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So I need to create a nice new web app. Let's look at some cool JS frameworks that I can work with.
*5 mins later* Hm, Angular sounds good, is there any good competitor?
*5 mins later* Wow, React sounds awesome as well. Let me learn it.
Google search result:
"Planning to use react? Check out Vue JS first"
*5 mins later* Ok so vue seems faster than React and much easier to learn. Let me see if Vue is the final choice.
Google search result:
"Angular VS Knockout VS Ember VS React VS Mithril VS Mercury VS Ractive VS Vue VS Riot"
Nope, fuck it63 -
Dev1: I started work at a new company.
Dev2: Cool, how is it?
Dev1: Well its ok... but they are a bit weird.
Dev2: How weird.
Dev1: Very weird, they round my pay to 1000 insted of 1024.
Dev2: Yeah weird.6 -
Dev: this task is done, can I put it in review and do something else?
Me: sure, of course.
Dev: cool, just be aware I'll make some changes to it later.
Me: ... wait, then it's not done.
Dev: no it is, I just need to re-read it and make some changes.
Me: yeah, so it will be done when those changes are made.
Dev: but I don't know what those changes are.
Me: ... I get that ... but ... ok I'm extremely confused. Why do you think it's done.
Dev: because I've written everything I need to and I'm happy with it.
Me: ok so why do you want to make changes.
Dev: I don't.
Me: ... ... ... ... you ... you are really not being clear. If you don't want to make changes, and you are happy with it, why are you planning on making changes later ... after marking the task as done.
Dev: well if I re-read it and see something I don't like, I would like to change it.
Me: ok, so re-read it as many times as you like and make as many changes as you like. But don't mark it as done until it is done.
Dev: but it is done.
Me: no it's not.
Dev: it is, look.
Me: ... yeah looks ok at a quick glance.
Dev: ok so I can mark it as done?
Me: are you going to make more changes?
Dev: yes.
Me: then no.
Dev: why?
Me: BECAUSE ITS NOT DONE.
Dev: ok maybe I'm not explaining it clearly.
Me: ... we can both agree on that. Ok so to summarise, we don't mark something as done until we have stopped touching it. We don't half finish something and say it's done and comeback to it later. We mark it as done when we are happy with i.....
Dev: but I am happ.....
Me: *raises hand* I repeat, if it's done, we lock it away and stop touching it. If someone reads it and complains, we can come back to it with a new ticket. But it's not done until we think we are ready to send it on.
Dev: I am ready to send it, I just may want to change it.
Me: ... ... ... ... ... due to a new policy implemented just now, we are only allowed to send 1 email to a person each week. So unfortunately we can only send on 1 copy. So when you have that 1 copy, let me know.
Dev: ok, let me re-read it a few more times then.
Me: there you go.32 -
Got my hands on an interesting API.
Look around on the site.
No documentation. Like, nothing. Not even examples.
Tried calling it.
Response code: 200 OK
Body: Unknown Error.
Well, fuck you too.17 -
Conversation today...
Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"
Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."
Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."
Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"
Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"
Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."
Guy: "But you said it was easy."
Well fuck you...12 -
I think I'm losing my mind working in the IT Department. 😂 Sometimes the questions are UNBELIEVABLE!
Client: Hi, my computer is not working.
Me: Hi, what's wrong with it?
Client: IDK. It won't work.
Me: Alright, what do you see on your screen?
Client: Nothing!
Me: Nothing as in there are no icons on your desktop or black screen?
Client: Oh, black screen.
Me: Is your monitor on? Do you see a light on the power-on button?
Client: Yes, it's white.
Me: Ok, good. What about your computer? Is it turned on?
Client: Well, I never turn off my computer so I assume it's on. I leave it as is when I leave the office then log-in in the morning when I come in.
**At this point I realized this person doesn't even lock the computer until it locks by itself after a while.
Me: Ok please turn on your computer by pressing the power button with a thin line on it. It should turn white.
Client: Ok but as I said I don't turn it off so why should I turn it on? Did it turn off by itself?
Me: That can happen.
Client: Ok....oh wait, it working! Thank you so much. Sorry if I was a little pain. I am a little stressed out this morning.
Me: No problem. Glad it worked. Have a good day.
*Hangs up confused. I mean really confused. Smh18 -
Client: "Hi, there's a problem with this link"
Me: "How odd, I'll take a look right away"
-- 19 minutes later --
Client: "Has this been fixed?"
Me: "I'm working on it currently"
Client: "OK please let us know when it's done"
Me: "I will do"
-- 2 minutes later --
Client: "Hi, is this done?"
Me: "I've just told you I will let you know as soon as it's done"
-- 5 minutes later --
Client: "Hi, sorry to hassle, but is this done yet?"
Me: *starts twitching*
Me: "I am working on it and I will let you know when it's done"
Client: "OK, well don't worry about it, it doesn't really matter"
Me: *explodes*12 -
Windows: Copying 2,513 items from <here> to <here>.
Me: OK.
Windows: 84% complete.
Me: OK.
Windows: Shit.
Me: What?!
Windows: "Copying" dialog box is not responding.
Me: Fuck you.
Windows: Well, yeah, sorry.
Me: Fuck you.
Windows: Do something else until it unfreezes.
Me: OK.
.
.
.
Me: Fuck you. Everything's stuck. Can't click anywhere.
Windows: You can still use your mouse, though.
Me: Yeah, I guess. Wait a second, it's also stuck. The whole thing is frozen as ice.
Windows: What about keyboard?
Me: I said, THE WHOLE FUCKING THING!
Windows: Well, sorry?
Me: FUCK YOU!!20 -
So this happened today.
Client: hey I sent this ticket, what's the status/have you located the issue?
Me: well, it says it quite obviously in the error message...? (i actually said that, toned down afterwards a little)
Client: where's the error message then?
Me: 5th line....? It's literally there in plain english?
Client: ok so what does it mean?
Me:..............? "marked as spam by the receiving server"?!
Client: yeah ok but what does that mean?
😐
Thing to keep in mind: they're a web dev/email solutions company.
😐😩9 -
Production is down
Me to Customer :What did you do?
Customer: Nothing
Me blurt out: The fuck you didn't!
Customer: ...
Me: ...(fuckfuckfuck)
Customer:... Well, I did run these scripts..
Me: (oh thank Christ)
Me: ok, I'll get right on it (Click)
Me to TeamLead: client called. Their prod is down!
TeamMate: did he say he didn't do anything?
Me:Yes
TeamMate: ..... Every fucking time...14 -
BOSS: That icon is not centered, move it slightly to the right
ME: You're wrong, I can garantee you it's centered (it was centered)
BOSS: Well, my eyes are telling me it's not, so move it to the right
ME: (faking increasing margin)
ME: Ok, now it's 10 px to the right, what do you think?
BOSS: it's a great result, now it's perfect! Cant you see the difference?
ME: Absolutely, you do are the real designer here...
BOSS: Ohhh, stop complaining, you'll learn one day...
ME: Yep.18 -
At the beginning of an interview...
HR girl: You know, that position you applied is already taken but I found some similar in our company.
Me: Uhm, ok?
HRG: What about this one? It's some programming... *pointing at some IT position regarding db maintenance* Do you want to try that?
Me: Sure, why not.
I was applying to student position at embedded firmware development at the time. I did some school project with MySQL but it was few years back and I happily forgot most about it.
Anyway, story continues.
IT manager: Hi, I heard you want to join our lines.
Me: That is what I heard as well.
IT: Eh?
Me: I came for completely different position actually.
IT: Uhm, ok. We have standardised test, let's see what you can do.
It was some basic stuff for db guys but I was totally lost. I was done after 3 minutes returning nearly blank paper.
We shaked hands, both agreed this is not well fit for me and I went away.
After this botched attempt HR girl remembered that there is another team looking for embedded developer students. I was accepted.
Corporates are marvelous.3 -
"Dad, where does the babies come from?"
"Well...err...um...do you have any other questions left?"
"What are you doing as a developer?"
🤔
"Ok...let's talk about babies..."1 -
HR people working in tech companies, let's talk about them...
*phone rings and I pick up*
HR Lady: Hi, this is [name] from [company]. I'm calling you regarding your application you submitted [some date 2 months ago!].
Me: *realizing that I've applied 2 freaking months ago* Hmmm OK....
HR Lady: Yes, well, we asked for your GitHub account, but you seem to have forgotten to provide it.
Me: *open up the email and see that I've sent them my GitLab account* Well, I have the email right here and I did send you a git account. I mean, it's not GitHub specifically but it's a GitLab account, pretty much the same thing, you should be good with that.
HR Lady: OK, let me put you on hold for a minute.
*2-3 minutes passes*
HR Lady: Hi sir, I've asked my colleague [which I suppose is another HR] and he told me that they're not the same thing, we cannot proceed until you give us the right link, you need to send us a link to your GitHub account.
Me: I mean, they aren't the SAME EXACT thing, but both companies provide essentially the same service, it's like Messenger and WhatsApp. Look, I'm pretty sure that if you give this to another programmer they'll be fine.
HR Lady: No, Messenger and WhatsApp aren't the same thing. Sir, please stay polite. We need a GitHub account not a GitLab account.
Me: *mumbling* Oh boy.... M'am, it's OK, I don't need the job anyway, I've found something. Two months is a long time and I needed something quickly. Thank you, have a good day.6 -
Manager: Good news everyone, I made a big giant announcement this morning that the app upgrades will be released today!
Dev: They definitely won’t be, we need another 2 weeks minimum. I told you yesterday
Manager: Ok well I already made the announcement that today was the day so too bad for you.
Dev: Doesn’t change the state of things
Manager: 😡 This announcement is supposed to motivate you to work faster! You guys are making me look bad when you don’t support me like this!
Dev: Working as fast as we can, it’s a 2 person dev team for 4 separate applications so it’s quite a bit to get pushed through
Manager: Ok well then stay extra then, we have to get this out asap. Tell your spouses they are not going to be seeing much of you until this work is done. People are starting to ask questions!!!!!
Dev: Not my problem, it’s done when its done. I’m not staying extra.
Manager: !!
// *************
Might be blowing my cover a little but what are they going to do? Fire me? Good luck getting this out without me. They’ve tried to replace me in the past but the cheapest person they could find was 60k more expensive than me and still couldn’t keep up. Probably they’ll ship the work overseas and the code will die in a dumpster fire and cost them even more. Ah well, just another company that doesn’t deserve code.20 -
Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!
Dev: You told me to.
Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!
Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.
Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!
Dev: …11 -
It's not a date but ok..
my classmate (that time) was not that good in programming in Java. So she asked me about some topics. After I explained them to her we had some talk, and we liked each other.
Well, today we're waiting for our daughter ..12 -
Me: "We are gonna move away from Google services."
Him: "Ok. Just make it EXACTLY like Googles services. I won't use anything with less features."
Me: "Look, I can offer you something with more privacy and security under european law. It may not be EXACTLY like Google. If I could do that I wouldn't be here obviously."
Him: "As long as I'll work here I'll not work with something less than Google."
Inner me: AAAARGHHH FOR FUCKS SAKE!! I'LL STICK THOSE GOOGLE SERVICES UP YOUR ARSE SO THEY CAN SPY ON YOUR FUCKING GUTS!"
Me: "Well, in this case I'm glad that you are not alone to decide that."21 -
BOSS: i will need your resume for this new project, can you make it?
ME: sure, but don't you have one?
BOSS: yes, but i would need it changed for a new details
ME: ok...
after work...
BOSS: we have a problem, remember that resume? we need it on english, and need it right now, can you translate it at home?
ME: ok, but give me a few minutes...
sends translated resume...
BOSS: ummm, it's not translated well, you didn't translate your education...
ME: the name of the school? you can't translate that...
BOSS: this lady asked for it, so do it...
ME: ok...
sends again...
BOSS: not quite there yet, you have Ć in your last name, translate that...
ME: translate my last name?
BOSS: yeah, this lady has a spell check and saw that incorrect...
ME: .....
im going to celebrate when i leave this itterate shithole17 -
- We need an android app. Can you do this?
+ Never done that, but I can try.
- Do you even know Java?
+ Not really, but I'll learn fast!
- Any OOP experience?
+ Well...I know CPP.
- 😐
- Will you give me a prototype tonight?
+ Don't know. How about tomorrow?
- Ok.
...
+ *makes a prototype in couple of hours, becomes a Java developer*
Just like that.9 -
Javascript developer interview
One of the RH interviewers started asking about myself, personal information, etc..
He : well, let me introduce you our tech lead, he will make you some question about JS
Me : alright
Tech Lead : ummm, do you know javascript?
Me : yes..?
Tech Lead : ok, cool. We will call you.
I got the job..9 -
Newspaper: This CEO is one of the top entrepreneurs in the country, a true tech visionary shaping the future.
--- 3 months previous ---
Lead dev: O2 have said they are will pre-install the app on all their Androids but they need documentation from us.
CEO: documentation? on what?
Lead dev: Our unit test coverage, bugs found / fixed, security scan results, performance assessment, if and where its storing any data etc.
CEO: Ah were not doing any of that crap, bloody unit tests, its not necessary, tell them no.
lead dev: ..... eh ok
O2: *approved*
... true visionary, well done to everyone involved.3 -
Fucking clueless products owners.
Him: "I want a mobile app - how long"
Me: "Depends, what should it do?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well what problem should it solve?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Who's it for?"
Him: "Dunno"
Me: "Well I can't help you then!"
Him: "I need an estimate for my business plan"
Me: "OK - put 'eternity' down, and we can work backwards from there"
Jackass7 -
If the below is you, please stop. I'm starting a revolution called #AnswerTheQuestion
A: Hey, just checked your code, you have a huge security issue in XYZ, you should really address that.
B: Oh god I had no idea, how do I fix it?
A: Well it depends on how you *want* to fix it, no one solution is always the right one.
B: ... Ok, well could you give me some advice?
A: Well, there are many ways to approach this kind of work, but all I can say is that this way, is definitely not the correct one.
B: ... Ok, well how would you do it?
A: That would depend on the customer requirements.
B: ... the requirements is to have a website that isn't easily hackable, what do I do?
A: Nowadays, its pretty hard to make a website completely not hackable.
B: ALL THE SERVERS ARE SHOWING RED, PLEASE HELP ME!!!
A: ........ you really shouldn't prejudge colours. The colour red doesn't always mean danger, depends purely on the use case.9 -
Manager: What’s taking so long on that PR?? It’s just some small styling adjustments
Dev: No it’s not you added an entire new calendar module that doesn’t work
Manager: Ok but besides that it’s just a small couple of css edits
Dev: You made styling changes in 50 files, half of which break our mobile responsiveness
Manager: Well then STOP talking to me and FIX IT if you’re so smart.
Dev: You also added a series of filters on a table in this same PR that cause th—
Manager: OK SO I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED THE FACT IS IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ALL ON ONE PR SPLITTING THINGS UP INTO SMALL UPDATES IS JUST UNNECESSARY BUREAUCRACY AND IF YOU LIKE THAT THEN GO. WORK. FOR. THE GOVERNMENT!!!
Dev: …10 -
Friend: hey i heard you are a programmer.
Me: yeah
F: so you are a hacker?
M: No. Well yes but the correlation is bavkwards.
F: oh ok.
...
F: so can you hack facebook?9 -
Look, PHPVirtualbox, i love you and all and you've worked very well for me for ages.
But, when I see the authentication is successful and you receive an 'OK', YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO THROW A FUCKING "USERNAME OR PASSWORD WRONG" ERROR.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LET ME FUCKING THROUGH.
MOTHERFUCKER.7 -
Person: I liked your personal website’s design, is it ok if I use it?
Me: A personal website should reflect your own style of design. Try creating one instead of using mine.
Person: Oh well, I liked yours more so I used it. Thanks anyway!
They literally have an exact copy of the code with different content. 😒10 -
*We colleagues were cursing Valentine's week*
Team Lead : Committed?
Me: No, I am single.
TL: *confused look* Did you committed that code?
Me: ohh yes! I raised the merge request as well.
TL: Ok. I will review it. *Moves away smiling inside*
Me: *looking at screen* *crying inside*6 -
TL;Dr be specific, it's actually helpful.
Client rings... "The internet is down"
Me "ok where are you exactly and how are you connecting"
"Ugh the WiFi! Just fix it"
"Ok but where are you?"
"At $companyname"
"Ok and which wi..."
"The wifi?!! Can you do anything right?"
Well... I'm allowed flexibility in terms of pleasantry...
"Ok, there are 3 buildings, 55 rooms, 2 SSID's, 17 access points, 3 routers a RADIUS server and 2 gateways... Be specific or I'll do nothing"
Simple reboot of an access point, but c'mon... It's not a secret where you are7 -
Recruiter: hi, I have an iOS Developer role. Would you be interested?
Me: sure, send me on the spec.
Recruiter: ok great so for this Full stack app developer role we are looking for someone with:
- 5+ years embedded C/C++ experience
- 5+ years of working with Windows and Linux
- Native Android development
- As well as Native iOS experience
Interested?
Me: ......... ok buddy, you and me are going to have a little chat about what “iOS Developer” means17 -
Friday morning, taking a sip of coffee reading mails. (nb: I started the job on Monday, and this is my very first job excepted internship)
*wild manager appears* : come with with me a second.
Me: wtf is that
Him: close the door
Me: shit what did I do
Him: so we're closing this really big deal with a big client/investor
Me: ok cool, what is the point to tell me that ?
Him: remember when we discussed your salary and we couldn't afford to hire you as high as you wanted ?
Me:... Yes ?
Him: well now we can
Me, starting to understand: ... And ?
Him: well your new salary is higher than what you asked in interview
And that's how I got a 8% raise after 4 days at my first job :')6 -
Me: Hi Guys, theres no docs on our custom push notification / deeplinking implementation. I've tried to work backwards from a QA testing doc to add new links. Can someone tell me if this is all ok? It seems to behave a little weird.
Dev: Looks ok, but we've moved to the braze platform for sending notifications. You'll need to trigger braze notifications now. Test that it works ok with that <confluence-link>
*hour later*
Me: I've tried the debugging tool, both with my payload and one of the samples from the link. It displays on the phone, but tapping it doesn't trigger the deeplinking.
Dev: No it works, try one of these <screenshot of samples I used>
*hour later*
Me: Tried it again on the real device to make sure, as well as on develop and master. Not working with those samples or mine.
Dev: No it does. It comes in here in this library <github link to line of code>
Me: ... Nope, debugged it, it doesn't get passed the next 'if' check on the next line as its missing a key/value. The whole function does nothing.
Dev: Oh do you want to send a braze notification?
Me: ..... you told me I had too .... yes I guess.
Dev: ok for a braze notification it works different, send this <entirely different sample no where on the link>
Me: ...... but ..... this is only for braze notifications ..... why .... all the samples have deeplink url's .... but they don't ....... are you ..... FFS!!!!! !@#?!
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻
(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
┌П┐(ಠ_ಠ)1 -
Friend: you're good with computers right?
Me: sure..
Friend: great so i signed up for this site that likes posts and i think they hacked my account
Me: ok... and?
Friend: well since you're good with computers do you think you could hack my account back?
Me: goodbye
People suck4 -
Irma is coming. And just a few weeks after we move to South Beach full time. Figures.
Anyway, if the storms sweeps us away, remember that I love you all.
Well... most of you.
Ok, like a handful of you.56 -
I have had this conversation well too often:
- (him/her) Do you mind helping me with this problem I have on my computer ?
- (me) Sure, what is it ?
- (him/her) *proceeds to explaining the problem*
- (me) Ok, I don't know about this particular thing, you should try googling it.
- (the pissed off version of him/her) Never mind, I'll find someone who's willing to help me.
Please stop taking that as me not caring about your problem.
Googling things is basically what I do all day as a developer.
You really should try it. That thing is actually pretty useful.5 -
**at daily standup
Dev: and along with a push to production that is what I’ll be doing today
Manager: Good good, alright, nice….. ok who else hasn’t gone yet? Dev how about you go next
Dev: …I literally just went
Manager: What? Well what did you say then? Hey when is that push to prod happening? I feel like there should be one happening sometime soon.
Dev: …8 -
So, as the lead UX/UI designer, I was working with the marketing officer on the new e-mail template of the company. It took us at least one week to get a good settle – 'cause, you know, she's so skilled on that – doing back and forth and arguing on every detail.
Then she sent me a PPT file with the content and wording for each kind of e-mail.
After 3 days of work, I finished implementing the template and pushed the project in production.
~3 months later
MO: How's your work going on the template?
Me: Erm, sorry? You mean, the e-mails?
MO: Yes! Can you show me the result?
Me: Well, the result is online for...like...3 months?
*Surprised* MO: Hum, yeah? But I didn't validate it!
*Wince* Me: Well, yes, you did, we worked together on it and we finally found a nice settle.
MO: Yes, but the content? Can you send me one of each kind so I can double-check?
Me: ...
*to the rescue* CEO (and husband of MO): It's OK, I've already validate them.
MO: Oh, ok. But I want to double-check. I'll do it later, ok.
~3 weeks later
MO: Can you tell me how I can receive the registration e-mail?
Me: ...
*to the rescue, joking* CTO: Well, did you try to turn your computer off and on again?
MO: Oh, you really think this will work? Let me save my work first!
Me: *BOOOOM*
TL;DR: The marketing officer of my company does nothing productive and is making the company losing a lot of money, but she also make me lose my time for bullshits.
At least I can laugh about it on devRant.2 -
Dev: Hey that internal audit you asked me to perform didn’t go so well
Manager: It has too! I’ll get in a lot of trouble if it doesn’t pass.
Dev: Ok well it’s a lot of work to get it to a passing state, we have to dedicate a lot of resources to fix all these findings.
Manager: We don’t have any spare resources, they are all working on new projects! Why did you have to find things??
Dev: ….It’s a lot of hard to miss stuff, like missing signatures on security clearance forms
Manager: Ok can’t you just say that everything is all good? They’ll probably not double check.
Dev: I’m not really comfortable with that…Look all of these findings are all just from one member of the team consistently not doing their job, can’t you just address that with him and I can make a note on the audit that issues were found but corrective action was made? That’s the whole point of audits.
Manager: You don’t get it, if anything is found on the audit I’ll look bad. We have to cover this up. Plus that’s a really good friend of mine! I can’t do that to him. Ok you know what? You are obviously not the right person for this task, I’ll get someone else to do it. Go back to your regular work, I’m never assigning you audits again.8 -
Interviewer: Hello my name is Alyssa from Sheeple and my pronouns are she/her
Dev: Oh yeah I saw that in your email
Interviewer: Ok well I am just letting you know they are still the same
Dev: Thanks for that.
Interviewer: What are your pronouns?
Dev: div/span
Interviewer: Sorry?
Dev: he/him
Interviewer: Oh…ok. Let me know if that changes.
Dev: I promise you it won’t
Interviewer: Well you never know!
Dev: …46 -
Dev: we have two days until go live. We got 20 bugs, 5 stories and two people on holiday.
PM: ok so could we get these 3 stories squeezed in as well?2 -
Today @ 4pm:
New dev: I need help with this issue, i've been stuck on it all day.
Me: ok let's look ...... ok, and did you try google this?
New dev: ... no
Me: ... why?
New dev: well this is clearly my issue, why would I google it? I only google for things I don't know
Me: ... ok ... we'll do you know what this bug is then?
New dev: haha ok, fair point, I'll give that a try. Thanks for the tip.
Seriously, should I be worried? I feel worried13 -
I’m getting fucking tired of having this conversation:
Company “we need x”
Me “ok. In order to deliver x I need y”
Company “we can’t do that”
Me “ok. Then can I have y”
Company “nah ah”
Me “what about Q?”
Company “nope”
Me “okay. Well until you decide to provide me with the resourcing needed, this is getting deprioritized”
Company “wait this needs to be top of mind”
Me “okay. Provide me with y, and I’ll deprioritize other work”
Company “wait we also need that other work”
Me “you’re only getting one. Pick which one you want first”
Company “we’ll get back to you”
Me (muttering) “no you won’t”
Company “what?”
Me “what?”10 -
11:45am: "Ok one more issue to fix and then I can take a nice long break and relax a little bit. My next meeting isn't until 2.
12:45pm: "Well this issue is taking longer than expected but that's okay. I can grab lunch and still relax a little bit."
1:59pm starving, thirsty and really need to pee and can only choose one. Oh, and the issue still isn't fixed: "god dammit."6 -
My macbook air sort of exploded. I was working on it when suddenly it made a pop sound, turned off and exhaled a smelly smoke. This machine has 2 and a half years.
I called apple support but they said the smoke is OK since there wasn't any fire, and I should take it to a repair shop.
Oh well.20 -
I'm working on a project with a teacher to overview the project at my school to be responsible for the confidential student data...
Teacher: How are we going to authenticate the kiosk machines so people don't need a login?
Me: Well we can use a unique URL for the app and that will put an authorized cookie on the machine as well as local IP whitelisting.
Teacher: ok but can't we just put a secret key in a text file on the C drive and access it with JavaScript?
Me: well JavaScript can't access your drive it's a part of the security protocol built into chrome...
Teacher: well that seems silly! There must be a way.
Me: Nope definately not. Let's just make a fancy shortcut?
Teacher: Alright you do that for now until I find a way to access that file.
I want to quit this project so bad4 -
Absolute asshat level clownly clownshipness:
Manager: Why is this like this? 🤡
fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.
Manager: Hmmmmm ok... what about this? Why is this like this? 🤡
fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.
Manager: Hmmmmm ok... and then this thing here? Why is this like this? 🤡
fullStackClown: Well, I hate to tell you, but it's a huge surprise. Guess what?! BECAUSE YOU DEFINED THE FEATURE LIKE THIS!!!
Manager: ... 🤡
fullStackClown: Any other absolute asinine questions to ask me to continue breaking me from flow?
Manager: ... 🤡
fullStackClown: ...
To those interested, I believe there is an evolution of my devRant career in order... I'm passing the clown phase... and entering the full-on circus phase...9 -
My mother seems to disengage her brain when using a computer, so you must give instructions in exacting detail...
Me: Close that window.
Mom: Um, ok?
Me: ... Click the little red button at the top left...
MS Word: Save document? Yes / No
Mom: ... Now what?
Me: Well, do you want to save that?
Mom: Yes! ...
Me: ... so... click Yes...
... and I die a little more inside...6 -
"So what do you do?"
"I am a web developer"
"Oh, so can you make me a website"
"Sure, what do you need"
"Well, I think its going to be the next big thing"
(I already know I shouldn't have answered him)
".... Ok, what's it about"
"Its Facebook/Instagram/Whatsapp/Telegram/Slack/Twitter, but better"
If I had a penny for every time I had to listen to this crap just because I told them I was a developer, I won't have a need to continue being one.8 -
A friend called ITIS guys about some network issue on his system.
Frnd : Hi, I'm facing some security policy issues on my system. Could you help me connect?
ITIS guy: Ok. Please run 'gpupdate /force' cmd from cmdpromt.
Frnd: Well actually I'm on Linux.
ITIS guy: Well, at least give it a try and tell me how it goes.
*Facepalm*? *Bodypalm*? Murder?4 -
Le me at the end of an interview
Recruiter: What is your salary expectations
*trying to find a good number but without exaggeration*
Me: well, about x USD.
Recruiter: that's ok for us.
Me inside: oh I should asked more than that! Stupid me.6 -
I'm the only windows user in my office(my only other choice was Mac). One of the salesmen walks in my office with his macbook.
salesman: what do you know about macs?
me: nothing, why?
salesman: well I just got a new MacBook and I can't right-click, is there like a setting or something I gotta click?
me: well there's no "right-click" by default on Macs, but I think there's a way so you can click with the right side of the touchpad and get the "command-click" you're looking for. stand over there quietly while I finish this function then I'll look into it.
*i proceed to fiddle with some code for 5 or so minutes while he stands in the corner*
me: ok so let's look at your MacBook... ok *at this point I jump on my computer* let's see what Google has to say.
search: enable right-click on mac
me: huh! look at that! Google gives you the answer right there, poof! like magic. now we just follow directions, system settings>keyboard and touchpad>enable click with bottom right corner. bam! anything else?
salesman: yeah, I want the little bar thing to go away *talking about the dock auto-hide
me: ok well that's called the dock, let's ask Google again...look, Google gives the answer again, without even needing to click any links, I could probably click these links and get more in-depth instructions, but right here at the top is the answer
salesman: wow man, thanks! I've got a meeting in 10 minutes and I never would have figured this out.
*before he leaves
me: here take this...
4 -
Manager: How’s the progress coming along?
Dev: The section of code I’m working with is one of the more difficult ones so it’s a little slow
Manager: Ok well I didn’t write that section of the code
Dev: I’m not saying you did I’m just giving you the status update that you asked for
Manager: Ok well I can’t really do anything about that so how about you tell me something I can do something about instead of just complaining about code THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE!! *Marks self as offline*
Dev: …10 -
Job interview.
Head of development: "I'm looking for the perfect php developer with perfect MySQL knowledge."
Me: "We'll ok. Good look with finding that unicorn. I think we are done here."
The problem with some people is that they are the gatekeepers for other people's careers and that they are begging to be bullshitted: "Yes of course I am the best of all php developers! And I don't only know MySQL but am pretty awesome in YourSQL as well!" As if I want to work in a team posers.2 -
Google: You need a fast website to rank well.
Me: Ok, so why does your Google Analytics, Google Tag Manager, and Google Optimize code drag my site down to the seventh circle of Hell in performance?
Google: You need a fast website to rank well.
Me: ...4 -
Him: everything is hackable, you know
Me: oh well, enlighten me with an example.
Him: well take for example whatsapp, which was bought by facebook, so if Facebook is hackable, then why not WhatsApp
Me: ok, so tell me how do you hack Facebook ?
Him: just like how you hack WhatsApp.
Me: *digs in the Bosch toolkit to find and drilling machine* How about I drill some knowledge into you? *evil jack nicholson (the shining) smile*4 -
BRAIN_UNCAUGHT_EXCEPTION
Could not execute "sleep()", as main thread was busy thinking about why a beautiful girl would just handle me her number.
Ok we did get on well but it was unexpected nevertheless
Thank you brain for wasting my day 👍11 -
A: Can you tell me your opinion about this? Please, be honest.
Me: Ok, I think you could do it in a different way, but let's talk about what you did and see how to make it better...
A: I don't think so, I think this is the best way to do it.
Me: Oh, OK.
A: Why are you always complaining about my job?
Me: Well, you just asked me, and I work on this too, so I thought...
A: I don't think you're collaborative enough with me!
Me [walking away]: Oh, OK...6 -
Never thought I will be hired by Chinese software/hardware company located in NYC to code in languages I don't know so well. Instead of lying and saying I know everything about C, PHP and SQL, I said that I suck pretty much at everything, but I'm a quick learner and will study day and night to catch up with their practices. Now I see they have no regret about me, but I still suspect them in hiring me because there is another guy who is Russian too and we all communicate well. Our current squad is 17 Chinese, 2 Russians, 1 Americans. Guess what, I learn Mandarin quicker than PHP. Sometimes a small lie is OK, but sometimes honesty is better.3
-
Me, starting my internship in ML.. coworkers come to me asking what computer I need:
Me: Well, something more powerful than this i3, and most importantly some kind of GPU for training.
Them: Ok, what kind of GPU?
Me: Well, a 1080 or 2080 should be more than enough and good performance for the price.
Them: Oh.. We were more thinking about a Tesla V100 or something like that!
Me: (internally) WTF this costs more than what you'll pay me for the internship, this is so cool. (to them) Oh, yes, why not, great perfomance, blah blah blah.
I would prefer them to pay me more, but at least they're not going to hold me down with bad components! Nothing to rant about for now.. Hope it'll stay the same ^^5 -
Le Me: well it is the time to go back on that Android project and resume the work.
*Open Android Studio, open the project.
*Wait 10 minutes for build/index
*error: gradle outdated, that is ok, update it.
*error: some library needs update
*error: R not found
*error: internal IDE error.
*Clean Project: PC hangs, Fan go so fast..
Shit ! I even not touched the code !8 -
Well I did it guys. I'm officially a Software Engineer.
I'm feeling serious imposter syndrome. Working on telling myself that I'll be OK though.8 -
I got really pissed off with this company. Why you ask? Well, first off they send me an email for applying with them for a job. Ok, harmless. I wait a couple of weeks and they send me another email. I'm excited, perhaps I got the job! NOPE it's the fucking same email for the fucking same job. I half assed their application the second go around because I was pissed off with them. In their section about uniqueness I essentially gave them the finger.
3 -
WTF!? Why? Just.... why? I'm in Incognito mode as well!
EDIT: Ok, it turns out it's a TV show. Never mind...
6 -
OK, I've had enough of this bullshit!
Why the hell do some people pronounce 'Z' as 'C' !?!
FUCK THESE PEOPLE!
Now, you might ask yourself: "But how is this tech related?".
WELL... I was trying to get into a server and had someone spell the password for me; AND GUESS WHO MISSPELLED THE PASSWORD THREE FUCKING TIMES SO HE GOT LOCKED OUT OF THE FUCKING SERVER BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT!!!
FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK!!!!!18 -
At a festival where I was with my GF from back then, I asked her whether it was OK if I drank some more, which she was fine with, but she didn't get the implication.
Later in the tent, when I was totally drunken, she turned me around and wanted some action. The sudden movement didn't go well, I was just able to open the tent, vomited out of the tent, and turned around to continue sleeping.6 -
Hey guys and ladys. I've got another little rant about my teacher.
As some of you may know, i finished my final exams last week, so basically every relevant grade is done. Every teacher except of my special snowflake programming teacher spends the lessons casually talking with us (some even say we dont need to show up anymore).
Little backstory: Grades need to be done on 18th, June and i get my certificate on 22nd.
Back to my rant. Special Snowflake is different. He wants ANOTHER project. This is totally his idea and is nowhere mentioned in our curriculum. It has to be done until next friday, it has to be C# and we need a detailed documentation. This wouldn't be a problem normally - if I wouldn't be moving at the moment. Special Snowflake knows this but doesn't care.
Except from the criteria above he wants it to be:
- fancy
- loved by everyone. Literally we need to make something EVERYBODY wants in their daily life
- good looking
- everyone should want to pay money for this
How am I supposed to come up with an idea and program the shit out of it in less than 2 weeks, which i need to paint my new office and pack some more stuff.3 -
Mom: My mouse doesn't move
Me: Have you tried disconnecting and reconnecting it?
Mom: How do I do that?
Me: Well, follow the cable from the mouse to the computer
Mom: Is the computer the black box? Then I've disconnected it
Me: Ok, good, then reconnect it
Mom: It doesn't fit
Me: ...
4 -
Boss: Client wants those stockphotos for the frontpage.
Me: ok. Please license them and let me know. I will upload them to the page.
Boss: How does that work then?
Me: you have to buy the five credit package. Here is the link...
Boss: (no response)
...few days later...
Boss: please remember to upload those images...
Me: well ok. Did you buy them?
Boss: isn't that your thing?
Me: I don't understand. You had all the info. You new where to buy them. You knew what images to buy since the client sent the preview versions. What do you need? ...and why didn't you tell me that you were waiting for my input? I was the last one to reply to this conversation.
Boss: i don't want to buy the wrong images.
Me: just buy the ones the client chose.
Boss: I don't want to look up the email he sent them in.
Me: I don't understand. I directly replied to that mail. It is in the same conversation.
Boss: ok.
...day later...
Boss sends me mail with images attached.
Boss: are those the right images?
Me: well yes. Those are the ones the client sent. I don't have more information than you.
(Me looking at the attachments and finding them in the smallest resolution available.)
Me: why did you download the images in the smallest resolution? It does not make any difference in price.
Boss: well I thought they were not needed in a bigger size.
Me: why do you make my options intentionally smaller? I am the guy doing frontend.
..please give me the login info for the stock account so I can download the images in a better resolution.8 -
"Server deployment is automated from git, so dont merge things into the master branch without permission"
Oh ok
>i create new branch
>push unfinished code because i gotta hurry
>server breaks
Well golly gee seems like you did a shit job at automating7 -
Typical conversation between my parents and me
Parents: Can you make stuff?
Me: Make what?
Parents: The thing you do all the time.
Me: "Computer stuff"?
Parents. Yah...
Me: Well, yes, why?
Parents: What can you do?
Me: Well, I know C# the most...
Parents: Can you then make software like Facebook, Twitter, etc?
Me: Well, I can, but that will take a lot of time.
Parents: You should really make something and make money.
Me: Ok. (goes into my room, and turns on laptop)
(a few monents later....)
--[[CHORUS START]]--
Parents: U DOIN COMPUTER???
Me: Uh-huh.
Parents: When did I said to do "Computer stuff"?
Me: Well, you said to rest.
Parents: But I never said to do your "Computer stuff"!
Me: But you said to rest. For an hour!
Parents: WHY U SHOUT AT ME!!!! TURN OFF THAT **** NOW!
Me: Ok.... (turns off and opens C# book immediately)
Parents: What's that?
Me: C# book
Parents: What's C#?
Me: Programming language.
Parents: Where can you use it?
Me: Make stuff.
Parents: Like what?
Me: (lists my personal projects)
Parents: Show me.
Me: (turns on the computer and shows one of it)
Parents: Good. (leaves)
--[[CHORUS END]]--
Me: (deep breath) Can I FINALLY use the computer?
--[[CHOURS]]--9 -
-- So you like npm? Upgrade to version 5 to use its sweet features!
OK. Let's run `npm install npm@5`. Erm, my npm is now a broken mess, not finding `semver`.
-- Well, since you like npm you also will like yarn! It's just facebook's npm. So run `npm install yarn -g`
Yeah, but I wanted `npm@5` not `yarn`.
-- Then just run `yarn global add npm@5`. You then have npm@5.
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
And yes, that works.5 -
I hate when someone throws at me some task all of sudden with a tight deadline.
Wednesday was one of those days.
manager: we want to remove all the offices because of our tight budget this year (multimillionaire company, lol), everyone will use office 365;
me: ahn... ok, but everything was already tested? Some macros, routines, old documents can be a big problem, as far I know (I don't use M$ at home, servers are Linux, so I really don't know about that). I can do some tests, only will need some real documents to make sure everything will do fine;
manager: yeah, yeah, everything will be fine, the high management already decided, don't worry, just remove the offices in the company, ok?;
me: alright...
*me deploys the remotion script in every f*cking machine*
48 hours later...
manager: well... everyone is complaining about the office 365, random complains, can you attend all the calls and reinstall if you can't solve the problem?
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!
[RAGES INTERNALLY]
5 -
Dev: I need you to do X
IT: Ok we will do Y
Dev: I don’t want Y I want X
IT: Well you’ll need to go through the change request process then since you have just modified your requirements.
Dev: …6 -
One time in a job interview I got asked a very softball question.
"what is the difference between .net framework and .net core?"
"well not much these days. there's a few APIs that didn't get ported over. but even winforms and that are available now. essentially it's the same experience when you're writing c# or whatever"
"ok but like, what's the biggest difference?"
"well the config files are different..."
"yeah but like the main difference?"
"uh... well there's a cli for .net core. it's not tied to visual studio anymore"
"ok. moving on..."
GODDAMMIT JOSH ALL YOU HAD TO SAY WAS CROSS PLATFORM
This interaction still keeps me up at night.7 -
(backstory -> I have 10 years of experience as a software engineer)
Me: So I would like to develop myself to become "officially" a senior engineer
Manager: sure, you basically need to show consistent behaviour
Me: ok, but what specifically? on what criteria do you determine when it is time for promotion?
Manager: there isn't anything like that defined yet, we would like to work on a definition of roles and responsibilities, but we're not there yet
Me: ok but how did you do it so far?
Manager; well as I said, you have to show consistent behaviour that characterises you as a senior.
Me: ....10 -
B - Ok guys, here we are to decide who's gonna do what.
What part of the app needs to be developed
P1 - The UX
P2 - The Statistics
P3 - The calls to the server
Me - The flow of work
B - Uhm, right, well scratch that, I'm gonna need you to make a website for a costumer.
Me - But this app is due to the next two weeks!!
B - I'm sure you'll manage.1 -
OK so I'm just going to announce this. I'm done with my WPF client for devRant. It's not really "Production" quality but it does what I want and well... it's good enough for me and I need to move on.
Here's the release and code if anyone is interested. If you want any other feature, you can just fork and implement it yourself.
Repo:
https://github.com/allanx2000/...
Release: (ClickOnce installer in app.zip)
https://github.com/allanx2000/...
23 -
Dev: You’ll want to store money values such as $2001.01 as 200121 when using javascript.
Manager: Why? That’s stupid.
Dev: Javascript doesn’t behave with decimals the way you think. It’ll show up as $2001.01000001 when you least expect it
Manager: Well I’ve never had that issue before! Besides that’s only a fraction of a cent off, that won’t even matter!
Dev: … literally the plot of office space but ok21 -
Things I hear when people find out, that i cant see red and green well...
99% WHAT COLOR IS THIS PEN?
1% Oh, well, ok...
FFS ppl ITS ANNOYING!9 -
User: Hey, we got a big issue with one of your tools. One of your pages isn't loading.
Me: Ok, so when did this happen?
User: We don't know? Its been like that for a long time though, so we thought it was normal 😃
Me: ....ok. So do you know what data is supposed to appear?
User: Uhhh we're not sure as well. Since, you know, its been like that for a while.
Just great 😑4 -
Backstory: Offering manager brings a project through a few months of requirements gathering / feasibility study etc. Project spends 8 months with a R&D team to flesh out. Our team gets 6 months to turn it into a ship able product. 4 months in, offering manager calls a meeting.
OM: ok so you are all working on project X, well I need your input on something
Team: Ok, go ahead
OM: what do you think the app needs to do?
Team: ... I'm sorry?
OM: well we've been looking at it, and we don't think it does very much compared to existing apps. We need a killer feature but we don't know what. Any ideas?
Team: well we were looking at project Y originally, which was a lot more advanced. But you pulled the plug in favour of this.
OM: yeah, believe me customers will want project X a lot more. It just needs to do something interesting ... you know what I mean?
Team: not really, if it doesn't have anything, why did we go for it?
OM: ok I don't think I'm being clear. Point is, if anyone has any ideas let me know, we need to ship it in 2 months and it needs to be killer
I handed in my notice that week and was asked why ... let's just say I told them. -
* Open browser, type 'dev' to go to developper.apple . com
* First suggestion on the browser: devrant.com
Me: Well, that's ok too..
* Press Enter,
*reeding some rants.. -
PM: This feature should take you about 6 hours to complete.
Me: Psh if that, it's just a view.
PM: Actually it needs this logic as well. *sends requirements*
Me: OK that's way more than a view... *gets it done and commits*
QA: I need this logic to work a way that was never on the requirements.
Me: Yeah, that's an additional feature but I'll do it. *commits and passes QA*
PM: So why didn't you finish everything on this sprint... you said that 6 hours was more than enough time.1 -
After zero contact for approx 4-5 years I get an Instagram message:
Old work buddy: Hello, I have a website question for you
Me: Ok
OWB: Hope you’re well, btw
Me: *hmmmmm*
OWB: basically blah blah blah can’t get this part of this Wordpress theme to work
Me: I’ll have a quick look. Oh btw I have big news...
OWB: You up the duff?
Me: Yep!
OWB: Congrats...do you think you can help with the website?
Me: Probably not at the moment and it looks like a pig of a job to make the theme work properly.
OWB: *silence*17 -
Raise your hands if you absolutely need a screen to work!
Most of you? Ok.
Well, let me share a story of a dev who doesn't really need a screen at all.
https://youtube.com/watch/...
https://blog.aboutamazon.com/workin...6 -
Me - Yeah great so you say it's big data we are gonna be analyzing and having to store, are you currently utilizing a service and aggregating any of it into smaller manageable segments?
Client - well yeah it's lots and lots of data, we can share it with you if you sign a nda.
Me - ok... sure, how are you gonna share it with me.
Client - oh I can email you the spreadsheet.
Me - .... Spreadsheet ... Um... Ok... 'Stands up and walks away to tell this as the most interesting meeting of the month, to some one that will get it'
--
Buzz word for the win!9 -
Life is hard.
You are born. DNA gets determined. You go through infancy.
Puberty comes and DNA is like
"uh from now you'll pretty much have strong sexual urges, a huge desire to be sexually prolific, nothing weird like being pedo or into rape though".
me: Uh ok.
dna: oh, also, you're gonna be one of those late bloomers, you know, you talk like shit, you dress like shit, you smell like shit.
life: that's true and also you don't have anyone in your life to teach you about that shit, so forget about kissing, having sex, let alone being in a relationship for a long time.
*a lot of years go by with a lot of missed opportunities, mistakes and regrets*
life: ok, you seem to have become a decent sex partner out of a lot of scarring experiences, but there's one problem: you've fallen in love with somebody.
and you're married
and you have kids
me: well, does that mean I can't fuck other people?
life: yeah, no. I'm surprised I even have to explain that, it's called cheating. It will pretty much ruin your marriage, and fuck up your kids.
me: ok, I guess no then. I'm still fortunate enough to have sex with my wife right?
life: yeah... but you still want to fuck other people
me: what???
life: yeah, did you think that falling in love would make you not want to fuck other people? fuck no
me: ok, well I'm very grateful that I get to experience sex at all.
life: yes... there's a thing though, your partner has a much much lower libido than you.
me: ok, well maybe if I exercise and dress better that might change
life: that will definitely help, you'll feel more confident and have more stamina, but every time you retry exercising, you remember how much you hate it and how little stamina you have.
oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you had kids and work, yeah no time or energy for that.
me: ok, then should I just embrace a more liberal lifestyle, like becoming a swinger?
life: ha, fat chance, it's a very taboo thing and you're not that liberal, neither is she.
me: uhhh, i guess i can sometimes watch porn then...
life: watching porn regularly will make the only sex that you have worse, according to statistics.
me: ok, I guess I should get ripped18 -
Me, being a lowly junior dev, had the honor of being in a same group chat with a big corporation devOps team.
Finally ready to play with the big boys!!
*opens chat*
DevOps 1: "so we need to remove the CSS cache from our clients computers."
DevOps 2: "ok, well... just delete the server cache"
*watching in awe as they all try to figure out why it's not working*
This continued on for a while...
Until my boss had enough laughs and giggles and put an end to this stupidity :D3 -
Got a call from a recruiter today
Recruiter: I'm trying to fill a full stack position in Charlotte.
Me: not interested
R: why
M: I hate NC
R: what can I do to make you reconsider
M: I want 120k
R: Ok, well please pass this opportunity along if you know someone who is looking
I *actually* just moved from there.
Guess someone didn't read my job history.
Convo was seriously less than a minute.9 -
family: oh cmon, how hard it can be
me: what do you mean
family: youre just sitting in front of that pc all day
me: yeah, thats how we ...
family: youre not working! youre sitting in one place the whole day2 -
When your company uses an awesome online software and your bosses want you to rebuild it internally to save money.
Me "OK, but, product A had a team of engineers and probably took a year to build."
Them: "well, they have the bugs worked out then. Shouldn't take you as long. Just copy what they did."3 -
Late one night I realize that Visual Studio has an update available.
> Might as well. Maybe they finally implemented that auto bug-fixer.
I download the update and it warns me that I must restart my computer. Fair enough, I was just about to shut down my computer anyways.
I turn off my computer for the night.
Boot up the next day, try to open Visual Studio.
It says to me: "No, I mean, you gotta RESTART. Not just re-start, or whatever shit you just did."
Ok. Restarted the machine.8 -
Me and my manager throughout 2020
January:
Me: So umm, we can release the new app version
Manager: No we promised client X app first go build that
Me: umm, ok.
February:
Me: so the app is done, but client hasn't setup area L so there is no data there
Manager: ok, I'll have them setup area L soon ™️
March:
Manager: area L is too much work to setup, use workaround L thats way better
Me: ok ...
April:
Manager: client is nitpicking on design and layout please make this mess even greater
Me: ok, anything else?
Manager: yeah also start on app for client Z!
Me: and our app update?
Manager: later son! Risk tooo muchos!
May:
Me: the mess for client X is done, and first version for client Z is also ready for test
Manager: ok good work, here is a new set of things to mess up
Me: but... Seriously, wtf?!
Manager: clients want quality
Me: ah ok, not nitpicking, cool
June:
Manager: client X went MIA, but client Z will send you a weekly list of things they don't understand and want to change
Me: ah great, truly worth postponing my February holiday to release nothing
July:
Manager: so, how we doing on all them changes
Me: well, I am a loyal custodian with alot of pleasure in my work!
Manager: ah ok good!
Me: any news from client X??
Manager: who
Me: mkay ... n.v.m
August:
Me: can we release yet?
Manager: change, we can!!!
Me: are you Obama?
Manager: ambitions
Me: fuck you pay me
September:
Me: I am confident we can now release all 3 apps as promised mid september
Manager: great!! Good work
Also manager: you know that immensely complex area within the app? That needs a complete rewrite because we have bad ux there!!!
Me: ok... To which requirements?
Manager: good ux, we must have standards
Me: but the layout of page R id generic as page F so then we need to align there as well
Manager: go! Do!
Me: ok I'll come up with my own requirements then
Manager: we also need documentation
Me: really!!!! How clever of you to fire colleagues T & P and we now have zero workforce for that
Manager: things will get better someday
Me: ah, great! Put it on my calendar
October:
Me: I need a sabbatical biatch
Manager: a what?4 -
Ok so I'm releasing (in about two weeks) a massive project that my self and other talented people have been working on for about 2 years.
I feel like I want to puke all the time now. God I hope it is okay. 🤢
I'll let you all know what it is if all goes well so I'm not embarrassed if it does not
Wish me luck😐12 -
"You must update Messenger as it's been too long since you've updated!
Time since last update: -903 years"
oh
well ok5 -
Customer: "Yeah we need <insert bonkers 12 step circular logic> to find a thing(s) in the database."
Me: "Ok let me diagram this out and I'll send it to you to review.... but man this seems like the 8th version of this we're doing right?"
Customer: "Yeah well <employee Y> says they can't do B, C without this."
Me: "Wait... can't they just <insert the most simple step in the history of time> in step A, and then later on they won't have to do all this hunting later? Like you have that data at step A right?"
Customer: "Yeah but <employee Y> doesn't want to do that."
Me: "She's your direct report ....."
Customer: "Yes...."
Me: "Ok.... I'll send you the diagram and the cost estimate...."
Whatever reason sometimes it is a bit draining coding madness compared to making things actually efficient / people's jobs easier...3 -
Boss: "wow how it happened it's already November? Well, here is this project that we supposed to end on October that I didn't mentioned yet, sorry I was sure last month was September. Don't make any plans for next few weekends, ok?"6
-
I'm sick to death of hiring people from other companies and explaining GitFlow and why its useful (what are you people doing?).
Then watching them doing it wrong, pointing out its easier to use something like sourcetree. Which leads to "... well see, the terminal is just more efficient, tools like sourcetree are bloated".
Ok fair enough, well heres the deal i'll make with you, while using your "efficient tool", stop breaking our workflow and i'm fine for you to keep using it. Otherwise, stop being a dick and be a team player.18 -
CEO: “Everyone has to come back to the office. No more COVID working from home nonsense. We need to work together in person to be truly effective.”
Everyone: “There aren’t enough offices and desks for everyone.”
CEO: “Oh, also, we’re laying off thousands.”
Everyone: “Well, ok, but there’s still not enough room for everyone to work together in the same spaces.”
CEO: “Ok, contractors can work from home to make room for the remaining full-time employees.”
Me, a contractor:
3 -
What's this erogant world?
Someone asked a question in Stack Exchange, he put his design of a school management database and asked for suggestions.
Well, there are many things to improve, relations and data types etc..
BUT, he got 10 very long answers about why every student has exactly a father and a mother, why not 2 mothers and 3 fathers and all some off topic talks that could be said in 1 line..
Like what the... ok we know you're gay but answer the question without being an attention greedy12 -
Ok. FUCK MySQL Workbench.
Most of our products built on MySQL and we just had enough of the tools that we are using for our mysql databases...
We decided to make our own tool :)
If it goes well, we plan to open source it. Would you guys be interested in it?
We planned the following features:
1. Schema editing
2. Schema versioning
3. Update/downgrade script generation to move easily between schema versions
4. Manual/auto sync
5. Might include our own replication solution too...
What do you think?10 -
So... After this bullshit https://devrant.com/rants/1523838/...
Me: hey boss, so.. I made a list out of those PowerPoint's on Trello ( more than 50 cards ) , can we sit later to priorize them?
Boss: well.. We can but for me all those are important. And we are gonna have those other requests (THIS IS THE HUGE ONE) next week.
Me inside: aaaaahhhh... Scream to your faceeeee!!! I'm gonna kill you and use your skull as a fucking mug!!! Motherfucker!!!
Me: ok.
Our deadline is end of this month :)3 -
them: "Is it done yet?"
wisecrack: "Not yet."
them: "How close do you think you are to being done?"
wisecrack:"Dunno. It's going smooth though."
them:"well do you think it'll be done in a few days?"
wisecrack:"Well I don't know. Depends on if you want to keep playing 20 questions instead of letting me work."
them:"Well I'm just excited."
Wisecrack: "Ok."
Literal conversation I just had ten minutes ago.
Less excited each day I have to answer the same set of questions, sometimes multiple times a day as if I know the answer.
What do I look like, a professional developer?1 -
1 on 1 meetings with manager throughout the year
Manager: You're doing really well! Keep it up!
Me: Cool, thanks!
1 on 1 meetings with my manager a month or two ago
Manager: You're still killing it! I'd really like to see you challenge the status quo since you're the newest on the team. I think we could benefit from fresh perspective.
Me: Ok, cool, I'm starting to feel pretty comfortable so I'll do that.
Me: *starts challenging process, team structure, and company norms in meetings*
Manager: *confused pikachu face*
1 on 1 meetings now, right before performance management
Manager: I really need you to start picking up more important work. You're not performing well relative to others at your level, and I won't be able to represent you well during performance management.
Me: 😐10 -
Starting to Learn JavaScript and when I spoke to my little sister she tells me Bro learn C than C++ and than go C# and Java. Well I just!! Ok Challenge accepted, wish me luck, she already knows C and C++15
-
Nothing interesting. Just 11 GB ram using and increases steadily. After restart app the bug was again. Okaaay, I thought. I reboot my PC, but bug was adamant. Well, then I update phpStorm and everything became fine. Ok, JetBrains, good idea to say user about new release version and make update:) Seriously, it works fine. I think every company should adopt this idea:)
8 -
No commute.. oh, wait, I live next to work..like literally next building.. ok, if I move it'd be no commute again..
No need to brush the hair, can wear yoga pants & hoodie & swear all I want.. oh, I do that even at the office (trying to tone down on swearing though)..Umm.. boss doesn't get to tell me to go home at 17.. well he does that even now.. o.O ok ok, I got this!! I can wash my hair during lunch break! And wash the dishes and clothes when on 'cig break'..
Meh... I wish I had a doggo to play with.. :(6 -
porra; caralho; toma no cu.
this fucking shit xamarin. I wish the ass who programed the xamarin vs2017 integration to go fuck off.
srsly, I just want to fucking code this fucking fucker VS2017 keep shitting all around me
first I was gonna install it. didn't install because no memory left. fair enough, my fault there.
cleaned 35 gbs.
finish installing VS, with xamarin. FIRST GOD DAMN TIME I create fucking project, 2 fucking errors and 3 warnings. I DIDN'T EVEN TYPE A COMMA.
ok, tried fucking it. it seems to be conflict between version of Android and xamarin forms. fucker you it shouldn't be like this. anyway.
tried downloading the updated Android version.
it failed at 80%! what error you ask? missing fucking space ok, fuck that thing is huge, ok, my fault again. uninstalled all programs I was not using, all projects I'm not current working on. more fucking 30GB free. tried again. ANDROID IS TOO FUVKING HUGE CAN'T INSTALL IN 30GB!!!
Ok. instead of updating android, gonna downgrade xamarin, can't downgrade. ok gonna remove and install an early version.
unistalled. CAN'T FIND XAMARIN DLLS.
I was like, fuck this project, gonna start a new one. ok, all seems fine, for some weird reason. Except no. I try adding a new page, ops, APPARENTLY VS2017 CAN'T LOAD A GODDAMN .XAML
Ok, I can create a .cs page. done, except now I get a fucking timeout error. fuck.
I search the internet for a workaround, see a guy saying I could manually add a .xaml + .cs by creating this files and then adding them to the proj file.
did it. I go again, everything seems fine. but now I can't freaking reference the damn page.
I'm fucking losing my mind here.
In the mean time I have to turn in this project at the end of the week AND I CAN'T FUCKING OPEN THE GOD DAMN FREKING PROJECT PROPERLY!
FUCK. MY. LIFE.
FUCK XAMARIM AS WELL
FUCK VISUAL STUDIO
FUCK MICROSOFT
FUCK THAT DAMN SSD
FUCK THAT BOSS WHO THINK THAT A 128GB SSD IS ENOUGH
FUCK IT ALL...15 -
tldr: Fuck Apple AND Microsoft...
Tried to check my "me" email today (iCloud)... and well it's apparently "locked" for god only knows what reason, and they will only let me recover it through a Hotmail account that I haven't used in >10years.. So I tried that and after one login attempt outlook.com is telling me "you've entered too many wrong password attempts, you must reset your password"... ugh OK, so I hit the button and it's asking me "my" security question.. 'where did you and your spouse meet?'.. wtf? I'm not married now nor was I @12yrs old when I made this account....
Well thanks so I guess that's fucked for forever...7 -
Sales was about to close what I thought was supposed to be a basic WordPress project with a pretty steep delivery time (two weeks). I thought to myself: "well, ok. It's going to be rough for us to fit it into our existing schedule, but I guess the budget (unusually high) compensates." After I say OK, I find out that they were actually about to sign a FE application that takes data from various document management applications. I lost my shit. I hope there's a special place in hell for sales reps that don't get the specs before accepting projects.2
-
I decided to go freelance/contracting. Headhunters keep pitching me permament roles (and I love watching them run out of pitch lines :D )
Headhunter: This job can't do your asking salary, but can offer career development.
Me: Already did that. was Engineer, then Architect, then CTO. I'm actually stepping back to be an Engineer.
Headhunter: Ok well, in this job you can do things start to finish, see them through to the end.
Me: I actually get bored after a while. Prefer change.
Headhunter: Well this place has a great culture and fun atmosphere!
Me: It's an insurance company mate...2 -
Recruiter reaches out to me, he says he saw my LinkedIn and thinks I'd be a great fit.
I say ok and send my resume.
He gets me a phone screen. I do it, I think I do a pretty good job. (I'm able to answer all the questions well, I think I'm onto the coding interview for sure.)
A couple days later I get a generic rejection email.
I'm not sure what happened. They had my resume, I know I did well on the technical questions (I do that kind of thing for my current job all the time.)
No idea why I'm rejected. If it was something about my experience, they could have seen that from my resume. If it was something from my phone screen, I have no idea what it could have been.
Just wanted to rant >:[8 -
There’s so much we can learn from Gordon Ramsay..
I wish I could swear & insult like he can..
Woman: “who do you think you are? You insulted my friend!”
Gordon: “well if I did then I probably meant it, now get your fat ass back to your table”
“Congratulations, you just got your head out of your own ass. Now piss off”
*Customer wants more spinach*
Gordon: “ ok I’ll make you more spinach *dramatic pause* and push it up your ass”
Or my all time favorite:
“You fucking donkey”14 -
Ok, let's actually try and work on my games Dev kit workspace functionality and not get side tracked with devRant... Oh fuck I'm on it right now... Well shit!
I think I browse through devRant at an unhealthy amount lol -
So a client of mine who I've known a long time referred me to a friend of his for a project. OK great! Quoted the guy a price got the OK but didn't know my client had told this friend they would be paying me for the job. Well I found this out when I went to get payment from the guy. I call my client and he proceeds to tell me "yes we told him we would pay for it but thought it would just be included in our project fee which was already paid".. WTF2
-
that weird anxious feeling you get when trying to work out if this is a good idea or not.
"There was a problem downloading the required files"
OK, well that lasted long.
MS cant even have their installer finish anymore.
8 -
Just had an interview, but since I am a smart ass I decide that half an hour notice before the interview is OK after working the whole day with queues, docker & php multithreading, so we start an interview over Skype and my persona was able to duck up how simple joins work as well as function which is supposed to return the sum of even numbers between 2 and provided argument... I was off by 2..
Lesson learned never get in an interview after a whole day of mindfuckery .. Never -
I'm amazed how some people either think I'm fucking jesus or a god or both.
App XY not working.
Yeah. We're talking about how App XY and it's exhaustion of the connection pool since a year....
It's not working, what can we do?
Well. I don't know. Tried restarting?
Not working.
Well... Nothing I can do, you're responsible for developing the app and we've talked many times how complex the problem is.
It's not working, can u do something?
<Me just fed up increasing the connection count>
Well. I've increased the connections.
This will not work. It's a band aid. The app needs really a complete migration.
Ok. But it works.
No it doesn't work.. For fucks sake... It still exhausts the connections for unknown reasons, this is a band aid.
But it works....
-.-
This conversations was over then....
Well. Have fun.
I reverted the change I did.
May this crappy piece of shit die a thousand deaths, I:m now working on something else.
Goodbye mother fucking bitches, habe fun with the nightmare you created.
I'll cry over the other fucking nightmares I at least can solve, cause what you created in this App is beyond irresponsible and dumb.4 -
*lunch time*
Designer: we want to put these graphs on the landing page.
Me: ok, well they are pretty simple I can recreate them in about an hour with JS, and they will look better and be inter active...
PM: we don't have time for that just use the images from the mock up
Me: ok...
*5hrs & dozens of emails later...*
PM: the graph doesn't look quite right, can we just build it in code so it looks better? Oh and we need to have it to the client to review by end of day...
Me: ...1 -
One employer has just contacted me, said that my resume seems very interesting and invited me.
Now I'm looking at their website, all from 00s and with cringey fonts. Ok, they do "automatization of financial systems" and etc.
Alright, scrolling down... Suddenly, I see cut from the familiar soviet cartoon "Vovka in the Far Away Kingdom", where in the end Vova says:
- Well, that would do!
IRONY 😂
Now I'm questioning my will to attend this interview.
4 -
Product owner (who is also the application administrator): please build feature to allow administrators to create automatic alerts to be sent to application users
Me: ok
Feature gets built, tested and deployed to production
Two months later:
PO: I've noticed in our monitoring tool that there haven't been any alerts sent out to users. What's going on??
Me: well have you created any automatic alerts?
PO: umm, no. How do we do that?
Me (inside): 🤦2 -
Ok here goes me trying to explain some logic here, I apologise in advance!
I've been using an axis based movement system for my games for a while now but always had the issue of characters moving faster diagonally because the movement shape would form a square; meaning things would move at twice the speed.
Only now thought 'hang on, direction's act as circles when given a radius..'
Suddenly everything works perfectly fine and all it took was 3 lines of code... Well done Alex you tool.
18 -
Client: *Sends beautiful screenshot*. I created the newsletter (template) with chatgpt.
Me: Nice. Did it add the header and the footer as well ?
Client : I'm asking him to do it right now.
Me: Ok.
As a trash developer I fear for my job.
/s
Ughh
17 -
Manager: These estimates are wrong
Me: Why?
M: These shouldn't take too long
Me: Well you asked me to make those while I was busy with the mess design did.
Jr frontend: Manager is right. They shouldn't take too long.
*me knowing jr doesn't know the system nor coding standards*
Jr: I'll fix mine to get a more accurate estimation. Do you want me to do yours?
* Me thinking f*ck no*
Me: Just do yours.
M: Ok. Then we are settled.
He just wanted me to fit a 10 week project into 6 weeks while I carry the Jr and was complaining I didnt do it well.
Fml5 -
My boss just realized that I'm allowed to say how I want to be treated as a female and it's ok while he can't say how a female should or shouldn't be treated is because I AM FEMALE and therefore I'm speaking for myself and from my own experiences not saying how someone else should feel!
Only took well over a year.....5 -
Me: Runs Dedicated Server from home, cheap easier to admin and easy to keep up with upgrades and hardware for my needs.
UKWeather: HA ya I given you 3 good years of OK weather so now you have some super hot weather as I know your brits have no AC haha.
Me: Well darn (alt F4, shutdown - reason: Two Hot )
Time to drill holes move cables and relocate the server to a more cooler place in the home :P7 -
!dev
TL;DR: Computer rooms closed? Ok. Music rooms closed? Fuck!
I understand why the computer rooms are locked up in breaks and not accessible for every student anytime. But..
Why on earth are the music rooms closed as well?!
It wasn't always like that. But stupidass teacher Mr Fucker decided that he wants the music rooms (plural) for himself in breaks. That means they are both empty 90% of the time after 13:00 Uhr and in breaks. Closed. While I could play piano in my free time where I have to stay in school anyways. But no.
Fuck you, Mr Fucker.5 -
Ok, so many people rant about windows update. It can fuck up things, starts unexpectedly (after 100 warnings and messages letting you choose when but ok) and it takes too long to update.
I use Windows daily so I update regularly and never takes more than 5 mins. 20 when its a major update twice a year. So let's talk about Linux.
Yesterday I wanted to try out .net core on Linux so I booted my antergos vm to do it. TLDR: Didn't do shut because, surprise, Linux updates.
So apparently I downloaded the wrong version of visual studio code. Uninstall and install the right one then. Nope, can't do that. Some dependency must be updated. That dependency is on the highest version on the AUR, I have to get a different one. Ok, no problem. But I can install the other because uninstalling the original breaks more dependencies. Well fuck then.
So I decided I'd do a full system update with pacman, shouldn't take long. 1.6gb worth of update. I have 200mb download so it should be fast right? Well, I had to wait a couple of hours.
So I couldn't do anything on my afternoon because of Linux updates. That's an original rant isn't it?
And before the comments get here, yeah I know it's arch, it's difficult and all that. This isn't about being hard to do. It's just annoying and making me lose time.3 -
Fuck stupid managers.
My current agency tried to create a bundle of generic Microservices with the hope of save time and money on future projects. That was two years ago (i was working here from 4 months ago).
What they have now? well, a sort of distributed monolyth were if one service goes down, everything else fails, infinite technical debt, no security policies (yeah, all the apis are open!!!) Business rules on the frontend . . .
And what the stupid manager say? "Everything must be ok because i designed it very well, i research a lot for this"
Stupid boomer.
PD: Yeah, despite the fact he is judt a manager, he take the responsibility to design the full architecture, idk why no one srops him.4 -
In my previous work, when I was under pressure (very often, because we were to few people for all the work) I used to manage the situation in the following way:
PM: It's super-important and prioritary to develop < 2 days feature >. Sales really need that feature because they cannot work without it.
Me: Ok. I'll need from them < 2-hours-to-get data > and then I can leave what I'm doing and start with the feature.
PM: *... goes to tell sales ... comes back*
PM: Well, they say they can work by doing < some not as confortable way as feature, but pretty acceptable >.
Me: Ok, then I'll continue trying to prevent the systems break down inminently.
On this work I learned a lot, but clearly, we were too few people to mantain the site, and too much lazy sales people. -
Boss : "Hey everyone is so busy/too good to work on that project but it's really complicated af and you'll be alone. Good luck ! Oh and we are ok to hire you next year after your apprenticeship, work well and without pressure !"
Me : O_o "Ok I'll do my best, shoudn't be that complicated"
Me (1 month after) : demotivated, sick of that mission, tired, algorithm not working, I wanna die I'm a parasite for that company. Thanks giving me that work to do.1 -
Me: I just know there's gotta be a better way to do this.
PM: No I think it's just a problem of inexperience. You and $coworker just haven't spent enough time in WordPress.
Me: no you're right. I'm just trying to get a better handle on the code and make things as less error prone as possible.
PM: well we really don't have very many errors.
Me: wait, what about the (list off other issues)?
PM: those all have been resolved already.
Me: Oh. Ok. I guess it's just me.
PM: See, I make changes and nothing breaks. You guys just need to continue working on this.
Me: ... 🤨
Me: (weird flex but ok) hey! Look at this guy over here!
PM: (Laughs)3 -
Positive reviews are ok.
Compliments are weird.
I love receiving good reviews on my software.
(negative but constructive feedback is welcome as well, of course)
But receiving compliments, especially in person is really weird.
On the one hand I know that I did a good job, I know that the features are useful and the UI is classy and comfortable. On the other hand I still feel not comfortable receiving compliments for doing something good.
I don't have any social awkwardness and yet this feels so weird.
Am I alone at this?1 -
Why is school such a bullfuck, we've learned SQL basics and I've used SQL a little so I thought I won't have a problem. WELL FUCKING HELL WAS I WRONG. Joining 4 tables together with inner join WTF who the fuck uses that, why the fuck do I need to know this, WHY THE FUCK IN A TEST WHEN WE HAVEN'T LEARNED SUCH BULLSHIT. Well how about adding a foreign key to a table that doesnt need one. Well ok have fun with a key that does absolutely nothing and on top of all those convoluted tasks the texts are a mess, they give unnecessary information with grammar of a 9 year old and the pictures are not even readable. They are fucking hieroglyphs.
Fuck school.
Gonna do it by myself at the end anyway.
Fuck everything.15 -
What a satisfying and yet freaking scary thing when you run
# git checkout -b feature/lostHoursWorkingOnThis
# git reset -- hard <commit from 3 months ago>
# git push upstream master --force
Just when you're at the final sign off of a major change and the business goes "nope, we want to make even more changes before we sign off ok this"
🤷♂️out of scope gone wrong!!
Well fuck you, I got shit to deploy, all this work can get out of my way! -
5 months ago we are using string for identifying some stuff:
var abc = "badstuff/abc"
var isBad = abc.indexOf("badstuff")>-1
// fine
we later switched to id, so
var abc = 13;
var isBad = abc.indexOf("badstuff") > -1;
// well this is wrong
so I approached the colleague and said to her that we use id now, indexOf("badstuff") no longer works, and id can be arbitrary, like 3245.
-- ok ill do it.
I dont know 3245 looks really like a special id or not. this is the outcome:
var abc = 13;
var isBad = abc.indexOf(3245) > -1;
lol.1 -
"I need a way to create PDFs from word documents"
"OK, here's Cute PDF, just print to it"
"Great, how does this work with my pdf letterhead?"
"Oh, well that's different, we'll need to create a word template with the letterhead pieces from the PDF. Here you go."
"OK, how do I merge the word documents generated by my fuckmess of a CRM software system?"
"You can copy and paste it, or we can purchase this software for you that should be able to do it"
"Why didn't you install that software first? You guys are useless"
Alright buddy, fuck you too. I'll be sure to automatically assume that even though your initial email is a full, complete request, that there's more behind it and read your mind through the email going forward.1 -
(https://devrant.com/rants/1629853/...) An update to my rant.
So my cool team lead and a fellow dev are putting down their papers next week.So thats 3 folks out of your team of 5 leaving . Lets see how our manager handles this by hiring more underpaid interns half of whose work I did and ends up telling me its not "talent" that matters but your "Attitude" .Well fuck your attitude Mr.manager I've already got 3 offers.1 -
* Developing a new "My pages" NBV offer/order solution for customer
_Thursday
Customer: Are we ready for testing?
Me: Almost, we need to receive the SSL cert and then do a full test run to see if your sales services get the orders correctly. At this point, all orders made via this flow are tagged so they will not be sent to the Sales services. We also still need to implement the tracking to see who has been exposed to what in My Pages.
Customer: Ok, great!
_Friday
Customer: My web team needs these customers to have fake offers on them, to validate the layout and content
Me: Ok, my colleague can fix this by Tuesday - he has all the other things with higher prio from you to complete first
Customer: Ok! Good!
_Sunday
Me: Good news, got the SSL cert installed and have verified the flow from my side. Now you need to verify the full flow from your side.
Customer: Ok! Great! Will do.
_Monday
*quiet*
_Tuesday
Customer: Can you see how things are going? Any good news?
Me: ???
*looks into the system*
WTF!?!
- Have you set this into production on your side? We are not finished with the implementation on our side!
Customer: Oh, sorry - well, it looked fine when we tested with the test links you sent (3 weeks ago)
Me: But did you make a complete test run, and make sure that Sales services got the order?
Customer: Oh, no they didn't receive anything - but we thought that was just because of it being a test link
Me: Seriously - you didn't read what i wrote last Thursday?
Customer: ...
Me: Ok, so what happens if something goes wrong - who get's blamed?
Customer: ...
Me: FML!!!2 -
Client: I need you to integrate with this API.
Me: ok cool, but what are we doing with it (where does the data go/styling)?
Client: what do think we should do?
Me: well it would be really cool if we did it like this *short and sweet explanation of really cool functionality and design*
Client: I LOVE IT! Let's do it, oh also I need it done by tomorrow...
Me: *GOD DAMNIT, why do you always do this...don't you dare say ok* ok, yeah I can totally do that.
...now at the market stocking up on redbull2 -
I like to code as a hobby as well as do it as a day job so it surprises me quite alot when people get all funny about me coding outside of work/uni. It's just funny because half of these brain dead students know nothing about anything other than what they're taught in education. Most students are so fucking stupid nowadays and they don't like to read or research or learn. But I'm the anomaly. Ok guys. Well done, go get pissed; it's the best you can do with your braindead selves.3
-
Asked a client how they were getting on with the GDPR preparations, knowing they sometimes ask me to check documentation and such.
them: "Whats the GDPR"
me: "its the new European privacy law coming near the end of May, its ok, most of the work should be covered by your PCI DSS compliance paperwork with a few tweaks."
them: "oh, we just pay the non-compliance fee for that"
me: "wait what? well whose your data controller registered under the ICO required due to cctv being used"
them: "oh isnt that optional?"
me: "ok so heres my hourly, or i can quote for the whole compliance project"
I know not everyone is tech minded and GDPR hasnt been that well advertised, but jeez...2 -
I want to beat someone so bad right now. Guess I'll just do a heavy bench press later to release stress and anger 😤 well society. You can't just beat someone in a city because of laws. If we are alone in the desert then goodluck to him. So there's a reason on why I want to beat him so bad. 👊😡 sigh ok gotta practice more "mastering your emotions"
-
Getting a location in android is so complicated:
First there's the permissions. Ok add it to the manifest. Oh wait, run-time permissions.
Gotta check if user has allowed the specific app to use location or ask for the permission.
Ok. That's done. Why am i not getting a location? Of course, user can turn it off from settings. Gotta check for that aswell. Or ask for it somehow.
Finally i should be able to get the location! Now, how to I use the Location service to get location in the most efficient way that suits for me? Or should I use the Google api.
Every answer in stackoverflow uses a different method. Oh well, gotta try out them all :).2 -
I started programming on a new POS machine and I noticed that sometimes it reboots randomly. The boss and the assistance said that it's a well known bug and happened also in all old machines. Ah.... Ok.
And that shit costs a lot and it's stupid as fuck. Really? How the fuck is it possible? Sometimes I think that if I put a cardreader and a printer in a 50$ android phone I would save a lot of time6 -
CoWorker: so when are you going to be out?
Me: taking 1 week off Oct 1. I need a break from production issues and all these critical tasks...
CW: ah OK yea, you deserve it. So where you going?
Me: well I'm planning to just stay home unless the weather is really nice. I'm going to try React Native to build a mobile app and maybe look for some open source projects... O yes gotta look into my investments too...
CW: Oohhhh... Ok.... (We go on talking about Trump and why somehow the markets haven't crashed yet...)2 -
"Configuring incomplete, errors occurred!" Ok, I get that. But would it kill you to tell me what errors? If you behave like an asshole, I'll hate you as well!
-
Me: Wrote and unit testing code for a user story.
Day of a Merge
PO: We need to back out the code you wrote. We have not gotten approval from legal.
Me: Uhhh well it's not going live for 4 weeks still and not harming anything but if you insist, ok.....
2 Days Later
PO: Ok legal approved the changes can you put that back in?
Me: 😡🖕🏻1 -
Ok so riddle me this. The service for an application were required to run to send clients insurance through (as per government regulations) was working fine all day working super fast. Rare but awesome. I get a call one hour prior to the office closing (I don't work weekdays) and I am told that all of a sudden insurance isn't sending.
My mind goes right to this fu**ing process. Sure enough it's stopped on the server. Well shit ok. I click start..... Nothing. I kill it from task manager.... Nothing. "SERVICE CAN'T START"
I'm like ok that's fine let's check event logs.... Nothing. No problem let's just run it not in a service container and see if there's an error. NOPE IT DOESNT LET ME.
Okok so that's cool let's just try reinstalling the app. NOPE CAN'T DO THAT WITHOUT RESTARTING THE WHOLE FUCKING SERVER WHICH BRINGS THE ENTIRE OFFICES MANAGEMENT SYSTEM OFFLINE BECAUSE THIS FUCKING APP NEEDS TO BE ON THE SAME GODDAMN SERVER.2 -
So my day started well.
I come in an the DVR monitor is not working, ok lets turn it off and on, nope. Lets turn the DVR on and off, nope still nothing. Played around with the VGA cable, nope. I cant replace the cable because its hard wired into the monitor....
I grab the spare screen next to me and connect it all up and it works!
Boss tells me to throw "broken" monitor out, I say I want to test it just to make sure, connect it all up to my pc and now it fucking works!
There are days I hate technology....1 -
Me: Ok, we'll implement that message tech. But since the clients are servers in that architecture and can't speak IPv6 we've to use a dedicated VPN so the endpoint is able to connect to the servers (clients). Since we have limited network resources we should use VPN cert-encryption and send the actual data plain to save at least some overhead.
Boss: Ok! Let's do it!
Next day.
Boss: Hey! I talked to a guy from that message tech. Their encryption is certified. We should use that instead and get rid of the VPN to save the overhead!
Me: *unable to say a word*
What in "VPN in that architecture is mandatory" is unclear?
Well, I assume we'll kill the architecture then... Fun Time! -
Father: knows nothing about programming but tells me how to do everything...mmm, ok.
Mother: a sponge for all my frustrations...prey for her.
Brother: thinks that I am Tony Stark.
Grandparents: ..well I spend my days with a typewriter and a television for them xD -
I need to estimate how much ram and CPUs my team will need next year for our apps... That have yet to be built.
We load a lot of data feeds with batch processes running on a few large machines, some can use like 30 GB RAM at times...) which should be a lot less if we get the data real time I hope...
But wondering how to estimate well... I sorta did a worse case analysis where I just multiply and sum # CPUs/memory* nodes*approx apps...
Comes out to be like 600 CPUs and 800 RAM... So wondering if that's ok...
RAM is ok but # of CPUs is way higher bc now all the apps basically run on their own machines...14 -
and another case of my parents discovering new technologies i alteady told them about:
my mum hast just found out about hyperloop, after watching on tv, and is like "wow omg that's incredible 😯😶🤔"
me thinking "well good you (finally) know about it, welcome to the future😅"
if i told them, they would be like "oh ok interesting" and then forget about it the next second😑😪2 -
Ok let's see. Who tha he'll created this code... Well well let's rewrite it. 8 hours later. OK now it is done. Let's see who to blaim... :@
O no!! it's me :( -
Well I can't forgot this.
In college I met a guy with whom I passed the same subjects, we had friends in common but we never spoke until after a time (8 months later) he said: "hey can you help me with my problem? I'm doing a website and I want you to verify this database... now".
I just said "ok let's see"... When I gave him my observations he said: "thank you .. I don't remember your name right now but... don't you wanna do this website with me?".
And that's how I met one of my bestfriend and coworker.6 -
Client Agency: "Well why did it take you so long to style the clickdummy?"
Me: "well I did not anticipate that you had that set up by a student who does it know his css. I had to fix many usability problems first."
Client: "To me it looks just like before. What did you do exactly?"
Me: "Are you serious? That thing was not at all usable before."
Client: "The functions were all there in the first place!"
Me: "Yes, but I one does not know where to click, that is no use, is it?"
Client: "Ok then what ever...I somehow feel like like you have gotten less efficient these days. "
Me: -.-""""!!!!
Client: "so would you please include some effects and make it shiny? I just wanted you to make it shiny."
Me: -___- "ok then"
-----
Client: "Now it's awesome, thanks."2 -
Ok a quick, short story time.
Might write longer one later.
Few months ago i asked my professor if i could do something to skip all those labs and lectures from "introduction to programming". He agreed, but i have to take tests as well and make a program showing that i can use all of C/C++ functions, syntax required by the subject. After few months I didnt managed to do ANY significant progress. That happens when i dont have any directions, i just get 10 000 000 ideas and 0 motivation to implement them (with that many ideas my mind becomes tangled as well). I can bet that im not the only guy who has a similar issue, but keep in mind my mental situation isnt that great; more about that in the next rant.3 -
Fuuuuuuuuucking hell. I have a program that parses and generates information from shit I have in a database into a csv file. Shit was simple enough to be done in Python.
Trying to present that shit into fucking pdf files? without drawing shit on x,y coordinates like a retard or without downloading a fucking obscure number of bs shit into the computer? on a fucking WINDOWS machine? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Ok no problem. Do it in Node. WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK more bullshit with drawing shit line by line. fuck this.
Lol not even going to touch java or c# for this, this is quick.
mmmh perl? nah, php? nah
Well shit I just need to generate data from a csv into a html template and send it away as a docume....go? ok lets....ah....done
Go wins again in my book ladies and gentlemen
It even has fewer lines of code than the php experiments8 -
My first job interview was kinda harsh. So I went to an interview in my 5th semester of bachelor degree, everything was going well untill they asked me if I wanted to continue my studies as a master student.As soon as I said yes, they were like "yeah ok we'll be in touch" and of course they didn't!2
-
Ok so there are a lot of things out there like #WhyIUseLinux, well as a Linux lover that is stuck using windows, I say we start a 'why I use windows' discussion.
For me, I'm stuck on windows simply because the game development engine I use is only on windows and mac and doesn't seem to play nicrly when run on a VM, if the software was released on Linux I would swap over in a heart beat!5 -
Well, support chat of my bank has nice avatars of persons answering my questions. But they so small...
Ok. Inspect element... Image link. Oh, it's just 2500x2500 image resized to 35x35... Now I just need a small hand-crafted chrome extension to add click to enlarge on these avatars.
These girls are really pretty though:)3 -
Ok...
FUCK ASUS
...
FUCK THEM...
PREBUILD PC? YEAH... BROKE AFTER A FUCKING YEAR... AN ASSFUCKED YEAR! HOW COULD SOMEONE BUILD SUCH A SHIT OF A MACHINE...
Oh well... saved the grafics card, HDD and SSD... time to get new Parts and build a custom one myself...
FUCK YEAH!
Warranty you say? No i tell you...10 -
QA/stakeholder person: can you add the following links to the footer?
devs: sure. easy.
devs: oh wait, 3 of those links are 404. Are you planning to create those pages? or were those urls just a suggestion?
<crickets>
devs: ok well for now we'll leave those out.
stakeholder (a day later): hey these 3 links are still not in the footer!
devs: yeah we asked about that yesterday.
boss: the links are there now
devs (quietly): fuck you. -
me, testing my software:
"ok, well it works for this case.. let me make a spreadsheet of all cases and test them one by one"
*doesn't create spreadsheet
*3 use cases later..
"Ah, you know what, this seems fine, I didn't change too much...............................
...........................................................
..........................
...............
.... it should be ok"
*cough*
you know what happens from here. -
OK, we all hate Gates, Elon or LTT for some reason. All heroes in my eyes. Ok, I do cringe at some LTT stuff, especially when about Linux.
I've read a book about Gates (Very bad one), about Elon and Jobs. So, I think I investigated well.
But there, a list from people we all hate for some reason. Question is, who's your tech hero?
For me, it's Robert Nystrom. But being a dictator of own project like Torvalds is my dream15 -
<rant>
I'm getting so sick of people bitching about their privacy and apps (looking at you gdpr).
They want full anonymity and share 0 data... well fine but then pay me 2.99 a month to use my service... oh you don't want to spend money well ok then, ill use some of your metrics and share them with advertisers so you can keep using the service at no cost... oh you don't want us to collect the data you are already spewing around on every online platform? well then we cant have you using our service because you are costing us money... what? the gdpr is forcing us to keep providing you with the service... but... who is going to pay for resource costs?!
arrghh!!
</rant>
ps: the gdpr is so full of loopholes, half the arguments you "nerds(be honest you read it on facebook that we have to delete you data...haha..)" use for how great it is are...well... moot
pps: with you nerds I don't mean the readers of this13 -
Co-worker: "You don't need to know the math! Stop going on about it."
Me: "I think you do for some things, my algebra is not good at all, I need to improve it a lot and I just think you should too."
Co-worker: "Oh stop it, If the code runs it's OK!"
Me: "Well yeah, the code runs but you're over-fitting like a mad man and have a P-value of a bejillion."
Co-worker: "What!?"
"data scientist" -
Me: why did I wake up so early in the morning? 🤔
Brain: to poop 💩
Me: damn it ok!
*just finished pooping*
Brain: hey your finished pooping, don't pretend! You're just browsing devRant. Go back to sleep! 😡
Me: oh come on man?
Me: *thinks (well I like devRant and sleep so I will sleep and dream about devRant 😂)*
Me: ok brain, I'll just wash then go back to sleep 🙃6 -
Bug handling advice #1337:
Do it like Pöttering at systemd:
- Bug incoming[1]
- "That's not a bug!"
- Wait for CVE with 9.8 critical score[2]
- "Ok, well...might be a bug..."
[1]: https://github.com/systemd/systemd/...
[2]: https://nvd.nist.gov/vuln/detail/... -
this rant
https://devrant.com/rants/1622672/...
made me realise since I was little, I wanted to register
- my_surname.com (its a Hungarian name but there is a french comic strip on the site lol)
- then i wanted to register my_surname.sk since I'm from Slovakia (nope someone has a chain of petrol stations with this name)
- well its awkward but lets do my_surname.eu (my surname is the name of a traditional Hungarian needlework so no fuck you)
- ok, I'm a Hungarian so lets do my_surname.hu (well fuck you i wont even load, but I'm already taken so..)5 -
This happened 2 years ago. With 1 year c++ application development experience in a big firm, the new company hired me as "intern". That moment I was like ok ok whatever then the nightmare began. They forced me to code on windows xp with visual studio200x with an old ass c++ (much older than my previous work, there's no string data type) and it has to work on IE. I told my supervisor that this code is obsolete and I need a new windows, IDE, and newer c++ to work on. He said he will get it done. 1 month passed I still sat my ass on the same chair with an old ass pc in front of me. Best thing I could do was designing a new web ui yet they still force me to work on their unfinished obsoleted codes. Well u know what? I quit 😒3
-
Me: Ok lets focus on my games dev kit, just got the hang of UI using GML and things are going well...
Also me: Oh look, Udemy have some decent courses goig for $18 AUD... Guess im learning Xamarin and more of unity!1 -
They say you can have work that is good, fast, and cheap, but you can only pick two.
Well now you can have a job that pays ok, is fully remote, and is meaningful, but you can only pick two.
Of course many times we get work that does not satisfy two of the three and there are many jobs that don’t satisfy any of those three. But I’m just saying if you are in a position to have some choices about your job.9 -
That is strange. I have become developer at 27. Well, I 've decided to become a developer, to be honest, started to learn C++. I have tried lot's of things before: sale things, play bass guitar, copyrighting, driving a bulldozer. All reactions towards my choises was negative, and descision to become developer, programmer was like: "ok, do it"4
-
Co-worker that is non-tech oriented:
"So what do BI developers do?"
Me:
"Well...." start simple then get uber complicated.
Co-worker:
"Oh ok cool. Well my LAN isn't working, can you help me?" -
[Conference Call on Project Launch]
🤡: we just came up with an extra list of features to add to the system
🙊: but we just finished the system and it is ready on UAT server to sign off
🤡: we want these features, they are essential for a better backend admin experience
🤡: and we have been working on this project for almost a year!! we need these features and launch now!
🙊: (well, it took you guys six months to sign off on the initial graphics designs...) can we first launch what we have on UAT site first as they have been sitting here waiting for your approval
🤡: ok. i will test them and provide feedback. if it’s all good, then you can launch it.
🙊: ok. we will do another set of UAT after launch for your new features.
🤡: ok. i will let you know when we can launch the current UAT.
[Two weeks later]
🤡: #%^#*+!! why are the new features not on the UAT site yet!! why are there no changes after two week!! we cannot accept more delays! really need to launch asap!
🙈: 🖕🏽2 -
my boss on phone today, after a huge task list received these days:
- it would to build this "find my friends" feature in our existing app to boost downloads and reviews
- but i can't rebuild what Apple did.
- well why not?
- because i'm one guy, they are Apple and the rules don't apply to them
- ok but there are other apps that does this
- but they are not alone
- ok keep trying it must be a way
- is it urgent?
- no but it shall be done3 -
Me: finally we have automated deployment to production
Team Lead: No production deployment still requires manual approval
Me: ok how do you want to handle it slack, webhook, what do you suggest
Team Lead: let's do a proof of concept (POC) for this
Me: Ahh... Poc for this ?
Team Lead: you don't know sh*t ?
Me: well I know you're are creating that here
Next day team change... -
Seeking a new school to continue studying..
Finally found a good one, with a programming planning, a rare things in programming school...
Ok let's go, here is a challenge to be accepted.
Friends : i bet you to fails the challenge and get accepted.
-me : .... well ok I'll only do the programming part and don't answer the rest of the test.
30% of the test was logic and programming, the rest were stupid culture questions.
- the school actually hired me.. thanks 😂😂😂2 -
I kind of have my ideal dev job right now.
It's interesting and diversified work, I have the possibility to experiment and to learn and I have some great colleagues. Well, most of the time. :D
What I miss right now is a higher flexibility of work hours and workplace e.g. home office due to changes in my life. Also, I don't earn that much, but since it's not a full-time job that's OK, also I still can make a living. -
Sometimes people ask me for my Favorite song,
I'll always Awnser,
Middle Finger by CoCoon
Because this song describes my Life...
AND IT DOES IT REALLY FUCKING WELL AND I FUCKING HATE IT THAT SOME GAYFUCKERS ALWAYS ASK ME THIS SHIT OF AN QUESTION! GODDAMIT PEOPLE! LEAVE ME A FUCKING LONE! AND NEVER ASK ME THIS BULLFUCK AGAIN! OK?!
#NoHomo3 -
A colleague changes the location of a test helper file imported in a bunch of tests. Doesn’t bother to check where that file is imported (except where he’s specifically using it himself).
As a result good dozen tests fail later on. The culprit doesn’t realize. And the rest of us have no clue why.
Multiple people are asked to look into why the tests are failing.
"Ok, who’s working on what?
We’ll create a shared document to track who’s working on what test."
Document is created, people get assigned.
"Hold on, looks like it’s just a faulty import." "Oh yeah same here." "Yeah for me as well."
"Ok we could simply appoint one person to fix all the imports."
"Well I’ve already gone ahead and opened a pull request to fix the test I was appointed to."
"Ah ok, well who can take care of the rest?"
"Wait I also opened a PR."
"Ok so I guess we can each open a PR?" "No we can just have a single branch we can all push to".
"Sure, who’s branch are we using"
"You can use the branch of my PR"
"Guys let me handle this, it’s ridiculous for us to all be doing this separately."
"You’re right, go ahead".
——
The culprit? A senior dev.
What would have literally taken a minute to do (or even no time at all with proper use of the IDE) turned into hours of wasted time. People getting interrupted, having to drop what they were doing to fix the consequences of this guy’s laziness (seriously don’t know what else to call it).
Ok maybe our reaction could have been more efficient, but we never should’ve even gotten to that point in the first place.2 -
Well....this shit again
This morning or technical manager calls me in his office and says he needs to discus something
sits me down and started talking about a project he needs
A school management system says he presented some demos at the client yesterday but they didn't really like options at the table
Manager: So can you get us something really quick?
Me: Well... what's the time line?
Manager: They needed this like yesterday!
Me: Aaaah....well i think i can have something by 2moro morning
Manager: Aaah! No!.... 2moro it's too late need something like fast
Me: Ok so will look for some online solutions and open source projects
Me:.....
Opens browser, opens github, download project, runs project
project isnt looking good enough
starts designing UI
Manager:
downloads a system
installes
runs
closes
reopens
meet with a "Buy to continue using system" message
calls me
Manager: this was just a demo now it needs payment what should we do
Me: I'll come up with something by 2moro1 -
node.selected = false //Node becomes selected
Why? It is a valid question so I was trying to resolve a bug in one of our components that uses a TreeList of DevExpress and on the event AfterNodeFocus we raise an event to update the current object selection by putting the node selection to true and updating other values as well.
Well it seems that every thing is OK so why the fuck is this thing not working????
After 30 minutes into the problem realized that the event SelectionChanged is raise in the end of the AfterNodeFocus. Then realized that the event was running twice. One when I was setting the node.selection = true and after the event AfterNodeFocus but the list of selections were different. So what I discovered is the event SelectionChanged raised after AfterNodeFocus is using node.selection = !node.selection.
So how do I fixed it?
Before finishing AfterNodeFocus I set the selection of the node to false and voila the selection of items works now.
Well after 5 hours into the problem lets try another thing.3 -
People : We have cache problems, nothing works !
Me looking at 2 GB cache : Well, ok here you go : (Screen)
5 -
Ok, I need to vent a little bit about myself. Just got back from my 2 weeks vacations. Met with everyone, caught up on everything that has happened, booted my lap top and tried to ssh into the servers to see log files if anything out of the ordinary has happened.
Well, I was having "Permission denied (publickey)." . Well fuck. Tried on other servers and same thing.
I got panicked, thinking how the fuck did we get hacked? The ssh key is only on my laptop, and an encrypted backup exists only in Bitwarden account. If yes, why are the systems intact and working well? Kept scratching my head for hours. Well, I was trying to log in with user "root" instead of "admin". I always mistake these two names. Rusty brain ._.2 -
Client : Make us those light weight version or lite, whatever it's called.
Me : Well... ok.
Client : So... it's gonna be you who will hit the gym or us ? -
Just when I thought js/ts is a mess with its npm, I ran into GO
$ xk6 build --with gitlab.com/<...>
smth wrong with module name
*fixes module name*
$ git push
$ xk6 build --with gitlab.com/<...>
smth wrong with module name
*go pulls initial commit instead of the last one*
$ go clean [or wtv it's called]
$ xk6 build --with gitlab.com/<...>
smth wrong with module name
*go pulls initial commit instead of the last one*
$ cd /tmp
$ xk6 build --with gitlab.com/<...>
OK
oh well... I guess this is how it's gonna be6 -
Ok well with macOS 10.14 lets give hackintosh another go!
I can feel the hatred towards myself already :-) -
OK... so just spent 3 hours doing the Code Sprint.... 1.9/7 correctly answered... these were "Easy".
Well this is how I feel now....
btw any tips how to do these, seems like you have to be a real God to complete all of these? within just a few days. Do you really need to be able to do this at a tech company?
-
So, a month ago I ranted about windows update, because I had to backup my virtual machine and windows killed it.
Well, Asus needed "only" 4 weeks to replace my fkn Mainboard and now I have my baby back 😄
OK. Now I deactivated the Windows update completely. 70gb, incoming! -
Well can confirm after a second viewing, the new star wars is ok, not great not bad buuuuuuut, it's a lot better the second time if you start looking at the smaller details and realise a lot of new things, overall, 5/101
-
Having to hold hands.. dudes been here nearly a year, and I still have to walk him through things. Keep in mind this guy apparently has prior experience. It goes like this:
Him: this process is failing and I don't know why.
Me: did you check the logs?
H: no.
M: ok well what about the code? Have you traced through to find where the error is happening?
H: no not yet.
Couple hours later..
M: Did you get that error sorted out?
H: no.
M: never mind, I'll take care of it. -
Ok so i have Bern thinki godt about this alot. I wanna switch to Linux but i still wanna play games etc. And last time i dual booted i didnt go so well...
Does Linux users game?13 -
Today at work, I had to do a dry run of our new production environment config for our VM server.
So I setup ESXi in a vm in my workstation. Installed it it, no problem. Setup some VMs, still going good. Then my supervisor came and said I have to make some tweaks and use vCenter. I thought: meh, that came late but ok. Download the vCenter installer from our internal CDN and ran it. Sorry general config, blah blah blah. "Setup with embedded or external platform service controller?" -"Embedded" - "minimal requirements: 11GB ram, 250GB disk storage, 2 CPU cores". Well... Fuck me. My workstation specs: 8 GB RAM, 128 GB SSD, 4 cores.
What the bloody fucking hell does this stuff need 250 GB disk space for?!
Well at least I've got a permanent upgrade for my workstation.1 -
everybody happy now
no ? well that's ok everything remains all your faults.
https://youtu.be/h-3ibSwnanE1 -
!rant
Ok so I'm about to start working on an OS but I am going to run through a few tutorials to get the base systems down then I'll incorporate a interpreter for BASIC and my custom scripting language.
Just curious if anyone can point me in the direction of a few well written tutorials that will explain the systems being used. (I want to use Assembly and C only btw, but am open to others)
I only have 1 decent tutorial but it's older and complete (https://github.com/cfenollosa/...)3 -
(!rant || git)
Non-techy friend (n): you know what cherry pick is?
Me: cherries?
N: you dont know that?
Me: well, i love cherries...
N: i am disappointed of you.
Me: what the f...ing hell is that?
N: you know the git thingy you are always doing...
Me: i have never heard of that...
N: well use it every time before and after you commit.
Me : (not believing, but kinda believing) ok.
A few days later...
Me: nnooooooooooooo.!
Messed up 3 hrs of work
-------------------
What really is cherry pick guys?10 -
I fucking hate how every Instagram username I want is fucking taken by inactive accounts.
Obviously, I want stuxnet - 2 posts from like 2014 and 0 follows/followers.
Ok well let's try stux since it's a bad ass 4 letter handle - again, no posts in months.
Like fuck me man. Insta should clean up inactive accounts and free the usernames so they're up for grabs again.11 -
Ok so I had to make a revision on a PDF with JS that was being tested to fix some bugs, I hadn't touched it or Acrobat Reader for more than a month I think but I could work on it well back then.
I had to see the problem first so when I go and open it with Adobe Reader, it crashes. Weird. I can't get it to work.
Well I'm reinstalling it then.
After downloading the (now correct, I tried to use an old one I had and lost some time) installer, I tried to install it and it asked me to close Outlook and Excel. Weirder.
I do, and after finishing it said "you have a newer version, open it?". Super weird. Of course when I accepted it didn't work.
I uninstall my current installation and while uninstalling it asks me to close Chrome. Ok now I'm not ok with this shit.
Adobe wtf?
I needed to fix it in some minutes and it ended up taking hours.4 -
Me in outsourcing sending questions to teamleader to confirm some details in task.
Respond: can we call via skype
Well ok. So we connected and started talking.
TL - "So rest of task connected to the database will provide my co-worker"
Soo the business analityc sold me the view of what user have to see. We disconected and then it hit me.
He tricked me. He was so good with his sell skills that he covinced me to understand when I actually knew less than before call
My lang skill still are so bad but "learning in progress" -
Dumb question time!
I'm writing a bash script that outputs some progress info to stdout (stuff like "Doing this... ok", "Doing that... ok") before outputing a list of names (to stdout too).
I'd like to be able to pipe this list of names to a second script for processing, by doing a simple :
~$ script1 | script2
Unfortunately, as you may have guessed, the progress info is piped as well, and is not displayed on the screen.
Is it considered a bad practice to redirect that progress info to stderr so it is not sent into the pipe ?
Is there any "design pattern" for this kind of usecase, where you want to be able to choose what to display and what to pipe to a program that accepts input from stdin ?16 -
I get a late start (two weeks) on a jumping in on a project because I was assisting with production issues. The service is not running and basically nothing has been checked in. Mind you, we're not doing anything new.
"Senior" (while I'm trying to work on my part ) : Hey can you hurry up and finish your part? I'm thinking about coming up with a completely different way than what the group wants. (heard this several times)
Me : *finishs my part with coverage and gets the service up running and rating in a week because I'm avoiding code conflicts*
"Senior" : OK well nevermind what I said about coming up with a different strategy. I'll develop the last bit of the service since again everything has been laid out already on what to do.
Me : OK, I'll work on code coverage for the rest of the project and updating the code based on feedback from the other team members.
Me (a week later after hearing that he has moved on to another task) : Did you finish up that last bit?
"Senior" : Well I shifted focus working on feedback from the review. Feel free to finish that last bit I was supposed to work on because I don't know wtf I'm doing and I would rather ride your ass instead of attempting anything significant on my own.
Me: Heard.
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!dev
did my taxes months ago with the official software. because i was honest enough to mention a 250€ (annually) income for a freelance job i was later forced to submit a form for entrepeneurs. well, ok. let's use the official software for that. "yes we have the form, but no, you are not allowed to use it from this year on, please use our online service"
two weeks later (!) i receive the token to complete registration. while trying to fill the form i recognize german tax system is exactly the recursive piece of incomprehensible shit like the attached help text.
4 -
In the other day i was restarting my windows machine like a normal procedure but it was taking too much time. I waited and sudently in the middle of the restart I got a blue screen and the PC restarts.
I am like OK....... Well at least boots up :)
I need to tell my boss that we need to change to linux. -
I'm new here and yesterday, I had the opportunity to create my Avatar, great! BUT, I noticed a bit of Gingerism here! ;)
1) Where is the freckles skin tones? Where!! I have freckles everywhere! I want freckles everywhere!! Well.. not really everywhere...
2) I tried to select Red Hair color, but the avatar still have that grey color! I want Red Hair! (Ok I admit, I don't really have red hair...)
5 -
Ok so I decided to do some Vue + Vite + Tailwindcss
OMG.... the flames I saw setting up tailwindcss in Vue 😢😢😢
A whole bunch of docs where all about setting it up in react
even after 24 hours I then found a doc that was specific for Vue
same commands for react as well where used
then I had to copy the last step and override the tailwind config file with those specific configurations
why tha fuck couldn't they just create Vue specific commands that generate configurations for Vue
WTF 🤨🤨🤨🤨21 -
For me it's about removing grey from my life. I make decisions about things and move on. It's either black or white, there's no grey, true or false. It can be a little odd for new friends. For example, a trak comes on the radio, someone asks me do you like this, well I have to really like it in which case it's brilliant or no it's shite. Why would i say it's ok as its so vague and doesnt reveal my true feelings about stuff. Sorry i am waffling on about bullshit, just waiting for the chemist to open in the pissing down rain.
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I've been learning android app development using kotlin/java for about 4 months, and i think i'm pretty good with kotlin/java, i've learned a lot of things related to android development, i've cloned netflix,spotify and made streaming apps with firebase as the backend, and I think I understand using firebase quite well because firebase itself is not difficult to use. Is it for my current skills that I deserve to work as a freelancer or do I still have to improve my skills?if it yes,give me an example of what kind of application I should do to improve my skills again!,I've read the android studio docs what to know and I've studied everything even though I sometimes forget how to make this/make that but I understand the logic quite well ok, please help7
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I just hate the 'inline injection annotation' way of doing stuff in Angular. Why? Why would you want to make the reader's life so tough? Coz minification? Well, fuck minification! Maybe I'm ranting coz I just started learning, ok, whatever!
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latest alexa certification experience
them: you must not name your skill like this, this and that.
me: ok. please certify my skill named a not listed option.
them: YoU mUsT nOt NaMe It ThIs EiThEr.
for real, if i would have to do alexa skills for a living i'd long have gone mad (well, madder)
sincerely fu3 -
Manager: why did you overlook X?
Me: X? Whatchu mean?
Manager: X! Here have a look!
Me: ah ... hmm well ... it lacks free beer next to it, see?
Manager: ah ok!3 -
I created a backend thing (mvc) yea all that stuff, Controllers, services, models, views and all that. No i turned out that i also need to do the frontend aswell. Last time i did that was >10 years ago, there was no jquery, angularJS and stuff...
Well ok ill give it a try with angularjs and Wow now i can again create models, Controllers, services, views. Wtf lol
Its like an inception, i wonder when there will be a framework for creating cooler views in angularJS -
OK so here's that App I wrote for scraping recently added Prime Videos info...
It's really pre-alpha and lot's of things to clean up but... it works... for me...
https://github.com/allanx2000/...
You need to relink some of the references... You can download the DLLs here. Haven't cleaned it up yet and don't need EntityFramework.
https://github.com/allanx2000/...
Now why am I posting the source code you ask?!!! Well you see writing an app that tells me what new movies were added so I can add it to my watchlist is a poor investment honestly...
Porbably invested 10 hrs writing it and well that adds more movies to my Watchlist. Watching these movies even at 2x speed still takes 1 hour...
I could/should be doing better things...2 -
Me: Working on trying to salvage our shitty project
PM: EMAILS ARN'T BEING SENT FOR OUR TEST ENVIRONMENTS
Me: Ohkay.. Is it urgent? I fixed it last time.. Seems like the other devs broke it.
PM: YES WE NEED TO PASS ALL OUR TEST CASES ASAP
Me: Well maybe it should be failed if it keeps breaking all the time..
PM: SEND ME AN EMAIL WITH WHAT YOU CHECKED AND OVERNIGHT YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT WITH OUR TERRIBLE OFFSHORE TEAM
Me: uhm... Ok
Also me:
2 -
Ok so, another post got me thinking…
Every browser I’ve tried sucks one way or another. Chrome, Firefox, Vivaldi etc…
Safari on my work Mac is so far the least annoying one, although it seems to have an issue with Google’s services…
On my personal computer (Linux) I use mainly Vivaldi, tho I have Firefox installed as well since apparently Vivaldi doesn’t quite support everything on the interwebs…
So, fellow ranters, what are your favoured browsers (all platforms go!) and most importantly, why?11 -
Anyone else become a dev simply because they followed the path of least resistance?
Like, I do enjoy it but went something like this
>Be me
>Grade 9, picking HS subjects
>"Well I do like computers and air-conditioning" picks IT
>"Oh cool extra IT course at school for free"
>"Wow, ok. Free 6 month course after HS" because I did well in the course at school
>Recruited straight into first job at country's biggest life insurance company2 -
so the deployment from my side went through ok... but a "SYSTEM" defect almost prohibited my changes from being signed off... explained it to the person responsible... and then they sign it off knowing well that it was a "SYSTEM" defect that was outside of scope...
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I'm doing the recommended math tasks. Since I can't trust the prof's solutions (he does errors here and there), I watch YouTube videos, Khan Academy videos, compare the results of the prof with the results of online step calculators such as wolfram alpha and find new rules I've never heard of before.
The prof doesn't really comment every step about why he's doing what. He just provides the solution and I have to reverse engineer from his solution up to the original state of the equation. Repeating the same procedure for the online calculator results as well.
I have to say that "Oh, boy, did I learn so many valuable things..." Stuff that I should have learned when I was at least doing my A levels (Abitur).
It is as if I am opening the gates to a new world. Not even exaggerating. Ok, maybe a bit. Ok, maybe a bit more, but no bit more than that.9 -
Ok the sprint review is tomorrow, there are lots of work to do and qe are half slept, this gonna end well :)
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Idiot: "You should use this thing for that ! It's way better than your suggestion "
Me: " ok cool can you explain to me why it's better or even what it does for me? "
Idiot: " well .. It's kind of ... Like .. Erm ....google it man"
Me: "face palm" -
For work i'll have to use an API whose server doesn't support OPTIONS-requests. All would be ok if the request wouldn't be made FROM A FUCKING BROWSER.
How old is CORS? Have you been living under a rock since then? (Well, maybe. Because they're using IIS7) -
I need urgent answer as quora is being weird like always. Ok here we go. I have a project idea but its really huge in size. Lots of features.
My question is. I recently learned Angular 2 but I know jquery well. Which one should I choose for the frontend? Please give your opinions. I need your expert advice.8
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