People who send an email saying "I'm getting an error message".

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!

WHAT IS THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE?!

OH NO SURE LET ME LOOK IN MY CRYSTAL BALL, I'LL HAVE IT FIGURED OUT FOR YOU IN NO FUCKING TIME.

😡

Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*

Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend

QA: There is a bug in your program, it doesn't work !

DEV: What? It is working on my machine, let me show you *opens app*

QA: Well, then I will tell our clients to use your machine every time they want the app

DEV: ...

Me, trying to create a LaTeX document: *googles "latex string comparison"*
Customer and boss walk in.
Google: *shows NSFW results*

I.. Let...- Let me explain, it's not what it looks like!

I haven't posted anything in a long time. Let me change that. I'm doing normal. Just busy. University and all. Seems like stuff is going to get a bit interesting. I can't say anything beyond that.

I hope everyone's alright.

girlfriend: beb will you marry me in future?
me: let me find out

from __future__ import wife

Failed to get python-future
ImportError: No module named 'future'

me: beb, there is an error, it looks like i don't have a future. am sorry

Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Errors there
Segment faults
Everywhere
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
From me

*piano starts

Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant

*piano

It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning

*epic guitar

I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
Magnificcooooooo

I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging

Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!

*epic guitar

So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here

*epic guitar solo

Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
To them

Any way this code blows

"Sure ill join the meeting it's not like I'm busy with the project's deadline being this Friday and all"
My notes from the meeting:

Why the fuck do some people need to talk so much while working?
Let me code in peace, damnit. 😒

> Find new remote job that pays six figures.
> Only person in the house with income.
> Still not left alone to fucking work.

AFAJDLDHAFAHDKSLAKAGACAJFNSKDUEBXJCAWVWCSNXIXYEVXKCUDGRB/^&@FU+#9$/

JUST LET ME FUCKING WORK!

When something goes wrong at work, my boss will blame the first dev in his vicinity ...

Boss: "what the hell happened? why are the servers down?! This is unacceptable! Blah blah etc etc"

Me: "I dunno. Let me review if my CSS had anything to do with it" 😑😩

Client: Let me send you the files needed.
*client sends link to their own Dropbox folder page, not actually sending a shared link*
Me: Uuuhm, the link you've just send is only viewable by your account.
Client: Oh, hold....
Client a bit later: *sends actual Dropbox credentials over email in plain text*

Why.

Me: Want to copy this file to another computer
Bluetooth: Use me!
Google Drive: I'm better!
USB: I can help
Network shared folder: I'm in position!

Me: Let me add it as an attachment to a new email and download it on the other computer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- Little pig little pig let me in
- Nope..
- sudo chmod 777

Hollywood be like

"Oh no they shot a hole in my CPU, let me just rewrite the code so that it works again. I'll be 5 minutes."

I had an interview yesterday with the CEO of a startup going into Series A for the position of Principal Developer, remote. I've only ever heard of 'tech-bros', but I was unfortunate to meet one in-person. It went something like this:

CEO-bro: Good morning.
Me: Morning.
CEO-bro: It says here on your resume you live in X. That place is a shithole, and I have to look down on you because of that, bro. LoL.
Me: ......
(40 minutes of self-promotion pass)
CEO-bro: Anyway, we don't pay high salaries but offer bonuses for high performing staff instead. I'll ask HR to send you an offer.
Me: Let me think about it.
CEO-bro: One question bro. You have siblings?
Me: One.
CEO-bro: Parents still alive?
Me: No...what?!
CEO-bro: Yeah, me too. People like us don't let anything get in the way.

I wrote them an email this morning withdrawing my application 🤦🏽‍♂️

My dad at my age: Running a whole department in the navy

Me at my age: Panicking because the company let me have my own project

Day 1:
I installed an alarm app that doesn't turn off until you solve some math problem.
Next morning:
* alarm turns on
* solve the math problem
* get back to sleep

Conclusion:
most dangerous thing in the morning is the " let me close my eyes for one second"

Recruiter: So you’re in Canada?

Dev: One sec let me check

*Points webcam out window at ongoing blizzard*

Dev: Yup, that looks like Canada to me

Recruiter: Ok I am just confirming

Dev: Me too

My friend at school (IT High School in Poland if you're interested) just asked me what version of Windows does Elliot in Mr. Robot use. After I said that it's not Windows, he didn't let me finish my sentence and said that you can't push macOS theming this far.

devRant Android users - if you are a user who can consistently reproduce a devRant app crash and wouldn't mind helping me please let me know. You can comment here or email me at david@devrant.io

I'm trying to get rid of a couple of remaining crashes that seem to be happening in the Android app but we've never really been able to reproduce any of them. Thanks!

I contantly keep forgetting to turn on my music. It's like:
*open youtube*
"Wait let me just do this thing real quick"
*alt-tab to ide, start coding*
*get in the zone, coding intensifies*
3 hours later...
"Oh yeah let's turn on some music"
Rinse and repeat...

friend: "oh my god i have a virus!"
me: "let me see..."
me: *ticks the "don't allow this page to create any more alerts" checkbox in chrome, then closes the page*
friend: "how did you do that?"
me: "magic!"

Me when I gonna help a colleague who uses a light background in the text editor:

OH MY GOD MY EYES ARE BURNING LET ME GET BACK TO THE DARKNESS

Trust me, I've been doing this for years.

Best way to deal with numbers in JavaScript:

let x = "1"
x += "1" // add one
x.length // get value of number, 2

Boss: Hey, you were in that "Pike place fish market session" today. How was it?
Me: well, it was really motivational and inspiring. I learned few new things.
Boss: Great! Also let me tell you that you're again our employee of the week and we're considering you for the employee of the year award. No one got nominated so early in the job here.
Me: Thanks
Boss: So you wanted to talk to me. What was it about?
Me: Oh, I wanted to resign. Already sent the mail to you.

I was working for a company as a Mobile Developer and I had a recruiter calling me up, asking me if I'd be interested in working for the company I was already as a "UX Designer". I thought it'd be funny to say yes. It wasn't - I was let go because my company thought I was looking elsewhere.

College Graduate joins the team, assigned the first jira story.
Perfect logic, variable naming can be improved, but I can let that go, since the logic was good.

Rejected the implementation in fisheye because she used
if()
{
//
}
Instead of
if(){
//
}

What's wrong with me...

Every morning when I'm urge to sh*t I always hold it in when possible. This way I always bring it to office and let company pay me for it ^^.
Well, what do you think I'm doing while posting this rant? :D

Interviewer: What is your strength and weakness in terms of technology?
Me: My strength is Java and my weakness is Java Script.
Interviewer: Hmm Ok... then let me ask you questions only related to JS.
Me : (face palm) 😳

Alright lets work on the security/privacy blog again.

Things I've got in the making right now: dark theme by default, font change and an rss feed!

Let me know what you'd like to see :)

I'll also reveal a new domain name soon!

To everyone in hurricane war path...

YOUR WONDERFUL STUBBORN ASSES BETTER LET ME KNOW YOU'RE OK. I'M GOING TO BE WORRIED SICK UNTIL ALL THESE FUCKING WATER TORNADOES ARE DONE.

Me: I can fix that workflow in about five minutes, In fact I can do it right now as we are speaking on the phone.

Customer: okay well... let me contact the director and make sure it’s okay that you fix it.

Me: I won’t make any changes to how it functions I’m only going to make it work again as it used to

Customer: we might need to schedule a meeting to talk about this because I’m not sure that we should be changing the site without permission

Me on the inside: I literally have global admin rights, unlimited power in Sharepoint, am responsible for making sure this stuff works, and BUILT this fucking thing, so now that I’ve been alerted of an issue I’m going to fix it. You are welcome to blame me if your boss is upset about it but I’m not going to wait for a fucking meeting to make sure it’s okay that I update a god damn email address in a workflow.

Me IRL: okay sounds great let me know when it is :)

Teacher: From today on, we will start working with ms access 😊.
Me: Please die and let my life in peace ☹️ and learn with something useful (MySQL) instead.

Fighting against management is my daily struggle.
I reject the notion that more management, meetings and reports makes me work faster.
Want it done in time?
Stop wasting my time and interrupting me when I'm deep in complex thought. Let me do what's necessary and put in the hours if I have the energy and time.
But you damn better pay me for it.
I do not care for your praise, when I make the impossible happen time and again in days that would take months.
I expect your praise in the form of higher numbers going into my account.

Project manager: I see you all are running behind schedule. Let me add some more people to....

All(in unison): NOOOOO

#TrueStory

I created an app that would let people in software development and general I.T related fields to bitch about shit and just rant about stuff.

But two glorious assholes stole it from me. So no startup.

Le Discord login:

*logs in*
Welcome back! Would you please authenticate after your first and successful login, so that we're sure that you're not a bot?

*15 (I shit you not) craptchas later*
New login location detected! Please check your email too!

FOR FUCKING REAL DISCORD!? How about you please just let me fucking log in already? Or are your audience - gamers - really *that* prone to infections that logins from bots are that big of a problem? Because guess what motherfuckers, then you've got *WAY* bigger problems to fix already. FUCKING LET ME IN!

he is never gonna let me work in peace 😓

Trying to build a mobile first application that relies on camera and geolocation data but use drupal to do it.... ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS .. WTF is this shit?! ... let me nail in this screw with a banana.

Me, talking to a colleague:
"No, thats impossible. The problem can not be in my code. Let me show you why. You see, the code does this, and than it goes here, and then… oohhhh…. I’ve found the bug."

Team: Qt doesn’t let us build the UX we have in mind. Web is the future.

Me: what do you guys recommend ?

Team: Electron! We vote for Electron!

Me: Alright, who know JavaScript here?

Team: ...

Hey all - I made a big update to in app "x replied to a rant you commented on" in app notif to try to fix some bugs/scaling issue.

Please let me know if you notice any weirdness/notif issues. Thanks.

Client: "The app moves slowly and has moments when it freezes! Why?"
Me: "Let me check the server...it has 5 GB of memory allocated for it and you are making it load 4.76 GB and never cleaned the log files..."
Client: "Then it should work fine! Almost 500 mb free, it`s a lot! Let the log files be there, we might need them in 5 years!"
Me: "What?..."

In the uni at an exam:

Professor: I can't let you pass.
Student: Can't you ask me something?
P: I can lose my job if I let you pass

When I switched jobs from a slow-paced media company, to a fast-paced startup and learned what my team leader can accomplish in a day, would take me atleast 3 days... Not to mention doing things I wouldn't dream of thinking about them.

This experience has made me doubt my very own existence, let alone skills.

I don't. I let it sink in and destroy me from inside. 😐

😂😂😂
(I hope people dont find it offensive to post it here... Like if you do, let me know in the comments I'll delete the post in that case)

Gave in 2 months notice to my office. Situation in nutshell:

me: Im leaving in 8 weeks guys.
manager: ok
me: hey landlord im leaving in 8 weeks
landlord:ok
manager: can u leave in 4 weeks?
me: ok I can leave in 4 weeks.
landlord: ok
manager: hey we are not sure maybe we can keep u for 8 weeks. we will let you know.
me: DECIDE FOR FUCKS SAKE, MY DEPOSIT IS ON THE LINE AND I AM UNABLE TO PLAN ANYTHING SADDSAKO;;LSADKLDSK;ADSFDSFSDFDSFSFSDFDSFDSDFSFDSFDSFDSADASKLDSAKDSS

No clients.
No managers.
No bosses (other than in-game!).
No deadlines.

I have decided. I don't wanna adult anymore. LET ME OUT!!!

#sign_out
#rage_quit

A: Done job for today.
B: Let me check your code.
A: Sure.
B: Only 6 lines of code in a day?
A: Yup, 6 line of code is better than 1000 thousand line that can do the same thing.
B: 😑😑😑

bladder: I got to pee.
me: NO! To deep in code zone.

[20 mins pass]
bladder: I got to pee.
me: NO! Let me finish this.

[30 mins pass]
bladder: I'VE GOT TO PEE
me: NO! In a zone.

[5 mins pass]
bladder: GO! GO! GO!
me: D**n you bladder.

I hate this game. I lose every time.

"Could you make me a nice logo really quick? I have no budget"

.. sure, just let me press the "make Logo"-Button in Illustrator

Yay! 2018 arrived!

Let me say goodbye to 2017 for the last time ever.

Here is 2017 in one banner

*enters in restaurant*
After 15sec new notification
*Write your review for this place, to help others*
At least let me see the godamn Menu first.
Fuck you google

I just started training 3 weeks ago,

I have to accomplish some knowledge during the training period or the company won't let me stay, when I told the coworker that is sitting beside me, he told me don't worry, as long as you want this job, we will help you learn everything in order to get what you want.

So I just got offered an internship at my dream company in London. The programme sounds super nice, it looks like I'll learn a ton of stuff, and it's super well paid.

BUT MY FUCKING USELESS UNIVERSITY WON'T LET ME GO BECAUSE THEY WANT AT LEAST 4 MONTHS LONG INTERNSHIPS AND THIS ONE IS SUMMER ONLY. I just hate that fucking school, it's the opportunity of my dreams but they won't let me go because of some stupid rule..

Client: can you filter boats by location?
Me: Let me see... As you know, there are three remote systems that feed data into your database. I'd have to make a connection between the location records. But I can't rely on coordinates, name, ID or anything else. You'd have to manually create those links for me by remote systems records IDs. Telling me that record XY from system A is identical to record YX from system B, etc...
Client: How many records are we talking about?
Me: 504.

Three days later...

Client: Got it, is that enough for you in excel?
Me: Let me see... Very nice work, I can work with that.
Client: I almost died on it!

An hour later...

Me: Got it, test it and let's run it on the production version.
Client: It works beautifully.

A minute later...

Can we filter the ships by ports?
Me: Let me see... Yes, it's theoretically possible, but it's the same situation as with places...
Client: How many records are we talking about?
Me: 12,647.

Skype relayed to me the sound of something heavy falling, something grunting. Something dying.

I hate it when my manager lurks around when i am debugging and keeps giving random unsolicited advices. I spend more time explaining him why what he is saying does not make any sense than debugging.

Yes I totally care about what some dipshit at [insert conference] has to say, now let me in on my desktop that doesn't run anything that has anything to do with k8s pls

Me: please return http code 202 in your http service.

My collegue: ok.

After one hour...

Me: you are returning 200, I told you 202. Let me see the code:

OMFG she was writing the string "202" in the response body!!!

I do not know how to escape from all of this shit.

So...my first experience with Scrum. How many fucking energy and productivity draining meetings can you squeeze in to two weeks?!!!! Agile? Hahaha. Don't get me started! Leave me alone and let me get some work done!

Ubuntu One decided I am a bot and won't let me log in. Well, fuck you! I don't need you anymore.

> devRant offers to let me share my rants on Facebook.
> Majority of my colleagues and boss in my friends list.

Nope.

We share a fate, trapped on a page by the author of our world’s demise. In your eyes I see the pain, your targets slain, I will be the whispers in your mind, the demon inside.

Don’t let down your guard, let in the darkness. You will defeat this trial of ancient gods. Take me in spirit, demon adherent. When you’re the last one to survive. Spirit, stay gentle, next monumental. Will you keep the fire alive?

I, with the power inside, set an end to these lies from the deep and the quiet. Sleep, my old enemy, let an end come to me. traveler please let me fade.

Hurr durr master-slave is racist blacklist is racist robot is racist ('cause in some language it apparently means "slave"...?)

just let me coode ffs

That moment when a new client asks for help with their iPad and you ask them what model it is. "It's an Insignia brand iPad," they say proudly.

Let that sink in. It's a few layers.

Then they want you to set up 2 laptops, a TV and this unknown tablet so that they can talk to each other, with an as-on-tv fake diamond ring as payment.

Let that sink in.

If you want me, I'll be hiding under the couch.

Tired after a long day at work. Let me shuffle some music in spotify:

"I don't want a lot for Christmas..."

Next

"Underneath the Christmas tree..."

Next

"All I want for Christmas is you..."

Next

"Love and understanding,
Merry Christmas everyone..."

*sigh*

I created a curriculum to homeschool myself way up for a MSc in AI/ML/Data Engineer for Application in Health, Automobiles, Robotics and Business Intelligence. If you are interested in joining me on this 1.5yrs trip, let me knw so I can invite you to the slack channel. University education is expensive..can't afford that now. So this would help but no certificate included.

Really Microsoft really you're going to make me upgrade to the new fucking shitty version of Skype. Just let me keep it how it is and fuck right off. I already deal with all your shit in Windows.

Getting the results of my exams in about an hour.. Please let me graduate..

Update:

The wasp is still alive.

I walked in today to find the damn buzzy mother-earth-fucker on the window. It doesn't have much energy now, and I didn't let it out because mofo got the chance a million times over to just leave me the fuck alone. So I just let it be. no idea where in the lab it is hidden now, and the robots will watch him all night, every night.

And you know what, I'm not gonna open the damn window for it ever again.

(Sat in my hoodie, wrapped, the whole day and was paranoid about it flying and sitting on me, but the war is on. He won't get out of this lab alive. )

"Can you zoom in to this teeny tiny spot on this photo and sharpen it like how they do it in CSI?"
OR
"You can uncensor this, yeah?"

Yeah let me poop out the winning lottery numbers while I poop out nonexistent pixels for you.

OK. A friend asked me how I found devRant. Let me tell the story.
I was solving a google code-jam problem. I was in hurry and I missed an intent. I was short in time and the error drove me crazy. so I opened a tab, typed: "fuck python" and the magic happened. The first result was a rant from devRant.

I just created these folders. I own you computer. Obey me and let me in.

Tiny little line of random JS code.
"No Comments in the code"
Me: I think this is not required, let me remove it.
"Deletes the line..."
*Entire App Breaks*
Me: OK, It must be important.
"Cmd + Z"
*Plot twist: The APP is still broken*

Guess who just needs to stay up late in office.

" oh you're in hurry? let me slow down and hang up "
- My computer

Let me make this clear.. overusing ξ, ζ and ς in your equations or formulae does not(!!) make you smart!

I beg your fucking pardon?
First I'm forced to use NTFS on windows and now forced to use Ext4... Just let me fucking use exFAT please...

If someone can provide a legitimate reasoning to this please because it's beyond a joke in my head...

Me: deployment exploded, the database has to be restored.
C: yeah, the latest backup we have is is from Q1 2016
Me: wat? We have almost weekly changes of the database layout, let alone the content.
C: yeah, you have to execute somewhat 60 sql files ... Have fun
* Sitting in a corner and staring apathecally at the wall*

BI dev: Hey, can you help me with my SQL query?
Me: Sure, let me see it.
BI dev: sends screenshot - not even the whole query, literally a screenshot with a segment of text in it. No errors showing either.
Me: ...

Yay.. laptop won't let me login, work computer won't let me rdp in after restart...this day started fiiiinee... :/

it's so fucking hot in here and I've got no work and still 3 hours left to go...just let me go hooome!

digital lock is broken so I'm locked outside the office. I'm the first to arrive by an hour gap, so I'm here waiting for maintenance to let me in 🤡🤡🤡

Gosh ! I'm a genius !
- Working on a Sysadmin school project
- configuring the firewall
- looking myself out
- beg my teacher for reinstall
Fml right now ...

Forgot I had an interview at 9am the next day so I got super drunk the night before. Let me tell you, it's very difficult to pull back from smelling like whiskey and having to down three red bulls before you go in to keep awake.

So I went to the store earlier today and an autistic young lad gave me one of the best pieces of advice anyone has EVER given me.

“Don’t let the haters stare into your eyes 👀”.

It took me a few hours for it to sink in and I now understood what he meant.

I feel better, enlightened, much more in control since I heard that young lad tell me those wise words of wisdom.

If you have ever used a union in a C/C++ Program let me know. I am really curious to see who in their right minds use unions unironically.

I've got a teacher (math) in the university that let us use our phones as a calculator in the exam but without sim card and of course no wifi. I've spent a few hours programming a very ugly CLI app which let me calc and show me the steps of every type of exercise.
Another probe that programming can save your ass.
The exam wasn't difficult but basically they tell you to solve a few problems applying different methods, that hasn't advantage from others.

“I started learning to code today while I was in the toilet. Let me tell you about the best app to learning coding for beginners.”

How does this person have such blind confidence in their first though?

Interviewer : Hmm is there any reason why you pick up nodeJS as your back end language

Me : * forming convincing reasons in attempt to impress interviewer *

Half an second later

Interviewer : let me guess, because it's JavaScript

Me : (sheepish smile) yes...

My boss asking me to change my profile picture on LinkedIn in ?!

Do they have the right for such things? Keep in mind my current picture is professional. But she want all the company employees to have similar images in the same location with the same background !

Should I fight this or let it go ?!

Dear Identity Providers, Never ask for "favorite teacher" or "mother’s maiden name." Security questions are among the worst ideas in security to date. If you insist, at least let me provide my own questions!

My mom (a single mother who had to feed 4 kids) feed me, let me stay in her house (at least until I was 21) and let me use the motorcycle.
Instead of running away and giving up her children to child institution (because that's probably what I will do being a selfish person that I am)
If that's not support, I don't know what that is anymore.
It might not be much but at least it gave me the time to grew up and be independent to pursue my dream of working in IT.

Her strength and toughness facing the hard life is also the main inspiration for me to keep going, to prove that I can do whatever I want if I put enough effort on it.

If your site only supports alpha numeric characters in my password. You should tell me that when I reset my password rather than just killing the special characters out of the string and submitting my password like that. I spent 15 minutes trying to log in before I gave up and reset it to something simple.

Also, you should let me use special characters in my password, it's 2017.

Got another one of them phone-scammers who's trying to trick me into installing remoting software on my machine.

I actually do wanna see what they do to your machine once they're in. I have an old XP image in VirtualBox that I can clone. I'll probably let 'em play around with that just to see.

Its so frustrating when your co-worker whines about project issues in the washroom :|

Let me fuckin pee first motherfu... :/

Why thank you! 😁

Much appreciated! And let me just say while I'm thinking about it, devRant is hands down the best community I've been apart of in a very long time. Keep up the rants!

Product manager calls me at 7 PM. "There's gonna be a slight change in the module. You can reuse lot of existing code and I'm sure it won't take much for you to finish. "

Me: Okay, let me take a look at it tomorrow morning.

The next day I saw the spec change.

One and half weeks later, I'm still doing the change.

#FML

WhatsApp devs suck so bad.. they won't let me use it in Chromium 65+ because "It works with Google Chrome 36+".

Good job once again fuckwits.

This evening for curiosity i executed a nmap over my android phone expecting (like everyday) all port closed.
But i see
9080/tcp open glrpc
Wtf??
Let me check something....
--adb shell
$cat /etc/net/tcp

And the first line provied me the UID of the app that was running on 9080 port (2378 in hex)
So let me check which app is that
$dumpsys package | grep -A1 "userId=*UID*"

And the answer is com.netflix.mediaclient

Wtf??
Why netflix is running a http server on 9080/tcp on and android phone??

Fucking Google needs to review my request to bump my api quotas and they’ll let me know in two business days 😑

Just

ShutUpAndTakeMyMoney.jpeg

I don't really have to help her with tech, however, let me just brag a little..
I convinced my mom to try out Linux a few years back. To this day she still uses Manjaro, and tells me she has less issues than in her Windows days. So proud.

I love when a PM makes a big deal to get their own office but then takes personal calls with the door open. On speaker phone. To his wife with 3 screaming kids in the background. While everyone is trying to work. Fml. Just let me code in peace.

!rant

Our implementation director got bored since yesterday. So, I decided to let him barge in with my colleague and let him manipulate the audio speakers. Things got funny and asked me to code properly so he can take a shot and send it to his friends. What I did, I copied and paste the code and saved as .bat to make the console looked like the matrix while coding. 😂😂

Please just let me cancel my 1-year subscription for the end of that one year NOW without only giving me an option to cancel everything right now and still pay 54 € fee, that's not only silly, it's what makes customers shout FUCK YOU Adobe! Long gone the good old times, who needs your outdated stuff in 2022 anyway?

I was wondering why every time my my code is accessing the !valid() part to later realize I was coming back to it = its state is reset = I need a break T_T

P.S. if you find anything in my code make sure to let me know :)

I share a large room with a coworker who incessantly burps.

And I do mean incessantly.

I normally keep my ear buds in to override the sound, but I swear to god if I take them out, in as little as 5-10 seconds he'll let out another one.

God grant me grace.

Today.
I hate everyone.
I can't wait to stop working here, and I curse my inability to say 'no' out of pity.
I should have left them in the pit of smoking shit they dug for themselves, but NO i let them drag me in as always, even though I had all the rights to tell them to fuck off. But no, fucking 'good-hearted' me. I'm a hypocrite.
And so I managed to do something in the beginning, something in the middle, something a hour ago, then sent some messages around just to let everyone know I'm here, and the remaining 90% of the time I just let myself sink in my hatred for all of this.
Definitely not a productive day.

Me and loneliness have been best friends recently, but I’m not going to let it interfere with my goals in life. I’m going to choose to fight for a better life. Choose to fight for yourself and just know that someone loves you somewhere :)

me to dba: do you have any recommendations of sql or query improvements? dba: no, just let us know once you're done.

after sending them explain plans, new queries and asking for reviews with no response from them, i applied the changes in dev.

after applying changes.

dba: you should involve us in any development. we need to collaborate.

me: please check your emails over the past 3 weeks.

wtactualfuck.

DEVRANT! JUST LET ME SLEEP ALREADY!!!

4:28am here. Addicted af. Gonna power off the phone and dream of all the ++ i'll have when i check the app in 5.5 hours. See you then...

Those fucking cunts that put href="javascript:..." links, where a simple URL would suffice, deserve a horrible death

Companies should understand the fuck that working from home doesn’t mean we are available 24 hours a day. For fuck’s sake let me eat in peace...

I hate the new android update. Cause my phone is even more Google, than it was before. Since I like some services they offer I wouldn't complain. But they are going way to far... For instance I now have a Google keyboard and it is actually pretty good in suggesting words, but sometimes it just autocorrects my text and swaps words I wrote.
Like:

'Hey, you don't know as good what you wanted to write as I do. Let me correct that for you!'

Just let me type my own thoughts, you smart bitch of a software. And also fuck you.

9:45 AM
I just woke up and in my whatsapp there was rhe following message of one of my friends:
"Hello how are you? I have to ask you a favor, ca you check if in my facebook profile is hooked up a hacker? A person told me that but I don't trust at all! Could you please check and let me know? Meanwhile I closed my profile, if I have to open it again let me know, thanks and greetings"
I think I return to sleep

My dad let me use how computer and have me a VB6 book when I was like 5.

I took it from there though it seems it tube in the family.

Dad's a Dev
I'm a Dev
My younger brother is also a Dev
My mom is QA, though used to be maintenance dev I think

In the upcomming days/weeks/months my comments and/or rants might be inadequate: full of rage, depressive, dumb, etc. I appologise in advance. Please let me know if I do that and I'll take those posts down. TIA

Life just gave me lemons too sour for any lemonade.

Today.

Client: “can you make this last minute change to something fundamental?” (Paraphrased)

Me: “yes it’s doable but a major pain in the ass at this late stage”

Client: “great! Well if it’s just a quick change sit tight in it just now and i’ll let you know tomorrow if it’s to go ahead”

Me: “is this real life?”

Me:- Facebook is bad , its collecting out data.
Friend:- So what let them collect our data.

le Mark Zuckerberg in the corner cashes in 💸

Friend:- As long as I get my free stuff everything's all right.

le Mark Zuckerberg comes to know he is an adopted 👶🏻 and earns more 💸

In Germany Bayer just bought Monsanto and will discontinue using the label "Monsanto" due to the bad image.
In that line, let me present you...

Github Windows

Dear website, it's great that you support different languages, is awesome your website is mobile friendly but for heck sake combine them together. Let me choose in which language I want to navigate your site. Just because I'm in Sweden doesn't mean I'm Swedish. Screw yourself, your lovely unhappy costumer...

I'm Front-end dev and corporate policy doesn't let me upload *.js files, so I rename them to *.txt and change everything in the DOM without their knowledge...

Been depressed and bored for the past two days, wish I'm always like this. why?
I learned how to MVVM in WPF and Android.
If only Apple creates something similar to what Microsoft and Google did for data binding.
If it exists please let me know :)

When your boss-slash-designer-slash-idea-guy puts in one 'tiny' requirement that puts a bottleneck on the entire project. . . and there's only one guy working on it.

Well, excuse me, this shit is not going to take a day to fucking implement. Let me just mark this task with a 2 week finish date. Someone pls save me.

I was watching some learning materials from Microsoft the other day and during the course the lecturer said :
"Let me quickly Bing it". At first I was WAT? what the heck is bing, but then he opened the IE and searched for something in Microsoft Bing.

!dev

Saturday... Weekend... Let me get back my sleep from weekdays...

Zzz..zzzz...**phone call**

Yeah, phone woke me, didnt even read who called. Oh, great. My bosss needs quick help and will come nearby my home in an hour.

Yaaaaay... Fuck.

Argh, time to drop out of the zone to go stuff calories in my face again. Just hook me up to an IV already and let me make cool shit!

Ps @dfox it'd be cool if we could take a picture to post straight from app.

I fucking hate you Google. Why the fuck would you post on Twitter saying Allo preview is available come join in! And provide a link. And have a massive MOTHERFUCKING DOWNLOAD BUTTON IN YOUR allo.google.com website ONLY TO END UP OPENING THE APP IN MY PHONE WHICH DOES NOT LET ME INSTALL THE FUCKING THING. THE "INSTALL" BUTTON STILL SAYS "REGISTERED".

Got let go / fired today. I was still on my probation period, but they are going to pay me out for the next 2 weeks.

My boss wasn't even in the call "because he's in a sales meeting".

You know you are being let go when you don't have access to any company passwords, and they don't assign you any new work.

Well, onto something new. But first going to relax and catch up on my sleep.

Sometimes being a developer in Venezuela it's like turning up the difficulty level to ULTRA HARD. Imagine being in lockdown and having 9-12 hours long power outages. Like, man just let me work on my project

Self rant!
I'm 27, starting my goddamn first year of computer science in the University.
By the time I'll be done I'm going to be obsolete...
Let me know how good/bad my situation is...
How old are you guys? How many years of experience have you got?

me right now:

while (me.onHoliday) {
wisdomTooth.x--;
wisdomTooth.y++;
me.ingest(new Painkillers());
}

My first proper holiday in several years, swear my body won't let itself rest!

Another log in issue because of moving from country to country...

If only I had a dollar for everytime a system didn't let me in after I moved... I'd be financially comfortable.

!dev

Yet another night with Iranian toys and alarms mid night. 😒

Damn you, faggots, let me sleep at least one night in peace. 😫😫😫

I've shown my face in the office. Please let me go home now.

My dog waits until I'm super focused and in the middle of something to let me know she has to pee.

Fuck Wordpress, Fuck Wordpress's PHP
I'm so fucking tired of everything in this godforsaken CMS. Import a JS File? Sure, just add a *completely obvious* line into a very specific PHP File, where you'll have to specify a lot of "useful" parameters. No, I somehow DON'T want to specify that I don't wand jQuery in every import. And don't even get me started on Content Delivering. Embed CSS? Sure, just write the fucking whole path to the file, or use the broken get_stylesheet_uri() Function. Embed an Image? Sure, let me just go to the Backend and wait 6 Minutes for this bullshitty System to upload the image and then copy the hard-coded Link. Oh, you want to remove googleapi embeds? Sure, let me just fuck up your whole Website in return.
You want jQuery? Well instead of using the "$" Symbol, you have to use the jQuery() Function. Except when you don't have to, which is 100% random each time you reload the page. Oh, you actually did import a JS File? Sure, let me just not run it. Thank you fucking piece of shit thats calling itself "WordPress" and fuck you and everyone whos actively encouraging its usage

Every time I see a set of stickers arrive in a far off country (just saw Kenya!? What!?) it makes me really happy. Spread the angry developer nerd rage. Let it flow through you.

Win10: your password has expired.
Me: ok *click*
Win10: oh btw I forgot which account has its password expired, so you have to write the account name
Me: ... Okay
Me: *resets password, then clicks next*
Win10: let me empty that form and let you redo everything without me showing you an error
Me: ....... Okay
Me: *same info*
Win10: sorry, can't find user "username"

Me: Ok you know what fuck off I'm restarting you
Win10: but I... *ded*

...

Win10: Hello Phlisg, please log in normally as usual

Me: what the fuck

---
Disclaimer: I use Linux, osx and windows ;)

So let me get this straight: Minecraft Bedrock edition is essentially Microsoft being like "lol let's just quickly recode what they did over the years in Java, but in C++ and in a weekend"?

What a fucking flex.

CLIENT: My wordpress site runs really slowly, can you fix it?
Me: Yeah sure, let me have a look.
*logs in and sees Facebook feeds, twitter feeds, 3 seo plugins, 5 backup generators, 4 slider plugins, jscomposer, social sharing buttons and loads more*
Me: Do you realise that you don't need that many plugins?
Client : well they make my site really fancy and my customers love it.
Me: yafud

I think I fucked up today's interview. Opening with non-technical questions really threw me off kilter.
"What happened the last time you conflicted with another team member?"
IDK, ask me what "static" means in C# or just let me solve "FizzBuzz".

devRantron AutoStart on boot, is pure evil......

me (almost) everyday:
Today i want to complete <insert a task here>
9 AM:
*me typing password in sddm (KDE Login)*
*ENTER* the first thing i see is devRantron's window already open and active.

*Ok, let me check recent rants for 2 minutes*

*me watching the clock in the corner* -- it's 10AM oh shit!

loop {

So I want to write a simple program in language X. Create a new project. Language X does not have this feature. Okay, Let me write a library that does that for language X. Create a new project. What was I doing again?!

}

Pressing a keyboard shortcut in your emulator/other program when you are back and forthing between your IDE and the thing you are working.

*presses ctrl-z thinking i'm in vscode, android emulator: "let me just completely shit myself"*

$rant = false;
Let say you guys are working in a team of 3 and need to share a database. All of you are in different locations.

I am currently hosting my database on online server, which is kind of slow for me because I have poor Internet in my country. How do you guys do it?

With all this sexuality bullshit going on with devRant, it feels like covid all over again to me. We just rid of covid and now we face a couple of variants of it.
Keep your junk in your trunk and let the bullshit end

Made parsers that are downloading and parsing 100 years of law data right now.

I am so happy I don’t have to read every document and just let computer do it for me.

That are great times we live in.

In a mediocre job since last 4 years with just a developer designation, but we simply use Java based tools and products to do most of our job. Need to study for a change in job.

Literally every morning:
"Let me see what to focus on: JavaScript/Java/C++/Python/Data science/ML/AI/NodeJS/...." The list goes on.

Every Evening:
"I need to focus on Data Structures and Algorithms. So let me stick to Java for now."

Next Day:
Back to the same routine.

2 months have passed and I have not seriously studied or concentrated on anything :(

Depressed.

Not really a dev question and was my first interview in a super day (meet with lots of teams) during college.

They're interviewing everyone in short sessions in a large conference room on the 20th floor, with floor to ceiling windows.

Interviewer takes me towards a window and says: would you be willing to jump from here?

Me: uh... No?

I: well I can, here let me show you.

Takes a step onto the ledge in front of the window, turns around and jumps off it.

Let me just put all this code in one place, get things working first I'll split it later.

What ever i do, i can 't get to bed early. Damn bugs keep me awake at night. Any tips on how to let go of work in the evening?

Let me guess, using regexes in the mousemove event handler isn't a great idea.
How fast are simple regexes, anyway?
I have /^(\d+)(.*)$/, because I want to animate a css property that might have some unit.

First year of college. We had to write a program in assembly to let lights go on and off slowly but I couldn't get it to work and googled the shit out of it trying to get it to work to no avail. So I go to the teacher as I expected him to have a bit more documentation/knowledge on how the shit worked. He literally said oh let me google that for you. Which made me go 🤦‍♂️. In the end I never figured out how to get the lights on or off but luckily my team mates did a good enough job to get us passed in the class.

9 pm - let me just quickly setup up a media center/NAS in my RPI, then it's off to bed!
3 am - shit, i have to get up in 3 hours ><

Client: I'm trying to upload an image in Cms but it won't allow it.
Me: let me try, (I successfully upload a jpeg). No problem here, could you send me the file?
Client sends someshitfile.jpeg
Check system, allowable file types .jpg, gif, png.
What piece of shit software generates .jpeg instead of .jpg?
Added to list of allowable file types.

Why, in 2023, do we still have a path length limit in Windows?

I know it's not that trivial finding a good soution, but at least if I managed to get a .zip which I can't extract in that directory because of a few files with a too long file name, let me know in advance (and not during the extraction) and maybe (amazing idea) let me know how many steps I have to go back in the directories tree to make it work…

If anyone know open source sudoku game made in c that works in console. PLEASE let me know.

> builds portable NAS (useing a pi3) to have some Anime on the go
> connects to built-in wifi of NAS
> android be like: "this wifi has no internet, let me disconnrct for you"

...

I understand that its very inefficient to call every applicant back or to give valid feed back as to why they were not chosen but I find it hard to believe that I was not chosen for an entry-level programing position when I have knowledge in everything they sought.
😧

#algorithm.io Would you mind to let me learn this stupid Javascript in peace?

-Week before final project presentation.
Classmate: Dude, can you help me for our project? Its website.

Me: Sure, what you used?

Classmate: ASP. NET

Me: Ok....I don't know much about it but let me see.

Classmate: No, I just want your help with flowchart, sequence diagram and use case diagram.

Me: ..................
*in mind: how the fuck m supposed to do that shit I don't even know much about your website*

(still I drew few basic flowcharts for them)

Me reviewing PRs lately:
"Should I fight it now, or should I let the abscess grow?"
——
But in my distress/demotivation it’s usually: peace now, pain later

Google documentation sucks!

Lack of practical examples. They show us very simple example like clicking on button and then straight away redirect to API docs.
Wait, let me at least understand how things fit in together.

Me: Hey google where is step by step guide, at least for setup?
Google: We don't do that here!

Let me check Slack
Just before I go to bed
Just in case — OH NO

It’s not what you think
It isn’t like I broke prod
… request makes me cringe.

Why the fuck can't I switch fuckimg tabs in the Ubuntu terminal with the fucking keybord? I use the terminal, my hands are both on the keyboard not on the fucking mouse! Fuck!
(If there is a shortcut, please let me know)

I'm extremely lucky that I had parents who encouraged it. My mother was a programmer herself, working with punch tape.

They brought the family home a BBC and let me fiddle with it. When we had a PC they let me get Visual Basic (ew) which got me really interested in programming.

Had a manager that, during performance reviews, would say things like:
"You need to work harder on managing our clients' warm fuzzies."
"I can't give you a hard number to strive for on this metric here because you'll just do the minimum"

Needless to say, the turnover in that group was insanely high.

Me coding in swift:

func doStuff() {

// code

}

"oh I see the code isn't working yet. Let me try this"

func doStuff() {

DispatchQueue.main.async {

// code

}
}

YouTube interrupting me with an advert that is 3x as loud as my music with annoying jingles that make my ears bleed.

I don’t want to buy Spotify pro because I’m poor okay let me just listen to music on YouTube in peace.

Had a fine day, but all of a sudden existential dread kicked in.

Then I noticed a bug right next to me, got a sheet of paper and let it out. Thanks for lifting my spirits

Is a 2017 MacBook Air good enough for web development and for working in IntelliJ IDEA, Android studio & XCode?

I'll be building a PC with Ryzen 7 and Vega for performance intensive tasks later. I need a laptop with good build quality under $1000.

If you know any good windows laptop in this price range please let me know :)

Here, in place I live, almost everyone use windows and I think people don't even know any other OS exists. Whenever anyone have problem in they computer and ask me to fix it, some other guy approaches and says "Let me fix it, he has no idea about computers!" This pisses me off a little bit!

I really like the quality of the devrant stickers and I'd like to order some from the same place for my startup. Would @dfox be so kind as to let me know the supplier? Much appreciation in advance. :)

PM: "I have an easy question for you."
me: "Well let me decide if it's easy."
PM: "Where do the images for X in project Y come from?"
me: "Good question. No idea. I will come back to you."

"I placed a bet on you. Not a bet like, with money but on the future: In my head, I see you as a senior in a couple years"

Mate how about waiting just enough to let me finish my studies so I can nope the fuck out of this hell hole of a job?

Same sh*t different day. Let me play with my pet project! I know it does not earn me anything, but hey it will make millions in the future once it's done! I am sure! :D

Am considering quitting college and learning online. It's much better for me personally. I have learned more via Internet in a week than what I did from college in years. I am from India. Most of what they teach is pretty much useless & outdated and the teachers seem to think of technology as a static thing. I don't know if I can ever convince my parents to let me quit. What they think is college = job = good life. Thanks for letting me post here. Had to let it out.

Architect: Oh hey Zaphod65, let me know when you're in. Some strangeness in [system], ta

Me: Already here actually [Archtect], what's up?

Architect: oh hi well let me do a little more digging. it may be in frontend

Me: ...

Why? Why do I *care* if you haven't even made sure it's my fault yet?!

Someone in my family has a problem with their computer, and asks me to fix it.
Me: *sigh* "Let me Google that for you!"

So subreddits are now app only ? Oh fuck off . Seriously ? Is this the future we are heading towards ? Why use React then if you are not gonna let me use it in the browser.

Starting my PC. Slow. Very slow. Keyboard and mouse are not responding.
I think - I THINK - Windows is updating. Ok, I let you 15 min. Still frozen. Mouse move in a nearly 1 frame per 4 seconds.
Ok, I have to leave all day, I let you finish.
Coming back after 24h. Still frozen. Are you kidding me? An update so-called stealthy? Go in hell kro$oft!