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If you are reading this, I want you to know that I am probably on some kind of FBI watchlist because I googled "How to kill all children while leaving the parent alive". So yeah, Linux is brutal.7
-
I tell my parents that I chose Game Development in the GeoLab course(The college which my mother really wanted me to try), and mother's response is: „Gaming is mankind's disaster. Why do you want to make more people miserable?“
Kill. Me. Now.84 -
Last month: Opening devrant
Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, FUCK FACEBOOK, ZUCKED ME, KILL MARKBOOK, ATTACK FACEBERG
Last week: Opening devrant
GDRP, GDRP, GGEEDDEERRPPPEEEEE, FUCK GDRP, YEEEY GDRP, WHY GDRP, UPDATED OUR GDRP, FUCKED MY GDRP, PEED IN MY GDRP
this week: Opening devrant
Microsoft, Github, NO Microshit, Burn Github, FUCK GITHUB, POO ON MY MICROHUB, VOMITED ON MY GITSOFT
next week:????
(Google, you better be ready, it's your turn)25 -
Frontend-developer's day is like:
*moving element by 0.0001px to right*:
- *10 new pages appeared*
- *text suddenly disappeared*
- *pictures pierced bottom of page*
- *window.alert("Kill me")*
- *it's night outside the window, but you totally sure a minute ago was a noon*
*moving element back*:
- *no pictures*
- *no text*
- *no moon*
- *10 blank pages*
- *only darkness left in this world...
...and this fcking element, yeah*
19 -
> Comments are there only for you, please delete them before pushing your code.
I want to kill everyone who suggests that, slaughter them like animals!14 -
So there is this girl who was trying to be cute and wrote a mock C code for me :
She wrote :
If(existence=disapointment)
printf("kill self");
else
printf("what else??");
And without hesitating I told her that her code had a fault in it and it would always print "kill self" no matter what the level of disappointment is. And asked her to fix it.
The way she fixed it was probably best described as the situation when you have no idea what you are doing and you don't try to understand either. (or was simply passive aggressive) :
If(existence=disapointment)
printf("kill self");
else
printf("kill self");
Honestly though I hope she was being passive aggressive because boy do I pity people who confuse between '=' and '=='12 -
Me at the office, Boss calling me by phone..
Boss: Hi, I need a new Build of XX Android app for another client.. set the base address at x.x.x.x and send me an APK file
Me: OK, I will do it.
Boss: can you do it in 5 minutes?
Me: Sure, it's simple..
Android Studio: You think it's simple !
* Indexing Files
* Sync Project
* Gradle Build
* Indexing....
* Some f* tasks
Oh kill me now !!4 -
A convo with my !dev colleague.
Her: Can i use your PC for a while?
Me: Yeah sure.
Her: Why is this so wierd? Why i can't refresh?
Me: It's Ubuntu.
Her: Man, this sucks, you should use windows 10, it's the latest!
End of Convo.
After that day, i heard her talking to my other colleague.
Her: "Go ask him. The one with the weird PC."
--------------------
SHOULD I KILL HER?22 -
Friend: Hey, I managed to build my own UI.
Me: That's great, which programming language did you use?
Friend: Filezilla.
Me: No, I mean the language. The language you code in to build your UI ?
Friend: Notepad ++
KILL ME.9 -
Dear codebeautify.org,
Go kill yourself.
No one likes you. Go die.
Love,
poster983
P.S. I'm serious.
18 -
I’m going to fucking kill my boss.
He’s known about how I’ve been writing this fucking ticket (screwdriver followup) for four fucking weeks, and on the last fucking day (yesterday) he tells me it’s not the correct fucking architecture and to rewrite basically all of it using <unknown bullshit> instead, and that i must have it done by today — by this fucking morning — so it can make the release.
WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS AT ANY POINT IN THE LAST FUCKING MONTH WHILE YOU WERE BUSY NITPICKING MY FUCKING CODE YOU FUCKING CUNT?!30 -
A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another.
A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?"
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer."
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"
"We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors".3 -
Another day at CS Class :
Friend : " Lol! Is that Linux? "
Me : " Yeah why? "
Friend : " That shit sucks man, go use Windows! "
Me : *im going to kill you face expression*12 -
Mom : why were you late?
Me : Got lot of bugs in office.
Mom : Is everyone alright? Did you kill them?
Me : No mom we fix them.
Mom : I thought we kill them.
How humane are you guys.9 -
So, I just got up, opened my sister's laptop to work (she gave it to me while I was in this small trip) and I see this. She was like "if you break it, I'm gonna kill you" and I said "oh no! What am I gonna do? Hammer it or something?" Fuck my luck, seriously
16 -
fork() can fail: this is important
Ah, fork(). The way processes make more processes. Well, one of them, anyway. It seems I have another story to tell about it.
It can fail. Got that? Are you taking this seriously? You should. fork can fail. Just like malloc, it can fail. Neither of them fail often, but when they do, you can't just ignore it. You have to do something intelligent about it.
People seem to know that fork will return 0 if you're the child and some positive number if you're the parent -- that number is the child's pid. They sock this number away and then use it later.
Guess what happens when you don't test for failure? Yep, that's right, you probably treat "-1" (fork's error result) as a pid.
That's the beginning of the pain. The true pain comes later when it's time to send a signal. Maybe you want to shut down a child process.
Do you kill(pid, signal)? Maybe you do kill(pid, 9).
Do you know what happens when pid is -1? You really should. It's Important. Yes, with a capital I.
...
...
...
Here, I'll paste from the kill(2) man page on my Linux box.
If pid equals -1, then sig is sent to every process for which the calling process has permission to send signals, except for process 1 (init), ...
See that? Killing "pid -1" is equivalent to massacring every other process you are permitted to signal. If you're root, that's probably everything. You live and init lives, but that's it. Everything else is gone gone gone.
Do you have code which manages processes? Have you ever found a machine totally dead except for the text console getty/login (which are respawned by init, naturally) and the process manager? Did you blame the oomkiller in the kernel?
It might not be the guilty party here. Go see if you killed -1.
Unix: just enough potholes and bear traps to keep an entire valley going.
Source: https://rachelbythebay.com/w/2014/...12 -
Dear teenager who came up to me and said "Oh python, you must be a beginner programmer"
kill yourself
sincerely,
Angry dev who is tired of people shaming python28 -
I received a ticket today that said
"The customer can access the app fine if they're at their home, but when they occasionally go to the desert they can't access the app"
You can't make this stuff up.
Someone please kill me.14 -
One of my friend at college asked me why her computer is running slow even when she is running only chrome.
Me: how much memory does it have?
Her: 1TB.
Me (somewhat confused): no no I meant RAM.
Her: yeah yeah it's one TB. I read the specifications of the laptop.
Me: *in my mind, fucking read it again* please read it again. You must have misread it.
Her( grinning face ): alright.
Guess who didn't talk to me for a week. 😂14 -
Hey man can you fix my tv, computer, toaster, phone, or hack this phone i found, can you hack me a wifi, can you make me a website/app i have a really good idea. (For free of course)
Hey man you only need a good idea for an app then become rich.
(Insert countless of other retarded requests here)
Someone kill me6 -
Me and my girlfriend's pillow talk about memory leaks
Me: **... So garbage collection is a means to stopping a memory leak from occuring
Gf: what 's a memory leak ?
Me: a memory leak is like when you want a pizza, and the guy gives you pizza. But you don't eat the pizza and you ask for another pizza. You keep doing this repeatedly. Until the pizza guy realizes what you're doing and decides to kill you. He then takes back all his pizzas
Gf: why would you do that though?
Me: Lazy ass programmers who don't clean up after themselves.6 -
!dev && I'm fucking pissed
Bloody fucking mosquitos, FUCK YOU!!
If you couldn't evolve your shitty self over billions of years to be able to consume decent food instead of MY FUCKING BLOOD, then just let me fucking kill you already and eat my own fucking supper in peace!
MOTHERFUCKING PARASITIC ABOMINATIONS OF LIFE!!!16 -
When the entire platform mysteriously goes down for a half hour at 11pm ON A SATURDAY AND YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO WORKS ON IT GOOD GOD SERIOUSLY YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME I JUST WANT TO SLEEP
WHOEVER DID THIS I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL KILL YOU3 -
Miss those days when web development used to be easy...
Now the react, react-router, redux, server-side-rendering, redux-form and nodejs...making me crazy.
And oh how can you forget the fucking webpack.
Someone please kill me.
9 -
*offering sweets to a fellow at work
Colleague: Oh I'm a diabetic but What you've got here aaaaaa.....
My Brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Me: Oh come-on already One small piece won't kill you11 -
Had a discussion with a developer about security. His software transfers all user data (password and files) unencrypted, so anyone can grab them with wireshark. I told him that this is a severe issue. He said no its no problem because if you get hacked its your own fault, because you probably used an insecure network. NO ! YOU FUCKING MALADJUSTED SHEEP-MOLESTING OBJECT OF EXECRATION, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS ENCRYPT SENSITIVE USERDATA NO MATTER WHAT NETWORK YOU USE. FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY.
Not implementing encryption is one thing but then acting like its no problem is a fucking nother one. Why do people not understand that security of userdata is important???11 -
> Last year of study
> I see a new face
> Maybe new friend?
> He asked me what am I doing in live
> Front-end my friend :)
> So you are not real programmer :O
> Wtf with these people
> Should I kill him?8 -
God damn it udemy, you have courses on the fundamentals of ass wiping but I can't find a good quality c++ from scratch course
༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ Kill me15 -
So IT just blocked all web browsers at work apart from internet explorer.....
I have been using it for 2 hours and I think I'm about ready to end it all....17 -
I would kill all these +1 guys, srsly. I subscribe these threads to know if it will be implemented.
You do not add any value to issue:
* devs are pissed off as this does not help solving problem
* others are pissed off
No one really cares about your likes, really.
28 -
Debug.Log("Works")
Debug.Log("WORKS")
Debug.Log("WORKING")
Debug.Log("WORKIIIIIIING")
Debug.Log("WORKSES")
Debug.Log("WOREJRIE")
Debug.Log("KILL ME")
Debug.Log("TRUE")
Debug.Log("FALSE")
Debug.Log("I NEED TO TAKE A SHIT FUCKING WORK")
Debug.Log("IF YOU SEE THIS YOU WIN AT LIFE")
Debug.Log("IF YOU SEE THIS YOU ARE A FAILURE")
Debug.Log("FUUUUUUCK")
Debug.Log("FUCK ME")
Debug.Log("EICUEF738DKWIS")9 -
If you indent like this, I'm going to find you, and I'm going to kill you.
My eyes are already sore, 12 minutes after arriving to the office.
20 -
So this happened...phone somehow turned on in my pocket and the fingerprint sensor rubbed against the fabric a lot of times...didn't have access to my phone for FREAKING 2 HOURS!! Why should my phone get locked by the fingerprint sensor?? The way I see it, if you are someone else, you either have my finger...or you don't...like you could kill me and chop my hand off or be crafty and try and use my finger while I'm asleep or drugged...either way, it wouldn't take that many tries to unlock my phone 😒😒.
11 -
"Hey I am a programmer too! I can code anything, I bet I'm better than you!"
-
"Huh, that sounds cool! What languages do you like to write your programs in?"
-
............ "English"
🤦🏻♂🤦🏻♂
True story by the way, some guy I just met did this. I was not sure how to react. Should I laugh? Should I cry? Should I kill myself? Should I kill him?10 -
You can kill me for this...
I've one old printer and and I wanted to print some pages. So I did following steps
1. Plugged printers power cable and turned it on.
2. Connected included cable to printer.
3. Opened PDF and tried to print
4. Did step 3 for fucking 20minutes
What went wrong?
I fucking forgot to connect USB cable to my fucking laptop. FML...8 -
Prooooo gamer tip!!!
If your computer is overheating and you need to piss, just kill two stones with one bird and piss on the computer.
Brought to you by PBS kids, which is made possible by viewers like you.10 -
Managers: fullStackClown!!!! The image uploader on the dashboard at <insert 3rd party service here> isn't working!!!!!
fullStackClown: Yeah? What do you want me to do about it?
Managers: Well, fix it!
fullStackClown: ... * sigh * Well, in case you didn't realize, I don't work at <insert 3rd party service here>, so... unless you want me to go work for them instead of you absolute clowns (which I dream about daily), I cannot help you further in this matter.
Managers: ...
fullStackClown: ...
Kill me. 🤡6 -
You know, pointers are cool. I like pointers. They allow you so much more control about memory than languages without support for pointers. But fucking null pointers. I could kill them. Why are they such a fucking nightmare to debug?12
-
So this fucktard decided to write the most inefficient way to collect thousands of records.
The system I am working on allows users to book facilities. There is one feature where an admin can generate reports on the bookings made between any two dates. A report for bookings made between January and April generates 7878 records.
So this shithead, after making a call to the server and receiving 7878 records decides to put it through 4 fucking foreach loops (this takes around 44.94 seconds).
After doing that, he passes it to the controller to go through ANOTHER foreach loop to convert those records into a JSON string, using..string..manipulation. (this takes bloody 1 minute and 30 seconds).
Now, my dear, dear supervisor is asking me to fix this saying that there must be a typo somewhere. Typo my arse. This system has been up for more than a year. What have they been doing all this time??? Bloody hell. Fucking idiots everywhere. I now have to refactor
..fucking refactor.2 -
Me: Wish I got one guilty free murder pass..
God: GRANTED! Which software tester would you like to kill?4 -
Me: "Just upload the god damn file you bastard! I got called 5 times today because you couldn't upload this fucking piece of shit!"
Co-Worker: "Relax dude, I got all here on my computer"
Me: "....." (In mind: if you kill him later, you can hide the evidence)9 -
small reminder: building your own operating system means that you are forced to scan the memory by yourself...
FUCKING HELL PLEASE KILL ME NOW23 -
I develop apps for a medical school. You'd think the students would be pretty bright, but it legitimately scares me that some of these people are going to perform brain surgery.
I guess the moral of the story is you're not too dumb to get that dream dev job - if these morons can be doctors, you can do what you set your mind to. And you can feel good knowing your mistakes won't kill anyone!9 -
Guy: - "Your restart script doesn't work."
Me: - "What do you mean?"
Guy: - "It does nothing."
Me: - "It should kill every processes that's running within the project and start them again. Wait... Why do you terminate it?"
Guy: - "I don't. It just stops."
Me: - "It says `Terminated` here. You killed it. Just let it do it's job, don't kill it."
Guy: - "I'm not killing it! It just stops!"
(...two hours later...)
Me: - "Wait... Where do you run it from?"
Guy: - "What do you mean? I just run the script you gave me."
Me: - "Yeah, but where do you run it from? Where did you put it?"
Guy: - "It's part of the project so I put it in the project, d'oh!"11 -
Programmers then:
No problem NASA mate, we can use these microcontrollers to bring men to the moon no problem!
Programmers now:
Help Stack Overflow, my program is kill.. isn't 90GB (looking at you Evolution) and 400GB of virtual memory (looking at you Gitea) for my app completely normal? I thought that unused memory was wasted memory!1!
(400GB in physical memory is something you only find in the most high-end servers btw)9 -
Google can you fucking not just kill off random projects that still have a very active userbase!!!
I know you want to merge the play music streaming with youtube music. But that is no reason to kill off the default music player on Android. Cause, y'know, A FUCKTONNE OF PPL STILL USE OFFLINE MUSIC!!!!
And to add more insult to this, Play Music is a default app on pretty much all Android phones. This means it cannot be uninstalled at all. (Unless you root) So thanks for the waste of space!!!
17 -
That moment when your supervisor gets back to you so fucking late that you consider dropping out literally days before finishing your degree.
Lol. Kill me right now please.8 -
[Found on tumblr]
It only takes a minute of your time, so please call EVERYDAY to save net netrality. Here is the link:
https://www.battleforthenet.com/
Also if you are like me and get nervous with phone calls, use this. You won't have to talk to anyone: https://resistbot.io/
We can also kill the piece of shit, Ajit Pai, that would be a much easier solution ;)4 -
From Datamation magazine circa 1968. Now you can really geek out your friends. This is the kind of stuff you can throw out at a party to kill any discussion.
6 -
Fucking Windows... If you don't have enough memory for everything youre supposed to do, then kill whatever you want, but not the fucking graphics driver.
What should I do then? Close something different? Fuckin Monkeys.2 -
Tips for staying focused while wfh?
Telling the wife to stay away. At least twice a day I was sexually harassed. I can't go into details because I'm still traumatized.
If my daughter wasn't home schooled, I'm sure I would have been forced to um...uh...you know...while I was supposed to be working.
Wife: "Honey, quick, kill this spider!!"
<I run into the bedroom>
Me: "Where is the spi...why are you in the bed? No...no...NOOOOO!! I'm reporting you to HR!"
Wife: "Ha!..when you're working from home...I'm HR."12 -
“This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer. 'I never could get the hang of Thursdays.”
― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
^^ this couldn't come more handy..
It's thursday, my computer didn't auto reboot due to updates (yaaay) but VS decided to kill my keyboard shortcuts nevertheless... :\
FU VS!!
Wen't to check, it's actually still there (written) ok..
Me: Why won't you work?!
VS: Not tellin..
Me: Dafaq?! Ok, I'll delete you and reset..
VS: Nope, you won't!
Me: Why don't you allow the same shortcut to be assigned?! Why is nothing getting typed in?!
VS: Dunno, to piss you off maybe?
Me: What's wrong with you?!
VS: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa4 -
That awkward moment when you email a quote to your new client and he responds with "Why so expensive? Wix is so cheap"
* Kill me*5 -
Thanks to a small order mix up, I'm now sitting on 10 extra SIM cards for some IoT devices. I think my wife's going to kill me if she sees 10 Raspberry Pis show up at the door, but what else do you do with them?6
-
The site I'm working on works in Chrome, Safari, Edge
But not freaking Firefox.
I hate you Firefox, please leave.
(Disclaimer: Pls don't kill me. Freedom of opinion)17 -
just discovered CTRL+ALT+ESC shortcut to kill a window without opening the Task Manager.
KDE is AWESOME.
on Gnome you can install xkill & set a custom shortcut.3 -
Nopes. Not worth it. I still drink to get a lil tipsy and enjoy beer and liquor.
But after you land in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning and you beg the nurse to kill you to stop the suffering you NEVER want to be drunk again.
Damn near 8 years sober and without a hangover. When I was in the hospital I vow to never be put in that position.
Nope nope nope nope and more nope.
Being high af feels fucked up as well. Don't know why people would subject themselves to all this bullshit.19 -
LPT: If you use Linux, always carry another one in your pocket (flash drive) in case you'd need to fix your main one after you kill it again7
-
Noticed my RAM usage was around 41% when just browsing internet. So, getting more RAM was a good move, until I saw the usage shoot to 52%.
And you already know who eats that much RAM.
PS: Maybe it's some extension, because I just have 2 tabs open and killing that process didn't kill any tab.
8 -
Don't talk to me I'm a programmer!
First, I'll kill you
make you leave all your children
Then I'll chop off your HEAD
now you're a zombie
I'll thread all your limbs back together
you can never REST
because I'm a master of all slaves
this is a test
And if I'm finally done with you
I'll leave you for garbage collection
Hello World!
Don't talk to me2 -
Me: *kills process*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
* hour later *
Me: *kills process with 3045974th method*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
Me: "Are you absolutely FUCKING kidding me?! What is this fucking thing, the god damn grim reaper? I've done some SKETCHY fucking things at the terminal to kill this BASIC fucking server and it is still running!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"
Manager: *peeks in helpfully* "Did you try the 'kill' command?"15 -
Godaddy sucks, godaddy sucks, godaddy sucks, Godaddy sucks, godaddy sucks, godaddy sucks, Godaddy sucks, godaddy sucks, godaddy sucks, Godaddy sucks, godaddy sucks, godaddy sucks, goddady sucks...
Wwwwaaaahhhhh why you kill our productivity!!!4 -
I really, really need an office. Today I've been in a meeting for 2 hours with my mum hoovering in the background and my sister playing the entire fucking soundtrack to Chicago. FUCKING KILL ME!!!
Every time I fucking talk all you can hear is "'n' all that jazz" in the fucking background.
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMOREEEEE D'X14 -
Hope this is not a repost
A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer"
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"
"We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors."
😂😂😂😂😂4 -
If I hear anyone utter the words "technical debt" one more time, I swear to God, I will fucking kill them :-/
It's your fault your design smells like piss in the first place. It's your responsibility to fucking fix it. You can't just sit on your arse all day, coming up with new, "innovative" ideas that will build up more technical debt :-/ it's making the life of everyone around you, a big, irreparable mess.10 -
!Rant
Lessons from this picture:
1. Not all opportunities are to be taken. Some are traps.
2. A person can become so determined to destroy another person that they become blind and end up destroying themselves.
3. You fight best in your natural element and environment. Here the bird has advatange in his natural element.
4. Know your limits, we all have them.
5. Sometimes the best response to provocation is not to fight.
6. Sometimes to accomplish something you need team work, you will not always win alone.
7. Stick to what you do best and don't pursue what will kill you.
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
2 -
Ok, so I'm one of the new folks here, and spent some time looking around.
And I've read so many of you write about levels of insanity at work that just baffles me.
Why do people do that to themselves? And no, I don't mean you sales-manager, or your boss who hired the wrong kind of dev, I mean YOU.
You are a developer, currently the market for devs is so large you can literally pick your jobs. And if you don't know how to find a new job, just Google (easy mode, search on LinkedIn) a company which specializes in recruiting, there are tons of them, and they will gladly search an employer for you.
Don't get stuck in a job that sucks - you will kill your motivation, and you deserve better.3 -
Friend of mine created a blog from scratch... You could create a post, by just sending a POST request (no authentication required!)....
As an additional bonus: you could dump full unfiltered HTML in a post, which was then executed...
Please kill me5 -
Fucking kill me. Is this really all we do with our lives?
1,715 JIRA-related emails. ALMOST TWO THOUSAND EMAILS. I mean seriously, that's BY FAR the largest email filter I've got. I mean I had them muted of course, but when you really think about the whole thing... are we just wasting our lives chasing some garbage that doesn't really matter? ugh.
Death approaches...
9 -
FOR FUCKS SAKE! SATURDAY THEY CUT THE INTERNET AND TODAY THEY WON'T FUCKING LET ME SLEEP YOU FUCKING CUNTS, I AM GONNA KILL YOU!!!6
-
Too everyone who said Europe is DOOMED too due too the recent Lisa of Net Neutrallity,
GO SUCK A BIG FUCKING DICK! AND AFTER THAT GET A ROPE AND FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! AMERICANS FUCKED UP!
AND YOU ALSO CAN GET A COCKFUCKED VPN IF YOUR NOT STUPID ENOUGH!
9 -
WanBLowS Vusta is more stable than this piece of shit that you call code. Yet you call yourself a programmer? Goddammit, even the shit that I dump in the toilet looks better. Because at least that thing is honest about being shit, unlike this craptacular mess that you call an application. Maybe consider kill -9 $(pidof life).3
-
Eclipse: Hey, I found a nice little update for you
Me: ok, install it
Eclipse: nope, I can't find it ...
AAAAAAAHHHH I'm gonna kill you !!!!!4 -
HOLY FUCK (!dev) SOMEONE KILL THE MANAGEMENT OF DEUTSCHE BAHN ALREADY
Seriously where can I complain? delays on every single train i was on since weeks. and always because of some stupid shit like "we need to let another train pass by". wtf you didnt know that earlier?15 -
Scientists have found that If you just kill the Chrome process, it can give you enough charge to fully charge your Mobile Phone.2
-
Client: "We're not ready to be finished with the project but I don't want to pay you any more money to meet the terms of the contract we both signed, even though all my must-have changes led to more costs just like you had warned me they would."
Me: "Don't make any more changes, plez."
Client: "Imma make another change."
Me: "No. Stahp. Don't."
Client: "I added four new fields and probably a ton more business rules I don't care to understand."
Me: "Kill me. Just put this gun to my head and kill me."
Client: "That's not in our contract!"3 -
When play store literally knows how to kill your time by recommending devRant while you actually are supposed to be studying why you do this to me
1 -
> worst coding procrastination story
worst and best at the same time:
If you wait long enough things might resolve themselves.
My team inherited an ancient site. Hosted on an old host that the org wanted to kill, using an old log service the org wanted to kill.
A ticket was written in 2021 to migrate that site's hosting and logging to the new services our org started using.
My team kept avoiding it since it was a cheap unimportant site.
in 2023 we were about to finally take action - then we hear "Turns out the new hosting platform and logging platform are way too expensive - I know all of you have migrated to these new services but you gotta revert and go back the old ones til we figure this out"
We didn't have to do squat.
Problem solved by procrastinating ✅1 -
Somebody please kill Pinterest!
Pinterest is a cancer that has turned searching by image into a pointless effort. If you search by image, you want to discover the image's original source. Instead you get 1000 Pinterest boards with the image in it.5 -
Best text I sent to my friend:
NOW, I MEAN TOMMOROW, YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING HELP ME BEING A RUBBER DUCK TO KILL THIS FUCKING BUG
Wondering how anyone uncoder would take this2 -
I REALLY HATE IIS. IT IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING PLATFORM. FUCK. WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FUCKING ERROR LOGS YOU STUPID PIECE OF FUCKING CRAP. FUCKING KILL ME YOU STUPID SERVER ASS BITCH CUNT2
-
Friend: what do you do?
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: could you fix my computer ?
Me: Kill Me(Thinks). -
How do you guys deal with procastination?
I have this thing where I procastinate untill the last day and then I start doing things because I feel more motivated/ working faster, untill then I watch youtube and kill time by other means.16 -
So i just saw a post about not pushing to production on Friday's and that reminded me of something.
A team we are working with (we needed help on something so we got another company to send us a team and do it for us) recently push to production on a Friday at around 5pm.
We didn't know that they had done it until a shit ton of errors started happening and we had no idea why (it was working so far, none of us did anything, so what the fuck is going on).
To make things better, one of my colleagues tried calling them and they wouldn't answer the phone. They knew what they did, so they went home before we could notice it and we had to correct their mistake.
We had everyone calling us saying they had gotten an error, and they needed to get home but couldn't because of it (it messed up a process that only happens at the end of the day before people go home. I can explain more in the comments if anyone is confused, or just wants to know).
Eventually everything was solved, but that was a very stressful ending of the week.
So yeah, don't deploy on Friday's please and thank you7 -
Fucking kill me. I've just agreed to make a shitty fucking app that would be better as a Webpage, using shitty fucking technologies I don't understand, to do a thing that would be better handled by a third party.
You know why? The guy who asked me to do it is a good friend, and I'm the "best (only) code monkey" he knows. FUCK MY LIFE.
At least I'm getting payed7 -
Medium before:
How to perfectly manage a reactive server with 4 frameworks blindfolded
Medium now:
THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD BE SCARED OF AI
AI WILL KILL US AND RAPE OUR WIVES
YOU ARE USING CHATGPT WRONG!!
DON'T WAIT AI TO STEAL YOUR JOB, KILL YOURSELF NOW5 -
When you accidentally click on Android Studio while working on something else....leading to 30 seconds of frantically going through task manager and command prompt to kill it before it claims every resource your computer has.
I feel like thinking you clicked on AS is the real life dev equivalent of a falling dream....4 -
That feeling when your housemate restarts the WiFi router without telling anyone while you were doing some remote work.....
Would it kill you to at least notify us? I would really love to see what happens if my other housemate was on a ranked CSGO match or something...1 -
Firebase... the kind of hosting you seem to be friends with, but if you're honest, you would really like to kill it by sticking a flamethrower in its ass, happily pulling the trigger, while singing "Oh happy day" in full vocals.
The people who wrote the whole thing must have smoked crystal meth through a hobo's raped intestine to come up with such a turd fest. WTF.
If it wasn't for my boss, I'd have ran far away to nerver hear of this tripper infested crap again!5 -
I created some test entities specifically for our staging site. Written in all capitalized letters in the BIG TITLE of the entity I included DO NOT DELETE. This is very clearly visible in the CMS. What's the first thing the content managers do?
You guessed it.
I guess if plain English doesn't work, I'll have to use Kindergarten rules and put a custom lock on them so they can never be deleted.
Muad'Dib fullstackchris can already predict the future, in a few weeks: "hey!!!! fullstackchris, I can't delete these test entities!!!!! whats wrong with the system?!?!"
sigh...4 -
It really sucks being the senior guy sometimes because it means there's nobody above you that you can bounce questions off of. No mentor. Just random people on the internet (and stack overflow, eww.)
The rubber ducky on my monitor can only go so far.
It's a constant worry of "am I writing garbage?" and "is there a better way to do this?"
I'd kill for a QA group that I could actually send some of my stuff to and get feedback.2 -
Customers are so fucking stupid.
You're already on the page with a form with a "password" field and a fucking "save" button. WHY ARE YOU STILL ASKING ME HOW TO CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PASSWORD???
FUCKING STUPID CUSTOMER WHY DON'T YOUR FUCKING KILL YOURSELF???
FUCK!2 -
"Startup (called Nectome) wants to upload your brain to the cloud, but has to kill you to do it"
https://theguardian.com/technology/...
No thanks, I am sure NSA will kick in.4 -
In case you need to kill some time and would like to see some funny stuff, here you go: https://stackoverflow.com/questions...
thank me later4 -
People doing javascript without semicolons should die !!!! Just kill you!!!!
And if you use less than 3 letters for naming, there is a special hell that awaits you, when we murder you after a lot of suffering!!!!5 -
The Nameless Game (DS) is MIND-BLOWING. Retro-cool before PS1 graphics was in every indie horror. Original control scheme. A touch of paranoia (your DS can kill you using its Wi-Fi).
1 -
Hah, a SaaS platform approached me about my open source project. They said, "let's collaborate". After getting into it they said, would you mind replacing xyz in your library with our platform?
Me: Replacing?
I won't go through the rest of the convo since it reveals too much. But damn nice way to stamp out competition. Just kill all the open source frameworks that provide alternatives to your product.1 -
On my system Android Studio sucks half of my RAM. Come on guys, even sharks are not that hungry for blood.
If in the worst case you had Chrome running in bg, the system will just kill itself. -
What's a database? Oh, uh... Think, like, a spreadsheet -- but it makes you wanna kill yourself even harder.4
-
I'm having a strong urge to kill that asshole that asked me, on a SECOND interview for a SENIOR position if I knew what ORM was!!!
Are you making me fucking waste my time you fucking cunt???
Did you fucking read my CV?
Obviously not because you would have seen several ORM technologies on it you fucking piece of shit.
You made me waste my time, and now I have no choice but to slice your fucking throat!
I'll be waiting for you, in the dark you mother fucker.13 -
Kill who ever let's a robot program anything. Because what ever boundaries you place on it does not stop it from recreating it's self without them.
Who ever makes an AI that can program is putting humanity on the thin edge between utopia and dystopia3 -
HELLO ITS ME RECRUITER. I SEE THAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY NOT LOOKING FOR A JOB, SO, MY COMPANY IS CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR NEW TALENT AND WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SET UP A CALL.
I would kill to be in this situation a couple of years ago but seriously. I'm not looking. 😐2 -
"you don't seem like you have X years of experience under your belt"
oof
i dont disagree but i wish words could kill so i didn't have to survive that, i suppose i should accept being mediocore21 -
!dev
Theres atleast one fucking bastard that writes comments like "2018?" "2018???", "september 2018?", "still listening in 2019??" in every fucking song video in youtube. Fuck you braindead useless pile of shits! Yes its fucking 2018 and why the fuck you just write it there?? Why the fuck somebody even cares and likes that kind of trash comments?!? Fuck you bunch of wasted human cells. I want to kill all of those fucking fuckwits. STOP FUCKING COMMENTING DateTime.Now.Year IN EVERY FUCKING SONG YOU MOTHERFUCKER CUNTS!4 -
It's sometimes really anxiety inducing thinking that all data could be gone, if somebody decides to kill/discontinue/crash [see gitlab shitting 6 hours of data due to fucked backup strategy and shitty seperation of servers] your account/service, be it server, git-repos, backups, chrome syncs, games, music, sim card, ..
But there's simply no way of having a backup of absolutely everything (ignore DRM) - especially automated and abstracted away from you, so you don't have to do all that shit yourself13 -
I have a bug that shows null but i got an "null" string which is nasty. To someone who did this, i'll find you and i'll kill you
-
"Millions of slaves"
"When you kill it, you kill everything."
-- Guy at work doing presentation about docker2 -
PBF: This program is so difficult
Me: what's difficult about it?
PBF: *explains*
PBF: *may as well be speaking greek*
Me: Oh. Well, I'm sure you'll kill it. I believe in you ❤
PBF: -_-
Me: (^^,)2 -
How awesome would it be to be able to migrate to a cattle-approach from a pets-approach when it comes to the human body, just kill your old body and start using a new one
Sickness? Create a new instance of your base image. Death? Just spin up a new instance and you're ready to move on. Broken arm? Kill body and get a new one.
Ofcourse, since we're stateful this method is kinda harder, unless you consider your conciousness an external database/soul4 -
What a horrible monday today was. Fuck-all worked. Missed deadline. Not much sleep. Heart is racing.
But hey, the horoscope in the daily toiletpaper press knows it all better, as usual, 100% IQ:
💫"You have finally found your center. Your body and soul are feeling great and your're in tune with yourself. You are enjoying it and would love to share your experiences with your loved one."💫
Where is my rocket launcher??? I have to kill a newspaper.6 -
Hm.
Was very frustrated from work.
Started cooking.
Simple gnocchis with tomato / paprika sauce.
Might have been a little distracted...
I've grabbed a regular sized spoon instead of a tea spoon.
I've handmade ungarian puszta.
I've added a full spoon of it to the sauce.
It's very spicy and hot.
I'll guess my guts are in hell mode for the next days.
But it's delicious.
Remember kids: always eat up what you cooked.
Even if it seems to kill you by burning your insides out.13 -
Fun fact:
The gradual speed increase in the descent pattern of the aliens in space invaders was actually a bug, due to the amount of aliens in the screen.
The more you kill, the faster they get.3 -
When my senior told me his program is kill because not enough processing unit in our 1080Ti.
Man, your Linux runs way more than 8 processes, and you only have two processes that runs with CUDA... -
Go home windows your drunk. Yes i want to but i have to use you
Translation:
Microsoft Windows
This application doesn't react. The program could possibly react i
again if you wait.
Do you want to kill this procrss?
7 -
Apparently, rooting can kill you, according to Nokia. Just fucking read the last bullet here, they really said this.
16 -
Fucking fuck Nvidia. Shit suckers and ass lickers can't make a fucking thing properly. Everytime I have to compile something involving cuDNN and cuda I wish I could kill myself first. It's a piece of garbage software that we're stuck with. Fuck you mother fuckin Nvidia.3
-
C++ NAN.
I WILL FIND YOUR SOURCE.
AND I WILL KILL YOU, DESTROY YOU.
I WILL DIE TRYING.
YOU DISGUST ME.
I HATE YOU.10 -
I hate being in program purgatory. You don't know whether your program froze, or the CPU is hustling to crunch out those numbers. To kill or not to kill. That is the question. Q.Q2
-
has it ever happens to you that for whole day you kill yourself to solve error and next day you find out it was just happening because of a single semicolon
it hurts...3 -
Come on devRant! I’m getting really annoyed when clicking on rant that has [read more] at the end since it is a gamble to kill this iOS app you have made. Every ~5th click I get app terminated. Then after I reenter the app, I lost where I was. Thats why I ++ all the rants I have read, even those who don’t deserve it :), so I can scroll quickly and see which are not ++’ed.3
-
To that nasty animation bug I’m dealing with for a week already...
I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for bugs like you. If you let my project go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you.3 -
Just wondering... anyone else think having a script automatically kill gradle if it runs for more than X amount of minutes would be a great sanity saver?
"Jesus Fucking Zombie Christ I only added ONE FUCKING TEXTVIEW IN A SIMPLE GODDAMNED LINEAR LAYOUT YOU WORTHLESS MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT AND GRADLE IS STILL RUNNING AFTER FIVE MOTHERFUCKING MINUTES?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!"1 -
Starting to hate resharper for visual studio 2015. Pushes studio memory consumption up by almost 1/2gb with a moderately sized solution. Come on jetbrains sort it out we know it's coz you won't integrate with roslyn.
Doesn't help that vs is still 32bit with a 1.5mb memory cap that will kill the process ...... And Microsoft please sort that shit out as well,32bit app on a 64bit system .... Come on WTF.....
You two sort your shit out 😡2 -
I don’t understand how Microsoft can continue to ship functionality in modern versions of SharePoint that only work on IE11 (open in Explorer, open in InfoPath, Skype presence integration). The only reason my company has to make web apps compatible with that browser is because of the hot garbage that is IE11. Just kill the functionality and kill the browser. Please.
Yes I know *why* they only work in IE11, it’s because activex is a massive security hole, but just kill the functionality if you can’t recreate it in modern browsers.1 -
You know a server is having a jolly'ol time when, while logging through the serial console, it lags... Then, a few seconds later, you get a message
[time.seconds] Out of memory: Kill process PID (login) score 0 or sacrifice child
[time.seconds] Killed process PID (login) total-vm:65400kB, anon-rss:488kB, file-rss:0kB
10/10, only way to bring the server back to life was by a hard-reset :|3 -
Sifting through a React class component that is over 1000 lines long.
When was this written? Not in the 1950s like you might think. Just over 3 months ago.
Kill me.6 -
Again found myself before deadline. My excuse? I'm more productive during the deadline rush :D
How everyone else sees it: you fucked up
What do I say to myself: never again!!!
```
sleep(until_next_deadline);
goto begining_of_this_post;
``` -
"Our supplier asks that you double the number of php child processes for this fpm pool"
"Are you aware, that that would lead to about 100% of memory overcommit, taken the current limit of 128MB/child, and that if a lot of them started at once, the system would probably go for OOM-Kill, which would most probably kill your database, that still runs on 100% MyISAM tables that do not support transactions, and you'd have to kiss your data integrity goodbye, right?"
"Uh... Nevermind then"
I get that some people are not IT-versed, but really... Hire someone who knows what they are doing and doesn't live 20 years in the past, god damn it! -
Which misanthropic, terrible, perverse excuse for a dogfucker decided that damned non breaking spaces (SPACES!) return false on isWhitespace? It's in the name, space, it's white, it's a fucking white space, a whitespace if you will so who do I have to kill for wasting two damned hours of my life trying to parse away those bastards?3
-
Upgrading to PHP 8.0 is like upgrading to Mac Big Sur OS. The pain of incompatibilities will kill you.3
-
I'm gonna kill him...no don't defend him, you lot are meant to be on my side!
IT'S FUCKING HUNTING SEASON.
I know, I know, you want context but I just can't now. I'm completely annoyed. Fuck data integrity, just duplicate rows randomly cos fuck you.
Work is about to turn into a murder mystery...without the mystery 😒
He doesn't even work here anymore, hope he forgets his password and gets locked out of everything he has.
Woosah....2 -
Today :
There are Apps to,
Drink water
Walk
Learn languages
Learn new things
Entertain
Increase productivity
Kill time
Make new friends
Order and eat food
Shop
Transport
...
God bless us,
There's an app for everything in this world
PS : someone soon is gonna come up with an App that helps you track and take a shit :(5 -
"Configuring incomplete, errors occurred!" Ok, I get that. But would it kill you to tell me what errors? If you behave like an asshole, I'll hate you as well!
-
!rant A guy is standing on the corner of the street! smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer"
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"
"We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors."1 -
1. Kill Internet Explorer
2. Kill anyone who sell their web/app/design services cheaply that broke the market value
3. Kill anyone who want something in exchange of "exposure" or "you'll get the money when we get funding or IPO" or some shit like that, you name it.1 -
Scenario after sending a build to QA:
(Monday)
Me: How's the build? did that app worked?
.
.
.
.
.
(here come's friday)
QA: The app didnt work on this part and there some bugs there, and please add this another module.
Me: okay ill fix that..when do you need it?
QA: today
Me: (just kill me)3 -
Apple just changed their file system to apfs across the board, but no recent documentation on the release. It automaticalky changes from hfs+ when you install the macos 10.12.4 update. In early docs it says that time machine is not supported, but surely they cant kill everyones short term backups?9
-
The code will not:
* bad-mouth
* lie
* let down
* abuse
* cheat
* bully
* kill
* run away
The code brings people together no matter if someone has the brain power of protozoa or is the next Euclid. The code is pure with a passive buff to become as perfect as possible. It's the new math for the future world. The code is love, the code is life.
That's why I love (to) code. And you?2 -
The person who invented powerpoint and those who use it/love it should be skinned alive.
FUCKING SHIT OF A PRODUCT.
On the other side, instead of torturing someone to death, force them to use Power point for 2 hours a day and that will be enough for the person to beg you to kill them.
Join me in this journey against power point.23 -
another true story time:
be me
read about banned pokemon episodes on wikipedia
electric soldier porygon: an episode that red blue flashes caused 685 viewers taken to hospitals by ambulances
😈lets try it
write a simple program that makes same light effects
try it on myself
no kill
try it on roommates
no kill
try to send it as many people i can reach
omg people why don't you die?
gave up after 1 week of unsuccessful attempts3 -
There comes a time, when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. Then you accept it or you kill yourself, or you stop looking into mirrors.5
-
We have a company policy of “you kill it you fill it.” We get free coffee here, it’s nice, I’m happy - but notoriously I’m the only one filling it for the whole company!! So I did the unspeakable today...
Fill the damn coffee. Thanks.
6 -
Adding "highly skilled in code divination and paying off bankrupcy-level technical debt" to my resume.
Thanks PHPepsi, you trained me good for this...1 -
Introducing the new: Sideproject finisher! You asked for it, DevRant, and unlike you - we finished it!
Instructions:
1. Load chamber with single bullet
2. Apply directly to the forehead
3. Commit- something you should have done more of before you came to this5 -
I started up my pc and thought by myself lets build an android app and try to teach myself some new skills in android.
*Starts up android studio*
Hi user, i got 116 package updates for you enjoy!
*Turn on updates and starts watching old series to kill time* -
How do you effectively kill all the cloned processes when you accidentally called fork() in an infinite loop before the computer starts to freeze?6
-
You have the power to kill a technology/language for the eternity, and make one more powerful and evident, which ones would you choose and why?11
-
My maths book contains some nice stuff too not just good old boring stuff... But god damn killer bunnies too who will kill you with a right angled triangle.
-
Me 🤗"Since you know the domain far better than me, can I ask you to help me understand if I managed to cover all the edge cases with these UNIT TESTS?
😒" no no no, you don't need to check for those cases, you already do that in your code"
🤗 "I'm sorry, I must have explained myself badly. I have written these UNIT TESTS exactly to ... TEST if those CHECKS in my code work and what I need is you to tell me if there are additional cases ..."
😫"but you don't need to!!! You already have that logic in your code"
😐😵☠ 🦍💊🔫🔪"you know what? I'm gonna give them a second look. Thanks"
And then I moonwalked out of the room -
I think the worst feeling ever is taking a break from something, then coming back to it and realizing that you have to rewrite something because you put it off before you took a break.
I've had a lot going on lately, and I decided to work on a web dev project I was doing to get the hang of frontend development. Just realized that I have to rewrite a couple functions. Someone kill me now1 -
Every day on my train ride, there's at least one person on a phone talk talking inappropriately loud. Sometimes I just want to get up and smack their phones...
I get that you have to maka a quick phone call to tell your Girlfriend you'll be there in a minute, or to talk about something really really urgent.But please keep it short and simple. I thought about buying a jammer, but shit's expensive and most probably illegal :/2 -
I have a question of morality .. we are devs so it may start becoming more important then ever..
If to save the world... Would you do something that would first effect millions or 10 of millions of lives negatively, possibly quite seriously so, as in death or starvation etc
Similar to the do you pull the switch and kill one man or do you let the train kill 5 but on a world scale I suppose.14 -
Code is a highly detailed description of what a computer should do. If that description becomes inaccurate we will remove inaccurate parts. Take pride in writing good code, recognize that it was useful for a while, but don’t get attached to it. It will stay in the git history.
If you see code as your baby, know that the team might need to kill your baby.1 -
When you're so exhausted that the weekend isn't enough for you to reset anymore, that your manager won't pull you off the project because client likes you (or that he just doesn't want to lose the project), that you can't quit, or kill yourself (because you start getting those ideas), since sister depends on you financially and you just care for her that much, you just keep going, wearing your smiling face at all times, trying to continue shitting code because it's your job, and what's left of you deep inside is yelling for help.
Man, do I need a new job.
No worries people. I just really need some whining right now. Hopefully I get news from my latest interviews. -
Hey guys, I wouldn't really mind if you moved the live devrant podcast thing to a later time, I have school and I would kill or die to be there for it. Kill. Or. Die.9
-
Deploying into linux containers (lxc) as of 2013 before docker even was da hype.
(Experience was a bit problematic tho, as it was in a highly virtualized environment whose backup would really badly kill the whole container every now and then: you could still ssh to the machine but with every access to the file system you'd lose your shell. and only the "echo 1 > /proc/sys/kernel/sysrq" would help to restart the box.) -
Life is like a box of choc... FUCKING MORONS, that you have to deal with or be a psychopath and kill them all2
-
As a junior dev, you are stuck on a Problem and somehow you are not able to proceed and there is a ridiculous process to finish the task on a deadline otherwise you have to hear from higher management. Your manager cum senior dev is not helping you out or not responding in any way. Do I kill myself being so incompetent dev or burn my ears listening to management complaints or is there any way I can get out of it? My life is just miserable and I feel demotivated day by day.
Just ranting my heart out...5 -
I will literally pull out you soul, grill it, and then put it back into you just to kill you, roll you up in nice mustard, pickles, bacon, pepper and salt and then roll you over with beef so I can properly make a roast and then, when you're ded, I will take your soul again to just torture it for all eternity.
....didn't have my coffee yet, guten morgen
16 -
Client:' I think that one email account is sending some spam emails. Can you make some checks?'
Server:'Queued emails:730511...please kill me'3 -
I don’t give a single fuck about your status. I don’t care if you are the CEO, CTO, President, etc… I will tell you when you are wrong. And if you try to fire me, I’ll come to your house and kill your family bitch12
-
It seems that most of us feel under appreciated for our hard work. Would it kill managers to say "thank you", or say "great work" once in a while? Until then, I'll continue wondering if my work is good enough.4
-
So I'm writing a function in Unity3D that walks a rectangular grid. At one place in the code, I got the x+y coordinates backwards, which caused the function to infinitely loop between two coordinates.
Not seeing a way to kill the loop, I looked it up on Google. The suggestions I get are. . .
1. You need to kill the Unity3D task and lose your edits because the environment and the player run on the same thread.
2. You can pay ten bucks for an extension that lets you break out of infinite loops.
3. You should really avoid writing infinite loops. That's just bad form.
SERIOUSLY?
1 -
When you hate every fucking thing on earth and want to kill everyone on this fucked up planet.
That bug didnt fix. Fuck you.
The client needs answer now. Fuck you.
Stackoverflow user marked it as duplicate. Fuck you in particular.
Fuuuuuuuccckkkkkkkkkk every fucking asshole. -
Well my greatest mentor has been bad experiences. Its always there, lurking in the corner to mentor me. And well i do take a lesson or two, now and then to keep me afloat.
As they say- what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.
Human mentors have been missing from my life. Superheroes don't exist :-/ -
Do you think we should have a Linux black-ops team?
In case we need to execute a `kill -9` in real life.
Like the facebook. -
Cause when you die or exit from process it doesn’t matter how it happened, was it kill -9, sigkill or sigterm. As long as you go to hell / heaven / you name it and not to /dev/null you can still try to segfault the universe. Just give me the code !!!
And it aligns well with depression, alcoholism and lack of sleep. -
FUCK YOU MyThemeShop FUCK YOU with your shitty licensing solution. I'm just trying to develop a fucking wordpress site on my own fucking local computer. Why TF will you not allow me to fucking sign into my own account. all it fucking does is infinitely load and it does not do fucking anything. you advertise 24/7 support but it takes your fucking bitch ass support team over 10 hours to reply to my dead fucking simple email. ALSO why the fuck can I not change what domain my theme goes to from the online panel. I'm trying to fucking use ngrok and now i cant because it is by domain and not by site. FUCK YOU AND YOUR LAME ASS FUCKING COMPANY GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY BACK RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING BITCH.7
-
Co-worker: My local Weblogic instance doesn't work when my IP changes :c
Me: Lemme help you with that.
Me: *tries bunch of stuff and nothing* Weird...
Me: *checks his hosts file, localhost is mapped to old IP* KILL YOURSELF OR I WILL.1 -
When the scrum team complains in the last three to four sprint retros that were sick of back to back meetings ... MAYBE STOP SCHEDULING BACK TO BACK MEETINGS. Would it kill you to just spread them out a bit?4
-
In case you haven't heard:
https://change.org/p/...
Heh... Talk about making a lot of dev enemies...
Am I allowed to do this?9 -
You can comprehend its whole construction completely in two seconds. Yet, a hamster will be entertained by exploring this thing for life.
In the same way, an advanced neural network will be able to figure out our brain's construction and explain it to us.
If you cry AI takeover, remember that just because you can kill a hamster with your hand, and it absolutely can't do anything about it, doesn't mean you'll do this.
Said neural network may have morals completely detached not only from ours, but from the whole concept of "morals" as we know it. Its goals being beyond our understanding doesn't mean it will be hostile and won't help us.
The only thing we'll lose is control. Yet, benefits are so huge that they can transfer us up within the Kardashev scale, and it may be our only way to prevent the death of our civilization.
We don't have control over our nature either. We can't prevent eruptions and earthquakes. Losing control in itself doesn't mean the thing we lost control on will kill us.
18 -
Hey guys, I just discovered that an instance of internet explorer is actually set to open on startup on Windows.
Try going into your task manager and look for "explorer.exe".
If you want to kill it without finding it, you can also just use the BATCH command `kill /I explorer.exe`8 -
git rebase is like fish.
Hours after the kill: hmm, tasty.
A day after the kill: not too bad.
A few days: time to toss this in the trash
More than a week: dig a hole and bury this thing before it stinks up the neighborhood.
That being said, I'd rather eat a plate of Hákarl than deal with rebasing a diverance that is over a month old. I simply don't use rebase. It's just too stinky. I just merge very often and keep things in sync.
If you need the effect of a rebase without the crazy hassle:
git checkout master
git checkout -b rebase_branch
git merge --squash dev_branch
2 -
sometimes its better to hold it back when a customer says you need 2 months just to finish the payroll+hr system in a way that it makes you wanna kill him so badly but your response is a faint smile which humbly says fuck you piss of shit1
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as you guys know this is still related on my prev rants, today i just found out that we cant bring or use headphone while we are on our work stations and guess what you cant chat with your team mates too unless its official business regarding the project other topics such as hobbies or anything are not allowed and you will get reported to the boss...
like G*d dammit you cant code since everything is blocked.. you cant install dev tools and sh*t you cant browse any websites *good thing is the did not block this site.. so far* ... you cant talk... its just staring at the ceiling for 8 freaking hrs -_- someone pls kill me8 -
Game development:
So I finally got a story. An actual fucking story! Anyways no development on the actual project. My computer just crashed recently so I'll be looking into issue if it can actually start up showing the screen and keyboard to get working again.
Oh and Im getting wifi tmr.4 -
When I moved to another company there was Android app, with 5K lines of HTTP Service class, with apache legacy library, with maven and tons of garbage.
now, it has gradle, multiple build types, flavors, multiple source sets, RxJava, Java 8, ButterKnife, modular dependency, I always do profiling and APK analyze and tons of essential and cool features.
Project started last year but what the heck?
Dude, I will find you,and I will kill you! -
While investigating alternatives for translating a query string to a dotnet expression I discovered that roslyn has runtime eval of string as verbatim code.
I had no idea a feature could make me this uncomfortable. It's like discovering an armed bomb under your bed that's "there if you want - it has its uses, just be careful".
At least you have to explicitly reference a package for it. Promise to kill me if I ever am tempted by it. -
SO's accepted answers being "no dont do what you want to do, use this corporate™-certified library instead, we ALLLLL use it too"
Like bitch if I wanna kill myself with a knife, tell me which vein to cut, dont recommend me a gun, I dont want it. ffs.9 -
Bored????😒
The quick way to kill your boredom is to🤔
.
.
.
.
.
Kill yourselves so you won't be punished for killing boredom.😆4 -
When all you did the half the day was browse devrant and neglect your fixed table header problem with semantic UI. Kill me.1
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Debugs part of project with a colleague.
Framework I am using across all projects might be problematic on deployment.
Colleague: "You can just change the framework" - proceeds to head towards project settings.
Me: *twitches* 😳 - "If you change the framework right now I will kill you"
Colleague: seemingly shocked. "...talk properly dude... (jeez)"6 -
New game on steam, Middle-earth.
Showing absolutely no in game footage and asks you to pre-order for some bullwhip award.
Don't pre-order, please kill this type of behavior.
What is it even, rpg, rts?2 -
In the tabs vs spaces debate I'm on the tabs side of things, but I have no problems with spaces.
But if you indent your entire code with 1 space and then indent everything else with 3,5,7... etc. I will hunt and kill you.10 -
remember android devs....
The difference between <view> and <View> is enough to make you kill yourself.
and even more if you have used <view> as a divider in your fucking recycler view.
Son of the mother fucking bitch i spend last 2 hrs trying to understand where my age old ,rock-solid , tried and tested code fucked up...
And when i saw the asshole bitch view, i was like wtf am i doing with my life? ;"""( -
Working with passed on spaghetti code.
Glaring at author's name.
Wherever you are.. I will find you.
And I will kill you. -
!!rant && !documentation
Hm, let's see what a semi-beginner can find as a project in Python...
Oh, an API Wrapper seems interesting! *full of joy*
Okay, let's look at the documentation...
HOLY FUCKING SHIT. IT IS UGLY. IT IS INCONSISTENT. IT IS INCOMPLETE AND WRONG. WHY THE FUCK, AREN'T YOU STUPID ASSHOLES CAPABLE OF WRITING DOCUMENTATION FOR YOUR API?
HMMMMMM?
YOU STACK OF SHIT.
IF YOU HAPPEN TO CREATE AN API, AND DONT DOCUMENT IT CAREFULLY, I WILL FIND YOU.
AND KILL YOU.1 -
why on earth somebody thought that MySQL on MacOS must be restarted automatically every time you kill it like a fucking zombie?
An why the fuck every time I restart the Mac, I must kill the fucking zombie with a kill -9 in the head 2 or 3 times before being able to access it again?3 -
if you need some funny gifs for a 404 page or just want to kill some time, visit thebest404pageever.com
(unfortunally .swf files which at least mobile chrome has no plugin for...) -
Just patching shit from other unknown Junior dev is depressing ... Its like i can do operations but i kill 80% of my patients do you want a try ? If you dont know what you doing please just take time to get a small formation at least thx2
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I don't understand one thing and that is people who say they are going To delete their
Devrant account and make an announcement and post it 1st, as though they just announced they wan't to kill themselves. if you're really tired of devrant you'll just delete the account. You wouldn't announce it. Which leads to the Only other logical conclusion... you're just looking for attention aren't you11 -
Spryker .... or how to drive a developer only into insanity
Really guys, are there any spryker developers here on devrant? How do you get over the constant desire to kill yourself to end the pain??2 -
A guy is standing on the corner of the street smoking one cigarette after another. A lady walking by notices him and says
"Hey, don't you know that those things can kill you? I mean, didn't you see the giant warning on the box?!"
"That's OK" says the guy, puffing casually "I'm a computer programmer"
"So? What's that got to do with anything?"
"We don't care about warnings. We only care about errors." -
Me from the future
Only because if I say enough nice things about him, he might not come and kill me when he reads and maintain some of the code I wrote the other day....
me > You heard it me from the future, right? your cool! right?... I didn't want to! There was more code like it! I just followed what was written!!!
me from the future > Run!
me > (⊙＿⊙') ohh shi.. -
Person: CooCooK4Choo, i see you're doing more than one form of development. What do you want to do as a developer?
Me: I want to do everything i can possibly do.
Person: You have to pick a stream to go into, you can't do Web Applications, 3D Development, Unity Game Development, Swift and Java.
Why can't i do everything? As a junior developer i feel that doing everything keeps you prepared for those unwanted situations. Besides Its not like i'll be doing Web Base Applications all my life. if i do, i'll probably kill myself before 30(currently 21).3 -
When you unknowingly/accidentally/inadvertently delete something someone was working on for a long time and they don’t tell you until several months later when all the backups are long rotated out. No way to fix it and nothing left to do but accept blame and sanctions and work to regain lost trust. Kill me now.4
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After a week of designing an API to our system for another team followed by redesigning it because they 'know what they need when they see it' I think I understand the pains all of you guys who work directly with customers go through what leads to exactly one question : How did you manage to never kill anyone?1
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Just typed this into the Python interpreter and my whole system just froze. Guess I have to do a force shutdown.
x = list(range(1, 999999999))
So is there a way you can somehow configure your linux system such that the window manager/system is never out of memory or processor time? So that atleast I get can atleast kill the process which is freezing the system.3 -
When you used a whole Day to make a Ball kill a player, and All you had to do, was to allow collision while simulating physics.. Damn i stared myself blind on that shit!3
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Look, I don't know who are you? and what you want?
If you let me fix this problem then I will not look for you and I will not pursue you.
But if you don't
I will look for you,
I will find you and I will kill you..!!
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Hello my dear friend. I hate you. You are asking me why? You know exactly why.
I'm fucking tired with dealing with your fucking projects. Yeah, your unresponsive websites projects. You shove me a website, with crapton of images, JavaScript fireworks and you even dare to ask why website is lagging on mobile?
Also I hate you for ugly, custom fonts without Polish letters and you fucking are mad at me why some letters look different?
Last thing. If you ever again ask me why a website (look again at projects you are giving to me) is looking different on mobile, then I swear I will fucking rape you. (but maybe I will maybe kill you instead) -
Fuck, I can't stand ppl who brag about learning new languages when they can't produce quality code in their work language, and dont know any other rules than few basic ones that you learn at the beginning of being a programmer. Go kill yourselves, thanks1
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Remember dear web developers, don't be a lazy are and just reuse existing web endpoints. You can only do that to a certain extent. Don't expose a form URL encoded endpoint with dozens of fields and potentially kill the productivity of your mobile dev.
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A medical equipment that you can attach to employees and excruciatingly kill them as soon as they say things like (please note that the list is not limited and we should use a speech to text API to provide NLP states for the meaning - I want to catch all false negatives!! Kill them all!!!!):
- It works on my machine
- I tested it before!
- Haskell is a terrible language
- Big data and actionable insights
- why do you need unit tests here?
- I am a recruiter
- Anything that comes with the following construction as well: "I don't have anything against X, but..."
Any other suggestions of phrases?2 -
It's 3AM and here I am trying to fix the mess that I made last night when I was drunk and the deadline is 12PM (only 9 hours left).. You don't but if you do know how do I kill my boss so that I would look like a bug from a software made by our company killed him to take revenge of killing the bugs?1
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If your code is giving HTTP 500 error on a production server, go kill yourself, until you are having a development environment on the production server. In that case, kill your manager! 💢
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Is it more morally correct to just kill yourself and let everyone know or leave a note saying you decided to move to this country and you will never come back and then die in a way and place you are sure no one can find your body and know what happened to you?34
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root@terminal:~
root@terminal:~# love
-bash: love: command not found
root@terminal:~# happiness
-bash: happiness: command not found
root@terminal:~# peace
-bash: peace: command not found
root@terminal:~# kill
-bash: you need to specify whom to kill
kill: usage: kill [-s sigspec | -n signum | -sigspec] pid | jobspec ... or kill -l [sigspec]
😈😈
Source: reddit -
I'll fucking kill you bitch who the fuck made you the system administrator of this fucking college? The fuckery you do... god damn some students know more than you and you should agree to this fact. The previous sysadmin was knowledgeable and you are just a fucking worker in the finance department. You fucking dare not call yourself a sysadmin when you can't even read the fucking docs provided by the G Suite. At least you didn't make the mail server yourself otherwise god knows what the shit you'd have spread around.
FUCK YOU12 -
Which Idea was it to combine C, C++ and Java in one big fucking Project. And who thought that it was a Good Idea to use Eclipse C++ for developing with Java. If the whole Project would have been in Java I could have used the auto Import feature from Eclipse, but if Eclipse doesn't Know that the Java Files are Java Files it doesn't fucking work. So I just had to spent a whole fucking Day compiling the Projects with Maven so that I can write around 100 Lines of Import...
And the best Thing is, a few Weeks ago the Imports existed so a fucking asshole just erased them when he tried to optimize these...
Sometimes I hate this company -
Firebase api is good simple and alright but when you want to add it to your android project , you want TO KILL YOURSELF. OK first gradle works then say oh you should update your gradle you update it . then it says cannot resolve firebase:core WHaaaaT? OK YOU SEARCH FIREBASE API FOR AN ANSWER THERE IS NOTHING THERE. then stack overflow come to your help you should update some FUCKING package that firebase didnot mention you should update and all this time you say dns is wrong , firebase is filtered your country again, and after you update thise tow package you found out that you should update your android studio too for just one line code(firebase mentioned this but I said noooo it's just optional) .2
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Today one of the user complained me that my account has been hacked and someone is using it. I asked how can you say that then he replied "Whenever I hit enter after typing the password, its getting extended !"
I was like - "Please kill me!"2 -
*Kill Logic.sh* when you are aproached online for a partime job while the same page shows you have a fulltime job.
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You know what a neat starter game driving ai would be for the comp vision part ?
One that reads the screen on a game where points show up when you kill or damage something and outputs the results to console
A sorts hello world2 -
I watched a movie and i forgot its name i hope if you can help find the name, the story is about a generation where a crime truth is revealed through brain, they fetch the latest event you have encountered which you have seen it's like a stored video inside the brain, the very last crime she committed was revealed from the eyes of a rat which she forgot to kill and she was caught, i believe it was a swedish or danmark movie which i watched on Netflix long time ago... anyone?9
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Well today I had to update my windows.. What a coincident that this update messed my partition table and cleaned up partition with linux
That's how you kill competition XD. At least i had all files in cloud
PS W removed L so I removed him -
“Sticks and stones will break bones, but the gat will kill you quicker, especially when I’m drunk off that liquor”
- Biggie smalls1 -
Well.... Bad documented API, ehmm... thinking to fast, not noticing an id that is sent with the 'get' function... 5 hours later, 2 minute fix because I had an EUREKA moment. Fucking shitting heck, these are the fucking moments in life you want to scream your body out and kill yourself.2
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Even if you kill me...
*haunted by laura les starts playing (https://youtube.com/watch/...)*
...I'm always gonna haunt you. -
I have an errant ; appearing in a react app screen. Hundreds of components in this friggin monstrosity.
How would you find the extra ; to remove it?
Kill me now!9 -
!Dev
Fuck people using trace rifles in momentum control. How the hell am I supposed to kill someone who kills me in two rounds and also fires at 1000 rounds per minute. I was trying to get the catalyst aka upgrade for the seasonal weapon which is pretty bad and the upgrade makes it usable but I am getting ripped apart after my first kill because someone can kill me with 2 bullets wherever he shot me.
Yes momentum control is supposed to be a gunfight mode and it comes around rarely but that does not mean a broken weapon can roam around killing anybody in sight before they even know you fired a shot at them from some lane. Shotguns do the same but you need to get close. Shotguns are still a problem but at least you can dodge or counter with a shotgun since your radar tells you someone is nearby and snipers need a headshot. These weapons can fire at your toe and you are dead. Oh the devs knew that such fast firing weapons wil be op and needed their damage and made them use the same ammo as shotguns, sniper and non heavy grenade launchers. However the game mode gives all weapons a damage buff which is enough for trace rifles to be broken. Yes you can use other primaries but what are you gonna do when a auto rifles kills you with two shots to the toe. And since they burn ammo quickly and take more rounds to kill then their counterparts like shotguns which use he same ammo as them they spawn in with 50 in the mag and anybody who is using shotguns snipers or grenade launchers give them ammo and they only need two rounds to kill. Also after I kill 50 PvP opponents I need to kill a few hundred opponents in PVE or PVP to actually apply the upgrade and who you kill does not matter.
Seriously and the second weapon I want to upgrade which is able has tracking but you need to aim down sights after hipfiring the tracking shots
which dl negligible damage so they explode or aim down sights and shoot which deals more damage but I am probably not going to have enough time before some random kills me again.
And this is just the first game. From what I heard it was supposed to be a fun game mode which focused on gunfights with your primary not the infamous laser tag show of Prometheus lens which happened a few years ago but now all trace rifles can do that. Oh and I still need to get 50 kills there for a seasonal challenge so I can get the free version of the premium currency and I can only skip one challenge and I have already skipped one challenge since it requires a dlc K don't own.
Seriously why cant some actual good game come up to challenge this. All the competition seems to be third person shooters. Also most of the guns don't feel good and lore is pretty lacking but lore is not top priority. The only competition is Warframe which is not my style, Titanfall 2 but I get insane pings from here so no multiplayer so after the story nothing to do unless I want to do airtstrafing which is useless since I can't play multiplayer. Granted Titanfall 2 is not a looter shooter but the guns feel good and the movement is too good and Halo 1 - 3 since I heard 4 and 5 are pretty bad and I have only played halo 1. I might complain about jackal snipers in halo 2 but at least they have fixed spawns.
Maybe I am overreacting since it is my first game of momentum control -
manually writing a post request, filling it out and having to debug it vs just using the existing point and click interface ur product has and calls the same endpoint under the hood, and is already programmed to automatically fill all that tedious shit correctly etc for you
somebody mercy kill me already2
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