Me: That's not how browsers work.

Designer: Well, our users need it.

Me: Uh, I'm not arguing with your idea, but no browser supporters that kind of thing

Designer: Well, figure it out because it's not optional.

Me: ... I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm saying that's not something we can do.

Designer: So, what will it take? What do we need to do to get this in?

Me (not actually): motherfucker this isn't a negotiation! I'm not arguing I'm fucking explaining the limitations of web apps!

Client: can you fix the slider on my homepage please?
Me: It seems to be working just fine
Client: it works but it’s not how I want it, fix it
Me: well what do you want me to change then?
Client: don’t change it, just fix it!

😒

It's depressing how true this is

Me: "Tech support, how can I help you?"
Them: " I'm not able to log into the website!"
Me: "Okay, what message is it showing when you try to log in?"
Them: "Sir, I am NOT a computer person so I don't know."
Me: "Do you know which web browser you're using?"
Them: "I don't know what that is!"
Me: "Okay, when you want to go on the internet, do you click on a blue E, or a mulicolored circle, or..."
Them: "SIR I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I AM NOT A COMPUTER PERSON, YOU'RE REFUSING TO THELP ME SO I'M GOING TO HANG UP"

Interviewer: Do you know about SQL injection?

Student: Yessss

Interviewer: Okay, how we can prevent it?

Student: Yes, we should prevent it as prevention is always better than cure. It can lead to data loss and other problems so it can be difficult to fix it if it happens. The best case is that nothing like that takes place. [...]

Interviewer: I get it but how?

Student: By not building any web applications.

[Silence]

Interviewer: Nice, you may go. Do not call us. We will call you.

Here's a recent interview I had for an Android Developer job:
I: Interviewer, M: Me

I: hello, welcome
M: hi, thanks

I: do you know Kotlin?
M: yes, I've been working with it for 1.5 years and have written 3 projects in it

I: do you know RxJava, Dagger, Retrofit, and how to make Custom Views?
M: yes, I'm comfortable with them *explains*

I: do you know Room?
M: yes I do, I've done a lot of practices in it, but unfortunately have never needed to use it in production

I: what architecture do you use? Do you know MVP?
M: I'm currently using MVVM, but not MVP. I've debugged projects in it so I know what's going on in it

I: ok, do you have any questions for us?
M: how did I do?

I: I'm sorry sir, but you're not even a junior here
M: what? Why is that?

I: well you don't know Room and MVP?
M: I said I know them, just haven't used them in production.

I: well you have 3 years of experience but you dont even know Kotlin!
M: Kotlin was your first question and I said I have 3 projects in it. Did you even check the samples you asked for in the job posting?

I: SIR YOU'RE NOT A GOOD FIT FOR US, THANK YOU FOR COMING.

:/

People in my office sing me praises for what I can do with Linux even though I joke with them that “I have no idea how to do that - but give me half an hour and an internet connection and I’ll figure something out for you.” I even once specifically said in response to my boss commenting on my skills, “You do realize that I just like…google stuff when you ask me to do something with Linux that I don’t know how to do, right?”

But his praise didn’t change at all. There was no “Wait, that’s all it is?”

Instead, he said “Yes, but the fact that you think to do that - and that you know exactly how to phrase your searches and how to sift through the results to get the right answer, and you then integrate what you’ve learned and use it going forward - is still so much more than any of the rest of us can do. To you, it’s “just googling stuff,” but it’s still a unique and valuable skill you bring, so don’t shrug off the compliments so cavalierly, okay?“

And this was coming from an executive with an MBA. Don’t undervalue your googling skills, kids. It’s not lying if you know you can figure it out.

Dear Clients,

if you really think what I do has so little value that you won’t pay for it, why on earth would you think it was going to help your business in any way? It’s clearly not worth it. How can it have a positive impact?

- Your Unpaid Developer

I need to hide myself, my computer, programming skills and computer knowledge from people. Then only, I will be safe..

Friend: Heeey, you're good with computers right?

Me: No! 😑

Friend: Come-on bro. I know you are.

Me: What do you want?

Friend: I want you to check and book flights for me for country X.

Me: Are you ok? How does this have anything to do with someone being good with computers and stuff?

Friend: Haha, see? You're good with computers. *starts laughing. Anyway, since you're good, you can find the best prices. I know you know how to search sites and how to find things online.

Me: WTF?!?!!! All, you have to do is type in your search. If you don't like the results, you simply refine it.

Friend: See, all this tech stuff I'm not really good at it.

Me: But you're good at searching for other things online, right? Do the same for your flights.

*Picks my laptop and walks away.
How can a young man not be able to search for flights online but knows how to use several gadgets. Nonsense.

How to start coding (for fucktards)

1: Choose desired programming language like python or java

2: Search on youtube or google: "<language> tutorial beginner"

3: if step 2 was to hard for you...
STOP learning how to program, you are hopeless

4: Instead of asking everyone on how to learn programming, just fucking DO IT already!

Seriously, if you don't even know how to use google and youtube to educate yourself programming is NOT FOR YOU!

I hate when people look at me weird when I talk sexy to my code. It's like how do you not find this sexy. Lol I'm in class like awww yeah pull that input and increment it you dirty software.

If the below is you, please stop. I'm starting a revolution called #AnswerTheQuestion

A: Hey, just checked your code, you have a huge security issue in XYZ, you should really address that.

B: Oh god I had no idea, how do I fix it?

A: Well it depends on how you *want* to fix it, no one solution is always the right one.

B: ... Ok, well could you give me some advice?

A: Well, there are many ways to approach this kind of work, but all I can say is that this way, is definitely not the correct one.

B: ... Ok, well how would you do it?

A: That would depend on the customer requirements.

B: ... the requirements is to have a website that isn't easily hackable, what do I do?

A: Nowadays, its pretty hard to make a website completely not hackable.

B: ALL THE SERVERS ARE SHOWING RED, PLEASE HELP ME!!!

A: ........ you really shouldn't prejudge colours. The colour red doesn't always mean danger, depends purely on the use case.

How do you politely tell someone that constant conversations about progress slow down progress?
Not only do I have to stop for 30mins to explain what things I've changed, but now I have to rant about it on devrant.

DM'ed a girl on reddit who posted a humorous comment on a post that interests me.

Got to know she's in the same profession as mine.

Few messages later...

Me: How much do you like working as a data scientist in your company ?
(asked her because it is kind of my dream company)

She: You can't really put a number to it. It has many aspects.

Me: How about a vector ?

Waiting for a reply since 3 days.

Do you guys get the joke or was it just me? She claimed to be a data scientist, it's not my fault 😣

On my annoying radar today - devs who learn one language and then *insist* on using it for everything, even when it makes absolutely zero sense.

"Ooh I'd like to do some microcontroller development. But I only know Java. How do you run Java on a microcontroller?"

"...You don't."

"...but I heard a talk where someone did it. Look, there's this microjava page. How do I use it?"

"It's an interesting technical demo, but that's it. Dude, just learn C. It's not hard, Java has C style syntax anyway and this way you can...."

"...but I only want to use modern programming languages. C is irrelevant these days, it's pointless me learning it."

"It's definitely still relevant if you want to program a microcontroller."

"...but I want to do that in Java."

🤦‍♂️

My mother used to code a good 30 years ago (embedded development for plane engines), but nowadays always fear doing something wrong on her computer/smartphone.

It's a bit depressing to see how someone who used to be a developer is now so fearful of computers.

On the plus side, she is very respective of my time, and will wait 2/3 weeks for me to come home to fix a simple thing, and generally don't bother me with things she can do herself, once I explain to her how to do it.

Last time was cleaning laptop fans. Seeing how you need to disassemble half of it to clean that, I can understand anyone not wanting to do it.

Bought my older boys (5 & 6) each one of these for Christmas. It’s based on the raspberry pi with a custom Linux OS.

Not only do they put it together themselves, but it teaches them Linux and how to code. Tbh I want to play with it 😯

That'd be Linux for sure. I love how it allows its operator to do anything they please, without any lockdown or nannying. How I own the piece of software (given copyright compliance of course), rather than being just (temporarily) licensed to use it. How I can customize it into whatever shape I want. How it allows pretty much anyone to contribute. And redistribution! Yes, the hundreds if not thousands of distributions and appliances that use it! Simply amazing.

Designer: Can you hide scrollbar and still make web scrollable?
I: Sure.
Designer: Ok fine, i'll do that in next design.
I: Wait, how users will know the web has more content?
Designer: I'll put the mouse icon on the bottom.
I: It is not good idea. People can overlook it.
Designer: It will be fine.
I: I strongly recommend to you not to do it.
Designer: Why?
I: Confusion besides other reasons.
Designer: If you can do it, do it.
I: Ok than.

$request->getIP() == 'his_ip' ? 'hide-scrollbar';

We hired a developer and he has very minimal experience. I feel most of our conversations end up going something like this.

New Guy: I'm not sure how to do this obvious task and I'm incapable of searching Google.

Me: Give me your hand so I can hold it and walk you through the process of copying and pasting code from stack overflow.

New Guy: Ok...give you my hand...right...how do I do that?

FML

Friend :- Dude i made some changes and the code is not working now.
Me:- Bro, Do you even GIT it?
Friend :- No i don't GET it how it happened and how to restore it.
Me :- You destroyed my pun and my faith in your development skills -_-.

*sees people on Facebook wanting to get Linux certificates*
Me: naah that's not how I'ma do it

*at le job interview*
Interviewer: "So you apply as a sysadmin.. what are your skills? Certificates?"
Me: "No certificates sir.. but I USE ARCH LINUX 😎"
Me (quietly): "and Ubuntu Server too but that's not as cool :v"

I just want to say this place is AWESOME! 100% better than Reddit and 1000% better than SO. Not sure how I found it....oh yeah I was googling a question on how to do something in JIRA and used the 'f' word in my query.

!rant
Something that has probably stuck with me the most and has changed how I think about things:

"If you can't think of at least 3 different ways to approach an issue, you do not fully understand it yet."

When I am sitting in my school and writing a few lines of simple HTML code, people looks at my screen and more less shouting out loud "wow you are like a hacker or something? Who are you hacking and how do you do it and how did you learn it?". It happened a couple of times to me. Sometimes I just tell them it as it is and saying something like "it's simple HTML code" and a little explanation of what it is. Sometimes (depending who it is) I answer that it is a new kind of spyware I'm developing and if I'm lucky they believe in me and starts begging me for not hurting their computers.

Just a few lines of <script> and some code highlighting. How to become a hacker!

"Oh hey, your code is a perfect showcase, may I show it to collegues?"

"Sure, but why so?"

"For demonstrating how to do it NOT!"

Me: Baby, I can't do what you want me to because I need to learn how to use Github and it is taking longer than it should.

Girlfriend: Don't feel bad, maybe you're just not ready to commit yet.

Me: Laugh and die a little inside because I understand the pun but not the program.

How do i save a Word document?
How do i convert it to a pdf?
What is a pdf at all?
How to put all those things on a usb?
Why is this Pc not working?

I should start to charge by Minute...

"I strive for code quality and maintainability. I actually do. And i will not work for a company that does not care about it and just wants something done as fast as possible.
The only time i will do something quick and dirty is if it's actually urgent. And even then with one condition - my next task will be to fix it properly.

I do not care about your deadlines. I will do my best to meet them, but not at the expense of code quality. I've seen too many projects fall into technical debt, where productivity is so low, that the only way to move forward is hire more people and start working on a project 2.0

And please do not lie about how great your company is, if it's not. These kind of things surface very soon, and you will have wasted both of our time, because as i said - i will not work for a company that does not care about code quality."

you think i'll ever get a job again if i put this on my CV ? :D

How the fuck can this happen?
It might be a malware. I did not do a scan yet, but I guess that it has to do with Google Chrome itself.
I think that a pop up once appeared and ever since I get these windows alerts every 1 hour or something like that.

Linux... Is shitty... Ok it just is. I've tried all kinds of variations and they all just... Urgh

Now I know... I know devs are meant to love it ... But compare it to windows

(Yes windows fucks up more) but when it works it works.

... Windows isn't perfect... But it doesn't try to be.

Linux has that feel of... Clearly made by a dev... It works consistently but doesn't take into account how people want to use something...

Linux is something you have to learn to love. And I'm sure I could.
But with windows it's intuitive it's straight forward

I feel like if I was to pick up windows having never used it... I would know how it works. I could at least use it go online and watch videos do the basics... In Linux ... No it's not as easy, sometimes not possible

An os you should just know how to do everything you want to do, and not have to download tonnes of shit to get it that way

It is, the future... But holy fuck get your act together Linux

Dad: [this company] is coming to town soon.

Me: I know

Dad: yeah maybe you can get a IT job

Me: I dont do IT

Dad: You never know what you do until you do it.

Me: *getting an aneurism from sheer ignorance*

I DO IT EVERY DAY HOW WOULD I NOT KNOW WHAT IM DOING THAT I EVEN WENT TO SCHOOL FOR?

I hate React.js with a fucking passion. It sounds great on paper, but once your project gets any size. The mental recursive loops of passing data around is insane. Not to mention keeping consistency a cross metric shit ton of components. How do you manage it?

Just curious, how is it like to work as a developer. I mean, as a profession and not a hobby or freelancing.

From devRant, so far I know that you work in an office, the managers and bosses are assholes, and people always write unmanageable and undocumented code.

What else is it like? Do you get to work alone or do you have to work with people? Do you stay there all day long?

I know its still going to be a while for me, but I want to know how it will be like.

Action takes place during demo to the stakeholders.
Manager : During the demo we will show a working prototype of new functionality. In this sprint we focused on that feature not on UX. Please do not pay attention to UI and focus on business values
*Dev starts sharing screen*
*1 sec after*
Executive : This is unacceptable. It looks gross, why you don't use default controls.
Manager : We did, this is how they look like, but please do not pay attention to UI, it is not finished
*Dev continue presenting*
*1 sec after*
Executive : I see missing comma in that sentence. It is unacceptable to show features in that state, lets move on to another team.

It was really large feature working as a charm, but they focused entirely on unpolished UI :/

PM: We have to do this this and this. How long will it take you?
Me: Looks like a 4 hr job
PM: ok
Me: Still not complete after 2 days

Me every time :D

End of year company party with 1200 employees. CEO is singing on stage with dinner buffet.
And I don't know what to do, with so many people. If i sit alone on a couch it is not ok. But sitting next to random strangers is also not ok. I hate such situations. How do you deal with this?

Tl;Dr: Client-side validated online test

Some stupid questions in an online test.
Not all of them were coding questions, but all (yes ALL) were client-side validated and to solve the tasks all I had to do was to copy one array into another and set the time I needed for that task to a legit number.

Well at least it was an online test that doesn't required 3hours.

My biggest hurdle:
Having to install Windows because some old application only runs on Windows.
No, i do not want to sign in.
I AM SURE

Installer: How about signing in?

Edit: Now it asks me about privacy options. As if i even had a choice..

I honestly don't get too mad when people aks me to do things like install programs for them. This is not my dayjob, but when you think of it, they're right when they say "you are a programmer so you must know how to do that". We do know how to do that. When you have a question about plants and you know a farmer, you are going to ask the farmer, even though he is not a gardener. He will know. Just as we know how to use computers very well.

I rewrote my resume. It is getting shorter and shorter. Scary.

But I was thinking, that during interviews, I never get to ask the important questions. Like, I do need to ask a few things that are important for me. Those that are not written in their websites, and they will do their best to hide.

So I came up with a list of questions:

1. Do you pay for overtime work? what is the basis of pay? hours or work-module? how realistic are the work-modules?
2. Have you ever had issues with employees from minority groups?
3. How do you address employee's professional concerns? for example, about technological debt.
4. what's the policy for meeting and daily interruptions during brain-work? Are people ever forced to participate in meetings that could be summed up in emails? what's the company policy for initiating a meeting?
5. Who designs the software? Are the requirements always non-negotiable? do the direct developers have a say in design matters?
6. How close are job requirements (as advertised) to actual tasks I need to perform?
7. What's the company policy for motivating the employees?
8. How does the company deal with mental health issues? is it acceptable for people to take leaves due to mental health issues? Has anyone ever done it?
9. How does the company deal with individual needs for working methods and space? Specifically, how does that apply to meetings? Do you have company-wide meetings? How often are they? What's the impact on productivity? Can employees not participate? Do they have to have an excuse to not participate?
10. Do developers get to develop their skills during worktime often? Or is it a "do it in your own free time" kind of thing? Are there any resources available to those who want to develop their skills further? Is it included in the career planning and employee performance review?
11. Assume I work for your company for a year. What are the benefits I can potentially gain in a year from working here, aside from adding a line of work experience to my resume?
12. Does the company provide any form of free feminine hygiene products in the bathroom?

Any questions I should add?

The "internship story" chapter... is going to end today.
I do not know how I survived it, but I somehow did. Finally, I will be free again after 8 hours.

I really need to learn to think through how many stitches I’m putting into the first row of a project.

- Takes over an hour to do one row
- Already used more than 2k yards on it and it’s not even short blanket length yet (though width is ridiculous)

Processing is WHAT?!
So is it just me or is processing like the most fun thing to do with coding ? I mean, it's perfect for relax; it's fun like playing games but it still gives you something.

I've never been so keen to code like I am after weekend with processing. OMG!
And it's not just that you can do everything, understand how M$ Paint/Photoshop does things, understand how games work and how EVERYTHING around graphics works, it's also that there are SO MANY REAAAAALLY GOOD resources that you enjoy ""studying"". Things like pong, game of life, Gaussian blur (the one you use in Photoshop daily, yeah, do you understand how it works ?), Painting or edge detection OR ANY OTHER THING RELATING TO GRAPHICS.

It's simply amazing so if you don't know about it, give it at least 10 minutes(at that point, you'll be programming GTA 6/Photoshop 2 or something..), you won't regret it.

Anyaway, feel free to share your creations!

At my previous job we had to complete an online security training exercise. It shows you how to behave secure in the work place, to not open unknown links etc. The scary part was that the entire training thing was BUILT IN FUCKING FLASH. So I'm suppose to listen to some god damn virus shitting flash application on how to do online security?! Get your shit together before teaching others.

Mom: what is it you do exactly?

Me: I make web sites and test computers for bugs.

Mom: What is a bug?

Me: it is when a program does something you do not want it to do.

Mom: k, I don't understand how money is made in that. But, you know (random store) is hiring.

Oh god, where to start? It is my job to fight against devs that likes to breaks RFC, do stuff stupidly or just do not actually know how stuff works

If you're planning to be a new entrepreneur (like me) here's a few things to keep in mind:

1) it'll keep getting harder but it's all worth it. Do not quit mid way no matter how hard it gets.

2) stop asking everyone for advice, they'll either be assholes or you'll end up getting confused by too much contradicting advice.

3) regardless of point 2, people will still advise you on everything (ikr). Listen to them, and if you don't agree with it... Do not bother to correct them, never helps... Just ignore it

4) if some one is an asshole to you or someone shoots your idea down, don't get discouraged. Reflect on it and if it's irrelevant, forget it all. Do not try to be an asshole back, always take the higher road.

P.S I'm also still learning... Hope you all very best for your endeavours :)

them: "This external HD isn't compatible with my Mac."
me: "It is, it probably just needs to be formatted."
them: *hands me box, with HD still in plastic wrap*

So, how do you know it's not compatible?

I'm resignating from Arch, Ive used it this week for a school project and as a linux newb- I cant do a lot. I have no clue how to print stuff, where to find my connected networks or how to connect to them etc. I like what it offers and I know it can be good but I'm too new to all of this to effectively use it. BUT I'm not giving up, I'll try Manjaro next as I read that it's newb friendly and I really like how it looks.

Also attached an screen of my Arch setup: i3gaps, plasma and whatnot

Oh yeah that shouldn't take too long right? I mean it's just the front end.

No shut your fucking dumb ass mouth up. It will take long. The front end is very complicated, and your stupid fucking ass who couldn't learn to code is in no position to estimate how long it will take. Do us all a favor and stick to the "business" side. Fucking incompetent idiot.

If you're not a programmer, when it comes to estimating how long a task will take. Just shut the fuck up. Just cause you work in this industry does not qualify you to estimate a task. Just shut the fuck up.

Top reason not to be a dev:

If you can't stand it when the computer does EXACTLY what you told it to, and don't have the patience, curiosity, and interest learning how to make it do the thing you wanted in the first place. 🙂

How. The. Fuck...do these people has a job:
Me: How much to repair my Nexus 6 screen? It's not full smashed.
Tech guy: We'll need to see the phone
Me: Why? I need the screen replaced
Tech guy: Ok...send us a screen shot. it could be a cheap fix

Fucking me side ways! Really?

"How much info can we get from cookies? I want to get gender, approx. age and at least first name. That's possible, right?"

Me: "that's not how cookies work.. the info needs to be stored somewhere, where we can access it. It's not in guests cookies"

"How does Google do then? They're tracking everything we do.. *bla* *bla*"

- my business partner..........

Client: I want a new feature for my chat bot. It should be able to rap.
Me: ... k
*monologue: wait u w0t m8*
Also me: Can you please go more into the details? It should be able to rap. Ok. But how do you want it to look like? How "strong" should be the discrimination level, for instance?
Client: It should beat ass, yo.
Inner me -> core me: Let us just ignore him. We won't be able to do it, since he isn't really explaining his needs. "It should be able to rap". We are not wizards.
Core me -> inner me: Chill. We will just use some insult apis, combine it with cleverb0t api et voila.
Me: Alright. I got an idea for it. I can do it within this week. And if you don't like it, I will ofc do some changes to it.
Client: Hmmm... that's nice and good. But within 1 week?
Inner me: I can't do magic and pull that feature out of my fucking ass!

Clients... clients... clients...
0. Don't expect us to be done in a few days. We are also humans. And not fucking machines.
1. Do us (all devs on planet earth. -Microaggression in 3, 2, 1..) a favor and (kill yourself) learn how to request a feature.

I'm cry-laughing.

Management wanted us to deliver a completely new feature before the holidays (see my previous rant) and they were acting really sad when we told them it is impossible. It turns out they really want it to be done, and instead of realising it is not going to happen, they are coming up with brilliant new ideas on what we should do and how should we do it on a daily basis. It was just just a little nuisance until today, listening to them and reading their mails for half an hour a day is not a big deal.

So guess what? They changed the whole fucking specification today. I can't even...

Grandma: so how do I scan that thingy in order to comnect to the wifi?
Me: I already told you that's something that you have to do only once. Just turn on wifi and it'll connect automatically
G: But I already turned it on and it's not connecting. Now tell me how to scan that again
Me: Are you sure that you did?
G: Yes
*Checks*
Me: It's disabled...
*enables wifi*
G: Oh, thanks, it's working now.

Literally every time she wants her phone to connect to the wifi.

What.. the actual... fuuuuuck?!

Browsing through changes on TFS (yeah, yeah boo me for using TFS instead of git if you like, I don't care, most people use/prefer TFS here, so I conform 'to the standards'..)

Anyhow, going through changes, looking for the one where some comment appeared..

'a wild comment appeared'.. tadaaah!

Checked the rest of changes.. Hm.. Someone did a validity check.. that returns the 'false' if not passed.
// OK, great! They are finally testing their shit and fixing stuff..
But apparently then they decided it is OK to do all the shit anyways.. so WTF?!
Why even bother validating it?! Oh yeah, forgot... cuz in case it returned false YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO LET SOME STUFF HAPPEN!! But they weren't assigned with that exact task I guess..

TO DO:
- do the validation algo // fml, not going into how fucked up that was written..but it was horrible!
- do validity check where appropriate/needed
- test validity check and that it doesn't break functionality

+ check if the validation actually logically works?! nope, not on my to do list, not my job..

All done, better not actually do something that requires you to think.. :\

How the fuck that happened?! How can one person be assigned to check if something is stupid/wrong?! and when checking (&confirming) still lets the customer do that shit anyways?! What's the point?! O.O

Hey I have an idea ! Why not we developers normalise the IKEA way of delivering project to customers? Let me introduce the DO IT YOURSELF software .

Here's how it is done , we set up environment for the client , write manuals , design and pass it over to the customer , let them DIY it by code for themself!

But what the FUCK VULTR!!!
It is the third time in two weeks that I actually have to reopen issues because your staff do not know how to troubleshoot correctly!

If there is routingproblems, please check from an external server and not from the same network!

I dont know, but Vultr has significantly lost the servicemind during this year...
Time for another host?

I starting to think, that I may actually be addicted to learning 😅 sound completely stupid, but I'm kinda stressed lately, so I wanted to take a day off, and not do anything.

But my mind kept being like "how does this work, how does that work, how do they fit together". I've never really tried before, to not research something, when I wanted to know how it worked, but Damn it's actually been hard not to...

I didn't... Some of y'all might argue I'm not even a proper dev.. and I'd agree..
I'm fixing bugz & implementing a thing or two.. but all within how project was done.. you give me a blank project, I'd probably spend days reading up on how to do it properly and still couldn't decide what sounds good to me.

"What's my email again?"
"Come on. yourfirstname@ourlastname.at."
"Ah, right."
and
"How do I unblock you on WhatsApp?"

Other than that, not much recently.

I am a walking German dictionary to her, however. I mean, I don't need to google it most of the time, so maybe not worth telling her to just google it :P

Someone asked me how I learned to program. And I realized it was a series of telling a client "No that's not possible" then finding out it is, on Stackoverflow... And learning how to do it

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO TRANSLATE PULL REQUEST TO GERMAN?

According to one of my teachers I have to translate this in a coding guideline otherwise other devs might not be able to follow the procedure...

I asked him how he would translate it and he could not give me a proper answer... describe it he said...
How the fuck does it improve my guidelines if I describe PR!!!
And if your not capable of doing it better how should I know I have to do it!

Sorry I looked at an old exam and got triggered when I saw the correction

"I'm not very smart with computers"

Why do people say that? Obviously you may not know 100% of what you can do with a computer, but NO ONE does! I get that some people know slightly more than others, but it all comes down to how much time you put into learning it!

And how do you even respond to that? "I know, I'm dumb." You can't ignore it or affirm it, you just have to awkwardly acknowledge and then change the subject. Ugh...

it is really frustrating not to be able to actually maintain and improve the code you're working with. i'd be happy to completely dig in and live in the code and get it all - not so much fucked up - , or, totally spitballing here, do some research on how we could improve the functionality and performance in general (which is not "nice to have", but rather ongoing customer pain points), but I'm not allowed to, because management hates having maintainable code or even an adequate number of devs. it rather has me doing hippity hoppity between different projects to make sure nothing gets my full attention. -.-

the only thing i can do is to clean it up a bit during bug fixes, but even heavy polishing won't fix this giant pile of garbage that is called our code base.

Recently in a project of mine people started to raise tons of issues and suggesting fixes "just slap this module on it", "just do this", "just do that". And no respect for the project whatsoever. Code contributions? Don't even think about it.

The users raising these do not know what language the project is written in, they do not know whether it supports modules at all (let alone that particular one), and they have no idea whatsoever what the code is like, or how this suggestion 99% of the time would not at all integrate with the overall structure of the project. And aside from all that, don't fucking tell me what to do with my project!

My question is, how do you deal with these people? All I can think of is "wontfix™️" or even "cantfix™️" in some cases. Given that this is an endless slew of users, anything long-term?

a girl from my class made a presentation and it was really good, and now i'm thinking "how did she do it? what came to her mind that she could prepare such a good presentation?"
and also, "i know that no matter how much i try, my presentations will not be that good, because those are MY presentations"...

Reminding myself: No matter how stupid the work is or how a coworker is acting like an ass, it does not matter. I'm here for the salary and I have other things to do out of work.

Me: Can you tell me how to do X?
ChatGPT: yes, you can do xwz!
Me: I researched your suggestion and every source I find mentions that you should not do it because it would mess with the UI thread, amongst other side effects.
ChatGPT: Yes, you should not do xwz.

I’m kinda liking this thing, it’s full of noob traps.

Watching IT guy on the show "How to get away with murder" explain how to hack:

"It's not that complicated, really. You just download that app from the deep web and worm your way into the phone company's main frame using basic java code. Anyone can learn how to do that."

Thats how you do it! Thank me later.

How many times do I have explain the rookiees in java developer team, that implementing an interface is not inheritance. You are not actually inheriting any member - variable or method or otherwise. You are just getting a skeleton, according to which you have write your class. THAT IS NOT INHERITANCE.

So MULTIPLE INHERITANCE does not exist in java. Period.

There is no way around it. Stop misunderstanding stuff and passing that misconceptions to newbies.

I want to get in the habit of proper documentation of my code, But i'm not sure how it's formatted, how it should look or how I should even begin writing documentation? Do I open a document and just take snap shots of my code and explain how it works? I'm a little confused. Do I take pictures of my UI and explain how to use it? Is it like writing a book?

How do I really explain to people that I am a computer engineer and not a technician? Seriously. I'm tired of it.

And what is worse, everytime I try someone ends up with the impression that I am some incompetent egomaniac trying to hide his flaws.

Honestly I frankly do not care for your title, I care for what you've done and can do.

You may be "more qualified" in research, but if you have no idea how to write software, you're not qualified in software engineering, and frankly, you shouldn't be telling me how to write my code if you don't even understand the use case.

And then don't pretend you own it??????????? The fuck man. I'll sink you.

the guy won't reply messages, he won't do his job and everyone who depends on him is punished for his behavior. he's hanging by a thread but also no one know how to do his job because it was not documented

Why the hell do I have to keep showing everyone on my team how to use git. Learn it God dammit!!! Is not that hard. How come you freak out on a simple conflict? Why don't you delete your fucking merged branches?

dear female devs / haecksen, how many other female devs do you have in your team?
if not so many, how do you feel about it?
and do you get a lot of sexist bullshit or not so much?

would be great to hear your experiences.

the female quota among our devs is < 3% 😅
most of the time i don't think about it and just do my job and it's fine, but sometimes i think, it's a bit weird. also, there is this fear that people might not have trust in my skills. it can be good and bad to be "special"... anyway, having more female rolemodels / mentors / colleagues to have technical discussions with would be awesome.

Worst part of being a developer is having to educate IT Admins on how to do their job without fucking up mine!

Yes, just delete the Intrusion detection system ...why not! lets burn the office down while we're at it! here wanna take a dump in my coffee?

How I see my code,

If(){else]:
Do -> this & that with them;
While (for)and >>;
//It takes me forever to figure our my own code

How I see someone else's code,

%fGu$@@)$'®}£jfksksj℅™™}£}∆¢b&jjwoajqh-2+=•{(=jajaJJwUUhh-jtffhk®{£{™>>¥,©®¢€££∆¶¶|×££{©]•{%$==¢++''). 92%+$+
//well I am not sure how in the world I manage to understand someone else's shit

How do you handle narcissist managers?

Who look at you not as human beeing but as a thing to exploit for personal gain? Sure there's the business side (capitalism) but the human side of it bothers me.

Developing pornographic / adult themed apps- would you be willing to do it? If not why, if so why? How does one become a developer for a platform like pornhub?

Like visual basic? Go for it. Scratch? Get stuck in. Like playing around with HTML/CSS/JS? Ignore anyone who laughs. Want to learn C++? Awesome!

The best thing you can do as a kid is get exposure to it, be creative, be curious, work out how to do stuff, and get stuck in. It's not the time in your life to listen to anyone who's discouraging. Then, whether you take this up longer term or not, you'll have had some fun, created some cool stuff, and have a good grasp of some basic concepts.

"Hello sir, do you have time to talk about...."

Shut the fuck up. Sit the fuck down. Name your stack. I know how to fucking work with it. If I did not select it it is because it was not the right choice. I did not spent 4 years teaching myself to code AND later on obtaining a B.S in Computer Science(another number of years) as well as obtaining industry grade experience for you to tell me what I should use.

I do not usually shit on operating systems or participate on hate discussions about tech and what not.

But boy, Windows 11 does fucking suck and it is giving me Vista vibes regarding how much I fucking hate it. And no, unfortunately I cannot change this PC to Linux (as I have before with other work computers) since I need Windows for it.

Things I’m learning from my accounting job that will help me in my future dev career:

Today I have really, truly understood the need to sometimes just walk away.
I couldn’t figure out how to fix something, I kept fucking up, and at 16:40 I realized I can just stop, do something else that’s easy and doable, and come back to the fucked up mess I made in the morning. We’ll see how it goes, but it’s a lesson I’ve been continuously learning over the last few years, not to stubbornly brute-force my way into doing something when I’m not in the right mindset and able to do it, and instead just calm myself down and come back to it later.

2 years ago..

Me : How can i learn Java?
College Senior : Do some online courses.

*did a course for a month! Still not confident*

Me: it ain't working for me.
Senior: Do some project.

*Created an Android App under internship! Still not confident*

After wasting my 6 months on Java, i reached to the conclusion that: "Java Sucks" (at least for me)

No Offence!

Hey so this may be a harsh one. Me and my friend are computer science and game development students and he's now in Programming 2 and he's not understanding day 1 concepts (i.e. "you dont have to redefine a variable every time you use it", "That's a string why are you setting it to 0?", "the program needs to take in user string input how would you do that?", etc.) and at this point I don't know how to help him actually understand and retain information. What do I do?

A: "Mate, do the translations"

B: "Fine, but you guys implemented the translation service so repetitively..."

A: "No, this is not repetitive, that's how we need to do it"

*sigh*

PS: Whenever I call the "trans" method, I think of transgender, don't ask why

Just had to renew my driving licence online. After completing the renewal I get the obligatory "how did we do" questionnaire. Last question:

"How likely are you to use the website again?"

Well pretty likely as it is the only fucking way to renew the licence, but at least not for another 10 years 🙄

I hate web dev because I know enough to know how it "should" be done, know that it's not done that way, but also don't know enough to do it that way quickly.

Or why I spent the last 2 days scripting deployment of a website that costs 9$ a year to run, when I couldn't find a deployment script anywhere else.

!Rant

I have not slept in 28 hours.

I discovered Quantum computing, pubo and simulators.

I FEEL it can solve my business problem, but it is fucking time consuming to write this code. (In a good way).

I do not need sleep at this point, I need answers!

Anyone with good links to either pubo examples or a useful quantum algorithm, I’ll take it ! (not the random number… I have already run that on a real QPU 9Still no idea how much that run cost in $)!)

What the fuck! Just witnesed this at university. The guy in question is in the same cs course as me. Using edge, okay. But searching for a picture on google (a icon in that case), copy it to memory, open powerpoint, paste it, manipulate the color aellsettings to make it gray and then save it from powerpoint? That's not how you fucking do it! Fucker!

When I point out something you did wrong. I do not care about the things you did right in the past year.

You did something wrong and that needs to be fixed. I do not care about how hard you tried, I just need it to be right. I'm not attacking you as a person I'm complaining about the end result being not good enough.

Vim:

1. It doesn't matter on which server I ssh, I'll have vim, if not I can install it. So I get the same work efficiency I would get on my pc

2. It has a predictible behavior - u don't have to think which keybind is where, or how to do something.

3. Sky is the limited if you want to customize

Speaking of.. What in your opinion would be an appropriate way to warn someone about security problems, like db passwords in git?

I once came across dozens of extremely sensitive services' infra accesses: alibaba/aliexpress, natuonal observatories, gov institutions, telecomms, etc. I had dozens [if not hundreds] routers' and firewalls' credentials along with addresses. I tried one to confirm validity - it worked. I wanted to warn them but did not want to get in trouble.

If it were servers, I'd set a motd or append some warning messages in .profile. But not sure how to do it for non-server devices

what would you do? How would you warn them?

P.S. Deleting that record was a smart move, buddy ;)

p.P.S. Sorry, wrong category... Can't edit now :(

Corporations... huge, old, monolithic
We want you to automate but will do everything we can to prevent you from getting resources to do it. Restricting policies, decisions by managers on "what they do not want". No procedures on how to achieve the result within policies. Half the business lives in a gray zone and sea of policy exceptions.
We finally decided to get at least Azure subscription instead of trying to develop similar framework internally, but wE DoNT WANt YOu to dEPlOY thERE As WE Don't cOnSIDEr it sAfE ENough.
Like pissing against wind.

A cousin: Hey, You're a programmer, right?
Me: Yeah, what do you need?
Him: My smart washing machine is not working, can you fix it for me?
Me: Well.. call the company.
Him: How can you call yourself a programmer? You didn't even know how to reconfigure my cable receiver yesterday!..
Me: .... (WTF internally).

Opening up IE11 to test HTML in local development.
Entering local IP to URL bar and IE decides to look for that IP address in Bing... 🤬🔫
No that's not how you do it IE.

About a year ago a co-scout gave me: an FM radio, a CD cover, tape and some other random bits, and proceded to say.

c-s: Build a metaldetector from this, I don't know how.

me: wat?

c-s: You know computers, right?

me: Yes, but that is not "computers".

c-s: How hard can it be? We need a guide on how to do it in a couple of hours. Good luck.

I had the old "got this great product I've developed, but can't afford a website, could you do it in exchange for a percentage of profits?"
Look, it's your product, I have had no say in its development, or quality or how you market it etc. I do websites and the website will do exactly what you want it to do. I couldn't give a fuck wether you sell one or a million. It's not my risk. Pay me for a site and I'll do it.

Having to fill skills field in my internship CV suddenly makes me realize that i actually am not really good at anything.

Some friends say that i'm a can-do-it-all person when i actually just learn how to do what i need to do on the spot.

"Can we do X?"
Yes, we can do almost anything you want.
"Can we have it ready by last month?"
No.
"What about 2 weeks ago?"
Not feasible.
"Yesterday?"
Sorry I don't think we can.

For real though, how do you deal with unrealistic delivery expectations? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to keep saying no to everything, or if they keep asking in hopes that maybe this time it'll be ok.

Decided it was high time to give windows the boot, other than the very rare gaming I do there seemed to no longer be a valid reason to keep it. So off I went, kubuntu looked nice, but after 2 hours I determined it did not like me much. No matter how much I google, could not find out why it would not pick up sda in the installers drive selection.

So figured, last try, grab the Ubuntu ISO and booted with that, and what do you know, 5 min later I am installing my software....

How to NOT handle dates!

Do not put the date to "mdy" format, today would be 050217.
Working on an intranet for some multi-billion corporation, and was wondering why events from last year were showing.

Last year's events were 28th of October, 2016, and was showing as upcoming events :)

Checked the code, and saw this. Quick fix, turned dates to UNIX timestamp, and it worked.

The first project I used Source Control with.

At my university, we were told that it would be a lot easier, and that we were required to use SVN, and not Git. Me not knowing much about either, decided to learn from two people who used Git.
Confused as I was how it all worked at first, we spent a couple hours trying to work out a work flow, and how we wanted to use it.

Eventually, I was like "Guys, I got it!" And explained how we should do it. Then then said
"That's how Git works"

We decided to use Git, and at the last minute shoved everything onto the school's SVN server they had for the team.

Been using Git ever since. Looking back, not sure why it was so hard, but I am glad to have found Git instead.

Why on Earth are people letting management tell them how to code? It is not their job to know how to do it. Much less to tell you how to do it.

I've seen a few posts on here; exclaiming their disdain when it comes to people finding out about how good they are with computers. And while yes Programming has nothing to do with "fixing" computers; I myself don't mind fixing other people's computers. It's fun and it's usually not completely related to programming. So that means I'm not really doing my job outside of the office.

I kind of just came to an insight that my computer is sort of my partner in crime.

I "teach" it how to do something that I'm probably better of not doing or should do in moderation... But then it gives me access to so much of the stuff, I spend a lot more time doing it... more effectively.

So I actually don't save much time because it makes it easier so I now do even more...

I would post some screenshots but its uhh..... NSFW... at least this one is.

"Can you teach us how to do x? If not, how much would you charge for doing it yourself?"

Bitch, my time is valuable, if I teach you, I'm gonna charge you anyway...

I fucking give up. Typescript is not meant for complex projects. It's meant for simple projects that are big. There's no way forwards, no matter how much I try to simplify my types I simply can not get the typescript server to stop lagging out the moment I do anything complex. It can't fucking do it, it just can't. And that sucks really, really hard.

I'm so tired of finding the ceiling on everything. I had a bad smell for typescript when it came out... and I never should have expected any more than this.

PM: "Did you ever push changes for this one feature?" Me: "No. I haven't had time to even look at it. Everyone wants me to do stuff before my last day." PM: "okay so is it done yet or not?". If i haven't looked at it, if it's not pushed, HOW THE HELL WOULD IT BE DONE?!

Stop. Using. Fucking. ADA. To. Teach. Basic. Programming.

I wouldn't say you should use a dynamically typed language like Python, but having programed since high school, I hated each and every aspect of Ada. We were even taught OOP and generics with it! (And not, you do not want to know how it is, because it is dreadful)

Hey, can anybody help me?
I have to improve this AI for the game Reversi (Orthego).
I do not have any clue how to begin.
I only know we have to do it recursive and the depth is really low because it has to react within 1 second.
The task suggestion is that we can use MinMax, Alpha-Beta....

Developer: we are going o have to do it this way because it's the only way I can get it to work.

Other developer: what are you on about that's a easy thing to do you should not be doing it that way you idiot are you thick or something! do it this way the correct blah blah way, "let me show you moron (says out loud to everyone in the office) to show how superior and awesome they are"......

Two hours later, "yes we will have to do it your way in the end, my way doesn't work"

I fucking told you that 2 hours ago. Some people just don't believe lol #timewasted

Are my rants supposed to be well documented, too? Or like submitted as if it’s a GitHub issue, where I shall add details such as what’s not working, how do you expect it to work, steps to replicate the bug, screenshots?

Why tf am I even overthinking this?! Lmao

How about "nope"?
I have never been to an interview.
I would like to work in an IT company to get money(such wow) besides of my college time.
The thing is that... well... I'm not really sure if I can do this since I have 0 experience with interviews. I can not imagine the situation :)

The ::before and ::after pseudo elements. I’ve spent an hour sometimes trying to figure out how to get some element to do something and not realizing it was because of those.

It's been broken in production for two weeks, and you want to tell me it's "drop everything urgent" now? Is it important? Yes. Is it urgent? No.

Also, how the fuck did you not know this was broken for two weeks, and what the hell do you want me to do about it now? It's your codebase, it passed all the tests in staging AFTER I made my changes to the infrastructure.

So, apparently we need to establish an estimate before I start working on a task.

Why not rather let me get on and do the task, see how many hours it takes and then pay me accordingly?

This is for a freelance gig, just FYI

Any former freelancers who decided to move to traditional employment?

I have been doing freelance since I finished University. 8 years now. I really liked the flexibility and opportunity to work on different projects and people, but my enthusiasm is wearing thin. I'm currently updating my cv and setting up my LinkedIn profile, but it's hard to "prove" my experience, and many projects I worked on are private.

I am not sure if I can mention the companies I worked for, or how do to it... Feeling lost and doomed to keep freelancing.

Anyone made this transition before? How did you do it?

How do we feel about documentation?

Fucking lies, lies and more lies.

If you are not going to keep it accurate don’t even fucking write it down you goddamn morons!

I would rather look at the source code then be led down the garden path by your fucking lies.

Finding out how not to do it.

An example, learning how to parse HTML, and finding a stackoverflow post with the answer "use regex" triggers tech junkies so much that they actually comment a mostly accepted way of doing something.

If you don't know how to do it the proper way, just throw something together. :D
Might not be pretty, but it works... (only took about 3 hours)

OK semi rant... Would like suggestions

Boss wants me to figure out someway to find the maximum load/users our servers/API/database can handle before it freezes or crashes **under normal usage**.

HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WITH 1 PC? The question seems to me to mean how big a DDoS can it handle?

I'm not sure if this is vague requirements, don't know what they're talking about, or they think I can shit gold... for nothing... or I'm missing something (I'm thinking how many concurrent requests and a single Neville melee even with 4 CPUs)

"Oh just doing up some cloud servers"

Uh well I'm a developer, I've never used Chef or Puppet and or cloud sucks, it's like a web GUI, not only do I have to create the instances manually and would have to upload the testing programs to each manually... And set up the envs needed to run it.

Docker you say? There's no Docker here... Prebuilt VM images? Not supported.

And it's due in 2 weeks...

I get questions a lot online on how to do something with programming. (at least it's not someone asking me to help with their printer). I have no clue why they keep asking me though, I don't know how to do shit. I just google and press buttons until it does something somewhat cool.

So, spent half a night setting up Travis CI. Just couldn't understand how CI will improve productivity...? But man when it worked... I wondered why I did not do it early... It even sends notification to my Slack channel...!!

RANT!

I still struggle to find the suitable address book software for our company. It supposed to be secure and inexpensive. But how so? It's flipping not possible to have both!
My boss answer to almost everything I say: Just do it! - in German: einfach machen! Please hulp!

Mine was not CS but software engineering. I had been programming for 5 years, and I think anything before my degree was just so bad. No patterns or anything. It was really good in the way that I learned how to do things well, not exactly learning about the technologies. I also have an internship that I must do for at least 3 months before getting the degree which also helps.

Not sure if a rant but.

How many of you guys gets so bored durning meetings on all the none important stuff or not related to you that you just start codeing instead?

I have these hours long meetings with analist that can talk calculations all dat long, how usefull they are, wich analyses you can do for them. I really don't care. Just tell me the formula and I will make it. Do not care whether A is voltage or the amount of pink clouds on sunday.

I need to get this out there because you guys and gals are honestly the only people I can vent this to.

I’m working on a program for fun that’ll transfer files over sockets. Nothing too special. But this project is just boring me. I’m not getting any motivation even when I’m getting started. Which didn’t happen last project.

I have a general idea how I’m going to do it but I just can’t sit down and do it because I start overthinking about everything. Like how am I going to do this or that. How am I going to handle feature a, feature b, etc. And I’m just getting a headache and I’m not writing code and I’m JUST FUCKING STARING LIKE AN IDIOT. I don’t even know why it’s not inspiring me because I’ve always wanted to program a file transferring application of some kind and I still do.

I keep doing a bunch of small patches when I work on it and they work and improve it but I am hard on myself because it’s not one big feature or I didn’t work on it for hours. I’m always so fucking hard on myself fuck.

I want to do so much other stuff but I just wanna tough it on through and finish but it’s so uninspired because I don’t even feel like what the final product will feel like others. Like any service that involves transferring files I feel like they don’t function like how I’m thinking they do like I’m trying to make this function.

I feel like everything I’m making is just subpar and not good and I’m trying and I’m trying to improve but I feel like I’m not getting anywhere. And I want to learn a lot of stuff I have shit planned but I can’t get to it because I have to go through uninspired bullshit hell.

Idk

Weekly Q: How do you keep yourself motivated?
A: No matter what - I allocate a little bit of time every week to something I really care about right now.

When I was green it was mostly learning. Now it's mostly codebase cleanup, dev experience improvement or dabbling with some feature that's not prio.

Might not sound like a lot but doing it weekly does add up.

I really really hope that no one post this,a friend texted it to me and I wanted to share it because made my day.

Idk where it comes, so feel free if know where this came from to post it:

//FUN PART HERE
# Do not refactor, it is a bad practice. YOLO

# Not understanding why or how something works is always good. YOLO

# Do not ever test your code yourself, just ask. YOLO

# No one is going to read your code, at any point don’t comment. YOLO

# Why do it the easy way when you can reinvent the wheel? Future-proofing is for pussies. YOLO

# Do not read the documentation. YOLO

# Do not waste time with gists. YOLO

# Do not write specs. YOLO also matches to YDD (YOLO DRIVEN DEVELOPMENT)

# Do not use naming conventions. YOLO

# Paying for online tutorials is always better than just searching and reading. YOLO

# You always use production as an environment. YOLO

# Don’t describe what you’re trying to do, just ask random questions on how to do it. YOLO

# Don’t indent. YOLO

# Version control systems are for wussies. YOLO

# Developing on a system similar to the deployment system is for wussies! YOLO

# I don’t always test my code, but when I do, I do it in production. YOLO

# Real men deploy with ftp. YOLO

So YOLO Driven Development isn’t your style? Okay, here are a few more hilarious IT methodologies to get on board with.

*The Pigeon Methodology*
Boss flies in, shits all over everything, then flies away.

*ADD (Asshole Driven Development)*
An old favourite, which outlines any team where the biggest jerk makes all the big decisions. Wisdom, process and logic are not the factory default.

*NDAD (No Developers Allowed in Decisions)*
Methodology Developers of all kinds are strictly forbidden when it comes to decisions regarding entire projects, from back end design to deadlines, because middle and top management know exactly what they want, how it should be done, and how long it will take.

*FDD (Fear Driven Development)*
The analysis paralysis that can slow an entire project down, with developments afraid to make mistakes, break the build, or cause bugs. The source of a developer’s anxiety could be attributed to a failure in sharing information, or by implicating that team members are replaceable.

*CYAE (Cover Your Ass Engineering)*
As Scott Berkun so eloquently put it, the driving force behind most individual efforts is making sure that when the shit hits the fan, you are not to blame.

how infuriating is it when you (very much not a frontend dev) have to do "tweaks" to the UI

I’m convinced that CSS is black magic and those that can visualize what it’s going to do before changing code are witches/warlocks.

Usually my attempts end up in humor as the website ends up /comically/ broken. Elements shifted around to not anywhere near they belong, drop downs appearing from completely nonsensical places...

No idea how you all do it.

make dumbass solution duplicating code because you can't figure out how to do it correctly

nobody corrects you on code review

later somebody on another team has their stuff broken because of you and kindly offers to hopefully fix and not break what you got out of it

Do I know how to use flex? Mostly.
Do I know how to center a div inside a flex? Yes.
Do I know if I need to use align-items or justify-content for it? Absolutely not.

So I am young 14 year old programmer that just started high school yesterday. What are some good things to try and do for a future job? Should I stop coding until hs is over, do I code casually with free time and then after High-school I will know a lot more? Not sure how it all works

to whomever it may concern...

if i wanted to do code review keeping in mind how asshole you have been and made it my personal vendetta, i would not review it at all.

i would let you and your shitty code rot in hell.

Been thinking about how to detect sounds for weeks and finally got enough time and motivation to do a Google search... and find an entire example....

All that thinking and worrying for nothing.... now i just gotta figure out how to install PyAudio.... hope it's not hard.... or maybe I already have it installed....

i am coding blindly cause i am not really sure how the function really works. thats how i get things done after 2 weeks. but at least it works out after a while. buuuut i just want to get this thing done uuuggghhh i need to do this faster!

mind please cooperate with me

Spotify you little shithead how often do I have to reset the random mode for you to finally play stuff at random and not loop the same 20 songs? WTF? you literraly have like 1k of them in this list and you loop 20! HOW AND WHY <.< i even pay for you. Get it together.

Anyone else feeling murderous mood today for no reason? I'm not even at work yet...

This is how you do it, holy shit. I should not have to opt out of shit like this but rather opt in. Fucking thank you cordova

How do you guys fight the urge to just screw it and implement a not so secure way of doing things, when you've been fighting with a bug for weeks?

No one would know!! 😂

You're working on a project, your boss has set you tasks to complete. You complete all the tasks and make pull requests of all the work you've done. Your boss is busy and you don't know what to do next? What do you do? Is it unethical to work on personal projects in work hours, because you're not being paid for that? How do you find other stuff to do?

@dfox, @trogus, would you consider adding the topic for next week to be "Near miss: how I almost lost all my code/data"?

It sould be fun, and people can also learn something. Like what not to do, how to recover and how to prevent this kind of stuff...

It sometimes really sucks to see how many developers, mostly even much better than me, are too lazy to implement a function to its full UX finish.

Like how can you not implement pagination if you know there's going to be fuck ton of content, how can you not allow deleting entries, how can there be no proper search of content, but instead some google custom search, how can you not implement infinite loading everywhere, but only in parts of your application, how can you not caching a rendered version or improve the page, that loads EVERY SINGLE ENTRY in your database with 11k entries, by just adding a filter and loading only chunks of it.

I know sometimes you need to cut corners, but there's rarely any excuse with modern toolsets to just write 3 lines more and have it ready for such basic things.

I sometimes just wake up during the night or before falling asleep and think "oh, what if in the future he might want to manage that, it's just another view and another function handling a resource, laravel makes that very easy anyway", write in on my list and do it in a blink the next day, if there's nothing else like a major bug.

I have such high standard of delivery for myself, that it feels so weird, how somebody can just deliver such a shitty codebase (e.g. filled with "quick/temporary implementations"), not think of the future of the application or the complete user and or admin experience.

Especially it almost hurts seeing somebody so much more versatile in so many areas than me do it, like you perfectly fine know how to cache it in redis, you probably know a fuck ton of other ways I don't even know of yet to do it, yet you decide to make it such a fucking piece of shit and call it finished.

When starting a new project full of challenges, do not go to your technicians right away; go to your artists first - they will know what to do. Then go to your engineers - because they will figure out how to do it.

When having to fix parts from an other programmer's code, do NOT concentrate on the small code expected to be wrong, instead read and understand the whole program around it!

Best practice:
1) Why is this code here
2) What does this code do
3) How does the code solve the problem

(just happened to me 😅)

Friend (Computer Science student) - Dual boot my Windows 10 with Ubuntu
Me - I will, but chances are something bad may happen. Mostly it does not. I advise you to backup everything first.
Friend - But I don't even have an external hard drive.
Me - So what do you want me to do?
Friend - Forget it. I'll figure how to do my work in Windows
Me - But how else are you going to learn?
Friend - Ain't nobody got time for that!

Me: trying to do any simple fucking project
Me: cant figure out how to do something simple or cant figure out how to start or how something should work.
Me *Looks up problem* (everytime...)
results: SOMETHING I WOULD NEVER HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT OF.

Am I just a shitty programmer, a shitty learner, or just not cut out for this? because I fucking Love this field. this is the only thing I ever want to do. BUT I CANT FIGURE ANYTHING OUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME EVEN WITH LANGUAGES IM GOOD AT!! WHICH IS JUST PYTHON AND IM STILL SHIT AT THAT.

I TRY TO DO PROJECTS WITH JS, OR C, OR PYTHON PICK WHICHEVER ONE. AND I NEVER KNOW HOW I SHOULD START IT, AND IF I LOOK UP HOW TO DO IT ITS SO MUCH LONGER AND COOLER AND BETTER THAN MY DUMBASS WOULD HAVE DONE (and longer in a good way because its well thought out and works)

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET A REAL JOB IN THE FIELD IF I CANT MAKE THE RANDOM IDEAS THAT I SEE ON THE INTERNET AND WHY CANT I MAKE THEM AS GREAT OR LONG AND SHIT ON MY OWN. SO MANY PEOPLE CAN WRITE SO MANY LINES OF CODE AND FUNCTIONS AND ALL THIS SHIT THAT WORKS AND YEAH THEY LOOK UP SOME PROBLEMS BUT NOT HOW TO FUCKING DO THE ENTIRE THING LIKE SOME FUCKING RETARD
AWDJKBAKWJBDAOLK;JWDBOALBJKWODANLWIO;NIAWDN;PIAWLDJBAWIDHB
I CANT GO A PROJECT WITHOUT LOOKING UP HOW TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE MY LITTLE BRAIN CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO IT

I see people ranting about first going to google.com and then searching. The browsers at my workplace won't let you do a search in the address bar, not even in the search field that says Google.
So now I do the same thing at home and realize how stupid it is milliseconds later.
Not frustrating at all.

So my ex boss had sent me an SMS asking me how I am doing. It's been 3 days. I did not reply. I'm glad SMS do not have read receipts.

Pretty sure it will be a bad idea to reply.

Also, i can't remember last time anyone actually sent an SMS to me.

Heh, I'm curious... Before you ++ someone, do you glance at how many ++s does the person already have? Does this influence you choice whether to ++ or not?

And how about comments? Does ++s count affect whether/how you coment on one's rant/comment?

I've caught myself clicking ++ only bcz I saw the uswr already had >10k. I wonder why is that :)

edit: I'm not proud of it

So I was talking microservices architecture with some lead techs.
And I started asking how did they combine/connect their microservices.

And despite having a lot, they use HTTP as the main transporter.
So the put some API-Gateway, all inside traffic has to go through it, to connect to the final client.

And I said that I do meshing microservices, and we use Nats as man transporter, so our messages go through UDP and not TCP.

And they freaked out. Saying UDP is too low level and not useful...

My question: if you do microservices oriented architecture, and not SOA, do you use HTTP? Did you use it simply because "it works"?

I just fixed a bug I've been trying to fix for over 10 hours. "Email not sending in laravel notifications but sending with Mail::send". How did I fix it?

Changed "email_address" to "email" because that's what the framework was expecting.

How do I explain this to my client? 😂😂

It kills me when people performing UAT do not know how to test a particular functionality but still mark it as a defect when something uneven happens! We use IMF to build the input using tags. Sometimes they won't even care to know the right tag to fit in the params, but would still mark it as a bug whatsoever!

Part of the problem, So many dev's here know the real problem with OS's governments and 3ed party apps happly spying on you and making there EULA to so called make it right for them to do it.

I want to know why so many dev's are portending this is not happen or why they not caring, you become part of the problem if your willing to work with the problem and there rules and guide lines.

WE dictate the future of tech not one company or another the people that create the software are the ones can make a difference, the users need to be educated and the dev need to take action now.

I loved this site at first but now I hate it I really do as so many posts are just blind or follow evil companies/software so on this is not how it should be, I wont accept this bull shit anymore and I not going to say quite to show the mass I going to follow them.

Step up and do something about it or stop calling yourself's dev's your part of the problem, you have the a gift and know how to help everyone do it and prove your worth.

I am really sorry I know some here do research and try and help but I rarely seeing it at the moment, things need to change, its not going to be easy but only the dev's can change this and soon, soon all OS's/software companies will get the feeling governments are on there side and governments what this so they have a back door in to WHO you are. FK the or if you have nothing to hide, EVERYONE has something to hide, compaines have already used Facebook Data to fire people working for them as they feel they shouldn't have to have someone working for them who likes or does XYZ,

Open your eyes people, small time dev's are not really included in this but big time dev's that do know how to work around these problems should be working on this to stop these problems, hardware venders are also a big problem but that's not something we can do anything about yet.

I know this rant will go on death ears to some, others will think I am over the top nut but if you really want to make a differences let's here it, lets get this world back on track, its not going to be easy but it we can do it.

What things do people around you keep repeating related to programming?

For me it is surely "linux is soooo permissive", which is true but still funny when people start saying it unrelated and simply as a mean to jokingly explain why something doesn't work how is supposed to. Even if the problem is not even on a computer

'we have a critical bug'
'Look, it's out of my hands, we would fix it but we do Agile, it needs to wait for grooming, planning, and then get in to the next sprint'
'how long will that take?'
'not long, 2 week maybe, 4 at most'

How isolated do you have to be as a developer to not know why you don't commit compiled files into source control? And then argue about it?

Do you think dropping off in person your resume to companies have slight edge or not? If you did drop off your resume how did you do it?

Specially in big companies like amazon or other big companies?

I hate my AWS professor, he just sucks at explaining the practical part of AWS. How one can make it completely dull, I just don't get - explain almost anything the right way and I am fascinated. I will also say the subject is taught online and I really do not jive well with online teaching outside of self-paced things. He has on one particular occasion given us a homework that he took from an Indian guy online that was impossible to do in our scenario, with AWS Academy student accounts, and we protested by not doing it and calling the professor to the attention of the administration. We'll see how it turns out by the Friday...

So JavaScript/ES6 is kicking my ass. I'm not used to front end development as much. Idk when to use javascript and how. I dont know when I need to manipulate the DOM and how I do it. It's a new concept and I'm hoping PHP isnt gonna have as big of a learning curve..

How do you make up new cool features for your platform?

well you don't because UX and PM think it best to look at competitors and implement whatever shit they come up with.

once, someone came up with a cool feature and some basic prototype for it and they ignored it. the competitor thought of it years later and did it. when they did it, suddenly its a priority at our company to do it as well.

sure, why be the first to do the feature. im sure being unique and creative is overrated not like our profit comes from user subscriptions.

Some recent PM decisions similar to the one above are driving me crazy, its not like u dont know what to do we literally have a ton of ideas so stop ignoring them and prioritizing being a knock off app of someone else. FUCK YOU.

How hard it is percieved by management to do something in code is proportional to whether or not it's a task that sales or the CEO wants, versus what the developers need. Developers want to rewrite something, or fix infrastructure? Too much work can't justify it. Sales wants to clone Google Search? We'll expect it by next month.

Dad: Hey, how do I make a program work when it's not working?
Me: Guess what, I've looking for the answer to that exact same question for a while now, but I still haven't found it. I'll make sure to tell you when I do.

(Clarification: He's not a dev, he was actually talking about some 10 year old version of some program not launching in Windows 10)

Someone wants me to help them alter the content of an iframe containing job listings from a 3rd party website. I’ve tried to tell them it’s not possible unless they can convince the 3rd party website to change their global job listing template for everyone. The client seems to think they were able to do this before with another prior job listings provider, but they don’t know how it was done and I can’t begin to imagine how either. What would you tell a client to convince them that it’s not possible?

To all developers working on publicly visible APIs or writing public documentation.
DON’T BE A DICK !
Do not just put a screen capture of your curl request which takes 10 minutes to write by hand.
Do not show me list of arguments as an image.
Have AT LEAST one executable demo project (Any language)
And, it’s 2020, add a fucking proxy generator.
How hard can it be?

I want to implement a functionality, I use framework X with cms Y.

40% of the libraries I find are outdated, 20% just don't work, 20% offer partial functionality but don't do what I want them to do and the rest just seem excruciatingly hard to implement

I'll try to put something together myself, not sure how it will work out

The feeling that every work day is composed of new challenges that help you to grow and learn more. Also, how cool is it when your code works as intended and with no ramifications on the first try? Last but not least how many people can say that what they do at work is their true passion?

Man it is retarded how VS re-aligns your precompile statements to the BEGINNING OF THE FUCKING LINE EVERY TIME YOU ADD A NEW ONE.

Why does it do that in the first place, it looks ugly when it’s not in-line with the code, fucking stop it.

How the fuck do Jr devs end up doing things someone specifically asks not to do.!!!!!
Fucks timelines up

So I asked my Jr Dev to leave a feature as it might not be required in this release and rather concentrate on the thing that is gonna make this release work , the “SAVE” button.
I mean how had is it to understand,
This dude goes ahead and “utilises” days on the thing that isn’t gonna be released(a dropdown) , and no, the dropdown still doesn’t work.

I understand the spirit of solving the bugs first. But what’s the point of solving it if it doesn’t fucking “save”

P.S. I’ve done this too as a Jr Dev :p

OK, I know the general consensus of StackOverflow on DevRant...but jesus h christ...do devs not debug their own shit anymore? I can't say how many times I see "I get this exception...how do I fix...hurrr durrr....". When it all comes down to it, if they just attached a debugger and looked that variables/properties, they'd see what kind of stupid shit they are doing.

Email this morning: "Program X is not working".

Wow thanks. That's not fucking helpful at all. We have like 100 different applications and I've only ever seen about half of them so far and have no clue how to even use it or what is supposed to do.

When everyone on YouTube has interfaces that definitely do NOT appear to you :/
I was supposed to create my pixel, give it a cute lil name and then test events ( Facebook ).
But NOOO ofc I would get a ton of issues in the process, everyone is able to connect their pixels safely but it took Facebook more than what, 4 days now ? To kindly inform me that:
Server external ID not matching to pixel external ID
You're sending the external_ID parameter for your PageView event from your server, but you're not sending the external_ID parameter for this event from your pixel. If you send external_ID for an event from your server, you must send it from your pixel as well in order for that event to be valid.
How am I even supposed to know how to fix that ! I just started learning programming, the only thing I know how to do is use Linux and write a ciao mundo C program. Now my store was supposed to be launched a week ago and I am still looking for solutions to this. Ugh.

I wanted to accomplish new things today.

Instead I'm swimming in:

"This worked before"

- No it never worked that way, you want it to, but it never ever ever has done that thing NOT EVEN CLOSE.

"The thing..."

- Wtf is the god damn 'thing'? How could anyone possibly know what you're talking about? How do you go about life like this?

"How come we can't make it do X?"

- Because the code can't read your god damn mind, that shit isn't in the database, you don't update it and your laundry list of minor fixes for one time or non issues has resulted in you getting coded into a maze of stupid custom code so deep you're NEVER GETTING OUT!!!!

"Is your timezone before or after our timezone?"

- I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, I JUST TOLD YOU MY TIMEZONE, DO YOU EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOUR TIMEZONE?!?!?!? IF YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO LOOK UP YOUR FUCKING TIMEZONE I SURE AS HELL AM NOT!!!

First internship during college,
Made a website using Java EE,
It was a food delivery website with dashboards for website admin and restaurant managers
Learned Java EE, Hibernate and some Frontend and how to manage it all together..
The Frontend was written in JSPs.
I would not do that again.

It was a nice learning experience :)

How do you find motivation to learn new things? I am not saying regarding new technologies or frameworks.
Other stuffs.

I am 26 and I am starting to continue University but I need to learn for TOEFL and SAT. (Long story short, I dropped out because I had to move to USA, and it was choosing USA or University.)

I am working as Software Developer here in USA, but I am preparing to study in University. IT is kinda difficult to find a job here without a degree and I got lucky that I have one.

I start learning for TOEFL, easy stuffs. Just learning how to prepare for it. After 30 minutes or less I zone out. Start thinking about other stuffs that are not related to anything. Daydreaming.....

I am thinking I might have ADHD, but still it is just a though and I do not want to go to doctor and get diagnosed.
Or I am just lazy and kinda depressed that I do not have motivation for anything.

So, I am asking you dear devranters, how do you find motivation for university?

I was asked to introduce some interns to software development and what it is about.

They are not IT interns, so I am wondering how can I explain what I do to them?

Any suggestions?

I always give chance to my coworkers to proceed for new projects, to know how not to fail!
And then I do it efficiently.

*Promoted*

I can't stop myself from making my commit messages completely sarcastic or off the wall, which never makes sense to future me.

for ex: my commit right now is
"push it real good"

This does not help me. How do I stop?
lol