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Secretary of the IT department stated in a meeting that she was "overqualified to babysit a group of 40 grown-ass men who are unable to communicate with each other"
... all devs had a huge grin on their faces because we knew that she was absolutely right, management was furious 😂
She submitted her resignation on the same day, best secretary we've ever had!1 -
Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?
Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones
Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?
Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—
Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!
*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*
Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!
Dev: …19 -
Manager: This button is too dark, you need to lighten it. Have you no sense of design?
Dev: …
Dev: Hows this for an adjustment?
Manager: Wayyyyy too light now, jesus you need glasses if you think that’s good.
Dev: …
Dev: How about now?
Manager: It’s close, make it just a little more dark. God why does this have to take so long, do I have to hold your hand through this entire process!
Dev: …
Dev: There that good?
Manager: Yes that’s perfect! Send me a PR immediately so I can approve, we need to get this out ASAP, it’s critical!!
Dev: I can’t.
Manager: ????
Dev: There’s no diff, you had me gradually adjust the colour back to exactly what it was originally.
Manager: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE IT LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THIS, I HAVE A MEETING I NEED TO GET OFF TO BUT WE WILL BE HAVING WORDS LATER ABOUT THIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.
Dev: …16 -
Manager: You really shouldn’t be doing that
Dev: It’s in my job description
Manager: Yeah but you still shouldn’t be doing it.
Dev: Who should I hand it off to?
Manager: We don’t have anyone else to hand off that task to.
Dev: Ok, do I stop doing it?
Manager: 😡 Of course not, it needs to get done! I’m just saying you shouldn’t do it.
Dev: ???????????13 -
Manager: This code you wrote violates the single responsibility principle!!
Dev: How so?
Manager: You have one function that you call in *MULTIPLE* places. That’s too much responsibility for one function! Functions should only have one responsibility!! Creeping the scope of a function beyond that is a TERRIBLE way to write code!
Dev: But why spin up multiple functions that all perform the same thing?
Manager: Well if a function has a bug in it and you use that function multiple places then that bug exists everywhere you use that function. If a function only has one responsibility then if it has a bug that bug will only exist in the single place it is called! You really should think first before asking questions like that.
Dev: …27 -
Manager: Hey what was that that you closed on your screen just now?
Dev: That popup? That’s NVIDIA letting me know that a new driver for my GPU is available.
Manager: Isn’t that for video games?
Dev: I mean that’s the reason many people opt into having a GPU but It’s not the on—
Manager: You are NOT allowed to play video games on your work computer!
Dev: This is my personal computer. It’s just an older GPU I popped onto this computer since otherwise it was just sitting in a drawer. My work computer is out of commission.
Manager: Well where is your work computer? How come you are not using it?
Dev: …Because of that blue screen of death issue we talked about yesterday.
Manager: Ok but that doesn’t give you permission to play VIDEO GAMES on your *WORK* computer.
Dev: …27 -
Manager: THE SERVER IS DOWN THE SERVER IS DOWN!!!!
Dev: Ok I’ll look into it
*5 mins later
Dev: Wow these are really strange logs, it’s like config values are being changed all over the place while I’m looking at it
Manager: Well I figured while you were looking into it I’d go i to the server settings and change everything I could find in order to try and get the server back up again. Two sets of hands are better than one, Is it up yet???
Dev: …No.
Manager: I THOUGT YOU SAID YOU’D LOOK INTO THIS. I NEED ANSWERS NOW. WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?!?
Dev: …13 -
Manager: Hurry up and login, I don’t have all day
Dev: One sec I have to lookup my password for the system
Manager: How can you not remember your password? Everything requires it these days
Dev: I use a different password for each service.
Manager: Wow you really like to overcomplicate things. Just use the same one for everything like I do, it’s way more efficient!
Dev: …19 -
Manager: You devs are constantly complaining about context switching, if you were on my level you would be able to multitask and switch from task to task without an— hold on I’m getting a text *tap* *tap* *tap tap* *tap* *send noise*
Manager: Right, what were we talking about again?
Dev: …15 -
User: *Clicks on staging environment*
Giant Warning Dialog: YOU ARE CURRENTLY ENTERING THE STAGING ENVIRONMENT
Users: Ok
App: *Completely different colour, I’m talking bright unsightly yellow*
User: Ok
Giant Yellow and Red Flashing Banner at the Top of the Screen: WARNING YOU ARE CURRENTLY USING STAGING, THIS AREA IS FOR TESTING ONLY
User: The production environment sure is acting strange today. It’s a weird colour and I don’t recognize any of the data, it’s all just dummy filler data. I better create a ticket for the dev team to check o—….. no wait I’ll send an email CC everyone including the CEO and sound the alarm production is currently down and filled with giant warning messages.
Manager: OH MY GOD PRODUCTION IS DOWN DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS??? WHAT THE FUCK COULD THESE WARNING MESSAGES BE THAT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ON STAGING! THE CEO IS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK YOU NEED TO GET THIS FIXED IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!
Dev: …14 -
Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!
Dev: You told me to.
Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!
Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.
Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!
Dev: …13 -
Manager: Feature C doesn’t work
Dev: We never built feature C
Manager: Nonsense, I remember feature C clearly!
Dev: It’s still in the backlog
Manager: But we had many meetings about it
Dev: Never got put on the board
Manager: Feature C is very important!
Dev: It was never assigned to anyone
Manager: What could possibly be more important than Feature C?
Dev: All the other features you placed on the board and assigned up until now
Manager: Well I need Feature C done asap! It should be top priority!
Dev: Ok then next sprint add feature C to the board and assign it to someone
*Next planning session manager leaves feature C in backlog in favour of other tickets*
*2 days later*
Manager: What is the status of feature C?
Dev: You opted to leave it in the backlog
Manager: BUT IT SHOULD BE TOP PRIORITY!
Dev: …9 -
Manager: You know you did good this week, take the entire day off tomorrow
Dev: Really?
Manager: Yeah my treat.
Dev: Can you send that to me in an email?
Manager: ….I mean yeah, but I don’t see why that is necessary
*** About halfway through The next day
Manager: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOU HAVEN’T COMPLETED A SINGLE TICKET TODAY OR REVIEWED A SINGLE PR OR EVEN SO MUCH AS ATTENDED THE STANDUP. EXPLAIN YOURSELF!
Dev: You said I could take the day off today?
Manager: YEAH BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY TAKE IT OFF!! I WAS GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW DEDICATION TO THE COMPANY BY COMING IN ANYWAY BUT NO YOU THOUGHT YOU’D JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR GENEROSITY AND HAVE AN ENTIRE DAY TO YOURSELF?! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, THERE ARE URGENT TICKETS ON THE BOARD!
Dev: …16 -
In an effort to deal with the number of “top priority” tickets, management has come up with a new priority level, “urgent”, to help differentiate between tickets that are “top priority” and tickets that are actually “top priority”.
So as you can guess all tickets are now codified as “urgent”.
I’ve suggested management downgrade some tickets back to merely “top priority” as we’re clearly right back where we started with it being difficult to determine which order to do tickets in.
They’ve ignored my request as the bletherings of a clearly unenlightened peon, and have instead came up with a new priority, “mission critical” which will be reserved for the most hallowed of emerg— oh no wait everything is now “mission critical” who would have guessed?
So “Top priority” is the now lowest priority a ticket can have…Naturally.18 -
"Why did you bring Wagyu beef to the meeting?"
"Because the calendar description said: Engineers should proactively add value for our steak holders"
(True story -- They told me to do what management instructs, without correcting anyone and without asking questions. And I love playing that game!)6 -
Dev: Hey our current server is starting to chug a bit. Can I get approved for $1200 additional spend to double the speed?
Manager: *Sharp inhale*. We need this project to cost as little as possible, we really can’t justify spending any additional money for any reason right now.
*2 days later*
Manager: YOU ARE APPROVED FOR $100,000 TO IMMEDIATELY IMPLEMENT SOMETHING RELATED TO NFTs IN ANY OF OUR APPS. THE BUSINESS NEEDS TO EXPAND INTO THE METAVERSE ASAP IMMEDIATELY. I NEED AN ETA BY EOD AS TO WHEN THIS CAN BE ROLLED OUT.
Dev: …16 -
Manager: Have you fixed the problem?
Dev: What’s the problem?
Manager: We’re not here to discuss problems we’re here to discuss solutions!
Dev: …11 -
Manager: So great news, we will also be building a new app this year!!
Dev: We only have 2 devs and we already struggling to maintain/build our current portfolio of applications. I don’t think we have the resources to support another.
Manager: Nonsense, this is a very small project management app that was requested by the CEO himself!
Dev: …We already have MS project, why can’t they just use that?
Manager: The executive team isn’t interested in learning MS Project, it’s way too complicated. They want us to build an internal version of MS Project one feature at a time so they can pick it up over time instead of getting overwhelmed with learning MS Project all at once. It also needs to have loads of customizable automation features so leadership doesn’t ever have to get “in the weeds” having to work with it. It needs to basically run itself!
Dev: …What about this is small?
Manager: Well that is the requirement.
Dev: …18 -
Dev: I think we should send Dev2 for some training and certification
Manager: We do not train people or have them certified. When you train people and especially if you have them certified they always leave the company for better offers so we no longer do that.
Dev: So the plan is to have a the company operated by a bunch of untrained uncertified people?
Manager: 😡 You are being disrespectful again20 -
Dev: Why did you suddenly start adding random whitespace to the end of all of the files in your PRs?
Manager: IT’S NOT RANDOM!
Dev: ?
Manager: That’s a way I came up with for tracking my contributions. Every time I edit a file I add a line of whitespace at the bottom so it’s clear to everyone how much and how often I’ve contributed to the team. Although I haven’t been doing it this entire time so I had to make up for this by adding more to files that I *know* I’ve touched a bunch before. Just think! Especially with how big my PRs are compared to everyone else the tally of my contributions is going to get huge!
Dev: …20 -
Just got this little stinker added to my board this morning….
Ticket Title: Weird shit going on in app
Ticket Description: (blank)
Attachment: <Screenshot of app logo>
Manager: Well what do you think is causing it?
Dev: Causing what?? This ticket doesn’t describe anything at all
Manager: Well it’s a bunch of different things! The ticket is just a high level summary. Now how long do you think it’ll take to fix?
Dev: …16 -
Manager: I’m so sick and tired of you devs whining about technical debt and how it’s slowing down our progress, so here’s the deal. You have until the end of this week to eliminate all technical debt in the codebase. After that I NEVER WANT TO HEAR YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT TECHNICAL DEBT EVER AGAIN!!!
Dev: …16 -
Manager (via phone): You need to setup the CEO with access to the app IMMEDIATELY
Dev: Ok…What’s the occasion?
Manager: There is a big important meeting right now where we go over our achievements for the year and my plan was to have him log in and play around.
Dev: Likely would have been worth mentioning at this mornings standup.
Manager: Don’t be a smart ass. In fact, if you were actually smart you would have given him an account in the first place! So you’re just an ass then, what kind of idiot doesn’t give the CEO an account to an app like this?
Dev: Actually you specifically asked for him to be removed when I added him. “Unnecessary Optics” you said.
Manager: THAT’S BULLSHIT, I NEVER SAID THAT!!
Dev: It’s in our meeting minutes from 2 years ago.
Manager: STOP WRITING THE THINGS I SAY DOWN IT’S COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.
Dev: I’ll make a note of that request
Manager: YOU ABSOL—ok looks like he’s waving me back in the room now the account must be working now bye. *click*.
Dev: Moron.9 -
Interviewer: Hello I’m calling for your phone interview now
Dev: You’re about an hour early calling but I can accommodate
Interviewer: Well it’s more convenient for me to do it now
Dev: …Alrighty then.
Interviewer: So I am from HR 😇*pause for effect*
Dev: …
Interviewer: Um, typically candidates start the interview by thanking me for consideration for this role.
Dev: Your job description was very vague so I don’t really know what I would be thanking you for.
Interviewer: 😡. It’s me that’ll be determining whether or not to pass you on to The Management.
Dev: …The Management?
Interviewer: Yes 🤗.
Dev: I’m no longer interested *click*.13 -
Manager: We do not identify as a tech company so don’t expect tech company salary increases this year
Dev: Well don’t expect me to bring a tech work ethic then
Manager: !!5 -
Manager: What’s taking so long on that PR?? It’s just some small styling adjustments
Dev: No it’s not you added an entire new calendar module that doesn’t work
Manager: Ok but besides that it’s just a small couple of css edits
Dev: You made styling changes in 50 files, half of which break our mobile responsiveness
Manager: Well then STOP talking to me and FIX IT if you’re so smart.
Dev: You also added a series of filters on a table in this same PR that cause th—
Manager: OK SO I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED THE FACT IS IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ALL ON ONE PR SPLITTING THINGS UP INTO SMALL UPDATES IS JUST UNNECESSARY BUREAUCRACY AND IF YOU LIKE THAT THEN GO. WORK. FOR. THE GOVERNMENT!!!
Dev: …10 -
It's not micromanagment. But I would like you to report to me every single day and discuss everything that you and every member of your team does every day.10
-
Manager: You can’t define an async function without using await.
Dev: Yes you can.
Manager: Well you shouldn’t, there’s no point!
Dev: Yes there is. It can turn blocking synchronous logic into work performed concurrently. In this case the perform—
Manager: It’s called async *await*. Async *AWAIT*! Did you hear the two parts to that? You shouldn’t ever have one without the other. THEY GO TOGETHER. Worrying about concurrency is for people who use callbacks which just goes to show how out of date your skills are. I’m reading a book on javascript and there are so many advanced techniques out there that I haven’t even seen you use ONCE!
Dev: …
*I looked at the book he’s reading, it’s from the < ES6 era… no wonder he doesn’t see me using any of those archaic patterns/hacks/workarounds…*13 -
Management:
"We're gonna make our own builder that sets up pre configured files.
So we are gonna get rid again of GIT, because with our system you shouldnt be working over each others files if you keep out of other peoples files."
So they basically are saying, we are going back to no version control because you should all keep to the honor system because our system is better.
I'm fucking leaving...
And possibly leaving a poison pill to boot12 -
Manager: How come the push to prod didn’t happen?
Dev: We told you at the scrum yesterday. To reiterate, our dev environment was crashing so it’s not safe to push to prod until that is fixed.
Manager: Ok well lets set a goal to fix that and push to prod happens today so that it guaranteed happens.
Dev: That was our goal yesterday and it definitely didn’t happen.
Manager: I AM AWARE OF THAT. The corrective action is that this time compliance with the goal is 100% ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY!!
Dev: We’ll do our best, can’t guarantee anything until we figure out what the nature of what is occurring on dev though.
Manager: NO. I AM THE BOSS. YOU WILL 100% ABSOLUTELY COMPLY WITH THIS. THAT IS AN ORDER. YOU WILL SUCCESSFULLY GET THIS UPDATE OUT TO PROD TODAY. ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT SHALL BE CONSIDERED INSUBORDINATION. I WANT STATUS UPDATES EVERY 15 MINUTES ON WHERE WE ARE AT WITH THIS.
Dev: …
Dev: Can I get you to send me that request in an email?
*Manager leaves the meeting*
// *****************************
Job search is ticking along. It’s tough going though because I currently make ~120k and the best offers I’ve received so far are all ~70k because “You only have 2 years experience so you couldn’t possibly have the skills to be worth 120k. You are are junior level developer and 70K is already overpaying for you. We can pay you more later™. No we will not give you that in writing”. Ah well, the hunt continues.17 -
Dev: * In the middle of pushing to prod *
Manager: Hey btw I forgot to mention the client asked for these 5 features awhile back as a part of this update and they just reminded me about them, I haven’t created tickets yet or told anyone about this. Will these features be included in the update that’s going out today?
Dev: …9 -
Dev: Why do you have an identical if statement right below this one?
Manager: Because I want the code to double check, obviously.
Dev: …22 -
Every 2 months without fail:
Manager: I don’t understand what the point of writing tests is. They only ever pass and when they fail we just fix them so they pass again! It’s completely redundant!!! An exercise in absolute futility!
Dev: …19 -
Manager: In ALL cases if someone uses vanilla javascript to do something instead of a library then that is a sign they are an ABSOLUTE BEGINNER!!!
Dev: …12 -
Manager: In order to increase business resiliency we will be doing cross training this week.
Dev: What does that involve?
Manager: Everyone will do everyone else’s job for one day each. After this you will all be considered trained so that if anyone can easily fill in for anyone else.
Dev: …9 -
In retrospect, being open about autism in the workplace was a very bad decision.
My manager and CTO got to know about it and since that moment, every single thing I do has a different meaning to them.
All my technical decisions have to be validated by someone else, and my critique about how certain things are done is dismissed as if I were some kind of alien.
I really wonder when they're gonna ask me about their future or something.28 -
The intern again. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
She's now done the Laravel course my manager bought her, so now she feels she's ready to tackle a real world project. Hahahaha.
Okay, I have a project set up: Replicate a simple existing website that only has a basic header, some picture thumbnails and a footer element using Laravel. I've already installed Statamic and everything she needs as dev dependencies and made a step-by-step README.md file for her to get the site running locally on her machine. I told her to replicate the home page HTML.
She didn't read the readme file after I've told her multiple times in the past to do so. She tries to run the Laravel application without running composer update and all the other commands I listed in the readme file, and doesn't read the fucking console errors she's getting. She cloned the project into another Laravel project and her files are a fucking mess.
I am sick and fucking tired of telling my manager that she is not suited for this industry, she's just costing the company money and wasting my fucking time. I have been unable to focus for the past month and a half because of her.
She can't even fucking Google the console errors she's getting, just hopping on MS Teams asking me to help without even trying to solve it on her own.
I want to cry. Fuck this company and its stupid CULTure.16 -
"Attention micromanagers
If you don't trust your employees to
work from home, you've hired the
wrong people, or your management
style needs updating. Either way,
you're the problem."
Seen on linkedin today7 -
Story time!
A little over a year ago I was in the hiring process with a new company and countered their initial offer. I was told by the CTO that it was no problem and they would get back to me soon.
A couple days go by and I'm then informed that they're hiring a new IT director and would like me to interview with him as well. It felt kinda lame since I'd already been offered the job but I rolled with it.
When I showed up to the office for an interview I tried to call and let them know I was there and couldn't get a hold of anyone. 30 minutes later I get a call from the CTO saying they couldn't find the new IT director and when they got him to answer the phone he said he had left early and would call me to do a phone interview.
Obviously the whole experience so far has been pretty lame but I stuck with it because I knew the CTO personally. I did the phone interview and quickly realized this dude was a prick, and would be a terrible boss, but I spoke with the CTO again who told me to stick with it and eventually I did get the job.
Fast forward about a month and it's clear the new director is trash. He literally bragged about firing a dude over an accidental outage (wtf!?).
He had the technical experience you'd expect of a junior help desk and his management skills were pretty clearly sub-par.
He was also, for whatever reason, completely unable to communicate with the only woman on our team. When assigning work he would always feel the need to ask if she could 'handle it' rather than just assigning it to her like it's done for everyone else. He was pretty clearly sexist.
The whole team hates this dude by this point but he's somehow managed to woo the executives into thinking he shits gold.
I was helping him set up a Python venv on his machine when I noticed another VPN client installed which certainly piqued my interest. After a bit of digging it was clear he was using company time and company equipment to continue working for his previous employer.
We turned over logs and he was fired the next day. He tried to add me on LinkedIn afterwards and I have never declined something quicker.
Moral of the story is don't be a dickhead.1 -
Work, the haiku:
(Plus more Dilbert)
“Where are you on this?”
“I’m where JIRA says I am”
“Ok, but how far?”
8 -
Dev: We need a better name than “Data” for this class. It’s used for displaying a set of tiles with certain coordinates so maybe TileMap would be a bit more declarative?
Manager: No I don’t like that. Data is perfectly fine, this class is for managing data so it’s perfectly declarative you just need to get better at reading code. If you have to change it then DataObject or DataObjectClass might be a bit more specific.
Dev: …15 -
Recipe: "baked developer"
you will need:
- 1 day = 1 story point
- 10SP per sprint
- every team member must deliver all the SPs.
Now for every sprint slap on 20+ hours of mandatory meetings, mix with 2-5 days of ad-hoc tasks, which must be addressed, because they are blocking the release/other teams/prod, and make sure all the devs try not to spill no matter what, and you get a perfectly burned out team.
Brittle/crispy on the outside, mashed/soft on the inside
enjoy!26 -
Manager: We should do X with the database
Dev: That will cause issue Y
Manager: But I read an article that said that issue Y wasn’t a problem
Dev: It did?
Manager: Well it didn’t mention issue Y
Dev: …2 -
Absolute asshat level clownly clownshipness:
Manager: Why is this like this? 🤡
fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.
Manager: Hmmmmm ok... what about this? Why is this like this? 🤡
fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.
Manager: Hmmmmm ok... and then this thing here? Why is this like this? 🤡
fullStackClown: Well, I hate to tell you, but it's a huge surprise. Guess what?! BECAUSE YOU DEFINED THE FEATURE LIKE THIS!!!
Manager: ... 🤡
fullStackClown: Any other absolute asinine questions to ask me to continue breaking me from flow?
Manager: ... 🤡
fullStackClown: ...
To those interested, I believe there is an evolution of my devRant career in order... I'm passing the clown phase... and entering the full-on circus phase...9 -
Manager: Hey Dev I need to do QA on this PR.
Dev: That PR is not finished yet
Manager: Well do QA now anyway, that way when it is finished it can be merged in right away since QA has already been done on it. It’s a project management technique called “fast-tracking” and it improves efficiency.
Dev: …9 -
Company: We were able to save a couple of dollars by purchasing an entire fleet of ipads instead of iphones through our supplier!
Dev: Our users walk around an industrial facility carrying things all day, how will they carry these devices now that they no longer fit in their pockets.
Company: We can get them backpacks!
Dev: …
Dev: did you at least buy protective cases for them?
Company: We have to save money! Don’t worry we told the users not to drop them. Plus none of the old iphones were ever broken so this is a non-issue.
Dev: The iPhones are in cases, they drop them quite a bit.
Company: Oh, well they shouldn’t be doing that!
** They proceeded to buy the cheapest knockoff cases I’ve ever seen. At least one ipad is smashed a week now, backpacks aren’t used because of lack on convenience. All this in the name of seeming to shave off a couple bucks for a one time purchase that didn’t even need to be made, iphones were working perfectly fine. Meanwhile there are glaring issues at the company getting ignored because they get themselves continually distracted by unhelpful pet projects that address things that are not broken and often make them worse.8 -
Manager: I don’t understand! How come you take twice as long to do tickets as anyone else but your PRs are stuck in QA for half the time as anyone else??
Dev: …8 -
$work: Ey @Root, make this super simple thing.
$work: No, not like that.
$work: It also needs to do A, B, and C.
$work: No, not there. You should build it somewhere else, but I won't tell you where.
$work: You need to build out F and G, too.
$work: What do you mean you don't have the data? Just ask support drone #3. (who directs me to #2, and that one to #8 who doesn't know, and that one to #12 who won't answer)
$work: Why can't I do K, Y, or S? You should be able to infer these from the mind of whoever wrote the ticket by its wording, despite no mention of them whatsoever.
$work: Are you done yet? It's a super simple ask!7 -
I’m so tired of egocentric lying management executive types.
Executive: You should be thinking about how you speak to the “leadership”.
Me: How about stop lying, blaming me for your own mistakes, and then blackmailing?
Guy has never heard ‘no’ in his life.
Seriously, иди на хуй.10 -
Manager: We will be building a new app. THIS TIME EVERYTHING MUST BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, ANYTHING LESS THAN TOP QUALITY WORK WILL BE REJECTED!!
*Not even 2 days into the new project*
Manager: Ok that’s good enough, we can fix it later. Can you go quicker on the next feature? Just sacrifice a bit of quality so we get these tickets closed as fast as possible. I said we can fix it later. Getting tickets closed asap is top priority.
Dev: …3 -
In pair programming session with intern. She deletes something she shouldn't have.
Me: No, wait, don't delete that, undo.
Intern: ...
Intern: What is undo? How do I do that?
Me: ...
Me: *cringes internally*
Me: Uhm.
Me: Go to Edit > Undo, or press Ctrl+Z
I think I understand what is wrong, this poor individual has extremely rudimentary computer literacy skills worse than my 77-year old stepdad's and someone in management decided to give her a Junior Software Engineering position (actually paid internship) which is doing more harm than good.19 -
I want to vomit everytime rich people in upper management says stupid shit like "working for money in this company is a sin. Work for higher reason"
Hello, if only I get paid as much as you earn just by talking random nonsense in every meeting, I would be glad sharing the same shit quote like that to other employees in the company.18 -
Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!
Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...
Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...
Manager: ...
Dev: ...
I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.
Meanwhile:
Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!
Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES
Management: ...
Dev: ...
Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"
fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks
jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymore7 -
So one year ago I was working at this company from the US, me being in Europe, which automatically implies there is several hours of timezone difference.
The eng. manager decided we would have a release tomorrow (decision was made one month earlier), and stuff was being prepped up to make that happen.
In the US the workday was about lunch time and in EU it was one hour before finishing. The manager gets us in a meeting and asks me and another dude to do some testing that would take several hours to do. This testing could have been done several days or weeks earlier.
40 minutes after that meeting I get a private message from the PM asking for the status of the test...
Me: aaa.. well I started it and will continue tomorrow
Manager: wait what? we have launch tomorrow, this testing has to be done by tomorrow
Me: it's the end of the workday here, I got personal errands that I have to attend to
Manager: uhm ok ... I see...
I was just messaging something in the public chat right before calling it a day and the manager writes "thanks for the input, your day is over now", completely out of context to the conversation I was having with whomever.
There was no question of "can you stay extra hours and do this?", there was no "hey, I know your day is over we will pay you premium hours with this amount as according to our contract, could you do this now as we have release tomorrow?" ..no ..just .. "do it!". I automatically assumed that ..hey, maybe he wants to do this during and after the live launch (and yes I do admit my mistake of not asking just to be clear, but I assumed the manager knows that there is a timezone difference ..like it's a no brainer).
I can not tell you the heat sensation I had after that last reply from the manager ... it was completely uncalled for, and unreasonable.
I mean why not make a pre-launch phase where you put stuff on the staging server, and perform all the necessary tests and then when you get all the green lights from testing you then proceed with the actual deploy? ...no ... mention this like right at the end of the day before the launch....
And another thing that scratched my neuronal cortex is, how does he know exactly how long the tests would take?12 -
Some dude in upper management: We hear you. We have too many meetings, it's not healthy. From now on we'll have meeting free Friday morning!!!
And then all meetings on Friday morning are re-scheduled on Friday afternoon, or Thursday afternoon.
Yeah this really works, genius! -
So a consulting company was hired to write stored procedures for us. I don't know where they found these guys, but the code was horrible and took ages to run.
We other devs weren't happy at all, but management forbade us to rewrite the code, cause the consultants would've gotten money for nothing then. As a "fix", these guys just reduced batch sizes to a very low amount of rows and management was happy that the procedures were so much faster now and gave their ok.
Fast forward a few weeks (to now). Obviously a reduced batch size means the procedures will run faster, but more often and it will take weeks to load all the data we need.
Result: Management ordered us to rewrite the SPs and we're all torn between laughing and crying.5 -
Do managers not fucking understand that Jira is meant to eliminate all this stupid "What's the status with X?", and "Is Y done yet?" chatter. Our communication channels should be on business logic and other global updates about the company, not about fucking workflow status updates because you have nothing else to do with your day but ping me every 5 minutes.
LOOK AT THE REVIEW COLUMN ON JIRA. I MEAN ITS LITERALLY CALLED REVIEW. SO REVIEW IT AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB.
I swear the devs consistently have a better overview on timelines and project status than management does - which is sad, because this is literally the definition of management!!!19 -
"We are from <Company Name> and wanted to reach out to you in regards to a management level software position, we liked bla bla bla about your resumee and would like to discuss some options with you"
Me: "oh interesting! I just worked with your company last week helping one of our departments implement one of your solutions into their area"
Recruiter: "We know :D"
I am kinda wondering if this is considered poaching7 -
I'm a tech lead for a digital agency.
Digital agencies are universally known for being shite. Why? Because they typically push through sub-optimal code with very little testing over tiny deadlines for maximum profit. Maybe I've just had bad experiences but this is the 5th digital agency that I've worked at that does this bollocks.
I am currently sitting on a Teams call at 8:39pm because the fuckwit project/account managers are unable to face up to the big scary client and ask them terrifying questions like "Is this bug a blocker for the deployment?" or "We don't have enough time to fix/change these things, can we delay another day?". They just assume that A - We will work into the evening, and B - that all the issues are P1 and that we should all 'pull together' as 'team players' to get this done in time.
No, Me and my team have to work into the evening for seemingly free because these pricks can't do their jobs properly.
The funniest thing of all? When I speak to the CTO about overtime payment he tries to make me feel bad about "we don't typically pay for overtime..."
Fuck Everyone.
Time to find a new contract.11 -
Intern's CV says they have technical skills with MS Office, MySQL and JavaScript. Last month I let my manager know that this intern doesn't really know anything, so we let her do a Freecodecamp course, after which she still cannot build a basic HTML and CSS page and doesn't understand the relationship between HTML and CSS.
My manager bought her a Laravel course for beginners and today I discovered that she also doesn't understand databases, because she tried to enter an alphabetic character into a column that only accepts integers. She doesn't read/understand the error codes thrown by the application.
She tried to access a route which she created in her Laravel app by accessing it via the phpmyadmin dashboard and called me and wasted my time by asking me why her route isn't working. She literally does not understand how computers work, or how the HTTP protocol works, even less so how a file structure works. She cannot translate abstractions to practical solutions.
She either deliberately lied on her CV to get a job, or she's just really dumb and doesn't understand what the term "technical skills" mean.
I've told my manager multiple times how I think she's in the wrong job, but they keep pushing things beyond her capabilities onto her desk. I was told I'd get an intern to help me with my work load, but I got signed up into an experiment I did not consent to (manager's words, it's an experiment to help uplift people with bad degrees and a poor background). I am not a good teacher, I hate doing it.29 -
Manager: You know you really shouldn’t pay off your mortgage faster than you absolutely have to. It’s the cheapest money you’ll ever get!
Dev: I’d rather work towards being debt free. Besides my RRSP (401k) is already maxed out
Manager: RRSPs are a scam! TFSAs (Roth IRAs) are way better
Dev: My TFSA is maxed out too
Manager: 😡 You still shouldn’t pay off your mortgage!
Dev: …16 -
So the team I joined has been producing garbage software in C# for 10+ years. The solution proposed by the tech lead - start using Java because it’s better than C#, that’s why we have problems. This actually gets signed off by management. Why did I choose this career?21
-
This happened today...
Manager: how long this is going to take?
Dev: 3 months
M: cool! 3 weeks then
D: no.. This is quite complicated and most of us are unfamiliar with the topics. It'll take us 2 weeks just to get started
M: drop the unit tests then. Just get the features done in 3 weeks. We have customers waiting
D: that's a bad idea. We'll end up with unstable co..
M: oh we also need to complete documentation, release guide, and this [shitty feature no one care about]
D: but that is even more complex. We don't have enough ti..
M: just copy it from stackoverflow. It'll only take 5 minutes guys
Worst part? This guy is technically sound and understands our pain really well. He is just acting dumb and trying to put the blame on us when the higher management asks
Second worst part? The whole team keeps silent when I try to convince him somehow and starts ranting after he leaves the call2 -
We had to review a design document written by our partners, and have it approved by end of Dec.
While I was reading it, I noticed that we committed to a module I wasn't familiar with. I asked the other two lab mates, and they had a surprised Pikachu face.
So we called the boss to discuss this. And it dawned on him that we committed to a task that was assigned 20 months of work, but nobody started working on it. And considering Holidays and other commitments, we had like 3 months to do it from scratch and deliver.
My advisor panicked, and his first response was to assign this task to me.
I politely declined, and after digging in my email box, found that he actually assigned the task to someone else. So I showed it to him.
Thinking I would save him after he treated me badly for nearly 2 years was hilarious. For a better manager, I would have definitely agreed to assist. But as it is now? I'll be eating cookies while I'm watching the project burn.13 -
So.. the software team I work with still maintain Java 6 apps.. meanwhile management keep asking when we're "moving to the cloud".
DevRant posts are too small for me to describe our technical debt.... 🤦10 -
Dev: (Watches user print out screenshot of maintenance app to do list, walk across facility to printer. walk across facility to equipment and check things off on paper, then walk across facility back to their terminal and copy the findings over.)
Dev: We made the app responsive so they could do that on a mobile device. Why are they printing?
Manager: Printers are cheaper than getting more tablets.
Dev: …
Dev: Can we at least get a printer at each terminal so they don’t waste so much time walking across the facility?
Manager: That’s too many printers to maintain. It’s easier to just have one.
Dev: …8 -
The next big trend will be in the area of project management:
The Waterfall™
Agile has been abused to the point where The Waterfall™ is way more agile! Think about it: It's straight down. No loops, no unnecessary hourly, daily, weekly meetings. No micromanaging. Just one flow. It starts at the top and it's all downhill from there.
Pure efficiency!
Edit: Wake up developers! The management doesn't want you to know this simple efficiency trick!9 -
Manager: Send me a MS Teams chat if you have any questions or updates, it's faster than email and you'll get quick feedback from me :) Let's get that feedback loop ROLLING!
Manager: *ignores my (multiple) requests for feedback on MS Teams for over a week.*
I just want to move my tickets into done :(5 -
I work for healthcare client project in a start up, worked two years straight without a break.
Client is very inconsiderate about developers work-life balance, he always wants to release every features yesterday.
Never had a reasonable deadline, worked late nights most of the time. No one had backbone to control this client from our side.
Its only developers team, no project management, scrum masters or anything, everything has to be taken care by Dev's.
I decided to take a week break from work.
The first day of my leave he pinged me 3 times to change an "from email" address for notification email which no one give a damn about.
I never replied or did anything. But the part of myself is dying of guilt.
Now I can't relax myself completely.
Re-thinking of my life choices atm.
I loved programming since high school, I can work on computers 24/7 without tired. That's how much I love it. Now I'm just tired of it.
If anyone who read this till here. Thank you.18 -
Company upper management was asked of any plans for supporting businesses in the metaverse.
They said they want to focus on bussiness in the real world.
Absolute chads.4 -
If I hear the word "techie" one more time from management, I'm gone lose my shit!!!
I don't go around calling them "managies" all day!!!15 -
Ah the day before launch of a new app. And right on schedule the businesses is attempting to completely alter their requirements including a COMPLETE OVERHAUL OF THE DATABASE MODEL TO ADDRESS AN ISSUE THAT HAS ALREADY BEEN FIXED. I wish they would share the drugs they are clearly on so I could also live in this dreamland delusion where you can turn something completely on its head right on the finish line and expect everything to go well.
Manager: Hey I think I have a solution to that performance we talked about last week
Dev: I already fixed it, it only takes 1 second instead of 30 now.
Manager: Ok but I’ve also figured out a solution. If we completely change the entire database model that one query could potentially be even faster according to my understanding of how databases operate.
Dev: I fixed it without the need for that, actually it was just a matter of better conc—
Manager: I think we should go with MY solution. Drop everything and restructure the database immediately! Be quick, as you know we launch this application tomorrow! Have an extra coffee today and just crush it out, don’t overthink this either just do it.
Dev: …11 -
Dev: So we need around $50-100 a month to activate and use some key services that would greatly reduce our backend complexity. Would this fit into our budget? Actually, we've never really discussed in general what sort of tech budget we have to work with...
Management: UNTIL WE HAVE SUSTAINABLE REVENUE, OUR TECH BUDGET IS 0
FullStackClown: 0? Are you serious? You can't spare a few hundred dollars TOTAL over the next 3 months until our next round of funding clears?
Management: ALSO WE ARE REALLY GOING TO NEED YOUR HELP TO FIND PRODUCT MARKET FIT FROM THE TECH SIDE
FullStackClown: Oh no... we've gotten to the classic point where they think tech is the thing that will solve their problems... abandon ship...8 -
Everything is a fucking priority.
According to the management, everything should be done yesterday already.
Gave me a single designer and developer while asking asking me to deliver long term and short term initiatives at the same time.
Morons.8 -
Huge dev-team presentation today with YouTube livestream link available to all clients.
Management wanted us to test our laptops, connections and cables to the bone, so that every computer will work 100% while the stream is running.
You know what didn't work?
The goddamn streaming camera device.1 -
Dear Atlassian Support,
In my life I had a lot of experiences...
But your software manages to replace all these experiences with a unique feeling of depression, hatred, anger... Only negative emotions.
Not once have I said anything good about your software - not once in > 5 years.
Whenever your chum bucket of mismanagement and misanthropy stops working, it's never the fault of the end user, the administrator or someone else.
It's entirely your fault.
Fucked up upgrades, lack of documentation, catastrophic handling of logging, lack of support of current database systems, lack of proper migration and clean up of plugins, ....
I could go on. But it's really just and endless tirade.
I wish I could stop management for even giving you money for the pile of poo you call software, but sadly they don't listen.
But there's hope on the horizon.
Thanks for making people go cloud only.
No one wants that.
It would mean entrusting that pile of poo to the craptastic hands of your irresponsible people.
No one really wants that.
Not even management who blindly paid the license fees all the times.
Thank you for your cloud only movement.
Maybe we can finally find an alternative and I can finally start a therapy for the PTSD I have thx to your software.3 -
- Be me (Dev)
- Develop website for client that has an online payment integration.
- Notice there is no one for QA and testing.
- Try to raise voice about it but get shot down by management.
- Get order to push the project to production (because the deadline has arrived, therefore the project must be ready)
- Production performance has an error margin of 15% (customers getting their card over/under charged)
- Get blamed and flamed for everything cuz well, its all the dev's fault.
FML4 -
Manager: What's your time estimate on that latest ticket?
Dev: It's literally written in the "time estimate" field on the ticket, even in standard human units like "hours", "minutes", and "seconds"
Manager: ...
Dev: ...9 -
*phone dings*
Manager: Please share the timelines for feature X
Me: *swiping away the Teams notification* Please get a life and stop texting your engineers at 9 PM5 -
Remember that 'solo standup' I was 'shaking in my boots about'?
Should have started at 9:30
Yeah, well its O9:40... the managers aren't even here yet...
So much respect in this team!
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡6 -
What's worse than putting out fires all day?
Going to check on and put out fires but then realizing they don't exist because management is incompetent.
#clowndrivendevelopment 🤡6 -
Dev: I need you to do X
IT: Ok we will do Y
Dev: I don’t want Y I want X
IT: Well you’ll need to go through the change request process then since you have just modified your requirements.
Dev: …6 -
If you think meetings are bad.
Have a day full of license renewal and price negotiation talks regarding technical products.
It's funny how you can blatantly say: We don't need feature XYZ, we get it for free via BLA.... Yet they still present it in all glory.
Even better when they don't even know their alternative / competition products...
X: "our tool is better".
Me: "We have tool XY. Doesn't cost a penny, does the same, we don't need your tool".
X: "No it doesn't. Look at all the features we have *screen share presentation* with long explanations".
Y: "Yeah... You've certain additional features, but the basics are all present in the tool that we use, so my statement remains the same".
These meetings are really mind boggling insane.
Even more insane when you get the price offers.
The cloud only madness is absurd.
Sure, we move 50 terabyte plus to the cloud from premise, no problem. *🤡*
Not that we haven't told them explicitly that cloud only isn't possible....
The worst: every motherfucking company does it for every stupid single craptastic product...
You cannot even swoop it up in a single meeting... Every company. Every single product.
*booze liberate me from madness and remove the filthy stain of humanity*9 -
Meeting with CEO went well I heard. Only thing he didn’t like that there was no permission level “worthy of leadership” (GUI options are view-only/worker/admin/super).
Keeping the existence of the the secret “god” permission to myself I proceeded to create the “executive authority” permission, which is an alias…
…for view-only. 🖕😘🖕5 -
Managers: * send meeting to my calendar *
Fullstackclown: * sees email * Much obliged, I'm happy to... wait a sec... this calender meeting is for 4:30 PM... TODAY! ...and they've sent this at 4:47 PM?!?!
Managers: FULLSTACKCLOWN!!!! HOW COULD YOU MISS THAT MEETING TODAY?
Fullstackclown: lol
#beclowngetclowned14 -
*During a walk around to check on the users*
Dev: *Watching worker laboriously dragging pallet jack with one wobbly wheel and another wheel practically seized*
Dev: Hey that looks broken, can’t you swap it out in the maintenance building?
Worker: If you do that management will give you one that’s worse.
Dev: …This fucking company
** Worker later threw out his back, company’s corrective action was to send out notice reminding employees to stretch before doing physical tasks19 -
Client: Too many of our business processes take place on excel and paper! We need to modernize our business processes. Build an app that can do the main things we do with excel and paper in app form.
Dev (4 months later): Here it is
Client: Ok some of our users want to still use excel and paper so build the ability to print the app and export/import to excel so they can continue working the way they always have alongside our new app.
Dev: …6 -
The next motherfucking asshole, that says there is a shortage of trained IT personnel in Germany, will get their eyeballs ripped out and squished back into their mouth.
I've got my trade degree in mid August. since then I've been without a job. The first 2 months where, bevause my former employer took ages to create my work-certificate (document that shows that you actually worked there and what you did).
Since then, I applied to a multitude of companies and got denied for various reasons. My favorite was "seems unmotivated".
The number of open IT positions is directly correlated to the collective assholelishness and entitlement of HR/management.27 -
You guys wanna know why I rage so much at the 🤡🤡🤡's I work with?
I shit you not, this is a ticket in our "to do" section of our Jira.
what even is ticket linking??!?!?
what even are tickets??!?!?!
or better yet.... what even the fuck is jira?!?!?! I've only been using it for over a year, give me some time to figure out how to use it!!!!!!
I don't know, maybe i'm the asshole. But at least I don't feel like a 🤡
7 -
Being me. Fresh out of UNI with a three year bachelor in CS, no work experience. Starts in a big tech company with a lot promise of exciting project etc. Starts in 3 projects with one lead dev and two senior devs.
First month begins. I start by setting up my local environment and read documentations, which is fairly irrelevant and old. One of the senior devs quits.
Second month begins. Lead dev quits as well and the other senior dev having sick leave for the rest of the month. Basically I'm on my own, but thankfully not responsible for the projects.
Third month begins. The other senior dev is still sick. Nobody to help. Now I'm forced to talk to customer with a lacking knowledge of projects. Nobody knows what is going on. Hopefully my other senior dev will come back.
Fourth month begins. My senior have quit as well. I've been assigned as responsible of all three projects now. FML.
Fifth month begins. I begged my manager for help. Got a junior dev to help me with one of the projects. He and I still have no clue what we should do.
What a shitty start to a career as a developer.
Anybody having a similar experience?
5 -
My tech lead keeps assigning me incident tickets in the company's worst legacy app because I solved some bug in it a while ago. I'm the only one who gets assigned these.
If this keeps going, I know for sure that I will be regarded as the designated developer for this application. Then I will be truly fucked.5 -
Why does Scrum feel like micromanagement?
I seriously hate daily standup, ours go on for half an hour, sometimes longer and I have to listen to completely unrelated shit I don't know anything about. I cannot explain how disconnected I feel. I'm the only dev working on their website. Some days I don't even need to check in, I have nothing to say.24 -
Why the fuck are people so concerned over not meeting their sprint goal? It's imaginary! It's not agile. It's a rigid boundary set by project management to make you accountable for completing a certain amount of work on a specific timeframe so they can monitor you and make sure you're working. It's the opposite of agility where we should constantly be responding to change. Fuck sprints! How about instead you just build trust and get shit done! No imaginary boundaries. The work takes as long as it takes, but you need to trust people to get it done!6
-
Management : We need to deliver this by September!!!
Meanwhile every dev took 2-3 weeks of vacation in August.1 -
- Be me
- Been in a new job for 2 months
- Was excited because of 50% salary increase and better position
- Have a new team of 6 devs including me. All new guy
- Market crash
- Top management demands a trim down to all divisions
- Will be left to 3 devs next month
- All the while being asked to
- Deliver a shopify like marketplace from end to end
- Deliver integration with partners for data inventory tracking
- All within 2 months
- Furious when target is not met
- Demands a micro management to every single person on the team on what their day to day schedule
- Demands everybody to live by hustle culture and ready to work non stop even nights or weekend
- Be me
- Been working non stop for at least a month
- Sacrificed weekends and holidays
Beginning to think that maybe the money and position isn't worth the hassle6 -
Man the senior dev where I work produces the most half baked shit solutions but I guess management loves em because he produces results.
Like Holy fuck this whole place just has a raging hard on for Microsoft products. Plus management won't spend any money on dealing with any of the tech debt and our prod solution is just to erect more monoliths.
Someone please end my suffering5 -
So now that Covid is apparently "gone", management wants us to come to the office to participate in daily team building events to hype up people to commute full time...
but still gotta finish those milestone deliveries while having too many meetings and deadlines.
Murphy is watching us from above with a shit-eating grin. -
Once upon a time
Performance Review, "great job", "like all your achievements so far".. signed.
Two days later, same manager, "as you can guess, you didn't pass probation. Could have done more."
"Oh more like?"
"Just, you know, more."3 -
Shit will hit the fan pretty soon. We're understaffed, the team is all talking about jumping ship and all other teams rely on our work, so if we jump ship, it sinks. It's really amazing that management is unaware or choosing to actively ignore the possibility. Either way, they're fucking up big time. Honestly, if it happens, it will be well deserved, it just sucks for everyone else working under them4
-
I'm managed by idiots who don't fully realize the nightmare they're creating.
They're making small operational changes, but hundreds of them with zero evidence to back their claims up.
When I bring up how it actually works, and how operations actually work I'm told I don't use the tools as much as management does and that my feedback is limited to how I use the tool.
So now I'm just gambling that they won't fuck up too bad before I get that sweet sweet sellout money and just letting them fuck everything up they want without any warnings from me.
I'm quickly learning that the phrase of the year is, "Fuck em". -
What you see:
"we gonna build a new application to replace our legacy one"
How to read:
"we gonna make you put more shit in the legacy app whenever we want and still keep asking about the new app you don't have the time to make"2 -
HR is getting so desperate they are prescheduling me interviews attached with CVs in the hopes that I will interview the candidates for a senior, even though the candidates have no experience whatsoever in embedded software programming. Workday, JIRA and Excel does not count you absolute fucknuggets.
For fuck sake, I asked management to hire new grads or juniors, at least I can get a person motivated to learn, but I swear they just don't listen.
They just are content with wasting my time lol3 -
"note that the package name is different from the importable name"
God I hate Python dependency management2 -
I love to code, it scratches my creative itch
And i love to work, it drowns my productivity anxiety
But I dread every morning when i wake up to work on my current employer's project
It's that kind of combo of code base spaghetti and all over the place project management that sinks my galleys
Woe is me...3 -
Our company is cheap, cheap as fuck. We have to use some third-party platforms and every year they choose something that is slightly cheaper than the other. (like a few $ per annual), they do not know that we have to refactor our code at the backend because the changes of the platform.
It doesn't end there, they even look for devs from third world countries to work for them remotely instead of hiring permanent staff (I understand it is cheaper because of currency difference and etc), but what about the training period or to let them become comfortable with the existing system, even when he/she is a genius... it takes time to be productive at work.
The worst part is they dont give a shit, they think devs can be replaced easily just like some construction workers carrying stuffs on site (no offence to them), management treating people like shit and doesn't care when they leave.2 -
Already 3/4 with PRs for Hacktoberfest 😏
This stuff brings me back to the days when software used to be fun and not driven by absolutely clueless clowns in big-wig management clowntown. 🥲2 -
I am so mentally drained from having to deal with the intern who I have to literally spoon-feed every single thing. My previous posts illustrate the situation...
The language and cultural barriers are too much, and I am too afraid to open my mouth because of the sensitive nature of my country's history and I'll get labelled as some horrible person.
I told my manager today that I'll stick it out until end of January (thankfully I am on vacation for most of December and January), but I cannot work with her. She was supposed to move to the data team end of December, but my manager told me if she can't even properly grasp this HTML and CSS stuff, then she will not be able to do the other tasks they have for her.
This was a disaster of an experiment and I'm somewhat traumatised ( I am sure the intern is too) and I never want another intern again, nor do I want to manage people. I never said I want to be a people manager, I just want to quietly code at my desk.
This company sells MBTI psychometric assessments and they damn well know my preference, so I'm seriously annoyed that they threw this horrendous surprise on me and kept ignoring my requests for revisiting this intern's role, because I noticed a long time ago that she was struggling with basic concepts and all they did was make her do Udemy courses.
I told them multiple times that she seriously needs computer literacy training because she will not survive in this industry if she still struggles to understand how files and folders work. Other employers would have fired her a long time ago.
She's just too slow for this job. I feel sorry for her, but I do not have the capacity to do this anymore. I'm tired, it's been a long year.7 -
An hour of developer time: $50
An HDMI to USB-C dongle: $30
Only being issuing each developer 1 dongle and not letting them have an extra under any conditions because that would be "wasteful": The Process
There are some things in life that don't make you homicidal for everything else there's management.3 -
NEW TALES FROM THE FUCKING CRYPT. It's disgusting...
... how managers keep to invest money into totally useless gadgets at the company to keep themselves motivated with stupid toys, tech and gear. WHY in fucks name would you not spend the money on hiring more devs and a dev consultant?
It's funny how they presented the stats first: "yea well we have ten big projects in dev right now" (we are FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE, tells you everything, right) "... BUT WE HAVE BOUGHT NEW SCOOTERS FOR THE COMPANY!".
Ok... why though? Who would actually use those things except the ones that bought them. Just another way of spending more money to reduce the promised employee return on the company's profit...2 -
Management: “Let’s put StackODev in front of clients.”
Me: “Ok, but you’ll have to sign a waiver.”1 -
I hate the feeling you get when you do a lengthy, drooling task that once finished got you nowhere.
My day was mostly productive for a Sunday, woke up late as all Sundays, spent the afternoon writing a proposal and exercising when I saw a notification for a homework for tonight at 12.
A research paper about Dijkstra's philosopher problem, 8 pages minimum. To be honest I've seen the problem a long time ago while studying C++ and I had the theory down and that is my issue, it becomes inherently boring and useless in my head. Is in this situations that my mind gets lazy.
I wrote the first 3 pages in half an hour but I was done, I started revising the proposal and fixed a calculation error, checked Rust's take on the philosophers issue and decided to save it for winter break along with learning Rust (although got some basics down), made rough budget approximations for the next 3 months, lost myself a little bit on deep house music (notable tracks tadow from masego, nevermind - Dennis Lloyd and gold - Chet faker), etc...all in all it took me 3 hours more to finish the assignment, including breaks and dinner.
I am working on a lot of stuff lately and my main project's sprint ends this Tuesday and it pisses me off, after all that I learnt nothing new, got nowhere with my project and will probably get 80 because Google docs has no margin setting. Worse than being lazy for fun is inevitably being lazy for being compelled to do low priority tasks by your head's standards.
6 -
My 5 cents about refactoring.
People often postpone it, making it harder down the line.
From my experience, it's better to just do it as you go. 5 min can otherwise become 30 min thing after a while, and combined with some other 5 min thing, this can become 2 hour thing after some time, for example.
Also good luck convincing management (especially bad one), that you need 2 weeks of refactoring. Doing tiny 5 min refactoring, no one will notice.7 -
Manager’s PR Description: I made changes relating to a ticket which should work as expected. I also made various other changes as I saw fit, test whatever else I changed too.
Dev: …2 -
"Longest you worked without rest + why?"
46hrs
2 x 14h shifts from 0400h on.
No breaks, toilet, drinks or food.
Intercepted by a removal and all the getting ready, getting there, preparing food and such stuff.
Quite common the 10-14hrs shifts these days. Logistics companies take pride on how they don't give a remote fuck about their employees. .. And! Regularly fucking up everything with their out of this world expectations and assumptions. Only thing stopping such madness? The reality of sailing the edge of bankruptcy.
Seconded by a university event that everybody fucked up and had to be pulled out of the mud with 44hrs straight.
Well. Intercepted by some booze.
Best part? My then time partner decided to throw an episode in my only free time. God I still hate that daemon. She must have committed a series of crimes against humanity by now. Easily could be responsible for the downfall of civilisation.5 -
I recently started working on a 3 months old project, that was outsourced to two Indians genius. One of them left just before I arrived.
I had the chance to discover those guys were not using any version control system, just exchanging a zip file. I don’t even talk about the codebase, never seen such a mess …
Even better the project managers, were not using any IT program to follow the project advancement, but just Excel!!!
After a few days I realised that the remaining dev was not committing anything, the guy was always lying, (so many people died around him + some emergencies)
So, the guy got fired, but don’t worry management found new genius to save the project 🙂
Can someone tell me if outsourcing is really working?7 -
Management has been promising we'd leave .NET framework for 2 years now. Never fucking happens. A new ASP.NET project was just started last week and yup, OF COURSE, its .NET Framework 4.8.
I'd even be happy with one of the earlier .NET Core versions at this point for fucks sake. I have no clue why tech leads are so happy to create a brand new project on a deprecated framework version.
And yes, I have checked thoroughly. Our whole infrastructure works with .NET Core onward. People are just too lazy to learn new stuff.
Stuff like switching to .NET 6, actually doing unit testing, improving our CI/CD pipeline, refactoring problematic codebases, etc. -> all this stuff is the kind of things they promise me I can work on later whenever I'm so bogged down with work that I'm looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. All empty promises.
Ideally we should be on .NET 6 since its LTS and just stay on the LTS versions as the year goes on.8 -
Looking around where I work, I'm reminded of when I was young and ambitious, like all the other kids around me at the time, with a dislike for all the older dudes and dudettes in upper management. With the exception of three other guys around my age, everyone, including the CEO, was in high school, middle school, elementary school, or not even born yet when I started my career. Just like them, I was plucky and chatty and (trying to be) funny and social. I didn't know how fast I would go from that set to the old fat guy that they look askance at and wonder how I'm still around with my weird ways and "boomerish", socially retarded behavior. What's really galling is that I'm solidly Gen X, like some of them, but I guess I talk more like a Boomer because my parents were older when I was born and I was kinda raised in that mindset. I'm the office schlub now. A man out of my time. And I've never been in any kind of upper management, even. I am Kevin Malone.
3 -
Company Motto: “Business is simple, hire amazing people and let then do their thing”
Company Culture: You can’t do that!! It’s really hard and expensive to hire people with those skills! How would we replace you or save money by continuing to not give you a raise if you did that!?1 -
I don't know how managers are planning deadlines and counting December as a full working month!
Most companies that I worked with, count either half a month or push the deadline until the end of January when the workforce is back but not here.
Our division manager has promised the customer that the production environment will be ready on the first week of January, without even consulting the team or checking the schedule like WTF!
The person responsible for setting the infrastructure was on vacation for 2 weeks and he didn't hand over the access to production or share the progress done.
Fast forward, the manager went to slack and pinged the whole company with full caps message that the production should be done today.
Fun times :/10 -
Devs: Can we please get adequate hardware to do our job correctly? Please, just a new set of larger monitors.
Lower management: Sure, this is going to be easy.
Upper management: Wait what? This will cost us around 500€ times 10? Any maybe in the end other departments will want that to, so make it times 100.
We're a 4+ billion company ... but yes, please, I love scroll bars and they make my work so much faster.4 -
Join a company 18 months into lockdown
Get frustrated at the lack of internal discussion
Raise issue with management
Get ignored
Go to Christmas party
Talk to people that have been dealing with this all through lockdown
Suggest steps to improve
Get bombarded with comments from people that are way more frustrated than me, have been dealing with this way longer
???
Profit4 -
Hi devs,
i am just curious, how often you use devrant.
to be honest,.. if my life is good.. no bugs. no miss management. I don't even remember devrant exist..
but as soon as I got frustrated from code,management, life.. Devrant is the first thing I type of my browser before starting any work :P3 -
Mhm yes, release 1.0.0
Hello World now has auto-centered text,
a feature Ｅｖｅｒｙｏｎｅ including
your { user.pet.type } has been asking for,
management assures me.1 -
It really sucks when you join a company, you are really excited and then you see that the management and the work culture in the company sucks and you cant wait to leave...such a waste of time and energy :'(11
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I’m being moved from a lead developer role to a lead project management role. Those who can, do. Those who can’t, manage projects of those who can.2
-
sprint started two weeks ago, it's due today.
yesterday, most tasks for the sprint were done, but was still waiting that whole two weeks for updates on two new tickets, guess they'll be in the next sprint...
project leaders yesterday: oh here are those updates for the sprint! (not to mention the meeting was at 5 PM yesterday, not even the BEGINNING of the work day)
project leaders today: what's the status of the sprint?!
...it's a joke, right? do you think I'm a fucking magician?
its always the same no matter where you go, slowly starting to realize...
tl;dr; adding new feature requests the day before a sprint ends and then having the nerve of asking the "status" of the sprint the following day.2 -
Someone asked "What's a sad reality for devs?"
Let me add one to that cuz I'm too lazy to find the actual thread.
A sad reality of devs is to be dependent on the management's mercy for them to be in the team/company. Your years of work can be thrown out the window just like that when management feels like it and there is almost nothing devs can do about it.
This sprung to mind cuz I experienced that today. My client cut my dev team in half to "make up for the recent losses the company faced". Obviously my team wasn't responsible for it.
This shit sucks man.1 -
Management: Our internal app must be 100% rigid so that we users follow predefined process flows exactly so no mistakes are made while also being 100% flexible so that users are free to go about their business in whatever way they feel is appropriate for their own unique needs. These are the requirements!
Dev: …7 -
Marketing Director uses the website's blog as his personal social media platform and posts weird one-liners which should have been social media posts.
Refuses to acknowledge content quality is a problem and insists I make the SEO better by doing some stuff with the code.
I can do what I can, technically speaking, but your poor quality content will still drag the entire thing down, asshole.
A blog is not a social media platform, dude.3 -
I don't fucking see how others get their stuff through code review, if when I make an enhancement it gets stopped for stuff other people did before me. Like, at this point it seems like I'm spending more and more time refactoring than simply doing the requested enhancements.
I don't blame the team, they're going off of the documentation. But this is getting ridiculous.2 -
I applied as a full-stack dev at a private company, they offered me the Project Manager role instead, I took the offer and after 1yr they gave me a choice to choose between staying as a Project Manager or switching to being a Software Engineer/System Analyst. I took the SoftEng position because project management isn’t my career choice for now.
Now people saying I not knowingly chose to be demoted. Is it a bad choice?10 -
I think IT is one the few professions where if someone can’t make it in the lower ranks, they’re quickly considered for management.4
-
2021 was really rough, saw friends going over the deep end with burnout, significant incidents to handle and a shitty manager to deal with.
It wasn't about blood and tears, it was about commuting 4 hours/day mid-pandemic to be present in the office and respond to an incident whilst having to deal with a bunch of heroes thinking they were part of a CSI: Cyber episode.
All of that just to be said that my raise "would be enough to keep me from looking elsewhere" as my manager said they were very happy with my performance.
This week I found out exactly how much this appreciation is worth: 2%. And I should consider myself lucky with this number as my performance wasn't good enough to grant me any raise whatsoever.
feelsreallybad.png4 -
I have been keeping this inside for long time and I need to rant it somewhere and hear your opinion.
So I'm working as a Team Lead Developer at a small company remotely based in Netherlands, I've been working there for about 8 years now and I am the only developer left, so the company basically consists of me and the owner of the company which is also the project manager.
As my role title says I am responsible for many things, I maintain multiple environments:
- Maintain Web Version of the App
- Maintain A Cordova app for Android, iOS and Windows
- Working with pure JavaScript (ES5..) and CSS
- Development and maintenance of Cordova Plugins for the project in Java/Swift
- Trying to keep things stable while trying very hard to transit ancient code to new standards
- Testing, Testing, Testing
- Keeping App Stable without a single Testing Unit (sadly yes..)
- Just pure JavaScript no framework apart from JQuery and Bootstrap for which I strongly insist to be removed and its being slowly done.
On the backend side I maintain:
- A Symfony project
- MySQL
- RabbitMQ
- AWS
- FCM
- Stripe/In-App Purchases
- Other things I can't disclose
I can't disclose the nature of the app but the app is quite rich in features and complex its limited to certain regions only but so far we have around 100K monthly users on all platforms, it involves too much work especially because I am the only developer there so when I am implementing some feature on one side I also have to think about the other side so I need to constantly switch between different languages and environments when working, not to mention I have to maintain a very old code and the Project Owner doesn't want to transit to some more modern technologies as that would be expensive.
The last raise I had was 3 years ago, and so far he hasn't invested in anything to improve my development process, as an example we have an iOS version of the app in Cordova which of course involves building , testing, working on both frontend and native side and etc., and I am working in a somewhat slow virtual machine of Monterey with just 16 GB of RAM which consumed days of my free time just to get it working and when I'm running it I need to close other apps, keep in mind I am working there for about 8 years.
The last time I needed to reconfigure my work computer and setup the virtual machine it costed me 4 days of small unpaid holiday I had taken for Christmas, just because he doesn't have the enough money to provide me with a decent MacBook laptop. I do get that its not a large company, but still I am the only developer there its not like he needs to keep paying 10 Developers.
Also:
- I don't get paid vacation
- I don't have paid holiday
- I don't have paid sick days
- My Monthly salary is 2000 euro GROSS (before taxes) which hourly translates to 12 Euro per hour
- I have to pay taxes by myself
- Working remotely has its own expenses: food, heating, electricity, internet and etc.
- There are few other technical stuff I am responsible of which I can't disclose in this post.
I don't know if I'm overacting and asking a lot, but summarizing everything the only expense he has regarding me is the 2000 euro he sends me on which of course he doesn't need to pay taxes as I'm doing that in my country.
Apart from that just in case I spend my free time in keeping myself updated with other tech which I would say I fairly experienced with like: Flutter/Dart, ES6, NodeJS, Express, GraphQL, MongoDB, WebSockets, ReactJS, React Native just to name few, some I know better than the other and still I feel like I don't get what I deserve.
What do you think, do I ask a lot or should I start searching for other job?23 -
That feeling when you’ve got a reputation of preciseness etc, and the code you just submitted for review has so many silly little mistakes you just want to do that ostrich thing. Gosh, how can I suddenly suck at my job this bad?
Okay, the changes affect EVERYTHING in our codebase (a major change in core business logic), and there is no way I could’ve tested every possible case by myself without a decent coverage of automated tests - which we obviously don’t have. So yet another argument for it (damn management, won’t you listen?!)… but still, some of the mistakes found during code review make me seem like a complete idiot.9 -
Can someone please write a plugin that automatically translates bug tickets into startup-ese? It would make it very easy to present the most common offenders to higher management on quarterly reviews.
Example:
-
$< "screen A is all messed up"
$> "We are disrupting the establishment in screen A"
-
$< "API B is not responding, giving timeout errors"
$> "We are facing logistical challenges in API B"4 -
We had today a meeting in management that ended in a discussion about prevention instead of crisis and risk management.
Or to make it bit simpler: prevention instead of treatment.
In IT / management / government, treatment is usually the way - you let the crisis happen, despite knowing it could have been prevented, and treat the damage / crisis.
Needless to say, the discussion escalated like usual.
It's funny how managers are able to put sentences like: "it's important to have quality assurance like prevention but staying within budget should be priority" (loosely translated from German, it's hard - sorry)...
You mean the budget that exploded and quadrupled in size because you dumb fuckers pay no attention to quality assurance? Or the additional cost of hardware, maintenance etc. to compensate for the fuckups regarding performance evaluation and regression testing?
"We cannot prevent everything nor anticipate everything, it's safer to deal with an estimated risk than with the unknown"...
"But we'd need to invest in ..., which reduces value"
I could give more details, but I think the point is clear... the discussion became quite heated and the longer it went on, the more I wanted to have an morphine drop with suicide option...
Why do people hate prevention so much?
Is the concept that hard to understand? You prevent things to not deal with crisis.
You invest to prevent loss.
It's just one of these weeks where the only happiness consists of tipping the delivery guy with 20 % plus and getting an honest smile.
:(3 -
Making calls, meetings, and "brainstorming" half-baked features or designs or any other slop bullshit for 12 hours a day?
Wow, you are an impressive "startup bro"!!!
Coding, testing, running emulators, tests, reading technical documentation, ensuring product success in the real world, and implementing efficient full stack software for 12 hours a day?
Fuck you!!!
These are the expectations of management. Just remember, what they do is "extremely difficult", but you are simply just a resource queue that takes input and converts it to real-world implementation.
Give me a fucking break -
Boss needs certain stats pulled from database once a year for board meeting. This time I delegate it to a junior dba/sysadmin. He looks at my 3-year-old docs that I hastily jotted down and pasted and included my rambling notes with results from way back then. Mostly they were just to jog my own memory, not to be a really neat, clean instruction guide. He does the queries correctly, but in ticket for boss he pastes also all my notes from the docs. boss gets confused, "what is this other number, I don't get it?!" We have to have a meeting of the 3 of us and waste an hour or so just to figure out what went wrong, finally I realize what junior guy accidentally did. Moral of story: to avoid baffling the nontechs, always simplify, simplify, simplify. Alternate moral of story: before delegating a task that seems old hat to you, always review your notes/docs and make sure they're ready for someone else to use them.2
-
Cooking.
Murderous cooking.
Anger management cooking.
Joke aside, I mostly have no clue what I'm doing.
Cooking and gardening (sadly no longer a possibility) are two thing where my brain goes out and I just do it.
It has happened more than once that this has failed... But most of the time it goes surprisingly well.
I'm absolutely not an accurate or refined cook.
I hate cutting stuff "even sized"… I hate when it looks perfect. I hate swiping off drops of the plate so it looks more refined....
So yeah, it might look like puke. But it's tasty. XD11 -
Design is done by the ios guy. Its really good, but its very ios specific. The biggest pain is to implement blur everywhere. Also he does it directly in in xcode, so when i finally get it hes already done and android is always lagging behind. Management is aware of this and is ok with android lagging behind, but its annoying.2
-
Something that I absolutely hate about the IT industry:
When a feature is deployed the chain is like this:
Dev -> Testers -> QA -> Product Manager -> End User
But when things break in production and management wants to yell at the staff... only the devs get the heat and no one else, as if they weren't responsible for anything at all.
Really fucking hate it.7 -
Once again, due to poor management, I find myself exporting svgs from Figma, saving them as pngs, and importing them into our application... (remember I'm a developer, NOT a designer)
Don't we have a design team who can export the needed assets for a feature?
"Noooooo fullstackclown can do all of that himself! He's an expert!!!"
The fucks are lucky I dabble in digital art as a hobby and even know how to do this stuff...
FML2 -
when you confirm with a friend that 2 different members of their team who left didn't contribute shit (one of which got into a meeting with management with them telling them to work) , but they also made more money than both of you and are now making more money in more successful companies in more senior roles
is it possible to learn this power /palpatine2 -
The Project Management Triangle "fast-cheap-good (pick two, you can't have all three)" is something I've never agreed with.
How would you promise to build something good & cheap?
Doing it slowly will not really make it cheaper. The cost is usually development hours. If it takes 40 hours to make a good product - doing it 2 hours per day isn't going to make it cheaper.12 -
Tech management and leadership are the most toxic and cancerous folks of any organisation.
In all my past experience, I have encountered nut jobs.
If it were just me, then entire product or design org won't be suffering. What helps me confirm this hypothesis is every engineer who work for such retards is suffering and fighting for their existence.
We have monkey business going on with our CTO and his ass licking engineering head. -
Manager was a douche again.
I mean not that it's anything new but this guy seriously has an issue with being respectful to coworkers and me. Has this pompous, I'm better than thou attitude. It completely ticks me off.
Guy needs an attitude adjustment stat. As a leader I expect better. I get you've been in the industry 20 years. I get it, but you don't have to be an asshole about it. I'm doing my best, I may code a little slower, but I'm not fucking stupid.1 -
Damn I do not want to work in the US. First week I joined a new team the EM got fired and project manager quit. Four months later the CTO gets fired, along with other senior management, and teams get restructured just as we got comfortable. The mentality of just firing people right and left is so bizarre to me, holy crap! Are these people really that bad or causing some drama, or is the mentality just so cut throat that people can be kicked out if they don't suit the new plan?2
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Just when I had almost fallen in love with this new job which I started 8 months ago, this happens.
My “manager” had conversation with me. He was complaining that my work is of poor quality (objectively speaking, it is not). I don’t even directly work with this manager anymore. He “leads” this big project and he really wanted me to get involved in it but I struggled because it’s a big codebase and I was a new joiner. Months later, a new project was started and I worked on the backend for it. And I really liked that project more as I literally wrote it from scratch. And even the “mangers” for that project was a bit chilled out.
Now, the first “manager” kept trying to involve me in the first project but new requirements kept popping up in the second project and I was happy to work there. Somewhere down the this, this irked the first “manager”. Also, the company is known to be very cheap with salaries (a good work culture though) and they are paying me more than others since I switched from another company to work there. So they are probably expecting more output for the salary they are paying me. That seems to be the main problem here.
Obviously this first “manager” has never worked a development job before, let alone reviewing my code or something. So I was confused after this conversation. He’s asking me if I noticed these issues in my work and how I can do better and I bluntly replied no, I don’t see any issues in my work. He said he’ll speak to me again on Friday (2 days from now) and expects me to give an answer about how I can improve and stuff. He seems to be power-tripping do so I’ll probably be firm about my position. Will probably mention the money part as well.
It sucks that I left a corporation because of work culture issues and joined this smaller company. And I see the same corporate disconnect cropping up here.3 -
Lost my temper at one of our volunteer moderators the other day. We had to do a test using live data, our sysadmin warned him, but not far enough in advance and not really by the right channels. So that was on us. sorry not sorry. But so then he didn't believe us. He must be a geek too cuz he responded with some stupid math problem for me to solve, as if that would prove we work here and aren't hackers or scammers. I replied "how about if i just kick you out of your own group and delete your account, would that convince you?" And so I did. Asshole. Of course I had to apologize later and get a lecture from the boss, but it was kinda worth it.1
-
35y/o and a child (well, 2 soon), experienced as an integration dev (not my dream job tho), scripted a lot as a devops engineer (bash, py).
My heart says "jump deeper into devops and/or py", but my imposter syndrome infested brain says it might be too late and that after 10 years in IT it's time to navigate more into management/architect role (mostly because I've seen a lot of people around me follow this path).
Thoughts?7 -
How did we normalize Project Managers (non-technical scumbags who literally just make excel sheets and track work items) yelling at Developers (they literally get everything done).
Imagine having PMs yelling at surgeons for not removing a tumor fast enough or something.5 -
Through my previous employer's complete incompetence and lack of a spine I had to work two days during my last holiday. He'd managed to approve time off for all three of the remaining staff at the same time, so as a compromise, our six day work week was covered by all of us for two days a piece. Sooo maybe not technically not coding on holiday?
The business could just about scrape by on one staff member, so the boss should've allowed the holidays to those who requested it first (myself and one other), but that would've caused problems with the third person who he just so happened to be related to.
I was made redundant a few months later. The company is in the a lot of trouble and on its last legs, but the one member of staff who kept their job was the least capable and, surprise surprise, the relative.2 -
How is the shopify developer experience actually so bad.
Shopify Buy JS docs suck
Product ID's are inconsistent
Token management is not built into GUI2 -
Apparently management can't keep track of the conflicting revisions and task they keep assigning to their devs.
-
We kinda feel the feature you lead was messy because even though you brought up valid use cases and we decided to postpone the development of those till the next release, the user wanted them and we pressured you to get it done in a couple of days…which lead to a slightly buggy less than perfect release…so yeah, even tho you saved our asses for secretly starting development of those extra use cases beforehand we won’t showcase it as a successful release.
- Management1 -
https://devrant.com/rants/5565999/...
This reminds me of the time the upper management that took over a government contract didn't know how to use Lotus Notes email correctly. We had an entire day of people in the upper group hitting "Reply to All" for company wide emails. Then people who got the email again, also in upper management, would angrily "Reply to All" for them to stop sending these emails to everyone again. Like I said, this went on for a day. These were the so called geniuses who got paid the most in the company. This is how they introduced themselves to the company.3 -
Fuck you, Nvidia. Uhm no, this time not from Torvalds, but EVGA: they're fed up with Nvidia's antics towards their AIB partners. No 4000 series EVGA GPUs anymore.
Source: https://forums.evga.com/Official-Me...9 -
I have a saying that always gets me confused looks at work: “More is more”. What I mean by that is every time management asks for a new system, that system needs to be built, maintained, upgraded (code and infrastructure), etc. My point is that new systems are not free of cost after delivery. Am I alone in thinking that way?4
-
RAAAAAAH fuck fuck fucking shit!!! Fuck jest Typescript "on the fly" compilation esModuleInterop typeroots, missing definitions jest ts-ignore and xtest everywhere, manual npm linking with different pkg mgrs & pub to a private registry, building docker images locally and doing tag management across git, docker & kubernetes then cross fingers that prod which has 0 common setup with local & test somehow works, open architecture "tickets" and wait months before they resolve, then repeat ad infinitum. How the fuck can I be productive when I need to be all over the place all the time and deal with these meta-code shenanigans. I just wanna code, damned3
-
Dev: Sends weekly update email on Friday, as drudgingly required by management, outlining that stress level is high recently in the past two weeks and constant polling for feedback and updates is stressing him out, needs to slow down the pace
Management: (ON A FUCKING SATURDAY): "Received your email @fullStackChris"
WOW! THANKS FOR THAT INSIGHTFUL UPDATE! I BET YOU DID! I HAVE NO DOUBT GOOGLE'S SMTP SERVERS ARE RUNNING PROPERLY. AND AFTER READING IT, YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO @ ME IN A WHATSAPP MESSAGE. ON A FUCKING SATURDAY. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU, I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE COMPANY OR ITS TASKS UNTIL MONDAY. PLEASE STOP.
I mean they must be fucking with me at this point, right guys? Maybe I should start writing stuff like "I need more tasks and more messages throughout the day" then I would probably receive less, I mean wtf is actually going on.7 -
What to do when you think a junior is working hard, you're generally happy with quality, but speed is way below where it needs to be?14
-
I just love it when the management/project office make decisions regarding code language and frameworks and such... just ignore the devs with actual experience...4
-
Where to start...
1) them initially expecting us to do 15+ custom websites at once while also doing the Project Management work (including all client communication) for all projects, for $33k a year....
2) Having to pull teeth to get a feeble raise
3) Rude clients1 -
Does anyone here have any good resources for introduction to embedded, low level development, or anything on advanced C concepts? I've been having trouble trying to step into more complicated topics like bit manipulation and stuff I can do with memory management. Also any advice is also appreciated.30
-
Most of the mockery and derisive talk at lunch was directed towards: middle management. - even if they were present at the table.
I too, have struggles with our PO: he was developer but is totally out of our development, what he kinda accepts and lets us do our stuff... BUT from time to time he wants to meddle with our architecture even though he is not even capable of writing more than a sentence into our ticket description, and his only "vision" is the KISS principle. Totally triggers me.
On the other hand I am also part time working as a scrum master and thus get to know the shit show from the other side: sitting between all parties with their particular, contradicting interests - all that shitty "politics" you don't have have to care about if you just code.2 -
I have just been put on PIP
Check this earlier rant for full story—
https://devrant.com/rants/5730507/...4 -
Ahhhh I'm in the mood to make a few complains against the company I work for.
Reason: management is done by children, expensive machines are breaking down due to lack of maintainance, having to deal with problems everyday due to machine problems.
Although that's not illegal, just stupid, there's also bad company policies (like if you get hurt can't call an ambulance, must go to the local private clinic, even if you lose a hand ), problems like pools of oil everywhere, electric boxes open (and we do have to put our hands inside to reset the machines)... Stuff like that.
But fuck it, I'm just a temp gaining minimum wage.8 -
I'm happy to be getting a raise, but why do I have to have lunch with the boss to get it? I don't want to hang out with him.1
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@zlice I am going to ...subtweet you? (Screenshot included)
Basically, so much what you said. 100%.
You stumble your way around different companies until you find something that sits right with you.
There are so many contributing factors to the "good company" and as many definitions as everyone will value different aspects of work. Good management? Tech stack to your liking? Kick ass colleagues? Interesting product? Good work life balance? Company contributing to world's welfare?
I can go on. Each of you will decide what is good, good enough, or decent and what sacrifices and tradeoffs are acceptable.
2 -
Few things hack me off more than devs who can't be bothered to do a task properly, so just submit some random crap as a PR that looks half correct at some surface level in the vague hope it gets approved.
This team is about creating decent, tested, reliable, resilient backend infrastructure, and we need to trust devs in order to do that. If you want to pull the half-arsed, do as little as possible and get paid as much as possible approach then sod off to higher management somewhere.1 -
So there's azure data studio, shiny! nice!
Oh hey, wow, an Oracle extension! Great!! Now I can use one tool for all my database queries!
But wait...
Below is the list of current limitations:
- Server management and dashboard are not supported
- Packaged objects are not supported
- Table data preview/editing is not supported
- Query execution is not supported
So you're telling me that you can connect and... that's it?
What's the point? Why??
That's like saying: Here's a toaster. But here's the thing's you *can't* do:
- Toast bread
But at least you can look at it. Seriously, what the ****.6 -
I am now sorry for managers. Management is a miserable, horrible job where you have to deal with unending amounts of bullshit from all sides, and run a kindergarten where every other employee will give you their super special list of things that they don't like, or triggers them. No wonder all managers are terrible, who would ever want to do this shit job?
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Managers: And now we'll just 'scale' our tech, it'll 'get done', development is just an external black box to us, let's do it iN pArALlEL and sYnErGizE splat blat barf splat splat somethingresemblingalanguage barf squelch splat barf
Devs: You are completely and totally idiotic bozos fooling around in the sandbox like a bunch of babies1 -
In a performance review, my manager told we don't do micromanagent here. And later he told directly or indirectly we are observing everything. Great you just proved you have not done any micromanagent.7
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I've been working as a developer for 10 years now... I got my first software development job when I was still learning for my masters.
After all this time I have switched programming languages and product types a few times from web development to mobile apps to desktop software (C++, CEF, QT,).
And I have come to the conclusion that I want early retirement... like right now retirement... I'm done dealing with management that doesn't understand shit... dealing with people we have outsourced part of the shit to... needing to fix stuff that is broken after some other person refactored the code and didn't fully test it and it somehow got approved... dealing with people that think that "know better" and implemented things like that 5 years ago because they thought like "THAT" and will not accept my merge request because of that.
Like don't get me wrong I love to make and develop software, but since this is the 3rd job in the row with a toxic environment like this I feel like I need to move to the country side and open up a farm or something :|2 -
Nothing like client requesting "Hey can you add a virus scan for every goddamn file in the pipeline ? (We don't know what antivirus software you can use, neither do we know what are the consequences of this virus scan failing. We also don't know why a system admin is not doing this server wide instead of a software Dev doing it for this specific individual component. Heck we don't even know why do we need the virus scan in the first place) You might need to think 'outside the box'. Let's hope this is done by 12th Jan. Regards" on a Friday goddamn night
They probably even expect me to write my own antivirus software instead of paying for one
Why is industry like this ? Is there really any polite way to deny this ?15 -
Just finished a defect fix, and turns out there's another unrelated but harder bug in the codebase. We are in the last few days of the release.
I told my tech leads that it was an unrelated problem and showed them in detail. I told them I was starting work on it now, but there should probably be a new defect entered for it.
They actually said for me to piggyback the old defect and let this go under the radar. Actually laughed it off like it was no big deal. Like WTF! I don't think its very unreasonable for devs to want separate defects for separate bugs. They're worried about analytics and shit, but I'm the one left holding the rug, looking like I spent a week on a trivial defect.5 -
How accurate is this guys ? I came across this reading comments on youtube. The moral of Star Wars rogue one ^^ and project management at its finest...
3 -
Imagine you're in a company, one year in now. You've tried your best to amass as much knowledge of legacy services as you can (specially given no documentation) and you think you've done the best you can.
Now imagine your manager is upset that you haven't gotten as much domain knowledge as an engineer who's been in the team for five years now. Then also imagine that your manager whenever asked about specific product or tech or any knowledge on a service just keep tagging the 5 year engineer. If he ever gives an update in slack on any incident, he doesn't read what everyone has written in the channel so far, but invites the team on a call, and asks them to verbally tell him what to write as an update so as to show he actually understands it all and is showing leadership. What do you do?
Also I've read a good manager let's his team self function without any micromanaging but I feel this is literally hypocritical (lack of knowledge comparison) and useless of him to essentially making no decisions or understanding anything without pointing fingers. What would you all do about this kind of manager, or am I just inexperienced and maybe not seeing what he's actually doing and contributing. -
Why management loves to have excessive meetings about something that can be easily solve with one email or a text?4
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So, we have a chat AIs that can do some basic code regurgitation and can assemble some really basic programs.
What are the chances that business rules and best practices are actually simpler in concept? Could we create an AI that can actually replace managers?
We have heard of people automating a lot of management tasks on this platform. The next step is replacing leads/managers.13 -
Now I have to make updates in three different tools about the projects I’m working on, this is stupid since we work for a tech company and we shouldn’t be using fucking Power Point to update statuses on projects. Management should be making other’s life easier not harder. 🥸1
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I f*cking hate "ticket creep". I feel like half my worktime (as a tech lead) is spent just to contain what people ask for or report in a ticket. "No, you fool, this ticket isn't about that, file a different one!" is what i'm most likely to be thinking during any work day.3
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Trying to decide between two places, one was full of cliquey staff who would talk to someone they didn't like through someone else in a child-like "Tell X I'm not talking to them" despite X being next to you, and management who wouldn't always pay you on time or the right amount.
The other was also run very poorly, management looked down on staff who wouldn't work for free after their shift finished, they'd also throw you under the bus for clients and wouldn't take staff speaking up. I once went to my direct manager noting that I was burning out as the only member in a department when every other was staffed by multiple groups of multiple staff. Told them that I needed someone else with me, next thing you know I'm out on my ear and replaced by a young lad just starting his apprenticeship. -
There’s immense power in being perceptive to what your business prioritizes for the rank and file versus what the business prioritizes for *itself*.
Like for example pushing to get individual performance reviews done with an exceeding pressure of a certain drop dead date while suddenly but simultaneously relaxing of any similar immediacy of completing management reviews.
🧐
Talk amongst yourselves.3 -
My company really ain in the arse, communication is an issue here. The company have the elements of cronyism and nepotism in dealing with employees as everyone is judged based on who you know and how close you are to management vs pure merits of one's work.12
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For fuck's sake Microsoft, why on Earth do you announce a half-done feature? Was this an idea from marketing? Upper management? I am fairly certain that nobody who actually writes code for a living would have ever approved releasing a rushed feature to a TYPE SYSTEM.
7 -
It turns out I'm the only dev in the company this week as my teammates have been approved for the same week off.
Still a junior, only been here 6 months, still haven't so much as looked at most of the clients we have, still mainly doing frontend stuff and the last minute handover I received exists as approximately 20 Slack messages (although they're greatly appreciated because otherwise I'd be well and truly screwed).
Let's do this shit.2 -
These fucking deepshet, spoiled retards
they expert me to build software not from the ground but from the fucking foundation up to release date all by myself
they also expert me to do all required research
also expert me to do the fucking marketing
they expert me to bring new fucking business
They expert me to work at High performance
They expert me to do stock inventory as well
They fucking sit me in shity meetings
WHAT THA FUCK IS THIS SHIT1 -
Oh my... I'm so exhausted and tired of everything. First I got really sick for two weeks and couldn't work. I also collapsed on the floor one night and hurt myself. Well what happens yesterday? You guessed it - I fell down the stairs and hurt exactly the same spots as two weeks ago... (no I was not drunk).
And then I have to work on a holiday today (yes, still with that same fucking shitty shopware project) because I have to attend an appointment in a different country on Thursday (I need Thursday off, but I don't have any vacation left).
So here I'm sitting almost crying in pain because of this FUCKING project, everything hurts, I still can't think straight and shopware is denying my refresh tokens. FUCK THIS JOB. Seriously. Fuck it. I have had the chance to look into a lot of companies and do different things, but this is the worst.
Nobody fucking cared about the project for nearly 8 months, and now that I'm close to leaving the company they begin to act like "oh well it must be done by then". ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! I told them a million times I need help and that I won't be able to finish it in time. That's what happens when nobody plans a project, but accepts it anyways because "it brings in money".
Seriously?! This project has been a waste of money and my energy and nerves. We're already 100% over the budget and will never ever see one cent coming from this shitty project. WHY FOR FUCKS SAKE IS IT THAT THOSE PEOPLE JUST DONT SEE IT WHEN A PROJECT IS GOING DOWN THE FUCKING DRAIN?!5 -
Your face when a customer's manager shares the credentials to at least five different production environment databases and third party services, in their project management platform (making them accessible to the entire organization) because they want to be a developer when they grow up.
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When you attend 2 hrs of loooooooong teamwide call for discussing product where you are absolutely not required and still invited for no reason at all and you have to attend the call instead of doing the actual work.
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What the fuck is the "package management" of Golang.
It is impossible to delete a fucking dependency and why do I have to do that shit in the first place, I just want to use a fucking fork of my own. It's hilarious.6 -
I wish there was more dedicated, physical spaces that were tailored to programmers in particular. I know there’s a lot of collectives out there, but it’s hard to implicitly discourage startup fiend management from taking it over it seems like. We should organize more around a common craft. Free mason type shit.9
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Idea: management strategy diversification experiment.
Basically we fund a company that has exactly the same fucking business model that we have, but a radically different management strategy. If it works, we know our culture needs some meddling. -
Once again I go into interviewing with literally 4 minutes notification ahead of time on who the candidate is (obviously I still don't really know or understand what the hell is about to happen)
Management does not have their head screwed on straight; it's that simple
#startuplyfe #scrappy #turnthatmindsetintoagrindset1 -
For the first time I work for an old and absolutely massive company. I have never seen systems so byzantine and so outdated ever before. With how the project management on top of it all has been going so far I'm really impressed that anything gets done at all.2
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Ok, for what I saw here, many issues with management can be solved the most bureaucratic, ass-covering way possible – get that in writing and mention it when resulting issues come afloat.1
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There is always one colleague who is not satisfied with the management and keeps complaining to other than management persons. One of my senior has mastered this ability and it always make my mindset f**ked up.4
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So my non-tech manager has started doing all the estimates for us developers on features upon high management request to save time, because of course rushing all the estimates for the work to be done in the next 6 months is the best process in software engineering.
All the estimates are based on previous work. Sometimes it will be accurate, but most of the time it is absolutely not.
So I get a task estimated to 3 weeks but I planned for 5. Just fit it in 3 weeks.
I planned for 2 weeks but the original estimate is 5. Just fit it in 5.
What kind of crap is that lol? What is the point of us estimating work if management knows apparently better than us how to design systems?
You guys got any similarly shitty project management system?1 -
So the next Flutter event is on December 4th which means Flutter 1.0 is around the corner. Flutter is amazing with a very neat idea it has ReactJS like state management and everything is a Widget even the app itself. So i was thinking what else could we expect? React Native has Flutter, but what about React JS? I think Google might introduce a Competitor for ReactJS something like Flutter Web or FlutterJS which can work on parallel/similar to Flutter but for the web of course, and also maybe give some news on the Fuchsia. What do you think? :)5
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Any of you fellas have experience with Jetbrains space? I'm very much used to GitHub and it's cicd, but the all in one project management stuff is enticing.
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Best: Getting fired from a shitty company that regularly lied to middle-management after standing up for my team.
Worst: Losing a team of fantastic direct-reports that went to bat for each other, helped each other out, and help me be a better engineer.
(Spoiler alert: same job) -
I was called on a review meeting on why the task took so much time and why my performance is going down.
I clearly stated that I was not managed well and I had lot of dependencies in presence of my reporting manager. She didn't look happy. Now I'm kind of worried that she could act weirdly as women are also emotional beings taking everything to the heart.5 -
Any advice on how to find proper customer as a freelancer? Should I go on fiverrr and pay for coldcalling and an assistant?
Because honestly I'm sick of corporations employing me (my company) for the sake of not paying taxes but still expecting a 9 to 5 and all the corporate bullshit.
I just want to get customer, do UX, pay a designer, get figmas, implement, invoice, repeat. Not have 3 hours spring grooming calls stuck between a team meeting with management, a demo and a mid-spring alignment review. Is that too much to ask?7 -
Will web3 solve the problem of wealth accumulating at the top?
Normally, those in management positions (founders, VCs, CXOs) get rich while most of the actual-work and thought-work doers struggle to meet their financial needs.
Can web3 decentralisation help employees accumulate wealth in right proportion to the work that they do?
If you feel that it can, how?
If you feel that it can't, why? What are the challenges?18 -
Linux package management is dumb for one simple reason: it is too complicated for its own good. There are too many different approaches and even within one approach there might be multiple repositories.
Is bad.14 -
Remember, you're not just the dev. You're the asset designer, UI designer, UX designer, translater, network assistant, general computer help, and more! What wonders you can work!
Actually, I'm wondering what management actually does other than "making decisions", whatever those could possibly be. We seem to make all the others. F*&#%*! -
Depends. If the schedule is busy enough, i try to carry on and focus on simpler, low-effort high-reward tasks so i don't stagnate.
If there is nothing getting burned in the oven i just call it the day and go out or relax with some game/show ^_^
I feel like all this "keep calm and carry on" mindset to solves crisis is just the result of bad micro-management of the society as a whole, but maybe i just get filosophical and anarhist when i'm low on motivation 🤔 -
Does wanting to leave a company simply because of legacy code with no documentation and too much work a bit reason? I guess it probably is as anywhere could have the same thing :) Maybe management would be better suited for me, time to take courses8
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Is there any time tracking tasks management tool? One where I can manage all the tasks on the timeline(based on days).
I feel the urge to perceive how much a task is taking by looking at how long the line is on the timeline.6 -
You know what, fuck this. I want a functionality that is supported on browser versions back to 2016 of the major browsers... Besides IE, where it isn't supported.
But honestly fuck IE users, they can have invisible characters. Certainly no other people above me in the management structure will be using old computers enough to lose it, or at least the head honcho should be able to overrule, as from past experience if it works on my machine and my boss' boss' machine, my boss' machine doesn't matter.1 -
Is it really good OpSec to log me out of outlook every hour when the password manager lets me automatically log back in?2
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Oh mannnnnn
We had a meeting with a data analyst today who is going to build an ML system for us.
...but at the start of the meeting, he didn't even know what our existing product even looks like!!!
...
Good one management!
Do I literally have to do EVERYTHING? It should be YOUR job to make sure every member has the essentials to participate in the meeting; YOU'RE the manager, NOT me!!!!
Oh also, let's not forget I got the meeting appointment HALF AN HOUR before it started...
#justmanagementthings
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 -
75% of the meetings with tech management (CTO and alike) could be efficient and effective if only they used proper tooling with Issues and Milestones as provided by their *self-hosted* GitLab instance.
They just use emails instead. -
Okay okay.
Zero Touch Provisioning and cisco devices is a joke.
You buy serveral devices for thousands of dollars and want to provision on startup.
And this shitty thing just tells me I that it is not possible to start ZTP on its management port. Oh my god.
And you cant even provide a plain config file. No it muste be a python script that will be executed on the router.
This is hilarious2 -
Microsoft seems to be struggling with basic human decency such as linking the original when closing an issue someone spent their time writing as duplicate:
https://github.com/microsoft/...4 -
"SEP" is something I hear a lot from people that work under me. Sadly, for me it's never someone else's problem. It's always mine.
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Well i am on the fence with applying for a new job, currently management sucks and giving me additional load and complaining about orders that i took from them, any advice or stories about your management experience.
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Jsx + Components + state management + optional ssr/ssg should be enough for frontend devs. What do you think?5
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Thanks, management, for letting us use AWS glue but not letting us have a dev endpoint so we need to determine what the fuck is going on by reading logs and divination if there is a deep problem
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About to tell the boss I can spend more time tracking my time and moving tasks around in the latest of the project management softwares I’ve had to use here, or I can do the actual work. Not both.
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So, like, why doesn't Java let me do manual memory management? In C# if I want to screw up the code-base and everyone that comes after me with my half-informed experiments it totally lets me.21
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Yo guys any advice or tips for product dev/product management (internship) and all would be awesome1
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Got pissed that my story delayed the whole project by 3 weeks (major story, lots of changes, and management decided to put me in a few extra activities outside of the project).
Stayed up until like 23:00 to deliver PR.1 -
Every single time that I realised how much of my expertise sounds like vaporware to people, mostly management and C-level.
Have been working on security for quite some time now but seeing that I can't really get through make me feel useless and not worth my weight in shit.1 -
Management just sent urgent email to ignore all communication with one of the projects. Looks like some companies struggle with the idea of paying the invoice in time. Can't say that I'm unhappy about skipping 9am call, need my sleep
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What should you do if the project manager is not assigning you any new work after the backlog already has been cleaned up?
I currently work as a junior front-end dev. For the past few weeks, the 2 juniors (incl. me) are lacking tickets. For example, I got 2.5 days of work assigned during our 3-week sprint. We already followed some courses, read some books & created some designs for upcoming features (that have no "functional specifications" written down).3 -
I'd like to learn SCRUM/AGILE/JIRA or whatever management thingie is available out there that helps to manage projects in a team. anybody can share any link/blog/video? thanks6
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Pick up work that lets me get some experience in Product Management and Client Requirements rather than just being a nocturnal cave dweller who only codes.
All to get me one step closer to knowing how to run my own business when hopefully the time comes a few years down the line.
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