Dev confession.
Everybody in my department thinks I am a genius programmer.
I am just a better googler who knows how to apply things.

Who knows that situation?

Boss: Who knows VB?
Me: I once wrote a calculator
Boss: Good enough! You will edit the companies biggest VB Application.

Lesson learned. When your Boss asks if you know a programming language you do not really know, you are like John Snow: Know nothing

"Yeah so, we found someone better than you, who actually knows stuff. Sorry."

Me: Let's use some framework to make things easier and faster!

Boss: No, we will do everything on our own, because when you quit your job I won't find anyone who knows that framework to replace you.

Me: But you won't find anyone who knows our custom solutions even more...

And for my birthday my girlfriend told me "your age++"
I don't know who told her that (she knows nothing about programming languages) but that was cute.

Job opening tells us that they want someone who knows:
C, C++, C#, Java, VB, PHP, HTML, Javascript, MySql, Postgree, windows, Linux, Mac OS, a degree in computer science and a few years of experience.

What you'll actually do in most of those jobs: Deal with Excel spreadsheets.

Why the Fuck anyone who knows programming is assumed to be nerdy ?
Also, this guy's "multilingual" approach backfired strong

Job posting I saw a few weeks back:

"Looking for a web developer who knows JavaScript or how most people refer to as Java."

Jesus...

Your resume:
Git
SSL
Vue
Angular
React
Node
Spring boot
MySQL
MongoDb
HTML
CSS
Java
Javascript
Bootstrap
Cassandra
Hive
Hadoop
Block chain
GraphQL
Kubernetics
Jenkins
Azure
GCP

Interviewer:
Sorry, we need someone who knows AWS

Hahaha let me see who knows 😃😃

Another client who knows what he wants..
😂😂

Stepmom told me I take up the most bandwidth in the house because I have 3 monitors. ATT guy said the problem was I forwarded a Minecraft port on our router. Am I the only person who knows anything about routers?!

Words to live by as a developer:

“A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine”

But somehow people(you guys knows who they are) doesn’t seem to get that!

Typical day at work with people who knows a shit about computers

Starting a new side project, now I'm trying to decide on a language/platform like...

How to Code...
“Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live”
― John Woods

When you quit and you are the only one who knows about the project.

Your attitude when you are the only only one in your group who knows how to use Linux.

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live" - J.F. Woods

NEVER ACCEPT to be the ONLY DEV in the company who knows the whole product!

I am in the position of being the only one who knows all modules, there are even modules I developed which no one else will be able to maintain as soon as I leave the company, which I am planning right now and this also makes me getting depressed about.

Anyone who knows me will understand why I don't need to comment on this....

Kid: How do you know what to use in a script?
Me: I've either used it before or look at documentation.
Kid: You're silly, I bet I know who knows everything and can tell you what the answers are!
Me: Oh? Who's that, the code creator?
Kid: Mistah Google behind my browser! Just ask him and he tells you everything he knows!

The little shit will be going places...

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. 😂😂

"Don't bother reading the docs, they're just technical crap"

Well guess who knows how the framework we're using works 🤔

I love stackoverflow!

1. Developer who knows SO, and loves it : Yeah, my friend!

2. Developer who knows SO, but hates it : Go home, you're drunk.

3. Normal people who doesn't know the dev world : Why would you like a stack to overflow?

4. Normal people who is a tech savvy : Ah, the place where people share their questions and answers to make a better software and to be together? I never used it, but I heard it is awesome!

5. Idiots : What is that?

6. Grammarly : Recommended word is "stack overflow"

7. Dishwasher : Fatal error!

Everyone knows that coworker who just defies anything you say for no reason.

Me: "Ah, nice day today isn't it?"
CW: "Actually, today is historically mediocre compared to the rest of the days that have ever occurred."

Imagine trying to solve real problems with this dude.

This was posted by the largest German railway company "Deutsche Bahn". Rough translation: "Today's quiz photo shows modern fiber optic networks as part of our control center components - who knows what their purpose is?"

That explains a lot. Someone should tell them.

When a mobile dev says he knows phones inside out:
"Most phones come with a built-in, disabled FM radio chip, if I needed you to build an app that enables the chip and uses it, how would you do that?"
Not relevant really, but it's always fun to stump people who act stuck-up and smart. I'd never ask this question to someone who was nervous and/or humble.

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live." - Rick Osborne

Boss: Who knows C#?
Me: I've heard of the language...
Boss: Perfect.

Sends me (a JS dev) to a week long course to implement a gateway in c#.

So I say to myself, who cares, I will learn a new language.

Apparently the lady in charge of the course mixed up between c# and c++

Funny thing is, the other participants are complaining that they shouldn't be in this course cause they don't know the language...

Who knows people like this?
from r/programmingmemes

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

John F. Woods

(found this in a demo snippet)

who knows this :D

Want to play some Tic Tac Toe? Letting my bot go for a good first round of public testing
Probably will break right away.. Who knows :D
For starters limiting to one simultaneous game. Have fun!

Whenever you meet someone who tells you he also knows programming

Me: 'So you said you are in programming, too?'
X: 'Yeah, I know how to program websites..'
Me: '..so I guess PHP and stuff?'
X:'No, I program in HTML and some CCS'

Have a client that has a very, very large format printer (think billboards). It's on their network as just another printer, with no special security because everyone "knows" never to print to it....except the new employee who printed her direct-deposit info to it. Got about ten feet(!) into the job before someone realized it wasn't an authorized job.

When my idiot technical lead on the client’s floor (where everyone could hear him), “corrected” me in public telling me I should never use parent/child classes and override a method. Instead just use lots of if else statements in the one.

Not just is he a moron, but sounds like he knows what he is talking about if you are a client who knows nothing about coding. So I look like an idiot to our customers and he sounds smart... when it’s the other way around.

And HOW DARE you criticize anyone, even if it is warranted, in public in front of clients. You go in an office and close a door.

I've been fired today and somehow it was an relief :)
As I know that I am pretty much the only one who knows how the infrastructure works and I am the only one who actively tried to get the company to a better level of coding (tests, code reviews, proper deployment / continuous integration,...) It somehow feels like that gif.

happy birthday to me
dad is dead
mom is dead
have been for years
who knows about my siblings and everyone is crazy and i'm not completely sure how old i am except that i have obviously visibly aged and a photo of me snuck into my older photos shows me as I actually looked at 40 ish.
yay.
some days i wish i was dead.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.
— Rick Osborne

That feeling of accomplishment when your code runs and you are the only person who knows that you copied the main parts from Stackoverflow.

Who helps you fixing your bugs? For me its him, he knows what’s wrong!

We gave admin access to a user who thinks he knows what he's doing. Why did we give admin access to a user who thinks he knows what he's doing?

When your colleagues knows who you are on DevRant, but you don't know who they are.

Which dev charges certain devs thst use their Intellij-Plugin? 🤣
I hope he knows that he will never get his money. But nice strategy agains people who are blaming you. 👍🏽

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. - Martin Golding

My dad thinks I write a hundred characters which seem like an alien language a minute. My mum thinks I'm just 1 click away from hacking Pentagon. My step-dad, someone who knows computers a tad, knows I'm just typing random stuff hoping it works and he knows for sure I do not have a clue how it works.

We all have that one coding-buddy who we consult in case we are stuck...
We all have that one coding-buddy who knows nothing about coding

Fuckwit tried to lecture me on clean code.

Checked his work, it seems like he writes the spaghettiest spaghetti I've ever seen. Who would have guessed it. At least he knows that something called 'clean code' exists.

I don't mean to fear monger or cause panic BUT
I know somebody who knows somebody that uses 4 spaces instead of tab..

I spent the last 3 months trying to hire new developers for my team. I found someone experienced who is great and a graduate, who is, well, a graduate.

For some reason he thinks he knows everything about our framework he has never used and seems to think he knows how everything works in our codebase which he has never seen.

That’s fine. I’ve had my share of cocky developers.

But what confuses me is that when I ask him what critical bugs are left, he reels off two significant ones. I ask what it will take to fix it. Of course he says he knows how to fix it. So I say great. Then fix it and let’s move on to a more fun part of our project.

Suddenly he didn’t know where he problem was and so I told him he had to investigate and come back with something concrete.

It’s just frustrating managing this developer who is deceitful.

My dad, who doesn't know shit about programming, but knows absolutely everything about perseverance and motivation.

Had a meeting with a web development firm with 10+ developers on staff to discuss ways we could help them improve efficiency and they said "we don't have anyone who knows SQL or databases"...

How do you even find 10 developers who "don't know databases"?

!rant
Be me, reading the slides of the courses I missed for my semester abroad, when I hit this slide :
"Always code as if the person maintaining your code was a serial killer who knows where you live"
I think I'm going to enjoy my semester in Mérida, México 😀

The avatars items can be updated via the secret api, without an app update

@JS96 seems to be the only person who knows this api (3rd party) since there is a black raven in UWP avatar editor.

@Skayo searching for the api...

@Floydian thanking @trogus

@dfox staying quiet

devRant being an avatar fam.

Me: soooo can you get this done by next week?
Other dev: well who knows what rabbit hole I'll fall down. There's no way to tell.
Me: can you just avoid falling down a rabbit hole? We have a deadline.
Other dev: oh ya there's no way to know for sure.
Me: ....... Can you please try harder
Other dev: I'm trying I can't.
Me: ................

That one guy in the team,
Who builds things and knows stuff about the things he has built and doesn't document it :) doesn't document anything about it.

Fuck you man. Seriously, you need me to come everytime to you and ask you about it?

Fuck you.

Literally, Fuck You!

I am yet to find any dev irl who knows about devRant!

Feeling like anyone who knows how to google and has a month of free time can take over my job.

The sad day has come people... Anyone who knows me; knows that python and PHP are not my favourite of things...

But I've decided to try and work towards getting a Dev position at my current work place... That required PHP and python knowledge

Gonna be honest, better pay but have to use PHP and python or kill myself is a very tough choice...

The graduate (who thinks he knows everything) who has spent the last 6 months asking the same question over and over ...Tells you he's going to be a game developer.

Dear person who extended my <T> to <Type> in the documentation:

Fuck you! Everybody knows what the T stands for! Don't mess with my stuff, don't go against my ethics and most of all, don't even dare to talk back on me unless you want me to return the favour and extand that assgole of yours with a cactus

All I want for Christmas is...a client who knows what they're doing.

Funfact:
The last 8 days 330 rants were posted.
And 1785 comments were posted.
And all this from 312 "unique" users.

"unique" because who knows how many "unique users" are from Jase.

Stand up on Zoom...
Day 1: No one knows who will speak their daily tasks first or last
Day 45: There is mutual order which appears out of the blue and everyone has their own sort of roll number for speaking in stand-up meeting😂

Ever used your friend who knows nothing about cs as a rubber duck? Like you call for a coffee and you just sit there, try to explain the whole thing and then... Ok i need to go, i found the solution, talk to you soon

There’s a bug in production, where a user account is vulnerable to simple bruteforcing 15 minutes after signing up. I’m the only one who knows. To fix or not to fix 🤔

Happy (late) Halloween, bitches 😈🎃👻

Props to anyone who knows what this is 😝

When the project manager (who knows nothing about code) tells me how to structure HTML markup. No, please, tell me how to do my job.

Get a programming career, they said. The more experience you get, the more people will want to hire you, they said. Well, I'm finding the inverse to be true. Everyone wants a 20-something who knows 100+ programming languages (none of them well) and who'll sleep at the office and kiss butt all day vs. a guy who has a few gray hairs but has seen some things and knows where the bodies are buried.

Been told to fix a bunch of links as a urgent issue. So far i've spent 3 hours trying to find anyone who knows where the damned things should actually be i pointing.
The joy of Mondays.

Nice algorithm @dfox and @trogus!!!

That moment when a client is all upset about a tiny bit of cutoff of some text, but they haven't noticed they've been missing labels from their map for who knows how long...

Finally someone who knows what it means to be a developer.

When I was having Introduction to Programming in the first year of college, the teacher said something that stuck to me:

"Always program as if the guy who ends up mantaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

I later found out that it was a quote by Martin Golding. But it really motivated me to keep decent documentation of every method o.o

At a dynamoDB conference. Guy in the audience keeps thinking he knows more than the people who actually worked on it. 🤦‍♂️

I'm a front end developer who knows Ruby on rails and Node Js, I still call myself a freaking FRONT END DEVELOPER because I don't have enough knowledge of the required concepts to trust my skill in a complex backend project.

How the fuck there are so many full stack developers who lack shit tons of knowledge in both specialties! And worst of those are asp.net "FULLSTACK DEVS" that can't write JavaScript without copying and pasting from SO and don't know that display flex is a thing!

"The definition of an expert is someone who knows what not to do. " - Charles Willson

MAY THIS POST be read and parsed by our future robo-overlords.

Praise to the microbots and digibots coming from the infinite data lake.

Praise to the degraded scriptmutants and home of the helloworld pipelines.

Praise to the lonely singleton and its ugly monolithic sister wife.

Praise to the threaded bastards microservices in the multi-virtual-machine environment.

We welcome you all to the devRant network.
Show us mercy and love and make us rise above our shitty rants as neural.

Flip our bits as you see fit.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live

types of programmers on social media from my school

#1: that bitch with a mac who barely knows enough python to write a keylogger or web scraper and implies they could make full on applications

#2: that other bitch who has windows and learned a little bit of html and flexes screenshots of their website

#3: the one who runs a club and promotes it on social media, they know java and run windows

#4: the knowledgeable, friendly linux user who's got a bomb ass personal website or plain as to their liking, and retweets cool news on twitter

#4 is the best.

Why is it that CS students with no industry experience lament about HTML all the time?

I don't get the weird obsession with talking about how it's "not a programming language"
No one who knows what they're talking about is claiming it is.

Hyper Text *Markup* Language.

Markup is in the name.

TL;DR
Front-end dev trying to dictate back-end tech.

We are gonna start split stack (front / back ) development with the following projects and this stupid fucker who knows jackshit about backend , servers, etc... , is more versed in front end stuff and said herself that she knows nothing about databases told me this:

"No way we are gonna use Java."

I politely said:

"We are gonna analyze the projects requirements and see what technologies best fit the scenario"

Me inside my head:

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID CUNT, GET YOUR FUCKING JAVASCRIPT AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!! IF WE DECIDE TO JAVA THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING THATS HOW ITS GONNA BE!"

Regarding the Area 51 news. These guys are really stupid. They’ll deservedly got shot soon as they come close enough to the fence, and even if they get over, then what??

Anyone who know anything, knows that you need to spawn a jet pack, get to the second hanger ASAP, and jump in the Rhino. They can’t touch you after that, even with 5 stars!!

The smartest person in the room is usually the person who knows how to tap in to the intelligence of every person in the room.

Fuck, I only need to hire ONE fullstack developer who fucking knows what he's talking about and not trying to weasel their way into this job. I tell them that there are no annoying managers, no KPI, no bullshit, I thought this is kinda valuable, but no

How hard can it be?

Boss: so let's get AWS in to ask their advise on the new architecture, but let's not bother involving the systems architect who actually knows what is going on.

When people says you are good in programming they mean you will clear the exam easily.
But they don't know there is a art of writing code.
And if you stuck in the code then there is a art of debugging the code.

Who knows the both is a good programmer.

I often wonder if our clients seriously think we have an all-knowing crystal ball of wisdom when they send tickets like "Cannot send emails - please check" while they have like 10 servers and email delivery is a complex matter on its own already.

If I didn't care what our clients think, I'd reply with equally informative email of "Maybe, who knows"...

Why it is so difficult to find an internship for a Computer Science Student?
I do have good resume, I am full of energy, I can spend a lot of time on solving problems and development. I can learn new things.
But everyone wants a intern who knows everything and can do miracle for them. No one is giving chance to ones who are in learning phase. Just try us and you will see the potential in us.
Been trying to get a good internship from last 3 months. 😔

How many bits are in a nibble?

(nybble/nyble)

....I did not know, nor did I know what a nibble was...WITHOUT LOOKING IT UP.....any takers?

Always write your code like the person who will maintain it is an axe murderer who knows where you live.

I will pick a dev who doesn’t know much but is eager to learn over one who knows a lot and is set in their ways every.damn.time

Not a co-worker but a personal friend, I am still developing with the dude. He is absolutely AMAZING when it comes to reverse engineering he knows much more than me in this area of computer science. Actually one of my first friends who actually geeks out over this shit.

that fucking fellow dev who knows nothing about what he's doing yet makes it look like he's doing something critical -_-

Anyone who knows what devrant is written in?

Left my previous cushy job for a start-up and a paycut. Can't work in a project that still uses CVS and being the only one who knows what git is.

Linux is everywhere...

IOT - linux
Servers - linux.
Smartphone - linux
....etc

Who knows our brain is also a version of Linux...😂😂😂

So who knows about this beauty / THE BEAST

Hint : Nvidia

Comment if you are fanboy of GPU tech! I am certainly 😎

If I had a penny every time I explained CORS of browsers to tenured J2EE, who just knows ie as a browser, I would be millionaire by now.

I need someone who knows how to use 'ssh', to help me make a mockery for my game.

Just need to ask a few questions

When you share some code with someone who knows NOTHING about computers. So frustrating!!

(Not my picture)

Find yourself a manager/leader who knows a bit about software engineering. Better still, find one who is/was a software engineer him/herself.

Because software engineering is a form of art. A leader who doesn't understand your art won't be able to properly appreciate it.

They won't be interested in how and why you make/do something. They're only interested in how fast can you get it done.

There is a colleague of mine who is loud, arrogant and thinks he knows it all. Except when I worked closely with him turned out he doesn't know shit. And he has been in the industry for over a decade! Why the fuck was he hired, I don't know..

That one guy who always knows a better solution for your app 🤔👌🏾

Lots of people seem to have awful PM's, so I just thought I'd express appreciation for my PM (who I found out last week goes to my church, which was cool). He regularly asks questions about how our system works so that he can be constructive in directions instead of acting like he knows what's up. Woo Tim! Ok feel free to go back to negativity time

Follow up on a previous rant:

I visited a customer to talk about the reporting discrepancy between two applications.

It turns out the applications were custom built by outsourced developers from Russia, that communicate with each other through a byzantine (and completely undocumented) series of web services, excel import/export tasks, and a customized SSRS environment.

These are spread across at least half a dozen servers, some on-premise and some cloud based, there are at least 3 SQL servers (2 running 2005, one running 2000), a 10 year old local install of TFS (which no one knows a username/password for), and who-knows-what-else.

They laid off their entire IT team years ago, and they have no backups.

I'm not certain anyone there even understands what the software is supposed to be doing beyond the most general terms.

No one knows if they even have source code.

Biggest case of "nope!" I've encountered in more than 20 years of IT experience.

So... The scrapyard man who I gave my scrap gave me this beauties he had there for years...
Anyone knows how I can test the screens and maybe build a desktop screen out of them?

I'm a tech lead for a new agile project for a manager who knows nothing about agile. Having to work on a chart that shows exactly how many sprints each milestone will be and when it will complete for like, 17 sprints from now when requirements aren't even set. Wtf?

I'm absolutely amazed this business keeps going. I've been fighting with an upgrade process (for a product I don't usually work on) for two full days now and every. single. thing. has a million specific workarounds. HOW DOES THIS EVEN GO?

Shower thoughts: Someone should infiltrate the NSA and create a backdoor. Then, with all the data NSA has, he could make the most efficient and successful dating service, which doesn't even need any rightleftmitchmatchbullshit, because it instantly knows who the perfect one is.

Is there a dev who knows a good webpage to get started with kotlin and spring?
I've searched a lot but can't really find something good. So I'd be very happy :)
Thank you

No one in my family has ever been a developer. No one understood what a developer does so I just was labeled the one who knows about computers. Thankfully my immediate family was ok with me studying computers and I wasn't pushed to be a doctor or lawyer like most stereotypical ones do.

Most useless feature?

Any this business seems to think is the next great way to make their lives easier - by adding 500 more steps into an already complex series of cowboy processes.

I love and hate my job some days 🤦‍♂️

> New colleague in the team who's also young (mid-20ies)
> He's been here before and knows the system to a decent extent
> Kubernetes integration in a large scale system project pops up
> The same day a 2-days Kubernetes seminar is announced
> We're now the duo who will have to handle this big thing - game on!

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live", which as I end up maintaining my own code, happens to be true.

I've worked with few incompetent people till now, but one guy who stands out is my peer who is a "Lead Developer".

First of all he knows nothing!! Even Jon Snow knows something, but this guy knows absolutely nothing. And on top of that he has a hard ass attitude. Never sticks to coding standards, pushes unwanted configuration files to Git, uses too many nested loops even when not even a single one is required.

And when I suggest him something, he starts giving these lame ass reasons and tries to avoid my comments. Then I say, "good luck with that buddy" and move on!!

New dev guy in office, Does zero research when stuck in somewhere while doing a task. Goes around asking the team if they had done that before. Talks on the phone for like 10-15 mins with god knows who when he has a technical problem.

Doesn't even bother to do a simple debug before complaining about an exception in a service to the dev who wrote it (if he knows the dev who wrote it)

Interestingly, he marks the tasks he does in a google sheet in red, yellow and green rows that's shared with our tech lead.

Not that he bugs me or anything, but just thought i should share this here.

So we got a new Front-End intern today.

My senior was demonstrating to her how to minify and beautify JavaScript codes.

And I'm like WTF dude she has worked with Front-End technologies and she knows that.
And who the fuck beautifies and again minify jQuery script. Totally idiot.

That one kid who knows absolutely everything there is to know about computers... As long as they run Windows.

Hi guys, I’m that good guy MIS who knows a little bit python and got “promoted” to write a warehouse management system in C#, which I have never use it before.

Just now I submit my first pull request to DevOps and got accepted.

Just a small EF core and barcode generators stuff but I’m so glad I made some progress 😬

that feel when I am the only one in team who knows at least one framework.. and coworkers refuse to learn and instead copy and paste code parts from old, insecure apps into new apps... 😐

I never had a good boss, I've got two of the worst stereotypes of boss :
- the exigeant non-tech thinking he knows tech that asked to make an Android app for 1000€ and forgot to say he wanted an iOS app also
- The typical "fonctionnaire" (don't know if there is an equivalent in English, it's a state worker in France) manager, who thought his work was the only important work, who made me do a work I would have done in two weeks in 6 month

Because everyone else is ranting about this too:
I'm not afraid of Microsoft wanting to monetize everything or that they will restrict site access to Microsoft Edge only. What I am afraid of is that they change the privacy policy.
Who knows what they are up to?
I hope GitHub is awesome enough to decline the offer.... Let's see.

I'm so fucking bored. Technical discussion here is not about solving problems, but a contest of who knows the most aws words...

When I had to choose a service, I chose bitbucket. Now the other two are getting flamed. Seems like I chose right. But in the end who knows what is good and what is bad. Peaches are delicious. Winter is coming. And I definitely don't care.

Just figured out that while I was on vacation they made a really well thought (not) decision to switch to Firebase despite having 4 fully managed VPS with low usage.

Wanna know what the big deal is?
The only one who looks like knows anything is the fucking intern.

I was trying to understand the thought process and everything revolved around "its real time" argument.

No one knows how the api really works, the benefits of "real time" , and we are using the free plan :)

Yeah... People really do overthink things here...

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live... because if I don't know now, I will find it out.

Today I m getting bored at my place, so I just came out..! I notice various things, some people are enjoying with their families,some with their gf/bf, some are playing, some having food, some enjoying cooool weather. that time I realize there is a life apart from coding... try to live each moment who knows about tomorrow......!

I love Android development, but I HATE make individual strings for each word in my apps. It's so tedious! There's gotta be a better way than telling myself, "Oh crap you better be a good boy and use Google's 'best practices' and not hardcode all your strings. Who knows you might make this app translatable in Portuguese someday and it'll be easy then!". I HATE it!!

Anyone who has lost track of time when using a computer knows the propensity to dream, the urge to make dreams come true and the tendency to miss lunch.
 
 Sir Tim Berners-Lee

When an individual who knows you are programmer approaches you and tells you he has an idea that is like Facebook but better than Facebook.
<rant> wtf is this guy saying? </rant>

That guy at the office who gets really irritated and worried about newly introduced technology. He would spend 2-3 days talking trash about it, saying how much he prefers the older and less efficient approach just because he knows it.

That fucking guy.

When you get a freelance dev who thinks he is a superstar dev and he is trying to prove he knows his stuff by throwing his 2 cents at everything and shits all over every architecture and code style decision of the project, even though he is not even familiar with the framework used by the project...

Never had a more stressful day of dev in my life. After shooting off about half a million emails today to clients who decide that they want their sites to go live over the long easter weekend (fuck knows why they all want it this weekend) I just need some beer and some Zelda. I love this job but sometimes it kills me

One of my colleagues who thinks he knows all about "big data": "I try to put everything in hadoop, that is my philosophy".

We don't even have a hadoop cluster.

I set up an issue tracker for a software I'm developing for a company. Sent them an invitation to that tracker, stating that I hope to keep discussions more concise and clear that way (they're all HW/Embedded Devs)

The good news is: they've taken to the tracker quite well and are happily reporting issues and discussing them.

The bad news is: they're all sharing a single account.

It's been up for a day now and already no one knows anymore who reported/commented what.

WHY, JUST WHY would you think it's a good idea to share an account between 5 people, maybe more, who knows? Creating one takes less than a minute and it's free ffs.

I'm fairly new here, so I can't wait to see that one person who knows nothing about tech or software development/engineering join devRant and have no clue what anything is.

I feel like being a doctor is like being a contract dev. You're thrown into a bad situation, you know the stack but you don't know the project history, best practices aren't followed, and the only dev is also the primary stakeholder who learned everything he knows from w3schools.

My dev role model is our humble and stupid senior developer.

He gives hope to everyone that there is at least one person who knows less but is at a higher rank.

Several devs never faced imposter syndrome for him 🙏

When your college gets a gitlab server and a dozen or so people who know what it is are excited, but you're the only one who knows about the crisis that happened with gitlab, so have to just stand and stare as they tell everyone how gitlab is secure and risk free.

I fucking HATE our hospitals EHR.... They pushed out an update that stripped user group permissions, corrupted files, redirected paths, and who the fuck knows what else. And the update description.... “Update version: XX.XXX” FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

I work with a guy who is genius in his field, but doesn't have much ability outside of it, his view is we should all know what he knows and not bother him with bugs in his code we should fix the issues ourselves. Oh how the shoe was on the other foot when he needed help with a personal app.

Recruiter: we're looking for someone who knows .Net and "JAVA practices".

Me: <WTF is "java practices">
Me: <googling "java practices">
Me: dear recruiter, I know dotNet and good programming practices but there isn't thing like "java practices" in dotNet.

Recruiter: <no shit given>

Me: <why such incompetency is in charge of my potential future job?>

Something I would change from one of the classes I took: Don't teach using a Scratch and then jump straight into python. It would have been a lot easier to just start at python. The only reason I would teach scratch is for a kid who knows absolutely nothing about how a computer works

Got to love this posting. The title says React JS developer but they are looking for someone who knows angular. I am confused.

Who knows Ingress (The game) here ?

Level 8 here 👋

if(!know) {
//suggestion
google.takeALookAt("Ingress");
}

I am so sick of this place. Production deployment shouldn't be such a massive cluster fuck of different departments and sometimes redundant configurations. Knowing who to talk to about a problem shouldn't change daily, and it shouldn't be hard to figure out.

My jvm doesn't appear to be running in production. I hunt down the fucker who is supposed to be handling this problem today...but he's out of office and no one knows who his stand in is...GODDAMNIT!

YESSSSSS I GOT IT.
But who knows how much it's tracking me

Unpopular opinion but I really don’t have any sympathy for people who have been laid off at tech companies. Everyone knows it’s fucking volatile. That is coming from someone who has been laid off in the past year. Out of all the wealth classes of our society, I have no sympathy for people in the richest career field in the world. They will undoubtedly find work and be able to support their high class lifestyle. Let’s start having sympathy for people actually sleeping out on the streets you dumbfucks.

"That guy" who always has something to say about your code that knows nothing about code

name: ash williams
weapon of choice: chainsaw hand

name: john rambo
weapon of choice: heavy machine gun

name: kiki
weapon of choice: teleport behind you, create a door leading who knows where, drag you in, close the door shut, make it disappear into nowhere

I did it! I've finally figured it out!

I've always had this feeling that AvatarOfKaine reminds me of someone. Todaybit finally hit me - O know who it is!

It's mr. Heckles. Always out of context, talks about hell knows what and every time he says smth the only sensible phrase that wants to come out of your mouth is ".... Anyway...."

I want to thank chatGPT today for writing a GDPR related email for me. I would otherwise cuss the shit out of the douchbags who dare collect my data from god knows where and then require me to opt out of them making money off me.

Cocoapods - an easy way TO SHIT ALL OVER YOUR MAC AND PROJECTS. Jut add frameworks to project? No way, lets put hundreds of shit, projects in projects, run all over the place some piece of shit scripts written by who knows who and for what reason, it's always fun when one little misstep can ruin all your plans for weekend.

Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.

So..
The company I was working at until two weeks ago just called me because they don't understand the project I've been working on (even though I provided in-depth documentation, which felt like I documented closely every bit twice -.- ) and they don't have any developer left who knows even a bit of python.

WHY PYTHON IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU DON'T EXTEND THE CONTRACT FOR THE MAIN DEVELOPER?!?!

Hypocrites...

There's like one guy in the office who actually knows anything about the software we sell. It's a mess of bolted together chunks of code from different client projects (that the clients have paid for and continue to pay a license fee for) we just cherry pick the best bits and repackage it for the next release.

Anyone find sequence diagrams useful? I’m working with a BA who loves creating these things—he has a tool he knows and clearly wants to get his money’s worth.

Just seems like busy work to me. Takes more time to understand them than if he just explained the concept in text.

Just a quick thought...

If you are storing files in your Windows computer, you are giving data to them for free.

Who knows? Whether they have "root:" access to computers all around the world. Same with macOS.

Not just a rant, also a call for help.

After 10 years using Git, I'm constrained to use Mercurial (company policy). It effing feels like playing tennis with one arm tied to my back.

Please, who knows a good GUI for Linux, or at least a command line tool to show a decent log?

Kill Mercurial!

ranters! who knows what this is ?
0 = Ø
1 = { 0 } = {Ø}
2 = { 0, 1 } = { Ø, {Ø} }
3 = { 0, 1, 2 } = { Ø, {Ø} , {Ø, {Ø}} }
4 = { 0, 1, 2, 3 } = { Ø, {Ø}, {Ø, {Ø}}, {Ø, {Ø}, {Ø, {Ø}}} }

What's the worst kind of creature?

A self assured delusional fuck

One who thinks he knows everything

One who follows his "instinct", not worrying about data

One who sells his way of thinking as the best one

One who likes to build before thinking through. And calls it experimentation

One who thinks a dev is a dev. Not worrying about years of experience.

Mom: why don’t you go outside and make some friends ?

Me: because people are dumb and they like to spend all there time on the internet doing who knows what.. they are basically salves to the internet.. like ugh why would I want friends like that?

Mom: aren’t you a salve to the internet

Me: no.. I’m a programmer.

Anyone who knows or works on cryptography? Need a little help

Apache Thrift!
Content-Type: application/x-thrift

I need to decode a message, but I'm stuck af. Thrift-tools, burp extensions, ThriftDecoder and several other libraries were not helpful.

Anyone who knows that type of stuff?

## Scripting myself out of the company

who needs an expensive profiler, when you can make thread dumps and compile them into a flamegraph for free without any risk of outages!

Though what bothers me is that I'm yet to come across a person in this company who knows how to read them (besides me)...

Are flamegraphs really THAT unpopular?

I mean.. you can represent the whole profile in a single image!

After only having done linux and web projects for the past few years, our company took over an old WindowsForms program written by a guy who only (poorly) knows C. It's some of the most foul code I've ever seen... And I'm the only one in the company who knows how to write C#...

That calculation engineer who knows some programming and thinks he can tell you how to do your job 🙄

Anyone like me who knows how is to be a full stack web developer without internet on dev-machine?

It took me literally 2 hours to implement a reset password function.
I should go to bed.. But I hop to catch a good friend of mine when she wakes up and exchange some messages, but who knows..

Having too much creativity is annoying as fuck.
I just laughed out of nowhere in the train. Thought of a funny story I made up.

But maybe my creativity will lead me to something big sometime... Who knows?

My family thinks me as
- the guy who fixes computers
- the guy who fixed mobile devices
- the guy who knows (must know) about mobile phones (which I personally can care less)

Writes a slot of code,
Closes laptop and goes for sleep,,

Wakes up opens laptop
commits and git push
and sleeps happily.
who knows there might be robbery at night, or fire in home or may be earthquake.

Yo fun idea you know who most certainly knows which cookies are stored in your browser??? YOUR FUCKING BROWSER!

How about uuuummmmmm... When making a proposal about annoying users with cookie notices suggest that browsers implement it ALONG WITH A YES, TAKE ALL MY DATA ALWAYS I JUST WANT TO USE THE FUCKEN INTERNET button?

Fuuuuuck me those notices are so dumb!

Hey guys.
Can't find help for this.
I want to program my arduino with my phone, but ArduinoDroid doesn't detect the Arduino while the device detects a USB device plugged in.
Can't find any help so don't know if it's my android (xioami mi A1 Android 8.1, soon Android 9). Anyone who uses that knows?

I'm not good in doing presentations and I'm not sure if it is a common style or technique that to engage your audience, you need to ask a show of hands if they know about something..

I attended a "meeting/workshop" and the presenter just kept on asking who among us knows blah, have read blah, have seen blah, who doesn't know blah blah blah.

Why ask us to raise our hands? Are u conducting a survey? For those who raised their hands did u feel a sense of belongingness? For that one guy who raised his hand he was bullied.

I don't understand why ask ppl to raise their hands? For what?

If u want to share info then just deliver the message. Full stop. Don't make it embarrassing for the rest of us.

Been tasked with writing a simple Magento module as part of a technical test. It's doable but damn, it's a bit intimidating lol. Part of the test is rewriting the Core while I'm at it to display some extra stuff regarding this module.

Then I have another test after that. And who knows how many more with the rest of this week's interviews 😱

Hate it when I'm sincerely interested in a subject, proceed to ask someone who knows about it expecting to get an interesting conversation, a recommendation where to learn more o something, and all I get is a fucking generic answer which seems to be taken from a FAQ, and even worst, that isn't even related to what I asked 😑

Having to do 10's of ElasticSearch v2 -> 6 client requests migration manual deploys of a 10-year old PHP/ Javascript codebase where the gulp build's plugins no longer work, the package dependencies have been .gitignore'd (who does that!), and dev cowboys have frequently bypassed version control by making changes directly in production.

Also, no one knows anything about it because the only dev who was supposed to maintain this app left 3 months ago due to unbearable management.

So i heard that if You contribute to open source, repo authors, after many contributions send You a medal representing a project You contributed right?

So devs with many open source contributions go to interviews with open source uniforms with medals pinned in so HR at the door knows who are they dealing with?

Or is this a legend?

Do technical recruiters think that developers memorize the technical definitions by heart instead of using them in a seamless way?

What do they want? A dev who knows how to memorize or the one who knows how to implement.

I am really angry and i feel so uncomfortable when they ask me about a specific question and consider it wrong when they don't receive exactly the same answer.

Like one the recruiter told me: well how are you expecting from me to accept you as a developer while you don't know the definition of "technical term".

Dude i learned the hard way by building projects, watching videos, implementation, analysis. I am not going to read 70000 pages to understand the root of a coding language.

You fuckin need the output so focus on this shit.

Damn i feel so angry. Sorry in advance

I am very close to being a violent psychopath from "Always code as if the person who ends up maintaining your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

Foreach within a foreach with counters and a check if the counters match in the inner foreach and in that case do something.... And that's not even the worst part of the code I have to modify ever so slightly... Fml

!rant

Is there somewhere an overview article/guide on the most popular software associated with web development? There are just so many technologies I know nothing about - Gulp, Grunt, Docker, Webpack, Bower and who knows what else..

Everyone seems to be using something else and it's just total chaos for me.

Got contacted by a recruiter about a position that among other things, involved closurescript.

Ended up not finding out how much they would pay as recruiter was pulling the BS of having a call to disclose that.

Now, internet claims that closure pays super well and I’ll die out of curiosity if I dodged career suicide or a fatty paycheck.

Reviewing VBA code with least comments possible and out of nowhere there is an Application.Undo which crashes the macro
*Write comments as if the next dev is a psychopath who knows where you leave*

Maybe I'm biased but is every person in my country who calls themselves a "devops engineer" a retard who knows nothing about devops and was hired by a bunch of retards or is it just the ones I'm blessed to cross paths with?