Toilets and race conditions!

A co-worker asked me what issues multi-threading and shared memory can have. So I explained him that stuff with the lock. He wasn't quite sure whether he got it.

Me: imagine you go to the toilet. You check whether there's enough toilet paper in the stall, and it is. BUT now someone else comes in, does business and uses up all paper. CPUs can do shit very fast, can't they? Yeah and now you're sitting on the bowl, and BAMM out of paper. This wouldn't have happened if you had locked the stall, right?

Him: yeah. And with a single thread?

Me: well if you're alone at home in your appartment, there's no reason to lock the door because there's nobody to interfere.

Him: ah, I see. And if I have two threads, but no shared memory, then it is as if my wife and me are at home with each a toilet of our own, then we don't need to lock either.

Me: exactly!

If EA had developed their own Programming Language:
Iteration DLC ~20€
Condition DLC ~15€
Connectivity DLC ~12,99€
Gold Edition ~120€

if (condition) {
//code
}

if you place your brackets like this, you're an awesome individual. Let's be friends

Just went jogging again for the first time in ages.

Mother of god, I was convinced that I had a quite good condition.

Yeah.... that convincement is now veeeery gone 😅

Knock Knock
Race condition!
who's there?

When you see a someone write this
if(condition){
return true;
} else {
return false;
}

Knock knock.

Race condition.

Who's there?

If (condition)
return true
else
return false
😂😂😂

I really hate people who prefer this coding style:

if (condition)
{
// something shitty here
}

Instead of this:

if(condition){
// perfectly clean code
}

DevOps is like development, except there is zero test coverage, everything is a race condition, and there are a million variables declared as global. 😡

Sometimes I wish I was allowed to just strangle my colleagues...

Example from the 'code base':

try:
do_something()
except Exception as e:
log(e)
do_something()

When I asked why they would redo the same call right after it failed I was told that 'It works the second time because it takes time to raise the Exception '.

Bitch, you've got a race condition in your sensitive banking software. You know it's there. Do you really want to trust the time needed to raise your exception will always be enough to synch that dumpster fire you call code?
Show some fucking respect for your craft and fix that shit. But of course they won't, because it will work flawlessly until it suddenly stops working. Taking down who knows what in this damn, undocumenred monolith with it....

Sometimes I'm honestly afraid to trust banks with my money.

once you start using linux on laptop. here is a condition of your mouse.
i don't know when I touched it last time.

So a coworker wrote this -- a function that returns a view if a specific object exists in the database. Now what would happen said object doesn't exist in the database? Forget about returning false and handling it properly, he decides that the function should print (echo) a zero! Not to mention almost all his if-else blocks prints a fucking zero when the if condition is false (there are 8 of them, if you're asking). Error messages? The hell with those.

He is now the PM btw. I've had enough of this shithole.

Got this today 😍 It's not in the best condition, but meh, got it for free with a charger and everything.

In this case the person who quit was me.
Agency didn't pay the past 4 months, we asked at least the reimbursment of expences.
They told in a 2 hour arrogant speech that we must thanks them becouse they make us work even if they aren't paying. They said that "in this period these are the rules and we must accept this condition." So, I stand up, I went to shake the hand of the boss and others, I went to the door saying "good luck".
All the coworkers stand up and applauded.
Two months later the agency was closed declaring failure.

if( !condition ) vs. if(condition == false)

Pointless debate started with readability, turned into heated insults under 30 seconds 😂

Preface: This client, let's call him dickhead, is running a successful brick-and-mortar based business in one of the top cities of the world. He is highly qualified in a non-IT field.

Rant: This son of a shitbag things he knows everything because he can search on Google, has a degree, owns an expensive business, and of course has money. Does not listen to my suggestions on which framework to use, how to integrate stuff, etc. because he thinks he is the fucking father of Linus Torvalds, and Linus built Linux kernel out of his super-intelligent sperm.

But that titbag can't understand the simple fact that he has spent the last 2 fucking years building stupid websites which he thought from his brain located alongside his balls. None of those websites are in the condition to launch, forget making a difference. Primary reason being using wrong frameworks for wrong purpose, but his half-assed brain can't understand this.

Still haven't been paid for completed a retail shop project. But all is well, since the system will not start on Black Friday till I remove the if condition 😈

Knock, knock.
Race condition.
Who’s there.

So I just read terms and condition of a website!

"Knock, knock."
"Race condition."
"Who's there?"

Knock, knock.
Race condition.
Who’s there.

Little did she know, I removed the stop condition intentionally 😉

PRO LIFE SAVING TIPS FOR DEVS (long rant, not clickbait 😝)

I have a medical condition called DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis). It clots blood in veins near lower body parts. Affected leg swells and become red and it is very painful. It happens when you very frequently sit for very long.

I used to play games, code and stuffs for hours and sometimes I used to stay at home without taking decent walk for weeks. I am only 18 and did not see it coming. But its really early stage and I might be fully recovered real soon.

This condition is not rare and happens to millions of people every year. And it can be avoided if you avoid sitting at computers for long hours and take 5 mins to walk or stretch. Even if you can avoid this condition, there are many others if you dont pay attention on your body. Please take some time to google how you can avoid anything such.

(Please don't comment sympathies, I really know you wish well for me. Instead you can throw tips what you do to relax after long hours of work).

My first poem for programmer girl 😘😘😘

My life is incomplete without you,
You are semicolon of my life

You are my increment operator,
you make my value increases

I am username and you are my password,
without you No one can access me

You are my initializer,
without you my life would point to nothing (NULL or “0”)

If I were a function you must be my parameter,
Because I will always need you

Can you be my private variable?
I want to be only one who can access you

You are my compiler,
My life wouldn’t start without you

You are my loop condition ,
I keep coming back to you

My love to you is like recursive function,
It will never ends & Will never enter into infinite loop

Forever and Ever

knock knock
race condition
who is there?

if (condition == true && condition != false)

the poor guy wonder why the condition does not work ^^

I have a certain condition with my eyes which i can compensate with glasses with prisms in it. Due to these prisms, all glowing colors become displaced in height. When i look on editors with syntax highlighting enabled, red is two millimeters behind the screen, green 4mm in front, blue 2mm in front, and gray exactly on 0. This is amazing, and sometimes is just watch this and wonder when holographic screens are becoming a thing. Id really wish for you to see somerhing like this.

Favorite weather condition for working?

I like heavy rain and low temperatures :D

Hey you,
yeah, YOU.
Listen here: Don't EVER lend a book to a friend. Why? Just got back a book I lent to a friend, was in perfect condition. Got it back SOAKED in coffee and as CRUSTY as a KEYBOARD used by someone who EATS CHEETOS without washing their HANDS.

It twas a good and useful book on Linux commands... most valiant in my early days of exploration. R.I.P. my good friend.

I so hate the following statement
if (condition)
makeOperation()

I prefer
if (condition) {
makeOperation()
}

Who is with me?

What kind of dumb fucks are making these job application forms, initially I thought asking my “sexual preference” was weird but then I saw these !!!!

How does my earlier financial condition or what my parents did when I was 14 help my job application when now I am 28 !!

The fuck

Why the fuck do teachers take points off for coding style. Like really placing my open house brace on the same line as an if is what looks good TO ME. And breaking from a while loop with an inverted condition is nicer than a huge if TO ME. Fuck it I like the m_ for member variables too. And yes C++ usually names functions like someFunction, but I like how c# does SomeFunction. Like shit, it's personal I don't care that I lose 5points every test I do it just to say fuck you

"I strive for code quality and maintainability. I actually do. And i will not work for a company that does not care about it and just wants something done as fast as possible.
The only time i will do something quick and dirty is if it's actually urgent. And even then with one condition - my next task will be to fix it properly.

I do not care about your deadlines. I will do my best to meet them, but not at the expense of code quality. I've seen too many projects fall into technical debt, where productivity is so low, that the only way to move forward is hire more people and start working on a project 2.0

And please do not lie about how great your company is, if it's not. These kind of things surface very soon, and you will have wasted both of our time, because as i said - i will not work for a company that does not care about code quality."

you think i'll ever get a job again if i put this on my CV ? :D

Oh boy.

I recently, I switched job for an open source company in Lyon, FR.

They had struggles to find me something to do (still has, tbh), so they sent me to a client of theirs, to help for a biiiiig project that's really old (created in 2001)

The thing was... Horrible. Lots of styles were set via JavaScript without condition, I found 3 different versions of jQuery, at one time they added Object oriented development in a context where they had HTML, JS, (inline) CSS and... PHP of course, inside of one PHP file. The architecture was more "uuuh these files in this directory will be about this functionality".

And it goes on forever. I told them that I hadn't the required level of PHP knowledge to have an excuse to get the fuck out of there, my company didn't like it but it was either that or my mental health.

Knock knock.

Race condition.

Who's there?

So yesterday I deployed a build on our release environment and i had added a new rest api end-point which I needed to test.. A heads up though, its written in java spring and the entire flow consisted of too many calls/returns from various other java & python services.. Also to make things worse, the entire deployment is a really cumbersome process as you need to copy the build from one box to another..

After like almost 4-5 hours of debugging, adding logs left right & center, crazy upload speeds (yaa this is sarcastic) and frustation at its peak, I found the issue..

There was an if condition that was checking for equality between an enum constant & an enum in a request aaaannnnnddd

*Drum roll

THE CONSTANT ENUM BELONGED TO THE WRONG PACKAGE HENCE ALWAYS EVALUATING TO FALSE... ALSO, BOTH THE ENUMS IN THE DIFFERENT PACKAGES ARE IDENTICAL... FUCCKKKKKKK MY LIFE

😑🔫

Assignment != Condition

me: "aye im a cool functional programmer, monads are useful, whats up loop using plebs'

also me: *passes input argument as terminating condition*

no matter how big shot programmer you are, you 90% time you will only code
if(condition)
{
// do something
}
else
{
// do something else
}

I write blocks of code like this:
If(condition){
code
}

I'm trying to fix a bug and the previous dev is doing it like this:
If(condition)
{
code
}

Does anyone know any good nerve calming pill ? 😜

condition == true

is for boys,

public static boolean isTrue(boolean condition) {
try {
return new Boolean(condition).equals(Boolean.parseBoolean(new String(Boolean.toString((boolean) Boolean.class.getField(String.valueOf(true != false).toUpperCase()).get(null)).toString().toCharArray())));
} catch(Throwable t) {
return condition;
}
}

is for men.

I have previously seen this in a production code base. The same code base included nested if statements (20+ conditions)...

If (condition == false) {
return false;
} else if (condition == true) {
return true;
}

TLDR: Skills and background or dedication for becoming a good programmer?

So I almost finished the bootcamp on my company, there is only 2 people. Me and another guy who is from math major. He wanted to learn programming so he applied for the job. He doen’t know sql, any backend language, and not even html or css when he joined. The only thing he knew is for looping and if condition logic. He survived 1 months or so by learning a lot here. C#, .net mvc, sql, decent css and html. I believe he worked hard by learning it by himself. But the company he can’t continue anymore. I doesn’t know the reason but probably because he is seen as not good enough. Sure he is kinda slow when adding some feature to our small project but we need to find how to do it by ourself mostly. Now I’m alone with another few weeks to continue

My Javascript professor explained Boolean to me using an allegory about pizza: "If I give you pizza, under what condition do you eat it? Your hunger must be true or false. Boolean does the same thing, but with things less exciting than pizza."
It didn't even begin to make sense to me until it became about pizza.
I vote for ALL future computer classes to be taught in terms of pizza.

Was forced to code like this:

if(condition)
{
//code
}

Instead of this

if(condition){
//code
}

Also I should mention that this happened 4 years ago and my mentor (27 years old economy major at the time) did not know how to use git, we stored projects on a shared networking folder.

Knock knock.
Race condition.
Who's there?

Kids use "if(condition)"
Men use "if(condition == true)"
Legends use "if((condition == false) == false)"

Online friends: "So what's your plan for new years?"
Me: "We will do some amazing stuff! This will be fun"
Online friends: "Great!"
*Real condition: alone, no plan, and miserable*

Who else having the same?

Knock knock
Race condition
Who's there?

When you spend 3 hours looking at your project's code and debugging it to find out you forgot to add a '!' to your if condition.... Brilliant

This is an example if statement:
if(bla.boolean()){
}

Bill does NOT put comments into the condition brackets.

Be like bill.

Please.

Omg so I've been stuck on this function I'm writing that checks if a certain array value is so many characters long and well, it just wasnt returning false when outside the conditions..

I tried taking it step by step, echoing out every line and it all made sense to me and there were no syntax errors.

Time goes by and inside the configuration file I was testing.. I was changing the value of a DIFFERENT array property than what I was using in my condition. They looked really similar.. fml xD

Found this on our project. I think that it is the best condition ever.

What do you prefer?
a) if (var1 != var2)
or
b) if (!(var1 == var2))

Got an email from a stakeholder about a $0 transaction for an item that was not meant to be $0. Found someone put a condition in the code to set the price to $0 if it couldn’t be queried from the database. Wut…that is…not logical 😵‍💫😵

Wow i must have been brain dead when i wrote this code. Needed to exclude certain elements from response for the the list of objects.

for (obj : objects) {
If (obj.skipFromResponse()) {
break
}
add obj to response
}

I used break instead of continue at the if condition which meant it would break out of the loop at the first instance of condition being met.

This went through qa and has been in production for 4 weeks so how did this not break before. Well little did i know the list of objects was sorted and all the test data, qa data and everything so far in production coincidentally only had the last element with matching condition. This meant it returned everything correctly so far.

Today was the first time there was a situation where this caused incorrect output. Luckily as soon as I heard the description of the issue I remembered to check the merged PR and hung my head in shame for making such trivial error. I must have written way more complicated code without any problem but this made me embarrassed to even admit. 🤦‍♂️

Who's got time to be an imposter. 🤷‍♂️

I am out of my depth 90% of the time, always diving into areas that are foreign to me, you just need to enjoy the buzz of knowing you are coming out the other side more knowledgeable then you did going in.

But if you do get overwhelmed with this condition, step back, take a breather, and use that moment to think things through at the big picture level before moving forward again, sometimes the right solution is hard to think off when you're to focused and drowning your way through a bad one.

When someone writes this
if(condition == true) {
//...
}

While getting a pro in Kotlin, I started using

when(condition) {
true -> doOneThing()
false -> {
xyz = whatEver()
blaBla()
}
}

instead of simple if-else.
It looks nice but also distracting.

What is your opinion on that?
I guess most will be like:

15 minutes

if ( very long condition here );
{ Stuff here was correct }

Error!

Shit!...

Testing all the 'stuff here'...

oh. !!

That's where the missing ones go to have fun.

"Knock knock.
Race Condition!
Who's there?" :D

if
(condition)
{
statements ;
}

Preparing to debug racing condition between 20 different threads.

Not looking forward to this sprint :(

Condition of our product right now 😂😂

A programmer will
do {

} and think about a condition after a while

Oh don't know why my "if" condition never execute.

Happens very very often.

Small things are hard to find.

COBOL is something I use at work. Typically, you see IF blocks like this

IF condition
Stuff
END-IF.

But the END-IF part if actually optional. You can just use a period and it does the same thing.

IF condition
Stuff.

Many headaches if not caught when reading.

1) That loud ass mother fucker sitting besides me, shut the fuck up.

2) Air motherfucking condition turned all the way to the max makes me horny and want to fuck your motherboard.

3) Illiterate assholes writing code without any comments and half assed function name just to look cool when we approach them for doubts.

4) Onsite motherfuckers enjoying their lives, taking photos of it and posting it in a monthly magazine while we s(h)it behind the fucking systems all day.

Thank-fucking-you, y'all can die suffocating in your own smelly dierraea poop.

Tldr: hilariois scam website is hilarious

Today I saw a website that was obviously a scam, but it was quite hilarious: it said you could download an ebook and they tried to trick the user into clicking the fake download links. It was a textbook for engineering and at the botom of the page they had those fake user comments that encouraged people to du those things you are asked for after clicking the wrong download button (like entering your bank info). They described how their friends couldn't believe what an awesome book they got for free and so on and that they really loved reading it. Reading an engineering textbook. Also, and that made me lol quite hard: they discribed the condition of the book as "used with a few water marks". A fucking pdf with water marks...

I spent two weeks writing a WordPress plugin to take some form data, process it through another website, and take the result to Salesforce. the client had a "Salesforce specialist" doing everything on the Salesforce side and refused to give me access to see if the data was properly pushed through.

Finally I got it in working condition when suddenly it stopped working, I hadn't changed anything since it worked so I asked if he could have possibly changed something. We argued for over 4 hours about who changed something, the whole time I was looking for the error in my code. At 6pm I finally told him I would need to take a look at it tomorrow.

Overnight he sent me an email:
"Hey, sorry about the confusion yesterday, I set Salesforce to deny duplicate email entries, looks like once I removed that everything is working."

!rant
Neighbouring nursing student asked me to recommend her a good laptop. I take a look at her existing one and it's an ultra book in pretty much decent condition. I ask her what her issue with this one is and turns out there's not enough space on the hard disk (30 GB SSD). I advice her to consider upgrading instead of buying a new laptop and she agrees. She also asks me if I can fix the track par of the laptop as it's not working. I take a look at the system tray and then work my computer science magic (press the fn+F9 to activate the trackpad) and boom! It's a miracle and she's squealing with delight. I even ran a disk cleanup and wiped 3Gigs of space so that she could continue downloading the episode from Netflix.
I hear a lot of you people complain about being asked to do outrageous tech shit because you're a computer person but man, I sure love being the "tech guy". :D

If you want to know how bad the job market is in India, a colleague told me that he got offered a job from an employer, where the condition is he has to give 20% of his paycheck back to the employer in their other bank account.

8.5 hours spent trying to figure out a race condition ultimately caused by this line.

There really are no words.

Shit. Today I found out I have a serious condition - severe case of hypocaffeinemia.

I don't feel like I'm gonna make it through the day

Just did a transplant on my friend's phone. He dropped it one too many times, and fucked it up real bad.

We were first going to simply put his SIM card into another phone. I had an old S6 that bricked itself during an update before I really knew much of anything about phones, so I dug it out and spent a day trying to restore it with heimdall, adb/fastboot, and eventually odin when I found a laptop with windows. Unfortunately it's a Verizon phone, and because Verizon likes to keep a tight chastity belt on everything, it was pretty much impossible to unbrick. After giving up with finding a custom recovery or flashing a stock ROM, we moved to Plan B.

We took both phones apart, switched the boards, switched the SIMs, and he now has a working phone in much better condition than before he dropped it seven feet from his girlfriend's bunk.

It's always fun to make life from two dead things.

It was the first time I worked on a big project with a big team, I looked at the given code and copied their code style.

I finished very fast and everything was working fine, was really proud of myself. I'd like to add some logging though.

Programm failed it was heavily async and parallel so 2 days of debugging had past the whole team was on board nobody knew what went wrong there.

As I stared into the darkness of my code I suddenly saw what went wrong 😂

As I adopted no curly braces style of the Team for

If (condition)
Justine();

And I added logging above without braces everything broke 😂 it was indented properly so as a heavily python user everything looked fine

#LifeRightNow
- need to find a new place and roommates to live with
- my gf's father doesn't want us to marry.
- my joint family wants to get separated.
- my boss wants me to be at our primary office ( i work remotely ) asap irrespective of anything since it is our biggest production yet.
- i am about the least productive i can be from last couple of weeks.
- going through a serious allergic condition.

#FuckMyLife

Operation PiBM 5150 XT is continuing this morning!

Raspberry Pi B+ 900mhz
Raspbian Pixel Linux
LG 21:9 2560x1080 monitor
HDMI cable
/boot/config.txt updated for 21:9 monitor
Nyko PS3 USB Compact Flash / SD Reader
4gb CF card as HDD in 5150
4.77mhz IBM 5150 in like new condition
CGA Graphics and Monitor
Late 2012 Macbook Pro
HyperTerm app
USB to DB/25 (RS-232) serial adapter
Devrant Sticker

Fucking incompetence

Senior level developer with 15 years of software development experience ...

ends up writing brute force search on a sorted data - when questioned he's like yeah well dataset is not that large so performance degradation will be marginal

He literally evades any particularly toil heavy task like fixing the unit test cases , or managing the builder node versions to latest ( python 2 to 3 ) because it's beneath him and would rather work on something flashy like microservice microfrontend etc. -- which he cannot implement anyway

Or will pick up something very straightforward like adding a if condition to a particular method just to stay relevant

And the management doesn't really care who does what so he ends up getting away with this

The junior guys end up taking up the butt load of crappy tasks which are beneath the senior guy

And sometimes those tasks are not really junioresque - so we end up missing deadlines and getting questioned as to why we are are not able to deliver.

Fuck this shit ... My cortisol shoots up whenever I think of him

if ( condition ) {
callback(data)
}
callback(error)

--is a lot different than--

if ( condition ) {
callback(data)
} else {
callback(error)
}

callbacks are not return statements 🤦‍♂️

Writing an if condition instead of properly handling it.

Condition to live by....

When you think the code from companies like Google and Facebook is flawless, but then you look at the source code of Parse 1.5.0 and find an if statement with the condition 'browser' === 'browser'

if (condition){
return true;
} else {
return false;
}

What is the condition to join two tables ?
Programmer: primary keys match.
Non-Programmer: The tables height must match.😐

A fellow mate I graduated with recently asked me to help him with his interview sample coding questions. Basically he had to write a function to test different conditions using Java. I wrote the function, pushed it to git and asked him to go check it out. He told me afterwards that, my function was wrong..lol, really? (BTW, I tested it and it produced the results the company wanted)

I asked him to send me his code and all he did was write a "main", created an instant variable and passed it in a switch statement. Mind you, the test condition was big that, switch statement was the worse to use...

I told him to do whatever he wants but he should remember that the question wants a damn function given a certain input. Didn't hear from him again...then later asked me to help him with a SQL question...hah, I didn't even bother looking at the question.

spent half an hour debugging an if statement that won't return anything but false. Apparently, the condition was:
if (check === true). and the check var was a string! so yeah, spent half an hour to realise I was checking if 'true' is true..

What kind do you belong to?

" What's the big deal ?
It's just an if condition right ? " - Every manager / product owner ever.

And all the devs be like #facepalm !

Tech Lead: We need to exclude logged in user from our all users API as we don't want to show user's self card on the frontend with other users.

Me (Backend dev): This should be handled by the frontend and they should exclude it by a condition in their loop:

If (user.id != loggedUser.id)
{
// Add card
}

We also need self user at several other places.

Tech Lead: Create a query param filter for that.

Me: We should keep our APIs as generic as possible.

(Real thing starts)

Tech Lead: Which has more processing power frontend or backend?

Me (confused): Backend

Tech Lead: This will add a break to our loop and Do you know how much processing power it will take because of this condition?

Me (dead): WHAAAA....?

dev/ChoosingBeggars

Condition : Deadlines in 7 Hours. Submit on Class

MyClassmate : "Have you done the last Assignment?"
Me : "Technically Speaking, yes, i've done that in Python, since we need to use C, i need to Translate it first"
MC : "Can you teach me?"
Me : "I wouldn't say i won't, but it's 1 AM, time is short, need to sleep, I can give you the python code tho"
MC : "wait, so you will submit the python code without Translating it first?"
Me : "Of course not, i can translate it less than 30 minutes, i'll finish and submit it before class"
MC : "can you translate it now, so you can email that to me at <his email address>, so i can sleep now and we can submit it together this morning"
Me : "i can't tell you are serious or not, anyway, see you in class"

🤦‍♂🤦‍♂🤦‍♂🤦‍♂🤦‍♂ <screenshot in indonesian, just for proofs>

>Be client
>Have an issue with incredibly slow webpage load time
>Blame memcache issues

So... I look into the problem. Yes, the page either loads up fast, or times out. So, into the logs I go. Webserver is fine (except the timeout), PHP though... Error log is fine (just notices), but slow log shows the issue is the database (of course... its always the database... ugh)

So, checking the database, there is one ugly query that seems to be an issue. 5 joins and a huge where condition.

So I run EXPLAIN on the query and... Proceed to bang my head against the wall.

OF COURSE ITS SLOW YOU FU******, NONE OF YOUR TABLES HAVE ANY INDEXES.

What do they expect when the database has to always go down the whole table and do everything in memory, until it runs out and has to dump it all on disk and work with it there.

Ugh... Some clients...

Heartbleed.. And thinking it's just a medical condition

This customer's dev is going to be the end of me. I had to explain to him why it doesn't make any sense to return a value after throwing an exception.

In a function that was supposed to insert a record amd return its id, in the error handling code:

catch(Exception ex) {
//logs the exception
throw ex;
return - 999; //this code will NEVER be reached, and why the f.... - 999?
}
The customer wants us to develop the project together, but he won't listen and always write whatever he wants. Some might be differences in taste. Like me preferring
if(condition) {
return a;
}
return b;

And him preferring :

Foo result = null;
if(condition) {
result = a;
} else {
result = b;
}
return result;

Ok, that I can accept. But things like the one I'm ranting about... I wont.

I'm starting to wonder what was he doing during his "9 years of coding experience"

So today at the beginning of the class, our teacher asked us to write a function that translates a given string to "leet speak" (basically having to replace every character to another).

Some used python dictionnaries, some used arrays...

And the two people arround me wrote a program with a condition for EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER.

It kind of made me wanna die or kill them 😥

*knock knock*

Race condition!

Who's there ?

And thaaaat's the lesson i learned today after I spent two hours staring at code, to find out that the solution was just moving an unlock_mutex() a few lines down.

Writing some code to sift through some demographic data. Thought I could parallelize a few calls. Now I have a race race condition...

#blackcodematters

Just had to write an old-skool for loop. Index...termination condition...whole works. I feel dirty.

Bit embarrassing as someone saw me writing it, thought I was a hacker and informed the authorities. Spent the last hour being waterboarded.

We had a big laugh about it when they realized I was just fixing bugs in a legacy app.

National Security. Hilarious.

Literally spent the whole day debugging a race condition that only showed up in the release build. Resolved it with a Sleep(0).

Where is my beer.

I'm trying to explain to this dumb mf-er why we can't use send data simply.
It's a mobile platform I said, you can't rely on having network I said, the dumbass users might try it on 2% battery I said.
DO'H BUT MY INTERZ CAN DO IT IN 5 MINUTES.
Yeah, enjoy crashing the app with asynctask like a stupid bitch. When it fails under nearly every possible condition that deviates from the ideal, you can go write down how great your interns are, eat it up, shit it out and when you grow a flower from that, then I might help you again.
Retard server people.

When you find this in the PHP code:

if(condition) {
// code
} else {
die('horrible death');
}

Cheers to the fellow devRanter who added it and also to whoever is going to get to "else" part :D

I made some substantial changes to the codebase.
I run all the unit tests, as usual.
A test that has nothing to do with the feature I'm working on breaks.
"Huh that's odd, let me debug that"
I set a breakpoint with the condition set so that it pauses before the test assertion goes red.

I start the debugger and.... all tests pass

Turns out it only happens like 500/10000 times....

This will be fun

I need a way to explain to a coworker that nesting if statements beyond 3-4 is too much and needs to be re thought out. The dude is the biggest arrow head programmer I’ve ever seen. And he claims nothing is wrong with it, it works.. so what’s the problem.

Since we follow the rule of only one return per function he claims it’s the only way to accomplish the stuff he’s doing.. like if blah function passes... if blah function passss if blah functions passes do this then if blah functions

The if statements arnt just checking some variable conditions.. the conditions are checking returns of functions at each nested level the condition, executes a different function and thus checked for success.

Uggh I just don’t know how to explain to him it’s shit and needs to be re designed

Any ideas??

Guys seriously why would you buy a macbook if apple will support it for like 7 years then you won't be able to upgrade to newer OSX versions? whereas a good laptop machine could run Linux for a lifetime, you could even change distros if you got bored.

Let me dive into it, If I buy a brand new macbook and use it rarely, its condition will barely change however one day I will get the message you need a greater version to install X app, seriously apple?

Real life scenario: I have an ipod touch 5 i rarely use it, one day i decided to install an application and boom no you can't buddy you need to upgrade the iOS however the currently version of iOS is the latest version i could get for that ipod touch model, so the thing is, I have a perfect condition product that is unusable unless for some music playing and what i already installed as apps, does it look fair to you? I have the same issue with an ipad mini, its condition is perfect, battery life is decent, I can't receive anymore updates, the youtube app stopped working, im stuck again with a product that i can use only to read some ebooks or use youtube through the browser, apple wants me to buy a new ipad which is absurd.

I will never buy an apple product again

Fuck you Apple

Google's new feature is to show you a quick overview of a medical condition and it's so cool, I'm having a little stiffy as a medical IT student 😍

Found at work. Not Y2K compliant, otherwise in pristine condition.

Anybody do anything cool with their leftover Androids / iPhones ? I recently came across a good amount of them from extended family. They’re all in pretty good condition. I think it’s a waste because they are fairly recent devices with good processing

Your ability to form a coherent sentence is a race condition.

When you see (condition === true) T_T :')

When a condition is true and false at the same time...

var_dump(0 == "x"); // true
var_dump(!0 == " x"); // true

WTF?!

I started using the === more often...

I was working as an intern at small company, and after a month we signed contract
But each month they had some excuse for not paying me, or any of the employees
So I quit after 3 months without any payment
But I would not have been where I am, if I was not in that difficult condition, it made me work harder, and thought me to always keep my options open :-)

Whenever I hear a developer on my team say "I think it's a race condition" all I hear is "I don't know what I'm doing"

People often rant about a missing semicolon,
I added an extra after if condition

if(...);{
}

Compiler can't take this as error.
Debugged the logic for hours,
Wasted a lot of time, lol

Border condition....

This is the current condition of tcs in india.
Fucking servers are busy providing sessions from 3 hours.
This is a contest organised by tcs india for college student and this was a demo round(mockvita). Just to prepare students for the real challenge.
6 hour challenge , i completed it in 3 and now when its my turn to upload the java file its showing me this fucking shit. I fucking coded for 3 hours straight and now when the shit is working, their servers just say fuck off.
Its a global contest and this shit is happening for real.

Fucking hate Qt.

Spent all morning trying to figure out how their bullshit QThreadPool works with their bullshit QRunnable but after a bunch of bullshit asynchronous testing I figured that my thread object was being collected and deleted before I was done with it, for no reason. Now if the race condition was documented... This wouldn't be an issue. But every google search brought up nada. Eventually I resorted to turning off autoDelete on the runnable, but then I just have a memory leak, obviously.

I couldn't find a way to manually clean up a QRunnable in Python. What the fuck.

I just went back to good old fashioned QThreads... This is why I quit Qt in the first place.

I'm a .Net developer from Morocco, i'm currently working on an accounting software for this fucking company owned by an American boss. And i'm handling every single aspect of the project including the back-end (C#), Database (Sql Server), Reports (crystal reports, ABAP, VSTO), and design (UI, logos, animation...). For a salary of 300 USD/month, with no insurance, no transportation fees, and no fuck given about my health or my coworkers'. Not mentioning the shitty working hours and condition.
This is my first (job)

Oh my god. I woke up and read stan lee was rushed to the hospital. I was actually feeling horribly sad and then I read that he was in stable condition and was like heck yeah!!! No one taking him yet.

Watching all the StarWars for the first time (to fill in the gaps in my cultural knowledge).

I think Yoda may have had some syncronization issues -- some race conditions in his speech I noticed have.

I keep seeing the word “privileged” thrown around, and this one, I actually understand to be right.

But if you have a mental disease or another serious incurable condition, kick like 5000 points off your privilege scale.

Money and medication don’t always help. I’m ready to give a very, very thick stack of money to anyone who can actually cure what I have. I wish I could do it.

A big project in my company. Had some annoying race condition that caused data to get deleted when two processes finished in the wrong order they hit the dB and override each other’s work.

Long story short. Fixed the bug and in the process the codebase shrunk by 60%. I didn’t have to delete the rest of the code, but the bug was due to a function in the legacy section of the code, and found out that it was the only function used in that section.

So I deleted it. Rewrote the function so it upserts. And bam. Smaller, cleaner code :)

My grandmother recently died and me and my brother were wondering what was to happen to her 10+ year PC (Dell optiplex 760). I could find a use for the monitor and my brother wanted to use it as a server. We asked around at the family and everyone seemed ok with that except for one guy..

Apparently the PC is still in "prime condition" running Windows 7 after an upgrade from Vista. It has 'a graphics chip or something like that' and is better than any laptop on the market right now. (I actually had my HP zBook 15 g3 with me). He claimed it wasn't some old worthless piece of junk and most family members would probably be interested in this machine.

I didn't try to argue because I realized he was not at all knowledgeable about technology and I didn't want to be disrespectful.

Just my opinion, but Code reviews are a shit practice. In my previous company, we used to have one every Saturday. I presented my code and when everyone couldn't find anything to bitch/moan about, they said my code isn't "aesthetic" to look at. It's because I wrote this

if(condition)
do_thing;

instead of

if(condition) {
do_thing;
}

I cringe everytime I remember that incident.

I found this weird line in a library while debugging, though I really don't know php that well but wouldn't this condition return a boolean anyway?

if (condition)
{
one instruction;
}

////////// OR ///////////

if (condition)
one instruction;

X is typeof(bool)
Then my coworker made this condition
If(x==true)
else if(x!=true)

In an encryption-module, I had a bug, that caused my PC to crash, every time I tried to encrypt something.
Turns out, the loop, that appends
0-Bytes to the string, to make it Block-Cipher compatible,
Had an logical-bug in its exit-condition, that caused it to run infinitely and allocate an infinite amount of memory.

One of my coworker change the code from

```
void foo() {
if (condition)
{
}
else
{
}
}
```

to

```
condition ? ifTrue : ifFalse;
```

and add it to changelog

```
- fix bugs // yes with an "s"
- feature added
- some list of the bug fixed.
```

I refer back to the commit, only one Fucking commit and on changes. Bro, what the fuck?

"Racing condition, meet deadlock"

"Deadlock, meet racing condition"

And they were never heard from again

One more startup proposal
And
I accept it

$500

One condition

I will not maintain anything.

Plot twist : it was my toy project
Every week I will show progress.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

So my boss has problem with
if(condition){

Pet peeve #1: those guys who iterate over a whole array with 'for' and 'break' on a condition. Have you ever heard of fckng 'while'??
Git source code will be the death of me.

When you have to made a little game with javascript, and because it's your first game you made a beautiful maze with lot of wall.

Ahahah... i'm shit.
I forgot wall have collision.

I'm here now, with 40 different fuckin' walls and much if and else if conditions.

I hate me.

Yeah i know, I can just change my maze but no... I'm lazy. Cry against the collisions is better.

Have good day.

So I just had this amazing thought

What is an operating system?

Any system that is in a working condition is an operating system

Ffs

var filteredList = HugeList. Where(Condition);
if(filteredList.Count() > 0)
DoSomething(filteredList.First());

Just no. Please.

Fucking customer industrial machine doesn't work properly because the dumbass who designed the control algo failed to consider basic physics how this shit is even supposed to work. Just to be sure, he also included some race condition in the measurement part of the software.

If PyTorch > Tensorflow:
print("True")

Output:
True
True
True
True
......
......
.....
True

Wait a minute? Is this a While True loop?
Doesn't look like an if condition xD

Today we found out that my brother has a condition, triggered by a stressful event, that causes his heart to try and shutdown.

The dev in me is screaming "fix the bug!"
The crazy in me wants to start punching doctors in the face til we find a solution.

But the rational side of me knows there's nothing that I can do because that magical asshole in the sky didn't commented his code...

Why for fucks sake can't I motivate myself to finish my thesis?

I mean I guess it is because I already got my third raise in my current (full-time) job because of hard work, which left not much time for side projects (or thesis writing).

On top of that, there is nothing which forces me to finish. My Prof. does not really care. I would probably not earn more because of a higher degree. Only thing is I have to pay the fee for enrolment once a semester.

Also, going back to my thesis project after some time, and having to upgrade all the npm modules in there does not help.

Even though I already have a working backend and proof-of-concept app, something blocks me from finishing all this work.

It is a curse. I would do so many side projects, but I tell myself that I first have to finish my thesis before doing anything else.

It is some kind of loop and I have yet to find the return condition.

Heard a story about an interview taken by one of my teammates..

The guy had approx. 9 years of experience of full stack development having current exp in JS based work.

He was stubborn on the condition that he'll work only on JS for the rest of his career and nothing else.

I can't understand people having a raging boner on one language...

P. S : I am a JS developer too!

Checking out a project on GitHub:

> Using advanced condition-based AI logic, Compactor can skip over files that have been previously found to be incompressible, making re-running Compactor on a previously compressed folder much quicker.
> (Yes, it's an if statement and a trivial hash database, hush)

You guys upvoted a lot my previous rant and this makes me partially sorry, because it means you either witnessed or lived a situation like mine!

So to all the devs out there dealing with an awful work condition, an awful manager, awful teammates or awful wathever: stay strong and remember: you are not married to your company nor you are forced to stay there! Search for a better place, because you deserve it! (And also because happy devs make better code, if you don't believe on yourself and want one more excuse!)

I regularly diss on PHP in office but the truth is just that the developers before me wrote bad code. It was bad code in PHP alright but they had a whole framework to use and at least organize their code better but they didn't use it.

I have seen their JavaScript code too and it was all in one file.

P.S. I have no idea under which condition they had to write the code. The app was initially outsourced.

Guess it's time to ditch ProtonMail as well.

Translation: "[Update Google play services.] ProtonMail won't work until you have updated Google Play Services."

I know I'm almost an anti-Google nazi at this point, but ProtonMail was one of the only remaining apps not needing Google to work, and now it's a "sin equa non" condition. I'm very disappointed. Guess I'll have to switch this address to Tutanota or host my own email server.

Edit: why the fuck would my autocorrect capitalize nazi?

if (condition)
Action();

Curly braces are not that expensive God dammit!

My biggest influence on coding style is working with other people's code. I know the temptation to write "clever" code and I've been (and probably still occasionally am) guilty of it myself, but it's not until you have to debug someones oneliner iterator which has !(i-j) as the stop condition that you start to appreciate dumb, boring, obvious code.

If having a series of if checks in a long list makes it readable, keep it that way. If it makes it more readable to rewrite it into a nested switchcase with a couple of ternary bits, go ahead. Just don't spend half a day wrapping it up into two layers of abstraction that will require an onboarding process for the rest of the team.

Damn race condition! I know you're hiding in there, just waiting for the morning to arrive and shit my day.

One time someone decided to make a "Condition Checking Framework" so you could check conditions at runtime using pre-configured XML files.

...yeah, someone made XML based if statements.

...they were very proud.

...

Yes, they given all of us plastic chairs for sitting 36 hr instead of been bag. Wow you can imagine the condition of our back. They also don't know the password which they created for guest...

Fuck my system configuration and condition too. even ubuntu is stucking :(

I have a medical condition where my palms sweat too much. I can't use touchscreens for a very long time. I really hope there is a product that makes touchscreens hyper sweat friendly. It's annoying and embarrassing. :/

So I'm in a meeting with the Company director where I'm contracting for a few months. She is explaining the company history, goals etc. I can feel my eyes drooping, my head tilting and my body sloooowly sliding of my chair. Im literally fighting to stay awake. She is about to explode and go crazy BUT the business manager flies in explains to her that I have a medical condition known as narcolepsy...meaning I could be half way through a conversation and I fall asleep and it's not anything more than that

....When she said my name is thought to myself yep I'm outta here...

Guess what below if condition evaluates to true in javascript
-- and they say Javascript is beautiful 🙃🙃

if(test == 7 && test == 9 && test == 11) {
console.log('Hello World!');
}

!dev but definitely a rant.

Ordered a lovely new UHD HDR tv for the family on Monday.

MFW I see the courier is Hermes (notoriously bad).

It arrived today.

Any guesses as to the condition it was in?

Yep. Lovely crack on the screen.

Took all day to clear it up with Amazon.

And the best they could bloody do was a refund, but I have to organise the collection and pay for that (which they said they’ll refund).

FFS.

Working with LEGAL is the worst!

They say yes to all reviews and once it's in prod they want to completely change the whole thing cause they think every user reads the Terms & Condition!

To be honest I deployed 5 times. I have not read that shit once!

there are two types of people...

if(condition){
//code
}

and

if(condition)
{
//code
}

When devs clash:

-See, I've got this *condition* where myDick() is bigger than yourDick(), so Try{} me and see what you Catch{}

This condition over here which is never supposed to be true sometimes becomes true, no one know how or why, just change it manually in prod whenever that happens...

I drank too much last night. I was scared shitless since I really can't deal with hungovers and I am not supposed to drink a lot because of my stomach condition.

Mind you, for me, 8 beers is a lot(drank them in about 2 hours) and went to sleep. I was not all fucked up or anything, i was very lucid and scared of what i was going to deal with.

As i was trying to relax, my psychosis kicked in and I can swear that a little voice told me to calm down, i have been working out like if I was about to fight McGregor and my metabolism is through the roof(which is sometimes alarming) and that I will be good by morning.

Woke up at 11 feeling like a million bucks.

Got 'em stickers woohoo! All the way from Philippines. Letter got wet in the rain but the stickers are in good condition. Thanks devRant!

so apparently Windows 10 Pro build... 1803? 1806? (somewhere in there) refuses to allow over 1TB of pagefile if there's more than one volume with pagefiles. The system just hangs when pagefile is used if this condition isn't met.

I know because *i'm batshit fucking insane and am trying to cram 64GB of data into a PNG in PYTHON*.

(this might also only apply to me. your mileage may or may not vary.)

My TL always calls if block as *IF LOOP*...😐

FFS! NPE in production is bad and must not be used as condition in performing business logic.

Them: "We need you to do this thing this way because it isn't possible to do the right way."

Me: ... *codes script that works the right way*

Them: "But it was actually this other thing we didn't say anything about that isn't possible."

Me: ... *codes script with new condition, still works*

Now repeat daily for 2 weeks and we may get to where I don't just silently provide a working script.

Maybe I should have just done it the wrong way to begin with?

What do people like more?
if(condition){
return true;
} else{
return false;
}

Or just

if(condition){
return true;
}
return false;

Someone just explain me why. I really can't figure other reason that beeing too lazy to think a condition while writing a "while loop".

At university, a colleague asked me what i think of his code. I see something like that:

while ( 1 ){
...
if (condition)