1. Buy boxes of orange juice, almost past their expiry date.
2. Put boxes on the hot office windowsill for a few weeks.
3. Cool down juice in fridge.
4. "Hey dear coworker, would you like a refreshing juice box on this hot spring day?"
5. Watch coworker retch and vomit, spitting blue-grayish juice over his desk, crying: "Why would you give me old moldy juice without checking the date?"
6. "Do you remember when you told me you didn't have time for unit tests? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS, DAVE, THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU DEPLOY UNTESTED CODE.... NOW FINISH YOUR JUICE!"

I thought it would be good prank change semicolons to Greek question mark in my boss' code where his delivery date is today. I thought he will spend like at least few minutes figuring it out.

He ran make, immediately figured it out and even corrected with sed only. Then yawned and looked at me with a smirk. Now I am getting paranoid what he will do as revenge

TLDR : I left a company which doesn't understand the concept of email id and passwords.

Me (trying to login to the alumni website) *no register user option*

Customer support - you've to click on forgot password to create an account.
Me - Wonderful

*clicks on reset password*
*enters employee id, name, email, father's name, DOB, date of joining , date of leaving, current city because apparently if I just enter my employee id it is as if they never knew me. Sigh*
*your password will be sent to your email id*

Me - okay. *waits for two weeks because I assumed someone will manually go and create my account and email me, considering the state of system. *

After two weeks,

Me - I still haven't received my password on email after I created my account. Can you please check?

After one week,

Customer support - you need to click on forget password if you forgot your password.

Me - *inventing new curse words* I have not forgot my password, I never received it in the first place!

After one week,
Customer support - yes you'll receive your password on your email id.

Me - *runs out of curse words* seriously dude?
* proceeds to reset password*
System - your password has been reset. Your new password will be sent to your email id. *apparently anyone can reset passwords if you have the employee id, which is an integer*

After a week

Me - Am I going to ever receive the password? I've tried generating passwords, resetting my password. I never get my passwords. What should I do!!

Customer support - yes you need to click on Forgot password.

Me - are you fucking kidding me!!!
You fuckers need to be fired and replaced by a FAQ page which has no question and just a single answer, because a peanut has higher IQ than you. For any questions you may have, just reset password. Goddammit idiots!
Also, which email id are you sending my passwords to?

Customer support - myname@oldcompany.com

Me - you do realize that this is the alumni website for the company. Alumni means ex members.
Being ex members, you can assume we don't have access to our company email ids obviously?

Customer support - yes.

Me - how am I supposed to get the password using my old email id then?

Customer support - you need to click on forgot password option.

I think I should probably move to the Himalayas for my anger management issues. Plus it'll be probably easier to throw idiots off a mountain.

Girl: What's your idea of the perfect date?

Me: dd/mm/yyyy, others formats are confusing

Me: Wait where are you going

My mom never touched a PC or smartphone. Well, most people didn't back then, because it was the early 90s.

But I brought a borrowed SNES to the hospital and taught her to blow on the Zelda cartridge if it didn't work. She died after we finished the game.

After that my dad bought me a commodore 64, the machine that taught me about electronics and programming, and molded me into who I am today.

On the first date with my girlfriend (now 12y together) we just sat talking for hours in her room, playing Zelda on her SNES taking turns, and I told her my mom would have liked her.

I once met a very cute client. Inner me was saying​ to go and get this girl. But company's code of conduct is completely against it that an employee shouldn't ask his/her clients out with you or date with him/her. Even my colleagues knew me as a man of criteria. So I leave
.
.
.
.
.
the Code of Conduct and now she is my gf. :)

Too much stupid today..

Client: "Our server is almost full, fix it"

Me: "Okay, you can upgrade the VM, or I can see if theres anything that can be cleaned up?"

C: "Clean it up"

Me: *Finds 5 extra MySQL DB's that amount to 50-60GB in total*

Me: "Well I can remove some of your extra databases, and some of the local backups, as they're also backed up offsite. They're currently unused and dated back to the beginning of 2017, everything is out of date anyways."

C: "No"

Me: "Okay, is there a reason?"

C: "No"

Me: "Okay, so we'll upgrade the VM?"

C: "No"

Me: "I'm sorry, but those are really your two options"

C: "Just fix it"
...................
...................
...................
What in the ducking fuck !@#$#%?
If you're so fuggin smart, then why do they pay me?
I'm clearly stupid and unable to read your mind.

Why am single 😂😂
On a date with a girl:
Her: Tell me what you do for a living
Me: I create my own stress and worries, sometimes these worries follow me in my sleep.
Her: Did they follow you here?
Me: Yes! Infact, I got it now. I think I forgot to install curl, that's why my API queries wouldn't work.
Her: Excuse me?
Me: I mean, I out of here, bug is fixed bit*h

(regarding a discussion with a female programmer about an event)

Me: ... But Id feel so out of place, I don't even have a date

Female: well you can always just import a date

Me: what do you mean? 😕

Female: import Java.util.Date;

As a Java Dev, the thing that frightens me most about colonizing Mars is that we have to rewrite the Date class...

Mathematician girl invites me to code some lines.
I arrive at her flat and she was alone so some part of me thought ehem. Anyway i took a look at the program first.
Me: so... it's a date?
Her: no im using cosmic radiation.
Me: huh?
Her: yeah accessing a value from a sensor gives a..

(Apparently she thought i was asking about the Random Function she was using, which usually uses the date)

Not sure what Linux Desktop to use? Use this handy guide:

- GNOME: when you want no tray icons, themes that break every minor GTK release, and extensions for basic features (that are buggy.)
- KDE: pretty go-Segmentation Fault
- DWM/Awesome/i3/etc.: when you feel like the time you spent learning Vim wasn't wasteful enough
- XFCE: when you want one update per decade and poor Systemd support.
- LXQt: the biggest positive is that it doesn't use GTK.
- Cinnamon: when you like GNOME 3 but you want a different menu
- Deepin: when you want a desktop with the build quality of an HP laptop.

Aren't sure whether to use Xorg or Wayland?

- Xorg: if you want to absurdly fuck up your touchscreen, pick this one.
- Wayland: if you want to screw up most of your apps, too bad; this won't work with your proprietary drivers. If only it did.

What distro to use?

- Ubuntu: if you want to break your system with PPAs, check out this one.
- Debian: when you want Ubuntu except with more out of date packages
- Redhat: when you want Debian except with more out of date packages
- ElementaryOS: wait, someone actually made a properly designed Linux UI?
- Arch Linux: the only thing that doesn't make me sick anymore.
- Slackware: "that exists still really?"
- Gentoo: when you hate systemd more than waiting 4 days to compile Firefox on every release.

... I love Linux. I do. But it is very taxing to get things comfortable for me anymore. I feel like the Linux Desktop is in a period of flux and it's painful to be a part of right now.

boss: What the fuck guys! Why didn't you go to the meeting this morning? Have you checked your google calendar?
me: But, but it is scheduled to tomorrow, google calendar says that.
boss: Who put that date?
me: You
boss:....
boss:And fo you double checked it?
me: What do you mean?
boss: Double check! Check if what is in the google calendar is correct!
me: But that doesn't make any sense.
boss: No excuses!! Next time you must double check!

What is your idea of 'perfect date'?

Me: DD/MM/YYYY

Seriously, living in US since last six months till, still not getting used to MM/DD/YYYY!!!

It's not a date but ok..
my classmate (that time) was not that good in programming in Java. So she asked me about some topics. After I explained them to her we had some talk, and we liked each other.

Well, today we're waiting for our daughter ..

My boss pissed me off so much yesterday I totally ditched work today. I had some spiced rum for breakfast (and dinner) and spent the day playing minecraft and browsing Black Friday specials.

I did a little bit of work that (oversimplified) involved paying a Clover contractor for doing basically nothing. Totes cool with that as the guy is really nice and a decent dev. Annoyingly, though, he started hitting on me and asked me out on a date at the end of the call. He's like 65 and has a daughter (grand daughter?) my age, so that's like totally creepy. Ugh.

Getting hit on by random old men is still better than talking to Mr. Asshole the Sales Fetishizer, though.

My current one. When I was chosen for my current job as the final candidate, he went for me partly because we've got the same favourite music and that made us click very well.

Now, a year later, it's still going awesome.

We can be serious but most of the time (when we see eachother) it's (savage) jokes, 'rekking' eachother and we keep eachother up to date on new music releases and festivals.

I remember this convo about music:
Boss: Heyy, this is a track I go hard on: Rejecta - Followed 😉
Me: oh yeah that one is awesome! Have you heard his other tracks?
B: HE HAS OTHER TRACKS?! 😍
M: Yaaaaas! He's got 'deserve to die', ''let my tape rock" and 'move my body'
B: OH MY GOD THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME 😍
M: enjoy man 😘
B: thankies 😊

He's not that much older than me and actually listens to advice.

Just an awesome boss in general!

Act I

Me (Lead Developer), Boss (Head of IT), CEO

> enter stage left CEO

CEO > "Alright Boss, give it to me straight. Are we going to be able to release app x by this date?"

Boss > "Yup we'll have a beta release on that date"

> exit stage right CEO

Me > types long email to Boss outlining exactly why we won't be able to release app x anywhere near that date, beta or otherwise, because:
1. We have a development team of 2
2. I've never developed an iOS app before
3. Developer 2 is still trying to understand git, because
3a. Developer 2 isn't even a developer (but he's doing iOS front-end so w/e)
4. We don't have the required database systems in place
5. Or CRM
6. Or CPQ
7. We'll need to conduct a security audit

Boss > "yeah, but CEO is gonna need to hear that date a few more times before he can fully understand"

Me > *internally screaming BUT YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HIM THAT AT ALL*
"ok cool just glad we're on the same page on that one"

I've resigned 3 weeks ago. I have also completed my handover process.

Yesterday I was told that I have to work in the weekend and at night because project delivery date is the following week.

Kindly I responded that I have resigned and working on weekends and late nights won't benefit me in anyway now actually I wasn't benefiting from working on weekends and late nights even before my resignation.

Project manager is pissed off at me.

Oh well, it is what it is 🤷

Great news, our company's has a brand new security-first product, with an easy to use API and a beautiful web interface.

It is SQL-injection-enabled, XSS-compatible, logins are optional (if you do not provide a password, you are logged in as admin).

The json-api has custom-date formats, bools are any of "1", "0", 1, 0, false or null (but never true). Numbers are strings or numbers. Utf-8 is not supported. Most of our customers use special characters.

The web interface is using plain bootstrap, and because of XSS it is really easy to customize everything.

How the hell this product got launched is beyond me.

My biggest pet peeve at the moment is people without any development experience using version numbers.

Me: "Communicating a release date for the feature towards clients is dangerous, we have a developer shortage, and currently don't really have enough capacity to..."

Manager: "What we release next month doesn't have to be perfect, it is just a v1"

Me: "You mean it's a beta? If that's the case, could you maybe differentiate the requirements of the beta, let's call it a 0.1.0, versus the 1.0.0-rc, the release candidate?"

*Feature is eventually merged into production, barely in a beta state*

Manager: "So I have some ideas for the v2"

Me: "You mean 1.0.0"

Manager: "Let's compromise and call it v1.5"

Me: "Let's compromise, you stop communicating release dates, AND you stop using version numbers..."

Manager: "That's not a compromise..."

Me: "...I wasn't finished... And I won't respond to the recruiter who just offered me a better paying job"

Wrote 800-1200 LOC
It went through code review which was apparently my first code being reviewed
Took me 1 month and more to fix most changes (per day more than 10-12 hrs of effort)..
That 1 month was a nightmare. Every day I thought of giving up programming. I shouted to myself every night why did I never considered these myself. How can I be so dumb.
Half of the reviews I didn't even know how to implement. Didn't even know what to Google.
I consider it as one of my toughest phase as a developer till date.
I still get goosebumps remembering those days.

I just spent an hour debugging my company's web app. More specifically, I was trying to fix a bug that made a label on a comment I just made say "Posted 3 days ago".

After confirming timestamps on the server are correct with a calculator, fiddling around with the js debugger, and ruling out weird timezone-related shenanigans, I came to a conclusion.

The bug was in fact sitting, quite comfortably, between the chair and the keyboard.

Yesterday I had moved the date on my computer roughly 3 days into the future, because I was testing out some unrelated code that was dealing with Redis, and I wanted to expire all of the keys stored inside of it.

Don't blame me, my parents told me I had fallen onto my head as a child.

Boss: We need a new functionality to record company names for now.
Me: Ok. (This will be a quick one)

(few mins later)
Me: Ok, adding/editing/deleting company names.. done. I also added "date recorded" field, just in case we need it.
Boss: Ok, thanks.

(~20 mins later)
Boss: We also need a functionality for the users which has "this" permission to be able to "request" for a company registration. We need to add fields to record the contact person, email, phone, etc.. Once a "request" has been submitted, "this" person-in-charge has to get a notification on the dashboard. And the requesters, should get a notification that they have a pending request sent. Once the registration is done, the requester has to be notified.
Me: 👀

Email from a company I applied To:

"Hi... We will be in touch by the 7th of November"

Me:... It's December already. Maybe I missed it.

Second email: "Sorry! Typo. It's meant to say 7th of November. Refer to this instead"

Me: ...

THIRD email: "So sorry. Or mailing system is failing so disregard all those emails and refer to this one. Thank you."

Me: ... WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DATE!??

Happy new Date().getYear() + 1; to me!

I very very rarely drink, but when I do I party hard.

I negotiated an entire piece of complex web architecture (really huge, works at 50k transactions per second), with my boss who's a lead architect, from a bar (he thought I was home), while moderately drunk.

It got me a lotta praise and till date it's one of the best pieces of software I've ever written. It saved the company 500+ hours or something #humblebrag.

To this day I have no recollection of what I said (huge hangover after) or how I managed to come up with that shit. I don't think I'd have been able to do it sober. The sheer size of the problem would've made me go "yea it works, I'm not touching that. Nope."

DAE notice any increase in pattern recognition in their code while drunk?

7th feb : Spend rose day by explaining my 10th grade nephew how to draw "rose" in c++.
8th Feb: nephew calls me and said thank you, his classmate agreed to go on a date with him.

When i was in 10, i was busy watching micky mouse and all.
Sigh.

>be me
>it student
>working on group project
>one guy is making the ui
>says he added "date selection events"
>check code

Switch(date.Day){
case 1:
break;
case 2:
break;
//To-Do: add other days
}

He did this for years, months, hours and minutes.
He bragged about it.

Fuck you.
Sincerely, fuck you.

Client: We need this site up and running by the end of the month.

Me: Ok we need them to send creative over. Please provide it in Photoshop format.

.... A few days before due date.

Client: We have sent you all the creative. Please see email attachment.

...... Opens attachment. Creative was created in PowerPoint.

FML!! I CANNOT BELIEVE!!!

*starts twitching*

Wait what's that? You don't use version control on Production servers?
You want me to do what?
You want me to rename every file I have to replace with an underscore and the date after the extension so it looks like this?
SHIT.JAR_01262019
You've got to be fucking kidding me right!?
No?
Oh the production server is down again?
Is it because we're not using the right Jar file?
Well shit, I wonder why that's happening...

Subject: FW: Twilio integration
Date: 20th June
From: <program-lead>

PractiseSafeHex I need you to fill in the dev completion dates for the Twilio task for the mobile team by EOD today. Backend have already supplied theres. Otherwise I will be forced to mark the task as “At Risk”. Please let me know if there is an issue or you are blocked.

—- Begin Forwarded Mail ——

Subject: Twilio integration
Date: 18th June
From: <program-lead>

Hi All,

Documenting today’s meeting minutes. Backend confirmed they will handle the Twilio integration from their side entirely. There will be no mobile work required for this task.

Thank you,
<program-lead>

Long ago, like 5 years, I made an app for my EX GF in symbion to track her periods. Application predict the next date when your period will come based on her cycle.

How ever after 2 month of usage she told me that application was flashing that she is pregnant. She scared shit out of herself and made me sacred a hell as well.

Later i find out that the variable i used to store number of days between last period and current date was not capable of storing value more than 40, i don't know how, and triggers negative value to be shown.

Early days of my programming, Shit happens.

Manual Data Entry: Most boring job
This reminds me of one conversation with one of my faculty..
Faculty: Why not try some Machine Learning Project?
Me: Cool. Any ideas you have already thought
Faculty: Comes up with a really noble idea
Me: Awesome idea. But we need data
Faculty: Don't worry. I will get it. Just help me setup Hadoop (see the irony.. no data yet, and he wants big data setup)
Me: But we don't have data. Let's focus of data collection, Sir
Faculty: I will get it. Don't worry. Trust me.
( I did setup for him twice coz he formatted the system on which I did the setup first time)
After 6 months,
Me: (same question) Sir, Data??
Faculty: I got it.
Me: Great. Give me, I can start looking into it from today.
Faculty: Actually, it's in a register written manually in a different language (which even I can't understand) I will hire data entry guys to convert it into English digital contents.
Me: *facepalm*
Road to Manual data entry to Big Data
Dedicating this pencil to the individuals keeping the register up to date and Sir in hopes of converting it into big data..
Long way to go..

Me: will you be my date this valentine's day?

Her: What? No ways!!

Me: sudo will you be my date this valentine's day?

Her: Hell ya !! 😘
.
.
.

Me: *wakes from sleep* Damnit, wish I could sudo everything!!😓

Ok, rant incoming.
Dates. Frigging dates. Apparently we as a species are so bloody incompetent we cannot even decide on a one format for how to write today. No, instead we have one for every language and framework, because every moron thinks they know better how to write the date. All of them equivalent and all of them different enough to make me start lactating out of frustration trying to parse this garbage... And when you finally manage to parse it on one platform it turns out that your ORM just decided to use the less common version of the date, and have fun converting one to the other. I hope that ever time someone comes up with a new date format will be hit in a face with a red hot frying pan untill they give up programming in favour of growing cactuses.

Alright, the blog seems to be running again and its not breaking yet which is a good sign :P.

Although nothing has changed on the front end yet, the backend has been partly rewritten to be more efficient and of course, post sorting based on posting date!

I'm aware of most of the front end issues so no need to tell me all of them again, I'll look at that tomorrow as I need sleep right now :(

If you'd find any bugs/security issues, please, don't exploit them but report them instead! I take security very seriously and will try to patch any security bug as soon as I can :)

PM: Guys, we have to upgrade Java 8

Me: hey check out all these cool functional programming stuff (lambdas)in Java 8.

PM: Sorry you can't do that. Our automated testing software isn't up to date to test Java 8. So you have to code it "vanilla"

Me: Erm, upgrade it?

PM: we didn't budget it for that.

Me: *thinks to me miself* brilliant

*Friend after a date*
Friend : Bro what according to you is a perfect date?

Me :DD/MM/YYYY....
Everything else is just confusing.

Friend:😒

This is my first post. Had an exam in php, xampp wasnt working, assistant came and said i dont know to configure codeigniter, after 30mins of calling he came, tried and sad "well this isn't working". He then called administrator to reinstall xampp. I lost more than half of exam time. I didnt finish it in time, he said that i could do it in a less time by his opinion. It was full working php site with crud and customer view. When xampp started working i had 1h to do it all. After some time and arguing i got a a new date to do it. It is tommorow. Help me god hahhah.

Had an interview in a MNC company.

He: Propose a solution for reading huge logs file like 1 GB and parse errors with today's date.

Me: Gave two solution, one with regex and second with buffering the logs (reason: reading the entire in same shot will cause cpu spike with huge memory consumption) and I fell in love with my second approach. By the way it was on paper.

He: (Without seeing the logic) Your syntax is wrong.

Me: Got frustrated who the hell checks syntax in interview. I asked how may years of experience you have?

He: 10 years.

Me: I don't wanna continue, and I left.

I recalled a seemingly simple task I took on.

We were building a booking system, and I had to figure out how to retrieve bookings by a certain date range.

Upfront, the tasked seemed simple until I realised I had to both figure out the logic and the SQL statements needed to retrieve all bookings within a certain date range in one query.

I ended up drawing a model to help me visualise the various date-range criteria to be satisfied. And used unit tests to help me think through each date range criterion and make sure they were accurate. Some were obviously from paranoia, but better to be safe than sorry...

After that, I had wrote down raw SQL directly into Sequel Pro first to make sure my query logic was accurate too, before translating into something the ORM equivalent. This was when I learned how to define and use variables in SQL. The variables were throw-away code; I just didn't want to have to hard-code the test date-ranges over and over again; minimise chances of spelling errors.

Needless to say, felt my problem-solving skills went up one level after this task. Saw my coding style and unit tests improve. And also the thought processes that go into how to maintain code quality...

Gf: "Why are you such a typist"

Me: "I promise not to buy more keyboards with blue switches..."

Gf: "No, I mean like being racist or sexist, but you discriminate types"

Me: "Uhhh"

Gf: "You are always bitching about how awful date/time types are, with timezones, leap seconds and daylight savings"

Me: Face turns pale, thousand yard stare, vietnam-flashback to when I was writing a calendar scheduling/meeting/matching tool which used 3 databases, with timestamps in different formats, and web frontends for people in offices around the world.

Me, with a soft broken voice: "So?"

Gf: "You've been working on that palette tool this week, and you keep talking about how interesting all these colorspaces, white balances and conversion formulas are"

Me: 🤔

The award of fastest internet on earth goes to me :D

*note:
its just Ubuntu was not able to update date/time settings during setup cuz I had wifi turned off, turned it back on and ran apt-get update, must have started before the system was able to update its date/time settings, so ya I did not photshop :)

Once a recruiter called me

Recruiter: Hi, We are looking for an Android developer with n+ years of experience

Me: Umm ok. Actually I am not a full fledged native Android developer, but I can work on hybrid platform where we can create an App for Android using Web Technologies like html and javascript

Recruiter : ohh I will talk to our tech team and get back to you

Me: Sure. Thank you

-Next day-

Recruiter : so you can create an Android application right

Me: yes but using web technologies not JAVA

Recruiter : ok your interview is scheduled on x date and you will get an email

Me: ok cool. Thanks

-Interview day-

Interviewer : so lets start with the technical round, tell me what are Fragments

Me: :| i know what is a Fragment but I am not a native developer but Hybrid application developer like in phonegap - cordova using javascript

Interviewer: ohh but our App is in native Android and native IOS

Me: da faq :| (why the fuck did you call me then)

Interviewer : nice meeting you man

Me: :|||

- Next day same Recruiter again called me-

Recruiter : So how was your Interview?

Me: Actually they are looking for native developer, i told you i dont work on native

Recruiter : So your interview WENT BAD!

ME: What da FUCK :||||||

-Again same day after sometime-

Recruiter : So can you make Apps for IOS?

Me: What the fuckin fuck... :|||||||¦

Things happened this year so far in chronological order:

Applied to PhD and got all rejected

Graduated without a job because I thought the last event wouldn’t happen

Decided to take more shots at universities in Europe and Canada

Paper got published and got best paper honorable mention

Interviewed by couple professors and the one in Canada seems to be interested in me

School in Canada, which rejected me before, reopened my case for review

Bank account got closed because my parents transferred me some money to support my unemployment ass and bank thought it was a fraud

The review process took so long I got hopeless and thought, if I end up writing webpages for other people, why not doing it now? And did two webpages which are in my previous rant, pretty good and highly recommended imo

Canada school promised a date but didn’t follow that date, depression attack

Finally sent them an email and got an answer saying the admission approved my application and they are working on paper work. But I still don’t believe it because I’m paranoid

Got an email from a professor today confirming they are doing paper work and I should receive official paper soon.

You can see the dramatic ups and downs, but in the end, guess I’m going to Toronto for phd

I had a very informal interview/information session with a hot girl earlier this week.

Being the #foreveralone type, I'm calling it a date with a hot girl, when I tell my family about it. 😍

We scheduled a follow-up session for next week, which will be even more informal than before. Now it'll be more like a date, and I won't feel so bad telling people she liked me enough to go on a second date. 🙃

What can I say, I take what I can get. 🤗

She: What's your idea about perfect date ?
Me: I'll recommend mm/dd/yyyy.. others are really confusing
.
.
***Blocked***

Me: ok, we're 4 days from launch, here's the most up-to-date version of the app, and here's what's been added since yesterday.
Client: ok, looking good, still needs a little more here and here.
Me: yes we've made note of that an-
Client: oh ya, and that thing that's been in there since day 1, take that out.
Me: oh, ok, we're gonna need so-
Client: and that thing we specifically asked for, take that out too.
Me: that's fine bu-
Client: oh, and add a fucking Christmas wreath for them to jump through.

App nearing completion. Code tested, everything's working fine. Ready for release.

The client just calls me and tells me that they have decided to turn the app into two separate ones. Should not be a problem, you developers must have some tricks for that, according to the client. Of course, the release date remains unchanged.

Clients!, finally understand that there's no secret button for turning an app into two separate ones.

FUCKING FUCK! THE TEAM LEAD WANTS ME TO MAKE AN UNNECESSARY UPDATE, AND IN THAT TOO HE WANTS TO IMPLEMENT A HALF ASSED FEATURE. Upon telling him what it takes(which he doesn't understand shit about cuz he's not from webdev background and has the level of experience that I had when I was midway my first webdev book), not to mention that he hasn't even seen the code of the project I've worked upon, which I got from an intern they fired last year cuz of not working and shitting around everywhere in the code(I asked if we could start afresh and he says that it'll take too much time - guess what, it took us two extra weeks already cuz of that and half of our required features can't be implemented cuz the code is beyond any hope), he tells me that "The client won't need this feature, but we're thinking of more and more features to provide (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK).
Okay, you wanna sell your product; fine. I suggested that if we're letting the client select the time stamp on the initial date, then we should let him select the time stamp on the ending date too, right?
"No, we'll not provide this feature" ARE YOU FUCKING BONKERS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH YOU?!?!
I'll have to make major breaking changes in the code, for which I'm not the only one working on. Great.
This, coupled with the fact that he speaks unbelievably slow and it's so irritating cuz he repeats himself thrice.

What happens(has already happened), when he'll show this to the seniors, he'll say that this is either unnecessary/will suggest a major change, which WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH FUCKING BETTER IF TOLD BEFORE I START WITH THE CHANGE, YOU FUCKING CUNTS

I thought this would be fun. Well fuck me.

Me:
- Few days ago: Orders thinkpad
- Now: Checks email
- Sees shipping email from lenovo
*YES! Earlier than expected ship date by a full week*
- Opens email
- Package only contains the additional charger that I had ordered, I can't even use it without the laptop

*facepalm*

First and last time I used tinder, the guy figured that I know sOmeThIng aBoUt Co_0mpUters and asked me to fix some stuff on his website. I can't complain, it was the least boring part of this "date". And free coffee.
tinder.delete();

Client A: "I understand that we need to extend the due date for the project, but why we need pay extra for that?"

Me: "Because my people and I need money to survive as well...."

Dutch devRant meeting.

The current idea is:
Place: The Hague
Starting date: Saturday the 21th of October.
Ending date: Sunday the 22th for the ones who'd like or just Saturday for the ones who'd like that more.
Spot/place within the hague: (help me out here people)

People can get their own sleeping accommodation. Please ask if you cant find anything :).

So for now remains as main point: when/what time!

Share your throughts in the comments.

The developer's date
-----------------------------------
Me working as a developer, after a date with a cute girl
Bestie: Bro, how was the date?
Me: We cant be in a relationship.
Bestie: Why man? She is cute, she likes you and she has got a decent job.
Me: Yeah the third one is the problem. She is a SOFTWARE TESTER!!!😫

I fucking hate it when developers don’t respect user locale. My phone language is UK English, my Discord app language is UK English and my region is UK.

Then why the fuck is Discord showing me MM/DD/YYYY date format? How hard is it to pass locale when parsing time?

I'm extremely lucky I'm not violent person. What happened today for some reason just completely pissed me off. I'm not sure why it got under my skin so much, but I feel completely disrespected.

I went to our marketing person's office to discuss a basic requirement for our api. Very simply, we have a lot of old shitty date that doesn't have a lot of fields filled out (worse yet, some are simply bogus values like crazy random dates and whatnot).

She put in a ticket claiming our most recent change started changed the creation dates to be empty. Easy enough to disprove, because the marketing software we have shows a records of all the edits for each contact, and if it came from our api it'll be labeled as "Web API". So of course I check the example contacts she give us, and there's no history of changes, meaning they never had the date to begin with (which is correct, as until now we didn't track creation date WHICH IS NOT MY DECISION. So dude 10 years ago probably made that decision).

So I start asking what exactly we're using it for. She does an absolutely horrible job of describing it and keeps telling me "no you absolutely have to be able to do all this, it's our requirements". By "this" she wants me to magically give all these contacts correct creation dates after the fact.

Eventually she gets the whole campaign idea out and I point, politely, that they're probably violating GDPR. She starts yelling saying her and her boss have been doing marketing for years and they know what they're doing. So I (less politely this time) said that's fine, I just want to talk with her boss to make sure he understands he's in the grey area and that if I'm the one building this, I'm kind of liable as well.

She clearly didn't like that, but I thought whatever, let's just agree on some requirements and I'll pass it on to my boss (who genuinely shits on her every single day and is constantly saying she never knows what she's doing).

So I go back , do some work. A little later I have to go print something off which is next to her office. Her door is shut, but I can hear her from down the hall yelling at someone about the conversation we just had. She actually starts mocking me. Doing the "stupid person" voice. This goes on for longer than our conversation.

Like I said, I know I'm right and she's just venting because she doesn't want to admit she's made a mistake. But for some reason it just completely broke me. I'm new but up until this point everyone had been pretty open about how they feel about me and my co-worker. But she just didn't need to go that bloody far.

Find super interesting forum thread from 2015 with intelligent discussion about deep technical stuff.

Creating forum account, thinking about contributing to ongoing discussion with code samples, findings, hypotheses, and some open questions.

Browse to last post, is from late 2016, from moderator:

READ FORUM RULES DO NOT POST IN OLD THREADS LOCKING THIS

Me: 😡😤😠 WHO THE FUCK CAME UP WITH THE SHITRULE THAT A DISCUSSION HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE? IF I COULD REACH THROUGH THE SCREEN RIGHT INTO 2016, I'D PUNCH YOU THROUGH THE ROOF OF YOUR MOTHER'S BASEMENT. NO ONE LOVES YOU, YOU USELESS MOTHERFUCKING CUNT OF A MODERATOR.

I bought flowers for my date. Online.
When I registered, the website send me via email my 30 character long password.

😥

So I try "forgot password". The genius website sent me, guess what, my 30 character long password...

For fuck sakes!!!! You had one job.... Hash the fucking password!!!!

I'm afraid these people will probably get hacked soon (murphy law).

Sha256.. Guys please...

Interviewer: what would you say your biggest accomplishments to date are?

Me: ............*thinking* I made that kick-ass sandwich that one time!

You fucking son of a bitch!

First you make me do a project in two fucking months, and that's a fucking job-load for only one dev to deliver a SPA with payments and whatsoever.

Then you pushed me to accelerate deployment date and there I am, getting tired and using time I don't have.

But oh no, you prick, that wasn't enough, you had to do just one thing. YOU HAD TO DO ONE FUCKING THING!

What's that? Oh, sorry, I thought I overheard that you wanted to accept online payments but YOU'RE NOT FUCKING SIGNED UP, YOUR BUSSINESS IS NOT LEGAL UNTIL YOU REGISTER IT.

Motherfucker, I can't do anything, you better fucking register your bussiness if you want this to work the way it's supposed to do.

Me: Boss, i am not qualified for this. This is something totally different that what i do.
Boss: Just do what you can.
* Me does something which seems to work*
-- A few months or even years later:
Boss: Our distributed systems don't longer work. What happened?
Me, after checking different system: Oh, there is a key that expired. I didn't know this key had an expire date. So they can no longer connect.

Turns out we have to visit every remote system (driving distance of a few 100's km) and set a new key. We couldn't do it remotely since we lost access.

Maybe, just maybe, when your employee says he isn't qualified for a task, listen and search someone that know what he is doing.

*On a date*
Girl: What's the most daring thing you've ever done ?
Me: Once I accidentally ran sudo rm -rf /*
Girl: That's hot !

When a JavaScript date has gone bad,
“Don’t call me, I’ll callback you. I promise

Why anyone would hardcode the copyright date in their website footer is beyond me...

When a PM assigns me something with a due date of the same day

Got an email earlier this week. It went something like this:

"It looks like your team still hasn't delivered the logging and monitoring solution that we asked for. Can you get it done in time for our production deployment next Friday?"

Um, wait, excuse me, WHAT?

1. You never actually asked for the thing you claim we didn't deliver. In fact, when we brought up the fact that you should probably have some monitoring set up for your servers, you said it would be handled entirely by your own team.
2. I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS PROJECT FOR SIX MONTHS WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOUR DEADLINE UNTIL NOW
3. I won't even have time to start working on this until the Monday after your prod deployment date. Sorrynotsorry.

I really shouldn't be surprised though. This project has been a clusterfuck from the very beginning so this is just par for the course.

Missing the first entry date for university was probably the best thing that happened to me.

Got to work full time and show off my expertise in "reallife scenarios" for nearly a year.

Best experience i could've made until now.

Boss: You have one month to finish the program.
Me: It will be complicated but lets see how it goes.
To be cleared the end date is 2 of July.

Boss on the last friday: You have to finish on the 20th of June
Me: Yeah sure....

Boss yesterday: You have to finish on the 15th of June.
Me: You said one month.

Boss today: you have to finish by the end of this week
Me: No problem Boss you will have it tomorrow!!!
Boss: You have to. There are more projects waiting...
Me: -.-

This is what I have to deal with. But hey... don't forget... tomorrow is a new day so ... fuck it.

date me dead.

Description of a Bug in JIRA:
Hi guys, there is "another" bug :-))))))!!!! :-((( with the customer list:
- The list of Customers (**which one? we have 4 fucking lists **) is sorted by Name, not by Birthday date (**wait, it's a sortable table, with a sortable name, city ,zip column, it's not sorted by birthday because the birthday column was not even required **)
- If I click on the details I see some data missing (**which data? which customer? there are thousands of them and most work**)
- In addition the arrow on the right is too small, can you make it a little bigger (**excuse me**)?
- I also need to export everything in excel.

Categorised as: Bug

Moron. You are part of a League of Morons...

An ex of mine broke up with me when I changed my career path to programming. She said she wouldn't want to date with a programmer, I said 'ok bye'.

Guess who has a better career and dated with smarter, nicer, more funny and more attractive people since then 😎

Well, if your tests fails because it expects 1557525600000 instead of 1557532800000 for a date it tells you exactly: NOTHING.

Unix timestamp have their point, yet in some cases human readability is a feature. So why the fuck don't you display them not in a human readable format?

Now if you'd see:

2019-05-10T22:00:00+00:00

vs the expected

2019-05-11T00:00:00+00:00

you'd know right away that the first date is wrong by an offset of 2 hours because somebody fucked up timezones and wasn't using a UTC calculation.

So even if want your code to rely on timestamps, at least visualize your failures in a human readable way. (In most cases I argue that keeping dates as an iso string would be JUST FUCKING FINE performance-wise.)

Why do have me parse numbers? Show me the meaningful data.

Timestamps are for computers, dates are for humans.

Story: Fastest I got a freelance/contract job
Company: *sends me an email that we saw you on GitHub, your profile is good and blah blah openings etc, if you are interested provide phone and suitable time.
*On call* starters conversation done in 2 minutes
C: how much experience do you have in blah blah frameworks
Me: x months
C: can you do blah blah work
Me: yeah
C: we want you to join from blah blah date and we can pay you x much money
Me: alright thanks, send me the formalities.

I really hate designers who get worked up over a few pixels difference between their mockup and the end result.

I really, really, really, really, thoroughly despise designers who get worked up over a few pixels when they keep changing the mockup without notifying me, when we're already *weeks* past our intended launch date.

Shove those pixels up your ass, you fucking fuck

Peopleee of devRant!
It's been a year, I missed the date

I got to know lots of people, it has been an interesting year... certainly
Thanks anyways
To every ++er, to the people I now call my friends

I'm still a student at uni, still bad at stuff, still an embarrassing mess, it is best to not mind me hehe

My boss back in 2013 asked me to figure out why he was getting birthday notifications from his pet social media project almost a week early. It turns out the previous developers had written their own date library in which every month had exactly 30 days, leading to a year that was 5–6 days short of what it should have been. Apparently those morons didn’t know that some months have a different number of days than others. Or that leap years are a thing. Or that there’s a standard library full of tried-and-true functions that handle these kinds of things for you.

I found out that not many people know Floating for YouTube extension

I personally use it to watch confs when i am doing easy stuff

Help me stay up to date ( it's distracting so i turn it off when i have to concentrate)

Hope it helps someone!

I gave you a nice date picker to use but instead you choose to type in the date. Type in an incorrect date and then yell at me for it. If I could enter the dates for you , you would not have a job .... stupid users

You fucking dense motherfucker of a professor. You mentally disabled shit-eater. You fucking perfectly know that I have been offered a very good position in a company I really wanted to work at and you fucking force me to stay and wait for the next graduation date to make me get my fucking degree. Just because you offered me a PhD position and I didn't want it.
I sincerely hope you lose all your prestige. Fucking choke with a big ass cock in your throath, eat your own vomit disgusting piece of shit. You are a fucking 60yo child. You have no respect for people work, you always want more. Get cancer fucking animal.

HOLY SHIT HANG URSELF

Q: Tell me what date types do you know.
A: Excuse me!? Date types?
Q: Eh, I see you didn't get it...

A dev's love story

I first met WebStorm but found her too fat, I wanted a lighter editor to live some JavaScript romance with... I had a date with SublimeText and fell in love with her immediatly. I swore I would NEVER change for anybody else, everything was wonderfull !

Someday, I opened myself to other Typescripted perspectives, I had new projects in life. A coworker introduced me to VSCode. She looked like Sublime, but more convenient. She was easier to use, perfect to achieve my goals. She was also more organized with my files and her beautiful colors made me crazy. But recently, I got mad at her. VScode became slow to understand each of my moves and even threatened me to exit all the time...

I tried to come back visit my Sublime, my real first love. But I knew it would never be like before.

Now I'm here, alone. I don't know what to do with my life. If only I could fall in love again, I don't know if people can help me get out of this hole.

The END

[Me on a first date]
So do you also think password less ssh can never be safe enough?

My step mother told me she has an old laptop from which she wanted to extract the email address book. I highly doubt of them (less than 20) are still up to date. Some of them are from dead ISPs 😰

I'm honestly surprised about the immediate respond times and that it still works pretty well.

The devrant april fools actually got me, completely stopped for a second and had to look three times, until realizing the date, I already thought my sleep schedules are coming to get me

A : "The log tables of the licenses is broken, fix it"

Me : "But who ever made this didn't make a relation between master log table and the detailed one. I can't get anything from details table"

A : "There is a relation .. "

Me : "What ?"

A : "The date entry of each record"

Me : "I Quit"

A month ago. The code for a feature was removed because my boss thought it would not be required. When that was done, a lot of regression testing was done and a lot of code was changed all over the code base. And those changes were merged to main branch along with a bunch of other changes.

But now, he wants me to put that feature back just as the release date is approaching. It's just a humongous waste of time. Now I need to find where all the tentacles of that bloody feature reach and manually put back the code. And the bloody testing needs to be done all over again.

When will I get to stop dealing with these kind of people.

Recently met this girl and she told me that she had gone on a date with another Software Engineer recently.
I asked her why it didn't work out..
She told that he started every single sentence with "I am going to assume that you know nothing about this" and went on to explain the most boring shit while assuming that she was a dumbass.
To the poor Software Engineer, you missed out on a great gal.

I rather be home coding than going on this date. What's wrong with me?!

So...Worked my butt off to have a website developed by a certain date client and I agreed on. Finished the site 3 weeks ago and sent dev link. Client has been completely silent; unreachable by email (I sent 5 in past 3 weeks) and phone (left 2 voicemails and a message with his receptionist today). In ALL five emails I told him I needed the email addresses he wants used to route his sales leads to...Got nada.

So today I seen that the lead forms have been tested on the website. Dude can't get back to me for 3 effing weeks, BUT can test his lead forms.. You know, without the lead email addresses that i asked for 5x. Ugh, idiot!!!

Bout to go on a first date with this girl I been vibing with for a week and I am like getting seriously anxious like wtf. There’s no bug harder than dealing with what’s going on my head rn. Pray for me 🙏🏾

Tonight is my school's prom and I'm the only one of my friends that's not going. My original date cancelled on me and the other one ended up getting a boyfriend and cancelled too. Oh well.

(Am I capable of posting about something other than my personal life? Holy fuck I don't have many posts that aren't about my personal shit)

My work is LITERALLY cock blocking me.

My wife and I scheduled a lunch 'date' at 12:30. At 12:10, I foolishly thought "Eh I'll check in my changes, I'm 95% sure everything will be fine". Wouldn't you know it, after compiling for 7 minutes, the build server throws an error complaining about package compatibility, which locally is just a warning. Now I have to babysit the good damn build.

I seriously thought about bolting and just dealing with it after lunch, but I'm a good little developer.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Coded all night long
Please date me

I work for a bank and every production release date it's a chaos... Like, for real, devs running to get their stories approved by the testing team and last minute scope changes that, if not made, would make the whole app fail (real shitty management as you can see).

Longstoryshort, a dev didn't finished one of his stories and create 7 major bugs with another... Today that was my breakfast, took me 4 hours and get it all done and approved... We didn't make the release tho, but I scored some major points with this.

Funny thing, tomorrow I'm telling my PM I'll leave the company for a better job, so that will be their breakfast.

Recent covo
Me; wow!! I love this phone 😍😍
My girlfriend: Then date it. Leave me 😣

Wanted to date this girl Winnie but she kept reminding me of windows every time she texted.
I hate being reminded about exes.

"why do you like computers more than women" was a question my dad asked me today. that was a fucking curveball lemme tell ya

turns out my dad thinks i'm sexually attracted to computers as i don't flirt with women nor do I date.

I don't have a car, I don't have money, I like an hour from town, I have no charisma and I look like an unevenly-melted candle someone dropped into a bag of shaved 5 o'clock stubble. Of course I don't talk to people IRL.

!rant

Conversation between [C]oworker and... some kind of customer-side [P]roject manager.

P: Hey, our release 2.0 is ready, but somehow I can't add tag to master. Could you try, please?
C: Yeah, sure.... Done... We are missing tag for 1.2 still, should we add it?
P: Oh, right, I forgot about that.
C: Ok, found merge... Done.
P: *displaying repo in GitBlit* Uh, now the order is wrong. And date is the same. Can we do something about that?
Me: We can just push that tag with replaced date. *just guessing*
P&C: You can do that??
Me: Sure
Me.thinking: Thats git... I would be suprised if we could not.
Me: *pushing tag* Check it now.
P: Whoa, nice!

I wrote an app (took all morning until now) that tells me which shows and movies Amazon removed from Prime...

I forget why I wanted this... was it just to screw with Amazon because they rejected me....

The app is also going to tell me what movies/shows were added because they can't fucking sort them in chronological order by release date. I don't want movies from pre-1990s that were recently added...

Yes I could search for them manually but it's too fuckin tedious, gotta turn on like 10 filtering options...

And maybe I just want to run mini-DDOS attacks on their servers...

fren: do you have a date this valentines?

me: nah fam

fren: what u doin rn

me: [Insert technical explanation of Kubernetes here]

fren: [goes offline]

My company con not find any other developer than me.
I could not understand.
We use only up to date libraries in our projects.
Please note the comment private properties...

So I just lost my job because I wasn't 'working hard enough'.

I'm the hardest working person there, everyone else just stands around and talks, but they don't do anything because they're union members (I'm agency so I'm not) and the union follows up on the smallest things.

That would be bad but not earth shattering if I had savings, was up to date on rent, didn't have the bank and various loan companies hounding me, and I still possessed the will to live, but that's not the case.

I'm sick of this constant barrage of shit that the world is chucking me and I just want to go lie down on the train lines and wait now. Fuck this world and the shit it constantly gives me :'(

PM: "Please try to prioritize this request that we made last Friday at 5pm over all your other high priority stuff we know you're busy and we should have requested this 3 months ago... but now we need to deliver next week and well we need it"

5 minutes later "When can you deliver that?"
Another 5 minutes later "Sorry can you give me that delivery date? We REALLY need it"

Well maybe if you leave me in peace and I can concentrate on my job rather than answering silly requests I can make up an idea of how much time I need to deliver... but of course I'm just a code monkey, I press some randome keys and the magic happens.

There it is!! First date fuckup due to the 'happy new year' thingy..
I am surprised it took me so long! xD

Amazing client.

Want to add parallax effect to whole website (yes I also don't understand) after everything is done and final.

After they have moved up the launch date.

After they have asked me to also do the data entry not only the development.

After I specifically asked for ssh access, PHP7+ server and then they asked me to deploy it to their shared hosting through cpanel.

After ...

After ....

After .....

Your data is formatted according to some ISO? Nice. You say it's easy to use and well documented? Great!

IT'S FUCKING FORMATTED WITH IRREGULAR SPACING??

What the fuck is this formatting?

Date <tab> Word <3 spaces> Some conjugated version <ONE space> Type <FIVE spaces> gender

WHAT
WHY
WHY ISNT IT XML
WHY ISNT IT JSON
WHY THE TABULATOR AND IRREGULAR SPACES
WHY DOES THE ORDER CHANGE PER LINE
WHY IS THIS IN A SINGLE 1MIL LINE FILE

help the university of oslo makes me dysphoric in their dictionaries i really dont want to parse this

When your "product owner" just doesn't listen...

Skype conversation:

PO: What format will the dates need to be in for the csv file upload?
Me: Just tell them YYYY-MM-DD
PO: ok

Two weeks later...

PO: there is a bug in the csv file upload! The dates aren't being picked up
Me: ok will have a look, send me through an example date the are using
PO: ok, example date 12/03/1990

FFS! 😡

Company: we are using java8, i dont know, are you up to date with java?

Me: ....i use java11

She: What's your idea of perfect date?

Me: UNIX epoch time ;)

4th grade. My parents left for the night and got a babysitter for me and my younger siblings. The babysitter showed me a game she likes in IE. You could make an account, raise a digital pet, a "neopet," play flash games for points to buy items from other users who listed them in their own stores that had custom css/html, including bg music. This was the first time I had really witnessed what the web could look like. Animated tiled gif bgs really amazed me so I took to google with which I discovered sites where one could copy css and html snippets for themes. I stored each new html tag I discovered via w3cschools.com in a powerpoint where the snippets I found were pasted somewhere randomly in the ppt. From there I learned html, CSS, and a billion other things. To date I've made websites, apps with several langs in win/Linux/osx/Android (but not ios yet). I've managed servers, and databases , and DNS records. I've in even ran website with 100k requests a day.

Node: Will you go out on a date with me ?

JavaScript: Where?

Node: Outside the browser.

JavaScript and Node lived together happily ever after.

*** After marriage ***

Node: What is wrong with you? Why don’t you let me EXPRESS my feeling?

JavaScript: Stop overREACTing.

Node: You never want to understand my point of Vue.

User: This web page form is too hard to use and is prone to have wrong data filled out.

Me: Uh...ok. Here is a redesign. You literally fill out one text field and a date picker.

User: Oh this is great, thanks.

*checks the database and the very first entry they created had the wrong date.*

Fuck me.

Guy I work with messaging me: Hey could you check my SQL syntax to get the date part for the month and year.

Me thinking: Ughhh this is going to be something stupid I know it. Why doesn't he just check it himself?

I check it... 2 queries that are very, very, very... simple... and similar except one returns last year (2017) and the other returns the current year (2018)

Me: Not sure what your issue is... I'm not getting any syntax errors. They are executing

Him: Well it shouldn't show 2017, it should show 2018

Me thinking: learn to debug you lazy fuck

Me: Well you're adding a -1 to your year...(Not sure why your even adding to it if your just getting the current month and year)

Him: Oh you're correct! That makes sense

Waste of my time

I needed a new laptop to work/study and found a suitable one on Lenovo's website...
25th of july :
- "your order has been placed... blablabla.. it will take approximately from 1 to 2 weeks to prepare and 3-5 days shipping.."
- hum... Ok.. seems long to just put RAM and SSD inside my laptop but alright..

31st of july :
- "unfortunately your order has been delayed, the new shipping date is estimated for August, 14"
- Fuck ! Ill be patient then.. hopefully it'll be ready earlier than that..

10th of August :
- "unfortunately your order has been delayed, the new shipping date is estimated for september, 7"
- WHAT THE FU.. ?!? YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER, HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO PUT 8 FUCKING GIGS OF RAM AND AN SSD PLEASE TELL ME ?!? IS IT A JOKE OR WHAT ?! I FLY ABROAD THE 17TH OF SEPTEMBER YOU BETTER SHIP MY LAPTOP IN TIME !!

I'm really mad now and thinking of cancelling the order.. I might have no time to test the laptop before flying.. FUCK !!

Someone just overwrote 2 weeks of work in SVN because they don't understand merging.

When they did an update before committing they ignored the conflicts and tried to build their work.

But wait it won't build if their are conflicts, I know I'll just copy this backup over the checkout and check that in instead.

It took me over an hour tho fix this fucktard's mistake and I still don't think they understand what they did wrong. Their supposed to have 40+ years of experience.

In the end it turned out they wanted to change about 10 lines. They had checked in files that they didn't even change, they were just out of date compared to trunk.

Today I had what might have been my worst job interview to date. It had many different technical, cultural, and business red flags. One that really stuck out to me was when I asked my interviewer why he loves his job, he went on about how great the benefits and events are. Not a single word about the work he does or his teammates. A younger me would have seen this as an opportunity to put in some hard work and contribute to something great. Older me knows to avoid this dumpster fire like the goddamn plague.

A chick asked how much I earn, and I politely declined to answer.

She seemed annoyed and insisted, nudging me by saying how much she earns.

Again I told her I'd rather not say.

She got mad, started trying to emotionally blackmail me into telling her my salary...

This must be a red flag cuz I don't give two fucks about how much money people I date earn/have and expect them to either respect or share my view

It's killing me.

This senior keeps doing all his fixes in the the same branch (named "develop-copy-{hisname}") and keeps merging it directly into develop and deployment branches. He has a lot of experience and therefore the manager gave him direct access to the branch.

The problem will arise when the QA team sends back one of the issues in the release back for changes. This never happened till date (his fixes are early and we vet all in-team changes, therefore he gets time to clean up his mess before the release date) but someday this will bite us in the ass.

I'm really unsure about ratting him out to the manager but I couldn't convince him to use separate branches (or separate commits) for different fixes. I couldn't convince him to add JIRA links/numbers into the commit messages either.

And, the junior devs I manage are getting inspired by him, and won't listen to me when I try to enforce separate branches, creating a political mess (probably I'm kinda like a contractor and they are permanent employees).

Sucks.

* Got a date *
She : I'm a programmer.
Me : wow that's great! Which language do ya prefer to code?
SHE : HTML .

* And that's where I ran away *

Just got a ticket reassigned to me from another employee leaving the company. The "Days to Due Date" field says -964.

It's for a very simple task that takes max 2 hours. Contacted the guy who created the ticket and it's still needed.

Excuse me what the fuck.

Dear Identity Providers, Never ask for "favorite teacher" or "mother’s maiden name." Security questions are among the worst ideas in security to date. If you insist, at least let me provide my own questions!

Another unrealistic deadline from our non-software developer PM.
He agreed to client upon delivery of a complete system consisting of 4 micro-services in Node and 4 front-end Angular application integrated with each micro-service accordingly.

Project Delivery date is December 31. I have told him It is impossible to deliver complete solution on December 31.
Now he wants me & my team to come to office even on weekends.
What an idiot !

I need to invent time travel so I can go back to Friday morning and slap my past self for thinking that Linux From Scratch might be a fun weekend project. I should've gone to bed four hours ago and instead I've been shouting at LLVM.

It really makes me appreciate the hard work that Linux distro maintainers put in to keep all the pieces up-to-date and compatible with each other. I already want to put my fist through my monitor and I'm only trying to maintain a single virtual machine.

Fuck this shit, I'm done, mentally broken. I am trying to setup some basic Java project using buck. Their build times looked super promising and I wanted to migrate my multi module maven project to it.

I am currently working on it for FIVE hours now. And this fucking piece of SHIT doesn't work as I want it to. WTF FACEBOOK, IS IT SO HARD TO WRITE PROPER DOCUMENTATION THAT IS NOT OUT OF DATE?! People warned me, I ignored them. FML.

The time I used to try to get the repo working could have been used to build the project 250 times -.-

We were forced to do a Friday deploy of a new project. I, smartly, decided to bring my laptop with me on a "couples date". I spent the entire evening trying to fix a screwed up deploy from a restaurant.

Wife was NOT happy.

I will never understand the need people have to lie about their knowledge or make shit up. Seriously am I the only one to despise that ?!

If you don’t know about something stop trying to make shit up on the go, it’s useless and it will give the wrong idea to people listening to you thinking you know what you’re talking about.

Last example in date:
Me: Here’s this cool repo I found, it’s a discord client implemented in cpp, so it runs natively
Techbro: oh cool, hey @everyone you should download this, it runs natively so there will be no leaks like the normal client

😤

I love you git reflog <3

so i ordered free samples of microcontrollers because i didnt want to waste money... in the receipt, i saw Oct 28, 2017 and im like oh cool i guess ill receive it on that date.

today they sent me an email saying they have already shipped the package today and im like wtf why just now and i looked over the receipt again and saw:

SHIPMENT DATE: October 28, 2017

i swear to god i flippes shit because it may actually arrive in a month or two and the project has to be submitted in a month. goddamit and there is no other way! i have to buy it :(( the worst part of it is that i have another set of microcontrollers TO BE SHIPPED in January. theyre for the next project which should be submitted in January.

lesson: TIME IS FUCKING GOLD. if u want free sample, order them at least 3 months before u start the project.

Let me tell you why I feel like a shit right now. I work as sw dev in a country worse than Germany and company I interviewed is located in Germany. So this is kinda big deal for me.

I interviewed with the company last year, interview went really well. They told me during interview that they would return in 2 weeks tops. It took 2 months for them tor return. For some reason, I was not hired for that position. Later I learned that the division i was gonna work defunded/separated. After learning that the guy I interviewed really tried hard to give me good news but failed-therefore had to delay bad news, I was not sad for not being able to be accepted for that position or delayed response.

Fast forward to this year, I interviewed with the same company for a position as subcontractor employee on another company. Interview took just before Coronavirus situation started to blow up(mid March), I had to return to my home country when the borders were closed asap, 2 day after interview. Fast forward to May I got the job offer and contract with a good salary, July as starting date. But I have no Visa and you apply for visa with a valid contract. German embassies work at minimum capacity, no new applications for any type of visa including work/residence visa. After my serious research I found a crack, emailed the embassy and they finally agreed to give me a special appointment on the start of July. The company I interviewed sent me new contract(August starting date) automatically.

On mid July, I told the company that visa might not come soon enough, I might not make it to August to start to job. We both agreed to replan starting date once i got the Visa.

On August 6, my visa came. I informed them asap, and they told me the other company will return in 3 weeks with new starting date. I was like WTF we were waiting for this visa for months, why do you need 3 weeks. Anyways, 3 weeks past and the other company still did not give any new starting date. I really feel like shit right now. Last week I asked to the "my" company if there is a problem with my employment(the other company might change plans after all) and they said only starting date is the problem, don't worry. On 3 occasions, they reassured me there was no problem(no, I was not asking them like paranoiac obsessive person, they were preemptively saying it in some cases). They say other company employees were really asking about when I was coming frequently.

What should one do in such situation. Do I even have legal rights? Maybe I will look back at this post and laugh at my paranoia, but I would you random internet citizens' ideas on this situation. They say lightning does not strike twice to same point but living same disappointment with the same company would really hurt. rant over, mamba out.

What's your idea of a perfect date?

Me: dd/MM/yyyy is okay, other format is confusing.

My partner asking me about the code he's working on. This is what happens when two programmers date each other. This was more of an issue when we were both in college, but it still sometimes comes up on occasion.

I know I can't be the only one thinking safari is the new IE, like "it has to work on safari" makes me way more sad than "it has to work on edge"

IE is default unsupported in my company

This time around I figured out that fucking safari can't work properly with dates!

Like:
new Date("2019-05-16 11:00") // won't work
new Date("2019/05/06 11:00") // will work
new Date("16/05/2019 11:00") // won't work
new Date("11/05/2019 11:00") // will work, but it's November the 5th

Ok, the last 2 bugs are due to English&American who can't understand how dates work, but still... WHY IS SAFARI THE ONLY DIFFERENT ONE?

Had anyone experienced with an impatient boss who require you to complete the project in the month you just recently got hired?

Here's the story, I recently got hired by a company, joined on 1st April 2022, the boss expect me to complete the app for Android and iOS by the end of this month. (An e-commerce applications exactly like shopee.com) Without providing me the Backend ApI , that they mentioned. They just gave me a and expect me to know what's happening at the backend.

He require me to give him a specific date that I can launch the app to play store and Apple store. (From my experience, it take days, weeks or months). He need a milestone of what I need , did , and will do (which predictably that they will reject any new ideas proposed) .

I even considering to quit, but I need opinions. Am I just too sensitive or there's something wrong?

College male computer science student here:

Even when I find attractive girls who want to date me, the thought of it stresses me out. In reality if I can truly chat and have a good time with a girl she has been friend zoned.

Advice anyone?

Someone else always have git log like this??
Or just me? 😂 ;-)

commit 6e71f545c3
Author: ShellAddicted
Date: Sat Sep 9 02undefined21 2017

it Works!!!

commit 6ac2c98bf
Author: ShellAddicted
Date: Sat Sep 9 01undefined47 2017

works more or less

commit 411b8e12
Author: ShellAddicted
Date: Sat Sep 9 00undefined00 2017

Initial state not working.

EDIT:
I just noticed that devrantron modified (bug) my rant (see the undefined in times)

Boss: How long will it take to finish the project?

Me: (Gives date for finishing dev and deployment.)

Boss: great, sound reasonable.

Me: ...

Boss: wait. Aren't you on vacation the two weeks after that.

Me: jup.

Boss: yeah we are not doing that again. Client can wait another two weeks.

Before someone says no Boss/PM is like that, he was/is a developer too so discussing deadlines and efforts is usually pretty relaxed since he knows our codebase and how long it takes to do things.

My new favourite commit message:

"All changes as of 18th Sept"

How tremendously useful? There I was looking to know what changes were made to enable a feature / service, thought I could look for that in the commit message, but no you've given me a much more efficient way of finding out.

I simply need to download the contents of your memory, find out what date you made a change, and then dig through the massive commit to find the piece of info I need.

Forget experience using Git features, managing merges, following Git flow, or even any other SCM ... how can people be so tick when it comes to recording what they've done.

Heres a little cheat sheet for those struggling:

- Commit message
Describe what you actually ****ing did. Don't tell me the date or the time, thankfully Git records those. Don't tell me the day of the week, if I need to know I can figure that out, just tell me what ... you ... did.

- Feature branch names
Now this is a tricky one. You might be surprised to know that this isn't in fact suppose to be whatever random adjective or noun popped into your head ... I know, I too was shocked. The purpose of this is to let other people know what new feature is being worked on in this branch.

- Reusing feature branches
Now I know you started it to add some unit tests, and naming it "testing" is sort of ok. But its actually not ok to name it testing when you add 3 unit tests ... then rip out and replace 60% of the business logic. Perhaps it would have been wiser to create a new feature branch, given you are now working on a new feature.

I HATE NETBEANS.
Why the fuck is it's interface so out of date.
I just had to increase its font size and took me half an hour just to find the option to do that.

Why Gmail. Why the fuck do your search parameters, especially your date filters, not work anywhere near as expected.

You make me have to query and test, query and test, just, randomly fucking guessing because, fuck it, right?

With a good 10 second refresh time. I love twiddling my thumbs and pulling my hair out.

after:2018/11/1 should produce emails from Nov 1st onward.

Not, TODAY ONLY, if no other parameters are
specified.

If there's a from: parameter, now we want to do after Nov 1st, right?

And also, don't show me how to sort in reverse order, either. Not without a complete rewrite of my class there, which clearly I'm too lazy to do right now.

Fuck the Gmail Api, responsible for weeks of wasted dev time... or more aptly put, "fuck devs using our gmail api" says the maniacal, sociopath devils that created it

fuckers.

An actual email thread:

G: I need this done

Me: okay. Whats the priority, when's the due date, who are the stakeholders, what's the sensitivity level of the data?

G: Priority is ASAP, due date is ASAP, stakeholders are ALL OF IT, and i want to be able to control the data sensitivity level

...

Those arent ANSWERS; they're REQUESTS!!!

Q: Whom would you like to date?
Me: Carbon (**whispers in mind** carbon dating and laughs all alone)

I hate hate hate React! Sorry but to me it's just such a bloated pos of a framework. I realize it was pretty revolutionary at first, the idea of having everything "reactive" and all of that - but newer things like Svelte.js are a dream to work with, whereas trudging through the poorly coded React app I'm supposed to be testing for work is making me want to pull my hair out! I installed a vscode tool so everybody could see what the import "cost" is on everything - a simple INPUT is 50KB of pure BLOAT for something that should and can be way simpler.

I realize there are probably better coded apps out there that wouldn't drive me so crazy, but anybody importing hundreds of KB of 3rd party crap just to get a select box, some inputs, and a date picker are really out of their mind.

So, I was rejected from a job cause I didn't answer one mail asking for a technical detail about my code... my bad for it.

Except I checked the mail every single day and it was neither in mails, nor in spam, nor in the other gmail smart labels, and it magically appeared October 30th, with the date 27th October. WAT?

I am not even angry (I am extremely sad because a remote job would have allowed me to finally move in with my sweet half, but that is another story) just... wtf? How...did it...? WAT?

Why the hell is JS so terrible, and why do so many people resort to using is as a back end. So many packages, so many outdated dependencies. My coworkers and friends have heard me rant about my constant frustration with this terrible setup.

I understand the need for dynamic html but why have we bastardized this language to the extent we have.

Keep your projects up to date, it saves people a lot of trouble in the future.

Client A: "So, how about those features I told you yesterday? Can it work? Have you discuss it with your team?"

Me: "Yes, it would possibly have to extend the due date a little bit more..."

Client A: "Meaning?"

Me: "You have to pay more."

*Another 15mins awkward silence moment*

Client A: "I don't understand."

Seriously, get some other guy to do the meeting please...I am not good in PR....

!Rant
Got a job offer as an Android Dev, signed the contract, while signing employer asked me if i am a mac or pc user. A day before my joining date got an email from him asking me to bring my mac with me on my first day. Turns out he won't be providing me with a machine to work on :).

What follows is an email I want to send very badly right now:

RE: please provide new date format

There is no new date format. You have the day and month switched. In the sample you've provided.

You've been getting away with it up til now because the digits were small enough to be either a month or day.

Then, as soon as you hit a snag you immediately gave up and assumed it was me changing things. You came to me before even making a guess what could be wrong.

Learn to fucking troubleshoot PLEASE. I am sick of your lazy shit coming to me with an issue every time you stub your toe. You are professional developers and I am your junior.

I was searching for an internship while studying abroad (7h timezone difference, I was expecting some difficulty to communicate). I also sent my resume to a friend so he could pass it around.
So one day I receive this mail, with a company telling me they're interested in my profile. When reading through the previous messages below I see that actually my resume hopped from my friend to one of his to another person etc...
Quite glad that this human link brought me an opportunity, I ask for an interview over Skype. When we finally settle for a date and time, "interview" starts by him basically saying me : "We'd like to hire you, do you have any questions?"
Well that was easy 👍

All this started around an year back. In college we had this subject of web programming where we were given a mini project to do. The topics were given related to college stuff. Mine was an attendance system. Made a simple website using all i knew about bootstrap, jquery, etc since i had some previous experience with web. The professor liked it and asked me to further improve it so that it can actually be implemented. This was six months back.

Since that day, to this date, that guy asks me to add a new feature or just modify something every two weeks. These guys just want free work and think everyone is just free. Neither does he help a bit... just demands... god knows when this forever loop would end! It has become frustrating now...it just feels as though why i showed my skills in the first place 😐😖

This is not joke but fact

More than a year ago I write code without tests, I must confess its frustrating trying to debug without proper testing. testing is painful I must admit but you can't compare the confident you have on your code with the pains when writing tests.

About a year ago I wrote a whole software without tests and this words from a friend hunted me everyday till date he said, what cannot be tested cannot be trusted. Wise words.

Oh, boy, prepare for the shit to fly at your face at light speed. Here it comes!

Been working for 6 weeks at this new company now. But at a department that has nothing to do with the job in my contract. Went to the boss and asked how long I have to do this the first week and he said "It will be 4-8 weeks. After this (department A) you'll be placed in department B". I was like "Ok".

6 weeks pass by and there's no sound from him. Went to his office and complained that something slowly needs to happen (changewise). He agreed and I went back to work.

Few hours pass by and my coworker gets a call from him that I will be working at department C from now on with no more information (such as end date) given. My coworker told me that and I asked if he didn't tell my coworker about the end date or any change of plans regarding department B. My coworker didn't know anything.

After the work ended I went to the boss again to ask him why there was this sudden change that he could have told me before in today's meeting or if this sudden change will interfere with our old plan. Instead he passive aggressively told me that he already told me that I will be placed at department B in 2 weeks.

No shit, Sherlock. I already fucking knew that you told me that. I just wanted to know if this sudden change changed our old agreement.

This company is so fucking unorganized. Jesus!

Me: "Can you get the user to send us a recent crash dump?"
(Support person forwards my email)
User: "The most recent ones are from November"
Support person: "It seems they haven't had any this month"
Me: (?????!!) "Which November?"

The eventual crash dump was datestamped with today's date.

"If flowers could grow on the moon. I'd plant you a garden of stars. So you could see in the dark,
that you're not alone."

I have a poetry book coming out (eventually) called "Steal this poem."

To date, my poetry has gotten one guy laid. Thats good enough for me.

And if you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a poet, now you too can be one.

Steal this poem.

Ugh! Salseforce! Fuuuuuck youuuuuu!

I have worked with C++, Java (little bit), Javascript, Python, R for so many years without any complaints ever! But this shit makes me feel so incompetent. Maybe I am actually incompetent but lack of constraints and good debuggers helped me hide that till date. 😭

Idk. I'm going to sleep.

Working hard to meet crazy deadline to finish last update before new product announcement to make it look better. Our CEO blabs about new top secret product at some conference throwing away all marketing efforts up to date and putting marketing team into panic mode. Result? They moved the announcement date without discussing it with development. Result? Our efforts and overtimes wasted and we are announcing product before it is ready. End result? I'm pissed so I wrote angry e-mail to our CEO. Wondering what will happen now :-) But with unfinished announced product and crazy deadlines they need me a lot more than I need them.

Hi.
Forgot to renew my expiring ssl cert of my smtp/imaps/pop3s on 12/31. Set that date to self-harm me for bad monitoring.

F**K F**K F**K F**K...

Why do I do that?
F******K!

Meh.

You shall have a happy new year... i will regen certs :D

!dev

I went on a date over two weeks ago. It seemed to go well, but the next week she called me and said she wasn't interested, giving reasons why.

I was disappointed but responded as friendly and responsibly as possible. It was the first time a girl had said no to me, so it hurt.

While it hurt to be rejected, I also felt relief because her reasons prevented us from continuing down a path of mismatched expectations.

The next day, I told a close friend about the outcome of the date because he knew of my interest in the girl. We talked and laughed about it like a missed train on a rainy day.

Just last night, my friend told me he met with the girl, and I was shocked. He said he didn't know why she had said no and wanted to talk to her to try to change her mind.

I was angry because I felt this was a dumb move. He said he was only trying to help because he thought she was a good match for me.

I had already closed that chapter and moved on, so I told my friend I didn't care what they discussed and that I had seen her missed call on my phone. If she calls me again, I won't pretend everything is okay and will let her know that I never sent my friend to convince her further.

He told me to pick up her call and hear her out, but I personally find it disturbing if someone needs to be convinced by a friend to get a positive response.

Yes. I was disappointed by the rejection, but I respected her decision. I was frustrated by my friend's actions, but I will stick to my decision and not pretend everything is okay if she contacts me again.

She just sent a text now! oh my f*cking friend…

So, today timestamps within my database saved me. I have one titled "created_at" to indicate when the item was originally created.

Today a large client called up to complain that they have 296 bookings but only 288 menu choices (each booking has a menu choice). Basically, saying I'd "programmed it wrong [sic]" :(

After taking a quick look at the date the client originally added the menu and the date the missing bookings were created, I made a discovery.

It turned out the client was at fault. They had set an event (customers book events and bookings have a menu choice) live without associating the menu. This meant the event had been live without a menu for customers to book.

I simply compared the timestamps of the missing bookings to the date the menu was originally added. The customer most likely made the event live for period (I estimate ~45 mins), realised they hadn't associated a menu and then added it afterwards. Of course at this point it was too late as people had already booked.

No need for a huge email either. I condensed the above into a 5 sentence email.

Timestamps are soooo useful

I Started in 2012 at 12 years old with Minecraft as an introduction to computer programming. I created a few of my own mods and released them to the forums. I think my name was "lilwillis2" if you want to look them up. Once I created mods, I got into game development. I used The Cherno's game programming tutorials and a few others on youtube. After having my fun with game Dev and the debt of College soon to come, I got into developing my own apps, which got me into using react-native. React native made me realize that I should probably try to stay up to date with the latest frameworks and languages, so that I can create a surpieror product in much less time. It also made me realize how quickly programming changes. Last year, before getting into react-native, I got a summer job using Django and mezzanine at a local company as a web developer and they want me to work there again this year, maybe even on a salary with a pay raise. I recently turned 18 and I already look at code I wrote a few months ago as crap 😂, but hey it means I'm improving quickly!

BTW, if anyone knows any tips on paying/saving for college, please do let me know!

What's the point of using the tracking then?

Or why don't you just show me the 3 weeks date as estimated arrival date instead of the wrong date showing on the tracking report currently?

Adding 7 days is fuck simple.

Why give wrong reports and false hope?

when a client demands that a deadline be moved to an earlier date...

me:

Fuck you BBC, I just want toblosten to fucking radio and you tell me that I "need" to sign in.

I do not want you to tell me what to losten to. I do not want "relevant" content, just want to listen to 30 mins of news.

Then you say it is easy to signup, but then ask for my exact date of birth as the first question wtf ...

I think some of my co-workers see me as real life human version of Google search engine.

Hope they would understand that just because I'm little bit more up to date in tech knowledge and an accidental Google nerd doesn't make me a know it all..

But i understand their tendency to trust my recommendation over their googling skills

They want me to find

1- best freelancing website
2- best platform or service for someone who wants to do online teaching

Results that I'm aware of:

1- freelancer, guru, upwork
2- YouTube, udemy, Pluralsight, skillshare, thinkific

Any other recommendations?

I think I may have officially gotten myself fired before I even started a new job. My salaried start date was supposed to be Jan 3 but they hired me to do spot work at my hourly rate until then. My server side PHP skills were never great but they appear to be completely inadequate to the task of patching their undocumented, spaghetti legacy code. I just sent a note basically saying I either need to convert their entire site to something else 3 weeks ahead of the timeframe we planned or to basically outsource my work to another developer to patch this code. Feeling like a total imposter at the moment. I wouldn't hire me.

i am (somewhat unreasonably) mad at a ten year old classmate of my child. he showed off his programming skills by typing print commands. i wanted to mock him a little by pointing out python 2 would be out of date. he called my child a noob and suggested i don't know shit and he'd be coding c++.

so beside me obviously having no dignity for mocking someone quarter my age, i am not even mad for him talking shit about me, i am just overwhelmingly disappointed about his entitlement and blatant lies. so this is the future? this is an uprising nerd? i'd love to encourage every child on programming, but not with this attitude.

A few years ago I was at the taco bus (Taco Tepito) to get some food. There was a couple there (man and woman). The woman was speaking fluent Spanish to order their food. It kind of seemed like she was showing off her skill to the man. Seemed like a date situation.

While we are waiting a cat ran out from under the bus. To this I said: "One got away." The man started laughing at this comment. The woman looked visibly angry. I am not sure if she was more mad at me for making the comment, or mad at her date for laughing about the comment. Sorry dude. Hopefully she could look past that.

Actual picture of the bus, plus a cat I added:

Demo for client goes bad when we encounter a bug adding a new entry into the back end. Entry shows up in the admin but not the front side.

<thoughtbubble> "I can't believe this, we just tested it! How can this be? How? How?" </thoughtbubble>

Perhaps, the cache? Nope.

<thoughtbubble> "You gotta be fucking kidding me!" </thoughtbubble>

Perhaps the front side is pointing to dev? Nope.

<thoughtbubble> "Oh shit... make something up quick. Make it sound good." </thoughtbubble>

Tells client we'll have to look into it. (real smooth)

Looked into it and it turns out the bug was actually a feature. Apparently when you assign an "end date" to a date in the past... by design, it won't show.

However, was it bad UI? That's a different argument.