great! Ah wait, its not fucking working, what is wrong? You google this just to fucking found out it, function never worked on android, so why the fuck you still have it exposed and still have it in your docs? You want to add package? So fucking ez, just type npm install <name of the package>. Ha! fuck you, you still have to go and add them fucking manually in gradle in android and in pod in xcode, because obviously react-native is a one big fucking bullshit. Oh and a scroll view is a fucking glorious highlight of that framework, try add some styling to it, you gonna have loads of fun. Fuck react-native. And fuck the fucking idiot who convinced my boss that framework is so fucking great and now I have to work on this shit. Sincerely Xamarin Developer.

"We totally know everything about SEO, you should trust us and pay us so your website is #01 because we know how Google ranks their shit" (not literally)

No fuck you. No one knows how google ranks pages. No one. And your pseudo information is even free to find on the first google result about seo that is above yours. Oh look, they must be better than you with that.

Fuck Googles SafetyNet.
I wish for every developer who is responsible for this pile of shit to choke to death on a big fucking piece of chocolate.

SafetyNet is the most retarded piece of software that has ever been developed in the past decade. It does nothing but annoy everyone, randomly block people for no reason and being a gigantic pain in the ass. It has no purpose existing. The entire purpose of it simply does not make sense and is only used for marketing bullshit. The last thing I would trust my actually important shit with is a phone.

Fuck you, Google. Fuck you.

Why everyone is happy about Google clip? It's the single most scary instance of a big brother appliance that exists today. What are they going to do with the data? They say it's save memories of your kid or your dog. There's already something like that. It's called a brain and paying attention to your damn life. I don't want to be saved in your shitty memories just bc you are so insecure about remembering your fuck*ng memories.

I'm sorry for the outburst but that sh*t is solving a problem nobody had and it's getting applauded like those heaven's gate motherf*ckrs that say that life is improved by these shitty beliefs.

could never figure out how to configure ssl because of google clouds insanely complicated documentation.

today i found a digital ocean guide that explains its a simple installation of certbot, run it once and set it to auto renew....

fuck you google

Data Scientists/Researchers

Stop building libraries.
You can't build libraries.
You're not software engineers.

Write your script as plainly as possible.

Why?

Cus for every fucking paper that has code associated with it, unless it's from Meta or Google, I'm having to edit to make shit work.

Stop over-engineering shit.

Write your model and fuck off.

Travels to another state, about 6 hours of journey. After finally reaching the office, had to wait another hour for my turn. The interview starts
Q: How long have you been programming?
A: for nearly 2 years, I mainly code in python.
Q: Nice! (Puts a piece of paper infront) explain how the shortest distance between 2 cities is calculated by Google maps using graph theory..
I go blank and stay silent for an awfully long amount of time. Gets rejected.
After coming outside, I ask myself... Why the fuck does a normal tech company need written algorithms on graph theory used by Google maps?

This god damn unknown company reported my websites' Facebook page is violating some intellectual property. Facebook report says I must contact the reporting party to get this resolved but there were no contact details specified!! I searched on Google and Facebook om how to contact Facebook but no luck.

How the fuck can I get this resolved if I don't know who reported this? Does anybody here know how the fuck I can contact Facebook?? If you do then please let me know!

What the fuck! Just witnesed this at university. The guy in question is in the same cs course as me. Using edge, okay. But searching for a picture on google (a icon in that case), copy it to memory, open powerpoint, paste it, manipulate the color aellsettings to make it gray and then save it from powerpoint? That's not how you fucking do it! Fucker!

What the fuck is wrong with Google?!!

Trying to log into Gmail.
Forgot password.
Gmail: To reset, code from authenticator app is required.
Me: Super. Good thing I set it up.
Enters code.
Gmail: Recovery email.
Me : Uh... Forgot that too.
Gmail: Some email address to communicate.
Me: Super!
Enters some other email address.
Receives mail with a link.
Me: Finally!
Opens link

Gmail: "When did you create your account?"
Me: Uh... If I had that kind of memory, we wouldn't be dancing right now.
.
.
.
Gmail: Sorry we couldn't verify you.

WHAT THE FUCK, GOOGLE?!
What sort of sadist play is this?!

Dropped them a mail to get access back. Got a link in the auto reply that explains how to repeat the above process. WTF?!

What the actual fuck?!

!dev
Fuck you google!!
Let me send a mail to my shitty internet service provider with abusive words as much as possible.

Fucking gmail rejecting my message as spam by content filtering.

Step 1. Have no dissertation project.
Step 2. Wait for the last 3 hours till the deadline to come up with an idea.
Step 3. Realise that your just-thought-up project idea is something companies like Google and Amazon are still trying to figure out. But there is no time left.
Step 4: Approach your supervisor with the words "Imagine the possibilities". They respond with "Imagine the difficulty".
Step 5: They sign on it regardless since they are curious to see you fuck up with style, also you are too much in love with your idea already, and refuse to drop it.
Step 6: fml

I've deliberately searched a tonne of tech related stuff so my Google feed shows me tech news, but just because I live in Australia in getting bombarded with shit about the royal family.... I don't give a fuck how you pronounce Louis, I just want news!

fuck google! fuck the people updating the android OS! fuck android!

first you guys removed the feature to connect wifi using WPS and then promised to bring it back but instead brought a completely different feature

then you make all the clipboard manager apps obsolete. only keyboard apps can be clipboard manager otherwise the rest of them are screwed.

app needs my location permission just so that it can turn on my wifi! wtf!

app needs bluetooth, wifi & location just so that it can send data from one device to another device offline? why bluetooth? are we going back to 1970s?

fuck you google! fuck android!

I really wish some other companies fork it and removes all the clutters and makes it better.

So saw that google released 'official' themes for chrome and thought fuck it, lets try it out...

Chrome will only use CSD if you use the default fucking GTK+ theme else it will revert to chromes custom icons...

Just how fucking lazy do you have to be for this to still be a thing?!

(most of the) Medium authors all suck fucking dick. Those fuckers are the reason the internet needs an IQ lock.

Stats about React vs Angular vs Vue.

Yeah of course let's compare search count of React vs Vue vs Angular but Vue must be searched with ".js" appended. NOT A SINGLE FUCK ADDS .JS WHEN SEARCHING FOR VUE.

Left: stats from article
Right: stats, if you use google trends correctly

moterfucking google stop wasting my time with your endless captcha bullshit.

You know exactly my fucking home IP, I don't have time to select your fucking bicycles, hydrants and buses.

And all you motherfuckers who use google captcha go fuck yourself because you are dumb as fuck

FUCK YOU YOU SHITTY COCK SUCKING BITCH MOTHERFUCKER.

GO DIE IN A HOLE THEN GET RAPED IN HELL. I REALLY HATE THIS SHIT.

FUCK OFF GOOGLE.

This entire google playstore review system is annoying and sometimes useless. Before you download something, you tend to check for the reviews. It's just the way it is. If you see something negative, you tend to have second thoughts of proceeding to download. These muggles think as if they were entitled with anything. "3 stars. I would give you 5 stars IF..." Shut the fuck up, man. No one gives a shit! So you wouldn't give 5 stars because the feature that only you want is not there?

Fuck Google , fuck Android and in particular fuck you PlayStore. What the fucking fuck. Wanted to dowload an App -> please free 120mb on the Phone. Did that. Proceeded to download the App. 2.02mb
How the fuck

"Kotlin, why the fuck would you want to introduce a better language for Android studio and still base it entirely on jvm, fuck you jetBrains and Google, you java dick sucking retards. "
LOL

Google: we want to crack down on adblockers in Chrome and remove APIs. If we threw out Chrome store extensions that use the old ad blocking APIs, Chromium forks would be hit as well, haha!

Vivaldi: we've integrated DuckDuckGo based ad and tracker blocking right into our Chromium based browser. Also for Android now, haha!

FUCK SPOTIFY
This bloated buggy piece of shit
This fucking piece of bull dick that runs efficiently as much as a legless cockroach this motherfucker thinks its offline even though its in the motherfucking browse screen and I have a 4.5g connection (this retarded cunt) fills space faster than a hot gas released in a vacuum chamber just to fix its goddamn internet bug I have to reboot my damn phone. I see so many damn bugs in this shitty app that I think they rolled back to the alpha versions sometimes if I had any other god damn alternatives (google music is not available where Im from fuck you too google) the only thing I would give them would be my middle fingers. It just fucking froze on me while I'm just trying to listen to my Retrowave playlist while I fucking get ready for bed FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU RETARDED INFECTION FILLED CUNT I WOULD PUT A BIKE CHAIN ON MY DICK AND RAM YOU WHILE WE ARE TIED TO A CAR THAT DRIVES OFF OF A CLIFF IF YOU WEREN'T AN INCOMPETENTLY PUT TOGETHER 1S AND 0S

Me: we should take this project a little more serious, follow the coding standards and please let us use git!

Pal: Oh sure.

//made a new repo and the first commit, sent the link and prepared everything (Granted access etc.)
//2 weeks later

Me: What's up, I already got quite some commits and you haven't pushed anything so far.

Pal: Pushed? what do you mean?

Me: I'm the talking about the git repo, I'm the only one contributing.

Pal: Oh yeah git, I installed it but I have no idea how that stuff works. I opened Git gui but i don't know what I'm supposed to do. I got everything in the Dropbox tho.

Me: ... ... ... FUUUUUUUUU WHAT THE FUCK MATE ARE YOU SHITTING ME, THE HELL DO WE HAVE GOOGLE FOR AND WHY DIDNT YOU ASK, LIKE WTF SERIOUSLY I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU TO USE GIT.

😣

My favourite dev tool? I would't be able to do my work without any tool, which's in the list. I love IntelliJ IDEA & Webstorm, Java, JavaFX, Maven, Git & Gitlab, TeamCity, Upsource, YouTrack, Artifactory, wtf that list's kinda the complete tech stack. But I completly hate AWT & Swing (AWT fucks up on my Linux install, such a frame creates in about 10-20 seconds, if you test the app locally, you loose approximately 15 seconds per minute, and Swing uses AWT internally too), I hate Gradle (screw Google for standardizing it), and so on. Wow that's like my complete tech stack, what the fuck happend? The question was one tool, help me.

Bought a s8 only to fucking hate it again. FUCKING Bixby i dont fucking need you. FUCK you Samsung. I want Google fucking Assistant you piece of shit.

I hate the new android update. Cause my phone is even more Google, than it was before. Since I like some services they offer I wouldn't complain. But they are going way to far... For instance I now have a Google keyboard and it is actually pretty good in suggesting words, but sometimes it just autocorrects my text and swaps words I wrote.
Like:

'Hey, you don't know as good what you wanted to write as I do. Let me correct that for you!'

Just let me type my own thoughts, you smart bitch of a software. And also fuck you.

When you're not getting a 100/100 score on page speed insights, because google analytics script is not leveraging browser cache... (ironically)

Google terminated our Google Play Console account. Neither they give any explanation, nor they send any replies from a real human. All they send are some auto replied emails. Nothing else. No human interactions.

I mean, disabling the account for a few days is fine. But terminating permanently!! Not just that, they say that they will keep terminating accounts in the future if we create! WHAT THE FUCK! Who comes up with these shitty ideas?

Google should know, If they keep changing their policies 100 times in a month, who's gonna keep reading those bullshits over and over again?

Some of our apps got published, later got rejected for "App Description". Seriously?? For App Description?? I mean, If the app descriptions were not okay, why did you publish the app in the first place?? Not just once, but multiple times!

Should they not be a little more considerate? We developers are working hard to enrich their platform, but they don't give a fuck.

Anything we can do to get our account reactivated?

Google translate is very(very) good at translating Chinese text....but it will fuck up translating despacito(if you don't know that song count yourself lucky...it flipping sucks but i used it for comic relief)

Wth Google how?

Guess Skynet is not a reality.
Chi-Net is.

Badum tsssss

6 hours to make my Ionic cordova app build with native google maps plugin without a problem.

Deploy on my cell.

Not compatible with android 4.4.4.

FUCK YOU SONY! RELEASE A FUCKING UPGRADE TO THIS FUCKING PHONE ALREADY. FUCK YOU XPERIA T3

Fuck Google Chrome cache.

For almost an hour, sat and tried to make changes to a react UI but unfortunately nothing's changing. Started to worry and doubt myself.
Even thought of getting myself the yellow duck! But fuck no , little did I realise that Chrome "intelligently" fetched my page from cache even though I was using incognito! Had to re-open the browser to realise that.

How did I find out you ask? I thought why not fucking open the same page in Mozilla . Why? Because why not?! But I still can't believe that I wasted a whole fucking hour due to that piece of shit called cache!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK YOU GOOGLE, you placed a damn email about an interview in the spam box and I only realized it 2 weeks afterwards. END ME, JUST DO IT NOW

To the kid at Google who thought (s)he is a smart ass:

Fuck You! I know what I am doing.

RDBMS class: I have to fucking attend every class even though our lecturer just reads slides from Oracle to us.

In order to pass that module, we have to take the exams on their shitty website full of stupid questions, I.e. "Oracle academy is beautiful? a) true b) false" (I put false and they obviously marked it as wrong, ffs).

Multi-user operative systems: I was the one teaching our lecturer stuff on Linux.

WHY THE FUCK I CANNOT STAY AT HOME AND BE FUCKIN PRODUCTIVE INSTEAD?!

The only fucking interesting class is Data Structures & Algorithms and they pretend that we also attend every other useless class. FUCK YOU!

PS: I know the 90% of the stuff they are trying to teach us because I actually want to learn something and I know how to use Google, but no, I have to waste 2 hours on the bus every single day I have lessons.

This is the best example of google giving a fuck about their own guidelines.

They always ram their expectations of you making your apps fit the guidelines a 100% into you, but then they give a fuck about heir guidelines in their own software.

They use a ListView here in google contacts. It's completely outdated for a large amount of data, such as my 200 contacts. They literally push you not to use outdated techniques such as ListViews in your app. Use RecyclerViews, our completely new solution instead. ListViews are very very bad in performance.

I KNOW THIS SOUNDS PICKY, BUT THIS IS JUST AN EXAMPLE!!! THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT THEIR OWN GUIDELINES IN EVRY WAY! BEST OTHER EXAMPLE IS GOOGLE PLAY STORE. BAD PERFORMANCE 100%. BUT AT LEAST IT HAS RUCKLING ANIMATIONS.

FUck you google with your falsy advertisement of unlimited photo storage shit

I hate AMP sites so much. Fuck you Google! I'm not living in some third world country, nor do I use a decade old smartphone. And even if so, it's none of your fucking business what I do with my bandwidth!!

Just give me the real website, instead of downgraded shit!!

Fuck you Android Studio. You just prompted me to update, and now are saying The project is using an unsupported version of Gradle. Why the fuck did you not update Gradle (whatever the shit it is) yourself?

What was wrong with Eclipse? Why the fuck Google decided to move to this piece of crap?

I can't believe fucking Google, aka me cha for SWEs decided that the best they can do is shove all that ram into our computers for Chromium. All of the major apps decided Electron was a good idea and now all of our computers are bloated with fatass memory hogs taking 600MB RAM.

Fuck you Goog.

Guess it's time to ditch ProtonMail as well.

Translation: "[Update Google play services.] ProtonMail won't work until you have updated Google Play Services."

I know I'm almost an anti-Google nazi at this point, but ProtonMail was one of the only remaining apps not needing Google to work, and now it's a "sin equa non" condition. I'm very disappointed. Guess I'll have to switch this address to Tutanota or host my own email server.

Edit: why the fuck would my autocorrect capitalize nazi?

tldr: Fuck Adobe Premiere

What the flying fuck.
I have a school project together with a friend and decided to do a video. Not only do we now only have one fucking day left, because the teacher decided we dont need time or anything, but I have to learn video editing software, record clips and create the video withing one fucking day.
I've downloaded Premiere because I have a 7 day trial left and had Creative Cloud on my PC and WHAT THE FUCK kind of fucked up bullshit software is this human compiled piece of shit?! I needed to google how to add text and edit it because adding text gives you absolutely nothing, you get no possibility to edit the text in any way, except the content. After googling for 10 minutes because I have the newest version and they changed the text tool, I found out that you need to go to another tab... of which there is 7 and all have such telling names like: "Effects" and "Compose"...
I needed to go to "Effects" BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT, TEXT SURE LOOKS LIKE AN EFFECT TO ME! Then I wanted to align it to the right so its on 50% of the screen. You fucking cant, I've tried and looked for an hour the only possibility you have is to align it to the center or just throw it somewhere. The snapping didn't even work correctly. So I tried to do something else because I was ready to punch a kitten.
A box. A box thats black. A box thats black and thats aligned to the... FUCK YOU, YOU CANT ALIGN THIS BOX.

I cant align a box...
They dont even give me the possibility to...
But I can align the text BOX, not even the FUCKING TEXT itself...

What
The
Fuck

This is the worst program I've EVER had to use. I'm fucking mad and this fucking project can FUCK ITSELF.

What the absolute fuck is this!
Fucking bash needs to get its shit together with its fucking strings.
I don't fucking know why str1 + var2 = var2tr1
Like who designed this fucking bullshit!

I've spent the past 8 hours today counting all my ' and " and making sure everything is getting passed correctly.

And how do you even google this shit anyways!

And why the fuck is the official suggestion from the bash FAQ to load everything into an array and to call it with "${ARRAY[@]}"

WHO THE FUCK DECIDED THAT WAS READABLE!!

AUGH!!!

In case anyone was wondering. It didn't work anyways.

I think I'm done for today... I can't anymore...

for anyone wondering. This is bash getting executed by nodejs with execSync()
and those tokens are temporary and only exist on my dev machine. Sorry for getting your hopes up.

I fucking hate you Google. Why the fuck would you post on Twitter saying Allo preview is available come join in! And provide a link. And have a massive MOTHERFUCKING DOWNLOAD BUTTON IN YOUR allo.google.com website ONLY TO END UP OPENING THE APP IN MY PHONE WHICH DOES NOT LET ME INSTALL THE FUCKING THING. THE "INSTALL" BUTTON STILL SAYS "REGISTERED".

For whatever the fuck reason google decided you should not be able to select text when writing a review, at least it's the case right now. Therefore I had to make a guilty screenshot.

Peel remote is successfully nails it to be as annoying as a single application can get and I should consider blocking ads on my phone completely.

FUCK YOU GOOGLE

I feel I have zero control as a developer.. You made the shittiest choice by bringing in intellij , you made an even worse choice by adding gradle.. You add thousands of configuration options to manifests, layouts but provide no common place to find documentation for them.. This is just nonsense.. I've wasted endless hours figuring out your dex limits, proguard rules.. It's just frustrating.. Could you be anymore counterintuitive with your unit testing framework! Honestly it's a steaming pile of shit..

What the fuck is this steaming shit!?
You fucking background apps, chrome and Firefox take all my resources to fucking open my Google drive?!

AND WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE 19 INSTANCES OF CHROME RUNNING!!!!

WHY THE FLYING FUCK DO YOU NEED TO DO THIS! LET THE FUCK LOAD!

I HATE WINDOWS! BUT THEN THERE ARE APPS WHO ARE FOR WINDOWS AND MAC ONLY!

I'M DYING NOW!!!!!!!!

FINE! EAT ALL MY 12 GB RAM AND FUCK YOURSELF IN THE CORNER BUT PET ME DO MY WORK!

Fuck Google analytics .. seriously .. fuck it .. I understand it's a free tool that doesn't mean you mask your incompetency behind that banner.

Im pretty sure minecraft mods have better documentation than this POS.

I really like the user demographics data it gives , but with the asterisk on literally every other metric it gets harder to believe the ones that are functional.

I cant express exactly how many times I end up with hordes of articles that point out small caveats with this shit.

FUCK IT

Once i receieved a mail for a google form and the google form was asking me for my email... I couldn't understand what the fuck should i even reply😅😅 like how did you even send me the mail in the first place😅😅

My phone just randomly started installing "instant apps" by itself even though my settings are explicitly set to not auto download update anything. It's not even visible in my installed apps to remove. After a quick search it seems like Google is forcibly rolling out a new feature. If I wasn't looking at my phone I wouldn't have known. Thanks for eating my mobile data.

Chrome 63 forces .dev domains to HTTPS via preloaded HSTS.

Well, FUCK YOU google. Why do you even give a shit of my local proxy.

the moment when you say fuck this functionality and let’s get rid of this 15 screens and replace them with simply point and click and they say but google did it like we wanted… Well google is valued trillion dollars and we are valued nothing. If you want this shit pay million to some developer so he would do one thing and deliver this…ok it’s not needed, fucking 12+ years making startups and delivering projects and still need to deal with morons who say google did it, yeah ask them to develop some functionality for you and fuck you too… I saved you year of work you morons and you fucking complain, dude you need to start selling your products and I want to enable it to you, if you don’t understand that shit then fuck you…

I HATE YOU STREAMING SERVICES! FUCK YOU!

Here's the setup:

I work in a rather small office, where we are like 7 people (including me). Now, there's one person in charge of putting music through speakers (obviously, not everyone enjoys the same kind of music)

Well, we have a hell of a small bandwidth (1.5MBPS tops), now, add to that that every single fucker here uses "Spotify" and it's streaming their music...

WHY!!!!

Good side: I have my earphones and ~30GB of my music on my phone, so it's not an issue for me, also, I'm kinda audiophile, so Spotify quality sucks.

Bad side: I can't even fucking load Google because those fuckers are eating the bandwidth.

Everywhere I go I see these "Become senior in 3 weeks" courses
That's good and all
But when the fuck will you teach your students to debug and search your errors on google/stackoverflow
This is so fucking ridiculous
Them guys can't even read git push/pull errors and wonder why they make changes to the code but nothing happens

First time me ranting about PHP.

First time. I still really like the language.

But what the fuck.
I am debugging, I narrowed down bug to my validator.
I played with php console and debugger and narrowed down to that one offending line.

Narrowing down to smaller and smaller examples when it dosent work, confusion and tension grows in me.

And then it hit me.
Confusion got to apogeum.

Anyone, if you know the anwser, please tell me.
WHAT THE FUCK?

maybe thats task for stack overflow? Hrm...
No, I dont have time to explicitly tell what I tried to google and spend 4 hours to have all checkmarks ticked before asking lol

Task: Deploy MinIO in k8s cluster
Me: deploys the first docker image found on google: bitnami/minio
MinIO: starts

Me: log in
MinIO: Fuck you! There's a cryptic error: Expected element type <Error> but have <HTML>

Me: spends half a day trying out different vendors, different versions, different environments (works on local BTW)

Me: got tired, restored the manifest to what it was at the beginning. Gave it the last try before signing off

MinIO: works 100%

wtf... So switching it back and forth fixed the problem, whatever it was. Oh well, yet another day.

Fuck Google! I'm trying to write a fucking parential app that I can install on my little sisters phone, because I won't download something that is meant to monitor activity on a child's phone when I am capable of writing one. Problem is, I test it on my phone which has Android 10, because I am not keen on testing with a slowpoke out of wood brick that the target phone is. Android 10 does not let you do a single shit that is needed for a parential software. You try to turn on airplane mode to prevent messages from arriving and such? Well.... nope, you can't. Okay... airplane mode is too drastic. Let's try turning off WiFi and Data. Fuck me, you can't do that either. I gave the app fucking system permissions and It laughs in my face when I try to access some simple shit like... WiFi state. Miserable. I wonder if it will let me mute the fucking volume on the phone. I guess It won't, because "You shouldn't set these things on a user's phone.". Well, fuck that. That's exactly what I need. That old brick does not have built in parental settings. Jesus.

Why broken stuff is allowed through the door?

My Ubuntu, my Bluetooth headsets, Jira, my latest Google pixel, eCommerce shop where I purchase stuff everything lately seem to be full of bugs.

It seems like nobody cares about the quality of software pushed to production. Everyone is so quick to push those tickets into "released".

Fuck you, managers, shareholders, scrum masters, seniors who push developers to do stuff quickly rather than correctly.

Fucking Android 12 everybody hate it, it's ugly, and what has changed from 11 besides everything you already know. 90% of time pressing volume down + power to take a screen shot will result with volume bar popup first then screenshot, so your screenshot is dirty with volume bar.
They must have adjusted time threshold between how fast/precise press of both buttons is, and now you kind of must be faster and alwas this "I need to press 2 buttons but power must be pressed first"

So fuck you google engineers for ruining Android in every sense. I want revert path, I'm going back to 11!!
It's a first major upgrade that is worse than previous, and those ugly tiles and notifications, cool they are big for what exactly? I still can't operate the phone with hand gloves on the motorcycle with tiny keyboard buttons.

It's like everything is tiny and then grandpa style huge top drawer icons for who knows what with so fucking annoying scrolling text, for fuck sake 11 had is just perfect!

RethinkDB is such a rediculous overengineered BIGGEST BULLSHIT I HAVE EVER UNFORTUNATELY USED.

Does anyone even use this total shit????

This shit eats RAM memory for just 1 CRUD operation as if you opened 10,000 google chrome tabs. Who the fuck thought that kind of technology is a good idea?

Yes it IS very fast, a real time database. But you'd have to have a multi-million dollar supercomputer to be able to handle so much data like a relational database can....

I fucking hate Google, but made the decision to use it as my primary search engine once again.

Reality dictates that I have already adopted it for well over a decade via searches since AllTheWeb existed along with owning enough Android devices to choke a twelve headed dragon whore.

But, here's the main reason: You.com and DuckDuckGo are so dumb as fuck, they might as well be Ron Jeremy's MySpace page.

You.com, for instance, is "completely customizable" by adding un-customizable "apps" without any control over the content it spews into your SERPS.

Neither seems to have interest in no longer padding results with shit you'd take a knife to. At least Google allows me to block those pages or sites from being seen again.

If you happen to live on Planet Earth (which currently seems to exclude 86.8% of the human population) you've been tracked before you even knew what "Big Brother" meant.

If you're looking to safeguard your security, buy a goddamn sword and time travel to remove the Zuckerberg timeline from existence.

Can people at least write a damn comment and tell me why the fuck they don't like the app???

Yesterday I released an update and noticed someone left a new review, without comments, just a one star review.

First I was worried because maybe the update has some nasty bug, but no, this stupid user rated the app without leaving a comment, GREAT!!!

Now google only shows that specific review because the others were of an old version, so great, now anybody wanting to install my app will only see this shit.

If you already took the time to open the play store specifically to rate the app, fucking say something!!! insult me, say it's a bunch of crap but say something you piece of shit!