People who send an email saying "I'm getting an error message".

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!

WHAT IS THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE?!

OH NO SURE LET ME LOOK IN MY CRYSTAL BALL, I'LL HAVE IT FIGURED OUT FOR YOU IN NO FUCKING TIME.

😡

I used to get annoyed when my dad(65+ years old) had a simple computer "problem" like copy and paste that I needed to help with.

But then I remembered he showed me how to use a spoon and not shit myself so I guess it all evens out

Production is down

Me to Customer :What did you do?
Customer: Nothing
Me blurt out: The fuck you didn't!
Customer: ...
Me: ...(fuckfuckfuck)
Customer:... Well, I did run these scripts..
Me: (oh thank Christ)
Me: ok, I'll get right on it (Click)
Me to TeamLead: client called. Their prod is down!
TeamMate: did he say he didn't do anything?
Me:Yes
TeamMate: ..... Every fucking time...

girlfriend: beb will you marry me in future?
me: let me find out

from __future__ import wife

Failed to get python-future
ImportError: No module named 'future'

me: beb, there is an error, it looks like i don't have a future. am sorry

Client: Can you build a Snapchat clone but better?

Me: I’m going to say probably not logical given the resources they have and what we have, but for curiosity, what kind of budget do you have?

Client: $2500.

Me: Get out.

Interviewer: Which number comes after 8?;
Me: 9;
Interviewer: Get out of here.;

I still don't know why I got rejected in Microsoft interview.

Me: "Ahh yes finally done making this big module that does X, took me 2 weeks but its done!"
Coworker: "You know there's a plugin that does X right?"
Me: "Just go..."
Coworker: "Ohh and it also does Y which makes X easier if you have to do Z"
Me: "GET OUT OF HERE I NEED TO CRY"

Are you interested in a devRant hackathon? If so, please let me know what you'd like to see us do/what you would want to get out of it. There's lots of directions we could go, but I want to get as much feedback as we can from the community to try to figure out what would be the most fun and inclusive. Thanks!

interviewer: Do you know HTML?

me: Yes sir!

interviewer: can you tell me its full form?

me: how to meet ladies.

interviewer: get the fuck out of here

Friend: Can you teach me to code??

Me: Hell yes, bout time you came to your senses.

Friend pulls out iPad: Okay, lesson one!

Me: Did you actually just pull out an iPad? Get a fucking computer or laptop!

At a club because other people wanted to and I was wondering why I hated them...

They're still playing the same mainstream bullshit as five fucking years ago, drunk people everywhere and so on.

Someone please get me out of here 😥

So Last year December my cousin see's me making a basic 3D game in Unity and says he wants to do programming.

Me: No, you don't want that. Become a doctor like your parents want you two.
Him: I'll do it.
Me: Ok. If you want to suffer, i'll teach you some basic C#

Me: *Shows him basic C# code in visual studio*
Him: *Not paying attention* Cool. When can i make games?
Me: That's not how this works. Where do you intend to study?
Him: M.I.T!
Me: You better get your ass infront of that fucken computer, google and youtube the shit out of you, matter of fact i'll get you a shit bucket so you don't have to get up.
Him: I don't have to go so hard now, i'm only 16.
Me: *Facepalm* That's why you have to do this now.

...7 months later...
(Yesterday)
Me: Show me how you make a basic calculator application.
Him: I don't know how to do that, you didn't show me.
Me: *laughing*
Him: Whats so funny?
Me: You're screwed *still laughing*

Don't get me wrong. He's a smart kid. Just needs to fucken do something if he wants his goal.

Me: I'm unable to connect through VPN

IT guy at my office: I'll format your system and reinstall OS

Me: heck no!! There should be other effective solution.

IT guy: Yes, I can take backup of your files and then reinstall OS.

Me: Just get out!! F*ckin ididot!!

Coworker: hey man, do you know what is the limit for z-index on CSS?

Me: not sure but I think it is the signed int limit.

Coworker: the waaat?

Me inside: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!

Honestly, I’ve been complaining a lot about the company I joined a few months ago and especially about the code base and I just have to say ...

With good fucking reason, look at this shit, every single *.js file of our Angular app is manually added inside the master page
Not even minimized what the actual fuckkkkkkkkkkk

I'll get to my four words in a sec, but let me set the background first.

This morning, at breakfast, I fired up my trusty laptop only to get a fan failure warning.

Finally, after the three year old is asleep tonight, I'm able to start dismantling the case to get to the fan. I'm hoping it just needs cleaned out.

Hard drive, memory, and keyboard spread out over the kitchen table. I'm not even halfway done.

Guess what? Now I'm one of the lucky 3500 people to have a power outage at 9 pm. Estimated restore time: 2 am.

Sigh.

"All those tiny screws"

And a three year old in the house...

Our parent company is pushing a new zero defect policy for code that gets shipped.

The next day they announced they are firing our QA team.

WTF?!

Me: "Back your phone up, or you'll regret it."

*6 months later

Them: "I've locked myself out of my phone, how do I get my pictures back?!"

Me: "Did you back it up?"

Them: "No..."

Me: 🙃

Me: So you know how to program in Java right?

Poser: yea.

Me: can you show me some of your work?

Poser: console.log("Hello, World!")

Me: get out.

Got my front end friend (also my irl best friend) to agree on me setting up a vm/vps on one of my dedi's with a sub domain so he can learn to work with servers.

He agreed on me leaving root access for myself in case he couldn't figure something out and I (a Linux server engineer myself) would have to help him out.

He seemed so excited, will set this up when I get home 😊

I had a nightmare I was at work, the building was on fire, but I couldn't get out.

I'm more terrified that in this nightmare, my boss told me he uses devrant.

I love my wife, i really do. But seriously.... STOP PULLING ME OUT OF THE ZONE for every tiny thing!

She:
"... can you make me a coffee"

Me:
"sure babe"

What i actually want to say:
"Its a fucking one button machine, do it yourself you lazy shit. And it takes me half an hour to go back this deep! Isnt it enough that i did all house chores made you dinner and took the dog out after working for 8 hours streight. You better give me some attention later tonight, since you should have more then enough power after sleeping all day! If i would at least get a compliment... GIVE ME COMPIMENTS."

Couldn't sleep last night. Spent about 5 hours laying down reading devRant.

Mom calls taxi to go shopping. I'm starving so I go with her. The only reason I went was to get food.

Half way there, so tired I could fall asleep while standing.

I order my food. Walk to bus stop. An hour until next bus. Fuck it, I'll get a taxi.

Phone slips out of pocket while in taxi. Goes under seat. Can't grab a hold of it.

Driver says you can just get it from the back before you leave. It will be easier. I put my food down infront of me. And try one last time.

He then spends the entire trip telling me how all these customers keep leaving shit in his car, etc. Meanwhile we almost got into 2 accidents. Anyway...

So we get to my house, I pay. I get out and get my phone. I walk inside the house. Open devRant.

Wait, where's my food?

It's finished.

After switching between Fedora, Ubuntu, Debian, Manjaro, Antergos and a dozen WM's I've settled for Arch on the desktop.

Took me over a week of trial and error, but it's worth the pain for the level of control you get.

Switching to Linux reminded me much of trying to find out if I liked text editors or IDE's more when I first started programming. I changed tools every day before I settled.

Screenshots of course. Now to actually get back to my JDBC projects before I start obsessing over how to get all my apps on the terminal. :D

When I get home, my wife will probably tell me about all the fun things she did with the kids today. She'll tell me about all the frustrating things they did too and stories about how they made her almost pull her own hair out.

Then 20 minutes later she'll ask me how my day was and I'll say, "Oh, I dunno. I worked on a really hard SQL query today..."

!rant
About to attend a hackathon with free food and beverages - including alcohol.
And I can't get this xkcd with the ballmer peaking out of my head.
I sincerely hope it won't get as bad as ME...

My boss has never programmed before. Recently, he decided that I should print out all the code for an admittedly rather small project (10k lines of Java code, 200 pages printed out), and then have me explain every line to him.

Luckily, he didn't get past 'public static void main', especially since I hadn't even bothered to print out more than that!

Damn I hate when people ask me to stop coding just because Excel doesn't work or the Antivirus license expired, even worse my boss gets mad at me when I tell him that I'm a coder that we have tech support people, who apparently do nothing, to all the PMs and Lead Devs

Please stop telling me about the freaking deadline if you also ask me to install your stuff.

Sorry for the negativity, had to get it out

interviewer: What is your greatest weakness?

me: don't let your enemy find out your weakness. -Bruce Lee

interviewer: get out

My PM: I don't like when you get up and help out other colleagues with their problems on their computer. You're not at their service.
Me: okay, I'll refrain from doing so.

The next day, I arrive 5 minutes before 8, I get myself a coffee, talk with a few colleagues, and:
PM: Hey, can you please come and help me review this email?
Me: ** fuck it, I still have 2 minutes ** Yeah I'm coming
PM: Now please.
Me: ...

Also my PM, 5 minutes later: Hey I don't manage to print my document, can you help me?
Me: ...

10 minutes later, I get a call:
PM: did you call XY about ZX?
Me: Yep, sent you a mail about it 2 minutes ago
PM: Really? I don't see it
Me: I sent it.
PM: Can you send it again?
Me: ...

Later that day:
PM: Hey, what are you up to?
Me: Well, I'm working on our improved websi-
PM: Can you please create a new campaign on Mailchimp? We're all under water here and a bit of cooperation from you would be great
Me: ** huh? ** erm, ok?
PM: Do it now
Me: Yeah yeah, don't worry. ** click ** here, done. Now, where was I...

----- PM on holidays

Other colleague from another department: Hey Phlisg! I have a small problem on our platform, can you help me?
Me: ** writes a script to help her out **
Her: awesome, thank you!!
Her own PM, 5 minutes later: Hey! Thank you very much for your help, it helps us out a real lot, very much appreciated :)

I lost my smile at work since the beginning of the year, but that little help I gave my colleague just gave my smile back to me :D

I don't havey Friends , but the ones I have know me inside out.

I turned 18 yesterday , and what did I get for a gift , a literal 5 page C++ Program that my pals lovingly wrote for me. Compiling it right now. Let's see what it's got for me.

Dev manager: Can you fix this issue?

Me: Yeah, but i cant reproduce it using the explanation given in the ticket. Can i get a step by step guide and a confirmation that the issue is reproducible.

Dev manager: you're the lead dev, you figure it out.

askdjasfkjksadjkasd!!
Do you want me to spend an hour not developing things trying to guess? because that is how you make me spend an hour not developing things

It is 7am on a Saturday, I am still in bed, and I have just come up with the math equation I need to solve a coding problem I spent all day yesterday. Now to figure out how to roll the fiancé off of me so I can get my laptop....

We aren't allowed to boil water BOIL WATER

"We have to get Climate Neutral until we decided for a plan the kitchen is closed"

FUCK YOU I JUST WANT TO ENJOY MY COFFEE WHICH I CAN'T DRINK IN MY OFFICE ANYMORE BECAUSE OF SAME BULLSHIT

I get it we have to become climate neutral but holy fuck this can't be part of the solution to not use the kitchen anymore....

Him: You can code, right?
Me: Of course,why
Him: I want to start promoting my (very crappy) music, I need you to –
Me: No!
Him: But, I just –
Me: I already said No.Never gonna happen.
Him: I get it.You really can't code,you just pretend to.A simple website can't be that hard for you if you knew.
Me:(Pushing him out) Nice try.

Based on a true story that happened right now.

Dad: "how do i download youtube videos?"

Me: "just google youtube downloader and download them from some site, thats how i do it"

Dad: "WHAT!!??? You want me to fucking google it? I dont know how to fucking google for those things, you're the IT guy and you should know how to do this, if I wanted to google it i wouldnt ask you for help. You know what, get the fuck out of my face i dont need ur help, get out"

[when starting out with web dev] Just use bootstrap!

Please don't. I teach web dev now, and when people learn a framework initially, they often get a warped and incomplete understanding of how things work. They spend their time learning the framework instead of learning the systems they're actually working with, and then when the want to do something the framework can't do, they're just at a loss.

Don't get me wrong, bootstrap and jquery and so on have their places, but those places aren't when you're just starting out.

My smart watch just reminded me to get my lazy ass out of my chair and move some.
I picked up my coffee cup, drank a sip.
That satisfied it.
Lazyness : 1 - Technology: 0

Our PM found a contractor, results as expected..

Contractor: "The file you supplied is corrupt, some areas are greyed out and damaged"
Me: "😐, do you mean the comments?"
Contractor: "I'm not sure what you mean 'the comments'"
Me: "Does the file work as expected?"
Contractor: "Yes"
Me: "Strange! I'll have a chat with our PM and get this issue resolved right away 😉"

...

if(!contractor) {
return Promise.resolve()
}

Me, going on a vacation
"Fuck yeah, finally a break, beach, grill, nice. Im not bringing my laptop, theres no way im touching any code."

Me, 10 minutes after i got on the bus
"Oh, i figured out whys that one thing not working, let me just get my lapt...shit"

My study's logic every fucking time: (I'm a senior by the way)

Junior: Sir, could you help me out for a minute?

Teacher: I'm busy right now, please fill out the support request form and go ask one of the seniors (yeah, not even kidding)

Junior: Alright, hey dude, could you help me out maybe?

Me: yeah of course, just get your laptop and go sit here next to me!

Other Teacher: Hey you, leave the seniors alone, they've got their own work!

PM had a bad habit of breaking me out of my zone so I had a talk about what that means.

I explained the idea behind how interruptions can cost productivity. He seemed to get it, or so thought. Said he'd message me as to not break the zone. Good good!

He messages me with a question, then walks over to ask if the message broke my zone.

🤔

Apartment owner tells me to get out for a few hours while he repairs some stuff around the house . Get laptop , get wallet , go to kfc , go to order , only have money to get a large coke and a coffee , set up laptop , start working on my 2D game project , one hour later hobo comes in and begs around for 2 mins , before the guard catches him , he goes to order instead and gets a large duo bucket with coffee ...fml being a poor dev before paycheck...

Why the fuck do people care about age so much?
Unlike other activities, you can be 15 years old and be as good as a senior dev, so why the fuck do you need to degrade me because you found out my age?
I still deliver the promised work, so what the fuck?

As for kids who try to get recognition because they're young and program, well, fuck you too!

Programming isn't about age or maturity, since in this age of tech, anyone can pick up a computer and an internet connection and learn, so why do you feel that younger individuals have less capabilities?

I just had to get that out of me since it pisses me off a fuck load.

> be me, 1AM, in bed
> get rando text, 5 digit number: "are you still awake?"
> "who is this?"
> *hears car roll out of driveway*

mmhmm yep absolutely not shitting my pants rn no

Only site which helped me alot to get me started in advance git commands was : ohshitgit.com
It also helped me when i started contributing in open source
Check it out :)

I got an alert for a job and decided to apply for it.

First, it forced me to make a new account on their HR site. Strike one.

Second, it forced me to upload my resume to then make me re-construct my work history from scratch because these stupid resume import systems never get anything right. Strike two.

Third, it requires me to provide a PHONE NUMBER for EVERY employer I've ever had!? Over a 26-year career? When half those companies either no longer exist or the people I knew phone numbers for, and their phone numbers, are LONG GONE? Get outta here!

Three strikes, you're out!

Team leader: so can you develop uwp application?
Me: sure...
Team leader: ok! You're hired to find our bugs , by the way, we give our employees Microsoft Lumia phones.
Me: OMG.im out. the phone will get bsod.
#TrueStory #SecurityCompany

Me while strugglin CS College shits

*1st year looking at programming jokes / memes*
Me : I don't get it, it's already hard enough and I must try to understand the jokes? 😐

*2nd year*
Me : *strugglin with group projects and wondering why I'm still here*

*3rd year*
Me : *strugglin to keepin my grades so I can graduate in time, startin to looking for internships / jobs...
and then...found out there's an app named devRant*
Me again after scrolling devRant for 2 days : "I get it, these whole 3 years studying CS just so I can understand better these programming / dev jokes 😂😂"

*But still stressed out*

Dev slump.

For me dev slump is usually feeling overwhelmed and that leads to being unmotivated.

My solution usually involves, go slow, way slower than usual. "Make function... that takes a thing. well that worked..." rather than try to think of everything at once.

Also get some easy tasks broken out and do those (even unrelated). That tends to get me going, feeling productive, then I start to approach the harder stuff that was maybe more demoralizing.

It was a very old story. A friend of friend asked that how to get apps in my new phone (Android). I told him to check out the Android Market. He asked me for the address.

Today, during an update from senior management, I was casually sitting in the corner filling in my CV to get out of here lol.

Finally got my Hackintosh working. Took me fuckin 3 days to figure out how to get the sound working lmao

Best work prank?

Get a random friend to burst into my home office during a zoom call, wearing a ski mask, gun in hand, speak foreign language, and drag me out of the room. Have another masked friend go up the camera and threaten to kill me if my coworkers go to the police. Disappear for a week, then email my boss saying I need 100k or they’ll start killing my family members one by one, take the money, then go on vacation while I fill out job applications. Get a new job and repeat the prank every few months until I retire.

Too many "web savvy" clients these days. 9 times out of 10 they get hosting accounts which i have to reconfigure. My quote was for coding not sys admin. Do me a favour and dont do me any favours.

Getting into a bed with fresh sheets after a long shower is heaven

Not many things would get me out of bed rn

Sometimes taking a break can really clear your head. Yesterday evening, I was programming with my mate and couldn't find a very persistent bug. Didn't want to get a break because I just wanted to solve it. He convinced me to go downstairs and get a drink. Reached the bottom of the stairs aaaaand poof, figured out the bug!

My dev mates are all gone for Xmas
Before one of them left we hugged.

He said:gonna get laid tonight, I'm going to be all out of orgasms
Me:YOU CANT SAY THAT WHILST YOUR HUGGING ANOTHER MAN!

Wtf is wrong with my friends

They like to freak me out by saying awkward things in uncomfortable situations

PS I don't hug people like ever I was trying to be nice 😕

Got an interview in 3 hours for a senior backend php engineer position. If it doesn't work out im gonna get stuck in a job as a wordpress dev which i hate. pray for me.

Me: I have a meeting in 20 minutes, I should get out of bed.
Also me: Thank fuck nobody bothers with cameras in meetings coz I'm often in bed.

I suspect this may happen to alot of people:
Me: Is this the right way to implement the feature?
Lecturer: yes that looks good
Me: *happy*
*Results come out*
Lecturer: *deducts marks for no reason*
Me: You said this is the right way of doing this...
Lecturer: I didn't quite see what you're trying to do
Me: it's fully commented.................
Lecturer: *confused as fuck* i will remark and get back to you
Me: *thinking* fucking retard playing with my grades like it's a joke.

Accountant: Can we just get one big Excel file with all the transactions instead of separate reports that are filled out specifically for each dorm?

Me: Hell yes you can.

My noob friends at college don't understand coding and its purpose. They miss out a semicolon or a closing bracket.
They reach out to me to help them get rid of the errors(too many).
Me: Just add a closing bracket here.
Friends: Boom, you are the god Bro!!!
LOL 😂😛

Gas station clerk: "with our phone app you can get a discount for fuel and car washes!"
Me: OK, I'll definitely try it out next time!

Me: *drive home*
Me: *download and install the app*

1_week_later.jpg

Phone: Out of storage!
Phone: Battery draining faster!
Phone: Gas station app uses 200-300MB and is running in the background

Me: *uninstalls the gas station app*

Never ever again.

Why would a simple thing like that
1. run in the background
2. use this amount of storage
??? I can't get my head around it. Seriously... 2-3 activities with nothing but text in them. 200 MB??!!?? Are you using fucking pictures of letters for the text, or what? a.jpg, b.gif, c.avi ???

Thanks everyone for giving me enough ++ to get my very own stress ball, also a special thanks zuckABird. If it wasn't for your data collecting madness i would of missed out. Ha

As a side project, I've been helping out a friend build a website for free.

friend: I need more of your commitment for this project. We're about to get a huge client!

Me: Yeah you've been saying that for a year. Dude, I just don't have time to waste in projects that are not givine me any money.

friend: HOW DARE YOU! ARE YOU BLACKMAILING ME?!?!

ugh... not my friend anymore

Gotta crank put a website for our new store in 2 days, with a webstore and figure out how to get pokemon into the actual shop. And the hosting gives me 50MB. Yes. In 2016.

Was told I need to code so it will be ie8 compatible. I guess there going to want me to get out my feather and ink and saddle up the horse to deliver info as well.

Typical interaction in any XDA development thread:

User: How do I put these ROMs on my phone? Plz halp!

Me: ROOT -> flash RECOVERY -> enter recovery -> flash ROM -> flash Gapps -> profit.

User: How to get the roots? Can halp me?

Me: You're in a Nexus forum. There are directions on how to root everywhere.

User: I can't find. Plz halp.

Me: Fastboot oem unlock, fastboot flash recovery.img, flash SuperSU, flash ROM...

User: Where I can get fastboot?

Me: *link to Google developer's page*

User: Can you just tell me?

Me: No, you need to figure it out, so you know what you're doing.

*2 hours later*

User: HALP! I use toolkit for to get roots, and now phone won't come on! How to fix?! Halp, halp, halp!

*5 minutes later*

User: bump

Me: Looooooool

Found out other team's project result about performance for uni assignment. It's that Matlab is the fastest, followed by python and C++ is the slowest.

They are gonna get roasted during presentation (by many people in the audience including me).
This is gonna be fun.
/*devilish grin*/

cssRant

Why for the sake of world peace can't Edge inherit "opacity" to children?
This drives me insane!!!11!!one!eleven!!1!!

Get you fucking turds together dear browser developers!

The whole webDev business gets serious crippling depression from your brainless way of pooping out what you call "browser"!

First day after 3-4 hours:
"Our bathroom were out of the office and needed a badge to get in and out of office."
Him:"Hey i need to go the bathroom can you help me?"
P: "Sure".

Never to be seen again

taxes. what the actual fuck? I finally graduated and got my first 6 figure job, only to find out the federal government basically takes 1/3 of my pay??? WHAT??? Why are we all okay with this? I feel fucking robbed. I worked so hard to get here, so many sleepless nights, so many all nighters studying, just to get 1/3 of my money stolen from me? what the fuck?????

First day at new job. It's literally meeting hell.
1 hour meeting followed by 1.5 hours meeting followed by lunch followed by 2.5 hours meeting.

Couldn't get anything done. About 15 minutes out of all those meetings combined was actually relevant to me.

Took two months to finally get here. Due to my mailman kept sending it back 😒. I'm just glad I have them now. Shout out to @dfox for personally emailing me about fixing the problem.

Am I the only one who thinks DevRant should have a proper desktop website instead of just making us navigate in a stretched out version of the mobile app?
Don't get me wrong, I love this place, but a desktop website would sure be nice! :D

*My friend was piling up her food in a bbq place*

Me: What are you doing?
Her: I'm trying to beat my old stacking record.
Me: Be careful not to get a stack overflow!

. . .I'll see myself out.

I shaved half my beard off. I just had a meeting with a recruiter and he told me I might get problems with upper management (CEOs for example) in Switzerland because they are still very conservative and they'll be interviewing me. Why would that matter!? Either I get the job done or I don't, why the hell does it make a difference if I like to stick out in a crowd with a unique cool beard!?

My supervisor's flaky attitude is annoying the shit out of me.
Mate, why would you agree to hire me for the project I wanted to do (and get me to move halfway across the planet) and then tell another colleague that I'm focusing too much on my project and they should give me their extra work?

Like, I get it but I don't get it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I fucking hate my boss so much

He looks down on me like I’m some idiot who doesn’t know his shit.
The other day he was trying to explain OAuth2.0 to me in the most dumbed down way ever, even after telling him I do already know how OAuth 2.0 works. He just said “oh well just making sure” and continued explaining it to me the exact same way. Felt shitty having something explained to you which you already know in such a way in front of all of your coworkers

Whenever I give my thoughts on something he answers with an argument that’s essentially true but pretty stupid:

B: “We don’t need to bundle our JS files” (see my other rant)
M: “Our load time is around 15 seconds though and it takes forever to update our script tags”
B: “Yes but it’s only 15 seconds once and the tags are already there so it’s fine”

How do you reply to something like that??

On top of that, his code is absolutely awful, always looks hacked together, lacks documentation and i don’t think he has written a unit test in his life

I don’t even like frontend, was told I would mostly do backend and it seems like all I’m doing recently is write fucking javascript because even if I wanted to write backend code, it’s nearly impossible to write clean code in this pile of horseshit codebase

"get lost"
The fucker was just saying he would not help me, but in the end I should have taken the advice literally and got the fuck out of that fucked up place.

Me and my team has been creating React components for the last two months. Today we realized that not a single component is done the Redux way (as pure functions), which means we have to refactor every component and the tests.

That's what you get for trying out new technology..

Non IT Friend: Dude, I forgot my Windows password, can you hack into it urgently and get me the password, I have some important work to do.
Me: *pulls out gun* ...

Unsavy guy calls: hey, my computer don't start.
*some testing over phone
Me: Okey it's probably the psu, give me the model so that I can get you a new one.
Him: okey, let me get a flashlight.
Me: why?
Him: It's dark here. The power is out.
Me: ...

Sometimes you get too used to everything, that you forget to be humble and curious, to explore and learn new things all the time. I miss the time when I say:oh this shit is cool, I am gonna try it out.

Glad someone knocked this back into me.

So my teacher wanted to play a movie cos the class got good test results, and so she asked me how to play a movie on her laptop and get it on the TV and this is how it went down...

Teacher: Sukhi, do you think you could help me.

Me: Yea sure, what do you need help with

Teacher: So I want to play a movie tomorrow but I don't know how to get it up on the TV

Me: Oh its easy just get a HDMI cable and plug your laptop into it.

Teacher: Oh yea I have like 6 of those. Ok then see ya tomorrow.

*The next day*

Teacher: Hey Sukhi, heres the HDMI cable. *Pulls out a AUX cord*

Me: *laughing and crying at the same time*

I just spent almost a semester's worth of money on a certification course. I know it'll help me make more in the long-run and get me out of the job that has started to cause me to become actually depressed, but this price-tag is depressing me. Why are certs so damn pricey???

Boss: Happy Friday!!!!!!
Boss: okay with that out the way get to fuckin work...

Me: John(Boss’s name).....
Boss: hmmm??
Me: I hate you, happy Friday

Just a package machine into which you'd put the number of your package then get it. Apparently it runs Ubuntu and it's not set to start automatically. Damn part of me wanna connect a keyboard and find out what it has to offer.

I find that no matter what I do I have roughly 50 issues assigned to me in Jira, so there's no point in working hard to clear em out. I'll never get to zero.

when I graduated my dad would 'help' me in my job hunt by cutting out postings from the New York Times for "Lead Software Engineer" positions at Microsoft, Google etc despite the fact that I really was just trying to get a junior level position...

I used to love Linux.
Now I hate it. I'm moving back to windows.

6th fixing time it's done this to me. When I try to login it just sends me right back to the login screen.
CTRL +ALT +F2 let's me login?!

Ugg I have a school paper to write.

So.. I moving back to the dark side.

This is what I get for trying out arch I guess.

Started working on a new project.

Sent out my first code review for that repo.

An intern pinged me and blamed me that I have added so many comments to get more lines of code.

I have no words to reply him.

Clients that ask you to build X and then when you ask about said details to know everything up front, you get a deer in the headlights look.

I get it, not knowing right away is fine, but 5-6 months later and still "not knowing", being absolutely lazy with no responses to questions or just dumping the work to me to figure out from whatever source material you got it from and force me to crunch to save your ass isn't fun for me and I really don't give a shit about how much praise you give me publicly for the job I did.

I'm regretting actually going to social events with my family. It goes exactly as I expect it:

Brother is talking to his friends, mother talking to my brother's friend's mom. And I'm awkwardly sitting aside on devRant...

Had an issue running through someone else's buggy code and my PM told me to "use a goto to fix it up, those always used to help me in school". Can a recruiter on here throw me a bone and get me out of this place?

Ok this is freaking creepy. I searched for information about login systems on other websites for some time. Not once did I touch Facebook. Then Facebook show me targeted ads when I hoped on 30 minutes later. How the heck does Facebook get that data in the first place? I'm starting to get pissed that my data is just handed out to everyone, even by search engines.

>Be me
>Notice cute girl in college
>Won't work because reptilian brain too stupid
>Girl needs help studying C
>Teach her C because I'm an idiot
>She turns out to be a bigger idiot, and has problems grasping FizzBuzz problems
>Thoroughly turned off
>Help her get 80% in semester end exam
>Breathe a sigh of relief, get back to usual schedule
>Girl admits to liking me
>Said that girl and I are not on similar wavelengths
>Girl asks me if I think she's stupid, and now is angry with me
>What did I do?

Started a new job today.
They gave me a Mac.

Why in actual fuck is there no shortcut for the terminal? Took me half a day to get an iterm hotkey working only to find out it only works if you have a terminal open already.

Stupid apple. I want my mod+enter back.

Does anybody out there actually really love their job? Because I do. I'm not sure if it's just me or that my job is actually great, but my coworkers are respectful, my boss lets me have control over each project's pace, I get to write tests and invest in refactoring, and I make good money doing it.

Is this just me?

I forgot to put myself out of office today on our call schedule... Thought I'd get away with it because I shouldn't get calls anyways. Got a call. Not handling it, passed it on, but it woke me up... :(

Shout out to @gustash for helping me get started with Android app development.

Fellow ranters , help me out here.
Sudo apt-get 'a life' isn't working.

> move out
> few months to get married
> get a client
> get another client
> first client starts to get messed up
> tell the first client to cancel the contract
> second client cancels my contract because the first client is pissing me off and making my productivity decline
> first client don't wanna cancel the contract nor pay me
> brings a lawyer
> 3 weeks to get married
> no job
> bills to pay
> lawyer to pay

great to be me

I woke up because someone was calling me to eat something since breakfast is out...

Then I check my email and people were pressuring me to finish project X (won't name because its private)

Oh my god let me catch a fucking break I've been coding nonstop for three days I'd appreciate if I get some leeway and rest? Fucking wankers.

What benefits do Linux OSs give that many developers use it? Don't get me wrong, I like the distros out there. I've used some of them. Other than the server related stuff, what benefits does it have for devs?

I can think of the terminal as one.

When you get called back into work at 5:30 in the morning for an urgent problem... Come to find out its because, "I forgot my internet access password, can you reset it...?" Are you shitting me? Fucking (L)user! In taking today off, fuck this.

Still have work to do on this one, but just in case I f*** up the shading, here’s the work in progress. Took me literally five attempts to get the whole quote done. Kept running out of space or writing the wrong word. *shakes fist*

Why invite me to a 3 hour meeting where my old manager just pretends I don't exist and is trying to push me out of the project completely?

He's just bitter because I asked my new manager advice because he was too busy trying to get a new job at a different company.. rather than being my manager.

i've got my first job after getting out of college. not a great package. I'm learning more, will get experience. i have plans for freelancing and seek a better job. I'm an Indian.

what really upsets me is that I just discovered that I've no knowledge in finance. I'm feeling insecure, afraid and depressed. I'm browsing for some youtube channels, books and podcasts to get some some knowledge about finance and real estate.

all I have is a saving account in SBI bank, I just know how to take money out of it with my debit card and transfer money with online banking

how do u guys do ur finance, where do u invest. do u invest in stock market. insurance?? help me out. i'm fucked.

never thought i can be so stupid, I hate myself, never even thought I'll need financial intelligence.

are there more people like me.

i'm just so down and feeling suicidal.

I’m 2 months into my current job at a startup, and I’m starting to lose it. My PM doesn’t have any background in tech, features keep changing every week, and more requirements are added every other day.

To make things worse, I’m the only dev on board right now, despite the company burning ~$80k on a sweatshop to deliver code that’s barely half working.

When I asked if they’re getting another dev onboard, the co-founders said they couldn’t justify another dev since they blew a fat load on that sweatshop…

Time to get on the leetcode grind again 🙃

I feel so stressed at work right now.

QA signed off on a fix I made, I signed off on a fix I made, and other people signed off on the fix, but it gets out to production and people find it's broken, I get the finger pointed at me.

It's really stressing me out, especially when our client needs custom logic to make their use cases work, and the BE and FE are scrambling to make it work.

It's really affecting the way I work and I don't know what to do. I talked to my boss and he just tells me to "stay positive". Someone please help me.

I hate office politics so fucking much. Now that most people aren’t face to face and everything is over chat and voice calls, people seem to get very weird about things that might be said and blow things out of context. If you have anxiety disorder or something fuck off!! You’re stressing the shit out of me and it’s already Christmas so I’m already stressed the fuck out!

Skype??? For main communication in soon 2024 in an IT company???? Get the fuck out are you fucking kidding me??? Starting a 9-5 job after so many years of being jobless feels like im degrading myself back to caveman primal age. What who the FUCK uses skype ????? Please

I was just commiting some code on GitHub for school tomorrow and I kinda got lost in the commit description..

Ah, it just hit me so hard I had the urge to get it out.. Helped, tho, love you Git

It was fun to stay home last week, this week the isolation is starting to get to me. Plus I'm PMSing. Somebody should come and hug me... 😢

Been getting really cold chills lately, so I'm not even sure if I got the damn virus.

You guys, please make a vaccine soon. I need to get out and socialize or I'll go insane. 😖

So, today I was told I will be the one to represent my school in a programming competition.

This is a huge accomplishment for me! To think I would be the one they chose out of everyone who wanted to get in as well, it just surprises me.

Wish me luck! God bless!

My Final Year Project used robotics, speech recognition, body mapping and it was possibly the coolest thing I've ever done. I did it to be balls out ambitious as I wanted an impressive project to help me get a job...

so wait... the recruitment agency just gave me the wrong FUCKING ADDRESS.

THAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED.

Get your head out your arse, and take a fucking proper look at the appointment details, instead of checking your goddamn phone constantly.

Fucking hell, I'm angry.

So ever since I was a kid I've been terrified of being submerged in water. A couple times I've gone up to my friend's dad's lake house, and the most I've done there is like put my foot in the water before I got scared.

But today I was at a coworker's grad party, and they had a pool in the yard, and he convinced me to get in. His words were "get in or I'll throw you in", and that got me right in there. It scared the FUCK out of me, but I did it. After that everyone was splashing water all over me, trying to get my hair wet.

Overall, great time, but I'm still scared of being like fully submerged.

I'm working part time as I'm a student and I always thought working in a company would be awesome as I learned programming all by myself and could actually do things now.
30% is updating, compiling
50% is using google to find out if I can even use 27 .net frameworks together and make it work on Android and iOS
15% is finding out what the error code is supposed to mean
And 5% is actually using a programming language.

Drinking alcohol is soo good for my social life because my autopilot is far better with people.
Somehow people can actually really get to know and like me then.
Will this ever change for normal me (22 yo) or should I just keep going out?

me: i dont wanna get out of bed to check the code, i feel so comfy and lazy

me: *after 10 mins* dammit, need to change this, need to change that, its still fucked up, why is this wrong *codes more*

Person: "Can you speed up my computer? Don't delete anything though."
Me: "Your hard drive is at 99%... you need to get rid of some stuff."
Person: "Can't you do it with out deleting anything?"
Me: "We can move it to a cloud service..."
Person :"No, that won't work. How will get my stuff back?"
Me: "Nvm..."

It only took me a day to figure out how to get an overflow button on Android to show up. Can you tell I'm new?

A creative way to get yourself locked out from your server: having your new password manager hit an old entry port for a favicon - which gets you banned, took me a second to understand why I can't suddenly access things anymore lol

My Unix class
👨‍💻using nice looking theme for vs code to edit my bash script

Prof: That's a nice looking theme( he thought it was vim theme)
Me: um.. um.. It's vs code, new guy in a town
Prof: uh! 🤔
Me: ( 5 sec silence) um, It's from Microsoft
Prof: GET OUT!

My (pseudo)code:
//Cursor1.Open ()
//Cursor2.Open ()
//Cursor2.DoStuff ()
//Cursor2.Close ()
//Cursor1.Close ()

Prof: Why do you have Cursor1 in there if you don't use it?
Me: Because it doesn't compile if I take it out.
Prof: Why?
Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I miss the shit I could get away with in grad school.

TL;DR: I don't like working with 'most' Indian people. And some stories supporting that written below:

=====================================
A client calls me directly to get features/fixes done on their site. No middle management shit at the company I was working at, at the time.

So I quit the company, but the client has my phone number. So he starts texting me to get more work done. I tell him "I work for money, if you can pay me that, I'll do all the work you ask of me".

They praise my blunt-ness and say they will discuss it. And I never heard from them ever again!

=====================================
Client reaches out to me and gets me to work for them for 2 hours/day and pays me INR 8,000 (about 95 USD) a month. I say fine, I'll do the work.

I do the tasks as they say for 3 months then I ask for a raise to INR 10,000.

They start pointing out mistakes in my work, and they say they're not seeing the "dedication" in me. Only when I asked for the raise. Not before that, mind you.

=====================================
Vice President of the company tells me that he saw me in his dream the night before.

I've told this one before so I just threw that in.

=====================================

At the end, I do like some Indians that I work with. It's just that most of them try to massively underpay you, or want to get the most work out of you as fast as possible and sometimes both.

I published an app on Google Play on Sunday and since then I received a number of emails from 6 unique companies that want me to promote the app using their services (excluding reminders they send for me to get back to them). I understand that some people make a living out of this marketing but stop flooding my inbox with this crap!

My new routine after getting Elden RIng has been:

1. Get home and work out.
2. Drink protein shake
3. Take a shower, clean up and play with me pp
4. Get out and play elden ring until my wife unglues me from the controller.

And i fucking love it. Beast game in my opinion. FS really hit a home run with this mfker.

Just tell me if the API is ready or not. I can understand if it's not. I just don't like being left out and when the boss asks for an update, I'll get burned for not starting anything yet, all because you guys aren't ready

I get why my prick friend wanted me to get this app - shit's lit my brothers.

Half mad because of this social-distancing shite, especially when I do go out and get to see Apocolypse Survival Barbie stacking her cart with enough bread and frozen products to feed a legion.

How to be more productive at morning? Just get alert from PagerDuty that one of core app running out of space and there is nothing you can delete. Call me Speedy Gonzalez

College is rapidly sending me into a never-ending spiral of depression. I have to take Calculus-based physics for Computer Science, and it's making me want to kill myself. I'm not going to get anything higher than a D in it, so I'm going to have to take it again no matter what. I'm worried I'm not going to get a D in it because if I don't get at least a D in it, I won't be able to take the second part of it in the spring, which will remove 5 credit hours from my schedule that I will then have to find something else to fill with.

Worried that the terrible Physics grade I'm going to get is going to drop my GPA below the requirement for my scholarship. Worried that I'm going to get kicked out of the honors program as well. Worried that I'm going to be here for three more years. (My scholarship runs out in Spring 2020.) Stressing out about my Physics final tomorrow that will determine whether I pass or fail the class.

Im starting to wonder if that Computer Science degree is worth it.

Is it just me or does anyone else get more worn out from the meeting a than the actual technical shit... being introverted and having to do so many meetings a day is exhausting

A school-related rant:

Went to my school yesterday to get my computer science degree, aaaand....

Surprise! You got a degree in Liberal Arts! Even though when you graduated, it said Computer Science and thought they already fixed the problem about me graduating with Liberal Arts instead of CS! Nope! Still Liberal Arts!

Sigh, fuck that school. I'm sure when my wife finds out about it, she'll definitely flip out and make me fix this, because she also spent time for me to finish school and get a stupid degree. I just don't wanna deal with it anymore and instead keep learning on my own, make projects, and be so good that employers can't ignore me.

Well just updated my Macbook to Mojave and turns out it's pretty good... Except all the absolutely minor things that annoy me...

Software updates should not reset my wallpaper and colour profile... As always I get hung on the tiniest details...

When you get into good company but end up in bad team. Worst thing to happen. I want to quit. But as of now I don't have any option.

I am way too triggered. Any one tries messing with me anymore at work, I won't be able to stop myself. I am gonna shout....take out all my anger. To hell with you assholez! I don't care if you get me kicked out of team or job! I can't take it anymore. FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!!

Helpdesk: We can't figure out our own ambigious error message, you should solve it in another way...

Me: I see in the console that I get an execption response with an ID, you must be logging these exceptions, can't you check those?

Me thinking: you've just reduced yourself to desk without the help part

Trend:

The Kiki
- idiots get out of there car and dance with the door open...

Me
- Meh. Ghost riding the whip is old news.

——

New Trend:

The Kiki fail
- people get out and either fail or get betrayed.

Me: now I’m on board.

Great examples seen so far...

1. Women get out dancing, drops her bag (on purpose) in dancing. A motorcycle comes along and steals her purse.
Me: Great. I hope they get away with it too. I like the criminals more than the idiot in this case.

2. Dude gets out and starts dancing. Driver speeds up. The guy holds on to the car telling him to “STOP!”. He stops, the guy goes head first through the window of the driver (its down) and I assume right on his head.
Me: mmmmm delicious

dear fucking client, why are you giving me only the "???" as an answer to my well written documentation and explanation about the latest bugfixing.
WHY? What could I possibly get out of this shitty answer? #fml

Took a chance at telling my bosses how burned out I am and had a really great discussion with them.

Turns out they want me to lead the front end team, because I'm good at it and can make them do higher quality work. Agreed with me that there's something wrong with the code if you have to use a different IDE lmao.

And I can use my 30+ days of sick leave (which I've never used because I don't get sick) to take time off when I need to. Burn out is a disease.

Not all bosses are shitty.

During Summer I'm tired because it's too hot.

Now it's getting cold, it's getting harder to get out of bed...

And the heater makes me tired too...

Plus there's the not going out or, moving as much... Which may also be due to being tired.

And well in general, I seem to not feel like doing anything lately... Because I'm tired....

Seems like my routine is consolidating to: sleep, eat, work...

And if I had a choice it would just be sleep...

I need to get out of bed now so can eat and go work..... But I don't wanna.....

Is it just me? Any tips to break the cycle?

when I'm done working..
me: should I get on wow?
me: No I'll check out devrant!

Can somebody stand behind me with a taser and tase me when I'm not productive.

I have been trying everything but can't get myself to get any work done. Which is stressing me out making it even harder to concentrate.

So I'm hoping the fear of being tasered can scare me into productivity.

The feeling of wanting to work but not being able to is one of the most annoying frustrating feelings in the world. And it's slowly destroying my business.

So anyone got some ideas, I just need to get like a week of work done. But been trying now for 2 months and got like a day of work done.

And has anyone build a fun to do list app yet that is complity gamified maybe I can trick myself in doing more.

The speed with which new JS frameworks come out, especially when you only just started to get the hang of the last one...

It gets really depressing when i start to wonder if it's just me who's too slow.

Just found out I have more work than I can manage stacked up until mid 2018 - all for me and where I am a single point of failure. I have several manager fighting for me and some smaller pieces of work mixed in too.

Any advice on how to get a raise while my stock is high?

Trying to get gcc and make onto a 3DS is nigh impossible as my x64 PC won't let me cross-compile and the only ARM device I have is a Pi Zero, but it runs out of memory mid-compile... fml.

no one taught me how to host anything web, i had to figure out how to get things live by myself. it was awful, documentation on that stuff sucks, but i got through it knowing far more than when i started.

How did we get to the place where mobile devs who basically do 20% (the rest usually done by backend devs) earn 3 times more than the backend devs?

Makes me wanna flip out

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I hated this day! Get out of bed to a direct fire and firefight all fucking day long, cook while firefighting, shit while firefighting, make dinner while firefighting and now I finally get to eat my fucking dinner without a laptop in front of me. I just want to scream FUUUUUUUCK so very loud but I'm a nice neighborhood. Fuck, shit cunt day. Fuck.

Today’s text chat:

Me walking near the river in the middle of nowhere with a cellphone.

frontend developer:
- I need image from test server. Can you provide me that image ? I need it for my local environment to fix something ( writes details of how to get an image ).

me:
- Can’t you go to test server website and get it by yourself ?

frontend developer:
- But this image is on canvas element.

me:
- Because frontend is drawing in on canvas so go to network tab and get the url.

frontend developer:
- Ah yes I can do that

I have such small talks all the fucking time. They accumulate when I go out to chill during the day.

I've known about ligature fonts for about two years now. First thoughts where "ewh Im not gonna get used to it".
Kinda forgot about it until someone mentioned it to me. I tried it out since it was built in IntelliJ and don't want anything else anymore. But when pair programming I do get some confused looks.

What is your opinion on ligature fonts like Fira Code?

Last night was dreadful- at 11 pm Dev on my team makes a change to a form with 2 million plus records without informing me and leaves to go out without confirming the change was successful. I get call from the data center at midnight because the app is down. Didn't get done till midnight and now data center boss is blaming me.

Female lead PM told me to another field to a already overcrowded screen, I slipped out the phrase: "Another one? It's already tighter than a Virgin just not as wet...."

Guess I just figured out why I didn't get a raise this year.

Rage ? at work ?
my employer says I'm already toxic and ungrateful. If i get a third bad adjective ill be out of the door !

Judging by the work load and type im getting these days id say they are trying to get me to open that door and leave myself.

Hell, i would love to if i were not being ghosted by other companies or offered less compensation

First year of college. We had to write a program in assembly to let lights go on and off slowly but I couldn't get it to work and googled the shit out of it trying to get it to work to no avail. So I go to the teacher as I expected him to have a bit more documentation/knowledge on how the shit worked. He literally said oh let me google that for you. Which made me go 🤦‍♂️. In the end I never figured out how to get the lights on or off but luckily my team mates did a good enough job to get us passed in the class.

Why the hell are senior engineers coming to me me to debug and figure out issues? I don't even own this code..why should I care? Does your brain stop working as soon as you see the stack trace leave the code you have written? You are getting paid more than I do so go figure it out yourself. Why are you asshats even getting paid more than me? How did you even get there if you can't debug? Again why am i getting paid less than these asshats

Its a very simple algorithm for me:
Start with a deep base edm track.
Get a green tea.
Start work. The mood is now set.
(If frustrated): go out for a smoke and continue again.
(If frustrated again): see ur managers face and start lashing out code at ur ide.
(Optional if at home): random faps do help.

I'm getting started on web development again. But I want to get the right tools for the job. I don't hate Dreamweaver. But I know there's got to be something better out there for me to use.

i am coding blindly cause i am not really sure how the function really works. thats how i get things done after 2 weeks. but at least it works out after a while. buuuut i just want to get this thing done uuuggghhh i need to do this faster!

mind please cooperate with me

Boss says: Why is our email not working get it to work again.

Me: What the fuck? Only because I am the computer guy does not mean I can make wine out of water.