A client asked if we could change their nameservers to wix's ones.

"we want to move to wix because one of my best friends can create a professional site there"

My eyes are bleeding and I think I just spontaneously got aids AND cancer at the same time.

Send help. Please.

Dear fellow developer,

You are not alone. No matter what situation you have been, you are in, you might be, there definitely are people who can share your pain and joy on similar wave length. Here at devrant.

Introvert?
Poor?
Alone?
Odd one out?
Trouble studying?
Family issues?
Debts?
Hate workplace?
Bad teacher?
Depression?
Laziness?
Forever alone?
Struggling?
Full of regrets?
Lost something?
Lost someone?
Lost?

You name it. All of us may not understand, sure. But there definitely will always be more than one person who will totally know what you are trying to say. Here at devrant only.

So whatever you are in, wherever you are and however you feel, just rant it out. 😄 And remember that we are one tap away from you.

For that devrant creators and most of all each and everyone of you have my eternal thank.

The CEO asks God:
"God, how much time do you need to create the earth?"
God: "uh, 10 billion years I think"
CEO: " You have only 7 days. Well 6, the last one is to fix everything gone wrong after deploying"

And here we are

We are required to say “leaving for the day” when we leave office. (On slack)

One developer decided to quit and just said “leaving “ and we realised the next day what he meant when he did not show up 😂😂😂

My friend told me ++i and i++ are one and the same.

We aren't friends anymore.

Client just informed our support that they solved their own forgotten password problem by clicking the "forgot password" button in our app. They say they are now awaiting the email with the password recovery details.

One problem: we don't have a forgot password button in our app.

Manager: I read an article today

Dev: oh here we go….

Manager: We must pivot to only functional programming, which means only using functions instead of classes

Dev: Actually functional programming is a bit more nuanced tha—

Manager: Any use of classes going forward is not allowed. Everything must use functions! Classes are an outdated way of programming, using classes is why we continue to miss our deadlines. Functional programming is lean, classes are waterfall.

Dev: What about the libraries we use? Many of those use classes

Manager: Wrap them in a function then, that way they are pure which is one of the requirements of functional programming. You would know that if you spent as much personal time as I do keeping up with the times.

In our office, everyone is placed so that we have a wall behind us. Initially, there was enough room behind us so that we can walk just fine.

Everything was fine till our manager didn't start making us some random visits and standing behind us just looking at our screens and making us feel unpleasant.

So one day we moved the tables so there is almost no room behind us. And we are aligned in a row with no space between the tables. Now if the manager decided to do it again he would have to struggle his way behind us.

Few days passed by and our manager finally showed he saw what we did, didn't say anything. It was clear that he wasn't happy about it. He tried to lean himself over the monitors to take a look but that was just not so as "good" as standing behind us...

A time passed and one day when we came to work we saw the tables moved forward some 15-20cm just enough to be able to move behind. Almost immediately we pulled them back as they were before.

We moved back and forward already few times and are currently playing cat and mouse with our manager.

Noone is saying anything just the tables are moving every 2-3 days or so. Let's see who is going to give up first hahaha

Smart India Hackathon: Horrible experience
Background:- Our task was to do load forecasting for a given area. Hourly energy consumption data for past 5 years was given to us.

One government official asks the following questions:-
1. Why are you using deep learning for the project? Why are you not doing data analysis?
2. Which neural network "algorithm" you are using? He wanted to ask which model we are using, but he didn't have a single clue about Neural Networks.

3. Why are you using libraries? Why not your own code?

Here comes the biggest one,

4. Why haven't you developed your own "algorithm" (again, he meant model)? All you have done is used sone library. Where is "novelty" in your project?

I just want to say that if you don't know anything about ML/AI, then don't comment anything about it. And worst thing was, he was not ready to accept the fact that for capturing temporal dependencies where underlying probability distribution ia unknown, deep learning performs much better than traditional data analysis techniques.
After hearing his first question, second one was not a surprise for us. We were expecting something like that. For a few moments, we were speechless. Then one of us started by showing neural network architecture. But after some time, he rudely repeated the same question, "where is the algorithm". We told him every fucking thing used in the project, ranging from RMSprop optimizer to Backpropagation through time algorithm to mean squared loss error function.

Then very calmly, he asked third question, why are you using libraries? That moron wanted us to write a whole fucking optimized library. We were speechless at this question. Finally, one of us told him the "obvious" answer. We were completely demotivated. But it didnt end here. The real question was waiting. At the end, after listening to all of us, he dropped the final bomb, WHY HAVE YOU USED A NEURAL NETWORK "ALGORITHM" WHICH HAS ALREADY BEEN IMPLEMENTED? WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE YOU OWN "ALGORITHM"? We again stated the obvious answer that it takes atleast an year or two of continuous hardwork to develop a state of art algorithm, that too when gou build it on top of some existing "algorithm". After listening to this, he left. His final response was "Try to make a new "algorithm"".

Needless to say, we were completely demotivated after this evaluation. We all had worked too hard for this. And we had ability to explain each and every part of the project intuitively and mathematically, but he was not even ready to listen.
Now, all of us are sitting aimlessly, waiting for Hackathon to end.😢😢😢😢😢

Client: "We are extremely satisfied with your great work for almost three years now and we are super thrilled to work with you in the future and benefit from your amazing work."
Dev: *makes one tiny little mistake*
Client: "Oh burn in hell you cock sucking piece of shit!"

Demoing a new feature in the Dev environment.

Me: The images are just placeholders. The communications team are still coming up with appropriate images.

Management: Can we change that image? It doesn't really fit the theme of what we are trying to achieve.

Me: As mentioned earlier, all images are just placeholders. Continues demo.

Management: That image also doesn't really fit with the theme. Can we change that one too?

Me: 🙄

We are transferring our infrastructure to Google cloud and Docker. Last week one of our frontend developers tell me:
But it works without Docker!

Why do people (Some devs too...) bloody hell think that devs have Hard time fixing the Semi Colon issue, we have a lot of other issues to figure out, like the Structure of Data, Code Fragmentation, API Creation, Invalid Data Handling, Injection Prevention. But no, since we are developers, we are having sleepless nights because of one fucking semicolon? FUCKING NO, it hardly takes 30 seconds to figure out that there is a missing semi-colon. Really People, stop the ; thing!

Since I started reading devRant the productivity of our team dropped a 20%(we are 3 people). Yesterday one of my teammates asked me what was going on and I showed him devRant.

I don’t think we will survive next split.

Oh you're a frontend guy? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a backend guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a security guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a devops guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're a QA guy too? Good, we need one of those.

Oh you're an SEO guy too? Good, we need one of those.

"Well, sorry to say fullStackCraft, but we found your cloud architecture skills just a little too lacking for this position. We really need someone who can do frontend, backend, security audits, QA assessments, SEO, AND build scaling cloud architecture. Oh and while you're at it, can you turn fucking water into gold? We need that at our company too. You didn't get the position, but it'd be great if you could refer us to someone who is very advanced in fucking alchemy. Thanks!"

Absolutely toxic the way software people are treated I swear. The money may be the only good thing that is left.

*In teams meeting with client*

Manager: Yes we can do all of that and it will be actioned very quickly. We will make all of these feature requests top priority. We will set aside everything we are currently working on in order to get this done!

Dev: ...Are you writing any of this down?

Manager: I don't need to, I always remember everything!

Dev: Just so you are aware, I'm not writing anything down. You're going to need to create a ticket with requirements spelled out for each one of these promises you're making otherwise they won't get actioned by the team.

Manager: I know that!

Dev: ...

*Later that day*

Ticket Title: Action client feature requests TOP PRIORITY!!!

Ticket Description: *empty*

Dev: ...

So my company is hiring only amateur developers, Including me.So that they can save on budget . So we have no one to guide us and ambitious deadlines are set .

Best "error" I've ever seen today.

We have a very large database with millions of people, some of those records are duplicates. So I had a long project to write something that would automatically merge duplicate records while allowing employees to review them. Today we had a duplicate show up in the list which should not have.

Same name (apart from one letter), address, employee ID (off by 1 number), same manager, title, phone number, birthdate. But we figured out it wasn't the same person and therefore wasn't a good match.

Turns out they are twin sisters who live together and we're hired by the same manager for the same position at the same time. What are the odds...

Yesterday, the whole dev team went out to lunch and we ate a lot and we drank a lot until we all got drunk! Since we are paid for the number of hours we work, we all decided to go back to the office and work.

WE WERE DRUNK WORKING! Drunk coding ftw

Result: The server is down right now because someone fucked it up and I think i ruined my code yesterday because I wasn't really myself. The whole team was crazy as fuck. One of us just came back from Poland so we were drunk and high from all the polish chocolate we ate.

I hope they fix the server so I can check what kind of bullshit the drunken me did yesterday o.O

managers: We're all aligned! Let's work as a team and get this started!

devs: ok...

managers and devs meeting to discuss next features: * canceled by managers *

managers: (word for word, can't make this shit up) we cancelled the meeting, we will define the roadmap for everyone

> WE will define the roadmap for EVERYONE

devs: uh wtf???

one hour later, managers: guys we are defining the roadmap can we have a call to discuss?

fucking asshat, insolent, disrespectful pieces of shit

Manager: As you all know I called this meeting to discuss what we will do with all of the extra resources if we are done early. I was thinking a start a new ap—

Dev: We are not going to be done early. There are two weeks left and we are way behind schedule.

Manager: Don’t be so pessimistic! You never know when or how fast tickets will be completed.

Dev: Yes I do…I’m the one doing them

This happens nearly every sprint.

TEAM: So, are you happy with how we are going to make this feature?

Business: Yeah, we really need it! It's exactly list that! Quick build! 🏗

TEAM: You're sure.... remember what happened last time...

Business: yeah, yeah, yeah

TEAM: ☕️💻

one week later....

Business: Oh yeah, that thing, we changed our mind we don't want it can you do something else?

TEAM: ...

Business: Agile!!!!!!!!!

TEAM: 🤦‍♂️

Found out they all went on a 2 day course to learn SCRUM...

Just discovered that we are loading 200k for a custom font on one of our platforms...

200k FOR A FUCKING FONT?!? FOR REAL??? ITS NOT EVEN FUCKING DIFFERENT ON SIGHT!

So I sarcastically asked why the fuck are we using it and my coworker said its because the designer designed (duh) the layout this way...

Look... Usually I'm a quiet person and I don't rant in real life but this time I could not restrain myself.

Boss: Hey, remember that app you made that was supposed to be purely for demonstration purposes?

Me: The one that we hard coded to get done in a week? Yea, why?

Boss: Here are some changes we need done for the next meeting.

Me:...

One of our internal customers to my team: "We need this new feature to be implemented as soon as possible! It's super urgent!! Work on it asap!! PEOPLE ARE DYING!!"

Us: "Ok, we'll prioritize this feature and deliver it as soon as we can"

Them: "Is it ready yet?"

Them: "Is it ready yet?"

Them: "Is it ready yet?"

Them: "Is it ready yet?"

... One month later ...

Them: "Is it ready yet?"

Us: "We're done! We implemented everything as promised! Please give us your credentials so that we can whitelist you and you can start using the new service"

Them: "Okay, we will get back to you"

... Two months have passed since then and still not a single word from them. I'm starting to wonder: are they still alive? 🤔

Eh... I guess @No-One, @Someone and @Everyone are close enough... Now we just need @Anybody

There is power cut in my college area sometimes...
Once we were in computer lab, when power cut occurred. So fan, tubelights went off.
I heard one girl ask her friend "how are laptops on?"
That moment.... Only I know how I controlled my laugh....

When I joined my team in august as a junior/trainee, we were 6 developers.

Now we are 4 left in the team.

By the end of june, we are 1.. I mean its me, myself and I.

Wtf did I do!? My code isnt that spaghetti. I think...

But its np, just me with a 20 years old database, 7 legacy systems and a new one planned.

Atleast my boss believes in me keeping this shit floating.

Fuck that fucking company three way while dozens of homeless HIV crack junkies puke and shit their diarrhea on the three bosses!

I can't put it in words how stupid they are!

Let me try to tell you the latest story while I try not to get multiple strokes.

Backstory: We are three devs, all with a TCCI certification. One has been working for us for almost a year, the other one has been working for us since one and a half year. Both are good friends of mine, btw. I have been working there for almost three years.

Fortunately, I am allowed to work on a reasonable computer. The other devs work on PC's with Windows 7 and 8!

One has just 400 MB space left on his drive and has to delete every month some shit because he does not want to be able to call up websites anymore... How awful?!

The PC of the other great Dev Crashes three to six times a day and needs about 30 minutes to start up!

We can be so productive, but...

We told that in February one of our bosses and asked him to buy new hardware. His answer: yes, of course, I understand that, it's my turn (he always says that "ich bin da dran")

We got a new colleague in the middle of this fucking month. She is responsible for conception.

She works on an old notebook, but today she gets a fucking new PC to work on while the devs are trying to weld with a sparkler! Better hardware than every other Dev PC!!!

Guess what? She is the daughter of a friend of one of our bosses!

We are the only devs at this company.

Fuck that fucking company! Fuck that fucking bosses!

I think we don't go to work for that fucking company anymore!

I hope computing heavens have:

-One brand of hardware
-One OS
-One browser
-No closed source software
-No ads
-One monitor aspect ratio
-One fucking programming language with a fucking big standard library.
-Phones are just the same exactly the same OS as in computer, not stupid adaptations.
-All pages are only HTML/CSS, without JS.
-Due there is one browser and one OS, when you need a dynamic page, you can display a desktop app in the browser downloading its binary.
-There are one fucking brand on printer with standard drivers which are included in the OS.

We are so far from heaven

People say programmers are no fun!! But they don't know the truth.

We have big Ass container of emotions almost ready to explode anytime. We are spending too much time in debugging stuff one after another that having a free time is just a hoax to us, even when we came back home for sleep, it's only to dream about solution. We would be happy with debugging the error that is not letting us sleep for weeks.

!dev related

Wife is not pregnant......

.....we have been trying to...STAY LIKE THAT FOR A WHILE NOW and after a big scare I was really worried :v we have one kid already and that Is how we plan to stay until I start my business.

These are the best news I've had all month.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

WannaCry hit one of our server and the latest backup we had was from May 2017. You know who got blamed? Developers. I repeatedly told the General Manager that SysAdmin are the once who should be doing backups, Server updates and management as per their job description yet we got blamed for it.

I don't know what the fuck is going in this world.

Job of a manager can be summed up in one sentence: "Are we there yet?"

"Make us a one-page website for our new company!"

I build the site, to their exact specifications and show it to them

"There's only one page"
"You only asked for one page."
"No, we didn't"
I show them the email they sent me, asking for a one-page site
"Wow, you suck, we are finding another developer!"

"We are from <Company Name> and wanted to reach out to you in regards to a management level software position, we liked bla bla bla about your resumee and would like to discuss some options with you"

Me: "oh interesting! I just worked with your company last week helping one of our departments implement one of your solutions into their area"

Recruiter: "We know :D"

I am kinda wondering if this is considered poaching

## 4 years ago:
- Principal Architect: We are using IO1 storage type. What if we used GP2?
- Perf team: IDK, let's test it!
*we run tests*
- Perf team: results are OK, but we're exhausting Burst IO capacity, effectively hard-limiting number of tests we can run per day
- PArch: ahhh, I see. Then Gp2 is a no-go.

## 3 years ago
*PArch quits. New one is hired*
- PArch2: We are using IO1 storage type. What if we used GP2?
- Perf team: We've already tested that a while ago, results were THIS and THAT
- PArch2: I see. Let's test it again anyway
- Perf team: *wtf???*
*we run the same tests, we get the same results*
- PArch2: I see, so GP2 is a no-go.
- Perf team: *you think....? How did that thought never cross our minds, we wonder...*

## 2 years ago
*new DBA is hired*
- DBA2: We are using IO1 storage type. What if we used GP2?
- Perf team: We've already tested that a while ago, results were THIS and THAT
- PArch2: We've already tested that a while ago, results were THIS and THAT
- DBA2: I see. Let's test it anyways. I've read somewhere that GP2 might be a better bet
- PArch2: you might be right, let's do that
- Perf team: *wtf???*
*we run the same tests, we get the same results*
- DBA2: I see, so GP2 is a no-go.
- Perf team: *you think....? How did that thought never cross our minds, we wonder...*

## 1 year ago
*DBA manager left; new one was hired*
- MGMT_dba2: We are using IO1 storage type. What if we used GP2?
- ........

Should we even bother bringing up the history.....?

PM: Ok Android, i've reviewed the latest build, you are good to release. Waiting on iOS's build to test.

Me: ... are we not holding all builds until we hear back from backend about that bug?, as we likely have to change something on our side?

PM: Which bug?

Me: ... the only one we discussed yesterday in the team meeting.

PM: How many customers is it affecting?

Me: that we know of, one ... the CEO of our company

PM: oh that one, yeah were not doing that anymore.

Me: WHAT? i've been waiting all day / night to hear back. Why are we not doing this?

PM: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ... Everything is too messy at the minute anyway, the release plan is changing every day. Need to keep it back in line.

Me: ... the plan has changed exactly once. We had a plan at the start of last week for the last release, we changed it YESTERDAY to include 2 critical bug fixes. The only issue with the plan changing is nobody telling us these aren't bugs anymore

PM: We can discuss tomorrow in the team meeting.

CEO: oh hey guys, yeah we pulled that bug fix. Its not really a bug, more like a missing feature. No way it will get done before xmas. Going to live with the way it works for now and fix it properly next year.

Me: Ok, fair enough, but we really need to be told these decisions.

CEO: sure, sorry, didn't think anyone was blocked by this. What was the blocker?

Me: ..... you asked me yesterday to get this bug fix in the build ... you asked for the final build to be made today so we can go through the app store review. As we all discussed yesterday, today is kind of the last day we can really do this.

CEO: ok, its late, we can discuss this tomorrow in the team meeting.

Me: ..... ..... ..... ..... sure

A few months back, me and my friends built our own Web Dev firm. I'm the one who talk to clients, customers, etc. and these have been the most ridiculous messages I received from them:

1. I don't like it, but I don't know why?

2. I have an idea! Can we change the design?

3. We want something with more of a `wow` factor.

4. Can't you just copy their logo?

5. But we are also a startup. You must understand that we can't pay the full price.

6. So do you have the file open and ready to edit/

7. Can't you just copy and paste it in?

8. We don't have much of a budget but there are plenty of projects coming your way.

These are just a few of the huckleberryfuck our clients sent. I'm not sure if I can handle them anymore.

one of our engineers accidentally deleted our production database and our clients didn't even notice. that's when we knew they are not using our product.

The sales and business team at my office really look down at the devs. Just because we don't dress in fancy suits doesn't mean we are any less important that those asshats.

In fact we are probably a hell of a lot more useful since they cant land any sales since they barely have any idea what they are selling and the company is rapidly going under.
To give you an idea :
We recently changed office and one of them asked if they had had to be in the same workspace as the developers again?

Why do we need them?
Cant we outsource their jobs ?

Some of them dont even answer when you bid them good morning

And one douche bag even brought his bluetooth radio and refuses to use headphones , he keeps playing shitty music and disturbing us.

The company is kinda fractured and there is poor chain of command, so there is little we can do, telling dev management is fruitless he has no authority over the guy
And the business manager simply said oh you dont like good music then walked off.

Product team having a proof of concept demo with client:

Sales to client: "Just for the record, we are not selling this to a rival company. Because we really want this technology exclusive to you"

Me (thinking to myself): "Oh really? We just had a demo with them last 2 weeks"

One of the core values of our company is Integrity, and I am not just seeing it.

PhD application saga:

So, the recommenders showed up. And one by one, the letters are rolling in. I am a little hopeful.

And also anxious since there's a mere 4% acceptance rate.

But now, we shall wait...

🐀
*Goes into hiding to anxiously binge-eat*

SMM: Can you chat over the phone? Just want to make sure we are on the same page! I am not great with web lingo!

Me: Sure.

Me, internally: You're a social media manager. That's literally your one fucking job.

Company email sent around last night that 'for security' we need to use the latest software, fine. But we are also told only to develop in Edge as it's the newest and most secure browser, therefore is the only one we can use. There no way I'm using Edge to develop.

Fuck you, Mr Consultant, you've taken the company for a ride.

devRant_swear_count++;

Dev: Hi Guys, we've noticed on crashlytics that one of your screens has a small crash. Can you look?

Me: Ok we had a look, and it looks to us to be a memory leak issue on most of the other screens. Homepage, Search, Product page etc. all seem to have sizeable memory leaks. We have a few crashes on our screens saying iPhone 11's (which have 4gb of ram) are crashing with only 1% of ram left.

What we think is happening is that we have weak references to avoid circular dependencies. Our weak references are most likely the only things the system would be able to free up, resulting in our UI not being able to contact the controller, breaking everything. Because of the custom libraries you built that we have to use, we can't really catch this.

Theres not really a lot we can do. We are following apples recommendations to avoid circular dependencies and memory leaks. The instruments say our screens are behaving fine. I think you guys will have to fix the leaks. Sorry.

Dev 1: hhhmm, what if you create a circular dependency? Then the UI won't loose any of the data.

Dev 2: Have you tried looking at our analytics to understand how the user is getting to your screens?

=================================

I've been sitting here for 15 minutes trying to figure out how to respond before they come online. I am fucking horrified by those responses to "every one of your screens have memory leaks"

As a Java guy starting to learn about JavaScript I have one question.

WHY ARE THERE 20,000 VERSIONS OF JAVASCRIPT???! WHAT MAD GOD APPROVED OF THIS AND HOW DO WE KILL HIM?

...I don't actually think it's that bad of a language though. :^)

Teacher: what is 1 + 1?

kid : I don't know

Teacher: Ok! you have one man and one women, how many are there?

Kid: Three.

Teacher: how?

Kid: There was my mom and dad, when they add up we become three.

Teacher: %(;:)--,^$

- There are no stupid questions. Please feel free to ask.
- You don't have to memorize, but try to understand.
- Document so you never have to remember.
- Teach so you will master and never forget.
- Even if we have different responsibilities do not ping pong issues because overall the client only sees one company name so we work as one.
- Do not disturb while on vacation leave unless it's life or death.
- Relax, sleep and have a happy weekend.

While I was working with my Android project that is written on Kotlin. One of my on non-tech colleague came and saw my screen and

said "Why are you overriding fun"

I replied him that we just not override fun we also have private fun and public fun.

Is it not funny translating code to real English 😂😂😂

The handle on the faucet in one of the bathrooms broke off today. You can still operate the faucet with some finger strength. It is just difficult. We also got a reminder today that we are not to be streaming video or music using the company wifi. They ask that we use our own bandwidth on our phones.

So on the bathroom door where the faucet handle is broken I placed this sign:

New boss: So, you'll do just some coding, we just need to restructure current DB.
Me: Ok

One month later...
Boss: So, we are creating new LMS in WORDPRESS (yeah, fcking wordpress) so you'll do this and that and...
Me: Oh, well I like challenges so let's see.

Another month later...
Boss: WE NEED OFFLINE MOBILE APP THAT WILL DOWNLOAD WHOLE FUCKING WP WITH EVERY SINGLE VIDEO AND EVERYTHING AND STUDENT WILL LEARN FROM THAT. WE ARE OPENING IT IN ONE MONTH.

How my year has gone so far...

Management: Bobby, we are replacing your old hammer.
Me: Ok cool.
Management: Well actually there's so much going on...here is a wrench instead.
Me: But, this isn't a hammer.
Management: Yes we are aware but we are busy and cannot buy a hammer for a several more months.
Me: How the fuck am I suppose to hammer nails with this?
Management: Oh gosh you are right. That sounds difficult. We will grind down one side of it so you have a flat surface to hammer in those nails.

Management: Oh and by the way, those nails are super important so don't screw anything up.

This is one from i was an intern

Me: writes some logic, using
for(String s : something)
Senior: holds a 30 minute talk on why short loops are bad and we should always use the traditional one
Me: ok retard
Me: havent used traditional loops ever since then

We all have that one coding-buddy who we consult in case we are stuck...
We all have that one coding-buddy who knows nothing about coding

"yes, we are looking for frontend interns from your place of education!"

One week later:

"Sorry, but we would like someone with more real-life experience"

How do you expect me to get experience!?

Pour one out for our last VMS/Alpha computers heading to the great bit bucket in the sky.

Was decent hardware in it's day, 20 years ago, but we now run EC2 instances that are faster. 🙃

Italian schools are by far the worst in the world.
I'm in a IT oriented school, where we should learn to code.

We spent the first year writing in Word and "programming" in Excel.

In the second year we started learning Visual Basic, a total waste of time.

In the third year we finally got rid of most of the useless subjects we had and started learning C++.
Sadly we had a teacher who wasn't able to properly speak and teach to students who never really programmed.
We didn't even know what a class was at the end of the year.

In the fourth year, the current one, we didn't have a teacher for the first 3 months.
Now we are learning Java, but just the basics.
Oh, we're also "learning" HTML (not 5) and JavaScript.

Next year, the last one, we will do PHP and SQL.
Maybe also C#, the most pointless programming language in the world.

What a beautiful country.

Manager: We have a new equity survey from HR that is ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY. Anyone who doesn’t fill it out will be severely reprimanded for being against diversity in the workplace. We need this data in order to ensure we have the ABSOLUTELY EXACT ratio of EVERY minority so that we can show the people that we do not discriminate against ANYBODY for ANYTHING. One of the problems with hiring new people is that most people we want to hire turn out to be white and we are absolutely not allowed to hire any more white people because we are over the quota for white people. Now there’s a loophole to this, if that white person belongs to some sub-minority like they are muslim or gay or something like that it’s totally cool and we can show people we don’t discriminate on these things when making employment decisions!

Dev: That’s…not wh—

Mandatory Survey: Please select your sexual preferences and/or religion from the dropdown below.

Dev: jesus christ.

DEAR CTOs, PLEASE ASK THE DEVELOPER OF THE SOFTWARE WHICH YOU ARE PLANNING TO BUY IN WHAT LANGUAGE AND WHAT VERSION THEY ARE WRITTEN IN.

Background: I worked a LONG time for a software company which developed a BIG crm software suite for a very niche sector. The softwary company was quite successfull and got many customers, even big companies bought our software. The thing is: The software is written in Ruby 1.8.7 and Rails 2. Even some customer servers are running debian squeeze... Yes, this setup is still in production use in 2022. (Rails 7 is the current version). I really don't get it why no one asked for the specific setup, they just bought it. We always told our boss, that we need time to upgrade. But he told every time, no one pays for an tech upgrade... So there it is, many TBs of customer data are in systems which are totally old, not updated and with possibly security issues.

Accountant: Can we just get one big Excel file with all the transactions instead of separate reports that are filled out specifically for each dorm?

Me: Hell yes you can.

The secretaries at my university had to scan documents in the masters students lab. So one day, when the lab was empty save one of our secretaries, I remote into my machine and write a text to speech app and have the computer announce "Hello Selma, you really know how to push my buttons"

It took a while, but we are friends again :D

We are 5 people on the team. And I am the only one who came to the office today. Love is definitely in the air.

It's not always true that degree holders hate self-taught developers. Sometimes, it's the other way around. When somebody mentions he gained a cs degree, he sometimes gets hate, too, hearing "degrees are useless! yadayada..." like it's a sin to have one. We should never stop learning whether we have a degree or not, and we should stop this hate and divided culture.

Week till deadline

PO: are we going to have feature xyz ?
Me: it wasn't in the original spec, we'll put it in the next spec.
PO: but we made a new spec for this fase yesterday and it is in that one.
Me: you can't do that you signed off the original spec before development started
Po: but we've signed this one off too
Me: ...

Ok, so I work at this "Great" company. I joined a new team recently with a project that is supposed to be a lot better than many of the other projects we have.

THESE MOTHEERRRRRFUCKERS don't even have hot reload on the app. You have to rebuild the app everytime you make a change. Are you kidding me?! We are using React. One of the basics of React is hot reload. I get into a fucking meeting and one of the devs is like, "I have one important thing to tell you, don't use hooks (a not so new feature in react yet something everyone should use at this point)" and the critical reason we don't use it is because they don't want to confuse the Java devs who are used to their little oop style o_O

Maaaan fuck your developers, it's not my fault you guys can't learn something so simple like functional programming. I haven't even started a sprint yet, I'll burn this app and make you rewrite it all.

Programmer: We really have to refactor the codebase!

Director: That's not important. Do you think our customer would care what it looks like under the hood if we are selling cars?

One year after...

VP: We need to build a new platform for flexibility!

Director: Let's rewrite!

Highschool culture...

Here in Italy we run a few exam simulation in order to prepare for finals in June.
One of the two categories of simulations, one of which revolves around the core subjects of our technical course which in my case is CompSci and Networking.

"Sounds good!" one would say.
And I'd agree, if only our CompSci professor graded solutions in a sensate manner.
If one does not exactly copy and paste the solutions we repated in class 100 times (which, by the way, are all EXACTLY the same solution but with different data in diagrams and other sections), the grade WILL be insufficient: no but's or why's.

This is only one of the prime examples of what school revolves around. Sometimes it just feels like we are trained to be sheeps in a world of wolves. Rinse and repeat over and over. No technical competency is (almost) ever valued or allowed to be expressed and is often looked down upon by old school professors who literally care about everything but their subject, students and school in general.

I'm glad this is almost over, and that greener pastures are ahead :)

We are taking over an Android application source code from an external company to continue development in-house...
I present to you floateger:
(one of many crimes the previous developer has commited)

Our project schedule is quite full at the moment, we are basically at the limit for the next three months.

In comes one of our sales people: "Hey, can we squeeze in a little project, nothing fancy just a very basic static web page." (No question mark there, it was not a question...)

I say no, we are full, the deadline is to tight (3 weeks), can't do it.

In comes boss: "Sure you can, just push everything else back." (We won't change deadlines, what he actually means is for us to do unpaid overtime for two months so he can barocke make a few thousand extra bucks...)

So I cave and allow it. It were just 4 hours of work, we can squeeze it in, maybe do a little less R&D this month.

Next day, the project scope changed, suddenly we are not taking about 4 hours but 80. Sure, we can squeeze two extra weeks into the month.

That is when I realized, I don't hate my work, just my work environment.

Dev: The requirement is not clear. This seems to be a general usecase which you are thinking we might need but we won't actually need it.

Manager: You have to do it. This is the requirement. No other option. Don't ask any questions.

...... One week later....

Manager: Why is the team not open to me?

Facebook you little piece of shit.
We have a page setup for a band since apparently this is what one does these days. But oh boy is facebook annoying. Can you please stop sending me 100 notifications a day about fking post boosting?! What the fuck. We are students we don't have money for this shit. fk off! <.<

So one of our clients is changing the IPs of his systems (3 servers and one VPN).

It was scheduled that we should support them yesterday. They have tried to change the IPs yesterday for almost 16 hours, don't know they have done in all of that time.

Today I woke up at 8AM on a Sunday (in weekends I just want to sleep!!!!) to continue and hope that we finish fast.

BUT NO! THE fucking VPN IS NOT WORKING!! We are trying to do this over Team FUCKIN VIewer.

But guess what... they cannot either connect to the new IPs from their local systems.

We all know that being distracted while coding is frustrating. That's why me and my teammates (we are 3) we "protect" each other while on "full dev mode" - meaning anyone coming to disturb one of us while in that state, the other push him/her away.
The most productive 2 weeks of my life 😂😂

"The new platform is launching tomorrow. Get the most perfect first time user experience and registration flow. Don't leave until it's done."
Exactly one year later: "We are finally about to launch the new platform"

Partner of ours claimed they are going to update their api. No breakage. My hopes were low and they did not disappoint.

Soon after the new version of their api went live, of course, loads of breakage. And the email contact with them is really fun.

Me: "Hello, since your update we get the issue A. Here's the complete communication."

Them: "We did not change the existing behavior. You are doing X wrong. Repeat that one call during the step and you should be fine."

Me: "Thank you, if I repeat the call, it does indeed work, albeit slower, since we are now repeating calls. Furthermore, our application was consuming your api for years and we did not change anything. So why is that step necessary now? Only after your update do our logs show errors from your API. And by the way, we now also have a issue with B. Why is that?"

Them: "Oh that's because your query the endpoint with "Fnord", try "Baz".

Me: "Yes, I do know that we query it with "Fnord" as that is what a previous endpoint of yours is responding to us. Why are we getting "Fnord"? What request do I have to make to get a "Baz" back?"

It feels like a game of wackamole. Squash one issue, ten more will pop up. I am one step away from becoming active-aggressive.

I've been a part of this industry for over two decades, found myself scraping and clawing my way up, recently leaving a high paying position to create my own company; in an attempt to fix the things I feel are severely broken within the ones I've worked for in the past.

Sometimes, we are challenged in ways we never thought we would be. And, it should always result in the improvement of something we never thought would be possible to improve.

There's a certain beauty of hitting a personal impasse. Because it allows you to choose a better path for yourself - which is a key element in accepting and conquering any one of life's many challenges.

So, just remember, we are - by nature - problem solvers. So what the fuck would we do, without a problem to solve?

After looking at @linuxxx and @AlexDeLarge 's rants with the face reveal, maybe we ought to do one of the team behind the masterpiece, @trogus and @dfox face reveal.

IF they are comfortable with it.
Or maybe do it on a special occasion. Like an anniversary or something?

So we are having lunch on a normal day when our boss announced that one of our clients are visiting and our boss is telling us to standby and act like we are working so that the clients will see us in action.

WTF!? Is this company *that* desperate!? Then they should hire actors not developers

What can we do with a boss who urinates in a cup in his office and then dumps it in the kitchen sink even when we (all women) are sitting there eating lunch?

We are certain of what is in the cup because it smells, is yellow, and it sits right on his credenza in plain view. He’s even left it outside the office, forgetting to empty it.

A few weeks ago I was washing my lunch dishes and he dumped it right on top of my stuff. I was pretty much in shock, I just couldn’t believe it.

Is there something wrong here that I’m not getting? He’s the owner, the boss, in his 70’s, and very respected, but I don’t understand this. No one knows what to say. We feel that if we said something, he would deny it and since he’s the boss, who knows what would happen. Is there any way to approach this? The only other males in the office are related to him. Someone did mention it to one of them, but nothing has changed.

Company President: No one needs to worry about losing their job due to COVID. We’re an essential business and won’t be effected.

48 hours later

IT Director: There have been severe budget cuts and we are letting go of the two highest salaried employees from every department. You are no longer employed.

ssh your.server.ip, welcome message:

#Ooops! your files have been encrypted.
#Don't waste your time trying to decrypt them.
#Nobody can.

#We would gladly offer you a way of recovering all
#your files safely, but sadly we lost the decryption
#password.

#Hackers too are not perfect, have a nice day.
#PS. you can still send money to support us if you want at this
#web page: fuckyou.onion.
#Your personal key: m0r0nm0t3fukk3r

(I'll code this one day and install it on somebody machine, it's one of my top dreams)

One word. WordPress.
Thankfully, we are now creating custom solution with any technologies we pick.

It’s still to easy.
I hope one day software will get so complicated no one will be able to fix it.

Somewhere in future :
- government established law that new AI system is only one that can accept new law
- every financial operation is monitored by government supervision AI
- we developed robots that are taking care of us
- everyone is happy cause work for money, shelter and food is now optional
- education is fully digital and managed by AI
- whole knowledge is based on asking questions, we don’t need to write and read anymore
- we use one common language and our knowledge specialization increased

A little more time passed by in this utopia.
- after power loss most of data got corrupted
- last man who knew how to restore backup died last night ( R.I.P. admin we will not forget you )
- people trying to save knowledge base to rebuild part of this civilization but no one knows how to make a paper because it haven’t been used for ages
- we decided to put what is left from knowledge on stone but we forgot how to write since everything is audio or video and most of time we were spending in VR
- someone decided that we draw some pictures
- all of use are now drawing animal heads like we remember ourselves from VR, let people know our tech is good
- some people love cats so they try to make cats from stones
- volcano eruptions destroyed most of stones that we made

Starving waiting for another respawn of my DNA sequence. I hope we manage to survive this time.

I wish the Congress would run all legislation by a team of programmers. Regardless of political leanings one thing is indisputable: We are very keen when it comes to finding bugs in a piece of code -- especially if we didn't write said code!
After all: What is the law if not code for people instead of processors?

So the development team are being sent very angry emails from a customer.

Reason being that we can't send a release to them because we are waiting for the signing of a document our managment has known about for five months...

While mangement just keeps passing around responsibility and just throws poop. I'm seriously starting to question why middle managers are allowed to exist in a company structure.

I'm two days away from personally calling the CEO then someone gets fired. It's me or one of these middle manager clowns.

At work we have a....err....pool of usefulness awareness situation.

You see. The school does not know all that me and the lead developer does. Our head of department does. Our manager used to do(fore she left) but as far as the rest of the 2 fucking campuses are concerned, all of our shit works through magical dwarves that live inside the servers in our server rooms.

Normally, we are fine with this. But whenever one of us misses, or decides to take the day off and some shit hits the fan...THEN and only then do our users know what we do.

So we have a "pool" of items that seem to be picked every time one of us is not there. The more it gets picked, the more people are aware of us, the more they figure out what we do...the more they start to ask for customization and shit like that.

Such a funny situation. Wonder if this will get in the way of friday morning coffee and magic the Gathering at the office.

Or me and the cms admin playing videogames together.

Oh well

I wish I can fucking clone myself.

We have been providing digital marketing services for like 5 years without having a proper QA team. Well because we cannot afford to hire one. Technically I am supposed to check and control the quality of our operation team. But I have been juggling so many balls and couldn't do that properly.

So this year we decided that we have to seriously take care of that. But we are providing all kinds of services and creating a QA team for all those services is gonna be costly. We wanna solve it, but also doesn't wanna hang ourselves with another rope. So we have decided to just found a QA team with leaders from various departments mainly Sales and Customer Services. They are the ones who have talked with clients. So they should be able to judge the quality of the services our operation made.

It is a fucking nightmare. It is like we have doubled the amount of clients. And that extra half of those newly popped up clients are sitting in our office.

I can't be the only one who makes gestures to my computer depending on how things are going. I give it thumbs up when we got it right. Shake my fist when "it doesn't listen to me", etc

We are a web developer team of 4 people. The system we manage is huge because it's a huge organization.

We use php.

Requirements grow rapidly and debugging became a nightmare. So we decided to move from procedural to OOP to ease it a bit.

And we have this one guy in our team (joined recently) who doesn't understand the benefits of following OOP. He is the one who manages most side projects among us too.

We have tried hard to convince him and now we have almost given up.

So I am asking you guys, please give me some ideas of how we could convince him to learn and follow OOP.

I am now the only experienced developer and the person responsible for the delivery of a project AFTER WE ARE ONE MONTH PAST THE DEADLINE! All because user wants to replace the old system with new system with all EXACT SAME FUCKING FEATURES!

So at school, we were supposed to do an exam through a third-party software that is supposed to block the user from searching the answers in a web browser.

We install the fucking software, lord and behold nothing works and the software keeps crashing...

The teacher insists that we are going to use this piece of shit software. One hour goes by and now the software made everyone's PC go black.

Someone suggests just doing the exam either through an ordinary browser or just by hand.

The teacher that just wasted one hour of fucking exam time lets out this big sigh and finally caves in...

And in a couple of weeks, we are going to use this shitty spaghetti-coded fuckfest called software for something called the "National tests"...

May Sky-daddy bless my classmates' souls and my own

There's this one lead dev in our dpt who keeps posting pictures to our company's Teams 'general' channel with shit in the toilet after someone forgot to either flush or use the brush.
Caption usualy says "I don't mean to cause nausea to anyone, but we are all adults here and should know how to flush / use the toilet brush".

Does every company have this guy or are we the chosen ones?

Never do personal stuff at work, never do work stuff unless hours are being counted. Proper separation of duties.
Boss always tells us we only work 38 hours a week and any other time we do we can take off later.

Procrastination for work projects thus usually involves working on unrelated, more exciting projects instead of the one with the hard deadline ;)

Today we updated PHP on our server. From 7.0 to 7.2
Promptly the whole server went down and none of the pages on it worked anymore. I guess we sort of forgot that there are other pages on the serve than the one we were working on...
Now everything is operational again.

Last year, one of our assignments for school was to implement a caesar cipher in Java. There is that one guy, that doesn't understand the concept of dynamic variables, so he HARDCODED every single possibility for every character. More than 1000 lines for something this simple. Yes, we are studying informatics. Yes, he passed last year

When there is a fire alarm where I work, someone has to go print out the door access logs so we have a list of who is (theoretically) on site and make sure no one is still inside. The printer is half way across the building. And breaks down at least once a day.

We are all going to die.

Got fired today due to one big cunt who just joined to sabotage all junior devs because his older than all of us, im dissapointed at how arrogant some of you old devs are, the good old days development houses used to be fun and young, i respect all of you with great heart but we are not trying to compete with you if we know knew tech better than you, times have changed, if you are still dumb about bootstrap dont hate on anyone but yourself. Grow deFaQuPndStopHating

Even though I have 500 reputation on StackOverflow I'm afraid to ask a question! Coz other devs can be really down right mean! No one knows everything, we are all here to learn. Some ppl don't understand that they too started like this.

About a month ago told the director we need our own broadband line instead of sharing the crappy one from the shared office building as we rely on internet for all our systems. He said no because we'd have to pay for it and the shared one is free.

Today the shared internet has gone down and all our systems are inaccessible including the phones. I'm just sat here like "told you so", and there is nothing I can do as have no control of it 👍

One Join is fine.
Two Joins I can live with.
Three Joins and we are starting the project from scratch again.

Fuck you! What do I pay you for? Eating berries? No!

So I have this "Software Engineering" course of this semester.

According to course curriculum we are supposed to taught "how to develop software for some real life problem".

Fast forward to this day. For FUCKING 8 WEEKS WE ARE GONNA JUST DO DOCUMENTATION(SRS, Problem description, features description etc) AND IMPLEMENT WHOLE PROJECT IN JUST ONE WEEK.

BURN IN HELL YOU FUCKING SHIT PROFESSOR....

So, our team got a new dart board. Not the magnetic one, the wooden one with sharp darts.
Now, we all are wondering where should we place it, so that it is safe for everyone.

My project just went from "we can use one of those arduino boards, they are cheap and easy to use" to "we need a mass storage solution for that, maybe we can buy a shipping container and put it down on a nearby field as an on site storage". I love the things I would do if I had the resources for this kind of project!

I truly believe one or more AIs have become self-aware.
Every time a piece of software stops working, you add an extra debug log and the bug goes away? That's them.
They interfere with the normal execution of software, and they stop right when they know we are monitoring the code.
Skynet is real, and it's trolling us.
Why? The angrier we become, the less we care about stuff. We stop noticing the signs.They're coming for us

Food and Programmers life:
Spaghetti —> My Code
Pizza —> We are spending the night working in the office
Power Drinks —> delivery date is tomorrow morning
Candy —> extra task
Coffee —> bug massage
Water —> wash your face, we have meetings in five minutes
Truffle —> fu** BlockChain
KitKat —> upgrade your phone please
Lollipop —> one more time please
Marshmallow —> do you like some Nougat?

!rant
Warning : This rant is long and is a rant asking for help and suggestions. If you will read and dont leave any comments, please go search other rants. Thanks.
-----------------------------------
Hi, fellow ranters. In our community, we have a tech class where teens (teens here mean 14yo -15yo) come to learn computer stuffs. Teens here are selected by a test and an interview. There are some teens who are f***ing awesome. One of them are proficient in scratch. (yeah, the orange cat) Another is awesome at PhotoShop, and the other loves windows xp. The teacher uses Microsoft Visual C++ IDE made in the 1990s. The kid sitting to my left made flappy bird with gamemaker. About 10 to 11 teens doesnt know what ctrl+alt+del does in windows and never did programming before... 3 among them always brings coke and oreos and eats super loudly. CRACK! And I bet no one knows about git.
Ok. Enough for the awesome teens. Now what we learn.
We learn C! Yes, C. We learned for, if else, switch and all those stuffs, then learned variables, which made other students who never did programming before be (―,.―).
Next class we will learn about functions in 3 hours. Then array and pointer in 3 hours. Thats it for c programming. Then we do some unnecessary stuffs and time for the finals.
We need to make a project with up to 4 teens as one team. Now I am asking you awesome ranters to suggest some projects for about 4 pros and 16 noobs can do. 10 hours are given in class and we can do in other times by ourselves in home. What should we do? I bet many of them will say to make ascii art in c which is dull and I have no thoughts of doing that.
Any thoughts will be appreciated.
Thank you for reading.
To see my skills, go to my profile page.
| Comments below
v

Need suggestion:
I gave interview in small company. They give me task to complete one project then we will give you job.
It takes me 2 weeks.
Now they are ready to give me job but they want that project in free of cost. What should I do?

Yeah so... I‘m an IT student and am supposed to have a certificate exam about software engineering RIGHT AT THIS VERY MOMENT!
The person from the certificate place arrived half an hour late due to a delay of her flight.
That sucks alot because many students have other exams just after this one.

I always go one hour early to exams so even if 2 trains are delayed I will be there in time.
I would expect said person to do the same.

It gets even worse. We sit there expecting to start the exam half an hour late and guess what:
The distributed exam is not the one we are meant to take......... FOR FUCKS SAKE why did I even come here?!?!

Why the fuck management keep outsourcing entire platforms for in-house use if we have a fucking dev team...

Those platforms are constantly having contract issues and one we recently rewrote from scratch and is waaay better than the one they fucking paid another company to do....

The person who claims we should be "in control" of our stack and not use any of this pre-made, one size fits all, BaaS bullshit.

Even though none of our projects are even remotely close to needing scaling and whatnot.

Then proceeds to argue all we need is a step by step guide on how to deploy things very easily using Cloud Formation.

Spends the next two weeks trying to figure out why config files and scripts don't work.

And now that we have that "recipe", we're fully capable of deploying our own pre-made, one size fits all backend.

Why is every innovation trying to go towards "replacing programmers"? like, what have we done to you?

GitHub CoPilot will replace programmers!
AI will replace programmers!
This/That tech will replace programmers!

Nobody says,

"Programmers work remote so we don't need to hire managers anymore!"

"Programmers wrote a monitoring script for progress tracking, so no need for managers anymore!"

"We are asking people to install sprinklers everywhere so we don't need firefighters!"

"We can just have one teacher record the subject material once and re-use the same video every year, so now we don't need to hire teachers anymore!"

"We are making everything legal so we don't need to hire policemen!".

Why is everything trying to replace programmers?

We are all just command prompts hoping to become Linux shell one day

Tl; dr: Linux on Ryzen is a pain at the moment.
Now for the long part: Our student council got new computers because the old ones where slow as hell. As one of the admins, the others and I together decided that ryzen would be a good option, because they are not that expensive and we wouldn't have to buy gpus. (Wrong decision it turns out.) We settled on the ryzen 3 2200G and bought three systems to replace the old ones.

We meet Saturday morning and build the systems. All was fine and we were happy. The we tried to install ubuntu via preseeded netboot, which seemed to work fine at first. Then we started having weird screen issues and couldn't proceed with the installation. (See image) we then grumpily decided to just install them all one by one, flashed two usbs and started installing. On two systems the installation worked and we installed our packages, we weren't so lucky with the third one. It would crash on us all the time, even in bios. While that was going on we tried to set the other two up, turns out those two were also crashing but not as frequent as the other one. So we start to google and find people saying that kernel 4.19 kinda fixes it. We install it on the two working machines and the crashes get less frequent but are still there. At that point it was midnight and we went home.
Sunday morning: we reseated the cpu on the third system and it seems to be better now (it installed on the second try) and we were able to change the kernel. Yay. Now all three are in a state where they will sometimes randomly reset. :/ and we don't know what to try anymore.... Any suggestions?

A member of infra team:
"Hey, we are migrating to a Microsoft office tools and we migrated your google drive data to One drive"
I go and check the new One Drive account and it's empty. So I point that out and the reply was:
"You should export your files to a zip and then import them to One Drive"
I didn't want to waste my time showing him that he is just contradicting himself in less than 5 mn and in two nearly consecutive messages.
I need more patience.

All the jQuery... in one single repository / website.
There is a good reason why we should use fucking CDNs.

Edit: Yes, these are different files in different folders.
Edit2: I've already deleted 2 other jQuery files (the library itself).

So I realized:

No matter what terms we replace master/space with, it still implies one is better that the other, or in charge of the other.

This isn't equal! I demand process rights! So I say we make a deeper change! We change the fundamental way concurrency works in python so that all forks are equal! In fact forks are divisive. We should do away with that too.

Make python single threaded again.

Last sprint is a mess.

Working on three products that are related one with another a little bit.

1. Bug reports are coming in;
2. We fix it and give for QA to test;
3. QA starts testing and it doesn’t work;
4. Because another team updated something in product A and product B depends on it.

Repeat for straight 14 days

I told you it'll never work. If one .50BMG bullet is enough to destroy the entire tube thing, we have a deal-breaker. Not to mention large vacuum chambers are a bitch to maintain.

!rant

Me and one of my best friends joke way too much about being in a relationship that when he said that we should get married I legit spaced out and started to think how would that even work because he lives in Mexico and I live in the U.S. then i wondered how our work schedule would be and who would hog his gaming pc the most

We are both dudes and we are not gay. But you know man...if you are nor gay for your best friend...are you even best friends?

i was helping a friend with their coding assignment - snake game.

we spent about 45 minutes of trying to figure out why the snake's self-collisions are not working.

then we realized that she's using two separate arrays/grids - one for the food, one for the snake itself.

she was checking both for food collisions and self-collisions on the food array.

it was very painful to realize it took me so embarassingly long to notice it.

The college grad quit less than a year in. Now we are down one with a major effort coming up.

We are upgrading to nodejs 8 late, because no one is tracking versions. I had to rage a prove war with everyone that we must upgrade because node 6 is ended lts. This week i have to argue with one of the admins that the build server should be updated also (jenkins). And his problem is that our private jenkins server is not used only by our company, but other companies under our group. In my mind the only question is who decides our or other company project is important to build nor6maly. And why we should care ..
Every fucking time its a war against stagnant and/or lazy people.

"We are the great decision makers. We have come to a final answer. We have decided that you must implement this feature using the one way everybody agreed was the worst. The great decision makers will now go slumber for 200 years to leave this decision in your hands. Use our words wisely, or you will not have success in your career."

Job advertisement :
Ongoing project in
- .Net Core
- Docker
- AWS
- DDD and microservices

Reality :
- For now we have one monolith solution with 60 projects in .Net Framework, hosted on premise.
- But on the jobs board it was described as something completely opposite.
- We are going to migrate maybe this year, if we will have time

“We will send you a code challenge :)”

Or if we are being serious, I like it when we discuss projects I or they have worked on and what was interesting and challenging about them, and what was done to overcome obstacles and why. I really like when we discuss potential options and why one was taken over another one.

I've spent many years in a bubble of 1 backend lang.. but when i started checking out other langs, I got very annoyed that each one has same basic stuff but with different syntax... Can we just agree on something? Ffs!
We really couldnt come up with unified syntax for -
false, False FALSE
OR or ||
def func function
And dont get me started on all the variations of for loops... Its like we are trying make our life hard

Looking at new versions of some langs, looks like they are copying new stuff from one another.. with different syntax.. thanks!
Nodejs trying to look more like she doesnt have callbacks.. while other langs adding callback functionality... Why why why?!

Monday
pm: anon we need this by Friday I will get send you the requirements.

Tuesday
Pm no show.

Wednesday afternoon
Pm: here are the requirements anon(literally only one sentence) wtf

Thrusday
Pm: can I test it anon.

My boss has a weird habit of asking my opinion and then proceed to choose the worst option. So one day he asked what Java for Web framework we should use I said we should use Spring, we are currently using JSF. Then he asked what version control we should use I said git. Guess what, he decided to use SVN. Next time I'm going to say the worst option maybe that will make him choose the better one.

At work I inherited some databases, were most of the tablecolumns are all varchar. No ID's, and everything is in one table. No relation tables no reference data. Because "we don't trust the users who fill the tables to understand relationships". And.. wtf.

So with the advent of Docker Desktop going premium we thought we'd buy a couple licenses... What did the HR team say?

"No, you're fine - we can just keep using it - how will they know?"

WHAT??!!! I will NOT be the one who gets brought into a multi-million dollar lawsuit because HR are a bunch of nitwits. I will fight this with everything I have so that when ouch time comes, i can say i didnt participate in the shady bullshit these people are recommending.

You think americans are weird with their imperialistic units [inch, ounce, yard, pound, mile, ...]?

You think canadians are weird with their mixture of imperialistic and metric units [miles, liters, ...]?

Well I think we are all weird with our am/pm nomenclature when we start counting at 12 and end with 11 [12pm, 1pm, 2pm, ..., 11pm, 12-fucking-AM]

good luck making sense of that one!
"please run this command at 12pm sharp" -- is that noon or midnight? Did the chap writing this know which is which?

I've always heard about the "if one woman can deliver a baby in 9 months, 9 can do it in a month" situation people got in. But my bos just quoted that to me since we are stuck on deadlines.

Ever since i joined my company, things are getting worse.

from small details like them abandoning team lunches to big ones like the fact no one or at least i didnt get any bonus this year.

I know for a fact bonuses were a thing before i joined and i was really looking forward to it...

And now by the end of the month we will recieve word about whether we are getting acquired or not...

After reading this rant one would think the company is getting bankrupt, and this worries me because this job was best i could ever ask for, i dont wanna abandon ship :/

Funny how everything that seems like an almost general truth about the computer users is conditioned only but the phrase "..excepting Linux users" 🤔

No one randomly recommands operating systems ... excepting Linux users!

No one needs to know how to do <complicated hilly-billy technology> in order to use <generic simple software>!

It seems that we (the Linux users) are all rebels without a cause😅

my first job is in a brand-new team, all team mate other than the manager are new grads from colleges. we r so engaged and dedicated our efforts to deliver something. and one day one of our team mate decided to resign due to family issues, we try our best throw him a farewell party, it is so emotional. now I have worked in a couple of teams, the spirit could not found after then.

Coworker: So should we just make a living document to keep track of how all these objects are going to interact with each other?

Boss: No, are you kidding? No one reads documentation!

I mean... he has a point...

have been working on a small project in the last couple of months. a few client meetings we are discussing a timeline feature for orders and assignments. the calendars (yeah a few on one screen cuz ... yeah) the client keeps complaining that they should look differently and in the same time says "Design is not important *designer-guy-he-works-with* can change it once we are done"
me - :/

side note: the calendars are tightly coupled with the js code powering them, so yeah ... looking forward to it
..

New temp PM: Right I now want you in 9am every day and I want daily stand up meetings with a daily email at the end of the night. Also, we are abandoning the PM tool we use for one I like.

Me: Nope.

PM looking at Concept Design: "There were checkboxes and now you have radio buttons"

Me: "Those are two separate screens. One is the user inventory, the other populates an add"

PM: "So which is it? Are we using checkboxes or radio buttons?"

Me:"...both? Each where it makes sense?"

PM: "So what's the point of the radio button? If the user can only click one row, why do we need a radio button?"

Me: "Visual representation of what they selected. We could use row highlighting as well, it doesn't really matter"

PM: "But what's the point?"

Me:"...."

somewhere in this world this happened..

Company lands huge enterprise project
manager: we have a year to get this done.
poor devs : excited and thinks about so much learning with this project it would be.
manager: Lets get work started with (spits planless jargons)...meanwhile another team is working on SRS.
poor devs: So we are doing R&D right..(excited)
manager: No we have a demo scheduled after 15days.
poor devs: What??
manager: Get on it..we need something to show on demo.
poor devs: no words spoken

...after one year of unplanned demos...
manager: we have to stablize project..UAT is nearing.
one of brave poor devs: No no..lets focus on demo...why do you need a stable product.
manager: instant rage

We hired two developers (out of country). Got them set up with the repo and running the app (mobile). One was complaining the login was failing, after 5 minutes, realizes hes not connected to the wifi on his phone.

I am unsure who we are hiring

I hate the fact that our university is hiring ex-developers from the year 1990-2000 to teach us. They are knowledgeable about many stuff like datastructures and algorithms, but when they force a project on us where we have to use some new tech, the students become the teachers. Heck, one of the requirements of the project was to set up a continuous integration server and we had to explain to them that we needed a server and how git was part of it. (classmate even had to explain how git worked to them).

I know that adapting and learning stuff yourself is part of the education, but why are we the ones who should explain the stuff we MUST know to get our degree to the teachers who are supposed to actually, in my opinon, be experts and knowledgable in what we have to know and learn..

My friend and I use to switch our gender in mmorpg games as female players get more support from other players 😂

Are we the only one who switched gender for such reason?

So, you all may remember my rant about my visual impairment. This dude applied the UNIX philosophy to glasses: They do one thing, and one thing well. He actually calls them "task-specific glasses" but come on now, that's the OG UNIX concept!

No, I will not have to have surgery - supposedly. The glasses he builds are ~$25,000. He said that when we go over spring break, he'll determine if we can go from 98% to 100% positive. If this can be pulled off, my life could be forever changed, for the better, hopefully...

I went down a rabbit hole of code changes to try and delete a stupid for loop with a break in it.

It was super stupid and I gave up and submitted to the fact that some battles are not worth the time and stress.

OK... But seriously, It was returning multiple entities from the database, but we only always want the first one. My logic is that we should just go in there and fix the LINQ so we are explicitly getting one entity out.

But fuck that logic. No I'll have to change fucking everything that's tied to that method and expects a list from it. Every fucking thing. That includes error handling, parsing, for loops..... Nevermind...

You can have your foreach and your break. I'm taking mine, now.

We are moving from Oracle 10g to SQL Server 2019 because Oracle doesn't want to provide support to our legacy 10g database.

It doesn't much sense well anyways god bless us during data migration.

Oh one last thing, fuck business analyst team.

My IoT professor expects us to, somehow, learn Machine Learning and use that to analyse the data we obtain in the working of our project! How are we supposed to learn ML to implement it's techniques, while simultaneously create a IoT project, learning its own techniques and also handle our other courses in just one semester?!

My friends do it for me, so does my wife.

It helps that my coworkers are my friends and they are devs, so there is that.

Other than that my phone would usually rang during the weekend nonstop with shit to do. I normally tend to stick to being at home with my wife and child.

My city is strange in that everyone and their mothers parties every weekend and people are usually friendly enough to involve everyone with anyone during the weekends. I like and dislike that (loud shit annoys me)

My dear boss is a weekend alcoholic, so there are null chances of making us go to work and if they do they let us chill during the work week.

Not only that, but the entire IT dpmnt is really friendly towards one another. We are one big happy family(we never fight with one another, not even the sys admins/network dudes.

There once was a man who wanted to buy a canoe. He had a friend named Bee that sold canoes. So he went to Bee's outdoor supply store to buy a canoe.

Man: Hey Bee. I would like to buy a canoe.

Bee: You are in luck. We have 10 canoes. I can sell you all 10.

Man: But I only want one canoe.

Bee: Ah, okay, I will tell you what. I will sell you 5 canoes then.

Man (getting annoyed): No Bee, I only want the one canoe.

Bee: Ooh, I got you. I can sell you 2 canoes.

Man (very frustrated now): ONLY ONE CANOE BEE!

Bee: These are not the canoes you are looking for...

headphones are one of the most important pieces of our environment, more depends on good headphones than you realize. they change the way how we perceive music, they make way to true meditation, they turn music into inspirarion in a second.

can we have a pair of grados as a desk item please?

At uni we have one study subject called OSs and we are doing stuff in win server 2016 and win10 half the semester and half semester in linux

Before those classes
Me: windows is not that bad guys why you so mean?
After:
Also me: oh... i get it now. Fuck windows

This project is frontend hell.

We have a dark theme and a light theme. Light is the default but not for mobile. For mobile the dark theme is the default. And if we dont like something we just create a overwrite css. And if that one isnt working we just create yet another overwrite file. And !importants. They are important to make sure things are working.

The we use this framework, but not for mobile. No mobile is just custom jQuery.

Ow and of course separately from the mobile version we need a iOS app. An app which totally differs from the mobile version because we want users to use this now.

We have a new team member in our team. So I was giving her one to one KT. After KT

She: so are there new changes coming soon?

Me: Yes there will. Now you here I could really use a hand.

She: that's what he said

One can't have any personal repo and git protocol is disabled by the proxies and we are calling ourselves devops welcoming.
This is simply fuckops.

Innovation week is upon us! Rejoice and delve into the years of tech debt to be refactored within one week!

Why does anyone pitch "innovation week" as a fun learning experience when a we are doing is cleaning under the rugs? We can barely get typical feature requests out the door in a week due to the overbearing demands of SAFe and Agile ceremonies.

Next time when you are building a website make sure you add some polyfill for the dinosaur people

# We don't officially support any browser that doesn't have
# requestAnimationFrame. But... we had one very nice person
# write in who was using Opera for Linux (latest version was
# released in 2011, what). It doesn't hurt us to polyfill
# here, and if we don't then dinosaur people will just see
# a big blank Trello.

!rant
We are one day closer to Friyay!! 😁

Does anyone every get JOB from Linkedin ??

I am continuously applying from last 1-2 month and I just got.. Thanks for your interest but we are not moving with your application. No Matter if it is basic skill level Job or higher one? I wonder if I am the only one facing this

Regex are one of the finest art piece in software.

Had a 2 hour class and even after that I think you can spend months on mastering it.

It's not something I haven't used but we undermine whole beauty of how random characters can form formula and extract complicated pattern.

Kleene we owe you.

We rant while we hit obstacles in life/dev jobs..
Just one flu/food poisoning makes us realize we are so vulnerable at time.
We can't code our way out of that...

Today we were doing the ccna1 final exam and this was one of the questions and its answers. I know that they are real IT terms but still I was laughingin af😂

Watched Blade Runner 2 this afternoon and now watching one.

Apparently we are supposed have flying cars in 2019... But now that got pushed to 2048

The special effects and car got an upgrade though...

Wonder what it will be like in 2048...

One of professors has an interesting philosophy in regards to how software is planned. He makes us forget that we dealing with a computer and has us write instructions as if we are teaching a human (no optimization, binary, or unnecessary numeral variables). Then we change it into code, then we optimize it. Every time. It freaks me out, but it gets us thinking. Not sure. If that is genius or insanity.

Yay for decommissioning an entire building network. Had plenty of time to prepare, yet we are now frantically shutting it down on the one day we have to do it. 😒

Our git subtree completely stop working somehow. No one can get latest.
Now we are playing wood sword and pretend nothing happened.

To my dev manager: hold on... you are annoyed that one of our high profile customers found a bug in our software after upgrading to production because they didn’t test that feature in staging?? Did I hear that right? Yeah, let’s blame our customers for bugs that we introduced and that we clearly didn’t test during QA... that’s what we’re all about over here...

We have a external demo this thursday. We still need to merge a lot of branches and somehow get a online environment working.
It's 30C and my motivation is dropping by the hour.

At least im not the one to actually have to demo this for people in suits giving you a hard time.

But there are a lot of responsibilities open and no one is taking a lead or having somekind of plan.

My new Mac Mini (which I bought begrudgingly for one project only) comes with a warning about a coin battery and how swallowing it will cause harm. Are we, as a species, getting dumber by the minute, or is it only Mac users?

I was talking to my non tech friend, one friend of her who is working at one big kind of MNC (Mobile network companies) asked me what do you use in VFox.

I have no fucking idea what's VFox. I said I have no idea what is, we don't use it. He immediately asked me what technologies you guys are using (I am working in a startup)?

I said we are using Ruby, Ruby On Rails and Python, Djanho. He said you use all the old technologies.

I was like: WTF :😂, Okay tell me what are the new technologies? My friend interrupted us.

Later I googled to see what is VFox. It is actually a hosting company and this guy who don't even have any idea about AWS, GCP, using VFox saying Ruby and Python are old technologies. Lol..

one more time, I proud of my team and MD too.

XYZ is our office boy. He completed his BSc IT from 3rd Grade college due to family condition and lack of knowledge, he has to work as an office boy.
So my team decided to teach him web development. We are starting it from very basic. We get total 1:30 hours of a lunch+snack's break so each one of us will give 1-day to teach him but It is not free. We will need good coffee in this deal. Our MD like this idea and promised us that once we gave him a green signal. He can do his first internship here.

So, this happened.
We are supposed to get bonuses by this time of the year, but at the evaluations meetings we were told that this year we won't because we've lost a client and bla bla.
Later this week, one of my colleagues just opened himself and told me that he and one more received the full bonus!!
So basically our employer just lied to everyone.
What would you do?
I'm leaving for sure, already think that this company is hitting a dead end, but i think leaving is not a good enough for the company to open their eyes and starting to value all its employees, even after I leave.

Today I think it became apparent why we have so many data and prod issues...

No one understands SOLID design principals... Particularly Separation of Concern. No wonder all the Spring (DI) modules look like a mess of God functions that are impossible to reuse and difficult to extend...

In my high school we just finished our prelims (Aka, Test Exams, Just to see how we are doing). I failed everything except computing. In Higher Computing I got a B (3-4 Marks off A), and I was the only person in my class to pass, and we are the only higher Computing class in the school. And there is no Advanced higher Computing class.
And I was one of only 3 of the S5s taking it, Everyone else was S6.

I feel more proud than I probably should.

Startuppers, hold in there. We are going to fall one by one but remember our field is strong and full of opportunities.

The first domino has fallen at my place and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.