I've been pulling my hair out trying to figure out why this image wasn't aligning properly until, after 20 minutes, I figured out that it was actually aligned perfectly, my *absolute genius* client just uploaded a picture with a janky white border

My friend is a css guy and he told me this

.illuminati {
position: absolute;
visibility: hidden;
}

I was today years old when I figured this.

Whoever named the app and designed the logo is an absolute fucking genius.

.illuminati {
position: absolute;
visibility: hidden;
}

Be a real man an buy a binary keyboard like me.

Pros:
You become an absolute god.

Cons:
None

You know what really grinds my gears?

Seeing a 5-line comment, that have absolute no value, for a variable declaration.

Example:

/*
*
* String that holds a delivery address.
*
*/
public String deliveryAddress;

Took an interview today.

Me - What do you think JavaScript is interpreted or compiled.

Guy(5+ years of UI exp) - It's neither of them. It just runs on browser.

At that moment I slowly started fading away into a black hole for the absolute peace and embrace death.

.mother {
right: 100%;
margin: 0;
love: absolute;
}

Some dumb puns to cheer you up after reading/ranting about "part of your workflow you dislike"

#tower-of-pisa {
font-style: italic;
}

#titanic {
float: none;
}

.yomama {
width: 99999999px;
}

.ikea {
display: table;
}

#bigbang::before {
content: " "
}

.illuminati {
position: absolute;
visibility: hidden;
}

I'd rate these horrible puns a C++

Today i've met a big customer of our company

He was absolute friendly and gave me clear requirements without oppositions...

Then I woke up.

You absolute piece of shit.
Fuck you.
I hope your sleeves slide down every single time you wash your hands.

I just answered a SO question, got accepted and upvoted.

I have reached the absolute.

Going to forums asking for help as to why my nested for loop wasn't working correctly after the first loop only to realise I was using the variable i for both loops...

Felt like an absolute twat

Me: hello IE, you see that div with id?
IE: ...... ..... .... yes.
Me: would you like to set it as absolute and stick to bottom?
IE: ........... i don't know...
Me: but all the other guys like chrome and firefox are doing it.. come on it's not object-fit: cover; just absolute positioning. Please.
IE: ......... I can't!
Me: why the fuck not??
IE: ......because I don't see the id...
Me: FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
IE:...............

position: absolute;

Senior C++ developer:
"Writing a custom encryption algorithm from scratch for our communications platform? Every developer knows that is an absolute no go, cryptography should be left to cryptography veterans!"

Same guy, year later:
"Blockchains? Hold my espresso, I can totally write a whitepaper on cryptography, write some shitty code with nice branding, and get millions from an ICO"

If you don't format your code correctly in a time where IDE's do it with a fucking shortcut you should boil a kettle, pour it over your useless fucking head, and throw yourself off the nearest building, you absolute useless cunt.

Every 2 months without fail:

Manager: I don’t understand what the point of writing tests is. They only ever pass and when they fail we just fix them so they pass again! It’s completely redundant!!! An exercise in absolute futility!

Dev: …

MICROSOFT YOU ABSOLUTE COCK STOP PINNING SHIT TO MY TASKBAR

One ex-co-worker disappeared for one month. No e-mails, no phone calls, nothing.

Next month came back like nothing, when the boss ask him "Where the hell did you go?" He replied "I was sick"

of what? The flu...

He of course got fired, absolute zero medical proof.

Manager: In ALL cases if someone uses vanilla javascript to do something instead of a library then that is a sign they are an ABSOLUTE BEGINNER!!!

Dev: …

ALRIGHT

WHAT FUCKING DUMBASS AT APPLE DECIDED THAT YOUR AIRPODS SHOULD PAIR WITH YOUR

CLOSED

FUCKING

MACBOOK

INSTEAD OF YOUR ACTIVELY SEARCHING IPHONE

PRODUCT MANAGERS ARE SHIT

DEVELOPERS ARE SHIT

THE WORST IS KNOWING THEY ALL EARN EASILY 6 FIGURES

AND ARE ABSOLUTE GARBAGE AT EVERYTHING

Literally all they see is design.

Users can't make or receive payments across the entire app? Ah, who cares! Much more important is the color and fading animation on that button!!!!

Absolute clowns, I swear.

🤡

Recently my company worked in project with a big international company which uses a crazy framework to build a part of there webpage. This framework only used random IDs and class names and not even different html elements. And to completely freak out all elements are positioned absolute and on every change the whole page go rendered.

Absolute asshat level clownly clownshipness:

Manager: Why is this like this? 🤡

fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.

Manager: Hmmmmm ok... what about this? Why is this like this? 🤡

fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.

Manager: Hmmmmm ok... and then this thing here? Why is this like this? 🤡

fullStackClown: Well, I hate to tell you, but it's a huge surprise. Guess what?! BECAUSE YOU DEFINED THE FEATURE LIKE THIS!!!

Manager: ... 🤡

fullStackClown: Any other absolute asinine questions to ask me to continue breaking me from flow?

Manager: ... 🤡

fullStackClown: ...

To those interested, I believe there is an evolution of my devRant career in order... I'm passing the clown phase... and entering the full-on circus phase...

Windows you absolute bitch. No prompt, nothing. Just started updating in the middle of my unsaved homework.

Got really pissed off writing a stored procedure the other day because the reason behind it is absolute bullshit.

Gave sproc to QA for peer review before release.

QA: why are the variables called @FuckThisShit and @ThisIsBollocks?

Whoops, guess I was more angry than I thought 😂

THOSE FUCKING DUMBASSES BOUGHT _THEMSELVES_ A SERVICE THAT COSTS 599 A MONTH, BUT US DEVS AREN'T ALLOWED TO USE ONE THAT COSTS 30 A MONTH?!?!?!

FUCK.

YOU!!!!!!!!

saving money my ass!!!!

the absolute insolence of these fools...

just rudely stated this in a message to the managers, let's see what weak excuse the clowns return...

I'm officially CTC.

Chief Technical Clown 🤡

How do I know? I've yet to write a single line of productive code today. I've spent the day purely as an administrative cog: writing emails, giving data to consultants, supporting juniors, and cleaning up the absolute hellscape that is also known as our Jira project.

I've become exactly what I hate.

Any other front-end developers check out Visual Studio Code? It’s got a lot of really nice features, including the absolute best implementation of Emmet I’ve ever seen. My new favorite editor on both Windows and Mac!

If I have to register on your shitty fucking forum just to see the damn API docs to hardware I have bought with my own money, then you can go fuck yourself. This is absolute cancer. Now I have another useless service that is 100% going to send me annoying fucking emails.

Fuck you.

If i see someone post inspirational quotes, i can be sure that person does absolute jackshit.

Feeling like an absolute idiot after I spent an hour and a half trying to get Gnome3 to work with shell extensions, before remembering I use xfce.

Python be like

"Yeah this is the absolute best beginner language to learn programming concepts"

Python also be like

"Yeah well we couldnt implement 70% of programming concepts because the ast is retarded but heres a library for drawing 3d cats with a printer"

Fuck I love my job, my boss and I are absolute food fanatics and talk about weird and wonderful things we cook...

He knows I bloody love curry so he brought some in for me to have for lunch and he's bringing me a shit load of fresh grown vegetables...

And to think I chose IT over being a chef.... (Still no regrets)

Built my new PC over the weekend.. An absolute beast... A Blood Beast

!dev
My neighbors are absolute assholes.

I can't get enough sleep. This is driving me nuts. Worst of all, they're all students. I've called the cops on them once, but still the same behavior.
Am about to lose it, ngl.

Company upper management was asked of any plans for supporting businesses in the metaverse.

They said they want to focus on bussiness in the real world.

Absolute chads.

He's an absolute unit.

Why do we backend people have to be born handicapped for creating anything that doesn't look like absolute shit.

I'm trying to pick a primary color for my landing page for about three days now and I'm starting to lose my shit.

Can we all just start using fucking CLI apps and be done with the whole design thing.

Decided to start writing an operating system from scratch with a friend for the absolute hell of it. I'm excited, but also terrified.

Some absolute cock-monkey fuck-nugget of a marketing director asked me the other week if I could implement a discount voucher system into a new side project / prototype we’re building.

I said ‘yeah sure but it’s a bit of a pain in the ass, i’ll have a look’

He said ‘you just let someone enter a code and that takes £10 off the total order value’

REALLY?!

IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?!!

THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THAT TO ME YOU FUCKING ASS-CUNT. BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW HOW A FUCKING DISCOUNT VOUCHER WORKED, YOU ABSOLUTE MOUTH BREATHING WASTE OF FUCKING ORGANS.

I’LL JUST GO TYPE THAT INTO MICROSOFT WORD AND SAVE THE FILE TO THE MAGICAL CLOUD SHALL I?

“dear computer, take a voucher code from a user and take £10 off of there order value”

THERE YOU GO YOU PRICK; JOB DONE. SOFTWARE ENGINEERING IS EASY, EH?!

Wank.

I think my biggest problem is not being able to let go.

I love this product and believe in it 100%, but I CANT FUCKING STAND ANOTHER MINUTE WORKING WITH THESE FUCKING CLUELESS CLOWNS WHO ARE GOING TO DRIVE IT TO THE FUCKING GROUND!!!!!

...you know what? fuck 'em, I meanwhile reap $400+ monthly checks from Udemy, while our "best startup / amazing startup / omg wow lol i'm a fucking idiot" has earned a TOTAL of $200 in the past FUCKING YEAR

YOU FUCKING CLOWNS GET YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT OR I WILL TAKE THIS COMPANY OVER AND CONTROL ALL DECISIONS, IGNORING ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU THINK IS 'WISE' YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT 'WISE' IS YOU FUCKS!!!!!!!

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER YOUR BITBUCKET CREDENTIALS!!!! YOU CAN'T EVEN REVOKE MY ACCESS

AAAAAAAGGGGGG YOU FUCKING CLOWNS GODDAMMIT THIS IS SO FUCKING FRUSTRATING I CANT EVEN I NEED TO SMASH SOMETHING TO GET THE RAGE OUTAASDASDJKLFJ;KLAFDSJKL;AFDSJKL;AFES L;KADFS AF LSAFS DHI;A EGWHIOAEGW IOAEGWHIO

My boss still thinks that resizing his browser is equivalent to mobile testing, and his designs are desktop only and says "just have everything stack on top of each other"

below is how I feel.

* {
position: absolute;
Z-index: 1;
Top: 0;
Left:0;
}

Dev: Ok refactor this following block of code to make it more readable/maintainable while still ensuring the tests pass

*** Block is an absolute mess of nested ternaries, poorly named functions, single letter variables and outdated comments. An underhand pitch if there ever was one ***

Interview Candidate: Why would you refactor code if the tests are already passing?

Dev: …… NEXT.

I have now worked on integrating Stripe, Razorpay and PayPal on our app.
While Stripe has an absolute gem of a documentation.
Reading PayPal's documentation has been one of the most torturous week of my dev life.

MySQL has the absolute worst error messages.

"You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds blah blah near '(some random code line)'".

How vague can you be? It doesn't help that I always find the error in a completely different place to where the message says it is.

well, he didn't upvote my stackoverflow question, absolute betrayal.

My friends, here you can see the absolute worst of internet speeds. This was tested within 5 minutes of a regional town centre.

Clowns approaching from all sides, preparing to batter our hero, fullStackClown, with their absolute and unyielding clownshipness...

🤡 🤡🤡
🤡 👨‍💻 🤡
🤡 🤡🤡

how will he make it out of this one?!?!?!

Tune in next week to find how our hero, fullStackClown, escapes unscathed!

*During a walk around to check on the users*

Dev: *Watching worker laboriously dragging pallet jack with one wobbly wheel and another wheel practically seized*

Dev: Hey that looks broken, can’t you swap it out in the maintenance building?

Worker: If you do that management will give you one that’s worse.

Dev: …This fucking company

** Worker later threw out his back, company’s corrective action was to send out notice reminding employees to stretch before doing physical tasks

I work with absolute 🤡🤡🤡s.

That is all.

it wasn't even an interview, they were just glad my cv wasn't absolute garbage, it was basically an introduction and welcome to the team. the only question i remember being asked was wether i preferred FE or BE (which was pointless, because i ended up helping with full stack)

Dear Boss

Would you.
Fucking.
PLEASE.
Stop.
Moving.
The Standup.
Time.

You've fucked around with the meeting time eight times since the end of Jan. Figure your schedule out, pick a time for our daily shit, and stick to it dude. PLEASE.

I'm a family man and you're making my mornings absolute hell to plan for.

Signed,

me.

Today I discovered what slowed my productivity the most: variable naming.

In a project I was naming many variables 'dirname' in different parts of the my code, but it represented 3 things: only the name of the directory, relative path + directory, and absolute path + directory.

I wasted to much time just figuring out which was which everytime until I finally decided to organize variables names better and see the wonders of the world. Result:
- dirname: only the name
- reldirname: relative path + dir
- absdirname: absolute path + dir

Such simple solution, yet took me years to actually see the benefits, my god

(First devRant post btw :3)

Well yesterday I had the absolute joy of marrying @GIS-Jedi.
I think I have gotten more Facebook notifications today than I did in all of 2018

I like to play this game called "what's the absolute smallest amount of work I can do without getting fired", and it's a lot harder to play computer games in the office without the "getting fired" bit...

Oh my god. Vulfpeck (my absolute favorite band) sings about GitHub and Bootstrap 😮😁

Me: 'alriiight let's run this code here'

Logs: 'lol the function you did is deprecated. how about you don't do that, and do the right thing instead'

What was the right thing?
I don't know. It's not on their documentation in their site.

Thanks, js devs :) you guys are the absolute best

You should be able to rate people on LinkedIn, or leave reviews.

The number of absolute fucking idiots I’ve worked with over the years who are on there and whose bios read great, is shocking.

It’s like... wait this guy’s page reads like he’s a total hero.... but in actuality he’s s completely useless fuck-nugget.

.me {
thesis: absolute;
sleep: none;
eye-bags: #000;
}

Medium priority
High priority
Urgent priority
Immediate priority
Maximum priority
Absolute priority

Did I get the ordering right? This is hard

My nipples are hard, as hard as diamond. For no fucking reason at all.

But aside from that important update, does anyone just get this absolute light-headed euphoria whenever they realize they've fixed a bug?

Like my god, its the best feeling. I've only fixed other people's bugs a few time, and even then I experienced it.

Do these NPC devs even read the README of a project before spewing some dumbass stackoverflow like garbage in an issue thread?

Do your damn job. Being a good software engineer is not like TiKtOk or cHaTgPt where some "magical" answer or entertainment is spoon fed to you, do your absolute best to solve it yourself first, before causing more chaos out in the opensource world.

Boys and girls. Never work as a Udacity mentor to get some extra pocket money. NEVER EVER! They are absolute rubbish. It is sad to see the platform that I once loved get transformed from an extremely cool thing into this crap.

There will be a rant or a series of rants in the future about this.

What do you guys think of codecademy, free code camp and their likes? Please recommend good learning platforms better than these for absolute beginners.
Also can you use android studio for java programs and not just android apps?

Absolute madman

Oh the beauty of WYSIWYG etitors...

I don't know which one I'm more amazed of. All that beautiful styling for a simple line break or that incredibly accurate and absolute neccessary line-height value.

I guess it's time for a strip tag massacre.

Omg Realtek Audio Drivers on windows 10 are absolute dogshit. Installing them is absolute cancer.

Recipe sites are the absolute aids.

Ad covered, half the time they feature some bullshit story nobody cares about, and it takes ages to scroll through them.

Fuck this is bad.

Loving the absolute chaos just been caused by Meta shitting itself 😂 apart from the fact I've just had about 5 texts from family asking me to fix it 🤦

I need a room to scream. Fuckin fuck every asshole cunt who sees shit code and decides its ok to write more shit code rather than fix it, absolute fuckin cunts

Best: training absolute newbies

Worst : training absolute newbies

As usual, Friday is boring day. I made a React component to show an exclamation mark base on absolute value from a list. Took me 15 mins. The rest of 1 hour we discussed where and what color should I use. 🤦‍♂️ Someone nearly flip the table...

Honzo, can we make this website responzive?

Looking ito code:
position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute; position:absolute;

Response: Sure.
Client: Cost?
Me: Much.

I will turn this unholy, steaming, volatile, fubar, absolute shitstorm of a codebase into a thing of beauty, if it's the last thing I do!

😂 there’s an absolute war in the comments it’s hilarious

Music lyrics in CSS form.

#clowns {
Float: left;
}

#jokers {
Float: right;
}

#me, #you {
Position: absolute;
Left: 50%;
}

OKAY

WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THIS STUPID ANDROID EMULATOR.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS LISTEN TO MY MUSIC WHILE PROGRAMMING

BUT NOOOOOOO

WHENEVER THE FUCKING EMULATOR IS OPEN THE QUALITY OF THE MUSIC IN MY BLUETOOTH HEADPHONES GOES TO aBsOluTe SHIT.

CMON GUYS. GET YOUR HEADPHONES OUT OF YOUR ASS AND TEST YOUR FUCKING SOFTWARE

Anyone that stands in the middle of an open space building and talks loudly is an absolute cunt.

Nobody wants to hear you bitch about your problems, so kindly shut the fuck up. K thanks

Today's butt hurt sponsor is... Cordova!

Whoever came up with wrapping web apps in a slow and outdated browser and calling them "Mobile Apps" are absolute lunatics, dangerous for the IT society.

These people should have immediately returned to the asylum they had escaped from, as soon as the idea visited their heads.

Hey GitHub Idiot No Need To Write Capitalized Issue Requests Like This It Makes You Look Incompetent We Are Not Working In .NET Here On GitHub

just absolute 🤡

NO, YOU ABSOLUTE DISGUSTING GREMLIN OF A JS HTTP CLIENT, I DON'T WANT YOU TO "JsOn.StRiNgiFy" MY PAYLOAD OR DOING ANY WEIRD SHIT

I NEED TO SEND THIS THING EXACTLY AS IT'S WRITTEN, STOP TRYING TO GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO I'M A DEV WITH SOME 7 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE WRITING CODE, I'M SENDING A STRING CUZ I NEED TO SEND A STRING

The worst thing about being a dev are the stupid users. Absolute worst!!

I have a dream...

I have a dream that one day my children will be able to wake up and install a fucking react native library without gradle losing its absolute shit

Just found this absolute 5 head, galaxy brain implementation in a piece of code which is called in a loop by a background scheduler which has performance issues.

There are 20+ properties, some which are recursively calling other properties with the same implementation style in this class.

Constant out of memory errors have been reported for this software, I wonder why...

@dfox what would you say about a "following" feature?

Because I've noticed some absolute regular golden rants coming from some of the same ranters on here and would be cool to never miss the stuff they come out with.

As a Backend guy doing CSS. (Honestly don't know what i'm doing)

position: absolute;
z-index: -999999999999; /* better fucking work*/

margin-left: -1200;
background: red;
asdfghjkl

wait? what?

There's nothing like staying up all night, writing code at 3am by candlelight, drinking whiskey...

Or I can go to bed at 9pm Friday night feeling like absolute crap. That works too... Fuck having the flu, just kill me now...

Starting out as a developer and in absolute awe looking at other peoples set up here. Can't wait to be one of the cool kids

New job, first day after roughly 5 months doing absolute shit.

Oh and I got a garden now.

Let’s see...

For anyone who's gone through setting up a Vulkan based renderer from absolute scratch.

That moment when you were finally able to make a plugin after 36 hours of frustration for a software with absolute shit docs and not many resources thanks partly to a small article (written in german which you had to translate) that you found lurking in the corner of web. 😌

My laptop battery is absolute rat-shit, it drains half of itself when I try to copy a large file...

The blocking feature is working nicely for me :D i love not reading the absolute horseshit posted by attention seeking fucktards that have nothing better to do than to be loud and whiny for extarnal shit.

:D

I was about to announce that I would do that shit for free(again) :D

Found this today! For someone like me who has 30+ tabs open on an average, this is an absolute gem!

That feeling of absolute joy, when something you've been working on for a loooong time, finally just works... THAT is the reason why I love what I'm doing

Being a sysadmin can be the most frustrating thing ever, but it's worth it for those moments when you feel like an absolute ninja.

Switched from single threaded gevent server to an nginx configuration, added ssl, and setup a reverse proxy to flask socketio, all with less than 10 minutes aggregate downtime. On the prod server. \o/

Sublime Text - absolute favourite! Tried many editors but nothing is faster than Sublime on a 4 gigs machine .. and also the packages.

I haven't ranted since I joined my current job back in late 2018 because I've been in absolute bliss, extremely happy and feeling in the right place.

...And now here I am: due to some corporate shit we had to migrate from Slack to Teams and man TEAMS IS A SHIT.

Finally learning vim after a few years of absolute refusal.

echo export EDITOR="vim" >> ~/.bashrc

Upwork is absolute GARBAGE.

PLEASE tell me alternative to find a job as a dev and work remotely. I have to work for foreign international software company.

I cant be working for my local city companies because the salary even for engineers is TRASH

The amount of meetings has been drastically reduced to a minimum.

Nobody:
Absolute nobody:

My PC: *decides to suicide

Fuck my life! I have been given a task to extract text (with proper formatting) from Docx files.
They look good on the outside but it is absolute hell parsing these files, add to these shitty XML human error and you get a dev's worst nightmare.
I wrote a simple function to extract text written in 'heading(0-9)' paragraph style and got all sorts of shit.
One guy used a table with borders colored white to write text so that he didn't have to use tabs. It is absolute bullshit.

The absolute state of open source (this is a facebook repo)

Today marks literally the 4th time a recruiter has put me through to a technical test for a language/ framework i do not know. Even if you are tech illiterate just fucking ctrl f my cv to see if I know it. Absolute waste of time.

"The computer programmer is a creator of universes for which he alone is the lawgiver. No playwright, no stage director, no emperor, however powerful, has ever exercised such absolute authority to arrange a stage or field of battle and to command such unswervingly dutiful actors or troops."
-- Joseph Weizenbaum

I usually come on here to bitch and whine but this time I want to sing the praises of WebStorm / The intellij family of software.

Never change. continue to be amazing and absolute chock full of customisable features. Thank you.

What the absolute hell is going on with Python 3 releases?? Can anyone explain this

Python 3.5.9 - Nov. 2, 2019
Python 3.5.8 - Oct. 29, 2019
Python 3.7.5 - Oct. 15, 2019
Python 3.8.0 - Oct. 14, 2019
Python 3.7.4 - July 8, 2019
Python 3.6.9 - July 2, 2019
Python 3.4.10 - March 18, 2019
Python 3.5.7 - March 18, 2019

my absolute development setup😎😎😎

How do you guys do all of this and have families and be good people y'all are absolute champions.

Our school encourages us to go to hackathons.
I want to but I don't have a laptop and don't want to be the absolute madman who brings his whole desktop.

It's a Friday and buzzing from refactoring absolute shitty CSS code by reducing it by 2200 lines (and still not complete). Who the Fuck wrote this complete piece of shit!

You 👏🏻 can't 👏🏻 literally 👏🏻copy 👏🏻 and 👏🏻 paste 👏🏻 everything 👏🏻 from 👏🏻 Stack 👏🏻 Overflow 👏🏻 you 👏🏻 absolute 👏🏻 melt 😤

I actually like the nostalgic feeling (if that makes sense) when making emails. Like fuck flex, grid and absolute! Just me, my table and inline css

client looks on my awsome logo draft and hates it. wants it to look like a 90s logo with a jpg instead of vektor art.
and he is absolute impressed by bullshit cms content-slider landing pages.

sometimes you are forced to do bullshit work that you cant put on your portfolio.

I'm surrounded by idiots.

Yet they keep getting promoted.

It seems being competent and skilled at your current role means absolute dog shit.

These are the absolute WORST cookies I have ever eaten. If you are Israeli or will come to Israel one time, avoid at all costs.

Please.

Oracle SQL Errors are an absolute fucking joke, ORA-GO-FUCK-YOUR-SELF.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Name The Song.
One a side note, what do you listen to while coding? Do you need absolute silence to code?

Trying to reach a spam score lower than 4 with my HTML emails is the worst time I have ever had while developing.

Go fuck yourself, horrible email standards.
Go fuck yourself Gmail, for blocking images.
Go fuck yourself, conflicting standards.

This shit is just an absolute shit show.

Why do people always start new projects a month before the company closes for Christmas?

I told them how tired I am, plus they know I've just come out of final year computer science degree exams, and at the end of a massive code and infrastructure migration. My brain is absolute paste.

absolute CI/CD bastardization 🤡

A while back I spent weeks cleaning up our 20 or so .scss files, then went on vacation. Our backend guys were left alone to "float: left" and "position: absolute", literally everything.

I'm taking a web development course this semester. The course covers front- and backend as well as automation. I know my HTML&CSS but I know next to nothing about the rest (which is why I'm taking the course).

Could you recommend me some good web dev ressources/"absolute classics" for further reading/watching?

Why, for the love of all that is good, does anyone still code for absolute placements in css?!

I've spent 90%+ of my time lately making some changes, which is about 20x harder than it needed to be because this app (written in the last 1-3 years) has all of the styling set explicitly. How does anyone justify that?

i swear i'm so braindead sometimes
i was seriously wondering why i couldn't do an absolute function on an unsigned number

Serious question for anybody who has dared to understand manager-speak: Do you know what a 'Task Rewind' is? We have it in our documentation, but google gives me no help as to what the hell it could mean.

...Or should I just take my original gut feeling and classify this as yet another word for the clown dictionaries?

When your project partner is an absolute coding genius.

But writes spaghetti code with methods named function1, function2, ... function20.

How the fk am I supposed to read that code?!?!?!

But I’ll give him credit, the program is works and is amazing. It’s just not possible for anybody other than him to understand.

Seeing how cool the community's work stories here, and how they know a lot and how they work in organized companies makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit who's lacking a lot of industry skills.

Remotely working for a startup that lacks any sense of organization, CTO is a volunteering web developer who never shows up. A lone wolf I am. I never signed to be a lone wolf. A product that is based on an absolute garbage product that is in turn based on another utter garbage product. It feels so much pain every time I have to deal with that garbage that I end up watching some stupid anime instead. Decent salary for a junior, very friendly people, and a very empowering non-profit cause but still... technical side is just shit and I don't think I can keep with this.

Sigh :(

Waiting for a company to contact you with an offer or rejection is the absolute worst.

i transferred money to my US account and it "arrived" tuesday

however, due to the absolute JOKE of the US banking system, its now FRIDAY, and THE MONEY STILL ISNT CREDITED TO MY ACCOUNT

i saw once on a video a guy was basically explaining "transfers" in US banks essentially actually just movements of text files on FTP servers somewhere? Is this really true?

What is your favourite pasta-code?

I think mine is tortellini/ravioli code. Where someone has taken Object Oriented Programming to the absolute worst extreme. You have loads of seemingly unrelated tiny classes/functions with just a few lines. All split between 30 files to perform one module function

And somewhere is a bug. Bon appetit💋👌

Working on modifying a legacy web project and just about every single element is `position: absolute` with crazy z-index juggling and hard-coded pixel sizes and positions everywhere 😭

To make it even worse, a bunch of the javascript will also change elements sizes and positions so it takes forever to track down why an element is where it is

Recipe websites are absolute aids. Either a cancer inducing amount of ads or a twelve page essay for an unnecessary and unwanted backstory. And sometimes you even get both.

can there just ONCE be a FUCKING react native library that works as it is FUCKING documented?

but NOOOO, gotta always sift through the absolute shit pile that is GitHub issues threads digging out arcane horseshit to make the stupid shit work just like the little managers want

on and on into the circus enternity

You told me “my dick is small, but your dick is smaller”. Little did you knew that in CSS, “smaller” is bigger than “small”.

With that attitude, there is no way you can achieve float: center. May the position: absolute be with you, for the rest of your life.

Some of you coders are absolute chads IRL

Balls deep into some convolutional network because the results "could be better", at 8 PM while my food is getting cold.

... Somebody murder my inner bitch, thanks and appreciated. She's been an absolute pain lately.

P.S. does anybody get annoyed with themselves so often or should I book a psychotherapist?

I remember when this person I worked for suggested all the engineers get on a day long call with the product owner pointing out problems and the engineers fixing them on the call. It was absolute chaos when i told my team 😂

Has anyone else ever encountered such??

.illuminati{
position: absolute;
visibility: hidden;
}

Doing it manually, is less stressful and much quicker. It cant be that hard to add something to a calendar. You fucking worthless piece of shit Siri.

About coding music.

Sometimes I like music, sometimes I need absolute silence (I wear shooting earmuffs for those times).

But holy crap if a song has that weird repeated fade in fade out the music shit in it, that is NOT CODING MUSIC!

I used to think I was a great programmer, then I joined a computercraft server, it makes you feel like an absolute noob 😕

I am pretty sure my phone started listening to me...

A few days ago I downloaded a app similar to Craigslist but a little more modern. THE ABSOLUTE FIRST THING MY EYES SEE IS A CAR. NOT ANY OLD CAR. BUT THE SAME YEAR, MAKE, AND MODEL OF THE CAR I OWN. May I also mention I’m on vacation on the OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE COUNTRY?!?

Wtf.

Just been cleaning out an old cupboard and found the book that really helped me to understand OOP ... Python for absolute beginners .. Before I picked it up, I was having a hard time getting my head around it all. Good times, good book :)

Absolute hate for clients who just go about “I want it today” and not realise or understand that it’s them who need to sort out their issues before we can do our part.

The worst part is that my project manager remembers nothing so I have to jump into these discussions and raise issues.

one of my friend is new to frontend dev.

and he's trying to center a div (text).

using position absolute and relative.

It's not working BTW.

We're communicating over text.
Must be loosing his mind.
He'll finally understand center div memes.

C++ might be very good in memory management but it's an absolute pain in the ass. When the src has thousands of lines of code it's clos3 to impossible to manage the memory. The errors are so vague.

And porting the code to a new hardware is an absolute nightmare.

Today on "fuck Firefox": elements with display: inline and position: relative completely mess up z-index and nested fixed / absolute positioned elements. It's a known bug, it has open issues on bugzilla since 2005, but still no fix. IE 8 can get it right, but not Firefox...

!rant

Q: Why’s it called back end development?
A: Because all you ever get from it is absolute shit

I hate programming tutorials for a complicated language like c++ that are dedicated to absolute beginners of programming. If you've never coded before, why are you trying to learn c++?

Why are some people incapable of reading documentation? THE "DUPLICATE RECORDS" IN OUR KAFKA TOPIC ARE BECAUSE ITS AN EVENT STREAM AND NOT A DATABASE. THIS IS LITERALLY ON THE FIRST PAGE OF THE GUIDE YOU ABSOLUTE MORONS.

"=$B1*INDEX(A:A,ROW())"

See this absolute bullshit right here?

This fucking cunt of a problem designed by some dippity-do finger-painting fucking jackass at google doesn't work why?

Because for some *god damn reason* they decided it would be a good idea to setup it up in a way that when you use absolute cell references in a formula, you can't use functions in the formula too. No the other side has to be a literal or cell reference apparently.

Motherfuckers.

I want to call out the absolute retard at Oracle who decided that file modes should be read from the envvar called UMASK and be in decimal by default.
They probably never cared about file permissions.

"It might sound counterintuitive but that's just how it works..."
The absolute last sentence you would expect or want to hear watching a tutorial of a big & popular framework created by google.

I was going to write a rant but it would exceed the limit, soooo Christ today has been awful. The absolute disrespect I’ve been shown by management today is absolutely shocking.

I've been working on an ERP system for several years and we had a module to record your presence time.
The code was absolute shit but at least the method names matched.
The method to record the end of your work was named "outhouseRecord".
One translation for outhouse seems to be a toilet outside.

npm is the WORST MISTAKE THAT HAS EVER HAPPEND TO SOFTWARE ENGINEERING. I HATE IT AND I REGRET EVER READING ITS DOCUMENTATION, SO MUCH WAISTE OF TIME ON ABSOLUTE JUNK

"Limit your usage to two fonts (three at the absolute most) to help viewers focus on the words, not how many different fonts are saying them. " - Dan Rubin

Trying to explain to my remote colleague the ABSOLUTE SODDING MESS he's left behind because he's decided to bypass Apollo/GraphQL and interface directly with the NoSQL db.

Who doesn't know the moment of absolute heartattack when you accidentally press/drag something or press some weird hotkey combination and something on screen flashes, disappears, groups your code, opens some random file, starts your email client or just simply closes what you were working on without any confirmation window

I spent hours trying to support \n, \r and \r\n in my algorithms to convert between utf16 line/col and utf8 absolute indices to comply with the LSP, before realizing that

- Orchid itself doesn't support \r
- There is no established user base

so I'm in the best position to reject all files that contain \r and offer to convert them instead.

Sick af
Eyes burning
App crashes right before demo
I did a 16 hour while sick exactly to make sure this wouldn't happen.

I'm at my absolute limit for anyone expecting anything from me. Also my phone is broken

PHP is such an absolute shit.

`array_map` takes function first param, array second param

`array_walk`, which is similar for associate arrays, takes array first param, function second param

and at the same time, the function of `array_walk` takes parameters in `value, key` order

what the crazy fuck this is.

!dev

Decided to spend more time on LinkedIn to familiarise myself and start looking for potential employment opportunities.

For past month or so, I've seen few decent opportunities, which is a nice start. However, for every decent post, I've come across:

- About a hundred of posts by self-proclaimed crypto experts who spout absolute gibberish and somehow get thousands of likes. 5 min google search and absolute minimum knowledge of economic theory discards 99% of their claims and statements
- Handful of idiotic "career advice" blog posts
- Numerous posts, both bashing and helplessly supporting shitty recruiter practices
- more crypto nonsense
- People jerking themselves off for running a profitable business (company launched a 1-5months ago)

Really starting to hate the platform, seems like all the integrity it had before becoming fully mainstream, has gone down the drain and it's become a straight up corporate circle jerk

As an -absolute beginner-, don't try to prove yourself by doing everything on your own after only a short explanation.
Rather ask as many questions as you need to finish it. One questions more now, saves 20 headaches later.

Thanks to @DCdave123 for buying this as a present for me, absolute legend.

Okay I give up. I just don't get this docker networking stuff. I need someone to save me these sleepless nights and get on a call with me. A docker expert please. I am dying and my make believe devops engineer persona is crashing on me.

So, just to try this out, I'm going to temporarily "de-google" and use other services. What are the absolute best alternatives?

Paypal: API, services half old/half modern. Fuck all of it. It's the absolute worst.

I had to switch machines in class. To continue working on my project, I needed to install 17 gb worth of Unity 2019 bullshit. Guess what? They removed the progress bar in the move to Unity Hub. Now I just get "Installing..." This seems minor, until I don't know if I'll be working in two minutes or two fucking days. What the fuck, Unity? Why would you remove a fucking progress bar?

Please all dev in the world ! STOP USING Absolute Path for inner link ! PLEASSSE

Anytime I see a reference to Elder Scrolls VI on reddit I do a "RemindMe! 5 years".

I also am predicting it will be absolute shit.

Nothing worse then the fear you made a mistake a sudden feeling of absolute terror.

Lucky this time did nothing wrong 🙄

Why aren't I more careful.

Real quick stop what ur doing right now. Close your eyes, reach up super high with your hands, and then hug yourself, because your an absolute champion god damnit.

The classic failure a developer of absolute secured system do is subestimating the ingenuity of stupid morons

2 week "conference" "meeting" in greece. Thought would also be a nice chance for a vacation. Except the cell network is absolute horseshit here, who the fuck uses 3g anymore??

There are two types of contractors/consultants:

1. Hypercompetent
2. Completely inept

Unfortunately I have the displeasure of working with several of the second kind on my team right now. However, there are also several on my team of the first variety who are absolute gods at what they do.

At least it balances out!

My entire bachelor's degree studies.

I did two senior projects solo because I couldn't tolerate the absolute mediocrity of my peers to be satisfied with a C+ or B "good enough!"

Plotly.

What an absolutely powerful library.

With absolute garbage documentation.

That moment when your task is to refactor a Web site and you discover that every element is positioned absolute and all responsiveness is done by callbacks attached to window resize event

Got absolute worse hair style today,
Had long hair with stubble (like Jesus)
Went to saloon and said surprise me , and oh well he did ...

It’s only fair to update the avatar