Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

*client calls in*

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: my ip is blocked, could you unblock it for me?
Me: certainly! What's your ip address? Then I'll have a look.
Client: I'm not giving you my ip?! That's too privacy sensitive.
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: 😶
Me: sir, I'm very keen on my privacy myself but without that information I can't do much for you 😬
Client: ah so you're refusing to help me?
Me: not like that, it's just very hard to lift an ip block for me when I don't know the ip address.
Client: you just don't want to help, fine.

*click*

😶

QA: There is a bug in your program, it doesn't work !

DEV: What? It is working on my machine, let me show you *opens app*

QA: Well, then I will tell our clients to use your machine every time they want the app

DEV: ...

*happily tapping along on my projects while commuting*

Some random kid appears, overly interested in what I'm writing, so I let him look.

Then he goes *snort* do you know why Java threw c out?

No.

*giggles* because c told Java to stop treating women like and objects.

Well, treating them like primitives is no good either.

*kid walks away*
Then I hear: mom. That man ruined my joke, he said treating women like primitives is no good.

Client: can you fix the slider on my homepage please?
Me: It seems to be working just fine
Client: it works but it’s not how I want it, fix it
Me: well what do you want me to change then?
Client: don’t change it, just fix it!

😒

Boss : How do you access code at home ?

Me : Well, Git is fairly accessible from anywhere with the right credentials at hand

Boss : What of you have virus in your system ? Can't the virus infect our NodeJS code ?

Since then, I haven't been able to get out of the mental comatose induced.

Found this during my vacation. That poor bastard

Well guess what, I was coding with a friend of mine in a café .The waiter took our orders ..glanced at our screens( We were using Linux terminals ..fucking npm I swear) and then a few minutes later the manager comes up and says - ”Sorry ,but I am gonna have to ask you guys to leave " ..We were like wtf man ? Well apparently the staff felt that we were hacking using their WiFi .. God fucking dammit..typing on terminals is not Hacking .

Friend: I wiped this drive, and then I open it in my Hex viewer app, and it's all zeros!

Me: yeah?

Friend: Why isn't it empty?

Me: uh well a drive must have its bits set to some value and can't just nothingness so zeros is just a default meaningless value that resolves to nothing..

Friend: No, but why is it full of zeros? why it isn't empty?

...

I attempted several times and then exploded. rip self

Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!

Dev: You told me to.

Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!

Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.

Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!

Dev: …

Well ill just panic then

Prank calls then:
"Is your refrigerator running?"
"Yes? Why?"
"Well... you better go catch it! Hehehe-" *click*

Prank calls now:
"Is your server running?"
"Yes? Why?"
"Well... you better update your privacy policy! Hehehe-" *click*

I have the habit of immediately closing parentheses after opening them, then insert the code.

The problem is, this applies to hand writing as well. Because you cannot move characters in a hand written exam I spend half of the time writing, then removing parentheses.
Whyyy brain

Unity crashed, and then the crash reporter crashed. Well done Unity!

Fucking clueless products owners.
Him: "I want a mobile app - how long"
Me: "Depends, what should it do?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well what problem should it solve?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Who's it for?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well I can't help you then!"
Him: "I need an estimate for my business plan"
Me: "OK - put 'eternity' down, and we can work backwards from there"

Jackass

How do I know my office is pretty chill?

My lead dev just sent me a text with:

"U suck penis"

I said "wow, uncalled for"

And then he said:

"U r uncalled for"

Well alrighty then

Her "it's just a Web portal how long can it take"

Me "it's a completely custom content management system. It will take time."

Her "well how long then?"

Me "a good six/seven weeks. With a lot of overtime."

Her "oh don't be so dramatic, just use WordPress."

Reinstalled my dedicated server yesterday.

Then you suddenly get errors saying that KVM isn't found.

Searching my ass off for hours because I damn well enabled Intel virtualization in the bios!

Double checked after a few hours.

THE FUCKER TURNED ITSELF OFF OR SOMETHING FOR THE SECOND TIME?! WELL, THERE GOES A FEW FUCKING HOURS 😡

Manager: We do not identify as a tech company so don’t expect tech company salary increases this year

Dev: Well don’t expect me to bring a tech work ethic then

Manager: !!

Friend: My other friend said he hacked into the Pentagon, can you do it?
Me: ummm No
Friend: So you are not really a good developer then?
Me: ummm No...I guess
Friend: well I'm hanging out with that guy then, he is showing me ways to make hundreds of $ a day online.
Me: sigh...

Me: Can you go to that page and see if the issue is fixed?

Colleague: if I go there it breaks things

Me: yes, it should be fixed now, can you please check it to make sure?

Colleague: but if I go there it will break things

Me: Can you just go to the page

Colleague: it broke something

Me: what did it break?

Colleague: I don't know

Me: ...then how do you know it's broken

Colleague: because the gallery doesn't work

Me: WELL THEN THATS WHAT'S FUCKING BROKEN THEN ISN'T IT

Millennials are getting right f*cked.

Low paying jobs,
Many hours of travel to work because one can't afford to live closeby,
working 10 hour a day, and
there is no hope of owning a home.

Then people say 'oh what do you do when you get home?'

Sleeeep for the limited hours left!

Then your partner says 'oh you just come home to sleep'

Then you have instagram and all these 'influencers' saying go after your dreams... while they very well know they only get paid for heavily edited images.

Wish things were better for everyone.

Yesterday I said: "My code was nice and well organized but then I started to do the things the customer wanted. Now it's horrible and ugly."

I've always drunk very less water compared to others. So I decided to install this app that'll remind me to drink water every now and then. Since, healthy body, healthy mind.

Was going through comments when I found this.
Well, I mean he's right in a sense, you know.

You think you're doing well, then you talk to someone who operates at a skill level so far above you, it makes you think why even bother.

Well that's a first.
A Chinese recruiter contacted me speaking entirely in what I suspect was Mandarin.

My resume and posted work experience lacks any mention of Mandarin, Cantonese, etc. Then again it also lacks any mention of Java, and yet recruiters still call me a Java master. 🤔

Websites that don't let you copy paste email addresses. Well then, I'll do it using inspector. You're not going fuck with me, that's for sure.

Best App Review ever:

"Awesome app but please remove the ads, then i will give you 5 Stars"

So basicly you are saying the developers should not make any money of the app they spend multiple hours making? Well lets remove the ads then i guess 😤😤

Wondering around some code and I found:

// The next few lines of code should be fairly self-explanatory
// ...

Well if it were so self-explanatory then why TF putting up a comment here!!

Git blame file

Oh sugar it was written by me...

A few years ago I was in rage because I could not find the second page of my mobile provider invoice. So I called the support hotline to ask for the second page. Then he just asked: "Have you tried to flip the first page?" and I had to reply "oh, well...".

Merry Christmas to the whole pile of you! ⛄

Unless you don't want a merry Christmas. Then that's fine as well

My colleague wanted me to examine a script issue. I open it up, and it took several minutes to comprehend how it worked. Once it finally clicked:

Me: I can’t decide if this is idiotic or genius.
Colleague: Well, YOU wrote it.
Me: Oh… Genius it is, then!

Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm, with toilet breaks, snack breaks and a three hour nap on Sunday morning. Roughly 44 hours. It was a hackathon, Nov 2016. My team came in fourth place and the first three teams went to Germany!

Well, I got a well paying attachment from it so it didn't go all to waste.

Me and my laptop then...

"Can you do this?"
Sure, give me the information I need...

"We don't have all of it yet"
So I can't do it then

"Well when can you do it"
When you get the information

"Do you need *all* of it"
Well, it's either I do half a job and waste my time, or get it all done in one shot

"The client wants it tomorrow"
When will we have the information?
"We don't know"
Well they aren't having it tomorrow then, are they...

Sales people... don't care *how* things work, as long as they get a tick against their name to show they've sold something...

Well shit, I guess I will not contribute then.

When i found devrant in play store. I dont know why, but because it was something like a community, installed it, found out java, installed eclipse, then found out android is java (well at that moment...) so i am doing android development until now! (me 15)

Today i was working in my office then suddenly i remembered that i have to buy a valentine day gift for my girl....

So i quickly pull out my cellphone and started doing Google and typed this...

Well then i realized why Google suggestions disappeared... 😂😂😂

Tinder is the worst app out there. I keep receiving notifies like "hey honey! You received x new likes!" or "you're performing well! A lot of people are appreciating you".
What's the problem, you say... well, the problem is that I HAVE NO A FUCKING ACCOUNT, I deleted my account months and months ago and if you want you can try it as well. Download, sign up, set the worst photo that you can find then delete your account, you'll receive a lot of awesome messages!
Actually I received these fake notifies also when my account was active, and when I opened it then I discovered that there was no new likes. But was so fucking hard to put an if statement to check if the user's account is active? Come on... I know you want to trick people and convince them using your app, at least do it the right way

Him: everything is hackable, you know
Me: oh well, enlighten me with an example.
Him: well take for example whatsapp, which was bought by facebook, so if Facebook is hackable, then why not WhatsApp
Me: ok, so tell me how do you hack Facebook ?
Him: just like how you hack WhatsApp.
Me: *digs in the Bosch toolkit to find and drilling machine* How about I drill some knowledge into you? *evil jack nicholson (the shining) smile*

The fuck did you think was going to happen?

User: ITs dragging their feet which is why x hasn't gone out yet.

PM: Why hasn't this gone out yet?

Me: They sent me a template then another and then said wait that's wrong too I'll send you the correct one.

I've yet to receive this and no one's provided me the data to check over.

PM: Well that's not what x said.

Me: Well my email chain says so. (Proceed to show them the emails)

PM then walks off and blasts the users. Your #blamegame ended the moment you emailed me knob shits.

Product manager: 'I am not feeling well so I'll keep this short'

And then continues to harp on for 25 minutes.

Well since I'm such a fan of Signal and have been using the version which is downloadable through their site, I'm going to attempt to compile it from source myself, then I'll truly have an open source version!

MFW the company that have a turnover around $100 million via their woocommerce site only does'nt want to upgrade from PHP5.4 because "it is too much work".

Well fuck you then

Did you bitch about VS Code new orange icon color??
Well then... FUCK YOU!

u/bob
"hey can someone help me assign 10 to a variable in rust"

u/1337rustpro
"Well first of all little shithead that is not rust-like we dont do that in rust here is how godfather mozilla intended it first you create a register in your ram then you download these 9 packages that are not in std for some reason then you box your integer 78 times then you sacrifice a goat that the rust compiler doesnt give you random advice that doesnt work then you pee on your motherboard and commit 53 times to open source repos on github bitbucket and svn then you will maybe probably have 7 assigned to your variable"

u/bob
"Oh wow rust sure is overly complicated"

u/bob
<User banned>

My last shipment arrived faster then expected. Quality merch as always 👌 Merry Christmas to me and to every one else as well ofcourse! Thanks @dfox & @trogus. Maybe add some sort of a sweatpants and some holiday socks to the catalogue? 🤔😁

Mom: My mouse doesn't move
Me: Have you tried disconnecting and reconnecting it?
Mom: How do I do that?
Me: Well, follow the cable from the mouse to the computer
Mom: Is the computer the black box? Then I've disconnected it
Me: Ok, good, then reconnect it
Mom: It doesn't fit
Me: ...

I work for Google and Facebook.

Well... is that really true?

Uh... well, does a cow work for a farmer?

Hmmm... not really voluntarily... the cow just kinda gets milked and then the farmer sells its milk.

Yeah. That’s what I do. They milk me for my attention - and then they sell that to corporate advertisers.

Yeah... Hmmm... well, I guess you do work for them... but you don’t get paid...

I can still put it on my resume though, right?

-- So you like npm? Upgrade to version 5 to use its sweet features!

OK. Let's run `npm install npm@5`. Erm, my npm is now a broken mess, not finding `semver`.

-- Well, since you like npm you also will like yarn! It's just facebook's npm. So run `npm install yarn -g`

Yeah, but I wanted `npm@5` not `yarn`.

-- Then just run `yarn global add npm@5`. You then have npm@5.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

And yes, that works.

OnePlus, first their price grow constantly closer to other companies prices, second when you make a poll to know if you should keep the headphones jack, the community says you should, and then make a phone without one... well you should have expected the backlash

Got some feedback for an app today via email...
"You are a fucking idiot! Stupid piece of shit!" Well, I guess one user didn't like it then... Rude fucking wankhat!

Dev: I need you to do X

IT: Ok we will do Y

Dev: I don’t want Y I want X

IT: Well you’ll need to go through the change request process then since you have just modified your requirements.

Dev: …

Literally everone were advertising me LinkedIn as something awesome and life-changing.
So I've registered as well, filled it up with a lot of info. It's been about 6 months since then - still silence.
Such disappointment.

Well I slapped some text into a file and it screamed at me.

Slapped some more text into another file and it didn’t scream at me.

I then watched videos and read books that detailed the slapping of text into files.

Tldr I kinda just taught myself somehow

Today I woke up on a beautiful day, feeling well rested. Then I remember PHP is a thing and it all went to shit. FUCK YOU, FUCK SHIT FUCK

Christmas on a Sunday!
Well, then what is the point?!

Why is there such a big hatred towards PHP ? I have recently started backend dev in Laravel and it seems to be a pretty good framework. Most E-commerce frameworks are based on PHP as well. If PHP is so bad then why is it so widely used ?

I am not trying to defend PHP , but I genuinely want to know what's wrong with it ? I might switch to other backend tech then.

Arch Linux is so overrated. Just a little while ago I did pacman -Syu and dhcpcd broke. Bleeding edge is all fine with me, but at least MAINTAIN THE FUCKING DISTRO PROPERLY!!!
Well, guess I'll have to redeploy that LXC with a different OS then. Probably Ubuntu Server or something like that.

Was on a call today...nobody knew who owned or was responsible for one of the servers. My manager has a great way of finding out...he says "If I take my hammer and smash the server to pieces...who gets pissed." A moment of silence then someone speaks up..."Oh well then that would be Joe down the hall."

That my friends is how to get answers. Threaten to break things.

Hey! How do I do machine learning?

Well first you start off with a metric shit ton of data.
And then you .fit() your data
from there you can .predict() your data

Trust me, the algorithms are already there. All you need to do is get the data.

Well it's a whole ritual, first it must be past 23 hrs, then an interesting project, an Spotify (trance/edm/electro/rap) playlist, and a quiet house and then everything falls into place and the code starts flowing down from my head and heart to my hands. That moment is so sacred that not even hunger interrupts it.

Well, fuckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!

So we were trying to make a Go AI bot for our school project and then let it play against itself. Well... it might be able to beat AlphaGo, right?

Meeting yesterday:

Senior E: "Man, every time I do code review I thought this is the stupidest code ever written - then I look at the author, oh wait it's me"

Me: "Well, the perfect code is the code never gets written"

SE: "Casting appreciative look with a nod"

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I see people say shit like "fix it now" when a bug pops up.

Like bitch go fix it since you're such a fucking intelligent individual. You can't? Well then, shut the fuck up and let them fix it. They're human too, ya know

Well then 😂

So I was finally done with the project, every feature was implemented the way I wanted it be, every piece of code optimized and well written, I was completely satisfied with my code and didn't feel the urge to add a "last little feature/optimization"...
.
.
.
Then I woke up 😭😭😭

Someone had the bright idea of going 100% on premise then only having the VPN on the server in the office building with no backup to another server. Well the power went out and no no one can work or work remotely. What a plan.

A well written script is a lot like a spell.
You invoke it and well stuff( magic to few 😋 ) happens.
The resemblance is uncanny!

Well, off to the Wizarding world of IT Devops then.

I'm so sick of dumb project managers, they want "updates" but then they reply with "I didn't understand any of that but it sounds like it's going well"

I literally have a PM who does it all the time, at this point I could talk to him in another language, and he'd just say "Great, sounds like its going well" then proceed to ask for updated a couple hours later *hardfacdpalm*

When your daily scrum takes an hour because your senior developer co-worker gives unnecessary and incredibly detailed updates...

"Well, first I tried hiding the button, but it wouldn't come up when I needed it to, so then I made an options menu, but the sliding transition was difficult to implement, so then I..."

Did a few world map generations with the openmaptiles self generation tools and all went well.

Then, suddenly, no matter what system I use, it crashes with a Go error (I don't know much about Go).

Nothing changed in the repo and nothing changed in the OS.

Fucking hell.

$Me: I want to start creating my own android app.
$Me: Let's start by installing android studio
*Goes to download AS*
$AS: That'll be 4gb of your disk space
$Me: well nevermind then

Really? 4gb for a fcking IDE and some build tools?

*at work*

co-worker: what are u doing?

me: programming and learning

co-worker: but school has just started... u guys havent learnt anything yet

me: thats the great thing about programming, everything is already in the internet waiting to be read and learned. try it next time ;)

co-worker: learning out of school, no thanks

Seriously.. Getting job apps rejected because I'm over qualified for the job.

Well, if I wasn't interested In the job and staying if hired, then I wouldn't have had written a tailored application..

Got an email from IT saying that a new anti ransomeware software is being installed company wide, but it doesn't play well with visual studio. His suggestion is that each time we need to compile, we run a batch file, reboot, compile, run another batch script, then reboot.

...he's in IT?

I usually get along best with people that don’t get along well with people.

Well then.

So my dear programming teacher really hates break statements... I mean really really really. He thinks it's better for readability if you don't break from any kinds of loops (not even ifs) well then we came across a switch statement in class. He says "breaks only exist because it's needed in switches" well how about returning from a fcking swith? or goto? then you need no break...
Is there anyone who could explain why I should NEVER use breaks and why it's bad in any piece of code? Why is it better to just use whiles because fors are apparently evil again? Srsly I just wanna ask him to show me some big code bases without breaks...

It worked! After all those years I've talked someone into linux'ising all theit workstations :) now that someone is eventually convinced it would solve most of the problems. Now they are collecting all the bau requirements. Next - testing phase. And then, if all works out well - reinstalling 100+ workstations with linux :)

yayyy

Me @40 explaining to my parents why am not married yet.
"Well, see, I prefer short commits,
(I mean everybody does)
And then I require at least two peer reviews and approval before pushing.
So she really needs to be perfect to merge"

well there's an interesting error😂😂😂😂😂
Stackoverflow clears our error and then I get a Stackoverflow error
java😂

Yeah well fuck right off then. I'm just going to build a bot to auto signup for every possible username combination left in the latin alphabet. Then after the media bullshit dies down they'll be changing this policy.

👺

My doctor: "To heal from a concussion, you should limit the amount of time you spend looking at a screen."

Well, I guess I'll just die then...

oh, well ok then.

Well SO blocked me from asking any more questions. Which is BS because I went back and edited my questions as I was told to.

Ohh well, I figured I would just make a new account. So I logged out. Put in a new email. Filled out all the forms confirmed my email and then I see "You cannot ask questions" WTH? Appentally it cached my browser, so when I signed back up it linked my two accounts together..

Well, looks like I'm making a new email..

Shit recruiters say:
"We need solution experts, not language experts, because a language is just a tool."

Well then, good luck with your spaghetti code solution.

Well is a long story, but to make it short, a friend started to teach me HTML after that at school they taught me c++, and after my first "Hello World" I was hooked, since then I became an addict to programming and now to devrant

Work from Home was not the cup of tea for most of us before Covid-19. 😱

Some really love working in the comfort of their home like your oh-so-lovely HR and some are scratching their heads like your beloved Project Managers.😂

The Designer is loving his space. 😍

Tester is enjoying some good naps in between the working hours. 😴

and... What do you think programmers would be doing? 🧐

Well.. well.. well.. Programmers don't really feel any change. Coding then and Coding now. 😎

How's your Work From Home Going?

Well, I got the free stickers months ago. Since then, I still don't know, where I should use them, so now I'm just protecting them in the letter.

Partners off at TAFE and I've got 3 hours to kill before walking to work, maccas and writing it is then!

Wish I brought my Mac so I could work on my other projects but oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"Client: 'My wife doesn’t like it'; Designer: 'Well then, I don’t like your wife'" - Jamie Croft

I've learned over the years that there's no such thing as a Proof of Concept app. You might as well call them beta versions since some salesperson or manager will see it and immediately tell clients about it who will buy it and then you have to support and expand it.

Mantain a huge bad designed and worse written full stack project.

It was an internship and I was paid pretty well. It still lead me almost to a burnout; while sleeping I used to dream the project

They hired me a couple of months later to redesign it from scratch. I only rebuilt the db and I made a sweet job. 85 reduntant tables reduced to 30.
Then they fired me because they couldn't afford me. Still got paid well enough

I decided to go freelance/contracting. Headhunters keep pitching me permament roles (and I love watching them run out of pitch lines :D )

Headhunter: This job can't do your asking salary, but can offer career development.

Me: Already did that. was Engineer, then Architect, then CTO. I'm actually stepping back to be an Engineer.

Headhunter: Ok well, in this job you can do things start to finish, see them through to the end.

Me: I actually get bored after a while. Prefer change.

Headhunter: Well this place has a great culture and fun atmosphere!

Me: It's an insurance company mate...

my parents just know I work with computers. they are happy that I have a job that pays well, and i'm happy.

do i need anymore then that?

Well, a question and then a statement.
Interviewer: ”What would you say about [salary here]?”
Me, completely incapable of bargaining: ”Well, maybe I would like it a bit higher...?”.
Interviewer: ”Policy states we start at [same salary]”
Me, still incapable. ”Alright then! I’ll take the job!”

Later same day when turning down the other jobs I was simultaneously in the process of aquiring.
Contact from other firm: ”Sorry to hear that. I hope the reason wasn’t salary, because we could have solved that.”
Me: *Sigh*

Well, the reason wasn’t the money, but maybe the reason for choosing the other job COULD have been money. Oh well...

Conversations with SQL Server:

Me: TRUNCATE TABLE users;

SQLServer: Okie dokie, Command(s) completed successfully

Me: WTF SQL, u didn't even ask for confirmation

SQLServer: Well, you did type 'TRUNCATE' then 'TABLE' then 'users' didn't you. I mean how much confirmation do you need you prick.

How did you learn to program ?.

I read E-books to get the basic knowledge and then I would go through a open source PHP project and rebuild it using the look cover right check technique.

Then on top of that I watched YouTube tutorials.

How did you learn ?.

I never went to college or further eduction as I seem to do really well at self teaching plus there is so much info on google nowadays.

Well, I got it. The new job that is so from December first I really am a C# developer :)

We just have to agree on the salary. I will at least get more then I have now (as support technician) and well it's kinda a dream come true.

Oh boy and here I was looking forward to see ads the whole way home.. well then.. devrant it is.

No commits?!? Well, maybe you should fucking make up your mind about what the fuck you actually want! I don't give a flying fuck about your pathetic excuses. If you don't get me a final spec, then don't try to skin my back about not delivering updates and "not showing active progress"!!! FFS!

You know when you just spend about three full days learning for the upcoming chemistry exam?
Well I certainly do.

AND THEN THE FUC*ER PUTS SH*T IN THE EXAM THAT HE DID NOT EVER FUC*ING TEACH US.

Me: Hmmm, tax time is coming up, might be a good time to finally get my new rig
ATO: You you have $4000 withheld tax money, how great!
Me: Fuck oath! spend $2500 on the PC and chuck the rest towards my house deposit
ATO: Yo that sounds great, well how about we keep 3000 and give you 1000? Sound cool? cool.
Me: ... Well... Guess no new rig then

One of main reason why I use Google as a search engine.

Me: Heads - Then I'll not use it.
Me: Okay google, toss a coin

GA: Sure,.... it's a tails.

Well.... fuck.

4 and a half years doing socket/network programming and I only just learnt my understanding of TCP was largely incorrect...

Well then... That's something...

Being told that we'll be dropping Spring Framework in favour of Java EE.

Well, all right then.

If you spend a lot of time looking with computers then PLEASE use a blue light filter to reduce strain in your eyes as well to help you sleep well.

My favorite program for this is "redshift" and can be set up with this one liner

apt-get install redshift && redshift -O 3000

Well it's not really a work experience but that makes me think of that time I deleted all the fonts from school's computer (5y/o)... I wanted to make space by deleting useless stuff, but after that every text document showed in Windings or whatever the fuck this symbol font name was. Well then the TA had to transfer them from another computer with a floppy disk, it took forever xD I felt like I was going to prison that day

Found "hyper" in the "built with" section of electron.
me: hey, that looks cool
*downloads hyper*
*opens hyper.app*
me: well... fuck this then
hyper:

Hey guys.
Well I've been down last months due to a burn out and medication.
Last ween I finally got my first arduino, then second and two kits...
Now I'm addicted...
Stopped Proscriating with games.
Started learning electronics and shit, specially , started cleaning... And just did my first project :p

Never ever directly edit the source code of libraries.
Not to the smallest bit.

I just did that and forgot about it, then I wondered how a decent library like I used can produce such gobshite as it did. Several hours (!) later I discover my little "debug output" line in the library's source.
Goddammit I must have a well built table. And a well built head.

I could finally find the time to hang with my wife and watch a show. Two minutes in a customer calls to tell me his site is fucked. "I didn't change anything". Well, who renamed the style.css file in the WP theme then? Argh!

Probably when I heard about (as it was then) this new fangled "internet" thing going around.

Suddenly computers weren't isolated individuals, or networks, but had the power to talk to *other* computers as well, and exchange information with each other, and then take decisions and action based on that information - even talking to other computers in turn!

The potential for what this could do blew my mind a bit as a kid - and I'm not sure anyone, myself included, even then understood anywhere close to what the full impact would be in a few decades time.

Today I had plans to refresh my knowledge about transactions' internals in dbms and in general.

Then the rainy weather hit the town. The whole sleepy day wasted on Netflix.

Well.. I guess it was time for a break :) haven't had one in weeks

So apparently hiring these days is all about 1/3 learning random questions and answers 1/3 remembering algorithms from code execution portals 1/3 luck. Well fuck my life, it’s worse then 5 years ago when I last switched jobs.
So how was it 5 years ago you ask ?
I send my cv with exposed java interviewed for javascript and hired for python. At least then it was 50/50 luck.

Developer: we have a problem

Manager: remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.

Developer: Well then, we have opportunity to recreate the entire project we're working on 2 years

I'm not saying that windows' Bluetooth is shitty but my Linux connected even before windows realized I had plugged in the dongle. And well Bluetooth headphone won't work... Windows doesn't wanna connect... Solution? Unpair then pair again with pin 0000. Linux: left click on Bluetooth menu > connect.

OBS. Have used it ever since the 0.1.? on Linux.
Worked perfectly then and today as well!

Spam assassin kills most of the spam I get before I see it. It works pretty well. However, I started getting a fuck ton of spam from some asshole on a Turkey server. You cannot forward spam to the gov anymore so what to do (They use a honeypot. Apparently it doesn't catch everything.)? Well I got the abuse email account address for the server. Then I went into my servers spam filter for the email address I am having issues with. Then I redirect the email to this abuse email address. Then I delete it from the server. This makes it so my email client never sees the message and I automagically notify the abuse account. If the abuse account is owned by the spammer then he is just filling up his own server with shit.

Anybody else have fun or interesting ways with dealing with spam the regular filters don't catch?

It seems that every Pi day, I end up with a new Raspberry Pi that I got sometime before it. First, a 1, then a 2+3, now I have a Zero as well. Next year, I'll have a cluster of 3s. No reason, just want to mess with it.

Weirdest thing I should be the most stressed I've ever been 🤔, my work load is insane right now

I am getting paid well for it 😏

But honestly I'm more at peace then I ever have been 😉

I love my job - remember these times

I noticed I adopted a method when people just can't answer something simple like "well how long is it going to last?" and then getting an answer like "I don't know", which to I reply "Well, what's the average it lasts?" and they suddenly remember it again, fucking knobs

"Well, I used Jekyll, but then switched to Hugo - but then that wasn't cool anymore so, I went with Nuxt, but switched to React, then Gatsby, then Next - and Now I just redid it in 11nty."

"So, did you ever write any blog posts? I thought it was a blog? The only thing you've done for the past 3 years is to update your basic website? That really could have just been HTML?"

(I'm not sure we can trust this guy to work on a legacy project...)

Last year, my company has added the functionality for users to reset their passwords.

The company was then 5y old and already had to reset thousands of passwords. Oh well...

Remember that time I did an interview and it went horribly and I wanted to die then got called back and aced that shit? Well I got the job. Pay is bunkers too. Excited to be part of a new very cool project.

Just saw an advert for a well known store, who are supporting Care for Children this Christmas. Nice advert.
One commentor trashed it saying "it doesn't mention anything about Jesus and it doesn't make sense". I replied with "neither does miraculous conception".
I was then called "ignorant"....

Interesting. People are...interesting.

Fuck you Chrome Canary. You tell me to update and then keep crashing.

Well admittedly it is Canary :o

My manager told me that when he noticed my male colleague disturbing tasks and helping out juniors, he recommended him for a lead position then proceeded to tell how I am a great mentor and how well my year end goal items were managed.

Years ago I was on the board for the European Student Card pilot.
What a beauty.

It went well and fully operating around three years later. Then escalated and got a new project name, myAcademicID.
Requirements became more political so I left.

I am still registered on the dev & sandbox. AMA

!rant

University assignment asks to create some encryption harder to break than Caesar Cypher. So I decided to go online and look for some tips on making a somewhat decent algorithm.

Universal answer: don't do it

😶

Well then, night off I guess 😎

Are YouTube devs on crack? I watch videos in 240p to save data, and then I get those full hd crap ads. Why the fuck isn't the shitty advertisements in 240p as well?

Well... Then I'll ride for free I guess...

Checklist of most stupid things I did:

Buy a 500gb SSD and install Windows Server 2008 R2 onto it, then configure it to look like Windows 7 and use it for development/gaming ✅

BTW after installing all features and components, it runs very well.

Well then...
I just wanna buy some tickets >:V

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

Did two bachelors (network/system then dev).
Useful ?
Well I learnt some basics during the first year; but then being curious and searching things by myself made them completely useless.
Almost every interview I did were successful and didn't asked for my degrees but what I was actually able to do, code and understand.

Need confirmation:
A friend message me (this) saying that “it came from Mark Zuckerberg himself and facebook will...” blah blah and then another friend asked me if this is for real.
Let me know your thoughts on this, because I’m not really sure if I should resend it as well

WHY WOULD A LICENSE WORK FOR A BACKUP SOFTWARE ONCE, AND THEN NOT BE RECOGNIZED?!

I haaaaaaaaate shoddy license management.

Oh and Sage is an awful company with terrible software as well.

I fucking hate when people think they can do a better job not using a well tested library.

And then try justify why their code is better and quicker than using a library.

- i registered at ***.com (pet store) with a super secure password and then they send me a welcome email with the password in plaintext...
- well, it sucks to have pets

I just went through a node.js code for ChatBot. The person was excited and said, he can train the bot and AI blah blah. Well, I then just smiled seeing the "Switch Statements" in the code.

My C adventure is going horribly. So I stopped. I took a second to breathe then looked at my current resources decided to use the 2 books i have as references to learn from as well, then found a reasonably long YouTube guide so I can have someone verbally explain something, and I have a friend and a few places I can now ask questions if I need it. So yeah I'm pretty confident now.

Well.. I Guess i can't use apt-get anymore then...

I try to use apt-get ( image at top)

It does not work. Libc6 needs to be
reinstalled.

I try to install a libc6 package i downloaded from packages.debian.org
(image at bottom)

An error occurs.

Fuck My life!

Well all thanks to JavaScript . The problem of the century was gone i.e missing semicolon . And still I see people put semicolon:true in eslint ... well what's the point of removing it in the first place then .

Well fuck. This laptop was nice, then the hinges decided to remove themselves from the mount points. Also a metal side rail mananaged break as well...

Anyone have good suggestions for laptops? Prefer machines with a distro of Linux on it, but not afraid to install

You know when you have a project and everything is fine. Then everything turns into this big mess that you have no idea what does. And then you don't even know how to continue on the project so you decide to just start from scratch after working on it for a year?

Well that happened today.

When online documentation is nonexistent but everyone expects you to use the technology.

Well alright then!

The statement is : if you ever feel useless, then you haven't seen this simplification, well... just see who will be more useless to solve it at same place again...

Them: Maintaing code quality is a vital part of our team culture!
Me: Really, how important? Can a feature slip to facilitate necessary refactoring?
Them: Well no. We've made a commitment to the client.
Me: So, code quality is not very important then is it...

I forgot about October...

Now those November deadlines look more reasonable.

I realized because I was checking when is get my mail-in ballot and apparently it needs to be returned by Nov 3. And well today is Sep 17...

It also recommended sending it back 2wks before which would be like now.

So I had a melt down like wtf, I didn't get it yet!!!

And then well... Yea...

Mentoring someone in iOS from scratch, then teaching him how to maintain 3 different apps. He is able to maintain them without me now which is testament to how well I taught him, but it was challenging. Especially since I had to simultaneously work on other tickets and live prod issues.

This has annoyed me.

I sent my CV off to a company, they came back quite quickly and wanted to give me a phone interview. It had some technical questions, which I did well on and they gave me a test.

I liked the look of the company so I did the test asap, and passed the test.

They then invited me in for interview and all went find and dandy.

They then wanted me to come back in to met the rest of the team, so I thought things were going well.

Buy nope, they've emailed to say I wouldn't be a good fit right now, and have limited feedback. All throughout the process they seemed very keen, now I'm confused af.

There's something super broken about the interview process in our industry. I spent 30 minutes chatting with a hr recruiter. 2 hours on a coding screen. 1 hour for a technical interview. 1 hour talking with the head of engineering. But then they decided to pass on me. Well if things went well then, then I spend an entire fucking day on an onsite.

Wow. Since when did the industry get so bloated until we have to do so much to get a job? Is signal really that unclear so candidates have to jump through hoop after hoop?

BS.

Well, I guess it's time to switch to yarn then.

<rant>
I'm getting so sick of people bitching about their privacy and apps (looking at you gdpr).
They want full anonymity and share 0 data... well fine but then pay me 2.99 a month to use my service... oh you don't want to spend money well ok then, ill use some of your metrics and share them with advertisers so you can keep using the service at no cost... oh you don't want us to collect the data you are already spewing around on every online platform? well then we cant have you using our service because you are costing us money... what? the gdpr is forcing us to keep providing you with the service... but... who is going to pay for resource costs?!
arrghh!!
</rant>

ps: the gdpr is so full of loopholes, half the arguments you "nerds(be honest you read it on facebook that we have to delete you data...haha..)" use for how great it is are...well... moot

pps: with you nerds I don't mean the readers of this

Aaand my focus has gone. I was in the zone, it was going well. Then of course I get called into a meeting. Thank you very much for that.

Well played Alexanderr. If only, you stopped wasting time and put some aside to improve yourselves but no, you'd rather keep crying for me.

Well then, do as you please. And get rekt.

i like how website UI is either really well made UI or 90s stock UI

and then theres template websites

Want to do an AJAX request in IE9? Well fuck you then!

Sales: Hey @chenb0x, we told the Client that you were a phone phreak and could make any communication device work.
Me: Well, I don't think that's such a good idea becau-
Sales: Oh, you can do it! Here's the equivalent of a black box and a pocket knife. Have fun!
Me: But, Sales I reall-
*click*

Well then..... t( '-' t)

Snartsheet requires checkbox values of "true" or "false"

Microsoft Flow only passes booleans as "True" and "False" so the API rejects the data.

Well fuck you then

Well, ok then...
Chrome cant even handle this.

Co-worker that is non-tech oriented:
"So what do BI developers do?"

Me:
"Well...." start simple then get uber complicated.

Co-worker:
"Oh ok cool. Well my LAN isn't working, can you help me?"

Phone rings..."Did you get my email?" "Yes I'm typing a response now..." "Well what's your answer?" "Why email and then call!!?" Every. Single. Day.

All right then, my setup as well. I exchanged 2 24" for 1 40" 4k monitor and I'm never going back. Perfect for coding.

You are a coder as well as dota addict and you see a good game just posted on YouTube. You don't come back then

Well my greatest mentor has been bad experiences. Its always there, lurking in the corner to mentor me. And well i do take a lesson or two, now and then to keep me afloat.

As they say- what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

Human mentors have been missing from my life. Superheroes don't exist :-/

Anyone else makes 50 projects in a popular framework then never finishes them and they just sit there with all the potential untouched and unknown to the world? Well that would be me!

using new web technologies with incomplete documentation is a PITA. Well... time for a guessing game then!

Soo.. what do you do as a software developer, rank senior, when you turn 35 and programming kinda becomes repetitive. Data source this, controller that, factory f-yeah. Well, you sign up for math studies. And then you realize you forgot everything down to multiplication tables... fuck

Well... I was in a room, my computer was in a room. I was bored, so I just browsed around wikipedia. Then, baaam, suddenly i was at the page for programming. I read about and i was in love. It was love at first sight.

So v4 came out just before I started prepping for v3 through my college and I was a little pissed at first but then I thought to myself, well shit, at least I passed 😂 NEXT 🦆

Loving inaccurate documentation...
And it's from a big company as well!

Reset value: 0x0000007F

I didn't get it to work for several hours.
And then I checked...
The actual value it gets reset to is 0.

Just 0.

!rant

Yesterday was pretty wild. Well, by my standards, anyhow. So in the morning I interviewed at a place. It felt like it went really well. Then I shadowed a teaching assistant position I'm starting at a college. 0 jobs to 2 within a week. "COME SEE MY SEMINAR ABOUT TO LIFE HACK THE RECRUITER SYSTEM!!!" But, seriously if you just let them do work for you with a massive grain of salt, you'll generate offers without even trying at it.

!programming related

The karman line is bullshit.

If you aren't at escape velocity for your local planet's gravity well, then you aren't in fucking space.

Blue origin is a lie.

Android Studio is indexing files...

welp... might as well go out and do the grocery shopping, get my hair cut, maybe go to the gym, maybe drive over to the next city and hit the casinos...

and then come back to find that Android Studio is STILL indexing files...

PIECE. OF. SHIT.

Well not actually a "loss" but in my previous class, a year ago, I've lost one of my USB-Sticks.
And suddenly, a year later, some random teacher got into class and asked for my name, then gave me my USB-Stick back! After one year!
I didn't remember the stick in the first place but then I realized it was the one I've lost!

Btw it was a 2GB one, with just a few files on it...

me: *Taking Applied Statistics with R in the Math Department in my college*
classmates: "Did you get what's going on in that class?"
me: *never took statistics* Well I can get the programs to run, but I have no idea what they're telling me"
classmates: "I might get what's going on... if I could get the code to work."
me: "Well we're both doing great, then"

Well i am just newbie,
How to create an avatar here

Thanks me later cause if i post then they will increae my points

So if you’re planning on going to Antarctica sometime soon, well then don’t ,

Reference: earth.nulschool.net

Once upon a time I was thinking if I should do IT or another career. I started to wonder "Boy, I think I should learn how to program...". Then I watched Shia LaBeouf's JUST DO IT. Well, I didn't have much choice then besides doing IT, did I?

What the fuck is wrong with npm/react-native??!?😡😡

I completed a part of a project last week, worked well, then I cloned the repo today and It returns BUILD FAILED,

WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU SATAN?!😡

Client: $importantThing is a go live feature now.
Me: Okay, but it would considerably postpone the release date.
Client: Oh well, then maybe after release. However, do $lessImportantThing for go live, no matter how long it takes.

the gross feeling when

you and your friend both leave your company which pays poorly

then an old coworker tells you they've hired 3 new people

this feels worse than hearing about your ex doing well after you broke up, for some reason

So remember when we said 1.1 would be the last release, and then we said that 1.2 would be the absolute last we promise this time release?
Well buckle up buckaroos because 1.3 will be the last release.