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People who send an email saying "I'm getting an error message".
WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!
WHAT IS THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE?!
OH NO SURE LET ME LOOK IN MY CRYSTAL BALL, I'LL HAVE IT FIGURED OUT FOR YOU IN NO FUCKING TIME.
😡20 -
"We are looking for a GDPR expert to be hired in our company"
"I am an experienced data protection manager"
"Oh, fine! May you give us your phone number?"
"No"
"Your email address?"
"No"
"You're hired"4 -
Internet streaming website be like:
Oh no, you can't right click and save the video file on your computer!
*f12* *ctrl+f* *<video* *right click* *open in new tab* *right click* *save as*
22 -
Me, trying to create a LaTeX document: *googles "latex string comparison"*
Customer and boss walk in.
Google: *shows NSFW results*
I.. Let...- Let me explain, it's not what it looks like!14 -
Opens a website:
ENABLE NOTIFICATIONS!
- no.
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER!
- no.
TURN OFF AD BLOCK!
- no.
WE USE COOKIES!
- ok.
PAGE 1 OF 11!
- oh ffs.15 -
Freshman: hey can you check what's wrong with my code?
Me: ya of course
*Sees zero comments, no indents, all variables named a,b,c,etc.*
Me: oh would you look at the time!6 -
Client: The webpage has been inaccessible all weekend!!
Me: Oh you mean the page you need to have a VPN connection to access?
Client: Yes that one!
Me: Are you connected to the VPN?
Client: Oh...no I'm not. *connects to VPN* Its working now.5 -
The news:
"Oh no, big tech companies are taking advantage of our information and tracking everything we do. We're too dependent! "
Us:
"Wow this sounds important. *Googles it *"
"Everyone needs to know, *shares on Facebook*"
Wait.....4 -
*Runs program*
*Nothing happens, no error messages*
Oh boy, this is gonna be fun. A bug with no symptoms.10 -
Oh no, it seems that one of my websites is down :'(
https://thedown.website
Looks like it needs a hug 😥19 -
Friend: Why don't you just quit your job?
Me: I want to, I just can't right now, it would cause too many issues.
Friend: oh really? Will it affect your health insurance or pension?
Me: No my office is the shipping address for my new iPhone. Haven't got it yet.
Friend: Oh ffs .... seriously?7 -
Her: What do you do?
Me: I'm writing my thesis on bringing AI to smartphones.
Her: I think AI is terrible!
Me: oh, you are an engineer too?
Her: No
Me: oh, you've studied economics and or ethics and are worried about its implications on society?
Her: No, but have you?
Me: I have a degree in economics, an MBA and an now about to get my BSc in CS.
Her: well, regardless I still think it's terrible.
Me: well in that case how about you shove your unfounded opinion where the sun don't shine!18 -
A friend just told me about that dumb tide pods meme.
Oh well. Looks like we have other priorities, no flying cars or anything.
15 -
Hollywood be like
"Oh no they shot a hole in my CPU, let me just rewrite the code so that it works again. I'll be 5 minutes."14 -
Client: I need this *insert app/machine/thing* ASAP! No excuses!
*work overtime just to get it done*
*after 2 weeks of finishing it*
Me: So has the thing worked without issues?
Client: Oh, I haven’t even used it yet!
:/5 -
A: Hey look! I have a brand new computer!
B: Oh, so you use Linux?
A: No, I use Windows.
B: Than it's not your computer.13 -
If. You. Don't. Contact. Us. With. A. Registered. Email. Address. Or. Phone. Number. Then. I'm. Not. Giving. You. Any. Information. Relating. To. 'your'. Account.
Oh you "don't agree" with that?
Guess what, never gonna give you up!
Oh, typo, that should've been: never gonna give a fuck!
No, seriously, I couldn't care less.48 -
Yesterday: "This fucking logic makes no sense. I can't work this shit out!"
Today (first look at the problem): "Oh... I think if I do this and this... Yeap, that'd work"
I love fresh brain thoughts in the morning.8 -
Oh no microsoft is gonna buy github!
Just like they bought xamarin and turned it from a buggy piece of shit into something borderline useful?
Just like they funded canonical so ubuntu could become a distro what any person can use as easily as windows because they had money to actually hire people?
Just like they bought mojang and invested billions in an education platform?
Oh boy whatever will we do...16 -
So you detected that I wrote quit but oh no instead of actually quitting I get to know I have to write quit()
10 -
What If our Boss's read our Rants...
OH GOD NO!
But
What If they write there OWN rants about us?
Now im scared8 -
Oh God NO! Please tell me it is not normal for an Android app cumminacating with a rest API to send my login credentials in a fucking GET request!
15 -
Sister: (she must migrated from iOS to android) you can download these apps and then you can change like colors and themes and everything 😍😱😵
Me: Yeah off course you can...?
Sister: Oh not, oh no, you're not going to tell me you've been able to do this for years?!?
Me: Uhm... Yes...?
Sister: 😵😭😱😭
Not an apple hate rant, just found the convo funny!6 -
Friend: hey i heard you are a programmer.
Me: yeah
F: so you are a hacker?
M: No. Well yes but the correlation is bavkwards.
F: oh ok.
...
F: so can you hack facebook?9 -
Person: Oh! blablabla.onion isn't working. It must be the government censoring it.
Me: No, its because you're trying to open a onion website in Google Chrome.2 -
Flashback to when I was in 7th grade
Art teacher: Taco, your focal point is wrong
Me: *looks* ....no it's not
Art teacher: *looks* ...oh, you're right
Fast forward to c++ class
Prof: Taco your calculation is incorrect
Me: *looks* ....no it's not
Prof: *looks* ...oh, you're right8 -
I wanted to go on a cruise with my programmer boyfriend.
His response?
"I can't be away from work that long."
Not because he'll get into trouble or anything. Oh no. He just loves writing code *that* much. 🙄5 -
*1 week into dream job*
Me: I need to communicate this variable to a script running in another thread, how do you normally handle that?
My Lead: oh, just add it as a global variable
Me: oh no...3 -
Friend: I want to start competitive programming. What should I to ?
Me: You should know at least one programming language like C++ or java ...
Friend: No problem, I know HTML ....
Finally Me: Oh God save me..4 -
Recruiter: Do you use .net C#?
Me: Uh. No. I applied for a position of a front-end developer. I use JavaScript and...
Recruiter: Oh, that's good. We need an Android developer.
*sigh*7 -
"We want to change the scrollbar colour." -Client
Oh no, no no no; we sorted this years ago. Nobody should have that power.3 -
Project Manager: "So that's the feature we need you to add... T-shirt size?"
Me: "Depends what shop I go to, sometimes L, sometimes XL-"
Project Manager: "No, no. T-shirt size... Estimate. Small means hours, Medium means days, Large means weeks."
Me: "Oh... 4 hours."
Wtf.10 -
Multiple weird ones but one specifically where I fixed a bug over and over again and the second I pushed and deployed, the fix was gone both locally and remote.
I kept going more and more crazy and had rage attacks and such.
"Wait what, I changed and fixed this.. Let's try again"
"Huh, I definitely changed this..."
"Oh no, I fucking changed you"
"Go fuck yourself, I fixed this and pushed already, you can't just fucking disappear on me!"
"Oh yeah no of course, disappeared again, totally fucking logical. GET BACK HERE"
"I FIXED YOU A GAZILLION TIMES ALREADY, DON'T YOU DISAPPEAR ON ME AGAIN"
*NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. I. FUCKING. FIXED. YOU"
It went worse and worse for a while and then I woke up with a "....ahh" feeling 😅2 -
There is no reason for any developer to not know git well. No fucking reason. Stop making shit harder for everyone by being like “oh I’m not the keenest on git” STFU and just learn it better you pussy.28
-
Microsoft: We're brings new updates to Edge....
Me: Oh nice, was about time.
**Reads changelog**
"Edge now has support for Internet Explorer"
"No, really, you can now run IE in Edge."
Me: Oh for Fuck Sake!16 -
just wanted to watch a movie on a flight, then this happened 🤦♂️
Flight assistant: "oh no, not again. I will reboot it for you."
10 -
As a programmer, I either feel like I’m a god and I’m superior to everyone in this company OR I am an idiot and everyone knows what they are doing except me.
Programming is an illusion. It’s just a “feeling”. Programming doesn’t exist.11 -
» Microsoft announced today that it’s joining the Linux Foundation as a platinum member, no less than 15 years after former CEO Steve Ballmer described the open source platform as “a cancer.” «
Oh well.2 -
Me: "Hey <coworker>, I got this mistake do you know why?"
Coworker: "Seems to me like you didn't put <thing> in there"
Me: "No way, I just edited it here"
*looks at file*
"Oh, I didn't save that"
*saves file*
"Oh hey, it works now 😅"
Office: 🤣🤣🤣
Mondays, I guess 🤷♂️3 -
Oh, that feeling when you learn the entry level dev, with no useful knowledge, gets paid more than you...
Priceless...4 -
Skype, on my laptop, updated the other day. It was like: 'Oh hey we're downloading skype for windows 10!', and I was like 'oh yeah? cool! ... wait, I'm not on Windows 10 WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING NO WAIT NO STOP'
And now it doesn't work. Yay!3 -
Mom: Oh cool! So you can hack sites and accounts now?
Me: No mom.. I'll be making stuff, not breaking it.
Mom: Well what's the fun in that 😐
Me: ...4 -
Oh no, oooooh nononono
they dont delete the branches after a pull request
232 branches? hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhno
and look at that naming
im intimidated, i dont want to work in this environment. No. NO!
8 -
The three indicators you have spent to much time on devRant while being on the toilet:
0: You reached the post from the last day.
1: Your legs fell asleep.
2: You forgor whether you have to wipe your ass or not.2 -
Noob: "Hey guyz! Im now a hacker! Look at this cool script"
Legit programmer: "oh wow! How does it work?"
Noob: "I have no idea. I found it on the internet "
LP: .........1 -
Emotional roller coaster today.
+ Got first pull request! Hell yeah!
- oh, no, no no no nononono, they pushed all dependencies and temp folders...
fck sake isak, gather yourself
10 -
yesterday: oh what the yeck? 'cd' fills your path by hitting 'tab' once? How the hell could i survive the past 6 years i've been using linux?
today: oh, what? no... it works with every command in the shell.... linux does that for you <313 -
Support forums with no possibility to edit your posting. 🤬
You'd like to correct your typos?
Oh too bad...
2 -
When you reboot your server and on boot it asks for the hdd encrypted password. I have no clue anymore. Oh how fucking happy I am that we have no users yet and are in closed alpha. Happy to learn this now so I'll never make this mistake again. 😨3
-
When scrolling through free Udemy courses for fun, my gf says:
"Whaaaat? Data analysis with Panda and Python? Isn't that shit dangerous? Like they go in the jungle and stuff?"
Me:"oh..."
(Disclaimer: She has no background in CS)5 -
TM: Hey, do you have a moment?
Me: not really, I'm already overtime and have enough work for the whole year.
TM: Yeah, we know. Just a quick meeting to discuss something awkward.
Me: Hmkay.
...
Later that day:
TM: Yeah. To make it quick - we're confused and bit dissatisfied with how project X turned out. The staging server is blazing fast, but the devs machines seem to be extremely slow... Some devs complained.
Me: No wonder. I said from the beginning that the devs shouldn't do X and Y, and that the dev machines need to be redone after staging is done - as we need to gather hands on experience first, cause no one could explain to me what resources the project actually needed.
TM: Oh. I wasn't aware of that.
Me: I guessed so. You were on vacation at the beginning and I didn't had the time to lead another team...
TM: Yeah... So the dev machines get replaced?
Me: They _could_ be replaced, but the devs would need to reset up their environment, as I and won't transfer the environment of the dev user.
TM: Ah... So they would have to retransfer their personal modifications, if they made any?
Me: Yes. As always, the basic setup just provides the necessary services, settings etc. - stuff like remote IDE settings on the machine, configuration etc is left out and we don't transfer it as it is usually too much of a hassle and risky, as every dev does have his / her own preferences, and we don't want to support every possible configuration out there.
TM: Just out of curiosity... Staging was ready like... Last year?
Me: Beginning of December, yes.
TM: Sigh.
Me: The jolly of having a kinder garten full of toys that no kid wants to clean up...
TM: No comment. The kinder garten Kids might make me a Pinata otherwise.
Me: If only they'd fill us with chocolate first instead of just beating us.
...
Tales of lazy devs, to be continued...3 -
PM: Oh, i got news about project xyz.
Me: Oh good, are we finally dropping support for that shity legacy system?
PM: No you gotta make a copy of it and convert all the currency symbols and add a bunch of new features, we selling it to a new client.2 -
Modern tragedy in four lines:
- I just bought a new 1TB SSD
- Look at all this free space
- Let's do npm install
- Oh no6 -
I tried to crochet a pusheen.
It didn’t turn out the way I envisioned. “Maybe googly eyes will help!”
…. I have had mixed comment on whether it makes it better or worse. 😅
6 -
[Begin Rant] When you show your senior manager your REST Web Service and he says "Oh no nooo... I don't wanna see no code"... Me: Code?? That ain't code you fat silly fucker it's the command line output data which I spent a week parsing, batch processing, and storing into the database! [End Rant] :[4
-
"Why is this style not appearing in the browser??? All is perfectly written! No missing semicolon."
*staring 5 minutues at HTML source*
"Oh there you go: I put two times class="..." in the same tag..."1 -
A while back I feel asleep on the couch on the day of the state of the union address.
My deadass mind heard someone asking what the "state of the unit tests" was and I leaped up and said "there aren't any! i'm sorry, it's only a small project anyway".
Thank god no one else was there... 😂 -
I'm so conflicted! My brother just opened VS Code and tried evangelizing me on the benefits of using a light theme! Should I disown him? Secretly sabotage his development environment? This is very distressing. Suggestions? Lol14
-
Oh, this PHP thing is becoming big, we must use this; *makes ASP*
Oh, oh, this Java thing is really popular, and we're not the big bois now! *releases C#*
Waaait, functional is cool now? Damnit. Dude, grab this~~~ *F#*
Uhh. So people actually like JavaScript now? A wild *~~TypeScript~~* has appeared
Why does Microsoft have a history of following trends, and releasing poor clones with no substantial improvements??9 -
Nooooooooo! My wife told one of her friends that I'm a DBA. The response. "Oh. That's good to know. I've been having this problem with my cell phone." No! Why? Aughhh!
-
"Oh, let's delete no-reply@domain.tld because that's not needed by anything"
Stupid fucking clients...
Now users can't verify their accounts. Nice!1 -
I missed 25 on call alerts over night.
Me and my wife did not budge. Look at me call history and I cleared my voicemail at 4am... No recollection of that at all.
Oh well!5 -
Me to gf: hey hun look what I built! (Shows off new project)
Gf: (sees video playing in background) oh that's so cool! Did you do that? (Points at video)
Me: no, but look at this! (Shows off feature)
Gf: oh... well that's great hun, I'm so happy you are doing what you love
-
Windows: would you like to update?
Me: no not rn I'm currently on battery and traveling, let me just quickly restart.
Windows: Okay I'll install the latest updates for you.
Me: oh FFS
11 -
You know what?
No you don't!
PHP decided 'in time memorial' to deprecate their 'split' function for another function called 'explode' that splits, oh sorry, that explodes a string.
Now you know something!8 -
Putty, you son of a bitch. Why do you call the logging option "All session output" if you don't include binary zeros in the output? Zeros don't count as "all" or what?
Then call the option "All session output without zeros", that would have saved me some time and prevented handing out false data.6 -
Oh no Microsoft might buy GitHub! It's the end of the world! Everyone grab your code and hide in a nuclear bomb shelter.9
-
School gave me 3 DigitalOcean droplets to try out Kubernetes in the cloud, awesome!
Wrote an Ansible script to not only simply install docker and add users but also add kubernetes, nice!
Oh wait, error?! Well I should've known this wasn't going to be easy... ah well no problem. Let's see... Ansible is cryptic as always, it can't connect to the API server? Is it even running?
Let's ssh to the master, ah nothing is running, great. Let's try out kubeadm init and see what happens, oh gosh, my Docker version has not been validated! No problem, let's just downgrade!
How do I do that? Oh I know, change the version in the role! Wait that version doesn't exit? Let's travel to Docker's website and see what versions exist of docker-ce, oh I see, it needs a subversion, no problem.
Oh that errors too? Wait then what... Oh I need a ~ and a ubuntu and a 0 somewhere, my mistake!
Let's run it again! Fails!
Same ssh process, oh wait...
Oh god no...
Kubernetes requires 2 cores and these things only have 1...
Welp, time to ask the teachers to resize my droplet by a small amount tomorrow, hopefully I'll get a new error!
----------------------------------------------
My adventure so far with Kubernetes. I'm not installing it for any serious/prod reason, just for educational purposes. K8s seems like 'endgame' to me, like one of the 'big guys' that big enterprises use so I'm eager to throw stuff at a droplet and see what happens.
Going further down the rabbit hole tomorrow!
Wish me luck :3
(And yes, I could've figured this all out beforehand with documentation, but this is more fun in my opinion)8 -
It's a beautiful autumn day. The sun is out, the sky is blue, it's warm and the trees' leaves are already colored magnificently.
What will I do today? - Exam preparation! :D3 -
LoL, I swear, some of these job ads..
- You study Java every day
- You anticipate and you follow Java trends every day
- You go to our Java events
Oh so you mean I don't have a life? No thanks.5 -
Business: We want this exactly like [insert competitor’s web product].
Me: Oh, so like [this major obvious feature]?
Business: Oh no! Not that! Everything else but that!… You have everything you need right?
Me: …🤦♂️1 -
Oh no internet?
Hmm...I'm no longer a programmer then.
But I will be as soon as I can talk with my friend Google!1 -
Ah, the old locked up non-gui thread. Bastard gets me every time. My monkey brain says "Button still work, so no infinite loop". Oh, but there DO be infinite loop.
-
The lower the level language, the more concerned I am with performance for some reason...irrational I know.
Programming in C: oh no I have this extra if statement which may have to copy the 16 byte struct.
Programming in Python: oh hey I can simplify the logic if I write a class to dynamically build this regex, compile it, and search through a 1MB text file.5 -
In `Computer Fundamental` class
friend: What 1 + 1 equal to?
me: two.
friend: ...no, it's equal to ten.
me: oh fuck!2 -
Oh no, someone hacked my PayPal account, and it seems... PayPal’s too, they can’t spell properly anymore 😰
12 -
Why red herring is important between discussions.
My daughter: Papa! See this is my name and this is the name of my Sir.
I: No my little princess!! This is our surname.
My daughter: oh ok!! Who is that?
I: Ummm... (No answer) Wow!! You're wearing a beautiful dress today...13 -
Oh, RSpec.
Adding recaptcha tests, I copy a passing login spec
and because I'm bored, I run it again just to check.
I paste in the passing mock
and run it in my new block
and oh no, why are you failing? What the heck!?1 -
Guys!!!!
Guysss!!!!
And girls....
when your stoned and drunk as me, please watch "This is Not Happening" on youtube....
I'm crying here of laughter...
OMG
The bear... Oh , To baad no more bozze8 -
So I'm on vacation in the Harzgebirge, it's evening and I want to watch something on Crunchyroll.
aEuGh We BlOcKeD yOuR ASN.
Yea turns out they've got the hotel WiFi on a blacklist.
Oh sorry, no-no-list.21 -
Learning JS frameworks is like:
Oh my god it's 2016, no one uses jQuery anymore.
Angular is so 2015.
Here, use these 25 super cool libs instead.
11 -
No commute.. oh, wait, I live next to work..like literally next building.. ok, if I move it'd be no commute again..
No need to brush the hair, can wear yoga pants & hoodie & swear all I want.. oh, I do that even at the office (trying to tone down on swearing though)..Umm.. boss doesn't get to tell me to go home at 17.. well he does that even now.. o.O ok ok, I got this!! I can wash my hair during lunch break! And wash the dishes and clothes when on 'cig break'..
Meh... I wish I had a doggo to play with.. :(6 -
Oh no! What have I done? I opened up devRant at 8:00am and it's now 9:55am. This is literally my biggest time sink and I love it.
-
- "We are Vreo, the company who has just invented the next generation of advertising in video games."
- Oh, cool let's read more.
- "We are using blockchains to store data."
- Holy fck why, no, don't.2 -
someone: so what do you do?
me: I'm a software developer
someone: oh, can you design me a logo?
me: no
someone: something simple, I'm sure...
me: NO, IT'S NOT MY F***ING JOB6 -
"We totally know everything about SEO, you should trust us and pay us so your website is #01 because we know how Google ranks their shit" (not literally)
No fuck you. No one knows how google ranks pages. No one. And your pseudo information is even free to find on the first google result about seo that is above yours. Oh look, they must be better than you with that.3 -
Just finished setting up PiHole on my RaspberryPi.... no more adblock extensions with shitty performance... no more custom hosts files... and network level adblocking for all devices...
FUCK YEAH
oh, and I added so many lists that it now blocks about 350k domains (ads and malware)
Today was a good day.. time to hibernate...4 -
So ... Yeah ... I survived a week in my holiday apartment with no wifi...
Now to wait for that phone bill 😂 oh well -
Rant! I'm the only developer working in the company and everybody always comes to me and say, oh you are the IT guy can you fix my iPad?
F**$ no I can't... Stupid iPads..2 -
I like reading documentation.
BUT I really hate writing one for a project that I have nothing to do with it.
I am charged to write a documentation just because they think I am good on expressing and structuring ideas.
F_M_L2 -
When you spend 10x time coding just because you can't, just can't resist writing good code, even when you no it's gng to make no difference whatsoever🙁
Why brain, oh why?4 -
Thing that just occurred to me.
Write backend of website in Node with Mongo.
Write front end of website by using PHP to echo data from mongo and inline styles. PHP will also echo any inline JS that needs to make AJAX calls back to handle responsiveness.
Write a website with JS as its backend and PHP as its front end because the world has gone absolutely mad and you dgaf anymore.2 -
Me: Hey girl, what's your address?
Girl: 5.15.126.4
Me: No man, your local address.
Girl: 127.0.0.1
Me: Oh, you geeky nerd! I mean your physical address!
Girl: 40:37:0E:6A:A7:AD2 -
Oh so day continued....
My boss just asked me before I left... You know that report we wanted automated, you said you'd get it done by today, is it done yet?
Me: well uh who dragged me into a PROD issue because no one else knows how to investigate... EVEN THOUGH I BUILT AND SHOWED U HOW TO USE THEM... SEVERAL TIMES. (no i didn't say this last but that's what went on in my head).
Oh and I figured out what the issue was... -
I wish clients knew what went into building custom features.
"Oh, you can't just turn it on?"
No...I have to write the gah damned feature FFS! -
Me: *clicks Ctrl+C by instinct*
Oh no! It'll take a whole minute to restart...
Vue CLI: Are you sure you want to terminate the server?
Yay! It didn't terminate! No, I do NOT want to terminate the server thank you.
Vue CLI: *terminates anyways*4 -
Imagine being a software engineer:
You invent a new CMS called "WordPress"
and you decide to store all internal links as complete URLs in the fucking database.
PEAK BRAIN USAGE22 -
You know what's fucking horrible?
Implementing new features to an Android app in production that another dev wrote...
...which has no architecture, no documentation, no modularity, no testability, everything runs on the UI thread, filled with spaghetti code and it somehow works smoothely so I have to not fuck it up.
Oh and I'm also a junior. So fuck me, right?1 -
Best part of living alone... lip syncing ktv (karaoke) and dancing like no one's watching.
Oh Happy Moon Festival2 -
So....
I was just told why the company's code has no documentation...
Quote: "It enforces devs to write simpler/better code"
Oh and added bonus - the whole backend is PHP with a bunch of tweaked libraries.
3 -
Oh my god. I woke up and read stan lee was rushed to the hospital. I was actually feeling horribly sad and then I read that he was in stable condition and was like heck yeah!!! No one taking him yet.
-
It's nice to see people posting what they've been up to during their free time.
Oh wait, did I say nice? No, fuck you and your slightly better circumstances!2 -
Oh boy... Oh boy... Deadline closing in and still no pushes by my boss...
https://devrant.com/rants/1552545/...1 -
Guy: Oh? So what are you working on right now?
Steve Jobs: just mobile development, no big deal
Little did he know that he was literally taking about developing a mobile [phone] -
>Be a customer
>Ask to reduce number of servers you rent at our company
>Agree to a date when the one server you no longer needs will be due to be disconnected and taken apart
>Date comes
>I have the honors of sending the final /sbin/poweroff
>All goes neatly... until...
The web that used to be there, now moved to another one of their machines, goes down, wtf???
Oh. a 500. What?
Checks logs...
Cannot connect to Database.
Wtf? Local database works... Oh. OH. OH MY GOD.
>Turn the server back on and tell the customer to fix the app to no longer connect to that machine
Sometimes, being a sysadmin can be a real fun!1 -
Oh god.... no.... Why.... Looks like they gonna dumb down the ux and force defaults... Less customizable.... Like Apple...
Can I NOT upgrade....
22 -
Golang code review be like
> oh no, you used prohibited `else` keyword
Context? Dosent matter. Its banned, mkay?
Fix? Oh you know its hell to read now22 -
😂😂😂 lol oh no what will we do when hackers takeover the world by printing an endless stream of planetary gears. Shame on you Harvard for such a poor picture choice.
-
So recently moved to a new place. New roommates. Thought lets initiate a talk. Found out one of em is a web developer.
Me: So, what you working on?
Him: Web technologies
Me: oh great...I worked on ReactJS and AngularJS.
Him: Our company uses AngularJS.
Me: So you work on AngularJS, right?
Him: Oh no I don't work on AngularJS...I am a frontend developer...
(Awkward silence)
(Inner me: No shit. Need to find new place.)
Should I tell him?1 -
You know what, I think the USA government just had a Windows Update, oh no wait, their versions of Windows are too old, they ain’t attacked by MS anymore.
-
Working with calculator(Core 2 Duo) after using 4th gen i7....
.
.
Oh just forgot to tell...
Calculator had windows 10 with no search working.
Worst day...
From Multitasking to ↣ ..…1 -
**Attention @johnmelodyme and all AltRant testers**
I just pushed a quick bugfix update to AltRant, in the hope that it will fix the crashes that were reported. I felt like the app's dodgy situation wasn't up to my standard of quality so I worked as fast as I could to fix the issues, as people are actually starting to prefer my app over the original. Please make sure to perform a full reinstall of the app before continuing, because I actually wasn't experiencing the issues described in my initial testing before releasing the update that needed fixing.31 -
QA: There is a problem
Me: Ok how do I reproduce it?
QA: You do x
Me: I have done x and there isn’t a problem
QA: Oh it only happens sometimes
Me: Fair enough, I’ll try a few times
...
Me: Are you sure x is how you do it?
QA: Oh no actually it’s y
FML2 -
Oh no it's happening to me too... Gave up so many hobbies/interests to focus on my career. Now I have almost no interest in side projects because I don't know what to build. (I mean something actually useful not a to-do list.) I love my job, but is this the path to burnout?5
-
"What in the name of hell? Why? No.. absolutely not. Jeeeesus. Holy cow!! Haha.. that's funny. No friggin way! Oh that makes sense..wait, that makes no sense. Screw it I give up."
-
"Pay more attention to the house"
Oh, really?
I'm working here!
Why every non tech person acts like I'm doing no fucking shit all day?
These types of things makes me want open my own fucking office.5 -
Oh no.
CalDAV server and client use the same DB table. Server expects a column to be called uri, client expects column to be called url.
FFFFUUUUUU9 -
Writing ugly code should be a capital offence. And oh, I should be the sole judge of what is an ugly code or not.
No, this punishment won’t apply to me, thanks for asking.5 -
Oh boi, that weird feeling when the code is alright, no errors, the first time you save or compile it11
-
Great start to Halloween, phone has been stolen, and turned off so I can't track it. Oh, and I have no job so I can't get another right now. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY3
-
Evening: I have no idea how to do it, 4 hours of programming are just wasted.
Morning: Oh, I changed couple lines in yesterday code and everything is perfect now. -
Configuring apache is so fucking repetitive and inefficient. No for loops. No arrays. Just repeating damn near the same lines over and over and over again.
Oh you want to listen to 20 ports? I hope you like copying and pasting.4 -
Oh how I miss straight forward programming. I've been working on performance enhancements for a month. Optimizing angular is no fun.
-
- can you help with this Angular thing?
- sorry, I'm no front-end guy
- oh, thought you do node.js, no?
- *Facepalm* -
Rust is a beautiful language. Fast, safe and system level.
The best and worst part of the language is that it has no inheritance.
Oh, and the super slow compile times really do suck.2 -
Working with Vagrant be like:
Oh I see you've added new features all over the project files, all good, I'll sync that to the virtual folders. Oh now you've added a line to the css, would be a shame if I stop syncing now for no apparent reason and let you go insane figuring out why the minor change won't show2 -
When your PC stuck and tell no I/O device detected....and next thing it suggest to install I/O drivers...
Oh I see this machine can't even work on Ethernet.... -
Oh this defect is great!
Inherited an app that allows people to type in the name of their beneficiary in a form.
The database column is varchar(50) and the form has no size limit...beautiful2 -
Got engaged to set up the CI for a project. Worked with the main developer to set up the dev environment only to find out that he deleted 80% of the migration files because he didn't know what they were
-
Boss hired a freelancer to work on a new reporting dashboard. Freelancer also built a backed. Boss wants me to work on fixing that backend. I check out the DB first only to find plaintext passwords. I threw up a little.2
-
Oh, you've found a work around for your browser caching? No problem, here's DNS caching so you can fuck with your code again... and not know what the issue is
~ Sincerely, ISP4 -
So today our informatics showed us how to download a file from the internet using Firefox.
It was BlueJ...
So he told us the people who develop BlueJ randomly include the JDK in BlueJ or don't.
He told us it's a bit like Russian roulette whether JDK will be included or not.
What he didn't know,
the standalone version for Windows obviously included it (.exe... ) and the version for other systems doesn't include the JDK.....3 -
I need internet but no phone calls during night, so plane mode is not the it.
*activating the silent mode.
*wake up one hour later at the morning.
oh.. -
Pitching Preact for a client. They wanted us to use Dojo because they bought support for it and I was like OH HELL NO FUCK NO
-
After all the rants I've written on this topic, no, no, fuck no. I ain't answering jackshit. The trauma is very real. I'm trying to not have a panic attack just remembering few of the times I've lost work, personal data, side projects, accounts, you name it.
Oh dear God it's hard to breathe...5 -
When you join a project that has no testing, no component policy, a lot of css mixins, that has to work simultaneously as a pwa, android and ios app.
Oh, yes, obviously no documentation at all *flips table*2 -
Coworking office Holiday party: leftover cheese plate from invite-only wine tasting. That's it. No festive music. No holiday-themed treats. Oh, and it was scheduled at 3:30pm on a Thursday... when everyone is still working for their respective companies. 🤮2
-
Just moved countries and started a new job at an awesome company, which is so great I have nothing yet to rant about.
Oh here goes: almost three weeks with no internet at home and no end in sight.2 -
Let me check Slack
Just before I go to bed
Just in case — OH NO
It’s not what you think
It isn’t like I broke prod
… request makes me cringe.3 -
What is it with people asking if learning X is good for development of Y? Did your common sense module not fucking load?
Learning a new thing isn't gonna SegFault your brain. If you have the luxury of asking If, just fucking do it, you lazy wobble tit!7 -
Visual Studio : *No definition for the method Method with the argument of type int*
Me : Oh ? *F12 on method name*
VS : public void Method(int) {...}
M : There, so it should wo--
VS : *No definition for the method Method with the argument of type int*7 -
It just struck me that by long-pressing backspace on the virtual keyboard I can use emoji.
I feel kind of stupid right now. 😶2 -
When you have to work with functions clearly no one gives a fuck about... because who needs documentation... like... 2 decades later!? Oh yeah sure it might change tomorrow...
2 -
Oh hell no!
I just turned off my pihole (I packed it in) and youtube has got fucking so many ads apperaing every two minutes underneath the video!!!!1 -
"Hey mate, you should learn some zen coding you know."
"Ow that's one of your tricky bullshit"
"No man, look and learn!"
"OH FOR F***K SAKE! ARE YOU A WITCH?"
-
After disliking all the region based ads YouTube has been providing, I have now started getting ads of French products.
I fee like I've been played.4 -
"npm i {name} - - save-dev"
-ERROR: "{name} needs {dependency} v5.0.1"
"Oh, okay, I install that one then, no problem"
"npm i {dependency@5.0.1} - - save-dev"
-ERROR: "{dependency@5.0.1} needs {dependency} v3.1.1}
"Oh, okay, makes sens I guess, I'll" install that one to then."
"npm i {dependency@3.1.1} - -save-dev"
ERROR:"Nah"
"Son of a.."8 -
Client: $importantThing is a go live feature now.
Me: Okay, but it would considerably postpone the release date.
Client: Oh well, then maybe after release. However, do $lessImportantThing for go live, no matter how long it takes. -
contrarian dev guru types are just losers who couldn't make it in industry or business with their (lack) of skills, but are so sour and embittered they continue to shovel their own garbage on everyone else
god its just so annoying "oh i do it only this way, and its the RIGHT way, you must do it this way"
this UI feature that literally exists everywhere else? "oh no those are bad, no one uses it and its not a best practice"
get the fuck out of my way, you're just slowing me down2 -
I just can't wait for Ai, the day will be so beautifully ecstasy filled.
Just sit there, talking, saying what you want, no bugs.
oh my5 -
Oh no, yeah, little error icons with no accompanying error messages are my absolute favorite, especially when there's no apparent way to check what the error is.
Love software that does this. Perfect design, super useful./s2 -
I seem to have this impressive ability, where I can manage to absolutely nothing for hours, and still be fine with it... I believe I need to be more productive, but I can't seem to find any reason to1
-
Current deploy process on the legacy project I'm on right now: ssh to server, check out branch with new feature, test on live, if it works then merge to master and check out master.
Oh... Oh no... -
Be me at new job.
Just learned that bonus is tied to project estimate skills. Range is +- 25% of estimate vs reality.
They are waterfall. I've spent the last three years as Agile. -
Client: Hey, can you explain to me how this feature works? I'm totally confused.
Programmer: *explains the entire feature to client* Actually, you made the specs for this. *shows specifications document client created*
Client: Oh right. Sorry, completely forgot about that. It works great. But can we make some changes on...
OH HELL NO. -
I could work from home sometimes, the coworkers would be cool but focused, new tech would be encouraged and pms would defend devs against crappy clients, oh and no windows allowed, yeah I dont like sunlight (like linus house)
-
So, I just started doing some UI stuff and I have no idea ehat I'm doing. What should I change?
Oh and this is still work in progress.
Source on GitHub @ttomovcik/snappy-android
8 -
Sunday planned to Building a project VS family reunion long drive. No laptop at the moment. Beach later will just watch tutorials in my phone oh well 100 km long driving 😩
-
The happiness of finishing a project that put so much stress into you, best feeling ever.
10 minutes later...
Others in office: Oh you're done. Could you help us with
Me: No
Others: It's not a lo
Me: No.
At least give me time to catch a power nap.2 -
Today I have no jeans that fit me.. on my way to town in joggers to buy some jeans.. I'm gonna be late babey!! Oh and fucking code man, am I right?!1
-
Walking to work this morning I was thinking that being a web developer has a lot of future because everything is and will be online... I sit on my desk at the office and there is no internet...oh well... :/3
-
Manager: Oh, this feature freeze you where talking about was no joke?
Me: Yes, that's why we have written it into the protocol of the Last Meeting and everyone agreed...
Manager: Thats nonsense, add more Features! -
Code
That one day you suffering from Obsessive code disorder and Oh boy you love it.Bugs got no chance. -
Normal people : Save thier work regulary.
Me :
Oh no matter, notepadd++ saves opens files somewhere, i'm good with that.
There are important lohins, passwords, some temp stuf and work in progress for something, there are backups and information needed.
8 -
oh shit oh shit oh shit...
Do to my horrible anxiety about covid-19 I have not been calling into stands up in the last 2 weeks or doing much work.
My boss just messaged asking if everything is okay.
First msg I said yes and sorry was having techinal difficulty.
Then I msged him back saying it would better if we talked. I can see he is on a conference call so no response.
Should I be honest or list fake technical reasons?
He is pretty cool boss but only been there since October.11 -
Oh god no anything but this
(Seriously now, the reason is a bit complicated because Swift is different but focus on the meme, if you want an explanation I will give it to you in the comments lol)
3 -
Oh Monday how I loath you.
Why can you not allow anything to go according to plan?
Why do things that worked on Friday no longer work on Monday?
Oh Monday ... -
What's your favorite esoteric language? Lolcode?
"Nope. Perl"
crowd: "ooohhhhhhhhh. Oh no you didn't"1 -
She's so beautiful dude. If I could, I'd frikkin marry her in no time. Oh my God and she has all the right parts and cosmetics! I love you Arch Linux <3
-
Oh no, apparently GDPR is worse than we thought. Just look at the linked thread. The government needs not to touch anything
https://twitter.com/alexstamos/...2 -
My concern only goes so far...
‘Wow! Two factor authentication is not main stream... Are you f*cking kidding me? And you own bitcoin!’
‘No, I have ripple.’
‘Oh, well, not bothered then.’ -
Asdfghjkl keys does not work! Not git push, no save! Oh fuck my screen was locked so no on-screen keyboard! Mother fuck! Is this a quick solve for MBP? New keyboard cost £14.99 on eBay.2
-
Why devRant site rant icon and right img will shake when I scroll ???
Oh no, it calculates the position and uses padding-top to change it.
9 -
We have had 2 days on intermittent internet literally we have 5minutes of down time then 15-25seconds of the internet working. How can a tech company be expected to function like this!1
-
I don't come over the fact vinesauce joel came across an PhpStorm Ad during a geoguessr stream and cracked up about it.
He stated something like "Oh no! The pee pee Storm!!!"
It was hilarious! xD -
You know what pisses me off more than anything is my current troubles were moot over and over
But oh no
Can't leave me in a place where I'm doing well nope. -
The waterfall model of executing agile: Planning phase -- how to execute agile?
The loudest voices are often the people who contribute much else.
How many of these meetings have you been witness to ? -
Oh, hi "metaprogramming" (PHP in runtime), long time no see. Which reminds me why I ended up hating Rails & Ruby so much back then.
-
On the way home reading Devrant on the train.
See a Win10 Update post....
"Oh no, not again :("
"Guess I wont be working tonight"3 -
Customers that keeping changing their mind.. and when you are done with it they are like... Oh no wait, the other way was better...1
-
Oh man, why is there no good api for ocr in PDFs? Once you are searching for this kind you will only find some kind of tesseract.
Why doesn't have Amazon an api for this???3 -
Anything wrong happens on my django project.
Oh no worries, It's just
python manage.py makemigrations && python manage.py migrate .1
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