If it wasn't for coding I wouldn't have met my boyfriend. 😊

We started working at the same place and position with 2 weeks apart, and quite quickly we turned into best coding buddies which eventually turned into more!

2,5 yrs later we no longer work together in the same company, but we do live together and code together on side projects at home ☺️

So I decided to give Linux a try again.

Created live usb. Prepared myself to go through all the hassles at the beginning.

Booted in live USB. I can't see mouse cursor.

Searched in google, apparently a common problem with GTX 1070/1080 graphics cards.

Installed proprietary nvidia drivers with keyboard only. Took me about 20 minutes.

Finally managed to get the mouse cursor and install ubuntu. Time to boot and smell the fresh air of linux again.

Sound card doesn't work. Even the integrated mobo sound card doesn't work. Looked for a solution, found the bug in lunchpad but not solution yet. Everyone recommending to buy an external sound card.

I can't code without music. Decided to remove linux.

Booted back to Windows and removed linux partition. That fucked up my bootloader although I installed linux's efi loader completely separately.

Now I am sitting in front of my computer, with black grub screen, while trying to make a Windows 10 usb with my 7 years old broken laptop.

Next time I see a rant about Windows 10 that glorifies linux, I swear I'm gonna smack your face over standard TCP/IP

Today I had a pissing contest with an account director coz she asked a junior dev to upload some code to live site without testing!!! You may own the business, but you have no powers here. my servers my rules.

I code so my cat can live a better life

Used to work for a company that used asterisk for telecommunications.

Boss asked me to quickly change the call charge costs effective immediately. Finished 3diting. Went to piss. Some douche from sales came and pressed asdffggkl into the code, went down 50 lines and left it there.

Got back. Saved the code, pushed through live without testing.

Get a call three minutes later asking what the fuck did I do. There were already 450 call tickets from clients moaning they couldnt call.

So I went and checked the file I pushed. Tested it. What. Line 460 asdffggkl? What the fuck.

Removed it and boom it worked.

Got called in and said I cost the company four times my salary. Said it wasn't me, I wouldn't make a mistake like that. Told him that it was my fuck up for leaving my pc open, and that it probably was best to lock the screen.

Said I'm lying. Pulled the fucking camera footage and there was the fucker changing my code.

I got pardoned, he got a warning (just a warning). For 15 Min, I thought my ass was fired.

Will never make that naive mistake again.

When you are on location (football stadium in this case) and you realize that some part of the algorithm isn't working quite right.

We are building a webapp for a little bet-game for our local football team and today was the first live test. I fixed the way the points are calculated in the half-time break.

You can edit code on mobile on gitlab. Doesn't mean you should, but you could. And I did.

At python Brazil, just watched Sam Agnew live code an api to receive phone calls and control a Pokémon emulator

!rant, a success story.

I made a tool for a live streamer I like, for free. Something to find highlights in a VOD based on the chatlog.

It took me around 15h to make. It is a very simple electron app, the "valuable" code is ~70 lines.
I wasn't sure he would even bother to try it.

Anyways, I send it to him. 10 minutes later, the guy tells me that "this is amazing! You just saved me hours of derushing my streams ❤️"

That's great already, but it does not end there. A few minutes later he asks me "I know other streamers that would love it, can I share? And can I add you in our private discord?"

I have now a direct access to some of the best youtubers/streamers in my country 🤩.

Edited code directly in live. No peer review, no testing.

Coding gods, forgive me.

I code and test on live sites during peak business hours

Why is the contributing manual of your open source project more thoughtfully cultivated than your code style guide and testing procedure?

Why the fuck do you care about the message in my PR, or even merge vs rebase of commits, when your spaghetti-tomatosource is so richly saturated with critically minced bugmeat?

Why are you standing there, shouting at me about your convoluted rules, in your little brown uniform? Why do I feel like the enemy when I contribute a useful fix, something which makes the code work better?

You know what, fuck all of you, you jilted acetous neckbeards, I will deploy my secret weapon, I will bypass the power you hold over your tiny fascist digital dominions.

If you play it like this, I will summon the nefarious vile side of Open Source. I will usurp your throne. I will stab out your crying eyes, rip out your conceited tongue, impale your lonely heart.

Tremble before me! I wield the almighty, legendary Fork!

The king is dead, long live the king!

When the code is not working:

I have failed my parents, my job and everyone. I shouldn't have taken Software Engineering as my profession. All I'm doing is giving pain and frustration to everyone. *thinks about a clean way of suicide*

Then after a while the code works:

I am probably the best engineer to live on these planet.

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

So far, this is my inspiration to refactoring the code right after it works as gift to my future self.

This codebase reminds me of a large, rotting, barely-alive dromedary. Parts of it function quite well, but large swaths of it are necrotic, foul-smelling, and even rotted away. Were it healthy, it would still exude a terrible stench, and its temperament would easily match: If you managed to get near enough, it would spit and try to bite you.

Swaths of code are commented out -- entire classes simply don't exist anymore, and the ghosts of several-year-old methods still linger. Despite this, large and deprecated (yet uncommented) sections of the application depend on those undefined classes/methods. Navigating the codebase is akin to walking through a minefield: if you reference the wrong method on the wrong object... fatal exception. And being very new to this project, I have no idea what's live and what isn't.

The naming scheme doesn't help, either: it's impossible to know what's still functional without asking because nothing's marked. Instead, I've been working backwards from multiple points to try to find code paths between objects/events. I'm rarely successful.

Not only can I not tell what's live code and what's interactive death, the code itself is messy and awful. Don't get me wrong: it's solid. There's virtually no way to break it. But trying to understand it ... I feel like I'm looking at a huge, sprawling MC Escher landscape through a microscope. (No exaggeration: a magnifying glass would show a larger view that included paradoxes / dubious structures, and these are not readily apparent to me.)

It's also rife with bad practices. Terrible naming choices consisting of arbitrarily-placed acronyms, bad word choices, and simply inconsistent naming (hash vs hsh vs hs vs h). The indentation is a mix of spaces and tabs. There's magic numbers galore, and variable re-use -- not just local scope, but public methods on objects as well. I've also seen countless assignments within conditionals, and these are apparently intentional! The reasoning: to ensure the code only runs with non-falsey values. While that would indeed work, an early return/next is much clearer, and reduces indentation. It's just. reading through this makes me cringe or literally throw my hands up in frustration and exasperation.

Honestly though, I know why the code is so terrible, and I understand:

The architect/sole dev was new to coding -- I have 5-7 times his current experience -- and the project scope expanded significantly and extremely quickly, and also broke all of its foundation rules. Non-developers also dictated architecture, creating further mess. It's the stuff of nightmares. Looking at what he was able to accomplish, though, I'm impressed. Horrified at the details, but impressed with the whole.

This project is the epitome of "I wrote it quickly and just made it work."

Fortunately, he and I both agree that a rewrite is in order. but at 76k lines (without styling or configuration), it's quite the undertaking.

------

Amusing: after running the codebase through `wc`, it apparently sums to half the word count of "War and Peace"

How to Code...
“Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live”
― John Woods

Made live code changes to production site... during peak visitation hours... things broke... no one noticed... Thug life.

I'm thinking of livestreaming my friend and I doing game development on Twitch tonight. How many of my fellow ranters would watch?

Accidentally left a test line in an API method - the first line returned a 200 OK response.
It was a notification API for our payment portal, so when they complained our API didn't work our logs always said all was fine...

After an hour of listening to our help desk guys saying "everything in our logs says it's fine", I looked at source for 2 seconds, fixed the problem, went home, had a whiskey and went to bed!

So just about to head to the pub and I got the dreaded call from my boss.

The support team had developed some fixes. They "tested" and deployed without letting us know... And you guessed it there was failures all over the shop!

So it turned out their testing was running on a local base install with no integration compared to the live system with 15 years of customisation and complex integration. My they thought this was acceptable I don't know...

And the best part was the developers who made the changes didn't understand their own code (I found the tutorial they copied online) they just blindly copied it without understanding how it worked!

So 4 hours later we found the bug, nothing like having a query and s SQL connection but not executing the query....

There goes my Saturday evening. Now we're was my beer!

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live" - J.F. Woods

So I am running this crypto project that has dynamically generated private keys for a wallet stored in a Redis database. Nowhere else. The keys are generated on the fly.

At the moment of the happening the wallet had over 3.000 USD on it. I am testing new code locally, supposedly on a local Redis DB. Of a sudden, my code wipes the crypto keys and it turns out that I was connected to the live instance. 😱 Better don't ask me how.

Shock of my life. You know, when you turn pale and dark in your eyes, blood stops in your veins and you just want to die? Worst-case scenario that could have happened. All that money lost in crypto space.

Turns out, my good Redis hosting company kept backups for the past 7 days. Keys restored. Happiest moment of my life.

Does anyone else fantasize about giving up programming and go live in a jungle or doing other things that require more physical effort?

I've been learning carpentry, farming, DIY power generation etc. The goal is to be self-sufficient and go live in a fucking jungle someday. Or legally buy some cheap land far from the city and automate the shit out of it. No wait, I'll just live there as a normal farmer and write code if I feel nostalgic or something.

I think anyone other than me could have expressed that better.

In the span of a week, I:

* broke up with my girlfriend
* had to make a site go live for a client that wouldn't fucking cooperate and give me what I needed to get the fucking site live
* was given legacy code for a wordpress site that looked like what a fucking brainless monkey would type out by smashing its head repeatedly on the keyboard.

It can only get better from here, right?

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. 😂😂

Manager: Hi, here is component X with 200k lines of code. Can you go through the code and see if you can implement component Y using component X?

Me: What does component X do?

Manager: I don't know.

Me: Is there a design docs for it?

Manager: I don't know. Can you check? Let me know when it is done.

*Wondering if I should joke and say "Oh management, hard job huh?"*

*Remembering how life is fucked up unfair and I need food to survive and house to live in and follow the society's rules and work hard to make the rich richer and shove money into their fat belly of greed...*

Me: OK.

End of second week at a new job. Found what I thought was a bug and wanting to impress I fixed it. The dev reviewing my code had just started a week before me so he also had no idea what was going on. It went live Friday afternoon.

Come back Monday morning and turns out I completely broke everything and nobody could use the site all weekend. I thought I was done for sure. Was shitting myself all day waiting for the call.

TURNS OUT NOBODY EVEN NOTICED

I spent an hour arguing with the CTO, pushing for having all our new products' data in the database (wow) with an API I could hit to fetch said data (wow) prior to displaying it on our order page.

He never actually agreed with me, but he finally acquiesced and wrote the migrations, API, and entered my (rather contrived) placeholder data. (I've been waiting on the boss for details and copy for three days.)

Anyway, it's now live on QA. but. I don't know where QA is for this app, and it's been long enough that i'm kind of afraid to ask.

Does that sound strange?
well.

We have seven (nine?) live applications (three of which share a database), and none of their repos match their URLs, nor even their Heroku app names. (In some of these Heroku names, "db" is short for the app's namesake, while in the rest it's short for "database").

So, I honestly have no idea where "dbappdev" points to, and I don't have access to the DNS records to check. -.-

What's more: I opened "dbappdev" on Heroku and tested out his new API -- lo and behold! it returns nada. Not a single byte. (Given his history I expected a 500, so this is an improvement, I think. Still totally useless, however.)

And furthermore: he didn't push the code to github, so I cannot test (or fix) it locally.

just. UGH.

every day with this guy, i swear.

User: “I’ve tried hundreds of different names. How come all the usernames are registered?!😤”
Developer: ”I’m quite confident about my code. Can’t find any issue in this login form.🤔”
QA: “It passed all unit tests. We did a comprehensive testing on live server by registering all the possible names. What can go wrong?🙀”

Met a Project Manager (at a friend's party) who had transitioned to a PM role from a developer role (most probably he wrote shitty code)

Smartass PM to me (after I told I code for living) : I really pity poor programmers and I feel sorry for them, the work they do, the effort they put in l, it's just now worth it

Me : yes you are right if we don't code PM are just not worth it, I understand it's a skill to talk about deadlines and features and what not, but the Pre-requisite is that some one would code it first. Also coding is not that anyone can do, I do it because I enjoy it, I m just not meant for superficial talks and I love building things, that's y I do it..

Smartass PM : (dumbstuck)

After half an hr of bullshit conversation...smartass PM has realized it by now that in Silicon Valley (where we live) it's much cooler to be a developer than being a PM (he has recently moved from east coast)...

PM to me : I just live on stack-overflow
Me thinking : Really !!

People should not compare their career paths, every one has their interest and personality

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live." - Rick Osborne

Hating WordPress is cool these days, but:

1) Shitloads of themes for clients to choose from (I'm not good with designing and where I live you are more likely to meet a unicorn than a front-end developer that can code).

2) Non technical people can understand it's admin interface without lots of explaining.

3) Huge community makes it extremely easy to find answers even when looking for pretty specific stuff.

For me it's a valid option when making something simple.

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

John F. Woods

(found this in a demo snippet)

It sucks, been working in restaurants for 18 years, switched to code, for the best (all details go between these ...) but now it's worst, no job, nothing, a 39 years old junior web dev doesn't exist, getting ready to live outside, happy I found that app tho. You guys are so much fun :)

When you have to code up a massive table and you slowly start to loose the will to live😂

Sometimes I have really loose the will to live and find myself face palming multiple times.

I added live chat software a web frontend for a client. Very easy job that consisted of pasting in some embed code. The actual software is very good and has native ios/andriod apps - something specifically requested.

I got a call from my client about an hour ago, saying there is a "serious issue with the live chat".

My client stated the live chat won't work when his staff go home. He asked me what my solution to this was.

Saying "wtf" many times to myself I directed him to a settings within the chat software i.e. an "away mode" where an email is sent when no chat agents are available.

This apparently wasn't good enough and said I hadn't followed his brief of "adding life chat software to the website", which I had.

After a lengthy discussion I found the root of his frustration. He'd signed a contract with a client of his own, stating there would be 24/7 support via live chat on the website.

Obviously there a huge difference between adding a chat widget to a website and committing to having it manned 24/7 :)

After a further 10 minutes of trying push the blame on myself, the client insisted of having the chat software "appear" as someone was always online, even when they are not (people need to sleep ya know!).

Bu design, the chat software requires at least one agent be logged in before the chat status changes to "online" - why wouldn't it.

After a little while I was seriously wondering why I'm involved in this conversation. I jokingly stated: "Well you could always install Andriod/iOS app on your phone, login and permanently leave it running in background. You'd get lots of notifications, but the site would say the live is always online".

The latter was something I said in jest. To my surprise the client said he'd do that on his own phone going forwards. He actually thanked me for my "resourcefulness", lol.

I'm looking at the same dashboard now and there are 407 pending chat requests - his phone must literally be blowing up notifications :)

Okay, I love programming - making my code better faster more readable^^ but I am not a nerd, I have no idea what's going on in star wars or star trek, I do not fucking care about Game of Thrones - I prefer to go out in some clubs and so... I hate it when people are so fucking surprised about my job and interests.

There are programmers who are not nerds live with it!

That moment when the you actually think that this huge refactoring isn't worth it, but you do it anyway so you can live with yourself...
Code quality is love. Code quality is life.

Refactoring code of somebody who left and:

- Plagued the code with TYPOS (milions of them but ok I can live with those... to a certain point)
- Used global variables by default.... of course even where they're not needed
- Used comments only in parts of code where... well they're not needed, important ones are of course left out
- Did not indent code. 3..2..1... Did not FUCKING indent code properly and when he did... did WRONG!
- Instead of indentation he used commented line with multiple ==== signes.... so far top is 60 consecutive lines with olny ==== again no apparent pattern here
- Did not follow a fucking standard in variable naming... no camle casing... there are varaibles assigned multiple times to "temp" variables without no reason just for the sake of wasting resources on the system I guess

This is just the beginning of the review but I already want to change job, die, scream, cry... not in any specific order.

fucking hostgator!

go suck a cock you developers!

everything from their payment system to their support is crap.

a few days ago, i purchased a website from hostgator, with a year of hosting during black friday weekend. i had obtained a black friday coupon code that entitled me to roughly $160 off its usual price. that said, i filled out the registration form and clicked the 'checkout' button.

right after i clicked it, i saw i forgot to put in the coupon code, and pressed the back button on my browser. then i put in the code and proceeded with checkout.

guess what?

those MOTHERFUCKING GREEDY ASS BITCHES charged me TWICE, one with the coupon and one without.

i contacted customer support and told them what happened after waiting about double the time i was supposed to be connected to support.

of course, they asked for my fucking "security" pin over the customer support live chat (totally not ironic).

they sent a confirmation email, and cancelled the payment without the coupon.

then ONE FUCKING DAY LATER, I tried to connect to my website.

MY SITE WAS FUCKING SUSPENDED.

die in a hole.

i contacted customer support once more, and after explaining the story, I had to wait four to eight hours.

i'll see how it turns out tomorrow.

die in a hole hostgator🖕

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
— Rick Osborne

That moment you find a piece of code on the live site that is completely different on master in the repo, and has never been modified in the commit history.

Happy Thursday 😐

Oh I have a good one.

A dev once was added to the team -he deleted all of the whitespace from the backend code (minified) and called that optimising. We had a lot of back and forth and me reverting the things back to non minified and him back to minified on live environement. I shit you not i had to endure that shit and he kept on insisting that I'm the shitty developer because I don't know how to optimise. I'm starting to rage even thinking about it....

I remember my newbie mistake: I kept on refreshing my browser to see the changes on local, and took me a billion F5s before I realize that I was on live.

I can't be the only one.

#careless

CTO: I told you to be careful with the live bucket and now it's completely exposed to the public. I don't think I can trust you with this can you please generate your files somewhere else. This is unacceptable.
*Me frantically trying to figure out what's going on*
*5mins later*
CTO: ?? Any ideas?
Me: A theory
Workers were executing function X which called save on a model that dint have a path name but instead it called function Y which generated a path for the object to be saved in. This has overridden all the original objects with newly generated ones.

I created my versions out of the newly generated ones. Here's the command and the functions mentioned above.
*Hands over code/links etc*

CTO: Oh I guess I just panicked hahah

All of the functions and commands were written by him and executed... By him.

My place of work just put on the World Cup live stream. I'm not even a huge fan but it looks nicer than my current code, so I'll live in denial for a bit

Finally fixed a major bug.....

FUCK YOU C# AND YOUR FUCKING CASE SENSITIVE BULLSHIT.

DAYS
THAT TOOK FUCKING DAYS AND AT NO POINT DUD VISUAL STUDIO BOTHER TO MENTION THAT FUCKING ERROR.

1 CHARACTER, ON ONE LINE, EFFECTIVELY BROKE THOUSANDS OF LINES OF CODE

fuck this, I quit. See you next time you contact the Microsoft live support chat!

When you live in a 3rd world country, get a relatively expensive 16mbps connection (that's still very unreliable), and try to clone WebKit… why the hell is it so large even with `--depth 1` and `--single-branch`? Why doesn't `git clone` support resuming/incremental cloning? Is this even 2018?

I want to code but life is actively fighting me right now. I hate this.

/rant

My favourite devTool is VS Code, especially since the last update. But considering that versioning should be more important than a specific IDE, Gitlab is THE tool. I couldn't live without it. <3

To be able to code blind folded - literally. A few years back when the web speech synthesis apis came out and chat bots were raging I thought it would be cool to dictate pseudo code on the fly whole whiteboard the problem. When I investigated the easiest way to implement a mvp I was shocked to learn that there are BLIND programmers.

That alone is impressive and I went on to find that many have years of experience and add valuable contributions on a regular basis. Unfortunately I havnt had an opportunity to meet one yet but I am in utter awe of their accomplishment.

Should I get the chance I want to try and walk in their shoes, live a day without my eyes and learn to solve problems without spotting a pattern

I have this teacher who focuses so much on documentation that I hardly get to code sometimes. The worst experience with that teacher was with a project I think about two years ago. Every time I came up with (modified) documentation (we have to document EVERYTHING before allowed to start programming) she would turn me away with some bs argumentation and also point out non existing English grammar errors (my English is way better than hers). After nine weeks of documenting (so, no single line of code yet and projects take ten weeks) she gave me the green light. Then at 'delivery' she had the fucking balls to to tell me that MY CODE WASN'T THAT STABLE AND GOOD YET.

I WAS LITERALLY HAVING A LIVE RAGE ATTACK OVER THERE.

Cs Student. We currently have a course on algorithms, where we have to implement something in Java, test it with some sample inputs and in the end submit it to an online judge, so far so good. So why a rant? Well there's this one person, who strugles with programing and asks me a lot of questions. Usually I tell her, could you send me your code, so I can have a look at what doesn't work/where you made a typo/what ever. My thoughts: let's just copy it my IDE, take a look at the error message, and that should do it.

Guess how I got the code: As a few photos, taken by her mobile phone (as the code doesn't fit on one screen...)! Just send me the fucking file, or post it to gist.github.com or pastie.org or what ever fucking code sharing tool you want! Make a fucking git repo, I'll even live with SVN or just a .txt file by mail. But for the love of Linus Torvalds, stop sending me crapy pictures of your crappy code! For fucks sake!

I've run into problems with the app I'm working on, the problems are related to issues regarding code.

No in fact it's related the last guy who wrote the app, the code has no comments and the variable names make no sense, the only comments in the code are blocks of code... With no reason as to why it was commented.

I have to add in some checks to determine if a person that has logged in is a full member or not (full member has access to the feature I've added) and the way the guy has made this app works makes no sense to me at all.

I've tried my best to avoid all contact with his code because it makes me want to yell out in frustration.

But for this one case I have to work with what's there.

I know I've mentioned this before but I've hit my limit yet again.

And for those who don't know this guy managed to scrape together skeleton code from two apps to make part of this app, rather than using parts of the other apps he left out code that was specifically made for the other apps, (majority of the commented out code).

One app was a taxi app and from the looks of it the feature he used was to get GPS location (which I don't understand before Google maps is a think after all... The taxi app USES Google maps), the other app is some sort of funeral webcasting app (I found code imports for it, without any actual code).

I don't actual understand how this guy could put this together without not thinking "maybe this is a bad idea"

Always code as if the person who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live

I'm that psychopath right now..... Fuck that guy (don't know where he lives though)

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. - Martin Golding

Almost 3 weeks back I joined a company as a React developer. For a week I had nothing to work on as they were already working on few projects.
So my senior asked me to take up a project(not yet live) which was developed by 2 interns, as the frontend guy's internship was about to end in 4 days I have to take over the front-end role.

So I talked to that guy for next 2 days regarding all the project scope, codebase and whatnot. But still not entirely convinced. As i got the repo access, I began to check the codes. God !! It was all spaghetti code. I was damn frustrated. And still I am.

This whole week I am trying to do the refactoring as much as I can, I completely lost interest.

I cannot blame the intern guy, he is smart and tried to do the best he could, as he didn't know about the company standards. Maybe I was too the same kind back then. Now he is gone and I am stuck building components over that code.

Bonus: He used some old react boilerplate.
-_-

<rant>why the fuck do live demos NEVER work properly when a day ago the code was fine?? What is this bullshit sorcery!?</rant>

!rant
Be me, reading the slides of the courses I missed for my semester abroad, when I hit this slide :
"Always code as if the person maintaining your code was a serial killer who knows where you live"
I think I'm going to enjoy my semester in Mérida, México 😀

I really, really, fucking god damn it REALLY need to move a legacy project from the grave yard server and get it in git, and then build a dev environment for it, so I can stop making incredibly volatile changes direct to PROD (backend, frontend and DB all at once and then test it while it’s live and being used, but fuck me if I can be bothered digging through a 10GB code base and attempting to make it work in a multi-environment setup when it’s going to be a long trip down the error logs until it works again 😱🔫

My boss pays me well and treats me well, but he expects me to do project management (documentation, giving tasks to 2 junior devs, reviewing their code, helping them when they are stuck), coding, architecture and to finish the project in a time record time.

When I told him that this week I will not work on development but will start to do documentation because the project got so big that it is difficult to keep track, and also the other 2 developers are waiting for tasks for me to give them, he looked disappointed.

I noticed and told him that if he wanted to speed up development, he must hire another project manager, or another senior developer because I can not do them both and expect to finish in a record time.

He keeps asking almost every day, "When are we going live?"

I am on a team of 2 currently at work.

I am assigned to build some custom code for a customer going live with our product soon.

Because my team mate is already working on another customers project I explained the work may not be done in time because we were not given sufficient notice for our team of two to plan for the project.

Sales team contact me later that day asking me why I told our customer we don't have enough resources.

He wanted me to find a better phrase to tell them like "We have half our team dedicated to your project."

Another reason to hate our sales team 🤪

Pro tip for job candidates:
If you push a code challenge to a live hosting service like github pages or S3, don’t give the reviewers a link to the repo!! Instead put the link into the home page and send the reviewer only a link to the live hosted page.

Why?

Because, if you host with github pages, you’re required to use the project path as the domain root. If the reviewer pulls your project and doesn’t bother to read your readme file with the link at the top, he’ll complain that he couldn’t figure out why your project isn’t hosted from the root domain, and he’ll pass on your application.

True story.

!Rant

Story, only read this if you feel like wasting your time

Ok so I live in a small village and it takes around 15 minutes to get to the next city by car. I can't drive yet because I am 15 and so I would need my parents to drive me there. There are also no buses anymore which drive to the city after 2pm.

Most of my friends live in that city, none of them code. We always meet on a discord server and then play games or do some other shit. Today I got online at around 3pm and when I joined the discord server they asked me if I wanted to go see the movie 'IT' with them tonight, I said yeah of course (I am a huge fan of horror movies), but only if my parents come home early enough to drive me there.
Time passed and then my last friend left the discord server because he had to walk to the cinema.
I was the last one still on the server and also the one with the farest way to the cinema. I already knew that my parents wouldn't come home in time anymore and so I decided to just start coding something. I usually code while listening to some music and so I switched over to spotify to choose a playlist. I just randomly clicked on the first playlist spotify recommended me and the song started playing: 'Sound of silence'.

Fuck you spotify algorithm.

I know that not being able to go to the cinema with your friends is a fucking stupid reason to be sad but I just feel very sad right now. Sitting alone in my dark room staring at my computer screen.

Sorry for wasting your time

I've been so pissed off so many times, I thought I should divide them into categories.
- Pissed off at a fellow dev: I told him to use a constant instead of a hardcoded number.
He changed this: obj.method(3);
to this:
public static final int three = 3;
obj.method(three);
- Pissed off at management: I once got a $10 yearly raise.
- Pissed off at a client: They rejected our design proposal because the text was in spanish and they didn't speak spanish. It was lorem ipsum text.
- Pissed off at code: I once had to refactor a 500 line legacy jsp script with HTML, CSS, JS and Java completely intertwined.
- Pissed off at Twitter: They changed their API the day of our go-live, breaking all of their widgets, forcing us to move the go-live date and making me work an additional 8 hours after a week with almost no breaks.
- Pissed off at travel and logistics: They sent me to a hotel in Mexico City 2.5 hours away from the client's office.

Fun times...

Earlier this day (or yesterday, timezones 'n stuff) I posted a "rant" about my new Project:

"The Spigot Web Framework" - a Tool that should help Owners of Minecraftservers without dedicated Webserver and knowledge about developing a website.

In the Screenshot below I show you guys, how few lines of code can make a beautiful website.

The Modulemanager is fully done and people can build their own Modules, which can be live updated.

I am currently working on "cross communication" between the Client and the Modules.

I hope you guys stay tuned!

EDIT: As mentioned in my last rant (look @comments) I will be able to pull off a standalone version of this software.

Dear ISP,
Thank your for throttling my internet right in the middle of a hurricane! Now not only does Netflix not work and GitHub take forever, but I can't even get live weather updates. Time to code using cave paintings I guess till the power goes out.

Client: "Let's code a prototype to show our intents to the customer. We have 96 screens to implement as a native app in 6 weeks"
~Prototype delivered in 6 weeks, despite some changes in the design on-the-go. Few months later~
Client: "The customer likes the prototype a lot. They would like to see some changes (another set of > 40 screens). It's still a prototype and the changes should be implemented in a month, but this time it has to use real data from external apis. We don't know which APIs yet, but it should also go live on the app store"

Like, seriously?

Tomcat

manager: "hey, we have this old java software running and need it to be compatible with our brand new crm system"
me: "okay, i've never workes with jsp before, but i'll have a look at it"
code: undocumented, who would have guessed
manager: "oh and btw. you must test your code on our live system, with our production database, but make sure not to brake anything, our last backup was 20 months ago."
me: "..."

A recruiter emailed me.
And called me (and left a voicemail).
AND texted me.

About a job opportunity in California (I live in Texas).

That requires experience writing performance critical and thread-safe code in a large multi-threaded codebase (I work primarily in JavaScript/TypeScript ecosystem, fat chance of that).

Responsibilities listed as: Focus on Supercharger Open Charge Point Protocol (OCPP) software features. I don’t even know what the fuck that means.

Opportunity is for a 3 month contract.

Why are you so desperate, lady?

"Always code as if the next developer to look at this knows where you live."

Just patch it on live, we'll fix the code later.

Putting stuff live.

During the first few months of my first professional development role, I had a really odd bug on a live WordPress site that I couldn't replicate locally, despite having the same code and dependency setup. Using WordPress was a mistake but not the one I'm writing about.

I decided to copy live site and its database. Then I thought it best to delete all the users from the copy of the database (I'm not sure why I thought I should do that) and I did so via the WordPress admin UI.

What I wasn't aware of was there was a custom function to email the user before they get deleted.

I got inundated with hundreds of confused/angry/hysterical users about their accounts being deleted, even though they hadn't actually been, and a telling off from the boss.

How to NOT write unit tests:

A colleague of mine has developed a new package of software, many of our new projects are going to use. So in his presentation of the new functionalities he also showed us that he used unit tests to cover some of his code. So i asked him to show me that all tests passes.

He: I can show you, but one test suit will fail currently.

Me: Why?? You told us, everything is finished and works fine.

He: That's right, but they will fail because I'm currently not in the customer VPN.

Me: Excuse me, WHAT??

He: Yes, I'm not in the VPN that connects me to this one customers facility in Hungary, where the counterpart of the software is runnung live.

Me: YOU WROTE UNIT TESTS THAT TEST AGAINST A RUNNING LIVE FACILITY??

He: Yes, so I can check, that the telegramms I send are right. If I get back the right acknowledgement, the telegramm structure is right and my code is working.

Me: You know, that is not the porpose of unit tests? You know, that these test should run in any environment?

He: But they are proving, that my code is working. Everytime I change something I connect to the customer and let the tests run.

Me: ...

Despite the help of some other developers we could not convince him that this was not good and he should remove them. So now this package is used in 2 new projects and this test suit is still failing, everytime you execute all unit tests.

Only expert developers with nads the size of a small moon test their code on live environments.

Don't scroll here.
Go and live a real life,
Don't make a computer screen as your world,
there is a beautiful world outside of your cave,
Talk with people's face to face,
go
go
go.

Ok enough philosophy, Time to add new shit in current shitty code.
(-_-)

!rant
The more I learn about advanced C++ the more I love this language. C++'s template system is so insanely cool!
Just made a proof of concept expression templates based linear algebra library for my own projects. It was actually a lot of fun to make, and seeing it spit out optimized, loop-fused code with no temporary variables...magic.
Long live C++.

When you live in code

Sweet baby Jesus the stories are true. I thought this day would never come but yesterday I found a website in production straight out of a horror story.
Inline script tags that contained spaghetti code and static content. And to top it off inline style with position absolute for everything 😰😰
Also worth mentioning a couple of broken pages(404) and a beatufill repeat-y image for the background😳
I lost all hope😂

Anyone else had an interviewer just blatantly waste your time and lie to you?

I was recently interviewing for a job, the first couple of rounds went really well, and they gave out a fairly standard tech test. It was a basic tic-tac-toe game, with a few extra twists and a 120 minute time limit. They then wanted me to host what I had be able to code somewhere so they could test it out before the second technical interview.
The interview interview date came round, the interviewer never actually showed up, but 20 minutes late he sent me an email saying they wouldn't be going ahead because the code wasn't good enough, and cited a bunch of things that were well outside of the brief they gave for the test. and when I checked the access logs for the hosted 'live' version, it showed they hadn't bothered to actually look at it; they hadn't even checked out the code from the repo.
I've had similar things happen in the past occasionally, but is it just my bad luck, or is stuff like this becoming more common recently?

I’m slowly starting to run most of my daily operations & programming in Visual Studio Code.

Here’s an example of me working in markdown files for one of my GitHub projects...directly in VS Code with live preview 👏.

it is really frustrating not to be able to actually maintain and improve the code you're working with. i'd be happy to completely dig in and live in the code and get it all - not so much fucked up - , or, totally spitballing here, do some research on how we could improve the functionality and performance in general (which is not "nice to have", but rather ongoing customer pain points), but I'm not allowed to, because management hates having maintainable code or even an adequate number of devs. it rather has me doing hippity hoppity between different projects to make sure nothing gets my full attention. -.-

the only thing i can do is to clean it up a bit during bug fixes, but even heavy polishing won't fix this giant pile of garbage that is called our code base.

When I was having Introduction to Programming in the first year of college, the teacher said something that stuck to me:

"Always program as if the guy who ends up mantaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

I later found out that it was a quote by Martin Golding. But it really motivated me to keep decent documentation of every method o.o

It isn’t easy being a programmer. They code all day, debug all night and go through thousands of code lines trying to clear up all possible messes before going live with their code. Sometimes, it takes a fellow programmer to understand the hardships of another programmer. The same can be said of their jokes.

First Rant here.

So I was working on some integration test issues when I found this by accident made by a professional level SW engineer:

@Test
public void testMethod() throws ApiException {
Response res = null;
try {
res = serviceToTest.callMethod();
} catch(Exception e) {
assertNull(res);
}
}

Was wondering why tests were being green after some code changes I've made cuz tests could have not been green afterwards.

Together with a senior (I'm also professional only) I've tried to explain him for a good 1-2hrs why this code is useless and he still did it. Good thing there are no errors in the real implementation from him after fixing the tests as it's code freeze here and we are having go live in a few days 🙃

Also luckily he isn't working on our code anymore and has only been doing so for a few weeks.

Wasted a day with it and gonna check all of his code now before I run in the next surprise.

Let's start by saying: God do I love programming and hate work!

My dream job would be a place where I get to write quality code for something that's actually useful and makes sense to people (or a group of people) without all the usual job bullshit; all the politics, fucking useless hours of meetings, the pretentious ass holes, and the useless mindless product owners with good pay to live comfortably and some organization (not being a complete disaster). It's only a dream though...

So.... yeah, making a Scratch clone (with more features) is frustrating and super hard.

Major problems include
- Drag&Drop from listbox to usercontrol - stress level : 3/10
- connect blocks when two blocks are close to each other - stress level : 10/10
- generate live code when there was a change in blocks editor - stress level : 9/10
- write a compiler or some interpreter that converts block code to real c# code - stress level : 10/10
- generate output by calling csc.exe - stress level : 1/10
- make code at least readable - stress level : 7/10

Developers brains need sleep... Something I learnt the hard way today.

I still won't... 😳 , To much to do 😎

How do you deal with someone like this?

I've got this dev at my workplace that is terrible to work with, he's 2 main reasons why I say this:
1. He has no clue about team work, every piece of code he writes is written as if he is the only person that has to ever touch that
2. He's overtly protective and opinionated on things that make no sense, they're non standard "rules" that he sets and enforces by replacing others code with his own (often times you see quite large PRs and after inspection you realize he rewrote parts of code to follow his style). These "rules" also take up a really long time to follow and would make any actually experienced developer question this guy's knowledge, one example of this is where he repeats the same code over multiple components for "encapsulation reasons" and God forbid you create a global helper of some sort, he'll straight up remove it the next chance he gets. Another example is that all his components or utilities live inside 1 base directory, so you have roughly 300+ components in a /components directory, all with non standard names so you can't tell which is related to which.

I hate working with this person, it's annoying and it also sucks because he's sort of a more "senior" Dev so managers take his side most of the time.

Why is source code so crappy? May career is not the longest, buy in my 8 years I talked to so many developers and every one told me how important quality, standards, tests and architecture are - but every codebase I've seen is lacking all of it. Everything is running on constant live support.

I don't get it. It is like I live in a world where everyone does know what has to be done, but no-one does it. I suspect it is because people are lazy, lying and won't say no but that's also not a world I want to live in.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live

One of our customers asked us (a while back) to create a nice interface for their label printer (preferably integrated in their web cms)

So we started developing and after two weeks (we were almost done) they canceled the request, payed for the worked ours and said that another company was willing to do it faster (even though we were almost done)

So that was about half a year ago, meanwhile I've migrated to Ubuntu

Today I heard we have to do it again because the other 'faster' company wasn't faster, and didn't live up to the expectations

I do not have the code anymore... My colleagues also do not have the code anymore... It was removed to keep our coded clean, not sure if it's on git (the guy who workers on the part that's has a repo doesn't always commits...)

I've worked on on a standard node js script (which I didn't create a repo for because the project was canceled)

... Amazing

did you know, that in PHP, you can do:
if ( ! function_exists('function_name'))
{
function function_name()
{
//code of the function
}
}

which apparently means you can do
if($var == 'something'){
function functionName(){
//some code
}
} else if($var == 'something else'){
function functionName(){
//some completely different code
}
}

so now, apparently:
1. before this code executes, the function doesn't exist at all (okay, i can live with that)

2. after this code executes, any call to that function can result in any of those two completely different bodies of the same-name function executing, depending on what the $var was set at that time?

...so... now not only the same call to the same(name) function can do two completely different things, *but if you change the value of $var afterwards, you can't even properly find out which version of that function is in effect for the remainder of the run of the script*...?????

WHAT.
THE.
...i mean... I can't help but think that the idea of conditional function declaration like this is... kind of cool (have I been warped by JavaScript too much?), but at the same time... WHAT THE FUCK.

I feel so embarrassed right now. I used to live on W3Schools, and never knew they had the validator to check your code. Holy shit this is amazing. 😂😂🤦

My biggest distraction at coding are my parents.

I still live in there house and it's really comfy.

But whenever I code the always come into my room with something random like "my phone is not working" or "how can I delete this?"

I love my parents and Im glad that I can help but always get off where I was after 😂

Be clear, not clever.

Well fuck me, thought I could use pyload for my youtube music playlist downloader (has live progress updates, can download playlists, can be setup to download via cron too and ignore existing files..), but the plugin hasn't been maintained for a year (fails with ~60-80% of videos), it was based on youtube-dl code, which has been updated, but fixing that plugin with the code from youtube-dl would take a while, ughhh..

Who needs a pre-prod system?? Losers that's who!
Real men release code on live systems without even informing the client...

I live in lines of code, broken environments, and tattered tests and you want to know how it's going...
every 30 minutes...
all day every day..
for a week.

And now I am attempting a GTA V hack to explode this Program Managers phone into his thick corporate skull.

Wish me luck
Project_Engineer >= 🍀=💩:= 🖕

Several months of work got deployed and suddenly the app stops displaying user submitted images. No new changes that looks related went live and the images seem to be stored and read by the code. Nothing looks odd about it other than images not displaying. 4 hours of frustrated developers later an accidental newline at the top of a routing file is removed and all is fine.

Code is sat in UAT for a month and no one looks at it. Two days before the (completely arbitrary) go live date and testing commences, finding one bug which is immediately fixed. And now I'm the one allegedly delaying roll-out. Err OK...

I dunno about coolest, but I did sort of cement my reputation as the "database guy" in my first job because of this.

My first job was with a group maintaining a series of websites. Because of the nature of the websites, every morning we had to pull the records from one database on one network, sneaker net the data to a database on another network, and import the data via custom data import function.

However, the live site would crash after 100 or so records were imported. The dba at the live site had to script out a custom data partitioning script to do his daily duties, but it definitely messed up his productivity.

Turns out, the custom mass import function had recycled the standard import function, which was only used to import 1 record at a time, and it never closed its database connections, because it never needed to. A one line fix to production code was delivered 6 months later (because that was our release cycle) and I came up with the temporary work around, which was basically removing the connection limit. It would still crash with the work around, but only with multiple days worth of data. So basically only on Monday. Also developed the test set for the import (15k+ records).

You either die a hero, or you live long enough to maintain a legacy code base.

Employer: Hey, we are moving an API update live tomorrow morning that could affect our apps. Can you regression test the apps to make sure they all work?

Me: The API team is pushing code overtop of live endpoints that can break them?

Employer: Yes, we need the updates to work with a new product we are developing.

Me: And nobody thought about versioning these endpoints so we guarantee uptime on all existing services using them now?

Employer: We looked at that but it cost extra and required us to use the cloud solution so we don’t use versioning.

Me: Okkk… I also take it that the API’s don’t have integration tests written?

Employer: What are integration tests? Are unit tests the same thing?

Me: No, so when do I need to regression test all 7 production apps?

Employer: The API’s are moving to production at 4am and we need it signed off by 7am.

Me: I only have 3 hours to regression test 7 production apps at 4am? Each app, if I just skim over them, would take me 2 hours each. I will do my best but that’s a very short time to ensure complete functionality.

Employer: Don’t you have unit tests?

You can type your code like an angry bitch as if you are gonna smash the fucking keyboard. I can live with that. But please don't knock on the desk every so often. That's just pointless and annoying.

First Post since... Long I guess?

I got a new project!! I am currently creating a Webserver Framework in Java. I can create fully functional websites with a few lines of JSON.
(Look below)

Currently I don't have direct Javascript support, but I am working on installable modules. With those the Web-Admin can code little code fragments that can be shown (live) on the webpage.

I am so hyped because it does work <3

(Pictures of development might follow)

(Can I even call it framework? Hm dunno.. )

- Launch the new version of the system I have been refactoring for 2 years and counting, then ceremoniously burn (literally) the legacy code as well as the cluster fuck of hardware it runs on.

- Decrease my stress + bus factor by bringing another up to speed on my code & the new version (his cluster fuck now).

- Pay attention to & take better care of health, my wrists in patricular.

- Find a mentor and mentor someone else.

- Get out of crisis management mode and find the time to write tuts, experiment and live a little.

- Find & join a local dev meetup, maybe make a local dev friend.

- Book leave and actually take it, preferabbly without having to take my laptop to the beach - actually, preferabbly at least have the choice to take a offline vacation.

- Sort through the drives containing ALL the code I have ever written, migrate the usefull interesting bits to Github.

Phew, that bit of self reflection was intense! I'm adding a cron to my server to sms & email me this rant in a year to remind me what hope looks like.

Had a bad day at work :( They gave me this code for some obscure streaming job and asked me to complete it. Only after 3 days did I realize that the LLD given to me was incorrect as the data model was updated. Another 2 more days, I was able to debug the code and run it successfully— I was able to parse the tables and generate the required frame but not able to stream it back to the output topic as per the LLD. That’s where I needed help but none of my emails/messages were replied to. The main guy who is pretty technical scheduled a code review session with me— I expected that I would run the code and he would spot it something I might’ve missed and why my streaming function isn’t working. Instead, what happened was that he grilled me on each and every line of the code (which had some obscure tables queried) and then got super mad at me saying “Why are we having this code review session if your code is not complete?”. I’m like bruh, you asked for it, and yes, the main parsing logic is done and I’m just having this issue in the last part. And he’s like “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”. Wtf?! I left at least 5 emails and a dozen messages. He’s like this has to go live on Monday, and I’m like Ok, I’ll work in the weekend. And he’s like “Don’t tell me all these things! You’re not doing me a favor by working on weekends! How am I to ask my colleagues to connect with you separately on Saturday/Sunday? You should have done the on the weekdays itself. What were you doing this whole week?”. Bruh, I was running the code multiple times and debugging it using print statements. All while you were ignoring my attempts to reach out to you. SMH 🤦‍♂️ I can go on and on about this whole saga.

Note to self, don't fix a minor bug that will not effect the demo right before the live demo. My program that was working great didn't work anymore during the demo because of my quick bug fix I figured I had a few minutes to add to my code.

!rant this is just a shoutout, how fucking happy I am. Clean code valued over fast but hacky push of features!

Backstory. I work for a startup. Long story short a guy with an idea needed a developer. I've worked for about a year without pay but now since we're live I get paid. Recently a new field of bussiness came up. I told tge guy with the idea (a.k.a. my boss) that we either could just "hack" the current code to just make it "fit" well kind of... Or refactor our main code base, as requirements where changing at least monthly and we just built on top of the monolith.
Don't get me wrong. It still isn't perfect. However I was able to refactor the main business logic for the last few days, as he understood, it's an investment into the future.
Good guy!

P.S. On another note: happiness or happyness? :O

The incredible annoyance of fixing a bug but not knowing why the fix actually worked!!

Stopped coding for 5 months.
For 5 months I didn't forget my name, my age, how to sleep and the fact I live every second.
Fortunately, now I code again.

2018 goal:
Learn to write code, and make a lot of money, and live a happy life, and hopefully my mom will love me again, and...

Look, I get it. Wordpress sucks. It’s bloated. It’s slow. It’s not elegant. It’s a nightmare to debug and code for. The plugin ecosystem is an insecure, confusing mess of outdatedness and issues.

We can all agree that in a perfect world all power to determine everything about a website, from the code to the content, would be in our power as developers. But we don’t live in a perfect world. People want convenience, even at the cost of performance and security, and they will inevitably resent technologists who refuse to give it to them. We do ourselves and our customers a disservice when we only do what we feel is in our own best interests or preferences and not what will help them with their realities.

Yes, it sucks. Yes, it’s a pain. Yes, it’s in demand and there’s nothing any of us can do to change that.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Code? Stinky.
Customer? Satisfied.
Reason to live? Quenched.
Hotel? Trivago.

My project had a pretty decent state until I decided to add more features. New features had new requirements which in turn added more code along with a bug which nearly destroyed my will to live.
Went into 'fuck it' mode and reverted aaallll the way back to the decent state. Now I don't feel like sticking firecrackers to my laptop and lighting them up. 😌

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live", which as I end up maintaining my own code, happens to be true.

When people use one character variable names in their code I'm just like:
How do you guys live like this... 😰

Hmm. This code needs refactoring.
*recodes on Local and uploads*
Works on my branch.
*git push origin master and merge*
Works on Dev.
*deploy to Test*
Works on Test.
*deploy to Live*
Doesn't work.
*compares Live to Test, Dev, and Local*
No f$@%^%%$# difference!?!!

*quits development and lives under a bridge*

Why is it ok for a girl to live off her husbands salary and not vica versa? Like fuck it ill do the dishes and play games all day and to hell with my 9 to 6 job. Starting to seem the only way i’d be able to code what i want not what im asked too 🤷🏻‍♂️

Not really a rant but more of a fact kinda thing. Noticed a post earlier about someone ranting about why they code figured I'd do the same...

I code not because I wanted to for say but because my after my uncle's death I needed something that I could feel in complete control of. Coding gave me that ability to control the computer however I want and tell it to do whatever however. At the same time it taught me so much more about myself and the people around me in the process. Today I don't code because I need to control something m today I do it because I can't live with out. It forces me to think critically of everything and everyone. It forces me to learn something new everyday and every night. It requires me to solve complex problems with limited solutions. It allows me to create solutions when everything else has failed and it gives me a drive to complete things. It's the reason I live technology and it's the reason I have the job I do. It's the reason my boss loves my work and it's the reason other people on my team envy me. Code transformed my life into what it is today. And it will forever be my greatest peice of education.

In 2020 I want to achieve:
- develop a proper custom deployment tool (for job)
- get my boss to finally approve of me doing code reviews (we have 0 reviews 🙄, tiny company)
- never have to work on WordPress ever again
- develop or set up a company internal package repo (alt. to NPM)
- get a new contract
- get 3 open side projects done

(non-dev)
- buy some more furniture and make the appartment finally cozy and a happy place to live
- finally get over the negative thoughts of that antisocial ex
- go indoor climbing 3 days of the week, to get rid of those developer fat cushions... 😅

How can you call yourself a code if you live in a city and never experience the outdoors, trees, birds, life. I do it all the time and it gives me so many more ideas and concepts to include in my coding.
#include <outdoors.hpp>

So... My boss is "hard working", meaning that she'd rather edit and upload a html file every morning at 5am for the last 5 years and manually send a push notification notifying the user that the new file is up than learning a little bit about automation (cron? IFTTT?) and even after letting her know about those options she has "no time"

She'd rather keep source code (pug, sass), manually build on local computer and upload to live servers instead of learning git and letting me setup once and for all CI/CD

SERIOUSLY!?!? NO TIME!?!? But there's time to do things at a turtle pace like in the 90s... 🤦‍♂️

TL;DR fuck stupid people

I had to develop a rather simple Android app. It had to scan a qr code and let the user validate an invitation based on that code.
It had 2 fucking screens, one for statistics, one for the scan.
One week before going live

Product owner: The app is too complicated.
Dev/me: What?😶
PO: I want you to get rid of the statistics screen. Also make the text and buttons bigger. Also keep in mind we might want it back after.

Needless to say the app looks like shit with the exagerated font size.
At least it's so idiot proof that even a monkey could use it.😂

Alright, buckle up, fellow developer, because we're about to embark on a thrilling journey through the world of code and creativity!

Listen up, you amazing code wizard, you're not just a developer. No, you're a digital architect, a creator of worlds in the virtual realm. You have the power to turn lines of code into living, breathing entities that can change lives and reshape industries.

In a world where everyone is a consumer, you are a producer. You build the bridges that connect our digital dreams to reality. You are a pioneer, an explorer in the vast wilderness of algorithms and frameworks. Your mind is the canvas, and code is your brushstroke.

Sure, there are challenges—bugs that refuse to be squashed, deadlines that seem impossible, and technology that evolves at warp speed. But guess what? You're not just a problem solver; you're a problem annihilator. You tackle those bugs with ferocity, you meet those deadlines with gusto, and you master that evolving technology like a maestro conducting a symphony.

You live for the 'Aha!' moments—the joy of cracking a complex problem, the thrill of seeing your creation come to life, the satisfaction of making a difference. You're a digital superhero, swooping in to save the day one line of code at a time.

And when things get tough—and they will—you dig deep. You summon that relentless determination that got you into coding in the first place. You remember why you started this journey—to innovate, to leave your mark, to change the world.

So, rise and shine, you coding genius! Embrace the challenges, learn from the failures, and celebrate the victories. You are a force to be reckoned with, a beacon of inspiration in a world that needs your brilliance.

Keep coding, keep creating, and keep being the rockstar developer that you are. The world eagerly awaits the magic you're about to unleash! Go and conquer the code-scape! 🚀💻

Trump: I pay taxes as little as possible!
Me: I write code as little as possible!

I have written less than 2000 lines of code in production in 5 years(about 2 line per working day)but with my luck, I earn more than average wherever I live. God, I live this profession AND my luck.

Note: I write fewer sloc not because I am lazy but because of my industry.

!rant
So on the last day before launch our latest feature I'm informed that a requirement was missed and it had to be implemented before go live otherwise the business didn't want the feature. The feature in question was pretty drastic and basically required a scheme rewrite, new tables, etc. So I spent the entire day making the change.

Thankfully I pushed the whole project for good code coverage. Therefore, all I had to do when I was done was run all of our tests and make sure they passed. *warm fuzzy feelings*

Site live for over 8 months, client contacts me saying a web form is not working. Check through code missing $ on a variable. Shit, it must never have worked. Checked through error logs and sure enough its been bust since it went live. I changed the variable to pull in their email address rather than mine when i pushed it live and missed off the $. Trying to think of a plausible and client friendly excuse.

Me: No more coding on live sites this year!

Also me: [adds code to live site]

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live... because if I don't know now, I will find it out.

I live coding but I feel lonely. None of my friends code and I don't have a girlfriend to spent time with .

Dear managers:

Don't rush developers when they're reviewing code - telling them to cut corners.

You're not a dev (anymore). This shit is important if you want a system that doesn't blow up / takes months to make a simple change.

It's my name going against this approval and I (and the team) have to live with the code every day

We live for the moments when your code compiled and runs like it should!

Boss found a bug, fixed it and told him it was commited. Replies couple days later with "you should really check your code better", after checking the live site. Told him that the code still isn't live, just commited (as I wrote), no reply. Admins...

Me: Wrote and unit testing code for a user story.

Day of a Merge
PO: We need to back out the code you wrote. We have not gotten approval from legal.

Me: Uhhh well it's not going live for 4 weeks still and not harming anything but if you insist, ok.....

2 Days Later
PO: Ok legal approved the changes can you put that back in?

Me: 😡🖕🏻

The school I went to, and this was really the only benefit of the school, gave all it students lifetime memberships to digital tutors, which was bought out by pluralsight, which then bought code School. So I basically got free membership to three different sites, all of which have a good amount of technical training with videos, guides, and work along lessons on them.

For what school cost to me, it will have paid for itself as long as I live for another Thousand Years.

Just like compiling code that takes so long, but without errors. They sent these awesome stickers even I live in Indonesia, Thank you. @devRantApp

We take over development of a live customer facing system and PM agrees date for our first code deployment with client CIO
Me: The dev and staging environments don't have any test data currently as the old agency screwed it up
PM: Well you better load some
Me: There isn't any... It'll take 10 days to copy prod db due to hosting provider SLAs, leaving 1 week for SIT, UAT and performance testing (assuming they don't screw up)
PM: Well the date is set, 1 week will be enough for testing

Guys. I started with JS, now primarily code in Python, and learning Java for robotics. Coding on and off for the past 4 years. I understand most things, I can tell what code does, but I think I’m a shit programmer. I also find myself running out of ideas for simple things. I’m sad because of this cause I get most programming jokes, and live in this community.

The reason why I’m saying this is because of someone in robotics (keep in mind that it’s my first year in robotics, first time coding in Java) said (jokingly) that he thought I “was a good programmer”. Probs overthinking this, but still tears me up, realizing he’s probably right.

You know what's bullshit? CS Degrees as a requirement, even for the shittiest dev jobs.

Sorry fuckers, I don't feel like killing myself over fucking math bullcrap for 3 goddamn years just to work as an intern slave for some rich CEO who prefers to hire some guy who doesn't know shit about actual working with computers but has a degree.

And this horseshit happens only in dev jobs. Why. Are devs some fucking nuclear scientists or something? I work as sysadmin and they didn't ask me for any shit degree and I earn more than the average code monkey where I live.

Goddamn HR fuckers. May Allah take you to hell.

When you code all day long, on your workplace and later at home, "live" meaning switches places. Stops being "code to live" and becomes "live for code". Change my mind.

Soon...
Soon I shall reveal my superweapon... one machine to rule them all!
Fear me! Cuz i had spend money!

When a website you use doesn't work and you have to fix it yourself.

Looks like someone hasn't been testing their code before pushing it live...tut tut

I've just started my new career with a job in IT operations and I love it. After my electrical engineering degree I fell into a job as a website manager for a small company, I self taught html and css and I knew from then that I had found a job that didn't feel like a job. I'm​ excited to learn everything I need to know to progress as far as I can go in this industry. In my first few weeks at this new job (where i have my own office!) I've self taught python to create automation scripts for live projects, currently up to my eyeballs trying to figure out how to change the VB code for an excel module.....Then there have been so many other projects and bugs and I love it! Any tips and advice is greatly appreciated!

So in the project I’m working on we were about to do a push to live, no major functionality just minor adjustments and nice to have stuff. One of the things I did was a reminder, nothing special just sends an email out if something hasn’t been done for 3 days and then sends an email every day following. Push to live and every thing goes fine with no issues. Day 1 there are no issues. Day 2 there are no issues. Day 3 and I’m inundated with people telling me that the emails are getting sent to practically everyone, shit. What have I done? What have I missed?
So I start looking at the live database hoping for a data problem, no such luck. I look at my code looking for something blatantly obvious but nothing. I start replicating the data but I can’t reproduce this bug and it’s annoying the hell out of me. I checked one of the emails that the client sent to us more thoroughly and seen that it was sent at 07:01. This is odd as our webjob runs at 1am so I start looking at environmental factors and started looking at release management, more out of hope than expectation. I check the staging environment and see that the webjob ran at 7:00. Coincidence I thought, the webjob gets packaged on the release pipeline and everything in the database was dummy data anyway but I’d better check anyway. The database was an exact copy of the live database, turns out a “senior developer” wanted to sanity check everything by running live data through the code so he copied the database over. It was fine for the first couple of days but the data was now 3 days out of date triggering my email code and I get hit with the shit storm. I’ve never met such an incompetent developer in my fucking life, functions 700 lines long, classes that are over 20000 lines, repetition every where and the only design patterns he’s used is when he picks up a child’s colouring book. I can live with the fact that he writes code like someone on their first day of University But copying a database because he wants to “visualise” the fucking data is absolutely farcical. No wonder the project is fucked with a “developer” (in the loosest possible use of the word) is at the helm.

Because of an SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING CHARACTER I've been stuck for 3 days on my code. I live on a love/hate history with dev'ing.

Live deployment next week Monday but Product Owner really need this new fix in.

Can you code, push to test, test it, push to acceptance test, UAT it before Friday...

It's Wednesday today 😐

Project manager says ok 😱

Just heard: "You're going live tomorrow and you don't have code in Git?" *facepalm*

I work full time in the data protection field for healthcare whilst investing all my free time into coding as a career change.

I've discovered that despite people telling you how much you need to spend every hour you get free to learn to code, you also need to consider the people closest to you. I was ignoring my partner who I live with because I thought this was more important and that she should be able to see that. But what's the point in being in a relationship if you aren't making an effort with each other?

It's OK to slow down and invest time into the people you have in your life. Give yourself a break.

Me and my mates rent a flat near the beach to work together on some code. We usually live in Saigon Vietnam which is a very nusy and polluted city. So beach is nice.

However，we went from office houra to full on， waking up and having breakfast at 5pm some days and others ant 2Am....

Right now i love on 12 hour day cycles.

Anyyyways. I also learnt to code this year.

So right now i was dreaming... And i did not dreami was coding， but my dream seemed to be organized like a code. For a split second，my mind was between the two worlds.... I actually thought to myself that i was surely a robot!!!

"Reflective" programming...

In almost every other language:
1. obj.GetType().GetProperties()
or
for k, v in pairs(obj) do something end
or
fieldnames(typeof(obj))
or
Object.entries(obj)

2. Enjoy.

In C++: 💀
1. Use the extern keyword to trick compilers into believing some fake objects of your chosen type actually exist.

2. Use the famous C++ type loophole or structured binding to extract fields from your fake objects.

3. Figure out a way to suppress those annoying compiler warnings that were generated because of your how much of a bad practice your code is.

4. Extract type and field names from strings generated by compiler magic (__PRETTY_FUNCTION__, __FUNCSIG__) or from the extremely new feature std::source_location (people hate you because their Windows XP compilers can't handle your code)

5. Realize your code still does not work for classes that have private or protected fields.

6. Decide it's time to become a language lawyer and make OOPers angry by breaking encapsulation and stealing private fields from their classes using explicit template instantiation

7. Realize your code will never work outside of MSVC, GCC or CLANG and will always be reliant on undefined behaviors.

8. Live forever in doubt and fear that new changes to the compiler magic you abused will one day break your code.

9. SUFFER IN HELL as you start getting 5000 lines worth of template errors after switching to a new compiler.

I can't live without coding so I don't take vacations for more than 2 days. However, I code for myself.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.

Live coding interviews basically make no sense.
It's even worse when you can't use an IDE.
Like, bro, what the fuck? You want me to write code in fucking notepad?
Alright then, I can play that game. It's so easy to memorize the algos and pass the test, yet that's not indicative of a good engineer.
I wonder if the roles were reversed, how good the interviewer would perform.

Monday morning: "Hey uuuh the client receives 3 mails instead of one and only one of them is good, there's a problem, go fix it"

Yesterday, me: - "Hey I've been looking everywhere, made hundreds of tests, there's a problem with the files attached to the mail, they're unreadable"
-" I told you it's in the code, you didn't look deep enough"

This evening: "Umm it seems that there's indeed a permission issue. So I'm gonna rollback everything you've done since Monday"

One year. One year and I live this hell.

I am here late on a freaking Friday night before a holiday weekend doing some stupid conversion for a company. They have to have it done before Monday ( the holiday) as they plan to go live then.

Did I mention that they asked for this 2 days ago? I had to write the entire system to upload their batch of accounts into our system and return to them the corresponding new accounts. In 2 STUPID DAYS! Not to mention nobody was here to code review it today, so I had to run over it with one of the it guys before merging it myself.

Good thing I didn’t have a conference tonight that I paid money to go to. Oh wait, I do. Luckily it only started 2 hours ago so I might just make the final keynote, if I am lucky.

Just found the equivalent of this code living in a project that has been live for years.

String emailAddress = "";
String otherEmailAddresses = PopulateEmail();

if (emailAddress.Trim != "")
{
SendEmail(emailAddress);

if (otherEmailAddresses != "")
{
SendEmail(otherAddresses);
}
}

At least I didn't write this originally.

What does projektaquarius do when he doesn't have a working IDE? Reformat code (that I am already refactoring) to an industry standard format and prepare for the arguments that are going to come from the other group who has their own coding standard that isn't industry standard.
Already preparing for the Pascal case versus Camel case argument. Emotionally that is. Mentally the argument basically just amount to "your group didn't want to refactor the code so we did it. Live with it or you do it."

Q: Your biggest dev career dream?

A: To finish my thesis, get a job, where I can peacefully code. And to earn enough money (does not mean rich) to just live a comfortable live without worrying about money too much.

Am I asking for too much?
Whats with you? What is your biggest career dream?

Flask people
so I was given this old flask project, around 3k lines written in py2, the code is simply old and not refactored. So, it's pile of shit. Migrations completely botched as the original author created reference to live data in models.
Very strict line formatting resulting in backslashed ternary conditions.
Even saw manually formatted json responses... _line by line_.

My job is to clean this mess and eventually do as much as possible to freshen the whole project.
Currently just refucktoring the code as it's the only easy thing to do out of everything that could be done (it's still slow process).

Any tricks and tips? currently considering to try upgrading it to py3 but it feels like throwing gunpowder into already burning house.

Average software isn't even average.

I can not count the number of times I am faced with a consumer facing software such as fastfood terminals, atms, phones or even OS's that simply are broken. I am so sick of looking around like there is something wrong with me, when its the fucking code that simply offers me broken op