*client calls in*

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.

*click*

😶

Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

Hey, i want to make a game and i need some help, so I'm looking for a team.

What i need is:
2 programmers
3 graphics artists
2 level designers
1 music composer
2 dialog writers
1 web designer for page and forums
5 testers

What i will do, you ask? Well, I've got some really good ideas. I think the game should be like Final Fantasy, but bigger and better. I worked with RPG Maker for two months, but I'm best with ideas. I think my ideas would make some incred...

GO SHOVE YOUR IDEAS INTO YOUR ASS! The idea means nothing. I got an idea for the best game ever, right this morning while i was taking a SHIT!

Hobby teams need people who create content. And people who can do stuff will more likely work with someone who does stuff as well and has proven that he is able to get things done.

Got semi drunk and thought "Now would be a good time to implement this feature"
*Codes for 2 hours straight without compiling once*
"Done. Good night"

The next morning:
Gets up and tries out feature
*Fixes 2 syntax errors/typos*
*Tries again*
*Feature works*

Manager (walking in in the morning): ey linuxxx, looking good today!
Me: w-what? I'm not wearing much special, what's so great about my outfit? But than....
Boss: April fools motherfucker!

Well, I had it coming .______.

Customer support story time: (swearing in Dutch because it sounds more fun but it's general swearing so no translation needed I think (will translate the non obvious parts)

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: hello, I have a question for you.
Me: go ahead!
Client: alright so.... one sec, let me turn off my music.
Client: hey Google
.
.
.
Client: hey Google
.
Client: Heeeey Gooooooogle
.
Client: HEY GOOGLE, GODVERREDOMME
.
Me: 😆
.
Client: REAGEER GODVERDOMME. "HEY GOOOOGLE"
.
.
Client: VIES VUIL TYFUS DING, LUISTEREN. HEEEEEY GOOOOOOGLE
.
.
Client: JA GODVERREROMME, LUISTER GEWOON, FUCKING KUT DING. *SHOUTS WITH ANGRY VOICE* "HEY GOOGLE HALLOOOO LUISTEEEEEREEEEEN" (oh for fucks sake, LISTEN fucking piece of shit)
Me: *desperately trying to keep it together*
Client: IK DOE HET ZELF WEL JEZUS GODDOMME *FOOTSTEPS, MUSIC STOPS* (Translation: I'll do it myself, fucking hell)
.
.
.
Client: finally, sorry for that 😅
Me: *still trying to control myself* no problem!

I think I'm losing my mind working in the IT Department. 😂 Sometimes the questions are UNBELIEVABLE!

Client: Hi, my computer is not working.

Me: Hi, what's wrong with it?

Client: IDK. It won't work.

Me: Alright, what do you see on your screen?

Client: Nothing!

Me: Nothing as in there are no icons on your desktop or black screen?

Client: Oh, black screen.

Me: Is your monitor on? Do you see a light on the power-on button?

Client: Yes, it's white.

Me: Ok, good. What about your computer? Is it turned on?

Client: Well, I never turn off my computer so I assume it's on. I leave it as is when I leave the office then log-in in the morning when I come in.

**At this point I realized this person doesn't even lock the computer until it locks by itself after a while.

Me: Ok please turn on your computer by pressing the power button with a thin line on it. It should turn white.

Client: Ok but as I said I don't turn it off so why should I turn it on? Did it turn off by itself?

Me: That can happen.

Client: Ok....oh wait, it working! Thank you so much. Sorry if I was a little pain. I am a little stressed out this morning.

Me: No problem. Glad it worked. Have a good day.

*Hangs up confused. I mean really confused. Smh

Good morning from the top of my home.

Me: good morning, what can I help you with?
Client: I THINK REMOVED SOMETHING AND NOW ALL MY EMAIL IS GONE. HELP.
M: okay sir, do you have the domain for m....
C: HEY WAIT IT'S BACK NEVER MIND THANKS BYE
M: Oh tha....
*click*

😆

I’ve been told my rants are being missed, since I left my hellhole of a job. So here’s a filler until something major goes wrong.

Right so here’s what my life is like at the minute. I’m working remotely from home. So this morning, instead of spending 2 hours in traffic, I got up at a reasonable hour and brought the dog for a walk. I don’t know who these people think they are, fucking up my routine like this. The audacity of them thinking it’s no big deal really pisses me off.

I’m the only iOS developer in the company. Normally I get bombarded with “why not use react-native” or “RxSwift is the future” and other shitty tools. Last week I said “i’d like to do X this way”. Do you know what those absolute bastards said to me? You ready? Hope you are sitting down ... they said ... “ok, sounds good” .... the fucking c***s.

Oh oh and the big one, wait for this now. Fridays are demo days, last Friday I showed what I was working on. Afterwards the CEO comes along, stares me in the eyes and without a care in the world what his comments might do to my self-esteem the fucker says “wow great job”. He fucking makes me SICK!!!

Feels good to get all that off my chest. I’ve missed venting. At this rate, I’ll be back very soon!

The typical devRanter

1. Uses dark theme of IDE and devRant app
2. Hates his/her clients
3. Likes Arch based distros
4. Checks his/her ++'s count or notifications after publishing a rant
5. Hates facebook
6. Associate the morning with a cup of coffee
7. Can't do any job when there are no headphones
8. iPhone vs Android? - fuck, they both are good/bad
9. Every time googles git command to remove a local branch
10. The best VCS is git, but I never used any other VCS

Manager: Good news everyone, I made a big giant announcement this morning that the app upgrades will be released today!

Dev: They definitely won’t be, we need another 2 weeks minimum. I told you yesterday

Manager: Ok well I already made the announcement that today was the day so too bad for you.

Dev: Doesn’t change the state of things

Manager: 😡 This announcement is supposed to motivate you to work faster! You guys are making me look bad when you don’t support me like this!

Dev: Working as fast as we can, it’s a 2 person dev team for 4 separate applications so it’s quite a bit to get pushed through

Manager: Ok well then stay extra then, we have to get this out asap. Tell your spouses they are not going to be seeing much of you until this work is done. People are starting to ask questions!!!!!

Dev: Not my problem, it’s done when its done. I’m not staying extra.

Manager: !!

// *************

Might be blowing my cover a little but what are they going to do? Fire me? Good luck getting this out without me. They’ve tried to replace me in the past but the cheapest person they could find was 60k more expensive than me and still couldn’t keep up. Probably they’ll ship the work overseas and the code will die in a dumpster fire and cost them even more. Ah well, just another company that doesn’t deserve code.

Da Fuck!?!
Yesterday I found some abnormal activity on my server, someone was trying to brute force my ssh as root since two days! Started raging and installed fail2ban (which automatically bans an IP if it fails to log X times and eventually sends me an email). Woke up this morning to find that a fucking Chinese guy/malware spent the whole night trying to brute Force me!
Fucking cunt! Don't you have any better to do!!
My key is a 32 characters long encrypted key, with the ban he can try 3 passwords /2 hours, good luck brute forcing it you bitch!

Last Sunday the boss says:

About this project we are working on, the client stopped paying, so we are not touching it untill we hear back from him.

Spent the whole week learning new technologies, and having a good time.

Guess what happens this morning...
Listen, about that project, they paid and it needs to be delivered by tomorrow morning! shouldn't be a problem, right?

Well actually...

I had an interview yesterday with the CEO of a startup going into Series A for the position of Principal Developer, remote. I've only ever heard of 'tech-bros', but I was unfortunate to meet one in-person. It went something like this:

CEO-bro: Good morning.
Me: Morning.
CEO-bro: It says here on your resume you live in X. That place is a shithole, and I have to look down on you because of that, bro. LoL.
Me: ......
(40 minutes of self-promotion pass)
CEO-bro: Anyway, we don't pay high salaries but offer bonuses for high performing staff instead. I'll ask HR to send you an offer.
Me: Let me think about it.
CEO-bro: One question bro. You have siblings?
Me: One.
CEO-bro: Parents still alive?
Me: No...what?!
CEO-bro: Yeah, me too. People like us don't let anything get in the way.

I wrote them an email this morning withdrawing my application 🤦🏽‍♂️

• Good night’s sleep (8-9 hours)
• Clearly defined requirements.
• A fun challenge to solve.
• An idea of how to begin.
• Music! Something fast paced and/or harsh. I find soft tunes, good lyrics, etc. are usually very distracting.
• Deadlines help, too, even if they make me stressed out and work too much.
• No political BS / hateful and intolerant political comments from my coworkers within the past day or two, as being called a horrible, racist nazi by association absolutely kills my desire to do any work for them. Going two days without something like this happening is exceedingly rare.
• Being left alone, *especially* in the morning before work! The more distractions, the harder it is focus, even if i have peace and quiet later on.

So there it fucking goes.

Hi. I'm WillibertXXIV.
I'm not a programmer by trade; I have a more than fulltime job as a cook. As for the last year, I spent pretty much all my free time, overlapping my sleep time, to learn how to code.

All that so I can create a game that I started working on the same day I started my learning process. So far it's shit and it's going to stay that way for a long time. Only I can say this. It's my baby. It's fucking ugly and shit but it's mine.

Yesterday I broke it. I broke my baby. I don't know how it fucking happe. When I went to sleep I had a steady 175fps, nice realtime lightning and player / enemy that flowed like running water. I worked really hard to make that happened. Profiling, writing better code, profiling, etc. It's still not good, it's less shit.

I woke up, beautiful day. Not too warm, not too cold, that sweet spot right in the middle. Girlfriend already made the coffee. Perfect. Woke up, sat down to start my morning time work before going to my realjob and

BAM

Everything is shit, 20fps max. That one thing, gfx.waitforpresent, showing up in the profiler eating everything as the game run. Movements are now of stroboscopic nature. Light is still ok but what good does it do now fucking piece of shit. I'm not qualified enough for this shit.

Fuck,
Fuck this,
Fuck this shit,
Fuck this shit i'm out of here.

Wouldn't be amazing if we could charge like doctors?

User: good morning engie, just here for my checkup.
Engie: everything seems to be working perfectly with your laptop. That would be 70 bucks.

Not comparing professions just a random thought.

Time for a rant!.

Got a client I've just built a website for and they went live 2 weeks ago.

This morning he sends me an email saying that the website is not good enough because it's not making any sales or getting any traffic.

I send an email back asking if he has a marketing / SEO company... The response was I thought you do that as you said the site would be SEO friendly!!!.

I'm a developer! Not a marketer, fuck off.

Good morning everyone

A old meme though..
Good morning Programmers..

I hired a new developer after careful screening and interviewing many candidates.

First thing he's asking first day on the job
- I have already booked august month for holiday, is that a problem?
- I need to come 2 hours before anyone else in the morning and leave 2 hours before, everyday because I have things to do at home.
- I've seen that espn.com sport news are blocked by the firewall, why is that?
- I've installed bitTorrent on my PC but it's very slow downloading movies

I hope he's good.

What I did wrong during my home office cleaning session this morning:
- put soap on my mouse mat
- snapped my enter key
- vacuumed up my F8 key
- absent-mindedly cut my ethernet cable
- lost my zero key
- dropped my backup hard drive (data was recoverable, but I need a new drive)
- lost one of the nose pads on my glasses
- got a cocktail stick stuck in a USB port
- exploded my mouse by using the wrong type of battery

Things I did good:
- nothing

Annoyingly typical office conversation:

Person 1: "Good morning."
Person 2: "Good morning, how are you?"
Person 1: "Good. How are you?"
Person 2: "Good."
Person 1: "Good."

NO! Not good, fuckers. I hear this all day long, come up with something real or original. Talk about the massive shit you just took, or how hard you're taking the news about Diablo Immortal. It reminds me of that scene in Office Space with the repetitive call center lady, lol.

Yet another Windows rant but boi Redmond deserves it.
For our new office I took a leap of faith ordering 15 iMac 5k. (btw HP quoting us €10k each pc for same spec).

There are two young guys insist on Windows. Good for you so we ordered two top of line surface book. He religiously unwrapped and said “who want apple trash more than this beauty.”

It’s been 5 hours that shit spent on “Getting Ready Windows for you”, once done it prompted another updating at 4% until we all left work.

So this morning I’m ordering another two MBPs...

Today was bad day.
- only had 3 hours of sleep
- 1.5h exam in the morning
- work in the afternoon until 8pm
- 1 drive crashed in a RAID5 array
- wasted hours of data copying
- my hands and arms got really dirty from all that nasty trump-face-colored dust in the server room
- nothing new in the west
- I have to get up in 4 hours again to start a new copying task
- I only knew it was friday today because the devRant meme game was reaching the weekly peak
- lists can save lives
- good night 😴

I closed my work laptop yesterday around noon and dumped water on it. I was just so fed up.

Some spilled off onto my desk, though, so i gently moved (read: threw) the offending piece of plastic frustration onto the floor and carefully dried my desk.

On my way to the trash can, i stepped on the laptop. I stepped on it again on the way back, and later, on my way out the door.

I came in to get something half an hour later, and stepped on it again. It remained a stepping stone for the rest of the day, and accrued considerable foot traffic.

I spent the day drinking peach whiskey and playing with my children instead of working on reports. It was a good day.

Don't worry: my laptop still worked this morning, though I declined to.

Manager: "Good Morning"

Employee: "Okay"

Manager: "You are fired. I deserve a proper reply"

Employee: "I have put my entire focus on solving the problem the team members have been skipping for months. Anyways I will go"

Manager: "My bad, I will fire the other employee"

Well, good morning to you too devRanters :)

!dev

First night at a camping: waking up a gazillion times at night, everything hurts and I've got a headache.

Good morning to you too 😑

Good morning everyone. May your phone battery always be above 50%.

Good morning DevRant Fam! I hope everyone is having an amazing day/night wherever you may be! Here is a little quote I found to make your day/night even better! (I hope) ❤️

Best wishes
Milo 😁

Learning a new language is like first time doing sex, it's hard at the beginning but when you start doing it right you just want more and more! :) good morning guys !!

!!depression

I used to measure my performance in features per day (or week, depending on their scope), or tasks/day or loc/day for huge projects. My usual was two to three small features a day, and some progress on a larger one.

Now I’m so burned out and depressed that i measure my progress in the amount of days per week that aren’t “zeros” — as in days where i get literally nothing done. Now any day where i get _anything_ done, no matter how little, is a “good day.” I partially refactored about fifty lines of json builder spaghetti on Tuesday. That was a great day.

This week I’ve had two zeros, and it’s Thursday morning. I think it’s going to be a three zero week.

Worse: performance reviews were due weeks ago. I still haven’t written mine, and have no idea what i would even write. How can i make myself sound good when i can barely even force myself to eat or take a shower?

We received an urgent email from a client this morning that needed addressed immediately. We knew it was not going to be easy or fun so we did the sensible thing and began a rock paper scissors tournament to see who would work on it.

I lost... But then we see a follow up email from my boss saying he is handling it. Win!

Fast forward 6 hours, he comes out of his office and hands me a piece of paper and says he is too busy to work on it so I need to do it before going home. The paper is the email from 8am this morning... He did absolutely nothing with it for six hours except print it because a digital copy isn't good enough I guess.

I ended up working late, got yelled at by said client, and still haven't finished the fixes.

Worst of all is that I missed part of shark week because I stayed late.

Good morning, mornin wood.
Good morning, chirping birds outside the window.
Good morning, handsome guy in the mirror.
Good morning, beautiful machine of mine.
Now where were we last night.
Hmpph
😒😒😒 morning segfault

!dev

I live next to a nightclub and went outside for a fag.

It’s wet, 2:30am and kinda cold.

A girl and her boyfriend come out of the club..
Her feet hurt because of her high heels so she takes them off, walking on the wet, cold road barefoot now.
Her boyfriend sees it and tells her to put them back on.
She denies.

He takes off his shoes and gives them to her (good boyfriend...) she puts them on, almost falling over cause she’s hammered as fuck, takes them off again and says they don’t fit and look stupid on her..

WTF, I understand taking the shoes off When she’s drunk but I don’t understand how the fuck she could care if it looks good at half 2 in the morning in an empty town..

I’ve seen it all now..

#onlyInIreland

Good morning 😅😅😅

Every fucking day in my company, we get an email from the HR titled "Good Morning, have a nice <DAY_OF_WEEK>", and the message contains a low quality shitty picture grabbed from a random Google search containing a equally shitty quote.

Today's quote read "Happy Friday! Friday is a day to finish your goals of the week!"

lmao like am I suppose to wait till Friday to finish my 'goals of the week'?

I'm so sick of these dumb fucks someone send help 🙄

Good morning everyone^^
I just heard my company is doinig some weird shit.
1. We RECOMMEND doing backups on a USB stick (our customers get a cheap giveaway when they purchase our products).
2. We sell farm controllers with less power than a fucking arduino as "Top Notch technology". (single core 1Mhz, 128MB RAM)

We Devs are not supposed to understand this logic. We shall only "make it faster". If proper solutions are suggested it gets shrugged off as "expensive".

GDPR
Good morning to a world with GDPR.
Did any even read the new terms and conditions?

127.0.0.1 sweet 127.0.0.1
I don't want to leave my bed but it's working time.
Another day of happy coding :)

new day ☺️
good morning everybody
have a splendid day!

The live devRant AMA/event thingy is in a few hours I think?

Gotta go to sleep right fucking now.

Don't want to get spoiled by the rants tomorrow morning.

This means nearly a whole day of no devRant 😫.

Anyways, good luck dfox and trogus!

Worst code review experience?

Hard to pick just one, but most were in a big meeting room with 4+ other developers not related to the project and with some playing Monday-Morning-Quarterback instead of offering productive feedback.

In one code review, the department mgr reviewed the code from a third party component library.

<brings up the code on the big screen>
Mgr: "I can't read any of this, its a mix of English and something else."
Me: "Its German."
Mgr: "Then why is 'Button' in English? This code is a mess."
Me: "I'm not exactly sure how I should respond, I mean, I didn't write any of this code."
Mgr: "Yes, but you are using it, so it's fair game for a code review."
Me: "Its not really open source, but we can make requests if you found something that needs to be addressed."
Mgr: "Oh yes, all this...whatever this is..<pointing again to the German>"
Me: "I don't think they will change their code to English just so you can read it."
Mgr: "We paid good money, you bet your ass they'll change it!"
Me: "I think the components were like $30 for the unlimited license. They'll tell us to go to hell first. Is there something about my code you want to talk about?"
Mgr: "<Ugggh>...I guess not, I couldn't get past all that German. Why didn't we go with an American company? Hell, why didn't we just write these components ourselves!?"
Me: "Because you gave a directive that if we found components that saved us time, to put in a request, and you approved the request. The company is American, they probably outsourced or hired German developers. I don't know and not sure why we care."
Mgr: "Security! What if they are sending keystrokes back to their servers!"
Me: "Did you see any http or any network access?"
Mgr: "How could I? The code is in German!"
Monday-Morning-Quarterback1: "If it were me, I would have written the components myself and moved on"
Me: "No, I don't think you could for less than $30"
Monday-Morning-Quarterback2: "Meh...we get paid anyway. Just add the time to the estimate."
Mgr: "Exactly! Why do we even have developers who can't read this mess."
Me: "Oh good Lord! Did anyone review or even look at my code for this review!?"
<silence>
Mgr: "Oh...ok...I guess we're done here. Thanks everyone."
<everyone starts to leave>
Me: "Whoa!...wait a sec..am I supposed to do something?"
Mgr: "Get that company to write their code in English so we can read it. You have their number, call em'...no...wait...give me their number. You keep working, I'll take care of this personally"

In they nicest way possible, the company did tell him to go to hell.

Good morning everyone (atleast for my Time Zone), god bless you all !

been following my morning silly brain for 3 hours to write an 8086 assembler CPU and RAM emulator. after 1 hour of debugging, time to polish it and refactoring.

I went to bed early... Got a strange feeling the next morning... It felt like what other people describe as 'good'.

Lost my cool on a colleague after she scolded me for saying “good morning,” as it was presumptuous of me to assume her morning was good…

Of course since she was already a soulless hag, it had no impact on her.

Good morning people. Holidays in Malta. Trying to forget html, css, php, MySQL and JavaScript 🙂 ... But my heart is with you 😂

I hate devRant. Since morning I am suffering from diarrhoea and vomiting. My stomach aches bad and I have a complete bed rest. I had nothing good to do, so I went through the play store searching for new apps. I came across devRant which seem interesting to me. I downloaded and went through the app. I read posts straight for four hours and couldn't resist LMAO. I've been constantly laughing (literally constantly) and now my stomach aches so bad. Its 22:00 and I fear I might have to catch a doctor soon. I know devRant is the culprit and yet I have it open, in my phone, typing a useless non-humorous post. Freaking addictive. Ah my stomach..

Good morning fromy office ranters ;) very productive day starts right now

And good morning to you too, devRant 😊😄😀

The sales and business team at my office really look down at the devs. Just because we don't dress in fancy suits doesn't mean we are any less important that those asshats.

In fact we are probably a hell of a lot more useful since they cant land any sales since they barely have any idea what they are selling and the company is rapidly going under.
To give you an idea :
We recently changed office and one of them asked if they had had to be in the same workspace as the developers again?

Why do we need them?
Cant we outsource their jobs ?

Some of them dont even answer when you bid them good morning

And one douche bag even brought his bluetooth radio and refuses to use headphones , he keeps playing shitty music and disturbing us.

The company is kinda fractured and there is poor chain of command, so there is little we can do, telling dev management is fruitless he has no authority over the guy
And the business manager simply said oh you dont like good music then walked off.

Good morning devRant!

We're feeling a bit political and contradictory today, aren't we?

Fuck Reddit admins. Fuck them in ass with a rusted iron rod. Then pour in some liquid steel and dehydrate them to death.

Bloody fucks.

Remember the toxic girl who stalked and harassed me? She did that on Reddit.

After multiple reports to faggot admins, no action was taken against her multiple accounts.

I ended up creating few alt accounts for my mental well-being.

I have been contributing fairly well from all my accounts earning community trust and reputation, even behind the mask of anonymity.

Now, day before yesterday, a teen started abusing me for no reason on a local sub. I ended up ignoring.

Next morning I am notified that admins banned my account permanently.

What the fuck! I did not violate any policy and yet I was kicked out.

I raised an appeal for those fags to look into this and uplift the ban.

Fuckers banned all my accounts permanently without giving any reason.

Instead of taking action against retards who harass people, these bhenchods ban people who contribute in a good way.

I truly wish, that the person who made this decision rots to death while feeling the pain of regret.

I am soooo fucking annoyed. I have been using Reddit for many good reasons and have found it really helpful in various areas of my life.

Maybe this is my retribution for participating in yesterday's rant about public transportation.

Saturday morning, I had an 🥚and 🍌. I was happy.
I went out to meet with my GF.
I got a window seat on bus.
The seat on my left was empty for few stops.
A mudafucka big kid came and sit beside me.
I was like, cool, heyyo kid. Not some greasy old dudes or ready to slap chicks.
Oh boy can I be wronger?
The mudafucka big kid started with right butt scratch using right hand.
Then followed up by left butt scratch with left hand.
And then did a wiggly body scratching using his seat like an alien snake.
I got itchy looking at him.
Also I said big two times because he spread his big thighs so wide it took 1/3 of my seat.
And now playing loud ass games on his phone.

Not a good sign for my Saturday.

Saturday morning:
Notification on WhatsApp from my new boss: hello, I sent you a message on Skype because the data is not good and I had to send it to the customer yesterday.

Go to Skype: hello, I am out all weekend. If you checked the data when I handed it out I could have figured out a solution. I will check when I am back.

Logout from Skype
Block number on WhatsApp
Block incoming calls on phone

Today is good, so far.

Husband graduates and promotes and my younger brother made it to Texas safely this morning.

Oh, and I'm out of the office 😄

Good morning. New week, first cup of caffeine on the desk.

My typical morning Teams exchange:
Newb: GM (requesting connection)
Me: GM (connection established)
Newb: How r u? (requesting headers)
Me: Good (headers sent)
Newb: You free? (ready for comms?)
Me: Sure (comms ready)
…
Feels like a bad internet protocol.

Good morning everyone, don't accidently drop any tables today.

In fact, I'd advise you don't move your furniture around. Apparently it's very dangerous to devs.

A couple years ago my now ex-colleagues pranked the lead dev for being nitpicky about the importance of the story post-it wall in the agile process.
His desk was like this the next morning.
Needless to say, he was pissed and we had a good laugh :D

The only good thing about morning classes is going back home to sleep and still waking up at a reasonable time.

just a developer thing .....good morning from India...

Story of me trying to connect to a colleague from neighbouring team with 12 hour difference timezone:

Me: Hey! Shall we catch up to discuss a feature that will help us dominate the world?

She: Sure.. what time works for you?

Me: Since we have timezone challenge, I'd say boundary times would be good so none of us have to stretch.

She: umm.. good..

Me: How about 07:30 PM your time?

She: oh sweetie.. evenings don't work for me.. I want my evenings free..

Me: fine.. how about 07:00 AM your time?

She: no darling.. I am not a morning person..

Me: GO FUCK YOURSELF BITCH. I CAN'T COMPLY WITH EVERY TANTRUM OF YOURS.

And with that.. I didn't respond to her invites which were either super early for me or super late. Let her keep waiting..

Juniors with ego are shittiest folks to work with.

Met colleague at work

Him: You programmers don't like sleeping at all. You should try to sleep and look fresh like me ... Blah blah blah... (You get the picture)

Me: *just smiles and watch him go*

(But what I really wanted to say)

Me: 'Well you know what, most programmers don't sleep much not because sleep deprivation is fun or we're in some kind of cult where it's some daily ritual. But when they need to send in an update; usually on a feature to make YOUR life easier OR just can't seem get their code to run right, and they keep telling themselves; "5 more minutes", "I have a good feeling about this modification" the minutes add up and before you realize it morning! And that's why some of us look like s*** in the morning'

(And then turn around to leave only to come back really quick like I just remembered something)

Me (again): "And don't think that we enjoy it. At least the ones I know don't. It's simply a fr****** work hazard!"

Had a 1:1 with my boss last night and together we figured out a tricky bug related to my PR. However, either my PR or that bug patch broke a tangentially-related test. Queue my usual exhaustion, and I gave up trying to fix it.

This morning, I'm looking at it and nothing makes sense. My change should not have broken the test. So I reran the controller's tests, and... they all pass?

What is logic.

Good thing, though; that test leads to a few rabbit holes I haven't even begun exploring yet.

Oh, never mind. It broke again.
Ergh, here we go. 😔

Let me paint you a picture.

It's the day after code freeze. Code has been branched. It's time once again to verify tickets and run smoke check so we can begin our 3 days of blitz testing before we deploy.

As a team we all have roles to play in this process. Yet, every stinking release it is like pulling teeth to get everyone to take the initiative and verify tickets and run smoke check. Our principled engineer even reached his limit this morning and blew up on everyone.

When you are being paid good money to do a job, you need be an adult, be responsible, step up and do your job!

Manager: Morning Alex, how are you?

My Brain: I'm fan-fucking-tastic, I've had 1 hour of sleep, hurt my back, feels like my tail bone is broken, struggling to walk, every piece of code I've written for the past 3 day's has been a complete waste of time and I'm at work...

Me actually: Good thanks .-.

Rain monitoring/alert api's/services/websites/apps.

Why the fuck are those fuckers (in my case) nearly always right when I couldn't care less and very fucking wrong when I couldn't care more?

Today, morning before leaving:
Nah mate you're good for the next x minutes (more than enough time for me to bike to the station and get on the train).
Reality: suddenly getting two gallons of water a second on me in the form of rain, arrived completely soaked and headphones broke.

Before biking home from the station;
*its raining hard as hell*
Rain alert/monitoring app/radar thingy: nah mate no worries, no rain last half hour and you're good for another half hour!
Reality: arrived home soaked a-fucking-gain.

So motherfucking annoying and frustrating. And yes, I do have an umbrella and such but I hate carrying that stuff around when 'not needed'.

Good morning everyone, I hope the Windows update service leaves you alone today.

So the CEO called me down about a super urgent bug that needs to be fixed or we will loose several hundred thousand pounds of business.

I rush down to his office and there he has a graph "look the values are barely moving i would expect the values to be more erratic this time of day"

*i look at the graph*

"Errrr your looking at 02:00 in the morning, it's 14:00"

Boss: ahh good spot *looks at 14:00* yea that looks good, great job.

Good morning guys,
Have a nice day with your task today.

Let's smile and be positive you will feel better and more productive ^^

"You Can Do It!"

This one was probably last week of my highschool education so everyone including myself were drunk as fuck like 90% of the time.

Came home drunk one evening and woke up in the morning with a working keylogger waiting to be deployed on school computers. Apparently I've even implemented FTP upload, some basic firewall bypasses and autostart feature. Everything was actually quite good, excluding my stupidness to upload captured data on server through FTP, but there was anyways no-one smart enough in that school to decompile a Windows executable binary.

What's more interesting is until that moment I've never written anything remotely so complicated - I was doing examples from the book and didn't think I have enough knowledge to make program that has any real life application.

After that day it started coming to me that one day I could actually earn for life with programming.

This morning there was this window cleaner again, that actually made me remember a rant from the old box - my previous account. Repost of that coming in an hour or so :3

Turns out that he came in the morning, and I completely forgot about it. The only appointment that I had today got canceled so I was like, eh fuck it. There's been this family event yesterday that made me so fucking tired... I'll just stay in bed for a little while longer.

Apparently that window cleaner ringed my bell multiple times, haven't heard him do it but anyway.. he and the cleaning lady had the genius idea to ask my landlord whether they can just barge in my home. Way to start the day, isn't it? I thought there were burglars.

In my bathrobe and visibly pissed off (I am NOT a morning person!), I let him do the window cleaning and waited for them to get the fuck out already. Then that cleaning lady, the fucking bitch that called my landlord to break into my home without MY prior permission!!! While the window cleaner was doing his work, she proceeds to ask me this.

Cleaning lady: "I had this technical issue earlier, and since you are good with phones I thought I'd ask you."
Me (thinking): oh, here it comes.. *rolling eyes*
M: "What's the issue?"
CL: "Well my stepson has an iPhone, which he broke and we brought it to a smartphone repair shop. They repaired it twice but an hour after receipt of the fixed phone, it breaks again."
M (t): You went wrong at iPhone, and you went wrong at visiting that incompetent mofo "teknishan" twice.
M: "Well I have no experience whatsoever with iPhones, but continue."
CL: "Well, he replaced the motherboard, and some pin at the bottom.."
M (t): The fucking motherboard of all things. The whole fucking motherboard?! The last thing that I'd look at, he just replaces like that?! Fucking piece of shit. That's even worse than Apple stores. And what's up with that goddamn pin? CAN'T YOU POSSIBLY BE A BIT MORE SPECIFIC?!
M: "Given only this information, I have no idea what's wrong with it."
CL: "But you are good with these things, aren't you?!"
M: "I disassemble my own broken phones, and dick around with their motherboards. That, while I'm fully aware that in the process I can break it beyond repair. That does not make me an expert on every phone out there."
CL: …

Well what did you even expect, fucking bitch. You barge into my home, don't even have the dignity to leave for me to be able to shower and dress myself, and then you go ask shit like that? Go suck my fucking cock, and shove that iPaperweight down your ass!! How about that?!

Good morning, good day and good weekend.
Sometimes babysitting is worth it Hehehehe.
No projects today, resting day, me, the pool, my nephews and a arduino basic manual.

Client came in this morning. Not even angry about the results so far even though deadline was a month ago. It's good to see a client as passionate about his product as this one

There's a guy in standup that just yells his update in an Indian accent.

He's not even Indian. 💀

Its too funny, I can't even feel offended.

"GOOD MORNING EVERYONE YESTERDAY I CHECKED THE STATUS AND RESOLVED THE DEFECT"

Freelance project I was working on was deployed. Without my knowledge. At 11pm. Their in-house "tech guy" thought that the preview build i gave them was good enough for deployment. Massive bug, broke their api endpoints.
Got a call at 2 in the morning,asking for a fix. I told them how it was their fault and the App they deployed had TESTING written right on the main screen.
They promised additional payment to get me to fix it asap.
Went through the commit history (thank goodness their tech guy knew git, fuck him for committing on production though) and the crash reports.
Removed three lines. All became right with the world again. 😎

Joined a call during a potentially important life event. Work laptop password expired this morning, personal laptop didn't connect to vpn, desktop not connecting to vpn. No one knew what's wrong on the call (just that it's not working).

Not a good call.

1. Start ur day posting Good morning in #general thread.
2. Say Hello Team in the project group (slack).
3. Have a standup call with the entire team and discuss what everyone would be doing.
4. Evening 6 pm go on another call with the team explaining what you did for the day.
5. Time tracking software should always be on, so we can monitor your keystrokes.
6. Track time on Clickup tasks, as well as move them to appropriate tabs indicating their status.
7. Before u log off, post a detailed report on the group chat about what you did for the day.

Surely, this will increase productivity of the team, right?

So I'm feeling a lot better today than I did yesterday. This shit's finally starting to give me some peace.

In the middle of my (first) morning cup of coffee, feeling pretty good about life for once. So I figured..why not do a face reveal?

This picture was like 5 months ago, but the only difference in how I look now is my hair being a bit longer

Believe me when I say, the first thing I do in the morning is to open devRant.

I hate the dumbass people that send on slack: "good morning", "good afternoon" or "how are you?" and do not say anything until I reply. If you do this FUCK YOU!! Just ask the fucking question. Now I just ignore everybody until the question is made

Good morning everyone... May your coffee be warm and your clients be cool.

Random Person in Company Slack: "Hi! Good Morning. How are you?"
Me (in my head): "Just raise a ticket...." 😓 😓

[9:10]

CTO (works as a team lead): You here?
Me: Yes 👍
CTO: After doing X, Y and Z I broke X. That should not happen. You do understand, that this is not a good UX?
Me (asked CTO X amount of times to hire a a good designer, because I’m not): Well, we made the backend receive Y when X is triggered so B can be passed. I can tell the user to do Y in order to do Z.
CTO: NO, you will not. Do what I’ve said.

DUDE WTF? YOU FUCKING 🐎 I WILL BLOW YOU BRAINS WITH MY MORNING NAUSEA AND DIARRHOEA. FUCKING DIPSHIT ALLOWS HIS BAD MOOD AFFECT OTHER EMPLOYEES. HOW THE FUCK YOURE A CTO.

IM NOT GOING TO REWRITE THE CENTER PIECE OF OUR APPLICATION IN A DAY, WHICH TOOK US MONTHS TO MAKE. FUCK OFF

Monday, hurray 🥳

PM: "so I need you to deploy this new application to some new server. The deadline is in 2 days"

Me: "yeah I can do that, is the application ready and has been tested? Have the servers been set up properly by the IT guy?"

PM: "yep, all is set up and good"

Couple of hours later I try locating the server, only to find it didn't exist.

Me: "the server you mentioned earlier, is doesn't appear to exist?"

PM: "it definitely does, IT guy said he set it all up"

I dig around a little more, but this server definitely doesn't exist. The IT guy was on holiday for a week, so we had to wait for him to get back; delaying the release. On the morning the IT guy got back,

PM: " I though you said you set up that server for the application, we've had to delay it now!"

IT: "I just set it up this morning. Like I said in the email to you before I Ieft, I will have to do it first thing when I get back after holiday"

Turns out the PM had asked the IT guy to spin up the server, but never bothered to read his response. Assuming it was done he told the client he'd have it deployed in a couple of days.

The application was deployed successfully later that day, but not before the PM blamed us two for its delay.

Story Time.

TL;DR - Because of Corporate PTSD, I replace the word "everyone/folks/guys" with "Team" when I'm addressing my colleagues, whether it be an e-mail or verbally (F2F/Zoom/GMeet).

In 2019, An office job I worked at, a new Vice President joined the company (the same one who told me he saw me in his dream).

We were required, on a daily basis, to form a circle and one-by-one everyone would out-loud say their yesterday's and current day's tasks updates.

So before the VP joined, everyone was free to initiate their turn however they wanted. Phrases like "Hey Everyone", "Good morning all" or "Hi All" was all around acceptable.

But the moment he started joining the stand-ups, he felt the need to change this phrase to a standard "Good morning Team". No other variations of this. Only and ONLY these three words.

Why you ask? Because saying Good morning is good manners and using the word "Team" strengthens the bond between co-workers and increases collaboration and creativity.

Some colleagues were bound to forget this and they did, which resulted in the VP blasting at everyone for doing so. He would show genuine rage over this, almost as if the company would go out of business because of us, not complying to do so.

Now imagine, you get up at 8 AM, get ready, commute, and get ready to speak for the standup and you get yelled at in front of everyone, FIRST THING before you start working.

Needless to say, it would kill everyone's spirit for getting their day started but nobody could speak up against him because obviously, he was the VP of the company then.

And oh yes, our CEO fired him 5 months after that because he (the VP) got slammed with a pedophilia-related lawsuit, by the parents of a 5-year old.

The things we take for granted... I was laughing my tits off at my mate taking a screenshot this is how it transcribed :)

My mate:
morning!

Me:
morning mate 🙂

My mate:
how are you getting on?

Me:
not bad thanks, bit knackered but good 🙂

My mate:
the band was good then lol. how do i take a screen shot buddy?

Me:
there's print screen button on the top right of the keyboard
My mate:
what will it be under?

Me:
it's a button
on the keyboard
print screen
prt scr or something

My mate:
no when i want to use it

Me:
??

My mate:
what file/folder

Me:
you have to open something like paint
paste it in
save it 🙂

My mate:
urghh
fuck doing all that
you do it

Me:
hahaha
My mate:
haha

Me:
I'm all good 😀
just open paint
ctrl+v
save
that's it

My mate:
i just got a killer score on wows lol i want to post it to the group
so i go to the game screen take a shot by pressing that button then go to paint and do what?
i dont even have paint lol

Me:
don't know what it's called in Windows 10

My mate:
ahh fuck it

Me:
burger nipples

My mate:
why doesnt it just pop up on your downloads or pictures ffs

Me:
it might do in Windows 10 I don't know 😀
doubtful though

My mate:
it has done for other ones
for other games it has

Me:
sometimes the game has it built in
depends on so many things haha

My mate:
nailed it!!
i just hit the right click then hit paste and it came on to the post haha
no fucking about

Me:
Congrats ;)

So Twitter got afraid? Better safe than sorry hehe!🤣

A good morning shit without a 'deadline'.

WTF Woke up this morning and found my email used to register to a website called fiverr.com!!

What is even worse is that at the end of the email where they have that section of: this email was sent to ..., the name is random letters

Even more ironic that website does not allow access from Lebanon ....

I think it is time to change my email, been getting a lot of spam into my inbox lately, though Gmail has a good spam filter :\

I have a bit strange personal rule - If I encounter something more than three times during 3hrs period, I certainly must learn as much as possible about it. Last night I've stumbled upon few listings in Go language.

So, starting this morning, decided to learn Go. So far, so good.

P.S. Is it just me or Go really does have strong C/C++ vibe (but is, indeed, higher level language)? Old guy like me, must like that.

Those direct chat messages containing just:

Can you help me?

Good morning

Hi

Time: 0600 hrs.
Mental State: Almost falling asleep on my laptop

I get a call from my "random cousin" with whom I haven't spoken in a looooong time, and he says "Hey, Good Morning ! I can't connect to my WiFi from my Windows laptop running Windows 7. Can you help ?.."

That moment when you TRULY believe in the person who developed the "Network Diagnostics" utility on Windows and ask the "random cousin" who calls you up at 6 AM to try it...

And he sends you this screenshot after some time ...

And then you have to wake up and pinch yourself to see if you are in a dream...

Long sleepless day ahead...

You guys fuck!

I've decided to look positively at my life. Eve ry morning, I am one day closer to death. How good is that?

Once upon a time we were normal remote professionals and our sprint meetings were characteristically professional, no more, no less.

Until.

one of our juniors, a Southern sports-bro type, suddenly started saying "SIR" to the scrum master in literally every sentence.

"Good morning sir". "Yes sir." "Thank you sir." "I can do that sir."

SOMEHOW this plague caught on to half of the male members of our team like we're in the military or something. We have ONE veteran and ZERO Indians and I can't think of a logical explanation for why we're suddenly sir-ing each other and people who aren't even high level executives.

Well good morning to you too Windows....

Yesterday I had a good idea for a project I'm working on, so I decided to stay awake all the night drinking RedBull in order to implement it.

Eventually I went to bed. I dreamed I was on an island with some friends and a volcano erupted. We escaped from the lava boarding on a big boat, then a tsunami wave reached the boat. Boat didn’t sink, however electric power went down. When the electric power returned, on the boat screens appeared the following text: "Please, restart MySQL". However, under it there was the PostgreSQL elephant logo. I was someway more worried about that rather than the tsunami. After that, a hurricane was coming too. We were saved by people coming with a spaceship, however they appeared to be drunk. I woke up thinking «WTF!».

This morning my husband told me our 4 cats made fuss all the night.

Some simple yet underrated tips for staying in the coding game.

* Coffee.
* Shower if your head feels heavy.
* A simple change to your theme or fonts
* Change of body posture: standups or sitting.
* Switch between desktop and laptop.
* Switch OSes, linux and OSX (good way to also ensure your config/build is portable)
* Long occasional morning/evening walks to think of solutions.
* Throw some shit on the political left on devrant..

Send me some coffee if you find these tips helpful. xD

So I have the new Mac book pro for 8 months now, always thought that the butterfly keyboard issue will never happen to me.

Until three days ago I noticed my space key is kinda sticky.
I have an external monitor so I don’t recall any time I spill water or food directly on the keyboard.

So I made an appointment for a walk in.

BUT this morning, I was like: man, fuck this shit and smashed the space key.

Now it’s fixed.

Good

I walked into the office.
Following the usual morning words spit out, more undead then awake.
"Good morning, jada, jada."
I'm placing my backpack on my desk.
Now opening the case with the notebook.
I grab the notebook as usual.
*crack*
Shit.
Now I'm holding the battery pack in hands. My notebook still chills in my backpack.

FUCKING FUCK SHIT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? CURSES ON THE MANUFACTURER OF THAT PIECE O' SHIT!

Who the fuck sends good morning images to strangers?!

And there was this person who sent me images of good morning quotes out of blue on WhatsApp. I have never met or know this guy and vice versa. I was very creeped out.

I didn't recognise the phone number initially, but later I figured out that this person might be an employee of my ( relative ) client and he was using the mobile number assigned for the business like his personal WhatsApp account with his own profile picture and all. Very unprofessional.

He sent me similar messages for a week and I didn't bother to open the messages. I'm gonna pretend like I don't recognise the phone number. Anyways, his messages have stopped.

I hope I'll never have to face him or have any business discussion with him. I'm never ever gonna visit this relative client at his place as long as he is an employee there.

Good morning everyone, may your IDE's semicolon detection not misbehave.

Yes!!! Only took one morning.... (changed the Downloader from WebClient to Selenium to get past the bot check, cant find old rant)

Good test for new PC other than games I guess... I can code and compile my projects.

How many times do YOU visit devRant in a day?

Me? About 10-15 depending on how bored or eager I am to read all of y’all crazy rants.

P.S. this is like therapy without actually having to pay an asswad amount of money for an actual therapist or session.

P.P.S you are all AMAZING people and developers, I just wanted to share that with you all 😍❤️

Good morning everyone, may your notifications be full of ++s and mentions rather than new comments.

The worst interview . . . .

So I wasn't looking for a job, but I wasn't happy in mine, and I would listen to pitches. Recruiter calls me about a Java job. I tell him I know JS and it's probably not a good fit. He insists my resume looks good and that they are happy to train. I know just enough Java to relent. Eventually we set up an phone interview for a day I happen to have off anyway because I'm going out of town. Morning of, I'm waiting around for the call. An hour after the scheduled time, the recruiter calls and tells me they had an "emergency" and wouldn't be able to speak today. One whole hour of my day, making me late to leave town: no one anywhere in the whole company could give me a call, no explanation, no apologies, for a job I had told them I wouldn't be a good fit for anyway.

I left them hanging the rest of the weekend and then take my name out of the running on Monday. Respect people's time and lives!

Wishing everyone a good morning and a good week

The problem when you fall asleep while coding...

you may have really good thoughts before you pass out, you want to formulate them properly so "you" in the morning can get to work immediately, so you close your eyes just for a sec to think. And then you wake up at 10am and you have no idea what was supposed to be the ending of that TODO.

shit

Good morning DevRant community its been awhile since i have posted here, i truly hope everyone has been well :-), last weekend i have spent some time at the International boat show in Darling Harbour, Sydney.

I will attach a photo of one of the most beautiful toys i have ever seen!! Has anyone from the dev rant community been down to darling harbour to see the boat show also?.

I hope you all have an amazing day/night wherever you may be!.

Kind Regards
Milo

So today is my last day at my current job. I've been here for 4 years and started working here even before I'd even graduated high school. It's really bittersweet. On the one hand I'm so excited for my new job (and vacation), but on the other hand I'll miss this place so damn much. Some say you shouldn't get too attached to your employer, and while that might be true for many cases, I feel that I've gained nothing but positive things from these last 4 years.

Having gone from just having colleagues to having actual friends has been an awesome journey, and I think a good indication of our good relationship is the fact that one of them even wrote me a goodbye song for our little goodbye breakfast this morning.

Idk, just thoughts...

Anyways, away I go. Let's hope my new job will be somewhat good as well.

My failed interaction with a girl:
So I go to a convention at the university.
It's nice I'm having fun, I see a girl dressed as Hermione, she is cute so I go talk to her for a little we joke around I'm really starting to like her. Then I say bye and hang out with friends for the rest of the evening. I see her leaving so I run to her and after catching up to her I ask if I could have her phone number. She says yes and enters her number on my phone. I'm super happy. I excitedly wait for the next day's evening to message her. We message for a while the next day she messages good morning, so I think things are going well, she must like me too right ? I mean we glanced at each other at the convention, she gave me her phone number and messaged good morning so I'm pretty sure she does...

Turns out she doesn't, she says she thought I wanted to be friends...
WHAT ?! FRIENDS ?? Are you 12 ? What friend would run to you to get your phone number and after getting it there would be a stupid grin on his face ??? She looks at 9gag and doesn't know the most overly used meme of "friendzone" ? Unbelievable either she was screwing with me or she is just that socially dense. So after that I'm pretty mad but I don't say any mean things I just accept the fact like a gentleman and carry on with my life. But also feeling depressed after believing we actually had a connection. Ugh I guess back to the coal mines for me huh, stupid conventions 😒

This morning, I felt pretty good. I had a healthy breakfast and I took the longer U-bahn journey into work so as to enjoy the Autumn scenery. I get to my desk after greeting my colleagues with the customary "Guten Morgen" and I began to plan my work for the day. I see there is a new ticket assigned to me which relates to a HTML issue. The customer support team are able to use a HTML editor to made changes to a section of a user's dashboard and from time to time, I get asked to fix their mistakes. Usually, it is something small, but it makes me cringe every time I see the markup. "Tables...tables everywhere!!!", sighed the once happy dev.

Time for a coffee break and a sit-down with the support team

Good morning windows. As you can see spotify is installed and running but windows search says "no results"
Why windows is always so stupid.

Can't say fuck off to all the guys saying good morning when you arrive in office. Nobody really means it. It gets irritating some times. :(

good morning, devRant! My cat is trying to scare away all the bugs for you:

A burden has been lifted off of me. The burden of social media. I hate it with every ounce of my soul(except twitter and devRant). The amount of time wasted it is unreal. Deleted my instagram last night and my snapchat this morning. It feels so good!!!!! Sure my classmates think I'm crazy but it is worth it. No negativity more time to focus, work and game. I think it is a huge win.

Good morning!

My boss and I, with a normal morning greeting in slack

Me: morning boss, how are you?

Boss: very good and you?

Me: marvelous. hey boss, do you have a secret entry to your office? I didn't see you coming

Boss: hahaha, front door :| . And I greeted everyone too

Me: :( sorry

Boss: Microsleep 😂

Me: 😎 nope, extreme concentration

Me: it's a new development methodology, born from extreme programming

Boss: 😶

Just don't open it...

Will definitely not pretend to be productive 24/7. But the below help me reach a satisfactory 8/5 most day's.
- Exercise in the morning
- Eat breakfast
- Listen to good music
- Make sure to have fun moments throughout the workday (++ for initiating)
- Catch air, have a walk, take a break
- Minimize interactions with toxic people
- Be open in sharing knowledge, thoughts, work , good people will repay you
- Get in the kitchen, cook nice healthy meals
- Set concrete and reachable targets
- Remain eager to learn
- Celebrate successes
- Spent time with friends and family
- Catch enough sleep

And above all, DON'T open devRant!!!

Weirdest morning in a while:
- good morning!

_ good morning

* walk over to colleagues desk to see what he’s working on pure out of interest*

_what do you want?

-nothing just curious

_do you want to fight?

-wtf?

The more i work with fellow developers the more i realize the special kind of people we actually are.

- Hey, good morning. Can I see any progress you've done? - Asked boss.
- Hello, it's monday morning, briefing arrived friday - PM answered.

I worked really hard to make this girl my friend at work. We go for morning breaks around from 10:00 AM – 10:30 AM.

And then this new guy joined the company sitting close to me and we become friends. This new guy finds my girl friend really awesome and they are getting closer everyday and they are leaving me behind now and separates me with almost all the conversations during morning break meet.

Today, during the morning break. My girl friend said that I have changed and don't talk to her much like I used to. Way back when we met I really clearly told her that I have anxiety and social disorder so please bare with me and she told me that she will be there for me as a good friend.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm going to lose a good friend really soon.

People hate Amazon, people like to hate on Amazon.
But people also keep buying from Amazon

This morning I took an amazon return package to DHL and literally at 17:00 this day (the same day!) I got the refund to my bank account

What the fuck. I mean yeah I hate amazon as much as the next guy. But that's literally why people are buying from amazon. You can't just say "amazon bad" and then not also appreciate when they are doing something good

Fucking hate Qt.

Spent all morning trying to figure out how their bullshit QThreadPool works with their bullshit QRunnable but after a bunch of bullshit asynchronous testing I figured that my thread object was being collected and deleted before I was done with it, for no reason. Now if the race condition was documented... This wouldn't be an issue. But every google search brought up nada. Eventually I resorted to turning off autoDelete on the runnable, but then I just have a memory leak, obviously.

I couldn't find a way to manually clean up a QRunnable in Python. What the fuck.

I just went back to good old fashioned QThreads... This is why I quit Qt in the first place.

Today my girlfriend wake up, to go to college, saying good morning honey. I replied without further thinking "Merge it, good night" and my body dropped on bed and I immediately felt asleep. Now i don't know how to feel about it...

We have “adopted” Agile as our development process. Now I will be honest that I don’t know everything about Agile because I am very new to developing things in a professional setting. But the person who has been the advocate of Agile always starts his sentences with: “Whatever I have read about Agile..”

You can understand why I don’t get a good feeling/confidence regarding this adoption strategy. Things haven’t changed, just the presence of words like “DevOps”, “Agile”, etc has increased in the morning meetings.

Will Always Remember my good friends

time is the only asset that has no price and that is something that we all have.

time is worth more than anything and anyone, even money. once time is wasted, it can never be bought again.

and guess what

the only thing that has no price, is the thing that is given to our lives for free.

each day you are deposited 86400 seconds for free.

good morning

Tl; dr: Linux on Ryzen is a pain at the moment.
Now for the long part: Our student council got new computers because the old ones where slow as hell. As one of the admins, the others and I together decided that ryzen would be a good option, because they are not that expensive and we wouldn't have to buy gpus. (Wrong decision it turns out.) We settled on the ryzen 3 2200G and bought three systems to replace the old ones.

We meet Saturday morning and build the systems. All was fine and we were happy. The we tried to install ubuntu via preseeded netboot, which seemed to work fine at first. Then we started having weird screen issues and couldn't proceed with the installation. (See image) we then grumpily decided to just install them all one by one, flashed two usbs and started installing. On two systems the installation worked and we installed our packages, we weren't so lucky with the third one. It would crash on us all the time, even in bios. While that was going on we tried to set the other two up, turns out those two were also crashing but not as frequent as the other one. So we start to google and find people saying that kernel 4.19 kinda fixes it. We install it on the two working machines and the crashes get less frequent but are still there. At that point it was midnight and we went home.
Sunday morning: we reseated the cpu on the third system and it seems to be better now (it installed on the second try) and we were able to change the kernel. Yay. Now all three are in a state where they will sometimes randomly reset. :/ and we don't know what to try anymore.... Any suggestions?

Talking to a computer: change bootstrap class onclick javascript

Talking to an human: Good morning, please how do I change the bootstrap class when I click on an element with Javascript, thank you, I love you.

Its 6:57 AM here and I am still awake !! Anyone here today with me ? :D
Good Morning everyone BTW !

Had to make a change in an ugly codebase. For this I had to change a config value which was duplicated three times in the code base. So I wanted to refactor the code so that the config was in one place.

I worked on this for two days and it was starting to look good. On the third day when I started to work on this I realized that I couldn't start the server anymore. Looking through version control I figure out that my co-worker had stayed till 3am last night to work on the change I was supposed to make.

I had to spend all morning undoing his commits. Once I was done refactoring the actual change took me ten minutes.

Why the fuck would you stay until the middle of the night to work on someone else's task?!

Could have just asked how it was coming along if I wasn't working fast enough for him.

Morning, start work, play a song for concentrating 🔥.

Calls the CEO 🦸 stop the song, answer, play, calls the PM 🧞 stop, answer, play, calls the stagaire 🧚 calls colleague🏃calls supplier🤺 song is at 1:00, restart song, song is too good to listen like this, play from the beginnig, calls the CEO 🦸

Good morning 😁

A service had/has been logging hundreds of errors in the development environment and I reached out to the owning process mgr that the error was occurring and perhaps a good opportunity to log additional data to help troubleshoot the issue if the problem ever made its way to production. He responded saying the error was related to a new feature they weren't going to implement in the backing dev database (TL;DR), and they know it works in production (my spidey sense goes off).
They deployed the changes to production this morning and immediately starting throwing errors (same error I sent)
Mgr messaged me a little while ago "Did you make any changes to the documentation service? We're getting this error .."

50% sure someone misspelled something in a config, but only thing they are logging is 'Unable to parse document'. Nothing that indicates an issue with the service they're using.

Good morning class! Let's start the day solving bugs in an Android application that many people have already gotten their hands on, which has 3 mixed languages, no comments in the code and is so bad that not even Android Studio recognizes the sources directory. But it compiles, runs and has a 4 month old bug that no one has been able to resolve.

Every f*k**g morning.. "Good morning _____, goood morning!" I'm so tired of these work from home Zoom calls with my boss. OMG. Everybody gotta suck her dick like we like her. Aaaaaaah. #tears

Good morning to everyone, except that one Twitter dev who one day woke up and was like "YOU KNOW WHAT, MY APPLICATION WILL FEATURE BOTH OAUTH1 AND OAUTH2 ENDPOINTS, BUT SOME FEATURES WILL BE EXCLUSIVE TO EITHER OF THE TWO -NOT NECESSARILY THE MOST RECENT, JUST A RANDOM ONE-, AND ALSO THE OFFICIAL TWITTER LIBRARY WON'T COVER ALL THE ENDPOINTS SO PEOPLE WILL HAVE TO RESORT TO RAW HTTP REQUESTS INSTEAD OF USING MY SDK AND ALSO I'MMA MAKE DEVELOPERS FILL 2 VERY DETAILED FORMS, REQUIRING PERSONAL DATA AND ACTUAL REAL PHONE CALLS, JUST TO START DEVELOPMENT WITH 7 DIFFERENT AUTHENTICATION TOKENS, BECAUSE SOME REQUESTS WILL REQUIRE A DIFFERENT AUTHENTICATION METHOD THAN THE OTHER REQUESTS DESPITE ALL OF THEM PERTAINING TO THE SAME FUCKING ENTITY"

Good morning

It's frustrating when network guy blame tomcat is not running and hence something wrong with application without fucking checking proxy settings. Fucking waste my 2 hours and in the end he looks like idiot. Good Morning.

During 6 months I updated myself day and night on java, springboot and AWS.

I failed most of the technical interviews on my preferred stack, however I got a job, where the probable stack is C#, dotnet and Azure.

So, I have a couple of weeks of very good quality rant ahead.

I just started.

hmmm let's see, should I use Visual Studio or Visual Studio CODE. I spent the morning before understanding they were different. I could have spent the morning Studying how To Visually fuck you, lame name chooser.

Now I'm following a tutorial.
I need .NET 5.0, but guess what, I have .NET core 3.1.
But wait, fuck, .NET and .NET CORE are not the same thing! Will .net core 3.1 work for a .NET project or not?

And there goes the afternoon. Is he the same guy who choose the names?
I'll tie you with a barbed wire net and fuck you to the core, you asshole

When it's 15:00 and the other developers start arriving for work... Umm yeah, good morning...? 😔

How important is understanding heap vs stack memory allocation?

Who knows--I'm a python developer after all.

Also I completed by first alife simulation. Took me from 7 pm yesterday to 10.30am this morning.

Feels good. I'm at the part of familiarity with the language that my thoughts are pretty much directly parsed and translated into code, without any effort.

Alife's just for the standard math shitposting though. Was fun regardless.

Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating it. I sincerely hope each of you has someone to cozy up this festive season. Remember and share all the good stories that happened this year, all the sores that hurt you back then but turned out well in the end. Share your plans, hopes and dreams to achieve next year.

Be it a friend, a family, a significant other or your neighbour. Cozy up and enjoy. After all this hard year you've all deserved it.

[don't try to trick yourself that you're better off alone. We both know it's not true]

After a long break I'm having a white Christmas this year. That and my kiddo stepping his first steps, apartment nearly done and a huge christmas tree in one of the rooms, and the fact that I've finaly 100% nailed my gift for my wife [never ever has this happened bfore! Can't wait to see her face in the morning :) ] -- I'm full of Christmas spirit this year!

I wish you all have a great holiday!

I am now sitting in my apartment lobby after rushing home this morning because of a FedEx Delivery.

They said they can't get access to the building then how the fuck did this FedEx package get in between when I got back and when I came down?

Now they said there are different trucks... And my service could come later today.

It wasn't even supposed to come today but I guess maybe that's good since I took today off anyway...

Now I'm just stake out here all day and if it's not here..... Im going to aim to make FedEx the next Facebook or Panama Paper PR crisis

(Saturday morning)
Me: I've never been so long without exercising (since before this, my first winter), I should get in shape now that this God forsaken weather is finally reaching livable levels.

(some time later at the gym)
Also me: You've always been in good shape, why stop with just chest, let's do some arms and shoulders.

(48 hours later, Monday morning)
I had to turn my whole torso to look if any car was coming while walking to the library, moved like terminator because of the massive neck muscle pain, suffered through the pain of setting up all my study material to the realize (just now) I can't even fucking look down to my notebook... Can I be more stupid?

Good morning, can you imagine why my mailserver can't deliver mails to some email-addresses? For example I can't sent mails to Hotmail, Freenet, Yahoo, Outlook and see more...

Good morning what a ... Ah fuck it

TLDR: There's some days where the Gods of IT are not with you. Just lost a whole day of work.

So this morning, we (me and my team) big performance issues with our web app. Lot's of requests time out, big latency, etc

Try to ssh to VPS, latency of 10 seconds between user input and output.

Usual checks: RAM ok, Proc ok, hard drive ok, reboot server (20 minutes), update/upgrade

We decide to call OVH. After 15 minutes call, we try to reboot in rescue mode. Reboot fails at 60% + everything freezes.

After an hour, OVH opens an incident ticket on +200 vps instances (including mine) everything is down during +1h

Finally everything is okay ! Even had time to migrate my new database schema.

Still, quick heavy on the mind but feels good to go home with everything working out correctly

Good morning from Brazil! TGIF

#cursee&productivity

It's not a good start for today. I'm sipping my breakfast coffee at my house at 10:13. I just couldn't drag my ass out of bed this morning. I turn off all my alarms and just stayed under the blanket. Winter is my enemy.

Hope I will work with good focus later when I get to office.

Dear devs: Is 8:06am here and I didn't sleep cause I was updating some firmwares.
I think I'm blind.
Good night! I mean, good morning!

Couple of the senior devs were reviewing some legacy service code, vilifying everything that was done. Too many files, not enough files, too many lines of code, etc. Standard Monday-Morning-Quarterback nonsense. Then they came across Thread.Sleep() in various exception handlers. The passive-aggressive -bleep- hit the fan. 'Idiot', 'Moron', "People don't know how to code..", etc. dog-pile rants for a good 5 minutes.
I thought "Code is only a couple of years old and had very little changes..I'll bet the original developer is still here."
So I look at the change history and sure enough the original developer was one of the dog-pilers, and the other dev changed the code just last year. Comments like "Major refactoring", "Increased Performance", etc and the changes were only removing comment blocks, and other stylecop suggestions. Oh...there was one change was Thread.Sleep(6000) to Thread.Sleep(1000). I guess that did technically "increase performance"
Would I get fired if I said "Shut the -bleep- up you -bleep-ing -bleep- heads" ? Hmm...probably. Better keep my opinions on devrant.

Got through an entire day at work with just a "good morning" and "have a good weekend". Team was focused today - it was a good day!

Almost 2 years working at this small IT company that has 7 developers and I just had my first small-talk conversation with the lead senior developer that was not related to work.

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I like to be able to chat to my colleagues instead of just saying "Good morning" and "See you tomorrow" and discussing my tasks. In any case, I'll go get a coffee and get back to coding.

Being on time for that 10 am stand-up meeting.

Yes, all the cool kids are doing it. Yes, sometimes there is a benefit in being in the office at the same time as your colleagues. Yes, communication and backbriefing is important.

Yet why has it to happen at that early early possible time? Yes I know other places are worse demanding to be in office starting from 6 to 9. (I wonder why I don't work there. Oh wait, I don't.) Some companies even try to trick you with free breakfast in the morning. Thanks, but no thanks, I just want coffee.

Here's a crazy thought: You let me do my work on my terms when and where and I guarantee I invest the hours we agreed upon in the contract and try my very best to achieve the current goal, and maybe I'll be a happy and productive employee.

How about that? No. Ok. By the way, is this a good time asking for the possibility to work from remote? Also no? Ah okay. Didn't think so ...

It’s always hard for me to get up and start coding each morning, but once I do I always feel good about the work I’m doing.

My paper just got rejected. Again. The first time it was expected. But for this journal, it wasn't supposed to be. Some of the reviewers' comments are stupid. (for eg. I mention a no-loss algorithm fir a game which, so his/her comment is like what's no-loss? , like are you fucking kidding me, if you don't know that, then why are you a reviewer in the first place)

Anyway now I don't know what to do. I'm looking for more journals but all have so high impact factors and I'm not even sure confident to submit again. Had a good mind to mail the editor in chief but well, I don't think it'd help. What do you guys think?

In the middle of another project, another paper, online courses, now this. I'm just done. I didn't go home as well. It's around four o' clock in the morning here, so noone here is awake.

Can anyone hear me?

Good Morning Devs. Funny thing... Why was I dreaming about subnetting 😂. I literally remember in the dream about telling someone to count zeros. I woke up like 🤔🤔. Zeros...zeros. Was I just explaining to someone how to figure the total IP addresses and Hosts....🤭🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Emailed my PM a new project spec, the next morning he emails me back saying, to stop wasting time and get back to "real" work.

A few days later we had a Skype meeting with senior management and the PM who rejected the spec to go over that same spec document among other projects, everyone agrees it's a good idea including the PM :D

FML.

Boy oh boy.. Reminds me of good ol college days. I was in my final sem when Amazon came to our university for campus hiring. I was very confident that I will get selected. Funnily enough I went till the final round and I had a feeling that it went well if not excellent. It was a Friday night and we had to wait two excruciating days for the final shortlisted result to come. On the evening of Monday my friend T called me and told me my name is not on the list. I was heartbroken. I asked him who all got selected and he said our friend A did. A was, and still is a good friend of ours and I was happy for him. That night we sat down for drinks and as the night progressed I anguished over my selection. I still remember solving a binary tree problem holding a glass of whiskey in my one hand. The next morning I woke up at 6, detoxed myself with fruit juices and sat in front of my laptop feeling full rage from last night. I sat till lunch and hacked a chrome extension in one sitting. Mind you I had no existing knowledge of extensions at that point of time. I sometimes look how my life has turned since that time and now I am one of the devs in a team which work on a product that itself is a browser extension. :)

Weekend thought: Is Youtube becoming more like Facebook?

So I'm at work today and my coworker is watching YouTube. And by watching YouTube I mean watching very "mainstream" content like Mojo top 10 lists and Good Mythical Morning. When he's not doing that he's watching Twtich streaming for 6-8 hours a day.

I've noticed that I watch YouTube a lot less than I used to because there's less content I find interesting anymore. And I wonder if it's because the platform's algorithm for showing content has been skewed so much away from original content. I'm not saying that YouTube was a bastion of fantastic content 5 years ago, but in my opinion it was easier to find good content over the click bait that I feel plagues it these days.

I might be feeling this because a number of channels I've enjoyed have had to turn to patreon to get money from the demonetization of advertisements over the past year. It hasn't affected viewership but it does affect what I think YouTube "wants" the users to watch.

After a code review where I identified an odd way a request was being generated, I suggested to the developer to utilize the Strategy pattern.
Knowing that the Strategy pattern probably wouldn't make sense in the current context, I told him I would put an example together by the end of the day.

I throw something together, sent it to him.

Go to the restroom, come back and 'Bob' says..

Bob:"There is my hero. Justin said you saved the world again. What was it this time? World hunger? Global warming? Ha ha ha."

Frack off you condescending kiss ass. Why don't you take 5 minutes to listen and understand the problem Justin was having instead of making fun of him?
Yea, I heard you this morning laughing at his code, monday-morning quarterbacking a solution in which you have no idea whats going on.

Heard your days are numbers anyway. Good riddance.

So today morning I got a driver related BSOD after which during restart, my pc went into windows update. Everything was going fine when power failed and it shut off. Now I am stuck with this...
Good thing I have linux in dual boot so work is getting done.

if ($I->stillAwake()) {
sleep (60*60*5);
$I->setZombieMode(true);
if (!$Office->coffeeAvailable()) {
die();
}
}

F*ck Apple. WatchOs 4 is a downgrade! On first apple watch the system runs half the speed. The music app is now shit, because I can only play music downloaded on the 2gb apple watch. Seriously wtf? Maybe I have more music than 2gb. There new design of the app slowed the app down to 15 fps...
The story watch face is complete crap it shows all the time only "Good morning, name".

The worst is I can't go back to the watchOS 3 which was so many times better...

And you still have this bug that pisses me off since watch OS 1 you can hear every sounds coming from your watch with your Bluetooth headphones, but not calls.
You have to hear the call with the apple watch speakers when you don't want to buy airpods.
In other words the function is useless.
And it's one of the most important.

Pls apple why has every watchOS update have to be an downgrade...

And I don't have any chance to get off of this version unlike with iOS.

Ran an app release yesterday, adding some new stuff and fixing a few bugs. Was scared this morning because APM didn't have any errors and the app was already in use by half of the userbase.

Turns out it's the most stable release so far! Day's all good again :D

I drank too much last night. I was scared shitless since I really can't deal with hungovers and I am not supposed to drink a lot because of my stomach condition.

Mind you, for me, 8 beers is a lot(drank them in about 2 hours) and went to sleep. I was not all fucked up or anything, i was very lucid and scared of what i was going to deal with.

As i was trying to relax, my psychosis kicked in and I can swear that a little voice told me to calm down, i have been working out like if I was about to fight McGregor and my metabolism is through the roof(which is sometimes alarming) and that I will be good by morning.

Woke up at 11 feeling like a million bucks.

If something is free, doesn't make it the best, it is like saying virtual box is better than VMware because it is free, all I can say is that virtual box is a bitch and VMware is a sexy house wife .....bitches fuck with everyone every with discount....
Good morning peeps

Monday morning: "Hey uuuh the client receives 3 mails instead of one and only one of them is good, there's a problem, go fix it"

Yesterday, me: - "Hey I've been looking everywhere, made hundreds of tests, there's a problem with the files attached to the mail, they're unreadable"
-" I told you it's in the code, you didn't look deep enough"

This evening: "Umm it seems that there's indeed a permission issue. So I'm gonna rollback everything you've done since Monday"

One year. One year and I live this hell.