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My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.27
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During a software presentation for a group of clients i said:
"I reworked the interface for you. Now it's idiot-proof."9 -
Just watched a video where someone (in relation to the new mass surveillance law in the netherlands) asked people on the street if they had something to hide.
Everyone said no.
"Could you get your phone and show me around?"
Everyone said yes.
"May I take a look at your messages/pictures/browsing history?"
Suddenly 80 percent said no.
"But you said you had nothing to hide!"
"I'm going to take that back."44 -
I met my boss in a bar...
He said that he needs someone testing their security. I said that I was in security.
He emailed me.
That's it. 😂1 -
When I said make that text italic, I didn’t mean to make it green, white, and red. That’s Italian.2
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When i was 16 i said fuck school, i will be a game developer. Of course everyone said noop, you will not, grow up. Now i am 20 and a game developer with a highly paid job. The people said to grow up are either unemployed or doing shitty jobs. Also i never finished school :D7
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
SOMEONE WAS HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH ME AND I TOLD THEM I'M A DEVELOPER
THEY ASKED IF I HAD A GIRLFRIEND
HAHAHAHAHAHA
.
.
.
.
of course I do devs are the coolests10 -
Just asked some bloke at work if he's into computers, and he said yes.
I asked him what languages he likes.
He responds 'Linux'.
I now knew he was bullshitting, so I asked him what compiler he uses.
He said binary.
Can I rip his teeth out and make a twat-tooth necklace now?10 -
Dev stickers are for loosers.
No for real， just received the new computer i ordered . i hear my daughter scream something from the other side of the house.
I thought she said:“is this your new computer?”
But actuaylly she said: “can i put stickers on you new computer???”
17 -
So I just booted up my laptop.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
WE'VE UPDATED OUR PRIVACY POLICY.
I agreed to all of it.
And continued my day.
Have a nice day everyone.
P.S no I'm not talking about emails10 -
The other day my girlfriend said that i could learn French in two weeks and proceeded to be preplexed when I said that obviously I couldn't.
She actually believed that me being able to learn a programing language In a week or two meant I could do it with any language.6 -
How do I know my office is pretty chill?
My lead dev just sent me a text with:
"U suck penis"
I said "wow, uncalled for"
And then he said:
"U r uncalled for"
Well alrighty then18 -
I had to integrate an internal service. The doc said:
Lorem impsum...
fuck me I had to reverse engineer it.5 -
A sweet girl of my class asked me yesterday, if i can help her to refresh her IT skills. I said "yes ofc im glad to help" . Today she repeated it, while whole class was listening. Other classmates said" yeah good idea we want to join"
Well, fuck it..38 -
It was for a job interview, I wouldn't specify what the challenge is but they said I could use any language I want; I chose Python. They said I failed the coding interview because it was not Java.8
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I thank whoever made the jsRant, a client for devrant to view in js looking style in browser. Teacher walked passed by and asked what i was doing. I said i was exploring the source of the newest javascript framework. He said what is the name. I said semicolonJS. He asked who made it. I said some person who has fox in his name did it.
Thanks everyone! I had some laughs after he walked passed by without noticing anything.7 -
Linux is great they said
Linux works well they said
Linux is totally awesome they said
- - -
4 live cds
(Ubuntu, mint, Debian, Antergos)
3 wouldn’t boot beyond splash screens or even into setup.
no fucking keyboard
No fucking wifi
No fucking trackpad
Now I’m sitting here with Antergos, with a USB keyboard, USB mouse and an ethernet cable plugged into my laptop 🤷♂️
Good news... I think I might be getting through the hard parts
26 -
Who said programmers cannot solve hardware problems?
My router just said "Check hardware connection of your WAN port"
I took the cable out, blew in the socket and put it back in.
My internet is back in action.3 -
When i said that i use Linux, 3/4 of the class stared at me like i have a mental problem.
Then i said that i use duckduckgo and they stared at me like i was really retarded.
The sad part is that i'm in computer science department and my colleagues have not any clue about anything else than microsoft/google.11 -
If Katie calls one more time, I'll hunt her down.
I said I don't want to be on your stupid caller's list. She said okay, then proceeds to call me 50 more times today.9 -
She said, tell me a simple, two word joke.
I said - "Internet Explorer"
Now we are getting married soon7 -
I was building a personal website and my friend oversaw it. He said “that looks cool, can I help?” I agreed, why couldn’t he help? Ten minutes in I asked him if he liked our 404 page. He said “what’s the link to the 404 page?” 🤦♂️ He’s not on the team no more.3
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!rant
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work.... The ass hole is usually in charge4 -
Was working on a style.css file in school. One of my friend approached me and said what is that?
I said, CSS!
*silence*
Custom Sexy Styles?
*facepalm*6 -
Manager: I NEVER SAID THAT!!
Dev: *Brings up email where he said exactly that*
Manager: I DON’T REMEMBER ASSIGNING YOU A TICKET TO LOOK THAT UP. GET BACK TO WORK!!
Dev: …3 -
I downloaded an API. Said API requires Java. Said Java version is 1.6... you can no longer download 1.7 or earlier versions..
RIP.12 -
Me: Hey can I take a byte
Friend: Sure, here
*Gives toast*
*bites 8 pieces*
Friend: Dude I said 1 not eight!
Me: You said I can take a byte :(
Based off my imagination6 -
Part 2 of my boss's stupidity
~FreezeFrame.mp4
*Wait! Wait! Wait! What!?*
*You actually reinstated my class?*
~anotherReverseRecordSound.mp3
-------------
Another late night and another set of pulls I needed to do in order to get caught up with the rest of the world.
I had just finished up dealing with a strange bug and had finally fixed it.
"I need to get caught up with my boss," I thought to myself.
I quickly git pull from my boss and a merge conflict occurs.
"Oh, ok that's fine." I say, "that's nothing too odd."
~FreezeFrame.mp4
"Wait! Wait! Wait! What!?" I shouted inside my head
I couldn't believe what I was seeing, there was a huge chunk of code that was being completely replaced.
"You're actually reinstating my class?" I nearly shouted.
"What!?" my girlfriend shouts from the other room.
"Come here a second, let me show you what it is," I shout back.
She rushes in real quickly, and I point at the code that was being changed.
"Remember that really long ass rant I made about how my boss had completely removed all of my code because he thought it was spaghetti?" I said
"Yeah?" she replied quickly, visually astounded by my excitement.
"He fucking put my class back into the code!!!"
"Wow!... I guess you beat him, huh?" she said.
"You better fucking believe it, but you want to know what's worse?"
She cocked her head sideways, "what?"
"He fucking built it worse than my original! The names don't properly reflect what he is trying do and he's doing a failure job at trying to copy what I had done in my original. He clearly doesn't know about git revert" I said between bouts of laughter.
"This is too good, I'm putting this on devRant!" I said
"I'm not in the least bit surprised that you would." She replied back.
Related Rant:
https://devrant.com/rants/1001888/...16 -
Someone drugged me last saturday.
I almost died, friends and family said.
Still recovering from it...8 -
Asked my boss if I could get a promotion... He said I will get the job I deserve and make me CNEO.
When I asked what this is about, he said "Chief Nullpointer Exception Officer"....1 -
Some days back before, it was my birthday so I invited my friend who make apps and games with me and I said "lets eat raspberry pi" so he came to my house and said where is the pie. I pointed at the green board at the table. LOL
2 -
WHAT THE FUCK? IS THIS REAL?
I got a call from a managment institute asking me if I have any MBA plans after graduation.
I said no and asked the person where did he get my number.
He said: Google
Like how? How does this even work? HOW?23 -
"And how are you?" I said.
Eeyore shook his head from side to side.
"Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time."
"Dear, dear," said Pooh, "I'm sorry about that. Let's have a look at your code..."
And then Eeyore looked at Pooh with terror in his face, before he vanish into the forest.
He never let me review his code again...3 -
Was joking with my sister about who has more steps. She had done more steps so far, so I said that I would walk 20 times around the McDonald's, where we were going to eat. She replied that she would walk 50 times around it, so I said that I would walk 2 times more around it than she would. She then said, that she would go once more around it. In the end, I explained recursion and infinite loops to her. Her comment was "großer Blödsinn" (German) -> "big bullshit".3
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Parents finally interested in what I do so they watch me do it
Mom: are you messing with me, what's with all the words? Where's the 1's and 0's, I thought you said it was just like the matrix
Me:...
...
...
I said only in the same way that there's computers8 -
At lunch, someone asked a question about our Sunday Hack-a-thon. Our PO said it was a "Smack-a-thon." I told her, "No, don't make stupid names. Let's call things what they are. It's Management Failure Sunday." Manager was sitting across the table when I said it.4
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“Get Linux, they’ve said. You don’t have to restart after the update, they’ve said”
Maybe I’m stupid, or Ubuntu Budgie sucks, but every time after tiny update, the system says I need to reboot. Just like Windows!18 -
An ex of mine broke up with me when I changed my career path to programming. She said she wouldn't want to date with a programmer, I said 'ok bye'.
Guess who has a better career and dated with smarter, nicer, more funny and more attractive people since then 😎7 -
I hate when idiots make assumptions without basis. My company so higher up idiots decided not to use Python. I said why they said it’s not scalable. I asked have anyone of you ever wrote micro service which can handle millions request every hours? Have you ever wrote service in Python? Have you ever worked on Python? Architect said but Python doesn’t have type support? I said there is use Python3. He said I want to validate my request payload. I told have you tried form and decorators. I told, I have 8 years experience. I worked in every language and I one has advantage over others depending on situation. Then they said, but we want only Java as finding resources is easy. I said have you checked git Python overtook Java in case resources, you are outdated. I don’t want to leave company but even after so many argument these idiots just dropping Python and because of that I am loosing so many good resources.8
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"i love the smell of possibility in the morning" i said.....
"Gradle build failed with errors"
--computer replied :)1 -
*on the terminal cd-ing through my directory*
friend who's not a brogrammer: woah that's cool! Are you hacking your computer??!1 -
Building a page for a company on the side, they said payment after page is delivered. I said they'd get a finished build, they were okay with it. I also added a couple random errors that will break the site after a month... Am I a terrible person? :3
I will remove the errors after I get paid, of course. :p9 -
Microsoft are you serious! You are installing a major update that will take a while, specifying that it will restart my computer many times without even asking if I want to proceed with it now or later! I don't have my charger ! What would happen if It goes out of battery! Damn you Microsoft !! Isn't there any good OS or what! Windows is sometimes buggy ! Linux distros don't make use of GPU! And I don't even talk about Mac.. God damnit we're on year 2017 and made so many astonishing work and still there is no fully operational and good OS! 😬😬😬17
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Four engineers and a broke down car
One day, mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down.
The mechanical engineer said, “I think a rod broke”.
The chemical engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I think it's not getting enough gas”.
The electrical engineer said, “I think there was a spark and something's wrong with the electrical system”.
All three turned to the computer engineer and said, “What do you think?”
To which, the computer engineer replied, “I think we should all get out and then get back in”.3 -
My girlfriend said that I say so many puns that I should write a book with all of them.
I said that I will call the book My Little Punny. -
Yesterday , I was traveling through the bus . I was reading the documentation of jquery . Suddenly a guy siiting next to my seat said "Are you a Hacker ?" I was in shock . He said " Could u plzz hack something for me right now ?" LOL10
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"Upgrade our biggest project from Angular 5 to Angular 6", they said.
"Just a few tweaks and everything will be fine", they said.
And now here I am, stuck in the office trying to fix basically everything. And tomorrow is my birthday.3 -
Let's make a WPF apllication... They said.
Let's add a ScrollViewer... They said.
Let's put a DataGrid inside the ScrollViewer... They said.
Let's disable scrollwheel on the DataGrid... They said.
Let's add a UserControl to a ColumnTemplate in the DataGrid... They said.
Let'a put a ComboBox with a custom template inside the UserControl... They said.
Now let's hope nobody tries to use the scrollwheel on the ComboBox.
Now I have to convince somebody that it's pretty much impossible to enable scrollwheel on the ComboBox.4 -
Do things in JS they said, it'll be easier they said...
(After a few WTF's i found the problem, arr.map passes more parameters to parseInt than just the strings. It also passes an array index that gets interpreted as radix)
18 -
Finally got a call for an interview and they asked if I had any experience with front-end frameworks. I said yeah and they said that that's great since their client needs a UI/UX guy and said they'd get back to me in 2 days.
I got a call from the said client half an hour later who goes, "Hello! I am PersonX from CompanyA and we've got your resume and would like to hire you as a Laravel developer!"
Buddy... it says right there on the top that I'm a front-end developer and you were even checking out my LinkedIn... fuckin' fucktard.3 -
I got my girlfriend while I was coding. I was working in the library. She came over and ask me what I'm doing. I was writing the back-end for a project in js. She said that she had done some Java before and asked me whether they're related.I asked her in return that are ham and hamburger related. She said ofc, you put the hams between two buns and you got a hamburger. I said I'm gonna be the buns then :) I got her.4
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I asked my 2 younger kids: What is the dumbest thing a teacher has said this year?
11 year old: "My teacher said our class is like a big family."
How is she at 11 so wise?10 -
Met a girl on tinder
She asked - what do you do?
I said - I'm a programmer
She said -
Sorry I don't date nerds :(8 -
spotted a huge bug 2 days before launch. My boss was panicking and he asked. "how long more you need?!" I look at him and almost said "Don't rush art" then I swallow my saliva and said "give me 2 hours" he said ok hurry up.
yea 2 hours after i find out what went wrong2 -
Go is fast they said, Go is lightweight they said.
package main
import "fmt"
func main() {
var nums []int
for i := 10; i > 0; i++ {
nums = append(nums, i)
i--
}
fmt.Println(nums)
}
# htop
| PID | USER | VIRT | %CPU | %MEM
| 12048 | root | 16.9g | 101.3 | 94.2
WTF is eating my resources to hell and.... oh... oh im a dickhead!9 -
I friend of mine was looking for an internship. I asked him what he wanted to do, he said frontend. I said do you know JavaScript. He said that's a long name I like to just call it Java.1
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My mom asked me to speed up her PC's startup process. I looked into it and and probably found the problem: G Data.
I told her she has to delete it, there is windows defender anyways (and virus scanners are just snake oil). She refused and said: But I bought it from the local IT shop. They said it is the best.
I said: Yeah because they cannot sell windows defender...
She still argued that she paid for it and wants to keep it.
That was were I said: then enjoy your slow startups.
She also said she feels more secure with it. 🙄
I would not even be able to work with that PC! Its not old at all, but the permanent scanning comes at a high cost and probably does not help much.
But she trusts that local it store guy more than me apparently.5 -
I love CSS, Java and Javascript.
Is DevRant anonymous? Now that I said it I'm afraid to leave my house8 -
Why do some people have to be so self-centered?
They asked for my help with a logo. I said I will help even without any charges. I know they don't want to spend money. And that's why I frankly said I can help free. But then they said they will feel bad then and ask for my quotation. Ok, I sent.
They said "Sorry it is too high, can you give 60% discount?" Ok, sure.
Then they asked if they can get it in 4 days. Ok, I said.
Then they said they changed the name just now.
At least give me a fucking ounce of respect.2 -
People didn't find me cool enough when I said I develop websites,
So I ran https://github.com/svenstaro/genact as a screen saver.6 -
My mum told me to, "get the sheets of the line."
I did as she asked, but later that night she came back and said, "where are the pillow cases?" -
I'm a Linux user. I've been a Linux user for the last 14 years...
Having said that: Microsoft Office is much better than LibreOffice.
There, I said it.7 -
LaTeX should have an option to notify you every time you catastrophically misspell words and turn a "six" into "sex"...
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️6 -
"I'm a very bad girl" she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished hard" she said and crawled toward him.
He said "Oh yes I will punish you in a way you can't imagine!" and installed windows 10 on her laptop. -
Taken a day off due to sickness, boss calls and said “can you fix an error on xyz website? it's urgent.”
I said No, I'm in hospital I can't. Even though I was at home.
He said “please look once whenever you'll reach home.”
Me: “sure.”
Idiot got no chill.
GFY5 -
I am waiting for my pizza and a guy asked me if any one needs a cracked vetsion of antivirus then let him know. I said I use linux. he said ya different motherboard may not need it1
-
I just called my girlfriend to check up on her.
She said she's in church,
I said "put JESUS on the phone"
...
I don't trust that Bitch :)3 -
I've been said during college that I have to use an IDE for programming. It was okay.
When I got my first job I was said that true programmers use Sublime text or Notepad++. It was okay.
I just discovered vim + tmux and I don't understand how I've never been told about this. I'm the happier person ever.7 -
I don't know why things work when I do but not for other people. 😓
Request to reset password. I did.
Said still cannot login.
I double check. Reset again and try to login. Success.
Said still cannot login with a screenshot.
😓 I think my projects hate me.2 -
- Sr said it's firewall's fault.
- I said it's not fw - it's gotta be application's fault.
- He walked away.
That was intense -
!rant
I just remembered some joke I said while we had C++ classes.
To see who will actually listen to me, I said : "Hey, I heard you can malloc a dynamic array."1 -
Fuck these people. They have PhDs in everything but don't know how to walk properly.
"Oh let me get right in front of you while you walk faster", have you ever driven a car you porg shit?
And these people that wear backpacks! OH MY GOD I HATE BACKPACKS! I mean, if you wear one please tell me you've been wearing them since you were born. Otherwise you're not calculating the extra space you take AND YOU JUST WALK LIKE A FUCKING GORILLA.
I have come to the point of inventing the walking permit. You're born with it, and starting at 18 y/o it can be stripped away. LEARN TO WALK.2 -
my friend was bragging how he could program a game on his TI-84 calculator
it was just a (buggy) random number game
I told him good job, I program a bit, too
he said "yeah? what do u do?"
I said "I made two apps"
he walked away
I thanked god -
Windows FUCK you, you had one job, one fucking job to update it and you ruined it.
I trusted you even though everybody said don't.
I didnt remove you i dual booted you when everybody said FUCK windows.
I had my data.
I had games.
And you FUCKING ruined it.
And listen:
FUCK WINDOWS. I am switching to linux!17 -
Yesterday me and my friend started a project. I set a github repo and said him to "If you make something with code just commit the changes to github so I can see what you did". After a while he said "I've commited something". And I checked what he did. There was 3 commits and they were exactly like that;
Commit 1. Test
Commit 2. Test 2
Commit 3. I wrote something
Then I said "please explain what you did when you commit changes". And he said "why we just upload the codes to the cloud it's more easier".
Today project is ended. Uploading codes to the cloud...6 -
Sooooo I had a class named "a"... And i renamed (refactored) said class.....
Guess what happened :")
7 -
A lot of devs I meet are pretty cool but a handful, including some on here, seem to think the world revolves around them and they deserve to have the ground dusted off in front of them.
That's fucking narcissistic and you need a reality check if you're like that. It's great you're passionate about your knowledge but you're not out here taking down terries and saving children from burning buildings, like calm down with the self righteousness
Just had to get that out after one too many "how dare anyone looketh unto me unless I request it in advance" posts. Like chill out, you're not that special 🙄14 -
Operation people (devs, designers, content writers) said clients are being unreasonable.
Clients said the outputs and results are not satisfactory.
Now I understood the phrase I have seen a lot here. -
Software-engineer social skill level:
I just said "see ya", casually, to the Uber Eats delivery guy.18 -
The ones I said hi on microphone, grab wireless headphones and start playing fifa on PlayStation with friend, beat him couple of times and said bye.
Well maybe it was productive overall cause I had lots of fun. -
If you said “I like webpack” when I said “Fuck Webpack.” I have downvoted your comment.
Keep your satanism in your own corner, we will stay here in our universe without people like you who enjoy pain and internal death.6 -
They said do freelancing, you can work from wherever you want. But, I haven't left my house even once in last 7 months.
They said do freelancing, you get to take off days whenever you want. But, I haven't taken even a single day off, after starting freelancing.
They said do freelancing, you will have better work-life balance. But I feel like, I just code and go to the gym and sometimes make YouTube videos.
They said do freelancing, it's better security-wise. But, every month I'm fucking petrified thinking if I even will survive and pay my bills next month.
They said do freelancing, you can work and travel at the same time. But, I've been married 7 months now and haven't taken my wife to honeymoon trip yet.
Am I doing freelancing wrong?13 -
Sometimes I wish I could just quit everything and start freelancing....but it's easier said than done....5
-
Typing email, tries to skip current song using keyboard multimedia key, ends up sending email... Welp Sharon I said what I said 🤣4
-
Today I heard my boss counting 14,15,16,17 multiple times, then he said OMG 4 days, I asked him about the issue
So he said the easter will make 4 non-working days, I was surprised
Then he said yes
Turns he was counting Saturday and Sunday 😂 -
going out of the cafe when some stranger stops me, he asks if I'm a programmer, said his friend told him,
i was like yeah, i mostly do web stuff, but can work on any project.
he then said, nah it's just about hacking that person, or even just his facebook account, i suppose it can be done..
then he looked at me noticing that I'm a few mood calories away from murdering his sorry ass.
he asks if it's not bothersome to ask
i said nah it's fine, just that every word you said after "hack" is bothering me terribly,
he just stepped back and walked away4 -
My client might just make our designer ragequit. 30 days ago he said: ohh this login page looks empty, I want images in the background. 15 days ago he said: I like the images, but change this part and this part. Today he said: I don't like any of the imagea, get rid of them. ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)3
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!dev
Was looking for an anime to watch this evening, looking into netflix recommended:
Guilty Crown
Nah i dont wanna cry today
Charlotte
I said no crying
Clannad
....
Angel Beats
I SAID NO CRYING OKAY?13 -
True Story
I just finished a project, it was a rewrite, the original used the zend framework about 7 years ago. It took a team of programmers (I think 4) to code the site, and it took them about a month.
Just me, and Laravel, took me 3 weeks to do the exact same thing. Ok, I didn't have to create any content, so I'll give them that, still, there wasn't much to create.
Should I be applauding my genius? Or, Laravel's magic?
I'll say... both.3 -
That sad sad feeling of deleting my devrant account, because a pesky co-worker somehow discovered my alter ego on the Internet.
I don't necessarily want them to know some of the things I have said in the past. I don't regret said things, I needed to get them off my chest. It is just this person is ... what do you call them? Oh yes, a Snitch! I could see bad things happening if what I said got into the wrong hands.
Any who good to be back, I love this community.8 -
I think somewhere i read a quote from Gary Kasparov on his view on Chess.
He said that after certain point of mastering it, it becomes too much mental pain.
I think the same can be said about programming.
Devs really enjoy it, but sometimes, damn that Null pointer exception.1 -
I got invited to take part in the "senior" games in my town. The person inviting me is in their 80s. They said people in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s will compete. I told them I am not yet 50. They were oh, okay. I said, I will tell Ed at work though. He could be in them!
Then I told Ed about this. He laughed. Then I said he could be in them. He told me to get out of his office, jokingly. I asked him if he was going to go to HR. He said yes. Then he said it was really funny I got invited.
Ed is great to work with.2 -
They said they make their coffee with ****** Arduino !! So I went back to check out the machine. Not what I expected....
2 -
I fucking hate React.
Ohh and I especially hate WordPress implementation of said abomination in their Gutenberg editor.11 -
Tomorrow I must present a summery of what the prof said in the first session of security+ within 20 min.
All he said was about the most important security certs and some definitions including CIA triangle.
Any idea how I can make my summery cooler or anything relative I can say in addition to those?6 -
sometimes I wonder what "recruitrant" would look like. "he said he knows html, but he also said he doensnt know a thing about cobalt, wtf bro"1
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I received a call from a company that I applied for to come for a design test. The guy said he would email the details and noted down me email address. I said OK. I didn't ask the guy's name. It's 2 weeks now and didn't receive any email. What do I do? The phone number connects to company's reception2
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So fellow dev asked me design suggestion knowing that I did design way before, I provided him with ok-ish solution and he said to me: 'this is way better response than designer gave me!'. So curious as I am I asked him what did he said? He said : 'Yeah, sure!' on everything he asked if it is ok to add to screen!
That feeling when devs are better designers than designers you have at disposal!3 -
Well I can't forgot this.
In college I met a guy with whom I passed the same subjects, we had friends in common but we never spoke until after a time (8 months later) he said: "hey can you help me with my problem? I'm doing a website and I want you to verify this database... now".
I just said "ok let's see"... When I gave him my observations he said: "thank you .. I don't remember your name right now but... don't you wanna do this website with me?".
And that's how I met one of my bestfriend and coworker.6 -
Feeling bad, a woman on the street just asked me for money. I said I don't have cash. Then she said just a sandwich and I continued repeating no without any time to think if that was real. Maybe she was really hungry. I turned back but she disappeared.6
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So, right now we upload production code by means of FTP.
I said it would be better to use continuous deployment using Docker, but they said it was overkill (I work at a small company).
Because manually uploading by means of FTP is so much better right...6 -
My biggest challenge is not telling the people who wrote code I get to maintain that it is a big pile of shit. My fear is I will forget I wrote said code and proceed to complain about said code. Then someone will point it out that I wrote said code. So it is kind of a self preservation strategy.
Also, in meetings, when my boss calls something a "piece of software", I have to refrain from giggling.3 -
Was in a meeting. Someone said "fuck records". I was like lol wtf then my brain just realized that he just said "fact records" Lol haha the hell 🤯😂4
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Every time I updated API document, I ask you to comment
You said it looks fine
And when we start integration, you said this need to change
🤷♂️ -
I turned my computer off. When I came back it said "Reboot: System Halted".
I think my computer has a halting problem. -
So, our Sales Manager asked us, "what is maximum file size for jpeg banner ad?"
I said, "maximum at 100KB per file"
She asked another question, "what is minimum file size?"
I said, "err... 0 bytes"1 -
What is your way of diagnosing a desktop/laptop?
An employee at work told me that her daughters laptop is acting strangely and she asked me, since I am into computer and I said sure. I said to her to tell her daughter what I am specifically looking for. I never really done this before.6 -
I asked my team-mate ."did you run the best model for testing"?
He said:- He said "I ran the most recent model "
I am like:- OK . Thank You -
Offence taking Siri. :)
"I heard what you said about the new macbook. You're grounded." deletes 4 apps. -
An interviewer asked me what work-life balance meant to me
I said something like it was essential, and I would like to set boundaries and start and end work at set times if possible.
They then asked if I would fix something at 2 am, I sort of jokingly said that I would if I could wake up (probably shouldn't have said that lol)
And so they asked what if in case I was on-call, and I said I would if I was on-call
After this interview, I had one tech interview (that went well), but then I didn't hear back from them.8 -
I met a tourist today and I asked her what she thought of our town, she said "there's lot's of psychopaths" I asked how could she tell? She said "there are signs you know". We talked for a few minutes then she cycled off.3
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Got into an argument the other day over the definition of scripting languages.
He said python isn’t because it can be compiled while I said it can be both since you can you can use without compiling. Same could be said for Java when using with Selenium for automation.
Thoughts?5 -
OMGGGG... One week ago when I was hired, for web developer they said we need ppl in Laravel but I was towards react ( also when I did interview I said I will most likely go to react) . Okay so I agree to Laravel.. ofc I want the job but today they hire a person for react 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
Wao7 -
I have being working on a project with server side using PHP. My dev environment is XAMPP on Debian. PHP is 7.3.10. So.... no MCrypt. Documents said that a new kid called Sodium is in town but php said he doesn’t know this guy...
I have no encryption library...14 -
God I HATE UNRAID! FUCK THIS PIECE OF JUNK
CRASHING EVERY FEW FUCKING HOURS
AND. I. CANT. EVEN. GET. A. FUCKING. LOG. FILE! LIKE WHAT THE HELL!
Oh, its sooo reliable they said, use Unraid they said, the docker support is amazing, they said...
FUCK IT! FUCK THIS PIECE OF GARBAGE!
I JUST WANT TO RUN PLEX AND SONARR ON ONE FUCKING MACHINE, AND UNRAID IS JUST LIKE: yeah, its a good time to crash now, YEET!
and its gone...2 -
Got involved into a conversation/debate.
Said something as argument.
Opponent repeat with a 'yea' and plus what I just said as his argument naturally (amazing) and expect my response.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? -
I have a friend who started a company and I asked them for a job. He said he would intern me first before coming on as contractor.
He said he'd call me on Friday. I need this job so bad, he better hire me. -
PM: let's show customer the new feature while it's still in the develop branch
Me: no fucking way this could ever happen -
I feel bad for trying to implement emoji support in our web application, but yeah #2017..
And damn, php + mysql + emojis.. What a pain in the ass.
"Just change your table charset, they said, it will work, they said" FML4 -
Lets make animated fractal pattern that spins and resizes I said. It'll be a fun and easy way to brush up on raw javascript and to try html5 canvas I said.
Provides a lot more learning opportunities than I had thought :)2 -
What do you mean, why have I not sent you the changes yet?
"But you said you will send the changes now"
No I said I will send the changes now now.
"When is that?"
NOW!!! NOW!!! bye.2 -
I've hired a apprentice that's literally today Said he doesn't want to be a programmer i said then... what are you doing here?
He didn't say anything ...
Do I fire him he didn't quit? I mean weird fucking situation. He doesn't seem engaged anymore so ... He ain't doing shit I should add4 -
Now arguing with the ceo of startup I’m part of that we can use the ugly generator for avatar, and he said we should use the duck generator, and I said the duck has virtually no personality, but he said it fits the simplicity design flow
Man15 -
My manager said hey why don't you react? I was like... react to what??? He said oh gosh Download React.js I mean😁👊👊
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/(ò.ó)┛彡┻━┻
Why can't you just do what I say... I don't need ur opinion on points that I specifically stated should be done a certain way....
I don't want to spend 30mins arguing with you... I already got enough work as it is and ur supposed to be helping me...
I don't have time to explain everything to you... Just what I need you to do....
There's a reason I got promoted and you didn't...4 -
I know you think you understand what I said , but what you don't understand is what I said is not what i mean😵😵😵😵1
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Even if I was in desperate need of getting a job, I would be jobless than getting an entry level job in TCS.
I said what I said !!2 -
Just noticed my profile said I was primarily a mobile device. People, rest assured, I am no robot! *beep boop*
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An assistant manager asked to SOMEUNREALISTICEXPECTATION, and said it had to be done within SOMESTUPIDLYCLOSEDAY.
I said, of course, I would not do it.
He answered "no problem, we can go with SOMEPARTOFTHEUNREALISTICEXPECTATION before SOMEEVENCLOSERDAY (ie: tomorrow).
I have already said a "no" before, didn't feel like saying no again.
After all, I said, what could possibly go wrong?
The time I left office, Friday night, it everybody's guess.3 -
Have you ever need "modify/edit" button in your real world in talking??!
I told my GF a memory which I had with my frnds. It was about drinking and hangOver. She said "You didn't tell that to me!!" I said "I said that before! " again she said "No you didn't!!!" At that moment I was just looking for a modify/edit button!!!😒😒 -
did she ask why i said that :P nope.
not sure if she even commented last time.
naybe because i saw she sampled something i said when younger and happier person.
welcome to no end house
do you people feel dead yet ? like wraiths worn out and wandering at the edge of the town ? -
Interviewed for a job. Said that the colleague in charge of data engineering picked MSSQL Server for data warehousing, and that I had to write a plugin for that.
Interviewer - experienced in all things data - chuckled as soon as I said Microsoft.
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