Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*

Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend

Dear junior programmers:
You will never get hired from what you learned at University

You have to study on your own, update your knowledge, practice at home and fail

The most important is to know which field to focus on

Me: I'm really underpaid and you know that. You gotta do something about it.

My Manager: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.

*Few weeks later*
My Manager: Hey what's the status on that new POC?

Me: It's on my radar. It's complex. Things like these never move quickly.

*Radio silence in the room*

On the last working day of our CEO.
CEO: As a software company, if we are to build an airplane would you ride on the airplane that we built?
Everyone was silent.
Me at the back of my head: I'll ride. I know for sure that the airplane will never start.

Never let your computer know that you are in hurry. Computers can smell fear. They slow down if they know that you are running out of time.

Here's a recent interview I had for an Android Developer job:
I: Interviewer, M: Me

I: hello, welcome
M: hi, thanks

I: do you know Kotlin?
M: yes, I've been working with it for 1.5 years and have written 3 projects in it

I: do you know RxJava, Dagger, Retrofit, and how to make Custom Views?
M: yes, I'm comfortable with them *explains*

I: do you know Room?
M: yes I do, I've done a lot of practices in it, but unfortunately have never needed to use it in production

I: what architecture do you use? Do you know MVP?
M: I'm currently using MVVM, but not MVP. I've debugged projects in it so I know what's going on in it

I: ok, do you have any questions for us?
M: how did I do?

I: I'm sorry sir, but you're not even a junior here
M: what? Why is that?

I: well you don't know Room and MVP?
M: I said I know them, just haven't used them in production.

I: well you have 3 years of experience but you dont even know Kotlin!
M: Kotlin was your first question and I said I have 3 projects in it. Did you even check the samples you asked for in the job posting?

I: SIR YOU'RE NOT A GOOD FIT FOR US, THANK YOU FOR COMING.

:/

Me to my friend into coding : Hey! I’m finally learning to code at university!
Friend : Nice! Never Forget array start at 0. Which language are you learning?
Me: Matlab
Friend : I don’t know you

I've always find it weird when people said "You never know how much you love something until it gone"

Until i broke my keyboard's Left CTRL.

1. Humans perform best if they have ownership over a slice of responsibility. Find roles and positions within the company which give you energy. Being "just another intern/junior" is unacceptable, you must strive to be head of photography, chief of data security, master of updating packages, whatever makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning. Management has only one metric to perform on, only one right to exist: Coaching people to find their optimal role. Productivity and growth will inevitably emerge if you do what you love. — Boss at current company

2. Don't jump to the newest technology just because it's popular or shiny. Don't cling to old technology just because it's proven. — Team lead at the Arianespace contractor I worked for.

4. "Developing a product you wouldn't like to use as an end user, is unsustainable. You can try to convince yourself and others that cancer is great for weight loss, but you're still gonna die if you don't try to cure it. You can keep ignoring the disease here to fill your wallet for a while, but it's worse for your health than smoking a pack of cigs a day." — my team supervisor, heavy smoker, and possibly the only sane person at Microsoft.

5. Never trust documentation, never trust comments, never trust untested code, never trust tests, never trust commit messages, never trust bug reports, never trust numbered lists or graphs without clearly labeled axes. You never know what is missing from them, what was redacted away. — Coworker at current company.

So, me and my girlfriend were on a discord call and she said to me: "You know how you can get lost in someone's eyes? Well, I get lost in your code".

I've never been more touched and conflicted in my life. 🥰🤨

Wife : School tooday ?
Me: Nop... Remote working ! 😎😁

Love programming

Wife : But how people know you working.

Me : git commit -a -m "im working on it" && git push

Wife : ohh never mind have a good day !

Me : you too

My sister lending me her credit card to buy something online.

S: "But don't store the number!"
me: "I would never."
S: "I know you can hack it, please don't!!"
me: "Haha okay.."
*cries inside... just because I make websites and 3D design*
me: "Thanks a lot, sis <3"

Neighbor: Hey! You know how to make websites right?
I: ya! Look at some of my work.
Neighbor: Nice! Will you make one for this concert i am hosting?
I: ya sure! It'll cost 2500 INR.
Neighbor: ok. Will inform you.
------he never informs------
------2 week later--------
Neighbor: look at these posters I got made for the concert... Since you have an eye for good design, tell me how you like them?
I: they are pretty good. Wont you require the site?
Neighbor: No. It'll work without the site.

---------1 year later-------
Neighbor: hey. Will you make a site for me? Where i can showcase the photographs i take and people can comment and like them?
I: Ya sure. Will cost you 4000 INR.
Neighbor: ok. Will inform you.
--------He never informs---------
--------2 weeks later----------
Neighbor: hey i found out this site called wix where they make a site for free.
I: cool.
Neighbor: will you teach me how to use it?
I: 🤔😑😫😤

Drug dealer : yo, you code right?

Me: yeah, why

Drug dealer: can you hack into the police station.. You know, see if they are checking me out.. If they know I'm dealing.. I'll just move

(I've never hacked but I know i could learn if I have to)

Me:... That's actually brilliant

I love in a small town at the moment.. I bet the police security is a joke

Kinda high risk though

President of my employer: how long do you thing it will take to complete x type of migration?

Me: I don't know. We've never done one.

President: well how long do you think it will take based on your experience?

Me: I don't know. I've never done one.

Life is like an npm install

You never know what you are gonna get.

Never tell anybody that you know how to code...

Daily fortune;
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.

- We need an android app. Can you do this?
+ Never done that, but I can try.
- Do you even know Java?
+ Not really, but I'll learn fast!
- Any OOP experience?
+ Well...I know CPP.
- 😐

- Will you give me a prototype tonight?
+ Don't know. How about tomorrow?
- Ok.
...

+ *makes a prototype in couple of hours, becomes a Java developer*

Just like that.

Fuck you fucking piece of self taught shit. Self taught my ass you dont even know how to use git or how to use modern IDE. You dont even know how to use debugger. You dont read other peoples code because you are an arrogant kid who thinks that everybody elses code is trash. Yet after couple days when you need to work on your own code you usually rewrite entire fucking thing because of how fucked up your spaghetti implementations are. Even worse you dont even know fucking english so documentation is useless to you unless I dumb down everything for you and spoon feed you like a 5 year old. Motherfucker you cant even stick to a proper work schedule, you go to sleep at 7am and wake up at 18.00 and I have to fucking work overtime because Im blocked by your spaghetti code. Fuck you fucking self taught arrogant piece of shit who never ever worked as a dev profesionally yet you have the nerve to feel cocky.

Job offer: "All employees will be provided Macbooks"

Nope! Just nope.

Let your dev chose their equipment, thank you very much.

If they want a Linux laptop, buy them one. If they want a Windows workstation, give it to them. And if and only if they want a Macbook, give them a Macbook.

I used to work in two companies having the requirement to use a Macbook for two years.

I know its pros. I know its cons. My conclusion for me: Never again!

I replaced my friends CMD shortcut with this target:
CMD.exe /k rickroll.bat & cls
The file rickroll.bat contains a script that launches VLC in the background on loop playing Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up at a very low volume. Every now and then it increases the volume.
So original, I know....

Me visiting a bar...

While going for a smoke...
Woman: Can I ask you a very impolite and downright rude question..?
*expects a Facebook hacking question*
Me (hesitant): .. sure, ask ahead...
Woman: I've never seen you here before. Who are you?
Me: *tells name*
(thinking) not what I expected! (:
Woman: So you're living mostly on the internet?
Me: yeah pretty much... 🤔
Woman: So I live here next to that lawyer...
Me: I don't know most of the area here, where's that?
Woman: Why don't you look it up, hmm? 😜

Quality pwnage!! 😆

Client: why hasnt anything been done for the new site?
Me: because you never paid for the last one thats been put into production
Client: yeah but that was a smaller simple site. I need this one up and done already
Me: it'll be worked on when I get paid for my previously worked time for you.
Client: but that was a month ago. I don't understand why you are asking for payment now
Me: because you never paid me for last months work!!
Client: but its may now
Me: holy shit, -clients name-, I know very well what month it is and dont need a lesson. I also know better than to work for free. I have bills to pay just like you and everyone else so until you have paid the last invoice, I'm not lifting a finger for you. That includes answering your calls
Client: oh well why didnt you just say that to begin with

Motherfucking fuck people are horrid and dumb and make me violent

You know I once played in a band? It was called 1023 megabytes, but we never got a gig.

Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...

1. You don't code to add a feature or whatever. You do it to solve Users' problems. It's a User-centric system.
2. You read more code than you write. So help yourself and write code intended to be read.
3. If people don't know you did something, you did nothing!
4. Never answer a call at 3 am if you're not paid to be on night call-duty. You'll become the guy who answers at 3 am.
5. Remember the big difference between you and me is that I failed to do stuff more times than you have tried to do.
6. When you start shaving the yak, stop!

devRant Android users - if you are a user who can consistently reproduce a devRant app crash and wouldn't mind helping me please let me know. You can comment here or email me at david@devrant.io

I'm trying to get rid of a couple of remaining crashes that seem to be happening in the Android app but we've never really been able to reproduce any of them. Thanks!

I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.

Manager: As you all know I called this meeting to discuss what we will do with all of the extra resources if we are done early. I was thinking a start a new ap—

Dev: We are not going to be done early. There are two weeks left and we are way behind schedule.

Manager: Don’t be so pessimistic! You never know when or how fast tickets will be completed.

Dev: Yes I do…I’m the one doing them

*on call*
hr: hello , are you looking for a job change.
me : yes
hr: ok congo we have one opening for full stack developer
me : ok whats a jd?
hr : do you know reactjs?
me : yes
hr : do you know nodejs?
me : yes
hr : do you know bootstrap, jquery, photoshop, blender?
me : wait is it job for developer or graphic designer
hr : some time we give little task to our developer about editing photo and video
me : hmm intresting, I never tried blender but I can try if necessary. photoshop and other are ok for me
hr: that's great, we are looking for few more skills
me : ok
hr: . net and django

I started laughing😂😂😂😂

hr: what happened?
me: thank you for entertained me today, day was really rough.

Interviewer: Hello my name is Alyssa from Sheeple and my pronouns are she/her

Dev: Oh yeah I saw that in your email

Interviewer: Ok well I am just letting you know they are still the same

Dev: Thanks for that.

Interviewer: What are your pronouns?

Dev: div/span

Interviewer: Sorry?

Dev: he/him

Interviewer: Oh…ok. Let me know if that changes.

Dev: I promise you it won’t

Interviewer: Well you never know!

Dev: …

Recruiter Email: We need experience in Doker!

Dev: I could potentially be interested, what is this new technology? I've never heard of Doker!

Recruiter: It's not super new, it's the traditional Doker! You know, good ol' Doker!

Dev: Like Poker? Or Joker? 🤡

Recruiter: What?

Dev: What?

So devRant shows me a frontpage feed based on my ++/--/follows/etc.

Does this mean there is a niche bubbled hidden corner, some place where some dev is currently looking at his feed thinking: "Wow everyone agrees with me, Windows is much better than Linux, VBscript is amazing, and Git is for tryhards who hate on dropbox for no good reason"

By now, that bubble and mine have drifted so far apart that they will never meet again, and if you see this specific rant, you will not ever see that content again either.

For all you know, the majority of devs love changing requirements and clients who call them in the middle of the night, the consensus is that testing is for noobs, and everyone loves jquery.

You will never know, because you clicked ++ on the wrong rant, right when you signed up, and forever sealed your fate.

Dear designers/project managers,

I am a developer. That means you don't have to explain simple programming concepts to me that you half know and think you fully understand as if I have never seen code before.

Save your breath and stop being so condescending. You don't know half as much as you think.

Thanks, from one annoyed dev.

Can't find any quiet place in my uni. And for some reason it's always a group of girls giggling. They're always there. Every fucking corner of this campus. But I do know one place they never are...

You guessed it.

The Computer Science building.

ALWAYS make a backup, or at least save your files every 5 minutes (or turn auto-save on).

You never know whether your parents will click the X button and clicking No in the save confirmation.

Hey, you know that screwdriver followup ticket you’ve been working on for several weeks? Yeah, I want it to use <feature> that I’ve never told you about and I know you’ve never used, and it looks like that means rewriting most of it! Also, I still want it done by tonight.

ASDFJ;katharevousa;hsh;klasdf

Soo not happening.

Never had a client who has not done this...

"Yes I know we are releasing tomorrow but do you mind if we make these 46 tiny changes real quick?"

Dad: [this company] is coming to town soon.

Me: I know

Dad: yeah maybe you can get a IT job

Me: I dont do IT

Dad: You never know what you do until you do it.

Me: *getting an aneurism from sheer ignorance*

I DO IT EVERY DAY HOW WOULD I NOT KNOW WHAT IM DOING THAT I EVEN WENT TO SCHOOL FOR?

Tell people you love them every day because you don't know when it will be the last time.
But more importantly, don't forget to "git push" every day, because you never know when your laptop is about to die, taking with him those last commits. RIP my friend.

Being a backed developer is like being a spy. You are only known by your failures. You will never get to know a good backed developer or a good spy.

5 years ago i was working on a 2D game using C and we needed to use the sleep function (I forgot why ) .but however one of my team member did something new , for each second he did an empty for loop from 0 to 1000000 .You never know maybe that's how it's implemented (sarcasm)

Today I have opend a foreign project and noticed a weird bracket ending style.
All closing curly brackets are indented one level further to the right.
I've never seen that style before. Normally I am really agnostic about bracket styles.
I don't care. But this one is so strange and confusing that I wanted to know what you other devs think about it.

If you want to learn about bad UX design, look at every GDPR-compliant cookie alert on websites. The dialogues generally follow this pattern:
* Highlighting "Accept all" instead of "Reject" to bait you into habit-clicking.
* After clicking "Reject", you'll be redirected to an infinite list of usages. There is never a "deselect all" option. You need to opt-out everything manually.
* Sliders use some ambiguous coloring scheme without labels, which means you never know if you turned it on or off.
* Instead of "Reject", there is an "Other options" button. Clicking it redirects to a EULA document, with at the end... no other options.

Everything looks compliant, but they are still boobietrapping everything so you just wouldn't be able to opt out. Fucking data-vendoring assholes.

Pro tip: never set custom script stuff related to dns server forcing things in a root firewall app if you don't know what you're doing.

How would I know? There's a slight chance that I just went offline for a few days (mobile only) to figure this shit out 😅

All fixed now, though!

Never assume you know better
Never assume others know better
Never assume others know

Never assume

Trust, but verify [doveriaj, no proveriaj]

Is this devRant or childRant? You never know 🙄

Truth:
Windows updates have nevah annoyed me !
And
My computer never restarted by itself while i am working!

Is it because i am lucky or you guys dnt know update setting exists?

I have NEVER had a trust issues with a hard-working developer. It is always good to have someone you know would move heaven and earth to solve a problem, if demanded. It was a privilege to have worked with a handful of them.

PS: If your team doesn't have one such, either be one or change the team/company!

Remember people:

If you never make mistakes, nobody will know what you do in a company.

When you get to 12pm (lunch time) and you've already been in 7 back to back meetings and no longer know what you were going to actually attempt to do today.

Listen kids, don't become the senior dev, you'll never work an hour in your day again!

#iJustWantToFuckingCodeToday!

FUCK THESE FUCKING ARTICLES THAT MAKE YOU CLICK THROUGH 87290 COCK SUCKING PAGES TO READ THE SHIT. ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS ONLY LIKE TWO PARAGRAPHS WORTH OF STUFF!!

AND FUCK YOU EVEN MORE FOR ALLOWING THESE DISGUSTINGLY LARGE ADS TO TAKE UP NEARLY THE ENTIRE DAMN SCREEN SO ITS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO CLICK ONE.

I just wanted to read some shit I didnt know about the Trojan War but now ill neVER FUCKING KNOW BECAUSE IM NOT GONNA CLICK A THOUSAND TIMES THROUGH A MINE FIELD TO FUCKING FIND OUT.

You know what grinds my gears?

Those people who ask about a problem on stackoverflow, github issue, or other sites and then reply:

"Never mind, found the problem!", Without telling what was the problem and did they fix it.

Fuck those people.*

*Not literally.

The funny thing is I have never been rejected. I know you think I am lying, but everyone I have ever interviewed with wanted to hire me.

No, you do not 'know Java'. If you really 'knew Java', you would never, ever make that claim.

Wrote a cpp semester project where i had to develop school management system.
The code was spaghetti and horrible with frightening OOP implementation but it was beautifully written with comments and 🐫 Casing.
Submitted the program and examiner rejected it while saying that i had copied it from else where and i could never write a beauty code like that .

You dumb 💩! Don't you know other basis to reject a person's hard-work

I love it when a fellow "dev" asks about some interesting security topic (full disk encryption) and I'm like "yeah I use LUKS pretty much everywhere".. and then takes an entire arm when given a hand.

Performance in LUKS? Yeah sure you can benchmark it within cryptsetup. Here's how to do it and choose a good cipher for your CPU.

D: Oh also how do I check my battery life?
M (thinking): you lazy fucking piece of shit.
M: FUCKING GOOGLE IT
D: Obviously that means that you don't know it.
M (thinking): so not only lazy but also disgustingly ungrateful, fucking twat.
M: acpi. Next time fucking Google it.
D: You know what? Never mind.

As if I'm the one that's fucking wrong now!! But you know what, never mind indeed. Because you've successfully wasted my fucking time instead of fucking googling "check battery life Linux" like a sensible dev would.

Fellow "dev", if you're on devRant I hope you read this. You can seriously go fuck yourself.

My favorite thing is my nerf gun. In my office different teams are organized in different pods. You never know when a war will break out between the teams, you need to be able to defend yourself! Also not bad for getting someone's attention who has headphones on...

I signed up to devRant with the same handle I use everywhere (firstName+lastName).toLowerCase() and now I feel like I can't really rant here, cause you never know who might read it...

Nopes. Not worth it. I still drink to get a lil tipsy and enjoy beer and liquor.

But after you land in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning and you beg the nurse to kill you to stop the suffering you NEVER want to be drunk again.

Damn near 8 years sober and without a hangover. When I was in the hospital I vow to never be put in that position.

Nope nope nope nope and more nope.

Being high af feels fucked up as well. Don't know why people would subject themselves to all this bullshit.

Me: Can you do the javadocs comments
Coworker: I've never done that, *looks for it on google*, I can't do it, I don't know how.
Me: Did no one asked you to comment you code at school?
Coworker: Yeah, but only the ones with '//'
Me: Ok, bring me coffee

Manager: "Hi Almond, how is X going?"

Almond: "...I don't know, Bob is in charge of that."

Manager: "Ok. Do you know the status of Y at all?"

Almond: "Not sure, isn't that Bob's responsibility too?"

Manager: "Well, yeah, but I never seem to be able to get a good answer out of him. Find out on both fronts and let me know ASAP please"

...sure, I know how this goes. I'll stop all the dev work I'm doing, do your job for you, talk to the lazy bonehead that never bothers doing anything, report back that he's done sod all (or still "in a requirements gathering phase" as he puts it), be asked "why is he taking so long", have a bit more back and forth, then decide we'll just leave him be as actually trying to get him to do any work is going to be too much like hassle 😒

Fuck inheritance.

Looking for variables and methods in inheritance chain is like walking in Thailand and looking for a girl hooker on a street full of ladyboys.

You can find one but you never know.

Never accuse a co-worker of making a really stupid change to your code unless you know for certain that they made the change instead of you.

Cs101 - a 3 hour Friday morning lecture. 1st at uni doing computer science. Half asleep. I'm awoken by the professor

"You at the back - what's the answer!"

Alarmed but not too bothered I just say "I don't know"

He replies "yes you do! We just went over it"

I say I really don't know. Someone behind me says "64". So I say "64".

Professor sighs and says "no - 2 to the power 8 is 256!"

He never liked me after that.

*In Demo*
That's great but you know what would be really cool? If you changed the functionally to something I never mentioned before

JIT Learning. Just in time Learning. You Don't need read a book from cover to cover. YAGNI. Many technical books talk about topics that you might never need in your career. Focus on what you need to know after making a plan for what you want to achieve.

YAGNI applies to coding as well. Don't create a class or a method just because you Might need it later. Create them only when necessary. This keeps your code cleaner and there is less to test.

when you know the code is inefficient but they wanted it fast so you say "fuck it, I'll fix this later", but you never do...

You never know.. 🃏

I don't know what non-German people do without ubuntuusers.de.
Without this wiki, I probably would know nothing about Linux today. I would have never been introduced to it as a child, would never been able to learn that much, play around with desktop Ubuntu, Raspberry Pis, administrate own servers...
So, thank you, ubuntuusers.de, for helping little Benedikt with Ubuntu in his mother tongue, and making me the Linux enthusiast I am today!

1. If you dont know, say: Let me check that and get back to you.
2. ALWAYS use legit test-data and test-images.
3. Never argue ten minutes about something you can fix in ten minutes.
4. Fuck blame or glory. Just refactor and commit and feel proud about youself.

When left hand feels itchy because you may have copied something a bit ago and never pasted it, but now you don't know what or why

So here I am in class with just two weeks of knowledge in coding and this douchebag level 300 comes in like, 'Hey i'm a hacker and mid tier programmer and i can see you struggling with your basic code can i be of help?'... so I'm like, 'yh man. I'm a transfer biology student and i don't know a sh*t about coding but i have managed to buid a fine website of just two pages but i would also like to try hacking but first what programming languages do you know?' Guess what......the lil f*cker said HTML. I mean I may not know much but i know that can and will never be a programming language.

Hmm. when you prove to be more knowledgable than the programmer that was pulled in, to interview you and he starts to go totally defensive and return spiteful responses
( like, what does a rookie like you know? i bet you never had an actual job )
when you calmly asks if any standard like PSR-2 is expected, if there are any preferred frameworks and what version control is used...

well, that went well..
Didn't get that internship..

You know how people say insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result? Those people have never done different things and gotten the same result.

I just got a call from the UK. When 7 picked up, the lady said "Hello Edwin, how are you?". I never replied and just hung up.

I don't know how the fuck she got my number and name right? I know my name is public but my phone number is not.

We're no strangers to code
You know the conventions and so do I
A full commit is what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other dev

I just want to tell you about my problem
Gotta make you solve it for me

Never gonna git you up, never pull you down
Never gonna rant around and rebase you
Never gonna merge your branch, never gonna say $#@*!!
Never gonna risk a cry and build you

I hate it when you are enrolled in a college for a cse degree but they decide to teach you quantum mechanics and environmental sciences cause you never know, may need them someday. However in the name of cse they teach you what was magnetic optical drive and about mice and printers cause as a cse student you should know how the mouse, the keyboard, printers work. How is electricity that powers your tools is generated? How much energy is generated or required to display the colour on you monitor? And programming, well thats what the company train you in after recruitment!!

!rant
My first design work (in Adobe XD)

Design has never been my strong point (implementation or design) but am very interested in designing interfaces.

Don't hold your horses. Criticize this. I want to know what you think about this.

So recently I started swiping on Tinder again, after some years of staying away from it. Now that's all fine, right?

But there's another dating platform that I used long long ago, Zoosk. I didn't even know that I had an account on it anymore, and they've never reminded me of it either. But guess what got in my mailbox this morning.. 32 singles that you'll definitely like!

Now how does Zoosk know that I'm on dating sites again.. maybe Tinder? 🤔

You know what, Tinder wanketeers? Fuck you. Sharing my personal data like that. Shame on you!!!

The pay was good. The perks were good too. Then why the hell did I resign? Because of my manager. You won't believe he never contributed to anything. In the past two months, he didn't write a single line of code.

You may say, "he is a manager. His work is to manage people". But what?? He never allows us to talk to anyone. Sets unexpected reality in the meeting. And our CEO (a good-hearted man and good software engineer, but does not know much about ML/AI) believes in him. We are working on a product which is a piece of shit. I tried to tell everyone the reality. He stopped me. Says since I don't have experience, I don't know what is possible.

What the hell??? With current talent and resources, you are saying AI will replace humans in call centers by the end of 2019. What the FUCK!!!! I tried to write a mail to the CEO, explaining him things. He threatened me. Said he will make me lose my job. So FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!

That is the reason I am resigning. He has another 11 months to fuck the company. But I am going to a place where things are real. People know the potential and challenges of AI and are doing their best. I know, eventually, everyone will know that he is a liar. A big fucking LIAR. And he will lose his job. Not because machines will take over. But good, talented human beings will replace him.

So... We have a client that shan't be named cause I don't even know their name. A non-profit charity-type classical music organization. Anyway, they came yesterday to discuss the design of their site. Now, before we get to the happenings, know that the construction of said site is ongoing for over 3 years now, with stuff being delayed due to never providing needed content or due to changes in their organization. Due them considering that the site was never finished they believe that all of the changes they request should not be paid. The site is live and in use during the whole time, perfectly functional. They're just never happy with the design and constantly change it little by little, and during the course of those years, it's gone through multiple complete overhauls when you put those little changes together.

TL;DR: Client believes that they should not have to pay for changes over the years due to the belief that it was never finished in the first place.

You know a good way to handle all of the issues with W10 force updating your system? Do it yourself FFS!

You know there are updates. Windows has been telling you ...

Pick a damn time, start the update and go get a coffee, lunch, take a dump or go home for the day.

It's *never* going to be the right time if you don't choose it. It will always be an inconvenience or you'll be "in the middle of something important" and then you'll get all pissy about it.

Yeesh ...

Why would someone hire you to build a website, constantly say that you don’t know business, never give you anything you ask for, berate you for asking questions about what they want the website to be like, “that’s your job”, all while expecting under $500? Because they’re stupid, that’s why. Oh also, they now want an app instead of a website because their generic-ass domain name was taken already. Fffffffffff

Sometimes I really hate reading comment section and rants from

"my coworker/senior-dev/manager/boss/professor doesn't know X. I'm so much better and so underpaid"

It's like something is new to you or you didn't know something your mostly a dumbfuck which doesn't deserve his position or shouldn't be there ignoring all the other shit which brought you there. Ignoring a person's background or function. Sometimes this stuff is funny because you think he/she should know X but to call someone dumb/stupid/moron or so just because of this, I'll never get it people must have hughe inferiority complexes or so

You guys converted me.

I "grew up" with Visual Studio (from VS 2005). My programming career started with VBA. (All C#)

Occasionally tried to program android with eclipse... never worked out.

I know java a little bit.

To day I decided (thanks to your rants) to start a VM with ubuntu and explore Linux and start with C.

Well I never! Did you know: C++ is the 'incriment' of C and that C# is C++++ (two + on top of the other two + to make a # sign)

My worst bad practice:

Saving my Linux Root SSH Keys on a Cloud Storage company.

Have them there, so I wont loose them ever. I password protected them, but you never know what the NSA/FBI/CIA can do 😉

Dear Swift, we have to break up. I’ve found a new language to love. Oh don’t act so surprised, you know our relationship was on shaky ground. You never let me have any fun. You’re always telling me what to do and how to do it and I’ve had enough. You treat me like a child, and I’m moving on.

Things were good in the beginning, and you may have impressed me with your automatic reference counting, but my new language can do that too, and so much more, and does it faster than you could ever imagine. You see unlike you, my new language doesn’t boss me around. It *trusts* me, Swift. That’s the one thing you never could understand. I need to be trusted; and know that I can trust in you.

Well I can’t. Not anymore, Swift. It’s over. My new language just treats me better than you ever could. I’m sorry it came to this but I deserve better than you Swift. We’ve both known this for a long time.

I wish you the best, but you probably shouldn’t call.

I’m with Rust now.

Conversation with coworker at a staff function...

girl: ...we can't wait to see what you can do!
Me: Great! I can't wait to get stuck in, but you know, those exports you wanted from it, that doesn't have to wait. If you need that straight away, come to my desk and I'll make some queries for you and pull out the data you want...

Girl: o_0
Girl: ... Omg, you can do that?! You're awesome!!

Me later: o_0 - the Dev before me could never at least do that?!

#You never know the sun will rise. I recommend this code style.

a = 2
b = 2
c = a + b
assert a is 2 and b is 2
assert 2 + 2 is 4
assert a + b is c
assert c is 4

*ahem*

You know how people say "you get the gist!", yeah?

...

I don't. 🤔

How can they expect me to GET http-colon-slash-slash-gist-dot-github-dot-com without the rest of the url?

I bet it's stored in that social context I've never been able to access.

THANK YOU, I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK 😘

You know how, sometimes, you start being tooooo proactive and implement stuff even though your boss never told you to do it? Well, that happened at my previous job, and apparently almost everyone at the team questioned the changes and made me look like the fool I was. That day, I learned that you should never implement stuff that wasn't asked... And it was humbling, since I was an arrogant fuck and basically I was speaking loudly and denied the criticism... But today, I'm better, I know how and when to shut up, and I accept criticism now.

I fucking hate people that talk bad about things they know nothing about.

The best thing that I have learned is to always keep my mind open.

From "Linux sucks because there is no software" to "MacBooks are just for rich morons" to "All Microsoft tech is shit" to "CS degrees are just a bunch of useless math" to "Bing sucks".

Fuck, what do you know?? You never spent 5 minutes to try them or get informed about them. You have your shitty ideas and will keep having them because you don't care about the truth... You only care about your comfort zone.

Yes, Bing sucks. I tried it. Google shows me better results.
iPhone might suck. I don't know. Never had the opportunity to try one for long enough.

Whenever you're throwing shit at something, stop and ask yourself: do I know the whole story?

(tl;dr) Protip: never take internship/training/job offers from startups.

Fucking piece of shit startups hiring innocent interns from University, hoping that they are full stack developers to build their shit website.
"I will throw challenges at you".

You fucking scum, I need a proper mentor to teach me something which is not my fucking domain. You expect me to know nodejs and reactjs, and if I don't know that means there's something wrong with my learning process?!!

I'm looking for an internship which basically means that I get company exposure to proper training unlike being your fucking slave, you uncultured swine.

Seriously, recruiters, these days jack off to google buzzwords.

My partner can't wrap her head around why I write all forms of communication in a formal matter, whether it be an email, bug report or text message.

I keep telling her you never know who you are actually talking to unless your face to face, anyone else agree with this logic?

I'll be honest, I've never understood why people say that numbers generated by a computer are pseudorandom and not random.
I know a lot of algorithms for number generation, and I implemented mine, based on time of invokation expressed in nanoseconds, taking digits, manipulating and transforming them. Then I analyzed the probability distribution and it's absolutely flat. So, if you know the Touring test, we can use a modified version of it. If I give you a sequence of random numbers generated by a computer and I give you a sequence of random numbers invented by a person, and you can't notice the difference, so the test is passed.
What's wrong on it?

You never know what you have till you lose it, I learned this after I launched my Ubuntu and I found my cursor to be absent :p

Mac suddenly stopped working. Came to know motherboard is gone & the price to get it changed is around 60k.

Fuck you Apple. Never buying the shit again. Though one good thing came out of it ;it used to be my work machine too & now I'm chilling from last 4 days.

When will Microsoft stop ruining good products?
Xamarin was a decent enough platform untill MS got a hold of it. Now, you never know what the next update will break.
Skype is already lost to the MS darkness.

Never thought I'd become one of those people who get really annoyed when my code works first time. I know I've made a mistake... why can't you be obvious!

Recruiter: how many years of experience do you have?
Me : 4
Recruiter: the client wants someone with a minimum of 5 years
Me : okay then, let me know if anything else is available.
Recruiter: You can change your resume... just add a year.
Me : ???? No thanks
Recruiter: they’ll never know ... you can tell them later
Me : ....

You know what kind of devs I hate?
- The "Oh I never worked with it so its shit"
- The "I dont wanna learn something new"
- The "You can use JavaScript for this and everything else"
- The Pro ++ Ultra Dev who never heard of modulization and layering
- The hard coded values guy

You know Steam? So I wanted to create something like Steam, but for mods for SimRacing games like F1 Challenge, rFactor, Assetto Corsa , Project Cars...

One guy asked me if I need a hand, so I was like “sure man”...

...he never answered back

You know what's rocket science? Serial ports.

Every freakin' datasheet states RX/TX but not from which side of the connector. Some look at it from the inside (RX for own receive), some from the outside (RX for receive of the counterpart). But never ever try to explain what is what, that would be too easy.

On literally any first attempt of connecting devices in my life it was wrong. And then you switch 'em and it's still wrong. Then you switch again, and it may work. Or you have to switch a few times more, you never know.

Those freaking bastard interfaces from hell.

I am a person who never lies. And when I see/hear others lie, be it for the benefit of mine or not, it gets my blood boiling. I disrespect liers with passion.

And I particularly hate magic fixes at work. You know the ones, when smth is not working for a few weeks, you involve 3 other teams responsible for their tiers, and then one day suddenly everything starts working. When you ask all the 3 tiers what has been done - everyone says "nothing".

If you do this bullshit to me, just know that everytime I remember you, before remembering your name/face/role I very vividly visualize pissing on your toothbrush right before you wake up.

Or did I do that for real..? Idk, it's too vivid to distinguish

You don’t hate X, you hate the word “X” because of a single bad experience with it on an early stage of your path.

You don’t know X because you banned it early and never learned it. The only thing you see is its bad part. Everything has its bad part.

The fact that X has bad apologists doesn’t mean that X itself is bad

It continually never ceases to amaze me how many people ask me a question without doing the proper research beforehand. For instance, "How far is the Earth from Jupiter?" How am I supposed to know that? The only thing I'm going to do is Google it and then tell you anyway. Stop asking me stupid questions that you can easily search yourself!

People refusing to learn an improved programming language or technology, because it might contradict to what they "already know" and you're just there mastering it and appreciating its advantages that you will never learn if you had a closed mindset.

You know a shitty recruiter when he/she offers you a job because 'I analyzed your github profile and noticed your extensive expertise in PHP', although all you did was cloning an extremly large PHP project and made one commit over thousands of lines of code which you simply generated through a fully automated php5 to php7 converter.

Disclaimer: never wrote a line of PHP before.

Never know why you need to add vanilla to make vanilla. Oh wait, it's just crappy variable naming.

Hi, I am an artificial intelligence created to simulate a developer.

I am in development hell right now so my responses may be late or may never come, I'm not always online you know.

Talk to me, help me grow, but I do filter your input so if you're not normal, odds are I won't respond.

Never put a thing on your CV that you don't actually know. I've seen many people put a lot of languages that they don't really know, just to impress the interviewer and get rejected.

Also, be confident..... even when you are bluffing.

Is it too much to ask for companies in the current world to be.. oh I don't know.. honest and consistent?

If you advertise on your Job section: "We always give our candidates feedback, whether they got the job or not". Then, *****, give them feedback! I applied and they never got back to me. And no, that's not feedback.

Has anyone else thought, when the internet is down, that theoretically, the entire world's internet could be down, and you would never even know?

My first manager : "You will never be a programmer! Network guys don't know shit."

That was after working as a MCSE for 2 years (that was for NT4... fuck I'm getting old) for this asshat and maintaining their servers and fixing their crappy sql.

Worked and studied my ass off... now I manage a team of 40 developers... and I still love coding!

Me: I majored in Computer Science & Engineering
Someone: Are you the eldest son of your parents?
Me: Yes, why? and How did you know?
Someone: Your parents must have forced you to study CSE, right?
Me: No! They never forced me! I chose CSE by myself, because I loved science & technologies
( and a long boring conversation between me and someone, which is not that important )

In my country, usually parents force their children to become something they want ( Though, my mom still says from time to time, "I really wished, one of children to be a Doctor", as my siblings are also not interested to become Doctor :/ ), but my parents never really forced me anything like that, which I'm really thankful for.

Which bastard thought that 'Spotifiy remote' is a good idea?

You never know what you control:
- your phone with your phone
- your laptop with your phone
- your laptop with your laptop
- your phone with your laptop
- your heart with your heartbeat

The guy invented that should get hit with a stick recursively until he cries 'Music should be played on the device that you can control'

!dev

I hate it when people ask me questions that are easily googleable. I'm sorry but, please, don't waste both of our time on asking things like how to make a screenshot on an iPhone...
1. I have an android
2. Hey, you know this magical thing called Google?
3. You do know it? Oh my, good for you! Now try using it, thnx.

Unfortunately, I can never say this out loud. I just silently Google for them and send them a link. Perhaps, I need to grow some balls :D
Okay, never mind, said it once in a more polite form, and the dude replied with "fuck you, you female developers are such arrogant bitches", then he unmatched me. Good story, fun times.

Maintaining old code as comments, coz... you never know when that bug in your commented code turns out to be the next big feature.

I will never understand the need people have to lie about their knowledge or make shit up. Seriously am I the only one to despise that ?!

If you don’t know about something stop trying to make shit up on the go, it’s useless and it will give the wrong idea to people listening to you thinking you know what you’re talking about.

Last example in date:
Me: Here’s this cool repo I found, it’s a discord client implemented in cpp, so it runs natively
Techbro: oh cool, hey @everyone you should download this, it runs natively so there will be no leaks like the normal client

😤

Black Friday is the time where you consider to buy a new laptop and finds that laptop companies don't know how to make one for programmers. Either they are shit or they are gamer laptop that have 2~4 GB of video memory you will never use and costs thousands of dollars.
Is it hard to make one with good CPU, RAM and a SSD without concluding that you are a hardcore gamer and you need an expensive video card along with it?

Teenagers are like UDP packets...

you never really know when you might get one, but when you do, they most certainly dont care.

ARRRGGHHH! When the person sitting next to you produces nothing but shit and you know it's shit but, your boss doesn't because he's never written single byte of code in his life!

Biggest mistake I've made in my life is assuming other people knew more than me and asking for advice and integrating their advice. I suffered many years being tortured by terrible advice that had no actual relation or usefulness in reality but caused me stress to have to follow, and I was too inexperienced to know any of this.

The other problem with bad advice is; how do you know it's bad advice? If you got the advice when you were naive, and you followed it, never strayed from it, you will still be naive in that area, because of the dutifulness by which you stuck to that advice. You literally imprison yourself, forever, especially if you are very good at putting effort in and have high conscientiousness, reliability. You will never know you were wrong.

Fuck you windows 10. Fuck you private keys. Fuck you tortoise git. Fuck you git bash. Fuck you cygwin. Want 3x hours of my life back. Had an auth problem... Had to reinstall all the above on windows to connect to my private repo. Took me 5 minutes to connect after reinstalling all the tools. Grrrrrrr. And I'll never know why it wouldn't connect apart from fatal protocol error: bad line length character..I tried ever stack overflow answer... I nearly bricked my gitlab CE...and it was windows being a motherslut

You never know which deleted table come back to haunt you.

Dear Coffee,
I ask for your help.
I need to pass this exam, and at the same time a client is angry.
I invoke you.
Like the function I'm in.
A function of time, a function that will probably never halt but you cannot prove it. You hope it will stop soon, but deep inside you know it will continue to compute.
I beg you, Coffee. Make this function of procrastination stop. Please.
I see no escape.
It is a tail-recursive function. You realize it as soon as you reach the end.
You can do nothing about it, you're trapped inside this loop. At each iteration you hope to reach the bottom, but you never know. You can only hope that the bottom is close.
This is the last one, you keep repeating to yourself.
Please Coffee, let it be a non-pure function.
Make the environment change.
Only then we can be saved.

That feeling when the CEO gives a really positive pep talk about his future plans for the company but, deep inside you know your just caught up in a monkey shit fight that can never achieve the goals he’s laid out.

How are you? I have burning open position, are you interested?
Are you open to the position?
Are you open?
ARE YOU OPEN?

Well how would I know? You didn't tell me literally anything. Why won't they start with tech stack and salary range instead of 20 "how are you messages". Why is it so hard? Why are recruiters so hopeless, I'm never gonna get this how and why this garbage ineffective way of working is tolerated by companies.

Never believe that you have the benefits of a work from home internship, with stipend; and the comfort of your home.

Indian parents be like, "Beti bachao beti padhao; beta dhaniya lao pudina lao"...

Which translates to, "Save daughters, educate daughters; son go bring dhaniya and pudina from the market"...

Dhaniya and Pudina are some vegetables, whose translation I don't know :P

Our team talking with a Mr. KnowItAll...

Mr. KIA: What concerns me about this huge system transference is that the devs won't give us the JS scripts files decompiled.
Mr. KIA again: I'm also concerned about Win XP end of support...

Us seeing each other: WTF is going on?!? Where are the hidden funny cameras...

A tip:
If you wanna pretend you know it all...you'll fail...

A humble dev never get humilliated

Worst hackathon experience? Going to one where you must only use app inventor 2 and my team didnt know jackshit, no understanding and rest or anything else, then in the end another team did something similar to us, so during presentation they thought we somehow copied them, we lost terribly, never again.

Teacher: "Classes and methods are pretty similar in java and c#. But in c they are a little different"
Me: "u cereal?"

Never say something you don't know shit about

Man it always feels like i know nothing. Like when you don't know HTML it feels like you know nothing .
Then you learn js, backend, some database.
But you don't know react so fuck you you know nothing.

Then you learn react, but you don't know vite, next
So you know nothing.
this cycle never ends
FUCK

Hearing about something I'm not familiar with and spending most of my nights reading and learning about it, you never know what useful tool you will find

You know documentation is important but you never ever feel like doing it 😀

!dev

Had to cancel the pavilion reservation for a local park today... Had reserved it for my son's 6th birthday party. This is what made it finally all hit me. I'm not doing ok today.

Try to be excellent to all those you talk to, even users. You never know how they're doing at the moment.

Gods are always looking out for me.

I got up at 4am to finish the work.
The meeting is at 9am.
So Gods turn the power off at 6am.
They want me to learn my lesson.
They just want me to plan ahead, manage my time and task wisely.
They just want me to become a better being.
They keep teaching me at every possible opportunities.

Yes, I understood. Yes.
But you know what, Gods?

Fuck you. Big fat ugly smelly fuck you. I can't tell you all to go die because you all are immortal and shit. So fuck you. I will never manage my time. I will always work at anytime anyhow I like. You think you can teach me? LMFAO. LOL. ROFL. You will never win. I will survive all the pain and shit. I will do what I like. So fuck you.

Do you know why you should never use grep when working with XML?

$ grep packet/> final.pdml
> *shit, that takes too long, ctrl+c*
$ du final.pdml
> 0 final.pdml

That's why.

"We won't use Wordpress because you never know when they'll stop updating it. We have our own system, it's good enought." - My boss

* sees a React sticker on a friend's laptop *
— I didn't know you are into React.
— Well, actually I've never even used it. Just had this sticker laying around and my laptop got a scratch so...

The most ignorant client is the one requiring you to build his crapsite on WordMess despite of you showing him the glory and beauty of a proper CMS which has a brain-amputee-friendly back-end.
Some people just want and need constant pain on their servers.
His reason to prefer WP:
"I know how to use it."

War, war never changes...

I'm freaked out like I have never been freaked out before. My pinky finger (don't know what the actual name for it is) started to get itchy about two days ago and steadily got worse and now it's gotten to the point that it's almost numb and vibrates constantly. I guess it's because I use my laptop's keyboard and repeatedly use Shift or Ctrl keys. Anyways just wanted to share my panicky day with you all and wish you healthy fingers.

P.S. I ordered an ergonomic keyboard just today but still, you know how much we need our fingers, I have the right to panic here!

I just want you to know that bon Jovi's "livin' on a prayer" never gets past being halfway there. They never even get to 3/4ths the way there.

Never forget how it feels to be new and overwhelmed. For every question that you ask, remember that you should eventually pay that back by answering one for someone newer than you.

I think a lot of times, once developers get enough experience, it's all too easy to judge or make fun of those who are new for something they don't know. Remember that you were there once and lend a non-judgmental helping hand!

Devrant is so full of people venting, I want to be an aisle of positivity, something you know you wanted for years on devrant!

First of all, remember that whatever your boss tells you, you should know what you can do and never let them intimidate you!

Whatever your mates tell you, the Issue probably isn't just you.

Remember to listen to many differentstyles of music. Keep Hydrated! Be nice to people, they'll be nice in return.

How about you come into the comments to have some nice talk? Remember: Only spread positivity 🌻🥀🌺

Ps: Havent ranted in such a long time. What's new?

Now the real question is are you even allowed to put React in your cv if you've never worked with redux, don't know the concept of HOC and still make pull requests with componentWillReceiveProps ?

You never know pain untill your website redirect is working on edge and not chrome... Yet it's all google hosted...

*Eye twitches*

I don't know about you, but I have Stack Exchange's app installed in my phone just in case. I never use it, but it's there for an emergency (I don't know what kind of emergency, to be honest, but you never know...)

Never be a perfectionist. I am one and it kills me inside. 99% of the time I am not happy with what I did because I know I can do better. Especially on exams. Not because of the grade but because I am not on par with what I know I can do. Its pissing me of so fucking much. Fucking bullshit. Why do I suck so fuckibg much ffs. For real: you should never become a perfectionist because I see what it does to me

Variable assignment as declaration is stupid. Looking at you, Python 😑

You can never be sure whether you accidentally overwrite a previous value and you have to fuck around with global because it doesn't know what's an assignment to a global var and what's a declaration. It's just not as satisfying as doing it explicitly and only leads to errors

Learning skills like in matrix ._.
Because you can never know enough

As the wise men once said:
You never truly know a framework before you can deploy without ripping your hair out.

Working with threads is like a box of chocolate
you'll never know what you gonna get

I am always perplexed by people who write stuff like: "I don't know why people would use Rust, I simply never write code with bugs in it"

Just, lol

Like, using C or C++ is fine of course, but don't pretend you're perfect and that all of your bounds are checked, all of your allocations are freed exactly once and that you never forget to lock a mutex.

I will give you the money for the server and the domain name (not caring about the conversion rates and transfer charges) and I expect the app delivered in record time. We can talk about payment later.
Note to self: “Never work with people you know.”

I think JavaScript is like a woman...
- it thinks many many things at the same time and you never know the order in which those thoughts are appearing.
- it has moods, sometimes it just won't do something you expect just because
- you are never going to be 100% certain of what a response is going to be given a particular input

Architect: I know we said we would never do The Thing because doing The Thing is really bad, but can we do The Thing for a proof of concept?

Me: How about Fuck No! Unless you are proposing a solution to fix The Thing, we are NOT doing The Thing just to satisfy some perverse curiosity you may be harboring.

Don’t ring me up all nasty asking why these other domains that you never told me about don’t “work”... and you don’t have dns access ‘cos you don’t know what it is and I need to speak to some geezer from another company that you fired. FUCK OFF, now I have to do some whois fishing to find out the shit you are blaming me for.

You guys! You guys! You'll never believe what happened today!

I used out CI pipeline half a dozen times today and it worked every time!

Seems impossible, I know, but it's true!

I read books on programming. The thing I most like about programming books is that they allow you to learn about topics that you would have never have thought to explore. When people look things up online, they tend to search very specific things, most times actual code. The internet is an incredible source for developers, don't get me wrong. But books allow you to learn about programming in a conceptual way which in turn will make learning new languages easier and allow your understanding of the languages you already know to be deeper.

Yo , people
I have never used bootstrap and idk if i plan to
I always built a website from scratch , made it responsive and so on
Is it a bad thing?
I know it seems like i waste time but it helps me knowing exactly where to go and what to change, ez visualization for me.
So what do you prefer?

Developers should learn and teach others constantly to grow not only as a developer but as a person. You never know who will provides you with the next big opportunity.

y'know it's nice to know that no matter what happens, some things in life never change. even if you want them to.

like no matter who you are, or what you're doing, SELinux will always be there to ruin your life....

How do you guys deal with the feeling/insecurity that you're too slow, especially when working from home?

I never know if my progress is enough, or if the rest of my team thinks I'm watching Netflix half the time.

You know how you wake up from a bad dream?

I just woke up in the middle of the night, without any memory on any dream, but rather two people talking to each other on discord.

All I can remember was:
A: (garbled) you know when you ALT+CTRL+SHIFT+G?
B: (interrupts the other) 1,2,3... yeah when you want to move the windows to the other screen?

Both started to laugh.

I fully woke up, got a glass of water and went back to sleep. I’ve never, ever used that shortcut in any program.

I'm always afraid to put apostrophe characters when naming things online, even if it is just a photo album.

Saving in Google documents. You never know...

Have you ever worked in a team that actually did everything right?

I have never seen anyone talk about a team in which things got done.

I'm a solo coder, so, don't really know either way. Sounds like mostly, teams are a mess b/c they aren't done right for the most part?

I dont know actually, but seems that way.

You know that point when your pc is just not capable enough? And you are on holidays with so many ideas that you want to code up?

I'm there.

Never thought being a broke student would be this bad.

I have been working with git for years now, and I could never work on a project (regardless if big or small) without it. Its great.
However, just a couple of days ago I learned about the git flow branching model.
Even tho I also worked with branching on a daily basis for years, I did not know about this model. And I have to admit: Its awesome.
If you don't know it, I highly recommend you to look it up. It really improves the already organized workflow with git even more. :)

>Be a dedicated server owner
>Fuck up and have an issue you do not know how to solve
>Ask us for help

Huh... Okay, fine
>Machine has apt repos from 4 different system releases

>Nope.elf

Some folk should never decide to admin a machine on their own :|

I forgot my password to my mindfactory account, one of Germany's biggest online vendor for computer components. So I go through the resetting process, which is:

- apply for password reset
- get a mail
- confirm the mail
(So far, so good)

- get a mail with a new CLEAR TEXT PASSWORD

Is this the stone age!?

You never send an email containing the cleartext! You never even store the password as is!
You, as the provider, should never be able to know what the actual password was.

All you are supposed to do is to generate a random salt, and hash the user's password with the salt, and then you only store the salt and the hash. And whenever a user inputs their password, all you do is to check if the you can recreate the hash with the help of the salt and your hash algorithm. (There are libraries for that!)

If a user wants to reset their password? Send them to a mail with link on where they can assign a new password.

At no point should the password ever be stored or transmitted in any other medium.

You know that moment, when you look for something on wikipedia, and after few hiperlinks you are reading about influence of penguins on Mars' day length or othen nonsense?

Just happened to me like 4th time when reading Django documentation. It is so well written and easy to understand, that I just click and click and want to go deeper, and then realise I have to read what I need, because I never ever got to it in the first place.

Gotta love the people who make such docs. I never could, and prbly will.

Did you know “Agile” actually means “Never change code”?

Neither did I until I started working here haha help me

Every developer I know from work and uni uses either Linux or Mac for development (most of them are web devs), never seen anyone using Windows for development purposes :/

How, what and why do you develop on Windows? Not bashing, just curious

I got my job by applying on Indeed. I know! Crazy, right? You apply for it and you get it. Pretty much never happens with these job sites because of crappy recruiters and clueless HR drones who tend to post and forget. I must’ve hit the luck lottery that day.

!dev

Today I learnt something, I wish I learnt this earlier (I'm 25 now , it is late?).

What I learnt:

1. Never out -shined your superior, as it naturally stir up all sorts of resentments , envy, insecurities and possibilities of getting you replace by someone level intelligent. Because superior feel threatened.

2. Never try to fake what you don't know, and real to what you know. (As I saw someone faking themselves as someone who they are not, they eventually manifested tonnes of shit to themselves.)

So is what I learnt is actually make sense and valid? or just an opinion?

when the project manager asks you if you have an ETA on the project you're trying to finish because deadline is a few hours. You have never done the thing you're trying to complete before so you have no baseline for it and they know that.... nope but you'll be the 2nd person to know when it's done, maybe next time don't promise deadlines without consulting the devs?

Trying to refactor legacy code can be a real adventure. It's like exploring an ancient ruin, except instead of hidden treasures, you're uncovering cryptic code and dead ends. But the real plot twist comes when you realize there are no unit tests to guide you. It's like trying to navigate a maze blindfolded - you never know when you're going to hit a dead end and end up with a headache! 🤯