Just had meeting with a potential client.
They wanted to move their existing website from the internet to the cloud 😲. I left so quick I forgot to take my business card back.

Found a guy working at Microsoft with this bio.

"Software Engineer at Microsoft. Loves Linux, the cloud, Vim, and DevOps. But mostly Linux"

Like come on Microsoft, even they choose Linux over Windows

look guys I found the cloud

Was in the barbers having my hair cut and the barber was talking about how hard drives are obsolete as everything is moving into the cloud! Blew his mind when I explained the cloud is just computers and hard drives!

Welcome to the cloud

*Tries to pull down code changes*
*Repo is dead*
*Tries to load IDE*
*IDE is loaded via the cloud and it is down*
*Tries to contact help desk*
*Help desk is down*
*Sits in silence*
Guess I am done for the day.

Boss: Let's move our servers to the cloud. We should use Amazon Azure.

So Dropbox said "fuck the cloud, let's go analog"?

I use pictures of clouds as the background for anything related to cloud computing

Fleksy keyboard: We don't access your private information and upload it to the cloud!

No, because I'm blocking your Internet access through a fucking root firewall.

Hey you guys working on cloud technologies..
Can you guys... like .... turn off the 'Rain', in my location, for a while. ?
I wanna get home :\

Apparantly, wanting to use company assets for a smoke machine so when clients visit you can say "Welcome to the cloud!" is immature.

Interviewer: Do you know what Kubernetes is?

Dev: Yeah, that’s the greek god of spending money in the cloud.

Interviewer: Actually Kubernetes is an orchestration tool. Have you not been on a project that uses it yet?

Dev: …

Me (to friend): So all your information these days is stored in the cloud.

Friend: Yeah I know that's crazy, huh!?

Me: Yeah!

Friend: I wonder if there's any disruption of the data when planes fly through.

Me: What do you mean?

Friend: Like when a cloud breaks when a plane move through it since we store our data in the precipitation layer. Nikola Tesla would be so proud.

Me: Uh... The fuck?

Me (thinking to myself): maybe he's just joking...

Teacher : The world is fast moving, you should learn all the new things in technology. If not you'll be left behind. Try to learn about Cloud, AI, ML, Block chain, Angular, Vue, blah blah blah.....

**pulls out a HTML textbook and starts writing on the board.

<center>.............</center>

FML. An overreaching supergenius "architect" and a database team:

A: "We have decided that apps should use mysql. Install a MySQL so we match cloud"
DBA: "we don't have an image or experience with MySQL. We have mssql and Oracle "
A: "ok, use mssql in data center and mysql in production cloud"
DBA: "that's... not going to work well"
A: "just do it!"

...

Me, reading this shit, sends email: "ignoring the fact that we have more than 500 queries in this application which will need to be checked and most likely rewritten, how are we supposed to test the mysql queries without production access?"
A: "just use mssql local and MySQL in cloud"
M: "... Just to make sure I understand, you want us to write queries for mssql, test them locally, and then write separate queries, with a separate SQL connection abstraction that deploys to production? Again, how are we going to test this?"
A: "no, use same queries, should be fine"
M: "they really won't, they're different dialects"
A: "do the needful, make work!"

If karma were a thing, this person would have long since exploded into a cloud of atomized blood.

So, if my data is in the Cloud, does it fall when it rains?

Saw a video of an interview on Cloud Computing...
That genius guy says: "Cloud computing is highly risky. Because if it rains, all the data will be lost."

I live with 2 people who believe that cloud storage exists in the sky.

The cloud using Debian

Source: facebook

I love the smell of broken cloud services in the morning.

Open source block chain neural network binary tree growth hacker synergy vertically integrating cryptocurrency game changing GDPR compliant internet of things node.js quantum computing start up that'll disrupt and pivot the cloud based ecosystem

A fun experience with a client:
Client: We want to use a database in the cloud without internet.
Us: Uhm that's not possible.
Client: Why not? You don't need internet to use a cloud database, because it's in the sky right?
.....
We will never forget our first client.
p.s. he also wanted to use his wifi printer without internet and cable

I pray for a future where clients have a better understanding of IT related concepts🙏

C'mon people! Spread the word! "The cloud" is not "just someone elses computer", it's a completely different way to compute!

I'm so tired of the oversimplifications done trying to explain the consept. The massive amount of work, sweat and tears put into the orchestration, automation and abstraction layers to deliver truly elastic, scalable and self healing infrastructure, applications and services deserves a fuckload more respect than "just someone elses computer"!

Hosting and time-sharing have been with us almost as long as we have had computers (mainframes etc), but dismissing the effort of thousands upon thousands of devs and ops people to make systems robust and automated enough to literally being able to throw a wrench in the engine any time during production and not have the systems suffer is fucking insane!

The whole reason the term "cloud" is so fitting is not just because it was coined from the cloud-shape used in technical and non-technical drawings and illustrations symbolising the internet, but also because of the illusion of magic it gives the end-user not being able to see "whats inside the music box".

Can we please all just appreciate how much more enjoyable the "cloud-to-butt" browser extension makes reading all those damn pr texts about "the cloud"? Seriously, try it!

Companies: We are commited to linux and it is truly the future!
Developers: Awesome! So are you going to port your most popular softw-
Companies: AI! Machine Leaning! Cloud computing! Streaming!

"I'll not sign off this project unless you promise me that the app will NOT GET WET WHEN YOU UPLOAD IT TO THE CLOUD" (was a desk application... I left the company that same day and promised myself I'll never get back)

The Cloud....

Story of every failing tech startup (from personal experience, but a bit exaggerated):

Step 1: Come up with AMAZING idea that blows your mind!

Step 2: Run to investors to do presentation, continue to constantly repeat CLOUD, CLOUD, AI, CLOUD, MACHINE-LEARNING, MUCH WOW, MORE AI until investors are confused but mesmerized as fuck and decide to give you a shit ton of money.

Step 3: Hire all the developers you can find, a JAVA dev, a Python dev, a PHP dev, a Ruby dev, and ask them to get along with each other! I mean hey, they're adults right, they'll figure it out.

Step 4: Ask devs to launch the app, meanwhile, throw a LAUCH PARTY! HELLS YEA WE'RE ABOUT TO BE RICH BITCHES!

Step 5: Find out the hard way that no one needs a product that was launched! :/

Step 6: Pivot, and pivot next month again, and pivot again, and pivot in a middle of a pivot, and pivot pivot pivot pivot... and OH FUCK WE RAN OUT OF MONEY!

Don't mind me, just deploying to the Google Cloud!

!rant I read some documentation about Amazon, "save all the data in my butt".
- me laughing
* I installed the extension that replaces all the instances of" the cloud " by "my butt". I'm easily entertained ;p

This dude, every time he say cloud computing, he points to the sky.

High school teacher: if your mind it's in the cloud, you'll never accomplish anything.

Present me: :/

November brings .Net 5, for anyone who cares about that, and after listening to my husband watch Ignite "reveal" advertising container, and all the enterprise virtue signaling therein, I am now to the point where the only thing I can think is "Fuck you Microsoft, and Fuck .Net 5."

During a 30 minute speech, the director of the dotnet platform commits the following flagrant faux pas:

1. Introduces tons of visual studio easy buttons for shit we already do, no mention of VS code support.
2. Shows tools that anyone other than the most insular enterprise mouth-breather have been using for no less than 6 years
3. Gives absolutely no credit to the Open Source community projects backing the features he's showing
4. Shows nothing but mono-cloud integration, makes no mention of any other cloud targets for new features
5. Acts like "deploy your app the cloud from IDE" is something anyone should be doing in 2020
6. Showed an API repl that is pathetic compared to httpie when it was in alpha
7. Showed blazor loading from cache and said "Look at how instantaneous it is" (if you ignore the 5mb of cached payload it took to run the hello world demo)
8. Shows Project Tye, presenting it as a new groundbreaking xyz, fails to mention helm already exists

What's absent is what is most offensive:

- acknowledgment of community contribution
- no linux/mac tools, entirely windows-centric (which jives with my prediction of second-class citizenship for the people who contributed to .net core the most)
- cross-cloud capabilities
- bash/zsh (again with the untermensch relegation)

Fucking microsoft back to their old bullshit.

Fuck human bodies, I want to live in the cloud...

I am not saying I trust 'the cloud' 100%, but having the freedom to wipe your phone, laptop, or pc at a moments notice without a second thought or worry is an incredible feeling.

When the Google Cloud bill hits you.

I am now a Cloud Hosting (Windows and Linux) Reseller. I kinda feel like giving away some free accounts to the devRant community. But it can't give away too many accounts, so I probably won't because I don't want to exclude anybody. 😭

I had this meeting with this new client and where talking about the possibility to exchange data.

And he told how his company now has everything in the cloud and if we also have it in the cloud it should already be connected since it's both in the cloud.

I tried to explain that because its both in the cloud that does not mean it's connected to each other. We still need to develop a way to exchange data.

On wich I got the answer that our data probably is not in the real cloud.

In the end I just said that we can probably exchange data but it the easiest way to accomplish this is talking to someone who maintain the data in your cloud. And we could adapt our system to theirs.

Sometimes it's hard to communicate with less tech savvy people about tech stuff. Explaining things in a way they understand but also is technical correct.

So.. the software team I work with still maintain Java 6 apps.. meanwhile management keep asking when we're "moving to the cloud".

DevRant posts are too small for me to describe our technical debt.... 🤦

With the growth of cloud services like AWS and Google Cloud, I feel like the quality of products is going downhill very fast.
Big providers dont care if the customer do stupid things, sends malware, ddos as long as they pay....

I automatically don't trust People who use pictures of clouds on the background for anything related to cloud computing.

So Seagate just announced enterprise capacity 12 TB HDD : 2nd gen helium filled hard drives
My thoughts : will all that helium help you store the information on cloud ?

I found something even more effective than coffee on hard Mondays mornings. A fresh cup of technology, just the right quantity of silicium, transistors and sensors with a pinch of cloud connectivity.

That awkward moment when you ask you final year CS project mentor to clone your git repo for his feedback and he says
Oh. CLOUD COMPUTING!!!!
😯

You get the feeling to be an INDIAN.

I updated the UI as I said last time

prettywordcloud.github.io

Found out word cloud essentially is NP hard problem, so can’t do it in an efficient way.

However, now it is more interactive, and gives the illusion it is faster

You can say what you want but cloud services are awesome. I can literally throw my laptop in a bag, travel to the most beautiful place in the world and work from there.

Client company will only move to the cloud once they learn their competitor has, in fact, moved to the cloud. Way to compete guys.

You ain't shit.

I became github addicted...

I started to use it for any single little project I ever created, for documents, files not code related (of course private repositories), etc. instead of using a cloud storage service.

Please tell me I'm not the only one.

My company is providing cloud infrastructure to our customers. For research purposes we are running a little openstack cloud in our laboratory datacenter were we can test stuff before implementing it in the productive environment.

Last week the manager asked me to shut down the cluster over night and only power on the servers when we need it. (about twice a week)

The reason: it produces too much heat.

My answer was: No.
First off thats not how cloud infrastructure works, and how about a proper climate control?

Sometimes i ask myself in which parallel universum our managers live 😑

The guy across from me on the phone being loud as ever just said this "the key to using cloud software is having it organized (he means storage in a sense), otherwise you end up with a mess on your desktop"

LOL I've seen his desktop it's a mess!

Some time ago a salesman tried to sell me a super revolutionary solution. He introduced it with "today everyone will tell you that in order to save money you must move your servers and IT infrastructure on the CLOUD (big emphasis on the word) but we offer you a different approach: 'the on premise cloud'"
😶"so, you're basically telling me to replace my local machines with other local machines?"
😎"you don't see the whole picture: It's the cloud but INSIDE your company"

Am I dumb and I didn't see the obvious technology leap he was offering me?

My friend is so fed up with his $400-per-month-internet-explorer-based POS, so I wrote him an UWP native app, only $40/month on AWS.

I'm thinking of continuing adding features until it mature enough and release it for free, but charge for cloud usage (if they use the cloud).

Anyone has experience in this? Im gathering info about the "must-have" features for small businesses.

What do you need a boss if you can find the idea, analyze it, design the product, code it, test it, setup the cloud and even do the marketing.

Dear bosses,

I am a developer not a God!

Designer: "And you know what we could do? We could make all the information be available anywhere the client wants. It's all in the cloud!"

PM: "Yeah! That's brilliant!" (High fives all around)

That's one day after a visit to a client saying they cannot rely on their internet connection.

I had to think as I've been asked quite a few dumb questions but my favorite was a friend who asked about cloud storage and how they got it up there as he is pointing to the sky. It made me think of this commercial.

I took this contract and made the suggestion that we backup to the cloud and create a private repo on GIT. Client said no, local should be fine, they don't want someone stealing their code. I said okay fine.
AC just went out in the server room and they apparently had a leak from the AC to the power supply which they happened to put on top of the rack servers and switches. I'm surprised that place didn't catch fire, might be to early to call it.
All this on a Friday and we were 2 weeks away from launch party.
Not my fault, I clearly said we backup to cloud and use GIT on private repo.

The ultimate UX:

It finally knows exactly what you are looking for, deep machine learning AI based on blockchain leveraging the power of the cloud shit

Every 2019 tech startup: We do deep machine learning with big data in the cloud.
Investors: Please take our money!

One of my hard drives S.M.A.R.T. said it could fail anytime and I should backup my data. I cut all the files to a new hard drive.

Later that week the new drive fails with the needle falling into the magnetic disks... Fml. 

Should've saved those files on the cloud...

localhost, because it's always available even when I'm offline. The cloud is just a bunch of computers after all.

My worst bad practice:

Saving my Linux Root SSH Keys on a Cloud Storage company.

Have them there, so I wont loose them ever. I password protected them, but you never know what the NSA/FBI/CIA can do 😉

Todays best work related question.

How is the stock of ice cream in the fridge?

We are a cloud application provider ;)

Looks like my server is going to be down tomorrow :(
Its raining and my server is in the cloud.

Homies with the "there is no cloud" merch acting like they're straight up Morpheus-ing average people's existences.

Today is the day!
The cloud is running low on battery.

Really now?
AWS, #1 cloud provider with their #1 cloud database DynamoDB, all shiny, highly dynamic NoSQL, your data schema could change any second...

then DynamoDB errors out when one of your values is an empty string? {"foo":""} is impossible to store?

Like nobody ever saw or used empty strings a a value or what? There are tons of upvotes to fix this.

I just have to imagine the Product owner standing there: "No,no,no. They are just using it wrong if their data has empty strings as value. Won't fix!"

I'm never going back to Google Cloud, AWS is the shit.

I'm fucking orgasming with how organized everything is, decent documentation, level of configurability, the integration of one service with another.

Just wow

"Our company encourages cryptocurrency big data agile machine learning, empowerment diversity, celebrate wellness and synergy, unpack creative cloud real-time front-end bleeding edge cross-platform modular success-driven development of digital signage, powered by an unparalleled REST API backend, driven by a neural network tail recursion AI on our cloud based big data linux servers which output real time data to our Wordpress template interactive dynamic website TypeScript applet, with deep learning tensor flow capabilities.

Don't get what the fuck I just said? Udemy offers countless courses on python based buzzwords. Be the first out of 13 people to sell your soul and private information, and you'll get the first three minutes of the course free!"

If the cloud is down, and your contacts r in the cloud, what do you do?

This day I have received the most glorious news in e-pistolary form. For some years, I was suffering in support of a client who was, well, insufferable. My presence there paralleled the divine comedy in both essence and fact.

I opened the missive, expecting another plea to bail them out of whatever clusterfuck they found themselves in. Instead, what I found was something truly magical.

"Hey Human,

I hope this finds you well. I'm not sure if you remember a few years back, we were trying to decide between IBM Cloud and AWS. Well, after years of battling FF*, we're finally moving ahead with AWS. He failed one too many times to deliver anything visibly. After you left, there was no one left he could use to steal credit, ideas, and work.

FF is still pushing to have them use IBM cloud as a "warm backup" in the event "AWS fails." We will see where that goes.

I figured you'd like to know; you were the void in the wilderness for a long time. I don't want to think about how much time we could have saved if we had just listened.

PeeEm**"

This event represents a personal victory, albeit belated, over a few peoples' absurd amount of privilege. Towards the end, I was vicious about my contestation to the insanity of adopting a desperate hedge attempt-as-cloud offering from a failing company. Some examples:

// cloud 'strategy meeting'
Moi: What cloud platform are we looking at using?
FF: We're looking at IBM cloud and AWS as a second.
Moi: Why is that? I understand you're obligated to rep your offering first, but that decision doesn't seem to have the customer's best interest at heart.
FF: IBM cloud is a market leader; AWS isn't as good.
Moi: I see. I mean, that's the tech equivalent of the company's fleet management considering monkeys on tricycles as a strong competitor to service trucks, but I get what you mean.

// steering meeting
Director: Who can we look to as an example? Who is currently using the IBM cloud?
Moi: No one; they account for a single-digit portion of the actual cloud market. Their long game to sell you a "Hybrid Cloud," which means put some front end payload in a CDN, and buy n-frame units of IBM z servers for the DC with IBM gateway appliances acting as connective tissue. So it's not the cloud at all, really.
Director: How does it compare in cost?
Moi: It's generally 40% more expensive than other clouds, and it only goes higher as you option their software.
Director: What about Watson? I hear Watson is good?
Moi: It's a brand name. Most of the "Watson" product is just a facade on top of FOSS products like Spark, Hadoop, Elasticsearch, etc.
Director: Those were words. They sounded good. FF say it's good tho so we'll believe him because we're from the same city.
Moi: *deletes Director from LinkedIn*

Moral of the story: Never trust a vendor that only recommends their products.

*FF = FatFuck - an embarrassingly rotund individual whose girth is roughly equivalent to his height. He shit his way into an IBM architect position in his mid-20s purely due to winning the visa lottery. He had fake hair glued to his head for his wedding to hide his male pattern baldness; his arrange-married wife undoubtedly cries herself to sleep after sex.

**PeeEm - the then project manager, now portfolio manager of some satellite projects. An overall decent human being, capable.

Always have a backup or make sure the cloud you work in is making one!

>Free Cloud Services

> You need to pay at least 1$ for internet

Yeah, if you have a fuckton of donation money, at least give us the fucking internet connection for free you yellowcircle twats

The cloud is just someone else’s server somewhere.

Client: There is currently no way for us to save forms to “the cloud” (yes they actually put the cloud in quotes)

Me: That would be because this software is installed on your onsite server infrastructure and is not cloud hosted in any way.

Computers are allowed to work remotely from their server rooms in the cloud but people are enforced to go to office.

Computers are superior to humans

By working from home, in my morning robe, jacked up on lethal doses of caffeine, blasting the latest glass cloud album.

Docker is a scam.
Git is garbage.
The cloud is a scam.

I hate it all now.

Maybe I should try roofing.

Started my new job as a devops engineer, its been al month and i have never seen the seen of aws console or travis ci, dont even have credentials for any company cloud services.

I guess i should change my job title to backend dev

Resolved issues with iCloud and my moms massive photo library...

Months later. "What's Apple Music?"

It's just a streaming service mom.

"I've been paying $10 a month for it, why am I paying for it?"

"Do you like to listen to music a lot? Do you want it?"

"No I don't even know what it is, you must've done this with that apple cloud thing"

"Mom those are different things, I helped you with your cloud storage it's not the same"

"Cancel it for me!!😡"

All I did was clear my moms iCloud storage enough that she could do some photo backups from her phone, months ago. Never even moved her into the paid tier for the cloud storage, let alone an Apple Music subscription that she had for months and didn't want or use. Don't worry, I cancelled it for her.

Why do things break when you deploy it to the cloud and it works locally...

NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE MICROSOFT FUCKING CLOUD.

Yesterday me and my friend started a project. I set a github repo and said him to "If you make something with code just commit the changes to github so I can see what you did". After a while he said "I've commited something". And I checked what he did. There was 3 commits and they were exactly like that;

Commit 1. Test
Commit 2. Test 2
Commit 3. I wrote something

Then I said "please explain what you did when you commit changes". And he said "why we just upload the codes to the cloud it's more easier".

Today project is ended. Uploading codes to the cloud...

Google Cloud onboarding conference here in Cape Town today! Supposedly the largest attendance of the event globally so far. Over 600 developers here! Also the first one in Africa.

"Expenses Graph of That Time I Tried Running Kubernetes On A Cloud Service" -2019, artist unknown (colorized)

If you look closely, you can get an impression of the moment of "screw this, I'll look at it some other time".

Let's take this on-site, single-tenant, heavyweight ASP.Net app, and start offering it "in the cloud"... by provisioning an entire 4GB Windows Server VM with SQL Server for every single customer.

Fullstack Bluetooth in the cloud using a mainframe matrix and heatsinks for optimal parallel multiprocessing.

I hate buzzwords. And especially hate TV shows that try to sound smart.

When they want to take a business critical app that is using Enterprise Oracle running on Exadata, and move it to community Postgres running on Amazon RDS, because "it will be in the Cloud, and it will save us money..." No, no it won't.

when you think about it.. Moses was the first guy ever to download data from The Cloud and distribute it via p2p protocol [torrent]. The first it pirate ever.

Happy Easter!

So to un install Premie Pro I first need to sign in to my Adobe account, to then fucking update Creative Cloud, and then, then I can remove the garbage. Or so I hope ffs...

All devs in the company are booked 120% until late summer. Boss just sold another 6000 hours cloud project to kick off in 2 weeks. I’m the PM, and my colleagues will hate me for this thinking that it’s my fault they have to work their asses off for the next 5 months!

Cloud in a nutshell

Why do marketers always tarnish the name of new concepts by turning them into buzzwords?

For example, "Cloud" is one of the most misused and overused words on the internet. If something has anything to do with the internet, it's likely to be plastered with the word "Cloud".

It's like "App" all over again. Anything remotely related to technology is called an "App" by it's marketing team and layman users.

Manager: Why not use the alibaba cloud?
Me: Because balbalbal...

After two week

Manager: Why not use the alibaba cloud?
Me:....

Infinite loop!!!

I'm a joke/meme myself.
Both physically and mentally.

Always up in the cloud.

Do not touch Salesforce.

Especially Salesforce Marketing Cloud.

It is a fucking joke this product even exists. Buy Hubspot instead. Marketing Cloud is the single worst piece of software I have had to implement out of 4 years working in software and a lifetime working in tech.

Literally nothing works. You click a button and bam, nothing. The UI actively lies to the user. Nothing is guaranteed to work and support is some guy in India who shrugs his shoulders and walks away. Things will randomly break and warning messages are tiny, indecipherable babble that mean nothing.

If you are dev, walk away. If you are a potential customer, walk away. This company DESERVES a bad reputation for the absolute heap of dogshit that is Marketing Cloud.

The worst part is that it's likely going to affect my job and my career because of how fucking dogshit it is.

Fuck Salesforce in case the messaging isn't clear.

When the client wants to deploy a patch to their app that is hosted on the cloud, but wants to do it onsite.

Oh well, might as well visit the data center of the cloud provider

The word, "Code" being used as a verb,
"Cloud",
'Big Data",
Recruiters,
Scratch,
Any other crappy "Teach your kid to code!" Product,
And finally, mondays.

This is the comprehensive list of buzzwords and things in general that make me want to die right now

Someone made an infinite recursion loop through the aws cloud and racked up 86,000$ of bills in a few hours

Using chatGPT. Seems about as cooperative and willing to do its job as I am.

Can you make me a word cloud in svg format?
"I'm sorry, I can't directly generate svg content, here are some other tools for that"
Can you write code?
"Yes, certainly, here's some python to generate a word cloud"
Can you write svd code?
"Yes, certainly, here's an example word cloud in svd format"
Can you make the words get bigger when I mouse over them?
"Yes, here's the code".

It's mastered "have you tried googling it?"

People who went to a weekend training course and now believe they are Gods of "the cloud" and "web scale" and "devops".

New twist on an old favorite.

Background:
- TeamA provides a service internal to the company.
- That service is made accessible to a cloud environment, also has a requirement to be made available to machines on the local network so you can develop against it.
- Company is too cheap/stupid to get a s2s vpn to their cloud provider.
- Company also only hosts production in the cloud, so all other dev is done locally, or on production non-similar infra, local dev is podman.
- They accomplish service connectivity by use of an inordinately complicated edge gateway/router/firewall/message translator/ouija board/julienne fry maker, also controlled by said service team.

Scenario:
Me: "Hey, we're cool with signing requests using an x509 cert. That said, doing so requires different code than connecting to an unsecured endpoint. Please make this service accessible to developer machines and lower environments on the internal network so we can, you know, develop."
TeamA: "The service should be accessible to [cloud ip range]"
Me: "Yes, that's a production range. We need to be able to test the signing code without testing in production"
TeamA: "Can you mock the data?"
Me: "The code we are testing is relating to auth, not business logic"
TeamA: "What are you trying to do?"
Me: "We are trying to test the code that uses the x509 you provide to connect to the service"
TeamA: "Can you deploy to the cloud"
Me: "Again, no, the cloud is only production per policy, all lower environments are in the local data center"
TeamA: "can you try connecting to the gateway?"
Me: "Yes, we have, it's not accessible, it only has public DNS, and only allows [cloud ip range]"
TeamA: "it work when we try it"
Me: "Can you please supply repro steps so we can adjust our process"
TeamA: "Yes, log into the gateway and try issuing the call from there"
Me: (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

tl;dr: Works on my server

I am amazed that nobody mentioned Cloud9. I have been using it for 3 years and it is the best Cloud IDE ever.

My python brings all the devs to the cloud,
cause my code is bigger than yours
damn right its cleaner than yours
I can teach you but I have charge

Hearing about all the layoffs due to Covid-19 is really depressing!!!
How can one work with utmost efficiency when the thought of losing job looms over like a dark cloud 😭😭😭

Me: I just wanna host ‘Hello World’ on the cloud.
AWS: No problem. Have you checked all of our cool named products you’ll never understand?

Golang's standard command line parsing library suuuucckkkkssss. But who the fuck writes command line apps any more? Everything has to be a fucking asynchronous daemon in a docker container orchestrated by kuberwhateverthefuck running in the ClOuD

Google cloud platform.

1. Great documentation and support
2. Good free tier & dev freebies
3. Cloud console + SDK rock
4. Did I mention the great documentation?
5. Seriously the documentation ❤

Studying software development in the evenings. More so to get the piece of paper than to learn. Just reading up the lecturers definition for cloud computing...

"It was a fluffy shape which represented something we couldn’t contemplate in its entirety"

I fear for the others in my course

Apparently, as a front end developer, I do not need a Creative Cloud license anymore. I will have to rely on the Designers to cut up all my assets.
I could barely hold a straight face while I posted this rant.

Someone deadass linked killedbygoogle.com in the comments of Google Cloud Next. It got deleted pretty quickly, but I can't stop loughing.

"Fauna's free plan has been adjusted from 5GB to 1GB going forward"

huh? I thought "tech was eating the world" "cloud is everything" "things are getting more efficient"

so why the hell do all these cloud providers keep DECREASING the free tier. annoying as all hell

where's all the storage and compute going? fucking crypto?

each day the 🤡🌎🎪 grows stronger

"You broke the build"

o.O

Me checking the build.

Oh. There's a weird 500 from github.

Oh yeah:

Error 503 first byte timeout

on the package.json of some node dependency.

That's what you get for relying on the cloud.

Am I the only one not enjoying Firebase realtime/cloud? Supposed to make it easier but eventually more complex than building rest in php/node js......

Just got a job offer in a DevOps team, the cloud company is Netherlands based. But I'm worried about the Brexit because the day is a coincidence... and I'm in London.

I got news for you buddy. The cloud engineers at Amazon are way smarter and better than your idiot staff.

So i moved house a while ago and noted down the root admin's username and password along with all the critical directories including root db location and slapped the sticker onto my personal cloud.
I Just haven't gotten around to set it back up again.

So there's that...

Apple, next time you want to get me to upgrade my file system, please FUCKING TELL ME IT WONT LET ME INSTALL WINDOWS USING BOOTCAMP, 9 hours and I’ve only just found the file system that will let me run Adobe Cloud and Windows

GameDeving.. soon my boss asks us if we can use CI, we make unity fully function with jenkins, after a week, he asks us to use gitlab ci, we make it, 2 hours later he sees the results: "yeah.. forget about ci.. let's use the cloud build".

i'm crying.

Noticed another fellow dev vapes. Cool.

"I got Sparkling Grape, what flavour do you got?"

"Its...Azure Cloud...haha"

Haha ... still didn't tell me the flavour though...

Amazing how a giant cloud service like AWS can go down. It feels like the whole cloud is so fragile. All of a sudden it will rain and everything we know of will vanish.

Love is not in the air. It's just in the cloud

Companies writing a documentation for their cloud api is similar to the 4 year old kid who draws up something and brings it to us... Either ways all we can understand from it is... Nothing.

I will major in AI. No, I will major in Big data, wait, I want to major in cloud too. I think I should first complete the courses I enrolled on cloud academy or the tens of courses in enrolled on Udemy on all the domains possible first! So many technologies, so many dreams!

Upvote if you are one of the lucky devs, which companies use Google Cloud Storage or any other AWS S3 competitor :)

I am excited about all of the AI blockchain technology using IoT running in the cloud, as a service. It has all of the bells and whistles -- big data, hyper converged infrastructure, seamless integration, a sleek dashboard with everything in a single pane of glass. On top of all of that, it's future proof!

Ugh, I hate having to port data from windows to Mac. I myself use Linux and windows. My mom got her first Mac for her birthday, but she needed her 200gb of pictures on I cloud. So I thought it would be like Dropbox, put them in a folder or start an upload and then it processes and is on the cloud. NO. It’s a hellscape as Apples windows programs are awful and I’m ashamed they exist. There is no indication of when they have successfully uploaded, you just have to figure it out. It also doesn’t help when macOS Is oversimplified. Ugh. I ended up taking my terabyte external and having to wait 3 hours for files to transfer and put those on the MacBook. I hate I cloud more than comic sans. I know Dropbox isn’t great or even good for security reasons, but it’s a hell of a lot better than I cloud BULLSHIT.

Windows containers with Kubernetes on AWS and Azure are thing now.

What does that mean? Is it now possible to containerize system critical windows 3.1 legacy software from the 90ties (like the ticketing software at Airport Paris Orly) and orchestrate it in the cloud?

Do you know any use cases for Microsoft Windows in the cloud?

Google, please explain to me: Why the fuck would you create a hardcoded requirement in your libraries to use a plaintext json file with credentials to your API?

Credentials which give full access to all of the company email, addresses, cloud services, etc?

And why would you accompany this in your docs with example implementations which read as if they were an intern's first coding project — non psr compliant PHP, snippets of Go which won't compile due to type errors...

I'm starting to become convinced that the whole of the Google Cloud API was actually written by thirteen year old who found their parent's liquor cabinet.

Fuck this I'll build my own Google.

After a year in cloud I decided to start a master's degree in AI and Robotics. Happy as fuck.

Yet I got really disappointed by ML and NNs. It's like I got told the magician's trick and now the magic is ruined.

Still interesting though.

Someone else in London for Google Cloud Next? Just had the reception party it was awesome.

The CTO was on stage at the annual employee meeting. After some time he said:"well,I never wanted to hire X and Y. They're doing nothing but nonsense and the technic they are using is nothing but a hype."

The technic he talked about: Java, object oriented programming and cloud applications...

Am I the only one, who sees ads about the Microsoft Cloud, IBM Cloud and HP Enterprise on YouTube.

I am insecure about using graphical user interfaces. E.g. IDEs, COTS systems, cloud tools, and ERPs. If I don't know what is happening inside the box I don't feel like I know what I'm doing.

Every customer would like to use the cloud nowadays..

I have had a meeting with "CTO" of pretty big factory. I was suppose to propose a new cloud solution for existing Sharepoint application. Unfortunately we didn't get into any agreement , because the dude only accepts SharePoint solutions and when I started talking about the cloud, he literally went nuts. He later have told me that he has been working here for over 20 years. The technical staff of that factory is just him and some other young guy and they only task they doing is to maintain complex Sharepoint infrastructure. If we hosted application in the cloud, he would lost his job.

A personal peer-to-peer music streaming app that doesn't need cloud storage. It's like Spotify + Resilio Sync. So, i can access all of my song from the connected device.

When I forget to put a small project I'm working on onto my USB or the cloud so I can't access it when I'm on the go. :'(

Stores uploaded files in the cloud to save space on server. Caches them locally to save accessing cloud..

Due to non work related shit I'm struggling to focus, I can still wrap my head around programming (even if with significant struggle) but I cannot keep up with cloud/containers/microservices/cool new tech of the day

I forgot that I've installed the Cloud to Butt on Chrome

Is there a word cloud and ngram (word frequency over time) for devRant?

I'd like to test the following hypotheses:
- 'Fuck' is in the top 20 words.
- Swearing happens more often as the week progresses, with the exception of a small Monday morning spike.

I don't get why the company where I work is pushing a new cloud platform to create website with.

So yesterday I dove in a website(that an intern made) to make a search and filter on some items.

I thought sure, just finished a website with a lot of search thingies and filters.

But this intern wrote 500 lines of code to just get items from an API endpoint. Dude really why??? Ok, your cool an all and you definitely have skills, but this is just ridiculous.

Burned an day on the piece of shit, while this is in an stupid cloud platform. Without even es6 to write JavaScript. I could have write the whole thing in react In just one day!!

Just work locally on your machine and put you code in a git repo. And deploy when finished. That how I like to work, but no this company wants to keep pushing this cloud platform.

For fucks sake, just let me code! And don't let me use vs or that stupid cloud platform.

After reading the script for the architect scene in Matrix Reloaded I was determined to use the word 'concordantly' in a sentence. I am proud to say I have succeeded, and with reference to cloud computing no less.

On the day nyc is eclipsed by a large mushroom shaped cloud the gods will smile

What the fuck Microsoft Edge is uploading to the cloud in the background?

Do you think AWS will still be THE thing within 5 years? Trying to learn REST/cloud/database stuff as a junior dev, but I'm having trouble with the pile of shit documentation.

Catastrophic Unix failure :(
Full server rebuild ( samba, Apache, cloud) adding back all little tweaks
Thank God for daily backups (full backup restore failed to solve the problem, probably some weird pam issue)
FML 😄

Because I love(cloud in this context apparently) to code. And this looks like the bear codes and holding a giant apple(which lits up time to time) above it's head.

FYI: Oracle Cloud has 2 servers "always free". Probably useful for some of you. Personal projects n such.

Rant: I've just submitted a customer support ticket coz the sign up isn't working for me.

Easiest way to migrate to the cloud

Why Evil Corp did not have its servers on a cloud provider?

(This question is about any big corporation with a whole bunch of servers. I quoted Evil Corp because the question came thinking about it.)

IBM Cloud seems to be the only cloud computing platform that has a responsive website.

Admittedly I have only used GCP and AWS, I haven't touched Azure yet. Both GCP and AWS have incredibly slow web portals that take ages to load after every single click.

IBM Cloud is the only cloud service platform when I clicked a button and it loaded the next page like a normal website. It honestly felt surreal to navigate through all of their services. I have no clue why AWS and GCP are both so bad, it reflects really poorly on their services. If they can't get their own web portals to run quickly, why should I expect their services to be fast and reliable?

The feeling when you've spent a good week working on making super new tech work with super old tech... and finally get it working.

On cloud nine ATM.

Our company often carry outs hackathons for customers and partners (for apps for our cloud system). One time they carried out an hackathon for us employees. My team won the price, a 40€ Amazon gift card 😄

!rant

I love the cloud. Not the google drive kinda, but the one that integrates with your workflow like git. Tinkercad, for example, its great that i can just log in from my work pc and continue modeling where i left off.

I've been working for a company since last year. I was very enthusiastic and happy because that company always boasted about being the leader of cloud solutions in my country and I was really interested in everything related to the cloud computing world . However, after one year, my current task is updating stupid fucking private products that no one knows on fucking old windows server.....

Whoever decided it was a good idea to sync my desktop to the cloud without letting me know after the latest system update, FUCK YOU.

When the client, armed with an iPhone, iPad, Tower and Laptop tells me he doesn't want his emails in the cloud 'invade the mafia hack me'... 👍

It feels that I have my own personal space in the head offices of Google 2TB, Facebook 6TB.....I wish they could have provided that much cloud storage of data for free

Anyone using Huawei Cloud? How good is it? Does it have APIs to automate the infra creation and all?

As an Angular developer, i am thinking switching to React, major companies and websites are using it
React:
Facebook,Twitter Instagram,Dropbox,Aws,New outlook,mongodb cloud, Amazon drive,Udemy, ....

Angularjs
Gcloud, not many more

Angular 2+
???????

Is the switch advisable?

Real question:

If I save your data in the cloud and it's raining outside, will I lose my data? or Am I safe?

Thinking about dropping Google cloud console and Google domains and just go back to namecheap, just pay the $80 a year to have them host it and not have to worry about the server's and databases personally...

Anyone else got good recommendations other than namecheap?

ahhhhh yelled at for taking 2 hours for lunch when the cloud is down and I can't test anything other than boredom but get yelled at because I was told on by someone that takes two hours everyday for the gym... WOW - I'd still bang her

I use cloud storage as one of my 3 backups for my gpg master key only protected by the password cause i don't want to have to restore from paper if hell freezes over.

i really can't understand, why devs use Slack, HipChat or other Cloud Chats for internal communication.
Its even worse that three of my team use Hipchat in a Channel which the Mod is a former employee!

When the client complains that there is no way to save a draft eForm to "the cloud". yes they actually put quotes around "the cloud". Our service is not cloud hosted in any shape or form, its installed directly to the clients onsite server. what cloud are they expecting us to save it to??!!

The company who "hired" me for 6.25$ an hour I'll have to work on a legacy old ass caveman java 8 code for a bank system. And I'll have to do the devops part. Main role as devops engineer

I lied having 3+ years of cloud devops experience

I started diving deep into cloud devops since january this year

Turns out I'll be the only devops engineer working on this bank software building devops pipeline and devops shit!

So now they expect me that im so experienced I don't need help for shit and i could do it on my own!

Am i fucked?

Why do companies spend the premium of Amazon EC2 and Azure Cloud when there are cheaper and probably better performing providers out there. I.e DigitalOcean or Vultr

The "cloud"

For a moment, I forgot how wasteful the government can be… our team is being forced to use VMs in the cloud which will cost somewhere around 3-5 hundo a month per instance

Oh!! Got succeed sending Push Notifications using Firebase cloud base messaging(FCM) after struggling a lot with
Google Cloud Messaging(GCM). Thank you Google,devrant. The reason for my excitement is i am an Electronics engineer and new to android.

Anything from the adobe creative cloud. The background updates are usually at the worst times

What the fuck is this trend of pricing cloud services by the minute? I mean It's fucking great and all that I buy 2 minutes with a sql db but who the fuck actually does that?

After another night working on a server I (strongly) suggest we move our shit to a cloud service. It's cool providing I promise the costs don't rape us blind folded. Seems easy enough, right? Nope it's not.

6 hours later, halfway to becoming a fucking network engineer and I'm more lost than ever.

Seriously can't the fuck AWS and google cloud show a monthly price - even an estimate for generic shit like $x for the average crappy wp blog!

If anyone has some helpful info / experience on the true cost of hosting generic web apps - the retardedly simple app I'm trying to price is:
1 php web application with 150 domains, 3gb mysql db and 30gb ssd.

I gets has 45000 sessions with 250000 page views.

Your help would be greatly appreciated. Currently I'm leaning towards deploying a clone sending 250 000 random requests and praying my $300 cloud platform credit will cover the bill.

Joining a job to build rich single page applications deployed in the cloud, then watching it slowly turn into porting shitty legacy code to slightly less shitty .NET Core code and hooking it to an existing WebForms application...

Time to start the hunt again!

It's continuously raining, so I'm too lazy to access the cloud today.

Just a friendly note: If you use the same technique as I i.e. local GIT repositories backed up on cloud, ALWAYS make sure there is still at least as much free space as the largest repo shallow clone.

It may happen that some really really archaic "commits" will disappear and git won't work as usual, but mostly you'll have an access to the branches, which you can diff against the master and make patches. Then just clone, make branches from patches and code happily ever after.

Also... you really really shouldn't push when you discover(git fsck --all) such an issue in your local repo, although I think git won't even allow you to do so.

I love firebase. It looks much nicer then the google cloud to me. Isn't it funny, huh?

Do you have a good use case to start learning kubernetes using the 300$ Google cloud startup bonus?

I need to build up knowledge because my work doesn't do it, so it could be either docker, or kubernetes. Both has to be done in a cloud platform because I have to do this in my spare time...

So do you have use cases and tasks for someone who's completely new to kubernetes? Or should I start with docker?

Okay, I've been thinking on this all week.

Microsoft Office (All of it)
itunes
Adobe Creative Cloud (Only The Management Software / Installer)
Apple Mail

The company where I work decided to create their own cloud infrastructure. On Wednesday, our instances were down until almost 4pm. Today, so far same thing. I just want to work :(

Setting up active/dr site that is not allowed to subscribe to any “cloud” services to facilitate scaling/auto failover. Ive resorted to use DNS-based failover which updates the ip attached to the host and re-propogate dns records which took 2minutes to come back online... this shoulve been better if we’re allowed to use cloud-based load balancers

Just a reminder that Terraform is insecure by design and if you even THINK about using it to execute CI/CD deployments not built into the cloud (Jenkins, on-prem CI/CD, etc...), then you're a DOUBLE fool. God i hate my infra team sometimes...

Adobe Cloud got my computer messed up and it couldn't even be uninstalled! I got so p-o I went to the registry and nuked anything containing the word "adobe" in it. Pheeew, what a relief! Like taking a real good dump! My computer both starts and runs faster now, and without popups requesting me to log in to Adobe Cloud.