assignment: use winAPI to create a "virus" that put itself in autorun and does nothing.

me, a curious student: does the assignment and adds a heap corruption code just as a joke.

after sending the assignment to the teacher I realized that I have sent the real virus.

result: teacher comes next lesson without a computer and stares at me silently and viciously.

we'll see what happens next
any idea on what's going on in his head?

Conversation today...

Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"

Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."

Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."

Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"

Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"

Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."

Guy: "But you said it was easy."

Well fuck you...

Me: "We should remove that popup"

Marketer: "But our A/B testing statistics show a 14% increase in signups to our newsletter, and people who get our newsletter are 4% more likely to buy something"

Me: "0.14x0.04... so slightly more than half a percent improvement. And you also qualitatively measured how many people decide to never visit the page again, just because of that popup? Did you measure the how many internet users with adblockers run into a broken webpage? Did you measure the amount of emails to support from users who can't unsubscribe from the newsletter because there is no unsubscribe link?"

Marketer: "Why would they want to unsubscribe? The newsletter adds value to our users!"

Me: 😩

FUCK this startup mentality of implementing all these external services and APIs for absolutely fucking everything.

I get that your vacuous fresh-mint-tea-soaked hipster brains are all cheering about these "only $10/month/seat" services, because you imbeciles with your nodejs-sticker-plastered macbooks have never done anything but knot the work of other dimwits together.

I don't even care about the subscription costs. That shit is more trouble to maintain than writing it yourself, and there's no guarantee that visualizemyballs.com & lintmycock.io still work tomorrow.

I'm getting so sick of being barraged with 502 bad gateway errors because you halfassed yet another API implementation. Stop advertising your crossfit stats, your meditation-app records and your vegan protein bars for a minute, and maybe start writing some fucking code of your own, something with a higher shelf-life than your iPhone screen...

You know... something which actually fucking adds value to the world.

When microsoft recruiter adds u on linkedin and she endorsed u on nothing but python

Junior Dev does npm install, Opens LinkedIn profile and adds Node.js in skills.

Compilation completed. Output file size: 15KB
*Adds a JSON library*
Compilation completed. Output file size: 1.4MB

SON OF A BITCH

That moment when GitLab adds an article you wrote to their blog

Wrote a script that calms the extreme use of exclamation/question marks and capslocked rants, do have to say, it makes it much easier to read many of the rants, it also adds small stats at the bottom of the rant

may sound like it takes the "fun" out of those rants, but it only triggers if the capslock is more than the lowercased letters

wish the devrant webapp was accessible from mobile, to use all them scripts on mobile too

*Knows Excel*
*adds Database Administrator to resume*

*goes on site looking for free anime to stream*

Site: *popup* we noticed you're using an ad blocker! Please turn it off to continue using our site!

Me, an intellectual: *opens chrome developer tools, finds the HTML for the popup, opens its corresponding CSS and adds display: none; continues watching anime blissfully, without popups and ads*

Who said being a developer wasn't a super power?

When you made a commit that deletes more code than what it adds. And the features are still the same 🎉

It's the biggest satisfaction to know that Wix means wank in German!
"why not do it yourself" just adds to it.

Notepad finally adds supports Unix-encoding

Now THAT is good news!

client: the math on this investment calculator you made is wrong.

me: ok, how is it wrong?

client: one of our salesmen sais it not calculating correctly.

me: that's fine. i just need an example, or the corrected formula to use.

client: on this other website we put in the same information and it comes out different.

me: ok, let me investigate... this other site adds a fee every month so the output is different. If i turn that off the calculations are the same. would you like to add a monthly fee field?

clients: no, the calculator is working how we want then.

repeat 5 times at 3 month intervals.

client: the interest calculator is broken again. didn't we just fix it?

me: it was never broken. your people just can't math.

the actual code is way more than that . Is there anyone who adds the code but doesn't remove the code that isn't necessary

Watching a tutorial.

* Uses the mouse in order to select and format code, instead of the shortcuts VS code provides

* Does multiple "bool == true"-comparisons

* Doesn't use string interpolation and makes unnecessary .toString() calls

* Adds fucking parentheses around the whole fucking expression he wants to assign
value = (expression)

* Explanations so vague, the EU wants to hire him to reform the internet

Fucking waste of time even on x2.25 speed.

For fucks sake, Facebook....
Why the fuck are you showing me an add for MY FUCKING PAGE!!! I paid for that shitty add and you show it to me?!? Why the fuck would you do that?!?
You know that I'm the fucking admin and I ALREADY LIKED THE PAGE!!!
Get your fucking shit together mate! 😡

Every time someone adds “🚀 Blazing fast” to their GitHub repo, god kills a puppy

* Updates and adds unit tests *
* Runs unit tests *
* All tests pass *

What the fuck? I'm not THAT good to write tests that pass on the first iteration.

* Runs unit tests *
* All tests pass *

Someting's not right here.

* Checks terminal *

FUCK I'm in the wrong project folder

I don't know why people call themselves "Developers" when they really just download a WordPress theme and adds bunch of plugins without touching a single line of code.

What the hell is going on?

"Microsoft should not need to buy github, the platform itself should be ran by a non profit org like wikipedia or linux."

Add a herp a derp at the end. It will probably make it sound less stupid or hypocritical.

Seriously though, how many of you mecos actually pay for shit? Eh? How many of you donate to your fav Linux distros or web platforms?

Lets say that the entire devrant base did :) pretty sweet eh? There are still 28 million developers on fucking github.....now how many of those contribute to help account for server costs etc? How many actually use private paid repos etc?

And without adds and shit? This ain't Facebook!!

It makes sense. I am glad they did... and fuck you I would too.

I will see what happens before I put on my (disgusting) Richard Stallman Hat.

I installed a firmware update on my router, and discovered it both adds telemetry and breaks the navigation in firefox. 🤦‍♀️

It also started complaining that my password isn't secure (despite its length) because it doesn't contain a symbol.

Good freaking job.

Me: *spends 4+ hours refactoring existing spaghetti, ensuring components are modular, easier to test and fault tolerant*

Project manager: ...

Also me: *adds pre-loader image to register and login buttons when user submits form*

Project manager: *All excited* Awesome work. 🙌That's some nice improvement..

Like wtf dude 😳..

My takeaway: These noobs only care about what they can directly interact with

Ideal life?

I wish Avatar builder adds this😂

Job offers that list "high speed internet and a laptop" as employement benefits realy piss me off. Do they think other companies force you to code on paper and send it trough mail?

Dude, stop trying to cram your crappy open source library into all our projects. No-one uses it, it's buggy as hell, and even if it did work properly, it adds virtually zero advantages.

Seriously, if you Google this library, the results are: a blog post this guy has written about it saying it's awesome, the same guy answering people's questions on Reddit by saying that all their problems would be solved by using his library, and someone else raising an issue saying it doesn't work 🤦‍♀️

HURRICANE INSPIRED PI PROJECT!

So in anticipation of hurricane Irma I built this little thing which measures barometric pressure using my raspberry pi's sense hat! It also adds the data to a graph. Very fun!

*Adds new dependency*

Me: *Pray while syncing*

*Gradle project sync in progress*

*Gradle build finished in 9s 211ms*

Me: Thank you, Lord

...adds 1 MB of libraries

And BAM. Wrote a quick'n dirty little php script which works with loads of shell_exec calls to block all ip addresses belonging to an ASN number.

For example: If I get Facebook's ASN number and use it as parameter for this script with a custom name (for the iptables chain), the script creates a chain called the custom name, adds all ip addresses/ranges it got from the whois lookup (on the ASN number) with DROP to iptables and then it adds that chain to the INPUT and OUTPUT chains.

I've done some tests and can indeed genuinely not reach Facebook at all anymore, Microsoft is entirely blocked out as well already 💜

Decided yesterday night that it was time to leave this joke of a company. Updated my CV, changed my pic on my CV and posted the CV on Monster.

15 phone calls, 4 emails, 3 adds on LinkedIn, 3 planned interviews and this is just the morning.

To be truly honest I am not going to move from GitHub and only hope I have is that Microsoft adds more to the already great GitHub student package

++ adds 1
-- subtracts 1
** Multiplies by 1?

- implement feature
- manager suggests a different way to do it
- manager's version adds bug
- get blamed
- manager makes you implement feature the way you originally did it

.....

The guy where I can only shake my head when I see his code, and he is really proud of if implementations, while he

- doesn't care about warnings

- breaks builds and doesn't care

- doesn't care about code styles and indents in a very column based way

- adds tons of comments to his code, mostly hard to understand, and sometimes that much you can hardly find the code

- implements a tokenizer where you have to inherit from its interface (Why would I wanna implement whole functions for a tokenizer and not just use it in place where needed? How do I use two of those in one class?)

- implement a "generic" state machine base class with fixed lengths array of 3 events and 3 strings (Why would I need events and strings hardcoded in a "generic" state machine? Why a maximum of 3?)

- once delivered a software without the needed runtime components, so the whole system (embedded device) wasn't working properly and only by chance missed the point of disabling update mechanisms

- make your ears bleed about his big inventions whenever he sees you, no matter how often he already told you about that blazing new feature

The best part of our daily standups is hearing my coworker's daughter whispering "Baba~" in the background, trying to get his attention for whatever reason.

Then when we end the meeting and say bye, you hear her in the background yell "Bye Bye~"

Adds a little cuteness to what usually is a very dull meeting.

An open letter to those who think lines of code == a decent metric for productivity:
NO!!!

Just because I wrote 10 lines of code all day (yes just 10 very well thought out, many times rewritten) lines doesn't mean my day was unproductive. Quite the opposite, while other devs pad their shit with:

//Adds 1 to I
I++;

Yup. Quality code. LOC doesn't lie.

PM: Can we have it so the usernames are case-sensitive?

Me: uhh, sure I guess.. But thats like really pointless and adds no real usefulness.. In fact makes the whole logging in thing a tad more complicated for no reason..

PM: Well this one other product we have uses "Admin" for the login versus yours that used "admin" so it needs to be implemented.

(note that mine accepted "Admin" anyways...) *implemented it*

PM: So there's a problem with the username sort, it sorts by capitals then lowercase.. eg:
alpha
beta
Alpha

Me: Yeah, you asked for case-sensitive usernames..

PM: Well can you fix it?

Me: I could create a second field within the user data that is the username in all lowercase and sort by that. But that negates like all of the whole case-sensitive usernames thing.. OR I could drop all this actually important work I'm doing and do a whole bunch of work on a custom sort for this useless fucking feature you wanted me to put in..

*it's been 2 weeks and still no reply...*

> scrolling through facebook feed
> see ad to apply as an app developer at carrefour
> "you might win 300€ to spend at carrefour"
> "we're searching for an app developer"
> apply
> first test is to make a button that adds stuff to an HTML list, very basic
> pass the first test
> get an email: "you can candidate to the next phase and might get a job"

MFW I just wanted to get 300€ and not a job

What the fuck

Whoever designed the McD's website for India is a fucking moron! Who the fuck adds the fucking CVV number as a hidden fucking *integer*?

Can't fucking write a CVV that starts with 0! Had to shell out fucking cash!

Who the fuck ever developed and fucking tested it were probably high AF and fucked up in the head at the same fucking time!

What is going on with the web these days? 500 adds, 3 auto play video's per page and now this shit?!

Websites that do this should be removed from Google.
I don't think it's even allowed.

If you block it, it goes to a subdomain 1.<website> and asks for permission again. If you block that one it'll go to 2.<website>, up until 10.<website>, then it switches to either a "get Express VPN" or another website that asks for permission. And that one even claims to be reCAPTCHA! and then another that asks you to press "Allow" in order to watch the video. What video?!

When I saw that the Zuckman was gonna go testify for congress I already knew that shit was gonna be retarded.

I had 0 expectations of congress asking the correct questions.

I was still disappointed. That is the beauty of my government. I have 0 expectations and they still disappoint me.

I love playing the devil's advocate. I really do, in this case and even tho I think Facebook is the most toxic shit on the internet (right next to SO) I could not help it but think the entire time that we aaaare told that all our date are belongs to them as soon as we put shit on their application. Its just the nature of the beast. Don't like it? Don't use it! But if you are gonna use it then account for the fact that your data will be used for targeted adds. It makes more sense, I would rather have an add for tutorials and books and shit like i normally get rather than knowing that 10 hot singles are in my area (because those are all lies 9 times out of 10) but then again I would rather not have any adds at all.

One has to account for all the money that fb pours into shit, where do people think fb makes that money from ..duh our data and adds. But shit was too hard to understand for Congress.

Me: *adds one song from Sonic game to Spotify playlist*
Spotify: Here, from now on we will suggest you ALL OF THEM and ONLY THEM

21:30, sysadmin, chatting with my colleagues, when one posts a screenshot of a message he just received from a dev :
"Hello, sorry for bothering you this late but we have a demo tomorrow morning and the app is completely stalled. It fails with the message 'cannot write to <file>, no space left on device'"

I say "I bet that they somehow managed to make their DB grow uncontrollably".

Colleague asks which server hosts the app, Dev answers "one of ours", then adds after a few seconds "wait, do you need the IP of the server? Dev2 should be able to provide it", before finally adding "we use a scheme in <other project> DB actually".

Finally, Dev2 declares that the bug is solved: "There was a loop that caused a DB view to grow constantly and it filled the filesystem".

Me: "Called it".

They cleaned the view: 41GB freed.

Boss argued with me over whether CRUD create adds data or updates it...

Writing code adds bugs. Removing code adds bugs. Fixing bugs adds bugs.

Fuck regex and everyone who has ever endorsed the use of and/or is affiliated with regex.
It's unreadable, impractical, overly complex and complicated and it adds unnecessary clutter to your code, and your thought process.
It's 00:50 am and I just spent 3 hours debugging a regex only to realise forgot a single "?" in a 75+ character long string and I want to go to bed.

!dev

Oh my fucking god spotify is SOOOOO trash for free users!!!
I don't mind ads, I don't mind not being able to download.

BUT, it won't let me freaking repeat a single song!
AND, it automatically adds random music to my playlist while listening to it!!!!!!!

Apparently, it has a "feature" (cough limitation cough) that if you are a free user, your playlist must contain at least 15 songs or they will randomly add songs WHILE you are listening to your bloody playlist!!!!

I was so hyped about spotify finally being in India, now I am more disappointed than it not being at all 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

Edit: This is about spotify android, the desktop (mac for me) version works just fine 😑😑🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

Debian 9.3's gpg issue is driving me crazy! I can't install anything outside of the default apt repos no matter what I try.

No matter what, apt always does the exact same thing. It adds the repo; then finds, imports, and processes the key; and finally fails with "gpg: no valid OpenPGP data found."

I've spent hours looking this up and trying to fix it.

Just. ARGH!
☹

Tells my non-programming friend that it's way more complex to program an A.I. that simply distinguishes a tree, than to make a program that adds up for like, a billion numbers...

SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME.

Coworker made a tool to automate part of our job and she sent it to me. After 5 seconds of using it I found a bug... she has been using it for weeks. Now I don't trust anything she has done around here. (It's a financial tool and the bug is changing certain numbers to negative so it subtracts instead of adds...)

So I take leave for a day right.

I come back to the office and my teamlead asks me to start running tests and in the same breath he adds, "so I added SOME code so that it would cater for the annoying popup".
I said cool and made nothing of it.

A few minuts later he stands behind me asking me why its so slow and my reply was.....

"Well I wasn't in yesterday and you added code and it wasn't this slo... "

Words arnt even out of my mouth and he starts shouting at me

"DON'T SHIFT BLAME!!! Don't Shift Blame."

Well okay then sorry...... I guess.

I hate SQL Server so much, don't matter how Microsoft say they improve themselves at SQL Server.

There's a lot of fucking bloat, messes your system and your services, adds tons of crap in your system registry, while more advanced SQL engines such MariaDB/PostgreSQL are more contained, and its very small.

Why SQL Server has to mess with Windows' ACL and his own privilege systems?.

Uninstall it and a lot of components remain hidden and tons of registry entries, not even TotalUninstaller or CCleaner can help.

I hate it since my technical high school and my goddamn college is forcing us to use SQL Sever for EVERYTHING, instead of good alternatives, messed my computer entirely requiring to format.

I try always to convince my freelance clients to use open-source alternatives, and say how SQL Server is so crap, (i had variant degrees of success).

*Adds JavaScript to skills*

*Adds Java to skills*

Error: Skill already selected

Wth

Adding a feature to webapp...

Webapp relies on database in production server...

*adds feature to production webapp directly*

Every page: ERROR 500

Manager: what did you do???!!!! You MESSED UP the production, FIX IT NOW

*Use ctrl-z because manager doesn't like Version Control*

* adds one second of sleep in test
* git commit -m "Fix test"

slow ass piece of hot steaming pile of shit, monolithic, resource-wasting, overly complex, overpriced government service. DIE

Why I love Salesforce 👀

- Run a test method
- failure: no field found

- checks test, queries field
- checks field security (access permissions) visible to user

- runs test again
- failure: no field found
- adds debug log of queried field

- runs test again
- succes

Thanks, thanks for fucking with me today 🥲

when the WYSIWYG editor adds it's own code. 😡

<span style=line-height: 15.600003814697px;">

That feeling when the business wants you to allow massive chunks of data to simply be missing or not required for "grandfathered" accounts, but required for all new accounts.

Our company handles tens of thousands of accounts and at some point in the past during a major upgrade, it was decided that everyone prior to the upgrade just didn't need to fill in the new data.

Now we are doing another major upgrade that is somewhat near completion and we are only just now being told that we have to magically allow a large set of our accounts to NOT require all of this new required data. The circumstances are clear as mud. If the user changes something in their grandfathered account or adds something new, from that point on that piece of data is now required.
But everything else that isn't changed or added can still be blank...
But every new account has to have all the data required...

WHY?!

Why is my CSS not working?

*adds !important*

Ah much better.

My Manager: Could you help "other manager" (OM) they need some very simple code changes.

Me: sure that will only take a few minutes *adds 15 lines of code tells OM one single line they have to modify*

Some other manager (SOM): Hey how does this work, I'm confused, do I need to do anything?

Me: Yes see the email chain you were copied on.

SOM: Actually let's have a meeting instead and all discuss this.

Goddammit this was a simple change to make your life easier now you are wasting everyones time by not reading the email

/*************
* adds 1 to i
***************/
i = i + 1

Everyone has seen at least one comment like this.

Never giving up
=>Adds more coffee

*2 days ago in a meeting*
Boss: "We need you to develop this, this .... *adds 10 tasks in Trello*

*1 day ago. less than 24 hours*
Boss: "So , what's new regarding the tasks?"
ME (angry): "You just gave me all those tasks less than 24 hours ago. What kind of news do you expect?"

*Boss leaving to his desk, laughing from embarrassment.*

Expectation: I'm going to spend today debugging my app

Reality: adds 10 new features, 30 got commits and some Easter eggs. No bugs fixed.

Beta version... only devs have access

Screen for a not-ready-yet feature:

A nice image of a faded broken structure, underlined with a "Work in progress" text.

Primary button below "I want it now"

/clicks button

next to the button, a text fades in:
"Please, be patient"

You keep clicking "I want it now", after a few clicks you get "Plese, be **very** patient"

/Checks the source code

it bloody adds a "very" for every 5 clicks and calls an API to send you an email for every 5 clicks:

Thanks for very {n times very} much wanting {feature name}

11 clicks = 3 emails with very, very very and very very very

Yep, I am patient now, especially if I get my hands on you...

Boss: so, problem x happened
Coworker 1: huh weird, what database is being used?
Boss: *adds Coworker 2 to the call*
Boss: so, problem x happened
Coworker 2: oh 😳 i forgot to tell everyone i changed the names of the tables and everything is now here
Me, just listening: 🤦‍♀️

Dude... he's nice, but c'mon, that's a dick move

Hmm, I find it highly peculiar that I let a friend borrow my pc to watch stranger things on Netflix, with her account.

I signed her into the guest account, she picked Google Chrome (not signed in).

Now my Facebook feed and YouTube adds are all about stranger things..

I get the ip gets logged & mapped.. But srsly.

Exhibit B of Google's inability to code:

One of the most starred Android repositories on Github adds rounded corners to ImageView. That's it.

Sometimes you really wonder what Google's engineers are doing :P

I'm about to move to a new city and one of the websites I'm using adds its name, url and ©️2018 to anything you copy. It is driving me absolutely insane. Trying to find an adress on google? Well you didn't search for [streetname], you searched for [streetname, website name, url ©️2018]. Thank you for copyrighting that public street you fuck. Trying to e-mail an agent? Sorry I can't send an email to [e-mail adress, website name, url].
Whoever thought of this needs to be taken out back and shot.

Any alternative to Googles reCAPTCHA?

Backstory we have a contact form, in a bootstrap modal, loading the form as an ajax request. The form has (as of today) a captcha, as we where getting a lot of spam.

Guess what it does on safari? Right... It renders outside the modal and since there's no need for scrolling, bootstraps modal adds an overflow hidden to the body. Results in non submitable forms on some resolutions.

Any idea on how to fix this, or other captcha systems we could use (it's a Symfony app).

What do you think of someone who opens 50 tabs in any browser and just keep them and still adds more?

A dev adds a nice range of categories that content creators can select from. Users get a neat filtering system to restrict the unwanted content.

And then...! People post everything in default category.

Microsft (before Win 8 ): we have to fix the blue screen of death! People are pissed off seeing it appear again and again.

Windows: We will do something

*In its remastered blue screen - adds a sad face emoji, changes the shade of blue, and inserts a QRCode for the user to play with in the meantime*

Microsoft ( after win 8) :Good Job Team, it looks great now, people are gonna love it, especially the QRCode feature!

So apparently Package Manager Console adds 6 hours to the boot time of Visual Studio...

I was wondering why it took so long to start up.

Clients r wankers. He wants to be able to send login details incl passwords in email to his clients when he adds them in the cms. The passwords are encrypted and generated on creation of a new user. Ive told him that sending credentials in email is shit and not secure. The stubborn bastard wont budge, so instead i've put explicit instructions to reset password once logged in with the credentials they send. Any other suggestions?

Coincidence!?

This was a long time ago, when I was working part time in my uni helpdesk. as part of the uni IT service, they offered ISP services at the dorms. It was cheap, and fast. This essentially allowed students living in the dorms to connect thier personal computers to the uni LAN. Then one day...
An ARP poison malware infected some of those computers. An arp poison attack is simple (look at ettercap) - it redirects network traffic via the affected computer, and adds malware to webtraffic to infect more computers. One of these on a network is bad enough, but when there more then one... traffic was redirected a lot. this caused the Dorm switches to collapse under the load. Fun times to work at the helpdesk...
The IT guys came up with a solution for this: they blocked the arp poision attacks at the firewall, and then disabled the switch port for the infected computer for 24 hours. so, when someone called with 'I have no internet!', we told them to bring us the computer, and installed an AV on it.
3-4 month the problem was cleared.

Chrome 57 adds Web Assembly support.

I just know I'm going to be asked to use it soon. I just know it. It's not even close to a finished specification!

Fuck Monday and SAs... Just arrived at office and logged in:

Consider changing your password:

**Ok... Enters new password**

We're sorry your password is invalid

?????

Let's I already have a lower, uppercase letter, a number

....

Adds a symbol

**works**

Difference in security though? 0.... But now I have one more thing too remember...

!rant

tl;dr at the bottom

This might not be a popular opinion, so please, if you throw things at me, limit yourselves only to tomatoes and other soft projectiles. Thank you!

So this being said, i must say ut: i actually like how facebook use this data overall. While i am completly against privacy violation, that data is given up by ourselves with a choice to do it, so we can't hand them for it. However, i think the fact that we got ads for what our interests are is quite awesome! For example because of this i found webcomics and artists i curently hold really high in my praises and this might not have been the case if FB had another business model.

This being said, i just think people should focus on problems more important than how social media manages to earn some bucks, and while is our choise to be part of that we can't simply call ourselves "products". History holds many stories about civilization that gaved no choice if you wanted or not to be a product so we could be at least glad it is not the case anymore.

Anyway, if you read all the way down here, tnaks for your time!

TL;DR: Facebook is no holy church but it actually not so bad, we can find things we get to love or actually needed in the first place in their targeted adds system. At least we have a choice to be part of this or not!

My company email:

- It's time for the monthly password change!
<writes the usual passwod>
- The password must be over 50 characters long!
<adds more letters>
- The password must have numbers!
<adds some numbers, though it's getting irritating>
- The password must have special characters!
<wtf?? Adds a pound character>
- The password must have at least 20 different special characters!
<da fuq???>
- The password must be at least 50 characters, only special characters and invisible tab/LF/CR characters and it must be changed daily!
<head explodes>
- Thank you! Now please sign in with your new password for 200 times per day.
<closes the laptop and starts using Remington type writer>

Usually these remainders start popping up during the 1st vacation day. When you return to the office, the account is already locked.

And then you wonder why people have the passwords written on a post-it or as a plain txt file in SkyDrive.

Terminator's broadcast feature is nice.
However, it's fragile as crap, and oftentimes sends duplicate characters, or adds garbage.

Quite awhile ago I posted a PSA on how to fix it (by killing ibus) but now it's broken for me again. And due to just how it broke, I've given up on fixing it. Instead of broadcasting one or two duplicate characters like before, it now hangs for many seconds because it's broadcasting THREE BLOODY MEGABYTES WORTH OF DUPLICATES with every keystroke.

Like, seriously?
How do you fail that hard?

Oh my God I'm a failure. Been working on this booking system backend for two weeks, refactored some code, and now it doesn't work at all.

I've gone back through the entire thing, and I can't find the problem.

Open up indeed, start browsing for low-skill jobs. Maybe the carnies will have me back!

*Re-reads error message, adds missing underscore to function call.

FullStackClown: * adds one line to a jest test *

Jest: All tests failing

Jest: 🤡

Just me getting angry about the reaction after the Cambridge-scandal?
The news are spamming it every hour, and suddenly everyone is "well aware about my privacy" and deleting their Facebooks.

I mean, as if we didn't know this all along. O-fucking-course your data is stored and sold for adds, you accepted it when you wanted to "see which celebrity you are alike"!

I walk around and talk about privacy with people kinda a lot, and nobody seems to care. And then this happens, and people are going nuts. Waow, what a surprise!

Haha, have a nice evening DevRanters! ;) (20:55)@swe

A frontend dev asked for my assistance in writing a tricky helper function, told him i'd be back in 5, as I was just heading out the door for a cup of coffee.

Came back a little later, maybe 10 minutes instead of 5, and he says:
"Nevermind, I solved it by installing plugin XYZ v4"

Checked out the codebase for said plugin afterwards, and discovers it's around ~30MB of code, and adds a shit ton of "premium version" ads to the backend.

YOU FUCKING TWATFACE! YOUR LAZY FUCKTRUMPET ASS COULDN'T WAIT 5 MORE MINUTES?!!

I NOW HAVE THE MISFORTUNE OF REWRITING YOUR ABYSMAL DISASTER, OR DEAL WITH THIS PIECE OF SHITWARE..

> Have nothing to do with programming
> Starts shitty coding bootcamp online, possibly for free
> Learns html/css/js course
> Builds to-do app (dont know how to deploy it with anything but github pages, but who cares)
> Takes a week to finish course
> Gets e-certificate and posts it on LinkedIn
> Adds web and front end dev as Professional Skill on LinkedIn
.
.
.
> Complains how bad the tech industry is for 'new entries and beginners'

-Writes a function that I'm going to schedule for django.
-works in development.
-adds it to production cron using django-crontab
-not working.
-spends 3 hours editing code, searching for similar problems and reading documentations but find nothing wrong and it's still not working.
-maybe it's django-crontab so I decide to just write a custom management command and call it through cron.
-still not working.
-calls function using what I'm telling cron to do.
-everything works.
-?????????
-adds logs to cron command (sorry for not making it earlier)
-mfw the code is not working because I imported 'patterns' in urls.py which has been deprecated since django 1.8

Make. Fucking. Backups...

I had to find a MailChimp sync plugin for a webshop and thought I found a good one that synced one way (webshop to MailChimp).

I figured, meh, what could go wrong? So I installed it, ran it...and somehow lost around 4000 mailinglist receipients because they were not in the webshop.

Turns out it adds the registered users in the webshop, but also removes entries that are not! Needless to say, I had some explaining to do and was only able to recover about 3000 addresses from a previously sent campaign.

Customer was not happy, neither was my boss, very important lesson learned...

Do you think refactoring code adds value?

Pick one:

1. Hard No (Only refactor when there is a dollar value associated with it, i.e new feature depends on it).
2. Somewhat Yes (Futureproof your code, anticipate easiness to build feature requested in future).
3. Yes (Developer happiness, retention and for point 2)

I've been thinking of a script that when my work colleague writes "warm regards" at the end of an important email to clients, it adds "luke" to the front of it. Thoughts?

So I just bought an iubenda GDPR privacy policy, and literally filled it with any services I ever used, ever seen, ever could come in handy and have a genuine laugh how it would look like, if one single website used all the services, with all the options.

Great 9$ for sure, now I'll probably make myself a template generator, that removes and adds things, depending on what services I use.

(1) Datetimes. Seriously, fuck 'em.

(2) Everybody always thinking: Come on, that little feature is so simple. It couldn't possibly take a whole week to develop.

(3) Nobody really caring or understanding or forgetting after you've told them that if you cut corners and do something the dirty way, it adds to the effort and time needed to maintain or build new features.

Client: Please add feature x in "here"
Me: Adds feature x in "here"

Fast forward to QA

QA: Test for feature x failed. Feature was added in "here" but is not in "there"
Me: There was no request to add x in "there"
Client: Feature x was already supposed to be in "there", you might have removed it.
Me: *Checks file where feature would be added.
* Git blame show no changes since received we the project (one major release back)

Lying cunt. I'm sick of your literally incomprehensible tasks giving government fucks, speak human language not overhead driven bureaucracy-jargon

The past few days ive been looking into angular.

Its a bloated piece of crap. It makes your page twice the fucking size and adds tons of unneccessary code with shit syntax. Whatever you do in angular can be done in a normal language, even fucking vanilla javascript. Stop fucking making unneccessary frameworks for js developers who are too lazy to learn a proper language.

>Adds new feature
>New feature works fine on dev
>New feature works fine on staging
>New feature doesn't work on live
>You can't easily figure out what is wrong because you need to wait an hour for it each time :|

Working on a 92 hr estimated task for a client. Client adds 3 urgent tickets from another unrelated task and asks to finish those ASAP.
I do my best and it takes 3 full days to to complete the urgent tickets.
Today I receive a mail from the project manager stating how I'm behind the deadline on the original task and how I should complete it within the deadline date however possible.
Shaking my head.

So apparently Firefox can't handle (quick) animations from opacity 0 to opacity greater-than-zero and glitches around. Instead you need to animate starting from something greater than 0, like 0.001.

I had to debug this shit and it just adds to my reasons to dislike this browser.

So for the past 3 weeks I have been reporting that the development on X tickets has been completed and are deployed for testing.

Testers, fuck it we are not testing.
BA: yeah ok.

So nobody is testing.

And this Friday evening BA panics, starts emailing everybody, we need those items tested blah blah..

Now he is calling the testers over the weekend for testing 😂

And adds few more changes to requirements. (WTF)

Says:- He will also be testing over the weekend.

IT team :- Systems won't be working due scheduled maintenance. 😂😂 In your face BA

IT people best timing ever🤘

Hope he learns some prioritizing.

(most of the) Medium authors all suck fucking dick. Those fuckers are the reason the internet needs an IQ lock.

Stats about React vs Angular vs Vue.

Yeah of course let's compare search count of React vs Vue vs Angular but Vue must be searched with ".js" appended. NOT A SINGLE FUCK ADDS .JS WHEN SEARCHING FOR VUE.

Left: stats from article
Right: stats, if you use google trends correctly

Me: *adds a shiny new graph to our foos web app showing player ratings*

Fred: Can I please have a button to see just my scores?

Me: *adds "JUST FRED" button*

Fred: perfect, thanks

After more than a year I decided to download whisper (app) again and see what was being said near me.

Holly shit the app is a total disappointment, first it crashes my fucking phone the instant I open it, I try to open it again and my God I'm presented with adds everywhere and a load speed so slow a dying tortoise would run circles around it.

The app finished loading the content and it's a clusterfuck of insipid commentary and images, "I bought beautiful new panties", "my lesbian friend doesn't think I'm cute", "any girl want to talk to me?".

After looking at the decaying state of the app I noticed I had notifications, apparently my account is active somehow, I tried to delete it but as it turns out the app has no way of doing that, YOU NEED TO CONTACT THE FUCKERS!

What the fuck?! Who the hell made this steaming pile of shit and said it was an app?!

Nothing more to add, I deleted right away.

fuck javascript
node.js module system sucks. Like its module system is trash, who will want to download some fucking 1GB worth of packages to create a new project.
People keep on just creating other package managers. Yarn is good enough because it caches your packages but still, i am just from deleting some 2.2Gb node modules from my computer and just whyy ?
An area where internet connection us shitty and expensive it is just not very well.
Fuck javascript is everywhere so i have to use it,

typescript just adds another layer to the heavy lifting. You write some typed code to 'reduce bugs' but you generate much more heavy code. I could write in 1kb js file but i end up getting some 3kb js because what - i used typescript-ügvjpiahdjb

fuck javascript

Here's how it usually goes:

1) I estimate the different aspects of the assignment to the best of my abillities, based on customer criteria and information. I come up with an realistic estimate for development and testing.

2) My PM runs the numbers through an algorithm. It adds time for other stuff, but its all still very fair and in tune.

Now to the fucked up part.

3) My ceo and cto looks at the estimate, and he will just turn on every possible button and twist the estimate into what he thinks he can get the customer to pay🤢🤮

This ends in the customer saying - no thank you.
He comes back to us and does not understand why they declined.

Idiot!

Last night me and my friend were on a WhatsApp call discussing how we should practice algorithms and data structures more. We texted the logistics after and he sent me a calendar invite on google. I swear to god this morning I had adds talking about data algorithms all over YouTube but I have never googled this issue in the near past 🤔 this can’t be a coincidence...

>Gets assigned to this private Game server's project
>Boss wants me to improve the anti advertisement chat
> k
> Looks at old code
> Code is replacing unicode characters to latin ones that look similar which are being used for advertising
> lol'd who tf developed this
> regex101, building a regex query with endless of possibilities (would look something like this) /((L|\|_|I_)(O|0|\[\]|\(\))(L|\|_|_))/gi to detect lol
> Adds alot of similar looking unicode characters to assure that it will find something
> Works really well in the dev version
> Server open hour
> 30 players
> All chat at the same time
> CPU 100%
> BOSS NEVER TOLD ME TO MAKE IT EFFICIENT

In this era, information is much more precious than money itself.

I'm not saying that information wasn't as important back in the days. It's just, at present gathering information is much easier than it ever was!! Especially on people who spend more time on mobiles phones and computers.

Formally stated, Newton's third law is: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. As we're consuming information continuously, going through so many webpages, laughing at menes that are relatable and using apps that we need to perform day to day task. We're also providing information that we don't realize doing. This adds up to determining out individual personality.

One can never be too careful to prevent all these, but we can still minimize the damage.

Which fucking idiot thought it was a good idea to give adds the right to go and bust your fucking eardrums out of the blue. Like, I'll be sitting here playing a mobile game with my earphones in that has like little to no sound and out of nowhere some fucking add just goes BANG BANG BANG BANG as if my phone's volume is on max volume and put through an amplifier just to fucking rape my ears.

I GOT NEWS TO EVERY ONE THAT THIBKS THIS IS A GOOD IDEA:

NOBODY FUCKING LIKES YOU AND I HOPE YOU BURN IN A FIRE THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SOUND IN A PADDED ROOM WHERE SOUND IS NOT A THING

Very senior colleague: *hits a problem that is a minor inconvenience*
VSC: "I have to restart this task, the two weeks I put into it must be deleted!"
Me: "You forgot to do *this* here, add this 1 line and it's ok."
VSC: *An hour of rumbling about the codebase*
VSC: *adds my fix*
VSC: "Ok, it works now, you can review again"
Me: *cries inside*

Hey, fellow dRs.
I may need some help regarding this circuit.

It is about an 8 Bit multifunctional shift register with a 2 Bit instruction set.

These work:
If "Sel" is 0x00, the circuit loads data into its 8 D flip flops.
If "Sel" is 0x03, the circuit replaces all data with 0s.

These don't work (they do, but they do it in a very strange way and end up filling 1s instead):
If "Sel" is 0x01, it is supposed to ringshift bitwise to the right.
If "Sel" is 0x02, it is supposed to ringshift to the left.

As mentioned above. They do it in a very strange way. If we have 10000000, it will shift to the left or right depending on the "Sel"'s binary value. Let us say we want to shift it right. The output will turn from 10000000 to 01000000 (which is what we want), BUT after that it adds another 1 to it: 01100000. It keeps doing it until every single Bit is a 1. Same thing happens with the left ringshift.

I will include the other circuits used in this circuit in the comment section.

So apparently C# even adds punctuation for you?!?

*sets up digital ocean droplet
*adds ssh keys, enables private networking, hooks it into everything else
*adds roots in pycharm
*realizes I forgot to set it up with the one click app I wanted
*destroys droplet
*repeat

Build a docker image.
Adds config file .
Build cache ignores new contents.
Hours of trying to figure the shit out.
Bash into it.

GOD DAMN DOCKER HAS CACHED THE VERY FIRST VERSION OF THE FILE.

Hours lost with headcaches and thinking about existence. Fck my life.

*1 hour passes*
Me: adds new code

*1 day passes*
Me: Why did it work?

*some random weekend*
On call developer: Who fucking wrote this code!

In C# using "this."

WHY? It doesn't help with readability. It just clutters up the code and adds nothing.

It should never be a required prefix.

What makes it worse is, Visual Studio greys it out because its not required!

Then there is stylecop. This got enabled on our project which generated 3000 build errors because of missing "this."

> finds awesome front-end design software
> build a decent layout
> adds Phalcon stuff (started to use that a few days ago, works really nicely, just don't like the ORM as much as Propel2)
> software can no longer display the site layout properly

FML

Working with old codebase...

multiplyNumbers(2,5)
//adds the numbers together

What the fuck??! 4th grade math-terms??! This is real, btw

*adds border to the bottom of a fucking div*

Why, hello there Mr. FUCKTARD HORIZONTAL-FUCKING-SCROLLBAR. That totally makes God damn fucking shittard fuck'ala'fucking fuck-damn'le-shit-fucka-shittard sense.

Love it when PM/business adds a bunch of extra tickets on the last week of a 3 week spring.

Or

I love it when business sends you a requirement, you build it, then they add more requirements that contradict the original requirements

When facebook and youtube adds are nothing but clients you built websites for.😒
Someone needs to update their algorithm to more than just 'how many times you visited a website before.'

! rant

I met a super interesting developer guy today in London in Starbucks and we talked a lot about programming and the Full Stack conference, he also has devRant, I hope he sees this post and adds me!

Intern - adds commit message like "added two files"

Me - Hey Intern, I've added commit lint, please don't disable precommit hooks.. so let's follow standard commit message format

Intern - commits like "feat(app): fix changes"

*later*

Me - Hey Intern, please commit with short meaningful messages like what actual changes were made

Intern - commits like feat(app): whole long story of what he couldn't do and some changes..

Me - 🤦

When your boss adds to the development pipeline and expects the deadline to stay the same...

> do you feel sorry for freelancing contractors
> whose previous client abandoned them
> they ask you to help them fix some trivial bugs in the shitty code
> you believe you can change the world by going overboard by also improving the code quality, along with fixing the bugs
> initialize an empty file where you'll translate the shitty code into a more organized one
> start creating variables and generic functions which can be used in a modular and organized fashion
> meticulously document the first function you write
> realize this is not worth your time
> insert some glue code into the original code which fixes the trivial bugs
> glue code has hard coded values so it adds to the shittiness of the code
> submit the work
> get $$$

I am not the only one that has ranted about this but it needs to be repeated: FUCK QUORA

Can't they just please go out of business already? Services that force you to sign up to read stuff are making me want to torture the company's decision makers slowly to death anyways. Also fuck reddit for promoting their absolute garbage app that adds ZERO value to the reddit experience other than bugs and really shitty loading times.

I'm using framework X, I managed to google and fix the bug in a few seconds, nice!

I'm using framework X with library Y, I managed to google and fix the bug in a few minutes, nice!

I'm using framework X with library Y and Z that adds certain features, I managed to google and fix the bug in a few hours, I need a bathroom break and coffee but great!

I'm using framework X, runtime environment version 3, library X and Z and am trying to achieve T because god knows why and managed to only find 2 old stackoverflow topics and 1 reddit post almost completely unrelated but I tried their code anyway and I feel so miserable I'm behind schedule and can't seem to be able to fix this stupid issue what am I doing with my life oh please...

I won't be surprised if MS adds a "one click deploy" button in GitHub projects to Azure cloud soon, which sounds pretty cool.

There are few things that annoy me more than an app with unneeded transition animations between menus. An example of this would be the Xbox app on Android. Whenever you navigate to a new menu, it always has a stupid slow fade-in animation. Why do we need an animation every time we switch between menus?! It adds that much more time before we can actually use that section of the app, just because we need to wait for this stupid unneeded animation to run. It's like whoever wrote the app was browsing a generic animation library and discovered the fade-in animation, and thought to themselves "Woah this is so cool, it'll make the app go whooooooosh every time they change menus, they're gonna be so impressed!!"

Worked on website that has Twitter Bootstrap, including the fancy grid classes. Colleague adds new class with the brilliant name 'paddington-bear'. Class only had padding: 0 13px;.

Really had a good laugh about it. Other colleague went furious on Paddington colleague couldn't appreciate it at all. Had myself another good laugh while the colleagues were bickering.

Is there adapter which adds cable to Apple Air Pods?

Me: No more coding on live sites this year!

Also me: [adds code to live site]

I just used booking.com and good fucking god is the whole website a shit infested hell hole. They use scammiest and pushiest techniques to make you book a place asap without giving you space to breathe and read details.

They try to obfuscate what's actually necessary with what they want to take from you. For example just before reserving a room there's a checkbox that's close enough to words "terms and conditions" and "privacy policy" for unsuspecting user to habitually check it to proceed. However, you clicking "reserve" is considered your consent and that checkbox simply adds your email to their spamming list.

There are countless examples of absolute asshole design within every inch of that place and I don't even want to imagine what they do with my data.

Suffice to say this was the first and last time I will use their services and if I were to give any advice, is "don't be the dick responsible for website/app/service similar to booking.com"

Hello folks,

first rant (yeeah :D) with a big question of myself (made an account for this ^^):

How does DevRant finance itself?

is it through the merchandise?

Dont see any adds so I am astonished :)

Specs: script adds extra files to zip, take the part out that adds the extra files to the zip
Me: *takes out the part that adds the adds the extra files to the zip, tests & ships to production*
Boss: Nooooo, I wanted the remaining bits added to this other script!!
Me: ...

I mean, she admitted that she made faulty specs but it still doesn't make it any less irritating and annoying and disrupting to my autistic brain. >:C

Installing a software on Linux can be such a pain sometimes....
This software needs a dependency, which needs another, which in turn needs another......

I mean if you already know you need it, go install it yourself. Why do I need to do everything manually?

And no. A simple apt get install won't work. You need a third party dependency which adds the package to the repository and some other stuff before you can do anything.

Why? Just why?

So it's 5 am and a random Snapchat adds me. Of course I know it's a bot. I tend to answer these because i'm curious of how clever the ai has become in these scams. Still hasn't improved in like 5 years. Here I am telling this ai how shitty it is at it's job and telling it how it could be better by using deep learning to copy the way others talk and actually be convincing and then I think to myself, "well damn, why don't I just build a better ai." Seriously thinking about it. Ended up leaving the chat after telling the ai to inform it's lizard overlords I am for hire if they want a better trap.

has anyone ever had this happen?

ide- syntax error: missing ";" on line 7 (1 error)
me- *adds the missing ; *
ide- syntax error: missing ";" on line 7 (57 errors)

Does it get easier?
I think it does but, I wanna hear it from someone.

Every little thing I want to do, I look it up online. Even if I've done it before, but I've probably forgotten how.
And the fact that there's A LOT of technologies out there, and that they'll just keep coming everyday, just adds to the overwhelming feeling I'm in.

Python's beauty does help a little though :)

414 rants since your last visit,

Alright devrant, here we go.

> client adds a home button to the subdomain
> asks to add a feature from which user can come to the homepage of subdomain
> naturally, add "/" in the href of the home
> client gets frenzy
> "that home button was supposed to redirect users to the main domain"
> I'm like wtf bro
> anyways adds another home button to redirect to the home of the subdomain.

now let's see how confused the users get

I got my domain from Swisscom (Switzerlands "T-Mobile") Every damn time I try to renew/adjust the domain it feels like I have to search for the fucking Higgs Boson. Searching for it on DDG only yields wrong results. Domains are hidden deep within the business part of their homepage. Their buisness site barely mentions domains, the login is somehow tied to an account you would normally use in combination with your phone number which only adds more to the confusion and the whole domain thing seems to be a shitty frontend coverup of someone elses service.

1) Search for "what is *language-I'm-interested-in* useful for?" on ddg;
2) Google the same thing 'cause you never know;
3) If it looks cool/useful and adds something to the tech I already know, I find a tutorial and follow it.
4) Trial and error on a new project that I will end up doing in another language because by that time I will find the new project so cool that I have to finish it in a language I use proficiently.

Every damn time.

I need to add a certificate to an Apple ID. First time doing that - should be no trouble.

> Open Xcode
> Xcode --> Preferences... -> Accounts
> Select the correct Apple ID
> Manage Certificates...

Hmm. What's this '+' button?

> Clicks the button
> Categories show up - no descriptions for their use beyond names. Maybe if I click one?
> Clicks arbitrary category
> Immediately creates a certificate and adds it to keychain
> Can't be removed from this window
> Must be revoked from Apple's portal and then deleted

I feel dumb.

Included a widget on a website (JS that adds its own code in a division, like Facebook like boxes). The script added its own CSS file that overwrites bootstrap classes, with !important and at the very end on the <head>. Even worse is that there's no alternative, its a widget from a government association and there's no API. And of course, the client insisted to have it so I had to rewrite some part to use custom classes instead of bootstrap's.

Something I would like to finish :
- Learn server-side language so I can create more then front end. In my case I'm learning asp.net core.
- Finish a project called coffeeBreak. Users adds some web sites he likes to read and he reads them all in one page without opening multiple tabs.
- Finish a simple Reddit client for mobile, and make a desktop app out of it.
- Go through all the Pluralsight courses I have on my PC

Unlike