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Random Uncle: So what do you do?
Me: Uncle, I'm a dev at xyz company.
RU: Ah so what do they do
Me: Uncle we work in the internet advertising business, kind of like AdSense
RU: So you basically spam the web?
Me: Yes :/10 -
Client: "You literally did what I asked you to do."
Me: ...
Client: "I need you to do it differently."
Me: ಠ_ಠ6 -
Person: What do you do for a living?
Programmer: I'm an etymologist
Person: What does that mean?
Programmer: I work with bugs7 -
Kid(age: 17): What kind of programming do you do?
Me: Well, I started writing scripts in Python, but in the last few months I moved to IOS development, so like making apps.
Kid: So you write scripts for phones?
Me: Not exactly—
Kid: Do you know what jailbreaking is?
Me: Yeah.
Kid: So do you jailbreak stuff?
Me: No—
Kid: Oh so you don’t really do programming.
:’(19 -
Long time no see Friend:- "hey dude what do you do for a living"
Me:- "I suffer in silence"
Ltnsf:- " but what exactly do you do"
Me:-"I stare at a rectangular space hoping to find enlightenment" -
Windows: I need to update
Me: Fuck off I'm doing an assignment
Windows: Nah mate I need to update like right fucking now
Me: For fucks sake, go on then, but if you take longer than 30mins I'll delete you again
Windows: *Updating 25% done*
Windows: *Reboots*
*Grub rescue screen*
Me: Hello?
Windows: ...
Me: ...
Me: You fucking cunt
21 -
Uber Driver: What do you do, Sir?
Me: I'm an Engineer. What about you?
Uber Driver: I'm a Uber Driver.
Me: :/7 -
- - What do you do for living?
- I am a programmer.
- - So you can hack a Facebook account?
- *bleeding inside*9 -
A : What you do for living ?
B : I'm a Software Engineer
A : Hmmm what ?
B : I do IT
A : Ohh, so you do IT. Cool
😊15 -
"and what do you do for a living?"
"I study software engineering and work as a software engineer part time"
"Really? You don't look like it!"
"Excuse me? What do I have to look like?"
The stereotypes are strong in development...4 -
people: What do you do?
me: I'm computer engineer.
people: Ah! You fix things then. Can you fix my TV?
me:
12 -
Future pickup lines.
...
(Some random conversation)
...
Girl :- So what do you do for a
living ?
Me :- Umm, I am a writer.
Girl :- Oh ! Wow, Awesome. What
do you write ?
Me :- Well, you know.
Code. I write code.6 -
The biggest problem with computers is that they do what you tell them to do.
Not what you want them to do.1 -
So what do you do for a living?
- I fix shit. While i do that, i break some other shit and then i fix that shit.2 -
Okay so about a year ago these FUKKING IDIOTS decides, against my recommendation, to do this quick-ugly-hack and ninja it into production.
I tell them its a FUCKING BAD idea that will blow up in a year or so...
But no, just go go go!!!!!!!
Now a year later, shit blew up badly. A total FUCKING derail. These new idiots asks me to "fix the problem", the same fucking problem I predicted and warned them about a year ago. So now i have to clean up their ducking mess because "Nobody else knows how to fix it".
What the FUCKING HELL do we pay them fuckkkers to do?!!
New idiots you ask? Yep, because 3 out of the 4 original fucktards already left the place in order to go and make some other new collegues lives fucking miserable.
FUCK YOU FUCKING MOOTHERFUUUKKKEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!2 -
What do you guys do when you get bored at work?
this is what I do:
1. Drink Water
2. Stare at the code
3. Go to Bathroom
4. repeat16 -
Today I found out my family does 'hard' shut downs to my home server by unplugging the power cord when I'm not home...5
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In my current work, I have two systems to work on (let's name em Systems A and B). Both basically do the same thing; both allow users to book facilities available to them.
System A is already in production. My job is to fix any bugs that come up on said system. System B is an improved version that they wanted me to develop. This would follow a different framework etc. I am already halfway through this system.
Now, here's the fucked up part. The code for system A is a massive clusterfuck. It has unused commented code dated back to ancient times where men had the brain of an ape.
And don't get me started on the fucking logic. One part of the code was to retrieve and display the timeslots available for a chosen facility. The code to do that alone takes up 500++ fucking lines, filled with ajax commands, html manipulation and commented, unused codes..AND THAT'S JUST THE FRONTEND!
The fucking backend was not a problem of smelly code anymore. Nope. It was like a programmer had code diarrhea and shat his backend code all over the project. If I had a pin board, I would have made a crazy wall just to understand what some fucknut was trying to achieve.
Anyway, my supervisor told me to fix some bugs on System A. Knowing how the code was, I told her that I could refactor the code. Since I've already achieved that function on System B, with a shorter and cleaner code, I could just copy that and use on System A. But nope. She SPECIFICALLY told me to just "do whatever to fix the bugs. I don't want to waste time on System A." Okay. Makes sense to me. Whatever. I didn't wanna fuck my head up looking through that mess of a cesspool. So, I came up with a few hacks, not thinking of clean code and fixed whatever bugs there was. I then just pushed to the repo (after testing of course).
This bloody morning, supervisor came in and gave me more bugs to fix. When I thought she was done, she said "Hey. I saw the fix you made to the system. The bugs are fixed but the retrieval of the timeslots is now pretty slow. Could you see what is the problem?"
Slow.. She said that it was slow. And asked if I could fix it. I already told her what the problem was and she did not want me to waste time on it. But she wants me to fix it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG IN HER BLOODY HEAD! I SWEAR TO GOD... UGHHHHH I swear I was already waterboarding her in my head. YOU WANT FAST?? How bout fucking allowing me to refactor the code?? Fucking shit head. I think I should take up yoga.1 -
Neighbor: So what do you do for work?
Me: I'm a software engineer.
Neighbor: Oh I don't even know what that means. What exactly do you do?
Me: I write code for Fortune 500 companies while sitting on my couch in my underwear.1 -
"The good news about computers is that they do what you tell them to do. The bad news is that they do what you tell them to do."
- Ted Nelson3 -
Do you ever open devRant, read a little, and then exit the app to find something else to do. Then open the app immediately again, because that's what you do when you want something to do?4
-
Raising kids is like using Windows. You know what you want him to do, the kid knows what you want him to do,... But he still decides to do whatever HE wants.
The frustration level is the same11 -
The difference between small and large companies is astounding when applying for jobs.
Small: "What can you do?"
Big: "What do you look like and speak like?"6 -
At what point can you say you are a programmer of a language? Is there an exact amount of lines of code carved in stone somewhere? I call myself a Python Programmer because even know I am self tought, I have been working with the language for years and I am very good with it. "Professional" level by some accounts, though I wouldn't go as far to say that myself. I have been working with Java a couple of weeks and it has been going very well, but I wouldn't call myself a Java programmer, but should I? At what point does one pass that line?
Idk.. Just a little shower thought for ya. What do you think?29 -
Stranger: So what do you do?
Me: I'm a web developer.
Stranger: ..can you hack my Facebook account?9 -
I finally got to updating my old laptop when I saw a post about Ubuntu 18.04 being released. What do you guys think of it?
8 -
Relatives: what do you do?
Me: Software Engineer
Relatives: Can you please fix my printer!
Me: what ????5 -
Any under 18 developers here? If yes, what language do you use to code, and where do you plan to go?60
-
I have this pact with my neighbor - if someone delivers a package to them, I knock on their door when I notice it to let them know and if they don’t answer, I take it into my apartment and leave a note. Same goes if she or her kids see a package delivered for us and we don’t answer.
So last month, we have a flooding incident in our complex and her flat’s damaged so they have to leave to stay at a hotel for a bit. It’s only supposed to be until the 20th (of last month).
So when she gets a package a few weeks ago, I knock and when there’s no answer, take it into my apartment and leave a note.
Note stays on the door for days.
And then it disappears, so I assume she’s home.
But she never answers the door.
And then I see workers in her place.
So now I don’t know if it’s the workers who picked up the note or if she was back and I missed her.
But it’s been a couple of weeks and I’m starting to worry about her. Like, the day of the flood she almost died and I ended up coming over to help (getting her oldest to do CPR, talking to 911, trying to keep people calm), so I know she’s not feeling great lately.
And I’m the kind of idiot that never thought to exchange numbers.
So I’ve resorted to internet stalking and messaging her on Facebook.
And knocking on the downstairs neighbor’s door since I know they’re related. They didn’t answer. I’ll try again later.
I have no idea what else to do. I mean, I don’t think I can contact the office and be like “Can you please provide me contact information for my neighbor? I have their stuff. Thanks.”
#awkward4 -
What do you do on days when you are just lost ? When you just don't find any motivation to code ?15
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Friend: what do you do?
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: could you fix my computer ?
Me: Kill Me(Thinks). -
.net 1.1 had the best documentation ever written. Microsoft spent an enormous amount of money and a dedicated team of skilled engineers just to write them. It was kind of a great time to be a developer, even though the technology is much better now. The current reliance on community docs doesn't hold up as well.2
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When nobody takes you seriously when you say you don't do it for the money....i genuinely love what i do and you should too.
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My dad once told me "Computers are stupid because they do what you tell them to do, not what you want them to do." and honestly that gets truer the more I mess with 'em.2
-
To the freelancers.
Do you offer web-hosting? What are your experiences? Where do you rent servers? What do you charge?
Thanks in advance5 -
Name The Song.
One a side note, what do you listen to while coding? Do you need absolute silence to code?
23 -
What do you do for a living? I mean, since we're all in devRant, we are all programmers and developers here. But what do you specialise in and which language do you recommend for use in your field?17
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So what do you guys do when you have to work on a project but you are really bored to do anything at all?11
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Anyone noticed new Facebook logo? Relatable to new iphone launch......
Someone changed RGB to CMYK.....
keep going.....
1 -
When a bunch of unit tests start failing locally because the AWS secret key got rotated.
oh wait...
THOSE AREN’T UNIT TESTS!!!
Unit tests do not depend on any external system, that includes AWS...
AAARRGHHHHH1 -
Me: "Can you get the user to send us a recent crash dump?"
(Support person forwards my email)
User: "The most recent ones are from November"
Support person: "It seems they haven't had any this month"
Me: (?????!!) "Which November?"
The eventual crash dump was datestamped with today's date. -
are there some graphic designers here? 😎
Do you code?
Did you learn some stuff here on devRant? What did you learn?
What do you design mostly?
How do you deal with programmers who don't obey your design specs because they're lazzy fucks? muhaha 😆
how do you think this profession will evolve in the next 10 years?
and you devs, what do you think of us? what are your experiences with designers? good and bad ones?8 -
🎵you remind me of the babe.
What babe.
Babe with the power.
What power.
Power of voodoo.
Who do.
Sudo.
Do what.
Apt-get.
🎵1 -
Do you have the feeling sometimes that programming is not what you wanna do but that you just do it cause it’s the closest to what you really enjoy?6
-
Guys, I'm wondering what do you put in your CVs.
Do you only mention what you master?
Do you mention things you only worked with once?
Do you mention things you only have theoretical knowledge about?
Do you mention mainstream skills ( HTML/CSS) that almost developer knows?
Please, I'm struggling.5 -
What do you do when you don't feel like doing anything?
Suddenly can't think of anything I want to do... But can't sleep either...4 -
How am I supposed to take a look if I can't even close this damn notification? (The "okay" button is too low, also in portrait mode)
3 -
Question for those that switched from Web, Mobile Apps development, Full-stack development to Game development after a year or more:
- Do you regret the change?
- What Game engine do you use?
- What Programming language do you use?4 -
Started using "save my time" on Android to track what I do whit my time. And ooooh boy do I waste alooooot of time....
anyway, any of you guys use something similar? if so what do you use?5 -
Question: What do you guys do when you are not working? Do you have personal projects? Do you teach yourself new stuff?8
-
!rant
I've always been wondering why do tech companies need everyone to have a strong grasp of algos and data structures?
I've been coding most of my life but didn't get a CS degree so ended up in IT but I kind of want to get into a tech company as my thinking is the quality of code much higher (I spend a lot of time cleaning up other people's code and prod issues over the years...), I've been learning Algo/DS but when I see those technical questions on CareerCup, I go WTF.... it's this the kind of problems you guys do every day?6 -
You're working on a project, your boss has set you tasks to complete. You complete all the tasks and make pull requests of all the work you've done. Your boss is busy and you don't know what to do next? What do you do? Is it unethical to work on personal projects in work hours, because you're not being paid for that? How do you find other stuff to do?10
-
Do you guys listen to lo-fi when programming? I love it. If you don't what do you listen to? (I'm just curious)16
-
Agency developers, what do you do with bugs. If bugs come up after a year do you charge your customers? Or do you have maintenance agreements?4
-
Junior front end developer.
Interest in saas, js and jQuery,
1 year html5 and JavaScript, knowledge of image authoring (Photoshop)
Job is wordpress customisation.
18k... Degree in media required.
So you want a graphic designer for junior developer wage.. lol. -
Everybody:
- what do you use InternetExplorer/Edge for?
- to download Firefox/Chrome
Me
- what do you use InternetExplorer/Edge for?
- to download LinuxMint iso1 -
Any devs who produce music as well? (Either as a profession or as a hobby)
If you do, what genre of music do you produce? And what DAW do you use? (optional)10 -
!Rant
What languages do you guys most commonly use?
Do any of you use C#? If you do, what's your job?12 -
Follow up to this:
https://devrant.com/rants/6403741/
So we had today a meeting....
To restart the project, as the current state is garbage.
Turns out the whole team has after two weeks of being left alone with it - kinda like the rant says - zero clue how lucene works, what it does, what its for.
In case anyone of you wonders why some managers are micromanaging biatches, there you have it.
The whole meeting had more "oooh"... "ehm".... "eh"... and other fillwords just to cover the shame of not having any clue at all.
I'm really disappointed that a team of up to 5 people really thought they could pull a stunt of "fake it till you make it". Collectively. Really noone had a real clue.
Now to an interesting discussion: How would you devs reprimand them?
:)
Just curious. Firing is out of option, for several reasons, e.g. law.
Serious answers, I would be really curious. :)
I'm feeling sad for the socks metaphoric in the last rant btw.
Even a cum socket deserves more dignity than them imho.6 -
Do you often have meetings with overseas colleagues? Do you notice cultural differences? Do you read up on what kind of business etiquette or anything similar they have there? Or do you just dive right into IT stuff?1
-
Guys guys guys,
I'm looking to work in Australia,
Should I find a job then get a work visa, or get the visa, get into Australia, then look for a job.
Advice pleases12 -
Who uses a database server at home, which one, what do you store on them/do with it and what do you with the data?5
-
Using a web grid which has functionality like filtering, sorting etc but each of it uses a postback. There is no way to enable client side filtering unless you do it yourself using JavaScript and the best part is the same company has another grid which has the option of both client side and server side filtering just by setting a flag but this grid only runs in .net 4 framework.
-
Wonder what tomorrow will bring?
Monday I fuck up by duplicatung some emails.
Today my colleague accidentally sent emails in our test system out which in turn reduplicated the same emails I sent.
My boss is going to love it when he's back in. -
Opinions please.
I want to share a small model in my iOS app. Now on android I'd do with with ViewModelProviders, but on iOS I'm going with SharedDataContainer which is basically a singleton class that store key value data.
Is there any better approach? Data will not be bigger than 10 list items with guid (key) and int (value)
However; when I have big data I do cache on disk or hello OOM exceptions (or whatever they call that bitch on iOS) -
!rant
What actions do you take to protect your privacy while browsing/working? What browser/browser extensions/other stuff do you use?4 -
Anyone who is working for Oracle here? If so what do you do and how you feel about working for them?4
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Context: remote work.
These are 2 questions so bare with me:
How do you deal with under communicating team member?
And what do you do when you have a burnout?8 -
Feeling super demotivated for code today. Too much to do.
What do you do to motivate yourself on a Monday morning7 -
What do you think of personality types and which do you think is the most prevalent in the developer community?4
-
Freelancers: How do you get your Clients? How do you convince them of what you can do for them? Any articles, tips, experiences and stories appreciated!8
-
Being useful with what you do.
Do what you enjoy (rolling tables?).
Work somewhere, where the company cares about you. -
Curious about developer lifestyles: how many of you do sports or physical activity and what do you do?9
-
what I like to do when I'm not programming (draw, and also garden)
Can't. stop. creating. things.
what do you guys like to do outside of coding?
4 -
What do you guys do when your mind can't just take thinking about code anymore but you are still on shift ?5
-
What do you guys do for fitness? Is there anyone you follow? Do you use apps? Do you work out at home, in the gym, or just walk during the day?19
-
What would you do if you reborn?
give me some advice
what should i do in my life to be happy in older ages?16 -
Mobile
To the iOs Users:
-Which iPhone do you have?
-Is it Jailbroken?
-Do you want to use the new Electra JB?
-And If Jailbroken: Why and what do you do with it?
-If not: Why?
To the Android Users:
-Which Phone do you have?
-Is it rooted?
-If yes: Why and what do you do with it?
-If not: Why?
And my Answer:
iOs
-iPhone X
-No
-Yes! I want it so badly
-No: Didn‘t think about it when I purchased it..18 -
What do you do if you have a superior colleague consistently subtweeting you and caught talking behind your back?6
-
What do you do when you get demoralised and are unable to understand anything. Don't know where to start ,how to do it and where to end??
-
How do you guys concentrate for a long time? Do you use a timer or what do you do. I get a hard time concentrating more then 30 minutes. After that it's hard to get back into the flow.3
-
Dear devs, what gadgets do you often use that help your daily programming?
Even if you only have m+k, what do you prefer?7 -
Does your company have a dress code? What do you wear for an average day?
And if you're a student, what do you wear normally?29 -
How do you motivate yourself to start a programming project and what do you do to decide which project to go for?5
-
What do you do if you do not understand a CS concept/paper and you already graduated so there's no professors or TAs to help?8
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How do you guys actually estimate any given task..?? What do you consider..?? Or do you just guess it as per experience..??7
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What do you do when can't find the solution to the error in your project? since yesterday I can't manage to get my code work properly, I feeling tire now... What do you do?2
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What do you do when you get stuck on your task? Do you have any unusual ways to approach the solution?6
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I do it pretty regularly maybe once or twice a week depends when I'm working on something interesting and want to get it done. Not very hard when you have coffee, headphones, good music, and enjoy what you do.
As for a story i don't have much of one unless you want one about implementing jwt tokens with a rest api along with trying to implement an 2FA system that would support otp and u2f. Then nuking it from orbit two days later cause it looked like garbage from trying to abstract everything -
One for game developers. What do you do with assets to keep track of them ? Do you just store them in guy?
-
Do you guys and girls have booktips for a fresh junior PM? And what do you wish your PMs could do better?3
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What do you do when clients are not able to specify what they exactly want? Do we present them with one or more possible solutions?5
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What did you do with extra time due to Corona virus and what recommendations do you have for a cs undergraduate considering the situation?4
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Agency people, do you offer support contracts, if so, what do charge and more importantly what do your customers get?
-
I've had an idea for a possible PR. Filtering out certain categories. I don't really want to see any joke/meme rants anymore, and filtering out other types may be helpful.2
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- "what does that function do?"
- "I don't know"
- "how you don't know !? you are maintaining the project."
- "how do I know what 'ConvertFromDataTableToOther' will do !! it has two inner loops that exchange some columns!"
When CEO is doing code review .. -
Any c++ embedded system programmers here.what kind of work do you do ,what are your daily tasks etc.and what boards do you use
-
Collage is like bad job with cool coworkers. You have to do some things what you don't want to do and dream about what you and your friends really would love to do instead.
-
I may have asked this before...
Freelancers, what do you do wrt marketing / how do you find clients?10
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