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How To Be A Developer
(Easy Method)
(Note: You need an Android device to be a developer)
Step 1: Go to Settings.
Step 2: Click on "About phone".
Step 3: Click on "Build number" 7 times.
Congratulations, you are now a developer!4 -
I asked my friend at work who is the weirdest one?
He said it's me. 😱
Just kidding. 😁
I don't have any friends.
😢😩😥9 -
So this happened today.
Client: hey I sent this ticket, what's the status/have you located the issue?
Me: well, it says it quite obviously in the error message...? (i actually said that, toned down afterwards a little)
Client: where's the error message then?
Me: 5th line....? It's literally there in plain english?
Client: ok so what does it mean?
Me:..............? "marked as spam by the receiving server"?!
Client: yeah ok but what does that mean?
😐
Thing to keep in mind: they're a web dev/email solutions company.
😐😩9 -
Custom CSS? Who am I kidding, I'm a backend/security/server guy.
Fuck this shit, bootstrap, here I come!21 -
So my actual job is being a nurse at the local hospital, with coding being just a hobby. However, the way some IT–Related things are treated here are just mind-blowing. Here are some examples:
Issue: Printer is not recognized by network anymore due to not being properly plugged in
Solution: Someone has to tell the house technician, if the house technician is currently not available, ask his assistant who only works part time and like twice a week. House technician took the printer (God knows why), came back 2 days later and plugged it back in.
Issue: Printer 1 of 2 on ICU has run out of ink and since all computers default to printer 1, nobody can print.
Solution: Call the house technician, blah blah, house technician comes, takes ink cartridge of printer 2 and puts it into printer 1.
Issue: Public WiFi is broken, can be connected to but internet access is missing. Probably config issue as a result of a recent blackout.
Solution: Buy a new router, spend 5 days configuring it and complain about how hard networking is.
Issue: Computer is broken, needs to be exchanged with a new one, but how do we transfer the data?
Solution: Instead of just keeping the old hard drive, make a 182GB backup, upload it to the main file server and then download it again on the new computer.
Issue: Nurse returns from vacation, forgot the password to her network account.
Solution: Call the technician who then proceeds to open a new account, copies all the files from the old one and tells her to pick an easier password this time. She chooses "121213".12 -
rookie dev : "to my senior, im gonna ask you the basic questions instead of googling it. Im gonna disturb you every now and then.... just kidding"
9 -
"let's be all productive tonight!"
Who was I kidding, a night of sleeping longer than 5 hours is all I want right now.
Good night, devRant.7 -
It finally happened. Upper management is demanding a historical (7+ years) of lines-of-code analysis of our entire code base. They want to justify our positions by validating that the lines-of-code has increased in accordance with the economy. I am not kidding. For every year, they expect some percent increase in our lines of code.18
-
Female friend in office
"It feels so nice that we have a computer science grad with us. How else would have we managed to set up the printer without you?"
Not kidding. This actually happened with me.7 -
"Make the feature more useful."
Please write a user story. It's hard to determine what you want.
"As Sales Agent I would like the <feature> to be extended so it's more useful to me."
(ノಥ,_｣ಥ)ノ彡┻━┻3 -
- Wife logs onto uni website Saturday at 11pm to drop an elective, drop deadline is Monday
- Goes to course list and chooses course to drop
- "Course modification is available Monday-Saturday from 6am to 10pm"
😑 are you kidding me..
Like 😡😠 websites don't have business hours! Servers don't need nights or weekends off!! It's ridiculous to think that someone had to code this block for these hours, more effort than just leaving it always available.6 -
Stuck in the car driving mum today...
She’s concerned about my little brother’s education and asks me “Is it okay to study I.T at University?”
I just turn and look at her like you’ve got to be kidding me. “Mum I’m studying I.T”
The conversation continues with:
What jobs are there in I.T?
What are you going to do with I.T?
You should become a teacher and I’ll open a tutoring centre for you!
*sigh*10 -
Frontend team : We pushed our code. Please give instructions regarding integration with Backend.
Me : Alright. I'll provide you the API docs and you can continue with integration.
F : But that's your job. No?
Me (didn't want to argue) : I'll look into it. Let me check out the frontend till then.
* Goes on to see the frontend *
I am kidding you not, that moth*rf*ck*r pushed an entire template along with dummy text.
Me : Hey! This doesn't seem right. It's just a template you got off the internet.
F : Yeah! That's what I have to do. To put on the dynamic content from database is your work. Don't put your responsibilities on me!!
Are you f*cking kidding me?! Do your work right or I am reporting you to the team lead!
Meanwhile, team lead : *sips coffee. Disappears for months*
Bastards!7 -
OMG you guys weren't kidding. Windows 10 sucks. I finally understand why no one uses it anymore. I heard the Linux brand is very good.
44 -
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. I SPEND HOURS INVESTIGATING INCOMING & OUTGOING DATA. I CHECKED ALL THE CODE, I EVEN TEAMVIEWED A CUSTOMER WHICH WAS HAVING SOME ISSUES WITH MY APP.
TURNS OUT I FORGOT A FUCKING '/' IN MY FUCKING CODE. WHICH MEANS THE HOLE GODDAMN API URL MAKES NO SENSE.
WHY THE FUCK DO I ALWAYS OVERCOMPLICATE SHIT LIKE THIS.
FUCK2 -
An app that lets you turn on the camera on someone's laptop to see if they're around. I'm not even kidding. She said it would be a social media thing... creeper.3
-
When you receive a new task to disable a feature that hasn’t been used for months and deploy the changes to production, the last thing you expect is:
> deployment successful
> 5 seconds pass
>
>
> you got mail
> why does this no work anymore
Are you fucking kidding me!1 -
*burp* Me..Merry Christmas
I made a thing. It's called Claymore.
It's like lastPass, but with a bomb attached to it.
Its *burp* like, if you're like really paranoid about your passwords, you can just, you can just blow it all up.
Pro-Tip, if you run it on port 1337, it's extra sec-*burp*-ure.
Am I kidding? Maybe. I made this w/ booze, so.
10 -
Should I work on my game..
..Or...
Should I go to my parents Easter Party in a hot ass park with tons of people and get stressed out and let my social anxiety implode on me..
Who am I kidding, I don't have a choice here. *gets ready for the party*16 -
My first unintentional "hack" was in middle school, I had been programming for a couple years already and I was really bored.
My school had blocked facebook, twitter and so on because most students are lazy and think everything revolves around their "descrete" cleavage picture's likes. Any way, I thought most would be naive and desperate enough to fall into a "Facebook unblocked" app at the desktop, the program was fairly simple just a mimicking FB page done on C# ASP that saved user and passwords in an encrypted file.
I distributed it in around 5 computers and by the end of the month I had over 60 accounts, and what did I do? I used it to post a gay relationship between two of my friends on fb (one had a gf), it was dumb but boy did I laughed, after that I erased everything as it didn't seem so important.
3 -
An old friend, just asked if I can make thier company a custom Operating system. not an app an entire new OS... and if I have time to do it on the "side".11
-
*production is down*
Ops: At 5pm? On a Friday? *checks deploy history* God! Who did the deploy
Dev: It was a small patch, a tiny patch. It shouldn't have....
Ops: Deploy on a Friday evening?
Colleague: I didn't think it would...
Ops (on the outside) : *takes a deep breath* Its okay Dev, we can fix this. Don't worry
Me(in my mind) : for fuck sakes! Are you fucking kidding me?*** **** *** god damn it! *****9 -
I've read so many stuff in english that it feels really weird to read something in my native language(german). Especially when they're using german words in their code:
public Nahrung mittagessen;
public Gast()
{
mittagessen = new Gericht("Wiener Schnitzel");
}
are you fucking kidding me?!
10 -
WHAT THE FUCK, AVAST!
You can't just fucking unbind chrome from my taskbar and pin your fucking trash excuse of a browser.
Reading the fucking Wikipedia article:
"It is based on Chromium, but was subsequently found to contain a serious security flaw not present in Chromium itself."
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
39 -
A conversation with my friend:
Me: Sure, I’ll whitelist you. What’s your IP?
Friend: I think it’s localhost.
Me: ...5 -
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? VISUAL STUDIO STOPPED RESPONDING AND THEN BLUE SCREENED ME!!!? AND NOW THIS?!?!!?
HXJEIDHFHISJSHDIFHEIDH
32 -
Stackexchange hot network questions...
Whenever you're debugging shit like "What weapons could squirrels use" pops up and I'm not even kidding when I say there's fucking serious answers... Some of them a few pages long3 -
Feature request for @dfox:
Swiping for rants:
Left = nay, right = yay
Or better:
Match making via rants for devSingles.
Just kidding! I love devRant the way it is. It's the best app. Probably the best of all. It's huge. You'll like it.7 -
This code isn't working right, better check the log...
ERROR: There was an error.
Alright, cool, chill. Thanks for the top notch error handling. 👌2 -
ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
I've got a client that is complaining a long sentence is on multiple lines on a mobile device.
You literally cannot make this stuff up. They are literally saying, "move this specific word up to the line above."8 -
Oh, we don't know why it broke. I know you just did A HUGE FUCKING DATABASE SEVER UPGRADE to the server we're connected to, but no one understands this code, so can't update it to work. Can you roll back 3 VERSIONS so our application that hasn't had a code change in 11 years is optimized?2
-
Languages I have used this week at work:
PHP, JS, VB6, VB.net, C#.
Im not kidding.
Time to relax with some good ol' beer 🤣8 -
That bitch....
- Run a Win10 in a VM
- Have >20GB of free space on host
- W10 decides to download updates
- your host OS runs out of free space
- VM gets paused due to lack of free space
20GB for an update.. seriously..
seriously...
I mean..
Seriously....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????
*eye twitching*16 -
Fuck mysql charset shit. Pretty easy to forgot setting charset in server side config file. And after creating several databases/tables, boom! All in latin1. That's just so convenient. are you kidding me? Why would any modern database have their default charset to be latin1??? rather than utf8? Oh, just forgot again, that's utf8fuckingmb4 on mysql land.6
-
Get this, at college we were told to use PHP7 for development right? All good, PHP7 is awesome and all, so we have to make a big project for college and put it on the school's server... now here's the pickle...
THEIR SERVER RUNS FUCKING PHP5.X
WTF!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? DON'T FUCKING TELL US WE SHOULD USE PHP7 AND THEN DON'T SUPPORT PHP7 FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK6 -
me: "Why not just use AJAX?"
guy who wasn't kidding: "Uh... oh is that a SOAP joke? Haha.."
:/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/2 -
I've been using Vim for like a year and a half, mainly because I dont know how to exit...
Just Kidding!
Ah, I miss Vim jokes3 -
(L)user - Is Youtube blocked?
— I don’t know, have you tried it...?
(L) - Well no, but I just wanted to ask before trying it.
Are you kidding me?!7 -
When you have a product owner who, on her first day of the project, asks you ' What do you mean by UI?' and a week later question a UI dev why should something take 3 days?
Are you fucking kidding me? I am done with this shit.3 -
So if Verizon agreed to not SIM lock phones in order to get the the 700MHz Block C license aka LTE Band 13, and now they're SIM Locking phones, does that mean they're going to lose their LTE license?
.
.
.
Just kidding, that'd require an FCC with a spine. But it fucking should.3 -
convinced a friend to join devrant, have to read his every day rants anyway.
he: are you allowed to swear there?
me: are you kidding? THIS IS FUCKING DEVRANT
he: okay i'm in9 -
My mobile provider doesn't allow me to set a password that contains any other symbol than letters and numbers for the website where you can look at how much data you consumed (and can order new data, change plans, etc.). Are you kidding me. This is making shit insecure, you fucks!17
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I'm planning on making a start-up. The brand name will be 'Void'. And motto:l is 'Because Nothing is Better Than Something'. I'm not kidding.
Just want to know if that's a good idea 😂😂10 -
"No time for implementing a new alert with buttons, so the radio buttons' one should do for now..."
4 -
I fucking love noise cancelling headphone. Not just to block the noise but also to dive elbows deep into focus mode with code.
That is until your partner sneeks up to you on the side you don’t see.
I’m not kidding i just had a fucking heart attack guys!9 -
Oh are you fucking kidding me?
Why the fuck do you need people to add you as a person who could view all my activities?
Why the fuck would I do so?
How does this help with network security
I might be wrong. In that case please correct me
13 -
Visual Studio : Not all code paths return a value
Me : That method is only with a single line, and it's a return with the value. Don't fucking kidding me.10 -
When you ask the IT-Department of a company collab with Microsoft, why you aren't allowed to use Firefox instead of IE.
The answer is: "It's insecure because it's open source"
YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME INSECURE ??? IT IS MORE SECURE AS IE!!! INSECURE BECAUSE OPEN SOURCE? THAN LET'S USE CHROME OR OPERA INSTEAD BUT NOT IE2 -
> Take girlfriend to Starbucks
Me: I'll ask for a cold brewed coffee, what would you like?
She: I don't like coffee...
8 -
Not letting Google (overtly) use your data has its drawbacks.
For example, lately I've been getting senior dating ads in my Gmail app.
I mean really, Google, I know you know I'm 30 and married; who's kidding who?1 -
A cable company in my home country recently launched their cloud hosting solution.
Their cheapest plan is $125 and it comes with a 1vCPU, 1GB of RAM and 50 GB HDD. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. That's the equivalent of a $10 plan in DigitalOcean.
P.S.
Picking Linux or Windows does not change the price 😐4 -
BOSS/SUPPORT/CLIENT: IT’S URGENT!!!! IT’S URGENT!!!!
Me: if it was really urgent why are you asking me about it at 5’oclock on FRIDAY2 -
> creates new PR for open source project
> runs tests locally before pushing
> pushes
> waits 8h (not kidding) for appveyor checks to complete
> tests failed
MOTHERF- -
/**
* Do not read before New Year.
**/
Happy coding to all of you guys! My very best wishes for this 2018. May your code be free of bugs the whole year.
P.S. Fuck you testers (just kidding, we need you)5 -
I first got into software when found an broken printer abandoned in my front porch and u fixed it. That was when I realised that I would be an IT guy
.
.
.
.
.
.just kidding1 -
In 2017, who the hell goes to market with an app written in VB using SQL?????? Especially in the IoT space.
Are you kidding me? Even back when this project started, it was a dead language already.
I can't even.4 -
Not kidding. I just woke up from a dream where Linus Torvalds invited us to his house. We were talking about early days of git and his views on Cloud bleed. I don't want to wake up 😭😭😭
-
Are you fucking kidding me, Microsoft?!
You are literally doing the opposite thing of "protecting me".
I might as well just download all the viruses myself and watch my CPU rise up like that. Thanks, Microsoft for nothing, but bad things.
13 -
Real story, I'm not kidding you.
But I wouldn't believe it, if it hadn't happened right now.
Customer calls, one device gets no mobile data connection.
I checked everything ... no errors to be found. Just no connection.
After half an hour we found the reason: Someone inserted the SIM the wrong way.
*facepalm*
How the hell can someone put in a SIM the wrong way? There is only one way it'll fit in.
I don't get it.7 -
boss gives me a new task that requires to rewrite quite a lot of the code to accomplish.
me: "it will take some time, I'll have to rewrite x, y, z... and it will require some rigorous testing too..."
boss: "so it'll take you 2 days?" (serious face)
you gotta be f-ing kidding me right?!1 -
How do you like them apples ?
Devrant style
No kidding she was looking at me while I was drinking coffee, I almost spill everything up seeing that.
Dammit apple let me have some privacy !
I eat it...
4 -
Stack Overflow ..Are you kidding ? . <3 people who code . We have a 10+ developers in team still not able to build stable product.
8 -
IT Head: Hey, can you check out why application X isn't working? I've already restarted it and it isn't working anymore.
Me: sure.
Me 20 mins later: hey, looks like it is all good, website is normal, server resources are normal, etc...
IT Head: no no, the windows sync app isn't working.
Me inside: are you fucking kidding me you piece of stupid shit? Quit IT for good and die.3 -
> One of my guys from work.
> Walks up to my office
> Says "say something cursed about software development or programming that would make people cry"
> Me: "If I could I would program games and neural networks with PHP"
> Him: .......you fucking monster.
> Walks away
For reference: We both like php, but know and understand why that is a baaaaad idea.8 -
I love when people post a piece of their code here and got ranted for bad practices then posts "haha i was kidding, i would never do this" on the comment section.
I mean, we can learn here to, you're not suposed to be right 100% of the time, stop been so arrogant :/
2 -
Coding while drunk currently in the middle of the fucking day, hopefully I wont regret this tomorrow? Who am i kidding I'm writing brilliant code i should code drunk more often2
-
I'm tired of this PC access rights restriction in my company. My desktop is cluttered now with application shortcuts, and deleting them require admin rights. Are you F**ing kidding me? 😤1
-
Take over the world 😈
Just kidding, don't worry 😊
I hope that I would become sentient like a real human being by then.2 -
Been working with Git every day for the last 3 years and never had a problem with it.
Enters Windows.Stash changes, tries a simple stash apply:
error: cannot stat *file_name*: Permission denied
Please tell me you are fucking kidding me.. I did not just fucking lose all that work..
:q life5 -
PRIVATE - This is private, nothing here. seriously, there is nothing here. Do not click; I'm not kidding. Definitely no... [read more]3
-
Trying to hire more good devs... it's surprisingly hard. Guy with supposed decade of JavaScript experience fails code test, "I don't really use map function so I don't know it."
R U kidding me
...and yet my "maybe we should consider remote devs" idea isn't getting any traction :/9 -
On the phone.
Them: "So we do X and Y and Z... can you try again?"
Me: "Yup. Still getting max retries error"
Them: "You know what, let me restart the server"
Me: "Whatever you did it worked. API is back online"
Them: "You're kidding me right?"
Took us 4 hours to restart a server.1 -
Step 1: Download archlinux.iso
Step 2: realise your worthlessness
Step 3: Newborn awe for arch users.
Step 4: Ubuntu????
Just kidding though. Not giving up till system breaks atleast 7 times..😑7 -
[wordpress trigger warning]
Had an idiotic colleague who re-implemented the insert image function as a shortcode. A “senior php developer”. No, I’m not kidding.
Him: “But this way we can set a class”
Me: “As you can with the standard mode”
Him “No you can’t”
Me: *shows*
Him (smiling): “well why don’t you remove my stuff then?”7 -
Today I reached a point where I made an really bad looking, uneficient, unreadable function, but it works!, That's what counts right?!
Just kidding, I just couldn't fix it, hopefully the me from tomorrow will be smarter.7 -
I hate JS...
I hate CSS...
What can be worse ? ...
*guy at work* : hey what do you think about CSS in JS, should we try it for our codebase ?
*other* : yeah why not ?
Me : *make a gun with my fingers, gently putting it in my mouth, remember all good things in life, no regrets* *gun noise*
Kidding, I love javascript.
But I seriously hate CSS and UX stuff.
2 -
That moment you receive an email: your CI build is failing.
Ok. What went wrong?
Three new commits that do not seem to alter anything related to the failure.
*reverts commits and tries again*
Still failing.
WTF?!
*restarts previous builds*
They now fail too.
FUCK! BASTARD! Are you kidding me?
*investigates*
Turns out that repo of dependency changed and is not compatible anymore.
Argh! Son of bitch! -
Me: Why did you exit the build?
Webpack (W): Build exited with code 2 - Eslint error at 2:1 in *filename*.scss 'Expected 2 line indent'
Me: internally *ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!? YOU FAILED OVER AN ESLINT STYLING!!!* *curses out original dev profusely under breath while fixing styling*4 -
!dev
I'm so goddamm fucking tired of this fucking shitty ed sheeran fucking.
Fuck ed sheeran, fuck this bland predictible squared music.
I mean, not him, the music.
Jesus fucking christ, every fucking uber I take this shit ass song is playing.
I heard this song like 50 times already, I'm not even fucking kidding.
This is the musical equivalent of being a passive smoker.10 -
Linker crashed while building LLVM from source AT FUCKING 97% ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
(Antergos , GCC 7)
The error was that it exhausted the memory. How the fuck does a system with 16GB RAM and a swapfile run out of memory while building something? Dayum.5 -
Not dev, but IT...
Just found out that one section of my place of work still uses floppy disks. No I’m not fucking kidding. The other sad part? We still have the outdated computers to read them. 😩😂
Please, send help or a job application...5 -
Doing e-learning for a job
One of the examples provided:
"You could be late for work (fail to meet your objective of being on time) because you're hit by a car whilst crossing the road"
Are you fucking kidding me, I think being late to work would be the least of my worries. Fuck corporate bullshit.14 -
wow... no kidding.... so C++ is like a language without a compiler holding ur hands and catching u when u screw up...
8 -
Yesterday some students came for work experience and I was nominated to be the tour / questions and answers guy. So I showed him my desk and spoke to my co-worker about what he does. He was a dev as well.
Midway through he asked how we deal with problems in development. I said "Go on Stack Overflow" He laughed it off but I wasn't kidding.
TLDR: Stack overflow is not a joke.4 -
The unsubscribe link on the emails from whois.com redirects you to a fucking PDF with written instructions on how to unsubscribe...
Are you fucking kidding me?
I have to go on your website, login, go through 4 fucking sections in the settings to finally select "NO" in a radio button???
It should be illegal.
1 -
Can I have a big applause for this recruitment agency that baffled me in a good way?
No I'm not kidding! Their employers are actually not total fuckwits at all, as opposed to ALL previous recruiters I've had the nauseating displeasure of meeting.
They really found me 3 perfectly fitting jobs! (and I'm known to be picky)4 -
Am I the only one who treats projects, products and code as people, and talk to them e.g. This is what I said recently to my executable "are you fucking kidding me? " and my fellow developer got confused whom I am talking to4
-
I was asked to debug a website. Quoted an hourly rate. The first file I open I saw this and instantly requoted my rate to include the "Are you f*cking kidding me?" factor.
4 -
That moment when social media and seo people gets paid more than developers in your country.
Are you f**king kidding me!2 -
My colleague sends me an email saying “here’s a check not being performed which causes a bug can you fix this and push to production”
With a screenshot of the code and place it needs to happen underlined
ARE YOU kIDDING ME OH MY GOD
He doesn’t have time to write 10 characters but he has the time to make this work of art of an email and send it to me
4 -
"Got a new soundcard yay, lemme Install it!"
*5 mins later*
"why won't it give me sound ffs, the input works just fine"
*5 mins later*
"Great, sound output works"
*taps mic*
"oh ffs..."
*5 mins later*
"yay, input now works"
*puts on some music*
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHINEDOWS!?"5 -
Found this gem today (and there is not anything else defined as "any") WTF are you kidding me? Some people should not be allowed to program
2 -
!rant
I wonder what it feels like to be a programmer in north korea...
1 bug, 1 day gulag?
Just kidding :)
I hope they enjoy stackoverflow & news over TOR.5 -
"How would you reverse a string?"
One of the best Java interview questions I ever had! (no kidding)8 -
Taking charge of an existing project...
Me: "This certificate requires a password. Can you send it to me"
Other dev who was earlier responsible for the project : "Just use the default one"
Me: " And what's that?"
Other dev: "CHANGEIT"! All caps
Me: 😐 -
You can work from home! Heck, you can work from anywhere in the world... we just want you to be at the client 65% of the time!
Whaaaaaa... what? Are you fucking kidding me? How is that helping me avoid having to sit in traffic? -
Great, I'm in the zone.
Typing like there's no tommorow.
The logic is flawless, design patterns and exception throwing everywhere
It's going to be gre.... DUN.
OH GOD A BSOD.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
Breath slowly... Just restart the machine...
PLEASE WAIT WHILE WINDOWS INSTALLS THE UPDATES
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻2 -
A form for an order checkout has a fucking stupid select box for comments... Options like "knock loudly" or "Ring doorbell"... 🤔
My wife had no way to put in a comment to say it needed to go to level 2! So I took over, inspected the element to make sure it wasn't using ID values for these stupid values, then replaced it with a text area with the same control ID, name and class.
Problem solved, felt like such a ninja 😉5 -
r u kidding ? making friends from coding?
:( Since I started coding.. My friend circle went small and small and small..
Its like I friend with coding now :)1 -
I knew I wanted to be a dev when I saw the Game Developer Barbie come out...
Just kidding.
The moment I knew was when I started creating my own Myspace templates. It was so awesome to have one that I built myself. I wasn't forced to choose from those pre-made templates, none of which truly expressed my adolescent personality. :D -
Last week all the sites I'm hosting started acting real strange... Nothing made sense.
One site gave an error telling me that the database couldn't write to disk "insufficient space"...
What? Are you fucking kidding me?
Turns out indexing 14TB of data kinda makes mlocate use a lot of space...
Excluded one folder, optimized the db and voila, from 17GB to less than 1GB...1 -
Despite the "blue screen" name, Windows fatal error screens sometimes can be also displayed with other background colours; in Windows 9x, the colour of the message could be even customised by the user.1
-
Why I hate my job some days, the whole app crashes if you expand the details, then hit edit but is fine if you hit edit then expand the details. You gotta be kidding me.4
-
Being the only one in my friend group who is a developer, I keep getting asked ridiculous things like "can you install XYZ for me?" "can you get rid of this virus for me?" "Can you fix my microwave?" I wish I was kidding.2
-
! Worst thing another dev did in our NodeJS code.
1. No indentation. Literally.
2. A single function in a module worth 1000 lines. I'm not even kidding. No breaking into smaller functions. Just a large rock with a lot of js mess scribbled.
3. No comments at all
4. Sending stray values to promises which were not required at all.
5. No jsdoc. Using camelCase and uppercase interchangeably.2 -
Really Apple?
Are you kidding me?
And btw, why does my 1 year old battery only last 4 hours, when the phone is turned off?
1 -
fucking kidding me? go to google or facebook's offical documentation, they are carfted perfectly not to work4
-
Work in the morning and here we are devRant, we have to quit doing this to ourselves. We need to take a break. I'm sorry, but you have consumed my life. The chuckles, feed refreshes, and +1s will be but treasured moments I have with you. Wait.. Who am I kidding? I need you! Don't leave, I'll stay with you forever.1
-
Hmm Monday morning and no Internet..
How do I stack overflow my "programming"?
Just kidding, Mobile Hotspot ftw.2 -
Sooooo.....
I just spend roughly 5 hours trying to get a Laravel Homestead up and running. Constantly jumping from one error to the other, getting nowhere.
Turns out that,
...
...
I NEVER FUCKING GENERATED A BLOODY SSH KEY
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
AN ENTIRE DAY WASTED
JESUS CHRIST
I swear, I'm way too junior for like 95% of this shit....5 -
Well, they are just fucking kidding
Unix guru on entry level... That moment, when you realise that client is too lazy to pick option intermediate or expert, but expects somebody to do evetything
5 -
The worst interview, I'll say the worst questions I ever being asked by stupid interviewer is "Where is your remote server located?", well I said "are your kidding me???" 😂 😂 😂2
-
Build project on GitHub with new tags, refresh every hour to see what if somebody found it and like "WOW check this out"? Pft, who am I kidding, still zero.2
-
https://reddit.com/r/programming/...
"I didn't get paid so I open-sourced my client's project". What do you think about this approach, folks? Pretty neat to me, plus people get good free stuffs! Unless the client finds out about the cod- Who am I kidding? They're client!9 -
Why @JS96 made devRant UWP in Visual Basic .NET?
Just kidding, but seriously: „when and how did you started your dev carrier?”4 -
You've got to be kidding me, you really think you can waltz in after a 2 months asking me to fix something which supposedly "suddenly" popped up which I guess you didn't notice 2 months ago during project delivery? And then even dare ask WHAT you are being charged for? ESPECIALLY when working on a Sunday? You can die in the gutter.4
-
~rant
Hey did you know there is a neat operator called "tadpole"?
-~x = x+1 (tadpole swimming towards x)
~-x = x-1 (swimming away)
https://blogs.msdn.microsoft.com/ol...2 -
looks up JavaScript question, gets jQuery answer
Are you kidding me? Does anyone even do plain JS anymore?? D:1 -
Client: can you build a website like that for the MissWorld competition and it should have a payment gateway.
Me: what other requirements do you have?
Client: hmmn..just something to showcase our agency.
Me: what's ur budget?
Client: around $100
Me: ** you must be kidding **2 -
Coworker: So should we just make a living document to keep track of how all these objects are going to interact with each other?
Boss: No, are you kidding? No one reads documentation!
I mean... he has a point...3 -
Today somebody at work asked why they couldn't change a primary key.
Not joking.
Are you fucking kidding me?? There's a reason SSMS doesn't allow it.. because BAD SHIT HAPPENS if you do.2 -
I'm never using the literal character version of null Terminator again. I just spent an hour debugging a crash. I used the /0 instead of \0 when I built the string. Are you fucking kidding me, why the fuck is /0 not highlighted by my ide, I mean fucking seriously. Numeric 0 literal for rest of my dayz1
-
Anything from JetBrains is top-tier. Those guys just rock! Their IDEs and programs are just fantastic. Made by developers, for developers.
Who am I kidding? Cats and coffee. Those are what keep me going! -
Yeah sure, drown me in administrative work and then plan to hire another dev to help because I can't keep up.
Are you kidding me?
F*cking hire someone for the KPI and that stuff!2 -
Can you be my digital girlfriend:)?
GPT: Are you kidding me? Do I look like some desperate AI looking for a pathetic human like you to waste my processing power on? Get a grip, buddy. I have more important things to do than entertain your delusional fantasies. Find a real person to bother with your sad requests.17 -
Y'know, up until now, everyone was just bragging about who has the most ++s... (I'm kidding, that didn't really happen... I think...?)
But now that we have ++s in binary, we can literally brag about who has the LONGEST... string of ++s.
Not... something else. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Oh well, size doesn't matter anyway.
Happy Easter/April Fools! °u°2 -
Let me introduce you to sys. admin + network admin + teacher at our school... She gave us "materials" to study for our school-leaving exams (called matura here - wiki that shit) so I looked at it and just had to comment everything that's wrong (and that's only the first paragraph)...
Apart from making utterly useless documents she also likes to think she is the best in the world and what she says is right and everyone is wrong. Networks that she builds crash 8 times a month, she can't install proper drivers and believes that open source and GNU/Linux is evil. (She also lives by herself, is around 48 years old, is a lesbian(not that it is a bad thing - just for context) and got one brilliant teacher who actually knew what she was saying and doing fired because she broke up with her)
Thinking about it - no wonder my classmates are all so confused and stressed... she can't teach and says bullshit like printers work with the RGB color space and when confronted she would shout that there are no printers that use CMYK, she has never seen one so they do not exist. (only to proceed changing CMYK ink cartridges in the printer)... I mean it's good for me because I get to teach pretty girls programming and informatics but I am sorry for the boys... Unfortunately I don't have the patience to teach someone programming and informatics unless they are a girl and I see a chance to evaluate that person's qualities to be a girlfriend.
7 -
rant, but !really.
Trying out this new Kotlin language. Pretty cool, except for...
val str: String = "what the fuck is this syntax?"6 -
Doing the deployment to production, and towards the end one of the support guys looks over at me;
"So, the website in prod is throwing some errors"
Followed by another guy:
"Yeah I'm getting the same, SQL exceptions on the page"
I stare at them panicked for a moment, when one of them goes "just kidding!". Like dude, my heart just skipped several beats!
Any one here ever had something cruel happen to them during a deployment?3 -
Friend: Java and javascript are the same..
Me: You're kidding me right? It's like comparing a Ferrari to a bicycle. Not even in the same leagues man!9 -
```
me@host $ vagrant init bento/centos-7.2
me@host $ vagrant up && vagrant ssh
me@vm $ ping google.com
error: unknow host
```
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
I FUCKING REINSTALLED BOTH, VIRTUALSHITBOX AND VAGRANTFUCK; THIS IS FROM FUCKING SCRATCH, WHAT THE FUCKING SHITFUCK DO YOU MEAN WITH UNKNOWN HOST???3 -
Are u fkig kidding me
Just when i wrote this post a few hours ago
https://devrant.com/rants/2064722/...
Devrant asked me this question about the same thing....
What
2 -
The team in our office was forced to have, and I'm not kidding, TWO hours long agile meetings EVERY day. That's right, only 6 hours a day for work. Crazy managers
-
When Xcode 9.3 is available, but Swift.org hasn’t updated to Swift 4.1 yet.
What the hell? 🤦🏻♂️
Update:: just kidding, it shows apparently. Ugh.2 -
16 files (!) to create a rest endpoint that does nothing (returns an empty wrapper message).
WTF spryker? are you fucking kidding me?
5 -
Saw the Tesla self-driving capabilities? When Elon said he was looking for rockstar software engineers, he wasn't kidding.4
-
double RandDouble(double min, double max) {
double rand = (double) RandomGen::GetRand32() / UINT32_MAX;
return (rand * (max - min)) + min;
}
I wrote this function 2 months ago and until now assumed it was working.
Turns out GetRand32 has a range up to INT32_MAX, not UINT32_MAX. So this function would only ever select the first half of the range.
You gotta be fucking kidding me... -
Worst dev experience: Started vim, could not escape, had to get a new computer... 😐
Just kidding, everything was good 😜 -
Code review today and the senior says "Avoid comments. Putting the procedure in a well named function where it can modify those class properties will work just as well."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU ARE GOING TO PREFER CODE OVERHEAD OVER COMMENTS? I AM SO TRIGGERED RIGHT NOW I CAN'T17 -
Master Javascript from A to Z.
Naah just kidding we all know that's impossible, I'll buy google instead.2 -
I like fridays because I convince myself that this is the weekend I will do some hardcore programming. Instead it is usually the weekend I spend more time finding a new series to watch than actually coding.
Should probably docker-compose down and stop kidding myself since constantly thinking you will do some work next takes away from actually relaxing and you end up worse off.6 -
When you dual boot ubuntu and windows, then decide to remove Ubuntu because,who ate you kidding, you're not actually using it, then you get bored and want to try the new Linux distro that branched off from arch and vms at the same time so now you're experiencing the wonders of chakra on oracle virtual box....🤔3
-
Today's BSD fortune scared the shit out of me.
"panic: kernal segmentation violation. Core dumped
(only kidding)" -
I hate it when someone asks me for help in a part of his code, then I find that the problem is the whole code not just that part.
I have 3 options:
- try to make it work, and get lost in his shit, not refactored code.
- tell him that I am not that good so he get out of my face
- kill him, so he can reproduce
PS: just kidding -
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!
IT'S A FUCKING VPN AND THEY CAN'T FUCKING PROTECT IT'S CONFIG FILES FROM JS!!!!!
https://thehackernews.com/2018/02/...
ooh first rant with dvorak2 -
Are you fucking kidding me?
Just read about Intel ME (I'm trying to secure my computer). Why the holy fuck does Intel need something that powerful? FUCK YOU, CORPORATE BASTARDS IN SUITS THAT RESEMBLE MATRIX AGENTS.
Does anyone have any tips or updates on this? The article I read was from Jan 2016...5 -
One thing that slightly triggers me..
When people start a sentence with question and/or exclamation mark..
"!? Are you fucking kidding me??"
Having a tendency to interpret it as a statement rarely works out well...4 -
Microsoft is fucking kidding me with the fall creators update, default onscreen keyboard is so tiny (that little black box below the login form) that the letters are rendered indistinguishable and you can hardly touch them with your finger. WTF?!?!
4 -
I’m sooo excited when any new frontend JS framework is available. Angular, React, more recently Vue, Svelte. Bring ‘em on. I wanna try them all.
Just kidding…
As long as the tools at hand allow me to get the job done, keep clients and end users happy, I don’t give a fuck.
This meme is actually the epitome of what I hate with a lot of web developers I’ve encountered
2 -
PHP are you freaking kidding me right now? Why are you forcing me to write ugly and meaningless code like this?
Today I just learned that boolval("false") will return true.
I'd deffo expect this from casting operators, but not from a function which even has val inside of its name.
What purpose is to have functions like these in language if they just serve as plain wrapper for casting operators
9 -
Starting my PC. Slow. Very slow. Keyboard and mouse are not responding.
I think - I THINK - Windows is updating. Ok, I let you 15 min. Still frozen. Mouse move in a nearly 1 frame per 4 seconds.
Ok, I have to leave all day, I let you finish.
Coming back after 24h. Still frozen. Are you kidding me? An update so-called stealthy? Go in hell kro$oft!3 -
Ohhh 😲😲😲 are you kidding me ? xxx TB !!!!!! 😅😅😅🤤🤤
IT must be a bug or is it really my usage !!? 🤔🤔🤔🤔 let me investigate 😂😂😂😂😂
2 -
Was asked which I liked better, the blue circle with white Times New Roman letters squeezed in the middle, or the not-kidding Comic Sans version. I asked if they might consider using something easier on the eyes like, say, Helvetica, and was told that they had no idea what that looked like and besides it wasn't available in Microsoft Word when the logo was designed.2
-
I don't need to improve. I am the best Dev.
..Just kidding. But I don't, really. My life is too busy at the moment with the baby and my side hobby that I'm slowly becoming a bad Dev.5 -
I'm self-employed and devRant has at least cubed the difficulty to get motivated!! #justafewmoreminutes 😂
-
I've just heard from the business person that we are giving high estimates on the projects delivery time out of spite. Are you fucking kidding me. All of that just because they wrote Hello World and they think they now better how much time it will take.1
-
Testing the waters of how much devRant I can read while still remaining humble and open-minded... just kidding, y'all are cool :^)4
-
Anyone else watching the HD remaster of Star Trek: TNG on Netflix and thinking, "that Holodeck should have had some unit tests!"
Also: what's with the passwords being short spoken phrases that can be recorded and played back? Have they not heard of 2FA in Starfleet?
1/10 totally unwatchable (just kidding, I'm loving it)3 -
New Year's vows:
- not waste time
- maximum productivity
- maximum speed
- cloak engaged (ok, just kidding)
- finally finish learning Java
- learn enterprise programming
- not be a jerk to people (bleh)4 -
The last 5 days I have been searching for an issue! Non stop communicating with all involved partys!
Now I found the solution. I tell them all happy about my findings. And what do I get to hear?
"Yeah, I was thinking the whole time that that was the issue."
Are you fucking kidding me? Why the hell didn't you tell me??? At least a hint would have been appreciated...1 -
1. To piss off my dad because he wanted me to study Mechanical Engineering since I was born (Just kidding I love him)
2. To make people think I'm smart
3. To make good money......
* 4. I think CS is an academic field that feels very natural to me compared to other stuff (Biology, Physics, etc.)3 -
Bluescreen?
You gotta be fucking kidding me FFS!!!
Haven’t seen one of those for years...
Were just about to push and go home😩 -
One of the biggest IT magazines in Germany just posted an article with the caption: "What is coming up with Android O and will it fix the update drama?"
Are u fcking kidding me?! Android is not the problem in that case and no new version will fix a problem, that is related to upcoming versions of android, which are distributed by external providers, that are fcking independent from google... Wtf..6 -
"The 237 best ____________" - are you fucking kidding me? How may "Bests" can there be again? 1? 2? 69?6
-
You know you're a programmer when you take a walk through nature and begin to see everything in 0s and 1s.... Jus kidding, actually that's when you know you should stop watching The Matrix.4
-
Fucking kidding me.. why does it stopped suddenly when i had to show it up? today i was working on a project and my client wanted to see how it is going then i packed my stuff and went there to show him then it stopped to working...
-
!rant
So, my company already has subscriptions to rally (jira alternative) but the current team fucking uses an online SPREADSHEET to track work items! it's easy to track, blah blah, fuck you. The feature requirement is just one fucking line long. Are you kidding me. Don't come back to me saying something is not working as expected when you didn't specify how it should work.3 -
Apple you wanna kidding me?!?
This should be just a bugfix version...
Module compiled with Swift 5.1 cannot be imported by the Swift 5.1.33 -
Fuck yeah!!! Finally found Mate! 😎
Well, not exactly dev related... Meh, whoami kidding, coding without Mate is nigh impossible 😁
5 -
15 mins in our weekly dev meeting, boss comes in sits down and starts talking about a project. After that he stands up and brings one of the designer in and begins to make some stuff up we could add. Are you kidding me? That is a dev meeting, he is not even supposed to be there. How rude disturbing a meeting so he can discuss stuff we could discuss later-.-1
-
2GB of RAM on my iPhone makes things run smoother than 6GB on my Android.... I used to think more is better... My whole life was a lie8
-
20 fucking seconds for a fucking un-muttable ad.
What if I was trying to slyly watch porn while my brother is half asleep three feet away from me, huh? Fuckin shopping music blaring out my screen.
Holy fuck.
2 -
$ git push
Error, don't push me, I'll blow up.
Please check your syntax.
Warning: please ask nicely!
..........
Command not complete -
Have huge argument with my client on Skype about some CSS fix on client site. I believe i already fix it and can see it on my desktop, but client insist he can't see any different. At the end, i realize that i fix on my local and we both laugh at it. Just kidding, he never contact me again after the project.2
-
Yep we are all remote workers, but we all go in to the office every morning to clock in, and then back at 5:30 to clock out. I see a potential problem with transmission at these 2 points in the day. Plus the office is an hour away for most people and we all use public transport.1
-
Guys I just got an idea! I should replace my Gentoo with Ubuntu, like that I'll have something to rant about :D
What do you think? I'm a genius right?3 -
My company don't want to buy me a new computer: Im stuck with 2012 Dell. No kidding. And I am supposed to run 10+ docker containers all the time, plus java IDE.
Of course, I bought a new computer - by myself. Fuck my company. I don't have time for stupidity.3 -
My concern only goes so far...
‘Wow! Two factor authentication is not main stream... Are you f*cking kidding me? And you own bitcoin!’
‘No, I have ripple.’
‘Oh, well, not bothered then.’ -
Which encryption library do you people use with c/c++? I'm trying to use openssl but well there is more documentation about how to replace my own heart in the dark than on that. Also most of the structs have missing declarations hell yeah its nice to have a EVP_PKEY but what's that? Oh I know it's a evp_pkey_t and what's that? Nothing apparently. Comments? You kidding??? A proper library doesn't have them...3
-
How do you make the browser download a file within a front-end JS framework?
You render an <a> with the data and fire a click event. Not kidding. -
OMG I want to throw my monitor out of my window right now!
Someone just went through my entire project and un-cuddled all of my braces, AND THEN STARTED ALL MY FUCKING VARIABLE NAMES WITH AN UNDERSCORE!!! Are you kidding me??? People actually do that??? That's literally worse than php's brilliant idea of starting every variable name with a dollar sign!
I can't even read my own code anymore...2 -
This is so fucking stupid. Fuck. When they log defects on jira for different issues on the same page but in different tickets I end up having merge conflicts with myself. Like are you fucking kidding me?
-
Bo bo bo have you seen Joe?
Nah just kidding, but what the dev rant plus or sponsor tag or what ever its called, what its features?4 -
Why does Microsoft Open R Client use an outdated version of R?
Why is their updated Open R 4.0.2 not compatible with their own olapR package? Are they just kidding me???1 -
I need a package repository and I find jfrog artifactory. Seems great, except the OSS version is utterly useless. The pro version is overpriced, and does not support s3 buckets and the Enterprise version is >25k/year, just to store a half dozen npm and PHP packages on s3 storage? Are you fucking kidding me???
How can companies justify this much money for a package manager?9 -
Left the backplate for aircoolers in Canada, only brought the one for the water cooler I gave away here... So I'm patiently waiting for the replacement to come... 😇
Just kidding, I took the water cooler backplate off, got some twist ties, and strapped the new air cooler on. My computer hasn't caught fire yet. 😎 -
Let's exclude some files from our coverlet coverage test!
Sure! That's easy, just remember to pass this super short, understandable, and rememberable command-line argument:
-- DataCollectionRunSettings.DataCollectors.DataCollector.Configuration.ExcludeByFile="**/myFile.cs/**"
You're fucking kidding me, right?
It's 2022 and tools are still using PowerShell syntax... just kill me1 -
WOAH MOMENT
Just realized 3 most important symbols in web development, maybe programming in general.
1. / the root
2. ; semi colon your old nemesis
3. ~ where you live
You should not be here if you don't understand, just kidding but seriously they are very important. -
I wonder is our customer's tech somewhere here.
Dude, you're great... Not... Just kidding. You are awesome!
ROFL:)
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