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Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??
Me: It's not that easy believe me.
Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?
Me: :/
Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...
Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.32 -
*Trying to finish up this project I'm doing*
Me: "Fuck this shit I'm done shit doesn't work"
*non-dev girlfriend sits in front of computer*
GF: "I believe this line shouldn't be here it messes up what happens in the loop. Or atleast that's what it looks"
*checking it*
Me: "So what's your ring size again"7 -
iOS: Hey, human wanna hear a joke?
Me: Sure.
iOS: Out of Memory.
Me: What?
iOS: I ain't explaining shit.2 -
wife: why don't you react to things I say (she means why don't I go crazy when she says crazy shit)
me in my head: after 7 years in IT I have learned not to react when people above you say crazy shit.2 -
//Le me
*Wants to open IntelliJ Idea*
*Searches 'Int'*
*Hits Enter*
Internet Explorer to the rescue
Internet Explorer: Finally, somebody remembered me!
*Internet Explorer opens*
Internet Explorer: *opens a bajillion new windows*
Internet Explorer:
Make me your default browser plz..
Internet Explorer: *freezes*
Me: Shit1 -
Don't send me a confirmation email that I successfully unsubscribed from your list you shit nugget.15
-
*Le me Opening Android Studio
*Gradle building..
*Gradle building..
*Shit, cancel building, I need a simple thing
*Cancelling building..
*Cancelling building..
*Cancelling building..
*Cancelling building..
Oh kill me now !12 -
You know what I hate? When people don't listen to me.
You know what I love? When shit blows up in their faces because they didn't listen to me8 -
Another day at CS Class :
Friend : " Lol! Is that Linux? "
Me : " Yeah why? "
Friend : " That shit sucks man, go use Windows! "
Me : *im going to kill you face expression*12 -
Me to wordpress "developer"
- No, you are not a developer, you just drag and drop shit in visual composer
That felt good3 -
>be me.
>never understood jokes about linux users fucking shit up
>starts using linux
>day 3 manages to fuck shit up
>ooooohhh12 -
My boss: "Do you ever like, not be on the computer?"
Me: " it's my job"
Boss: "oh shit you right. My bad"2 -
Friend: can you take a look at me code?
Me: sure, it's all shit!
Friend: You didn't even look!?
Me: did you write the code?
Friend: yes...
Me: well, I don't have to look, I can smell ur shitty code!5 -
That moment when the resident IT guy/teacher at your school comes to you at lunch and you look sad.
Me: Hello.
Teacher: What happened?
Me: Batteries almsot dead :(
Teacher: Well, I've got good news for you. I was talking to the school director about you.
Me: Um ... shit
Teacher: We're looking to get you an intership at the company that does networking shit for us (Netcom, anybody?)
Me: FUCK YEAH ... thanks!
*Day brightened by angelic light*7 -
Fucking piece of shit forum won't let me view a fucking jpg file without creating a fucking account. Fuck you.10
-
MOTHERFUCKING MICROSOFT!!! JUST SEND ME THIS FUCKING EMAIL !!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!? EVERY FUCKING TIME IT TAKES TOOOOOOO MUUUUUCH TIME TO RECEIVE ANY FUCKING CONFIRMATION EMAIL!!! ITS FUCKING 2017 ALREADY GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER YOU PIECE OF SHIT8
-
Even if you ask me a million times Google, I am not going to accept it. Data-hungry piece of shit -.-
5 -
Heard this recently:
JS always make me wanna say Fuck this shit! But I can never be sure what this refers to!4 -
Argh!
Me: "Are these Os or 0s? In this shit font they look totally the same!"
Me tries to gess if they look more like circles or eggs.
Me remembers that there are no Os in hex numbers.
Me: "Stupid me! Better go to bed now..."2 -
This seems like a 100% legit answer to me...
(Yes this is what i actually sent and not just a shit meme)
8 -
I hate when people give me shit for using a Mac. You can use whatever you prefer, let me use what I like.13
-
Me:
*decompiles swf*
*thinks: "what is this shit?"*
*scrolls down*
*finds variable named "randomShit"*4 -
if you're like me putting whatever shit crosses your mind in code ALWAYS check before pushing to remote.
I just pushed this :|
9 -
how i feel when coding with normal programming languages:
could you show me this text on screen please?
how i feel when coding with SQL:
GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. YOU PIECE OF SHIT.1 -
There's nothing like getting a angry client calling at 9am about their site being broken because their shit for brains son was messing around with my PHP.
They were legit cursing at me about how unprofessional and shit i was. Good start to the day.6 -
News: Microsoft is buying GitHub.
Me: Lets Gather money with patreon / crowdfunding to buy MicroSoft.
Let's end that shit Forever.
What's your opinion.18 -
For fucking once in my life I decide to go very early to bed so I can be 100% clear in my head for today's meetings. What happens is the following:
1. going to bed at 10pm.
2. Falls asleep relatively fast (yay)
3. Wakes up at 1am
4. Has a major headache and gets dizzy when I get up to go take a leak
5. Grabs a huge glass of water
6. Goes to sleep again
7. Wakes up at 3am with major headache and gets dizzy when I get up again.
8. Grabs another huge glass of water and goes back to sleep.
It's now 4:36am and I'm wide awake, with no headache, and no ability to sleep apparently. F... M... L!!!7 -
*the Company closes a project and splits us in different teams*
Me: *tells the manager for half a year about feeling extremely bad in the new team which is mobbing me, caling the previous project "shit" (it was not, it simply didn't need to be alive anymore cause we found out cheap alternatives) and not letting me do anything*
Company(half a year later): *sends me into a new project* we don't get why you are underperforming lately.
Me: *full burnout after half a year of being treated as living shit* yeah. Wonder why.8 -
Me: "What a stupid piece of shit documentation and software, it does not work!!!!!!!"
Also me: "Oh, this typo made everything _not-work_"4 -
Guy i just met: So you are a programmer??
Me: Yaa, i known a few programming languages.
Guy: So can you like, make games and shit??
Me: ...6 -
Me at QA, talking about a nasty bug I found in legacy code.
QA: what was the root cause?
Me: pos code.
QA: pos?!
Me: piece o' shit.
QA: ...1 -
Me a year ago:
// Pieces together a deadbeat crappy php-script
"Man... PHP is shit"
Me now:
// Gets paid to create controllers for php framework applications
"Man... PHP is THE shit!"4 -
Javascript makes me want to flip
the table and say "Fuck this shit", but
I can never be sure what "this" refers
to.5 -
Dude from old job who treated me like shit messaged me to implement 2 new features. I quit like half a year ago now. Ok i guess.6
-
[1 year ago]
Fren: Make me web design
Me: Sure credit me or pay me whatevs
[Literally makes a good web design, I could've uploaded on dribble or shit]
[Gives it to fren, takes full credit on his own]
Me:
9 -
Fuck College, Fuck C, Fuck the people that didnt help me with my C code and in fact made my problems worse and didn't fucking help me, Fuck the bastard that decided to give my the largest mountain of homework, fuck my inability to get shit done, fuck myself for not getting motivated to do anything. And also fuck Javascript cause its JavaScript.
Edit: IM ALSO FUCKING RETARDED41 -
Me: *starts to get into electronics*
Me: *unplugs a few wires while building a project*
Me: Shit, actually, didn't want to unplug those. No worries.
Me: *instinctively reaches for the nonexistent Ctrl-Z*
Me: Oh, that's right. My actions have consequences in the real world.5 -
I love my thinkpad, it grew a feature where it shocks me every few minutes to let me know that i need to get shit done7
-
Boss: We are going live tomorrow, are you ready?
Me: (Goosebumps and dry mouth) Sorry can you repeat that
Boss: Oh sorry not you, it's Sam whose app going live tomorrow
Me: (Inner me) Motherfucker. You dry dick piece of shit1 -
It bothers the shit out of me when I see grown-ass adults who still don't know how to type on a keyboard.8
-
Me: hm yes this will be easiest in python
Me, 10 minutes later: fuck python why am i using this piece of shit8 -
Working with the french person in the office and git gets me every time.
shit push, shit merge, shit rebase
Goddamn accent!7 -
My department is legit getting a fuckload of heat over some missing reports that were not generated by the lead dev.
Shit falls on me since he ain't here.
Look b. I am gon give it to ya straight: I don't give a fuck, your shit is secondary, unimportant, bottom of the list...call the vp if you want, he gon get a fuckload of indifference as well ....
know why?
Cuz yall motherfuckers want shit done quick af but don't say shit till the same day. Fuck, shit don't work that way...pendejo.
Best thing? I ain't even supposed to be doing this shit at all because of y'all bitches not placing me in the correct classification... -
Whenever I'm trying new tech at work I don't keep interrupting people ta help me with error messages because ITS A FUCKING NEW TECH AND NO ONE WORKS WITH THAT SHIT!
WHY THE FUCK YOU KEEP ASKING ME FOR HELP WITH YOUR FUCKED UP NODE SHIT AFTER I TOLD YOU THAT I DON'T LIKE IT? STOP IT!3 -
Some of y'all talk way too much shit about web development tools/libs without being web devs yourselves......
I don't know enough about OS development to talk shit, you see me doing it? no
fk me I am getting so fucking fed up with this community, it used to be cool rants about the shit that we go through, now is just pop wannabe dev ranting meme bullshit39 -
Had the first DDOS battle in my life lads, fuck me that was hard. I somehow managed to block these assholes, and some piece of shit was extorting money out of our business by messaging us in telegram. What a piece of shit.9
-
Java script is like an angry girlfriend who won't tell you what is wrong.
This shit happened today.
Me: somearray.includes[stuff];
JS: I'm alright everything is fine.
Me: no it's not, Clearly the feature is not working.
JS:* silence*
Me: Fine be that way.. * spends lot of time debugging finally finds the issue*...oh shit.
Me: somearray.includes(stuff);
JS: I SAID NO TRAILING SPACE IN END OF THE LINE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT NO TRAILING FUCKING SPACES AAAAHHHH!!!7 -
Shit that annoys me: People use the store (insert google play/apple/other) rating with one star to ask questions instead of fucking filling the stupid contact form or send an email to tech support.2
-
This is the third time a recruiter calls me while I am shitting on the toilet.
It's one of two, they call me too often. Or I shit a lot12 -
Annoying thing happened at work as usual -> can't get the mood to code -> procrastinate -> finally get my shit together -> get some work done -> shit it's 07.00 PM I should be going home already -> still coding because I started late -> shit it's 09.00 PM -> get the fuck home -> I need time to be alone and relieve stress by surfing the web -> shit it's 02.00 AM -> try to get some sleep -> Why did she left me? How's dad doing? God I think I that function that I coded today is awful, gotta fix it tomorrow. Am I going to afford a house EVER? Fuck what I'm doing with my life. -> Shit it's 05.00 AM, I MUST SLEEP. -> (kinda sleep) -> Fuck it's 10.00 shit shit shit shit -> arrive at work -> I'm not ready to open the code -> procrastinate -> ...4
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devrant made me realise there are people out there that go through the same daily shit I do.
Thank-you devrant -
> Best part about working from home?
"People don't give me as much shit for having a wank during standups" - not me, but I wish it was7 -
We do infra as a code, and one of my coworker worked on the project alone. Few months down the road, when shit hits the fan, he just message me this is not working.
First of all, I did not write that shit, and also I was never part of the conversation during the decision making. So when shit hits the fan what do you expect me to do? Do some black magic and fix it magically???
1 -
know what pisses me the fuck off? when the manager of another department jumps over me and goes straight to the head of my department for a request that they want from MY department.
Currently, there are 2 stupid bitches that insist on doing this fuckery. One of them keeps getting owned by our DBA since for whatever reason she sends her requests to me, just for the DBA to remind her that I ain't giving her access to shit and bla bla
The other is the head of the human resources department. It goes like this: sends wrong data, task gets delayed cuz we have to sort her shit, gets impatient, bitches at head of department and his boss about us taking long(bitch 3 hours ain't long and your shit ain't critical) just for me to reply back with images and LOOK FUCKTARD YOU MESS THIS UP red arrows showing how what she did was wrong and I had to fix it for her.
Sends a reply back only to me saying thanks, ah no pendeja, I will forward aaaaaaall of that shit to everyone else, tried throwing me under the bus? well now ima do it to you.
And fuck those 3 applications you requested, have fun adding shit manually through spreadsheets and then go eat shit and die.5 -
After hard learning for a while I've passed Microsoft's C# exam.
And they just gave me this. Shit. Only. No certificate.
14 -
Friend - could you comment your code, so I can review it pls.
Me - *comments "gets shit done" ,
"Does some shit ",
"I really don't like commenting my code "4 -
Me on drugs at work: *focus as fck*
Me at work: shit, what the hell people around me talking about
Damn i love herb7 -
Me: Do you like the client?
Dude: Yeah! How did you make that?
Me: I... I...
Also me: SHIT I DON'T KNOW.4 -
Team during retro: management is full of shit, what can we do about it?
Me, already during notice period: I have some ideas1 -
"wow I love this programming article, how do I... tell the author or something, can I comment or... what's this, clapping hands, ok... fine...... ah fuck"
3 -
I fucking love the vsCode "search everywhere" function, it saved me countless times with chinese frameworks, holy shit.3
-
*Me at class just trying to organize my directories and shit on the terminal*
My classmate: OMG you are a hacker! Can you pleas help me hack a Facebook account !!!
Fml....1 -
Shit went very well - I am really happy for my future
Hopefully, the bureaucracy will be faster for me :P
Details? Not yet5 -
Docker and kubernetes might be about the biggest boost in productivity that we have had as developers in the last fucking century and I can't speak well enough for theres technoligies.
FUCK ME this shit is good, this shit is great and this shit is NEEDED.
FUCKING LEARN THIS TECH18 -
Tooday ... Shit day
Anonce buisness shutdown and everybody losses is job including me 😥 happy holidays everybody ... Fuck this commercial badluck fucking snowy shit seasons !11 -
Incompetence of people around me drives me mad. I see a piece of shit code and I can’t stop myself from improving it.
Also better developers around me. I need to find out how they’re better and beat them6 -
Back to work after vacation.
And WTF do my collegues ignore the hardware failures and save that shit for me? -
I hate when a client says, hear me out. As though I give a fuck about the details of your shit idea.3
-
Fuck this Kibana shit and give me back my old grep (or even better: ripgrep). In 2008, I used to find shit in my fucking logfiles. Now I have an ELK stack that smells like liquid shit.4
-
My friend who works in my previous company telling me how is the office structure 😅😅😅😅😅 shit office
2 -
Installs Ubuntu 16.04
Try to put my favorite software installed.
Reboot failed, drops to BusyBox shell.
Me thinking : I fucked up.
Friend walks by, couldn't read shit.
Friend: Look at his kid, he's trying to hack into someone's computer.
Me: (Agrees just for reputation) Yeah, damn teachers been giving me bad grades.
Friend: Could you help me too?
Me: (Don't have hacking experience, making shit up) NO, because your not my best friend. And school security is hard to crack.
Got away safely1 -
Coleague: "Hey! get back to work, stop drawing weeb shit"
(pictured below)
Me: "Heroku's building"
Colleague: "oh, carry on"
3 -
I just think about Microsoft and Apple and how fucked up their shit is and it makes me feel better.1
-
Manager: yo I need a time line for this shit.
Me: I don't know how long it takes.
Manager: tell me how long it takes.
Me: I can tell you what can be done in next couple hours. I don't even know what will happen tomorrow.
Manger: now tell me this time shit.
Me: .......
Seriously, dear fellow ranter. How do you estimate timeline? Your timeline is changing.5 -
Ohhh boys, even the frame broke off *shit*. C'mon boy pls just stay with me you have been with me for just 4 years .
5 -
hey helo i doNT GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU CANT READ MY DOCUMENTATION AND SPAM ME WITH QUESTIONS THAT HAVE THE ANSWER WRITTEN IN THE SPECIFICATION YOU WROTE IM PLAYING FUCKING LEAGUE YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT
-
I am a fucking first year student and am doing an internship at a SHIT start-up. I've devoted my FUCKING PRECIOUS TIME into their SHIT iOS app, and the fucking boss is keeping procrastinating to get me that fucking pay cheque. For God's fucking sake that they pay me using the Canadian government's money (CSJP), FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FUUUUUCK YOU5 -
*Me starving all the week to lose weight:
Lost 3.5~4 Kg
*Me eating as always during my pause day
Won: 2 Kg
Fuck, this shit does not work, it is like Javascript.6 -
I now know why I'm a developer and not a designer, it's so fucking hard like it's goddamn bootstrap that shit is basically built for me but it still looks like an egg took a shit on a toaster
-
When you laugh at people who crack their phone screens, and then you drop yours face down on asphalt and your screen shatters. Life is fair sometimes10
-
Another "Shit my Enterprise Architect Says" track drops today. Stay tuned.
Also fuck this meeting.5 -
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! FUCK YOU SPRING-DATA-NEO4J YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY YOU SHIT FUCK !!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DELETE ON SAVE BULLSHIT!!!! OMFG!!!!!!! EVERYTIME IS SOME FUCKING SHIT THAT DELETES OTHER SHIT THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DELETED!!! JUST FUCK YOU ALREADY IM GONNA REWRITE ALL THIS SHIT!!!!!!!1
-
Put me under pressure and I’ll produce the best code I’ve ever written.
Put me under a microscope and I won’t produce jack shit 😂😬5 -
I’m a developer, not a designer, y r u making me do wireframes and shit, it’s short-circuiting my brain4
-
me: *hosting docker registry for our team*
me: *sets up ssl and cloudflare dns and shit*
me: *tries to push to registry*
my pc: *413 rEQuEst EnTITy tOo LarGe*
me: *spends 4 hours scrutinizing the shit out of my nginx configs*
me: *finally finds cloudflare sitting there rejecting all of the requests... that cheeky bastard* -
My father used to beat the living shit outta me for getting low marks during my school days. Happy Father’s Day lol17
-
Rant
I'm tired of this shit!!!
First I receive a task to create a new functionality for the app that I'm working on and some documentation (this is the only good part of all the rant) but no design.
It's been 2 weeks since I got assigned to this and still no design, no assets, no API calls that ACTUALLY WORK.
Today was testing a plist to get a banner link, and for 1 hour that little fucker didn't returned the image I was asking.
Better, I wasn't getting ANY IMAGE. Turns out that the link sends me to a HTML URL that doesn't have any image... go figure!
So I've been working on this from some images inside the PDF with the documentation given.
Oh! Wait! There's more!
The cherry on top is that I'm implementing a chat/voice call/video call into the app and the framework that I will be using is being created now, and it's not even finished!!!!!!4 -
I can’t remember shit
My code editor helps me a ton!!
I have most documentation offline.
Ask me to do shit in a job interview without Google or any reference material then the joke is on 🤡2 -
Today looking at code thinking to myself "I thought I fixed that code...shit that was in my dream!"
Why me?! -
Fuck off Windows Defender.
I love Windows but this defender shit is fucking annoying me with it's popup messages to enable SmartScreen. Fuck you and your piece of shit SmartScreen.5 -
I may love apt but fuck me, the amount of times I've gotten told that the process is currently locked is making me go bat shit crazy -,-8
-
I dont need DuckDuckGo,
I dont need any VPN
I dont need all of this "Internet Privacy Service" BULLSHIT which my ISP wants me to use,
I DONT NEED ANY OF THIS FUCKING SHIT!
AND I DONT WANT IT EITHER!
I HAVE MY OWN PI HOLE!
AND THATS FUCKING ENOUGH FOR WHAT I NEED! STOP TELLING ME ABOUT ALL THIS "We are clearly not logging your shit" WHILE YOU DO!!
Because I have my own shit!
Thx10 -
6 Months later...
Me: Oh God! This code is horrible! Who wrote this crap?
Also Me: Shit, it was me.1 -
My dev days consist on coding shit that I am really not interested in(web design)
What gets me through them is getting to my home office when I can continue to fuck around with Machine Learning, my guitar or the shit that does interest me....
.......also...listening to Nothing But Thieves is about the one thing that keeps me from losing my shit at work...5 -
Shit like this makes me want to join the #deletefacebook movement. I just want to report it and sue for emotional stress.
9 -
me: Dad I got a job! It's...
dad: great! you can help pay mortgage!
me: oh shit, should have said nothing..1 -
Taking charge of an existing project...
Me: "This certificate requires a password. Can you send it to me"
Other dev who was earlier responsible for the project : "Just use the default one"
Me: " And what's that?"
Other dev: "CHANGEIT"! All caps
Me: 😐 -
Him: my PC doesn't want to connect to the internet.
Me: Are you doing IT ryt?
Him: Yes
Me: Then fix ur shit. -
Half my Instagram likes are just me scrolling down and randomly stopping so it accidentally counts as a like.
Good luck trying to find what I've liked tho! Instagram protects that shit more than the nuclear codes.
Who the fuck developed this shit?28 -
My matryoshka keeping me company, because of course when you are alone testing a last hour deployment. shit will happen
5 -
So, there was this guy where i worked, who was doing some freelancing.
He asked me to do some front-end stuff for him and i said ok.
After some gigs, my boss found out about him working as a freelancer and got really pissed, because, according to him, it was forbidden by company policies (though i never saw it on contract).
After that, the boss started talking to me about shit that the guy did on the past, like stealing, liying about been sick for months, bad mouth the entire company to others companys, etc. Some really bad shit.
End of the story, the company fired that guy, threatened to do the same to me, made me go on record about that shit in court, and that fucking motherfucker didnt even payd me for my last work.
I hope he rot in hell, fucking piece of shit.
Sorry for the long text, but (today) i find it as amusing story. -
Me: okay, just gonna look on devRant for five minutes then get ready
Me: *goes to recent tab*
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Me: *sees my own rant posted a day ago*
FUCKKKKK IM GONNA BE LATE WHY THE HELLL AM I STILL WRITIBG THIS OK SHIT SHIT SHTI3 -
Fucking Theresa. Stop asking me if the files are transmitted. You can fucking see that. Fucking shit for brains.10
-
Now this has take my faith away from any email I receive... Fuck that shit, Suggest me ideas to reverse spam them.
9 -
what is the else there for, it reminds me of all the times I saw shit like
if(variable == true){
}else{
doSomething();
}
8 -
That big lie we tell others.. "Let me just finish something here..." (4 bugs solved, 10 new ones and 2h later) "shit!!! I'll be right there!!! Let me just...."1
-
Alright ladies and no so gentle men...
The time has come for me to ditch dropbox (Because fuck wanting to use ext4 and also have some spare CPU usage when syncing a single fucking file) and migrate everything from my art storage to some old prototypes into private github repo's...
Prepare to see a shit tonne of rants about me forgetting how to git and all that kinky shit...
Wish me luck *salutes*1 -
Shit! Facebook blocked me temporarily when I automated click on all the "love reaction button" on the live video!
4 -
Never noticed this before, but it fills me with pure joy that I can homebrew another USB port onto my shit.
2 -
ME - me, TM - teammate
I was just recruited to the company. We're starting new project based on few modules.
ME: So this module will do X and Y, I will use good old interfaces and design based on abstractions so that stuff does not get glued too much.
TM: But why? Make good old processor with all the logic and throw objects at it.
ME: B-but unit tests, decomposition and othet stuff...
TM: *insists and forces me to agree*
ME: *gets shit done his way, TM checks on code review and complains but generally doesnt give a fuck*
ME: Ok, its done. Lets get shit shipped.
TM: Well, we were just told by PM that we will need to process one more source with much different logic that does not fit current solution (he did meant GOD-PROCESSOR, idea of his).
ME: What do you mean? *injects another contextual implementation of processing logic to template method pattern solution*.
TM: I will tell PM you cant make it because of the implementation.
ME: But I just did it...
TM: Impossible, processor needs to be reimplemented. Get your shit together!
ME: *still doesnt get the shit about the god processor love*
TM: *rage quits next month*
ME: *module gets reused once more 2 month later, profit* -
How to make me not want to
ever contribute to you:
'Please read and sign this CLA'
( Also telling me that shit only whenI try
opening a PR, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU )5 -
So I've just finished a long day at work (warehouse) from 5.45 till 1.30, got home, had some herb tea, started dropping off, then my cunt of a mate sets a firecracker off IN MY TUPPERWARE, CRACKING THE BASTARD, THEN FUCKING THREATENS ME WHEN I TELL HIM TO SIT DOWN BEFORE I BREAK HIS NOSE. I don't know whether to just kill him or beat the shit out of him, but I'm sick of him doing shit like this when I finally manage to drop off to sleep (I don't sleep well).
FUCKING COCK SUCKING CUM STAIN.
I really want to try to beat the shit out of him but at the same time he's my best mate, what should I do, because I'm FUCKING SICK OF IT?!?
30 -
macOS has the shittiest image viewer.
can't do shit with it.
cant skip to next image
can't do shit.
it just shits these and stares at me
shitty
shitty shity
shity
shit
afdafd
safs
fds14 -
Anyone do me a favour. Curse at me, and say the worst things to me, my critics.
Not some soft shit, pampering bullshit, say some harshest shit.20 -
This scared the shit out of me
https://m.youtube.com/watch/...
Boston Dynamics selling robot dog for $75k only
5 -
Project idea: make a fucking neural network visualizer, that gets my fucking model and gives me a proper fancy fucking visualisation in jpeg. 😐
I'm angry cuz I have to make that shit manually rn, and shit ain't playing nice.6 -
Unpopular opinion:
Version control is shit, just rewrite it every time you change something and need to roll back.
Convince me otherwise!6 -
We're both senior devs, I use nodeJS/Python. Stop forcing your Java *superiority* shit on me. I can write the API using either language. Also fuck your JVM. FUCK THAT SHIT4
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When will I learn. Every time I try to update Android Studio, it breaks all my shit.
Serves me fucking right.
2 -
Need somebody to yell at me every evening so I get my shit together and draw something.
Practice makes perfect; rite?17 -
me after watching snowden(2016) yesterday : "Holy shit, government is going to fuck our privacy!!"
me after watching the circle today: "Holy shit big private companies are going to fuck our privacy!!"
My office senior watching me "Holy yeah boss is going to fuck your privacy"6 -
I know a lot of people disagree with modern art, but fuck me, at least we got away from this ugly shit.
7 -
It took me putting on my glasses to make sure these pixels were real and not just blind ass not seeing shit.
-
Cengage's shit wanted me to rewrite Bubble Sort in Python. The test also said bubble sort was "the most efficient sorting method."
How does one slap someone in the face with a concept? Someone's getting their shit pushed in with timsort.9 -
Why is it that clients that could afford my services ask for LESS revisions, but the clients that lowball me or like practically ask me to do their website for free feel OBLIGATED to like try their best to milk the shit out of my services HOLY FUCK man this whole month tired the shit out of me
AND IT'S ONLY AUGUST 32 -
This crap is cracking me up, WTF.
someone actually sent this to me, and i loosed my shit, screaming WTF, jeez.
4 -
Who the fuck programs grandfather clock to go off after 3 in the morning ... You scared the shit out of me
-
iOS 10 pulls this 3D Touch shit on me and they're dropping headphone jacks. What's next? Vegan iPhones? Gluten free home buttons? Over engineered shit. Nobody wants 3D Touch. It's stupid.3
-
The shit code I wrote before my cs degree is marginally better than the shit code I write now. The lack of of improvement is related to the shit job I got after my degree. Cs degree did teach me a lot of good oo concepts and design.... That I rarely use due to shit legacy code I maintain.1
-
Starting.
Because you build the same boilerplate over and over again.
People recommending me shit I didn't ask for in 3...2...1... -
Just "finished" a side project (I know right, unprecedented) to be graced immediately afterward with another approach to vastly improve one of its features. Well shit, now I HAVE to implement it otherwise it'll just bug the shit out of me for the rest of time!
WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME BRAIN! JUST LET ME FINISH MY SHITTY SIDE PROJECTS WITH PEACE AND QUIET! -
i dont know sql, gotta look shit up and dont much of it really internalized
i may be now being assigned somebody else's task to do some sql shit
fucking kill me3 -
It takes me about 10 minuted to get into social media or any forum in which regular people can post shit and have a voice to wish for a plague or something.
Fuck man....starting to wish for a regulated internet. So much shit everywhere.7 -
* package-lock.json * merge conflict
ME: fuck fuck fuck, C-s I-Search: HEAD
ME: this shit is much i can't handle it, fuck
ME: rm package-lock.json ; npm install1 -
Why are people praising macbook keyboards is beyond me, this shit terrible, feels like cracking a touchscreen on every press10
-
oh shit i hadn't noticed lmfao
this isn't even like... ACTIVE shit, this is just me flipping it on in the back seat when my parents drag me places
6 -
Keeping the clients happy is very important but when you have alot of shit to do, being a glorified helpdesk bugs me the fuck out. My inbox is screaming at me: "Please no more... Master please end me!".
-
Sometimes I feel like giving my client a Craigslist-frontend website. Saves me shit load of time to pretty up.
-
Lead dev runs the program I gave him to set up a bunch of processes that run for one database.
It has a GUI that seems native to his windows environment......but it sort of is not.
The program runs, asks for the .csv file that is to be parsed into the database.
Lead dev: Ok, what is this though?
Me (his boss) "Don't worry about it"
Him: "Holy shit what the fuck is this??? TELL ME!!!"
Me: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
Him: "WTF DID YOU MAKE THIS IN???!
ME: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
CMS Admin (another one of my employees) "Would you TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!?"
New Guy (mainly a frontend dev): ........
Meanwhile, in production, no one knows if your gui app is built in Lazarus and Free Pascal, as long as it works.
I really need to stop doing this to the lead dev, dude already keeps trying to choke me for writing things in perl.
On another note, Object Pascal is pretty cool. Might write a book on it for those that want to do CLI based applications on it, I have no clue why every book on the subject costs in euros, but there should be more shit written for beginners, language is awesome and one can get lots of mileage from Lazarus and FPC11 -
Anyone here has any experience with buying shit from STMicroelectronics? Requested a fucking account like an hour ago and their shit confirmation email has not gotten to me yet.
Any other sites y'all would recommend for getting their shit? This bs is getting ridiculous...for a company whose fucking assets are worth billions to take this fucking long to send a confirmation email.
Fucking Adafruit took nada to send me the shit i wanted. Fucking hell man.4 -
When you start a new job and you inherit a steaming pile of shit that NEEDS to integrate with a completely separate application but after repeatedly telling your manager his requests aren’t possible, he denies it and says it is possible.
Some context. They have an old application written in MVC. They want a new application written in react. They want all the old functionality to integrate with the new functionality. I don’t just mean render different views based on the route, I mean they want both applications to integrate seamlessly to create a new application. Not to mention this new application is completely different to the old one and has requirements that aren’t even compatible with the old application.
Also. I got into trouble today for completing the sprint in 2 days and starting on user stories (that were in the sprint, not the backlog). Apparently we’re not allowed to showcase the product until the sprint ends and we go through our retrospective/demo. LMAOOOO -
I am evolving as a Software Enginner by doing the work of the other people around me that don't do shit.
-
Is it just me or do software developers get the shit end of the stick in absolutely every project?4
-
To all those who think global warming is fake, try running a notebook in this blistering heat of delhi, india. Was running my macbook and it shut down, froze, reach its inner temps to 90 celsius and had it do all sorts of frightening stuff that would cause you to shit your pants if it happened to your precious.2
-
Holy shit.
I'm loving Atom's Teletype feature--
I JUST KNEW ABOUT THIS SO PLEASE DON'T SHIT ON ME ÙwÚ2 -
My Frontend team lead came to me today to show me some "amazing" React component he wrote.
It was a pile of overengineered shit. -
algolia.com is a piece of fucking shit, trying to use the search on the reasonml forms just pisses me off and makes me want to punch a baby in the face!!!4
-
Hey, up for a challenge?
Upgrade to iOS 12 beta 2,
When all of your apps fail to open and u can only use apple safari, notes & other apple apps, start regretting the decision and downgrade your phone to iOS 11.4 when your phone starts up in data recovery mode and fails to recover data and then u need to send mom a sms of that picture of your family and explain the reason for why all of your data got deleted send me a picture so I can see how I did😤...
I deleted my jailbreak for this shit?!
(I understand it's a beta, but cmon on beta 1 haw of my apps didin't work, and on beta 2 I needed to restart my phone for 6 times before apps might start working and u need to wait 2 weeks before another beta releases, fuck off appl. With this beta shit, I guarantee there were thousends of users with same issue fix tht.)
2 -
What's SAP?
Piece of shit if you ask me.
Their Crystal Reports is so user-hostile it makes me want to throw up all over the keyboard.8 -
devRant stickers make me code better. I just can't write shit with you :/ amigos staring at me. I feel the pressure!
-
There are 43 people in our team. Every 43 of them come to salute me in the morning, fuck off, let me work. Just go ahead with your shit but leave me alone.4
-
35 hours straight because screw you clients. Wanting shit right before christmas season.
I'm never doing that shit again, although i got some mad money for it... And in a way got me into node+cloud providers. -
Dear PM, if you ask me something let me fucking finish my answer!
I know there's some audio lag (remote meetings) but shit, you always do this!3 -
Do u ever had the feeling that you're just too tired to do anything? Well I just had a full week of just doing nothing.. fuck this1
-
Former coworker, inspiring that he still gave a shit when I had no shits left to give. Also, a comp sci teacher taught me there is no problem that can't be boiled down to small simple problems, that could be explained to a 5 year old. If someone says otherwise, they're either full of shit or they're trying to fill you with shit.4
-
Im a student programmer pretending to know his shit and earlier today I was coding javascript and man I thought I know that language already. Turns out I dont know shit and it had me searching how tos on google. Bless that search engine though for giving me results I didnt even know that I need. Lesson of the day, just continue pretending shit cause ya gotta live life.
PS sorry for those passionate about programming, I am not worthy.
PPS I actually believe I can do better I am just a lazy ass piece of shit who's still contemplating whether I should be really all doing this shit
PPSS I need motivation help9 -
Today's BSD fortune scared the shit out of me.
"panic: kernal segmentation violation. Core dumped
(only kidding)" -
Coworkers are starting rumors about me at the office. Probably gonna quit today. Don't have time for that highschool shit.3
-
Be me half asleep wondering if the other instances of me will be able to figure out the solution... Suddenly I realize I'm the only me. Shit. Wtf have you done to me programming!?1
-
Meetings are the way of parasites to keep shining without doing shit. Why do they gave to drag me into their bullshit meeting?!$&
2 -
Why would she contact me for a job that needs ASAP attention and not show up after I gave her my salary expectation, I bet she is expecting a $1-$2 salary expectation from me, crazy recruiters I wonder if there's a university for that shit,
Hi guys, another recruiter shit!!!!1 -
Fuck Drupal. Fuck the work environment I have, and fuck CMS in general.
I have a task that consists into removing any @extend from the different SCSS files so the compiled file is lighter than before (so far it went from 10mb to 750kb). Everything went okay but suddenly PHP decides that the fuckton memory it has isn't enough anymore and wants more. And makes VirtualBox freeze. Which makes Windows 8.1 freeze. It's 11:10 AM when I write these lines and I haven't been able to do SHIT since 9 AM.
The lead developer just told me "you touched some PHP code you shouldn't have approached in the first place". DUDE I haven't written anything in PHP IN TWO WEEKS !
Also, why does fucking Kint exists, when Laravel has dd() and Symfony has var_dump, and they work as fine as Kint, but they don't need 580 Tb of RAM to run and load a fucking page?
Having to work with this fuckery of a CMS is something, but having to work with Windows 8.1 makes me feel like working on some cancer with a computer built before the first World War
Now I finally go back to work, that's cool, I only lost 2h30 of my fucking day doing nothing but restarting VirtualBox and my fucking computer. FUCKING YAY.1 -
So I lost £40 and had to spend ANOTHER £40 to pay my friend back that I couldn't fucking afford. Why is the world just giving me a constant barrage of shit and fuckups that make me want to kill myself more each time. Fuck this shit, 8m so tired of it. FUUUUUUUHSLWNX DNSISY ,83+£;£)# JDTCVOSMDD ARGHHHH7
-
FUCK ASUS FUCK service centers
Fuck Asus. My laptop charger was not working and I called them. These fucking people asked me to get my warranty approved because according to thier database they only have manufacturing date. So they said send us the invoice and we will update it So they wanted me to wait 5 days to get an entry updated in their database. 😑😑 After this shit. I have to wait 7 days for a new charger. These people and Thier service it's shit shit shit4 -
My manager sent me a Desktop screen without informing me and I also didn't ask for the same. Now, he wants me to use it. And i am like, WTF 😡😡. Who the fuck told you in ur dreams to send me this shit.8
-
Why is programming life so terrible and shit. I don't mean I hate it, but it gets me FUCKING mad sometimes. I was writing a post full of "fuck" and "shit" words about vuejs error which has stucked with me for about 3 days and before posting it, my problem got solved. for the love of god... WHAT THE FUCK2
-
I lost my cool and got into a trembling furious mode yesterday. The outcome is an ugly pile of mess. After calming myself down and reflecting, this is what I end up telling myself this morning.
I let myself touched shit. When someone was throwing shit at me, I went and touch it and throw it back instead of avoiding it. I created a shit storm instead of a cleansing rain. And now not only me, everyone around me has to breath in shit air.2 -
Slack that notifies me about github events has gone and started notifying me about EVERYTHING again.
Having said that it is amusing when I see a commit:
"FUCK THIS SHIT" go by ;)7 -
Me, when I figure I'm looking at the documentation of a different Laravel version and Otwell decided to fcking change shit again.
1 -
Silicon labs: post on our forum
Me:K fine bitch
Silicon labs: sends me 200 emails a day
Me: silicon labs is fucking retarted(cancels account)
Me: still gets emails.
silicon labs: eats cum and shit for every meal3 -
Rushing to get a feature completed for a client presentation tomorrow has turned my Sass sheets into a nightmarish hellhole of classes, nesting, and questionable specificity. This is taking a huge liberty with "if it works, ship it."
-
Those days, I have a lot of companies reaching me directly on my professional mail to sell to me their shit. Should I randomly visit one to ask for an explanation in person?2
-
I spend fucking weeks planing how to crawl the reddit api as concurrent as possible, only to realiye that there is a ratelimit of 300 request per 600 seconds
FUCK, SHIT GODVERDOMME, VAFFANCULO, EAT SHIT, PENETRATE ME WITH A SWORDFISH, FMFL6 -
Before you tell me shit is real, kindly provide the variables.
```
def real_shit(shit, real):
return shit is real
```2 -
Client: Excuse me, I know it's your day off, but I need you to fix my website it's urgent!!!
Me thinking: Excuse me while i chop your head off, shit down your neck and feed your remains to the pigs!2 -
!dev
I will rather have you shit on my face than show me empathy.
please keep your pity to yourself and hit me, i can take it !!3 -
When you're working in visual studio and trying to look through the suggested uses of an object and fucking shit keeps popping up all over the screen to tell what type things are and shit and you're just like "get the fuck out of the way I can't see shit you useless cunt fuck."
Visual studio buddy. You're killing me.2 -
Do you think that Dev's should have sudo privileges? As I Linux Engineer that thought scares the shit out of me.3
-
Rant
Alright these fuck heads need to learn what the term flexible means. Flexible is when shit hits the fan you can adapt, not changing shit last fucking second, not telling me, then getting bent out of fucking shape. -
So ik this is some super basic shit but for the life of me I have no idea what it's trying to tell me is wrong..
3 -
How do ppl just keep coding. I can't stay on it for shit. Anything that comes to mind will distract me and keep me from starting or working on.... It sucks, its not even like i dislike coding. I actuay enjoy it once i start but games wirh friends n shit always take Priority for some reason :(8
-
Fuck the dev! Who decided to change shit on their site without telling me...
It's your fucking app do you want it to work!?
I can't connect the two if you keep changing shit!
I know this dev to be a fucking asshole!6 -
Gawd today was depressing, we started migrating to teams. I now know that everyone is a liar, everyone has been telling me it’s shit and that’s a blatant lie, it’s utterly shit, it’s an insult to shot to call teams shit.
-
My supervisor , the one who interviewed me asked me to design some fucking webpages and that too on weekend.
So reluctant that he even dropped a mail, called me up .
Did some inhuman heinous piece of horse shit code so fucked up that it'll make him shit bricks in the first glance itself.
Performance? Delivered 😊2 -
This bit of code I wrote made me outwardly laugh. I'm losing my mind over here, and my team will look down on me and the stupid shit I'm doing.
6 -
Mongoose: Callbacks VS Promises? Opinions and reasons please.
I'm trying to update array of data which involves couple queries.. Best practices?9 -
I love staying late to patch PHP systems. It's even better when our ecommerce website written in Perl has an issue with cart checkouts and customers are complaining1
-
Some fucking client...
Some fucking incompetent colleagues of a client..
Let me just be done with this fucking peace of shit client! -
Why does scala 2.13 refactored its collection library AGAIN???? It just killed me 1 million brain cells to remember the shit called CanBuildFrom and how can they just threw all the shit away like that?6
-
My colleagues make such scary angry faces when they are focused. It scares the shit out of me everytime.
-
Why the fuck catch(...) Doesn't catch shit!? Fuuuuu!! I hate it! Why these things keep happening to me?!5
-
Pieces of shit probably act like they’re giving me reminders allowing me to move on with life constantly
That’s not how this works at all6 -
Don't have a manger/boss/mentor. Please give me an advice (coding/best practices, no 'life is to be lived' shit) which will help me in the long run.. Thank you..4
-
Am I doing something wrong or am I the only one not able to install anything on Pop! OS?
Googling doesn't find me this issue what so ever.
It always tells me about some dependencies and that it won't install them.
And then i have to do --reinstall, which either does it's job or tells me shit can't be downloaded.
Wtf is this shit? I love pop os but for gods sake let me install libsdl or wine or anything else!5 -
Why the fuck do I have to follow DB lectures when I fucking know all the stuff already? Fuck you university and your policies about attendance!5
-
Is it just me, or are the Jinja2 docs shit?
Won't tell me how to sort my JSON file via a JSON variable. Fucking irritating.
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