Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*

Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend

Gentlemen,
Please take a look at the enclosed hard drive and let me know if you'll be able to transfer files/software from it onto a laptop. If so I'll send you a laptop so you can get it done.

*Opens box*

Client: "Hi, there's a problem with this link"
Me: "How odd, I'll take a look right away"

-- 19 minutes later --

Client: "Has this been fixed?"
Me: "I'm working on it currently"
Client: "OK please let us know when it's done"
Me: "I will do"

-- 2 minutes later --

Client: "Hi, is this done?"
Me: "I've just told you I will let you know as soon as it's done"

-- 5 minutes later --

Client: "Hi, sorry to hassle, but is this done yet?"
Me: *starts twitching*
Me: "I am working on it and I will let you know when it's done"
Client: "OK, well don't worry about it, it doesn't really matter"
Me: *explodes*

Me: Did Sherry let you know that I'm leaving today?

Coworker: what!? No!

Me: yeah... I'm leaving.

Coworker: huh, I'm not surprised...

Me: what is that supposed to mean!?

Co: shit man, this job sucks, I'm not surprised. I'll be leaving right behind you.

Me: oh.... Um... April Fools... 😬

Co: God damnit.

Me: don't worry, I won't tell the boss how you really feel.

Hey everyone,

This coming Sunday (Feb 4), at about 12AM EST, devRant will be going down for scheduled maintenance (database server maintenance). The maintenance shouldn’t take more than about 15 minutes.

Feel free to let me know if you have any questions and apologies for the inconvenience!

Designer: can we put the popup at the top of the screen?

Me: You mean op top of the navigation?

Designer: Yeah.

Me: I sure can. Would be stupid to block off the site navigation with a popup, but definately possible.

Designer: Cool, let me know when done!

Me: ....

Me: I am done.

Designer: Well now I can't click on the navigation anymore.

Me: That's correct. Let me know when you want to change it again.

I noticed that urban dictionary didn't have a definition for devRant.

So I posted one.

And it got rejected ):

*Bawls like a baby*

To the four people who will read this, if you're remotely close to being interested, let me know, I'll post it here.

Hey everyone - tonight we performed a database upgrade and unfortunately there were a few "surprise" breaking changes to the query language we use that weren't caught during testing. Once they were discovered after the upgrade. The queries were corrected within a few minutes. You might have noticed some issues with commenting, voting, etc.

On this note, please let me know if you notice anything suspicious like errors when trying to perform normal actions, or anything at all. I appreciate any reports since it's a bit tricky for us to cover every last part of the app alone, though I think we went through most of it. Thanks and please let me know if you have any questions!

"My think isn't working!"
"Let me see."
*starts program, error message appears, clicks X*
"What was that?"
"Don't know, appears every time, I never read it."

An interview via Skype
HR: (ask some technical questions)
Me: (give some technical answers)
HR: Great! I will send your answers to technical team and let you know asap. Have a nice day!

Suddenly I lost all my interests on that company.

If this is a duplicate, do let me know.
Source: shitheadsteve

Part of my job involves speaking with users on the phone and I really don’t mind it except for THESE PEOPLE:

Me: Hi! XYZ Co. this is Tawzer!
Them: Hi Tawzer this is blah blah I need help with the website I just can’t figure it out!
Me: Okay! Let me ju-
Them: Yeah you know I’ve been struggling for hours with it I really don’t have time for this.
Me: Oh I imagine! What’s your-
Them: Well I was gonna try and get everything done today by 3 but with all of this tech stuff going wrong I just don’t know...
Me: That sounds frustrating, can i get your-
Them: Is this going to take long??
Me: Nope! I just need to know your-
Them: like I said I just really don’t have time for this!
Me: ........ What’s your-
Them: well I-
Me: WHAT’S YOUR USERNAME
Them: Uh I don’t know can you look me up? I didn’t know I’d need that.
Me: 👩🏻‍💻

Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Errors there
Segment faults
Everywhere
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
From me

*piano starts

Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant

*piano

It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning

*epic guitar

I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
Magnificcooooooo

I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging

Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!

*epic guitar

So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here

*epic guitar solo

Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
To them

Any way this code blows

To the Windows 10 users of the unofficial devRant client.

I will release soon the v1.4, but I'm already thinking about the future of this project.
What do you think about this concept?
Let me know if you like/hate it.
Any suggestion will be considered.

Thanks!

Friend(non dev): Hey. Do you know how much it costs to maintain an app?

Me : Well that depends. What are you planning to do?

Friend: Something like Trivago. But small.

Me: That still doesn't tell me anything

Friend: Come on. Just give a number. How hard can it be?

Me: 42. *facepalm*

Friend: See wasn't that hard. Was it?

Me: *thinking* Don't correct him. Just let him be.

Just had a Mac user in a Linux chat. Guy was trying to setup MySQL, yada yada yada... Turns out that the guy didn't know what a PATH is.
Let that sink in for a moment. A developer, with a hipster MacBook that probably cost him several grand.. but doesn't know what a PATH is.

Please kill me. 🙂🔫

!rant: So I've noticed some devs sharing pictures of their workspace. Let me know what you think of mine!

Javascript developer interview

One of the RH interviewers started asking about myself, personal information, etc..

He : well, let me introduce you our tech lead, he will make you some question about JS

Me : alright

Tech Lead : ummm, do you know javascript?

Me : yes..?

Tech Lead : ok, cool. We will call you.

I got the job..

Boss : "just" hack the google AdWords and show our company ad everywhere on google search"

"Don't you know that everything can be hacked?"

Me : "Ok, first let me ***k you."
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I mean "let me hack you"

The state of CS is a joke and I'm contributing to it.

I'm a final year CS student and like most students, I'm not exactly overflowing with money so any income helps. Now, it's not that uncommon for students to buy their projects but I swear a good 20% of people from my course don't know how to write a function. And let me remind you, they are in their final year, about to graduate, about to get their bachelor's degree in computer science and they don't know how to write a function, let alone a class, let alone piece together something that works.

I just want to say that no, I'm not proud of myself for doing other people's projects for money and letting such imbeciles pass. I'm fucking tired of sending over someone's project, them asking me to change something and me telling them to add an if statement to which they reply with "i don't know how, pls do it".

This is why having a degree doesn't mean shit anymore and yes, I'm aware that higher education has become more available over time.

Waking up at 3am "OMG I know how to fix the bug". Good job brain 👏now let me sleep plz

I'm getting so pissed off by this client, here's the gist

We signed agreement defining the following deliverables:
- news page and news article page
- releases page and release info page
(it's a guy from a record label)

After the signature we (me and my colleagues) went to work and finished all that (+ a little more actually, yea I know never overstep your agreement right but we did) and we got paid (all good)

Now after payment he's asking us to do more (some kind of mail installation thing), so I obviously tell him, as I actually have many times before, that our agreement only stretched as far as those 4 deliverables and we wouldn't work without a new agreement defining a new set of requirements or an hourly rate.

Next he goes and tells me the following
==
We already have an agreement. I'm not paying you on an hourly rate as you are not next to me. Let me know
-- First off no we don't, the agreement only covered the 4 pages
== immediatly after
Also you really need to work on your costumer service. Your attitude is very rude. I don't know how many clients you have but all this distrust attitude is not in your favours. Let me know if you want to proceed?
-- Are you fucking kidding me? I am rude and distrustful? I JUST DO MY FUCKING JOB YOU PRICK

Sorry just need to let off some steam

She: I have a problem with my android phone, I can't take screenshots since yesterday.
Me: Ehm... did you try to turn it off and on again?
She: no.. let me try.
...5 minutes later...
She: You're a genius!!!
Me: I know. 😏😎

devRant Android users - if you are a user who can consistently reproduce a devRant app crash and wouldn't mind helping me please let me know. You can comment here or email me at david@devrant.io

I'm trying to get rid of a couple of remaining crashes that seem to be happening in the Android app but we've never really been able to reproduce any of them. Thanks!

Boss: Hey squares, I need one of you to select a new volume control, if you spot anything let me know.
Me: Say no more

Client: Hi there, we worked together I few months ago and loved what you created for us! We have another job and would like to see if you are available?

Me (1h later): Sure! Let me know more details about this new project.

Client (15min later): Oh, sorry, since you took so long to respond, we've decided to choose another freelancer. Thank you anyways!!

Me: ...

Interviewer: Hello my name is Alyssa from Sheeple and my pronouns are she/her

Dev: Oh yeah I saw that in your email

Interviewer: Ok well I am just letting you know they are still the same

Dev: Thanks for that.

Interviewer: What are your pronouns?

Dev: div/span

Interviewer: Sorry?

Dev: he/him

Interviewer: Oh…ok. Let me know if that changes.

Dev: I promise you it won’t

Interviewer: Well you never know!

Dev: …

I like when a recruiter calls, decides you're not experienced enough for the role they called for, and immediately ask if you know someone who is. Sure, bro, let me help do your job for you.

PM: I spoke with x client, they really like x feature and want to continue.
Me: great, I'll let the team know.
PM: Yeah, I told your team already.
Me: Oh. What did they say?
PM: They all told me to tell you first, so you can tell them.
Me: 😏

I am but one man. Please remember that I am only human, and as much as I have automated, some things still take time.

Also,

I DON'T KNOW IT'S A FUCKING ISSUE UNTIL YOU MAKE ME AWARE OF SAID ISSUE. IF THIS ISSUE GOES ON FOR WEEKS, IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM AWARE. PLEASE, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, LET ME KNOW BEFORE IT BECOMES A HEADACHE FOR YOU. BECAUSE WHEN AN ISSUE BECOMES A HEADACHE FOR YOU, YOY THEN BECOME A HEADACHE FOR ME.

I'm looking for a new job.
If anyone is hiring remotely or knows of somewhere that is, could you please let me know? 😊

(I'll be looking locally as well.)

Stack:
• Ruby+Rails
• Node
• Postgres/etc.
• React
• Angular 1.x
• Sass/Less
• MaterialUI, Susy

Timezone: GMT-7

If you are tall and experience back problems like me, give one of those balls that you sit on a try. It costs 15 euros and it solved everything for me. If it doesnt... well... throw it of your balcony and let me know how high it bounced

Alright lets work on the security/privacy blog again.

Things I've got in the making right now: dark theme by default, font change and an rss feed!

Let me know what you'd like to see :)

I'll also reveal a new domain name soon!

Manager: Hi, here is component X with 200k lines of code. Can you go through the code and see if you can implement component Y using component X?

Me: What does component X do?

Manager: I don't know.

Me: Is there a design docs for it?

Manager: I don't know. Can you check? Let me know when it is done.

*Wondering if I should joke and say "Oh management, hard job huh?"*

*Remembering how life is fucked up unfair and I need food to survive and house to live in and follow the society's rules and work hard to make the rich richer and shove money into their fat belly of greed...*

Me: OK.

To everyone in hurricane war path...

YOUR WONDERFUL STUBBORN ASSES BETTER LET ME KNOW YOU'RE OK. I'M GOING TO BE WORRIED SICK UNTIL ALL THESE FUCKING WATER TORNADOES ARE DONE.

Dude: Hey, can you help me with my website? It's for the final year project (IT and Hardware related degree).
Me: Sure, let me see.

Sends a .txt file with two <html> tags, not even closed.

Dude: Can you fix it so it appears with a menu on the top and news on the middle?

This guy got his degree and I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know how to enter to the BIOS of a computer.

He probably doesn't know what a BIOS is.

I love my thinkpad, it grew a feature where it shocks me every few minutes to let me know that i need to get shit done

Kudos to @trogus and @dfox for introducing the new refresh button on the nav bar instead of the odd position at the end of the comments.
It's looking awesome now.

Note: If the screenshot violates anyones privacy. Let me know. It is just a random screenshot

This is a conversation my friend and I had.

Me: let me just delete this file
*rm -rf filename*

Frnd: what does the rf do?

Me: Don't know man I just do it coz the memes tell me to.

Me: I should use an informative status code to let my users know what went wrong

Me to me: *500 internal server error*

If anyone feels down, depressed or lonely. Please let me know we can have a google meet call and talk about whatever. You are important and you shouldn't feel alone this season or any other day.

Have a taco

Working from home now check out the new setup. All that's missing is some devRant swag "wink wink nuge nuge know what i mean yes yes ....." Let me know what you think.

I know this is probably gonna be unpopular but whatever; fuck vim, fuck emacs! A text editor should by default take in standard accepted characters and command form the keyboard without being all hipster "I'm so niche and alternative" about it. You are a text editor so let me enter teeeeeexxxxt!!! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!! $£^$%^^$%

Frequently used answers :)

UI developer - I think API is not working
Backend developer - Front end is not sending the request correctly
Tester - Testing! Testing!
UI/UX - As per android/ios standards...
QA - Let me check one more time
PM - Let us have another meeting and get on the same page
Dev-Ops - It's very complicated you know
CTO - We're working on a next-gen solution
Founder - Let us build something that no one has built, something similar to what google...facebook...

Cridits: My EX-CPO

Team: Qt doesn’t let us build the UX we have in mind. Web is the future.

Me: what do you guys recommend ?

Team: Electron! We vote for Electron!

Me: Alright, who know JavaScript here?

Team: ...

Hey all - I made a big update to in app "x replied to a rant you commented on" in app notif to try to fix some bugs/scaling issue.

Please let me know if you notice any weirdness/notif issues. Thanks.

Email I received:

"Hi xxxxx!

I just received your voicemail and let you know that I would be sending a email:

Here is a link to introduce myself. Please let me know If I can swing in next Monday or Wednesday to shake your hand and meet!"

My response:

"Hello, zzzzzz.

You did not receive a voicemail from me because I have no idea who you or your company is.

If you meant to email someone else, this is a courtesy email letting you know you have the wrong person, and I hope you have a nice day.

If, rather, this is an attention-seeking sales tactic, this is email is a snarky response, letting you know I don't do business with companies that pull that kind of crap.

Regards,
xxxxx, CIO
zzzzzzzzz"

Wish me luck!

If you wanna learn with me I'd love some company.

If you got some great tips let me know!

I hate recruitment agencies. Had a conversation, i said no thanks. They phone back they next day and tell me i need to let them know if i want to go forward with the job then get angry with me as i tell them no again. WTF?!?!!

😂😂😂
(I hope people dont find it offensive to post it here... Like if you do, let me know in the comments I'll delete the post in that case)

oh you want a code challenge for the interview? sure let me do that just like the 5 other companies i've had to do that for

like dude, look at any one of my multiple websites, saas apps, or mobile apps i've shipped. obviously i know what i'm doing

me: hey prof, i dont know why this is wrong
*points out where its wrong*
prof: hmmm let me see
prof: u see its wrong here. thats why it doesnt work
*points at the exact same thing i pointed out*

Client: can you filter boats by location?
Me: Let me see... As you know, there are three remote systems that feed data into your database. I'd have to make a connection between the location records. But I can't rely on coordinates, name, ID or anything else. You'd have to manually create those links for me by remote systems records IDs. Telling me that record XY from system A is identical to record YX from system B, etc...
Client: How many records are we talking about?
Me: 504.

Three days later...

Client: Got it, is that enough for you in excel?
Me: Let me see... Very nice work, I can work with that.
Client: I almost died on it!

An hour later...

Me: Got it, test it and let's run it on the production version.
Client: It works beautifully.

A minute later...

Can we filter the ships by ports?
Me: Let me see... Yes, it's theoretically possible, but it's the same situation as with places...
Client: How many records are we talking about?
Me: 12,647.

Skype relayed to me the sound of something heavy falling, something grunting. Something dying.

Dev pickup lines:

Hey girl, I may not know your namespace but if you let me cin it'll turn you cout😉

Comment your best

1. If you dont know, say: Let me check that and get back to you.
2. ALWAYS use legit test-data and test-images.
3. Never argue ten minutes about something you can fix in ten minutes.
4. Fuck blame or glory. Just refactor and commit and feel proud about youself.

Me: please return http code 202 in your http service.

My collegue: ok.

After one hour...

Me: you are returning 200, I told you 202. Let me see the code:

OMFG she was writing the string "202" in the response body!!!

I do not know how to escape from all of this shit.

This app allows you view the json file your computer upload to Microsoft.
But to open it, you have to join the insider program and agree to upload more private data.
To know what data Microsoft spying on me, I have to agree to let Microsoft spying me willingly.
What kind the logic is that?😤

There should be a way to let Google know ok I have purchased this item already, can you please stop showing me this ad on every website I visit.

CEO: Please have the dev ready to update Product on 8/20.
Me: That's premature.
CEO: Okay, let them know they'll be updating the team on 8/20.

Fuck. You.

On the phone.

Them: "So we do X and Y and Z... can you try again?"
Me: "Yup. Still getting max retries error"
Them: "You know what, let me restart the server"
Me: "Whatever you did it worked. API is back online"
Them: "You're kidding me right?"

Took us 4 hours to restart a server.

The fact that windows doesn't come bundled with a fucking SSH CLI client really pisses me off and I don't know why... Just let me be angry

A customer who frequently calls me for help just called and let me know that I was on speaker for a room full of people who had questions. Nothing like being put on the spot with zero warning....jeez. And I'm sick today, so I bet my sniffles made me sound awesome. But we went through everyone's questions and all is now good.

Just declined a small internship to work at NASA because I feel like I’m too introverted and incapable of doing it (knowledge wise).

It was a unexpected offer in person and I wasn’t prepared for it, so instead of saying “I’ll let you know” I outright declined it.

Feeling extraordinarily defeated over my answer. Any hope of recovering from the situation? It might seem like a simple task to call the guy and let him know I changed my mind, but the thought of doing so seems extremely scary for me.

As a side note, he is a family “friend” and a customer of the business I currently work at (where he offered it to me) (unrelated field of work)

Developer: "Hey, I've just finished the vehicle script, do you mind reviewing this before i push into the master branch"
Me: "Sure!"
*hes overlooking me while i review"
Developer: "I've spent ages on this, just let me know once your done"

That's what i found lol

Releasing a new shipping console.
Every day I've told them to let me know when ANYTHING goes wrong.

I released it last week on Tuesday.

Yesterday.. they came with some missing options. Ok fine. I fixed them. Then repeated the same sentence: Let me know DIRECTLY when ANYTHING goes wrong!

Today, I planned to leave early and tomorrow I have a day off.

30 min before I leave;

hi, something's wrong, I told X yesterday.

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT;!!!!!

During my internship.
Got wonderful opportunity to present a project to a senior Director of a different team.
And just moments before meeting, my project stopped working.
Was a disaster.
Later came to know there were internal issues in the service I was using in my project.
Though not my fault, but during the meeting, I managed to show a video of the project.
Let me know if folks wants to know what happened later..

I just remembered that when I was a kid, it was really popular to make personal websites with those simple website builders. Wanna know the funny thing? My parents wouldn't let me build my own website. Well look what I'm doing with my life now mom 😂

Discovered yesterday that my boss does tests with production database... and I'm responsible for the fucking backups and he doesn't even care to let me now when so I can at least schedule one at slave. Come on... it's not that hard to let others know or test on your own machine...

Recruiter: how many years of experience do you have?
Me : 4
Recruiter: the client wants someone with a minimum of 5 years
Me : okay then, let me know if anything else is available.
Recruiter: You can change your resume... just add a year.
Me : ???? No thanks
Recruiter: they’ll never know ... you can tell them later
Me : ....

Problem: Someone isn't receiving emails.

Me: Finds that someone else set up their account without an email address.

Me: Man what kinda person would let you turn on email alerts without a valid email address .....

-Checks-

Me: You know anyone could have made that mistake, I'll just fix it up right here ....

Reading a Ray Wenderlich book to try give RxSwift a go. Book is well written and going well. But I’m grinding my teeth at the fact all the code samples use 2 space indentation. Despite the fact apples standard is 4 ... and you know tabs would let us decide.

I know it’s a small thing, but it’s really pissing me off

Ohh..The title says there is a job for javascript developer. Let me check the JD(hoping they are not looking for experience in Meteor, ember, backbone, knockout)
*Opens JD*
WTH!!
People really need to know the difference between the Java and javascript. It's so simple
Java is to javascript as Car is to carpet

You know what really pisses me off?

Arrogant/Condescending people doing rookie mistakes.

If you are like that but delivers I suck it up and let it go, but if you don't? Lol... Be ready for the shitstorm.

Me: hey mr backend guy, front end guy here, having some trouble with $thing, here's a detailed explanation of my issue, could you let me know if $thing is still active?

Him: hi

Me: ... hi, so about that issue I'm running into...

<crickets time="1hr"/>

Him: ok........checking ....

<crickets time="2hr"/>

Him: (offline)

SSSSSSOOOOO guess I'm figuring this one out myself

Wtf is the point of closing a project submission at a specific time. Yea sure let me know it’s late but if I want to post the file late let me. I was 8 seconds late to post a file for a project and it locked me out. Sure they say no late work but this is a stupid policy. Also, why is it due at 4am? No body is looking at these at 4am! Just make it due at 6 or 8am or something. Gaaa

Been going interview crazy this week! The Dev rant community has helped me so much I'd like to thank each and everyone of you for helping me finally get running!

Have my first coding test to do today, have to build the attached file and i'm excited to get started! If you spot any pitfuls please let me know!

Thanks you guys so much! Will let you know how I get on!

My first rant. Very Happy to have people guiding newbies.
Starting with block chain (dapps) wish me luck. Any tips for beginners please let me know. 😀

When coworkers say, "I know you have a lot on your plate buuuuut...."
Then shut the fuck up and let me work 😑

If you have ever used a union in a C/C++ Program let me know. I am really curious to see who in their right minds use unions unironically.

Every time I tell someone my major they respond the same way: “I know your job prospects look good! I need my computer fixed right now...”

Yeah, let me write you a script real quick that will fix the screen you busted when yo sat on your laptop.

My prederred method of communication is over email.

A guy I've built an ecommerce platform and affiliate tracking for was sending me a lot of IMs. So I disabled Google chat. Then he started sending me texts to let me know he sent WhatsApp messages.

Last week he sent me a text to let me know to check WhatsApp. The message there was extremely vague and a minute later an actual email came in explaining the actual issue.

He's fucking with me right?

Then yesterday he messaged me a random series of questions, some that could have easily been googled, that on a holiday while I'm out with my family, should have definitely been over email, because they weren't immediate issues. I actually pictured him drinking at a bbq when he was writing them.

I was about to quit this dude but I get some nice monthly bonuses.

I am waiting for my pizza and a guy asked me if any one needs a cracked vetsion of antivirus then let him know. I said I use linux. he said ya different motherboard may not need it

Me: I have so much to do! How the hell am I going to get all this done?!

**hears someone say something about some framework/library I don't know**

Me: hmmm let me google that real quick then I'll get back to work...

**3 hours later**

Me: damnit! I'm never going to get my work done!

This god damn unknown company reported my websites' Facebook page is violating some intellectual property. Facebook report says I must contact the reporting party to get this resolved but there were no contact details specified!! I searched on Google and Facebook om how to contact Facebook but no luck.

How the fuck can I get this resolved if I don't know who reported this? Does anybody here know how the fuck I can contact Facebook?? If you do then please let me know!

Man fuck Facebook, log on hardly ever, feel caged by family who won't let me permanently leave, and when I do log on it's always something depressing shit.

My phone auto jumped me back to devRant and some ++ action and cool new rants...so much better, even with the down votes from the "I don't know what I'm doing here" crowd.

- - Hey buddy, can you create a simple App for me to publish on the Play store?
- let me see first what features you need
- - **Spending 20 minutes talking about so many features and out of the box design**
- that's it?
- - yes that is it, it's​very simple I know it !
- so you think it's​ simple huh? so fo it yourself !...

Closing a bug with "Let me know if it's still happening for you" when it's been three years since the bug was filed and you haven't looked at it at all since then be all like...

Flying back to NY for my last semester.
Don't know how to feel about it.
Let the job hunting begin!
Pssst... Please hire me

Recent conversation with a client for our SaaS product.

Client: So why can't we delete this information.

Me: We want to able to know who made a change to the data to avoid getting into trouble with the law.

Client: Does that mean you can see all the data on our account?

Me: (I know where she is going but let me stall)..You are the only one with access to your account. If I don't know your password, I can't access your data.

Client: But you sound like you can see the information in the cloud.

Me: (Laughs softly and segued).. The additional features you requested would be.......

Someone needs to read the T&C...

So fucking tired of priority shifting. How the hell is anyone supposed to get shit done with 500 fucking meetings and between each one you're told do something different?

This is critical you must do it now! No this!

My response, fuck you I'm going home my head hurts let me know what you'd like me to code and when you've decided add a day for annoying me.

I hate the new android update. Cause my phone is even more Google, than it was before. Since I like some services they offer I wouldn't complain. But they are going way to far... For instance I now have a Google keyboard and it is actually pretty good in suggesting words, but sometimes it just autocorrects my text and swaps words I wrote.
Like:

'Hey, you don't know as good what you wanted to write as I do. Let me correct that for you!'

Just let me type my own thoughts, you smart bitch of a software. And also fuck you.

Worst career choice: Not programming when I was younger because someone told me I would pick up bad habits. As a result if feel behind some of my peers at University.
Best career choice: I'll let you know when/if I have a career.

Me and loneliness have been best friends recently, but I’m not going to let it interfere with my goals in life. I’m going to choose to fight for a better life. Choose to fight for yourself and just know that someone loves you somewhere :)

What is this 'cutting edge dev tech' y'all talking about? Does it count if I somehow manage to add support for MS Edge?? 🤔
Hell.. I'm stuck with COM+ & activex, so if anyone who gets to use fancy pants new techs would be so kind to ping me and let me know how it even feels to code like it's 21st century, that'd be great..

9:45 AM
I just woke up and in my whatsapp there was rhe following message of one of my friends:
"Hello how are you? I have to ask you a favor, ca you check if in my facebook profile is hooked up a hacker? A person told me that but I don't trust at all! Could you please check and let me know? Meanwhile I closed my profile, if I have to open it again let me know, thanks and greetings"
I think I return to sleep

Today.
I hate everyone.
I can't wait to stop working here, and I curse my inability to say 'no' out of pity.
I should have left them in the pit of smoking shit they dug for themselves, but NO i let them drag me in as always, even though I had all the rights to tell them to fuck off. But no, fucking 'good-hearted' me. I'm a hypocrite.
And so I managed to do something in the beginning, something in the middle, something a hour ago, then sent some messages around just to let everyone know I'm here, and the remaining 90% of the time I just let myself sink in my hatred for all of this.
Definitely not a productive day.

Fucking Google needs to review my request to bump my api quotas and they’ll let me know in two business days 😑

Just

ShutUpAndTakeMyMoney.jpeg

I was wondering why every time my my code is accessing the !valid() part to later realize I was coming back to it = its state is reset = I need a break T_T

P.S. if you find anything in my code make sure to let me know :)

Today.

Client: “can you make this last minute change to something fundamental?” (Paraphrased)

Me: “yes it’s doable but a major pain in the ass at this late stage”

Client: “great! Well if it’s just a quick change sit tight in it just now and i’ll let you know tomorrow if it’s to go ahead”

Me: “is this real life?”

Yay! I still don't get how I did this lol
Time to practice some more! (If you've got any good tutorials or projects let me know! I need the practice lol)

For some reason my wife was watching me reading away at devrant and then says:

Wife: You are missing your protection!
Me: ehh what ....
Wife: Let me fix that.

Then she comes back with a ... wait for it ... green yellow striped glitter apple sticker for my webcam.

I don't know if I should be proud of my wife or ashamed of myself for not a replacement yet.

Me:- Facebook is bad , its collecting out data.
Friend:- So what let them collect our data.

le Mark Zuckerberg in the corner cashes in 💸

Friend:- As long as I get my free stuff everything's all right.

le Mark Zuckerberg comes to know he is an adopted 👶🏻 and earns more 💸

Client: my website is down

Support: can you just google my ip and let me know your IP

Client : OMG google is down!!! Oops router was'nt plugged.

**Client is on call just incase you wonder :p

My dog waits until I'm super focused and in the middle of something to let me know she has to pee.

In the upcomming days/weeks/months my comments and/or rants might be inadequate: full of rage, depressive, dumb, etc. I appologise in advance. Please let me know if I do that and I'll take those posts down. TIA

Life just gave me lemons too sour for any lemonade.

Got let go / fired today. I was still on my probation period, but they are going to pay me out for the next 2 weeks.

My boss wasn't even in the call "because he's in a sales meeting".

You know you are being let go when you don't have access to any company passwords, and they don't assign you any new work.

Well, onto something new. But first going to relax and catch up on my sleep.

Best boss is my current boss(es). They don’t breathe down my neck, no micromanagement, and basically let me outsource anything I don’t want to do or don’t know how to do. I work 100% remote on my own schedule (except for a few core hours) and every time I ask if they have any problems with my work or feedback for my improvement they say they couldn’t be happier. If I make a mistake, they don’t rake me over the coals and they just let me handle the problem.

I’ve been waiting over 20 years for a job like this one. Why can’t it be this way for everyone?

Been depressed and bored for the past two days, wish I'm always like this. why?
I learned how to MVVM in WPF and Android.
If only Apple creates something similar to what Microsoft and Google did for data binding.
If it exists please let me know :)

Self rant!
I'm 27, starting my goddamn first year of computer science in the University.
By the time I'll be done I'm going to be obsolete...
Let me know how good/bad my situation is...
How old are you guys? How many years of experience have you got?

Hey guys, need an opinion.
Please have a look at the picture and let me know if it's a good practice to code like that. The code still works and I still get the output.

I hate having no inspiration, no good ideas and just feeling unmotivated. I have not came up with anything good in 1 year now so i just sit around rehearsing the function s i already know. If anyone has a good tip for coming up with ideas. Please let me know :)

TLDR I never get good ideas. Plz help.

Let me tell all of you who don't like big frameworks..
The nice thing about them is that they minimize the amount of SHIT CODE all of you who think you know how to code, but actually don't, write..
And minimizes the amount of headache for the devs who need to then maintain/fix/change your SHIT CODE.

yes...lets put routes 10 dirs deep into the project and let ppl look for it..

Need confirmation:
A friend message me (this) saying that “it came from Mark Zuckerberg himself and facebook will...” blah blah and then another friend asked me if this is for real.
Let me know your thoughts on this, because I’m not really sure if I should resend it as well

Suggestions for a good speech to text program for someone who mumbles and talks too fast?

I sliced my thumb while washing a knife and typing on my computer without it is getting annoying

Dev: Please let us know when will be a good time to make a DNS switch for launching the site?
Client: ok
...
....
Client: one hour later, hey I did a DNS switch to your server but the site is not there?!
Dev: (Fuck me running!!) fuck fuck fuck fuck and fuck my life!

Win10: your password has expired.
Me: ok *click*
Win10: oh btw I forgot which account has its password expired, so you have to write the account name
Me: ... Okay
Me: *resets password, then clicks next*
Win10: let me empty that form and let you redo everything without me showing you an error
Me: ....... Okay
Me: *same info*
Win10: sorry, can't find user "username"

Me: Ok you know what fuck off I'm restarting you
Win10: but I... *ded*

...

Win10: Hello Phlisg, please log in normally as usual

Me: what the fuck

---
Disclaimer: I use Linux, osx and windows ;)

**phone rings**
- Hello
- Hi. I am calling from *some MNC*. We have a job opportunity for you. Do you have any plans to switch?
- What's the domain?
- It's asp.net and Xamarin.
- Sorry, I do not work on that anymore. Please let me know if you have any openings in Python.

**phone rings again**
- Hello
- Hi. I am calling from *another MNC*. We have a job opportunity for you. Do you have any plans to switch?
- What's the domain?
- It's python.
- Sorry, I do not work on that anymore. Please let me know if you have any openings in asp.net.

My story for last four years. I guess I have found the most humble way to reject the job calls.

I have this bad habit of starting projects that are way out of my league after getting ridiculously over-ambitious ideas.

”Yeah, let me just do this <insert ambitious project in an area of programming I know next to nothing about> with <insert languge I’ve never written a line with before>. It’ll be fine...”

I wanna buy a RasPi, what's your advice as to what model I should get?

Its purpose would be being a web server, mainly. Also, if you have any suggestions for addons or additional stuff, please let me know :)

If anyone know open source sudoku game made in c that works in console. PLEASE let me know.

I was helping a friend with her computer when an alert from the antivirus tells me there is a virus in the computer. I tried to delete it and the computer shows this alert (the translation would be something like: The action couldn't be performed as the file is a virus).

FUCKING WINDOWS I KNOW ITS A VIRUS SO LET ME DELETE IT. 😩😩

Do you know how to spoil my weekend? Interview me on Friday afternoon for my dream position and tell me that "you'll let me know Monday latest".

Guess who couldn't mentally switch off over the weekend?

Why, in 2023, do we still have a path length limit in Windows?

I know it's not that trivial finding a good soution, but at least if I managed to get a .zip which I can't extract in that directory because of a few files with a too long file name, let me know in advance (and not during the extraction) and maybe (amazing idea) let me know how many steps I have to go back in the directories tree to make it work…

What is your greatest weakness?

My greatest weakness is that I don't trust people enough to let them know how the can leverage me by telling them my weaknesses.

-Week before final project presentation.
Classmate: Dude, can you help me for our project? Its website.

Me: Sure, what you used?

Classmate: ASP. NET

Me: Ok....I don't know much about it but let me see.

Classmate: No, I just want your help with flowchart, sequence diagram and use case diagram.

Me: ..................
*in mind: how the fuck m supposed to do that shit I don't even know much about your website*

(still I drew few basic flowcharts for them)

Hi guys

I just wanted to let you know that me is pretty lazy

Ok bye

My client installed a new proxy that severely blocks out most of their own intranet, including their IT service desk. We can't raise tickets to let them know and their email just redirects us to their service desk. Fuck me these guys are idiots.

Year ago in university.
We opened our university's website and select inspect element in browser then edit the header tag to "hacked by..."

My friends and i : hey look, we just hacked university website.

Our friend : oh let me see, damn you, how did u do that?

Our : it was easy, just don't tell anybody. He answered ok.

After couple days our proffesor asked me : do you know who hacked university website? I want to know if anyone could hack it.

I answered: no sir. I don't know.

I think our friend still thinks we hacked the website xD

Today was a real Monday (I know it's Wednesday, let me explain).
Nothing worked. Not for me and not for my coworker. Across all tasks that we did today. It was very frustrating and a lot of swearing was involved.
Every week has to have a Monday I guess. Let's hope tomorrow gets better.

Got an email from a recruiter.. he went on to outline how great I’d be for the job he had in mind…

Then ended the email with: Let me know if you are interested, OR if you have a referral for this position.

WHAT?! I thought I was perfect for this position.. why are you asking me to refer someone else? Ug.

User A: So, we have some issue with uploading files. You guys need to fix it.
Me: Yeah, sure. We'll put it in our issue log. I'll let you know when its fixed so you can try uploading.
> Solving other issues which they said was more important.
A few days later:
User A: Uhhh..so guys, we have this issue while uploading..
Me: Yes, I know. We'll solve it and let you know when you can test it again.
> Working on that uploading issue
User A: So, I sent you an email. Its about the file upload. It doesnt seem to be working

Is it really hard to understand when I said to wait till we get it fixed?

Why the fuck can't I switch fuckimg tabs in the Ubuntu terminal with the fucking keybord? I use the terminal, my hands are both on the keyboard not on the fucking mouse! Fuck!
(If there is a shortcut, please let me know)

Is a 2017 MacBook Air good enough for web development and for working in IntelliJ IDEA, Android studio & XCode?

I'll be building a PC with Ryzen 7 and Vega for performance intensive tasks later. I need a laptop with good build quality under $1000.

If you know any good windows laptop in this price range please let me know :)

Just "finished" a side project (I know right, unprecedented) to be graced immediately afterward with another approach to vastly improve one of its features. Well shit, now I HAVE to implement it otherwise it'll just bug the shit out of me for the rest of time!

WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME BRAIN! JUST LET ME FINISH MY SHITTY SIDE PROJECTS WITH PEACE AND QUIET!

PM: have a look on this website and let me know if we can do this?
Me: Umm...the product is unfinished and it is built upon WordPress so it can be done...
PM:...
Me: Send credentials so that and requirements...
PM: 'Need to finish the website and fix errors'
Me : [that's really vague but okay] Okayyyyyyyy
Me: Send credentials
Me: Moral of the story is, do not approach me if you do not have complete details...please fuck off...
PM : we don't have it

I'm sure I speak for a lot of us when I say: LET ME HAVE A LIFE!!!

Management treating us like candy machines, wanting more and more features, learn this, learn that, learn complex material. HEY I'D LIKE TO ENJOY MY TIME AFTER WORK YA KNOW.

etc.

I get the opportunity to talk with a pro today:

"Pro": hey do you know how to use tool X?

Me: well I've used it sometimes for simple stuff but I've always wanted to learn more advanced stuff.

"Pro": let me show you
*repeats the basics that are available in every single online tutorial and are tbh pretty obvious*

Me: yeah I know that but how do you use function A with option B under circumstance C? (Because I've encountered that recently)

"Pro": Oh... emm... I don't know. I don't think you'll ever need that use case tho

Hey guys,
Based on some recent posts about automating repetitive tasks, I was wondering, what are some tasks that you have automated?

In my case, I guess it's not really automating, but I made my work simpler by creating a bunch of bash alias that take care of frequently occurring bugs or small tasks like fetching all git repos in a directory.

me, testing my software:

"ok, well it works for this case.. let me make a spreadsheet of all cases and test them one by one"

*doesn't create spreadsheet

*3 use cases later..

"Ah, you know what, this seems fine, I didn't change too much...............................
...........................................................
..........................
...............
.... it should be ok"

*cough*

you know what happens from here.

Could a freelance dev let me know how they find clients? Not just the ones from sites online and such, but the good clients, 3-4 month projects, proper prices?

I get it you don't know anything. You are not paying me to be your teacher.

Let me do my job!

At what point can we stop explaining ourselves and every little detail of the job.

Do you think free VPN providers are reliable and not tracking our personal data?

If your answer is Yes then please let me know name of that VPN provider.

I think my client have a gift, he always know exactly where not to go or not to click...
Man, let me show you the prototype with peace !

I really like the quality of the devrant stickers and I'd like to order some from the same place for my startup. Would @dfox be so kind as to let me know the supplier? Much appreciation in advance. :)

Architect: Oh hey Zaphod65, let me know when you're in. Some strangeness in [system], ta

Me: Already here actually [Archtect], what's up?

Architect: oh hi well let me do a little more digging. it may be in frontend

Me: ...

Why? Why do I *care* if you haven't even made sure it's my fault yet?!

Same sh*t different day. Let me play with my pet project! I know it does not earn me anything, but hey it will make millions in the future once it's done! I am sure! :D

What's the deal with this carry on?

At face value this looks like intimidation, underneath, it may just be a local joker I don't know about.

Regardless, let me explain something, I don't know any and I don't know anyone who likes them. I have no problem whatsoever saying this to anyone, face to face!

My dad and my late brother are named after my grandads brother who saved my grandfathers life and died fighting fascists in the north Atlantic while keeping it open for the war effort during WWII.

I'll let this fly because I don't know enough being new here and all, but I had to clear the air. Okay??

Am considering quitting college and learning online. It's much better for me personally. I have learned more via Internet in a week than what I did from college in years. I am from India. Most of what they teach is pretty much useless & outdated and the teachers seem to think of technology as a static thing. I don't know if I can ever convince my parents to let me quit. What they think is college = job = good life. Thanks for letting me post here. Had to let it out.

Email: "Thanks for applying to this position, after you complete this technical test, please let us know via email."

Me: Dude! I didn't even apply for that position, stop spamming 😒

I don't get why this retard keeps ignoring my comments on a PR he asked me to review. He is a level above me so I can't push it. I just approve his PR and let him know I do so but with a comment. He then ignores the comments and merges his rubbish changes into the codebase thereby creating a tech debt.

Dear PM, if you ask me something let me fucking finish my answer!
I know there's some audio lag (remote meetings) but shit, you always do this!

Here, in place I live, almost everyone use windows and I think people don't even know any other OS exists. Whenever anyone have problem in they computer and ask me to fix it, some other guy approaches and says "Let me fix it, he has no idea about computers!" This pisses me off a little bit!

My new shitty lenovo work laptop, running windows 7 on 4 gigs of ram made in the last decade, suddenly decided to run windows updates from 6 months ago, and is currently running update 7/22. Which it's been doing for literally 4 hours.

If someone's country legally allows euthanasia, please let me know.

Any full stack developers want a job at a super cool cyber security company let me know.

I need to stop trying to get involved with projects my boss seems to be keeping me away from...

Just stay in my own domain... Let everyone else screw up and say not my problem when they come asking me for help... Pretend I don't know...

Just let them build a pile of shit and don't tell them how they fucked up or how to fix...

What is the point of these fucking retards contacting ME first on linkedin to schedule an interview and then forever ghost me? All of them tell me how everything was good and they will search for more clients and let me know as soon as they find a project but never ever reply back? Why are clowns in this fucking industry so sinister and fucking cancerous?

Boss: Ready for deployment?
Me: No, there's still a few bugs.
Boss: let me know when they are fixed!
(Goes back to desk, runs without any issues)
Me: It all finished.
Boss: Wow how did you fix it so fast.
Me: I have no idea.

If you could build anything you want, what would it be and why?

(If this was a weekly question and you know the week number off the top of your head, let me know and I just go look there lol.)

I'm just interested to see what people here would build.

"Just let me know when you're done (today) with that handful of JIRA tickets that are not reproducible, have no description, and include no error information. We need to get them into the next release."

Yeah. Yeah, I'll let you know real soon.

Bongville (my first game) is finally OUT !! (Only on play store at the moment 😅)
Let me know :)

Which one of these is your dream university?

Also let me know which one of these is good for pursuing Ms in EE consider CMU and UIUC as well

Fellow ML professionals and enthusiasts alike:

What do you all think about the Jetson Nano? Have you read or seen anything about it? Does it tickle your interest?

I am looking into it at the moment :D let me know what you all think!

if you ask me how the method i wrote works because you don't understand it, and you don't let me finish my sentences without interrupting me, then you deserve to be punched.

LET ME FINISH WHAT I HAVE TO SAY YOU DUMB SHIT
I WROTE THAT FUCKIN METHOD
I KNOW WHAT IT DOES AND WHY

I know reviews are so I can show my progress and let you tell me what you think. Just, please don’t tell me to click irrelevant buttons, trust me, there’s really nothing there.