My Friend: Dude our Linux Server is not working anymore!

Me: What? What did you do?

My friend: Nothing I swear!

Me: But you were last on it?

My friend: Yes. I just wanted to run a bash file and needed to give it permissions.

Me : WHAT DID YOU ENTER???!

My Friend: Chill man, just this command I found on the internet
chmod -R 600 /
chown -R root:root /

Me: WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN ROOT AND GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING SOME RANDOM COMMAND FROM THE INTERNET. YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD NOT DO THIS OR JUST ASK!

My friend: Ok I did something wrong, how can I fix it?

Me: Did you make a backup or rsync of the server?

My friend: No. I just wanted to run this file.

Me: You holocausted the server. FUCK MY LIFE

Dear assholes of the internet. Next time you publish an article/tutorial/story etc, PUT THE FUCKING PUBLICATION DATE AT THE TOP.

I don’t care about your need to be minimalist, FUCK YOU, INCLUDE THE DATE.

Modern web development is fucked. Just absolutely, totally screwed up.

I want to create a simple to do list web app. Look for a tutorial: "OK guys, this is really easy, it just takes five minutes."

First step, install these:
- Git
- NPM
- NodeJS
- Express
- MongoDB
- Docker
- React

Second step, npm install about one million modules. Don't question what they do or why they're there.

Before you know it, six hours have passed and you've got a code base of 3GB and you haven't even _started_ on your app.

FUCK that shit! I can create this web app with Internet Explorer and Notepad.

Potential Employer: So your website does not seem to work well in Internet Explorer. A lot of employers might get annoyed with it.

Me: Yeah, I don't want them to hire me or even send me a message.

So, my broadband internet is not working. Naturally, i called my ISP and complained.
He enlightened me, "Turn on your TV and watch the news. Theres a deadly computer virus on the loose and it is affecting banks and businesses and everything. So we decided to help our customers by turning our services down for a few days."
What the actual fuck?
Its like to Not eat anything due to a bird flu.
Oh! and i have an exam tomorrow.
Thank you muggles.

I miss old internet.
- without politics
- without robots
- without money
- without big portals
- without commercials
- without advertising
- without data centers
- without ipv6
but with great usenet and community

Shit fuck I’m old

A friend of mine: Look at this nice app I made 😎
*shows me a normal looking app with tabs and different views"
Me: Hmmm… looks good.
Friend: Do you know how I made the navigation between views? 😏
Me: I'm afraid to ask…
Friend: Since I didn't know how to use the piece of code I found on internet, I made multiple views one above another with visibility set to false, and during the navigation I just change the visibility. 😁
Me: WTF? Man… this isn't something you should be proud of… it shouldn't be done.
Friend: Do you also want to know how I backup the code?
Me: No…
Friend: I send it to myself via email.
Me: FUCK!
Friend: I also never use while loops, I prefer to use for instead with a break inside. 😊
*blocked*

Google: this sha-1 collision is really gonna fuck up the internet more than anything else today

Cloudflare: hold my beer

CloudBleed

Forbes has, by far, the shittiest and most user-unfriendly website I've ever gone to, in this gigantic clusterfuck we call the Internet. I honestly don't understand how they felt their site design is OK. Fuck their dev team manager.

Let's run down some of its worst offenses, shall we? FORCED ANTI-ADBLOCK, shitton of ads (some of which are extremely invasive and dangerous), autoplaying sidebar video WITH SOUND ON, that fucking social sidebar & collapsed navigation, and their mind-bogglingly irrelevant, frustratingly obnoxious, & totally pointless Quote of the Day, which itself has ads and A FORCED COUNTDOWN to go to the fucking article you went there to read to begin with.

The articles themselves on Forbes are solid, so why do they have to ruin it with this shit? I will never go to a Forbes link again. No article is worth facing their torture chamber.

TLDR: Fuck you Forbes, your site is absolutely the shittiest on the entire web (which is quite a feat).

Holy fucking hell!
Who the fuck sets up a local network with an 255.255.0.0 subnet mask and then lets the dhcp-server distribute clients onto the 192.249.x.x., 192.2.x.x and the 192.22.x.x networks AT FUCKING RANDOM???
I need to SSH onto 40 routers distributed across the entire campus and have a WORKING internet connection while doing so and you make me spin the connect-disconnect-wheel. Fucking hell dude, don't give me that "Uh, it wasn't intended for this size"-bullshit. You have about 200 active devices. And in one subnet you have space for more than 60 000. Fuck you, dumbass! OH, YOUR FUCKING LIST IS FUCKING WRONG AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE IP OF THE ROUTERS? OH FUCK YOU EVEN HARDER!!!
Goddamn people why does legacy maintenance always suck so much?😭😭😭

After it was revealed that the Equifax hack was even bigger yet again, the US government said something that really made me say/think something in the trend of "WHAT the actual FUCK?!"

"This data is in the hands of cyber criminals anyways".

You run the biggest mass surveillance program in the world, sucking up more than a million terabytes every hour, then at least could you PRETEND to care/take interest when the personal data of about all your citizens appears on the Internet?!

Fucking hell.

If my Internet stays at the speed it's at right now, I'm going to start breaking shit veeeeery soon.

Fuck this fucking bullshit, how the fuck am I supposed to fucking work like this?!

10-fucking-kbs, go fucking fuck yourself.

Fuck.

Dear Telekom,

Fuck you.

Kind regards,
a disappointed customer

FUCK THIS! FUUUUCKKKKKK THIIIS!... one would be fucking excited and motivated to finish work, but your entire fucking productivity is hanging from the internet connection's dick!!!!.. Fuckin ISP mother fucker! FUCK!... i can't fuckin work under these conditions for fuck's sake! SHIT!

Fuck me, big fucking security flaw with a UK internet service provider, my head has gone through my desk and hit the floor it’s that bad.

Stackoverflow is fucking blocked from my company's internet. Fuck.

Oh fuck and boy Jesus, how on earth is this still a thing 😦

MD fucking 5 is not a fucking “secure” crypto algorithm.

This site has 14 million breached accounts with fucking MD5 hashes.

I think I’ve had to much internet for today.

Internet Download Manager costs about $24. It's not cross platform either. uGet UI looks old as fuck and shows positive in virustotal.

So I decided to do what most other devs would do in my situtation. I created my own download manager in QT 💪. It uses 16 different threads to download files and pretty much utilises all my bandwidth.

Why the fuck would anyone still want to support IE? It's 2018 for fuck sake! Sure, there's no reason a website shouldn't work on IE, but do I really need to fuck it up just because something doesn't properly align in IE?

Fuck IE! Why can't we just let it die?

Dear Marketing Guy,

You had no right to manipulate the perfectly working "WordPress" site, but since you have done it by injecting a script you found on the internet in functions.php, It is now my unpaid job to fix this mess.

Yours truly,
Underpaid Developer

P.S. Fuck you

"Please add a feature to check the user's internet connection before the application starts."
-- THIS IS A GOD DAMN WEB APPLICATION, YOU DUMB MORONS! Maybe I should add a feature next that checks for the user's computer being turned on or what? How about making sure the application isn't run when the power is out?!
Jesus fuck.

Microsoft: We're brings new updates to Edge....

Me: Oh nice, was about time.
**Reads changelog**

"Edge now has support for Internet Explorer"

"No, really, you can now run IE in Edge."

Me: Oh for Fuck Sake!

Email. Fuck everything about it.

It's an obnoxious queue of messages I somehow must handle. And everyone in society expects you to have email. You can cancel your phone number, maybe even live without a house... but every hobo still must check their email.

It is an endless shitstream of things I don't want. Like a garden with some nice tomato plants, but then a really smelly weed starts invading and no matter what you do it keeps coming back.

I don't want to login to unsubscribe. I don't care about your "notifications center", or "managing the offers you receive from us".

And then your boss asks you to design an email campaign... I don't want to receive that shit, why would our customers? And even if I agreed with using email as a communication channel... YOU THOUGHT CSS IN INTERNET EXPLORER WAS A BITCH?

No really. Fuck email. Fuck everything about it.

I fucking hate Internet of Things, I think that it's a ridiculous idea to connect things, that work perfectly fine, to the internet.
The 'convenience' you get is minimalistic and most of the time non existent.
It is also often insanely insecure and expensive. The burdans it brings with it most of the time just outweigh the positive sides of it.

Now today happened something that made me hate it even more. Today was the First Lego Lego (Lego competition with ev3 robots, etc.) and one part of the tournament is to find a solution for a given problem. This year the general topic was hydro-dynamics and so the problem was how you can reduce water usage and 'save' water.

Our idea was to make reusable coffee cups and give them to the local coffee shops. One time use paper cups use take around 400ml water when produced) Basically you buy a cup once for 5 bucks and you get your coffee served in it. After drinking the coffee you return the cup to a local cafe and get a chip as pawn. When you buy your next coffee, you give them your chip and get it served in another reusable cup. The are at the moment already around 1000 cups going around the city.

Now this was our idea and we got ranked third. I am not too mad about our rank but what really drives me fucking mad is the team who ranked first.

Their idea was to make a pump (using an arduino) and a humidity sensor which you stick into a plant and the pump pumps water when the plant is too dry.
However (you probably guessed it already) they went a step further and connected it to the internet. They also made a web 'interface' for it so you can control the pump with your smartphone / computer / smartwatch / tv / whatever the fuck is connected to the internet nowadays 'thanks' to the iot 'revolution'.

So it is a pump that waters your plant when it is too dry BUT it is also connected to the internet.

WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO BE CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET.

"Oh look it is connected to the internet, wow awesome, oh it is also 'smart'. oh cooool. Nice I don't have to water my plants anymore"

A funny thing is that one of my friends built basically the same thing without connecting it to the internet. He built a small box with a pump and a humidity sensor that measures if the dirt is too dry and then waters the plant. It checks every few hours and the also is a small 16x2 LCD and a knob that you can turn to control how much water it should give the plant each time it waters it. He built it and I programmed it for him. Works perfectly fine and I don't see any reason why there should be any need to connect something like this to the internet.

Anyway we got ranked third, they first. I guess we should connect our coffee cups to the internet in some way ...

I’m a .NET desktop fullstack dev these days… Never worked web unless for my own small needs/personal projects.
I started using tech one way or the other by the time windows was version 3.1 and been through quite a bit ground-breaking changes in the industry of software development and the internet but if there’s one thing I cannot understand of it all, no matter how much thought I put into it is: How the fuck did we manage to make it so fucking complicated to develop anything these days?
I remember like it was yesterday that you could stand a website with HTML, CSS and JS, three fucking files and you’ve made yourself a single page site. Then came the word “Responsive”, “Responsive” written everywhere. Fair enough, grid system popped up. All of the sudden jQuery was summoned… and everything that happened after this point has been a fucking circus of high-pitched teens talking on conferences about fucking libraries and frameworks to make integration with real time, highly scalable, eco-friendly, serverless, data driven, genome aware, genderless, quantum technologies to interact with bio dynamically generated organisms, namely fucking users.
Every fucking bit of the process of building a mobile/web application seems to be stopped by yet another incredibly dumb attempt to suicide a developer. Can you go from starting an app and publishing an app without jumping through a thousand VERY specific hoops? No, fuck no.
I fucking hate it… It’s a bit hard to get Desktop dev jobs these days but for as long as I work on IT I will continue to stick to that area, until someone for the love of life comes up with a fucking solution to all this decadent circus of bureaucratic technocracy.
Fuck big industry, fuck tech giants, fuck javascript and webassembly, fuck kids putting ASCII art on console applications that I DON’T FUCKING NEED to install dependencies THAT I DON’T FUCKING NEED to extend functionality on frameworks that I DON’T FUCKING NEED… oh wait, I do need all this because YOU FUCKING MADE IT MANDATORY NOW! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!!!

Moved to a new place about two months ago.

The internet connection is provided and baked into my rent. Didn't mention anything about speed.

First thing I did was to check with my phone over 2.4 GHz hit about 100/100 and thought.

Sweet! I have the nice 100/100 Mbits speed!

Yesterday I had some issues with my 2.4 GHz band on my phone. (I have a lot of wireless devices, mice, keyboards, headphones, so it makes sense) Couldn't even do a speed check. Was like. What the fuck. Switched to 5Ghz band because it's not as busy with other devices.

Do a speed check.

500/500.

I realize. Wait. I am checking from my phone.

What does my cable connected computer really get?

900/700

Holy shit. I've been connected to gigabit internet for almost two months without knowing.

What the shit. What God have blessed me with such sick speeds?

In an alternate universe, devs live in their own country.

They make their own rules and dictate how much they are paid. They maintain the entire world’s infrastructure.

They don’t go to work, since their entire country is the workplace and guess what? Cold beers are free(a thank you from the beer company guys for coming up with all their inventory management systems)

Pizza is free too.

There is no government (laws are passed depending on upvotes on devRant )

No racism, sexism or any other ism ending words . Devs just code.

Oh, and the state police, preferably known as keyboard warriors patrol the streets and offenders are punished by limited internet speeds. 😂. It is said some actually commit suicide because of this unbearable punishment.

Fuck yeah they have coffee farms. That’s the only thing they don’t accept as *gratitude from other nations because those sons of bitches might fuck that up too.

And everyone drives teslas 😂

Okay I have to get back to work now. That multi universe travel machine won’t buy itself.

Dear Whatsapp.
FUCK YOU

When i sit on my computer and use the web application, it means I WANT TO USE WHATSAPP ON MY FUCKING PC. If i wanted to use my mobile, i would DO IT. BUT I DON'T, SO I USE MY FUCKING PC. So don't fuckin tell me to connect my telephone to the internet so i can use your fuckin web application. I ALREADY GOT A HEADACHE FROM THE DOUBLED NOTIFICATIONS.

FKING. LANDLORD. FKING LANDLORD THINKS MY LAN CABLE SLOWS THE FKING INTERNET BACK TO THE 1990s.

- Prologue
I'm renting at a place that looks good af. But the fking wifi is so slow, 80% of the time you can't even send an empty http request.

- Chapter 1
Okay, maybe it's my laptop. *plugs in cable*. Now the requests fail 10% of the time. Better than nothing. 2 hours later, gets a text saying other housemates are having slow internet because of me. FUCK. Unplugs, LAN cable, uses mobile data and cries to sleep.

- Chapter 2
Tries again after a few days. Barely uses the internet (I'm only using it to play games, not even download it and I used more than this with a 2mbps internet). No videos, no music, just small data exchange with a low ping. GETS A FKING TEXT AGAIN

- CHAPTER 3
My sis comes over and complains that the net is slow af. Plugs in LAN cable while no one is around, everything is fine. Sis leaves, I roll up my end of the LAN cable in my room but leave the cable plugged in on the outside of the room. Next morning, it's unplugged. Plugged it back in before I go to work and when I come back, guess what? ITS FKING UNPLUGGED. AGAIN. AND IM NOT EVEN USING IT.

SOMEONE PLEASE STOP ME FROM GOING ON A RAMPAGE SHOVING THE FKING CABLE AND THE ROUTER UP PEOPLE'S ASSES. LAN FUCKING CABLES DONT SLOW THE INTERNET BACK TO THE PREVIOUS CENTURY. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE NOT EVEN PLUGGED IN ON THE OTHER SIDE. FUCK.

Fuck today. Just fucking fuck today. Every fucking thing is going wrong.

A router reset might work for the Internet part buuuuuut there's 4 rooms on this router so i can't really do that until tonight - the end of the fucking weekend, exactly!

I'm so sick of all these fat frontend websites.

Transferring dozens of megabytes of mostly unused libraries is not acceptable.

A browser tab crunching up CPU time because everything must be "beautifully animated" (🤢) and processed without involving page reloads/backend is not acceptable.

A response time of over a second is not acceptable.

Cryptic error messages and random popups asking you to reload your page, not acceptable.

Sticky elements/popups breaking access on small screens is not acceptable.

Running hundreds of ajax calls per minute as heartbeats/probes
and crashing the page when the internet has a hiccup, not acceptable.

Fuck Asana, Fuck Twitch, Fuck LinkedIn, Fuck Youtube, Fuck the dozens of other SPAs which unload their truckload of diarrhea into a tab, yet fail to load crucial functionality about half of the time.

Fuck any page that breaks when you block Facebook, Doubleclick, Twitter or Google Analytics. To hell with websites depending on cookies or javascript loaders to display anything.

I want webpages to be interactive informational documents again.

Fuck off with your apps.

If you want to make an app, learn to use a real language, and get the fuck out of my browser.

Fucking kill me right now please. How the FUCK am I supposed to get any shit done when I'm learning something and the fucking DOCUMENTATION has been UNAVAILABLE for the past THREE MOTHERFUCKING DAYS.

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER MICROSOFT.

Fucking idiots.

It wouldn't be so fucking bad if things like this didn't happen all the time.

But when EVERYTHING is FUCKED - ALL THE TIME, it kinda makes a person lose all hope in humanity and technology.

A typical motherfucking day for me:

Wake up
Go to work
Come home
Eat dinner (if I remember)
Attempt to code shit for 1 - 3 hours before I have to sleep
CAN'T FUCKING CODE SHIT BECAUSE:
1. Internet disconnects every 5 fucking minutes
2. DOCUMENTATION SITES ARE FUCKING DOWN
3. Shit Windows is UPDATING
4. a previous windows UPDATE has royally motherFUCKED my PC
5. etc

FUCK

Nobody proof reads anymore. It pisses me off. News sources with obvious spelling and grammatical mistakes. It seems that it is acceptable on the internet to not give a fuck.

I don't understand unit testing, you won't explain it to me and I will never use it properly.

Go fuck yourself, internet of modules and node.js and fucktards who think they write good code but suddenly my simple webapp is 200mb big without even adding any content yet.

Fuck you idiots at medium.com for your sheer impudence. Not only that you track me, which I havn't agreed to, you think it's a good idea to nag around and gather even more data!
You stinking farts label your stalking as "let's make things official"! Who shit in your head?
I've seen other places way more often, and guess what, no coffee bar has ever had the idea to ask for my ID card just because I bought my second or third coffee there.
But just because it's the internet you think it's OK to be intrusive wankers, yeah?! Fuck off.

My wifi was hacked two times last year, so I decided to change the factory credentials. Some months ago a tree fell on top of the cables on the street, cutting my internet connection. I call the ISP and when they get here they say I have no right for costumer support as I have altered my own connection.
WHAT. THE. FUCK
I had to revert the credentials to admin/admin in order get my internet back. These ISPs live in the fucking stone age. How the fuck do they force me to fucking have my router exposed with a fucking "admin/admin".
Fuck them.
I hope some day we have a cable revolution and finally have some rights over the networks we pay for with both tax money and excesive fees with low fucking speeds. Fuck them. Really.

Fucking China!

The only time they ever come out of their pathetic walled internet is to attack your servers.

Fuck that country.

How tf does these even make sense?! That's a fucking sledgehammer and large metal chisel on fucking steroids. If your parents don't know what the fuck those are and realize they have nothing to do with fixing a relatively flimsy box (in comparison) they probably need more than their WiFi fixed, but since they managed to fucking raise you, I doubt they're that dumb. I get that parents might not always understand technology, but shit, at least respect the fact that they survived without the Internet, which you probably couldn't do...

I'm 4 days old to this company. I spent 40 minutes debugging why the internet is not working. I asked the IT Guys for the support and they said everything is good.

So why the fuck is the internet not working? I rant at them. The IT Guy told me to calm down and then he will help me. So I calm down and again went to ask for help. He said that he will check it out after breakfast.

It's been more then an hour and he hasn't returned yet. I'm going to complain to the Boss when he comes in. This is not cool man.

Installed Linux on my grandma's computer because she uses it only to browse internet so there was nothing new to learn for her other than how to shut it down which is dead simple and the win10 she had previously was slow as fuck. The thing used to be unusable, now it runs fine, LXDE for the win on slow machines

Fuck old farts trying to enslave us by censoring internet,
fuck socialism,
fuck globalization,
fuck cloud services,
fuck city surveillance,
fuck internet surveillance,
fuck RFID that enslaved animals,
fuck IoT constantly looking at our life,
fuck artificial intelligence.
It’s becoming fucking nightmare.
Time to make tools to fight against technology and people that intrude our life with this shit.
Where the fuck is John Connor ?

Fuck, Roommate turned off Internet and made me waste 1gb of 4G Data.

"Don't reinvent the wheel..." - I read it often, still I hate to use foreign code. It's not only that I do it for learning purposes. I just don't trust them. I want to keep the control, I want to understand my application and I want to be to blame when things fuck up.
I would probably through my laptop if my website gets hacked because of some fucking plugin or code I found somewhere on the internet.

So yes, I will invent the wheel new. At least I will spent some time to understand how this particular wheel is made, how it rolls and how I can improve it for my specific situation.

Sometimes my tires have some uncommon profile, but they fit to the stuff they are made for.

Another fucking rant about my fucking goldfish brain.

At meetings, I usually note down things I need to fix, to do on the sticky note pad that comes with the OS, currently Mint.

I sat at my desk.
Looked at my notes.
Decided to properly put them as tasks on trello.
I copied all notes, planning to paste it on a trello card quickly.
Then I can just work on trello and separate into different tasks.
Connection issue.
Ethernet said connected but websites are not showing up.
Maybe restart will fix since I haven't opened any app and started working anyway.
Reboot.
Internet works.
Yayyy.
Trello showed up.
Yayyy.
oooh
f
u
c
k.

fuck.
fuck.

I disabled javascript in my browser. Amount of shit loading to read shitty article is insane.

I opened chrome devtools and it was 300 requests and 10MB to read 500 words.

Another news portal 250 requests 7MB to see 300 words.

WTF ?

And they’re fighting with internet traffic by lowering movie quality ?

I just add I have pihole with lots of wildcard filters filtering half of internet and fucking adblocker and those numbers are after those filters.

Are you fucking out of your mind ?

Fucking hypocrites.

Okay, so I was helping an elderly woman with her laptop + internet today (with payment). Problem: Laptop connects to WiFi, shows internet connection, but you couldn't even go to google.com.

The router wasn't the issue as my phone worked on the same WiFi. After a lot of troubleshooting steps, I noticed that Windows forced IPV6 for all WiFi connections for some reason. The router doesn't even support IPV6... So I disabled it and everything started working again.

WHY THE FUCK DID WINDOWS NOT TRY TO LOOKUP A IPV4 ADDRESS IF THE IPV6 FAILS? BOTH WERE ENABLED! WHO AT THE FUCKING WINDOWS 10 DEVELOPMENT TEAM THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA?

Why the fuck do people care about age so much?
Unlike other activities, you can be 15 years old and be as good as a senior dev, so why the fuck do you need to degrade me because you found out my age?
I still deliver the promised work, so what the fuck?

As for kids who try to get recognition because they're young and program, well, fuck you too!

Programming isn't about age or maturity, since in this age of tech, anyone can pick up a computer and an internet connection and learn, so why do you feel that younger individuals have less capabilities?

I just had to get that out of me since it pisses me off a fuck load.

Fuck ISP. Just moved to nz. Explain to this company im working at home on the internet. Need it fast.

Takes 8 days to get the 📦 in a country of 5 million people. Wtf.

Box does not contain all default connections for box to work in a default house hold.

Call them. Tells me i have to go get it myself because i didnt request it. Fuck you or did you just fuck me.

Pay 100 dollars (this is in new zealand even though it feels like afghanistan. Not trying to offenecse any on here btw) a month for unlimited internet and phoneline.

They forget to put on the phone line.

Pay their fucking stupid 4 dollar cable insurance because new zealand has houses built for fucking cave people with 0 insolation and prone to dampness.

First day connections dont work. Well is that not fucking beautiful. I actually payed 4 worthy dollars.

WRONG YOU MOTHER FUCKER.

They tell me i didnt take the insurance.i go mayhem tell them how useless they are. So they send some one 8am the next mornin while activating the insurance. Ho yeah they also told me they forgot to include landline in my account.

Now 2 days in everything works im happy. Wake up to “your account has been suspended because you went over the max 200$ of your credit. You owe us 250$ before you can re-activate your account....

Inside boiling. Rudness and caps just won`t help.... I need some blood.... Some ISP blood....

Depression update two.
Thanks for amazing support guys!
I have made decision to have a digital detox. Today I did have another bout of depression accompanied with a mild case of confused state of mind and suicidal thoughts. I have found the triggers(Social media and too much time spent on the internet.) I have lost a lot of weight too. From 68KG -> 46 KG in span of weeks. So I hope I will catch you soon after I recover from it.

Fuck depression. If anyone is having bouts of depression please contact your health-care provider or friends/family.

Love you all. ❤️🙏☺️

We have a ver crappy Internet connection at my office (I believe it's 100Mb/s for 50 people to share), so when somebody starts downloading a big file they pretty much hijack all the available bandwidth and fuck up everybody else.

Now, we have ONE, just ONE SINGLE FUCKING COMPUTER RUNNING FUCKING WINDOWS 10 AND EVERY WEEK IT FUCKS UP THE ENTIRE OFFICE'S INTERNET CONNECTION WITH ITS STUPID FUCKING UNCANCELLABLE MANDATORY UPDATES.
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT.

Knock, Knock

Who is there?

Browserstandards

Browserstandards who?

ThereAreNo Browserstandards

#FuckIE

So... Some fake accounts on Twitter claimed to be Elon Musk and to give shitloads of Bitcoin to those who sent a little amount first. They stole... Wait for it... 180 grand.

That's basically your everyday 419 scam. Existing since before the internet, done with the names of Gates, Buffet, Bush, Obama...

They say "the big bad evil criminals and the poor little innocent victims" I say natural selection. Sorry, in those lion vs gazelle scenarios I always thought that it was fair, no matter how it went.

Just when did humanity get so brainless? Have we always been, is the internet just a catalyst for stupidity?

Just why the fuck must I be an infosec sheepdog instead of a wolf? Man, I could live the life, drink beer and smoke herb while working... Get up at 12, don't give a shit, no boss, no taxes, no social security payments that I don't see jack shit from, and the pay would be better to.

Damn.

Can someone explain to me why the fuck I should even care about the fact, that some companies collect, use and sell my data? I'm not famous, I'm not a politician and I'm not a criminal, I think most of us aren't and won't ever be. We aren't important. So what is this whole bullshittery all about? I seriously don't get it and I find it somewhat weird that especially tech guys and IT "experts" in the media constantly just make up these overly creepy scenarios about big unsafe data collecting companies "stealing" your "private" information. Welcome to the internet, now get the fuck over it or just don't be online. It's your choice, not their's.

I honestly think, some of these "security" companies and "experts" are just making this whole thing bigger than it actually is, because it's a damn good selling point. You can tell people that your app is safe and they'll believe you and buy your shit app because they don't understand and don't care what "safe" or "unsafe" means in this context. They just want to be secure against these "evil monster" companies. The same companies, which you portrayed them as "evil" and "unfair" and "mean" and "unrepentant" for over a decade now.

Just stop it now. All your crappy new "secure" messenger apps have failed awesomely. Delete your life now, please. This isn't about net neutrality or safety on the internet. This is all about you, permanently exaggerating about security and permanently training people to be introverted paranoid egoistic shit people so that they buy your elitist bullshit software.

Sorry for my low english skills, but please stop to exist, thank you.

When the client rings up saying the website is down. I say can you see any other sites. They say, no, nothing is coming up. It's your internet connection, kindly fuck off!

Dear makers of the sonic movie.

Fuck off.

-The Internet.

well this is a NO!

just jumped on a WordPress website and was wondering why it was taking so bloody long to load even on high-speed internet. only to view source and get hit with 240 lines of JavaScript includes and about 20 odd lines of content.
LIKE WTFFF!!!

There is no way on this fucking earth every single library is being used to show me a god fucking dam search result that returns absolutely nothing no matter what i search for.

To any wordpress "DEVS" out there FUCK YOU and your FUCKING plugin madness.

I would love to hear from a WP dev how you justify this kind of bullshit!

IT'S ALMOST 2021 AND I STILL HAVE TO FUCK WITH WSCRIPT OBJECTS FOR AN INTERNET EXPLORER WEB APP WHY? 😡

//begin midnight rant

THATS IT, I AM PISSED OFF NOW ABOUT THIS SNAPCHAT SHIT!!!

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK !!!

I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN SNAP CHAT WAS INVENTED

I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN WATSAPP COPIED ITS FEATURE(yeah I haven't seen your pathetic story)

AND I ALSO DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE SHIT ITS GOTTEN INTO NOW.

as a guy who is allergic to people I stay the fuck away from such apps.

but for God's sake get real u shit heads... Uninstalling an app is not an achievement worth bragging about( there is a drag and drop interface for it in ur Android phone)

Here is a guy who started his own company when he graduated from college and is providing employment to 100s of ppl and ur going to put that at risk just because your fragile ego was hurt because of "poor country " comment fuck u do your research that comment was made in 2015 when a monthly 1gb 3g internet would burn a hole in your pocket

Go screw yourselves u brain dead pieces of shit if u r so worked up about being called a poor country then start a company and provide jobs for the people who are struggling(why would you when uninstalling an app is so much easier).

Any one with 300 mg of common sense would have realize that the video would have difficulty in buffering in your slow ass 2g internet pack in your phone in 2015 when Jio sim was not yet introduced.

People like you are the reason I wish the super villains would win at the end of sifi movies.

I hope God(if there is one and if ever he decides to give a fuck) would give the guys who built this app the strength to get through this shit storm

PEACE OUT

//End of mid night rant

Installed Miami Street earlier today.. some random free Shaftgame.
Late at night now, I figured "let's try this out".

> Logging in...
*crashes*

*goes to the settings for this crap game*
> *crashes*

Fucking worthless piece of Microshit.. yet another data collection hook that REQUIRES your shit to log in just to fucking work? Fucking Shaftfuckers, 5GB of internet traffic I spent on this?! Just to see it be a worthless data-hungry paperweight?!! Luckily my residential connection is unmetered and has some decent speeds.. but still, FUCK YOU MICROSHAFT!!!

Coincidentally, keyboard input completely broke when I wanted to do a minor edit to the drafted rant. Microshit can't even design a decent keyboard driver anymore, huh.. I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO REWRITE THIS SHIT FOR A SECOND TIME, FUCKING REDMOND MICROCUNTSUCKERS!!!!

Fuck public transit. If I see on Google Maps that there's gonna be a bus at that place, at that time, there better be a goddamn fucking bus AT THAT PLACE, AT THAT FUCKING TIME!!! No instead let's scrap some shitty lines!

HOW ABOUT WE START SCRAPPING SERVICES JUST BECAUSE WE FEEL LIKE IT, HUH?! Back to postal mail and newspapers you go! You know what, for such fuckers let's just cut their entire internet access. Fucking pieces of shit!!!

At that point, fuck jobs. I'm going to a tropical island to sip fruity rum drinks with little umbrellas in them while watching downloaded internet porn.

This rant goes to my best friend.

Fuck you!

You do not fucking argue with people for doing what they like! So what if I want to use linux? What fucking problem does that make? Am I now a hacker fanboy for wanting to use a terminal instead of fucking pointing and clicking on shit like a monkey? Am I not allowed to want my privacy and free open-source? What? I shouldn't browse internet without getting my personal info stolen? Oh, they're tracking criminals? Then why don't you install a camera in your fucking living room so you can help them out? And don't fucking get me started on why I don't want to use Windows 10.

Fuck fucking fuck fuck. I know he's a good friend but this fucking shit gets my blood boiling.

Why the fuck would you use Internet Explorer or Edge?

- Every web developer, ever

Our internship and placement tests start from 30th and this is message we got from our coordinators.
😤
(We do have WiFi on campus and in labs ,idk why they aren't letting us use that!!)

They are asking use to use the DONGLES ! who the hell has those, these days !
Uni's response to this : if you can't get your own internet source,then don't give the test. (Translation : we don't give a single flying fuck)

Got my self a Jiofi ,I hope it would work fine.

BUT !!!!!!!!
Often our phones catch no network in the labs ! And if they do,the internet speed is slow.

The tests will go GREAT ! 🙃

dammit. I fucking hate it when I get stuck because of low level computing concepts and there is no explanation on Google.

like.. I understand the difference between an int and a float, but no one ever explains how you convert 32bit signed vectors to floats. or how bgra and rgba differ. or how to composite two images on a GPU. etc. the internet is great and all, but fuck, sometimes it seems as everyone is just as dumb as I am.

I know people complain about Android Gradle takes so long to build (and I know the reason why, thanks to @DRHAX34) but for me that isn't what I have to wait for.

It's the shitty WiFi at work that causes issues/bugs I'll never experience normally lol

When my app builds I have to also connect to the internet and check for updates against the umbraco server, and it works if it fails to connect (naturally) but our internet somehow manages to stay connected enough to trick the app into doing continuous checks or some form of tiny and long downloads

I've been tempted and sometimes do use my own mobile data which would waste my tiny data (at the time)

Anyways fuck you shiternet lol

GUYS I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE:

Apparently Windows Explorer is an internet browser and a lot of websites only work on it

I fucking hate this dude, he CLEARLY doesn't know what he's talking about

I think we need a separate Internet where you get a fucking lifetime ban for mentioning chatgpt. It's like NFT thing but worse. People have verbal diarrhea. IT WRITES SHIT CODE, WE GET IT, SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY

Today is going to be a long ass day :(
best way to start a saturday..

Receiving objects: 13% (866/6600), 740.01 KiB | 5.00 KiB/s

sometimes i think writing something new would be quicker then downloading it.

Fuck you Australian Fucking Internet!!

Yea sure i have fucking hours to sit here and fucking upload a 4GB repo to gitlab at 5kb/s!!! - yes the slow ass KILOBYTES, you overly expensive piece of horse shit.

fuck it, connects to phone and bam 1MB/s uploads, well theres goes a chunk of this month data :(

The amount of elitism you see inside of the dev community is the reason why I consider changing careers.

No, It don't hurt my feelings. I just don't want to surround myself from sexually frustrated loosers that think that getting cool points on the internet over hating and shitting over other's likes and dislikes means something.

It sucks balls and I smell the areas to be of dried cum and Cheetos.

Fuck man, being born ugly, anti-charismatic and weird must suck big balls

I dont get it why big it companys in germany still use fucking Internet Explorer and then complain about errors that are not even produced by our application. What the actuall fuck just stop using ie

Be me
>programming since I got up
>don't have much time to program because job sucks up all my time
>dont know the best solution to a problem so decide to take a small break
>open rocket league
>start 1v1 match
>4 minutes later
>dad walks in my room, demanding I go pretend to be a stone age nibba
>pic related
>wants me to dig some dirt for his crops
>wants me to carry multiple buckets of water
>wants me to plow literally fields
>no.jpg
>thisIsRealLifeNotMinecraft.wav
>tells me that I'm addicted
>tells me that he's getting rid of the Internet again
>fuckyou.png

Only my girlfriend and programming bring me joy and you reduce my capacity to interact with both. Fuck you.

Copy paste from the internet, usually stack overflow without knowing what the fuck the lines do.
I saw this girl who was tasked with building a spring mvc application and she literally googled(yeah googled) "spring mvc web app" and copied from the first tutorial site and pasted it.
When errors showed up she copied everything from the second link and pasted it ... Wait for it... Without deleting the old copy but commenting it out so each file had 100 lines of code and 100 lines of comment

Absolutely hate these "moving up", "stairs of success", "we are so diverse!" stock photos all over the internet.

You feel like you are being subtle, fuck no. Unless your target audience is stupid as as fuck, this photos looks dumb and over the top. And what is up with this "diversity" all over the place? don't get me wrong, I am all for diversity. But learn how to apply it properly.

"Looks like we need a picture of a student. Oh no, we need to be diverse. Add 15 kids of 15 different ethincity in the same picture to make sure we looks diverse. Phew!"

And the animations. Holy fucking shite. Why is it that a cheap website immediatly means that your website needs to have 100 different animation in the front page.

Seriously, picture rolling from here and there. Text coming out of nowhere.Everything being squeezed and rotated. God damn it!

This is another reason I fucking hate these 1 click websites and shite like that. This fucking website was created with WiX and my God, it's a fucking nightmare.

Good news is client is recreating the website.

Some websites are a disgrace to the internet and I wish there was a service that terminates them on a daily basis.

Really though, can you do some simple research about your users and see what will make their life easy?

You put the most important button of your website in a place where the I have to scroll down and looks for it. The beginning of your page has a stock picture that has no meaning or relevance to the topic of your page. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

And your button, it doesn't even look like a fucking button. It looks like a normal text, which doesn't even react to hovering. At least change the cursor to pointer so that I can understand that it's a button.

Fuck you, your button and your useless stock picture.

"let's quickly compile php by hand and get php-fpm running!"

All is compiled well but I can't, for the love of what-the-fuck-ever figure out how to load extensions within the configuration and the internet isn't helping out much either.

How fucking difficult can this be?!

goddammit Microsoft, why do I have to remove your fkking internet explorer icon and store icon after every update! noo I don't want it in my bar. gtfo! leave my settings as they were! How hard can it be? Think: does this fuck up someone s personal settings? if yes , DON'T DO IT.

TL,DR;
Did I mentioned that I hate 1&1?

I host my website there, a small-not-much-visited one. And it works great. But I also have internet connection at home - with 1&1. And it freaking sucks, it always did but that's partly cause of our unlucky position in the country. But why the flying fuck would it completely break sometimes in the meantime the last 20 days. There's a map in the internet showing places where popele have trouble with 1&1. The last two or three weeks germany completely red! Just sometimes out of nowhere the upload is practically zero. And then again, after a hour or a few restarts, it works again. A bit. WHAT THE FUCK MARCEL D'VIS? What did I do to you?!

THE FUCK!!!!

Some stupid assholes on my company have adquired the idiotic habit to call me to supervise some videoconferences using Skype, Hangouts or other fucking systems that i never heard about. I hate it because is a big fat waste of time.You don't need a engineer to handle your stupid password mismatch, your "why this is so slow? can you fix the internet". Or why the sound is so crappy or why don't you have a better microphone. This are your fucking computers, and your fucking calls. what the next? sending your emails? Wipe your asses? is not my fucking role.

Next time I will put your notebooks inside your assholes. Your crap will be better transmitted for sure.

INTERNET EXPLODER AND M$ OS 7 WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE PIECE OF CTHULHU SHIT

Overheard some coworkers during lunch.

Coworker1: "fuck net neutrality! We'll make our own internet! With strippers and poker!"

Coworker2: "9gag?"

Coworker1: "9gag!"

For once I'm actually relieved Stackoverflow is down, when I opened this page I immediately started reading the code out of habit - for a few seconds I was like "holyshit what the fuck have you gotten yourself into this time!? I was googling syntax...".

The only reason I looked up in the end to realize I'm a few sandwiches short of a picnic is that after a few seconds the color scheme made my eyes bleed and I wanted to know wtf was going on with the font. I think I've had enough internet for one day...

HTTP/1.1 420 "Error: Programmer is too stoned to repsond."

FUCK Y.O.U. windows 10 for making my pc not recognize mics on the front port.
Seriously i usually dont mind windows that much but really ?! Oh hello i noticed you changed your os version THEN LET ME FUCK UP YOUR DRIVERS SO YOU FEEL LIKE A RETARD NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK.
Worst is i feel like an idiot because i have no idea how to fix this shit apart from buying a new PC, aaaaand im pretty sure while trying to fix it i made it worse
FUCK IM A SCRUB. FUCK PEOPLE ON INTERNET AND THEM "It works". NO IT DOESNT !
And now i feel like a worthless dev because of w105

I was called back into work last night at 4 a.m.

(L)user - *anony* I’m sorry to wake you but I’m needing on the internet and I can’t get out.

**Just installed a new firewall and I haven’t had time to get a trusted cert pushed through**

Me - alright I’ll be there in a second.

After rolling my sweet ass out of bed and getting here, I get her through and leave. When I get back to my house I realize I’d forgot my fucking keys... I come back and the bitch has her computer shut down reading a book and isn’t even using the internet...

Me - I thought you needed on the internet, whys your computer shut down...?

Her - Oh, I don’t need it right now, I was just having trouble getting on is all.

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK! This is the SAME fucking (l)user that somehow managed to get the fucking toner stuck backwards in a printer. It’s the same girl that has called me in the past at late hours and requested that I move a chair from one patient room to the other. A fucking chair. I’m not in the maintenance department... so first, you’re calling the wrong department and second; the time it took you to call me you yourself could have fucking done it. She didn’t like the way that call ended.

Although partially my fault, if I would have finished everything I wouldn’t have had to get up but shit... this fuck still deserves a chair to the fucking face.

Fuck you BT, charge me £80 for phone and internet, then only give me 50% of your advertised speeds that cuts out at random points then when I complain tell me you'll look into it but if you find any issues within my property I have to pay for the fixing of all issues with my line inside and outside the property not to mention the over £100 call out fucking cost!!! Plus you were fucking charging me £6.99 a month for BT fucking Sport that I don't watch and that I was told on 3 occasions was fucking free for the last 3 years!!! Again I will reiterate FUCK YOU BRITISH TELECOMS

The entire fucking internet is an unusable pile of shit. Why is it that every time I click on LITERALLY ANY link on google and I start reading, 2 seconds later the text shifts to an other location because the fucking font loads, 3 seconds later it fucking moves again because a god damn ad just loaded above it, and after all the loading bullshit is done it shoves a fucking cookie banner (that usually covers half the page) and a fucking newsletter popup in my face. This makes it literally impossible to quickly read someting on a website without interruption. It's fucking 2020 and we bout to put a fucking man on mars, yet the technology still isn't advanced enough to make the internet less fucking annoying.

Sjdbdisesssjshsvhsfiforhjaowjdbsidkdjjwjwhwjdidjdhd FUCK YOU INTERNET EXPLORER!

Got selected for an interview with a big internet giant.
Went there and was warmly greeted.
Thry asked to wait for a bit as my interviewer was busy with something.
Moments later a young beautiful lady entered the room. Her face was the most beautiful thing I've seen in my entire life. I was dumbstruck.
She then introduced herself and turns out she was my interviewer.
Everytime she asked me something I looked at her face and grinned stupidly.
Now even though I should feel bad about getting rejected, I am happy as fuck.

This message is to all cofounders/hr/etc. - please don't allow such beauties to take the interview. You might miss out an A grader.

Fuck my internet banking.
My bank just created a "new" version of internet banking which literally looks the same except it freezes my browser all the time. WTF??!!

Really good when you cant connect your pc with a 100€ os to the internet and you click on "show more solutions" and it only offers you online support and, even dumber, "ask a friend". Thanks, great work everybody, really good. Why don't you just write "sorry our os is too shity, but we don't want to care about it anymore, go fuck yourself in the corner over there"

FUCKING GREAT! SOME GIPSY WORKERS JUST CUT THE OPTICAL WIRE UNDER MY HOUSE. FAGGOTS, GJ!

I just started work school doing IT administration and development, I was excited, almost nervously anticipating to see the wondrous things I'd being learning and the kickass programs I'd be creating...

Alas I walked into my first lesson and...

Teacher: Today we're going to be learning how to make a square in Excel using VBR.

I thought, well fuck no - I didn't sign up for this shit. Then today I was on this thing called the internet, have you guys tried it? Amazing stuff, I saw a panda dressed as Chuck Norris... Anyway, I was on the internet and found out about this 73 year old man who makes full-sized artworks made in Excel.

Now I know the meaning to life, to Excel programming... It's official, I'm going to make Picasso in Excel.

*Light sarcasm, actual true story.*

Rejoice! The internet isn't dying after all!

So, Europe lost today...
Now we just have to hope, that companies will apply these laws only in countries where they should, otherwise a really dark times for internet are coming.

I'm so fucking done with net neutrality. the only ones who want it are verion, comcast, and other big isps.

fuck them.

this is fucking merica. nobody wants it, and this is a government designed for the people. I guess it only works in theory.

the talk about this has been fucking exhausting. how much clearer could it be?

how does it keep coming up? so much of the economy is online. why would congress want this? this should be a fucking fundamental right. no bs, just fast speeds everywhere. i hate all the isps thinking that because the world is so reliant on the internet, they control everything.

isps are a service. that's it.

they're not a profiler or advertiser, just a service.

and if that changes, I'll buy a bunch of flash drives and go offline.

bottom line, we should have privacy, neutrality, and a safe web. fuck those greedy bastards.

Just talked to a guy who codes microcontrolers in assembler. He wants to use a raspberry pi as an interface device between TCP and Serial port. He asked me how fast that would run over internet and I told him that it depends on the connection an other things it takes at least some milli secs to transmit.
He is like:
What the fuck do you mean milli secs?
I poll data on my 20 mhz controler every like micro sec or so and that Pi got 1Ghz.

Me like: Yea go fucking code that shit on your own with ASM.

I feel like I've ranted this before. many times. but here we go again because Australia.

why do people think you can just ban math? like really?! that's what crypto laws do. they require companies to use shitty math. and what prevents me from using the good math? nothing! oh I mean... I won't use it? scouts honor.

you can't ban math.
literally billions of internet users don't fall in your jurisdiction.
no single jurisdiction can cover more than a subset of the internet.
I will use whatever maths I damn well please.
fuck off. please stop making us less safe.
/discussion

Fuck Microsoft! 😡
I bought the new xBox One S....
Turns out it's not compatible with my home network and you can't set it up without an internet connection.
Ended up using my phone data (2GB used) just so I could do the updates required to watch a 4K movie.
Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait for the new internet connection arriving Monday 😔

I wanna make you feel what you have brought into my house!!

I was working with security cameras once in a home automation project. One of those camera particularly stand out by offering a cgi without password request to view and change the current passwort and username.

Seriously wtf is wrong with you? I mean this thing automatically connects to an internet service offering everyone to connect to it with that passwort and username. And I know some of you might say "hey chill the cgi is only available on the wifi" - dammit no. Security is a lifestyle do it complete or get the fuck out. God knows what other mistakes there might be hidden in that thing screaming out to everyone to watch me taking a shit.

But that's not the end of it. My company arranged a call to the technical support of that camera so that I can explain the problem and a patch gets released. Those guys didn't give a shit about it and were even laughing at me. Fuck you!

So whoever is responsible - I will find you - and you will never see me coming.

That moment when your mobile internet is so slow and you decide to ssh into your server and use elinks to browse the web and everybody around you is like "he's hacking" and I'm like IM JUST TRYING TO READ FUCKING NEWS BECAUSE GUESS WHO DOESNT PAY SO MUCH FUCKING MONEY FOR 1GB PER MONTH WHERE 500MB ARE USED AFTER VISITING ONE FUCKING SITE BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY DAMN ADS ON IT. I JUST WANT TO READ NEWS OR LEARN SOME C++++++++++ BUT INTERNET IS TOO SLOW TO OPEN FUCKING DDG.

Browsing the web in terminal is super nice btw. Really recommend that

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CUSTOM LAUNCHERS

Downloading 200mb launcher, to download through it 10gb application, to see it just failing at the half because internet connection was missing for 3 seconds.

START AGAIN

YES FUCK YOU MATHWORKS

Why stick with already better solutions which can handle fucking internet connection lost

FUCK YOU MATHWORKS

So, someone is trying to catfish me in some social media.
And I can make a few guesses about who it might be. Or maybe I'm being paranoid and all the accounts contacting me randomly, are just spam bots.

But this isn't the first time. From a hateful ex, to someone I turned down because I had zero feelings for, to even random stalkers who found me online and thought that I was the best choice for obsessing over, I've seen different types of online ghosts.

Like... why is it that it takes so much for some people to be decent? Why can't you just say it to my face (aka directly), get your answer, and then fuck off? And if you're actually obsessing, it is not my problem. See a fucking therapist.

Anywho, aside from the wish to be able to occasionally deliver an online slap, and occasionally wishing that everyone on the internet had an ID to be found IRL, I would like for internet to be a less hateful/harassing/terrorizing/bullying/discriminating place. I like internet. I have so many awesome friends on the internet.

I just needed to rant about it so it doesn't weigh on my mind. Now I'm gonna go back to ignoring them and living my own life peacefully. I hope y'all have a good day. 🙂

If only we could only download the entire internet and cache it in a disk at home

THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO FUCKING RECONNECT TO READ SIMPLE DOCUMENTATION EVERY FUCKING TIME MY INTERNET DROPS

I'M NOT DOWNLOADING A MILLION DEPENDENCIES I'M JUST READING STACKOVERFLOW, FIX THE INTERNET FUCK

I swear my ISP has already done away with net neutrality. My connection is always going out whenever I need to look something up for work.

My fucking work challenges:
1. "Talk to this thing over the internet" what language does it speak? Fuck knows
2. "Make sure all the files are correct in the server" Our server plan only allows 3 requests per second, and someone is pinging it. Can't do shit.
3. "Shit broke!" You broke it. It was working fine. In fact, all our problems stem from that 1 thing you broke!
4. "Stay here all night" The hallway to the bathroom's door is locked. I can go to my workstation but have to go outside to get to the bathroom!

Fuck, its like you don't want me to succeed

What the fuck happened to laravel docs, what fuckwad thought the only docs across the entire internet that are properly readable, need its shit fucked up and made into borderless, bold fontweight, shit font dogshit.

I am currently blocked from doing my job by a firewall policy handed down from corporate that prevents WSL2 from connecting to the internet. Three days of no dev environment and counting.

We make linux software to be hosted on linux in linux containers in linux. We use linux command line tools to make it work.

"NO! WE ARE THE ALL-POWERFUL IT DEPARTMENT AND YOU MUST USE WINDOWS BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY."

mom : i don't understand why my son became a nocturnal being..

father : son .. what the hell do you do entire night alone in your room with your lappy .. go get a gf or get married .. go get a life

relatives : beta (son in indian lang) my tv is not working can you fix it.. beta my internet is not working on my mobile (goddamnit turn on the mobile data for fuck sake )

I bought a Thinkpad E470 laptop for my wife' bday. Because she loves Linux, My first obvious choice was a Thinkpad. I chose the model from Ubuntu Certified Laptop list and installed Ubuntu 16.04 (Based on their recommendation)

now:
THE FUCKING UBUNTU IS UNABLE TO DETECT WI-FI ADAPTOR. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE THINKING WHEN YOU PUT THE LAPTOP MODEL ON THAT FUCKING STUPID LIST? I WANT TO EXACTLY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE THINKING AND WHY YOU UPGRADED YOUR FUCKING KERNEL WITHOUT REVIEWING YOUR FUCKING LIST?

AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK LENOVO THOUGHT WHEN THEY RECOMMEND UBUNTU. WHY THEY STILL SELL THIS SHIT BASED ON THINKPAD' REPUTATION AND WHY THEY STILL SUGGEST THIS IS A LAPTOP FOR DEVELOPERS? NO THIS FUCKING SHITHOLE IS NOT FOR ME. IT'S DESIGNED FOR MASTERBATION WITHOUT INTERNET! BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABLE TO CONNECT TO INTERNET! YOUR MOTHER FUCKERS.
GARBAGE

I can't believe 1&1 SELLS internet.

Fuck off.

Holy fucking shit germany... what the fuck is wrong with you?! the FUCKING TELECOM CONTROLS MOST OF THE FUCKING INTERNET?! Like holy fucking shit?! And what did they announce? svdsl... SVDSL?! SUPER VECTORING DSL?! I mean... you take the oldest car... make it a little better... you get SDSL... And then? you go for Fiber? no. YOU MAKE THE FUCKING SHIT EVEN DEEPER! You take your OLD FUCKING CAR AND MAKE IT A ZOMBIE! And then you get Super Vectoring DSL... holy shit germany... take your shit together and EXPAND YOUR FUCKING FIBER NETWORK! Fuck.

Why the fuck do apps throw tantrums as soon the phone looses internet connectivity?

HBO stops steaming and closes the player as soon as wifi disconnects, discarding the buffered data.

For Quora, it replaces loaded answers with a UI asking you to reload the page. Now, what am I supposed to do in the lift? Stare awkwardly at the lift buttons?

At what point did we decided bad user experience and arbitrarily discarding cached data is the way forward?

Yeahhhhhhhh!!! Internet outage... go fuck your self.

"curl : The response content cannot be parsed because the Internet Explorer engine is not available, or Internet Explorer's first-launch configuration is not complete. Specify the UseBasicParsing parameter and try again."

Why the flying fuck do i have to configure some BS in internet explorer to use curl in Powershell? I thought IE was finaly dying, but nope!

porra; caralho; toma no cu.

this fucking shit xamarin. I wish the ass who programed the xamarin vs2017 integration to go fuck off.

srsly, I just want to fucking code this fucking fucker VS2017 keep shitting all around me

first I was gonna install it. didn't install because no memory left. fair enough, my fault there.

cleaned 35 gbs.

finish installing VS, with xamarin. FIRST GOD DAMN TIME I create fucking project, 2 fucking errors and 3 warnings. I DIDN'T EVEN TYPE A COMMA.

ok, tried fucking it. it seems to be conflict between version of Android and xamarin forms. fucker you it shouldn't be like this. anyway.

tried downloading the updated Android version.

it failed at 80%! what error you ask? missing fucking space ok, fuck that thing is huge, ok, my fault again. uninstalled all programs I was not using, all projects I'm not current working on. more fucking 30GB free. tried again. ANDROID IS TOO FUVKING HUGE CAN'T INSTALL IN 30GB!!!

Ok. instead of updating android, gonna downgrade xamarin, can't downgrade. ok gonna remove and install an early version.

unistalled. CAN'T FIND XAMARIN DLLS.

I was like, fuck this project, gonna start a new one. ok, all seems fine, for some weird reason. Except no. I try adding a new page, ops, APPARENTLY VS2017 CAN'T LOAD A GODDAMN .XAML

Ok, I can create a .cs page. done, except now I get a fucking timeout error. fuck.

I search the internet for a workaround, see a guy saying I could manually add a .xaml + .cs by creating this files and then adding them to the proj file.

did it. I go again, everything seems fine. but now I can't freaking reference the damn page.

I'm fucking losing my mind here.

In the mean time I have to turn in this project at the end of the week AND I CAN'T FUCKING OPEN THE GOD DAMN FREKING PROJECT PROPERLY!

FUCK. MY. LIFE.
FUCK XAMARIM AS WELL
FUCK VISUAL STUDIO
FUCK MICROSOFT
FUCK THAT DAMN SSD
FUCK THAT BOSS WHO THINK THAT A 128GB SSD IS ENOUGH
FUCK IT ALL...

I was cleaning and found this draw I made at class when I was at university (the last days of the semester).

Title for the image?

I fucking hate the Internet

day before Yesterday, I was searching for a software on internet(which is not free) I found a site (unofficial) giving me both free full & trial version. so I thought, why not get the full version. I downloaded it, installed it. awesome.

everything was going great until I found out that all of my files in a folder were encrypted by some WankDecrypt. I was lucky the files in that folder were useless. but next day some mysterious links started to pop up into my browser. and today some fucking wank decentralized shit started eating up my ram. FML

Somebody fucking stuck his shit with cracked version of software. so beware devs.

FUCK Internet Explorer

Just fuck it

Go die in a fire and burn the ashes, you outdated, flea-infested, psychopathic bastard. Then drown in your own grave and go to hell.

Alright... how the FUCK is an IP address considered personal data by GDPR????

Fucking boomers don't even know what an IP is. Guess what, every website you've ever been to has your IP! It's in your router, your fucking ISP's registry, and in every DNS server within 1000 miles of you!

Imagine thinking your IP gives up private information, god, just fuck me, I hate all of it, idiotic fools fumbling around with shit they don't understand.

...WKO making every developer's life a living nightmare because fucking GOOGLE FONTS stores a copy of your IP for their stupid analytics. You know what? Just don't use the internet either, that needs your IP too. In fact, don't pay taxes either, the tax office has a copy of your address, that's pretty personal information if you ask me! Just live in the woods and survive with the wolves.

I already know the future 'resolution' to this one - store fonts locally, resolve this dangerous "issue"... "waaaahhh fullStackClown! the site is slower now!!!"

...an infinite circle of clownshipness continues...

tune in next week as the world continues to approach it's circus fate!

Internet Explorer: Fuck off and die

The client just complained that the website looks problematic on Internet Explorer 9. FUCK YOU!!! FUCK INTERNET EXPLORER! FUCK ALL OF THIS!!!

People talking about NVIDIA drivers on Linux and how bad those are. Pretty sure that if I had any recent GTX 1080 I'e be able to actually play Rocket League on any fucking Linux distro. AMD drivers are worse. How the fuck can I have my RX 480 work in 3D applications (read: Rocket League) on any other Linux distro than Ubuntu 16.04? The internet doesn't have a solution for me.

When you get called back into work at 5:30 in the morning for an urgent problem... Come to find out its because, "I forgot my internet access password, can you reset it...?" Are you shitting me? Fucking (L)user! In taking today off, fuck this.

So I've been doing work for a big ass real estate firm. Managing work of their 12 websites. A month ago they sent a prototype built with React.js which their design agency did. What we did was creating a backend API and an administration area and hooked the prototype to make it dynamic.
Everything was working quite great but around 2-3 days ago their guy who had been looking over the work of this React.js website came up and said that it isn't working in Internet Explorer 11. Bastard didn't mention this earlier throughout the whole month when we had provided him access to a staging server. I coldly replied that the prototype was provided by their design agency. But today the fucker put it all on us and said that it is something we implemented that caused this issue. I had to do some research but I finally managed to run the website in IE11. Bastard tried to steal my weekend.
Fuck IE11, fuck such pig clients, fuck Microsoft. IE, just DIE already you syphilis infected piece of whore's ass!

Another draw I found while cleaning my room. I made this on my last semester of the career at university.

Yeah, another Php. Remember the “Php elephant thong guy”? (Reference to another rant I posted) Here I’m fighting him with several programming languages. I remember that I made this because he only coded on php and jQuery, and I said to him “you’ll need to learn another languages if you want to apply to a new job”.

Which programming languages can you identify?

P.D. I don’t like PHP that much, I’d rather use Python or C#

Fuck, they updated the internal move policy in my company from 1 year 9 months to move to another team to be at least in the same team for 2 years.

I hope I can find a way to gtfo faster because I am honestly so tired of this shit, the tasks are getting too repetitive, my boss is useless, spends her time shopping instead of working and being stuck with a bunch of juniors means you only have the internet to learn something new.

I really want to start delving more into PAAS and start working with docker and kubernetes. Oh well, guess we'll have to wait and see.

!dev
Fuck you google!!
Let me send a mail to my shitty internet service provider with abusive words as much as possible.

Fucking gmail rejecting my message as spam by content filtering.

fuck javascript
node.js module system sucks. Like its module system is trash, who will want to download some fucking 1GB worth of packages to create a new project.
People keep on just creating other package managers. Yarn is good enough because it caches your packages but still, i am just from deleting some 2.2Gb node modules from my computer and just whyy ?
An area where internet connection us shitty and expensive it is just not very well.
Fuck javascript is everywhere so i have to use it,

typescript just adds another layer to the heavy lifting. You write some typed code to 'reduce bugs' but you generate much more heavy code. I could write in 1kb js file but i end up getting some 3kb js because what - i used typescript-ügvjpiahdjb

fuck javascript

(most of the) Medium authors all suck fucking dick. Those fuckers are the reason the internet needs an IQ lock.

Stats about React vs Angular vs Vue.

Yeah of course let's compare search count of React vs Vue vs Angular but Vue must be searched with ".js" appended. NOT A SINGLE FUCK ADDS .JS WHEN SEARCHING FOR VUE.

Left: stats from article
Right: stats, if you use google trends correctly

I remember the first time I downloaded smth from the internet and was extremely nervous not to fuck anything up. I was young and had just started using a computer. It was a desktop computer with windows xp in our basement, inside kind of its own wardrobe, standalone.
I remember my dad (not very tech-savvy) who told me not to download anything from the internet, as it would surely be a virus, but I was bored of the built-in programs and wanted to try it out. I downloaded a program and was extremely nervous and hoped for no virus. I don't remember what I installed back then (no virus/trojan/etc.😅) but it was this moment I realised I could download anything and wasn't tied to what the OS provided, which led me to be interested in computers in general.
I believe that if I hadn't attempted that download, I wouldn't have become the tech-savvy person that I am today, studying CS...

I would literally rather find a new job than have to build software that accommodates IE/Edge

That is all.

I was suggested as a kid to “avoid using too much “uh”s and “umm”s while speaking, especially if giving a speech. It sounds bad.” And I agree.

But now, I see, that people generally don’t fucking care about how they speak. Almost every video on the internet (especially the teaching videos) is full of bloody “uh”s and “umm”s.

It’s okay once or twice, if someone genuinely forgets about something. But why the fuck is it becoming part of people’s way of speaking?

Ruins the whole experience of a video. Even if the video’s contents are actually good.

Pause if you want to, but stop the fucking moaning!

There seems to be a lot of people protesting and coming together in support of net neutrality.

The rant here, where the fuck were all of you during the election? That was the time to come together and do something, now your efforts are futile.

What's worse, I'll wager net neutrality gets overturned and next election the same batch of assholes get voted in.

What can you actually do to solve the problem? Peer to peer internet similar to tor but fast enough to support considerable traffic. Platform needs to be like tor with encrypted decentralized DNS.

Start an ISP. This would also help.

Get cracking, smart people.

This is not something new but I want to say it loud again.

With all my heart, fuck you internet explorer. Windows should release a FORCED update (sorry for that) and remove it from every fucking version of windows and antivirus programs should detect it as a virus. It should be removed from existence and browser lists and also saying its name should be crime. Also, please remove it and any releated memories with it from our brains.
Thanks.

Bruh.

Who are you gonna “fuck”? Who do you “hate”? Who are you calling “motherfuckers” on the internet where your targets can’t see what you posting?

You look like you close the refrigerator door with your hip. I suck dicks literally and there is nothing to be ashamed of but you suck dicks metaphorically when you accept everything they require. That’s the difference between a gay and a faggot. I’m gay but I can say “no” to anything my client or my employer says without losing my job because I have the authority and I have the expertise.

You, on the other hand, have nothing. You only brave when no one can hear you and there is no repercussions.

That’s why you only act tough with delivery guys and cashiers.

FUCKING IE!
Anyone please remember to ask if the project|s that you're going to work on do|es need Internet Explorer support.
If it's the case just expect any resemblance of modern frontend development skills go backwards into the backward compatibility territory and never going forward.

I'll start looking for another job, can't be bothered for this payment and regressing my dev skills for client needs.
Again FUCK YOU IE!

FUCK SPOTIFY
This bloated buggy piece of shit
This fucking piece of bull dick that runs efficiently as much as a legless cockroach this motherfucker thinks its offline even though its in the motherfucking browse screen and I have a 4.5g connection (this retarded cunt) fills space faster than a hot gas released in a vacuum chamber just to fix its goddamn internet bug I have to reboot my damn phone. I see so many damn bugs in this shitty app that I think they rolled back to the alpha versions sometimes if I had any other god damn alternatives (google music is not available where Im from fuck you too google) the only thing I would give them would be my middle fingers. It just fucking froze on me while I'm just trying to listen to my Retrowave playlist while I fucking get ready for bed FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU RETARDED INFECTION FILLED CUNT I WOULD PUT A BIKE CHAIN ON MY DICK AND RAM YOU WHILE WE ARE TIED TO A CAR THAT DRIVES OFF OF A CLIFF IF YOU WEREN'T AN INCOMPETENTLY PUT TOGETHER 1S AND 0S

Fuck, my client uses Internet Explorer!
Have being wondering why things never works in his browser. Damn! Now I understand.

My current internet provider....

WHY THE FUCK IS MY WIRED INTERNET CONNECTION SLOWER THAN MY PHONE ON WIRELESS! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING BULLSHIT IS THIS US ISPs I PAY YOU A SHIT TON OF MONEY SO YOU CAN INVEST IN INFUSTRUCTURE AND FUCKING GET ME GOOD SPEEDS! NOT FUCKING BLOW IT ALL ON YOUR EXECUTIVE BONUSES!

Why the fuck do I have to work with Windows? AND WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED TO RESTART 3 TIMES TO GET ACCESS TO THE INTERNET? AND... WHY THE FUCKING FUCK IS EVERYTHING 7000 TIMES SLOWER WHEN I PUT MICROSOFT DOMAINS IN MY ROUTER FIREWALL?!

This motherfucking cocksucker can't even control his own parliament or even know how to fucking run a country and here's here trying to fuck with our Internet. This cuntwaffle came to power because of social media. I'm fucking furious.

I think my deepin is kidding with me.

So I recently moved into an student house. Its really awesome but the only thing thats frustrating as fuck is the internet. Its like 50 - 200 kbs. I litterally type in slow motion over ssh. It stops working every few days and the dhcp range is to small :(. Not like my landlord can't afford better internet. There are like 50 people in this building and I think we have the basic abbonement.

Luckily I get my own internet next thuesday. I can't wait.

FUCK YOU NBN.
It's taken this shit company 6 "Specialist" technicians and almost 2 months to identify that the connector from the mainline to the multiport is not aligning. Now I have a planned remediation date of the 15th October.

Possible 6 months without internet. FML

Jesus fuckin Christ!!!!

This Iran situation is getting out of hand on the internet!! You have IRGC members publicly try to terrorize people through social media! I checked out some posts on insta, following their hashtags in their language, and then ended up in one weird account posting severed heads! Like, what the absolute fuck???

I know people who own social media platforms are not responsible, but fuck I am terrorized to my bones right now! How does the algo not stop this shit?

Why is the internet such a toxic place... You voice your personal opinion and instantly have people who believe they are 'better' than you call you a stupid consumer because they use something that others may not care for.

Fuck me people, why can't we just have opinions and respect each other, it's not that fucking hard!

I fucking hate when someone says something broke the internet! Is it fucking down? Can I fucking play my games? Read my fucking email?

If so, the pictures of Kim's ass, or Nicki's assumed sex tape didn't break the fucking internet!

I learned about this supposed breakage after the fact, from news outlets talking about how is broke!

If you don't know what clearing cache does to the state of the fatherfucking app then why do you fucking clear it? It fucking breaks the flow. Your maggot-infested ass is then coming up with his own explanation why you cleared the fucking cache. If you don't even have a cunt of an idea why we use the app's local storage, why do you fucking do it? You neanderthal rotten piece of sun-baked shit.

Hey, the app was taking to much time to send the request, so I cleared the app data. Now I have to login again and start over. Maybe check your fucking internet connection?

Fuck you. Fuck your cunt of a face. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCKING FUCK YOU.

So regarding the current "controversy" about shitposting and getting downvoted as a result.

You lot do realize that you're on the fucking internet right?
Beefing it out in the comments won't help the issue at hand and your opinions do not matter to your "opponent".

Just fucking stop nobody gives a flying fuck.
I mean I technically do as per I'm ranting about this but my god Just cease.

When thinking back to my first pc im like how da fuck did i survive using dat crap I must've been a very patient guy 10gb hdd, 64mb ram, 700mhz cpu (if dats da correct way to write megahertz) and to top it off 56kb/s dialup internet

Development tools for embedded projects shouldn't need fucking internet to operate. Every fucking app needing internet to even startup is getting more and more stupid. I do a LOT of development offline. I usually have my dev machine away from internet for weeks at a time. It very nice to not have to deal with update issues and the like during this time. So naturally I choose tools to do offline programming for both desktop and embedded. So I decided that for my embedded work I wanted to have better environment than Arduino IDE. Now enters VSCode with Platform IO. I download all the target platforms for my boards. I get it all working and installed. Then I take my computer to my non internet location. I fire up VSCode, select the platform, create a test project, and compile the code. Everything is working great. Then I go to upload the code to my board:
"Blah blah blah you need internet first time talking to a board blah blah blah." Seriously? WTF? Who does stupid shit like this? Once you install your dev tools they should be fucking installed! Now I have to drag my fucking dev boards to another location and do a test install just to do fucking offline programming.

FUCK YOU PLATFORM IO!

Notice I don't blame VSCode for this. I know this IDE is very internet dependent, but it works once you get your plugins installed regardless of internet. Unless of course you are doing internet based programming.

Dear internet explorer...
Go fuck yourself

92% download..
internet goes down
restart it!!
fuck my life

FUCKING FUCK I CANT FUCKING HANDLE THIS

WHY THE GODDAMN ***FUCK*** DOES CINNAMON NOT HAVE DOCS FOR ITS DESKLETS

THE ONLY TUTORIAL RELATED TO IT IS FROM FUCKING 2014

THERES LITERALLY ZERO DOCUMENTATION ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET

HOW ARE PEOPLE MAKING DESKLETS AND APPLETS WITHOUT DOCS

I came in to work again today...

So, the Network I was on was blocking every single VPN site that I could find so I could not download proton onto my computer without using some sketchy third-party site, so, being left with no options and a tiny phone data plan, I used the one possible remaining option, an online Android emulator. In the emulator running at like 180p I once again navigated to proton VPN, downloaded the windows version, and uploaded it to Firefox send. Opened send on my computer, downloaded the file, installed it, and realized my error, I need access to the VPN site to log in.

In a panic, I went to my phone ready to use what little was left of data plan for security, and was met with no signal indoors. Fuck. New plan. I found a Xfinity wifi thing, and although connecting to a public network freaked me out, I desided to go for it because fuck it. I selected the one hour free pass, logged in, and it said I already used it, what? When?, So I created a new account, logged in, logged into proton, and disconnected, and finally, I was safe.

Fuck the wifi provider for discouraging a right to a private internet and fuck the owner for allowing it. I realize how bad it was to enter my proton account over Xfinity wifi, but I was desperate and desperate times call for desperate means. I have now changed my password and have 2fa enabled.

Yay!!! New laptop is finally here. Doing some setup for work.
Fuck my internet btw

Just an update : never fucking install windows 7 on a new desktop without first reading , fucking piece of shit won’t detect my SSD , tried different solution over the Internet to no success, after 3 hours of nerve wrecking debugging I read a post on the Internet that “some”(not sure which) versions of windows just don’t detect an SSD,
Finally done by installing windows 10,
But nooooooo will windows let me die in peace, noooooooo
Every fucking time I restart my PC “ windows is installing updates
I mean fuck you , how fucking many bugs do you squash in a day.

Probably some engineer at Microsoft will be “ oops o dropped a donut on my keyboard, let just press ctrl + z” to undo changes and upload , lol “

Swear to god ima blow my fucking brains out

A small thunderstorm came in yesterday brought chaos and terror for 1 hour and left like nothing happened

Guess what

It left the whole city without the internet

Over 300,000 people dont have internet of course including me and i am pissed the fuck off because i was in such a great mood to get shit done today

There was internet. Pure, beautiful, attractive but then it started to fuck with more people then it should.
Now everyone fucks internet that doesn’t care anymore. It just sells his ass to whoever have more money.

Welcome to corporate world bitches.

Will these fucktards just FUCKING FIX EDUROAM! alright it's a WiFi network that works across the globe and there's challenges with that BUT DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO MANUALLY RECONNECT EVERY random amount of time!!! I'll shove that fucking MSCHAPv2 down you fucking throats with that sweet sweets PEAP sauce bloody arseholes.
What do you fucking mean it works fine? NO IT BLOODY DOESN'T! Get your shit together and at least handle DHCP leases correctly and make them not expire every fucking minute!!

Also, how the flipping fuck does connecting to the eduroam VPN from within fucking eduroam make it more stable? Only ever so slightly though. Incompetent pieces of dick sucking craptards don't make me have to bring out the ethernet jack EVERY FUCKING TIME at school for christ's sake.
No, it doesn't make it my problem because I'm running Linux. Look on the Internet. The forums are fucking filled with people having issues and your docs are from 5 years ago so please kindly FUCK Off!!!

Not really a rant about coding itself, but it's a rent, I'm a dev, so here ya go:

I have a German citizenship, but am living in Hungary temporarily. Also, I need internet. So I go to the website of UPC, register, order a package, etc. Just as I would do anywhere else....... Except for the fact , that they just called me that I should send them my passport, because they neither accept my German ID, my Hungarian registration card or anything else. I DON'T HAVE A PASSPORT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! I LIVE IN THE EU, I DON'T NEED A PASSPORT!!

But the best part was when they told me I should just ask my mother to make the contract for me, because she does have a Hungarian citizenship. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!