🎶 He's making a list
He's testing it twice
SELECT * FROM users WHERE behavior="nice"
SQL-clause is coming
To town. 🎶

Someone is mining Bitcoin in town

Ancient town Asus

Very exciting news, just thought I’d share.

I was a computer engineering student before I left school to have my first child (and then second, third, and fourth).

I stayed at home for five years, out of necessity, not by choice, and struggled to get back into tech.

I eventually stared freelancing Wordpress sites, because in a small town, I didn’t have any other opportunities.

When not doing that, I took online classes and did side projects, mostly in Javascript.

This summer I got an internship at Mozilla through GNOME Outreachy doing python work.

It’s completely unreal to me...but I have been offered a contract-to-hire position with Mozilla.

After years of feeling like I would never succeed, I have my first real programming job.

Ridiculously awesome benefits and pay...

Holy fucking hell.

Sql is coming to town...

Dev: why should I develop windows phone apps. Almost nobody uses this kind of shit.

Customer: Why should I use a fucking windows phone. The windows app store is as empty as a ghost town.

Code town....

CEO "If you make costs to build a home office for covid, please be aware that you can fully declare your bills, and you'll retain ownership over the ordered goods. Please all buy some good desk chairs and keyboards, so you can work ergonomically"

6 months later, CFO: "Bittersweet, why did you try to declare €35000? What are these invoices even? Concrete rebar?"

Me: "CEO told us to build a home office. I got permits from the town to dig a souterrain layer under my house. This is just for the foundation, the bills for drainage pumps, sheetpiling, geothermal heat exchangers, insulation, flooring, electricity and of course desk & chair will follow later"

CFO: 😳

(To be fair, I really did make those costs, but was just trolling by uploading all the material bills)

I had to renew my I.D.

I went to my town offices but their software kept crashing without hope because I'm born on Feb 29.

"Coding is solving puzzles".

I think everyone has heard that platitude. But it's not exactly right.

So I grew up in a very poor environment, a moldy building full of jobless addicts.

And in my town there was this shop where super poor parents could take their kids to borrow free toys and stuff.

So as a kid I remember being frustrated by these second hand jigsaw puzzles, because there were always a few pieces which had been teared up or chewed on, or were even completely missing.

That is what development is.

You pull in this seemingly awesome composer package, and that one super useful method is declared private, so you need to fork the whole thing.

Your coworker has built this great microservice in python, but instead of returning 404 not found, it returns 200 with json key/value saying "error": "not found".

There's a shitload of nicely designed templates for the company website, but half of them have container divs inside the components, the other half expect to be wrapped in container divs when included.

You're solving puzzles, but your peers are all brainless jigsaw-piece-chewers. They tried to mend a problem, but half way through got distracted, hungry and angry, started drooling over the task and used a hammer to fit in the remaining stuff.

Me: Hey Google, open devrant
Google: Results for dev brand

Me: open devrant
Google: Results for dev hand

Me: No! open "dev" "rant"
Google: Results of some dude named Dev Randhawa

Me: Dammit open devrant
Google: Dewa rent? Electricity bill paying sites of some town called dewa.

Me: Open d.e.v.r.a.n.t
Google: Opens Google play song from Kevin Durant.

Me: gives up and listens to Kevin Durant sing some shit about LeBron James.

so I was at primary school and our homework was: "what do you want to do when you grow up". my dad took me around town for inspirations. that's when I saw that famous ad that led me to do IT.

So, I grew up on the US/Mexican border, in a city where saying there's no opportunity is like saying the Titanic suffered a small leak on its maiden voyage. There were two kinds of people in said town: Mexicans trying to find something less shit than juarez and white trash reveling in their own failure. I came from the latter, for whatever that's worth.

I graduated high school when I was almost 16 years old. Parents couldn't really afford to support three kids and pay the rent on the latest in a long line of shit holes we migrated in and out of. If being a serial eviction artist is a thing, my family were savants.

I applied to college and got accepted only to be told by my father that he didn't see the need. Turns out the only reason he'd helped me graduate early was so I could start working and help pay his bills. I said okay, turned around and tossed a bag and my shitty af spare parts computer into the back of the junkyard Vega I generously referred to as a car and moved cross country. Car died on arrival, so I was basically committed.

Pulled shifts at two part times and what kids today call a side hustle to pay for school, couch surfed most of the time. Sleep deprivation was the only constant.

Over the first 4 months I'd tried leveraging some certs and previous experience I'd obtained in high school to get employment, but wasn't having much luck in the bay area. And then I lost my job. The book store having burned down on the same weekend the owner was conveniently looking to buy property in Vegas.

Depression sets in, that wonderful soul crushing variety that comes with what little safety net you had evaporating.

At a certain point, I was basically living out of the campus computer lab, TA friend of mine nice enough to accidentally lock me in on the reg. Got really into online gaming as a means of dealing with my depression. One night, I dropped some code on a UO shard I'd been playing around on. Host was local, saw the code and offered me a job at his firm that paid chump change, but was three times what all my other work did combined and left time for school. Ground there for a few years until I got a position with work study at LBL that conflicted too much for it to remain mutually beneficial. Amicable parting of the ways.

Fucking poverty is what convinced me to code for a living. It's a solid guarantee of never going back to it. And to anyone who preaches the virtues of it and skipping opportunity on grounds of the moral high ground, well, you know.

The colleague:

- I can't work, my chair is uncomfortable
- I can't work, my chair is not ergonomic
- I can't work, my desk is too small
- I can't work, my legs are uncomfortable
- I can't work, my keyboard is not ergonomic
- I can't work on this task, John knows how to do it better
- I will only work on <this> type of tasks. I will not work on others
*gets assigned <other> task; browses the internet all day; at the EOD task isn't even touched*
- I can't work with Jack, he's too noisy
- I can't come to the office on time, there's traffic in the city
- I couldn't come yesterday, I was out of town. No, I will not log a vacation day - I was NOT on vacation. It's personal
- I can't<...>

Manager, 2 days to the end of said colleague's probation period:
- I am very sorry to tell you this, but our attitudes are not in line and we cannot continue working together. Since this is your 5th warning, we have to let you go.

The colleague:
- What?? How come?? I did NOT see this coming... You can't do this! I work here! This is where I work and you can't fire me!

*got his things from his desk and left. Never came back*

Everyone at the office:
- YAYYYY!!!! Let's have a shorter day today and let's celebrate this riddance in a pub! (manager agreed)

Drug dealer : yo, you code right?

Me: yeah, why

Drug dealer: can you hack into the police station.. You know, see if they are checking me out.. If they know I'm dealing.. I'll just move

(I've never hacked but I know i could learn if I have to)

Me:... That's actually brilliant

I love in a small town at the moment.. I bet the police security is a joke

Kinda high risk though

Story time.

Not sure it counts as data loss, more temporary corruption (and in my own brain).

> be me.
> be clinically depressed
> be recently out of an awful breakup
> recently nearly committed suicide by train
> be bored and lonely one night
> take lsd
> feel fine
> go to McDonald’s
> feel fine
> while eating question the nature of reality
> become convinced I’m an observer of a cosmic story and cannot die
> go outside in only jeans
> run in traffic at 1AM to prove my point
> don’t die
> run around the streets more sure of my new reality than I’d ever been of anything
> feel free and no longer sad
> walk around observing the world
> sit on wall and wonder why the story had the structure I was observing
> fall off wall into grass and mud
> follow cute guy into apartment building
> follow into lift
> ask what everything means
> spend better part of couple hours in lift pressing emergency button asking for help
> get no response
> scare poor Russian lady that gets into lift and finds an overweight topless man on the floor babbling incoherently
> ride to top floor
> get out
> sit on leather chair in corridor
> feelsnice.tiff
> decide I’m actualising my desires and reality
> don’t realise this is just the trip wearing off and consciousness exerting more control
> walk into random apartment (door is unlocked because why wouldn’t it be for the god that I believe I am at this point)
> explore
> gorgeous apartment
> realise it’s a family apartment from clothes in hallway and items
> find bathroom
> decide I want a bubble bath
> run bubble bath
> can’t work out how to drain water. Bath now full of twigs and mud #sorry
> decide that I’d like to go home, or onto my next adventure. Hopefully the seaside as I’m now realising I have more control.
> open bathroom door
> not the seaside. Ah well. Try to walk home
> walk home wrapped in fluffy towel from nice family’s apartment
> get home
> realise what had happened
> throw remaining drugs away
> sit and rock in utter paranoia and guilt for hours until flatmate wakes up.

MFW first bad trip ever.
MFW I wonder whether that family knew I was there and were scared / discovered the mess in the bathroom the next morning and not knowing which is worse.

MFW I still have the towel because it’s fluffy AF.

The moral of the story kids, is that when it comes to the OS rattling around in your brain, installing a virus that is sensitive to what apps you have running is a bad idea when those apps make the virus go to fucking town.

Terrible analogy I know, but fuck it.

Best: got an offer from Google.

Worst: family and friends trying to convince me to turn down the offer and take a local job.

(I'm from a small town where family is everything to everyone and leaving is blasphemous.)

"I don't like the people in this town, they're so empty."

"I don't have a girlfriend, all the girls in here are so empty."

"I prefer reading over scrolling down through Facebook feeds, because books teach you something."

This time those words didn't come from me.. as it so happens that the guy who recently moved into the apartment next door is an aerospace engineer, also diagnosed with autism (I suspect Asperger) and apparently a curious brainiac as well. Guess I've just found myself a new friend.. right next door 😋

*goes to the local town hall to get my new ID*

A week ago:
Clerk: Sorry sir, our systems don't work anymore, we can't process your request!
Me: Epic. Is there any sysadmin in here that can fix this pronto?
C: No it's a centrally managed system. It's managed by the people in ${another town}.
M (thinking): Well how about you fucking call them then, fucking user. Screaming blood and fire when nothing is wrong server-side but doing nothing when there is. Fucking amazing, useless piece of shit.

One week later, i.e. today:
M: Hey, I'd like to renew my ID card. I've got this announcement document here and my current ID card.
C: Oh no I don't need the announcement document. I need your PIN and PUK code letter.
M (thinking): What the fuck do you need that for.. isn't that shit supposed to be my private information..?
*gives PIN and PUK part of the letter*
C: Alright, to register your new ID card, please enter your PUK and then your PIN in this card reader here twice.
M: Sure, but I'd like to change both afterwards. After all they're written on this piece of paper and I'm not sure that just destroying that will be enough.
C: Sure sure you can change them. Please authenticate with the codes written on the paper.
*Authenticates*
C: So you'd like to change your codes, right?
M: Yeah but I'd like to change it at home. You know, because I can't know for sure that this PC here is secure, the card reader has a wired connection to your PC (making it vulnerable to keyloggers) and so on.
C: Impossible. You can't change your PIN at home. (What about the PUK?!)
M: But I've done that several times with my Digipass for my previous passport.. it is possible and I've done it myself.
C: Tut tut, impossible. I know it's impossible and therefore it is.
M (thinking): Thanks for confirming that I really shouldn't enter my personal PIN on your fucking PC, incompetent bitch.
M: Alright, I'll just keep this PIN, try at home and if it's really impossible because the system changed to remove this functionality (which I highly doubt, that'd be really retarded), I'll come back later.
(Just to get rid of this old stupid woman's ignorance essentially.)
C: Sure sure...
Me: I'd also like to register as an organ donor. Where can I do that?
C: That'd be over there. *points to the other room in the town hall*

FUCKING THANK YOU LORDS OF THE WICKED RAVEN AND THE LIBERATED TUX, TO GET ME AWAY FROM THAT STUPID FUCKING BITCH!!!

.. anyway. I've got my new ID and I'm an official organ donor now 🙂

I hate Munich. Instead of using Windows, the city administration had built their own Linux distro called LiMux for all of the ~30000 city's computers. They invested years into developing it, because, hey, it's open source! Now they used it for four years, and just as Microsoft opens an office in town, they throw it all overboard and go back to Windows. Why? Because, umm, they can't even use MS Word, what all the others use and such.
This is such a bullshit. You had a good thing going here, in times of NSA surveillance and monopolies. Munich is such a capitalistic town. I'm happy to have moved out of it for good.

It was fun to watch my entire high school (~1200 people) freak out when I ran "net send * Big brother is watching you..." on what I found to be an insecure computer in my high school's library. Every single computer in the building displayed the pop up message. The town's IT director even showed up to figure out what happened.

I was caught, but they were more happy it wasn't a hacker, and that I discovered that the IT firm the town hired totally botched properly implementing network security, so I was let off the hook.

I was interviewing this guy who's been a dev for 12 years. Apparently got laid off in his small town company because of covid.

So I asked him to write an algorithm that loops through a list and returns the largest number.

Not only could he not do that after trying for 15 minutes, but he also spent an entire minute ranting about how algorithmic questions were dumb and unnecessary in this day and age and you can google these things without having them memorized anyway.

The point of an algorithmic question in an interview is not to see if you can memorize the fucking thing. It's to see if you're methodical enough to reason through what you don't know and arrive at a decent solution all the same.

What do you guys think? Was I somehow the asshole here? It was a JavaScript job and the product was fairly complex, not just HTML bullshit.

The craziest shit in my life just happened.

I left my laptop(basically my whole life) and my handbag at my dinner table and went to the the toilet for 4 minutes. I live in a ground-house in a rural area, and the front door wasn't locked.

After I exited the bathroom I noticed eevrything was gone. My laptop, my bags, my wallet. Everything. I panicked.

I quickly informed the local security authority while canceling my credit card and resetting all of my credentials, they with the help of the police they tracked the theives in 10 minutes in a neighboring town, with what it seems all of my stuff intact, which I am supposed to get tommorow.

This is both insane and a miracle. I am speechless and thankful to G-d. This is divine providence. I can't explain it in any other explanation

Watch over your stuff like your life depends on them. Don't ever leave your laptop even for a few minutes.

He's making a list
He's testing it twice
SELECT * FROM users WHERE behavior="nice"
SQL-clause is coming
To town.

Credit to @leeflower on Twitter

Boss: Oh can you add this feature?
Me: I added that function already and you said to take it out.
Boss: Can't you just copy and paste it from an earlier version?
Me: No its really not that simple, I removed a bunch of tables and went to town cleaning the code so it's super quick and "sexy fast" as you put it.
I go home, work all night and forget to eat.
nextDay++;
Boss: Actually just hold back on that, I'm having second thoughts.

When a project seems to be in an endless for (fucks sake) loop.

Santa is coming to town

I made an automatization bot for a big company from my town (freelance). Today I had to shut it down because I've been waiting 3 weeks for my payment (they only had 5 days after finishing development to pay)

Fuck the fucking client, fuck this fucking shit

CEO and board members are in town for a meeting and getting shown around. They get to our area chatting loudly and CEO go "shhhh... Be quiet"

(Looney tunes voice)
Me: "we're hunting wabbits!"

So, I was participating in a competition, but little did I know that you could only participate in pairs. Seeing that a lot of famous indie devs were participating I was extremely hyped. But since it seemed like I was the only idiot who didn't have a partner I felt like kicking myself. Then a guy about whom I had never heard of before, probably a newbie, comes out of the blue and asks me to be his partner. Since I had no choice, I reluctantly agreed to pair up with him. The rules of the competition were to create a game based on a particular theme in a period of 1 week. To get started, I asked him about his skills as it would be better to know what our strengths and weaknesses were. He said that he was good at art and proceeded to show me some of his "previous works". I was genuinely impressed. Honestly speaking his drawing seemed a bit off but was but for a newbie, it was good. So we decided that he would take care of the art and I would code, create some basic music (nothing too fancy because of the lack of time) and if time permits, refine his art(correcting ratios, colour combinations, shading, etc.). On the first day, he would like to work in privacy and would show only the finished products to me. It seemed a bit fishy, but hey, I am all up for respecting the wishes of fellow team members.
So all was going well, or so I thought, till on the fifth day the guy confesses that he didn't get shit done. Apparently, his "previous works" were random stuff taken from the great land of internet and that he had to leave town the next day. He just wanted to "experience the life of a game developer" and "meant no harm". I flipped out, half lectured half screamed at him then asked him to get the fuck out which happened to be the only fucking thing that he was able to do correctly. I thought for an hour or so, then contacted the staff and informed them about my situation. They said that if I was okay with the handicap, I may continue. I then pulled three all nighters with about 3 hours of sleep (that too in parts of about 1 hour) everyday and was barely able to submit my game on time.
I secured the fifth place, which was pretty good if I may say so myself, but it an important lesson in my life that taught me to never trust anyone blindly.

Old man's tale. It's true.

Like 12 years ago, I was working in a small town computer store.

One day, a really ugly woman came in and asked for data recovery since she could not boot up her PC anymore.

We recovered her data, and just to make sure it was all "working", we randomly checked a few directories for files.

We have found some photos of her.
Her and a bottle of Coke.
Let me put it this way: she loves coke bottles. A lot.

There are things that can't be unseen, and moments you still remember after 12 years. Like the moment she came in to get her stuff - and you need to pretend to be all business while you're almost pissing your pants.

Good days :)

Insecure... My laptop disk is encrypted, but I'm using a fairly weak password. 🤔

Oh, you mean psychological.

Working at a startup in crisis time. Might lose my job if the company goes under.

I'm a Tech lead, Senior Backender, DB admin, Debugger, Solutions Architect, PR reviewer.

In practice, that means zero portfolio. Truth be told, I can sniff out issues with your code, but can't code features for shit. I really just don't have the patience to actually BUILD things.

I'm pretty much the town fool who angrily yells at managers for being dumb, rolls his eyes when he finds hacky code, then disappears into his cave to repair and refactor the mess other people made.

I totally suck at interviews, unless the interviewer really loves comparing Haskell's & Rust's type systems, or something equally useless.

I'm grumpy, hedonistic and brutally straight forward. Some coworkers call me "refreshing" and "direct but reasonable", others "barely tolerable" or even "fundamentally unlikable".

I'm not sure if they actually mean it, or are just messing with me, but by noon I'm either too deep into code, or too much under influence of cognac & LSD, wearing too little clothing, having interesting conversations WITH instead of AT the coffee machine, to still care about what other humans think.

There have been moments where I coded for 72 hours straight to fix a severe issue, and I would take a bullet to save this company from going under... But there have also been days where I called my boss a "A malicious tumor, slowly infecting all departments and draining the life out of the company with his cancerous ideas" — to his face.

I count myself lucky to still have a very well paying job, where many others are struggling to pay bills or have lost their income completely.

But I realize I'm really not that easy to work with... Over time, I've recruited a team of compatible psychopaths and misfits, from a Ukranian ex-military explosives expert & brilliant DB admin to a Nigerian crossfitting gay autist devops weeb, to a tiny alcoholic French machine learning fanatic, to the paranoid "how much keef is there in my beard" architecture lead who is convinced covid-19 is linked to the disappearance of MH370 and looks like he bathes in pig manure.

So... I would really hate to ever have to look for a new employer.

I would really hate to ever lose my protective human meat shield... I mean, my "team".

I feel like, despite having worked to get my Karma deep into the red by calling people all kinds of rude things, things are really quite sweet for me.

I'm fucking terrified that this peak could be temporary, that there's a giant ravine waiting for me, to remind me that life is a ruthless bitch and that all the good things were totally undeserved.

Ah well, might as well stay in character...

*taunts fate with a raised middlefinger*

*rants to some people I met in a cafe about how irresponsible making a ground rail live is*

Girl: "well people do make mistakes, right"
Me: "but they shouldn't! It's civil engineering ffs!"
Girl: "that doesn't change the fact that it's impossible for people to not make mistakes"

*realizes that I'll have to explain redundancy*

Me: "okay, so I have 2 mail servers. If I make an inevitable mistake, during an update or so, it only affects one of the servers but not the other one. So service is uninterrupted."
Girl: "that's far too complicated and technical.. explain it more easily."
Me: "alright, what job do you have"
Girl: *tells her job*
Me: "alright, so imagine that you get sick or go on a holiday or something. When there's someone else in the company that's got the same skills, they can ensure that the job gets done regardless. That's redundancy."
Girl: "aah, still too complicated!!"

What the fuck?! I removed all of the technical stuff and it's still too complicated?! How willfully ignorant or plain stupid can you be?!! Well fuck her then, but not in the way of taking her home. Now guess why I don't really like the muggles in my town. Fucking idiots!!!

"But muh BuzzFeed, conspiracy theories, deferring updates because they hog my WiFi, and casual games on my iPhone"

FUCK!!! FUCK PEOPLE!!!

So, yesterday I was talking to a friend who had a fukin BUSINESS IDEA of starting Uber like service for his local town(where his university is).

Apparently, the moron was searching for someone to make an Uber like app for him (Both fukin Android and iOS) and he was hoping to get it done in under fukin 5000 INR (less than 100 USD).

I was like wtf 😐

Todays wtf:

My hometown's official website has a "report a problem"-form where citizens can report their problems. Fair enough, but instead of having some textfield(s) for me to describe the address and/or location they instead provide a dropdown-list with *all* possible addresses (street&number) in town... the html source of that page weighs in at about 4.5MB(!)

A few years ago I started a profile on a social media app to share programming endeavors and humor.

After a year or so I became somewhat close with the ~20 subscribers out of my ~1000 that would always comment on my posts. We started a programming group chat and all hung out there, sharing stories, posting random pics, etc.

When I was interviewing with my current company, I shared all the details with the group and kept them up to date while they cheered me on and wished me luck. Once I got my offer everyone was ecstatic.

One friend in the chat remembered my company has an office in NYC, where they live, and asked if I could arrange a tour. I asked around and it seemed like it wouldn't work out, but just a few weeks later I was sent to the NYC office to collaborate with another team for a few weeks.
I let my friend know I would be in town, and when the time came - we met up, toured the NYC office, ate really good tacos, and enjoyed the city.

10/10 would friend again.

For a week+ I've been listening to a senior dev ("Bob") continually make fun of another not-quite-a-senior dev ("Tom") over a performance bug in his code. "If he did it right the first time...", "Tom refuses to write tests...that's his problem", "I would have wrote the code correctly ..." all kinds of passive-aggressive put downs. Bob then brags how without him helping Tom, the application would have been a failure (really building himself up).
Bob is out of town and Tom asked me a question about logging performance data in his code. I look and see Bob has done nothing..nothing at all to help Tom. Tom wrote his own JSON and XML parser (data is coming from two different sources) and all kinds of IO stream plumbing code.
I use Visual Studio's feature create classes from JSON/XML, used the XML Serialzier and Newtonsoft.Json to handling the conversion plumbing.
With several hundred of lines gone (down to one line each for the XML/JSON-> object), I wrote unit tests around the business transaction, integration test for the service and database access. Maybe couple of hours worth of work.
I'm 100% sure Bob knew Tom was going in a bad direction (maybe even pushing him that direction), just to swoop in and "save the day" in front of Tom's manager at some future point in time.

This morning's standup ..
Boss: "You're helping Tom since Bob is on vacation? What are you helping with?"
Me: "I refactored the JSON and XML data access, wrote initial unit and integration tests. Tom will have to verify, but I believe any performance problem will now be isolated to the database integration. The problem Bob was talking about on Monday is gone. I thought spending time helping Tom was better than making fun of him."
<couple seconds of silence>
Boss:"Yea...want to let you know, I really, really appreciate that."

Bob, put people first, everyone wins.

Just went to a bar in a nearby town and miraculously got a contact of a fairly big investor by talking to the barman there. Apparently said investor is also technically inclined, and has a fair amount of financial resources to help make my plan to make my own distribution and compete with Canonical, Red Hat and SUSE a thing.

Talk to barmen people! They're the people that have contacts - in pretty much every industry. They're the people that know people.

*Moves to another town to start a new job
*Been living in a dorm for the past month
*Starts looking for flats to rent
*Misses a few nice ones because he finds their ads a few hours late
*Starts developing an app that looks for new flat ads that matches his requirements and notifies him of their existence
*Finds a nice flat by accident before he even finish developing the app
*Refuses to rent it only because he believes his app could do better!

Me in a nutshell!

10 years ago, I found a vulnerability in the connection between an insurer I was working for, and the network of databases of municipalities. I was only a hacker in so far as kids who watched Hak5 are considered hackers, so I always carried this laptop with a fake access point, package sniffer, wep crack, sslstrip, etc with me.

The vulnerabilities allowed me to register a new identity, for which I requested a passport.

Walking up to the town hall desk with two passports with different names, both mine, was pretty cool.

I did not do anything malicious, and was hired to fix the issues (wep encryption on insurers trusted wifi, and municipality postgres gave write access to all third parties)

For a few days I was the coolest kid in school though!

Christmas song for UNIX hackers:

better !pout !cry
better watchout
lpr why
santa claus < north pole > town

cat /etc/passed > list
ncheck list
ncheck list
cat list | grep naughty > nogiftlist
cat list | grep nice > giftlist
santa claus < north pole > town

who | grep sleeping
who | grep awake
who | egrep 'bad|good'
for (goodness sake) {
be good
}

(By Frank Carey, AT&T Bell Laboratories, 1985 )

Hey guys, I have a great news,
DJ Ikstra is in town and will perform at the Club nearest to you.

!dev

I live next to a nightclub and went outside for a fag.

It’s wet, 2:30am and kinda cold.

A girl and her boyfriend come out of the club..
Her feet hurt because of her high heels so she takes them off, walking on the wet, cold road barefoot now.
Her boyfriend sees it and tells her to put them back on.
She denies.

He takes off his shoes and gives them to her (good boyfriend...) she puts them on, almost falling over cause she’s hammered as fuck, takes them off again and says they don’t fit and look stupid on her..

WTF, I understand taking the shoes off When she’s drunk but I don’t understand how the fuck she could care if it looks good at half 2 in the morning in an empty town..

I’ve seen it all now..

#onlyInIreland

Very long story ahead!

Yesterday in the evening a friend of mine (calling him F from now on) became the target of something new to me...
Apparently one can fake his phone number through some fishy ways and call people with that number. Someone (we think we might know who it was, the why is at the end) did this yesterday to F.
Here's the whole story:
We were just talking together on a TeamSpeak Server (a program to talk to others on the internet) when suddenly another friend said: "F, why did you just call me three times in a row?" That was the first thing that was a bit suspicious. After that, F got calls from random numbers (even Afghanistan, we are German), and they said something like "Have fun with the police coming to your house". Then there was silence. 10 minutes later his phone rang and there were a ton of pizza delivery services in his town that apparently got pizza orders from him. Then there was silence, again. Suddenly someone with a hidden number called him, a woman's voice said they were the police and if F doesn't stop calling the police there will be consequences. F then told her what was going on but I think she didn't really care. She then wanted to know where F lives, but I told him not to say that, because if it is the police they can find it out by themself and if it's not, they don't need to know that.
Now, a short break: There is some fake information going around about where F lives. I can't remember when we found out but the attacker thought he would actually live there. No idea what happened at that location...
Now back to the story:
Time went by, nothing really happened. Suddenly F shouted: "There are blue lights outside! The police is here!" He muted his microphone and (the following is what he told us what happened) went down to the door (remember, he is 16) and there were two police men. They were asking about why he called the police. F explained what we knew until then, about number spoofing and stuff... They sent a more technical person to him, he understood what F was trying to explain. The police men drove away and he came back to tell us what happened. (Now we get back to what I heared myself.) The mom came in, screamed something that I couldn't understand, and F went offline. We searched who the attacker could have been. And we are pretty sure we found him. That guy connected to our Minecraft server (that's where I know F from) with his real IP, and his main account, which made it easy to search. He also got a static IP which means it doesn't change. We also got some information that in the recent days this guy was talking about VoIP spoofing and such stuff. Another friend of mine, a bit older, found some proofs and I think he will go to the police.

That's it. Thanks for reading.

He’s making a database
He’s sorting it twice
SELECT * from contacts WHERE behaviour = ‘nice’
SQL clause is coming to town

tfw...

• dude chews you out for broken code
• wait patiently for dude to finish
• head on down to "git blame" town
• show him that _he_ was the author of said broken code
• tell dude to take a seat

🤫🤫🤫

Github Inc. (Feel good inc. parody)
=========================

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.

Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.

(change) Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Github
(change) fetch it (change), fetch it (change), fetch it (change), Github

Repos breaking down on pull request
Juniors have to go cause they don't know wack
So while you filling the commits and showing branch trees
You won't get paid cause it's all damn free

You set a new linter and a new phenomenal style
Hoping the new code will make you smile
But all you wanna have is a nice long sleep.
But your screams they'll keep you awake cause you don't get no sleep no.

git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng

This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?

Laughing at the class past, fast CRUD
Testing them up for test cracks.
Star the repos at the start
It's my portfolio falling apart.

Shit, I'm forking in the code of this here.
Compile, breaking up this shit this y*er.
Watch me as I navigate.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Yo, this repo is Ghost Town
It's pulled down
With no clowns
You're in the sh*t
Gon' bite the dust
Can't nag with us
With no push
You kill the git

So don't stop, git it, git it, git it
Until you're the maintainers
And watch me criticize you now
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.

git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng

This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?

Don't stop, shit it, git it.
See how your team updates it
Steady, watch me navigate
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Don't stop, shit it, git it.
Peep at updates and reconvert it
Steady, watch me git reset now
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.

A few days ago I went to my local bank again to check my balance and see whether some transfers that I've been waiting for have been completed.. as I was walking there - headphones on, music full blast - I was zoning out a bit. Of course I was, not like I have to mind cars in the middle of bumfuck here. There's hardly any in this town. So meh.

Now that day there was one.. I was just about to cross the road and suddenly looked left, and there it was. A mindless meatbag behind the wheel of a killing machine - an average driver. Visibly startled I suddenly stopped and waited for her to drive away. At this point she was about 20-ish meters away and already stopped. Come on bitch.. I already stopped and I am not going to cross this road as long as you're here. Hit the fucking pedal.

So she accelerated again.. and drove to the parking spot at the other side of the road, then stopped there. Oh, cool. Maybe she needs to be somewhere in this town. … Not at all. Bitch accelerates again, and stops yet again 2 parking spots further. What the fuck (ಠ_ಠ).. and I thought that I was an idiot...

Then she accelerates yet again and drives away. Looked after her, astonished by the amount of brain damage she just caused to me. Must've been a Facebook user.. holy fucking shit. Through what kind of black magic do these people get a driver's license?!

Talent Acquisition/HR: 🤪

Dev: 🤪

Technical Interviewer: 🧐

Dev: 🧐

Hiring Manager: 🤡

Dev: 🤡

This strategy has yielded some dishearteningly successful job application results this week.

Dad: [this company] is coming to town soon.

Me: I know

Dad: yeah maybe you can get a IT job

Me: I dont do IT

Dad: You never know what you do until you do it.

Me: *getting an aneurism from sheer ignorance*

I DO IT EVERY DAY HOW WOULD I NOT KNOW WHAT IM DOING THAT I EVEN WENT TO SCHOOL FOR?

After a company Christmas dinner, some employees went to a bar together. One colleague was so drunk that he felt from his chair. We lifted him back up again, but left him under the table after the third time.
However, he came back on his own, having his dong hanging out, and left a puddle below the table.
So we walked the colleague through the entire town to get him back to the hotel.
When we arrived there, the guy mopping the hotel lobby was able to tell us his room number within a second after noticing us.

I fucking want to skin alive my engineering senior director and VP.

Fucking piece of shit people. Looking at their faces from behind the screen, I can sense them stink doneky balls.

They have made my life hell.

The entire tech architecture is absolute shit in nature and engineers cannot even build a single blue colour button without creating a major fuss about it.

Every single aspect of product is built kept in my only the engineer persona. Everyone else can go and suck a racoon's dick.

And they have no concept of tech debt. They just keep building and building stuff. And then build some more.

Entire engineering org is in rush to ship shit at the end of sprint and if they don't then VP and Director are pissed. So to keep those two half witted donkeys happy, these people ship garbage. And all they comment is "cool, very cool".

And hence, entire fucking product is built because it's cool irrespective of whether it solves a problem or not.

A single user role authorisation or authentication is so fucking complex that it would take an eternity for even a developer to figure what's happening.

Fucking toxic human wastes.

There's a company wide mandate to use a certain tech stack, design guidelines, and a vision that all teams have to align. But these faggots are going in opposite direction to do what they feel like and forcing everyone else to ignore all other engagements or alignments with other teams.

These two people should be skinned alive in town square during noon and then left there until they dehydrate entirely. Fucking baboons.

I am so fucking pissed with such mindset.

You know the code is in bad shape when you see variables starting with "get":

Integer getDataBlockSize;

hola! a new dev is in town.

!dev at all

Was chilling with my t mobile rep trying to get some issues resolved regarding what Verizon's bitchass was trying to do after i left their shitty company.

While i was there and my dude was working his magic i noticed this smoking chick walking around the store waiting for someone to help her out. So being that everyone was busy and sorta scared of talking to her( i can sense that shit) i told my boy to go and pick her as his customer, to be flirty and cool and shit.

My poor dude was all like "nah man I dunno how to talk to girls...."

I was telling him "bro, you ain't bad looking, just go, introduce yo ass and tell her that you'll take care of her in a min!"

"But i get all anxious and shit"

"Nah man, just talk to her like you did to me when we first met, she is just a customer, i aint telling you to ask her out on a date, just i dunno practice talking to girls! No harm with that! Specially this one b look at them leeeeeeegs!"

Now, why did I care? The reason is that he mentioned to me after seeing my wife (total babe) that he pictures me as a player. Which I was but that is beyond the point. And he said that he had always had trouble talking to girls.

So i told him what to do, said to be calm and confident. Ninja is an alpha salesman, and great with t mobile services, so he has that confidence, told him to exude that shit as if he was talking to a guy.

Homeboy got ballsy, drank 5 gallons of man the fuck up and went and did what I did. Then she went ahead and stand next to us, and i put on the good words for my dude "ah you got the best rep right here! G boy is bomb with everything!!" She was laughing saying that she hopes that he can help her with her phone.

"Don't worry, i got you, its just a small thing and if you want i'll show you what to do for future occasions"

"Oh so you don't want me to come back if it happens?"

"Haha you can come back any time as long as I am the one helping you out"

DAAAAAAAAAAAMN son!!

"Ok, but only if its you"

Daaaaaaaaaamn

Went better than expected. The dude needs more confidence, he aint bad looking at all and don't want him missing out on some of the babes we got walking around town.

Lord knows I had my fun with them.

You know what, fuck microshit to fuck town and back again.

What part of disabling "allow the computer to turn of this device to save power"

DO YOU NOT FUCKIJG UNDERSTAND!

MY FUCKING USB'S ARE GOING FUCKING MENTAL SWITCHING ON AND OFF LIKE A DRUNKEN HOBO YOU COCK FUCKS.

my week is a complete and utter shit of a week as it is, I don't need this bullshit on top of it too.

#Microsoft, fix your fucking shit already!

Be me:
> turns on laptop
> enter funky town password
> presses enter
> expects wallpaper to show

Be windows:
> fuck you mother fucker!
> surprise asshole
> I magically updated on you without warning

So we're hiring for a new junior dev and for the most part it's been going great! We have some promising candidates and I am so glad to finally have a new dev on the team!

However, I would like to take a moment and offer a few suggestions to the people who wish to work for this great and illustrious company:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE APPLY FOR THE JOB USING THE METHOD INDICATED IN THE AD. Please use our fancy, top-of-the-line, whiz-bang, cloud-based "talent acquisition" system that we paid way too much money for. I promise you, it's easy! Please don't send in your application by email, mail, telephone, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, telegram or carrier pigeon. But most importantly...

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS BEAUTIFUL IN THIS WORLD DO NOT SHOW UP AT OUR OFFICE UNANNOUNCED RESUME-IN-HAND. Believe it or not I do have an actual job that I spend my day doing! If I'm not in a meeting or at lunch or working from home, the best possible scenario is that you'll get 30 seconds of awkward small talk and be pointed to our whiz-bang, top-of-the-line "talent acquisition" system which you should have used in the first place (you did read the ad, right?). And at this point whatever you do...

DO NOT DEMAND AN ON-THE-SPOT INTERVIEW WHEN YOU SHOW UP UNANNOUNCED TO OUR OFFICE! Like, really? Do you think that you've wowed me so with your 30 seconds of awkward small talk that clearly I cannot wait to see what you will do with an entire hour? Look, I prepare for my interviews. I research you, your previous employers, your school and the hobbies you list on your resume. I check out your GitHub and LinkedIn. I may even Google your name! If that is all in order, I try to hassle some people into sitting in with me, find a time that works for everyone, and hope that there is a meeting room available. I'm not going to interview you at reception at 4pm on a Friday afternoon.

Please submit your application through our whiz-bang, top-of-the-line online "talent acquisition" system. Once I figure out how to log in, I promise I will spend an evening and read through all your cover letters with the utmost care. If you seem OK, you'll get an interview. There aren't that many developers in this town.

Wan't to hear my ridiculous recruiter story? I am originally from MA, and been on a small town since I was 4 (Born in Brazil). Well after years and years on the same town, always going back (MA) when a job here and there wouldn't work out. Going through some depression, and just got tired of everything. Well one day I found a recruiter on linkedIn and he knew a friend of mine. So he said he had a possible job offer but it was in Florida, anyhow he would later contact me and in the mean time for me to send him some examples of my work. Well in the mean time I packed my stuff and called him letting him know I was on the way. He was shocked and didn't know what to say. Went to the interview with him, got the job. 9 months later :) I don't regret taking my changes, it was all I had. I'm currently employed, love my job, and if it wasn't for my ridiculous recruiter... I don't know where I would have ended up. Long story, sorry /: ... here is a potato :) (9gag reference)

My first try at greentext.
>Be me
>18y.o recently recruted to a university
>1 month before moving to the university
>Be alone with his computer && electronics hobbys
>My town sucks
>Go on first year student integration camp
>Yay im going to meet a lot of people like me!
>Camp near the lake, 100km from home
>Day 1/7
>Moved my stuff to a house
>I dont know anybody
>Meet 3 friends who are going to live with me
>One of them is great, i like him, he likes to code, uses mac and iphone (it suffices for his needs, he understand everybody else who thinks otherwise)
>Two of them are pro party guys / alcohol vaccums
>Fucking pricks with their boombox
>99% of students are just there to drink a FUCKING LOT
>WTF.jpg
>Day 5/7
>I had been drunk only once at the camp and i havent drunk since because of AlcoholAfterEffects®
>Have a sad moment due to me wasting my time and money here.
>Totaly wasted my time... and found nobody like me
>After that day i meet 2 programers
>I have taught them OOP
>Had a great time
>Night game!
>Bizarre student party rituals
>Use my torch i made literary 8h before the camp had started
>Torch is made from pvc pipe, 9v battery, chinesium buck converter, old led module, switch
>Find the guy with the HUGE TORCH
>Wow. Is it the 100W homemade floodlight?
>Conversation about our constructions
>Both sides were looking for a friend with similar hobbies
>Exchange the contacts
>Hopefuly meet thogether and make few projects in the future
>Present time
>Got 3 friends in one day
>But still dosent understand the huge amount of alcohol nearly everyone is drinking

When you skip breakfast because you're running late, forget to go to lunch because you're in the zone, go home, work on your latest personal project and now it's 10 pm and you realize you have nothing to eat at home, so you have to rush half across town to the only supermarket that's still open...

Sister of a friend of mine fucked up her Mac, her Dad, they called me to fix it.

Partition table is wrecked and her thesis is there, no backup.

Been working since yesterday, got to recover it. Recovered files.

Dad applies pressure, because she's leaving out of town today, I do my best but fucking SSD won't work, it says it's healthy but damn Mac says IO error, Disk Utility says exit code 8... oh, and her dad thinks it's easy, that Ive been delaying things and so on...

fuuuuuucking hell, I hate you

I just got a call from a recruiter asking if I had any recommendations for a company in town. Eight years ago, I met the owner of this company and he seemingly went out of his way to ignore me every time we met. His attitude was cold, unwelcoming, and not a character I ever wanted to associate with.

It's a small world. Please don't burn your bridges before you ever get your company's first round of major funding. Yes, I know a lot of people that might have wanted a position like this, but not with him at the helm.

As much as I wanted to express my disdain for the owner, I hold steadfast that the only respectful answer to this recruiter is to say: "I have no recommendations for this position."

I fucking love HP.

Why, you may ask, given that I've ranted about their crap so many times now? Great question!

I love HP because every time I go to town on their hardware because yet again it got me infuriated somehow, I don't feel bad about it afterwards. Instead I feel oddly satisfied, liberated from another piece of crap from them. And besides, usually it's their or Acer's shitty hardware that gets me worked up anyway.

That said, fuck you HP. Filthy Microsucking pieces of shit.

.. anyway. I've just went around disassembling an old vacuum cleaner this morning, to liberate its 800W single phase AC motor. I'll probably have to underrun it with a step-down transformer but at e.g. 200VAC it should probably work no problem 🙂

Had an awesome day at work got so much coding done, made an awesome well documented class for a Countdowntimer class in Android.

Was looking forward to getting home and using my motivation to continue coding my game when I got home.

Then get to the bus stop and it's packed for the Adele concert, I saw a poster okay thats good only buses are packed (I then take a train, I live pretty far from work) I get to the train station and the shittiest system has been setup,

Where people pack on the train that goes to the last stop south for the Adele concert that isn't even near the last stop!

One of the platforms aren't even being used and the trains that got partway south are tiny as hell for the rest of the people that don't want to go to this concert.

For one thing who thought it was a good idea to setup such a shitty system? Why not have one train go straight to the damn concert area and continually use that one platform and for the rest of the people have the trains running as normal?

Nope let's make a shitty system that doesn't work well.

Top it off have concerts on a Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

Dumbasses.

Now I get to wait in town doing absolutely nothing and losing the little time I have to code on my game.

The coolest project I was ever involved on, was when we signed a client in Namibia (we were a South African based company). So I was flown to Namibia for 2 weeks to train the clients etc. I spent about 4 days training the client and I had no more work to do. So the client took me out around town and we drank so much on his tab! He even gave me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue, because he doesnt drink Whiskey! The best part of it, apart from exploring their awesome country and pubs, was Mad Max 4 was being filmed in my town, and my client took me to see the yard where all the vehicles and props were situated, because he owned that property! So all in all, it was more of a paid holiday than anything else!

Six years ago I created a drupal page pro bono for an organization I'm in. Was my first site really, was hacky af, in retrospect, I created an unmaintainable monster. And as it usually happens, I moved away, the site stops being properly maintained, opening admin view just cries "please update me" (or was it "kill"? Not sure here). Now I'm back in town and get a call from the current one in charge requesting a training. I thought this evil dark dev history of mine is now finally returning to hunt me forever. But no, she actually understood it, and after half an hour she was perfectly capable of maintaining the site. I'm stunned.

My one goal is to build something that lets me stay at home with my lil girl all day. Have been thinking about my own company for a while, there are 2 software companies in town with very weak tech stacks. I know I am better and can do better. So my goal is to build my own company and hire enough people to take care of it while I spend more time with my daughter. I get sad when I have to drop her off at the daycare while me and the wife have to go to work. All I want to do is be with my family.

If you ever fuck up really bad and it makes you feel terrible, just remember, a company once flooded a whole town in molasses, killing 21 people.

My friends, here you can see the absolute worst of internet speeds. This was tested within 5 minutes of a regional town centre.

Stories from Cape Town Metrofail, Volume 30:

This screen has been operational for less than a week and it's already broken.

Today I learned in a cafe why (some) users think that Facebook doesn't allow them data control. Due to drunkness I'm paraphrasing here, but it went something like this:

- I don't trust Facebook, because my posts that I make are visible to people that I didn't want to have it be seen to.

> Audience controls. Use them.

- This guy in town sent me a friend request, why would he be able to??1!1

> He and you share hometown. So probably friend suggestions based on you both explicitly sharing location, or he just visited your profile on name and wanted to get in touch with you. Socializing on the internet, it exists.

That's the kind of user that's roaming the facebooks on the internets and the googles I guess? The type of user that's surprised that their Facebook games and nametests expose information that they explicitly consent to? Give me a break. I care deeply about privacy, but this is just ridiculous.

On a different note, why the fuck is not a single one of those very same fucking Facebook users worried about 25-ish% of websites running their JavaScript (which you can check and block using NoScript and co.), which is the *actual* privacy threat? But muh nametests!!!

Fuck ignorant users!!!

Devrant and pickpockets

A week ago on Tuesday was heading to meet my client for a demo presentation.Once in town and few metres from our meeting point thought of checking some few rants only for my device to be snatched from my hands and the pick pocket sublimes away.
I composed myself and went to the agreed meeting point only not to meet my client and they was no way I would reach out to him.After making few rounds waiting for him finally gave up and headed for home.
Fast forward I made a resolution not to get a new device till a week ends and had to roll back to a simple device till today.
With today being the D-day I did head to my carrier to get a new device and once the phone was being set up the customer care agent asks which app do you need set up.With no hesitation I gladly say DevRant and she got no idea what's that then after some explaining she says all give it a try with a smile.
I later leave the store a happy man with DevRant being the first app on my device as I ran stock android.

Glad to be back family.

you fucking idiots

why do you always base your library components on some dumbass clown fixed width / height system?

everything should be flex by default, anything else is absolute amateur clown town pile of dumbass horseshit...

...i'll brawl and take down anyone who says otherwise

you waste my time, you waste other's time, when everyone has to go hunting around for your stupid library's unorthodox way of styling

thanks again for wasting and making my evening a living hell

New webdev job ad in a small town where I live:
"We need a junior to mid level full-stack dev - Python, Flask, Django, ES6, Angular, TypeScript, Git, etc..."
ME:
"Fuck, I tick all the checkboxes! - And it's like the only Python job around here! Yey! I so want to work with Python" excited sends cv and an extremely well crafted cover letter.
Company calls after few days:
"Hi! So we'd like to invite you for interview. Some of the tech we work in: Shopify, Wix, and SquareSpace. We're also trying to get into some other frameworks and started looking at Magento and Wordpress.... It's not really much coding, mostly content management...."

What the actual fuck!?!

I still agreed to interview...

Son a fucking bitch!
I ordered a brand new shiney SSD for my Inspiron 7573 which came in today. I was all set up with system backups just in case and install media for Debian and Windows standing by. I pull out my tools and realize that the laptop isn't going to have a screw inside to hold the drive in since it didn't come with a SSD. No big deal, I pull out the magnetic bowl of extra screws from all the previous repairs I've done and start looking for the screw I need. I can't find the screw I need so I go online hoping maybe I'll find someplace in town that will have one single screw with no luck.

Now I get to wait 2 more days for the screw I need to arrive from Amazon.

I have one! Once upon a time (about a year ago) my mom went online shopping on her own. Her husband was out of town and so she had no assistance. At about 10.30 pm she called me, freaking the fuck out that she entered her credit card details on a sketchy site and they charged her for more than she ordered. She was in hysterics, didn't know what to do. Superwoman to the rescue, I tell her to go and deactivate her card and jump on a train back home (she was crying on the phone she was so scared, couldn't just leave it until morning) fast forward an hour, I'm in my hometown, she picks me up and we head home to check out the situation, and... She had just received the email invoice twice. They hadn't charged her twice, just some email mishap made the email appear twice and she never thought to check her bank account before summoning me home 🙄😂 we laughed for a while and I got a home cooked meal so it's all good but Jesus christ mom. What would you honestly do without dad?

Wife and I went to visit her grandparents and when we were at the hotel she would watch lifetime and i would code.

As for Christmas, there's nothing else to do in this town so why not code.

My little sister is running for Miss St. Patrick's Day in my home town. You vote via a link everyday. It looks like it is done via Angular and jQuery.. I happened to found the API that does the voting via their source code...

As a big brother I want so bad to add a few extra votes... but that's wrong... right?

I am angry. Do you know why? It's a rhetorical question, because you don't know why I am angry, which is why I'm going to tell you why I'm so. I Followed my friend, " Jane Doe" ( you don't need to know her actual name) to this store in my town. Then these 14-15 years old girls came up to me, and started asking me about my braces. "Where'd you get it?
" How much did it cost ?"
I get these questions like almost every single, and it's annoying. 😒
This one question got me angry. "What 'if' her braces are fake?" A girl said whispering to her friend.
Fake??? My braces are realer than you could ever be, jealous bitch. I said that in my mind, I don't have the guts to say it out loud, besides these girls look like they could tear me to pieces, and I wanted no conflict. I walked away as soon as my friend got her stuffs from the store.
My friend couldn't help but to tease me that I'm a doormat. I guess she's right. 🤔☹😤😟😖

Was working on a problem yesterday, couldn't solve. Out of town today and thought of a possible solution enroute. But fuck me, coz i dont have my laptop!!

Feel so helpless!! :/

Argh,

Today - you son of a bitch.

It all started with a 2 hour flight out of town for business, and I mean started as in I needed to be at the airport at 4:30am!

Despite 2 coffee's to get me out of bed I proceeded to indulge myself in the magic juice, 3 cups later and it felt like my heart belonged in a Grand Prix.

Now here is the sticky part, we where briefed that we would only be doing 2 site meetings and that was it.

Low and be hold it got worse, turns out that we would be pitching our product to 3 highly regarded CEO's, now bare in mind that my position on this trip is as the lead developer, and don't get me wrong I am well up to date on every aspect of the business, hence why they sent me.

So more coffee down the gullet, and eventually the conversation leads back to a project that I had developed to allow authorization of debit orders online, now usually I'm quite a well presented person in these types of situations, but you don't realize how quick this can change.

A quick jump to the geography of the location I was doing business. Johannesburg, South Africa - its as dry as hell, smoggy and at a very higher altitude "as in above sea level".

Now unfortunately none of the above factors where helping me much at all.

Now back to where I am being asked about my project, and never in my life have I tripped over my own words, I went completely blank, I'm surprised I didn't pass out to be honest.

Now despite the death stare and my colleague kicking me under the table, I am feeling pretty terrible, fortunately I had a kick ass team that was able to cover my ass!

Luckily I was able to recover ( 2 muffins and about 3 bottles of water later). We where able to salvage the meeting and it turned out pretty well, I regained my energy and we made it happen!

Must say the flight back was amazing! Almost empty and we all had a row of seats to ourselves, which resulted in some major comfort stretching!

Thanks for tolerating my essay, I'd love to hear if anyone has had anything of the sorts happen to them.

Best: go outside my birth town for a developer position in a big city

Worst: i Miss my little town :(

I might have told this in other rants, but this thing (requested from the client) is one of the worst thing I've ever done.

So we were developing a website to find the stores of a certain brand across the country, specifically: Italy.
In Italy, a lot of towns have accents and apostrophes in their name.
Client managers wanted ALL DATA to be capitalized, including letters with accents, but the client management was using Windows and Windows doesn't simply let you enter capital letters with accents from the keyboard, so the client requested to make a procedure to turn every apostrophe into an accent, therefore a town named like "CA' DEL BOSCO" would be "CÀ DEL BOSCO" (which is wrong) as they just couldn't bother copy-pasting from Word.

An important thing to notice is that most Italian towns with apostrophes don't have accents and most towns with accents don't have apostrophes, and that specific routine couldn't figure out what to exactly, so we ended up having all the stuff messed up.

The feature was a total SHIT, but the client was extremely happy with it, so we didn't even bother arguing with that.

!dev

If you live in a major city and to stand still or walk slow on the left side of escalators/stairs then fuck you.

You wander around in complete ignorance of the countless last second train misses you cause.

Fuck you, go back to you slow town in the sticks!

I asked my friend to design a flyer for an organization's annual dinner, asking her to send me an invoice so I could pay her (I can't design worth shit, she's doing me a huge favor).

She said she'll do it, declined payment, and doesn't even want me to get approval for her to put it in her portfolio...

How the hell do I pay her back for her work? If we lived in the same town, I'd at least take her to coffee and lunch, but she moved states and I moved countries :(

Yeah, sure Fortune. Please tell me more about my personal finances that you know nothing about.

The longer this drags on the more it feels like a war against the proletariat.

I also feel like the aristocracy is building a terrible financial charade that will be the toast of the town by November. They REALLY want to make sure the labor doesn't see any rise in wages. Can't have those peons thinking they can get ahead, right?

It's going to be the best sales pre-thanksgiving! It's going to be so popular one would say it's going to be on sale on fire, or is it a fire sale?

When November rolls around, I am Jack's complete lack of surprise.

The sun is shining, wife is out of town, people are having fun at the beach, there's an outdoor party going on in my neighborhood and I'm full of power.

What a perfect day to port my private projects to TypeScript.

When you start a new job the same week the project manager is out of town and you haven't been onboarded yet.

Before I became a Computer Engineer, (actually, this job is where I learned I loved programming) our manager would pull us into a team motivational meeting.
Except she was a bit of an airhead, so her idea of motivation was having a sing-song and listing our favorite movie quotes.
It was even funnier because there was lots of drama surrounding "how she became our manager," and one of our teammates felt as though she should have gotten the job.
Anyway, none of those were the most ridiculous meeting.
The most ridiculous meeting was when the VP of marketing came to town from Florida to address the brewing drama.
In this meeting, all of my teammates suddenly had the delusion that we were in a union and thought they were protected from getting fired. They threw our manager under the bus. I was the only one who could see that he was there to see if our department was worth saving. They thought they were going to get rid of our manager by shitting on her, but they were just confirming his suspicion that there was a bunch of bullshit going on all around.
So I approached the VP after the meeting, and long story short, I was the only one who got through layoffs with a job offer in Florida a couple weeks later.
I didn't take it, because by that time I decided I wanted to go to school for Computer Engineering.

"why do you like computers more than women" was a question my dad asked me today. that was a fucking curveball lemme tell ya

turns out my dad thinks i'm sexually attracted to computers as i don't flirt with women nor do I date.

I don't have a car, I don't have money, I like an hour from town, I have no charisma and I look like an unevenly-melted candle someone dropped into a bag of shaved 5 o'clock stubble. Of course I don't talk to people IRL.

"Our town is so safe, we leave our smartphones unlocked!"

Fuck your clients, right...? A small town bank I’m doing some security work for; I had them create me a test account. I received an email with my password; are you fucking serious...?

just a lil somethin somethin I made on Paint 3D

Really hate being the only programmer around my town and it's other nearby towns...

Really wish I could just meet up with a dev friend for a pint or 12 and just talk programming shit to each other but nope .-.

(Calling all aussie devs in the latrobe valley)

My SO got a promotion, and with it he's going to be out of town about every other week.

I told him I'm excited for him, that even though I'll miss him it's a sacrifice I'm happy and willing to make because it's so good for his career, and our future. I don't want him to distracted during his work trips about worries about my unhappiness.

But I miss him and this is so hard actually 😔

Dashing through the snow
Get the fuck out of my way
You are all so slow
and fat, what do you weigh?
HA HA !!
I'll end your caroling
but It won't be a silent night
I've come to terrorize your town
and watch you die tonight
Jingle Bells
Go to hell
I've hijacked Santa's sleigh
Oh what fun it is to ride over bodies every day
HEY !!
Jingle Bells
Go to hell
Bodies will decay
after you're all crushed beneath my motherfucking sleigh
HEY !!

Credits: Insanity Wold

This is going to take a second to get dev related, please bear with me.

So, I'm from a pretty small (and poor) town. Like most small towns, not many give a damn about computer science/IT (that shows by the fact I'm the only CS major. And there's one IT major).

Now, my high school offers a few "career prep" classes. There's (no exaggeration) almost 5 or 6 classes for medical majors to prepare themselves; like 4 different agriculture based classes; 2 business major classes; and surprise surprise...not a damn Computer Science or IT class.

Yes, we have a computer class. But can you even call a "How to Use Microscoft Products" class an computer class? Finally by my senior year, I got pissed off by this.

I had/have relatives that have worked/are working in the school system, so it wasn't hard to get a meeting with the superintendent and the assistant superintendent to discuss my thoughts. They were both open to and even supported my ideas. But due to funding, it wasn't a feasible idea at the time. (Especially since not many care about CS or IT.)

This is where I get really really pissed off. Being that the town is small, the people with money/a name tend to control things. So, a former principal retired with the expectations to work in another county. However, this job fail through. But there was a "magical" opening for a job that didn't exist before this job fail through.

This pisses me off. We can create a job for someone and afford a full time salary for them, but we cant get an actual CS class. (And this isn't the first time a job was created for someone.)

Howdy this is a daily reminder on why you can't trust anyone with shared information.

I am back home from uni for the holidays and like any computer person who is back in town became responsible for fixing every tech problem that has occurred since my last visit. But what caught my eye when I approached the family computer is not the problem with the computer itself, it's the paper in front of the computer that, in giant lettering, has not only the passwords and account names of my mom and brother's AOL (She's old ok) and FAFSA account respectively but also someone's social security number. Any goddam baffoon who looks through the window or is able to take literally three goddam steps past the front door now has enough information to commit identity theft or just take over one of their accounts. I know it's not that likely but I still had a heart attack when I saw that.

How badly have I failed them?

"So Alecx, how did you solve the issues with the data provided to you by hr for <X> application?"

Said the VP of my institution in charge of my department.

"It was complex sir, I could not figure out much of the general ideas of the data schema since it came from a bunch of people not trained in I.T (HR) and as such I had to do some experiments in the data to find the relationships with the data, this brought about 4 different relations in the data, the program determined them for me based on the most common type of data, the model deemed it a "user", from that I just extracted the information that I needed, and generated the tables through Golang's gorm"

VP nodding and listening intently...."how did you make those relationships?" me "I started a simple pattern recognition module through supervised mach..." VP: Machine learning, that sounds like A.I

Me: "Yes sir, it was, but the problem was fairly easy for the schema to determ.." VP: A.I, at our institution, back in my day it was a dream to have such technology, you are the director of web tech, what is it to you to know of this?"

Me: "I just like to experiment with new stuff, it was the easiest rout to determine these things, I just felt that i should use it if I can"

VP: "This is amazing, I'll go by your office later"

Dude speaks wonders of me. The idea was simple, read through the CSV that was provided to me, have the parsing done in a notebook, make it determine the relationships in the data and spout out a bunch of JSON that I could use. Hook it up to a simple gorm golang script and generate the tables for that. Much simpler than the bullshit that we have in php. I used this to create a new database since the previous application had issues. The app will still have a php frontend and backend, but now I don't leave the parsing of the data to php, which quite frankly, php sucks for imho. The Python codebase will then create the json files through the predictive modeling (98% accuaracy) and then the go program will populate the db for me.

There are also some node scripts that help test the data since the data is json.

All in all a good day of work. The VP seems scared since he knows no one on this side of town knows about this kind of tech. Me? I am just happy I get to experiment. Y'all should have seen his face when I showed him a rather large app written in Clojure, the man just went 0.0 when he saw Lisp code.

I think I scare him.

I just woke up from a nap. This may seem weird but I had a dream about organizing a devRant meetup at my location. dfox was in town for some reason it involved alot of beer.

What I say:

Ah shit man! Spring break! Finally gonna be able to continue working on my personal project. Study, catch up with some books and tv shows while continuing to code!

What my wife hears:
Oh cool! Now I have someone to drive all around town getting me useless shit that I don't need while I am at work!!!

-_____________________________-

Quirks of.... PHP 😂😂😂😂

It's just a quirky language, you either love it or you hate it, or you hate it because you caught the bandwagon in town.

Weirdest quirk though, would have to be function naming conventions and order of arguments.

Shit be crazy at times but you get used to it.

Does anyone else sometimes feel like quitting, selling everything, move to a small town in e.g. Texas, become a brick layer or carpenter and just start from scratch and build a honest working class day-to-day life? Or is it just me?...

In tech I always focus on what’s gonna happen next year, where will I be in 5 years etc.
I feel like by pursuing a good life I’m missing out on life 😅

Would be nice to do some honest, physical work and leave tomorrow behind for a while..

You'll be surprised, but it's Microsoft for me.
When I started out, windows(95, yes I'm old, thanks for noticing) was the shit for me and I was quite a fanboy of it.
However, when a friend of mine introduced me to Linux, I quickly changed my mind because so many small things were way better. Then, when Vista came out, I switched completely.
That, on its own, was an adventure, but that's another rant for another time(Me and my pal were the only Linux users in the town we lived in, so without online shopping, perusing the local hardware vendors was like meeting a Neolithic tribe. It's definitely rantworthy on its own, if only for nostalgia).
The more I learned about Free Software and what Corporations could do with their power, the more I came to despise the companies I used to advocate for.
Now, it's 2018 and people bitch about what Facebook, Microsoft and their equally evil buddies do. Yet, 2013, when PRISM hit the fan, they once again ran to their arms instead of fixing the problem properly. That's about when I lost the last bit of respect for people.
And now I'm sitting here playing the world's tiniest open source violin, singing "won't get fooled again" by The Who.

So today i went to another town for a car service, and by accident i met a very old man looking at the cars in the saloon, he was very calm person, in conversation he said he was system analyst and a COBOL developer in a big industry... but what got me the most he said he survided FOUR heart attacks... i don't know if that was a common practice for COBOL developers but i do php most of the time... so... i just wanted to say hello guys... and delete my browser history if i'm not around for some time :)

The worst interview . . . .

So I wasn't looking for a job, but I wasn't happy in mine, and I would listen to pitches. Recruiter calls me about a Java job. I tell him I know JS and it's probably not a good fit. He insists my resume looks good and that they are happy to train. I know just enough Java to relent. Eventually we set up an phone interview for a day I happen to have off anyway because I'm going out of town. Morning of, I'm waiting around for the call. An hour after the scheduled time, the recruiter calls and tells me they had an "emergency" and wouldn't be able to speak today. One whole hour of my day, making me late to leave town: no one anywhere in the whole company could give me a call, no explanation, no apologies, for a job I had told them I wouldn't be a good fit for anyway.

I left them hanging the rest of the weekend and then take my name out of the running on Monday. Respect people's time and lives!

OhhhYeaaah! Got the dream job at the best devshop in town!

Went to a thrift store last week near work and they often have old dev or technology books (I picked up a first edition K&R C book, once) and I found:

1) A book on the history of codes and ciphers throughout history.
2) Beyond good and evil by Nietzsche.
3) A modern publication of a 1673 Spanish demon summoning book (to go into a local town archive).
4) The technical information and construction manual for telegram systems from 1938.

I swear I was driving home thinking:

"Please don't crash, if CSI teams have to piece my identity together from these four personal items I dread to think what conclusions they're going to come to..."

Our CEO had a virtual town hall using Zoom and now have a sign language interpreter box as a regular feature... To go along with all the Inclusion stuff...

The most immediate problem though is they didn't turn on auto-captions...

I don't know sign but am deaf so needed the captions which it turns out you can get using the Google Recorder app on Pixels. (This is literally like a fuck you to non-Pixel users and Zoom which disables Live Captions in conferences and recording full transcripts).

Anyway I left it own and near the end, a speaker was like "we're getting a lot of likes and positive feedback about the interpreter box! See how small changes make such a big difference?!"

And well of course in my mind I'm going "uh.... No."

I'll just go back to not caring about anything that isn't related to how much I make.

Sometimes I see my old high school, or a library in my town. And I think of making a workshop to get the next generation excited about CS.

Then I remember I hate people.

Yay.... Missed the last train because for some reason, the city's public transit thinks it's not in the 21st century and in the third-largest town in an industry state and can just say fuck customers, drop it like it's 1990 at 1:30 o'clock...

Well, time for an all-nighter. Prepare for some nice rants tonight...

Hope my boss considers the hours.

How do you have words like "Senior", "Manager" and "Lead" in your job title and have your linkedin image look like a Tinder profile shot of the last time you went drinking in town?

Omitted a couple that were actually normal.

I was reminded of people's posts about preferred text editors in another post, so I thought I'd do the same, but also add some super old technology that I used along the way.

The first text editor I consistently used was pico. I used it to write my first webpage at school.edu/~username. It was a natural choice, because the it was the default text editor in pine, which is what we would all use for our email after opening a serial connection to the college's Digital Unix server. Or if we were the lucky ones who had a computer in a wired dorm, telnet. My dorm was not wired until my sophomore year.

I got my first job in tech in 2001, working as a night shift tier-one support technician. By this time, most people were using web based email, or POP3, but I wanted to keep using pine (or elm, or mutt) because I was totally in love with the command line by this time, and had been playing with Linux for two or three years by now. I arranged a handshake deal with a guy in my home town who had a couple well-connected NetBSD servers, to let me have an account on one for email and web hosting (a relatively new idea at the time).

I recall telnetting into my shared hosting account from the HP-UX workstations we had in the control room. I would look at webpages on HTML conventions and standards, and I kept seeing references to this thing called vi. I looked into it more deeply, and found that it was a text editor, and was the reason I always had to CTRL-Z out of elm. I was already finding pico to be lacking, so I found a modern implementation of vi called vim that was already installed on the aforementioned NetBSD server, and read through vimtutor on it. I was hooked instantly. The modality massively appealed to me, and I found editing files to be an absolute delight, compared to pico, and its nascent open source offspring/successor, nano.

My position on that hasn't changed in the years that have passed since then.

What's your text editor origin story?

And here we go!
I am finally in my holiday apartment.
Finally, it is time to sit down and relax for a bit.
I am awake since yesterday. Approximately 2 full days.
The weather in Antalya is not that hot tbh. I almost did not feel any change when I arrived. Just the sun tho. I was completely blinded when I made my first move out of the airplane.
Ps: That picture is from a small town within Antalya and about an hour away from the "real" Antalya.

Had to visit another town yesterday for a business meeting. Left my house at 6am and got back this morning 3am. The meeting itself was an hour or 90mins max. The rest was on the vehicle. A bloody waste of time and a toll on my body, I would say. Tired mind with a backache. And I am not even 30 yet. Geeez.

I live in a small town and work remotely. When I tell people, (even young ones) I'm a programmer/web developer they think I install programs or make simple sites. I try to explain to them that I make the things but it perplexes them. Maybe because they think all apps are made by hi tech wizards and not average joes like myself working for average companies. Any of you other countryfolk have similar experiences?

Alright, I need suggestions. I live in a small town and outside of my primary job, I own my own IT business. A lot of (l)users have eagerly asking if I’ll be teaching classes to explain some of the key things a computer is capable of doing. (Most of them will be elderly.)

How much would you charge for this? I’ve got about 20 people confirmed and I was thinking about doing 20$ a head. What seems reasonable? Keep in mind, this is a smaller sized town.

I visited one IT company here in my town and lead dev told me they are writing their own framework becuase they dont believe on people who wrote open source projects, after few clicking on trying to show me his latest live project -PHP fatal error appeared and I was like 🤔

!rant

Oh yea. Got an interview on the first try to the best devshop in town. Exited! Let's hope our interests meet. Applying for the first time in 10 years. Feels like going on a first date. =D

Be a fellow who's distracted af. You just had a presentation in another city. You're driving home and a light lits up saying you need gas. You stop at the petrol station, pour in some gas, grab a cop of joe while you're at it, pay and leave. You're 15minutes away from the gas stop already and an unknown number is calling you. You pick it up. A male voice says

Voice: "hello, this is police. Did you just leave a gas stop 15 minutes ago?"

You: *wtf, what the fuck did I do now!* "yes, I sure did."

Voice: "you forgot to pay for the fuel"

you: *oh shit, he's right! I remember now - I only paid for the coffee! Shit! I'm in trouble now. *
"oh.. Right, you're right, I forgot... I'll turn around and come back to pay

Voice: "wait, don't rush, I may be able to help you. I'll call you back, keep your phone close" *hangs up*

5 minutes later phone rings again.

Voice: "can you pull over, please? Here's a phone number of that gas stop. Give them a call, I'm sure you'll sort it our. Have a nice day!" *hangs up*

you call that number. A woman picks up.

You: "hello, I forgot to pay you for the gas, gimme a few minutes - I'll turn around and get back to you"

Operator: "do not worry, I think I can help you! You can pay for it at your home town if you like, but I'm afraid they might not be working today. But they will tomorrow! Would that be OK for you?"

you: "umm, yeah, of course! It's my fault - anything is OK for me!"

operator: "ooorrr.. I could pay for you now and you would pay me back. Would that work? Here's my bank account, I'll pay for you when you send me those 50 something €"

a fantasy story? Made up story? Bed time stories? Dysney movie plot? Phishing? Canada?

No. This is Lithuania :) believe it or not, this is a true story, and there are more like this one.
Respect to the police!

This is a message to all “yes man” developers:

Yeah… we just got in that the client has new requirements for you to complete by EOD:

1. Go to the gas station
2. Buy two gallons of gasoline
3. Order two 2 ft long dildos online
4. Go to the center of your town
5. Scream “fuck me corporate daddy, I’ll do anything for you” 100 times
6. Shove one dildo into ur ass and one in your mouth
7. Pour gasoline all over yourself
8. Light yourself on fire
9. Contemplate what little self respect you have for yourself and the rest of the world…

Oh god, so many... I'll list my top two then, just because I can't decide which one was actually better. (:

One of my work colleagues left to go to Cape Town, so we filled his Corsa sedan with helium balloons and wrapped his car with clingwrap. :D The good sport that he was, he still climbed in and drove forwards about 2m with all the balloons. Lol.

Then for my boss's birthday, we wrapped literally everything on and around his desk in newspaper. His phone, monitor (secondary for a laptop), his shelves, everything on the shelves, etc. Took him a few hours before he could get back to work stuff after that, and some things still stayed wrapped for a few months... If I can find the photos from this I'll share them.

Ah, we have so much fun here... Hehe.

So I recently found out that just about every other company in this town pays their devs with equivalent experience at least 25% more than what my current employer does.

I requested a salary meeting and informed my boss that I'm way below the average for my position, he replied "Yeah, your salary has been below average for years now, yet you are my best employee in this area".

It hurts that he very well knew this fact and still decided not do to anything about it before I brought it up.

I told him that I don't feel rewarded for all my hard work and overtime, so I requested a 25% bump or I'm leaving in January.

Google Cloud onboarding conference here in Cape Town today! Supposedly the largest attendance of the event globally so far. Over 600 developers here! Also the first one in Africa.

Client contacts our company that his site is down, we do some investigating and the only way we can access the site is on a mobile phone. From the office computers the site never loads and times out. Since we don't host the site and I've never logged into it before I don't have a lot of details so I suggest they contact whoever hosts their site. This is where things get weird.

Client tells me that the site is hosted on someone's home server. I tell him that this is quite strange in 2018 and rather unlikely and ask if he was ever given access to the site to log in or if he has access to his domain registration, GoDaddy.

He says he doesn't understand any of this and would rather I just contact his current developer and figure it out with him. We agree that he needs to get access to his site so we are going to migrate it once I get access to it.

I email his current developer letting him know the client has put me in contact with him to troubleshoot the issues with the site. I ask him some standard questions like: where is the site hosted? Can you access it from a computer? Do you have some security measures in place to block certain IP ranges? Can you give me from access to get the files? Will you send me a backup of the site for me to load up on my server?

*2days pass*

Other dev: Tell me the account number and I'll transfer the domain.

Me: I'll have to get back to you on that once I talk to the client and set up his GoDaddy account since we believe the business owner should own their domain, not their developers. In the meantime you didn't answer any of the questions I asked. Transferring the domain won't get the site on my server so I still need the files.

*3 days pass*

OD: You are trying the wrong domain. The correct domain is [redacted].com I'll have my daughter send you the files when she gets in town. We will transfer the domain to you, the client will forget to pay and the site will go down and it'll be your fault.

Me: I appreciate your advice, but the client will own their domain. I'm trying to get the site online and you have no answered any of my questions. It's been a week now and you have not transferred the domain, you have not provided a copy of the site, you have not told me where the site is hosted. The client and I are both getting impatient at this point when will we receive a backup of the site and the transfer of the domain?

OD: Go fuck yourself, tell the client they can sue me.

If the client is that terrible, wouldn't you want to hand them off to anyone willing to take them? I have never understood why developers and agencies try to hold clients hostage by keeping their domain or website and refusing access. From what I can tell this is a freelance developer without a real company so a legal battle likely isn't going to go well since the domain is worthless to him as the copyright to the name is owned by the client. This isn't the first time we've had to help clients through this sort of thing.

my day went to shit immediately... long night, got to sleep at 4AM, poked awake at 8AM, "hey wake up we gotta go to a town 200 miles away, dress like you're rich, we gotta go find a place to live for my new job" ugh, fine, got another 30 minutes or so of sleep in the car. We get there, the guy shows us a place that I physically can't fully stand up in and is like 600-some square feet for $750/month. Fuck that. We get halfway back home, "hey i forgot, we just finished renovating a new unit, come look!" goddammit gotta go BACK to the city... get there, it's a 2-floor 1200 square foot place for $675, a hell of a lot better. We leave to go see relatives in town, get a call, "hey hurry home your grandfather's hallucinating" we get there before an ambulance (we traveled 120 miles in less time than an ambulance took to drive 50 miles...) and my grandfather's hauled (by us, as the ambulance refuses to take him to the right hospital, they want to take him OUT OF STATE in an ambulance and he's not actively dying) to the VA in the city we were just in... he's immediately screened and his dementia has progressed to the point he needs to be in a nursing home in 12 hours somehow. I have no idea either. Anyways, we're about 3/4 of the way back home and it's now 2:40AM. My dad's been driving for 18 hours pretty much straight. I'm still awake, he's wired (the worst possible state to be in while driving) and family drama has happened as family members are already trying to take the land my grandpa lived on AND HE'S LITERALLY ONLY BEEN GONE FOR 6 HOURS.

so how was your day?

My Unix class
👨‍💻using nice looking theme for vs code to edit my bash script

Prof: That's a nice looking theme( he thought it was vim theme)
Me: um.. um.. It's vs code, new guy in a town
Prof: uh! 🤔
Me: ( 5 sec silence) um, It's from Microsoft
Prof: GET OUT!

Just tested in production and sent over 3000 leads that shouldn't be sent. Ooops. ;-)

Today I had plans to refresh my knowledge about transactions' internals in dbms and in general.

Then the rainy weather hit the town. The whole sleepy day wasted on Netflix.

Well.. I guess it was time for a break :) haven't had one in weeks

!rant ✓devrant-meetup

Met @condor irl today. He's the same weird guy as I feel at moments. Interests that don't interest people around us in any way..

Drank some beers, evidently called Belgium.
He came all the way to the town I work at.. kudos!

Talked about breadboards taking 230V via cables that aren't meant to take the voltage in any way.. Security implications in networks and online services, like Fb. Faraday's cage & how it works; and some other shit I swear I won't tell anyone about as you should be comfortable discussing it.

Quite interesting, I swear! (:

Now on the bus home, as I had to cut it short to get to some parental business... But I'm looking back on some positive social interaction, which I'll gladly re-do another time.

Condor, it was sure nice to meet ya. I'll come your way next time. That ~10eu for your transport will be equalled some day in the near future.

@FunkDelegate sorry it was badly timed and plaved, you'll join us soon enough! At least you saw decent ass! xD

There's a group of people at my work who have mean girls syndrome.

They think they're cool, but they're actually pretty lame. I'm loving it whenever a junior comes to me because they're fed up with these morons.

Don't get me wrong, I can't do fuckall, but I love to sit and watch the world burn. Hell, I'm waiting for end of contract to get away from this hellhole of a job, this shitty small town and its close-minded people.

It is the time for the proper long personal rant.

Im a fresh student, i started few months ago and the life is going as predicted: badly or even worse...
Before the university i had similar problems but i had them under control (i was able to cope with them and with some dose of "luck" i graduated from high school and managed to get into uni). I thought by leaving the town and starting over i would change myself and give myself a boost to keep going. But things turned out as expected. Currently i waste time everyday playing pc games or if im too stressed to play, i watch yt videos. Few years ago i thought i was addicted, im not. It might be a effect of something greater. I have plans, for countess inventions, projects, personal, for university and others and ALL of them are frozen, stopped, non existant. No motivation. I had few moments when i was motivated but it was short, hours or only minutes. Long term goals dont give me any motivation. They give as much short lived joy, happines as goals in games and other things... (no substance abuse problems, dont worry). I just dont see point of my projects anymore. Im sure that my projects are the only thing that will give me experience and teach me something but... i passed the magic barrier of univercity, all my projects are becoming less and less impressive... TV and other sources show people, briliant people, students, even children that were more succesful than me

if they are better than me why do i even bother? companies care more for them, especialy the prestigious ones, they have all the fame, money, funding, help, gear without question!
of course they hardworked for ther positions, they could had better beggining or worse but only hard work matters right?

As i said. None of my work matters, i worked hard for my whole life, studing, crafting, understanding: programming, multiple launguages, enviorements, proper and most effcient algorithms, electronic circuits, mechanical contraptions. I have knowlege about nearly every machine and i would be able to create nearly everything with just access to those tools and few days worth of practice. (im sort of omnibus, know everything) But because had lived in a small town i didnt have any chances of getting the right equpment. All of my electronical projects are crap. Mechanical projects are made out of scrap. Even when i was in high school, nobody was impressed or if they were they couldnt help me.
Now im at university. My projects are stagnant, mostly because of my mental problems. Even my lifestyle took a big hit. I neglect a lot of things i shouldnt. Of course greg, you should go out with friends! You cant dedicate 100% of your life to science!
I fucking tried. All of them are busy or there are other things that prevent that... So no friends for me. I even tried doing something togheter! Nope, same reasons or in most cases they dont even do anything...
Science clubs? Mostly formal, nobody has time, tools are limited unless you designed you thing before... (i want to learn!, i dont have time to design!), and in addition to that i have to make a recrutment project... => lack of motivation to do shit.

The biggest obstacle is money. Parts require money, you can make your parts but tools are money too. I have enough to live in decent apartment and cook decently as well but not enough to buy shit for projects. (some of them require a lot or knowlege... and nobody is willing to give me the second thing). Ok i found a decent job oppurtunity. C# corporation, very nice location, perfect for me because i have a lot of time, not only i can practice but i can earn for stuff. I have a CV or resume just waiting for my friend to give me the email (long story, we have been to that corp because they had open days and only he has the email to the guy, just a easier way)
But there are issiues with it as well so it is not that easy.

If nobody have noticed im dedicated to the science. Basicly 100% scientist that want to make a world a better place.

I messaged a uni specialist so i hope he will be able to help me.
For long time i have thought that i was normal, parent were neglecting my mental health and i had some situations that didnt have good infuence on me as well. I might have some issiues with my brain as well, 96% of aspargers symptoms match, with other links included. I dont want to say i have it but it is a exciuse for a test. In addition to that i cant CANT stop thinking, i even tried not thinking for few minutes, nope i had to think about something everytime. On top of that my biological timer is flipped. I go to sleep at 5 am and wake up at 5pm (when i dont have lectures).
I prefer working at night, at that time my brain at least works normaly but i dont want to disrupt roommates...
And at the day my brain starts the usual, depression, lack of motivation, other bullshit thing.

I might add something later, that is all for now.

I fucking swear the power goes out in my small ass town once a week. Every fucking time it knocks my servers offline. I’m about to sue the fucking power company. This is fucking ridiculous.

Yes they are on UPS, they were also on backup power until the fucking maintenance guys decided “on they don’t need on the generator...” you fucking cunt!

Hello all, I was wondering how some of you guys manage stress on the job? I recently got a new "real" job as a lead php dev working 9-5 in down town Houston. I must say, this "normal" work schedule is kicking my ass. I'm constantly exhausted, stressed out and am now having second thoughts about the position. What should I do?

!dev

holy fuck, I just browsed instagram and guess what? there's a lot of ho's and retarded morons! what in the actual fuck? I am honestly surprised!

I was so mad about it that I went for a walk in town and stumbled upon a KKK gathering. Jesus christ, can you believe these people are racists?

I had to storm out there of there to my favorite extremist church and I just found out that they are homophobes. I am shocked!

then it started to rain, and I was wondering what would happen if I walked into the open. Can you believe I got drenched? I was not aware that water had this effect on regular clothing.

Started my first Android app for a town here in Luxembourg, It's a school project but the best one will be sold and the good part is that we can pick the price. But I'm pretty confident to win.

For the future? Google Firebase for sure

Soo there's this new language in town.
It says it looks like ruby but runs like c.

Any one tried crystal yet?
Is a compiled language but with all the funky features.

Well, sure it’s nice to take a break from coding and visit some historical town. Here’s Cracow (Kraków) from today

There was this place somewhere in the ocean called “United Paper Island”, a bit like paper towns, but a real one. You could only get there via a private jet or a ship that came only like every three months or something. the island was small and… eerie. There was a large bus stop-looking hub in the middle of the island, and it also had streets/housing, but things looked off. Some streets resembled well-known places like Fifth Avenue or Champs-Élysées, but not quite. Everything was half abandoned, and felt like Half-Life 2 maps. A small town that was just a bit too silent. The plot was that we moved there temporarily, and I went for a walk trying to convince ppl that it was okay, it was fine, just a regular place. But I had a gut feeling it was not okay at all.

Then my stupid brain decided to imagine what it would feel like to be buried alive on this island, specifically waking up inside the coffin underground. Then I felt like I was suffocating, and I finally woke up.

First thing I did was immediately grabbing my laptop, opening google maps and trying to find this island. “Paper Island” and “United Paper Island” yielded nothing, obviously. But I _knew_ the location.

As I was scrolling around the map, it felt like that knowledge was being erased. I felt that. Just like someone connected to my brain, selected certain files and hit “delete”. After 20 seconds, it was over.

Now I don’t know where this island is.

Me: "Hey [Fren], name yourself after [Fren 2]'s town"

Fren: "sure"

Me:

The overuse of something is designed to demoralize and discourage the very thing.

Vapid christmas jingles, meaningless consumerism, blackfriday shopping, keeping up with the joneses, decorations and tinsel bullshit so overloaded on homes and trees that it looks like a gaudy airstrip display, holiday-town-esque themes and festivals so frequent, overcooked and overcommercialized that its like you've stepped into a 40-year-old sterile suburban house-wives braindrain internal fantasy reruns of regurgitated hallmark christmas romance movies.

Alls fair love and christmas.

In other news, some strapping young and intrepid adventurer *lit a public christmas tree on fire*.

Its a shame really, when we can't just enjoy the simple things without some dickhead going and spoiling it. But also I can't help but ask

"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!"

Repping around town with Microsoft Hacktoberfest tshirt

Here it goes,

So there I was a Linux enthusiast stuck in a windows job for about 3 years. I would spend my weekends doing Linux related tasks for my personal amusement, while I spent my week doing windows maintenance and development (partially) professionally.
It was about 2014 I started building an openstack cluster at home and i was so stoked! I searched for openstack summits or meetups and for my surprise there was an openstack meetup in my town. Holly 🐄 I said.
The date of the event came and I left work earlier to attend the meetup.
There , I had a talk with the meetup organizer/speaker and he told he was interested in what I was doing and that they were going to open a job in the next months.

A few months later still at my boring job I got an email from him for an interview.
Everything went just about right...and here I am a Linux systems engineer doing everything I love for a living...

Heh promotion? I only get fake promotion..

For two years, I was doing so many *free* overtime, manager is a big liar, he said that it will he considered on the yearly evaluation.. cool, the thing is there is no evaluation at all, just lying and lying.

Few months ago I took a vacation of 1 month (I am expatriate so I get one vacation per year, my home town is too far..) I talked to tye manager about salary taise and he said absolutely we will talk after I get back..
He called me during my vacation to do some urgent (as always) work, I worked about 5 days, and for free.

After I get back to work, he was angry about my *attitude* that I wasn't available more time.. oh and there was no fucking raise. always lying..

In this country, if you're an expatriate so you can travel outside the country without the validation of the employer (yeah like that) and the notes period is about 3 months, what makes very hard to find another job, no one will wait for 3 months, unless you vanish during a vacation.

So, why didn't I gave my resignation? well, life is hard when you have unemployed wife and a little baby, and the pay is, let's say OK comparing to costs here.

I am charged to learn and work with another language and framework, and when I asked for a raise they said no, so I will stop working in this language and let's see..

The problem is that other employees in thus company are literally bitches, they don't say no to anything, so I am the special guy here who does not a blowjob..

So, what do I do? I am hunting for a new job since a while but no luck.

Turns out I'm terrible at meeting people. Go figure, it's the cliche of being a dev.

I just moved into a pretty nice apartment in a nice area, but I I know literally nobody here aside from coworkers. The only friend I have left that hasn't moved away is in jail for a good while. 😧

The only place I can think to meet people is at a bar/club - which isn't really my thing. Even then, just walking up to a stranger and striking up a conversation just seems fucking weird to me.

Anybody have any advice on making new friends in basically a new town?

Do anybody remember when i wrote a rant about the IT teacher in my high school?

Few months ago we got the results from final exams! (we have precentage based grades)

Another thing to remember:
You can pick basic or extended version of the every test you take.
Everybody has to get at least 30% on basic exams (they are nessesary for everybody) to graduate from the school. The extended exams give you more points at university and they are not mandatory.
In addition to that extended ones dont have the lower limit

The IT exam has only the extended version (because its not mandator, you pick it yourself). It is pretty easy: just basic algorithms, basic C++ programs and general PC things.

I didnt take the IT class because i thougt i can learn much more at home. My friend took it. He is very good. He uses linux he wants to become a pen tester. I know he is worth getting 100% on that extended IT exam. (We did a lot of projects thogether)

Well... NOBODY GOT MORE THAN 20% on that exam! WTF!

That POS teacher should die in that win xp IT class with all ethernet cables stuck in his ass!

He didnt teach anything useful about algorithms to anybody! And that was the easiest and the most important part on the exam!

In addition to that people had to do few tasks on pc as well! And one of those tasks could been a picture in gimp BUT THE GIMP DIDNT EVEN WORK ON THOSE PC'S!

Algorithms are easy! That son of a twat didnt even understand it himself! That is why im telling everybody in my town to NOT go to that hight school for IT exam!
I dont want anybody to waste their life trying to learn something useful when that fucking bitch dosent understand anything!

That teacher is lucky. My friend got rejected from studing CS on university (due to the shit score) but he at least got accepted to study math.

I hope he will be able to continiue his dev dream.

Somebody has to say it.

React is a lot more trouble that it's worth and has fewer good ideas than people give it credit for. It's a great tool for any other context that's not the browser, and the only reason its the new cool kid in town is because Facebook made it so, and because x-rays went nowhere.

Started further developing an app (that I had left dormant) for retail outlets in my town. Spoken to the managers and they said they like my idea, and want to trial run it and then if it works properly, they want to start having the other branches around the country use it.

Now to sit by ass behind my screen, and finish developing my app (meaning tackling the many bugs that made me pull my hair out last time)

So I work in a web development company in my town and have been doing a while or heap of parallax sites for our clients. Now obviously when we do the designs we get them in and get them to play around with the site before we go ahead and push their new site out and make it live right.

Wellll who would of thought that a simple parallax site would be so hard to use for the general user??? Recently we have been getting the occasional call where the client is getting complaints about the site only being a big ole image or just one block of text. After investigating why their site was broken or why the users weren't able to see the whole site I came across no problems at all.

Today I got a call from the client who instructed me that after explaining to one of his own clients that he had to scroll down the page that everything was just fine!

I mean, what? How do you miss the big ole scroll bar on ya screen or even think to even attempt to scroll? Some people aye lmao

I'm very angry at C# 😡 (and java in some degree). Recently I decided to create huge project in C#. (It is my favorite launguage now because of great VS2017 its features, lib and such). I used windows form app in order to make pretty gui for this program. Everything worked fine, but i decided to implement some 3d rendering system in order to display grafs in 3d, oh how foolish was I.

Ok so what are my options?
1.DirectX9 -> abandoned by microsoft, they say its ded so nope.
2. DX11 -> great! i even can use sharpdx or simpledx to use it! oh wait, what is that? INVALID DX CALL
(in demo code)Damit!
3.OpenGL -> obsolete, lib non existent.
4. Library that comes with .NET -> WFP only sorry!
(i found some dogdy tutorials on yt for dx11 but they need .net 2.0 really?) 😐

In that moment i decided to swich to java. (because Java c#_launguage = new Java("microsoft");)
After 1 day of instaling eclipse and 2 more to install the newest jdk MANUALY i realized that java isn't that easy to use as C#, because:
- no dynamic type-> HUGE PAIN i cant use a single list to store everything buuuu!
-console? yes but its burried inside some random lib and its not consistent with every java version!
-gui editor similar to VS one? oh you need to create it from scrach!😫

Well at lest i can render things. So maybe java will render suff as another tool in my app? Nope pipes NON existent, we need to use sockiets! (unity pipe plugin was easier! worked but it was SLOW)

Ok so after few more days of struggling i managed to render simple graf using directx9 in my original C# project that works fine.. 😥 I only need to create a lib to wrap in and we are done!

Why can't companies create a laungage that will have ALL the features i need? Or at lest give me something like pipes that work in every laungage that will be helpful!

I know it is sometimes stressful to be a dev. But when your program works 😀 that is great feeling! Especialy when you learned to code yourself like me 😁. (student before a university, that lives in small abadoned town)

We code hard in these cubicles

My style’s nerd-chic, I’m a programmin’ freak

We code hard in these cubicles

Only two hours to your deadline?

Don’t sweat my technique.

Sippin’ morning coffee with that JAVA swirl.

Born to code; my first words were “Hello World”

Since 95, been JAVA codin’ stayin’ proud

Started on floppy disks, now we take it to the cloud.

On my desktop, JAVA’s what’s bobbin’ and weavin’

We got another winning app before I get to OddEven.

Blazin’ code like a forest fire, climbin’ a tree

Setting standards like I Triple E….
Boot it on up, I use the force like Luke,

Got so much love for my homeboy Duke.

GNU Public Licensed, it’s open source,

Stop by my desk when you need a crash course

Written once and my script runs anywhere,

Straight thuggin’, mean muggin’ in my Aeron chair.

All the best lines of code, you know I wrote ‘em

I’ll run you out of town on your dial-up modem.

Cause…
We code hard in these cubicles

Me and my crew code hyphy hardcore

We code hard in these cubicles

It’s been more than 10 years since I’ve seen the 404.

Inheriting a project can make me go beeee-serk

Ain’t got four hours to transfer their Framework.

The cleaners killed the lights, Man, that ain’t nice,

Gonna knock this program out, just like Kimbo Slice

I program all night, just like a champ,

Look alive under this IKEA lamp.

I code HARDER in the midnight hour,

E7 on the vending machine fuels my power.

Ps3 to Smartphones, our code use never ends,

JAVA’s there when I beat you in “Words with Friends”.

My developing skills are so fresh please discuss,

You better step your game up on that C++.

We know better than to use Dot N-E-T,

Even Dan Brown can’t code as hard as me.

You know JAVA’s gettin’ bigger, that’s a promise not a threat,

Let me code it on your brain

We code hard in these cubicles,

it’s the core component…of what we implement.

We code hard in these cubicles,
Straight to your JAVA Runtime Environment.

We code hard in these cubicles,
Keep the syntax light and the algorithm tight.

We code hard in these cubicles,

Gotta use JAVA if it’s gonna run right.

We code hard in these cubicles

JAVA keeps adapting, you know it’s built to last.

We code hard in these cubicles,

Robust and secure, so our swag’s on blast

CODE HARD

Do you have any annoying you want to get rid off, but you can't because of reasons?
I do. They are 4, but for now I'll talk about the gold medal winner.

When we met about 8-9 ago, she had just come back to town due to some very bad personal experience (not her fault). Anyway, she is polite, but her major flaw is that she is pushy. REAL BAD! And she gets mad when other people (including me) try to do it on her. Another one is having calls during random inappropriate times, because she had fight #N with her boyfriend, and last but not least, she will call when needs something out of someone.

Lately, her project is finding us a job, since we're both unemployed. Any job. The sad part is when she sends me job ads for dev jobs I don't qualify, e.g. Company X is looking for a dev with Y year of experience, knowing A, B, C & D technologies. I've told her that I don't qualify for most of the dev jobs she sends me, but she insists I should send my CV anyway, cause of reasons. Also, for some reason, I should be accounted to her for all my current choices when what I would honestly say is "BUG OFF".

Her latest endeavour is getting me one of her friends (a psychologist) as a "client". Her friend wants to have a professional website with writing posts/articles as a side dish. I'm not registered as a freelancer, so everything will be done under the counter, and her friend is OK with that. I'm no web developer, but I didn't refuse because of her backlash and also that would be a positive experience for me. Now, the juicy part. She gave her my phone number without my permission and she told me straight away. Her plan was having the three of us meet, though I don't know why and I didn't want her being around. I asked her to call me immediately, which it didn't happen. After being pestered by my friend for a couple of weeks if her friend called me, she finally did it on Monday. She didn't say to me anything I didn't know, but at least I have her phone now.

What I can offer her is a website skeleton with the usabilities she's asking. What I can't offer her is graphics/banner and security. And now I have to come up with reasonable price. Teams here ask 400-600€ for a complete website the way she asks, including VAT. I'm thinking around 100€ and I don't know when I can deliver the project. I've had some experience with Ruby and Sinatra, so I'll go with that, and I'll learn CSS along the way.

Thanks for reading till the end! 😃

bought a cdp ups, because energy service can be shitty in the town I live.

Everything is fine and dandy with the ups, has a nice lcd but it also has a usb cable and dvd with a so called "upsilon 2000" software. One week after buying the ups I decided to venture with the mother fucker software.

Installed the software, looks awful, like a software that made his way from the 90s to this day... it doesn't show the ups... I left it like that... nothing unsual, then my fucking curiosity picked up and I look into the software options and here you go, changed the "communication type" from serial to usb, and ups was recognized, and even nicer, windows started showing a battery icon like if this desktop was a laptop. I was thrilled... until I restarted my pc for whatever reason

gpu decided to break, like if the drivers weren't installed, was laggy, my second screen didn't work, in device manager the video adapter was shown as "generic video adapter". 😡, immediately I blame nvidia cuz I just updated those drivers the day before.

So I started my journey to get the fucking video card working as it should again. installed DDU, reinstalled newest drivers again... didn't work, used ddu again, installed last known drivers again... didn't work, used ddu, installed drivers from windows update... nothing... after some panicking time, I remembered that besides from updating the nvidia drivers I installed that upsilon shit recently... So I decided to uninstall it, and that was the fix, fucking shady software.

It was very naive from me to not blame that upsilon before blaming everything else.

When your favorite DJ comes to town but you cannot enjoy him playing live just because you don't have a girl to go with it.

I am done for 2016 already. This is so depressing. Guy J in town.

*Going in holidays with my family *
*We where in the french state named "Creuse"*
*Decription of the town where we stayed at: more cows than inhabitants *
*No 4G, just 6Kb/s McDonald's wifi connexion*
*Me: "end my suffer"*

Good night Ya'll

@C0D4 has had way to much internet for one day!

Tell me a thing which doesn't exist and has become "the talk of the town"
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Artificial Intelligence
AI Everywhere :/

An army general is newly stationed in a desert post. On his first day, he calls for a soldier to show him around. While doing this, he notices a camel randomly tied to a tent.

He asks the soldier, “Soldier, why is that camel tied to the tent?”

The soldier looks awkward and answers, “Er, well Sir, as you know there are no women on the base so er, the camel is there for when the men get certain…um…urges”

The general nods in understanding And says, “Well I don’t condone this behaviour, but I suppose I understand”

A few weeks into the post, the general starts feelings these urges himself. He calls for the soldier to bring the camel to his tent. He then goes outside, gets a stool, and has wild animal sex with the camel.

After he’s finished, he climbs confidently off of the stool and sees the soldier staring at him, wide-eyed.

“So” the general says with a grin, “Is that how you boys do it here?”

The soldier answers, still wide-eyed, “No Sir, we usually just ride the camel into the nearby town where the women are”

Brace yourself "React VR" is coming to town soon.

Today's episode of Bluey is called: "I am not ready to go back to work after a week long mandatory vacation in which I will go back into a space that has made my passion into a shitless grabs for money"

Seriously, If I hear "the president of the institution does not like <X>" I will blow my brains out.

What is worse, every "leAderShiP" meeting I ask if shit is actually a policy towards were my department head says "no, but the boss does not like <X>" <--- then fucking make it a policy.

Seriously, I have a wife, I have but one woman to keep happy, I ain't about to break my back on dumb shit that some lady dislikes when I already have to keep 1 woman happy.

Going to work is a paycheck to me, but fuck man, I am seriously leaving. Good luck trying to find fkers this part of town that can patch my software be it that I wrote it in the most esoteric shit known to mankind on these modern days.

Might start listening to recruiters, I get about 50 offers a day.

2 years ago I told myself I'd never learn PHP. 2 years later I'm a desperate college student in a town where the only web dev companies rely on PHP. I didn't want to cave and learn such an obsolete language but it's looking like I have no choice. Goodbye, innocence :'(

"we are reluctant to actually make a product roadmap because then we have to stick to it"
- the CEO of the software development company I work at during our last town hall who wonders why our customers are always frustrated with our software...