My girlfriend knows what a coder needs when it’s their birthday. Lucky to have her. Walked into my room and it was set up like this.

>get hired at new company
>so big nobody knows anybody
>buy ancient company swag on ebay and put it at your desk
>everyone thinks you're a ten year

A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"

...I think not even God knows it.

Cleaning lady just asked me what OS I use. "Well, Linux" I replied. Oh, she said, I'll ask my husband if he knows about it. He's also good with computers (probably tech support chap or something like that).

I figured that she might not remember the name "Linux", so I thought about writing it down. But it was so hard to resist the thought of instead writing down "btw I use Arch Linux"! 😆

!Rant Read this somewhere on the internet.

Machine learning is like teenage sex: everyone talks about it, nobody really knows how to do it, everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone claims they are doing it...

Me, doing QA

PM: "stop submitting bug reports about screen size, we're only supporting one resolution for now"

Me: *What do you mean you're only supporting one resolution it's a website and it breaks on screens <1400 px tall*
*Sigh*
"okay, what resolution?"

PM: "No one knows"

Me: *dies*

Her: Who are you texting over there?

Me: Texting my new girlfriend.

Her: 😒

Me: Jk, it's devrant.

Her: I knew it, you're texting that girl Devranta.

If your IDE found

10 errors

and 47 warns

would you correct them

or let them slip.

YO ...

His palms are sweaty

Knees weak, arms are heavy

The tests are failing already

Code spaghetti.

He's nervous,

But at his laptop he looks calm and ready
To squash bugs

But he keeps on forgetting

What he wrote down, the whole team goes so loud

He opens his file, but the code won't come out

He's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now

The deadline run out, times up, over, blaow!

Snap back to reality, oh there goes file integrity

Oh, there goes documentation, he choked

He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy? No

He won't have it, he knows his whole header's code

It don't matter, he's dope, he knows that, but he's broke

He's so stacked that he knows, when he goes back to his mobile home, that's when its

Back to the office again yo, this whole rhapsody

He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

Note: All credits to the original owners of these phrases.

I have the best gf in the world.
She tries to understand what I spend so many hours working on, even though she has little interest in it. She is seriously patient with me and lets me do my thing just because she knows it makes me happy.

brb means “bad recursion brb” but nobody knows it🌚

Google knows it all

Oh yeah that.

That's a known bug.

It's been there for a long time now and the customer knows about it.

We ship it as expected behaviour now.

"It is not UNIX’s job to stop you from shooting your foot. If you so choose to do so, then it is UNIX’s job to deliver Mr. Bullet to Mr Foot in the most efficient way it knows." - Terry Lambert

Yo!
I went to see my mother a few days, and her TV's broken.
She told me to repair it, because "you're a programmer"
Does anybody knows a python function or a useful library that could repair TV ?

Management knows shit about managing.

They ask us to do x and one month later they have the first meeting to discuss it... They didn't even plan it, only asked.

Its like asking a hamburger at Mc Donalds and letting the kind of hamburger for when it arrives:

"Hey, I want a hamburger"

Mc. Employee: "Which one , sir?"

"Doesn't matter, when it arrives we decide about it, just go on, chop chop"

3 people for developing the prototype including me.

One person knows unity. He started modeling the terrain in that.

Another person knows 3D modelling. He started designing the bots.

I don't know unity or C#. I started implementing the logic :/

It was the worst experience but learned shitloads from it in 2 days.

Kid: How do you know what to use in a script?
Me: I've either used it before or look at documentation.
Kid: You're silly, I bet I know who knows everything and can tell you what the answers are!
Me: Oh? Who's that, the code creator?
Kid: Mistah Google behind my browser! Just ask him and he tells you everything he knows!

The little shit will be going places...

I love stackoverflow!

1. Developer who knows SO, and loves it : Yeah, my friend!

2. Developer who knows SO, but hates it : Go home, you're drunk.

3. Normal people who doesn't know the dev world : Why would you like a stack to overflow?

4. Normal people who is a tech savvy : Ah, the place where people share their questions and answers to make a better software and to be together? I never used it, but I heard it is awesome!

5. Idiots : What is that?

6. Grammarly : Recommended word is "stack overflow"

7. Dishwasher : Fatal error!

Darn it! Google knows about my superpowers!

Everyone knows that coworker who just defies anything you say for no reason.

Me: "Ah, nice day today isn't it?"
CW: "Actually, today is historically mediocre compared to the rest of the days that have ever occurred."

Imagine trying to solve real problems with this dude.

Working with SSD is like working with an old man. It knows a lot, and tell you things right off the shelve, but it can die at any time.

Me: knows how to program a neural network

Also me: doesn't know how to use it

Again me: bad at math so doesn't know how to use the outputs of a neural network

2022 Dec
Everyone: hehe, ChatGPT is soo cool, it responds to me and even knows what's the capital of France is! It is really cool!!!

2023 Jun [6 months later]
Everyone: hehe, ChatGPT is SOOOO stupid! I asked it to write a microkernel with native HTTP and TLS support and it made a semantic mistake in line 98823 lolz what a PoS

Me: 'im doing frontend here, i wont bother with the server stuff'
Pm: 'ok'

...

Me: 'here i finished the full stack because the backend team is a bunch of jackasses'
Pm: 'did you set up the server?'

...

Me: 'no because its not my job'
Pm: 'you have to do it'

Sometimes it makes me wonder if he even knows how programming works.

Okay, fuck me if everyone knows this but me, but CSS3 transitions supports letter-spacing.

So I was just fucking around and experimenting and I found that I could make a button whose text spreads out elegantly when you hover over it.

Fuck, that's cool.

"Everyone knows that debugging is twice as hard as writing a program in the first place. So if you're as clever as you can be when you write it, how will you ever debug it?"

- Brian W. Kernighan (The Elements of Programming Style)

I'm pretty young for a dev and I am still learning as one but I find it sad how nobody at my middle school knows anything about code. But I'm glad I got this app because I get to see what devs are up to 😃 blessdd

For some reason, seeing source code in my native language (Czech) disgusts me and decreases my motivation to read through it.

Anyone else knows that feeling?

Well everybody knows it

I've been fired today and somehow it was an relief :)
As I know that I am pretty much the only one who knows how the infrastructure works and I am the only one who actively tried to get the company to a better level of coding (tests, code reviews, proper deployment / continuous integration,...) It somehow feels like that gif.

Have a client that has a very, very large format printer (think billboards). It's on their network as just another printer, with no special security because everyone "knows" never to print to it....except the new employee who printed her direct-deposit info to it. Got about ten feet(!) into the job before someone realized it wasn't an authorized job.

Everyone knows it. It keeps making me smile :-)

You know what's worse than hell?

Your non-technical boss thinking he knows coding.

In the middle of night you are going to fix the problem he created, because he messed it in live server.

Question, I use VirtualBox and PHPVirtualBox on multiple servers right now. Love it and it works great but I'm wondering if anyone knows any good alternatives?

Requirement is that it's open source :)

😂😂 Well you got me

*it’s friday and everything works*
> Commit
> Run my project on monday morning
> Feature doesn’t work
> No clear error message
> Everything’s gone to shit
> Nobody knows how to fix it
> 🙂🔫

Having a boss that knows nothing related to programming or IT is almost as bad as the fact that I am the 1 man show for all IT and programming.

Literally what I do 80% of the time at work.

I am the only one that:

Knows CSS properly
Knows SCSS
Understands how to set up a proper front end workflow
Etc
Etc
Fucking etc

I AM the css dude at work and I FUCKING HATE working with CSS, at the same time I take it upon myself to push through the projects because my team is shit at it and I would rather work with it than to have someone else do it and then fix their shitcode.

As a whole....i dislike design. Badly.

When your fellow dev insists on leaving no space between his CSS selector and the curly bracket.
I'm sure he does it just because he knows it winds me up.
I'm not so sure he knows I just run a beautifier on his files to fix it.

My dad thinks I write a hundred characters which seem like an alien language a minute. My mum thinks I'm just 1 click away from hacking Pentagon. My step-dad, someone who knows computers a tad, knows I'm just typing random stuff hoping it works and he knows for sure I do not have a clue how it works.

I spent the last 3 months trying to hire new developers for my team. I found someone experienced who is great and a graduate, who is, well, a graduate.

For some reason he thinks he knows everything about our framework he has never used and seems to think he knows how everything works in our codebase which he has never seen.

That’s fine. I’ve had my share of cocky developers.

But what confuses me is that when I ask him what critical bugs are left, he reels off two significant ones. I ask what it will take to fix it. Of course he says he knows how to fix it. So I say great. Then fix it and let’s move on to a more fun part of our project.

Suddenly he didn’t know where he problem was and so I told him he had to investigate and come back with something concrete.

It’s just frustrating managing this developer who is deceitful.

A computer is Jon Snow . "It knows Nothing". Still does everything.

When I first got in this companie, with 3 other people, one of the first thing they told us was about a "rule" that we never deploy on Friday's or at the end of the day, but no one else in the company knows about it. It's the department's little secret 👌

Fuckwit tried to lecture me on clean code.

Checked his work, it seems like he writes the spaghettiest spaghetti I've ever seen. Who would have guessed it. At least he knows that something called 'clean code' exists.

# Showing code so everyone knows it's the same code/file being executed.

Interesting in the difference of the time it takes.

I think my IE knows it's crap & is trying to hide.. xD
Actually took me a second to locate the little mofo on the desktop O.o

Ohe yeah, this is actual window size it opened itself in.. the picture is not cropped.. only magnified when uploaded..

When you run into a supposedly deterministic piece of code that behaves differently each time you run it for God knows what reason

The 8 year old is learning Python, and after a dealing with a syntax bug she asks: "If the computer knows I'm missing a semicolon here, why won't it add it itself?"

I don't know. I really don't know.

That one guy in the team,
Who builds things and knows stuff about the things he has built and doesn't document it :) doesn't document anything about it.

Fuck you man. Seriously, you need me to come everytime to you and ask you about it?

Fuck you.

Literally, Fuck You!

The ultimate UX:

It finally knows exactly what you are looking for, deep machine learning AI based on blockchain leveraging the power of the cloud shit

Not sure why I still call my smartphone a phone at all. I rarely talk on it. It's a microcomputer with a phone app. I'm really surprised my toddler even knows to put it up to his head and pretend talk.

I've been offered some freelance work.
The marketing guy in me says I can do it in 1 month. The technical guy in me knows I'm bullshitting.

All of my colleagues think that IT dept. know all the internet traffics.

Plot twist: we just have simple router without any log

I feel JS has taken over...

The good.

Easy to learn, thus everyone knows it

The bad.

Everyone knows it, so npm has disgusting code that's used in prod.

Npm itself is still an unstable mess at times.

No one knows what it is to be a good programmer .

Dozens of frameworks every year since everyone thinks they can make it a bit better.

Classes still suck , no interfaces !

It's sad. When developers create the application and ONLY know how to lunch it by clicking that green button in the IDE, having no clue how to package and launch it properly...

it makes me sad.

Now I'm supposed to dockerize an application no one knows how to launch outside the IDE.

What can we do with a boss who urinates in a cup in his office and then dumps it in the kitchen sink even when we (all women) are sitting there eating lunch?

We are certain of what is in the cup because it smells, is yellow, and it sits right on his credenza in plain view. He’s even left it outside the office, forgetting to empty it.

A few weeks ago I was washing my lunch dishes and he dumped it right on top of my stuff. I was pretty much in shock, I just couldn’t believe it.

Is there something wrong here that I’m not getting? He’s the owner, the boss, in his 70’s, and very respected, but I don’t understand this. No one knows what to say. We feel that if we said something, he would deny it and since he’s the boss, who knows what would happen. Is there any way to approach this? The only other males in the office are related to him. Someone did mention it to one of them, but nothing has changed.

When I was in elementary school, my pc got a virus. So, after I look it up, an article suggest that deleting system32 on my windows will solve my problem. I think everyone here knows the rest of the story.

I believe Google knows me better than my parents because it has collected more data about me.

I actually tried going to the site but unfornately it doesn't exist.

Whoever decided to add this into the movie i am watching knows his Internet History

Anyone else hate it when your client knows jack shit and asks you for something that they think is easy but for you is a weeks worth of shit? Yeah it sucks balls

My biggest insecurity? CSS, of course. God knows how that shit works. I just keep on trying until it works.

What an error Message...so descriptive everyone knows what it means

As long as the couch does what it should and is stable, I think it's a good code. Programming means knowing what the computer does before it knows it.
Heaven for programmers:

Finally someone who knows what it means to be a developer.

Only god knows how much I hate people that give 1 star and doesn't want to explain the problem and allow me to fix it.

Big data is like teenage sex: everyone talks about it, nobody really knows how to do it, everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone claims they are doing it… — Dan Ariely

> be me
> started using greentext on devrant a while ago
> semi successful rants
> people start using greentext too
> lookMomIDidIt.avi
> be happy
> no one knows I started it
> maybe it wasn't even me
> sit in shower
> try not to cry
> cry a lot

Shit. That's not a rant about coding

> fuck microsoft

Can you guess what I'm learning.....

Everyone knows I develop, so whenever there's a cyber attack close friends blame it on me.

[First rant] When you commit the wrong code to the deployment branch.
This happened to me yesterday 😅 Reverted it but everyone knows what I did by seeing the commit history

Anyone here knows the fastest way dry wet pants. I just dropped some water all over my pant and it looks like I've peed myself.

DAMN IT

Almost all my family think I'm free tech support.

My dad knows what I do and he's proud because I finished uni (he didn't), he sometimes asks for help (he repairs electronic stuff) and I try as hard as possible to be useful (it's fun!). He knows that (most of the time) I'm working when I'm in my laptop, so he doesn't bother me, he kindly asks if he needs help with something.

My brother's studying the same I did, he's doing fine. I think better than me when I started.

My sister knows that I can repair her phone/laptop but she asks me to do it whenever I have free time and how she can avoid to "damage" it again.

My friends think I'm awesome, but I'm in constant stress (thanks imposter syndrome!).

My dog, he just barks and smiles whenever I'm around and he thinks I'm awesome, so I have that going on for me, which is nice.

🐶

When someone knows you are an IT guy and ask you to format his computer 😑

At a dynamoDB conference. Guy in the audience keeps thinking he knows more than the people who actually worked on it. 🤦‍♂️

How many here know surge.sh? it seems each time I mention it somewhere, nobody knows it, checks it out and thanks me. It basically allows you to host a static webpage on their servers - for free and with custom domain if you wish. They are also the creators of Cordova/Phonegap.

Why is it that CS students with no industry experience lament about HTML all the time?

I don't get the weird obsession with talking about how it's "not a programming language"
No one who knows what they're talking about is claiming it is.

Hyper Text *Markup* Language.

Markup is in the name.

Sales team came in earlier this week promising a client an application with several major modifications in less then 4 months. Guesstimating about 6 months to complete all the modifications.

Manager's answer: "Let's rewrite the application". Top it off he wants to use a obscure language that he only knows.

Fuck, I only need to hire ONE fullstack developer who fucking knows what he's talking about and not trying to weasel their way into this job. I tell them that there are no annoying managers, no KPI, no bullshit, I thought this is kinda valuable, but no

How hard can it be?

Love when the client knows more than you and tells you to create a report on an imaginary tool they are 100% sure it exists because their friend is an SEO expert and thinks all pages should be running at a 100 percent on lighthouse. Fml.

"If you run printf(“hello world”);, it will print “hello world” every time. But if you call a Windows API, God only knows what will happen."

Is it possible to find a fix to a bug while you’re having a lucid dream?
Because as soon as I woke up I ran to my computer and heck it actually worked!

Which would mean subconscious mind knows why every error is occurring and how to fix it.

Which means our subconscious mind is playing our conscious mind.

Superiority complex.

Modern English is the JavaScript of natural languages:
1. Abundant, very popular
2. Influenced by god knows how many foreign concepts, historically, especially the modern / USA variant
3. The most popular second language
4. A failed attempt to replace it (and others) with more efficient Esperanto, which is a Dart of natural languages then

I am the only developer for a nationwide company. Everyone else in this company has no idea about IT, from the owner down.

I have about a year of actual IT experience, so God knows how I got this role.

Fellow developers, especially .NET developers, how do you estimate the time required to complete tasks set by none technical people?

Just came back from a Dev event and it was so refreshing knowing that I have similar knowledge as some presenters and that almost anybody knows wtf they are doing 😂😂

Goes back to high school.....

Me: This laptop is having issues logging into the network. I have tried restarting as well as restarting the WiFi. You probally should submit a ticket so IT knows it is broken.
Teacher: They would not fix it anyway.
Me: *facepalm*

TL;DR: Teacher thinks that telling IT to fix a computer would result in nothing happening.

Hardest thing about software development to me is estimation of time needed to complete. There should be an algorithm that knows to estimate better than me, shouldn't it? Like google maps navigation knows precisely in advance when I will arrive somewhere taking a car or a train, perhaps they could do my development estimates for me?

Always write your code like the person who will maintain it is an axe murderer who knows where you live.

I love it when my boss says "review the code with this guy since he knows alot" and that guy wastes your time by just skimming my code and saying "where is the final product?". I don't get people sometimes. At least I impressed myself making a small chatbot.

that fucking fellow dev who knows nothing about what he's doing yet makes it look like he's doing something critical -_-

Fucking hell. When you go to bed sorta early, but can't stop thinking about your latest project for some fucking reason. So you wake up hours later STILL thinking about it, thus you aren't even sure if you slept at all. Doesn't feel like it. What the fuck? Programming, are you my goddamn love interest or what? Anyone knows the feeling?

anytime anyone asks me to write a solution to fizzbuzz - i do it in brainfuck because even if i screw up...no one knows. :P

++++++++++[>++++++++++<-]>>++++++++++>->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-->+++++++[->++
++++++++<]>[->+>+>+>+<<<<]+++>>+++>>>++++++++[-<++++<++++<++++>>>]++++
+[-<++++<++++>>]>>-->++++++[->+++++++++++<]>[->+>+>+>+<<<<]+++++>>+>++
++++>++++++>++++++++[-<++++<++++<++++>>>]++++++[-<+++<+++<+++>>>]>>-->
---+[-<+]-<[+[->+]-<<->>>+>[-]++[-->++]-->+++[---++[--<++]---->>-<+>[+
+++[----<++++]--[>]++[-->++]--<]>++[--+[-<+]->>[-]+++++[---->++++]-->[
->+<]>>[.>]++[-->++]]-->+++]---+[-<+]->>-[+>>>+[-<+]->>>++++++++++<<[-
>+>-[>+>>]>[+[-<+>]>+>>]<<<<<<]>>[-]>>>++++++++++<[->-[>+>>]>[+[-<+>]>
+>>]<<<<<]>[-]>>[>++++++[-<++++++++>]<.<<+>+>[-]]<[<[->-<]++++++[->+++
+++++<]>.[-]]<<++++++[-<++++++++>]<.[-]<<[-<+>]+[-<+]->>]+[-]<<<.>>>+[
-<+]-<<]

Not a co-worker but a personal friend, I am still developing with the dude. He is absolutely AMAZING when it comes to reverse engineering he knows much more than me in this area of computer science. Actually one of my first friends who actually geeks out over this shit.

the team owns it but nobody knows how it works

fucking end me

There is a colleague of mine who is loud, arrogant and thinks he knows it all. Except when I worked closely with him turned out he doesn't know shit. And he has been in the industry for over a decade! Why the fuck was he hired, I don't know..

Hi. I'm new here and liking it.
My rant today: Lofty business guy tells my small dev team that he knows exactly how everything should look and work because he knows exactly what users want out of the webapp experience.... goes on to tell us to make an editable, side-scrolling table that is also mobile-friendly, for users to manually input a ton of data....

My freind knows I do programing as a hobby - I do want a job but I am only 15 - so whenever he can he will leave a bracket open in a text message because he knows that I will respond instantly closing it. I can't stand looking at the eyesore!

Follow up on a previous rant:

I visited a customer to talk about the reporting discrepancy between two applications.

It turns out the applications were custom built by outsourced developers from Russia, that communicate with each other through a byzantine (and completely undocumented) series of web services, excel import/export tasks, and a customized SSRS environment.

These are spread across at least half a dozen servers, some on-premise and some cloud based, there are at least 3 SQL servers (2 running 2005, one running 2000), a 10 year old local install of TFS (which no one knows a username/password for), and who-knows-what-else.

They laid off their entire IT team years ago, and they have no backups.

I'm not certain anyone there even understands what the software is supposed to be doing beyond the most general terms.

No one knows if they even have source code.

Biggest case of "nope!" I've encountered in more than 20 years of IT experience.

I just had a new employee, barely out of school, question whether or not we are ready to start a big refactor of an aging legacy system. She knows nothing about the system we are about to attack, barely has 12 months experience as a developer and knows nothing about the past 6 years of countless meetings, discussions and experience leading to the decision to refactor. Still, she's not "convinced" we are ready to get started.

Gen Z - they sure are something different. God damn it, I know it sounds old but where's the fucking humbleness? Spoilt little shits, the world is fucked.

I'm currently working on a feature that no one likes. Everyone knows that it will be removed soon because the users won't understand it, but it still has to be implemented due to client-side Management madness.

Good thing: the contract with this client expires in 3 weeks :)

I'm a tech lead for a new agile project for a manager who knows nothing about agile. Having to work on a chart that shows exactly how many sprints each milestone will be and when it will complete for like, 17 sprints from now when requirements aren't even set. Wtf?

Thank you microsoft. You clearly got that right. If someone knows how to make passwords secure, it's you.

... Is this what you wanted to hear? Because it looks like you have no idea what you're doing.

At the product backlog refinement the product owner told us (the devs) how the database model must be designed! He said he knows it best, because he knows all the requirements. 🙈

Hi all,
I am back to devrant, I miss it a lot.

//proceed to post this rant, knowing nobody knows me or give any shit.. Yeah useless like my life

Firefox knows me; it somehow changed it's theme to dark overnight.

Soo... What's with the HTTP:GET payload? Rfc allows it but libraries implemebting it - don't. Anyone knows why are libs not following specs?

Team member knows x better than me?

No fucking way am I gonna ask them to do it. Even if I have to learn the whole damn thingamajig from scratch. Coffee and some Halo OST are all I need, baby!

(In fairness to myself, said teammate is a bit of a hijacker when it comes to helping...)

Shower thoughts: Someone should infiltrate the NSA and create a backdoor. Then, with all the data NSA has, he could make the most efficient and successful dating service, which doesn't even need any rightleftmitchmatchbullshit, because it instantly knows who the perfect one is.

What is worse than React native? A crash in flutter ....

They need to work on their stack trace all it's errors lead to framework assertion failed, but which fucker in my code caused it....

No one knows, time to play cat and mouse with this thing 😒

Hey guys, does someone knows if Twitter colludes with other websites and/or services to collect data, because I thought that privacy-wise, Twitter wasn’t as bad as Facebook as I just use Twitter to follow youtubers and Donald Trump(to keep up with his craziness) and never post anything. But I just got a Python Machine Learning ad just. And it’s spooky because I’m currently (trying to be) learning Deep Learning and Google knows it (🤬🤬 you udemy ads) but Twitter!!?? Do they have a way to link my account??

That amazing moment when I'm last to know about release date when everyone else knows about it couple of weeks ago.

Life is just amazing :)

New dev guy in office, Does zero research when stuck in somewhere while doing a task. Goes around asking the team if they had done that before. Talks on the phone for like 10-15 mins with god knows who when he has a technical problem.

Doesn't even bother to do a simple debug before complaining about an exception in a service to the dev who wrote it (if he knows the dev who wrote it)

Interestingly, he marks the tasks he does in a google sheet in red, yellow and green rows that's shared with our tech lead.

Not that he bugs me or anything, but just thought i should share this here.

Have to so a presentation tomorrow about a non dev topic.
While googling stuff I randomly find that cool amazing lib or new tool. Watching a video about it and end up codeing a hello world with it because it's so cool !
3h later: oh wait what was that tab about I opened 3h ago. Fuck.

Anyone else knows ?

Sitting with two of my friends

Me: You ever get a random eye ache? But like you actual eye not like that migraine behind it

Friend 1: Yes
Friend 2: Wtf? No

So the other dev knows what I'm on about but the civilian doesn't... interesting

I've been working on an Emscripten emulation layer for a fledgling startup, and it's just a huge bitch. Seriously, Emscripten is the worst designed project I've ever seen. It embeds constants into a js file that it spits out. It turns out you can't fucking run the wasm that Emscripten emits without these magic constants from the js file.

Additionally, all the wasm imports that emscripten specifies are weirdly cased, with apparently no naming convention. They also use some weird, shitty vararg implementation when it already fucking knows exactly how many arguments are going to get passed to an import.

Also, there are a ton of broken things left over from when emscripten compiled to asm.js that they never bothered to replace with features from wasm. God knows how it even works.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live... because if I don't know now, I will find it out.

I find it hilarious that I am one of 2 people at my company of 60+ people that really knows front end development. Like, how have you guys made it this far without full stack devs?

Damn devrant just gave me a "helpful tip" but my anti-ad reflexes kicked and before I realized it was closed. Does someone knows what does it say?

when someone knows you are an IT guy and asks you to install a cracked game or download music :|

I always challenged myself to explain my work in a very approachable way. Everyone knows what I do and in a way how IT works 🎉

"You can be watching TV and see Coca-Cola, and you know that the President drinks Coke, Liz Taylor drinks Coke, and just think, you can drink Coke, too. A Coke is a Coke and no amount of money can get you a better Coke than the one the bum on the corner is drinking. All the Cokes are the same and all the Cokes are good. Liz Taylor knows it, the President knows it, the bum knows it, and you know it." - Andy Warhol

Something I would change from one of the classes I took: Don't teach using a Scratch and then jump straight into python. It would have been a lot easier to just start at python. The only reason I would teach scratch is for a kid who knows absolutely nothing about how a computer works

When your college gets a gitlab server and a dozen or so people who know what it is are excited, but you're the only one who knows about the crisis that happened with gitlab, so have to just stand and stare as they tell everyone how gitlab is secure and risk free.

Never had a more stressful day of dev in my life. After shooting off about half a million emails today to clients who decide that they want their sites to go live over the long easter weekend (fuck knows why they all want it this weekend) I just need some beer and some Zelda. I love this job but sometimes it kills me

Im fucking tired that every cool add on for a browser asks permission to read everything... Like what the actual fuckkk ppl!!

Its not social media and that shit, but banking info. ..

If anyone knows a good tutorial to hack your own stylish extensión it would be appreciated

I wish for a girlfriend that knows how to code and play games. If it will happen it will be so much fun!!!

Been working on an Android app for a month and finally when it was time to publish I couldn't pay Developer registration fee for God knows what reason. :/
Keep getting
"An unexpected error occurred. Please try again later"
Feeling like shit :/

I am working for a company that has developed a custom CMS but has no documentation written for it and now no-one knows how it works... Best thing is that it advertises it in its website. Good job!

That guy at the office who gets really irritated and worried about newly introduced technology. He would spend 2-3 days talking trash about it, saying how much he prefers the older and less efficient approach just because he knows it.

That fucking guy.

when you are the one that knows about networks and computer and no one else knows about and it's my fault that it doesn't work and the ISP has a full log of everything that has been done. how about no they don't because it's just router changes not anything that we browsed to on the internet. why don't you go back and do what you do and I do what I do?

Just found out that this whole time I've been using the awful, half-baked, abandoned library instead of the respected, feature-rich, popular one.

Why did it appear first in my search results? Only god knows.

Oooofff I'm so pissed right now😤

I did it! I've finally figured it out!

I've always had this feeling that AvatarOfKaine reminds me of someone. Todaybit finally hit me - O know who it is!

It's mr. Heckles. Always out of context, talks about hell knows what and every time he says smth the only sensible phrase that wants to come out of your mouth is ".... Anyway...."

It's asked before here but need to be questioned again because I'm bored.

Would you rather have fucked a sheep while no one knows or that you didn't do it but everyone is sure you did?

The sheep is average looking with okayish BMI. Looks bit German

Anyone able to link me to some good reading material on compilers, interpreters, emulation and CPU design?

Keen to actually get some of this knowledge under my belt, don't mind if it requires a little investment as long as it isn't written in (fucking) python, preferably C if anyone knows of anything.

Thanks guys! :-D

name: ash williams
weapon of choice: chainsaw hand

name: john rambo
weapon of choice: heavy machine gun

name: kiki
weapon of choice: teleport behind you, create a door leading who knows where, drag you in, close the door shut, make it disappear into nowhere

helping colleagues like a troll:
AAA: anyone know what the blabla_type_id column is for in the trololo table please?
AAA: oh and blabla_order while we're at it :)
BBB: ask AAA .... he always knows these
AAA: :)
ME: I would say the first one is id of blabla type and the second one blabla order, isnt it? :)
AAA: you two should work in support :)

#yourewellcome #allwaysapleasure

Colleague: The user said this [Total line] is not the average she expected.
Me: Okay? But she knows that averages are weighted?
Colleague: I'm gonna call her.

... 30 minutes fast forward

Colleague: Okay she wants an average, but she wants us to divide it by something else.
Me: Okay? But she knows an average is the sum of one thing divided by the sum of another thing and not just anything?
Colleague: Yeah, she said she wants it to be kinda this in relation to that.
Me: Okay, so rather some percentage value?
Colleague: To be honest, she just wanted to reproduce this old Excel formula.

God has left this planet ... and I admire my colleague for not completely freaking out in the face of the user.

Sometimes I hate being multi discipline. I tend to get dumped into doing the older PHP I'm trying to get away from because no one else knows how it works. :-(

Cargo cult programming at its finest. I need to build a separate project twice, and restart visual studio to get this one to work.

Why? No one knows anymore and there is not user story for "Unfuck the dev environment" so we're not allowed to spend time fixing it.

YESSSSSS I GOT IT.
But who knows how much it's tracking me

So manager talked to me about the plan to deploy me to another project. He told me I will be working on Gosu language. After me giving a sad face he said confidently "Trust me it is a good technology it is like java, python, c#(saying it as C-pound)...". He really knows his stuff, nothing to worry I'm in good hands.

For higher grade software development it should be mandatory to understand the big picture of problems...

If you are working for a online shop, you might want to ask marketing, what they want to sell, before they do it

You might want to ask billing, what customers buy, before you spend time on unnecessary features

You want to ask billing and legals, how they do fraud detection and you want to get the it security fellows on board too.

If marketing and billing knows, that maintenance needs time and money, they can calculate with that. If security knows, that some fails will be catched, no matter if you fix it in software or not they can adapt their priorities.

You might want to know something about process optimisation... Factories of car parts have spent years on such problems - learn from them.

If I were to write a de/encoding algorithm, that nobody but me knows about, would it be safe?

when your server CPU has a load of 9.01% on a 6 core proc.... and no one knows whats being run on it.

Is there a particular brand of Rubber Duck you would recommend for C++? Lord knows I need it...

When client says "i think its sth small" does not mean he knows what he's talking about. It means "i'm not gonna fucking pay for the extra work"

Blah! Fucking Windows 10 thinking it knows what's best for me! 8:30 PM was not a good time to install some updates, you fuck!

Never thought I'd say I regret saying goodbye to Windows 8...

MacBook Usb power is 500mA if I plug an Android and 2000mA for iphone... I hate it, anyone knows if this can be controlled? The usb ampers? Or is another Apple "feature"

It took me literally 2 hours to implement a reset password function.
I should go to bed.. But I hop to catch a good friend of mine when she wakes up and exchange some messages, but who knows..

C# developers!
Anyone knows a good source to start reading about C# 7's syntax (not only "what's new")? Sometimes it feels like the language specific tools that I know are not enough.
P.S. Can't find it in msdn language reference or guide.

Please share.

Why are there no crocs in the avatar shoes options?
I'm the saddest man on the planet.

PD: Does someone knows what does the design team uses to create the models and what format they need? I might be able to make one and send it to them.

one boolean can change your Life 😂😂

Ever think a life without booleans? Share your views on same.

A true developer better knows it!! 👀

Just go access to GitHub Copilot! Woohoo!

But dang it's sometimes scary. It's like it can read your mind and knows what to write before you even know it.

The future looks spicy

Convinced someone to start using ubuntu. Now we spent 25 mins getting mySQL and workbench to work. He was getting pretty frustrated, but then we got it working and he was so happy about it.

Now he knows.
No turning back.

Everyone knows about the origins of the "metaverse" but everyone keep talking about it as it was something positive.

/dev/null is like a black hole. You know it exists, but you cannot communicate with it. It has no output, only input. It swallows all data it can possibly get and nobody knows what it looks inside.

I have always wondered this: The compiler knows that I need to have semicolon at the end of the line. It complains to me about is missing. Why can't it add that semicolon there by itself?? I mean, clearly it's the smarter one of us two. It knows all those language standards and is able to check them. I know jack shit. Still instead of helping me, it has to be a bitch and just nag.

Also, what's this business with "true" or "false"? How the hell should I know? Most of the time I am like "maybe". I want code like this:

if (myVar =~ true)
function1()
else sometimes
function2()
or maybe
function3()
or instead usually
function4()

if (error = true)
fix it

I'm always floored when a user knows their password when hey haven't used it in a while.
Some of them learn!

Just saw a video of a French philosopher saying: "Nobody really knows how to get out of Covid, but since it's called Covid-19 it means that there were 18 others before, so we should have some clues about it" 😂

Friend knows that you are good at electronics so they say can you fix my computer and you just turn it off and it works😆

None of my colleagues are programmers, I explain the problem to them. Then suddenly I see the errors in my ways. Or I start composing an email explaining the problem to another programmer, I usually figure it out before I hit send. The method has been given a name, I've forgotten what. Anyone knows?

Why should I give a fuck as to whether or not Google knows my location?

I fail to understand why people treat it as such a big deal, so please shed some light onto your side of the story if you do care.

Trying to mock Azure storage was like a toxic relationship it gives a little bit of progress and hope to keep you around and goes back to the beginning and gets nowhere! Nope not doing it!

And I owe it to these words:

A great warrior knows when to quit!

1. I deleted Ubuntu and installed... you know, that one distro that everyone probably knows about... and whose name starts with a letter 'A'... and ends with 'h'. Now I'm trying to make it look nice.
2. I'm making a small Pastebin clone in Rust.

Maybe I'm biased but is every person in my country who calls themselves a "devops engineer" a retard who knows nothing about devops and was hired by a bunch of retards or is it just the ones I'm blessed to cross paths with?

The icing on this app release cake was piped this morning.

The clients released the app into the wild, without our knowledge, despite some rather large, glaring issues that are present.

As to why they thought it was a good idea, who knows?

Someone knows about delta printers? I build one with a 8 bit mcu and I'm planning to upgrade to 32 bit. What do you think about it?

My dad didn't actually know what it was I did. He wanted to get me into hardware and network security type things. Basically the kind of things network engineers or systems admins do. I am still not sure he knows what I actually do.

I hate it so badly when syntex highlighted code snippet on a web page goes to plain text on double click. Anyone knows it's purpose?

I don’t really regret anything because I’m extremely happy with my current situation, but maybe I should’ve gone for a CS degree to make my life a bit easier. But who knows if it would’ve made things better or worse, I’ll never know.

Having a hard time finding work. Jack of all trades, master of none. Went to college for a while, but never finished a degree. Mostly self taught and can easily learn on the fly.

Can program, 3d design and model, ins and outs of unreal engine 4, web stuff, can do IT work, knows VR standards and tricks, powerful desktop and powerful laptop, plenty of uhd cameras, knows Android and ios, etc.

Where do I look? What can I apply for? Can I make money on my own? Can I provide a service? How do I sell that?

HALP 😫

That moment when..
in college lab work
you are the only person who knows how to do it and
lab assistant is behind you and..
he is watching your code and..
he gives correction to you..!!

Does anyone here knows (first hand) how long does it take the entire hiring process at Google in Europe?

From the first contact to the offer?

Thanks a lot

I see this term “full stack developer” pop up all the time, does anyone want to explain what it means? A dev who knows all parts of the stack, and a stack is what..?

I've started down voting reports so that the poster knows they have a repost, and so it leaves my feed. Does that make me a horrible person, or just not very new user friendly?

Hate it when I'm sincerely interested in a subject, proceed to ask someone who knows about it expecting to get an interesting conversation, a recommendation where to learn more o something, and all I get is a fucking generic answer which seems to be taken from a FAQ, and even worst, that isn't even related to what I asked 😑

it seems none knows abt NLP at devrant

A colleague of mine said that functional programming should be banned by law. He finds it so hard and at the same time the only language he knows is JavaScript

I need a fucking crystal ball to know whether something is a reference or an object fuck angularjs

2 functions 100% same logic 1 returns a new object 1 returns a reference to the old one

Anyone knows where i can order one my expectations are that it lights up if the function will return a reference and stays daark if it returns a copy

I hate Linux from the bottom of my heart.

Argh...

I have a SLR camera. After a few shooting sessions I inserted my SD card into my Arch Linux machine. For some mysterious reason it wouldn't ever umount, saying target was busy (nothing opened on it btw). So I just removed my SD card and, alas: all of my photos are gone.

Anyone knows how to fix it?

Caused an outage on production because of a bug in the make file that hasn't been fixed for years. It hasn't been fixed because everyone knows to side step it. Except for me. Unit now. So the bug shall continue to live until the next newbie gets smacked in the face by it.
Kinda feels like an initiation.

Me and my GF at a tea shop. GF knows one of the tea baristas.
Her = "tea barista"
Him = "tea barista"

Her: you're studying queer theory
GF: Yes I am
Him: Why don't they just call it Query
Me: LOLOL
Him: LOLOL
Her && GF: >.>

I despise the “...but everyone already knows how to use this (do it this way, etc.),” excuse. Fucking despise that shit.

Video 147 of god knows how many. I hate video based training. I wish my company wasn’t so cheap when it comes to training.

so i did this nice tool with data structures, dynamic ui composing, input sanitizing, modularity and scalability with tidy and efficient javascript and useful css.

showing it to my boss: "cool what you can do with html". WAT?

(he is not a programmer but knows i´m into web-programming)

Highload is like sex: everyone knows about it, everyone talks about it, everyone does it, but nobody knows how to actually do it right.