Admin: "Wait, I noticed unusual traffic."

Me: "What is it?"

Admin: "Looks like we have a bot here."

Me: "A bot? Didn't know we are so popular."

Admin: "It makes constantly login requests through our API, it already surpassed 600.000! I will ban it right away."

Me: "wait, that just sounds like my bot.."

Admin: "DUDE, WTF? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

When there is bug, you don't know of, it can end up quite embarrassing.

"Can you put my site as the first result on google?"

I can add SEO to your site, just give me your preferred keywords, a description, and let's make sure we follow white hat best practices etc.

"No call someone at google and ask how much to go to the top of the list"

So you want to pay for ads or..?

"No get a figure I can pay to get to first page"
"Or can you just edit the google"

... And so I never renewed that contract ever again, the end.

*This morning*
HR Lady: we saw your profile and we think it fits what we're looking for, I just need to know what you use for front-end programming

Me: I use ReactJs, AngularJs and for backend NodeJs

HR Lady: Hmm, so you don't use Javascript

Me: ... (unhandled exception in my head)

Me: M'am everything I mentioned is using Javascript

HR Lady: oh! ok.

I just remembered the first time I set up a Linux-Server. It was a simple Apache webserver at my first internship anf I didnt have a clue about literally anything.

My mentor guided me through and gave me literal step-by-step instructions (alright, now type... and now type...).

At the end he told me "OK, now run 'sudo rm -rf /*' to finish setting up". Me, being the naive and clueless motherfucker I am, happily nuked the everloving shit out of my newly setup server. I was like "Alright, WTF just happened??" He then told me "Now that you know how it works, do the entire thing again all by yourself. And you just learned an important lesson: NEVER exexute commands you dont know what theyre doing". I really did learn a lot on that day and still follow that lesson :D

I made a Trello board and listed some tasks for me and my team.

My boss comes in, I show him the trello board to show how I organized our tasks.

He liked it, so I asked him if we can use it more frequently.

He replied: this is your code, do whatever you want.

I asked: my code?

He replied: yah didn't just build this webpage? This interactive task manager.

Me in shock: hold on you think I built trello?

Boss: oh ... You didn't ? It looks like something you'd do for your "front end masterbaution".

Me: oh wow, well... If that was the case I would've made $425 million on top of my salary.

Boss: looked at me like meh ~ and walked away...

How not to give support..

Me: Creates ticket on support site, letting them know their webservice returns "maintenance" page.
Support: "It works on our end."
Support: *closes ticket*

Euhm.. excuse me?

Me: Creates another ticket with a screenshot and the curl response information..
Support: Sends screenshot back that it works on their end. "Maybe check your firewall"
Support: *closes ticket*

I ain't playing these games..

Me: Creates new ticket with more curl responses from 4 different servers to prove it's not "firewall" related.
Support: ..

2 days later

Me: Sends *friendly* reminder.
Support: ..

6 days later

Me: Creates ticket again saying I'm still having issues.
Support: "I'm forwarding this to our technical support"
Support: *closes ticket*

10 minutes later.

Technical Support: "Here's the manual for our integration .pdf."

Excuse me, you say what now? I KNOW HOW IT WORKS, I'VE WRITTEN THE INTEGRATION ALREADY. THE SERVICE JUST SEEMS TO BE DOWN FFS.. pls..

Me: Sends mail to their project manager who manages the clients dossier with support history and such.
Him: "I'll check it out and let you know."

1 day later.

Support: "We had some issues this and that, wasn't publically availble, works now, .."

What a nice way to waste your time..

I just learned that a web application I've been developing for the last six months will only be live for three days.

I could have, if they had kept me in the loop, knocked it out in the same week.

But no.

I built it to last.

End my suffering.

Thursday
PM: Hey why is A delayed? It should be top priority.
me: I just completed B, and C which were also top priority but got scheduled earlier, so I thought they..
PM: Agh, yes. But can you then finish A by the end of week? it would be very important!
me: No, I unfortunately don't think I'd have enough time by the end of wee..
PM: Why? This should be *the* top priority task. You should not start other tickets before A is done.
me: Exactly. But I *just* started. And. I. don't. have. enough. free. hours. left. this. week.
PM: But why?!
me: So just on Friday I have these 5 meetings here..
*shows calendar*
PM: Ok... OK! Then don't attend those before you are done. This should be more important.
me: Ugh, oh-key...are you sure?
PM: Yea, just let who invited you know that you can't attend and feel free to cc me in, I'll explain A is most important atm.
me: Ok, thanks, but that won't be necessary.
PM: What? Why?
me: You invited me to the Friday meetings.

Obviously I had to attend all 5 meetings today and A is pushed back to next week. :)

Every goddamn time.

Boss: Hey, how is the project going?
Me: promising. We have some basic functions working, but at this point it is more like a proof of concept.
Boss: Ah ok, I see.

Couple of days later...

Boss: I talked to a client who was very interested in the stuff you are just building. Made a really good deal! We need to be live by the end of the week.
Me: What?
Boss: What?

Manager: I need estimates for your sprint tasks

Me: I've never done any of this before, my estimates have no context and are effectively worthless

Manager: don't worry it's just for the Jira board.

Me: OK *gives estimates*

End of sprint comes...

Manager: Why isn't task X done?

Me: *sigh*

I don't miss my old job :)

My boss just told me that he wants me to stay and is giving me a permanent position :D my contract would have ended by the end of this month otherwise! :D

My freelancing horror story?

I remember like it was yesterday. It was late at night and I was doing some freelancing. (You know... the good stuff...)

All of a sudden the light began flickering, it got really cold and I felt like something was watching me!

OMG! SOMETHING JUST TOUCHED MY SHOULDER! I TURN AROUND AND...

...nothing. Nobody was there.

"I really need some sleep", I think to myself and turn back to my monitor.

Wait a second, what's that?
"10%..."
"20%..."
"60%..."

Oh my god...
How could this happen to me?
Those bastards got me after all!

I just witnessed...

A WINDOWS UPDATE!!!

The end~
______________________________

I don't feel responsible for pants that need to be washed now.

Is it just me, or do all developer relationships end with blocking each other on GitHub?

I am so bad at Smalltalk.. really, I feel like an idiot every time, and every time I end up in silence. Just talk to me something it-related, I can't stop talking. Does this happens to you too?

It's funny to see how a coworker of mine and me are very similar minded on some privacy stuff. He's a very cool/open guy and just a regular consumer (used the default services etc) but he shares quite some of my views. This is a convo we had today:

*got to the WhatsApp subject somehow*
Him: oh right, you didn't use that haha
Me: yeah 😅
Him: why was that again, privacy reasons or something, right? xD
Me: uhm yes *help*
Him: Well fair enough.
Me: so you'd think I'm right? I mean it uses end to end crypto... (I'm entirely with him in the next few lines but I always approach it carefully)
Him: they veeeery probably have some kinda fucking masterkey.
Me: why'd you think that?
Him: it has over a billion users, the owner is facebook, fb is directly integrated with several mass surveillance programs, they are known to work closely with one particular one, the intelligence interests are way too high for letting such an opportunity pass and after all, THE FUCKER IS CLOSED SOURCE AKA NO ONE CAN FUCKING VERIFY THE CRYPTO NOR THE APP ITSELF.
Me: I agree haha 😅
Him: it's not rocket science, it's modern day mass tracking/surveillance logic :)

I like that guy.

For my passionate coders out here, I have some tips I learned over the years in a business/IT environment.

1) Don't let stupid management force you into making decisions that will provide a bad product. Tell them your opinion and why you should do it that way. Never just go with their decision.
2)F@#k hackathons, you're basicly coding software for free, that the company might use. Want to probe yourself? Join a community and participate in their challenges.
3)No matter how good you are, haters are common.
4)Learn to have a good communication, some keywords are important to express yourself to other developers or customers. Try crazy things, don't be shy.
5)Never stand still, go hear at other companies what they offer, compare and choose your best fit. This leads me into point...
6)if you've been working for over a year and feel that you have participated enough in the companies growth, ask a raise, don't be afraid...you're wanted on the market, so either they negotiate a new contract or you find another job.

I'm sharing these with you as I made many mistakes regarding these points, I have coded for free or invested so much time in a company just to prove myself. But at the end I realize that my portfolio is enough to prove that I'm capable of doing the job. They don't like me? Or ask me stupid questions that I can google in 5 minutes. I'll just decline the job and get something better. Companies end up giving me nothing in return compared to the work I have put into it. At the end after some struggles you'll find a good fit and that's so important for your programming career. Burnouts happen quite often if you're just a coding puppy.

If some of you still have additional tips be sure to post them under here

Client: I need html code for this search bar *attaches png*

Me: Ok. I will send you the code. HTML is just for front end views.

Client: ok. I will place an order, you can send it over *places order*

Me: *copy 6 lines of code from bootsnipp*
*make some changes*
*submit to client*

Client: Thanks but when I press the search icon it does not display the relevant records.

Me: *smh*

Data scientist: we need to whitelist a pod to connect to a database
Me: Whitelist? We don't use whitelists on private databases
DS: It's the new data warehouse database
Me: is it on <X> VPC?
DS: I'm not sure what that means but its ip is <real world ipv4>
Me: Are you hosting a publicly accessible database with all our end users information?!
DS: ...
Me: There goes our SOC2 audit controls...
DS: how long until you can white list it?
Me: I won't be whitelisting it. You need to put it on a private VPC and peer with the cluster, you'll have to rebuild all the Terraform and redeploy
DS: We didn't use Terraform because it takes too long, just white list the pods IP.
Me: No. I'm contacting the CISO and CTO...

My summer internship adventures

Cunt Boss: you will receive salary and a bonus at the end of the project
Me: *works for 3 months*
Cunt Boss: *sends 60 fucking euros to my bank account*
Me: is that just the bonus?
Cunt Boss: oh I'm sorry, we have some financial troubles here and that's all I can give you

Thanks! Now I can buy you a dildo so you can go fuck yourself

Front End programming is the worst of all worlds.

I am a Full Stack developer that during every interview says "i can do front end stuff if needed". Something gets lost in translation and becomes "I do only front end stuff".

I don't mind front end development, but i hate urgent nitpicking that happens every time. Everyone else on the team works by regular tasks and deliveries (sprints and release dates), but my work consists of being the brush of the creative mind of someone else, that could not figure out how to make a good design before sending it out to me.

I am not a designer, a designer job is a creative one, i am just a brush that the team uses to complain why this button looks wrong on this not designed platform.

QA: You need to write a test script for your new web app before it can go live

Me: ok, I'll write some tests in PHP unit and automate the tests.

QA: Oh, can you do that? We just normally write a list in excel then go through each line and write pass or fail at the end.

Me: yeah, good one.

QA: Umm, I'm not joking.

Queue awkward silence...

Recruiter: are you interested in a client side java role?

Me: yes, here is my client side resume please submit me

Recruiter: sorry the hiring manager said they are looking for more of a back-end engineer

Me: you told me it was a client side role, please resubmit me with my back-end geared resume

Recruiter: yes that's correct, it's client side, we'll keep you in mind for the future but you should know there is a difference between mobile devs and web devs

Me: what you just said is not relevant to this conversation. I would be happy to discuss the diff between front-end and back-end, client vs server, etc.

Recruiter: I'm just relaying what the hiring manager is saying to me

Me: your [lack of] ability to relay technical information is quite apparent :/

*lesson learned*: interview recruiters before they start interviewing me

Unbelievable waste of time, how do these people even make a living? FML!

!dev

My mental health has been down the drain b'cuz of circumstances. And unfunnily, it did end up taking the better of me. yet folks around me still do not believe it's a thing that people don't want to live anymore; rather it's a "childish" thing and "are you so weak" thing.

And I'm just gonna tell you, if you ever said that to someone who feels like the world is coming to an end for them, you're an unbearable ass, and you're probably one reason that person wants to off themself.

Living around some people is just torture on its own.

Tragedies of Non-Technical Boss:

Boss: What happened yesterday, tried reaching you several times, you were just unavailable!

Me: My wifi stopped working as there was some issue at the ISP's end.

Boss: You could've atleast dropped a skype message that your internet is not working!

Me: Yes sir but the internet was not working, so I couldn't drop that message too!!

Boss: But you should have, I was in panic what happened to you...You were alright or not?...

Me: Yup I know, I didn't see the wifi tragedy coming.

Boss: If ever the internet goes down or anything sort of that happens just drop me a text on skype, that your internet is not working. Okay!

Me: *Confused* as to if he is high or just not listening to what I am saying...

I hate how some recruiters treat you.

I get it - I'm not your client, the person hiring me is. I get it - at the end of the day I'm just a big bag of money in your eyes.

But at least treat me like a person. I may have a family I need to take care of and the carrot you're dangling in front of me may mean the difference between me living comfortably and me being homeless. So after an interview even if it didn't go well let me know. DON'T avoid my phone calls or emails because you don't want to deal with breaking the news to me and instead hope you just never hear from me again.

Dear fucking boss,

If you want me to implement a huge feature which requires the creation of dozens of db tables, server side classes and front end pages, just fucking stop ask me every 2 hours if I’m done.

Best regards,
The employee that will quit in a week or two

Ugh, fxk. I got a promotion, I'm now a team lead for 4 developers, and I fxking hate it.

They never asked me if I wanted the position, they just threw me into it this week. They ripped me away from the team I had great chemistry with and put me on this other team with people I have no connection with.

To make matters worse, I'm also responsible for production servers of the clients of this team, one has malware even.

On top of all of this, they made me move desks for a new developer to fill my spot.

How do you demote yourself? Why would a company want someone to perform poorly (on purpose, I don't care) than to just keep their employee happy?

/end rant

When I joined my team in august as a junior/trainee, we were 6 developers.

Now we are 4 left in the team.

By the end of june, we are 1.. I mean its me, myself and I.

Wtf did I do!? My code isnt that spaghetti. I think...

But its np, just me with a 20 years old database, 7 legacy systems and a new one planned.

Atleast my boss believes in me keeping this shit floating.

It's crazy to me how much of a misguided superiority complex some CS college kids have.

"I'd never learn Python, that's just for kids"

"Front end is so easy, it's just HTML and making things look pretty"

Let me just delete this symbolic link and leave it copying the folder to the ssd real quick while I go to lunch...

Lessons learned:

1 - don't put a fucking / at the end of `rm -rf /path/to/link`

2 - don't ignore the warning of it being a folder after trying to `rm /path/to/link`

3 - backup your fucking dev database too

4 - don't do stuff hungry

SHIT!! FUCK!!

I was at the robotics group of our school when suddenly two other students (both 2 grades above me) started talking:

P1: I always forget the brackets when writing code

P2: I always forget the return statements

P3: yeah, always takes ages to find out why your code doesn't work

P4: haha, in the end it's just something missing that you didn't notice like a semicolon or a bracket

Me (thinking): do you use a fucking toaster to code? Even if you don't use an ide the compiler tells you what's wrong

That moment you realise why you enjoy the dev life again.

It's been a long time since I've had a solid day of coding, just coding..., no meetings, no wild requests, no crazy issues, no data fixing because someone can't type a number correctly, just me, myself and that keyboard going on a field trip of quality coding time again.

Ah, it's a good day to end the week on!

>be me
>drop out of uni studying civil engineering
>"self-taught" "web programmer"
>start freelancing in 2010
>Make money, feels good man
>clients keep me busy, feel important
>Code just for the fun of it
>be 2019. Married, code to make ends meet
>lose all interest
>mere sight of the ide makes me want to bash the screen
>have zero motivation
>never get any projects done
>become broke af
>look at old friends on fb. They are "Something".
>look at real software engineers and programmers with education
>realize I am an imposter
>start dropping all projects and studying theory
>become more broke
>start taking "motivation pills" to just start working again
>lose all motivation and pissed at all the real programmers and engineers for their success
>be me on May 20, 2019 at 2:56 AM
Yep, this is the end.

Let me tell you a story:
One upon a time poor lil PonySlaystation received a call. It was a nice guy who cried about his WordPress website had been hacked. So the clusterfuck began...

He gave me the login credentials for the hosting back-end, DB, FTP and CMS.
A hacked WP site was not new for me. It was probably the 6th of maybe 10 I had to do with.
What I didn't expect was the hosting back-end.
Imagine yourself back in 1999 when you tried to learn PHP and MySQL and all was so interesting and cool and you had infinite possibilities! Now forget all these great feelings and just take that ancient technology to 2018 and apply it to a PAID FUCKING HOSTING PROVIDER!
HOLY FUCKING ASSRAPE!
Wanna know what PHP version?
5.3.11, released the day before gomorrah was wiped.
The passwords? Stored in fucking plaintext. Shown right next to the table name and DB user name in the back-end. Same with FTP users.
EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE FUCK?!

I have to call Elon Musk and order some Boring Company Flame Throwers to get rid of this.

Long story long, I set up a new WP, changed all passwords and told the nice guy to get a decent hoster.

>> this === rant
<< true

At beginning of this year, I only knew HTML, JS, and CSS so I just applied for offers like "Jr Apprentice Dev in Front-End"
In a interview call, the woman told me that they will send me a test asking about my JS and HTML5 knowledge.
When I look in my inbox, the mail subject says "Back-end Test".

Then I call the woman:

Me: "Hello, I have received the test mail, but maybe it's wrong. I applied for a Front-End position and the test is about backend! "

She: "Do you have skills in JS and HTML5?"

Me: "Yes!, and CSS3"

She: "Well, the test is about that. JS, jQuery, and HTML5"

Me: "..."

Me: "Sorry, that languages are Front-End. In the subject say 'Back-End' and Back-End is PHP, SQL, MySQL, Java, .Net... I don't know nothing about that. I only know HTML, JS, CSS."

She: "It's the same"

Me: "I sorry but it's not the same. Fron-End is client-side, what users sees. Animation, colors, FXs, buttons, forms... And Back-End is server-side, what users doesn't see."

She: "Well, JS, HTML, and CSS is backend for us. We call it that way too"

Me: "Sorry but that is wrong. I invite you to read some basic info. Now I am confused"

Of course that I am not confused. That idi0t was wrong.
Perhaps recruiters should take some info about areas where they are recruiting... (:T)

So today was the worst day of my whole (just started) career.

We have a huge client like 700k users. Two weeks ago we migrated all their services to our aws infrastructure. I basically did most of the work because I'm the most skilled in it (not sure anymore).

Today I discovered:
- Mail cron was configured the wrong way so 3000 emails where waiting to be sent.
- The elastic search service wasn't yet whitelisted so didn't work for two weeks.
- The cron which syncs data between production db en testing db only partly worked.

Just fucking end me. Makes me wonder what other things are broken. I still have a lot to learn... And I might have fucked their trust in me for a bit.

Software just destroyed half a year worth of work today. God bless developers. I'm getting myself a psychologist over a broken fucking server. Because software fucking killed it. And killed me with it. Do I really have to build everything from component to end product myself? Without even being a developer?

Had this a week ago. Was setting my alarms for the morning and noticed that (I always run one test alarm just to be sure) the alarm sound wasn't working for whatever reason.

*maybe I should turn it off and on again?*
*nah that's bullshit, it should just work like this, if not, something is seriously wrong!*

*goes to sleep while running the alarms on an old phone*

*tries to do the turning it off and on again anyways next day*

*IT WORKS*

*Le me feeling like a very stupid end user 😐*

Kudos to @trogus and @dfox for introducing the new refresh button on the nav bar instead of the odd position at the end of the comments.
It's looking awesome now.

Note: If the screenshot violates anyones privacy. Let me know. It is just a random screenshot

Interviewer: So which university are you from?

Me: I am from "foo" university.

Interviewer: So why did you not go to "bar" university?

Inner Me: Wtf kind of a question is that. Why the fuck aren't you a unicorn with pigs flying out of your ass and a globally reknowned researcher at Stanford?
We all end up where destiny takes us. Some of us try very hard but things don't magically happen for us. We keep trying but at the end of the day you end up where you end up.

Real Me: I just finished my High School and had the entry test the next day. I was not prepared at all.

devRanters, especially the linuxers, unusual request/question, especially coming from @linuxxx!

I just found two very old netbooks which still contain windows xp (I didn't even know I still had them at all) and I'm obviously going to turn them into Linux netbooks.

Does anyone know any good looking linux distro's that run well on low-end hardware? This is not my specialty since I either deal with servers or higher-end computers :).

Please pass me some suggestions!

I seen a buncha people get all sentimental lately so ill have a go 'swell.

I joined devrant ~a year ago, when i was feeling really down and prolly ready to just fuckin end it all. I met a lotta amazing people and im safe to say i made some friends 'ere (yknow who y r). Thanks a lot for showin me there are sociopatic maniac idiots like me, im in a much better place rn, and i prolly wouldnt be here without yall. Thanks D and T for making this platform.

I just realized that my fucking boss managed to put a back end dev to do front end and a front end dev to make an api.

So me and the front end dev are constantly asking each other stuff instead of doing the fucking job properly because it isn't the subject that we like/spend our free time learning.

Although I understand that its good to have some "full stack" knowledge I also understand that my ui/ux is gonna suck while his api is gonna suck :)

WTH?! I just installed Windows on a high end laptop and fiber connection in under 20 minutes.

Nobody told me this is how people in first-world countries lived!!

How I spend my days at work working with legacy code:

* Writing tests before I do anything
* Noticing that i cannot write tests because of antipatterns. Lots of them.
* Refactoring to make at least a tiny bit testable.
* Then writing tests.
* More rewriting and refactoring
* Finally adding that one feature my boss asked me for
* Writing tests for that new feature (my do that before implementing)
* Explaining to my boss why it took me so long and agreeing on stopping writing tests.
* 2 days later: explaining why i still broke something.

But in the end my code works just fine.
my colleagues handle things differently. They just ignore problems as long as at least one feature works a bit.

Oauth2 examples.

Seriously all examples I found use library that use library that use library to just build url encoded parameters like this

client_secret=foo&code=bar

Got me 5 hours to dig going trough couple of github repos with implementation to see that shit at the end.

Seriously people !!!
Start thinking before you write single line.
I don’t want to download 10 dependencies and 100MB+ just to send 2 requests with url encoded parameters.

It’s in every - literally every language.

I know you’re stupid but please just try to understand how things work instead of copy paste another stackoverflow and medium snippet.

Wk29:

A 15 minute meeting to discuss what shade of yellow our product should use for warning. I had to attend because I was writing the product.

This was one of about 5 separate discussions on the colour, a few of which involved me showing them a colour wheel and telling them to pick.

I'm a back end developer, the colour is just 3 rgb floats to me, I don't goddam care!

Me : "hey front end dev, here is an API returing a list of objects, put them in a table"

*Some hours later

Front end : 'Done !"

Me :" Where are the totals?"

front end : 'Api doesn't give me totals"

me : "Calculate them. Just do a sum"

front end : 'I don't know how".

Yeah, "front end" apprently means only html css.... FML

!rant

Interviewed a guy for a senior technical job. I worked hard on making my own questions that hopefully make the interviewee think instead of useless gotchas.

He told me at the end that they were fun questions and this interview was loads better than the rest who just ask questions off of Google.

Having had my share of shitty interviews, this makes me feel so good 😊

*Creates a rest api that runs on localhost:8080*
*Creates React front end that runs on localhost:3000*
*Sends a GET request to api*
*Cross-Origin Request Blocked: The Same Origin Policy...*

Thats my fucking dev environment and its my local fucking host! Let me just send a fucking request to my own fucking machine you piece of shit! Why the fuck they didn't add an exclusion to fucking localhost?!?

I'm just C# boy, born and raised in a .Net world ... Today I started some stuff with JavaScript, downloaded the JavaScript standard extension for using in Vs code... It made me do things...it made indent each new line by 2 spaces! Not 4 or a tab but 2! And then what really took the fucking biscuit, it said I couldn't end my statements with semi colons! I need a strong cup of tea and a sit after that shit. How is that at all useful to anyone!? It just made it make less sense!!!!

This really pisses me off. As a front end developer (ember.js, HTML and Css) colleagues and boss and pm are always making jokes how I just need to change a button or a color and whenever there is a bug in the UI there's always big fun and jokes around it. But when there's a bug in the API, they never joke around, it's just : oh yeah we're getting the wrong data or an exception. But they always like to undervalue UI work even when it involves complex layouts, multi browser compatibility, responsive design, mobile browsers etc.. While they just code their API to connect to a database and everything works they don't really need to worry about what the user is using as a browser. They just get requests and send replies. I don't really think people value the work in front end as much as backend and that pisses me off as I believe there's a lot more going on in the front end.. I know they mean well and they are all cool people but sometimes it pisses me off as they don't value my work..

TL;TR

My mum just came to me asking me why the mouse is not working ...like I'm GOD of electronics :( (I'm just a simple dev) I simply though that the battery is dead because it's old. Soooooo.....
I showed her how to open it and how to change the battery. After 5 min she came back with a new battery and the same mouse asking me to fix it for her....

In my mind I literally snapped my brain was bleeding and exploding at the same time.

I just cringed a fake smile and changed the battery in front of her very slowly. I sure she won't remember how to do it next time.

At the end of the story I can't talk back or be angry to my parents I have to much respect for them. They though me everything from how to poop, speak, dress, eat and so on.

Be kind to your parents.

The guy across from me on the phone being loud as ever just said this "the key to using cloud software is having it organized (he means storage in a sense), otherwise you end up with a mess on your desktop"

LOL I've seen his desktop it's a mess!

Who invented the open space office layout? If you're as unlucky as me, you end up sitting next to the protein junkie who pops open a tin of tuna mixed with some other shit that's there just because it smells horrible almost hourly, or you end up next to the PM whose desk is gossip central and by the end of the day you know "Sheila" is sleeping with her brother in law, and "Steve" has a tiny weiner.

Just fucking end me at this point.

To the coworkers who won't read this -- If you have a question to message me, type the QUESTION ITSELF. Don't coyly request permission to ask me a question because you're worried you'll bother me, that just turns it into TWO questions. Let us put an end to saying 'hey, can I ask you a question' and then virtually walking away.

Certified Enganeers: 0, Internet Connectivity Issues: 1

Those idiots couldn't even understand why I'd connected a second router (a DLink DIR 816) for better WiFi than their default garbage modem/router. And one of them told me that he'd login to the router by "putting the address in Google" (and proceeded to type 192.168.1.251 in the search bar, after I explained to him that Firefox was a browser too, just like Chrome -.-)

And they didn't even fix the problem, which is most probably on their end since everything checks out here. Brilliant. More shitty 3G/4G for me.

YOU CERTIFIED PIECES OF CRAP

The most awaited death happens. The death of 2016!

My fellow devRanters, have a peaceful and a blessed new year. And if you are single, just like me, let our streak end this year! Haha!

Just realized that my "cheapest that money can buy" printer reboots faster (and a lot too) than my fairly high-end but as proprietary and shitty as routers can be Fritz!Box router. German engineering no less.

Kill me 🙂🔫

I've been waiting for my girlfriend to try some clothes for the past 40 mins and we were still in the first shop. I swear it's been 2 days since we arrived at the mall.

I just want to finish my first​ vuejs project (vuejs from a back end dev perspective is simply awesome).

Not a true devrant but a rant non the less. Save me devbrothers

Is it just me or every other back end dev that has this weird habit of trying to guess the back end used in every website you visit ?

Recruiter: Hey you have Java experience, right?

Me: Uhm, yeah, but I have a job...

Recruiter: I have here a three month contract at £200 a day and...

Me: I already have a job.

Recruiter: What? Paying this much, I think not.

Me: Well, no, but it's a full time role and I just bought a house, so I'm not going to jeopardize my financial stability. I mean what happens at the end of the three months, I'm basically unemployed!

Recruiter: We might have other roles available then.

Me: You MIGHT have roles... Excuse me, but do you think I am an idiot? What lunatic in their right mind would quit a stable full time role, for a short term contract with no guarantee of subsequent work?

Recruiter: Well... They do pay well for Java devs...

Me: Yeah, please delete my file...

My instructor at my internship just asked me to hide my front end source code using JavaScript.

Boss: Alright so after lunch can you show me all the changes you've made for project x?
Me: there haven't been any visible changes to it so it looks exactly the same as when I showed you at the end of the day yesterday. Just reorganised the code a bit.
Boss: Well, refresh my memory anyway.
Me:...

Not sure if you'd call this an insecurity but regardless; frontend.

Much of the stuff I develop is meant to be user/privacy friendly.
Like, at the moment I'm developing an end-to-end encrypted notes web application. The backend is a fucking breeze, the frontend is hell for me. I'm managing mostly but for example, I need to implement a specific thing/feature right now and while the backend would take me about 15-30 minutes, I've been only just thinking about how I'm going to do this frontend wise for the past few fucking hours.

My JavaScript skills are quite alright, html is manageable, css only the basics.

And before people tell me to just learn it; I. Fucking. Hate. Frontend. Development. My motivation for this is below zero.

But, most of the shit I write depends on frontend regardless!

Boss is also a programmer which is nice. boss is also incredibly impatient. so when he gives me a project to do, when I don't have it done the day of, he goes and does it over the weekend. but he doesn't tell until a few days later when I finish the following Tuesday. he chucked my git branch and just pushed his stuff to master. then he belittled me because there was a feature missing in his code and I hadn't done it yet. I don't know how to deal with this. on the one hand, I could try and work faster. but on the other, I am trying to add features to software he wrote in c-style c++, didn't comment, and hasn't been updated to modern standards since 1998. even the copyright files are 1997 to 2001. just very discouraged as its my first job in the field. it wouldn't have been so frustrating if he had just told me he'd worked on it himself instead of letting me finish it and then throwing it in the trash.

end rant

I have an exam today. I'm not prepared. Also some cunt almost hit me with their car when I was on my way to uni and had the fucking audacity to yell at me over it. I wish many painful things on that whore who drove her car into a pedestrian zone with 50 km/h and blamed me for being there. I did not need to be spooked further before my exam. Just end me now please.

After months of complex backend code, and complex JS front-end, the idea of CSS just bores me now.

Welp. That was fun.

Just had an interview I wasn't even expecting. Basically the company emailed me saying that the role has been filled and as such the interview has been canceled.

And I'm like ok. Thanks for letting me know.

Then at literally the same time someone sent me a skype request asking me if I'm ready.

I get another email saying they're sorry about the inconvenience and hope my front end interview goes well... like. Wtf.

Why didn't they specify which? And why wait so long ffs.

I had two interviews with them. They stood me up on the last one and i emailed and never heard back.

So now I just had the most awkward interview in my life.

I was so rattled I forgot the answer to a simple af question. What's a JavaScript closure.

I wanna cry but it was so bad I wanna laugh

"get lost"
The fucker was just saying he would not help me, but in the end I should have taken the advice literally and got the fuck out of that fucked up place.

My ideal job:
Getting payed to develop for awesome open source projects from home, at any time I like.

My current job:
Full time 9 to 6, outsourced security sysadmin, dealing with bullshit systems and stupid end users.
Getting home with barely enough strength to self learn and develop my own projects.

Just kill me

Guy sitting next to me sees me coding, gets excited, and asks "OH, THAT'S COOL... what do you do?"

In my head I'm thinking: I... CODE.... ur watching me code.... I do exactly what you see me doing!

Not knowing how to answer, I just end up staring at him for 10 seconds.

One of the companies that rejected me sent me feedback which I took gracefully coz u sexy cunts told me it wasn't the end of the world when I ranted about it here. Well now they are offering me another interview and I am hella nervous coz I don't want to fuck it. Good thing is the feedback they gave me were actually all shit I know and use daily in my work, I am just bad at explaining plsu was nervous at the last interview. Now I am worried coz it's on monday and I have not had time to practice explaining the lang well coz work has been crazy (literally on a 10 min break now since 9am..almost 10hrs working) which is weird right coz last year I actually used to teach.

When some one at the company decides to branch off from the main codebase and end up with several outdated and separetely modified branches for two years.

Yeah nice work genius and good luck with resolving over 250 files of merge conflicts.

Just kill me now 😭

Spent about 3 hours arguing back and forth with a QA engineer on what a particular API call was *supposed* to do. It actually got a little heated and probably bothered me way more than it should have, but in the end he comes back with "well why don't we just ask the dev that wrote the code in the first place". Guess who that was?

Sales guy: I mean, at the end of the day, coding is just typing, right?

Me: You've got to be kidding me.

Other coder: *ignores us because he's three hours into refactoring his vim customizations on a $500 imported dvorak keyboard*

Me: Ok, maybe sometimes.

Is it just me or do GIFs never load? Everytime I'm excited clicking on an GIF but I end up waiting an infinite long time and then have to click away the post...

Someone just overwrote 2 weeks of work in SVN because they don't understand merging.

When they did an update before committing they ignored the conflicts and tried to build their work.

But wait it won't build if their are conflicts, I know I'll just copy this backup over the checkout and check that in instead.

It took me over an hour tho fix this fucktard's mistake and I still don't think they understand what they did wrong. Their supposed to have 40+ years of experience.

In the end it turned out they wanted to change about 10 lines. They had checked in files that they didn't even change, they were just out of date compared to trunk.

Context:
Me, Front-end Developer, Javascript stuff
---

Junior Dev: Hey xxzer0, could you help me with this? I spent the entire day on it and at this point, I think I just broke Chrome.

xxzer0: *---* Okay, let me see.

Junior Dev: Do you see it? I am updating the Javascript code but it's not working at all. The browser is not even loading it... Literally, the code I just wrote is not there.

**
Now be me, be the fucking idiot I was and I have been my whole life, I already knew what was going on because I lost a fucking day on it as this guy.
**

xxzer0: Well, let me see just one thing...

'Open Chrome Dev Tools' -> 'Network' -> 'Disable Cache'.

xxzer0: Now try again...

Junior Dev: What are you..doi........ IT'S WORKING! O.O

Chrome, I love you but sometimes I wish you could make this more "accessible" to newcomers.

Not goals. More like dream...

... To get into that one uni that I actually want for phd.

I have gotten so spoiled playing with robots and neural networks, that I can't even imagine falling that badly from grace to go back to... web development. Like I'm not looking down on it, it's just that I found my passion and there is not enough jobs available out there for me without going through phd or high-end research.

... And I honestly don't have a backup plan. There are choices, but I don't like any of them. So here goes hoping they accept me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

​I'm a junior dev in a scrum team with two senior devs: one actual senior and one average dev that's just been around for a long time. At stand up meeting, that average senior lists helping me as one of his task Every Single Day. 9 out of 10 times when I ask him a question we end up asking the senior senior together.

I think I have been having too much fun in meetings.

We started one meeting:
Boss: Isn't today a great day?
<Boss looks at me>
Me: I will wait until the end of the meeting to decide.
Meeting takes place. Boss is upset about things in other areas that are not panning out properly. He is not happy by the end of the meeting.
<Boss looks at me>
Boss: You are right, today is not a great day.
<everyone laughs>

Another meeting:
Boss: How is everyone doing? Is everyone having great job satisfaction and challenging work? (Not exact words, but the general meaning of them.)
<Boss looks at me>
Me: I just rearrange text all day.
<Boss laughs>

I figure if he is laughing it is generally a positive experience. I am serious when he asks what I am doing in my work.

Just right now:
Management: How's the feature going?

Me: The backend is done. Here's how the front end looks so far...

Management: What?! No! Where will they input the units? What about the input#2? and the graphs?! You were just not going to put that?

Me: ... this is how it's lookin so far. The deadline isn't until next week. I'm actually pretty ahead of schedule.

Management: But what about button #2 and #3? And input #4?

Me: Yes, it's all planned. It's not done yet. You asked me how I'm doing so far. Of course I haven't finished.

I'll just leave this here. RIP Firebug.

Not only you made me the front end developer I'm today, you also made me a man.

Just got the most aggressive GDPR email so far, the title was "accept or we delete your account" the email contained lot of bullshit and at the end it says "if you don't accept our current terms of service, we will delete your account" and a very low res "yes I accept" button smashed 4 times throughout the entire email, well, watch if I care, just making it even easier for me to ignore that shit.

I like to go do a bit of manual labor to remind me I'm not trying to end up with a dead end job making just a hair above minimum wage.

Good motivation for me to try harder in school so I'll actually learn things and not to cheatmy way through like a lot of people I know.

* 1 day of requesting the feature, deadline not for a while*

switch{
case 1:

Manager: How's the new feature going?

Me: I've done a bit of the front end. Here's how it will look.

Manager: Oh great it's done! Does it do ABC as the client requested? Does it also do XYZ that I just thought about this second?

Me: eh this is just part of the front end, I haven't even connected it to the backend - I haven't even started the backend.

case 2:
Manager: How's the new feature going?

Me: I've done a bit of the back end.

Manager: ok. Can I look?

Me: we'll it's just code... *shows them the code*

Manager: oh... so it's nothing really. Call me when it is done
}

I've just got a new job, and I'm SUPER NERVOUS...

it's everyone like that or just me ?!
It's a back-end JOB !!

I feel like the Jenkins logo is just trolling me when this happens 5 minutes before the end of the day on a 3 hour build.....I hate you sir.

after a month suffering through a shitty project requested by shitty people, with a shitty data source given by an even shittier department than ours, i finally can see the end of the line... just so they can tell me there'll be a part 2

The. Fuck. I absolutely hate it when my supervisor asks me for a time estimate on a project when I have never used the language/framework for that project before. It's like saying, "Here's a winding path you've never run before that you need to run through. How long will it take you to get to the end?" Gosh, it's like the don't ever think about what they just said.

Thing that just occurred to me.

Write backend of website in Node with Mongo.

Write front end of website by using PHP to echo data from mongo and inline styles. PHP will also echo any inline JS that needs to make AJAX calls back to handle responsiveness.

Write a website with JS as its backend and PHP as its front end because the world has gone absolutely mad and you dgaf anymore.

Just uninstalled Bubble Witch Saga 3 from my Windows 10 *Pro* system.

Silently installed for me, even through I've never installed a Windows game in my life.

Changed the reg setting, so we'll see if that is an end to it.

I've never been a Windows hater, but they are really testing my patience with this shit. A *paid* business OS that downloads crappy games.

Are they intent on turning Windows into a Shovelware platform? This is the sort of thing which would cause me to leave the platform for good.

The height of procrastination:

One of the front end developer told me to change few things in two services I told him it’ll take one or two hours (although I did it in 15 mins). I just called him to say I’ll give this tomorrow morning its a long task. While the reality is I am too lazy to build the war and deploy.🙈

So a team of 3 went to a hackathon. One of us didn't know how to code, the other just front end and I back end.
So we started with some ideas and choose one, starting to code it.
After we were about 80 precent into it at the end of day 2 (the event had 3 days) one of the coaches came to us, saying our idea is already a launched startup out there and we had to have a change of idea at the beginning of the third day.
Other two completed the simple front-end of the new idea about 7am and went to sleep.
And I, while was awake for 50 hours already, had to code backend of a minipay app from scratch in 10 hours.
That was HARD for a newbie like me, but in the end I did it.
We didn't win anything. But that was a really great experience for me. Plus coffee was provided infinitely there ;)

Sometimes when I'm working on some front end stuff, I'll forget that I should look at the local file and instead look at the version online. I spend about 5 minutes every time figuring why it doesn't change before I realize just how stupid I am. It gets me every time. Every gosh diggity darn time.

Last week: Resigned from my current job as a front end dev, mostly due to incompetence in upper middle management.

Yesterday: knowledge transfer to backend dev who aspires to become full stack.
"
- So how does the designer deliver the CSS to the code ?
- He doesn't, he just sends the prototype, we make it work...
- The manager told me that the front end team did not touch CSS.
*fuzzy find ". styles"*
- So these are the 40 some files that appeared here magically.'
"

Today:
New git flow policy's in place. Pull requests are now outside the flow and are entirely optional.

This is gonna be the tits...

Had anyone experienced with an impatient boss who require you to complete the project in the month you just recently got hired?

Here's the story, I recently got hired by a company, joined on 1st April 2022, the boss expect me to complete the app for Android and iOS by the end of this month. (An e-commerce applications exactly like shopee.com) Without providing me the Backend ApI , that they mentioned. They just gave me a and expect me to know what's happening at the backend.

He require me to give him a specific date that I can launch the app to play store and Apple store. (From my experience, it take days, weeks or months). He need a milestone of what I need , did , and will do (which predictably that they will reject any new ideas proposed) .

I even considering to quit, but I need opinions. Am I just too sensitive or there's something wrong?

Worst Monday ever.... going back to work today after a lovely week off. Just checked my emails before I get to the office and I’m already offended by the amount of ‘stupid’ that has happened whilst I’ve been away. Wish me luck, I may have murdered someone by the end of the day!

!rant
I am a developer at a tech company. The tester in my team refuse to test my work because he feel I don't respect him. He is a fucking idiot, so obviously I don't respect him. I can still do my job just like always, so I told the cretin it doesn't matter if I respect him or not and he doesn't need my respect to do his job.

At the end of the day I couldn't care less about his feelings. I just hope my boss doesn't fire me when he finds out.

Just learned display css properties. Took me long enough to make a damned HTML template.

Me no likes front end :(

My file structure:

Documents -
- That one impeccably structured folder that I never remember to put anything in

- Gigantic project folder that will some day kill me in my sleep

- That one unrelated folder that all of my non project scripts just end up in. No structure whatsoever

- about 2 billion loose files

Don't mind me, just giving some front end devs a headache.

Company has me giving interviews and today brought the second "Sr JavaScript Developer" that's gotten past multiple people that can't even construct a fucking "for" loop.

Get the fuck out of here... And those excuses at the end trying to explain your "industry experience" just annoy me further.

If I have to smile, thank, and shake another one of these fucktards hands, I'm gonna scream!

*lunch time*
Designer: we want to put these graphs on the landing page.

Me: ok, well they are pretty simple I can recreate them in about an hour with JS, and they will look better and be inter active...

PM: we don't have time for that just use the images from the mock up

Me: ok...

*5hrs & dozens of emails later...*

PM: the graph doesn't look quite right, can we just build it in code so it looks better? Oh and we need to have it to the client to review by end of day...

Me: ...

Please just let me cancel my 1-year subscription for the end of that one year NOW without only giving me an option to cancel everything right now and still pay 54 € fee, that's not only silly, it's what makes customers shout FUCK YOU Adobe! Long gone the good old times, who needs your outdated stuff in 2022 anyway?

One employer has just contacted me, said that my resume seems very interesting and invited me.
Now I'm looking at their website, all from 00s and with cringey fonts. Ok, they do "automatization of financial systems" and etc.
Alright, scrolling down... Suddenly, I see cut from the familiar soviet cartoon "Vovka in the Far Away Kingdom", where in the end Vova says:
- Well, that would do!

IRONY 😂

Now I'm questioning my will to attend this interview.

Decided to swap ISP.
Arranged that my new ISP started today and my old one would end next week so I had some wiggle room for issues.

Today my old ISP just disconnected my house in the middle of the day.

Then my new ISP failed to connect me and _might_ have it fixed tomorrow.

Looking forward to working remotely over 5G...

A semiconductor company wants a custom desktop program to graph the data from their machines.

Company: We want to get a trial version before buying it.

Me: *Just staring at them*

In my mind: Soooooo you want me to invest my time in creating a custom made software specific to your machines and you might end up being happy with a trial version and leaving me empty handed?

Might as well create the program and put so many pop ups to annoy them no? 😂😂😂

All this started around an year back. In college we had this subject of web programming where we were given a mini project to do. The topics were given related to college stuff. Mine was an attendance system. Made a simple website using all i knew about bootstrap, jquery, etc since i had some previous experience with web. The professor liked it and asked me to further improve it so that it can actually be implemented. This was six months back.

Since that day, to this date, that guy asks me to add a new feature or just modify something every two weeks. These guys just want free work and think everyone is just free. Neither does he help a bit... just demands... god knows when this forever loop would end! It has become frustrating now...it just feels as though why i showed my skills in the first place 😐😖

Is it just me or JavaScript on the browser really has become over complicated then it should be? It’s way overkill for the job that it’s supposed to do. Every time I hear about these new frameworks and I see the guys just loving it I cringe so hard, I want to say something then I stop because they are loving it sooo much. It’s a disaster I hate looking at the front end it’s a huge pile of fancy shit.

PM wrote a really high-level requirement doc and asked me about estimates.

Me: Well, functionality-wise it will take 4-5 days provided the design is ready.

PM: Our designers are really full on schedule; Just do it! Expand your creativity. I believe in your taste of UX

Me: Listen, the implemented design will take much more time to change if we go back and forth. It's better to revise on the designer's screen.

PM: Oh don't be so modest! I trust you already. Just focus on the functionality, get it done first. For the design we'll talk about it later. Move fast and break things!

Me: ..Sigh. This is gonna end up badly.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK YOU GOOGLE, you placed a damn email about an interview in the spam box and I only realized it 2 weeks afterwards. END ME, JUST DO IT NOW

Some time ago I was working in a freelance gig. I was the backend developer and the front end guy and I had some differences in our postman collections, so I asked him to email me his exported json collection.

When he emailed me, it was really funny to see his signature, which included all the courses he had and his degrees and whatnot.

like dude, "I didn't wanted your CV, I just wanted the collection"

PS: I hope you get the idea from the image, even if it is in spanish

My deares coding buddy is a Toriel plushie, shes just sitting there silently, not judging me i love her.

Also i fucking hate c++ please end the pain.

An intern approached me for help in one of their past exam questions. They said they had already turned in the exam but just wanted to know the answer. The question was not that hard and I had a bit of time to kill so I helped them.

Me: So, to make it O(n), you have to make it a double linked list, and keep a tail.

Them: But the problem requires us to solve it with a single liked list.

Me: You can just iterate it at the end to make it single-linked again. That costs O(n), so the solution is still O(n).

Them: Oh yeah right. I don't think we even need a tail though, we could just have a variable pointing to the last link.

Me: ...which is called a tail.

After a couple years working mainly on back end, I just decided to start working on my front end skills to get myself into a full stack path a couple days ago...

I feel like I've never coded before in my life. My girlfriend is a front end developer and she's been laughing out loud at my html all these days...

Now she tells me she wants to learn some back end in a near future.
I'll let you know how much I laughed after that.

Just watched episode 3-6 of silicon valley, where Richard loses his girl over tabs vs spaces. Made me kind of mad.

How the fuck is tabs vs spaces still a struggle? Unless you're using fucking Notepad++ to code, your IDE will FUCKIN REPLACE TABS WITH SPACES! IF YOU INDENT WITH SOMETIMES THREE, SOMETIMES FOUR SPACES, THEN BURN IN HELL! JUST USE YOUR IDE WITH YOUR TAB KEY AND END THE WAR!

I was working yesterday, writing a calculus with sql.
My very great user explained to me the math in Excel. I first though to myself, piece of cake, i got it.
Then I started typing and at the end of the day i had 6 temp tables which at some point need to join with themselves. It was just hilarious. each table had at least 4 millions rows.

Then I started a new query just for validating the output of me very ugly previous queries.
And I fucking found a easier way to get the same output with 3 joins of 3 different tables and a count at the end.

When you love yourself. but hate yourself at the same time.

xD it was a very productive Friday night

The company I work for now has no PM, no UI/UE. It’s just me, because I’m a full-stack engineer. I originally thought that full-stack was just front-end and back-end. I kind of want to run away.

Command: "Infantry unit, this is Command. The enemy is approaching, what's your status?"

Infantry Unit: "Command, this is Infantry unit. Just a quick note, my pronouns are they/them. Can we please use that in all communications going forward?"

Command: "Infantry unit, the enemy is upon you and you're worried about pronouns?"

Infantry Unit: "Command, this is Infantry unit. It's not just about me, it's about respect and inclusivity"

Command: "Infantry unit, you're about to be inclusively dead. Defend yourselves!"

Infantry Unit: "Command, this is Infantry unit. Wait, what? Oh s***."

(End of transmission)

PR used to mean public relations to me few months back. Now it just means pull requests to me.
The fuck happened. Anyone says we need to improve our PR, I'm like how do you improve a pull request and I end up face palming

I was recently hired as a front end dev for a certain project. The owner of the project already had a backend guy who apparently was almost done. The guy was using a django to develop the website and just when we were about to integrate the front-end and backend he fucking bailed out! Saying he had another project. So I downloaded his code from github so that I could complete the backend myself but holy fucks it was so horrible... This guy didn't even know what he was doing... Just creating a million django apps which didn't do shit.. Oh and did I mention he used django 1.1... Such a shit head! But good for me... I'll be the one getting paid for the whole thing...

OMG. Just had the worst convo with my supervisor. She's a dev and she does not understand why scalability is important.

We have a really bad client who has a fucking insane amount of pages and they want to change some stuff on a few and my supervisor just said manually add it in with if satements.

I replied saying this client will want more things changed let me take the extra hlaf hour to make it scalable.

She responded no just do manually.

I wanted to get in to rant about how scalability is important but it was the end of the day and I was to tired.

!dev
Sometimes life just cracks its knuckles and goes like, yeah let's just fuck this guy inside out.
Everyday is a battle. Cockroaches are my worst fear. Like Orwell's Room no. 101 level fear. My tiny student residence room has so many that I'm sick of killing them. And they just keep coming back.
My worst sorrow is lonliness. I'm the kind of person who's fairly independant and level headed but I just love the feeling of having close ones around. So much that it's a part of my existence and identity. And sadly, that's just not there right now.
My worst misery is unproductivity. Not working on something useful always makes me feel guilty. But all the stress and responsibilities and the above mentioned problems leave me with little mental room to do what I like unless I put in a lot of conscious effort into it which drains me.
Despite all this, I stay happy. I smile at the end of the day and I'm fucking proud of it.

(one day before the phone interview)

Them: Please call to us at (TIME) to (PHONENUMBER)

Me: Ok

(interview day)

--[[CHORUS START]]--
Me: (calls to the number at (TIME))

Phone: Your call has been forwarded to automatic voice message system. (PHONENUMBER) is not availible. After tone please leave message. When you are finish the recording you may hang up or press 1 for more option, please leave message now.

Me: (deep breath, patiently waits 5 mins.)

--[[CHORUS END]]--

--[[CHORUS]]--

WHY DO YOU MAKE ME CALL YOU WHEN YOU TURN OFF THE PHONE / TALK WITH SOMEONE ELSE????
IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, JUST DON'T MAKE ME CALL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

--> Could not reach them for 3 days, gave up

Why is it that every god damned time, i ask questions until i have a clear view of a clients project and flow. I present them this flow. They OK it and everything. I build said flow in an app. And then at the end of the line i always end up with a shit codebase because i designed it to be like the documented flow, but changes were being added (and obviously paid for) all the time. I made such a neat little app. And now it all gone to shit.

Is this just me? Am i that bad at programming or what?!

Stop changing half of the app functionality after the original design is created!

Holy. Shit. Tests. I am testing. All week. Nothing but tests. I am one with the spec. You know what I realised today? Tests are a bit like life. Life is just one big spec suite that takes 75 years to run. Except there's no prod environment at the end of the DMT tunnel waiting for our green pass docket to say 'take me Lucifer, you absolute visionary: I'm ready'. We're all just a spec with no application. We're doomed. Nothing matters. I need to lie down

Many of them. Can't decide which one is the biggest.
- when the asshole in front of me picks up a call and is loud as hell. Wanna kick his nuts.
- Chats. Hangouts. Whatsapp. Just name it.
- retards who don't​ know how to google something or even worse..what to google and come straight to me to get a solution.
- My own fucking head at times. You start talking about space tech and i'll have to jump into it. And i end up wasting half an hour.

confession time:
I am php laravel developer with little knowledge about nodejs.
I got selected by one startup as nodejs developer.
frankly I am not better nodejs developer than my competition who were rejected.

I completed oral interview with my nodejs theory knowledge at a time of technical round , they gave us task to create crud with fantastic front end and nodejs mongo as a back end.

I developed front end in bootstrap but at a time of backend, I just copy paste code from github.

and changed everything variable and other proof to hide reality. in mean time other candidates were actually coding everything then I took time to understand this code and I submitted after few candidates.

in last round they ask me to explain code which I explained properly and I get salary 40k/month INR.

I know it is cheating but I wanted this job badly.

Team Leader(TL): So you finished the sql scripts and stored procedures?
Me: Yep!
TL: And properly formatting the front end to look exactly how we want it.
Me: Yep
TL: Well we waiting on feedback from the boss so i guess you'll have to do the documentation.
Me: I hate documentation, please give me anything else
TL: It's not a lot dude, you can do it.
Me: Didn't one of the intern's and the database admin do it already?
TL: Yes. but you can take both of them and make one complete one.
Me: *You just don't want me to work on my own things you FUCKER* Fine, but don't expect it to be done this week.
TL: It's Tuesday, why not.
Me: Because i hate dcumentation

I FUCKEN. hate! documentation.

Google's attempts to follow the iPhone just make me think, "Might as well get an iPhone."

I wish Google would create a high-end phone with grippy, durable case, replaceable two-day battery and SD card slot. Vanilla Android with latest updates. Bring it in at a reasonable price (which I'd hope would be possible if not trying to squeeze everything).

Given me a real alternative here. Don't try and lead with design. It's letting Apple choose the battlefield.

I'll never understand distro hopping. You're having something that works fine and that you're used to. You can always change the look by using another DE. But you prefer to throw it all away, try something else, end up deceived, try something else.
Just, why? Educate me, what are you exactly looking for that makes you want to change after some time?

Today I dont feel that good.

I have only 1 month of my holiday temporary job left. After that Im going to university, the place that i have been dreaming about, the place where finaly i would finish my projects, where i would meet people like me that could support, help me with my passions.

I have no idea where i got that wave of saddnes. Normaly i dont feel that way. Job is unconfortable and sometimes stressing a bit but it is not the end of the world.

I just want to stay in confy bed for the whole day but i cant, i need that money for uni.

I tried to code yesterday but i just couldnt focus! Always when i try to finish the project, no matter what it is i just lose my motivation, its just gone.

Sometimes I wonder if that university is going to be as good as i was imaginig it, after numerous rants on devrant about their uni im not so sure... That dosent help me with my mood.

Is my terrible mood caused by loneiness? bad diet? or lazyness?
I just dont know... I just want to feel better. I just want to survive that month somehow, without that crushing feeling and constant depression.

Asked a client how they were getting on with the GDPR preparations, knowing they sometimes ask me to check documentation and such.

them: "Whats the GDPR"

me: "its the new European privacy law coming near the end of May, its ok, most of the work should be covered by your PCI DSS compliance paperwork with a few tweaks."

them: "oh, we just pay the non-compliance fee for that"

me: "wait what? well whose your data controller registered under the ICO required due to cctv being used"

them: "oh isnt that optional?"

me: "ok so heres my hourly, or i can quote for the whole compliance project"

I know not everyone is tech minded and GDPR hasnt been that well advertised, but jeez...

Just spent 4 hours working on a somewhat complex restructuring of my current project that, when boiled down totals about 50 new or modified lines.

While I realize that line count != productivity, all the testing and reworking over that period has me feeling like there should be more to show for it.

But then, there's the fact that it's working properly as it's supposed to now, so I guess it's a win in the end.

There was some erroneous calculation in the leaves taken for the month in her account certificate, even after repeated correction request from her end. This had happened twice.
She just stood up, shouted at the HR (who was responsible for this) and headed straight to the co-founder's cabin. After 4 hours of discussions, she came out. Whispered to me that she just quit, and went away. Never saw her again.

When it started paying my bills and my hobbies 😎 Don’t get me wrong, I like my job, but at the end of the day it’s just a source of income that allows me to have a super nice life outside of work.

Stackoverflow is full of pedantic cunts who can’t admit they don’t know how to answer your question, I just spent 20 minutes having 4 people tell me because they didn’t have “the full code” they couldn’t help with the problem, despite by the end of me posting more and more (completely unrelated) code they were LITERALLY complaining because I hadn’t added fucking “#include” statements 😑

Pair programming, hands down. I enjoy the hell out of it but it leaves me mentally and emotionally drained by the end of the day. My co-workers echo this sentiment so I know it's not just me.

*Going in holidays with my family *
*We where in the french state named "Creuse"*
*Decription of the town where we stayed at: more cows than inhabitants *
*No 4G, just 6Kb/s McDonald's wifi connexion*
*Me: "end my suffer"*

So... umm...
Just remembered my Informatics teacher left me and my friend a side project to do by the end of summer:
The task is to replicate the game "Minesweeper" in a C# form.
Now, I never actually even understood that game when I played it, how the hell can I program that? ;-;
Well okay, yeah, I might have to actually start looking into it... but freak, it's almost the end of summer already, and I'm still on vacation... my fault I guess. ;—;

With all this sexuality bullshit going on with devRant, it feels like covid all over again to me. We just rid of covid and now we face a couple of variants of it.
Keep your junk in your trunk and let the bullshit end

Can anyone tell me what all things a developer should follow in order to be upto date. It's just too long of a thing.
I have been a back end developer, became a big data developer, then moving to becoming a full stack developer. Now I don't know who I am anymore.

My colleagues work on our project files with unstable software for hours on end without saving their progress. Honestly, the balls on them. One of them just closed their Laptops to put it in energy saving mode without saving 2h of progress. Why are you doing this to me?

Some backstreet fine artist come designer came to me wanting a website, her brief was a moonpig.com but for wedding stationery. I asked her if she had a million plus marketing budget for launch and a shit pile of cash, or was it just really some simple website that people can hire you to design bespoke wedding stationery. In the end she agreed it was just another basic website for peanuts. Either way the answer was fuck off, use squarespace or some other shit that you can fuck about in and cut me out of the process, I don’t want your tiny pittance and months of can you just.

When your week has been so stressful... you just want to curl up in the corner and cry.

Murphy's law is taking me for a ride of a lifetime right now, and just when you start seeing light at the end of the tunnel, it's just a lightbulb and another dead end.

F£~*{*}£{*\€|>\€\£~£¥\\*£,'%]#]}[#>\£|¥|+>]£\€£|€|!{¥]*$;&,!:@&;&939/);$$CK!!!!

Glad I could get that off my chest 😆

Fave languages and frameworks, go!

As of now for me, loving these:

PHP8 and Laravel with Livewire*, Django5.1, MariaDB. PHP must stand for PrettyHeckinPCoolasFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUU

*after using React and Vue for quite a while, I've concluded that the best front end is back end. And I like Postgres, I just find that MySQL is fine for most things.

Doing the deployment to production, and towards the end one of the support guys looks over at me;

"So, the website in prod is throwing some errors"

Followed by another guy:

"Yeah I'm getting the same, SQL exceptions on the page"

I stare at them panicked for a moment, when one of them goes "just kidding!". Like dude, my heart just skipped several beats!

Any one here ever had something cruel happen to them during a deployment?

Yo I heard you like compiling C/Cpp so we make you compile and link each individual file so you need a makefile for compiling everything. But that shit still gets to annoying to maintain so you make the make files with cmake. Just so you can compile a library basically at all.
And dont get me started on autoconf and random configure scripts you have to run before you actually configure shit.
Can we make compiling a regualr program any more difficult so that we need a whole ass A4 page of documentation just to end up with a binary of something?

is it me or you also make a new file of a working code just make and see how new way it will work but end up editing the original file 😭

Most difficult part is to work with company where all senior admins are from sales. They never f*cking idea about developers problems.

Just give time to end user customer before 3 month schedule. and now thinking, we can do 3 months working in 4 days.

The sales people think nine women can deliver a baby in just One month. just pushing me to hire new developers.

So Apple did make iTunes connect better but why the hell would they disable the tab button to move to next text box? I hope its just something wrong on my end or that would be a dumbass move -_-

On a side note, devRant need to have a category for Apple so it makes it easier for at least me to rant about them -_____-

I've refrained from commenting on which IDE is best and which isn't, what simply works for me is eclipse. So far it handles stuff for me pretty nicely... until today.

Look at this screenshot, can you spot the wtf? Like, SRSLY, WTF.... Might it really be just that DOT at the end or is it just the dot concatenated at the end of the error message?

tl;dr fuck me, I'm stupid, I suck at my job and I wanna die but can't complain because I'm labeled ungrateful

I am -this- close... -this- close to strangling someone, or myself for that matter, over trying to finish this goddamned website that I regret taking on just because I needed the money.

You make me rework my website design three times and eventually end up micro-managing me and keep on making me make small changes that even I can't figure out, nor can anyone else for that fucking matter because you want it to be 'perfect'. God I'm so irritated right now let me fucking sleep. I want out so bad but fuck me sideways with my gaping asshole I need the fucking money.

I wanna quit this shit so bad, it's making me hate myself and throwing me into an existential crisis whether or not am I even a good designer / developer because I just can't satisfy this perfectionist asshole and need to greet him with a smile every fucking time to maintain good terms between our startups.

Them: I want to be a full stack developer!

Me: Are you sure?

Them: Yeah. absolutely I'll do whatever it takes!

Me: I'll hold you to that, I will piss you off everyday if I have to, to get you learning.

Them: OK, yeah, do it!

Some weeks later

Them: I want to be a front end developer, routing and models are confusing.

Me: I would laugh you out of an interview, keep practicing and just stick with one thing before chasing the next quick reward endeavor until the difficulty curve ramps up and you give up on that too!

Them: ... But it's hard...

Me: So practice, over and over until it sinks in, it's like playing the cello or whatever, just keep practicing!

I hate front end !

My friend just tried to help me with it and I was happy to be relieved of the shitty work!

He didn't make it responsive ! And now I am back to square 1. 😑

My girlfriend, at the end of a totally unrelated bachelor's degree, has decided she wants to go into web design (or really design in general). Which is exciting cause her degree... Well, let's just say jobs aren't lined up.

I'm a front end guy and I have a lot of experience with UX, so time to crunch some learning in. Takes me back to my self teaching days haha, students becomes the teacher 🙈

Help me out,

Being a front end dev I suck at back end. I can do some stuff but some of the concepts and other things I really struggle to grasp.

Sometimes when I’m real clueless or have no idea how to do a task the best thing to do is ask one of the senior roles but whenever I ask him he rolls his eyes and huffs and puffs. I get it dev is quite a independent thing and you should do research etc. But it makes me feel so bad and I suck as if I don’t get the question he asked correct or I don’t understand he gets real impatient. I really do try I don’t want people to do it for me of course so I want to to understand but I just get moaned at. What do I do???

I wasted fucking hours just trying to find out why curl doesn't send the data I've interpolated from a variable.

It doesn't even send the fucking hardcoded part of the data. I've compared it with a curl command generated by firefox, which works fine. Literally the only difference is that I interpolate a variable and I've echoed the contents of that variable and that was fine as well. I've even checked the interpolated string and it was fine.

And then I moved more stuff into the hardcoded part and it just started to work.

Wtf is this bullshit. I really feel like learning intermediate bash scripting is just a waste of time, just how complicated can you make debugging something so simple.

Every fucking time I give bash scripting a chance this shit costs me so much time, patience and motivation, I really wanna prefer that shit to python, because managing python dependencies for a script sucks ass^2,, but at least I can get shit done in Python. Just fucking end me or give me a language that doesn't make me wanna shoot myself

Alright, fellow coders, I need your help this time <3

I was thinking about getting a full stack developer position after school, with mean/mern stack. (Yes, I love js, but you can hate me for that later)
So, I just got an offer for a front-end developer position that I didn't apply to but was recommended for by my full stack prof.
Everything is great about that company, but! I'm not sure I'm good for that!
My question is: does being a front-end developer mean being good at putting together nice looking website?
I'm good with angular, but suck at material or just CSS in general.
I can implement business logic, but anything more complex than grids causes my eye to twitch.
So, is front-end developer supposed to be good at design part of it or not?
Google says yes, but I got other opinions from my friends, but they are still students too!
All hope on you guys! Thank you

If Apple didn't jack up their prices and offered decent dedicated GPUs they'd actually be fuckin great... the greed is just too damn high with them

P.S. I might have to get a Macbook because of an iOS project, but I really want something that can game at least a bit... at the end of the day it's not my decision, I'll get what they give me

!rant
Bug (or feature ?) report
I don't know if it's a bug, a feature, and something that just happens to me.. When I view someone's profile and I want to scroll down to see the rants, the "first scroll" stops at the end of the profile. Then I can scroll down more. And after, if I want to see the profile again I can't scroll up. I ended up finding out that tapping the username lets us see the profile again. I'd like to point this out because the behavior seems kinda weird to me, I don't know what others think about it

It's Friday, I just want to go home and work on my side project.
At the end of the day some co-workers ask me to join for a beer. It's too hard to resist, it's just one beer. Just one beer? Who am I lying to? Its probably going to end the same way as last friday and the friday before that.
This is why I don't have time to work on my side projects.
I don't look forward to the headache tomorrow.
It's too hard to say no.

Does anyone of you feel the same way?

! Rant
Social life.
Can anyone explain to me what's happening to the world?
Earthquakes... Hurricanes... Looks like the beginning of the end of the world...
We just didn't had any big tsunami this year (knocks on wood)

MG...
Found out that I had apple music for free for months.
Now I only have until the end of the year to get alllll the CDs I ever wanted legally.
Already spend 5gb in two days... Let's see if it's really unlimited...
After the end of the year, unsubscrive. Worst experience after installing the app, Apple wants to know everything about me, shares my Playlist without asking... (just 10 minutes arround definitions, still abusive for a premium service).
Fuck Apple abusive policies, thank you for the opportunity to rape Apple without pay.

Space oddity by David Bowie, finding so many songs I forgot I love...

So I got reprimanded for some error on a site. I proved that this was a back end problem and that this has nothing to do with me (I'm just a front end dev). Didn't get a single apology, the dev who broke the thing got off scot free and now i have to work overtime while they publish the changes to test them

To all that read my rants regarding my webshop before! Here's the long awaited update!

So this asshole partner did just not take care of business so I decided to stand down as a director for that company. So we arranged that last monday.

I thought: let's end this properly, clean up my mail, some other stuff... tuesday he revoked me access to everything, so I couldn't access anything anymore. Wow fucker! You never did a thing and now suddenly you take action? Wtf?!

Can you please pay your part of the bill for the accountant? You already promised a couple of times.

Well of course mr retard, you really think I'll follow up on my promises? You never kept 1 of them yet expect me to keep that promise? Fuck you man.

So today he asked again. I told him that I'd like to know what he wants with all the custom made stuff as I developed it and copyright is owned by me. Then mr asshole started insulting again: just because of the fact that you're not a front end dev doesn't mean that makes.up for you taking so much time.to implement all that. I asked an expert.and he could do it in 3 hours! Wow dude! A front end dev optimizing db queries, rewriting parts of the back end in just.3 hours including the front-end?,You're so right.

Of course not cunt face. I'm already full stacking for 20 fucking years and.you tell me that?! Really? Mr insult's back again!

Then he says: I'm so fed up with all this crap that to end this properly I will have my new IT business partner look at your so called 'custom made components'.

For fuck's sake man, can I send you a tree with a rope so that you can hang yourself?

Good luck getting your domain name as it is still registered on my company's name. I might cancel it someday in the future at my convenience.

If anyone here loves fucking up a website, get in touch with me.