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My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.27
-
Church proyect...
Client: we want our logo in our new website
Me: ok no problem just give me the....
Client: but we dont want ppl to be able to download it.
Me: excuse me but that is not posible cuz...
Client: where is your faith! Nothing is imposible.
Me: proceed to stare in disbelief....26 -
Me : So how's the deadlines here?
Coworker : There are none.
Me : ?
Coworker : if they are unrealistic, we push non-working code. Prod comes up with bugs, and we get a new sprint to resolve those bugs.
Me: ╰[ ⁰﹏⁰ ]╯10 -
Friend: Dude, css is so cool and amazing. I love it
Me: Erm ye, okay...
Friend: I think, im gonna make a css program to save data to database. That would make it even cooler!
Me: ye, okay. Wait what?! Hahahahaha
Friend: ??? Why u laughing13 -
//Le me
*Wants to open IntelliJ Idea*
*Searches 'Int'*
*Hits Enter*
Internet Explorer to the rescue
Internet Explorer: Finally, somebody remembered me!
*Internet Explorer opens*
Internet Explorer: *opens a bajillion new windows*
Internet Explorer:
Make me your default browser plz..
Internet Explorer: *freezes*
Me: Shit1 -
"So what got you in to development and programming?"
Me: well. I needed something to new to help with my depression, stress and anger.
"Oh cool. Did it help?"
Me: yes... They're so much stronger now.4 -
Finally got my new coding buddy! Gilfoyle will hopefully help me to straighten up my miserable code. Praise the dark lord 😀
16 -
I am new to Linux and still trying to figure out the CLI
Luckily my colleague and good friend helped me out with a list!
17 -
New guy: There's a memory leak in my code.
Me: You need to free the memory you previously allocated.
New guy: Already did that, deleted everything from my "Downloads" folder and some stuff from my Desktop.
Me: *Long Pause* Have you tried "rm -rf /" yet ?4 -
Was at a friends place recently and he asked me to set a new WiFi password. Fair enough!
Me: what's the routers login?
He: Oo. No clue.
*me trying a few combinations*
*hmmm not working let's try one more time*
Router: you have entered the wrong credentials five times. Fill in a new password to regain access!
😵😨😧😱😷😲19 -
Client: "Happy New Year 2018! Wish you a very successful and productive happy new year :)"
Me: "Oh Thank you! I wish you...."
Client: "Any update on the feature I have requested?"
Me: "Ah yes. I would love you give you an update. By the way, Happy n...."
Client: "Do you think the it can be released before midnight?"
I stopped replying. Fuck everyone and everything.
Happy New Year to everyone here.3 -
This actually happend in my secondary school class. A new guy came to our class. The whole family moved from another city.
*new guy want to start conversation with me*
new guy: "So you into computers and stuff like that?"
me: "Yes" *seems like a cool guy , want to develop the conversation further* "what about you man? do you like computers? do yo program or smth?"
*new guy wants to look cool in front of me*
new guy: " Yeah dude, actually I am hacker"
*me saying to myself, oh fuck not again this shit*
he continues with: " Once I got into the NASA system"
*switches mode to making fun of him*
me: "what the fuck man? really? that´s freaking cool, how you manage to do that? "
new guy: " you know the thing when you press F10 when starting a comupter? "
me: "You mean BIOS?"
new guy : "yeah yeah man through that shit"
* I am done, laughing my ass off and walks away*1 -
So was first day at new job ... Boss takes me around meeting everyone. One employee stuck editing file by typing in new records data, calls boss for help.
Boss to me: "I like to get handsy with data from time to time. "
*me smiling, watch how he copies and paste the new records*
ME to boss:"why don't you just write the script to update all the records?"
Boss:"I don't trust the automation of input. "
Me:" what about human error?"
*crowd of other employees gather around awaiting answer*
Boss:"we include margin of errors in our disclaimer to the client... "
*He hears himself*
Boss:"... and we bill by the hour why would we work faster for less money?"
*me grinning, going to remember that line next time I need extension of deadline*
Me*murmurs*:" Master has presented dobby with a sock"
*Girl in next cubicle snickers clearly caught the reference "
Going to love it here.3 -
Me: Want to copy this file to another computer
Bluetooth: Use me!
Google Drive: I'm better!
USB: I can help
Network shared folder: I'm in position!
Me: Let me add it as an attachment to a new email and download it on the other computer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯6 -
> New hire in company
> Uses white theme in IDE
> Sits next to me
> Get blind everytime when turning head left 😭14 -
*has finals to study for*
Me: I could study... Or I could write my website..
*create new project*
'git init'5 -
How I feel at Christmas time when visiting family and everybody swarms me to set up/fix their new gadgets 😁
4 -
I'm moving to a new place soon meaning that I'll have to get a new desk/chair. (current ones suck)
I need a good one of both but I'm not rich so was looking for more cheap options.
The guy next to me is moving out soon as well appearantly and he came to me and another roommate like "hey I'm going to buy everything new, fresh start! If you guys would like to have anything, let me know!"
Me: also a desk/chair by any chance?
Guy: yup, take a look :)
*takes a look*
Me: the damn they look very good! Are you sure you want to get rid of them? I'd think they cost quite some money.
Guy: yeah, you can also have the couch table/clothing closet if you'd like! (all designer/quality stuffs)
😍7 -
Me 12 hours ago: looks like a good idea to get emailed if somebody tries to break into my new server.
Me now:
9 -
Boss: Don't be afraid to break things
Me: *breaks things*
Boss: Why did you break things?
Me: ...
I tried something new. Otherwise, I am hitting a wall. -
NFF = Not Funny Friend.
NFF: what is your smart phone?
ME: OnePlus 3
NFF: Oh you have 4 !
ME: hehe, yeah. I am thinking to buy the new OnePlus 5.
NFF: you're gonna to buy 6?? wow
ME: Ok stoop2 -
Me: "oh its a new year, time to check out some shiny new languages"
Me: *finds kotlin*
Me:
Me: "what the fuck"
29 -
Me — A normal web designer
*How my relatives introduce me to someone new *
- " Meet my nephew. He works for an IT company. He is a computer engineering."
😶6 -
Client: I need this very complex feature
Dev : Ok, give me approx 2 weeks, this is new to me, have to do r&d.
Client: I can't give you 2 weeks, you have 2 days.
Dev: Somehow manages to complete in 2 days.
After few weeks.
Client's representative : What's the progress on the new features?
Dev: You haven't mentioned any new features yet.
Client's representative: I don't care, it's been weeks now, here are more complex features, I need them tomorrow.
😕12 -
Me: So, I need stay focus on my open source projects to get some GitHub stars...
Five minutes later ...
Me: oh look new movies on Netflix !
Daaaamn !!!1 -
Once my teacher was taking my viva and she asked me to explain the below line.
Scanner sc = new Scanner(System.in)
I told her that this creates a newScanner instance which points to the input stream passed as argument
She shouted at me and said that I am wrong.
She explained to me that this line creates a new object not an instance10 -
Picked this up the other day. Hope it's as good as people have been telling me.
If so, then here begins a new journey for me to better code.
11 -
Boss: Hey squares, I need one of you to select a new volume control, if you spot anything let me know.
Me: Say no more
2 -
First step to learning Django. Wish me luck!
Trying new stuff always excites me and anxious at the same time.
15 -
Boss: we picked up a new client!
Me: nice!
Boss: They want the unfinished software we were working on that we planned to be done 2 months from now.
Me: even better!
Boss: They want it in 3 weeks.
Me:
Me:
Me: no.4 -
Me visiting home for easter:
Me: tries to find some good assets for adventurejam
Me: fixes a bug on the prodserver
Me: redesigns a gui of an app
Me: applies for a bunch of new jobs
Mom: "you are always computer-ing, do something productive"3 -
This community really motivates me to master my skills and learn new stuff to become a great dev. Thank you!4
-
Google I/O: And now web add a new language to Android...
Me: Golang, golang, golang...
I/O: Kotlin!!!!!!!
Me: What?????? Another language?!?!12 -
Hi I am new here!
My friend told me that devRant has a great community, he told me to post here and see what happens...14 -
I've been a hardstyle fan/freak for about 8 years now and this music helps (rawstyle in particular) me through anything really.
But, since I love this genre/music to the point, I'm looking at producing it myself currently and fresh/new music is a good thing for me because it allows me to get in touch with loads of different techniques.
So there's this YouTube channel (the only Google service I use) which makes it easy for new rawstyle talents to enter the scene. You can send them tracks and if they meet a certain quality criteria then they're uploaded with proper credit given.
So anyways, when I've got a bad dev/sysadmin day, I go there to look for new tracks and re-listen 'old' ones in order to feel better, get to know more awesome music/new talents and listen to new techniques 😃16 -
Both: Let's start over.
Me: Everything different
She: Where to start?
Me: Dunno
She: ...
5 min later
She: I created a new folder
Me: ?
She: That's at least a start, isn't it? ^^
Both: *laugh*
Me: Lemme create a rant about that
6 -
Hey everyone.
New to DevRant. I've been reading some rants, seems like the perfect place for me to be. Feels good to be a part of the community.23 -
Me : *is bad at coding in C, java, Scala, swift and basically every other language*
Also me : time to learn a new language !4 -
This happens to me all the time at my new company, the amount of wtfs I say in some js files, man...
1 -
"Today my girlfriend gifted me new words"
"hurrah, new things to learn"
"Now I'm waiting for the next new words, I hope they will be as exciting as the last ones"
You couldn't be more right.
Ich liebe dich so sehr~ <37 -
New windows update,
Do you wanna Enable Speech assistant?
Me, No..
Do you want to be tracked?
Me, HELL NO!
Do you want a special ID that we can give you better ads?
Me, WTF WINDOWS!
Last question,
Me, REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE9 -
So I started new job, full js dev but new project requires python backend. 0 prior python exp but ready to lean and learn. Got my first assignment. Supportive coworkers made me a death clock counter
2 -
I love learning new and exciting technologies, but I hate that it makes me want to rewrite half of my projects.3
-
!rant
Finally back to coding at the new office. Better connection speed. Wider space. Own toilet.
Guess you won't see new posts from me anytime soon.
Just gonna enjoy the rest of your miseries from my chilled desk.
😎5 -
My 1 year old waddled her way to where I am sitting to my computer and gives me this. I start a new job this Monday and have been really nervous, I always get nervous when I start a new job. Guess who is going to be sitting with me at my office this monday? :)
7 -
Dude from old job who treated me like shit messaged me to implement 2 new features. I quit like half a year ago now. Ok i guess.6
-
New iPhone user: Where do I download WhatsApp on this phone?
Me: From the AppStore.
New iPhone user: I have to go a "store" to download apps?
Me: No, the AppStore is an app on your phone to download apps to your phone.
New iPhone user: Where is it?
Me: By default, it's on your main home screen.
New iPhone user: But I'm not at home.
Me: *face palm*1 -
Been working on this project for a month now. Everything is going fine, meetings are short and to the point. But then...
Client: "I'm leaving the project, this is the new person taking over."
Me: "Hello new client."
New client: "Burn it."
Me: "Uhm, what?"
New client: "Throw what you have away. It doesn't meet our new specifications. We're starting over."
Me: "Ok..." 🙃🔫3 -
Seeing this new icon makes me want to go back to 2008 with the shopping bag icon. Those were better days.
11 -
me : hey tried allo?
her : what is that?
me : it's an amazing new chat app with google built in and you can do blah blah blah.......
*goes on to explain cool stuff*
her: can i send messages to whatsapp from allo?
me : I AM DONE
8 -
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK MICROSOFT?!!
I go to log into my laptop:
me: *enter the pin*
Windows: Error
me: Ok let's try the password...
Win: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: *checking my password manager* Nope, pretty sure that's correct... Ok, whatever let's try to reset it.
me: *generates new password and resets the password for the account*
Windows: You can now log in
me: *enters the new password*
Windows: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: that's weird... let's try that again
Windows: WRONG PASSWORD!
me: Ok... reset once more *I enter the same password I generated before*
Windows: ThAt Is An OlD pAsSwOrD
me: *getting really pissed* FINE, GODDAMIT, HERE, NEW PASSWORD
Windows: You can now log in
me: *enters the new new password*
Windows: wRoNg PaSsWoRd!
jdjsjcjj+3+@!o(€;#@!(&(1!!#((#(€_"jsjeucjcjfdjosdifhshabxnfnxjsosoguwqlqqlall#7@+1(
aaaaaáaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT CUNTS AT MICROSOFT!!!!!1!!!!!!!
I'M GONNA FUCKING TEAR YOU INTO THOUSAND PIECES AND THEN RUN YOU THROUGH A SHREDDER!!
YOU MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTIC CUNTS
FREAKING DEGENERATES22 -
Old client texted me yesterday: the website and pos system you made does not work anymore... Why ?
I saw that their domain was moved to another host and texted back: "some has moved the domain so that's why."
Client: "how can this be fixed"
Me: "move the domain back"
Client: "but then the new system I bought cannot function".
Me: oh well, then you are in trouble, if the new company you hired to make you a new system and website had been using just a little brain power, this would not happen. Now you have to bring your new system up and working before you open your store...
I could have helped them by pointing a sub domain to the server, but he never ever treated me with respect, and never payed in time, and he did not tell me about this move before he initiated it.
Me: shuts down server and thingking: good luck working with those new "professionals"4 -
Manager: "We're gonna have to work over the weekend to add this shiny new feature!"
Me: "Peanuts and Incentives included?"
Manager: "No, but you get job satisfaction!"
Me: 😒4 -
New client: can we go live next month?
Me: do you think you are our only client, or do you want to pay an extra priority fee?
New client: what?
Me: what?
*Crickets"4 -
story of my life
*2 months ago manager forces me (frontend dev to work on backend) and he agrees to do that only until new year*
*new year arrives frontend dev wants to go back to frontend*
*manager surprised pikachu face*1 -
A client, who don't know about programming. But only wants to finish the project ASAP
Me - It's complicated to implements this new feature.
Client - It's easy!3 -
!rant
My older sister needed a new computer for college, so I helped her get and set up a brand spankin' new MacBook Air(don't kill me, it's what she knows how to use and she doesn't want to learn a new OS) and now I get her old (mid-2009)MacBook Pro :D
time to install Linux on this bad boi6 -
Me: *downloaded wordpress for first time*
Me: *opens folder in Atom*
.php file: Hi there! Welcome to your new bl-
Me: *delete wordpress folder and reformats hard drive*
4 -
Me: Right, time to sit down and write some code.
Also me: I think I need to try a new IDE to see if that makes me more productive.
Productivity tools are my own productivity anti-pattern...!3 -
Someone put my name on a mailing list for pornographic material to try to get me fired from my new job6
-
Me - Wants to transfer chat history.
App: "Log in to the new device and scan this QR Code to start transfer."
Me - Logs in on new device.
App: "Oh, a new device logged in? Let's log you out from your old device. It's not like this feature you are trying to use specifically requires 2 devices to be logged on at the same time while I literally don't allow multiple devices to be logged on at the same time. You're welcome."3 -
Friday 4:59pm
PM: hey, we need to add this new feature to the project.
Me: no problem, I'll take a look on Monday.
Monday 8:01am
PM: how's that new task coming along?
Me: 😩4 -
New rule: if you come to me for tech help and didn't try turning it off and on, don't even bother.6
-
Look i have new space for new sticker
Hmmp
Im thinking devRant sticker would be there.
Help me to reach this post 20 +++
1 like = 1 prayer
Haha
😂😂😂
10 -
Me: (upon waking up) "I am going to be very productive today."
Me: (during my commute) "I am going to be very productive today."
Me: (getting coffee before going in) "I am going to be very productive today."
Me: (sitting down to be very productive today) "Oh look! New devRant notifications!"1 -
Chrome is making me refactor my js every once in a while!
She comes up with new ways to show me my errors4 -
A new day, and a new "specification" written by the most unspecific architect ever. I don't understand what you want me to do. Use your words. Be SPECIFIC. As in SPECIFICation. Twat.2
-
When you don't want to explain what you've done with application's code base so you play the "algorithm" card.
Boss: tell me about the new release.
Me: updated the search algorithms boss.
Boss: cool. Release!
Me: 😎 -
My advisor: Can you teach Lean to these juniors?
Me: When shall we start?
Him: In two weeks.
Me: Sure.
And that's how I learn a new language in two weeks!5 -
I’m new to C# and Visual Studio gave me an option to change the way I wrote the main function.
It gave me this.
Does this remind you of fat arrow function in JavaScript?
7 -
Me: "hey we should do this new project in react!"
Boss: "no he barrier to entry is to tough for our team"
Boss talks to past employee(which he had to let go because he was a TERRIBLE developer who now works for facebook....) about new project, past employee recommends react....
Team is now going to work on a new project written with react......1 -
Me trying to generate a new ssh key after a long while
ssh keygen
ssh key-gen
*DuckDuckGo how to*
Oh!
ssh-keygen5 -
Me: *overestimates tasks*
Me: *finishes task early*
*Is assigned new tasks*
Me:*Underestimates tasks based on previous experience*
Me:*fails to finish tasks by deadline*
I cry everytime...5 -
Me: Can I ask you something today? Are you available?
Senior dev: If you help me move to my new desk, then yes.
In the end he didn't even help me.... U.U3 -
There it is!! First date fuckup due to the 'happy new year' thingy..
I am surprised it took me so long! xD
14 -
My Boss: Hey let's meet to discuss a new project you need to start on Monday.
Me: Great!
My Boss: It's a WordPress project
Me: I will be at the bar...2 -
Still tryin to learn Java and suddenly appears Kotlin... I sometimes want to stop the frig world :'v5
-
IT security calls to tell me my new password, because it is poor practice to send it over encrypted message.
New password = password
I'm glad we are taking security so seriously!2 -
My boss assigned me to design our new house sign. It will be printed onto acrylic plastic. Thoughts?
11 -
I just joined a new organization and saw a single file with 9433 lines of code. Advance RIP to me.8
-
Got a new job last October. And so far, I've nothing to rant about, it's absolutely perfect, too perfect.. Me scared of karma3
-
Thank you, dear 3rd party vendor replying to my ticket to my work email and sending me my new password IN FUCKING PLAINTEXT!
10 -
Me apprentice 18 years old in germany: I don’t want to go in another team
Also me in the new team after 2 days: playing with my new boss during work CSGO and say everyone we are to busy with the big project3 -
Me every time I create a new Meteor project:
- Go to localhost:3000
- Click the "Click Me" button hundreds of times
- Start the goddam development
3 -
Client: Hey new iOS 11 is coming soon, is out app compatible?
Me: Not sure, let me shift the development to new Xcode 9 and test it out.
Client: So, how was it?
Me: pretty straight forward. all seems fine a couple of bugs.
But then when trying to fold a big function to make things easier to read, you discover that Xcode 9 beta 1,2,3 & 4 DOESN'T FUCKING SUPPORT THAT YET. How on earth is this not yet implemented?5 -
devRant is great because it keeps me in the mood to programme, create and envision new projects. Cheers guys.1
-
Started a new job, they handed me a new phone and asked me to have my 2 phones with me all the time. So sad technology for putting 2 SIM cards in one phone has not been invented yet. Oh wait4
-
Boss: Why are you trying to build the old program?
Me: Because I need to determine behavior of why old program works with data that new program does not.
Boss: Does it affect the output?
Me: No, but...
Boss: STOP! Just filter it.
Me: Okay.
Boss: Go write new fun code, not work on old shit.
Me: Thank you for saving me from myself.
In reference to:
https://devrant.com/rants/4666401/...2 -
Started a new job today. Now to get used to all the new coding standards and ways of working...
At least I received a welcome pack full of booze to help me get through it :)3 -
Got a new iPhone X. Had to set up as a new phone because my old one had beta software on it and wouldn’t let me restore from backup (yes, I know I could download the new iOS beta on the X then reset and store from backup but I was in a hurry) but in doing so it gave me the chance to rearrange my home screen and devRant made it on the first page!
8 -
Devrant: @UserIFollow posted new rant
Me: Oh cool, I need a break anyways...
...
Me: There is new stuff in dayly toprants. I have to read them, too.
...
Me: Oh damn, so much time gone already. I have to work now...
Devrant: @UserIFollow posted new rant
...2 -
#wk13
Client: Let's get our car online using the phone as the router!
Me: let's do that!
Client: Can we use NFC as the protocol?
Me: Probably, but just to automate the connection..
Client: No we should use NFC for the entire session!
Me: No!
Client: Why not? It's new, it's happening, bosses will be excited!
Me: You do know what the N in NFC stands for right!
Client: New?
Me: -_- thinking "I hope you lose your genitals to a horrible case of blue waffles.."8 -
colleague: *does 2 months over making a feature and still didn't get it to work*
me: "this is taking too long, we want to get our new version rolling"
me: *gets it working within 2 hours*2 -
Me as a new manager, talking to the former manager.
Me : So what am I supposed to do?
He : You just yell at everybody's face.
Me : You know you can't do that to everybody.
He : Yes, I have.1 -
Hmmm. @dfox, there seems to be a problem. I click on a rant, and it takes me to a collab page. Is that a new feature? :)5
-
Me: Starting a new project.
My pending projects : New member is going to join our family very soon.1 -
Why invite me to a 3 hour meeting where my old manager just pretends I don't exist and is trying to push me out of the project completely?
He's just bitter because I asked my new manager advice because he was too busy trying to get a new job at a different company.. rather than being my manager. -
When I still in college one of my friend called me
Friend : you major is CS right?
Me: yeah
Friend : I want to buy a new PC
Me : cool
Friend :just to check with you what is the price for a 512M memory?
Me : ......2 -
New AltRant build!
This new build brings the new Subscribed feed to AltRant! This took me quite some time to implement and I hope it will be stable...
Here's the link for those who want to join the TestFlight:
https://testflight.apple.com/join/...11 -
Sooo I'm moving and I contacted my ISP to transfer my internet connection to the new house. And they told me they'll do it after the New Years Eve...
Trying to stay calm....
2 -
I'm starting a new job in a month!
I'm simultaneously excited and anxious about it.
Excited because I get to work on some new cool projects, use new tech, get great pay and benefits, and it really seems like a great place for me.
Anxious because I am currently on sick leave with stress, because my current job wore me down. Not so much the tasks themselves, but the atmosphere and attitude of management. So I have to hope that I can manage to get enough rest in the coming month that I am well enough to perform well at my new job.4 -
Me: "Sweet new Xcode update"
Me: "I'm sure they fixed all the bugs"
*starts download*
Xcode: "Want to upgrade to the latest Swift syntax?"
Me:
*clicks yes*
Me:
Me: "Fuck it, next release is 'fully rewritten from the ground up'"1 -
Me: *adds a shiny new graph to our foos web app showing player ratings*
Fred: Can I please have a button to see just my scores?
Me: *adds "JUST FRED" button*
Fred: perfect, thanks4 -
Classmate : *Makes trashy PR on my repo to get hacktober PR*
Me : *is disgusted, guides him what to add in the PR to make it better*
Classmate : ok, *closes PR*
<4 Hours later>
Classmate : *new PR, this time worse and wants me to merge*
Me : (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻1 -
Mom: hey I can't get into the phone, the PIN and PUK aren't working. See if you can fix it otherwise you'll have to go to the communications company to ask for a new card (my mom is working and can't do it)
Me: //gives it another try. Doesn't work. Searches online. Yep, can't do anything, it needs a new card
Me: sorry mom, you have to get a new card, there's nothing I can do.
Mom: OK
Me: why did you ask me for help, again?
Mom: well because you can do things and fix things and so, and I thought that maybe you could fix it
Me: 😑2 -
!rant
Well after a few really downer and shitty weeks, I think I just struck gold...
First I had trouble getting a new job but was contacted personally for a full time position as a printer and copier serviceman which entrails me getting my own company car, new phone and maybe new laptop and the same day I got a call about my phone that was getting repaired, I was expecting to pay around $400+ for the repair,. nope, the repairer paid for a new phone and gave me a brand new one back, even got the latest model revision too!
Shit turned around quick for me! :-D2 -
...
Person me = new Person();
me.setAge(20);
int newAge = me.getAge();
System.out.println("Happy birthday! " +me.getName+ "You are now " newAge+ " years old!");
Happy birthday to me!😎🎊🎉🍻
(Probably stupid code 😂)10 -
Yay! Finnaly got to 10 Incréments, i can get a sexy new avatar ! And guess who was the dude who gave it to me :)
2 -
Hired by large prestigious company to do web development. Understanding at the outset, I was not a web developer, just wanted my foot in the door with the company. 2 days after orientation, I am placed on a $20 million contract expansion with 3 other developers. All new to this contract. So: new language, new technologies, new team, no leadership, no mentorship. 2 months later after a month of asking for help, I'm asked why I'm not delivering solid code by the project exec and moved to the testing team. Testing team lead introduces me to people on the contract and answers questions or tells me vaguely where to loom. Spend last 4 months building a professional fuck you by making myself a yes man to everyone and their mother. Left the contract and have been getting regular hours with them since (including developing for them). New contract loves me and despite the project execs attempt to torpedo me, I have an excellent reputation and am positioned for career advancement already.
I couldn't give him the finger, but I made him regret lettimg me go. Original team lead has since been released for unrelated HR complaint. -
So my girlfriend decided to get me a rubber duck for my birthday. This is Yoduck, my new dev companion. 😊
2 -
Just went to install synergy for my new home setup after moving house and starting a new job where they gave me a Linux laptop
3 -
This wanker approached me via LinkedIn before new year to be team lead to a diverse team of devs spread over a few time zones.
The mission? Build a metacritic clone, but geographically constrained to New York.
Me : How much are you offering?
Him: <radio silence>1 -
From the only tech guy (after co worker left) at my old job to 'the new guy' at my new job
Its a fucking flip lol
But at least I'm not dealing with a terrible ceo and growth
Day 3 and they're already trusting me with stuff and not treating me like a child even though I'm asking a million questions
And they're already discussing how I can use my actual background experience to do new unique things for the department rather than just bogging me down with instructions and "do it this way"2 -
Wish you all a Happy New Year! Being a part of this community has made me feel a sense of belonging and that I'm a part of something bigger! Seeing all your fuck ups made me feel better that in not the only one, seeing all your accomplishments motivated me to achieve more in life! I would like to take this moment to thank you all and to make me feel proud of being a dev! I wish you all an amazing new year and may you all get whatever you wish this new year!
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It took me way too long to realize why my local discord bot doesn't react to the new command.
I was chatting with the remote one... -
setInterval(() => {throw new Error("April fools!"}, 100);
Time to make the front end team hate me.4 -
So recently moved to a new place. New roommates. Thought lets initiate a talk. Found out one of em is a web developer.
Me: So, what you working on?
Him: Web technologies
Me: oh great...I worked on ReactJS and AngularJS.
Him: Our company uses AngularJS.
Me: So you work on AngularJS, right?
Him: Oh no I don't work on AngularJS...I am a frontend developer...
(Awkward silence)
(Inner me: No shit. Need to find new place.)
Should I tell him?1 -
You are telling me I have
to wait 24 times for 24h
to receive new riddles,
ahh I want them NOW!
https://adventofcode.com/4 -
some friend asked me today:
is it ok to lie to boss and say that I had a new job offer.. just to negotiate on the salary?
Me: post question on devrant13 -
Best thing about being a developer, for me, is that there is always something new to learn and improve upon.
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The new company didn't let me use Linux but instead forced to use Windows with custom Vagrant box to debug the software. Grrrrrrr2
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New boss just gave me access to pluralsight, and i'm loving it! Can't wait to get going this fall. 😀1
-
Whenever Google alerted me that "a new device was used to access your account", I always hear Skyrim's Meridia voice in my head:
"A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON"4 -
AM BIOS: "Hi, I am your new Kaby Lake Motherboard. Nice to see you on my first ever run. I have seen that you have some disks attached to me. They must be new because I am ....Let me initialize a raid on them."
Me: o0 (W)ell (T)hat's (F)antastic!*
* Finished restoring a 6TB Backup to my raidz mirrors this morning at 6am, fuuuuu**
** Kaby Lake Rocks nonetheless2 -
In other news:
I've been notified that my new working visa is ready so I can start to work with the new company that offered me an overall-better job position.
Yay! -
Windows 10 doesn't to let me use my wifi.
*sighs*
No way to solve it.
Is this a new Windows feature?11 -
I try to change my workplace to a local coffee shop or library.
That new environment and a good, large coffee really boost me -
Me (new position): Hey, can I run this locally?
Other dev: No, it can only run through CI.
Me (exploring): Oh, I see. CI -> Docker -> Makefile -> Ansible -> Packer -> Terraform -> new EC2 image -> new EC2 host -> command.
Well fuck. That's not going to work locally.4 -
My wife says to me we need a new car..
Im sitting here trying to decide what I need more a car or a new computer.
Decisions, decision..7 -
By trying to do my best. Doing a good job makes me feel good and gives me even more motivation.
Also by trying something new every time. Either by using new library, new approach do to things or whatever. Just to keep stuff exciting. -
Crazy deadlines> Director: "You need to design a new architecture that has failover, multi-AZ, automated deployments, CI/CD pipeline, automated builds/tests as well, for our new SaaS product. You have 3 days to complete it"
Me: "Ok cool. Do we have the new product developed? Can I have the spec docs of the new software, libs and packages required for the env?"
Product Lead: "No we dont have anything yet. The POC is on my local PC, but I dont know what packages are needed to run it"
Me: "So I cant design anything unless I have the minimum requirements to run the new software"
Director: "Just get it up and running in a live environment and we'll take it from there"
Me: *sigh*..this is going to be a big mistake -
our new cto is advocating to start migrating our existing and any upcoming new features from php to kotlin.
I tried looking into kotlin but it just doesnt feel nice to me. call me an idiot for actually enjoying php or java but i really dont feel like using something other than them.
i don't want to write Kotlin or Go or anything other than php or java which I already feel extremely comfortable with.
Maybe id love writing Rust even tho im new to it but anyway...i got too used to my comfort zone... and very few *new* things tend to interest me anymore.
whats wrong with me9 -
Our Other it team asked me to create a new repository instead of a new branch in my project just cuz they thought branching would be more time consuming than maintaining a separate repo for emergency bug fixes.
-
Part of me wants to save money to buy a pixelbook (yeah fight me) but part of me wants my new AMD build...
Decisions are tough kids...2 -
When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...
4 -
As a sequel to my previous rant:
Me: git pull origin develop
Prettier: * runs *
* 5000 new changes in 43 files *
Thanks prettier, that's exactly what i wanted to happen. I guess it's time for me to tweak its settings a little.4 -
One hour passed and all I did is trying to fix React Native project that is refusing to compile which was perfectly working couple of days ago. Life is fun right?
-
New task with a march deadline, our 1 developer (me) will work on multiple projects, while also learning about AR (I'm a WebDev) and creating a commercial ready AR app....
I think it's time to get back to looking for a new job... -
Company i applied for told me how they are planning to release a new project on friday.
... Decided for a different company -
Why does it seem like every time I finally learn how to use a new piece of technology, it becomes obsolete and I have to start all over again? And don’t even get me started on the constant updates and upgrades. Just when I think I have everything figured out, BAM! New update, new features, new headaches. Can’t we just stick with one version for more than a month? Is that too much to ask? 😤4
-
The number of new libraries I have to learn these days gives me the shits and shits for the future. FML4
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(Not a rant)
New to devRant :^)
Tell me the reasons why you started programming.
I want to know since there are so many devs out there..8 -
I'm new in the programming world; when I need to learn something new I generally look at documentation and articles to get an understanding of the basics.
Then, if it's still interesting to me, I just try it out.
Sometimes I might ask a fellow more experienced programmer or a teacher to explain it to me.1 -
Me, inside: "I want to go hiking! Enjoy the great outdoors!"
Me, outside: "I should start a new programming project! [mind wanders...]" -
Hello guys. Im new to programming I know some basic c and c++ . I was hoping if someone could help me with some sites to learn new programming languages. Thank you.7
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Client has decided to buy another server because the old one is too slow
Manager: how long will it take to move our apps to the new server
Me: maybe 3-4 hours
15 hours later
Manager: why isn't it finished yet?
Me: because I have to install a lot of missing things on the new server, and I have to google a lot to find them
Me (thinking): because your 15-years old apps suck big time4 -
The procedure of introducing new coworkers here is still not clear to me.
I hear a new person is introduced behind me, so i thought i had to shake a new hand soon. But no.
I probably get an impersonal email in about a week when he/she has been working here for 4 days. -
Tried learning a new language to add to my CV, guess I haven't got it in me.
Fluent in google translate will have to do for now.2 -
Spending ten minutes waiting for the build manager to figure out which build to give me for the new project I'm on
-
I swear YouTube has become the new Twitter
it keeps recommending to me so much drama I've never heard of. this name that, career ruined, things are stealing from you! new outrage machine14 -
I am being transferred to a new team. New team has started assigning work, but the current team has not yet released me.
So I end up working 80% of my time in the current team and 40% in my new team.
1 -
Anyone on HackerRank? I'm pretty new to that site but I already love it!
😊
You can find me at @master116 -
Brand new day, time to have a new mindset.
I need to finish the big project for the big boss, and fix things with my wife. Wish me luck fellas
Thinking of shaving my beard to remind my wife of when we first met so she will be tricked into loving me for the time being.4 -
Manager: calls me on Wednesday and asks that have you moved your changes to UAT on Monday?, the client wanted to test it.
Me: Started looking for a new job immediately. -
2017 in a nutshell for me:
New year new me! This year I'm going to use a version control system!
Uses git for 3 hours and feels proud. Later forgets about it and never uses it again -
I recently started a new job, where they introduced me to the concept of being handed a low-level technical design.
They've hired me to be a keyboard monkey. -
My company wants me to add new features to their existing cappy system when I'm on my notice period...3
-
So my friend had an idea for a game and asked me if I could help him develop it. Now, he understands how the code works and can even write quite a bit himself. On several occasions (including today) this happened:
*writes code*
*tests code*
Me: Hmm... this isn't working like it's supposed to
Friend: It looks pretty good, maybe check to see if everything is in the right order
*checks code*
*tries alternative solution*
*checks again*
Me and friend: Well this is even worse than before
*presses ctrl+z a lot to go back to the original*
*opens new project*
*writes new code for same purpose*
*checks code*
Both of us: IT WORKS!!!
*checks again just to be sure*
Both of us: IT STILL WORKS!!!
*compares new code to original code*
Me: It's the exact same code with different variable names!!! Why did this not work before?
Friend: No idea
*puts new code into main program*
*it still doesn't work*
Reasons Java makes me cry sometimes4 -
Start new project today. After several years doing C# and Java,now i face new challenge with something that i never heard before.God, please give me strength to do this..
CKAN..Python..OSTicket..Laravel..nice to meet you. -
Exactly 2 days before I change my username to something new. See you guys later! I hope someone remembers me :)
Changing to thatGuyWithLinux9 -
One day, being new in the team i was not sure of all the DB column decodes, asked my senior member to send me decode of a column.
He sent me a 300 line SQL query. Took me 30min to understand it. -
I'll let "procrastination" behind me, indeed I shouldn't be doing this rand :/, I back to work, love u, happy new year.
-
Related to previous rant where I was asked to deliver the new UI for an Angular project running in production.
So the good NEWS is that I have successfully missed the deadline. Thanks to my project manager who keeps asking me to implement new features on other projects.1 -
An ex client told me that her new software house wants the private key to access her virtual machine. The private key.
I explained that she must send me a public key, but I didn't tell her that new guys she is working with don't know what are doing. Now I feel regret. -
Me: I wish I had more time to work on my own personal projects
Also me: *takes on 2 new clients this week alone*
I do this to myself 🙃 -
I'm hungry and suddenly I have an urge to waste money on some stupid shit like a new ipad or 4k monitor but then I remember that the new paycheck will bitch slap me in the face if I do that, so back to hungry. =.=
-
C# Collection class had me pulling my hair out for hours the past two days.
With a list, you can do new List<T>(IEnumerable<T>) and it creates a new list with the contents of the parameter in it.
With new Collection<T>(ICollection<T>), however, the new object is a reference to the parameter passed in.
Is it just me, or does that seem fucking bonkers?2 -
PM asked me to create wireframes for new project.
Aahhh! I can chill, relax, even sleep on my desk now. -
So the company I work for assigned me to a new clients project and has already proven to be a pain.
I checked all my emails late Sunday evening and replied to them (saves me the time in the morning) so I emailed this new client who was enquiring when a part of his website was to be done.
Me: I fully expect this portion of the functionally to be done by the tail of the week.
Client first thing this morning: why isn’t anything working you said it would be done.
Me: ...4 -
How long does it take for me to get replied on my email regarding the free stickers?
(Im new here, just askin)3 -
* Finishes requested features and starts polishing
* Gets email that asks for new features
* New features require some change that requires me to rewrite what I just finished
sigh(); -
How can we go to a new world?
No need death.
Just read a fantasy book
Or learn new programming language.
For example, if you're a php Dev, learn c#, Java or c++.
Believe me, it's a new world.2 -
At my new organization , they love spaghetti code, they neither want me to refactor it, because it works. Special thanks to php.6
-
New iOS10 has a nudge to sleep option which will be great for me when I'm strung out at 3am trying to debug
-
Deciding to do some work is much harder than actually doing any. This New Year Depression is killing me.
-
Lead told me to design a database.
When finished asks me to take a look at the old, poorly designed database and make changes to the new one.
I mean, what's the point in that?5 -
Only thing that keeps me motivated to wake up early on Monday is a new episode of "Silicon Valley "1
-
BA on new project asked me what browser to use when opening PDFs. Think this is going to be a long project...1
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Boss asked me to find out good beginner java course for the new n00b colleagues. Help me out please.7
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i am so excited learning. now i'll start refactoring my plate of spaghetti into object portions. both are new topics to me.
-
Every time I look up a tutorial, a guide, some sort of documentation on something that's new to me, and all I can find is written with the implication that you already have a level of understanding on this thing. It's new to me, I don't have that. Instantly questioning whether or not I'm cut out for this.2
-
Is it me or do other new users find it frustrating having to get 10± just to change your profile pic6
-
Most recent and visible trend for me is reuse everything. Nobody wants to have anything new, they just want new glue between old pieces.
-
Every Apache Tool be like:-
Use me today, I will get update tomorrow and day after tomorrow I will have new tool out of me that you would love to use -
Question for you fellow ranters. I need to learn some new tech. But sitting down to learn new tech can be tedious. Don't get me wrong I love coding, but I do it 45 - 50 hours a week at. Reserving 10 hours per week to commute and 42 hours for sleep. Leaves me with ~60 hours for everything else. How do you motivate yourself to learning new languages and technologies in your free time?3
-
new manager new problems: every 1:1 I listen for him to talk about his political defeats all the time and he wouldn't make time for me to talk
-
Got new client today, he wanted me to make a camera feed. Searched on Google free software that does what he says. Welp.
-
Angular test for a company: they are asking me to implement a filter on a table using rxjs. Me, no real rxjs experience, set up complete new page, new table with angular material and a working filter. Lol, ductape solution successful!3
-
i have a problem in vb6
im recently make a simple chat room
i want my chat like this
me : bla bla bla
stranger : bla bla
me : bla bla bla
im using vbCrLf is not like tht but like this
me :blablablastranger:blablame:blabl
im just try Chr(13)&Chr(10), vbCrLf, vbNewLine
is still nothing
can anyone help me?
*sorry for my bad english4 -
New laptop. HP z book. It stopped working so I had to have a new motherboard. After the new motherboard I kept getting BSOD. Got it upgraded to Win 10 (it was supposed to be runing this not 7). Still getting BSOD with the bonus of black screens wanting me to restore. Even better I've gotten No OS found on boot. My work won't let me have a Mac or exchange my laptop. But am I done yet? Fuck you.12
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Read about concepts that are new to me and try to implement them.
Code reviews with experienced devs -
It's very funny to see friends of me who wants to be apple fanatics but they cannot afford new iPhone...
-
I try to find new stuff which is related to what I already know or is close. I like learning new technologies and techniques 😄. By this I continuously gain more knowledge thereby making me a better developer.
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Google: "Your update is now live"
Me: "Excellent! Time to start working on that new feature. I guess it wouldn't hurt to make sure the new live update is working fine"
*uses new update*
*realises I have to fix something in the new live update*
-
Setting up new version of provided software with docker. Which is new to me - heard about it but never used it before. Took me a hour.
Waiting for license key: more than 1.5h now.3 -
Starting new job, moving to new location, and trying to finish five massive projects.... "You want me to take over development of that entire stack? Sure I've got time!"2
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Since Google forced me to switch to the new Google News, I get only clickbaits and unrelevant stuff. Can anyone recommend me a news reader that lets me select sources and categories?1
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Fuck I'm crazy and need to enable you to do new things that don't mess with your principles or distress youso you do new things and uncrazy me13
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Any Fiverr expert could help me please, I have added new gigs to my account and the impressions and clicks are increasing everyday but I've got no orders for 2 weeks. It's quite strange to me.2
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I've set a new personal best in being ghosted. A recruiter wrote to me a few weeks ago on LinkedIn about a new "opportunity". I answered that I would be interested, but I've got no more replies afterward.2
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Hey programmers, i'm want to meet new web developers. Comment here to meet me, maybe get a contact6
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I had to leave my workplace today guys, pls recommend me some ways to deal with it or get a new workstation
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Is it really necessary to break the LTS drivers when pushing a new driver update on linux ?
This incident gave me bad experience .6
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