Being paid to rewrite someone else's bad code is no joke.

I'll give the dev this, the use of gen 1,2,3 Pokemon for variable names and class names in beyond fantastic in terms of memory and childhood nostalgia. It would be even more fantastic if he spelt the names correctly, or used it to make a Pokemon game and NOT A FUCKING ACCOUNTANCY PROGRAM.

There's no correspondence in name according to type, or even number. Dev has just gone batshit, left zero comments, and now somehow Ryhorn is shitting out error codes because of errors existing in Charmeleon's asshole.

The things I do for money...

Me: "Hey, I see you've started your class name with a lowercase letter, It's common practice to start it with a capital letter"

Co-worker that started two weeks ago with almost no experience in c++: "Oh, right. You women and your rules, you must know it then"

Me: *Awkward laugh* *Thinking as long as he changes it i'll let that one slip* *Sends him coding standard guide just in case he doesn't believe me*

-- Two days later --

He still didn't fucking change it. It pains my eyes to look at it each time he asks me for help. Oh and stop calling me "miss", I have a name.

"serverless" is a stupid name. There's always a server, just not yours. It's just as dumb as people thinking "cloud" means there's no computer. There's always a computer, just not yours.

GF: Did you watch a movie while you were sleeping?
ME: (Syntax Error): How could i watch a movie while sleeping?
GF: No, the name of the movie is "while you were sleeping"
ME: oh, you forgot quotes for string

Yesterday I had to modify a python script that was written by the previous dev,
There was no documentation to understand the code, I had to read 10 files almost 900 line each, after a looooooooooong 7 hours, at the top of one of the scripts, the author name was same as mine
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

When they expect you to construct something which was defined just by a name, and you have absolutely no clue..:

When you accidently change (refactor) the variable name and you have no idea which var is which:

When someone beats the level of stupidity you thought was possible.

No, when you request a Let's Encrypt certificate, you DON'T fill in YOUR OWN NAME in the "Common Name" field 🤦

Also, it explains right next to the fucking field that non-experienced users SHOULDN'T ALTER THE FUCKING VALUE.

😷

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders 

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Me being a good collegue teaching my friend basic C++ for upcoming exam and trying my best not tore my friend apart.

Crime scene: university's library, today, 1PM.

Me: Create a new class, just type 'class' and hit TAB
Him: I'm trying to but it pastes some code
Me: That's the point of hitting TAB.. now that we are finished, include it in your main file, the one with main entry point
Him: I have no such thing
Me: Look for main function
Him: There's none, what is it called?
Me: ...main
Him: Yeah, what is it called?
Me: ..main, the name is main
Him: I get it, but what is it called?
Me: 'MAIN' FOR GODS SAKE, THE NAME IS 'MAIN' *points towards my code*..
Him: Oh, okay, I get it now
Me: Ok, let's compile
*Error pops on his screen*
Him: You know what, I don't think you can really program.. *closes laptop and walks away*.

FML

Rough analysis of LinkedIn inmail’s I get:

Hi <5% of time, not my name>,

I was looking at your profile <97% a lie>. I was very impressed with your <10% something I’ve never done> experience working for <5% a company I’ve never heard of>. Would you be interested in hearing more about <60% a job I’m not suited for>, they offer amazing benefits and have a great culture!

... no

Client: Saw you did some cool logos...can you design us a logo as well?

Me: sure, do you have any ideas already?

Client: no

Me: Whats the name of the company/project?

Client: We don't know yet.

Me: FUCK YOU!!!

USER: I can't see any data in the page...!
ME: ok, I'll do a check
ME: API calls get no data back. Boss, did you change anything and put it in production?
BOSS: Absolutely not, I just modified the name of what was the "Family" parameter in "Type".
ME: Seems legit. Totally agree. I'm going to lunch. Can you check in the meanwhile why calling the API with "Family" does return nothing? Thanks.

My boss's name is Skayo.
He's the best and the worst boss at the same time!

He does let me play video games during work hours, but he doesn't pay me :(
Also when I'm really unproductive, he doesn't even try to motivate me to do some actual work... It may not sound like it, but it sucks.
On the other side, I can just choose which project I'll be working on, which gives me a bit of freedom!
No coworkers tho...

Me : "I want to remove this file"
Windows powershell : "No you can't"

Me : "I'd like to remove this file and then sort all my /home files in alphabetical order and rename all of then adding some text before and after there actual name"
Linux bash : "Ok. Done."

For some reason, people like to show off their mostly-samey linux desktops.

Here's mine.

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders 

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Please for the love of god name your variables in a sensible way! How the FUCK am I supposed to read your shitcode if you decide to write 6 (!!!) nested loops with variables each named by exactly one character. With no comments whatsoever!

I would rather crack password hashes than this nonsense.

Headphones are in, colleague calls my name, I take them out a little annoyed at the interruption.

Colleague: what did one window say to the other?
Me: you're such a pane you know that?
Colleague: no but fuck! That's better

Fell like I can finally vent this now I've calmed down.

Me: You've fucked the tree again
Junior: No I haven't
Me: It says there "Fixing merge conflicts"
Junior: Well it wasn't me I wouldn't have done a merge
Me: It has your name next to it...
Junior: Well that commit wasn't there a second ago
Me: it's dated for Friday...
Junior: Well if you hadn't committed to master and blah blah blah
Me: We'll if you knew know to use git we wouldn't have this problem.

A huge project came my way at work. Old spaghetti code, no source control, no test env and every other possible challenge you could think of. Based on my initial quote a deadline of June 19th was approved. Two days ago the president of the company tells my boss it needs to be done by Friday, no excuses. Horrible timing since I'm moving tomorrow and am off all next week. Not to mention I'm the only dev at the company that understands/knows how to work on this code. We also don't have a budget to contract out. Literally not possible to do in 2 days. I proposed a "quick fix" solution and new design which was approved. I Spent 2 straight days working on it with overtime, no lunch hour, and the president checking on me every hour for status updates. Managed to implement my "quick fix" and just put it live 2 hours ago. President approved, and said "thanks". He then sent an email to the company and all our agents across the country anouncing the change. In the email he directly thanks the Marketing dept and the "senior leadership team" for "making the quick turnaround of this request possible". He proceeds to name specific people responsible for making this happen. No where does he mention my name or my department. Not that I'm actually surprised but it would have been nice to get some recognition considering this literally wouldn't have worked without me. Guess I should be used to it by now. I'm also now on call during my week off in case anything breaks.

There comes a moment in every coders life where he must prove his programming chops by solving an arbitrary problem for one of their random relatives. If they fail, they have brought shame to their family name. But if they succeed, there is no greater glory.

Random Uncle: "Hey my wifi isn't working. Can you fix it?"
Me: Restarts laptop. Wifi works.
Uncle: "Wow nice job!"

Indeed. There is no greater glory.

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders?
1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop
Now, no one will open internet explorer 😂

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders

1. Go to Desktop and create anew folder

2. Name the folder Internet Explorer

3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer

4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Comment your ideas...

The Devs decided!
Behold my new name:
@IamGay6969
What...
No...
THIS CANT BE!
NOOOOOO!

Video games, food delivery and no one calls your name ever!

Riskiest Dev choice...

Leaving a previous job, moving 1000KM (620 Miles) away with no job prospects and going absolutely broke.

This was all in the name of “I need a better job”, so what better way to force yourself to get one.

I’m currently in my second job since then and now make just over double what I was earning before.

Sometimes it takes a high risk to get out ahead.

This ist basically my daily work. I have to write Java code in excel files which then are being converted into a DSL and then again being converted into Java code. On top of that many wrappers were built which abstract all this things away..

We have about 30 such excel files which contain about 50000 business rules.
There is no version control for this tables and 5 different team are working on the same tables parallel.

The name of this framework is Drools or as I call it: HELL 😡

Well hello to you too, missing if-statement for no name provided...

@JoshBent suggested that I'd make a blog about security.

Nice idea, fair enough!

*registers domain at provider with discounts at the moment*
*tries to find whois protection option*

"You can add WHOIS protection to your account as an upgrade"

*requests authorization token*

*logs into usual domain name provider account*

*transfers domain name*

*anonymizes WHOIS details within two seconds*

I could've stayed and ask them about the cost etc but the fact that they even HAVE a price for protecting WHOIS data is a no-go for me.

Fuck domain name resellers which ask money for protecting ones WHOIS information (where possible).

Dev: We need a better name than “Data” for this class. It’s used for displaying a set of tiles with certain coordinates so maybe TileMap would be a bit more declarative?

Manager: No I don’t like that. Data is perfectly fine, this class is for managing data so it’s perfectly declarative you just need to get better at reading code. If you have to change it then DataObject or DataObjectClass might be a bit more specific.

Dev: …

Boss: Here's the next project that I would you to start immediately.
Me: So the client wants <Application Name>
Boss: Yes and it's due on Friday after 2 weeks.
Me: Yes can be done. By what time today you can give me the requirements.
Boss: Not today, I will give you the requirements next week Friday.
Me: So I should start the project next week Friday.
Boss: You have to start the project today
Me: Start with what? There is no requirement. Excuse me, I need a break.

This is just fucking awesome.
Bought a domain name from a local registrar today and now my personal details like full name, phone number and exact address are nicely on whois.

The cunts didn't even thing to ask me during registration if I want to make it private and there's no option to do that on their piss poor website.

Oh well, tomorrow will be the day that I transfer my new domain away from them. Last time I ever do business with these shitcakes

Friend - Could you develop a Website for me ?
Me - What exactly for?
Friend - (Explains what he wants) and the name of the site should be eventsomethingmanagement.com
Me - oh for that you'd have to buy the domain name, and host your site there
Friend - I thought you'd do all of that
Me - Seriously? NO
Friend - I thought you were an engineer
Me - :|

Just got picked up for a project. 20,000+ code base, no comments, no docs, variable names like x, xx, xxx, no function name conventions, and a mishmash of Czech, French and English class names.

I thought this job was too good to be true. #fml

/*
* Name
*/
private static final String NAME = "name";

No shit Sherlock...

Pro tip: As great as your product is, it's 1000x harder to pitch to my boss when it has a goofy-ass name.

Me: Hey boss, I came across some new software that'll help manage our mission critical database system.
Boss: Oh yeah, what's it called?
Me: WoolySocksDB Enterprise Edition
Boss: 😐... No.

expect([
row[‘blah’][0][1],
row[‘blah’][1][1],
row[’blah’][2][1],
row[‘blah’][3][1],
row[‘blah’][4][1],
]).to contain_exactly(
a.name(user), # “John doe”
c.name(user), # “John doe”
e.name(user), # “John doe”
b.name(user), # “John doe”
d.name(user), # “John doe”
)

(Note: The comments are mine.)

See the problem? No, not the ugly code (which is actually worse than what i posted here).

It’s using the same ridiculous getter (if you can call it that) that pulls a name out of the passed user object, and then expecting each row to have that name, in order. Not that order matters when they’re all the same.

Upon inspection, all objects created by the spec have the exact same name, so the above test passes (as long as there are 5 rows). It passes, but totally not because it should: those aren’t the objects that are actually in the table. All of the specs — all 22 of them — only check for that shared name on various rows, and no other data. And it’s not like this is the only issue, either.

Fuck me these are bad.

And this guy is a senior dev earning significantly more than me. Jesus what the fuck Christ.

Dev1: We need you to name this service
Dev2: Name it whatever
Dev1: You should name it
Dev2: Can we change it later?
Dev1: No
Dev2: Are you going to have dependencies on the name
Dev1: Yes
Dev2: Call it StupidDev1
Dev1: Ok we will name it

!dev

I quit.
+5 years of working with violent autistic teens. I've seen, heard, and been a victim of some pretty fucked up things. Today however, I watched the cutest little hamster (her name was brownie) stabbed to death for no reason. Time to reevaluate my life, I quit & I'm going back to school.

How do Russians name it when there's no internet?
.
Interнет

Me: Have you finished the MVP description?
Client: No
Client: But I found you a girlfriend
Client: *name*
Client: 21

😑

Request from a senior backend dev in a previous company:

Talking to the team thats responsible for the auth API's is such a pain. For this new API can we just not add any auth to it? Its only going to return details about who the email address belongs too. Like name, address, date of birth, car registration etc. No one will care about that, and it will be easier for mobile to integrate right?

Me : *wants to refactor a variable*

Visual Studio : Ok! Type the new name of the variable

Me : *backspace one time to remove a char*

VS : *erases ALL the name of the variable and ALL the usages of the variable, and no possibility to undo*

Me : ..... that was a dick move you know.

What's so wrong with having no name for my position?
I mean, it's only me in this startup.
I AM THE STARTUP, DAMMIT.

Do I really have to start calling myself a CEO just to appear trustworthy?
But how does one become a Chief if there's nobody to supervise?

Hustler? Rockstar? Too 'startup'ish and just sad.
Entrepreneur? Founder? Sounds like something a scammer would use.

I'll just stick to leaving my position blank on my business card, thank you.

CLIENT "So my nephew who does stuff with computers built it and we are ok with how it all works so don't worry about changing that. "

DEV "so like you have a public form with no input filtering, spam mitigation let alone sanitization or remote concern for security. Basically you have a Json flat file that is 34mbs of links to, viagra, replica watches, nock off name brands and one real estate company. It is getting about 15 submissions an hour. Since you don't want me changing how it works are you happy to just leave all that ?"

CLIENT "no no we don't want all that but we have no route to delete it, can you just stop all the spam and let us continue on?"

DEV "ok so back to my first question can we rebuild all of this properly, or do you really want to just leave it all"

:/ FML

> dockerized gitea stops working 502,
> other gitea with same config works just fine
> is the same config the issue? maybe the network names can't be the same?
> no
> any logs from the reverse proxy?
> no
> does it return anything at all on that port?
> no
> any logs inside the container?
> no
> maybe it logs to the wrong file?
> no others exist
> try to force custom log levels
> ignored
> try to kill the running pid
> it instantly restarts
> try to run a new instance with specifying the new config
> ignores config
> check if theres anything even listening
> nothing is listening on that port, but is listening in the other working gitea container
> try to destroy the container and force a fresh container
> still the same issue
> maybe the recent docker update broke it? try to make a new one and move only necessary
> mkdir gitea2
> all files seem necessary
> guess I'll try to move the same folder here
> it works
> it is exactly the same files as in gitea1, just that the folder name is different
>

The gym I go to has an app for user's to scan a QR code when they arrive and it has multiple HUGE issues.

This app shows the credit card info used for the direct debit without anything being redacted.

When the gym is signing up someone they give them a password so they can login, not too bad except the password is always the person's first name with the first letter capitalised.

This gets worse when you figure out that their is no way to change the password given to you AT ALL.

And just to top it all off, when you click the "Forgot Password" link on the login screen, the app just sends you an email with your password (your first name) in plain text.

The app also doesn't log you out or notify you if your login is used on a different device.

So I have tested this with 2 of my friends that go to the same gym and, with only knowing their email and first name (which I could have gotten from their email if I didn't know them), I can get into their app and see their credit card info without them being any the wiser.

No joke, my boss told me to change the name of my Python script

HR: I’m sure you know what this meeting is about

Dev: My script that converts the name of our 3rd party IT provider in any email thread I reply to with “PooPoo Inc.”?

HR: No, that is a separate meeting

Dev: Ah.

I’m excited! I start my new (and first ever!) job as a dev today. I hope I do well. I’m surprised I got hired too, as I don’t have much professional experience to my name, but this is my dream and there’s no way I’m going to fuck this up! Wish me luck!

Guys, a "standup" is in the name. The idea is it's a meeting that's quick enough you don't need to sit down.

A 3 hour standup is, in no way shape or form a standup. It's just another pointless meeting that I'll keep on in the background while I pay zero attention.

Hell is accidentally clicking on, instead of copying, an email URL and having to wait forty years for some email program you didn't even know existed to rise from its slumber like some Lovecraftian ancient god, meanwhile the fans on your laptop are preparing for takeoff and you stare dead-eyed as the rainbow spirals, spirals, spirals. you wait and suffer this cosmic karma. days pass. “just a few more seconds” you slur. your laptop freezes and the concept of time is no longer comprehensible. your family and friends forget your name and you fade from existence.

!rant

Moved in with my SO. No not Stack Overflow. Anyway. The hardest part about it is choosing a good Wifi name. We acctually need two names.

Go.

Edit: the perfect name would have a Star Wars reference in it.

How you can hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders...

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer

A 520MB CSV file with 29 columns and no headers.

If it's not an impertinent question, why in the name of Satan's magnificent testicles would anyone do that?

I hope their pig dies.

Getting ready for GDPR at work. I had to explain to my bosses what it meant, especially regarding one of our project where we store a lot of user data. Then I heard it: "this crap doesn't regard us. we have no sensitive data. we only save out users' name and generalities.". I have no words.

One of our team members would write his name in a comment before and after every line of code he writes!
Like we got version control we can see the changes that have been made and by whom there is no need for this narcissistic behavior.

- There are no stupid questions. Please feel free to ask.
- You don't have to memorize, but try to understand.
- Document so you never have to remember.
- Teach so you will master and never forget.
- Even if we have different responsibilities do not ping pong issues because overall the client only sees one company name so we work as one.
- Do not disturb while on vacation leave unless it's life or death.
- Relax, sleep and have a happy weekend.

I'm expecting probably no, but in the name of outdoorsy things not at all related to code, anyone else here enjoy electric bicycles?

Just grabbed this thing and it's absurdly fun, and helps me put some social distance between myself and other riders.

Franz is his name, he is our new programmer. He got task to made a calendar to display ongoing ads with javascript, and damn good he done it fast. Until today, he not coming because he got ill and i have to edit his calendar code because there's a change request.I look at his code and thinking how he read this code? no indentation, bracket everywhere, etc. Then I call him:

Me: Franz, can you explain your code to me?
Franz: Sure, but.. umm.. I forgot to bookmark the stackoverflow link.
Me: ...

Today a new person joined the team.

Started bitching about the entire team for not having documentation for our already written code and software.

Asks the manager for a new task that he can take up so that he can write documentation for all our already coded works.

Manager says Go On.

Troubles me with 400 questions every 3 minutes in the name of Knowledge Transfer for writing his documentation.

Sends a proud mail to the team for writing this new documentation that no one else had time to do.
He is a newbie and had no other task to do anyway.

I seriously don't know if I should feel proud of him, for writing new documentation,
Or if he's doing this to defame me.

The team is filled with snakes.

I think Clean Code: A Handbook of Agile Software Craftsmanship by Robert Martin should be a must to read.
In school no teacher puts emphasis on code quality.
They should learn how to name variables and functions the right way at an early stage in order to better perfect their craft :)

at a previous job at a shit company ran by bible-thumpers, i was rebuilding the company website for my a-hole boss. I asked him where I should get images from- if there was a stock photo site he preferred or what.
"Just pull them off Google. That's what I do."

Later when I was combing through the site, I saw he'd added images that CLEARLY STATE another COMPANY'S NAME in the image themselves. Nothing like promoting another company on your OWN company website, huh?
(And no, their company name is not ActiveMobi.)

They're still there, 3+ years later. Dumb ass.

Family:
- I pressed a wrong button on my TV remote and now I can't switch channels. Can you fix it? You're pro with computers.
- Can you set the clock in my car?
- You should change workplace to be closer, for example the <random factory name here> needs a new system administrator.

Me:
- Yeah, ok, I'll check that TV, then the car, and no, I shouldn't work for a company as a system administrator, I'm a developer.

Family:
- You can learn while working, it's similar.

Me: *facepalm*

!rant

"No developer is an expert in every tool. Unless your name is Bucky Roberts."

CEO at work has a Mac elitist as a friend who somehow indoctrinated err I mean convinced him to get apple everywhere, now the most common issue is updating Microsoft products on the Mac.....

Mac elitist guys first name is Steve lol no lie, he also services the Macs which he expects to do so when no one is around, oh and did I mention he wants us to leave our passwords on our desks LOL, he doesn't work for the company and I really really don't trust him, glad I have a git repo, and I hope he doesn't delete anything on my PC (very reluctant to leave my password on my desk, so I may just convince everyone that my Mac is fine, which seems like it's doing it's thing)

This is my classmate's team name

No copyright infringement intended

"What are you waiting for?" Well, I'm still waiting for someone to add an if-statement for no name provided before sending me personal offers

I once found a MongoDB cluster open to the internet with no authentication with nearly a terabyte of data that backed a CRM service whose customers included Microsoft and Adobe to name a few.

personalproject C++ codebase:
- Clean code,
- 1 class per file,
- naming conventions
- comments .
- No more than 10 files per folder

Work C++ codebase:
- 22 classes per file.
- Classname not the same as file name
- weird variable names CmdStng
- All files in one source folder.
- Source control from 20 years ago

Me every time I cannot find anything I wondering why it is in a different file on line 3574 inside another class with an unrelated filename

PTSD: Getting messages again at 9PM on a friday: "do you have time for a call?"

no dude, I DONT!

IF I DIDNT ANSWER YOU DURING THE DAY ON A WEDNESDAY, WHY IN GODS NAME DO YOU THINK I WOULD RESPOND AT 9 PM ON A FRIDAY

Oh gosh.. i can finally understand the CV and application nightmare stories... We're getting new people in, and there are quite a few interesting ones.

0) pages of randomly placed info. PAGES. I'm lost in there!!

1) no basic info whatsoever. Like, no nationality(we're recruiting internationally), no birthdate, barely his name and email. I know that the first ones are not really needed for the job, but they're still customary.

2) entry level back and/or frontend job. This guy's a phd graduate, working research with big data in a bio-something department. We're a web startup.

3) there are some listing so much unrelevant stuff, I'm not even sure if they meant to apply to us.

4) (my favourite) email subject: application, email body: empty, attached: short_application.doc ("hi, this is an application to the posted job. Best regards, Name") WAIT WHAT?

Two weeks into our fresh new Android app my colleague decided to define 1dp dimension unit in dimens.xml:
<dimen name="dimen_1dp">1dp</dimen>

During my code review I asked him if there was no better name for it as it's simply overstating the obvious and does not scale well for other resolutions. He didn't understand what I meant so I said would you then define this for xxdpi
<dimen name="dimen_1dp">4dp</dimen> just because you need more padding on higher density screens?

Then he goes on for 10 minutes how he thought about other names (doesn't say which ones) and still decided to stick with this one.

I politely heard him out and made it abundantly clear that I disagree with that naming (not the value). And I also backed up my point by saying that what he did is exactly the same as defining a color in colors.xml like this:
<color name="color_FFFFFF">#FFFFFF</color>

Then he frowned and said (paraphrasing): Noooooooo, that is so wrong. I would never do that. It's not the same as what I have done.
Then he again started defending his point which probably would have gone for good 10 minutes except I literally bit my tongue and walked away from my desk hoping he wouldn't follow as I was dangerously close to punching him!

Fucking enganeers!!!

WTF!!!!! I officially have someone trying to extort me just had this in my email box this morning!

--------

Hello,

My name is [name removed], I'm an IT security expert and I found a security issue on your website.
This email is personal and in no way related to any of my employers.

I was able to access to a lot of files which contains sensitive data.
I attached a screenshot of the files I found to this email.

I would be happy to give you the method I used to access these files in order to let you fix it.
Would be a monetary compensation possible?

Please forward this email to the right person, if your are not responsible for the security of the website.

Best Regards,
[name removed]

---

He can basically see the contents of my wp-config.php. How has he managed this?

Told juniors about coding guidelines that don't put another if-else just to fix a bug. Think through about it and see if you can come up with better solutions.

Today one bug was filed, they asked what happened, one junior said that he [my name] asked me for no if-else in code. He kinda deleted all if-else in codebase and started using same implementation for everything.

I'm standing with a WTF face.

😐

Now I have to register on oracle website with a my company name and work phone before i can download jre or jdk. That's it boys and girls. You're unemployed? No minecraft for you!

Oh boy! Here we fucking go lads!

Mods are fantastic and people deserve recognition for what work they do, but as soon as you begin to start taking your work and trying to strip someone else's name from something is bullshit.

No Bethesda aren't perfect and yes the Nexus mod community do some great things, but without Bethesda there would be no Nexus and as soon as you try to make your efforts the forefront of someone else's work you can stop.

If I was to take devrant and place my logo on it and just call it a modification guarantee people would be upset, what's the difference here?

End scene.

Beautiful Sunday morning, still no snow here (😒 mother nature) and I realized that I am... Googleable. Like, my name is now out there because of publications. Like, I have been protecting my identity for a long time now, so it's very annoying that I finally have been exposed.

Anyways, how do y'all deal with online fame and recognition?

I was helping my girlfriend's sister on her programming homework yesterday. But the thing is that she missed a lot of classes to be with her boyfriend. So now she has a reasonably advanced task, without knowing the basics.

Her assignment was to open a file, extract it's text, and count how many times an user-given word appeared on it. So here's how it went:

- so you use the input function to ask the user to type the word.
- ok, but where do I type the word?
- in that black screen, on the bottom of visual code
~ changes name of the variable that receives the input()~
-like that?
- no, that is just the variable name. You should type in that black screen AT THE BOTTOM OF VISUAL CODE
- oh, ok.
~ changes name of .py file ~

Alright, I have no idea who to blame!
Me and my Linux group at college hosted a Firefox Quantum Sprint with about 30people. And we promised them Firefox swag coz Mozilla promised us! Its been more than two fuckin weeks since we were supposed to recieve them... no swag!
Well, guess what? The local post office says "Insufficient Reciever Address". I specifically remember giving u morons More than sufficient sender address! My name, college name, college address, my number... thats enough to get me assasinated if u want and u cant send a package of stickers?!!!
Well shit.. after five more emails I havent even gotten a reply from Mozilla.. or maybe its the weekends... fuck! Why am i defending these assholes?!!
Send me ur swag Mozilla! Or I ll... I ll...
Wait.. i cant do shit!
Fuck my life! 😣😣😣

A girl has no name...

I get frustrated when I get reports from the support team/clients

"[insert application name here] is not working"

thats all no information on which module or segment ... 😭😭

then I just waste time getting all the information ...

A project I'm working on uses Elastic for internal monitoring and logs. The customer asked to access those logs - not something we'd normally do, but it's isolated from other things we use and there's no critical data there, so what the heck, let them have it.

Ever since, we're getting tons of questions like "There are tons of [insert random info message] all the time, do you have any plans to resolve them?" and it gets to the point where I'm just about ready to scream back "NO, SUZAN, BOOKING NOT COMPLETED MANS THE USER F###ING CANCELLED IT, IT'S NOT SOMETHING I CAN FIX IN THE CODE"

Edit: the customer's name isn't actually Suzan

Manager 1: "We're going to hold a small meeting because of a new project."

Me: "Okay, cool. What project is it about?"

Manager 1: "Project X".

ME: "Right. What's the domain name?"

Manager 2: "Well there's this design but it's entirely made up. Just a concept."

Manager 1: "Wait, there's no more toner."

Manager 1 and 2 take 20 minutes to fix the printer, so manager 1 can print out an e-mail. They both return to their seats. No meeting happens. I roll a smoke and go outside to flip through LinkedIn for the nth time this week.

Last week a user couldn't find a document in sharepoint. Typed (what he thought) was the exact file name in the search -> no results.

I know how to get 'under the hood', so I looked where I thought the file was, found it, and it was exactly as he searched for it. What the hell? Wasn't a new file, it wasn't moved/renamed, no reason why it couldn't be found.
I 'touched' the file. Waited 5 minutes and searched again, found it. What the frack Microsoft!

git push origin stupid-long-feature-name
git pull origin develop
*Checks through all changes. No major conflicts. Accepts changes.*
npm test
*4 failing tests, none of them in pieces that I touched for my feature.*
*That's funny. QA was loaded from the develop branch, and everything works.*
*Actual data has dates from today. Expected data has dates from a week ago.*
*examines tests*
Why are all these expected dates hard-coded‽

tl;dr The external development team committed 4 tests that would only ever pass on the day they were written.

MySQL databases beginning with "test" in the name gives even people without login full access to its tables.

Somebody deleted all tables so we had to get a backup from out hoster.

Thanks MySQL.

I joined ACM (Association of Computing Machinery) when I helped my friends found out school's chapter.

I haven't had time to explore all it offers (other than free access to books I'm using for my certs), but I got an email saying they elected Cherri Pancake as President and I can't stop laughing. I feel a bit bad for the lady, as she may have had no say in her name (if it's her maiden name), but it's a wonderful name that makes me happy.

So today a client requested that the domain name in the address bar should be all capital letters because of corporate design. Don't get me wrong, this is a valid request for someone who has no experience in the IT world. But he refused to believe me that it wasn't possible. He even claimed that he has seen it at least hundred times and called me incapable. I don't get clients.

I attended a 2-days scientific conference last week which lasted from 9 AM-7 PM.
I submit my travel expenses today and the university adm got guts to tell me that
I should commute 6 hours everyday to that place instead of staying in a hotel.

Please people, I contribute making our research and name renown to the public. I don't even get paid doing that (did it for the sake of experience).
The least you can do is to support the accomodation. The penny pinching you did in the name of cost saving is embarrasing.

I didn't like every hour spent working in the uni, yet people still ask me why I won't continue to PhD.
No offence to all PhDs out there. It's just that my practical and money-oriented ass couldn't
stand all the free work I have to do if I do that.
I'd rather work in a supermarket, at least I'm getting paid of what I'm worth.
😕

The god damned education system in my country is completely fucked up. They teach TurboC++ in the name of programming, something that is no use in this world. This 80s ide is no use but it's compulsory to use turbo. Microsoft has fuckin removed support for 16 bit but they the syllabus won't change. I sent the concerned authorities an email about this but radio silence. This is too damn irritating.

Hi everyone
cozyplanes here
Long time no see

If you remember me, please leave a comment

I miss this place a lot.

I am active on twitter and Instagram with the same name
Hang along with me there if you are interested

Thanks (will have some sleep and will be back tomorrow morning)

When you're naming variables, it is not acceptable for them to be one character, especially when that character bares no relevance to the information it stores.

'f' is not a good variable name for an array of strings now, is it...

Step 1: Acquire Rasbpery Pi
Step 2: Install Rasbian Lite
Step 3: Install PiHole
Step 4: Setup VPN
Step 5: Get a domain name for the VPN server
Step 6: Install OpenVPN on Phone
Step 7: Connect to Rasbperry PiHole Server

NO MORE ADS MOTHERFUCKERS

Why is it that CS students with no industry experience lament about HTML all the time?

I don't get the weird obsession with talking about how it's "not a programming language"
No one who knows what they're talking about is claiming it is.

Hyper Text *Markup* Language.

Markup is in the name.

Why red herring is important between discussions.

My daughter: Papa! See this is my name and this is the name of my Sir.

I: No my little princess!! This is our surname.

My daughter: oh ok!! Who is that?

I: Ummm... (No answer) Wow!! You're wearing a beautiful dress today...

When i started my work I encoubtered this db(one of 4): more than 20 tables, some with 200 columns literally... EVERYTHING is a varchar 😓.

I'm slowly designing some normalized tables with real fk on new features and projects and people are like: how the fuck did you implement this feature so fast? the other guy spent 3 months designing this form (and I'm just speechless):

The form was some sort of crazyness shit passing input names as "name-of-property" and a file only to check if(name="string") then store a number value to an array and save it as a "number" (actually varchar) on the db. literally more than 50 if statements to do this.

Everything on a single table that made no sense at all.

Just wtf... At least my boss let me start if from scratch cause he we were always having panick attacks every time he needed to do something with it. 😂😂

String someStr = "your name";

// but i wanna capitalize it
someStr.capitalize(); // <-- operation has no effect

// ughh, fine 😒
String cappedStr = someStr.capitalise();

// wish I could just do this:
someStr .= capitalize(); // but it throws error 😩

So we have a portal for all our University courses, where the professors also upload the presentations, etc.
Professor sends Email: Please participate in this questionnaire.
*clicks link*
"Please log in to continue"
*logs in*
Error (while I am already logged in): "Please log in to continue"
????

No wonder some people nick name the thing stupid. <.<

Senior group project in college.

When you decide to meet up and one member doesn't show up at first meeting.

So I sent an email about the research I did on the feasibility of the project and how to implement a core requirement. 2 days later & no response yet..

Why do I think I'm gonna be the one the pull off the application by myself & then have to put name of people who have no idea how I got it to work..

Got a ticket saying we need our website's record creation wizard to have better validation. No worries, just some regex, right?

Sure, regex for name entry (with the usual white person assumptions about names), and fixing the fact that it's in-page popup doesn't close on save. Or save draft. Or delete.

And also you need to apply the name regex for the fields on this page to all the previous names that the user lists.

And there's that one issue where the address history message always shows no matter what.

Oh and make sure that if they choose to ignore those validation issues then the validation message is in the notes for the record.

And fix the thing where it saves as draft instead of as a normal record.

And and and and and...

Can we just talk about making it 1 problem per ticket? This sort of shit makes me look bad when it takes me a week to fix 1 ticket, when I'm usually a few-a-day kinda person

Unless you're editing actual fucking JSON and not a JS object, do this:
{
name: 'John Doe',
phone_number: '12345',
}

Not this:
{
name: 'John Doe',
phone_number: '12345'
}

Note the presence or lack of a comma after the last field. In this way, when you add a new field, you only have one line change in version control, because otherwise you'd have to add that no-longer-last comma and thus make two line changes. Not to mention you can forget to add it and spend some time figuring out what is wrong.

This whole programming profession sucks! Programmers suck! Managers suck! Companies suck! Products suck!

Why is it so hard to organize your stupid code at least a bit?! No, it’s not deadlines, just write a block of code and give it a meaningful name, a function, a method, a comment, so many options, so little fucks given. Give things a meaningful name instead of whatever came to your mind that moment. There’s no excuse! No, just leave it to the next guy, and he’ll leave his trash for another one. And then we complain and make memes about it. Fuck you all!

There’s no purpose or vision of products, managers sweep problems under a rug, executives do whatever they do, as long as some money is pouring in, just keep pedaling semi-mindlessly. Spin the wheel you little hamsters until you drop, there’s enough hamsters out there.

It’s just a clusterfuck of small, selfish interests and egos, a mud of meaningless and unnecessary problems that need not be there.

It’s not the workload, it’s the stress! The stress of bullshit, and constant problems that can be avoided if everyone did their job at least half-professionally. Not just programmers, everyone!

The best thing about perl is it doesn't care about errors and really tries to do what you ask, without throwing exceptions.
The worst? It does exactly what you ask, no matter how insane.
Typed $arri[ $0 ] instead of $arr[0] inside a function that detected what changes were needed in dns zones. $0 is script name and path, strings are converted to integers as needed and there's a little thing called vivification.
You see where this train wreck is going.
Also my dog died today.
Got to love Mondays :/

PM's? Like private messages? No idea, still haven't figured it out. There's still idiots from technical chats sliding in, often with a question that belongs in the very same chat they came from. My Telegram name has now literally "(No PM!)" in it, and a bio that says in all caps "DON'T FUCKING PM ME", yet there are STILL people that don't get it. September never ended, did it?

... Oh. Project managers.

So, I was going to make a little startup script to a friends laptop. I opened it up to realize I didn't know the PIN (not sure why it used a PIN instead of a password, but it did).

I looked up at the username, and it was in the format [name][number]. I though, "surely, no...." and tried it.

Yup. His username was basically [username][mypassword].

*sigh*

Working on a database where every column name are acronyms. No, the 2-5 seconds you just saved yourself from typing are not worth it, it’s so easy to make a self-documenting database but you had to fuck that up.

FUCKING SHITTY PHP WITH NO FUCKING COMMENTS AND A JOKE OF A DOCUMENTATION WELL I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHY THAT BUGS HAPPENING NONE OF THIS CODE MAKES SENSE AND IT APPEARS TO BE HELD TOGETHER BY DUCT TAPE AND PRAYERS AND IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IF I SEE ONE MORE FUCKING 200 LINE FUNCTION WITH A NAME LIKE 'transformData' WHAT THE HOLY FUCK DOES IT DO I SWEAR TO GOD THIS CODEBASE NEEDS TO BE FIREBOMBED

-" hey Linux, webdeveloper from ****** is on the phone and he is having some trouble"
; "aight send him over"

;" Linux speaking"
+" Hi its ***** from *****, my site wont work"

I ask him about more details and the the name of the sites, I quickly realize something...

;" Uhm, it seems like that you have not uploaded any files yes?
+" no I have not, I just wanted to test if the site on your hosting that I just bought Works as I was promised by the salesman"

;" FML"

Well... I once accidentally deleted a classmates entire assignment. Basically we were working together on one and we had the code in Github, I had named the repo after the module code.
He was having some weird git issues and I thought it would be easier to just delete and re-clone on his machine. You can probably see where this is going.

Me: rm -rf <DIR NAME> Enter
Him: wait, which folder did you just delete

Turns out he had the repo cloned inside another directory with the EXACT SAME NAME, which also contained his previous assignment, the only copy of it in the entire universe (it was a group project and they did it all on his laptop with no source control, which i found hilarious).
It wasnt so bad since that assignment was already submitted and graded, but a bit of a fail on both our parts.

There is just one thing that's been haunting me.

One.

Thing.

That I have yet to succeed at doing.

One thing.

That I have yet to understand it's mazehole.

ONE THING.

That I failed me as a developer.

How in the FUCK do I create my own mail server with my own domain name? HOW? JUST FUCKING HOWWWWW

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE SECRET!

WHAT AM I MISSING!!!!!

(no don't tell me about any of those office 365/GoDaddy/Windows bullshit, just guide me with something normal)

A form for an order checkout has a fucking stupid select box for comments... Options like "knock loudly" or "Ring doorbell"... 🤔

My wife had no way to put in a comment to say it needed to go to level 2! So I took over, inspected the element to make sure it wasn't using ID values for these stupid values, then replaced it with a text area with the same control ID, name and class.

Problem solved, felt like such a ninja 😉

One of our customers is a minor telco, which has been taken over by a bigger one. Some of the customer documents, welcome letters and so on, are generated by our system.
First of all, the new owner wanted us to re-brand it all for free. Well, we didn't (maybe you understand). I wrote an offer for the whole package including some fixes, sums another 9000 $.
Of course, they have to discuss it now,they told me. But in the meantime - they seriously asked us to black the former company name by hand on each letter using a marker. No shit buddies!

For anyone that uses Dev.to,

Do you agree with their rosy mentality of all inclusiveness? I think they take it a to an extreme.

I've seen multiple dev posts where someone (as an example) created an application called brogrammer for lifting weights and literally all comments were "the name is not inclusive omg, y do this" and berating their fellow dev because they named their app something that is little bit more masculine and straying away from the no gender posts. Its retarded imo.

I think I have ranted about this before but holy fuck why are non-technical people obsessed underscores??

NO, you DON'T need to replace all the spaces in the name of your Excel file just because you're sending it to a programmer.

endor's first magical adventures with PostgreSQL

"Alright, got the docker image up and running, and I'm connected to the db, both from console and from Datagrip! Cool, let's get started with the tutorial!"
*cue montage of me using Datagrip to create my first schema, then the first table, then insert a bunch of data to try things out*

"Cool, now let's see if I can view my data from the console"
db1-# select * from my_schema.table1
db1-# [nothing]

"*Ahem*, I said:"
db1-# select * from my_schema.table1
db1-# [nothing]

db1-# select * from my_schema.table1
db1-# [cricket noises]

"Wut, why can't I see the data that I inserted? Wtf is going on?"

*30 minutes later*
"Alright, I have no idea what's going on, so let's try inserting the data from console and see if Datagrip can see it"

db1-# insert into my_schema.table1(id, name, field2, field3) values (1, 'Mike', null, 123), (2, 'Jake', 0, 456);
ERROR: syntax error at or near "SELECT"
LINE 2: SELECT
^

"Wait, what?"

db1-# insert into my_schema.table1(id, name, field2, field3) values (1, 'Mike', null, 123), (2, 'Jake', 0, 456);
INSERT 0 2

"Wtf? Haaang on... "

db1-# select * from my_schema.table1;
id | name | field2 | field3
----+------+--------+--------
1 | Mike | | 123
2 | Jake | 0 | 456
1 | Mike | | 123
2 | Jake | 0 | 456
(4 rows)

*eye twitches*

Whenever someone find bugs in my code and ask for owner, I say- "An owner has no name" :/

!rant
What do you name variables with no meaning

in the holy name of the son of a fuck

CAN I HAVE JUST ONE FUCKING LINUX COMPATIBLE VIDEO EDITOR THAT DOES THE FUCKING CROSS FADES ON ITS OWN LIKE SONY VEGAS DOES?

JUST FUCKING ONE! WHAT ARE THESE FUCKING DEVELOPERS THINKING???????????

PITIVI, KDENLIVE, FLOWBLADE, OPENSHOT. ARE YOU TRYING TO CREATE HARD UIs ON PURPOSE?

NO, I DONT WANT TO CROSS FADE ON DIFFERENT TRACKS.

NO, I DONT WANT TO MAINTAIN THE CROSS FADES AS SEPARATE ENTITIES. JUST GENERATE THEM ON THE FLY!

IT'S STUPID... STEWWWWW PID...

Grandfuck shit
I'm about to eat my own shit and play around with the pieces of corn I ate last night.

I'm losing my goddamn mind over here.

Medieval torture devices got nothin' on Angular.

The Rack? Ha, good times!
Brazen Bull? Happily!
Iron Maiden? Yes, please!
Pear of Anguish? Funny name, I'll take it!

But Angular?!

PLEASE GOD, NO! HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL!

I have successfully achieved the developers nightmare.

Eating with siblings at the table yesterday and found the printer to be broken, again. Okay, easy fix, I thought; connect it back to the WiFi and its good.

My mom asks to teach her how to fix it, but it was too late because I already did. But then there was my younger brother. He says “Ask Gerry, he is the printer guy.” (No, Gerry is not my real name)

I didn’t take it too hard but I did joke with him by fake attempting to punch him. I think he got the point.😂

Security in defense is a joke.

New hire does not have accts set up told him over and over!

He decides to go into a classified area and just try. Common last name with first initial.

Guess what he was able to get in because no one changed the default password!

Yep now someone with an interim clearance got access to a machine that goes from unclass to secret and then top secret!

Finally got my anime api somewhat working.

Tomorrow (or in a couple of hours 😅) I'll try to register my first domain and and get my first vps(?) up and running

The api features the data from /r/animethemes, so it'll have 2000+ animes entries with opening / ending urls.

I've also tried to implement some form of searching ('%term%' stuff 🤣), but you better know your abime by its romanized name, or you're gonna have a bad time since I have no alternative names per anime yet.

Freelance Headhunters...

No idea where they got my name and the number of my work phone...

- they do not give a damn and call me 1045 am to discuss "EXCITING BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES™"

- they are sure I am having a case of stockholm syndrome, because I could NEVER be satisfied in my current employment

- they call every other day with a new number and start the same process again

How fucking dense can people get?

So I was just informed I have 40 tickets with my name on them. No big deal normally except that I had no idea and was scheduling based on the fact that I knew I had 25 on my plate and most of them were OBE. How did I find this out you ask? Well rather than updating the tickets in our ticket tracking system, my PM updated a spreadsheet that is out in no man's land. So it looks like I have been doing no work for the last 3 months when in reality I have been busting my ass to get shut done and fixed. Why even have a ticket tracking system?

Student Account Password at the university. No changes the default. It's their DOB and first two letters of the name.

Injection steps:
Open Database ( I am the Placement Representative )
Copy DOB
Paste
Add the first two alphabet
Unlocked

Helping a friend study for a midterm for a web development class at the university I went to. They have a new teacher this semester and I’m reviewing his slides about javascript to see where the confusion is...

First slide: based off of Java, hence the name JavaScript, but is not Java. Borrows most syntax from Java.

And they wonder why employers comment on the surveys: “unprepared for the workforce”

Looked up the professor.. no experience teaching or any background in cs. And people pay 6-12k / semester for this state university.

> Am writing code
> Life is good
> Add debugger keyword
> Script pauses
> Type in var name... Undefined.
> ...What?
> Check out local scope. It's there. What the fuck?
> Add console.log(myVariable)
> Refresh
> Logs variable no problem. Cool.
> Type in my var name
> Undefined

FFFUUUUUUU-

😒 I just found a new method of how to stay awake throughout the night without sleeping.... No coffee required

.. By 10pm
Start a project and name dictionary.py
On visual studio make sure you are not using internet because this is an exam and cheating ain't allowed..

Now start coding until it fully functioning and can generate random words out of predictions...

😩 Feel free to hate me after trying that

I was doing code reviews for some of the new Devs recently joined... One guy wrote his entire life history in the check in description... Like Why he took this approach, why interfaces are necessary in coding, when did he lost his virginity (I doubt he ever did), what's his pet name? - sadly no information related to his online banking... Shame really...

You know what's a good place for init Files? A standardized place...
A place, where one would expect it...
You know where isn't a good place
/usr/lib/systemd/{user,system}/

You know what is also a fuckin bright idea? Generic names....
Postgresql-10 is a rather anoying service name, if your plattform doesn't feature autocomplete for your plattform. Looking at no one. *Cough* centos *cough*

Well at least manpages for the service would have been nice...

Writing simple terminal input/output lang (Hello, what's your name, hi) in D.
Compiling in D using standard lib: 6.1M
Compiling in D with inline assembly, no standard lib or libc, using syscalls: 1048 bytes!
I'm still freaking out a little.

When you get the big enter button & can't stop slamming your fist on it.

So I'm a junior candidate & keep getting senior , way senior job reqs. There's no way you can put job preferences on Dice so I had to put "Jr/Entry Level only" at the end my name lol & still keep getting these.

I think they don't even look at your resume. Just blast out emails hoping they get something.

Its like shooting a rifle in the sky all over & hoping you've hit the target.

Long time no see...
My first ever research paper was selected a few months back. Never been to a foreign country, but COVID fucked the plans... Conference on mid June.
The paper will be in press after the conference.
Conference: EuCNC 2020
Paper name: RFF Based Parallel Detection for Massive MIMO

Noice

I have a local variable that is completely unused, can be of any name or type as long as it's assigned.

Yet, if I delete it the program no longer works.

Huh?

An identity platform where you can find each other, get the other's public key and preferred contact method. And the entire key exchange and choice of contact method are negotiated automatically. No vendor lock in, encryption happens on your own device. Effortlessly and securely communicating, no searching for skype name, email, phone number, setting up shit. It would just work.

I'm still wet behind the ears as developers go, and about a month ago I cobbled together a webservice. After many bug fixes I somehow got it working as intended, held together by tape and shoestring and creaking all the while.

This week, one of the consumers of the service wanted me to open it back up to change the name of the request .xsd. no functionality changes, just a name change.

I protested, worried my service would fall apart if I breathed on it. But he insisted so I made the change.

I just tested it and... it's working as intended.

But I still want to be mad about this!!

The $customer gets a device from us, with th wifi connected as specified in the order. $customer connects it to the mains and monitor, puts in the dongle and the connection is established.
Fast forward 3 weeks, now everything went south. The device does not connect to the network, the service is offline. Our first question: "Has someone modified the WiFi name or password?"
$customer: "No, there were no changes in the WiFi"

So the full arsenal of debugging the connection over LAN starts, interrupted by $customer unplugging the device "because he needs LAN now"

After sometime, we figured out, everything is fine with the device, and ask $customer once again, if the config $ssid and $password is correct.

$customer: "Oh, we changed the name to $ssid2 because it looks nicer, is that a problem?"

Internal: "Are you f*kin kidding me? I asked you exactly that"
Me: "Alright, that explains the issues. Please tell us in advance if you want to change something with the WiFi."

5000 scss file with the name global.scss styling.

How fucking dumb can you be to fucking mess up a clean component based architecture like Foundation or Bootstrap and fill it with shit in a single file.

No wonder WP gets shit. The legacy code is usually shit.

And to put the shit cherry on top. This motherfucker had a settings.scss file with all general components and he never used it.

Fucker put different font size in px everywhere! Fucking asshole!!!

I'm ashamed of it, but I want to share my tifu-story:
My colleague asked me if I could rename his windows user name because he married and changed his last name. I changed it in the Active Directory, but he got some problems when he wants to log on. On every startup his old name appears. Simpliest task. Let me google that.
Easy going, let me just change this registry entry. Reboot. Old behaviour. Okay, I changed some of the other entries. Reboot. Yeah, his new name appears. But wait a moment. Windows just nulled his entire user profile and deleted all the data. "oh, haha you have a backup, right?" - "no, I saved everything on the desktop, all my work is gone!"
But at the end, the boss was mad at HIM, because he doesn't used the file server or any backup system.

i am not a smart man

Non english-native devs - when you work with foreign customers, do they insist on using your name as it is pronounced in your country, or do they prefer to use English substitutes?

I mean - I'm from Poland. We have a call with a guy from France and he goes on and calls everyone as it is in Polish, but sometimes I know it would be easier for him to go for English names (we can translate them easily, no one would be offended, I guess)

Is it the case in your work? :v

Saw a counting variable in code. It was a necessary counting variable, so that is not what this is about.

However, this is a US based company that has a somewhat PC (no cursing) and professional cultural facade.

This variable was called "cnt". How the hell did that one not get caught in peer review? I have gotten dinged for having "possibly offensive" variable names (think Point5Hit though I have never written that as a variable name). It was funny. But I have changed it because that's just lazy.

Recruiters are driving me crazy, you can't even damn write a proper message with my name on it, no you just send 10000 messages a day and hope to get a response.
"""
Hey {firstname}
I am currently looking for a Lead Data Scientist in MyCity to work with a unicorn tech company.
You need strong Machine Learning Experience, be happy to be client facing.
Highly competitive package on offer.
Regards
"""
{firstname} T_T

We have pretty fast and lean dev process between QA/Design/Devs.

But sometimes, it's going to shit ;p

QA :
An option "ROLE" is missing for grouping in that table.
So 5 min to create ticket, assign someone from design on it

Design : Yeah, this is true. We missed that option in our design.
Proceds to modift figma by adding an option "Role" to a drop down.

Reasigned to Junior dev.

Junior dev : I have no clue how grouping works with graphql.

So at least 30 min.

Reasigned to me.

Me after 1 min of looking at it : PR chhanges on screen shot :

Facepalm... Everyhtibng was already in place, someone forgot to add id AND name, not just name.

Git blame => Or never mind... it was me..

Tech dumb Friend just came in with his laptop saying it was overheating and shutting down for d past 2 weeks for no fkin reason. Initial thoughts were dusty vents but wow i opened task manager and ders literally a bitcoin miner named GPUminer.exe running in d top of task manager task list. Retard mfs didn't even mask d mf name. Resetting d shitshow now thanks mr hax0rBoi.

Was working on an issue that happened to be number 666. And it sort of lived up to its name. Hours of work for no necessary change. Thinking of rejecting as non-issue. Think it would be inappropriate to write "get behind me Satan" or "the power of Christ compels you" as rejection reason?

"What in the name of hell? Why? No.. absolutely not. Jeeeesus. Holy cow!! Haha.. that's funny. No friggin way! Oh that makes sense..wait, that makes no sense. Screw it I give up."

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer 

Fucking java library publishing. It's a nightmare. You have to fucking own a domain to publish a shit onto jcenter/bintray/whatever. You have to own the domain, that your lib's package name is. And you MUST verify it, otherwise you won't publish anything. Or you can shit allover your lib with package name like com.github.dumbcoder.mycoollib.

You must to create a ticket for some shitheads that are going to verify your shit for two weeks. They gonna ask you for source.jar, docs.jar and whatever shit.jar they need.

What THE fuck? Who was the asshole that decided name packages in reverse domain name? No FUCKING more ecosystem has such a bullshit. In .net you just make a lib, create a free nuget account, fill some basic info and boom! you have .net package published. Same for npm and rust for example.

Because the fucking package name should be just for structure not for a some dick to own it. Namespace is name-fucking-space.
FUCK JAVA.

No Python. I don't want your fucking eggs. Who even decided on that name??? Eggs break and get all messy, the stuff inside grows out of control or is dead to begin with. WTF!!! I feel filthy whenever I see an egg-info. EEWW

First-time goona work on frontend(my worst nightmare).
That too Angular.
That too on a file containing 900 LOC.
That too with no proper naming, variable names x,e, obj.
That too with no comment.
Cant take help as I am the lead(name-sake, small team, I have 6month more experience than others)

I have 2 days(thank god for the weekends).

Fuck...Fuck...I missed writing CLI apps.

Yesterday was a horrible day...
First of all, as we are short of few devs, I was assigned production bugs... Few applications from mobile app were getting fucked up. All fields in db were empty, no customer name, email, mobile number, etc.
I started investigating, took dump from db, analyzed the created_at time stamps. Installed app, tried to reproduce bug, everything worked. Tried API calls from postman, again worked. There were no error emails too.
So I asked for server access logs, devops took 4 hrs just to give me the log. Went through 4 million lines and found 500 errors on mobile apis. Went to the file, no error handling in place.
So I have a bug to fix which occurs 1 in 100 case, no stack trace, no idea what is failing. Fuck my job.

I had joined a new company and got access to their codebase. They were updating password on MD5 hash of user name and their email in get request. No password validation, no token based authentication, nothing.

Eg
...com/change_password/email=(plainemail)&name= MD5(name)

That's it, you get change user password.

Quotes are paraphrased (unless *) to protect the incompetent and stupid (or more the case: client and I'm reducing risk of exposure)

Situation: We have a program that opens sqlite database files. Occasionally new versions of the program needs to upgrade these files.

Program UI: To proceed you need to upgrade your database. It is recommended you backup your database before proceeding. Hit Yes to continue or No to abort.

Client: How do you back up a model once it has upgraded? If I hit No the program closes leaving me no option to backup the model.

Support: *The easiest way of backing up a model before upgrading is creating a copy of the file and keeping it in a separate folder*

Client: *Haha forgot about being able to do that outside of* <program name>

TL;DR: engineer in technical role who is probably getting paid $150k+ forgets it is possible to make a copy of a file.

Data representation is one of the most important things in any kind of app you develop. The most common, classic way to do it is to create a class with all the fields you want to transport, for example User(name, lastName). It's simple and explicit, but hell no, in my current company we don't play that kindergarten bullshit, the only way we know how to do things here is full hardcore. Why would anyone write a class to represent a Song, a Playlist or an Album when you can just use a key-> value map for pretty much everything? Need a list of songs? No problem, use a List<Map<String, String>>, OBVIOUSLY each map is a song. Need a list of playlists? Use a List<List<Map<String, String>>>... Oh wait, need to treat a value as a number and all you have are strings? That's what casting is for, dumbass.

No, seriously, this company is great. I'm staying here forever!

One of those ducks better have my name on it.

But sadly not 😖

No Wayne but a William, all ways same shit, might as well change my name.

No... like seriously, how do you pronounce Elon Musk child's name?
=> X AE A-XII

I think that kid is fucked!

Jesus fucking Mary... I spent 30 minutes debugging why my bean wasn't being fetched and literally I decided to retype the class name for context.getBean(beanName) and it works... there was no difference whatsoever in the fucking spelling!!! Bullshit.

Normal colleagues pick the right slack channel and post a message there.

My colleague picks a random channel that has no relation to dev at all and posts a question/request there.

He must be using a random script to pick the next channel name :D

A program I was using did not recognize a flag that I needed, so I edited the EXE file (using notepad++, no hexeditor) to replace a flag whose name was actually checked with the one I needed. Worked like a charm.

The response for my bug report was "this feature should not be there in the first place, we will remove it". Lucky me they did not remove it earlier.

! rant
I started to learn Matlab today. After I learnt that arrays starting with 1 in the Matlab, I started to think about why using 0 based arrays was made popular in the first place and I realized that C arrays actually just pointers and first element of the array is just a location pointed by array name. There is no need to add number to reach to the first element. After googling it, I saw that my assumption is true. Finding it all myself made me a little bit of proud 😀😀😀 Also, this expanded my horizon 🗻🗻🗻

Has anyone else worked in business environments and found... em.. "wannabe-tech decisions?"

For example, naming stuff with shortened words and underscores instead of spaces.... for no real reason? Or maybe using the word "database" a little too often, just to use the word? (similar to the way you might call someone by name, only to confirm to them that you have learned their name?)

It doesn't actually bother me, rather, I think it's a bit cute that these people are interested in our culture and want to be a part of it, even if it's in sort of silly ways like this.

In this project we're working on, there are so many abbreviations for so many things.

+ "Hey, can you help me test XXX through YYY API?"
- "Sure. But may i ask, what do XXX and YYY actually stand for?"
+ "Well, no one knows"

So people can work on something for months without really knowing the name of what they're working on. Good to know.

Why why why the fuck would you assign the same variable name at the start of a function to completely different data? These aren't params, but variables being assigned different things, no comments, no documentation, crucial in the operation, but assigned wildly different values with different behaviors through the code.

Fucking Browser autocorrect!

You type the same address a hundred times, every time hoping it’ll guess the address after the first.... second..... third.... character. No, it shows you a similarly named site that you went on months ago. End up having to type most of the domain name before it catches it.

Then, one day, you hastily mis-spell the address and press enter, now autocorrect keeps fucking directing you to there!!

Had a call with recruiter from Japan

Asks my age.
I replied why?

His response was, i need to know to identify you there are lot of people with same name.

I am blank

Replied : is there any age restrictions from Big Companies in Japan.

Says, oh no its only for internal purpose.

Fuck it, gonna decline my application.

Have worked in India, China and Singapore so far havent got anyone asked about the age.

Hi everyone my name is Dylan, but people call me solario eh im an empty web developer! no ideas in my head about what i should create next, the only thing that helps is InnerText in this senario i found my first application on school computer!!! no more web based glitchy ides i have the perfect one right here =D,

Me: You decided some records in system A should be obsolete, but the records are tied to active user accounts on the website. Now, I have users emailing and asking why their profile’s last name field says “shell record - do not use.”

Stakeholder: Oh…can’t you stop those profiles from loading? Or redirect the users to the right record in system A? In system A, we set up a relationship between the shell record and the active one.

Me: 😵 Um, no and no. If I stop a user’s profile from on the website, that’s just going to cause more confusion. And the only way to identify those shell record is to look at the last name field, a text field, for that shell record wording. Also, the website uses an API to query data from system A by user id. Whatever record relationship you established isn’t reflected in the vendor’s API. The website can’t get the right record from system A if it doesn’t have the right user id.

Oh this defect is great!

Inherited an app that allows people to type in the name of their beneficiary in a form.

The database column is varchar(50) and the form has no size limit...beautiful

- The golden rule of CoffeeScript is: "It's just JavaScript".
- Nice!
- And provides a basic class structure that allows you to name your class, set the superclass, assign prototypal properties, and define the constructor, in a single assignable expression.
- No nO NO NO!

After all the rants I've written on this topic, no, no, fuck no. I ain't answering jackshit. The trauma is very real. I'm trying to not have a panic attack just remembering few of the times I've lost work, personal data, side projects, accounts, you name it.
Oh dear God it's hard to breathe...

When the team lead announces you have to pick a team name for the mobile software devs. No seriously I have until tomorrow otherwise we get called team Poloni because of a poorly chosen color once. Ideas please! So far we have hackslash, A-team (Android Apple) or Swifty Java 😜

This was an email sent to me using my name as a greeting. This had to be a mass email that no one proofread.

I love how the list everything general JS skillset using odd verbage and then throw C# at the end.

What should I respond with?

I am feeling snarky today.