Friend sees me learning React js.

Friend: "Why are you always studying? Your exams are over and you already have a job."

Me: "Because I don't know it and it looks interesting?"

Friend: "What a waste of time..."

I try to upskill myself and friend gives me shit.

He's the type of guy that would watch a 5min YouTube video on a topic and suddenly become an expert in it.

I believe that a day without new knowledge is a waste of a day.

Dont know if that's normal or I'm just weird. But I still stand by it.

Love how a teacher of mine described IO wait for CPUs on a blackboard.
"That's calculation time." *draws three small lines on the blackboard* And this is IO wait. *draws a really long line, goes out of the class, out of the school, comes back* "Yes, this is IO wait. No matter how good and fast your CPU in your gaming PC is, if your hard drive is shit, everything is shit."

My company contracted a 3rd party to do an internal system for us...
We only knew about it when it was almost done and we got the code... Oooooo boy.... What a fucking shit they did and got paid for...

They have a encryptPassword() and decryptPassword() functions...

What they do you may ask?
Well...

Encrypt: for loop that reverse the string and base64 it 5 times...

Decrypt: the opposite...

That's how they store passwords....

Our intern snapped at a company meeting when they where talking about maintaining it 😂😂

*Installs Truecaller*
> Someone has viewed your profile
> To see who viewed it, you'll need pro
*Purchases pro*
> Condor has viewed your profile

NO I DIDN'T!!!
Interesting marketing choice though...
*Cancels pro subscription*

Fuck marketing people who don't understand how to get people to buy into a service. At least the first 3 days were free, otherwise I'd even have lost actual money to that shit 😒 money that's much better spent over here!

Overheard some family members talking about me during a vacation about 3 years ago...

aunt: why is he that way?

cousin: he spent too much time on the computer while he was younger.

aunt: that's bad.

yeah.. now I make more than both of you and don't give a shit about you anymore, thanks 👍

Me: *uploads pre-alpha images of game demo to twitter*

User: "That's a game? It looks like shit."

Me: "I was just showing off a test."

User: "No, like your entire game is garbage."

Me: "Okay? Don't play it."

User: "Also hacking is illegal, so you shouldn't be advertising it in your garbage game."

Me: *explodes into barely readable rant* 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Person at work, staring at my keyboard: How much was it?
Me: The keyboard? Oh it's a cheap one for around $30.
Person: Huh... I'll never get you rich boys and your fads.

Well, I don't fucking judge you for your $600 phone, or your $80 shoes or shirts, you cuntwaffle. Fuckin' asshole has the face of a horse's left testicle, is always on his phone, which is arguably fine since he's not a dev but still fuck him, and has the gall to call me bringing my mechanical keyboard to work a 'rich fad'. Oh, that's rich coming from you. Ever seen your ugly mug in your undeserved branded clothing, you unloved, shit-gobbling piece of shit?

"You type so loud." And you breathe too loud but I don't tell you to stop but maybe I ought to.

Go suck on your daddy-uncle's chode for a couple more bucks and stop hanging around me, you judgemental cum-snorting piece of shit.

P.s. it's a cheap keyboard with blue switches but the office is normally noisy and busy enough that no one gives a shit about it. Planning on buying an Anne Pro sometime next month.

I got hired to fix the script a developer before me wrote. That's just 1% of the shit!

Rekked/insulted a client so hard today in a way which was obvious for me/colleagues but not for the client that the colleague sitting next to me completely fucking lost it. (client did not detect/notice it)

That's entirely fine as he was not too loud but his laughter is so fucking contagious that he went outside to make sure that I wouldn't catch it any worse while on the phone.

God damn it took some serious self control to not completely lose my shit xD (it only partly worked 😅)

So Last year December my cousin see's me making a basic 3D game in Unity and says he wants to do programming.

Me: No, you don't want that. Become a doctor like your parents want you two.
Him: I'll do it.
Me: Ok. If you want to suffer, i'll teach you some basic C#

Me: *Shows him basic C# code in visual studio*
Him: *Not paying attention* Cool. When can i make games?
Me: That's not how this works. Where do you intend to study?
Him: M.I.T!
Me: You better get your ass infront of that fucken computer, google and youtube the shit out of you, matter of fact i'll get you a shit bucket so you don't have to get up.
Him: I don't have to go so hard now, i'm only 16.
Me: *Facepalm* That's why you have to do this now.

...7 months later...
(Yesterday)
Me: Show me how you make a basic calculator application.
Him: I don't know how to do that, you didn't show me.
Me: *laughing*
Him: Whats so funny?
Me: You're screwed *still laughing*

Don't get me wrong. He's a smart kid. Just needs to fucken do something if he wants his goal.

As a student trying to find an internship for a software engineering position, my subpar transcript being brought up during the interview always has me like:

Interviewer: "Why is your GPA so shit???"
Me: "Fuck you that's why!"

😤😥

Boss: I need this page to behave in a completely new way.
Me: that's all fine and dandy but it requires a rewrite.
Boss: nah just look man, it's really simple all I want is blah, blah blah...

I'm too tired for this shit

So I finally got my head out of my ass and decided to install some OS on that 500MB RAM legacy craptop from earlier.

*installs Tiny Core Linux*

Hmm.. how do I install extra packages into this thing again? *Googles how to install packages*
Aha, extensions it's called.. and you install them through their little package manager GUI, and then you also have to dick around with some TCE directory, and boot options for that. Well I ain't gonna do that. Why the fuck would I need to dick around with that? Just install the fucking files in /bin, /var, /etc and whatever the fuck you need to like a decent distro. I'll fucking load them whenever I need them, BY EXECUTING THE FUCKING BINARY. But no, apparently that's not how TCL works.

Also, why the fuck is this keyboard still set to US? I'm using a Belgian keyboard for fuck's sake.. "loadkeys be-latin1"
> Command not found.

Okay... (fucking piece of shit) how do I change the fucking keyboard layout for this shit?!
*does the jazz hand routine required for that*
So apparently I need to install a package for that as well. Oh wait, an EXTENSION!! My bad. And then you can use "loadkmap < /usr/share/kmap/something/something" to load the keyboard layout. Except that it doesn't change the fucking keymap at all! ONE FUCKING JOB, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!

That's fucking it. No more dicking around in TCL. If I wanted to fuck around with the system this much, I'd have compiled my own custom Linux system. Maybe I can settle with Arch Linux, that's a familiar distro to me.. I can easily install openbox in that and call it a day. But this is an i686 machine.. Arch doesn't support that anymore, does it?

*does another jazz hand routine on Arch Linux 32 and sees that there's a community-maintained project just for that*

Oh God bless you fine Arch Linux users for making a community fork!! I fucking love you.. thank you so much!! Arch it'll be then <3

Disabling pasting into a password field in 2020 with password managers, is retarded. That's it that's the rant. Doesn't matter if you think password managers are good or not. Its still retarded that there's a 40 something year old dumbfuck manager who told a web designer at EA to disable pasting into a fucking password field because he was dumb enough to think it stopped hackers or some shit like that.

Just landed a new job as a developer for a company called NeuraLegion! They use Crystal on their stack, so guess what language I'll be using! But that's not even the best part. They hired me in part because they are using one of my open source Crystal libraries (a NLP library called Cadmium) and like the way I do things. So I am going to be getting paid to work on my FOSS libraries, whist sitting at home in my undies!

Holy shit I'm excited 😂😁

Company: we care about work/life balance (as long as shit gets done)

Company: we care about mental well-being (except when shit has to be done "now!")

Company: we help each other (we push work around until someone finally do it)

Company: management is here to help you do your work (as long as you don't ask them to help you to solve a real problem)

Company: we are agile (except we have more sub-processes than ever)

Company: we only hire best (and then put them in the team of morons)

Company: we are customer centric (that's why we are delivering bugged features)

Company: we constantly rise the bar (deliver more shit in shorter time)

... did I forget about something?

Well, it all started off with hardware-level programming involving jumpers and stuff like that... Then came Assembly, which was good.. B, C compilers. Finally came the interpreted languages, and that's where in my opinion the abstraction should've ended. But no, we needed more frameworks, more libraries, even more abstraction! Where does it end? As it seems to be going, I guess that users will have kid toys - no iToys! - for electronics and we'll be programming on with bloated Scratch GUI's. Nothing against Scratch, but that shit ain't proper programming anymore. God I can't wait for the future.

ABSTRACT ALL THE THINGS!!!

Oh and not to mention that all software will be governed in political correctness by some Alex SJW AI shit that became sentient. Not a single programming term will be non-offensive anymore, no matter how hard you try to not offend anyone, or God forbid - don't care about it because you just want to make something that's readable, usable and working!! Terms, UI names for buttons, heck even icons! REMOVE IT BECAUSE IT OFFENDS SOMEONE THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT!!!

>>signs up for GitHub student pack
>>Approved almost instantly
>>Looks at what's included
>>See a .me domain from namecheap is free
>>"yo that's lit. Lemme see if they have one I want"
>>Finds domain
>>"Good shit man. I'll finally have a reason to make my own website"
>>Go to checkout
>>Asks for school email address
>>Enters address
>>"it seems your University is not included in this."
>>Fuck me man

Arrays start at ZERO, Morty, ZERO. God, I (burp) thought you would have figured that out by now. Lo-lo-look, I know you were taught that arrays start at one, but that's just (burp) fucking stupid Morty and if I ever find whoever started that shit I will literally drill the correct answer into their brain. And I don't mean "literally" as a literally unliteral exaggeration Morty, I mean (buuuurp) I will literally use a brain-altering power drill and get it into their fucking head that (burp) arrays start. at. zero.

Well, basically

• Coworkers that know their shit
• A boss that once coded/still codes
• A management that consists of people that coded/code
• A pay that's good enough for me to afford more than just a place to live, food and water.

I love devRant. But the people constantly saying "Python is shit" OR "Windows is for idiots" OR "Never use C it's ancient" OR "Microsoft sucks" OR any other fucking subjective opinion that's absolutely worthless drive me crazy.

I see many people here asking "Should I do [option1] or [option2]?" And the only responses are "[option3 which is not a fucking option you degraded fuck who thinks his/her opinions somehow matter in this discussion while they are clearly NOT helping]"

Sorry but this place has "Rant" in it's name so I thought this would be appropriate.

STUPID SHIT ASS EMAIL POLICIES NOT ALLOWING ME TO SEND CERTAIN FILE TYPES TO A SUPPORT MEMBER WHEN THERE ARE FUCKING PROBLEMS WITH THE PRODUCTION SITE. THE GUY THAT SET UP THOSE POLICIES CAN ROLL THEM UP AND STICK THEM IN HIS ASS.

There that's better...

Been a jr. dev at a company that's badly in need of more devs. So they hire a sr. dev to work w/ me. Dude's got yrs of xp over me, so he should be ramped up in no time, right?

Jk, he doesn't even know the basics of git. Also, his code is shit. If he's not let go anytime soon, at least I'll look awesome relative to this guy come performance reviews ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Monday morning, went to the local grocery store to get myself some croissants and 2 bottles of wine.

Cashier: "Already at it in the morning, you sure about that?"

Me: "Long story short, I've got a Wi-Fi driver from Intel to debug and rewrite, and it's a fucking piece of shit.. can't go at it without hitting or preferably exceeding the Ballmer Peak... Also I'm awake since yesterday evening already."

Why even ask? Yeah I'm a fucking alcoholic, and guess why that is.. stupid nontechnical fucks, certified enganeers like that motherfucker at Intel who wrote this pile of garbage called ipw2200, and technology that can't be arsed to work properly on its own unless I build the fucking thing myself, just to name a few reasons.

You know what, fucking piece of shit from Intel, whoever it is? How about I let you choke on my dick while fucking hanging you with a sharp metal wire that's carrying 2kVAC from a microwave transformer, just to see whether I'd nut first, or you either choke, get electrocuted, or get your fucking throat slit first. Certificates aren't an excuse for committing this fucking pile of shit and calling it a fucking product!!

Now, it's time to dive into this giant stinking fucking turd I guess.. first glass of wine to get myself prepared for the shitstorm that's a giant 20k LoC C file with barely any comments, to look what the fuck causes this fucking pile of shit to disconnect and ask for WPA credentials after a while, despite having them stored.. and not reconnect after that, because why the fuck would you?!

Sometimes I really feel bad for windows.

Someone with a potato Windows laptop that costs around $400 who has a bit of IT knowledge:

"Windows is so shit. Why does people buys this?"

installs Linux:

"OMG! Linux is so much better"

Even though it'll probably take a day or two to get the touchpad and wifi working. Want to install a software? Sure let me just download the source, compile it (Which will take another 2 hour to meet all the dependecies).

Another scenario:

Someone with a potato Windows laptop that costs around $400:

"Windows is such shit. Why does people buy this?"

Buys a $2000 Macbook.

"OMG! So much better. That's why people love mac so much"

I've used Fedora and Elementary for the last 3 years. But the amount of hate Windows gets is ridiculous.

Stupid shitheads among the web designers, fucking listen up. Your fucking design is not the point of websites - the content is. You are not supposed to shove the content away to have your moron design shine in its purest debility.

Yeah I know, white space minimalism yadda yadda, clean interface - and you dumbasses just remove functionality to simulate a clean interface, to the point of using hamburger fuckups on desktop. Pull your heads out of your asses, that's not how to design an interface! Not to mention that you idiots still guzzle through the megabytes and dozens of domain lookups for your chickenshit minimalism.

While we're at it, not everyone is 20 years old like you youngsters - you won't believe it, but there is life beyond 40, and while such age is unthinkable to you because you are so dumb that you will hardly reach that age anyway, others on this planet have managed to get there. No 20/20 laser sight, you know.

Fuck you with your light grey thin fonts on white background because it looks "clean", it just SUCKS you wankers. Fuck you with your stupid ghost buttons that don't even look like a button. You know how to operate the shit you made, but reality check here, users spend most of their time on fucking other websites than on the abomination you have designed!

Get that into the shit bubble that you call your brain and read WCAG 2.1! That's not only for disabled people, but everyone will be able to use that shit better!

I learned some fun things today!

Fun fact! A lot of things rely on python!
Fun fact! Python relys on a lot of things!
Fun fact! Updating just python and nothing else causes your entire fucking arch to break! ... Wait that's not fun. Shit!

FML.

"Thank you for choosing Microsoft!"

No Microsoft, I really didn't choose you. This crappy hardware made you the inevitable, not a choice.

And like hell do I want to run your crappy shit OS. I tried to reset my PC, got all my programs removed (because that's obviously where the errors are, not the OS, right? Certified motherfuckers). Yet the shit still didn't get resolved even after a reset. Installing Windows freshly again, because "I chose this".

Give me a break, Microshaft. If it wasn't for your crappy OS, I would've gone to sleep hours ago. Yet me disabling your shitty telemetry brought this shit upon me, by disabling me to get Insider updates just because I added a registry key and disabled a service. Just how much are you going to force data collection out of your "nothing to hide, nothing to fear" users, Microsoft?

Honestly, at this point I think that Microsoft under Ballmer might've been better. Because while Linux was apparently cancer back then, at least this shitty data collection for "a free OS" wasn't yet a thing back then.

My mother still runs Vista, an OS that has since a few months ago reached EOL. Last time she visited me I recommended her to switch to Windows 7, because it looks the same but is better in terms of performance and is still supported. She refused, because it might damage her configurations. Granted, that's probably full of malware but at this point I'm glad she did.

Even Windows 7 has telemetry forcibly enabled at this point. Vista may be unsupported, but at least it didn't fall victim to the current status quo - data mining on every Microshaft OS that's still supported.

Microsoft may have been shady ever since they pursued manufacturers into defaulting to their OS, and GPU manufacturers will probably also have been lobbied into supporting Windows exclusively. But this data mining shit? Not even the Ballmer era was as horrible as this. My mother may not realize it, but she unknowingly avoided it.

Fucking hell, that's now the fourth time in a row that I see my clients getting ripped a second asshole by previous developers, this one charged 1500$ for a "python script" that only calls ffmpeg with couple args, claiming tons of shit like the video being e.g. better quality after conversion - even though all it does, is a straight convert from one format to another. (no filters, anything, just a convert) I feel always so terribly bad discovering that shit and them proudly telling me about the "solution" they invested in..

*Opens a pack of tablets (8000) and start to prep them.*
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.
SAME MAC ADDRESS.
Okay, that's just an er-
NOPE, ANOTHER ONE. HOLY SHIT. OKAY IT'S GETTING WORSE.
Is it my db?
Oh.
The db is just fine.
*Painfully getting in contact with the reseller*
Me: grumbles grumbles Mac Address grumbles
Reseller: Uh.. What?

It would be okay if we weren't using Mac Addresses as primary key in our databases.
They gave us some weird-looking software to "re-write mac addresses". It's working.

Something tells me that ipv6 is not for tomorrow.

You are a consultant and wrote some easy scripts by copying code snippets together?

Good for you!

It makes your job easier?

Good for you!

You didn't care too much about UI because you only needed the job to be done?

That's fine!

BUT DON'T YOU DARE SELL THIS SHIT TO A CUSTOMER AND CALL YOURSELF A SOFTWARE DEVELOPER!

YOU ARE NO DEVELOPER!
YOU DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT HOW TO BUILD A RELIABLE SOFTWARE.

no one needs a solid database structure?
Object oriented programming is "just another hype"?
No one cares for the coding?

FUCK YOU, AND YOUR ATTITUDE!

I'm real tired of my coworkers always trying to one up me and being elitist about their code. Like I get it, you think PHP is shit, C is so much better than Java. Wow, you must be so knowledgeable! /s

Just because you're bashing on bad languages and talking shit doesn't mean you write good code, and in fact your code isn't top quality, I've read it. All you're going to accomplish with an elitist mindset is close yourself off to improving, and that's probably the worst thing you can do as a developer.

How tf does these even make sense?! That's a fucking sledgehammer and large metal chisel on fucking steroids. If your parents don't know what the fuck those are and realize they have nothing to do with fixing a relatively flimsy box (in comparison) they probably need more than their WiFi fixed, but since they managed to fucking raise you, I doubt they're that dumb. I get that parents might not always understand technology, but shit, at least respect the fact that they survived without the Internet, which you probably couldn't do...

I honestly don't understand why some developers like to shit on other's preferences.

Don't like PHP? Fine, but don't give shit to somebody else for liking it or coding in it.

Not a fan of Javascript? That's cool, but do realize that there are people who enjoy coding with it and don't appreciate you talking shit about their preferences.

Don't like a certain framework? That's okay, but again, there are people who code with it so don't tell them that they shouldn't.

Apple products are fucking trash, I don't give a shit if you have money to waste, but don't fucking brag about how superior your 3000$ excuse of a fucking laptop is the best laptop in the world when you could easily afford a desktop with 2 1080 GTX in SLI for that price.

"but mac has lyk no bugs, its so good"

NO FUCKING SHIT, THE OS IS BUILT WITH THE HARDWARE USED IN MIND. THEY DON'T BUILD 500000 MODELS OF MACBOOKS, THEY JUST HAVE TO MAKE ONE MODEL WORK, AND ALL OTHER LAPTOPS WHO HAVE THE SAME HARDWARE WILL.

This is fucking ridiculous.

That's like designing a site, but only for Firefox because that's the browser you use and you expect everybody to use that browser. Obviously it'll work fine on your machine.

I am so fucking sick of Apple fan boys.
I am fully aware some of you devranters are apple fans, but this has been something I've wanted to say for ages, albeit i'm a little late to the party.

Stop wasting money on overpriced trash.

Me: *starts to get into electronics*
Me: *unplugs a few wires while building a project*
Me: Shit, actually, didn't want to unplug those. No worries.
Me: *instinctively reaches for the nonexistent Ctrl-Z*
Me: Oh, that's right. My actions have consequences in the real world.

The Windows 11 keynote was such a load of bullshit. All the emo yadda yadda. You know, when I work on Windows, what I feel is irritation, anger, and despise for the amateur shitshow that Microsoft delivers.

In particular, but not limited to the fucking update reboots where Windows sits there uselessly and shells fucking prawns in its own ass!

Oh we now have semi-transparent shit. That's progress! It's so great! Only that it's not because already Windows Vista had Aero Glass, and Windows 8 removed it.

But we we have fucking rounded corners now! Crazy shit, some intern at Microsoft discovered border-radius, or did they dig out some fucking Windows XP copy? That also had rounded corners way before Apple even invented them!

To top it off, Microsoft even failed to deliver the livestream seamlessly and recommended watching it at Twitter. Yeah, that's the fucking "Windows experience" as we know it, you clowns!

My favourite BS quote from Nadella himself: "the web itself was born and grew up on Windows." That guy is so full of shit that an unmaintained latrine in rural India would be envious!

Is it normal for a dad to jump into his son's decisions?
Recently he accepted a job offer that was directed to me. I got mad and asked why on earth he would do that.
He provocatively answered "Who are you to make this decision? I'm allowed to decide over you! Don't be so disrespectful towards your dad!".
If he was not my dad, I would have beaten the shit out of him.
PS: I'm still in college that's why I can't leave atm.

Fucking cloud providers always trying to steal your shit and spy on your things, fucking prying eyes. That's why i've decided to go back hosting my own private cloud from home. Running on some very energy efficient shit: dual core intel atom cpu (so slow that it can't fucking run windows normally), 16gb of ram, because why the fuck not? and 1tb 2.5"hdd, along with unlimited data - 100/100 Mbit/s internet connection with a server response time less than 95ms just to backup my shitty Iphone selfies and cat pics, host some very important files and regularly back up my contacts. This shit runs CentOS, Nginx, https, bitch! This platform is more trustworthy than your shitty dropbox or whatever other shit they offer you. I can choose whether i back-up my shit from local network or over internetz, Costing me no more than 25€ annually(just to keep the machine on 24/7/365).

I am sick of seeing articles about imposter syndrome. The developer community as a whole should stop circlejerking each other. Let's face the reality that some developers are just shit and that's it.

[ Coworker walks up to my desk at 4:15 PM ]

Coworker: "Hey man. We had to make a few changes to the codebase because one of our unit tests were failing. Can you take a look at a pull request for me?"
Me: "Yeah sure, how many files?"
C: "About 600"
Me: [ thinking it might just be a ton of libraries or gradle shit] "...ooookaayyyy... that's a lot but doable... how many lines?"
C: “128,000 lines"
Me: "Fuck you"

I've seen new sets of tired go for a like $400.

Fuck that shit man. And that's if you're lucky. What if it's some transmission shit? Then you're mad hurt.

Why are we still having degree vs autodidact arguments/debates?

It's fucking 2018, who gives a flying fuck how you learn?

Stop giving a shit about how people learn and give a shit about their abilities and skills.

I'm tired of people from both sides (people with degrees and autodidacts) acting like they're better than the other. Stop being arrogant cunts.

Some people have the self control and motivation to teach themselves.

Congratulations! That's fucking awesome.

Others don't and could use a structured environment like University to motivate and encourage them.

Hey it happens. At least you're trying.

My god. Just stop with this shit already. It's annoying and unnecessary.

If you made it this far, how's your week been going?

I hereby salute every JS-wanking web dev who uses a pop-up type of dialog *and* display yet hugging blur the actual hugging content behind it, only to become completely visible when you allow JavaScript and allow those hugging cookies.

With my middle finger I salute you, motherhuggers. You filthy hugging pieces of hugging shit.

7 hugs so far, oh wait 8! Will this rant defeat my current record on amount of hugs given that apparently stands at 18 (which is hugging incredible, if I may say so myself)? Not that that's really the hugging point though, the hugging GDPR that's responded at by those motherhugging hugwads is. I hugging salute you, hugging pieces of hugging shit!!!

HUG!!!

So... Some fake accounts on Twitter claimed to be Elon Musk and to give shitloads of Bitcoin to those who sent a little amount first. They stole... Wait for it... 180 grand.

That's basically your everyday 419 scam. Existing since before the internet, done with the names of Gates, Buffet, Bush, Obama...

They say "the big bad evil criminals and the poor little innocent victims" I say natural selection. Sorry, in those lion vs gazelle scenarios I always thought that it was fair, no matter how it went.

Just when did humanity get so brainless? Have we always been, is the internet just a catalyst for stupidity?

Just why the fuck must I be an infosec sheepdog instead of a wolf? Man, I could live the life, drink beer and smoke herb while working... Get up at 12, don't give a shit, no boss, no taxes, no social security payments that I don't see jack shit from, and the pay would be better to.

Damn.

Ok google, set an alarm in 20min works great but when you say ok google, cancel my alarm it just says you can do that in the app. I know I can do it in the alarm app, but I am a lazy piece of shit, that's why I asked you to do it!

Mom: why haven't you been doing your computer science homework at home ?
Me : because you won't let me have a computer and I can't run the software I need on my school iPad
Mom: bull shit you can run it that iPad can do anything that you can do on a computer
Me : no you can't that's not even...*mom cuts me off*
Mom : don't talk back to me you just don't wanna do your homework
Mom: all computers are the same they just have different names
Me : that's not even true in the slightest... *gets cut off again*
Mom: shut up and do your damn homework
Me: 😐

Oh, shit, someone wanted dev help or contributors after programming for decades. Shit. That is trolling. THANK YOU N()()B

(@wojtek322) >He he gooosh im sooo nu here
>Is this talk about CODING on DEVRant what you do?
(@wojtek322) >TEHEEHE!
>Maybe I'm a girl you could dig the fuck out
>Maybe not
>But I'll act like one
(@wojtek322) >TEEEHEE HEEE
>So uhhhmmm this talk of C programing language and actual concrete issues
>That's like, uhh, trolling rite?
>Not what you guys are about
-OFCOURSE NOT MAM!, OR TRAN!
-WE ARE NOT ABOUT THAT
(@wojtek322) >Teheheee ok gr8 thx!

Well, shit... I may have just shot myself in the foot. 🤔

5 years worth of asking my boss to get a Mac development machine for me, thereby allowing me to better create and maintain the hybrid mobile apps I've been building for him for years...

I finally got a definitive "yes, we'll do that" about 2 or 3 weeks back.

Now, running into stupid startup crashes on the aging iPad (6th gen) that I have for testing, I asked if I can just get a "Mac in cloud" subscription IN THE MEANTIME, you know, to help me meet deadlines...

His response: "Ah, yes.. that's a nice elegant solution, now you don't need a Mac! Well done."

F.. M.. L..

Why does every kid developer have a dark theme fetish? I started programming on a Commodore 64. It was dark. It's the quality of the shit you write that defines you assholes, not the color theme of your editor.

Now that that's off my chest, some poos soul has dared to send his resume to me. One of his projects is a website that is being marked by my ENS as a phishing website. I am about to invite him for an interview, and am willing to bet his everything will be dark because he wants to impress me.

!dev && rant

*Checks mailbox*
"To the energy consumer of this residence"
This better be something official, even though electricity is provided by solar panels here, and that as well as water and gas are part of the rent.
*Opens letter*
"AD: GET A CHEAPER ENERGY CONTRACT!!!"
Fuck you. If only you addressed it properly, you would've known that I pay exactly €0 for energy. Try and beat that, will you?!

Anyway, that's one way to avoid liability for sending crap to people who explicitly mention "no unaddressed spam" on their mailbox I guess... Pieces of shit.

>Someone opens issue
>Am in school
> Opens Git(Nyan)Hub
>Sees Issue
>"yOuR pRoJeCt hAs a CopYrIghTeD nAmE"
>does not seem to be the case, we're a OSS project and the fact you can't copyright names but trademark them

>Me: "When there's a legal issue, open it up on email than on a issue, and your shit is invalid as well, fuck you."

> Closes and Locks issue

Welp, that's a wasted 2 minutes right there homes

Keep in mind I even asked a lawyers' statement from the company that this concerns them. Fucking FUD tactics again by some random

Let's add the fact there was NO DMCA from the mentioned plaintiff. Wow. just fucking wow dude.

Why don't devs read the fucking docs?

Time and time again I find my coworkers inventing new ways of doing stuff that could easily be done with existing features.

Today I saw this on a code review (functions are from lodash):

head(filter(...))

That's what fucking `find` does, you dense motherfucker!

This is just a tiny example. I've seen so much of this shit. Sometimes it's almost art how they find ways to solve problems without actually reading the docs.

It is time. I have to admit it.

I don't understand Git.

I just memorized some basic commands: git commit, git push, git push -u origin master, git clone, git checkout [-B], git merge. That's it, that's the full list. I use them like they're some kind of magic spells that do what I need. Everything else, those intricacies like rebasing, resetting, HEAD and all that shit, is beyond me.

I'm not a real programmer. Real programmers know Git.

Uh-oh shit went wrong with umpteen thousand jobs in a pointer heavy, multi-threaded application in raw C. Fuck, some pointer gone wild?!

30 minutes later, after trying to find out how many jobs it takes to start failing. Noticed that it's about the default settings. Wait what? That's where the realloc'ing should kick in, check that.

Aahhhh. Maybe I shouldn't zero the whole buffer after realloc, just the new part. D'uh!

Hiring process is fucking broken ok?
We all do have something else to do, nobody wants to do "homework" for 4 fucking hours. Which let's be real, isn't 4 hours. It's always more. I try to squeeze it in a least amount of time which means mistakes will be made. I always try to show my knowledge of the language and it's features. But, you didn't do X. That's it, that is a no from us.
Dude, I just wrote a high production grade small project with 90%+ test coverage and you are telling me that those 2 small shit I made is a big deal? Fuck off

Most companies I worked with have a code full of shit and here I present to you, with a poetry and it's a no because of X?

My bet is that if I ever started to work there I would find a code that isn't tested and is in shit state

\rant

!dev

my boss is apparently upset that i don't turn his way when he enters the room, something about hierarchy and respecting authority. while that's a petty bs thing to be upset about, I'm not very good with social cues and conflicts with authority figures trigger me due to past events.

I can't help wonder if this demand for a show of respect is gender biased. it hasn't escaped me that all the people he has an issue with are women and he has a history of chasing his female workers away.

idk, i just don't want to do this shit again. it would really help to have a female perspective on this.

at a previous job at a shit company ran by bible-thumpers, i was rebuilding the company website for my a-hole boss. I asked him where I should get images from- if there was a stock photo site he preferred or what.
"Just pull them off Google. That's what I do."

Later when I was combing through the site, I saw he'd added images that CLEARLY STATE another COMPANY'S NAME in the image themselves. Nothing like promoting another company on your OWN company website, huh?
(And no, their company name is not ActiveMobi.)

They're still there, 3+ years later. Dumb ass.

Mum: can you look at my phone?
*bunch of random shit pops up all over the place*
Me: your phones got a bunch of viruses on it or something. You'll have to get it fixed
Her: can't you do it? You make apps. Can't you just make an app for me to fix my phone?
Me: I don't really make apps, besides that's kind of impossible.
Her: so what did you go to university for?
Me: -___-

Who invented the open space office layout? If you're as unlucky as me, you end up sitting next to the protein junkie who pops open a tin of tuna mixed with some other shit that's there just because it smells horrible almost hourly, or you end up next to the PM whose desk is gossip central and by the end of the day you know "Sheila" is sleeping with her brother in law, and "Steve" has a tiny weiner.

So you're sitting on your crappy Win 10 and whine about that piece of shit, huh? You had five fucking years to come up with a plan, but noooo. Instead, you put your thumb up your asshole and hoped MS would change ways. Only that they didn't, and that's because they bet on people like YOU, and now you have to suck your dirty thumb.

I forgot my password to [SITE]. Of course, I click "forgot password", and enter my email, which I did remember. Fairly routine "ah shit we have a problem" steps.

Now, it takes a second. This is to be expected. So I'm not worried. I then get the email and...

Now, you will notice that I redacted some information, like the company name, email, and my PLAIN TEXT PASSWORD, and my name.

I would like to note that this isn't a small, very local company that's new (even then it'd be unacceptable), but this is a multinational, multimillion dollar company.
How'd someone fuck up THIS badly?

Well that's new..

So I was sitting on a toilet, thinking about life and stuff and b2plane [because of obvious reasons], when suddenly... I felt a very sudden and very strong urge to... code something in perl.

I haven't touched perl in years, don't even remember its syntax [can u blame me though? It's perl], but there we go, an urge hit me.

As soon as I flushed, the urge went away.

@b2plane, I'm asking you as an expert of shit. What's it mean? Is this normal?

Samsung Pay > Apple Pay

There I said it. After testing Apple Pay, Google Wallet, and now Samsung Pay I am convinced that Samsung Pay is the best. It works great and the rewards points that you get for using it are just awesome.

Side note: wtf Apple!? The iPhone 8 is the iPhone 7 plus wireless charging and the iPhone X is just a $1000 piece of flashy ass shit that's only real "innovations" are Face ID and animojis.

1) For other devs to stop being such whiny, pussy ass motherfuckers. Legit the ammount of whine in some of y'all is too extreme. Blow, judge and cuss out over the weakest shit ever. Like language wars. Dear lord if there is some pussy ass shit right there it is language wars.

2) To see Perl 6, Clojure and Rust see some hardcore adoption. Specially Clojure since I fucking love Lisp dialects and Clojure is pretty sweet Lisp. Clojurescript is also really nice for those that like working with Js.

3) To completely nuke Microsoft browsers. I am not a Microsoft hater by any means. But their browsers bring more pain than joy to everyone and they know it. If they choose to let them exist then by all means fix them! This is Microsoft! They got the resources!!

That's it really.

i know we're all sick and tired of the covid talk, but...
I'm so, so sedentary right now, more so than two years ago, and that's a feat.
this past week i had to walk a little and do some stuff, and today i woke up a little earlier and spent my afternoon in the sun. and it feels so good, to just... do nothing, sunbathe, pet my cat, kiss my boyfriend.
i never realize how much this shit wears me down until i catch a break. it's not just the pandemic though, it's this career, this lifestyle. sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours straight, no window in sight... that's death, no matter how much of an introverted nerd i may be.
if someone wants advice, I'll tell you to go out, get some fresh air, do nothing at all. we don't need to do something at every minute of the day, that's not resting. find a park, a beach, some piece of nature and just breathe it in, it's worth it.

Teaching JavaScript to a master of classical programming (only uses C++, Python, Ruby, etc.). Here are the results:

1. What
2. What the fuck
3. Why
4. Why the fuck
5. Oh shit that's useful
6. Oh shit that's stupid
7. Why would anyone do that
8. Why isn't anyone else doing that
9. This is crazy complex
10. This is stupid easy

I'm really tired of hearing "hey isn't there a plugin for that"?

Idiot that's the reason your fucking WordPress site has 78 plugins and it runs like shit

Tonight is my school's prom and I'm the only one of my friends that's not going. My original date cancelled on me and the other one ended up getting a boyfriend and cancelled too. Oh well.

(Am I capable of posting about something other than my personal life? Holy fuck I don't have many posts that aren't about my personal shit)

PHP ist one of the languages I use regularly, but not the main language.
Anyhow, passing an array to a function will create a Copy of the array unless you specifically choose to Pass the reference.
That's seriously fucked up. What other language does that?! Coming from C, Java, Python to PHP I was not prepared to expect shit like that.

nvidia makes me sick, nvidia fucks with my kernel, nvidia earned a place in hell, nvidia is shit, nvidia runs like garbage stuffed in to my motherboard, nvidia is so expensive, nvidia made my work harder and that's not what computers are meant to, nvidia's website sucks, nvidia has no solutions if you're running on GNU/Linux, nvidia owes me money, time and tons of coffee, nvidia is so much a pain in my ass.
nvidia is now on my shitlist, just before apple, followed by adobe.

I went to get groceries yesterday, and it was raining but not hard. No big deal.

So when I pull back into the parking lot at my apartment complex, a large metal object catches my eyes.

"Holy shit I think that's a computer! I better run grab it and get inside to see if I can salvage anything!!"

So I park and run over to it. I get a few yards away from it and see what it actually was..... Someone's nasty ass broken microwave.

I got so excited and it all came crashing down after a few seconds

I used to use WinBtrfs on Windows to get away from the clusterfuck that is NTFS on my WD Elements. But today I figured.. why? Why not just mount the drives to my file server already? I mean even over a USB 2.0 link, a USB 3.0 drive will perform decently. Not as good as my RAID-0 array there for sure, but still. So, that's it.. fuck it. Done with trying to get WanBLowS to adapt to my needs. Decent drives for a decent operating system, all the 10TB straight to my file server!! Then WanBLowS can go jerk itself in its clusterfuck of NTFS and SMB shit, while the actual grunt work is done by something that's at least reliable and won't shit itself - Linux. As it should be done!!! Trying to get WanBLowS to manage something more important than browsing the Phasebuk, what was I even thinking?!

I provide hosting for my clients. About 3 months ago I discovered that the hosting company that I'd been using had been swallowed up by EIG, which explained why the tech support had gone downhill.

So, I jumped to another hosting company. Same shit different company!

Apparently the fact that my browsers sit at "connecting" for up to 30 seconds, and I get a "could not connect to" message half the time while I'm trying to fucking work on a deadline is the fault of some plug-in in a WordPress installation!

Oh yeah? Why then does this shit happen when I'm working on a pure html/css site?
Why then did it start happening after they "updated" my shared server?!

Oh, but the bastards suggest that I buy Cloudflare or pay for more space!

You fuckers made my work take 3 times as long, and you made an important migration fail!

Network places make mistakes. We all do. That's cool. Fucking own up to it, talk to me like a techie, and DON'T TRY TO BLAME IT ON ME OR MY TOOLS!

Fuck you! I think I'm gonna give Google Cloud a try, and do this shit myself!

at the begin of the year I started working as contractor for a company which development environment was a shit machine in the basement...shared by all developers via ssh, that's right, no local development.
Who the hell needs virtual machines, Vagrant, Docker?
You break something while working? It's broken for everybody.

A.D. 2017

The other developers seemed fine with it.

When your home's infrastructure runs better and is more stable than some of the shit that's actually running enterprises because you actually do care about industry best practices and product quality.. it's a weird feeling. A very disappointing one, if anything.

Post-meritocracy, it very much seems to be a thing. And when you call people out for it because yes I do want to *be* the change that I want to see, they get all defensive and shun you. Yeah, let's make the world burn in inefficient, dysfunctional bullshit. That's a much better idea.

Are we humans really that far apart from the chimps that we descended from?

Worst part of it all, those incompetent bastards that can't possibly admit and work to improve their mistakes are the ones that are behind the companies' steering wheel. That too is such an excellent idea. I bet that half of them got employed only because they took the lowest wage and could (barely) turn on a computer. Fucking morons...

!dev

Look im all for conservation and helping the environment and shit, but why can't people do it without being self righteous cunts? Like seriously.

I just saw an ad on Instagram of someone getting a drink and they're all "I don't need a straw hue hue hue" and then proceed to drink from a metal straw shit.

THE WHOLE FUCKING CUP IS PLASTIC.

Stop being a self righteous cunt if you're gonna do contradictory shit like that. Like seriously. You using a metal straw ain't changing shit whenever you've got a whole ass cup that's plastic and that you're gonna throw into a trash can.

I know this is SO original, but I like Linus Torvalds best. I love that he created Linux originally just as his own little project, and now..I'm sure you all know how big it is.

He also created git, basically because he was tired of the version control systems that were already out there. Just "oh this is shit, I'm gonna write my own", and if I remember correctly, within a few weeks he had the first functional version of git.

Plus the man says that he names all his projects after himself, I think that's pretty damn funny.

Okay, first rant here.
Spend most of my morning searching for a js file that was supposed to build some graphs in a report page in this legacy system (still in active development) just to find it embedded inside a random .php file being included inside a wall of if-elses (that shit has around 100 lines) on the index.php (that somehow manages to route all the nonsense that's going on there).. was it really that difficult to make it a proper .js file? and actually import it on the page that is using it? c'mon...

When you spend your day building a dark theme on stylish instead of doing your day job 😏

Ah the life of an easy day.

I shall sip on my pina Calada before the shit hits the fan tomorrow... oh wait, that's a public holiday🍹🧘‍♂️🏖

The cool little startup that hired you right out of college/university, that promised your work will be recognized and well compensated?

Well, they'll end up complaining on why you don't work more than 60 hours a week on shit pay, force you to work at the "office" (read here one of the partner's basement), and retain your vacation pay from your last paycheck. That's not cool and also illegal here.

It's been 10 years and it still infuriates me when I think about it.

So according to Pfizer, ~39,000 people received a second dose of vaccine/placebo. So about 20,000 got the placebo, and out of that group only 85 got infected in the span of 3.5 months, during the second wave. That's 0.425%.
So they either:
* Proved Covid is not infectious
* Manipulated the shit out of their data
How that fuck is this considered valid analysis?!
If I tried to publish a paper based on such unreliable, statistically meaningless data, I would be rejected without a blink.

I thought I'd opened every shitty type of Chinese-grade electronics by now. Glued in shit, ultrasonically welded shit, potted shit. And occasionally the now very rare piece of electronics that has actual screws.

Until now. Remington, apparently yet another company filled with certified enganeers. My razor is from them, and I wanted to open it up to see why the lithium cell inside was failing, and to replace it with a bigger one. 2 screws in the back of the unit, Phillips head. But holy fuck, those things sat in there more tightly than the glory hole of the Asian girl that probably assembled this thing. Externalizing our own features in our craft? Check!

Pretty hard to remove them but that's fine. But the unit didn't open up, and there seems to be no screws left. I guess that they leveled up their level of certified enganeering and actually used both screws and ultrasonic welding. Because why wouldn't you, right?!

Motherfuckers.

Building my own accounting software because everything else is overly complicated and is trying to compete with enterprise accounting tools. All I want is some budgeting, some bill tracking, and categorization.

Writing in Ruby because I'm a masochist. Using built-in minitest because again 😈.

I have currently around 62 assertions. As soon as I add ANY new test that's literally asserting true, everything comes unglued and 20+ failures pop up. Take it out, 62 passes.

I feel like I'm going crazy at this point. The errors also don't make ANY sense. Shit like, "that record doesn't exist" when it's clearly a part of fixtures and is only used in ONE test(the one that's breaking).

Installed minitest bisect, and it's like 🤷‍♀️"lol get fucked bro!"

So I came here to rant about this before my battery dies and I go drink myself to sleep.

Thank you for coming to my dev-talk.

WTF MICROSOFT.

I was Compiling app on windows 10, just gone for few mins to grab a coffee and then i saw blue screen with
Updating Windows.

Nobody ask you to do it. You piece of shit.

And that's not all, it even restarted without my permission.

Seriously Fuck you Microsoft

Holy fuck is learning new frameworks frustrating.

I'm trying to setup a simple fucking flutter app and all their tutorials are basic shit with no auth/complex routing.

Any feature of flutter that's not in a tutorial has absolute shit documentation with 0 examples on how to use it.

Material app has like 20 properties and if you click on something like on generate there is shit for knowing what the fuck it's expecting.

Stackoverflow has a ton a code but that's just it, code. I have absolutely no idea how they generate the code they have from the documentation on the site. They must have been following flutter from the start.

Ahhhhh! 😠

I'm in deep shit, barely managing myself,
> Fuck Domain resellers who don't know their job (that's not you Jase)
> Fuck GoDaddy
> Fuck cPanel
> Fuck WordPress

That concludes, a friend called in a favor to host a WordPress blog with our hosting and domain from re-seller

and fuck that re-seller with cactus in the ass, for being a hack and saying it is not possible to transfer the domain to my hosting account.

So I just decided I'd hotspot my phone to my laptop (as I have no WiFi) and stream a film I've wanted to watch for a while.

Turns out my shite ass mobile provider wants credit card details to prove I'm over 18.

I'm sorry, what?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU NOSY OVER CONTROLLING SHIT STAINS! THAT IS A PARENT'S JOB, NOT YOURS.

fucking hell. What is wrong with this fucking race?

Oh, and I can't torrent it because that's blocked too.

Learned a new word here in devRant: sleep code.

Code that's is written where you hardly can get an eye open.

Crazy shit 😵

Edit: Yeah, I count sleep code as one word (or phrase if this will satisfy you before commenting)

Oh fuck.... someone in my group decided to write a script and place it on boot of the system.

As soon as I turn on the system , a script was automatically running in the background which override all rows in all tables of the database that's says "I fucking quit"

As a freelancer, I witness shit like this all the time.

So as applying for an internship to a new company, they wanted me to make an account and do some things to get use to the website... That's great, until I learned their website is fucking garbage!

Takes 5 seconds to load any page (they import and link so much shit, it's poorly optimized), their website is vulnerable to Javascript injection (in many different places), im sure it will be vulnerable to sql injection too.

Their design looks bad, icons are terrible, no common design flow, super busy. And they are taking about using machine learning and big data? Bitch you need to fucking make your site usable first!! If contacted them and will give them 30 days to fix their shit before I write about it

I've always felt like a world class programmer after printing a hello world message on screen until now.
People are continuously ranting some technical shit that's completely above my head on devrant.
Fuck you for downing my morale
PS: I'm still in love with it!^_^

I use a library and it gives me some strange error message. No problemo, just file an issue on GitHub asking the maintainer if I'm plain stupid or the lib actually has a flaw. As it was a question, I have not posted a dump and all the shit.
Maintainer responds with a snarky comment about his crystal ball being broken and I have to submit a log, a dump, debug information and a bunch of other stuff.
Well, what choice do I have, I collect all the requested information, create a wall of text comment, all nicely formatted.
And the issue ends here. Myths say, the maintainer got asked to join Elvis on Mars.

I mean, why do you ask all the shit from me in a unprofessional manner just to stop answering? Just say "I have no clue why it behaves like this" and I know whats playin. But that's just ... sad.

A year ago I wrote a SDK on PS4 DevKit, and when I looked at the spec I was like "Wow 8GB RAM, that's a lot to play with".
But then the OS takes about 4GB, and we have some huge textures (0.5GB) , and pretty dense point clouds (some more RAM, ka-ching!), need to leave some memory for the application on top of the SDK...we ended up having about 0.5GB for ourselves.
I was really bummed out, and this feeling is pretty much identical to the one I have when I see my total income, and then what's actually left after taxes and all the other shit.

Riding along on a demo is the worst thing ever.

-Customer clicks buttons and things happen-

Customer: "Hey that's cool!"

Customer is now happy and excited.

Sales: "Hey would you like it to also.... "

- A LOT OF SHIT THAT THE THING DOESN'T DO / COMPLICATES / OVERLAPS SOME THINGS ELSEWHERE-

ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ノ

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

> be me
> started using greentext on devrant a while ago
> semi successful rants
> people start using greentext too
> lookMomIDidIt.avi
> be happy
> no one knows I started it
> maybe it wasn't even me
> sit in shower
> try not to cry
> cry a lot

Shit. That's not a rant about coding

> fuck microsoft

Okay. For fuck sakes, writing complex code that's meant to handle "everything" and is "super generic" can be a fuck up. Like just keep shit simple. THAT is the show of great and impressive work. Over engineering is not it. Yes your shit works and yes your shit is fancy but was it needed? How long did it even take you for this over kill? How long will it take the next person to understand or not.
Someone now has to sit and run through your shit to get what you were doing. Instead of just being able to look and once and have it all figured out.
Keep things simple.
Lost 2 hours on bullshit 🤬

How comes companies don't give a shit abt onboarding?! The better your onboarding processes the faster the people you hired become productive?? Should never take me three weeks jus to get access...and when I do it's a problem ...should be seamless

At least that's what makes sense to me

It's actually safer to use a flat head screwdriver bit to screw and unscrew Phillips head screws than the screwdriver bit that's actually designed for it.. because reasons.

Fuck Phillips heads, they're fucking junk. They're quite a decent match for the shit that consumer electronics often is though... But for anything halfway fucking worth it, why don't we use something like Torx or tri-wing already?! Or rather, anything that isn't Phillips or Pozidriv. Anything that doesn't fuck right off when you slightly overtorque it (without stripping the threads) or want to unscrew it.

When you've written out a grand and glorious rant or maybe an idea for a new feature, you're about to hit Post, then suddenly you realise - "Nah, that's shit" and close the modal.

My problem with a lot of free resources/class assignments is we're being forced to make useless shit. For instance, an interactive textbook we use has some stupid fucking turtle assignments.

Why not make it something relevant? One of the first things i ever made was a Fahrenheit to Celcius converter. That's a real world application, since not many can calculate that math in their head.

Finally got some fruition out of my job hunting.. a publishing company wants to hire me. Only issue.. they're paying only ~€1k/m (before or after tax.. no idea.. and the tax on individuals here in Belgium definitely isn't any better) and that's even split between me and another guy I'd be collaborating with, and then there's some royalties. I can't pay shit with that. The argument being that it'll give me experience. #forexposure, #forexperience!!!

Well at least it's paid at all unlike internships I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I love Unix, Linux all that shit (macOS can fuck off though). But why WHY WHY does every pissing update have to break something?! Guys I need fucking networking, not even intertubes just basic networking.

Anyway, I've come up with a solution. It is quicker for me to install a new OS and restore files from backup than to fix it, so that's what I do.

Something is really fucking wrong with people in my company. They fucking calling me after 5PM on Friday when the server is down. What part of my role you fuckers don't understand. I'm not a Network Engineer and I don't have fucking access to the fucking server.

Call the fucking Network Engineer. If his not picking up his phone then that's his fucking problem not mine.

(Bang the Table) Fuck this shit

Rapid firing some mini rants.

Fuck people that go on vacation and post 100 pictures of it. Chill out fam. I can guarantee you that 95% of your followers don't give a shit. Keep the posts minimal; 3-5 is ideal with 5-7 being acceptable.

People that post shit like r/whooosh in the comments on posts can suck a dick. That's not necessary asshats.

Why the fuck do the Android versions of every major app suck ass? Like c'mon man. It's the most widely used mobile OS. Take Apple's dick out your ass and fix this garbage. (I get that supporting the cheap ass devices that never get OS updates is one thing, but ffs im using a Pixel. Get your shit together.)

This TED talk was brought to you by Stuxnet. Thanks for coming.

Create this fucking account just to say: FUCK XAMARIN!

Mono is great on Linux, but Xamarin.Android is a GAY RETARD!

Fucking Xamarin.Android apps are retarded, wait for them 3 fucking seconds and a simple Hello World app doesn't start.

Retarded Xamarin.Forms make the whole pile of shit a lot worse using fucking abstractions and stuff. And the geniuses at Uno Platform does not make this shit any better.

Why don't those nerds at Xamarin make a way to compile all C# code to native JVM bytecode and provide all C# core libraries AS NATIVE JAVA LIBRARIES, RATHER THAN LOADING A NEW USELESS RETARDED VIRTUAL MACHINE ON THE JVM?

So that's it. Guess there's no way to write good Android apps using C#.

For the last week or so I've been writing a userbot for Telegram. Completely from scratch, plus Telethon to not reinvent the wheel entirely. I'm coming from the codebase of an existing userbot.

That userbot is written by a good friend of mine, who makes 6 figures, and whom I respect greatly. However the code is a steaming pile of shit. Now that is not his fault, he largely inherited that code too, tried to fix it, failed, gave up.

I am reimplementing it entirely. I'm only looking at the modules, trying to understand them, and copying over the necessary bits and changing them where necessary. But I've come across some nasty shit.

Userbots often edit existing messages from real Telegram clients. They're kind of like a login to your account, but with a program rather than a regular client. You send a message from a real client, it sees it and does whatever it needs to, and edits your message to give you feedback. Which is great.

However, there's no need to do simple string edits by importing "re". So why do you? Because you're an idiot, that's why. The old bot is based on Paperplane, which in turn is based on Telethon. Why do I see function calls to Telethon in some places and Paperplane in others? Because you're an idiot, that's why. Why does the dig module fail to even give correct answers? Because you know nothing about the DNS, that's why. And you didn't learn about RRs before implementing it.

And don't you tell me that this code is shit, and this bot is slow only when I run it on a fucking Pentium. I run this shit on an i7 and CPU isn't even the issue - memory, disk and such are. If you had any clue whatsoever about efficiency, you would've known because it's blatantly obvious. There's a reason why my machines rarely go past 5% CPU utilization. It's the fastest component in the entire fucking system.

When users come and say.. hmm this application of yours, it consumes a lot of memory. It takes a long time to do X and Y and I don't quite understand why, it seems illogical. Then maybe you should go look at your code, like you would look at yourself in the mirror. And then you fucking go fix it so that I don't have to. You're an engineer just like I am. And I am not even a dev proper - I'm a sysadmin by trade. Why should I have to fix your shit for you?

Anyway I just want to fucking write code. I don't want to deal with people or give an opinion that is not appreciated. My manager says I am too aggressive but the truth is I hate stupidity and incompetence. I tell them their ideas are shit and not in a polite way and they make HR call me. Now I don't say shit and they are asking what I think. I think all of you are cunts that's what I think.but I don't say that. I say no comment when I know they are about to fall into a massive ditch. Will I stop them? Fuck no. Will I help them out if the ditch? Maybe, if it only involves writing code. I can't do diplomacy. I'll definitely be a fucking tyrant if I ever ruled a nation.

"We're promoting you to be a Team Leader, since you proved your skills to handle tough tasks and bring good solutions, and we're raising your salary by 25%."

That sounded good for me, until I realized that all they need is an interface between them (the boss) and other employees to force their style and monitor every fucking thing that could be different from a dev to another. But since the boss is a sEnIoR with mOrE tHaN 10 years of experience but he does not have any clue about good practices and how to make a code that does not push you to be humiliated by the client, he still thinks that he's the fucking programming God.

That's a shit

We need to normalize not being a passionate CS guru. You can be good at your job and not have passion for it. You don't have to dedicate your life to your career in every facet.

I don't expect plumbers to sit around their house all day during their free time hooking up water lines. Why is it expected that I'm always reading some dev book or learning some new framework or reading some tech blog?

I do other shit, and that's fine. My job earns me a paycheck and I'll improve on the clock, and when I walk out at the end of the day I leave that shit there.

At most I might converse with you informally about tech but I'm not going to spend my little free time going to meetups and pretending like I care more than I do. If you do that's great, but I'm not you and that's fuckin fine too.

What was your most disappointing moment as a software developer?

Mine was the realization that when you're working for someone, all they want to see is the final product. The people paying you don't give a shit whether you put your braces on a new line, your domain model doesn't call a database directly or if you're applying the best practices. Your teammates do, but the people paying you don't.

People hire you to get the job done, and that job is to solve a problem for someone. Not in the way that's best for you, but in the most effective way for them. Since I realized this, I lost some pride in my work.

When a coworker repeatedly alters GIT to include log files that only break the shit out of everything. That's fine, I like reverting production on a daily basis.

Thanks 1,000,000 John.
Enjoy your cocktails while I lay under the vending machine, you piece of shit.

Motherfucking stupid windows 10.

Wanted to try out cortana with all features after disabling it via regedit.
So naturally I created a Microsoft account and linked my user to it. Of course I used a random password generator and saved it in a passwort vault.
Then an update happened, I restarted my computer and guess what this stupid piece of SHIT garbage software did?
It prompted me to enter my password. Not the password I had for my local user BUT THE MOTHERFUCKING 15-DIGIT RANDOM PASSWORT GENERATED AND NOT EVEN VIEWED ONCE FUCKING SHIT!!!
Did they even ask if I wanted that? No they fucking didn't. Did they WARN ME? NO. NO THEY FUCKING DIDN'T.

That's the last straw. I'll kick windows down the garbage bin where it belongs and programm my own AI with open source software.

Well, I have a friend working on a major bank in my city. Yesterday we went for a coffee when he told me that the wifi connection that the costumers can use is the same as the network they work in. Like, are you fucking me? Do they know what security means? Jesus Wallace, wake up!
And they have a fucking "web security guy" working there. Doing what? Installing ccleaner on pcs? This shit gets me mad. And that's why I don't trust banks.

Do one thing... That's where the trouble starts.

Yeah. Architecture and separation, these are the foundation.

If you don't do these two in a proper and sane way, you most likely end up with the rotten pile of shit most companies call micro services.

Hot glued unmaintainable mess of deprecated shit stapled together by a custom framework abomination cause no one gave a flying fuck to properly design it.

I see these things daily.

I write the reminders every week.

"Hey, lil retarded dev, you don't need that dependency, you can just use languages feature XY added in version XY"

"But that's how I always did it"

Moments where you want to apply violence from the category "inhumane".

Or even more retarded: Yeah it does everything that was written in that one epic that took 6 months with 30 devs to finish.

I sometimes really wonder how some people managed to survive till they got the job. Parents must have been pretty vigilant 24/7...

In reply to atheist in another rant ;)

My 17 year old cousin got inspired by Hollywood movie and said he wanted to be an Hacker. Now, who can explain him the shit that's shown on the silver screen isn't practical in real life. The life of programmers, hackers is rather about learning continuously throught their life rather than hacking into a quantum computer through a gaming console.
🤬

Fuck Homestead.

For the fortune of you not to know, Homestead is a sad attempt at a Wix-like build your own website platform.

However, Homestead is the most unusable piece of shit platform that humans have ever had the misery of interacting with

Lets start off with the login page. The login page is small, unresponsive and half the time just deletes your input whenever you press submit.

It's important to note that unless you're running MacOS or Windows, Homestead will send to an error page on which there's a link to contact support, but pressing that link requires MacOS or Windows.

Fine, I'll fiddle around with my user-agent, and we'll be in soon enough. But now we come to the joy that is the website editor itself.

The website editor is clunky, hard to use, and has enough menus and submenus and sidebars to make the Jira UI shake with fear. Each interface option label is either ridiculously ambiguous or just straight up wrong. The built-in HTML editor doesn't support HTML5, in the name of "browser compatibility".

CSS? Pah! Who needs it! Our psuedo-90s skeuomorphic ugly-as-shit prebuilt styles will work just fine. Responsive design? Bullshit! Nobody uses a smartphone to browse the web, so why do we need to handle it?

Uploading a file? Good fucking luck buddy. There's a complicated dance among the minefield of pop-ups that ask you to confirm some shit or modify some shit and you gotta click the right option each time or else the file won't upload.

Wanna use https like 86% of the entire web and all modern websites? That's a premium feature. Fork over an extra $10 a month

Ok ok, I made it through all that. Dig through the thousands of menus to find the 'publish changes' button, and sigh with relief.

Open up a private browser tab to check my work, and nope. The site looks like shit, even by Homestead's standards. That's because Homestead claims to be a WYSIWYG editor, but it's a damn lie. The site looks like shit, so it's time do dive back into the hellhole that is this damn site editor.

And rinse and repeat. Deal with the shitty editor, publish, and pray it doesn't look like garbage. Be too scared to test on other devices because this flaming pile of dog shit pretending to be a website is bad enough on my device.

Two more months, then I'm done with this client. Someone get me a drink

You're all fucking idiots with no thoughts of your own. No one gave a shit when Drupal and Django made the master/slave change 4 years ago because the idea of the "regressive left" wasn't the cultural enemy of the zeitgeist.

Think for your fucking selves instead of being so brain-dead and reactionary to something that doesn't even affect you.

Fucking neo-reactionary bullshit, that's what it is. You people don't care, you just want an excuse to rant at "teh SJWs".

Fuck.

Absolutely not dev-related.

Blah, blah, weird conversation and shit. I'm too tired and lazy to write this crap again, but let's do it.

The guy is a dev I randomly found on some chatting service, he was interesting to talk with until this conversation. I'll write this out of memory, so yeah.

Him: So by the way I wrote an app that you give your penis size to to get measurements and stuff about it.
Me, thinking it was dev humor: That's hilarious. Tell me more, I'm interested.
Him: So the idea behind all of this was to gather some big data style info about people's penis size and habits and all that stuff.
Me: Man that's awesome. Can I see the source?
Him: No, it's proprietary. You can buy a license though.
Me: You went that far for a joke?
Him: What joke?
Me: The whole software you just told me about.
Him: That's not a joke, I'm being very serious about it.
Me: Oh well. What did you get from the stats?
Him: I got some tips from people's habits! I never thought that shaving it could make it look bigger, but that's awesome!
Me: Do you really care about it that much?
Him: Studies have proven that size correlated with confidence. Since I started doing it, I've been more confident than ever!
Me: Great.
Him: I'm a bit disappointed to see that I'm in the lower percentiles though.
Me: Well of course you are.
Him: Why would you say that?
Me: Well since people with a big dick tend to go more willingly into the subject and might even buy a fucking app for it, of course you'd have the higher average in your stats.
Him: You're only saying that because you have a small cock.
Me: Why the fuck would you say that? You're the one that's concerned about it, not me.
Him: Go on, what's your size?
Me, because I don't care about discussing that stuff: *Tells him*
Him: [stats, comparisons and stuff]
Me: Well I never gave a fuck and your stats won't make me change my mind.
[ ... Some other shit about my size compared to his ... ]
Him: Would you want to work with me for the database maintenance?
Me: You must be joking?
Him: I'm serious.
Me: *Deletes account*

Seriously, fuck that guy. I rewrote that quickly so you only had the best, but it was a whole fucking conversation.

A server application pulled off some sort of listings as table. Problem was, it crashed with some thousand data files after one and a half hours. I looked into that, and couldn't stop WTFing.

A stupid server side script fetched the data in XML (WTF!) and then inserted shit node-wise (WTF!!), which was O(n^2) - in PHP and on XML! Then it converted the whole shebang into HTML for browser display although users would finally copy/paste the result into Excel anyway.

The original developer even had written a note on the application page that pulling the data "could take long". Yeah because it's so fucking STUPID that Clippy is an Einstein in comparison, that's why!

So I pulled the raw data via batch file without XML wrapping and wrote a little C program for merging the dumped stuff client-side in O(n), spitting out a final CSV for Excel import.

Instead of fucking the server for 1.5 hours and then crashing, shit is done after 7 seconds, out of which the actual data processing takes 40 bloody milliseconds!

So... Had a burn out cause of overwork...
One of the bosses treats me like shit cause my education stops me to reply at his low level...

Had enough...
One white hair to make a complaint...
In Portugal if someone makes a complaint to the authorities the company gets a full inspection... I'm sad cause I love the owners... And they will loose most certificates... And that's lots, lots of money from a company that works with porche, ferrari, audi....

Fuck-a-doodle-do Fuck Fuck Fuck what a fucking dipshit. Scared the god damn shit out of me.

So I am deep in code, listening to my music pounding out some code and Drupal configurations and I feel a shadowy draft over my right side like someone is watching me.

I work with a guy that will not for the fucking life of me use Slack to send me a message when I have my headphones on or at all for that matter.

He gets up and walks to my cubicle and just stares with a goofy fucking grin on his face. You know the one. LIke a retarded fucking dog eating shit out of a wire brush. Yeah that's the grin. Silently derping with his fucking derp ass Derp McDerpington face waiting on you to turn around an notice him there instead of knocking on the cubicle wall or waving to get your attention.

The FUCK dude? CreepyPasta

Yes, a plus, i.e. `+`, is a fucking valid char for an email address.

Your online service is shit, you don't know your craft, and you should feel bad about yourself!

But you thought email is fucking simple, google for email validation regex and took copy pasted the first fucking find from some random blog that validates anything but an actual fucking valid email addresses, didn't you!?

(Funfact, the plus sign allow to create email aliases in some free mailer services. GMail for instance. That's why I l like using emails like my.actual.mail+I_KNOW_WHY_YOU_ARE_SENDING_SPAM@gmail.com as my registration email. Also, brute-force that login email.)

So my coworker is gonna change computer and for the past two weeks is "annoying" me to install Ubuntu for her...

Look ... I'm a dev just like you... Get your shit together and do it yourself or wait.

So Wednesday I gave her the task to backup her shit because I'm gonna do it today... Guess what she told me? That I'm better at it and if I could do do for her...

Sure.. Yeah... Gonna rsync your /home/user folder to the new machine and fuck you if you loose anything, that's not my fucking job you useless piece of shit.

WYSIWANK
Why do they not know this? Spending the time to create beautifully crafted css for bullet lists, only for the client to ignore the bullet list icon in the cms and put some shitty keyboard bullet causing the display page to luck just plain shit. Fucking useless wankers (why do i bother). That's why wysiwyg blocks in cms are a cunt in the hands of fuckwits.

I was reluctant to try out flutter earlier on because of claims online stating that hybrid frameworks aren't there yet. That's one hell of a crap!
I fell in love with flutter after completing my first flutter app. Shit was just too easy. So many helpful libraries which has eased my overall workload lately.
We built a Native Android app which took 2months+ to complete and I just finished porting it to flutter for iOS and Android in 3 weeks. Boss was happy, Client was happy, I am freaking joyous, everybody is happy!

From the mouth of a Native Android Dev with over 5yr of exp. This shit called flutter is worthy of all the hype. I fucking kid you not!

I don't know about the past... I assume it was shitty then cus I also blasted it based on git issues but now it seems even more faster to build production worthy apps than anything I've encountered.

@$&#! Grrrr... FACEBOOK API SUCK, A FUCKING CATASTROPHE, TEN POUNDS OF SHIT IN A FIVE POUND BAG... !#&$@

That's it, thanks for listening, i'm out. 🙃

My new mobile development teacher just admitted he has never learnt git or any other VCS, I asked him what he does when shit happens and he just said,

"I just have a folder for each version backed up to Google Drive"

This is the guy that's teaching us? Surely as a teacher you should be setting a proper example and using good practises....?

Looks like it's time to update the old CV... Christ have I really been here for 8 years.

It's been fun, the most fun time of my life but with new owners breathing on everything stuffs starting to fall to shit.

To use a SysOps analogy there are category 1 - critical warnings ringing in my ears.

I can accept a lot, but I'm genuinely concerned for the future of this place, and after trying to fix things for long enough to realise the new owners are the ones drilling the holes in the ship it's time to sink or swim, and I don't feel like sinking.

To quote billy Joel,
It seems such a waste of time
If that's what it's all about
Mama if that's movin' up
Then I'm movin' out

That's it, I'm done. I'm SO. FUCKING. DONE. Whoever created such a badly monkey ass coded shit and named it "Drupal" should have been aborted with a fucking hanger.

No one was here today because they were all at a Drupal Con that I never heard of. Glad I didn't. So they told me "yeah there are one year bug to fix, if you could do them all in a one work day that'd be greaaaaat". FUCK. YOU.

This shit is slowly sucking my passion away, and while I could spend 15 hours to code per day a few months ago, now I'm stuck to debugging shit that should have work without a Drupal environment. Tomorrow I'm going to see my manager and tell him to get me the fuck out of this and make me do something that would make me enjoy living again. I can't believe I'm getting trouble for this kind of low shit stuff, really.

And it started to rain. Fuck.

why the fuck do these mother fuckers have to give information to the ones responsible for designing the fucking application on the approval fase so I have to redesign some areas and spend a lot of time doing shit I could do once...
and that's not new information... no... I could handle it... it's fucking things you know since your fucking birth!!! fuck you and your shit talk!!!

I can't stand this shit anymore
I'm developing an app for a radio station and because their streaming have problems I had to search for another one to test, well that's fine but
seems that I came to find the fucking worse online radio station of it all...
They repeat the same songs over and over and over, my head wanna fucking explode... I don't know how I came this far without changing that fucking url...

Some fuckin ppl man wtf, as a said here before I'm not the most skilled or elegant developer at my company but fuck me am not as dumb as some fuckin cunts
We have 2 separate packages dedicated to add reusable components but some asshole with shit for brains just keeps adding these components in one of the main repos and it's like r u retarded or something, like u know that's not what's meant to happen cause you've used the components from those other repos. Sometime I jus wanna die and I've only been working as a dev for about 2 yrs 🤦‍♂️

Ever work on a codebase that's so shitty, that if you do something in a generally accepted and expected way the entire product shits the bed? Cuz that's the situation I am in. Been working on the same fucking feature for like 4 sprints because it keeps being sent back because every time I adjust it to the shittiness that is currently in the baseline, someone changed something and it explodes again. And the worst part is that this is a well known and established problem. Basically every engineer, except the guy who wrote it of course, hates this system. Hates the baseline, and hates the platform. Yet I'm the one who is "losing trust" with the team, even though I get my shit up and running early all the time. They just break the foundation every time.

When you forward an email from your boss to yourself again as a reminder, but add cuss words in because that's how you operate, the recipients list only lists yourself, but it apparently notifies your boss and shit.

Thanks for nothing microsoft.

Well shit, now I (re-)learned C,
And all I want to do is program in C,
But all C jobs are like -
"C guru that merged to Linux kernel"
"Driver writing low level must know Assembly"
"Military-grade realtime hardware design"

Isn't there a C job that's like Python - "here I wrote this script in 5 minutes and spent the rest of the day playing Eve Online" :D :D

Can we get a "whiny edgy crybaby rambling" category?
Because that's where all your shit over github belongs.

I'm fucking tired of putting my efforts into bug fixes.

5 years of web. I never had a client that likes to keep it's crappy slow piece of shit product on the market in the exact same way it is.

If they didn't sell it to state employees (and good luck for them if they do not use it) their product would be dead.

That's the only way they get money: bids. And the minimum a state pays is 15 MILLION.

And they don't have 90K to pay another dev to help creating a new product.

Their CEO fucking REJECTS anything that's not a bug fix. Once he said to our PM:

"It's pretty and more fast, but wasn't this way that made me rich"

I'm thinking I'm getting another client, seriously. Everyday the same thing breaks and they already know the fucking answer:

WE NEED TO FUCKING REFACT

CREATE A NEW FUCKING PROJECT

This shit is making crazy. I can't sleep. I can't eat and I'm always fucking tired, no matter what I do.

I need to stop working for Brazilians.
I'll try US, Canada or somewhere in Europe.

I was looking at some info about how much ads pay, CPM and all that, came across a guy who answered a question related to this on quora (FUCK quora piece of shit content farm :/ but that's a story for another day) and put links to his apps on Google Play in it.

I always had low self esteem and think that I know nothing and I'm shit but seriously fact that people who make apps like this exist and are proud of their shit makes me feel better.

His entire collection of apps are garbage like this, like a "driving school" with images from Google Search and other games screenshots and "top 10 search engines" with just logos of search engines. 😂

EDIT: Typos

On top of all the shit that's going on right now... This morning my shower head broke of, so now I can/have to hose myself to cleanlines.. Can't wait for corona shit to pass so I can start looking for a new place to live that will hopefully not fall apart.. :/
And then my laptop decided to do a harikiri.. MMD! Fuuuuck oooofffff!!

One of the devs at my internship company decided to have a client's website load all of it's pages from the website's Database.
That's right, a PAGE as a database row!
And I don't mean having it get some of the info from the columns and putting it into the page's html with php or some shit. No, I mean an actual html file copy pasted and added into the database.
This company scares me sometimes.

When a dev leaves a project in the middle, and someone else has to continue their shit, that's the worst fucking thing ever!
3000+ lines of codes in just one class? Fuck!
I don't even know where to put my code, where to put debugger break points, where to... fuck fuck fuck!!! >_<

this is motherfucking insane, that's why I hate microsoft and always will, fucking daddy will tell me what I can or can't (they do same shit to github and nuget) but look at this.

I don't give a fuck about unknown publisher, this is my PC, if I want to install a virus I want to install a virus! for fuck sake

Samsung has a bug in their galaxy software that essentially makes you unable to store anything that's not in the root folder on an additional sd card. After 2 years, they still have the bug. Additionally some phones will shit themselves if you try to format an sd card with it

How the fuck can they just leave significant bugs. The whole just get a new phone every other year mentality/industry style is both wasteful and seems to contribute to garbage software

A client wants me to build his website. He want a WordPress one, with a tool named Elementor to let him build stuff and upgrade the website by his own.

Seriously, Wtf is this shit !? That's a pure nightmare to work with !

concious inclusion training: we want you to talk and share about a bunch of shit that's illegal to ask in interviews: age,sex, orientation, family status, religion, values, gender identity, ethnicity etc

what the fuck do any of these things even have to do with the job?

im confused but whatever

Forcing the dev to be the only one doing QA should be considered animal cruelty. That's like making the plumber take a shit after every new toilet installation. That was a terrible analogy.

A co-worker shared his wisdom with me today:
"It's okay for your job to be the side quest of your story, just don't forget the main quest"

And I'm left thinking, that's deep as shit, but if my track record in Skyrim is anyting to go by I'm fucked.

At least the easter holidays are coming up. Back to the main quest :D

Being on vacation and getting calls from the office.. The whole point of vacation is getting away from everything for a little while to recharge.

That's fine, I'm billing that time.. just wish they could figure some of this shit out on their own.

if you're gonna shitpost in devrant, make sure to tag as shitpost.

I like shitposts as long as they are acknowledged as such. The problem ones are unironical shitposts.

These lazy ass posts that seem to be written by someone bored in a commute are liquefying my shit.

I'm referring to 2 line posts like "it's hot in here" or "x broke today" with no development whatsoever.

Like people think this is Shitter or something and they can just spam shit about every mundane detail of their day to day.

That's chit chat, nothing wrong with that, but you don't chit chat in a forum, you dm your buddies.

You know what's the worst in doing software?
being assigned that dreadful project, that's doomed and cursed just from the start. Nobody dared to try or touch it for 7 years, because it's destined to fail. You will never get the resources to do it properly, all the constrains are just against you. Even as the requirements bars are lowered and lowered you barely make it. You keep testing that shit with QA for like 8 months past schedule. Then before release some core changes need to be done. It passes QA, but you somehow now it's just a ticking time bomb. It will just crumble and fall somewhere out there, if somebody dares to use that shit for real.

And so it goes.

Bug reports coming in.

I think the sleep deprived me is finally cracking under the weight of incompetent assholes.

We just launched a major project in some weird cocktail of Agile slapped with MVP and release to the wild in a waterfall, but it was premature, premature in the sense QA hasn't even finished their side of things, but because some fuck with with "manager" in their title decided they have burnt through the budget with incompetence and scrapped an entire element of the project and outsourced just so they could make a shittier version that doesn't even fucking work.

How hard do you want to fail before you will start listening to the people that now have to work around the fucking clock to clean up this horse shit of a mess.

I'm literally arguing over field mapping with multiple 3rd parties, when the fucking requirements state WTF this is suppose to look like. All because they didn't validate or test their own shit.

Why is EVERY FUCKING cock head in this industry a waste of space and cash! Is it really to much to ask for 1 fucking project to fucking go live that actually fucking works where I don't need to work 2 weeks straight (including weekends) after going live just to be sure that what shit does hit the fan isn't going to create a SEV 1 issue...

Sorry, I'm pissed at the incompetence of others I need to deal with on a daily basis. It's not like this field is insanely hard. A little attention to detail and self validation, verification goes a long way. But clearly that's a rarity.

Once this shit is stable and actually works, I'll be pulling out the mop to clean up half this shit just so it actually works.

Oof, I'm getting to old for this bullshit.

The problem method calls into the...back-end framework!

The back-end framework was built on top of...the older framework!

The older framework was built around...the legacy framework!

The legacy framework was a...piece of shit!

And that's why the site just hangs!

*random person in tram witha huge backpack* let's stand in the middle of the fking door, with my backpack towards the door so I clearly can't see if anyone is trying to get into the tram.

What the fuck is wrong with you? There is tons of space and even seats free what the actuall fuck just move along already! Jeez. What's wrong with people! At least stand at the side or something.
That's a new kind of shit. Don't get to see this every day.

All I wanted to do was to create a quick cordova/phonegap app that uses external plugins - so I can't just preview it.

I ended up spending countless hours debugging why shit doesn't work through --log --verbose --debug, trying to avoid to install the monstrosity that is android studio and finally broke and installed it, fuck this shit.

---

Another post had to go for this. "I feel that's a lie [attached picture]".

Since I'm back to working for myself again and haven't been able to find a reliable hire, I'm alone. In this bubble, no one cares/sees/appreciates my backend code and I just realized that's why I've been slacking so bad on this ETL process. No one gives a shit about it but me. If I build an interface, I get kudos and everyone celebrates, but working on a three server process with layers of abstraction, auto-scaling, etc...and people just wonder if I'm jerking off all day.

Sometimes it sucks to be a lone ranger.

A few days ago I decided to install Windows 7 on a VM (bad idea as it turned out). All fine and dandy and I ran Windows Update a few times to get it at least as up-to-date as it'll get.

I noticed that out of the 4GB RAM I had allocated, an svchost process responsible for the updates was gobbling up all the available memory, just leaving 82MB for everything else. The process itself was as you might imagine consuming over 3GB RAM just for itself. That's how an OS should work right after installation, I'm sure you'll agree.

So I complained about it. Haven't used Windows anywhere for a while so I wasn't used anymore to this level of efficiency. Disk activity went through the roof, though to be fair the underlying disk wasn't an SSD (qcow2 on ZFS on a spinning drive). RAM consumption is something I already covered. CPU temperature shot up to 95C.

So as any idiot would do, I disabled the service related to that process (the svchost process for wuauserv) and the problem went away. But I complained of course, saying that such amazing system utilization metrics wasn't something I expected. I mean for 4GB allocated, having as much as 82MB usable to get stuff done with! 95C on the CPU, on a lot of chips that's the junction temperature! Absolutely beautiful.

When I complained I heard that I had to replace the thermal grease. I do that twice a year. I wrote a custom fan driver for my system that works absolutely great. It was obviously shit. I must be a horrible sysadmin for solving a problem by eliminating the cause, and companies hiring me must be ashamed of themselves. My hardware must be shit (that's a common one with Windows users) despite being a business laptop and the guest system being a VM. Oh and I'm an idiot of course for complaining about such amazing system metrics in Windows.

I love Windows and its community...

My first experience with computers was when I was in school when i was in third grade we had a computer lab and we had to take our shoes off to "prevent virus" that's what we were told anyway...
There were 10 computers and 50 of us so the one who could run to the lab first would get the computer where we learnt something called as logo and while the teacher wasn't looking we would play a game called Dave. man this shit takes me back

Was recently asked if our team wanted to change from Java to Kotlin so I looked over the feature lists but don't see much that's impressive.

One argument was less boilerplate code but I think they're are libraries like Lomboq that can write that stuff for you.

The other was smart type casting and type inference and to that I'm like this sounds like giving monkeys a hammer.

Our JS codebase looks like shit... And our Java app just crashed in prod.

Getting a ton of text messages this morning and thankfully I'm on vacation still...

The error is not caused by NPE... but how some or logic spammed the db..

A new language isn't going to fix this.... And a team that writes this sort of shit logic clearly shows they are incapable of learning a new one probably...

They are already script kiddies... Don't need them to become babies...

Postman Rant

wow just wow ! just got turned my home internet off by the cable company. And they are right to do !
I apparently didn't sent them their money. But why didn't I ?
Im the typo guy who likes a bill in any type and then pay it. Sorry for beein old fashioned there. Now this lack of human intelligence aka. my postman didn't brought me them. Instead I always receive others Bills and shit( ok sometimes he drops it right ). Does he think the people
in this house live in a fuckin hippie community or some
shit where we all are one system. WTF ????

But my revenge will come you giant shitpile, except from reporting you to your office.
You FUCKED with my internet connection. That's personal

I'm so fucking fed up with the npm ecosystem. Every single god damn time I've had to do anything it always takes DAYS to figure out how to get anything working and I always have to try multiple tools or libraries to final get it half way sorta.
I'm so fucking annoyed right now. They always turn out not that great, have lacking features or trivial oversights in functionality and ALWAYS have garbage documentation.

I just want to build a fucking npm library with TypeScript to be used with node. That's probably the NUMBER 1 use case so how fucking hard can that be?

So obviously I start out with tsc. That's quite simple, compiles all my stuff and shits out .js and .d.ts files. Okay so how do I use them via es6 import? I don't fucking know, because it doesn't work no matter what I do. The 'module' option in tsconfig is absolutely useless btw. It does *literally* fuck all. Nada. Absolutely nothing.
Okay I'm far from defeated, maybe I'll just have to bundle it. So I waste two days finding something that half works (I'm using fusebox right now) and at last I get a stupid es6 module as a single bundle... But what about type the declarations? They are nowhere to be seen and of course there's no option for that. Because Fusebox the pile of shit that's oh so well Typescript integrated apparently doesn't think TYPE DECLARATION FILES are needed. What the actual fuck.

And that's where I'm now. I need the fucking .d.ts files so I can use it as a module with import. Do I really need another fucking piece of shit tool that bundles these files? Honestly fuck all of this. "Oh the Javascript ecosystem is so great" YEAH fucking great, alright. Where 90% of the ESTABLISHED tools and libraries (we don't talk about the landfill of all the other shit) flat out don't do what you need. Again, how fucking hard can it be to make a npm lib with typescript? That should be NATIVELY SUPPORTED. If not by npm atleast by typescripts tsc.

FUCK NPM. FUCK JAVASCRIPT. AND FUCK THE WHOLE ECOSYSTEM

context: I'm sort of a self-deprecating guy and I really don't look for validation.

So, i decided to fuck it. I tried to provide the best decisions in terms of money-wise/biz-wise but apparently this guys rather choose what he believes is best for the code... (he knows shit of coding and that's coming from someone who is not a software engineer but rather a physicist who happens to code).
So, now i let him make all decisions. no opinion from me. a few things are going to shit because of him... fuck it. i had it. as long as I get paid. fuck him.

this is probably common... sorry for the rant.

Yay your shit loads in a second on the latest iphone 69 and samsung 30 or whatever, so does everything, that's not a testament to your awesomeness. Why the fuck don't you test and benchmark on low end devices!?? Guess I'll optimize your shit myself... Oh and what's this? FUCKING SPAGHETTI EVERYWHERE!!!! You fuck knuckle find another job cunt.

Why!!!
Why must some devs make life complicated!!!!!!

So, here I am enjoying my day (well enjoying the meetings that are taking me away from working) when I get a bug report that script X isn't sending out emails anymore.

Ok that's weird, this as far as I know uses the same email class as every other email being sent out from this project, and they all work.

Let's go have a quick dig...

function sendEmail(){
/*do a bunch of stuff*/
}
Is being used, well that's odd, it should be $emailService->send()
But what ever, it's probably an old wrapper for legacy sake since this script was written years ago. But nope, I almost cried, it's a wrapper for mail() isolated into this script.

Like for fucks sake, why in the hell would this be used when there's an entire fucking class that's tried and tested and only looses 1 email every few months, coz shit happens.

Errrrr.... sometimes i really wonder why people can't just do what they need to do the first time round.

T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM

This is how PHP refers to :: internally, it's the only fucking token with such a weird name, what is this fucking language?

Who is writing this shit? OOP but it's completely optional? Where is the goddamn sheriff? I'm done, off to Ruby, Python, Go or anything that's not fucking PHP. Sick of this shit. Fuck this language.

How can such a massive language be so poorly designed!?

Affinity Designer export to SVG, normally an easy task for a vector programme.
Furthermore it is only a little picture, a clear eight filled with a single colour.
Result: SVG with an unbelievable file size of 98.7 kB. Holy shit!
Looked at it: The export made a huge long high scaled path... oh man...
Little hand made recoding, made four circles. Done. New size: 0.8 kB.
That's better.

That feeling when you have a messy merge, nothing works but don't give a shit and go home for the weekend, that's Monday guy's problem!

I present to you a php framework with an "orm" that doesnt support table joins. Yes, you heard it right.

I just want to say few things to the developers community -
If you are a bad programmer, please spend your time at improving rather than writing frameworks, or making the stupid decision on using SUCH SHIT FRAMEWORK AT A CORPORATE COMPANY!

Also if you are not sure if you are a good programmer or not, chances are you aren't. That's just how it is.

Microspyoft decided to retire Atom IDE, what a bullshit company, if you check their asses you will find them stinky as garbage because they only use toilet paper, I started to stop using their shit, any basic solution they offer to you that you might think 'Oh, that's the solution to rely on for a lifetime ' no man hold your excitements cause they are going to fuck your brain later, same as they will do with Windows10, suddenly the bunch of lazy asses decided 'actually let's create windows11, and stop supporting windows10 by 2025' Go to fuck yourselves bitches, I stopped using all your shit.

//rant

So i ordered myself a web server and am trying to get access to phpmyadmin.
I got generated username and password for the phpmyadmin login.
So i created mysql databases and database users, outside the interface, but that's fucking it, i need to create tables as well, can't do that without the interface, cuz NO ACCESS!

Fucking piece of shit service provider, they had one thing to do and they can't even fucking do it right. How dare they call themselves web hosts at all...

It's probably a badly configured config file but i can't access the file myself to start sorting this shit out, so i got to wait at least 12 hours till work hours to be able to contact with them and sort this shit out.

When do you know something is being overdesigned or overengineered?

The applications that the other programmer started building are killing me. He's using Clean Architecture and it has like a million different classes and shit. It's not messy or anything, but fuck it's overwhelming.

Just to figure out wtf was happening when getting the currently signed in user's email, I had to go through like 30 folder and files. Maybe more. All files were fairly simple on their own, but the entire flow was mindfucking me. Use cases, schemas, gateways, repositories, entities, models, etc etc

And that's the client facing application, I haven't checked the API yet, though it seems like that one is simpler.

The worrying aspect here is, any time anyone else has to mess with this, they'll also have to deal with this shit. This needs some really good documentation.

Every single time I present a tool for data visualization:

"Oh that's great! Have you considered integrating it with service XYZ? It would be great to see the data from XYZ alongside this."

The answer I would like to give:

"No, you retard! Nobody gives a fuck about your crappy service! Nobody uses it, not even your own team! This is the 10th service that I've been asked to integrate and I don't have time to dig into the details of yet-another-shit. If you have time to waste, please go ahead but don't bother me."

my instructor forgot to do Cengage shit right again... why me...

Assignment wants me to "go do a thing to sort 3 numbers with if/else statements"

I'm going to use a list and list.sort() as i'm not stupid and these are bad habits to teach...

...or not.

(I know I can put the values into the right vars and then print those but that feels so wrong to me for something that's gonna be printed ONCE. That also doesn't help as it's searching for if/else statements... although it's not searching for a whole one... nor in actual code...)

So I thought I was still on AWS' trial period. Turns out I'm not anymore and I just paid $50 for last month and still have $40 to pay at the end of this month. FUCK. I used it for my internship but I can't ask them to pay me that money back because it was my fault not knowing that I wasn't on the trial period anymore. Also, that's more than half my monthly income, what a shit currency my country has. I could've bought a new 60% keyboard I was after with that money ;-;