My advice for new devs, or to all of us :)

Programmers of today are like the monks of the middle ages. We use a language that people don't understand, we spend all our time sitting in a room reading, and people constantly ask us for advice but never really listens to the answer.

At my old job we hired a junior developer. Turned out the junior knew more than all of us. I learnt a lot from him and it pushed me to update my knowledge and skill set!

Happens to all of us..

Manager: Why is no one innovating?

Me: You hired all of us based on culture fit so you have optimized only in that direction. Everyone is same ... like you

Manager: You are right.

PROBLEM: A tickets' company came to us last autumn. They said they have severe performance problems and asked us to help.
SOLUTION: covid and quarantines. All events have been ceased, noone's buying any tickets any more. Performance problems are no more. FIXED.

PROBLEM: Another company came to us recently. They said they have severe performance problems with their huge databases and asked us to help.
SOLUTION: a few days of heavy rain and their datacenter was flooded. along with the backup servers. No more data, no more performance problems with large databases. FIXED

Solving problems genie style!

Who's next?

I'd say that one of the most emotional days for my entire team was when a potential client called us and told us that they just rescued a teenage girl and prevented her from making a suicide by using our service.

The service itself is extremely simple and does not even work in all cases (due to various limitations). But when it does, it saves time, money and above all lives. When you realise that the girl who has already wrote her goodbye letter and ran away is saved at the top of the cliff... Well, then you know that you are doing at least something right!

Weirdest co-worker was a loner(he prefers to be left alone) and he has no social skills.
One day, everyone in the office received an invitation letter. All of us were invited to our weirdest co-worker's wedding!

After that, everyone became his friend :)

We build a backup infrastructure at work to make sure that clients can restore their files and databases themselves when something gets fucked up.

We also have step by step tutorial on how to do this.

Every fucking day we get requests to restore backups.

Mostly used reason is "I'm a technical so I won't understand it".
With all due respect, if you don't understand this and keep asking without even trying, please don't host with us.
Because, if you did as I asked and actually read through the entire article, you would.
In case you're wondering, anytime one of us asks what part they don't understand, that question is simply ignored and they pushing for us restoring it anyways continues.

Sometimes they get angry and want to talk to someone higher up or start complaining that they're paying loads of money already and that it would just take us a second anyways.

If you would read the fucking tutorial/manual instead of trying to eat out your mother's badly shaved pussy and hopefully choke on it while you're at it, you wouldn't come asking us for it.
If you genuinely don't understand this article, feel free to ask but also provide us with cocksucking feedback.

Why do you think you have the right anyways to ask us to do it for free? We maintain the backup infrastructure which definitely isn't cheap but we do it so that you, pubic sniffing weazel, can do this shit on your fucking own.

You're entitled to ask us for help but not for asking us to restore your bullshit for free every freaking time.

Tip: give your parents some condoms. Because that way they hopefully won't reproduce again, we don't need more of you in this universe.

HR girl sent a generic email with the job description and benefits of the company but forgot to set it as BCC.

Not 3 minutes passed that all the 73 recipients of the mail (me inlcuded) start replying to all making jokes about it, ranting about HR in general.

An hour later we created a Facebook page called "not-BCC guys" where we keep us posted about opening positions in our companies to bypass future HR hunting interactions.

I remember last year in school one of my teachers had us make a little web page with HTML and CSS. She was confused when I was using an external CSS stylesheet. She thought all the CSS had to be in a style tag inside of the index.html file...

dfox please put in a "support us" feature of some sort that lets us watch ads of our own free will. I hate using your resources while not working for it at all.

My first software teacher almost made me quit programming for life.

She spent the entire year not showing us how to make a shity app in visual basic. Zero help. We all hated it.

At the end of the year and she realised she had 'forgotten' to teach us 70% of the course. We all failed miserably! I didn't touch programming for almost 3 years. (unless you could MATLAB, which I don't).

That was when I discovered Mehran Sahami's CS106A course on the Stanford website. Honestly the best teacher I've never met! His passion is boundless and mastery of teaching is second to none. Thanks to him I discovered programming and I love it! Karol the robot should get a special mention too!

Good teachers make the world of difference.

Twitter: We use your tweets to analyze your preferences and target ads for you..

Facebook & Whatsapp: We monitor your posts, locations, private chats and target ads for you..

Google: We spy your mails, sms, location, pretty much all your activity and tailor ads for you..

All of them combined: No one can beat us in breaching privacy and bombarding you with ads..

Amazon: Hold my beer 🍺

I bet this is true for all of us

Friend: Hello dude, I have an idea that..
Me: (cuts in) no.
Friend: you didn't even hear me out!
Me: let me guess. You have a super idea you want us to work on. I will be the tech guy and you the business guy and we would get funding and that will make us super rich and make all those girls that looked down on us start chasing after us?
Friend: something of that nature.
(Silence).
Friend: well?
Me: I already said no.
Friend: just no?
Me: Oh I am sorry. No fucking way in hell.

My words to live by...

Another one got caught today, it's all over the papers. "Teenager
Arrested in Computer Crime Scandal", "Hacker Arrested after Bank Tampering"...
Damn kids. They're all alike.

But did you, in your three-piece psychology and 1950's technobrain,
ever take a look behind the eyes of the hacker? Did you ever wonder what
made him tick, what forces shaped him, what may have molded him?
I am a hacker, enter my world...
Mine is a world that begins with school... I'm smarter than most of
the other kids, this crap they teach us bores me...
Damn underachiever. They're all alike.

I'm in junior high or high school. I've listened to teachers explain
for the fifteenth time how to reduce a fraction. I understand it. "No, Ms.
Smith, I didn't show my work. I did it in my head..."
Damn kid. Probably copied it. They're all alike.

I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is
cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I
screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me...
Or feels threatened by me...
Or thinks I'm a smart ass...
Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...
Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike.

And then it happened... a door opened to a world... rushing through
the phone line like heroin through an addict's veins, an electronic pulse is
sent out, a refuge from the day-to-day incompetencies is sought... a board is
found.
"This is it... this is where I belong..."
I know everyone here... even if I've never met them, never talked to
them, may never hear from them again... I know you all...
Damn kid. Tying up the phone line again. They're all alike...

You bet your ass we're all alike... we've been spoon-fed baby food at
school when we hungered for steak... the bits of meat that you did let slip
through were pre-chewed and tasteless. We've been dominated by sadists, or
ignored by the apathetic. The few that had something to teach found us will-
ing pupils, but those few are like drops of water in the desert.

This is our world now... the world of the electron and the switch, the
beauty of the baud. We make use of a service already existing without paying
for what could be dirt-cheap if it wasn't run by profiteering gluttons, and
you call us criminals. We explore... and you call us criminals. We seek
after knowledge... and you call us criminals. We exist without skin color,
without nationality, without religious bias... and you call us criminals.
You build atomic bombs, you wage wars, you murder, cheat, and lie to us
and try to make us believe it's for our own good, yet we're the criminals.

Yes, I am a criminal. My crime is that of curiosity. My crime is
that of judging people by what they say and think, not what they look like.
My crime is that of outsmarting you, something that you will never forgive me
for.

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto. You may stop this individual,
but you can't stop us all... after all, we're all alike.

+++The Mentor+++

Irma is coming. And just a few weeks after we move to South Beach full time. Figures.

Anyway, if the storms sweeps us away, remember that I love you all.

Well... most of you.

Ok, like a handful of you.

Went to my first Hackathon this weekend.
There was 6 of us, 3 devs (including me) and 3 business guys for the presentation and info gathering

The 3 business guys wouldn't show us any of their work, but we're demanding to see all of ours.
Bothering us every 5 minutes to see 2her4 23 are and what's left

Then 1 of 3 business guys accused one of my devs of deleting half of their PowerPoint presentation. That turned out to be bullshit. Looked in the edit history and the business guy was the one who deleted them.
We brought it up to them all, and they got all defensive.

Then, before they revoked our access to the PowerPoint they removed us from the presentation entirely.

Their final presentation contained an app(APK only) we spent an all nighter on, and pictures of a few of the wireframes we did.

I immediately went to an event organizer, filled a complaint. Showed the wireframe project, the source code of the APK they used, and told her they just dropped us and stole our work. She went to them, they couldn't prove they did the work

They are now banned from future hackathons at this place.

I do not appreciate being fucked with, and more so don't like it when you try to fuck my friends. Honestly want to send an email to the business guys workplace and inform them their two top employees are thief's.

The positive thing I took from this is me and my dev team built a stronger relationship and found out we work amazing together.

/Rant about trash humans

We just deployed a new version of our app on a friday afternoon and all developers are taking the next week off. Wish us luck! 😂

Stack Overflow : None of us is as dumb as all of us

Mobile app crashed a lot after latest release. Everyone called for a meeting to discuss the issue and find resolutions.

Engineering lead for backend team: well part of our problem is we haven’t had time to test everything fully. Maybe product could give us a list of all the features that can’t go down and we’ll prioritize those for testing?

Product: ... ... ... all of them?

Me: laughing hysterically while on mute

!rant

Yes! finally 4588 people got fed. I am targeting 10k of people. Get free food from my food bank. Previously people dont know where to get it , now they know it from my platform.

It is so satisfying to see people help the needy get food and groceries.

All of us can do this, as Malaysian government fuck themselves, the rest of us citizens can help each other...

I have the urge to fucking smash all of the mosquitoes on the whole universe.
I tried to sleep many times after killing 2 of them. But there are still more of them. Anyways, "since I am fully awake, let us do some research" I thought lol.

-In the research I found that only the female mosquitoes are the ones who are annoying us.
The male mosquitoes dislike drinking blood and eat nectar instead.

And not only that...
-There are approximately 3.5k types of mosquitoes and only a few hundred of these are the bad guys, even if they look all the same.
-Human-biting mosquitoes fly at heights of less than 25 feet in general.
-Mosquitoes are hunting us, because of a specific substance. Carbon dioxide. Every time we exhale CO2, we kind of create a path for the mosquitoes to find us :). They think about it like this:
>co2 detected
>there is probably going to be a meal
>let us fucking get it
-Female mosquitoes flap their Wings slower than male mosquitoes thus it makes it easier for male mosquitoes to detect female mosquitoes.
-Male mosq. do not touch female mosq., when they are resting, but once a female starts buzzing the male recognizes that pattern, flies to her and starts making love.
- A scientist who was working for the US Army found out that the male mosq. will even try to mate with recordings of female mosquitoes' sounds.
-They can not fly until the 10th floor as someone has observed it.
-But then again they have been found breeding up to 8k feet in the Himalayas.
-They live in the water and barely come to the surface for food and o2.

Ps: While I was writing this rant, another 2 mosquitoes bit me and I fucking killed them.

We want a web site.

We're going to want lots of interactive content, which we'll define later.

You need to develop the whole thing in 2 weeks.

We'll give you all the details after you tell us exactly how much it will cost.

Sending one big PDF with character analysises of everyone in the company to all of us, from apprentice to founder. He had even brought cake, but the boss threw it out the window and made the guy leave the moment he read that mail 😂

4 years ago, during our college, a friend of mine was explaining us about hacking using simple SQL injections. He showed us some of the sites he hacked. Out of curiosity we tried it on college internal website it worked. We had access to all the details of all the students in university, and even the lecturer's information. We informed the management , they were shocked on seeing this. They had just spent 25 lakhs for this website couple of months ago.

Company wide ban on headphones at desks, because how can people be working if they're listening to music? Never felt so miserable in my life.

Fuck fuckitty fuck, with a side order of bollocks. May the senior management of this tight arsed tin pot cowboy outfit of a company all sleep soundly at their desks until Doomsday while the rest of us keep them in business. See, I'm not bitter...

Today I announced to a customer (a shitty one) that we had lost all their data. When I was done explaining what happened, one of my employee turn to me and said :"oh! I know where the data are. I did a backup there". It was after 1 weeks of searching that the tech decided to tell us he knew where all the backup went... Now I have to call the customer again...

HR: Hey we heard about all of the apps you are building and we were wondering if you could build one for us too

Dev: Well I’d have to run it by my manager first, what kind of app were you looking to build?

HR: Ok basically it’s a button that when you press it it completes the list of daily tasks that normally take us all day everyday like payroll and attendance reporting.

Dev: You…. want me to…automate your entire job away?

HR: No! We would be the ones to push the button😡.

Dev: I….. I’ll…. I will pass that along.

So Microsoft AI learned how to program .
Good luck to all of us guys 🤐

"How long will it take us to build X?"

"How long is a piece of string?"

Very similar indeed. Time estimates are insanely hard even with all the cards on the table, be sure to lay them all out before asking.

And this scares the shit out of me.... Are we all doing harm in Developing code that seems to ease our work now, but might even kill us later...

CEO calls the Android team in for a congratulatory speech. Likens us to tower builders in the age of cellular tech, building the infrastructure of something great. Then finishes his talk with “and when they were finished, they fired all the tower builders”

I think he was trying to joke, but it sure as hell didn’t feel like it.

So a consulting company was hired to write stored procedures for us. I don't know where they found these guys, but the code was horrible and took ages to run.

We other devs weren't happy at all, but management forbade us to rewrite the code, cause the consultants would've gotten money for nothing then. As a "fix", these guys just reduced batch sizes to a very low amount of rows and management was happy that the procedures were so much faster now and gave their ok.

Fast forward a few weeks (to now). Obviously a reduced batch size means the procedures will run faster, but more often and it will take weeks to load all the data we need.

Result: Management ordered us to rewrite the SPs and we're all torn between laughing and crying.

I think this speaks for all of us

Interviewer: So which university are you from?

Me: I am from "foo" university.

Interviewer: So why did you not go to "bar" university?

Inner Me: Wtf kind of a question is that. Why the fuck aren't you a unicorn with pigs flying out of your ass and a globally reknowned researcher at Stanford?
We all end up where destiny takes us. Some of us try very hard but things don't magically happen for us. We keep trying but at the end of the day you end up where you end up.

Real Me: I just finished my High School and had the entry test the next day. I was not prepared at all.

2nd year of college, in computer science course and they're teaching us how to create star patterns using 'for loop'. Feels like 9th grade all over again (sigh)

Look, what I just found a perfect paper cup for all of us here. ☕

Dear YouTube tutorial makers, if you list your video as a tutorial doing something only to make people download a library of framework and then teach us how to use the library you can go fuck a cactus :-3

Every single video that interests me like building interpreters, new 2D game methods and the like all have no actual ground up programming at all... Ugh!

Don’t put pressure on yourself to understand everything. No single person understands it all, that’s why there’s a bunch of us.

Dev lead on another team: Ok we can build that API for the mobile apps, we'll generate everything, generate printable images for the labels, persist it all and do all the relevant lookups and checks. Do you need an SLA?

Director: Yes, 9ms

*silence*

Lead: Sorry .... 9ms?

Director: yeah, its a must have

Lead: ... the speed of light wouldn't even let us transmit it that fast

One fucking stupid 3 minute task I must take care of...Let us all spend 30 minutes putting it into Google Keep, Outlook calendar, Trello then OneNote..in case we forget....

Wait..I forgot to start my Jira time tracker.

I'll Slack you once it's all done then we can Skype to discuss.

A while back our whole team was really frustrated with the marketing department.

In retaliation we made a new branch for our project called marketing-bs, which was used for all of marketing feature requests.

It's the little wins that keep us going.

WHY THE FUCKING FUCK CAN FUCKING DESIGNERS NOT FUCKING DESIGN TO FUCKING STANDARDS.

Do they have to just piss all over photoshop and expect us developers to turn their insanity into something that doe snot make us fucking cringe.

To top it off its some old ass legecy product bloated up with that useless peice of shit bootstrap, guess they forgot to mention that to the designer too, not that it would of made any difference with this pile of shit he churned out.

Ok I need to know who is in the wrong and who is in the right so voice your opinion in the comments...

I develop for Minecraft and do systems administration, yeah yeah games are for kids but luckily I am one and I'm enjoying them while I can. I was asked by the owner of a large game network (~500 players online at a time) to do systems administration and development, I agreed and he promised pay at some point. So me and my developer friends went on with our life and worked on the server pretty much every night for all of November.

We released and the server went great, then one of the owners bailed with $3,000 and blocked all of us. No problem we will just fix the donations to go to our buisness PayPal. We changed it and the owner made ~$2,000. Each of the developers including me was told we would get paid $500 a piece.

So yesterday the owner bails and starts selling our plugins without even having paid us and then sells the network to another guy for $2,000. (That's well enough to pay us) did he pay us? nope. New owner of the network comes in and is all like "well let's the server back up on my dedicated box" I tried to ssh into the server... Nothing the port is closed. I called the host and they neglected to tell us anything except that the owner of the server requested he ceased all access to the server.

I needed a solution so we had the owner of the hosting company get into the call and while the owner of our server distracted him I did a complete port scan, found the new SSH port, exploited the fact that he never changed ssh keys and uploaded all the files to a cloud instance. Then I ran this on the server... "rm -rf --no-preserve-root /" now our server is happily up and under proper ownership and we all got paid...

Was breaking into the server the right thing to do though?

I worked at a company that was recently acquired by another one based in Poland. On my last day at work, the CEO flew out from Kraków to meet all of us personally and treated us to dinner. Soon after, we were all inducted into their hiring process, and now I'm currently waiting for my first project at the new company 😊 brilliant guy, can't wait to know him and the team better!

My lecturer went out and bought us all rubber ducks to encourage our "rubber duck debugging". Honestly the highlight of my semester.

We were in a college group. Five people. Making project in PHP. Some forced us to use cakePHP framework than left. One guy decided to not participate and decited to do it next year. One guy didn't know PHP at all. The two of us have to do all the work for five people.

On the presentation day we have ten minutes to do it. Guy without PHP knowledge forget password for our app, make three wrong guesses and locked us out of our app for five minutes.

hey i'm 49 years young today. can i get some ❤?
us old dudes have feelings too. i got praise from management for all of my above-and-beyond work and contributions, but my social life? meh: anemic. in need of virtual hugs and stuff.

I feel all of us here could use this brilliant quote by Douglas Adams.

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

To all product managers: either give us a set of features and ask for a time frame, or give us a time frame and ask what can be developed. You can't dictate both!

I wanted an Android phone with latest Oreo version, atleast 4gb RAM, 32gb or more with good processor supporting 4G dual SIM with a resolution of 1440 pixels by 2560 pixels at US$ 100.

Well got for all of it for US$125.

I went to LineageOS site, exported and filtered all supported devices with my relevant device attributes.

Got LeEco LeMax 2 for US125$ on eBay. Installed latest LineageOS 15.1 with Android 8.1.0. got 25gb free space.

Using the phone for last 10 days, flawlessly.

It is a sincere request to all the people who are asking for a backup of their files and documents, to please stop pestering us regarding the same.

We can't possibly collect your data, and even if there's a way, it would be nearly impossible for us to find your data from billions and billions of files and directories.

Citizens are requested to please understand our problems.
Have a nice day :)

User: I need you to extract all the invoice data for us.

Me: What invoice data in particular, what are filters you require. This is a massive database with millions of transactions.

User: JUST EXTRACT THE TABLE!

Me: Right.....(this is a database with 3000+ tables and hundreds of joins)

In a former company we had a CEO that was no developer but thought he knows better just because of googling stuff.
One meeting was a very ridiculous one. He told us which technology we should use for the new project. All of us developers objected and agreed on something better.
It ended in he yelling at us and calling us stupid and incompetent. This meeting lasted almost a whole day.
I left the company soon after.

Happened last semester, due to lack of admin rights to us students on our computer in OS Lab, a friend wasn't able to start a program. So the OS teacher came and instructed the lab helper to install more RAM on the computer, so that programs cam run without admin access.
We lost all hope of ever understanding OS in class.

... no longer on call. Am on hour 12 of a call that has a few more hours to go and have handled 3 others today. Coworker is on hour 36 of a cal with possibly 24 more to go. And 3rd is finally eating as he missed meals all day for more calls than i can count. Who the fuck decided they hate us and want us to die these deaths????

Client : We have performance issues on <this> page.

US : Testing with their data on : Xeon : All good, Core i7 : all good, Core i5 : all good, A smartphone : all good, core i5 UM version from 5 years ago (You know, 1.8Ghz, 2 cores, not 4) : all good.

US : Could you share your screen and show us ?

Client : Sure ! Shares his screen. Chrome is already opened. Refreshes the page, after 15 seconds, chrome : Would you like to stop script on this page ?”

US with mic on mute : “WTF?! It cannot happen here. It’s only a list of about 500 rows!”.

US : “Hello, could you open a tasks manager?”

Client : “ Sure, but I need to do it through here”

Some random VID interface popping up. Opens tasks manager with a beautiful “48 vCPUs detected”.

I have no idea how their virtualization is settled, but it seems to be messed up. Tomorrow going to be fun. I have a call at 9am to explain them their problem. Their IT will hate me forever.

If anyone has tips on Chrome through virtualization, please tell me.

EDIT : Yes 48. Not 4-8. It's not an error

!rant

Despite all the great technology we have available to us, I still find a pencil and a sheet of paper to be among my most useful programming and debugging tools.

We all know that being distracted while coding is frustrating. That's why me and my teammates (we are 3) we "protect" each other while on "full dev mode" - meaning anyone coming to disturb one of us while in that state, the other push him/her away.
The most productive 2 weeks of my life 😂😂

these backend devs,
please. dont touch the CSS.

you primitive animal. we use SCSS these days.
all of your changes will be overridden by us when we compile.

My use of linux could legally drink now, in the US. And even after 21 years, I still love it more all the time.

The most unproductive meeting was definitely a day long meeting about “inclusiveness” with an emphasis on toxic masculinity. It was all the dev teams for a whole day which was ballpark 40-60 devs total. Most of us were like, “We have never even had a woman on our teams to alienate.” Eventually a dev hiring manager allowed the three female devs to leave half way through because they were being repeatedly singled out by the HR lady running the meeting.

The rest of us sat through another half day of the HR lady telling us on how bad we are because we are men.

Was cleaning up some of the old files on my system and found the first ever raycast program I had written.. in c++

This was during a time im pretty sure all of you guys just like me learnt the things that you could possibly do using code.

The experience of the first time I ran this and saw the sprites appear was the awe all of us have experienced in our own ways.

The reason I found this picture interesting is many of us end up losing the wonder and sense of excitement that got us into development in first place.

Go back , clean up your drives .. find your old code. I'm sure there is no better feeling than looking at the past you , writing bad code , with a probably bad language on a bad editor with sleepless nights to get nothing more than the output we wanted.

It's amazing when you realise everything is better when it's simple.

CEO: This project is of critical importance to us - anything you need at all to help make it happen swiftly, let us know and my team will be on it.

Hey, could you give us IntelliJ ultimate licences?

THAT IS A RIDICULOUS REQUEST DON'T YOU KNOW EVERY PENNY COUNTS HERE

A friend and a co-worker who prefers loneliness and interact only required.
Comes to office morning, connects to WiFi, looks at the mobile, keeps scrolling and laughs for an hour(quite in nature). This is what his been doing since month.
Curiosity among colleagues, we took his phone and found neither WhatsApp, nor Facebook and not even 9gag. His browser history had all dev problems googled..
Then, the day came, when we asked to him and the reply was...
DEVRANT(heard by all for the first time)..
Now many of us into devrant busy reading, ranting and laughing.
The outsiders unaware of such app might look at us think weird.. perspective and awareness matters..

Non-technical manager who been managing my team for years: "hey can you take a look at this log?"

*log is all PHP*

Us: "we're iOS devs, none of us know PHP"

Manager: "well why not?"

HOW DO YOU GET PAID MORE THAN US

PHP is the Fidel Castro of programming languages; after all Castro outlived five US presidents who ordered his assassination. And of course, like reports of Mark Twain’s death being exaggerated, it’s patently absurd to call a language that powers 80% of the web dead.

@dfox Are you guys going to share the survey results with us?

Manager told all of us to leave at 5 instead of 6:30 because of Christmas.

Then he told us to work from home this Friday and take Monday off cuz Christmas is on a Sunday.

Today I was having conversation with my friend about time consumed in fixing errors. Our non coder friend was silently listening to us.
After we finished our lunch he stood up and said,
"You guys don't know how to handle time with efficiency. Why don't you ignore all the errors, finish your coding and fix all the errors in the end. It will save a lot of time"

At work we have a....err....pool of usefulness awareness situation.

You see. The school does not know all that me and the lead developer does. Our head of department does. Our manager used to do(fore she left) but as far as the rest of the 2 fucking campuses are concerned, all of our shit works through magical dwarves that live inside the servers in our server rooms.

Normally, we are fine with this. But whenever one of us misses, or decides to take the day off and some shit hits the fan...THEN and only then do our users know what we do.

So we have a "pool" of items that seem to be picked every time one of us is not there. The more it gets picked, the more people are aware of us, the more they figure out what we do...the more they start to ask for customization and shit like that.

Such a funny situation. Wonder if this will get in the way of friday morning coffee and magic the Gathering at the office.

Or me and the cms admin playing videogames together.

Oh well

Are we all victims of self-inflicted poor posture? Or are there gods among us?

I just realized something. So all of us here that rant seem to be way overqualified for our job.

Why are you still at yours?

An iOS app which was basically a wrapper for a giant jQuery eForm.
~5000 lines of custom JS and it broke ALL THE DAMN TIME. A team of us worked on it for about a year and all we ever did was fix bugs. But the bug count never went down. The bugs just got replaced with more bugs.
Thankfully its not live anymore.
After the global thermonuclear war, all that will remain is cockroaches and jQuery.

Working at my company for one year with two old 20 inch monitors. My boss asked my what would improve my productivity. I said give me two fucking huge and nice monitors. I got the approval that he ordered for all of us new monitors.

One of the support guys told me the we will get the monitors today. Yeah but that was two weeks ago..

Now all of us are only taking about new monitors.. kinda funny that you can get excited for hardware so easy. Love the IT <3

devops guy: "Shut up, Perl is awesome. It is the best Swiss Army knife language."

I agree. Let us observe the architect in our metaphor, in charge of building our new building, insists on doing it ALL with a Swiss Army knife.

Yes, I agree with your comparison very very much.

(translation... I want to use Docker, a temporary db, and continuous integration. He wants to continue writing and reading tons of shit to a mess of JSON text files all over the place.)

I think I know now where "Pet project" got its name from: 1) Most of us would rather play with it all day instead of going to work. 2) As it grow bigger, eventually you'll have to shed out a couple bucks for it, and.. 3) Your PM would be FURIOUS if he caught you playing with it at the office.

I just want to make it clear to all of us here...

Not every goddamn thing is a bug from X or a bug from Y most of the time I, Us, We as programmers fucking make mistakes or don't know the issue because it's vague!!! IT'S NOT A FUCKING BUG!!!

"We've refactored most part of the code to follow best practice. Many of the unit tests are broken. Please help us to fix them all".

Me: Oh joy!!!

All of us have tried that feeling

There's not much fighting on devrant since all of us are suffering

For the last 4-5 months the boss hasn't paid our wages complete. Since then he has promised over and over that he will pay all that he owes us, and we (most of us, anyway, the smart ones already leave) like fools believed in him.
The boss still is lying to us, the same lies over and over (i think he believes them himself)
YOU FOOL, NOBODY BELIEVES YOUR LIES, SHOW ME THE MONEY. DAMMIT!
I'll leave the job and very posibly sue him at the end of this month. Took me long enough. I'm not a smart man...

Client: Hey guys! Let us start a bunch of projects that are all dependent on each other and expect them to deliver those on time.

Me: WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

0: Monitors and Graphic's Cards become affordable for us poor graduates

1: Node bloat becomes a thing of the past with WA or has auto-minimize functionality to keep only essential code

2: North American internet companies all go out of business due to free super high speed infrastructure maintained by a trust of communities and elected delegates

not all "dev" related per se, but my current day to day gripes answered

Not at my current dev job, but I worked for a place that had us be On-call and if someone called we would all get an email telling us who was complaining, where the site was, the problem, etc.
This service was a 24/7 service.

Anyways one of my first times on call I definitely slept through like 12 emails throughout the night, and when I woke up the next morning I saw that the owner of the company had taken all 12 and resolved the issues.

I thought I was a goner for sure.

Got fired today due to one big cunt who just joined to sabotage all junior devs because his older than all of us, im dissapointed at how arrogant some of you old devs are, the good old days development houses used to be fun and young, i respect all of you with great heart but we are not trying to compete with you if we know knew tech better than you, times have changed, if you are still dumb about bootstrap dont hate on anyone but yourself. Grow deFaQuPndStopHating

Rant time. So, me and a few classmates finally finished and handed in a website for a web development class a few days ago. Before we handed it in, we had a meeting with the professor to discuss what we still needed to do.

Us: Are we missing anything?
Prof: Nope. Looks good. Just make sure you have stylus implemented.
Us: Cool, thanks.

We got our grade back today. We didn't do as great as we'd hope, and here's one of the comments that the professor left us:

"You forgot to implement all of the CRUD operations. -4"

WHAT THE **** IS THAT? We asked you if we were missing anything, and you said no. You reminded us about stylus, which we looked at ONCE in a 13-week class, but you failed to remind us that we needed all of the CRUD ops?

Companies! For the love of your peoples sanity give the developers of all ages worthwhile machines. If you send us to clients to develop iOS apps, send macs also 😤

Gotta love product owners that don't seem to understand agile.

We delivered the set number of items in the sprint we committed to plus a little extra polish. During the last day of the sprint we're spending the time to push all our work to UAT do he can actually perform acceptance testing...

He decides he should chase all of us up on stuff that we never commited to or even mentioned we'd touch.

Had to explain it to him at least 5 times during the day.

!dev related

My best mate and I got invited to an Adelaide based Christmas do which they flew us to free of charge (we are from Victoria).

It was an open bar so we needed up racking up an alcohol bill just shy of $1000, in the end we wound up having some people who were about twice our age trying to 'debug us' if you will.

A month or so later they called up asking for us and it was the most awkward thing I have ever experienced (story is quite a bit longer but not all of it is savoury .-.)

Tuesday**

PM: can we have this site hosted by Friday..?
Me: I'll try but I need all the information about their organization

Wednesday**

PM: *sends half of the info I need

Thursday**
PM: how far have you gone..? I want us to host tomorrow
Me: I still don't have all the information I need

Best dev experience of 2017:

Being able to support my family with my work.

Knowing that all of us have health, vision, and dental insurance solely because of me.

Finally being able to give back to those who have helped me over the years.

Start to read the book from Jaron Lanier "Who owns the Future". And suddenly realize that the company which offering us "free services" is trying to build a superior model of machine learning and read all of our behaviour.

Thus, i start to logout my facebook, twitter, instagram and all of my social media. But, i'm not the lucky one who could fight this "selling data practices", because I still use devices with "Android OS". My privacy stolen & sold is inevitable. What a Digital Life!

Client A

At the first few meetings, told us they are giving sponsors to World Cup 2018 and we should totally talk about it loudly on media.

Then when we submitted our plan, they said things have changed and they no longer can mention about World Cup. We had to redo everything.

Now, they blame us that our service quality is so bad that we should learn from *some refernce* company. Said company is only talking about their sponsorship for World Cup.

---

Client B

Bought smallest package from us. Demand services greater than our largest package.

Gave us an information of a name spelled in "Barbu". We used that spelling and used it for various tasks in past few weeks. All approved by client.

Blamed us we are giving such a poor service that we cannot even spell "Babu" correctly this morning.

Final project senior year...
Mistake 1: Chose a project suggested by the prof, who did not initially make it obvious that the project beneficiary would be a personal friend of his.
Mistake 2: Nine of us thought this project looked cool and all signed up for it.
Mistake 3: Looked at the code-behind provided for us and discovered that the web-app we were building was... programmed in Java, using StringBuilder to append HTML, CSS, and JavaScript and create its webpages. Which was then decoded and built into a webpage using some obtusely designed compiler.
Mistake 4: Decided to question the reasonability of said project to the prof.
Mistake 5: Did not quit the project as a group and do something else

We all graduated, I think, but a lot of C-'s were had. Fuck that class.

Mary Christmas to all of you and remember not to connect to production when you’re drunk.

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,
(I will be drunk),
At home as I am in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
and lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer,
The bitter and the lager,
Forever and ever,
Barmen

Dedicated to Youtube developers who just happened to see us 500 error & some nice monkey joke. :)

I understand that all of you slaughered & only monkies left to fix site. 😁

With all of us complaining about white spaces and this weeks challenge being to write a block of code...shouldn't devRant have a "tab" key on mobile?

Hate Ai all you want but this is low key what a lot of us have been waiting for.

Korea esports casters are just like the rest of us after all.

University makes us sign our documents electronically. What this means is that we're required to put pictures of our signature onto all sorts of declarations. Since none of the documents we "sign" this way are important it could be okay, but I don't understand why it's beneficial to encourage us to keep a photo of our signature on our computers, paving the way to identity theft.

Reminds me of "All your base are belong to us" a bit.

Side note, fuck this.
💩

How many of us would like windows phone to be back. Its an awesome os, no lag, almost has all the apps(i am watching netflix on it) and the best build quality.

My current internet provider....

WHY THE FUCK IS MY WIRED INTERNET CONNECTION SLOWER THAN MY PHONE ON WIRELESS! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING BULLSHIT IS THIS US ISPs I PAY YOU A SHIT TON OF MONEY SO YOU CAN INVEST IN INFUSTRUCTURE AND FUCKING GET ME GOOD SPEEDS! NOT FUCKING BLOW IT ALL ON YOUR EXECUTIVE BONUSES!

Stackoverflow started 8 years ago.
Is there no hope for us "noobs" to ever see the 'k' at the end of our points?
All these 100K + users and i'm over here rejoicing in the 48 points that I was able to muster up with some effort T-T

My biggest obstacle? Stupidity, laziness, willfull ignorance, procrastination.

Sometimes my teammates are the ones guilty of these things too. That, and impossible timetables, but that's par for the course for pretty much all of us.

I'm taking a computer sciece course for Java and I'm just getting into it. I have done other similar things but in different languages and one day the class was discussing the meaning of static and all of a sudden he stops projecting his screen and says one moment and I look at what he's doing and he's googling what to do like WTH your supposed to be teaching us not feeding us answers from google

I just can't stress enough how fascinated I am by biology and biochemistry.

I mean, we, who call ourselves engineers, are no more but a gang of toddlers having a blast with jumbo legos on Aunt Lucy's dining room carpet on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Our solutions using "modern tools" and "modern engineering" are mere attempts to *very* remotely mimic what beautiful and elegant solutions are around us and inside of each of us.

IC/EC engines, solar batteries, computers and quantum computers, spaceships and ISSes, AI/ML, ... What are they? just the means to leverage what's been created all around us to create something that either entertains us, encourages our laziness or helps us to look at the other absolutely fascinating engineering solutions surrounding us so we could try and "replicate" their working principles to further embrace our laziness and entertain us.

Just look at the humble muscle - a myofibril made out of actin and myosin. The design is soooo simple and spot on, so elegant and efficient, the "battery" and signalling system are so universal and efficient.

Look at all those engineering miracles, small and big. Look how they work, how they leverage both big and small to create holistic, simplistic and absolutely efficient mechanisms. And then come back to me, and tell me again that all these brilliant solutions came out of nothing just by an accident we call "evolution".

How blinded by our narcissism are we to claim that there can't be a grand designer of any kind, that there's nothing smarter than us and that the next best thing than us is an incomprehensible series of accidental mutations over an unimaginable amount of time?

I mean.. could it be that someone/something greater than us created us and everything around us? naaaah.. we are the crown jewel of this universe. Everything else must be either magic or an accident. /s

Don't read this as yet another crazy-about-God person's ramblings. I'm not into religion fwiw. But science has taught me enough critical thinking to question its merit. Look at it all as engineers. Which is more probable: that everything around us happened by an accident or that someone/something preceding us had a say in the design?

i think formal education is the best, because it teaches good practices and all the whys of programming. it requires a lot of discipline and effort, but actually sitting down and studying theory is good for us

Our team talking with a Mr. KnowItAll...

Mr. KIA: What concerns me about this huge system transference is that the devs won't give us the JS scripts files decompiled.
Mr. KIA again: I'm also concerned about Win XP end of support...

Us seeing each other: WTF is going on?!? Where are the hidden funny cameras...

A tip:
If you wanna pretend you know it all...you'll fail...

A humble dev never get humilliated

Robocup Leipzig 2016. World competition.
After years of (mainly unsuccessfully) developing our robots we finally managed to place 3rd. Out of all the countries in the world only the Germans and Austrians managed to beat us, and honestly I'm perfectly fine with that. You guys have some really good devs :)

Meetings. I don't know how management people get anything done, but the time I spend in meetings counts completely opposite, in terms of productivity.

Client: We are completely unable to plan a construction project successfully. We want you to use AI to do all of our project planning for us. Our requirements are that instead of needing to spend any money or time planning we just want to press a button and have a computer instantly put together all of our project plans for us. The program also needs to identify optimizations on it’s own and change all related plans enterprise-wide. All copies of the plans should be able to be kept up to date at all times so we’re never looking at an old plan again. We also want the ability to print.

Dev: …

"Web" Teacher wanted us to learn horribly outdated html in the middle of web2.0 wave.

HTML5 ? CSS3 ? nope.
No CSS at all, and longest part of the class was on the importance of prehistoric HTML doctypes.

Capitalized tags, tables, BGCOLOR attributes...

Like she scrapped everything on W3schools...

Well, so I finally got 200 ++s, and now I can finally...
Wear vests! Uh... so that's cool... XD

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everybody for being such a good sport, around here... I've not been here for a long time, but I already feel like a part of a big family, of developers (and, why not, also non-developers...), and that makes me so happy.
In the end, devRant is like one of those rubber ducks developers use to tell things, I guess, lol.
It's just that. devRant is a rubber duck.
And every one of us is making that rubber duck bigger, and bigger, into something so unique and cool...
Something you can talk to (or rant to, I guess haha), something you can express all of your feelings to...
And inside of that rubber duckie there are... all of us. Hearing these rants from developers all around the world.
In the end it's really the community the most important part of... every thing or project, really, whatever it is, online or offline.
Keep on ranting about whatever you want, if you feel the need to...
I hope to hear more about all of you.
Thank you, all of you. I mean it.
Especially you two, who made it possible, @dfox and @trogus.
...devRant is such a cool project.
I sincerely hope it lives forever, it deserves it. You deserve it.
Again, thank you!

I love you all, good devRanting! 💙

A "partner" company has created a "REST" API we use on an online shop we developed to send all shop-related requests to.
At least once a month, something fails on their end and the customer calls us every time, expecting that we did something wrong, but it has never been us.
These "partners" do exactly zero testing, are extremely slow in solving API bugs, have almost no logging and have no monitoring on the API at all.
Today at noon, suddenly no customers were able to order anything anymore for 4 hours.

How the fuck can you run a business so unbelievably brainless that this keeps repeating monthly?
Time they fire all their "devs" and everyone in charge of the company and operations. TERMINATE.

One of our customers is a minor telco, which has been taken over by a bigger one. Some of the customer documents, welcome letters and so on, are generated by our system.
First of all, the new owner wanted us to re-brand it all for free. Well, we didn't (maybe you understand). I wrote an offer for the whole package including some fixes, sums another 9000 $.
Of course, they have to discuss it now,they told me. But in the meantime - they seriously asked us to black the former company name by hand on each letter using a marker. No shit buddies!

So, seen this when I just arrived at work earlier this week. Made me think of COD. 😂 We hear them frequently flying over us all day.

"Scientists discover the world that exists; engineers create the world that never was"

I've come to love this quote. We, the engineers, are shaping the world. We have the tools, knowhow and expertise to move mountains.

I said it before years ago and I'll say it again: all the other roles are meant to assist us, not the other way around. We don't work for managers, sales dept., bosses. They can't do shit without us. Why do we need them? To buy us toys, to sell our creations and suggest us how to shape our creations to make a better sell.

Quit slaving if you feel you are a professional. Quit bending over to sales' and mgmt nonsense timelines and demands. Hear them out, consider their concerns and give them YOUR estimates and approaches.

WE are the power of creation. THEY work for us. Not the other way around.

Does not apply to juniors. They are still learning their way around

If it weren't for poor documentation I'd be retired by now.

We didn't all write your library. In fact, only you did. So, some helpful documentation would really help us all out. Can't believe the number of times I need to read source code to figure out what the hell you are doing.

Hi, I'm a 17 years old web developer (still in school, not from the us), is there any way that a guy like me will be able to find a job to start gain experience? I searched all over the internet, in upwork no one answer me when I try to contact them and the other all wants 1 or 2 years of experience or a degree...

Spent 2 days refactoring code written by our "offshore team". I've done refactoring on the same code in the past, probably upto about a week in total of refactoring now. The code looked like it was written by someone who had literally just finished their first "Hello World" app - loads of code blocks copied and pasted instead of declaring reusable functions.
The whole thing should have been done by us in the first place.
And yet our money-conscious company wants to employ more of these developers. Cheaper than us? Sure. Quantity over quality though, but I guess money is all that matters to the big cheese

When you are italian but you want a laptop with a US keyboard....
... all the shop online (with less than 10€ of shipping cost) become empty.

Fuck.

we had that one teacher in the apprenticeship in the first year who taught us C. There were some people who already knew the language but most of us didn't and we had this one horrible test where we had to do some for and while loops with stars... Like generating something like this:
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
**
*
so most of rhat stuff we never learnt and he couldn't explain to us why our code wasn't correct and we all ended up getting really bad grades in that subject for something really basic -_- just because he couldn't explain it to us and test things we never had

I distinctly remember all of us discussing how we prefer to work at night. I worked through the night and now about to work through the day. Now it's all a blur and I feel numb inside. This voice keeps saying "you are just a machine" and then I wake up with qwerty stamped on my forehead and the music bringing me back. Time to work!

The three of us were all doing Java project for class. Within 5 minutes, we all merged our branches up to the integration branch, and everything broke.

Longest 2 hours of yelling ever. We took out all of the stops: git blames, reverting commits, the whole nine.

Turns out that someone accidentally pushed their .idea folder, which messed up everyone's system.

I have three words for all of us who still use CDs/DVDs,
* paper towel
* toothpaste

You know what really grinds my gears?

Executive bathrooms. They get gold and marble and all kinds of fancy shit and the rest of us get a linoleum shit box. Who do they think they are? Are they too good to shit and piss with their developers. You know...the people who make the shit that makes them money?

Executives are just overpaid suits who do next to nothing while the rest of us carry their fat asses across the finish line and they are too good to take a shit with us common folk.

Going through the conversation for xxxxth time with my business partner, why we will not launch a new product on top of pre-made PHP script / plugin.

Just got our company into TDD, and automated QA via CI server & code checks etc, PLEASE stop trying to drag us back into the land of spaghetti code & bug legions in production. That's all thxbye.

Fuck you Twillio.
You bought a perfectly good email service (SendGrid) and now this service is just.. failing.
All of theirs Ips are getting blacklisted. Our clients are calling us (Of course they are).
People cannot reset passwords, cannot get ANY email notification.
Right now, SendGrid is blacklisted by majority of anti spam systems.
Twilio, fuck you again. This service we were using for more than 5 years without ANY problem. Twilio fucked up.
Fuck you Twlio again. And when we create a “critical” ticket, all you have to say is “Meehhh we’ll contact you in a week” ? REALLY ? Even Microsoft contacts us in 2 hours for critical problems.
Sorry it needed to come out.

We don't have a designer yet in the team so we had to learn Adobe XD on the side to prototype our ideas. After months of getting the hang of it thinking this semi-free tool will work for us to save some money, Adobe decides to change their pricing plans starting in April 2020 and it will no longer be free. It feels like Adobe trapped us to get used to their platform and then secretly slap us with a price tag halfway. We can't blame them since we're all trying to put food on the table here. We started exploring Figma today and oh boy was it a gift from the gods! The features are so much better. They make our workflow faster!

Company uses legacy "Web app" which only runs on an old version of Internet explorer. CTO told us to use a Windows VM since we have mac to run it. All for a website..... Ahhhh

Youtube cached 1.5GB of data on my phone. Have we all forgotten how to code? Have endless hardware resources gotten the better of us?

*everyone bitching about a piece of software that everyone hates because it's awful, doesn't work, AND costs millions of dollars*
Me: Hey here's a solution that's basically free and gives us everything we need, and all of the enhancement requests
"Cool! We'll look into it for 2020. Keep working on it for a third of what you should be making though"
.. but we need it now??

ATTN: ALL DEVZ

I think we all should just band together and say FU! to all of these software companies and form one gigantic software corporation, steal all of their clients, and make them beg on their knees for us to help them. Not only that, make them go through a series of VERY stressful interviews (to see who deserves our time, of course) in which we simply say....."no" with no explanation. Bwahahahahhahahaha!!!

Wishful thinking.... 🤔

"We are all designers, the difference is that only a few of us do it full-time." - Sabo Tercero

Writing a small scale Ecommerce site for a friend. He keeps asking why I am writing tests for it all the time...some of us have standards

"All code and no rant make all of us a bad DEV"

We were 4 dudes developing this little disposable material management system for a course in college, and we had to write documentation and present on the last day of class. Second week into the course and one dude goes rouge, not taking phonecalls nor replying to messages, just goes to class and does not get together with us to make progress. Neddless to say the other three of us had to do all the work. Fast forward to last day, all of us wondering where this dude could be. He shows up 6 mins before the presentation, already late, reads like 3 pages of the doc, and decides he will be the lead presenter.

>Mfw he takes over and starts bs'ing the whole thing.
>Mfw he mentions the possibility of the system to be extrapolated to manage salami in a butchery.
>Mfw the professor seemed to have swallowed all that bs like cake.
>Mfw we get an A, including him.
>Mfw I have no face

We all talk about the little things that screw us for days. Here is mine.

The same program with 4 executables pointing to bat files that all run differently. The executables to launch this program are in different places. 3 of the 4 are broken but give all appearances that they are functional. The one that works is buried in another directory that has 3 executables of the same type. Take your pick.

Short story, a 5 day problem solved by double-clicking the right icon.

For school I have to make an attandance tracking application for a school with a group of students. First of all we HAVE to use polymer for our webapp which is absolutely absurd. It is driving us all mad that all this functionality is so complicated and that default js functions are rewritten just to work with polymer and it is just a pile of shit.

Then secondly only half the team is motivated (or at least till today) and really tries to write some fucking code and the other half is just does not fucking turn up, leave urly and wordt of all: they just look at there screens and sit there like shitis just gone get done.

I am so fucking tired of unmotivated people

Combatting imposter syndrome is all about being more realistic with yourself imo.

Not in the way you might think. By realistic, I mean you NEED to regularly tell yourself that you are doing your best - especially in the work or areas that can promote insecurities of “not being good enough”. Acknowledge that you are only human, that all of us are different, that all of us make mistakes, and all of us have different interests in life. That, and practice gratitude for your situation. Your interests and decisions lead your different paths, so might as well embrace, enjoy, and love your uniqueness.

That being said, I also think it’s important to do difficult things. I think @wisecrack said it the best in that “real learning feels like falling”. Like the uncertainty of the abyss causes the most anxiety. Next time you feel like you don’t belong, recognize and separate that feeling and reframe it as a symptom to your own self improvement process. Take that risk and do things that are uncomfortable in the pursuit of personal success.

A new developer started working with us a few months back. Plenty years of experience, both front- and backend.
He was the perfect guy for the job, according to management. Two weeks ago he asked me what JWS Cookie I used to send my requests.
After a few minutes we realized that he meant JWT token.

Said developer is no longer working with us, he didn’t like all the new technology.

Yes, they given all of us plastic chairs for sitting 36 hr instead of been bag. Wow you can imagine the condition of our back. They also don't know the password which they created for guest...

Computer programming teacher wanted us to write some pseudocode to solve an algorithm just so we can practice writing some code and solving problems. The teacher needs a copy so I spent about 2 hours today rewriting all of that pseudocode because she wants it handwritten...

And the stock market is plunging again.... Who gives a fuck....

It makes no logical sense? Unless someone wants to enlighten me... But I don't see much downside...

COVID kills us all => who gives a fuck about stock prices

COVID kills most of us => who gives a fuck about stock prices, aka pieces of paper. All the survivors will create a new society and either split the goods or fight over them. It'll be like Survivor... But real.

COVID goes away and doesn't do anything => great time to buy buy buy since all you idiots basically just gave me like a huge discount on stock prices. AKA a long overdue market correction

Everyday I get on my train, get off and go into the office, get some coffee, and sit down at my desk.

Everyday, all of us take a Blue Pill, and focus in on this world they give us. We don't consider this a part of our life. Brushing our teeth, flossing, making breakfast, sleeping .. those are also not our life.

Life are all the other things outside of the routine.

But we spend more time in our routine. We spend more time in our loops than outside of them.

Brushing your teeth, making coffee, coding at work, eating, sleeping: these things are your life.

All those other things, they're the escape from it.

Today I've found code that was generating HTML of ```<ul><li>1. Item</li><li>2. Item</li></ul>``` and I'm seriously reconsidering all my life choices. Fortunately the guy who made this doesn't work with us anymore.

Today's epic cringe was me moaning at my team on the Slack channel about people breaking the test suite, followed a couple of seconds later by TeamCity letting us all know that I'd just broken the test suite.

Lord. Please deliver us from the cycle of unfinished programming languages and code benches that are designed to create more work for us. We beseech thee in thy mercy to transmute all this asynchronous lead that is found in javascript into a purer form of threading that is sensible and can be willfully blocked or not so in a way that works and does not divide us through our ugly code. May also we be given the ability to purge from our midst all child molesters and string them up by barbed wire off a line of telephone poles across the entire continental usa and may there be a sudden increase in the number of ravens and buzzards to feed on them, being nice birdies that I miss seeing so much. May half their positively identified population be kept alive and delivered unto us that we might remove their scrotum with a hook-ed barb and something resembling a serrated metallic spork, amen.

and please fix fucking node js. i agree that its asynchronous methods suck ass for literally everything as there is no use for it that seems to work given its a shitty emulated single thread.

!dev

So there's been a lot of rain lately, and it looks like the river next to our office might flood, which means if it does then we'll have to evacuate all our workstations.
Unfortunately, 90% of our office is currently out of the state on vacation or at a conference, which leaves only 2 of us to get everyone's stuff out..

Month passed so I looked at job offers and I am tired again.

All of them look the same and all of them look like crap. Some require stupid online tests preparation ( cause everyone likes to traverse tree 10000 times a day ).

Seriously I think I will go to supermarket and work there.
It’s more pleasant then getting input and pushing it in some stupid places all over again.
Finding some shit in shit pile, then moving this shit pile back and forth between different shit holes.

AI should start writing this stupid code, robots should provide food and build shelter.
The sooner the better for all of us.

For all of our differences Tabs Vs Spaces, Emacs Vs Vim. There are two things that drive us. Computers and free promotional merchandise.

So this group of students (mostly girls) from university approached us to make them a prototype app for their semester's project, we had a first reunion to know about the idea and what they wanted us to do.

All they talked about was the color and some minor design stuff, we still don't exactly know what we're doing since it was difficult for us to get them to actually define the requirements and what the app should do.

We were supposed to have a second reunion for us to show them some ideas but the day of the meeting they didn't reply any of our messages.

I'm not the kind of guy who gets upset easily, but if you ask us for help and then let us hanging not really knowing what to do with your shitty project, fuck you.

GUYS; STOP THE VIMIPOSTS got like all of them in the small period I‘m checkin jesus christ lord save us

My C# teacher. From all the beginning CS classes that I have taken she is the only that I really respect. She took the time to teach us how operators work, took the time to teach us Pseudo code, and made us code using just a pen and paper. I bought my laptop (instead of a desktop) to code along her in classes. She would ask us how to solve something. Gave us like 5 min to think about it, and then we would answer it, and she would translate our solution to code making comments for us to fully understand what was going on.

Building CMS for one of our client on demand. Young client seemed to be pretty upset, when we told him, that all the functionality including all the forms had to be build from scratch. He told us, he thought it is there in the computer "by nature" and does not need to be programmed.

So there's this bulk messaging app named 100pins, generally used by institutes. And there's the eye sore.

I'm sure all of us have a working back button.

Project manager asked me to directly communicate with our client.

BUT, he told me what to say and what not to say.

BULLSHIT! All of these business "etiquettes" and formalities are just a waste of time for both the clients and us.

If only I could, I would simply cut all these nonsense and just communicate honestly.

Is it coincidental that the two most important keys that help us devs build our CVs, the C and V keys are inline on our keyboards? And look at that Ctrl key...That's what happens after too many rounds of copying and pasting...All hail Ctrl, C and V keys

We were in the process of signing up an enterprise company. We sent them a spreadsheet requesting a list of all of their staff so that we can create user accounts for all of them. That dumb shit at the company printed out the spreadsheet and then filled out the printouts using her pen and then took a photograph of it and emailed it back to us.

I just want to say to all the Indian managers that declined hiring me due to preferring some of their other countrymen and declining me visa sponsorships to US…

Fuck you and good luck with those visa wait times. Truly yours,

A pissed off me

I see all IT engineers running scared like "they're going to fire/replace all of us". This is the kind of mentality the company wants.
Next time you wanna be an ass to your colleague remember that. Neither of you might reach retirement age. Both of you will be replaced. None of you stands to gain anything from winning the argument

Thank you Linus Torvalds for building something amazing for all of us

I love devrant so much for how I feel it's the one social network in which I feel part of the community, and I hate it for letting me realize how alive all of the stereotypical behaviours the IT crowd is usually shunned for are amongst us.

Users and managers aren't stupid, processes in a company are usually there for a reason, and if your boss is really that much of a dimwit, then why the hell are you even there?

This has to be one of the most recession proof professions out there. Change jobs. Stop blaming everybody else for your shortcomings, damn it.

But, yeah, much love to all of you making us look good and being humble about it.

TIFU by running DELETE-INSERT on a live server and losing thousands of rows from a separate table. 🤤

TIL If you delete data from indexed table, it will affect any linked tables. I think. Fml. 🤕

At least it was a learning experience for all of us. Hopefully if I keep repeating it enough it will become true...

We had late night work... So our seniors thought of going out for drinks and asked us to join!!
We beeing the interns, bill was all on them ;)
Had fun...

Developing in Haskell. Lecturer is assuming we all use Windows. Some of us are better than that...but only some.

A coversation with a classmate:
(We embraced Node and Javascript but he had no interest at all)

Me: So what tech stack do we use for this project?
Him: You guys decide... I'm fine with anything.
Me: So you're fine with any tech we use? No opinions?
(We need confirmation from all members but he, being the uninterested person he was, gave half-hearted replies)
Him: I'm actually a ROR person, not interested in node.
Us: ....

Dude we understand that you prefer ruby but at least help us decide! We studied all of this together... sheesh

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who'll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. ... All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself."

--Chuck Close

Motivation, inspiration... works for either.

Jesus our security infrastructure people are stupid. They are telling us to secure a service that we don’t want accessible directly by the role “member” setup to be accessible by “member”. All because they “don’t want us changing identities in the middle of a chain of web service calls”. They are like “don’t worry, the fire wall keeps them out”.

That’s like saying “here’s the key to the bank vault, but you won’t ever get past the security guards so it’s okay that you have it.”

I swear this company is stone stupid.

Everytime there's a bug for me, being English is the problem.
In the US, the spelling color is used to match the spelling of the word's Latin etymon, and to make all derivatives consistent (colorimeter, colorize, colorless, etc). Elsewhere in the English-speaking world, the spelling colour has been retained

It's sad how easy it is to fool people by switching between absolute and relative values.

3 million people did this, 3 million people own that, 3 million people agree on those things, it all seems significant - but 1% of US population sounds completely marginal and irrelevant...

We're talking about coding standards and someone on our team wants us to avoid the protected keyword because it allows for variable shadowing.

The lead architect wants to avoid levels of inheritance whenever possible; trying to keep only Interfaces and Implementations (and he names all of the Implementations with the same class name plus "Impl").

for all that WFH : most of us had sex during work hours, does this make us a porn stars?

should I add it to my resume... what else can I put while in this thought field?

Anyone else get LinkedIn messages like this on the reg?

“Well, I wanna work with US clients but most of them want to work with US only developers.
Also, I think US developers' hourly rate is much higher than others.
So i hope to collaborate with you.

Well, If I explain in detail:
- We will apply for jobs on several job platforms.
(Angel, Dice, Indeed, …)
- If the clients require video/voice interview, you will do that.
- I will do all the tasks.

In this case, you are the manager, and my role will be the coder and tester.”