There was a problem with a server we were staging on, and I was providing DevOps help remote.

As a joke I said, "haha if you run `sudo rm -rf / --no-preserve-root` everything will be fixed!"

They ran it. RIP server-kun 2016-2018 💨

-- How I feel at work lately, in terms my wife understands --

Me: There's a gas leak, we need to fix it.

Manager: Yeah, use some duct tape, here's a roll.

Me: That's not how we fix a problem like this.

Manager: Will it work to solve the problem?

Me: Only temporarily

Manager: Ask your co-worker if you need help using duct tape, he's used it before. When will it be fixed?

classmate: Hey, "friend" told me you do freelance website development. right? I need to create a new website and need your help.

Me: umm... OK... what's it about?

Classmate: It's for my dad's friend's business.

Me: OK. but I will charge the standard rate.

classmate: No... I will make it myself. I just want your help.

Me(Internally): ...not again...

Me: Do it yourself then.

Classmate: It will be quick. an hour or two max.

Me: *speechless*

Classmate: And one of my uncle who did IT told me that c++ is faster. can we use that instead of HTML?

Me: huh...?

classmate: you don't know shit.

... classmate walks away...

This guy somehow manages to get As in exams (mostly cheating. and our papers are shitty theory papers which you can mug up. so that helps) and in a year will have an IT degree.

Finally got my new coding buddy! Gilfoyle will hopefully help me to straighten up my miserable code. Praise the dark lord 😀

Do you have thousands of unidentified songs, all named consecutively Track 1?
This application will help you to finally identify those songs with a simple drag and drop.

I hate it when people rant that we need to call 'Ctrl, Alt & Delete' for help when we're in problem.

Real geek will use 'Ctrl + Shift + Esc'.

Project Leader: the team needs to use Git
Dev team: yeah Git, it will help us a lot
.
.
.
[three days later]
Dev: we send the changes via Dropbox, see you on monday!

Worst bad practice..

Manager: I need code today
Developer (thinking) : let me give it without unit test. Anyways tester will test it.

Manager to tester: complete testing fast.

Tester(thinking): developer must have unit tested it. Let me skip it.
Enjoy testing completed.

God help clients.. 😊

Asking a question on Stackoverflow, explained as best as I can, provided links code everything.

5 minutes later I see a notification. Wooooo someone will help me fix my problem.

Some Indian dude suggested an edit.

You know what his edit was?
...
CAPITALIZING THE FUCKING LINKS

With all this emoji code bullshit flying around in here.

I thought I would test my luck and make what I think would be the worst possible end result of this.

<?php
define("😂","God help me");
define("🤡",100);

for($🍔 = 0; $🍔 <= 🤡; $🍔++){
echo 😂."\n";
}
?>
This will execute and run on PHP7.1 😱

Now let’s all band together and kill emojicode before it becomes a thing we will regret!

Scheduled devRant maintenance - I'm going to be upgrading some infrastructure later and there will be some downtime, probably about 15 minutes, around 9pm EDT. Apologies for the inconvenience and devRant disruption :) It will help with working towards an even more stable service in the future.

Feel free to let me know if you have any questions!

User: Hi , I am facing some issues.
Tech Help: Please elaborate your issues.

User: My monitor's screen is flickering.
Tech Help: Please drop an email with the screenshot. We will get back to you later.

User: *Speechless*.

My boss, delusional as always and getting worse every week, conveys the news that eight interns have been taken on. Without asking us seniors if that would be a good idea.

Us: ”who should, you know, actually help these good people out?”

Boss: ”we will have to work that out”

Us: ”we don’t have the time actually to do this without seriously pushing deadlines forward”

Boss: ”we will have to work something out so that this does not happen”

Us: ”soo, we don’t have to actually help these guys and girls once they are here?”

Boss: ”no, they obviously need a lot of help. What we do here are really complex”

Us: 😬

Sometimes, you'll be tempted to copy-paste some piece of code from somewhere (stack overflow, w3schools, etc). But instead, read the code there and re-type it. Will help you to understand it better.

Hey guys

Just want to say that I'm new here and hope we all will have a good time and can help each other.

Greetings

A Merry Christmas to everyone! Hope no one will get server down or family asking for help with computer!

Sure Edge... let me just give larry and sergey a quick call, I'm sure they will be happy to help me fix your problems.

Just got a merge request to review. It's TERRIBLE

- 93 changes
- 23 commits
- includes multiple features
- includes new project configs
- includes refactoring

NO. Please don't do that.

Do smaller commits. One feature per MR. It will help you and the reviewer :D

~March 7~
Boss: Hey cory, guess what, you will not take control of the servers anymore so you can focus on your real job, the company hire someone to do it
Me: Great, finally i can just program, thanks for the news boss

~Yesterday~
Boss: Hey cory, guess what, the person the company hired needs help to migrate some servers so you need to help him on weekend
Me: Well, it's ok i can do the job

~Today~
Director: Hey mr cory, we need you to help jonny on weekend
Me: Fine boss, i will be on weekend
Director: That's the attitude we need in the company, I do not know how much time you need but we're going to pay you 24 extra hours
Me inside ~every went better than expected~ 🤷‍♂️

I'm 4 days old to this company. I spent 40 minutes debugging why the internet is not working. I asked the IT Guys for the support and they said everything is good.

So why the fuck is the internet not working? I rant at them. The IT Guy told me to calm down and then he will help me. So I calm down and again went to ask for help. He said that he will check it out after breakfast.

It's been more then an hour and he hasn't returned yet. I'm going to complain to the Boss when he comes in. This is not cool man.

'help us to improve our service by making this idiotic survey which will be analyzed by our brainless monkeys'

What about fuck a toaster?

Other services : Please type your phone number to verify that it is you. It will be only used for verification process.
Me : Sure, why not? (Happily types in my number)

Facebook : Please type your phone number to verify that it is you.
Me : Hmmm (sees help)
Facebook : It will be used for verification process and will be visible to your friends. You can always change the scope settings.
Me : (reads as...) It will be used for verification process and will be visible to your friends and will be automatically sent to the NSA for free. You can always change the scope settings when you become the CEO of Facebook.

#deletefacebook

Taking a dump and showering are my number one non dev activities. They help to clear your head and when your head is empty you will get the best ideas and solutions.

I can't open my honeypot 😥😢😭
Do you guys think installing Java will help? xD

The definition of torture: watching your non-techie wife attempt to setup a new computer and refusing to accept help.

... there are so many metaphors I can put here but if she sees any of them it would be grounds for divorce so I will leave it at that.

So Seagate just announced enterprise capacity 12 TB HDD : 2nd gen helium filled hard drives
My thoughts : will all that helium help you store the information on cloud ?

Predictions about internet in the early 2000's:
"This invention will help advancing science, research and access to knowledge and education".

Reality:
"LINUX IS SEXIST, HOMOPHOBIC, FASCIST .."

When Coronavirus become a household name, our Manager said:

"This is a good to time to build a real-time chat system like Zoom. If anyone is able to build something like it, it will help our company grow."

[Silence]

Manager: "There is a lot of demand."

[More silence]

I purchased the worst keyboard ever for coding

Please help , suggest me some good keyboards( mechanical) for typing/coding

Also as a coder will you pefer the cherry mx red for coding?
Share your experiences

I don't know how to really put this but a professor at my university thinks adding a space in java program will help to execute code successfully .I am rethinking over my decision to join university

Me: I want to be a developer so I can make useful software that will help people!

Also me: *spends days making a bot for discord that just posts memes*

When new developers join in your team, please make a time and help them to get confidence with the project they will work on. Besides the project's documentation there is a human factor that can make the difference between a just another dev team and a great one.

I tried to crochet a pusheen.

It didn’t turn out the way I envisioned. “Maybe googly eyes will help!”

…. I have had mixed comment on whether it makes it better or worse. 😅

!!inspiration to rant

To all people who feel lonely at smoochentinesday: 😘
Get your most EPIC, FUCKED UP or IMPRESSIVE dev-related story out and rant it on here!

The comments will help you to get over it, you poor, lonely, grievy flower. 😉

Happy valentines-slay!

App: *Crashes*
Every Android user in the universe: I MUST SCREENSHOT IT AND SEND TO DEVELOPER, SYSTEM CRASH DIALOG WILL DEFINITELY HELP TO FIX THAT

"Take an extra paid day off"

"You are right. This will automate that boring task."

"You did everything that was tasked to you in this sprint? You can rest or help in testing something. "

Writing a new service. (Will be free for now)

Writing up an Ajax PUT request and when it executes, I see an options request firing, that's good.

But no fucking PUT request afterwards!?

WHAT WHY FUCK ME HELP 😢

Bought some new books.
Hope they will help me in my private projects :D
They are for 2 different projects btw.

If it is lunch time and I have a sandwich stuffed halfway in my face, do not walk up to me with your computer asking for help. It doesn't take me long to eat so give me 3 fucking minutes to finish.

I will help you...I will touch your keyboard with my greasy fingers...I will touch your screen...multiple times.

You're welcome.

Management wants weekly update meetings on some "super important" work. Fine.

But for the past 8 weeks they've been late to the meeting or moved it or cancelled it completely. They keep telling me if I need help, let them know and they will get me the help I need no questions asked.

The one time I ask for help they have done literally nothing.

Glad it is so important to them.

I am just fed up with spam messages on my Whatsapp/Facebook Wall/even Normal Messages. So from now on, I will be sending this to everyone who tries to spam me, even to those who are about to fucking press that send button to share "Send this to 4 people and image will change colour" shit. Save this image, might help you as well, let's fucking spam those spammers with this!

Added new hidden function in my service: If you don't reply with "thanks" after I send you requested data, I will not reply to your requests for 15 minutes.
Clients really need to learn some manners and I'm here to help.

Become a life long learner.

Learn new languages, they will teach you new tricks for your current one.

Have a personal project, it will help keep you level and forward focused when your day job just isn't doing it for you.

Most successful project? Probably a little tool I built to practice programming and to help with my studies in a completely different field. I didn't want to keep it all for myself and shared it with some friends at the university. I would never have expected that a couple of weeks later almost every student at our department will be using it but I'm quite happy I could help them too.

Anyone from Netherlands or nearby building something awesome where i can help?

I will be digital nomad for the months of September and October in Netherlands and wish to join anyone there and would love to contribute my web development skills 😊

*Has idea that will change the world!*
*finds awesome software to help accomplish said idea*

$apt install awesome-software

*Get weird error: Google error for 30 minutes and (of course!) come up with nothing useful and finally*

$apt install awesome-software

"Installation Succeded!"

Now.. What was my idea again?!?!

Why do some people have to be so self-centered?

They asked for my help with a logo. I said I will help even without any charges. I know they don't want to spend money. And that's why I frankly said I can help free. But then they said they will feel bad then and ask for my quotation. Ok, I sent.

They said "Sorry it is too high, can you give 60% discount?" Ok, sure.

Then they asked if they can get it in 4 days. Ok, I said.

Then they said they changed the name just now.

At least give me a fucking ounce of respect.

Hey devs!😀

Will drinking coffee help you reduce your sleeping hours?
I'm used to sleep 6-7 hr but still need more time , wondered if I can reduce it to 4 hr with drinking more coffee.

Any pointers?

I love tools such as IntelliSense or Copilot, don't get me wrong!

But i still have a deep rooted fear that one day, developers will become so dependent on those luxuries, that we will become practically unable to write code on our own, without our cloud overlords blessings.

Until, you know.. the server for such a service will crash and no one will know how to fix it without its own help. *see Palpatine meme reference*

Do you think Project Managers should know what source control is and have a basic understanding of its concepts?

Do you think this will help them do a better job?

I feel like "programmers are not computer technicians" joke is kinda overused lately. It doesn' matter if we are not technicians, we are very knowledgeable in computers and people knows that. People of course will try to get help from you when they can so it's not a wonder that they ask you to help with something they are not confident. Everyone that exercises practical professions lives through that. If your sister-in-law is a mathematician it's normal to ask for help if you are not able to come up with the right algorithm for the task. People depend on each other. That's how we survive.
But I'm not saying start helping everybody that can't open a pdf file. Just know who to choose to help. If they are a capable person or someone that's a part of your everyday life they will most likely repay you when you are also in need. Believe me everyone needs help time to time.

Whenever tech support answers "yes, i can help you with that sir",

what they really mean is "no, but i will google it for you"

When the poet in me fuses with the geek in me:

Will you be the css to my html?

When I encountered you,
My system threw a fatal error
My RAM was overloaded,
And my CPU went haywire

Will you be the css to my html?

I would show you my source code,
And let you merge your branch into mine
I will help you fix your memory leaks
And I will try filling all your nullpointers

Will you be the css to my html?

Your frontend would perfectly plug into my backend
I can compile all your heavy code,
Just in time

Baby just promise me,
You'll provide the JSON
To my API calls

Will you be the css to my html?

This is my first draft... Constructive criticism is welcome!

Anyone here has posture problems like anterior pelvic tilt or rounded shoulders form sitting in front of a computer all day?
I have them both and it
It basically makes me look like shit when I walk. Will strength training help with these issues?
Edit: tags

Person: I need documentation for your program.
Me: Program isn't done yet.
Person: We want it anyways.
Me: Everything I document in dev will be drastically different once it's completed.
Person: Yes, we want documentation of what doesn't work so we can refer to it later for help.

WTF IS SUPPORT FOR?

A: Can you help fix X?
B: Can you help Y?
C: I see Z just crashes, fix it.

Me (in my mind): Can you tell me WTF is the actual problem and what investigation you have done?

Why the fuck are we paying you monkeys?

My company should just pay me all your salaries, and I will write a monitoring system to send out these types of "alerts" in a month.

When your non-programmer boss thinks after explaining a program design to you, his sitting by you and staring at your screen will help you code it faster...

Rant
That moment when you are in public and see someone using a device completely not as it was intended to be used.
Always closing all apps explicitly on your phone will not help battery life.

Soooo.. facebook got breached today, 50 million accounts compromised. I'm sure that will help their stock price.. 😂

Change your passwords, ladies and gents!

They said: hey, we need to hire a guy to work directly with you and help with your everyday tasks.
They didn't say that he will be in a different country.

Whispers in the dark haunt me:
You are not here to innovate
You are known as a mad scientist and your help will be detrimental​ to progress
Your wish of change goes against our legacy
You can not do it
It can't be done
You will be blocked
You don't have the experience to accomplish this
It is not easy as it seems
You won't understand
There are political reasons to not to improve
No

Improving my English using DevRant

Note: Will be of great help in writing precise documented code 😜

so i am thinking; this site will help with my blood pressure? ;) anyone can confirm it yet? ;)

 “If the Start Windows Restart when Windows starts check box is checked Windows Restart will start automatically every time Windows is started.”
– Actual excerpt from a windows program help file!

Pro Tip #12:

If you boot of HDD buy one of the cheap 240 GB SSD and try yourself. Windows finally boots in less than 5000 min.

Assembly
Right off the bat
No beating around the bush like a pansy
Actually knowing the CPU operations (which in essence are very limited and simple) will help him/her understand EVERYTHING: its limits and its capabilities.

I'm sending my love to all the millions of people out there suffering in silence, ones with unfathomable trauma and pain, all fighting battles known to none. I respect those who decided to end it all rather than to keep waiting for help that will never come to them.

Programmer OAth. Just read on a github repo

0. I will only undertake honest and moral work. I will stand firm against any requirement that exploits or harms people.

1. I will respect the learnings of those programmers who came before me, and share my learnings with those to come.

2. I will remember that programming is art as well as science, and that warmth, empathy and understanding may outweigh a clever algorithm or technical argument.

3. I will not be ashamed to say "I don't know", and I will ask for help when I am stuck.

4. I will respect the privacy of my users, for their information is not disclosed to me that the world may know.

5. I will tread most carefully in matters of life or death. I will be humble and recognize that I will make mistakes.

6. I will remember that I do not write code for computers, but for people.

7. I will consider the possible consequences of my code and actions. I will respect the difficulties of both social and technical problems.

8. I will be diligent and take pride in my work.

9. I will recognize that I can and will be wrong. I will keep an open mind, and listen to others carefully and with respect.

My mum wants to learn how to use a computer. She wants to help my dad in his business in case something needs to be done and neither me nor my dad are (currently) available.
Will be .... a great challenge, since she didn't use a desktop computer almost ever, but i'm nevertheless proud of her and will try my best to help her😍😊😎

When I say I will help SET UP a website, that does not mean I will DESIGN your website. There are CMS's/Website creators for that crap. I'm only here to show you how to configure php on Apache, then I'm done.

Dear fellow devranters

ostream has created his 3rd generation accounts, @godiebitch and @gofuckyourself

Can we please downvote him this time?
He will delete his accounts anyway in a few months but maybe we can reduce the spam that way.

And also try to convince him to get some help.

Of course, the variable for fields should be called "flds", those 2 bytes saved will help us so much! For a small price of this shit being not really readable anymore. Is it "floods"? "fleeds"?

C++ development will be my end.

The absolutely unreadable errors, the overly convoluted macros set up in the project, the cmake build system.... The absolutely unnecessary separation into cpp and header files...

help

I wanted to get Linux since I'm collaborating with my brother and he uses it, so it will be easier to help him. Wasn't working. Emailed Razer customer support. Apparently my $2,150 laptop doesn't support Linux.

Internal system sent me an email with a dead link, saying a certificate is due to expire. Couldn't find the tool, opened IM with help support and was greeted with a passive aggressive note:

"Did you know that the support staff you speak too will use the same website available to you to resolve the issue, have you tried searching here ..."

... well thank you chat bot, did you know I wouldn't be here if said website actually fucking worked?

A lot of coke! I meant Coca Cola, not not cocaine. But sometimes I got feeling, it will help more.

I know you will help me 🙏

Not everyone get such seniors(read friend) to help and push you into that fuckery of coding :)
They're like, "We suffered. So will You."

From now on everytime I ask someone for help / an explanation I will send him this image

You ever dig a hole?

You ever realize that you are digging yourself into a hole?

You ever look at the hole and decide to keep digging because you think digging more will help?

!dev

Saturday... Weekend... Let me get back my sleep from weekdays...

Zzz..zzzz...**phone call**

Yeah, phone woke me, didnt even read who called. Oh, great. My bosss needs quick help and will come nearby my home in an hour.

Yaaaaay... Fuck.

The world's largest rubber duck is a couple hours from me at the moment, I plan to visit with all my major coding bugs and errors, hopefully his size and wonder will help me fix all the big issues my little one couldn't

"Could you help on project X and implement that straight forward feature?"

So I clone the repo. Run the tests in the main branch. 20 tests fail.

Yes, this will be fun and very simple ...

I'm thinking of making a project that will help me during the upcoming school year. Pretty much an assistant that can fetch quick answers from google and a few other basic tasks. What projects have you guys done with your work? P.S. I might want one or two people to also contribute so comment down below if you'd like to help (won't be open source)

Microsoft will add Ubuntu to its windows store, which will help installers to use linux tools on top of its system. Fuck you Microsoft, fuck you.

Bash for Windows 10? Not for me, it seems. Installation never finishes and disabling the and re-enabling the Linux sub-system with far excessive restarts after doesn't help either. Git bash will have to do.

Hello to everyone. Im new here , but i heard a lot of great things about dev rant and i hope i will learn a lot of new things and solve a lot of problems i have with your help.

I will literally give half a million us dollars to anyone who programms an AI that can study and pass exams for me and that in a manner that I will get away with. Help!

I prefer to pay in bitcoin.

Note to management:
Throwing more $$$ at the problem will not help the fact that you picked the wrong software. It will never do what you want it to and it will never smoothly integrate with our current ERP. Maybe next time you should spend the money upfront on a better system and not buy the cheap system that requires expensive customizations to bring it to the point where it sorta kinda works.
Thank you for listening.

Me: Ah, that solved my problem. Let me share what worked for me by adding a comment to the already posted solution. Seeing that the solution didn't completely solve my particular issue, maybe it will help another poor soul.

Stack Overflow: You need a reputation of 50 to comment. You're reputation is only 25, you are crap and nobody wants to hear your solution that could "help another poor soul". It would probably just add clutter and help nobody. You are crap and nobody likes you. Good day to you."

Have no Degree (the paper, I did study), currently doing a master to actually get the damn paper.

Have been working with a good pay for a few years now.

The Degree will help pass some HR filters on the dumbest companies, but sometimes you do want to work there.

The degree does nothing in the new professional word in this profession.

BUT sometimes, a degree gets you information that you will not get on your own that help you grow faster. Talking about the basics that everyone says are useless... But they are not.

How to convince someone that it's not helpful to delete apps running in background (RAM) on an android phone? it's like a habit for that person😌
says phone will explode with too much RAM being used and don't want apps run in background ... 😥
pls help for arguments

Create something that will take humanity forward. Not just a utility software but make things that'll help solve the biggest problems humans as a society face - poverty, hunger, loneliness, pollution etc. All these problems are on my radar.

The idea is to use science to solve social problems. And not just stop at that. Make things that will help humans evolve into the next evolutionary phase.

Everyone knows that to get answers from the internet, you don’t ask questions, instead you present wrong answers. More people will correct you than will help you.

-Ned Batchelder

"Describe your profession in the worst way possible"

I'm a software developer. I work really hard to create solutions that will make everyone else lazier. At least until I help make sentient AI that ends up replacing me (or killing me)

Dear Client,

Proper English sentence structure, the kind that accurately conveys what you mean to ask me to do for you, requires a subject and a predicate. To hearken back to “Schoolhouse Rock”, if Mr. Morton is the subject of my sentence, then what the predicate says, he does. Mr. Morton walks. Mr. Morton talks. Etc.

Just tossing out random nouns and verbs in random order in an email will not help me to help you.

Sincerely,
Mr. Morton

will work for food

pls help

I'm saving many wk55 weekly rants.
And surely they will help me. Thank you all.

There is someone behind me who literally types so hard that I think they keyboard will break...

Pressing every key as hard as you can won't help ffs....

World wide health care system, the data will help every human on earth, that will enable us to understand the mystique patterns of human body.

Now I'm wondering if including my devRant link on my CV will help me land a job. Hmm.

We have a web application that will be deployed to the client premises. Part of the agreement is that the full source code will be provided. Now my manager asked me to hide/restrict the usage of a certain feature, and should not be hackable even if we give the full source code. Gosh help me guys, I don't know what I'm doing here.

I started as Android Developer at a comapny today and was given a project with 30% already done but without any comments.

Can you guys suggest some forums or sites like stackoverflow that will help me.

Thanks

FREE CHEGG ANSWERS GUYS!!!
HELLO THERE, I was preparing for my internals of operating systems using chegg and i found out that my subscription will end in just 4 days, so i was wondering if any of you guys want answers(any subjects) and don't want to spend bucks on chegg so i will post the answers free of cost for you guys.please follow these steps:-

Just copy the link of the chegg questions in the comment section and i'll post the answers ASAP.

You can also help any of your friend about telling this so i can help him/her out with any chegg solution for free.

#HELP EVERYONE waiting for many links lol... THANK YOU :)

I am working on a small project to help out a small theatre group. The guy who created their website decided to create it with horrible UI and UX. I plan to confront him with notes on how to improve the overall experience of navigating their website and if all goes to plan, I will help rewrite the entire website.

!rant

hey dev's,
I need help for choosing laptop.
I will need it for deep learning.

DELL G7 7588
config:
pro : i9-8950HK
gpu : GTX 1060
ram : 16 gb ddr4
ssd : 512
hdd : 1TB

your reviews please

I can't help but smirk when my company gets a project that requires knowledge on something I warned them about over half a year ago. This happens regularly but every time we have to get that knowledge during the project, costing the customer additional money.

When will management learn that training your employees will benefit them :(

And this boys and girls,
Is how you start doing less work - apparently.

GitHub
Welcome to GitHub Copilot Technical Preview!

We’re thrilled to invite you to start testing GitHub Copilot. Your feedback will help us make it even better.

😎

i want to start learning C but i dont know what book to get , can anyone advice any books or source that will help me learn it !

Boss is always supporting me and helps me to get promotions and better salary. Has true leadership through servitude attitude. He knows that everybody he helps will gladly help him even without him asking for help.

Do I need ccna for pentest?
I know it's about network administration but I was wondering if it will help me see things the way the sysadmin does.

I just remembered I have a list of funny things I want to put in a tech movie. Just thought of new one today:

Programmer trying to do IT work and cannot locate the person they are trying to help:
I have a specialized set up skills. I will find you, and I will fix your printer.

The character would be a programmer and have a PHD. Printer Help Desk certificate.

I need help.
I love software and hardware development but over a period of 4 years now i have lost motivation. I hardly finish anything i have started and if i finish, it's never rewarding.

I also feel like i live a very boring life. Staring at the screen all day and doing very little.

What do you guys do for fun? What activities or books do you read to keep yourselves busy or entertained?

I have been having this desire for someone to love but something makes me think that it's just a reaction to a soul that has lost purpose and only feels like loving someone will be a source of happiness. Luckily, nobody has been available for the mess i have been.

I really admire busy people. People who are passionately working on something they have chosen to do and still have fun.

I think talking to someone about how bad i feel about myself will help a little but what i really need is help on how to restore the motivation i had 4 years ago.

Can someone give me a fun project i can work on? Not for making money but something i will do, learn and feel happy about it.

I will also appreciate if someone can recommend a good book that will help me learn. Get me motivated and also hide me from this reality.

Thank you.

Do you have 1000000000 node_modules folders and no space on your machine? This command will help. Just NPM install in the folders you actually use:

rm -r **/node_modules

I just find out that AI is gonna extinct humanity. And developers will be on a privileged sit to appreciate that. So i decided to learn python and machine learning to help!

When you said your Project Manager that you don't have experience with something: "ok, I will tell client that you can help them with that" :/

How to get a developers attention?

Simple, just leave a negative review on one of his apps. This will surely motivate the fellow to help you out. Contact forms are for the weak.

I have just learned java language. Can anyone tell me some small projects that will help me as a beginner?

If someone asks you to hack facebook just tell him to press F12 and navigate to console. Facebook devs will do their work...
+ The guy will never ever ask for help

There are 10 kind of people:
-those who will not get this at all
-those who expected 10 to be in base 10
-those who are used to the joke with 10 in base 2
-those who will think 10 is in base 6
-those who will add kinds of people and say that my interpretation of "10" was wrong (a subset of those will make the second group be rigth)
-those who will help me to find a way to recursively break this joke (pls, help, i can't find it... 😭😭)

Co-worker: My local Weblogic instance doesn't work when my IP changes :c
Me: Lemme help you with that.
Me: *tries bunch of stuff and nothing* Weird...
Me: *checks his hosts file, localhost is mapped to old IP* KILL YOURSELF OR I WILL.

Translating NewPipe to Korean....

Let's agree on something :when asking your coworker for help, follow stack overflows guidelines, and we will all be happy. No one should guess about a certain linq that failed to filter with a "It's not working".

When I'm not busy at work I've been spending my time studying on w3schools to get certified in HTML, CSS and JS development. Are these certs really worth It? Will they help me in the future enough to pay $95 for each one?

Performance review
What do you want to achieve in the next 12 months and the company will try to help you achieve that?
You are already helping, I am looking at getting popular on devrant.

Have anyone work on chatbot with python? I want to start this project any help will be highly appreciated. I am newby to AI

I will do documentation when it's done...
When it's done: can't be asked, I mean who needs documentation xD
Ok maybe some coffee will help me write it lol

When the recruiting company mails you about new jobs along with your PASSWORD!
Dude, you have a fuckall dev and u will help me find a job... Thanks, but no thanks.

There is a serious possibility that our team will need to deploy into prod on a Friday because of a regulatory deadline and 3rd parties not being ready.

God help us

Random tip of the day.
Putting salt on your food will usually help it taste less bland.

Will joining a cool company help me learn new things Or I'll be just running for deadlines?

Having a headache for the 2nd day in a row. It will not help that I'll have to present something to my colleagues that I've worked on about a month ago.

I like to develop a Social Network for my final year project. You have any suggestions ? It will really help me to develop.

And I like to make it as an Open source project.

Why do large companies think that throwing more people at a project will help get things done faster?

Ironically - its had the adverse effect on the project I'm currently on.

My last exam in this semester will be tomorrow on engineering management. I didn't learn much for it yet because I started learning angular 2 and keep working on a new sideproject with it.. If I fail my next semester will cost a large sum of money but I still can't gather enough will power.. HELP!

Seriously is kivy just lacking documentation on purpose.

You want a tutorial will just look at these apps other people have made I'm sure that will help.

No looking at some game code doesn't give me any ideas on how to create a basic form or a nav drawer.

Seriously are we supposed to fucking guess?

At this point it would be easier to write a gui framework than learn kivy.

if cali shuts down that means most tech companies will and if that is the case then pornhub will go down.

I will need all the sexy people in here to help a brother out. I am pretty sexy myself, we can come to a mutual understanding, send nudes buddy's say ME!

Hi,

Would, someone who is doing web development, like to help me code a porno service agency? I will be the main pimp who will escort my bitches to our customers who will pay for the bitch they find attractive through the system that we code so the payment will go automatically after they make a purchase. They get the bitch, i pay the bitch some fee and the rest goes to both of us as commission. Ain't none of this physical. All of the products are digital. Customers get pics or vids thats all.

Best Regards,
SukMikeHok

Okay i need help
I am about to buy an mid 2012 MacBook pro with an ssd. I wish to place the ssd in the main bay and the stock hdd in the optical. All i want to know is that will it work, has anyone done it??

*10 years after completing a side project to help with my main project* this will save time in the long run... *silent cry*😭😭

I NEED HELP!

Please if I find this out my boss will let me out of the basement. A thermometer that sends a electric signal when the temp is 100. (Or any specific set temp)

I haven't seen the sun in 2 hours. HELP.

who will help them to solve the issue😲

I really wanna make an AI that will reply all my messages, do all my programming, do my laundry, cook food, buy groceries & help me find my soulmate

The moment your friends discover that you are web dev:
-Hey, can you help me with something?
-Yeah, what?
-I want to install Word, can you help me? I can give you the computer if you want
-... you can get it from the web page, and you have a student's discount...
-No no, I will buy it, and you can install it, ok?
What the hell is wrong with this world?

Is it safe to write down all your failures and worst moments in life? Will it help to deal with them or just make things worse?

I am that point in my life where ranting about problems isn't even helping me.

Honestly speaking I am a just lazy person. Solving problems will help me.... and I am looking forward to it

Money burned! Just bought a voucher for the Java certification exam

- like this will help solve all my problems :/

Hello together.

I need your help. Im a junior Pentester.

Tomorrow I need to pentest a Macintosh workstation but I have no idea where to start. Users can login via LDAP and I will do a white box pentest.

Any suggestions where to start?

Im exhausted from life honestly. I dont think any vacation will help at this point. If i take vacation it will seem like its never enough. I need more than a vacation. I need a break from... life itself

Making CS more practical oriented and hands-on focussed would help a lot. It will develop more interest and attract more students. Nothing feels better than your own code doing what you intended it to.

I want to develop a django quiz app which will show questions to all online users at same time and allot a short time slot(1min) for answering questions.

How can i do that?
Any kind of help/link/hint is appreciated.
Thanks in advance.

I ain't bragging here but help me.
I'm going through a breakup and other physical and mental anxieties.
But suggest me some good resources that can help me out cop up with programming i (python and js)
Every little suggestion will be appreciated .

If you enjoy coding at coffee shops, remember to wear headphones. Not only will it help you focus, it'll also block out John Mayer.

For all the react developers.
I just started learning react 3 months ago and I made a simple crud todo-list with express and MySQL, I want to make a good app that will help me in my job search, so pls suggest me something.

Programming languages so rare that they will only help you in your current employment but not in any way or form your future.

Need Help

I need a new laptop mainly for Android Development and I am thinking of buying Macbook Air 2017.

Can you suggest me if it will work fine or should I look for other laptops.

And can you suggest some good laptops to buy in India.

BTW this will be my first Mac.

I'm really confused if I should be perfect in one technology or i should have atleast little knowledge about everything.. Like should i be 100% java developer or 20% java html devops aws docker blah blah.. What according to you will help for survival in the ever evolving industry

Roku app development, a place where Google Search will not help you and StackOveflow will leave you in pain... So pick your poison carefully.

The best part is knowing that the code you are writing today will some day help thousands and millions of people to find old friends, plan trips, meet that special someone, buy stuff online or even experience what it would be like to live in another world.

Got scouted by an agent for a educational institute. The position I am scouted for is a full-stack engineer. This will be my first interview, scheduled for next friday. The only working experience I've had is working on software development projects during my studies. I want the job since it pays well and they will help me relocate but I'm super nervous.

Any tips?

Hello. I desperately need someones help to help me set up python flask starting template website with apache on digital ocean server. Over teamviewer please.

I promise you there is not a lot to set up cause i have been configuring it for days. If i waste too much of your time trying to set it up, i will pay you.

Thank u. Anyone interested leave me your discord.

As much as I may look down on Python for how simple it may look, I'm happy of it for having done a pomodoro with music playing in that language.
I'm sure that will help in dealing with my 4 projects and exams due before a month.

me: can you help me debug this issue in our artifactory server?
ops: we don't manage that server. devs do
me: can I get access to manage that server?
ops: why would you need access??
me: to manage server ಠ_ಠ
ops: exactly what commands you will need?
me: ಠ_ಠ

Our software is super awesome! It can help you with everything!
And it is *literally* endowed with intelligence!!!
In fact, he is able to remind you when a deadline is approaching!

----

God how much I hate marketers.
Will your CRM also gain consciousness?

I think the biggest help I provide is not answering really simple stuff and saying “google it” and hanging up the phone.

In my belief if I am to help with trivial stuff she won’t remember it next time but if she searches it or tries most logical options(which means she has to read all options and the text on the screen) she will have higher chance of remembering it or googling it without my say so.

What are your opinions of single file components in Vue? Will it actually help maintainability down the road for our codebase? Or do you think it’s better to separate the .js, .sass, and .vue?

Someone by mistake deactivated my company account. I don't have access to any company services including help desk. Probably it will take 2-3 days to activate it again due to some retarded policies only to deactivate it again next Friday, because this will be the last day in that shit hole.

Give me a single reason, why someone will use XML over JSON. I am trying to parse a XML file in Java and it builds a null document everytime. HELP!!

Hello Geeks...
Just joined the Devrant...
And enjoying using it..
Got to see such awesome stuffs and rants...
Will appreciate any kinda help though...

Publish your code on GitHub or any other platform, when you can. It will serve as a resume and your work can help others.

What programming language should I use on a Raspberry Pi 3 to implement a Graphical User Interface for a kiosk where people can get insurance quotes by providing info and uploading documents? Much help will be appreciated.

Hello i'm self-taught developer and im looking for a job as junior i need any suggestions to improve my cv and if i write in the cover letter that i will work for your company first 3/6 month with minimum pay will this help me to get a job

new Rant("cartoon ep2");
// family tech support

My dad asked for help. His External HDD got corrupted. When will they ever learn? I'm teaching him to use a cloud storage right now.

First day at programming course: I will write a game engine

Last day at programming course: Can anybody help me?

guys i need serious help. I am planning to make driving simulator using c# but the problem is I don't know which API, library will be necessary for making driving simulator environment graphics. Should I use openGL or something else?

I need someone to help me interview dev for a senior position in my company. I will pay

Tech: PHP (larval) and general web application development with modern work flow.

Will practising programs like "print star pyramid" help in any way??

"In business we do a great job learning and teaching the tools for optimizing our results (how to build), but not a lot of time exploring the tools that will help us understand the experience we should be creating (what we should build)." - Kelsey Ruger

Please help me...!!!
Where can I learn Android Development from the very basics?(Using Eclipse with ADT).
Apart from developer.google.com.
Any good books that will teach me from the basics?(or any website)
I need to learn even the minutest of the things in android development.
please help

Does anyone know of a course that will help me write an adbolcker extension to a browser?